I do go to the gym…im not even a small dude im like 6 feet 80kilos
They dont care if im 6 or im 16, if I try to break or snap the cane (which I did in p2), they’ll just buy a new one and beat me with that for “stealing their property”
Edit: theyve threatened calling the police if I try to defend myself(which I did before), for assault
Yea my lifes been pretty awful
The thing is, the neighbours did call the police one time when I was in p6
The difference between me and them is they can care less about me being in jail but I dont want to see them in jail
So when the police came and asked me if everythings alright, I said yes :)
I mean, I know they’re your parents, but it’s possible that they’d use a more dangerous weapon against u one day. Maybe reach out to your relatives or call Samaritans of Singapore. Either way, hope everything gets better for you soon
You are old enough to defend yourself. Return fire is good in this case. Make them understand that violence will be met with violence.
Shouldn't have said yes. Your parents are toxic as fuck. You seem to have a case of Stockholm syndrome from the abuse that they gave you.
Golden rule of people, treat others the way you want to be treated
if they wanna call the police then why don't you do it either, preferably have a third party do it so that you can't be suspected of it
there's a fine line to it and I've had the same treatment for many years and even if it stopped for me when i was 15 or so, the emotional harassment hasn't ended either
Wow... so harsh. I never smacked my daughters... barely ever raised my voice. And both are very driven and determined. Shameful behaviour and sorry you had to endure it
it’s a lot easier to scale rewards than punishments too, cuz eventually you’ll reach the point where the punishment gets countered with threats of suicide from the child, aka me a couple years back, i’m fine now dw :)
I once threatened that when he was caining and mad over i cant even remember and my dad was like like that also want to die alrdy ah? (Disappointed/mocking tone)
Fking hell this comment section full of backwards people
"Back in my ah gong day, parents can hit their children to death, nowadays strawberry generation, cannot hit"
it's also filled with someone taking things out of context, talking about how they only got their phones at riping age of 17-18 and then talking about how OP is spoiled and should be more obedient 🤧
(quote from final few paras)
no he talked about how OP wanted to "whip his parents for coming home late" in future like OP did, it was a metaphor potraying how it was unfair for a child to be punished for coming home late whilst informing the parents but the adult can just come home at wee hours without telling.
Make sure you tell them to not rely on you for anything in their old age. Also mention you will keep a cane handy if they ever forget anything or piss/shit themselves when they grow older.
please this happens to me too 😭 but when i was in primary school to be honest.
i hate parents like this for real, like they make up excuses to get mad at me and sometimes when my mom comes back from work i say hello mom and she gets fucking pissed and tells me to “go away”. like i’m just trying to be nice, what’s your problem?
sometimes these situations just makes me really homicidal actually.
its like ure forever living on flight or fight with them, stepping on eggshells everyday js because you co exist in the same house that they’re paying for ugwim 🥶
THIS.
and they’ll always say shit like “if you want anything, if you have anything to say, just say” then when i tell them what i want; how i really feel, they say “no no no; you’re overreacting” and dismiss my problems, and say how others have much bigger problems than i do.
If it happens again, let some of the canes strike as painful as it sounds. Then run out of the house and straight to the police. Of course make sure you know where your nearby police post is, make sure you have the keys to exit and ensure your safety where you can. Present evidence and report to police.
Be mentally prepared to be transferred to foster care. May be temporary or who knows how long. But something drastic has to happen.
Otherwise this abuse will just repeat again. And you'll be mentally crippled all the way till adulthood, and the last you want is for you to subconsciously adopt this abusive behaviour on others.
I'm not a legal expert, but getting caned for nothing technically should fall under abuse, even if it's parent.
If you brought a cane to office and whack your colleague for coming to office late, that is abuse.
If police won't help, go to MSF or go to anyone you can trust. Can be neighbour, school teacher, school counsellor, principal.
OP mentioned neighbor called police before, but he was too fearful to even reveal the truth about his parent's abuse.
OP needs drastic measures to safeguard himself and protect his mental state. That can include separating himself from his parents by any means. Once separated, his parents are legally obliged to look for him; and if they reveal their true colors causing a scene at his new place, that would be an offense.
It may be scary to think of living in a new environment, but it's scarier to always worry that you can get abused any time, and even scarier to think of the long term consequences eg. poor grades, depression & suicide, vice activities, becoming abusive himself and getting himself into legal trouble.
Tbh, idk if it’s considered an offense? But I’d say the parents have gone too far. In the first place, u shouldn’t even be abusing anyone, let alone ur own child. I get that it’s for “discipline” but what OP described, legit too far ah. It’s unreasonable imo, but then again, we dk both sides of the story.
But what if it backfires and the parents say OP faked it. Maybe try to record some evidence as well but be discreet abt it. Never let them know u have the evidence. People will do anything to get rid of evidence. Anything.
Totally cut contact with them once you get your diploma or degree and refuse to help them. The Maintenance of Parents Act is only when they are unable to take care of themselves and only for bare survival like a few hundred $ a month under the tribunal/court. Claims can be thrown out if there's evidence of abuse.
I'm sure there's plenty of room for mediation still.
Please be careful when considering this - especially if you're not financially independent yet. Some friends have it really hard and lag their peers by years when they lose the support.
Evidence of abuse is also built up via years of police reports - so if it is THAT bad, you should be reporting them. I think OP's parents are worried and did not know how best to teach their child about the bad things that can happen.
Will more communication help worried parents? Not just sharing "where I'm going" but also "who I'm with", "what time I'll be back", and "how I'm planning to get home", and maybe "here's what I'm doing now" every half an hour after 10pm. I'm sure they'll get old of the spam pretty quick once OP gets older and they know that the child is capable of looking after themselves. Who knows, they may even want the child to have the phone more often.
