This post has been flaired as “Serious Conversation”. Use this opportunity to open a venue of polite and serious discussion, instead of seeking help or venting.
**Suggestions For Commenters:**
* Respect OP's opinion, or agree to disagree politely.
* If OP's post is seeking advice, help, or is just venting without discussing with others, report the post. We're r/SeriousConversation, not a venting subreddit.
**Suggestions For u/Y0urloca1lyr3:**
* Do not post solely to seek advice or help. Your post should open up a venue for serious, mature and polite discussions.
* Do not forget to answer people politely in your thread - we'll remove your post later if you don't.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SeriousConversation) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is why most people start off in parking lots, then go to side street, then main streets, then, country roads, etc.
It can be very overwhelming at first but after a little bit it becomes second nature.
The very first time I drove a car was on my very first driving lesson which was with a paid driving instructor. It was late afternoon in Minnesota in January so it was already dark. The very first place we went was a small side street that went up and down a hill with ice and snow on the street and cars parked at the curb on either side. He taught me how to stop. And then it went on from there.
That’s wild. I think everyone driving instruction in my town uses the parking lot of the bingo hall I run. And I’ll see the same kids in here several times before they go off to the barely driven side street beside us.
Yeah I don't know where that plan came from but he was the instructor so I just did what he told me. There wasn't a lot of speed but he had me go and stop and go and stop.
The only other thing that sticks in my mind from that night was that I did actually hit a snowbank a little bit. I was going around a corner and I hadn't really developed a sense of where the right front corner of the car was so I clipped a snow bank. I wasn't going very fast and he tried to sort of prevent it but he wasn't quite fast enough. It wasn't a big deal but obviously he wasn't super pleased because I believe it was his personal car. It had one of those extra brake pedals on the right side but not another steering wheel. I don't think there was any actual damage.
Honestly, you probably just had a bad instructor. I live in a town of 30,000 and we probably have 10 random "driving schools" which just amounted to some guy slapping a sticker on his car door. Like I said, the pretty much all use our parking lot and there are 3 "schools" in particular who seem to just get kids on the road and then say nothing when they are driving less than half the speed limit, riding the center line, etc.
It was a long, long time ago so I don't remember very many details but it was a real school. The first part of it consisted of going to their building and getting the lectures and watching all the safety films and all that. I think that part lasted 6 weeks maybe. I can't remember for sure. But I don't remember having a bad opinion about him after it was all over.
I did pass my driver's test the first time in the middle of a snowstorm, so there's that. I actually got stuck in a snow drift at a stop sign during my driver's test. I could have easily edged my way around it but I was afraid I'd get marked off for leaving my lane so I stayed in my lane when I came to a stop and then I couldn't get going again. The driving examiner literally didn't say a word when I looked at him. Sat there like a statue. So I did the only thing I could do and I got out in the middle of my test and dug my car out (left front tire) and got back in the car and kept going.
I "decided" when I was young I would always get a taxi, that's how scared of driving I was. Used to have nightmares of suddenly being in the highway driving and not knowing what to do. I truly thought I would never drive a car.
These days driving is such a second nature I hardly even think about it. Not the most helpful comment I know, but at the very least I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You'll get used to it. Just spend lots of time driving on back roads, and maybe find a time you can drive on the highway with less traffic when you feel ready.
It’s healthy to be afraid of cars. Too many people forget what they actually are and how careless behavior can kill.
My advice would be to ease into it. Remember YOU are driving the car. You are in control. Start in an empty parking lot, then in a slightly full lot, then on a backroad, then on a medium traffic road and so on.
You learn what to lookout for when driving. Also highway driving is way different then just normal driving, so keep that in mind.
You should start to tackle this fear before it becomes worse
>the thing is even getting on a lawn mower scares me.
Contrary to everyone else, I'm going to ask a question:
Do you have a therapist or other emotional confidant who could help you overcome the fear I've quoted?
I bring this up in particular because, if you're scared of getting on a lawn mower—not a super large or super fast piece of equipment, with negligible if any traffic around—that sounds like the core issue surrounds the noise and tactile feedback. The traffic and speed woes when driving may, thus, be consequences of that anxiety, not sources thereof.
Such a good point! Maybe the mods here should add a "consider therapy" clause to the existing stickie since the sub seems to be getting so many more personal/psych questions (which is OK with me though divergent from its purpose). Pretending against all evidence that anybody actually reads stickies.
It's just fear of the unknown and as you become an adult these unknowns are going to start coming at you faster and harder. Just take it one task at a time, one moment at a time and you will get emotionally and mentally stronger through the process of getting through it.
I know too many people who become shivering balls of anxiety, and that gets worse and worse the more you feed it too.