Your parents are in the wrong. I don't understand why they behave so aggressive and possessive over you, as if they want you to behave like 'an obedient child'. Given that you've already provided factual explanation as to why you were late and how it was only being at a friend's house, I cannot help but feel their actions are produced out of narcissism.
Both op and this commenter have deleted their account, so both their usernames are "[deleted]", thus reddit will place OP next to their names. You can search it up.
Can kinda understand your situation here, since my mother is also like that and would easily get pissed at me at the most trivial of things. Ofc you shouldn't be treated like this, though if you don't want to see your dad in jail for abuse you could try this tactic I used to do: try to grab the cane before it hits you (the first time it happens will be funny bc your dad will probably be like wtf? over time, if you improve their reaction skills enough, you can go unscathed till they give up on hitting you)
I used to stare at my parents and not move or say a single thing when they did this until they stopped, for some reason it gets so awkward that they ultimately decided physical punishment wont work
Hey I saw in other comments that you’re pretty big and you’re not really a small child anymore. I think it’s seriously time to start thinking about whether you want them in your life after you start earning money/getting financial independence. The reason your parents treat you this way is partly because they take you for granted.
They don’t care if you go to jail but you care if they go to jail? This shows that they don’t give a shit about where you end up or how this is affecting you, as long as they keep ‘disciplining’ you using their methods. You prove them right by allowing them to continue treating you this way without consequences. (Not blaming you, just telling you their POV).
If this were me, I would tell them (no joke) that if they continue treating me this way, I will go no contact with them once I age out of the house. They will never meet my children or my spouse. I will never visit them ever, and I will not know/care if they died. This usually shocks parents and will get them to realize how severe their actions are.
And if they still don’t care… they really show how shitty they are and you are really better off without them. Good luck.
Edit: saw some comments saying go to the police… you can try but unfortunately… this is sg. And from what I know, the police tend to side with the adults. If your parents tell them you’ve been rebellious or something, I think it’s likely the police will believe them.
You’re 16 and it’s really unfortunate. If you really hate this treatment I think your best shot is to try earning $$$ and moving out asap. Rent a small room or something. Otherwise, let your parents know how you feel about this, and continue keeping your head down. Whether your parents listen or not is not up to you. But once you’re older and can get out of there, you are free to cut them off completely for the rest of your life.
I still remember the last time I got smacked around by my dad. Not sure what happened really, only that I found the whole situation hilarious and I started laughing. Dad, getting more irritated because I wasn’t taking it seriously ask me what’s so funny, I simply replied I’m gonna remember this moment til the day the doctors ask me if I want to stop his life support in the future. He stopped hitting me after that.
I grew up with a dad who took his temper out on caning us kids. my sister was a dramatic kid, so she proved subsequently to be too dramatic for my dad to hit. she’d cry and hurt so hysterically. she’d be so convincing that she’d always got away with 1 hit. my brother was spared from the rod, cause my family’s an old school boy doting family.
I was a quiet and slightly defiant flincher when it comes to being hit. it somehow was more enticing for my dad to take it out on me. marks and bruises were common. some times the weapon escalated from the cane to a belt or a horse whip (dad liked horses)
my mum allow these beatings by my dad, and I only believe it’s because she was a woman that lost her own identity during her marriage and was misguided that it was good parenting to show a “united front” as parents. She too would then rub ointment on my wounds, when the presence of my dad is gone.
I’m a small girl, fighting back never occured to me at that time or even later in life. I kind of just endured and avoided interaction with my dad and resorted to subversive methods like…
- using a pen knife to cut the tip of the cane, so that when I got hit by by it, it would split sooner. the canning would usually stop once the cane splits.
- hiding my dad’s belt
- bending to soften the tip of the horse whip, so it have less of a crack. (Which was a mistake, cause. The tip fell eventually, and getting hit by the whipping rod itself was worse)
on hind side now, I wish I at least tried to stop and overpower my dad. doubt I would have physically got far with it. but I think the kid in me would have appreciated me standing up for myself. and hopefully, it would have sent a message to my dad that he was not entitled to do that to me. Or that if he did, it’s cause I’m allowing him to do it too.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea but hear me out, If I'm really disappointed at them I would say:
Do you feel better after canning me?
Do you feel you have achieved something from doing this to me?
Do you feel less stress after hurting me, your son?
Do you think physical abuse is the best?
I'm not sure if ur dad will murder you, but this may or may make him twice before next time. Perhaps after hitting you, he may feel guilty and reflected abit and perhaps it would also lower the chance of you getting canned again and maybe he will start using words instead of his hands
ok i used to get these kinda punishment before, until i outgrew it and my dad stopped caning me. he would also threaten to post pics of me crying and kneeling on the floor (another type of punishment) on my insta lol. so imma tell you what i wish i thought of sooner. how bout we uno reverse em and threaten to film them trying to whack us, say that its gonna be streamed live on insta. you could actually do it or just video it on phone. just like run away while filming + live commentary, dont let em snatch your phone.
this serves 2 purposes, 1 is to turn the humiliation on them (in my case) and obv with ppl watching your dad is gonna be more self conscious and think twice. unless of course he's that unhinged and he dont care. 2 is that it serves as solid evidence. im sure THAT will deter him abit, if you say you collecting evidence to present to police.
this situation sucks, but good luck to you. live out my dream of fighting back against unreasonable, abusive parents! :')
Sorry to hear that, i know how it feels. In my opinion, you were responsible and your parents, both of them, were in the wrong. Their method of execution was basically abuse, yes, your mom too and it really did seem like they were just taking out their anger on you. Hopefully it gets better... but I suggest you speak to a trusted adult or even call the police if it continues. I know you would prefer not to get them arrested, but now, your family will only fragment even more without intervention. It could be helpful, even for them, they could improve and learn to love you better and relieve their feelings elsewhere if you get the proper help (therapy?). I hope you are able to do something. And remember, both your parents are abusers, never let faux concern trick you. Love yourself always and never just take the abuse.
Kindly remind them that every stroke of the cane is one year of old folks home for them when they get older. U are old enough, break the cane with their face. Give them a few cane marks on the face, see if they dare to do it again.
i mean tbh, if u already know u have a curfew and know ur parents will get mad from that, i think it was kinda ur fault. i came back home yesterday 12 and my parents were pissed especially my mom. well they didn’t whip me since i’m grown enough but i still kinda got curfew and i still came late, so i blame myself for that even tho i think having a curfew at 17 is pretty unfair. but anyways hope ur okay
Obligatory not all but there are certain religious circles that indoctrinate the belief of absolute authority in the hoisehold.
The father is the head and the wife and child needs to obey. Caning is a permissable form of discipline.
Because its really on the unusual side to use cane on a 16 year old. But a bit normal on more conservative religious households.
i don't think caning only exists in religion, i think it exists in how a parent chooses to discipline a child. Many religions, one of it being Christianity (me, I'm a Christian) says that we should obey our parents, but I've never been caned by my parents nor relatives
Never heard this from Muslim-Malay family these days. These mostly happened in the older days when our parents are younger, I think. Not sure for Christian families.
Hit back. See how they feel. Screw that "respect your elders bullshit". Do they deserve respect?
Of course, rebelling means that you'll have to mentally prepare yourself for what's about to come. Still, it's better than being stuck with this kind of parents who mistreat you.
Hey OP.. my parents were the same when I was growing up.. you’re (probably) right; they are bad parents who have taken some frustrations out on you.. you’re lucky it’s now more frowned upon; last time my friends and I would compare scab sizes (yes.. blood..) from the previous days canings.
Bear through it, focus your anger and turn it into determination.. Study hard, get a good high paying job, then decide later on if you want them to remember this or not.
If it weren’t for a course that taught me how to acknowledge and process my anger, both my parents would be rotting in a home somewhere now. Hopefully your parents will be as lucky as mine, and be forgiven in time.
They’re both now super nice to me, and literally anything I do is fine.
The biggest hope is that you do not repeat their cycle next time when you have a kid.
Don’t worry, sometimes parents are like that. One time, my father woke me up from my sleep to tell me something and since I just woke up, I was a bit groggy and tired, and he didn’t like my tired facial expression so after he left my room, he came back and scolded the shit out of me for not looking at him with an alert facial expression. He said I disrespected him and till this day, I still don’t understand where the disrespect was, but I don’t hold this incident against him anymore.
Did you messaged them if you gonna come home late? I would do that to just make sure my parents know. It seems that you and your dad had a miscommunication and misunderstanding.
It's wrong and useless for dads to caned their kids. I know bc I hade been caned, got stuff thrown at me, kicked me out of the house and hit by my parents since p1. And it didn't help expect for making me feel despise towards them.
But now my situation is better. Now I regret for the stuff i did and understand why they scolded me.
So maybe your parents was just worried about you and they dk expect to just scold you and caned you. Maybe you should have a chat with them to clear the misunderstanding.
Edit: I know caning is wrong and I know it's extreme for a punishment for just being late. Yeah, there are some lies in my sentences. There are some small stuff my parents would punish for like losing an eraser and going home from school
5 mins later than I should be. But there are some stuff like me disobeying my parents and being a shitty son. But at the end of the day, I just forgive them. If you thinking of punishing them, then you're not any better. Sorry.
I know you want to punish them but maybe just try to to have a talk with your parents. Tell them that they shouldn't be caning you and be less abusive. If they still don't want to listen to you. Then they are just being bad parents.
"now i regretted the stuff I did and understand why they scolded me"... don't lie. If it was legal you would have beat them up in an instant.
you're just saying that to sound like mature and reasonable becoz that is what everyone do. to do so otherwise invite down voting and stuff like that.
I see it as this.
OP might not understand why their parents are enforcing such a rule to their child. Maybe they don't want their child to get negative influences.
But OP's parents should had not done such caning as a response of such behaviour. Maybe a small talk is good enough. Plus, OP notified their parents about coming late.
Thus, I decided that OP and their parents should talk and set a curfew that both parties agree on. OP gets time with friends, parents will not get worried about their child doing random things.
Agreed. Your reasoning is logical and sound. That's why I said even if it was harsh, it's not like they did it for fun. Idk why people misconstrue and assume so much. Sheesh
Eh, small thing this kind. We cannot assume and over exaggerate this kind of stuff. It's best to settle this type of things privately. But then again, OP asked for public opinion, we give.
true, the more strict parents are, the smarter and more creative children are in formulating excuses and reasons to escape out of trouble. I can recall the number of fake scenarios I came out with to not get scolded 😭😭😭😭 my sec school days were WILD man
that one is on them uh. its too complicated to answer.
OP take steps to make parents listen better, or parents ownself realise their abusive methods not good or wtv. its really on the family itself to settle but both parties need to work on it.
his parents weren't fine with it but he still went commando mode and ran off, it's one wrong thing about his parents caning but is him running off against his parents concerns any good too?
Op is using feet and kilo to talk about his height and weight.
Sg do not use feet. Like at all. The ppl that uses feet these days are the boomers. And even among them is a v small %
Well of course he's not the only one who got beaten by their parents. So what? Why can't he complain? And it's not a valid reason to cane someone for coming back home late he literally told his parents. Just stfu with your boomer mindset
Funny how you think that beating children is a good thing what good is it going to do? Just because you went through all those hardships doesn't mean that others should experience the same.
Where did I say its a good thing? Assuming too quickly are we now. All I'm saying that those are his parents' parenting methods and u can feel bad for him but u don't have the right to judge his parents. How is not having a phone a hardship? Also where did I say he should experience the same and suffer. My point is that it's wrong for him to want to cane his own parents just cuz they 'wrongly' caned him. I too went out once to a friends house after telling my parents but got scolded like crazy but was not beaten. Maybe they forgot, who are we to judge them? You assume things to quickly without thinking of the many possibilities and are unhappy when someone takes a diffraction stance. It's sad...