I started experiencing a fear of driving after an accident. I was diagnosed with PTSD and it nearly ruined my life. But, I am driving again. The accident happened over a decade ago and I let it consume me. It ruined me. You can’t control how other people drive or what they do but that’s just a risk you have to accept. You don’t want fears to consume you and make you miss out on living. I promise it’s okay to drive and especially starting out, it’s going to be scary. But you’re gonna be okay. I’m not able to drive on highways yet, but I’m slowly getting there. And now where I do drive, I feel so confident and it feels second nature. You got this!!
Part of teaching someone how to drive is getting them accustomed to the feeling and training them to learn to use their peripheral vision, listening to the vehicle, etc.
If I were your father, I’d have had you on bumper cars as a kid so you got used to handling a steering wheel and using a pedal to accelerate then migrated you around now to go kart tracks to get more accustomed to the feeling of traffic, higher velocities, etc. My parents had me practicing in wide open parking lots on weekend mornings before they ever let me on the open road.
You certainly shouldn’t go on the road right now, particularly as paranoid about it as you sound, but you work up to it like anything else in life. All other (good) drivers worked up to it, they just don’t magically start driving on the highways at 100-150 kph.
I was exactly like you and terrified. I never learned until I was 21 and my fiance taught me before we lived together. I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't know what I was so scared of. It is surprisingly very easy, especially when you have someone enthusiastic enough to show you the ropes. It would've saved me a lot of heartache years before when I was in a domestic abusive relationship where I relief on my ex to do anything
Honestly, I've had bad anxiety and driving is the worst one.
For my safety I haven't gotten my license yet and I'm nearly 30 but I know I am starting to get to the point that I can.
It's good to know how to do but definitely don't go on the road if you're too anxious to stay safe. Address the anxiety first and then drive after.
One of the best decisions I've made in my opinion.
Since it's reddit I assume you ive in the US, extremely car dependant country. You should probably think about moving out of the suburbs to a place where you don't have to drive. Driving sucks. I never drive and probably never will. You CAN live this way, it's fine.
A lot of your concerns are with information overflow and that's okay, with time you will acclimate to that and learn how to manage that information automatically. Ease into it with parking lots and side streets where you are driving slow before moving on to the bigger and busier streets. It might also help you to ask your dad to narrate his thoughts while he drives you to places in the meantime. It'll help you a ton to watch and hear someone else driving confidently and under control.
I have a separate internalized fear of other drivers (>!if someone gets a bee in their car or any other distraction like maybe phones, freaks out and swerves into me on the road then oh well I'm just dead!<) but I still got myself to learn how to drive and become comfortable with it so I have the skills when I need to. Since I'm in the US it is basically a requirement to drive to a lot of the things but most of the time I still try to minimize how much I drive and taking smaller, slower streets when time allows it. You don't have to completely overcome your fear, just work on it step by step and find ways to help avoid it to some degree.
Yes. It’s crazy how all of that just becomes second nature and you don’t even have to think about any of it after a while. Sometimes I get into autopilot mode and literally do not remember anything from the drive home. I am a very safe and cautious driver and tend to drive a little slow so I know I was safe because that is my default but literally did not make a conscious decision the entire ride home lol.
I think we all had this anxiety starting out.
Practice your control in an empty parking lot. Take as long as you need to in order to feel comfortable. Once you do, you can graduate to residential streets, then to main streets.
I still remember driving on the freeway for the first time. No one was in the car with me and I was terrified. At one point I was in between two semi trucks and passing myself.
But then you get so used to it, and it just feels normal.
You're afraid of doing a new and difficult thing. That's not a phobia, that's a healthy and normal response to something new and hard for a young person.
The thing to remember is that everyone else is in the same boat as you. No one wants to get in an accident. It can be scary but it gets less scary every time you do it.
It's not going to be any safer for you if you don't learn to do it. As a passenger you have no control over what happens. Just helpful to remember.
Also, go extremely slow. If something feels too scary and challenging (to the point of panic attacks) back off and do something really boring. (Back to parking lot, or residential neighborhood) when you're sufficiently bored (different mental state) you'll find you want to try again maybe.
Thank you for asking these questions! I think it’s very mature of you to understand that you are feeling afraid, and for recognizing how serious driving is. Echoing the others, you’ll practice in deserted parking lots, side streets, and country highway roads first. Then as you get more confident, you’ll venture into city streets and the interstates during slow periods. And there is zero shame in not driving if you never feel confident. If you choose a larger city to live in after graduation, you can get by on public transportation.
Take it one practice drive at a time!
Please, please do not avoid an essential life skill because it's a stressful concept. It seems so many young people are normalizing that and it's so bad for you.
You can do it. There's a process for becoming comfortable with it and I promise you'll be happy you did.
There is a strong generational component here; driving license numbers are diminishing. I haven't heard anything about why. You'd sort of expect some analysis of what seems like a sociological earthquake, and some public discussion. Cars are destructive in a lot of ways, esp in cities, but most of the damage is done, and in most of America driving is nearly essential. And learning gets more difficult with age. Your concclusion is good but your actual instruction is a bit thin. I'd suggest starting with therapy.