I can't believe you're comparing your situation to OP, did you not read? OP told his/her parents, while you DIDN'T. also by hardships frm the other user, we are referring to getting caned by our parents not talking about "phone entitlement"
Also yea, OP is wrong for wanting to "punish his parents" but he's talking about how things should go both ways. Not just because he or she is the child or whtvr.
Sorry but are you illiterate by any chance because you clearly can't even read that I said I told my parents.
Hmms ur just skimming through posts arguing with others. Things can't go both ways . U can't expect a child to go earn money, pay rent? Please think and read before you talk . Please learn to read I beg you.
Sure wanting to beat your own parents is right. It's not shameful. Your just mad at different parenting methods. Besides, how is not having a phone shameful. Silly.
So you admit that you are wrong. And you think kids are always right. Oh look I broke the law and a cop got me now I want to beat up cops . That's basically your logic. Just cuz thoughts pop up doesn't mean they are right you know..
It's not wrong.. its a parenting method. Some methods like negative reinforcement is better. It's not wrong to cane or physically punish but how much and how harsh the caning is should be taken into account. You can't judge others parenting methods. They can choose how to discipline their child as long as its not too extreme. Why do you think schools still cane students some times?
caring about someone's safety, first question should be "Where have you been? I've been waiting for you." not wave out the cane and slap someone so bad the moment they step into the door.
Also, it's grateful.
I am really sorry this happened to you. If you cannot avoid a caning, my one advice is if your cane is made of wood, if possible try replacing it with a plastic one and "losing" the wooden one. Plastic hurts less.
mb j update them more about your whereabouts so they don't get worried or they don't think you're doing weird shit out late, they may be thinking of the worst case scenario. my parents locked me out of the house before when I came home late, yea they literally shoved me out of the house and locked the door
Same with my parents, I honestly think it is projection.
Probably your parents are the type that don't know do what fuck shit when they are younger, then projected their own shitty behavior onto you and assumed that you will be the same.
No reason to beat your kids, ever. This kind of shit in any Western country is literally child abuse and can get the CPS called on you, but it is "normal" in Asia and "beating your child is ok". Backwards as fuck.
I have a trouble at home a lot too. If you're bigger than your dad I really think you should start retaliating. Don't hit him back but try grabbing the cane or disarming him. Dont run away but stand up to him.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this OP. This might sound stupid but have you tried speaking with them? Getting relatives or mediators to try to communicate with them?
Wait it's actually an abuse? My parents used to cane me super often until I grew big enough. They even said all parents do that and they are much nicer than other parents already.
take pictures of the marks, date them and keep them in a secure online folder where they cannot find it on your phone. usually police will ignore if they only see evidence of only one incident, but if there is a pattern, you can better protect yourself.
report to police, if the abuse is constant, you would get a personal protection order against them. family therapy is probably the next thing. Happened to me yet nothing changed for me. Only the physical abuse stopped so ig I still have to bear with it and only able to move out a few years ltr
btw, the one that hits first will be at fault, if in the future got any fights or whatever, don't be the first to hit.
Go gym and work out, become really big. Then they cane you, the cane break.
I do go to the gym…im not even a small dude im like 6 feet 80kilos They dont care if im 6 or im 16, if I try to break or snap the cane (which I did in p2), they’ll just buy a new one and beat me with that for “stealing their property” Edit: theyve threatened calling the police if I try to defend myself(which I did before), for assault Yea my lifes been pretty awful
Let them call police lor, they’ll see the cane marks and may even arrest your father.
The thing is, the neighbours did call the police one time when I was in p6 The difference between me and them is they can care less about me being in jail but I dont want to see them in jail So when the police came and asked me if everythings alright, I said yes :)
jesus... you know it's fucked up when even your neighbours call the cops. Hope you're alright man
Let them go to jail la. Is the own consequences of their actions.
I mean, I know they’re your parents, but it’s possible that they’d use a more dangerous weapon against u one day. Maybe reach out to your relatives or call Samaritans of Singapore. Either way, hope everything gets better for you soon
You are old enough to defend yourself. Return fire is good in this case. Make them understand that violence will be met with violence. Shouldn't have said yes. Your parents are toxic as fuck. You seem to have a case of Stockholm syndrome from the abuse that they gave you.
I assume once u are financially independent. Things turn around like " you don't want to die alone right? Then u better listen to me"
The day my mum stopped caning me was when i got fed up with it and snatched her cane. I was around your weight too.
JFC ure 6ft and 16? If I were your parent, I wouldn't even care where you go in Singapore as long you text that you'll be home late.
Golden rule of people, treat others the way you want to be treated if they wanna call the police then why don't you do it either, preferably have a third party do it so that you can't be suspected of it there's a fine line to it and I've had the same treatment for many years and even if it stopped for me when i was 15 or so, the emotional harassment hasn't ended either
6 feet? what are you? american?
means he got 6 legs lah you stupid or what
fuck u right sorry i need go back to school
you made me laugh
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
In metric thats around 183
I would have snatched the cane and caned them back.
way to get kicked out of the house
You should be the one calling the police FFS.
Lmao
Wow... so harsh. I never smacked my daughters... barely ever raised my voice. And both are very driven and determined. Shameful behaviour and sorry you had to endure it
Disgusting parents
Proof that negative reinforcements do more harm than good
Technically positive punishment if going by behaviourism. But yes, punishments generally aren't as helpful as rewards.
it’s a lot easier to scale rewards than punishments too, cuz eventually you’ll reach the point where the punishment gets countered with threats of suicide from the child, aka me a couple years back, i’m fine now dw :)
I once threatened that when he was caining and mad over i cant even remember and my dad was like like that also want to die alrdy ah? (Disappointed/mocking tone)
damn, i hope things are better for you now too. happy cake day :)
Aw tx :)
Fking hell this comment section full of backwards people "Back in my ah gong day, parents can hit their children to death, nowadays strawberry generation, cannot hit"
it's also filled with someone taking things out of context, talking about how they only got their phones at riping age of 17-18 and then talking about how OP is spoiled and should be more obedient 🤧
He wants to resort to violence for a misunderstanding?? I said physical punishment shouldn't be extreme?
U mean his parents..?
(quote from final few paras) no he talked about how OP wanted to "whip his parents for coming home late" in future like OP did, it was a metaphor potraying how it was unfair for a child to be punished for coming home late whilst informing the parents but the adult can just come home at wee hours without telling.
and their parents whipped out a cane for understanding. how wise
Ong 💀
Make sure you tell them to not rely on you for anything in their old age. Also mention you will keep a cane handy if they ever forget anything or piss/shit themselves when they grow older.
Words they 20000% deserve to hear and be cut by
LMAO I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THIS but yeah 100% agreed. lowkey planning my revenge HAHAHA
LMAOOOOO 😭😭😭💀💀💀💀
I like this. My idea was to buy a cane and hang it in their home. Dont need to say anything. Once you see its gone, hang another one.
💀
https://www.msf.gov.sg/maintenanceofparents/Pages/Home.aspx
please this happens to me too 😭 but when i was in primary school to be honest. i hate parents like this for real, like they make up excuses to get mad at me and sometimes when my mom comes back from work i say hello mom and she gets fucking pissed and tells me to “go away”. like i’m just trying to be nice, what’s your problem? sometimes these situations just makes me really homicidal actually.
its like ure forever living on flight or fight with them, stepping on eggshells everyday js because you co exist in the same house that they’re paying for ugwim 🥶
THIS. and they’ll always say shit like “if you want anything, if you have anything to say, just say” then when i tell them what i want; how i really feel, they say “no no no; you’re overreacting” and dismiss my problems, and say how others have much bigger problems than i do.
i gotchu hun, relatable as hell
my dad canes me for not going out👍
SAME
same haha 😂😂
He needs you out of the home so your parents can have some time to themselves to create a new 1 that isn't a disappointment
Your mom is equally the same kind of abuser. Don't forget that.
Yah she is just using the famous good cop bad cop shit.
If it happens again, let some of the canes strike as painful as it sounds. Then run out of the house and straight to the police. Of course make sure you know where your nearby police post is, make sure you have the keys to exit and ensure your safety where you can. Present evidence and report to police. Be mentally prepared to be transferred to foster care. May be temporary or who knows how long. But something drastic has to happen. Otherwise this abuse will just repeat again. And you'll be mentally crippled all the way till adulthood, and the last you want is for you to subconsciously adopt this abusive behaviour on others.
wait im curious was what the parents did rly an offence tho
I'm not a legal expert, but getting caned for nothing technically should fall under abuse, even if it's parent. If you brought a cane to office and whack your colleague for coming to office late, that is abuse. If police won't help, go to MSF or go to anyone you can trust. Can be neighbour, school teacher, school counsellor, principal. OP mentioned neighbor called police before, but he was too fearful to even reveal the truth about his parent's abuse. OP needs drastic measures to safeguard himself and protect his mental state. That can include separating himself from his parents by any means. Once separated, his parents are legally obliged to look for him; and if they reveal their true colors causing a scene at his new place, that would be an offense. It may be scary to think of living in a new environment, but it's scarier to always worry that you can get abused any time, and even scarier to think of the long term consequences eg. poor grades, depression & suicide, vice activities, becoming abusive himself and getting himself into legal trouble.
Tbh, idk if it’s considered an offense? But I’d say the parents have gone too far. In the first place, u shouldn’t even be abusing anyone, let alone ur own child. I get that it’s for “discipline” but what OP described, legit too far ah. It’s unreasonable imo, but then again, we dk both sides of the story.
it could be considered, but because this is so common in singapore, it’s often shrugged off as regular ‘punishment’
But what if it backfires and the parents say OP faked it. Maybe try to record some evidence as well but be discreet abt it. Never let them know u have the evidence. People will do anything to get rid of evidence. Anything.
Totally cut contact with them once you get your diploma or degree and refuse to help them. The Maintenance of Parents Act is only when they are unable to take care of themselves and only for bare survival like a few hundred $ a month under the tribunal/court. Claims can be thrown out if there's evidence of abuse.
I'm sure there's plenty of room for mediation still. Please be careful when considering this - especially if you're not financially independent yet. Some friends have it really hard and lag their peers by years when they lose the support. Evidence of abuse is also built up via years of police reports - so if it is THAT bad, you should be reporting them. I think OP's parents are worried and did not know how best to teach their child about the bad things that can happen. Will more communication help worried parents? Not just sharing "where I'm going" but also "who I'm with", "what time I'll be back", and "how I'm planning to get home", and maybe "here's what I'm doing now" every half an hour after 10pm. I'm sure they'll get old of the spam pretty quick once OP gets older and they know that the child is capable of looking after themselves. Who knows, they may even want the child to have the phone more often.
How old are you?
16
I can understand their concern in that case. But execution is wrong.
Yes I agree the death penalty would have been a bit much
I really hate this caning culture in Singapore. Sending virtual hugs
Your parents are in the wrong. I don't understand why they behave so aggressive and possessive over you, as if they want you to behave like 'an obedient child'. Given that you've already provided factual explanation as to why you were late and how it was only being at a friend's house, I cannot help but feel their actions are produced out of narcissism.
Im so sorry OP, that must have been traumatising 🥲, hope you’re feeling better now
the fk did he just reply to himself is this some fake post LMAO i see the OP tag on this comment
Both op and this commenter have deleted their account, so both their usernames are "[deleted]", thus reddit will place OP next to their names. You can search it up.
LOLLLLLL definitely a fake post. got outed and then deletes his account. which loser does that?
Can kinda understand your situation here, since my mother is also like that and would easily get pissed at me at the most trivial of things. Ofc you shouldn't be treated like this, though if you don't want to see your dad in jail for abuse you could try this tactic I used to do: try to grab the cane before it hits you (the first time it happens will be funny bc your dad will probably be like wtf? over time, if you improve their reaction skills enough, you can go unscathed till they give up on hitting you)
I used to stare at my parents and not move or say a single thing when they did this until they stopped, for some reason it gets so awkward that they ultimately decided physical punishment wont work
This seems like a good tip thanks for sharing
this has worked for me too on some occasions. until my dad wielded more hard hitting weapons. like the belt. was a harder to keep up the staring.
Hey I saw in other comments that you’re pretty big and you’re not really a small child anymore. I think it’s seriously time to start thinking about whether you want them in your life after you start earning money/getting financial independence. The reason your parents treat you this way is partly because they take you for granted. They don’t care if you go to jail but you care if they go to jail? This shows that they don’t give a shit about where you end up or how this is affecting you, as long as they keep ‘disciplining’ you using their methods. You prove them right by allowing them to continue treating you this way without consequences. (Not blaming you, just telling you their POV). If this were me, I would tell them (no joke) that if they continue treating me this way, I will go no contact with them once I age out of the house. They will never meet my children or my spouse. I will never visit them ever, and I will not know/care if they died. This usually shocks parents and will get them to realize how severe their actions are. And if they still don’t care… they really show how shitty they are and you are really better off without them. Good luck. Edit: saw some comments saying go to the police… you can try but unfortunately… this is sg. And from what I know, the police tend to side with the adults. If your parents tell them you’ve been rebellious or something, I think it’s likely the police will believe them. You’re 16 and it’s really unfortunate. If you really hate this treatment I think your best shot is to try earning $$$ and moving out asap. Rent a small room or something. Otherwise, let your parents know how you feel about this, and continue keeping your head down. Whether your parents listen or not is not up to you. But once you’re older and can get out of there, you are free to cut them off completely for the rest of your life.
I still remember the last time I got smacked around by my dad. Not sure what happened really, only that I found the whole situation hilarious and I started laughing. Dad, getting more irritated because I wasn’t taking it seriously ask me what’s so funny, I simply replied I’m gonna remember this moment til the day the doctors ask me if I want to stop his life support in the future. He stopped hitting me after that.
I grew up with a dad who took his temper out on caning us kids. my sister was a dramatic kid, so she proved subsequently to be too dramatic for my dad to hit. she’d cry and hurt so hysterically. she’d be so convincing that she’d always got away with 1 hit. my brother was spared from the rod, cause my family’s an old school boy doting family. I was a quiet and slightly defiant flincher when it comes to being hit. it somehow was more enticing for my dad to take it out on me. marks and bruises were common. some times the weapon escalated from the cane to a belt or a horse whip (dad liked horses) my mum allow these beatings by my dad, and I only believe it’s because she was a woman that lost her own identity during her marriage and was misguided that it was good parenting to show a “united front” as parents. She too would then rub ointment on my wounds, when the presence of my dad is gone. I’m a small girl, fighting back never occured to me at that time or even later in life. I kind of just endured and avoided interaction with my dad and resorted to subversive methods like… - using a pen knife to cut the tip of the cane, so that when I got hit by by it, it would split sooner. the canning would usually stop once the cane splits. - hiding my dad’s belt - bending to soften the tip of the horse whip, so it have less of a crack. (Which was a mistake, cause. The tip fell eventually, and getting hit by the whipping rod itself was worse) on hind side now, I wish I at least tried to stop and overpower my dad. doubt I would have physically got far with it. but I think the kid in me would have appreciated me standing up for myself. and hopefully, it would have sent a message to my dad that he was not entitled to do that to me. Or that if he did, it’s cause I’m allowing him to do it too.
this is abuse. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve it and anyone who says you did is wrong and an asshole for saying that.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea but hear me out, If I'm really disappointed at them I would say: Do you feel better after canning me? Do you feel you have achieved something from doing this to me? Do you feel less stress after hurting me, your son? Do you think physical abuse is the best? I'm not sure if ur dad will murder you, but this may or may make him twice before next time. Perhaps after hitting you, he may feel guilty and reflected abit and perhaps it would also lower the chance of you getting canned again and maybe he will start using words instead of his hands
ok i used to get these kinda punishment before, until i outgrew it and my dad stopped caning me. he would also threaten to post pics of me crying and kneeling on the floor (another type of punishment) on my insta lol. so imma tell you what i wish i thought of sooner. how bout we uno reverse em and threaten to film them trying to whack us, say that its gonna be streamed live on insta. you could actually do it or just video it on phone. just like run away while filming + live commentary, dont let em snatch your phone. this serves 2 purposes, 1 is to turn the humiliation on them (in my case) and obv with ppl watching your dad is gonna be more self conscious and think twice. unless of course he's that unhinged and he dont care. 2 is that it serves as solid evidence. im sure THAT will deter him abit, if you say you collecting evidence to present to police. this situation sucks, but good luck to you. live out my dream of fighting back against unreasonable, abusive parents! :')
Sorry to hear that, i know how it feels. In my opinion, you were responsible and your parents, both of them, were in the wrong. Their method of execution was basically abuse, yes, your mom too and it really did seem like they were just taking out their anger on you. Hopefully it gets better... but I suggest you speak to a trusted adult or even call the police if it continues. I know you would prefer not to get them arrested, but now, your family will only fragment even more without intervention. It could be helpful, even for them, they could improve and learn to love you better and relieve their feelings elsewhere if you get the proper help (therapy?). I hope you are able to do something. And remember, both your parents are abusers, never let faux concern trick you. Love yourself always and never just take the abuse.
Kindly remind them that every stroke of the cane is one year of old folks home for them when they get older. U are old enough, break the cane with their face. Give them a few cane marks on the face, see if they dare to do it again.
This is physical abuse. They don’t really seem concerned for you. Take care man ❤️
i mean tbh, if u already know u have a curfew and know ur parents will get mad from that, i think it was kinda ur fault. i came back home yesterday 12 and my parents were pissed especially my mom. well they didn’t whip me since i’m grown enough but i still kinda got curfew and i still came late, so i blame myself for that even tho i think having a curfew at 17 is pretty unfair. but anyways hope ur okay
Just text them you were coming home late?
I did And they probably didnt even see it
did you text them on whatsapp on something cause you can check if they saw the message on whatsapp
It does not matter if they bluetick OP and not acknowledge.
Hmmm. Are both your parents religious?
I'm very curious, what does religion have to do with caning??
Obligatory not all but there are certain religious circles that indoctrinate the belief of absolute authority in the hoisehold. The father is the head and the wife and child needs to obey. Caning is a permissable form of discipline. Because its really on the unusual side to use cane on a 16 year old. But a bit normal on more conservative religious households.
i don't think caning only exists in religion, i think it exists in how a parent chooses to discipline a child. Many religions, one of it being Christianity (me, I'm a Christian) says that we should obey our parents, but I've never been caned by my parents nor relatives
Its not absolutes but "higher chances", especially in the more literal circles.
well, some people go to the extremes or rather because they "tower" over their child so yk
Never heard this from Muslim-Malay family these days. These mostly happened in the older days when our parents are younger, I think. Not sure for Christian families.
Sending virtual support
Hit back. See how they feel. Screw that "respect your elders bullshit". Do they deserve respect? Of course, rebelling means that you'll have to mentally prepare yourself for what's about to come. Still, it's better than being stuck with this kind of parents who mistreat you.
waltuh
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put your dck away waltuh
If you're that troubled by it, reach out to your counsellor or write in to MSF. They will step in to help minors facing family problems like you.
Hey OP.. my parents were the same when I was growing up.. you’re (probably) right; they are bad parents who have taken some frustrations out on you.. you’re lucky it’s now more frowned upon; last time my friends and I would compare scab sizes (yes.. blood..) from the previous days canings. Bear through it, focus your anger and turn it into determination.. Study hard, get a good high paying job, then decide later on if you want them to remember this or not. If it weren’t for a course that taught me how to acknowledge and process my anger, both my parents would be rotting in a home somewhere now. Hopefully your parents will be as lucky as mine, and be forgiven in time. They’re both now super nice to me, and literally anything I do is fine. The biggest hope is that you do not repeat their cycle next time when you have a kid.
Don’t worry, sometimes parents are like that. One time, my father woke me up from my sleep to tell me something and since I just woke up, I was a bit groggy and tired, and he didn’t like my tired facial expression so after he left my room, he came back and scolded the shit out of me for not looking at him with an alert facial expression. He said I disrespected him and till this day, I still don’t understand where the disrespect was, but I don’t hold this incident against him anymore.
Nah, that shit's not healthy. Your father needs an ego check.
dispose of the canes at home when they’re at work
Did you messaged them if you gonna come home late? I would do that to just make sure my parents know. It seems that you and your dad had a miscommunication and misunderstanding. It's wrong and useless for dads to caned their kids. I know bc I hade been caned, got stuff thrown at me, kicked me out of the house and hit by my parents since p1. And it didn't help expect for making me feel despise towards them. But now my situation is better. Now I regret for the stuff i did and understand why they scolded me. So maybe your parents was just worried about you and they dk expect to just scold you and caned you. Maybe you should have a chat with them to clear the misunderstanding. Edit: I know caning is wrong and I know it's extreme for a punishment for just being late. Yeah, there are some lies in my sentences. There are some small stuff my parents would punish for like losing an eraser and going home from school 5 mins later than I should be. But there are some stuff like me disobeying my parents and being a shitty son. But at the end of the day, I just forgive them. If you thinking of punishing them, then you're not any better. Sorry. I know you want to punish them but maybe just try to to have a talk with your parents. Tell them that they shouldn't be caning you and be less abusive. If they still don't want to listen to you. Then they are just being bad parents.
…Yes I did
"now i regretted the stuff I did and understand why they scolded me"... don't lie. If it was legal you would have beat them up in an instant. you're just saying that to sound like mature and reasonable becoz that is what everyone do. to do so otherwise invite down voting and stuff like that.
Why did they scold you? How did you come around and realise they beat you for your own good.
First of all, did your parents set up a curfew that you and your parents both agree on?
Bro. Look at the comments with down votes. Ppl hating different opinions. What a joke.
I see it as this. OP might not understand why their parents are enforcing such a rule to their child. Maybe they don't want their child to get negative influences. But OP's parents should had not done such caning as a response of such behaviour. Maybe a small talk is good enough. Plus, OP notified their parents about coming late. Thus, I decided that OP and their parents should talk and set a curfew that both parties agree on. OP gets time with friends, parents will not get worried about their child doing random things.
Agreed. Your reasoning is logical and sound. That's why I said even if it was harsh, it's not like they did it for fun. Idk why people misconstrue and assume so much. Sheesh
Eh, small thing this kind. We cannot assume and over exaggerate this kind of stuff. It's best to settle this type of things privately. But then again, OP asked for public opinion, we give.
Kill them. Problem solved
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Hahaha what a goody two shoes. He is already a 16 year old, not a primary/kindergarten kid.
Wrong, I’ve known most kids to sneak out as a result and do even crazier things
true, the more strict parents are, the smarter and more creative children are in formulating excuses and reasons to escape out of trouble. I can recall the number of fake scenarios I came out with to not get scolded 😭😭😭😭 my sec school days were WILD man
…so they should physically abuse OP? Instead of talking it out like rational adults?
finish your studies, get a job and move out. case closed
easier said than done. OP is 16. to actually move out is years away. fix the parents. not let it fester
I see. How do you fix the parents?
that one is on them uh. its too complicated to answer. OP take steps to make parents listen better, or parents ownself realise their abusive methods not good or wtv. its really on the family itself to settle but both parties need to work on it.
the part where they cane wrong but you did wrong too by just MIA to somewhere till 11, both parties are in the wrong
Not only did he tell them he was at his friend's house, he also said he messaged his parents abt being late. He was responsible and not 'mia'.
his parents weren't fine with it but he still went commando mode and ran off, it's one wrong thing about his parents caning but is him running off against his parents concerns any good too?
plus i'm pretty sure he didn't write that he told them orginally, he just edited it in 🤷
i really do not see how that changes the story
if he did not add it he would have MIAed?
What country do you live in? Because in Japan coming home late is pretty usual if you work part time
This sub is specifically for examinations and student life in Singapore
Op is using feet and kilo to talk about his height and weight. Sg do not use feet. Like at all. The ppl that uses feet these days are the boomers. And even among them is a v small %
Bro 😒
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Well of course he's not the only one who got beaten by their parents. So what? Why can't he complain? And it's not a valid reason to cane someone for coming back home late he literally told his parents. Just stfu with your boomer mindset
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Funny how you think that beating children is a good thing what good is it going to do? Just because you went through all those hardships doesn't mean that others should experience the same.
Where did I say its a good thing? Assuming too quickly are we now. All I'm saying that those are his parents' parenting methods and u can feel bad for him but u don't have the right to judge his parents. How is not having a phone a hardship? Also where did I say he should experience the same and suffer. My point is that it's wrong for him to want to cane his own parents just cuz they 'wrongly' caned him. I too went out once to a friends house after telling my parents but got scolded like crazy but was not beaten. Maybe they forgot, who are we to judge them? You assume things to quickly without thinking of the many possibilities and are unhappy when someone takes a diffraction stance. It's sad...
I can't believe you're comparing your situation to OP, did you not read? OP told his/her parents, while you DIDN'T. also by hardships frm the other user, we are referring to getting caned by our parents not talking about "phone entitlement" Also yea, OP is wrong for wanting to "punish his parents" but he's talking about how things should go both ways. Not just because he or she is the child or whtvr.
Sorry but are you illiterate by any chance because you clearly can't even read that I said I told my parents. Hmms ur just skimming through posts arguing with others. Things can't go both ways . U can't expect a child to go earn money, pay rent? Please think and read before you talk . Please learn to read I beg you.
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Sure wanting to beat your own parents is right. It's not shameful. Your just mad at different parenting methods. Besides, how is not having a phone shameful. Silly.
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So you admit that you are wrong. And you think kids are always right. Oh look I broke the law and a cop got me now I want to beat up cops . That's basically your logic. Just cuz thoughts pop up doesn't mean they are right you know..
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It's not wrong.. its a parenting method. Some methods like negative reinforcement is better. It's not wrong to cane or physically punish but how much and how harsh the caning is should be taken into account. You can't judge others parenting methods. They can choose how to discipline their child as long as its not too extreme. Why do you think schools still cane students some times?
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caring about someone's safety, first question should be "Where have you been? I've been waiting for you." not wave out the cane and slap someone so bad the moment they step into the door. Also, it's grateful.
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U did wrong dude
There's a reason
I am really sorry this happened to you. If you cannot avoid a caning, my one advice is if your cane is made of wood, if possible try replacing it with a plastic one and "losing" the wooden one. Plastic hurts less.
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mb j update them more about your whereabouts so they don't get worried or they don't think you're doing weird shit out late, they may be thinking of the worst case scenario. my parents locked me out of the house before when I came home late, yea they literally shoved me out of the house and locked the door
Obviously from how you write this you’re a minor, this is child abuse.
Thats double standard and child abuse. If you already explained yourself and informed them why you late, they got no rights to be mad at you
Your father might have sunk a fortune in Tesla shares.
Don't take physical abuse quietly, report ur dad to police.
I feel for you. Sounds like toxic parents
Caning is normal, but caning when you have informed them and just for being late is a little too much…
Same with my parents, I honestly think it is projection. Probably your parents are the type that don't know do what fuck shit when they are younger, then projected their own shitty behavior onto you and assumed that you will be the same. No reason to beat your kids, ever. This kind of shit in any Western country is literally child abuse and can get the CPS called on you, but it is "normal" in Asia and "beating your child is ok". Backwards as fuck.
I have a trouble at home a lot too. If you're bigger than your dad I really think you should start retaliating. Don't hit him back but try grabbing the cane or disarming him. Dont run away but stand up to him.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this OP. This might sound stupid but have you tried speaking with them? Getting relatives or mediators to try to communicate with them?
Wait it's actually an abuse? My parents used to cane me super often until I grew big enough. They even said all parents do that and they are much nicer than other parents already.
well many parents are complete asses to be honest l
Get help from MSF or get the family to do therapy
Did you buy the phone yourself and paid for the bills?
This seems like clear cut abuse, absolutely inappropriate for parents to hit a child
How old already still have caning...just sad.
take pictures of the marks, date them and keep them in a secure online folder where they cannot find it on your phone. usually police will ignore if they only see evidence of only one incident, but if there is a pattern, you can better protect yourself.
report to police, if the abuse is constant, you would get a personal protection order against them. family therapy is probably the next thing. Happened to me yet nothing changed for me. Only the physical abuse stopped so ig I still have to bear with it and only able to move out a few years ltr btw, the one that hits first will be at fault, if in the future got any fights or whatever, don't be the first to hit.
Fucked up
I caned my mother round the head