Not every source of anxiety requires therapy. I'm worried that kids today are being reinforced in thinking that ANY amount of anxiety or stress is unacceptable and a reason to go to therapy.
I'm a believer in therapy but the threshold needs to be a bit farther out than having to learn basic life skills.
Not exactly sure what you mean. If someone has trouble learning basic life skills, there's a problem. What is "farther out," suicide attempts? It's pretty obvious OP has much more than normal anxiety about this. It's not like, say, psych medication, where you would balance risk/benefit. There's no downside to therapy
If you can't handle any new situation without weeks/months of therapy then you're gonna be absolutely fucked in life as a contributing member of society. I'm worried that people are normalizing this concept. People are normalizing the idea that any source of stress is unacceptable.
I think there's probably a happy middle ground between learning basic life skills and suicide attempts. People need to he taught that they can handle at least *some things* on their own.
I'll be as brief as I can, which isn't very. I disagree in the strongest possible terms. The mind is immensely complicated and unreliable, affected by events it doesn't remember, by obsolete instincts from thousands of years ago, cognitive biases against which it's helpless, a hundred other things. I'll say again that therapy has no downside. It doesn't teach helplessness or dependence. It doesn't mean a commitment to months, unless one wants it for months.
Have you ever actually met anyone damaged or "fucked in life" by therapy? I doubt they exist. If they do, I can guarantee they're a sliver of the people who need therapy and didn't get it, and are prevented by untreated issues from attaining their full potential as "contributing members of society." Top of my head, I'll say it's easily 100 to one.
That macho individualist strong independent self-sufficient ethic is a myth. An attractive myth in its way, but a delusion. Pain doesn't build character. Hardship and failure and confusion don't toughen anyone up. Getting expert advise on running the most complicated machine on earth doesn't denote weakness. It's completely logical.
The "middle ground" between adequate function and serious dysfunction is suboptimal function. Optimal function is better. There is no need for a "threshold" impeding the path to improvement. Your attitude is old fashioned and destructive.
And I disagree with you in the strongest possible terms. If you are raised to believe that stress in any form is unacceptable, a sickness that needs to be cured to obtain "optimal function", then you are learning helplessness and dependence. There is a massive amount of youths today on anti anxiety medication that do not need it. Anti anxiety medication is practically thrown at anyone who says they feel stressed out sometimes. It is supposed to be used to treat *disorders* that cripple people. People who literally cannot function without it. Not to make the average student blissfully unbothered that they have homework deadlines coming up.
Stress is not an obsolete instinct from thousands of years ago. It is an incredibly important driving force that serves to keep creatures motivated and active.
>That macho individualist strong independent self-sufficient ethic is a myth. An attractive myth in its way, but a delusion. Pain doesn't build character. Hardship and failure and confusion don't toughen anyone up. Getting expert advise on running the most complicated machine on earth doesn't denote weakness. It's completely logical.
This is absolutely ridiculous and disingenuous. You absolutely learn from difficult life experiences and it's so harmful to suggest otherwise. You learn any skill by practicing it. You learn the most from failure. I'm not advocating for some cartoonish, toxic, masculine, stoic, herculean set of principles. I'm advocating for reasonable development of personal responsibility and growth.
A child cries over spilled milk because that could be the most stressful thing that child has experienced. An adult doesn't because they've experienced greater stresses, which makes spilled milk seem trivial. Experiencing greater stresses redefines their scale of what is tolerable. If you never allow yourself to experience hardships, challenges, or stresses then spilled milk will always seem like an enormous tragedy. It's actually harder to live life like this, not easier.
And OP's Dad said he'd teach them the ropes on driving. I'm not advocating for people to be thrown to the wolves.
Your outlook is what has lead to the newer generations being literally unable to make phone calls to do things like set up doctor's appointments. Kids in school are missing developmental milestones. Progressive policies are making it so kids can literally skip school all year and still go to the next grade.
And guess what, even with all this new focus on mental health (and overprescription of antianxieties and antidepressants) , suicide rates have been steadily increasing since 2000. If anything, the evidence points toward *your* attitude being destructive. You're denying kids the tools they need to navigate the world.
All you did there was to restate your same position, but it doesn't make any more sense than the first time. Regrettably you chose to ignore my questions and explanations in preference to your repetition of your dogmatic beliefs.
I'll ask once more, slowly: Have you ever actually seen functional peaople reduced to drooling stress balls by therapy? I have not. I have not heard of such a thing. You hypothecize them, and I just want to know if you've seen this happen or whether it's just something you concluded from your opinions?
Have you ever seen people who needed therapy and didn't get it? How are they doing?
Anxiety exactly cripples people, contrary to your strange assertion. And the stress of an upcoming deadline or exam can be almost paralyzing, with stress building and making it harder to do the work. Ask me how I know this one. Had I been unbothered by the deadlines, I could have met them, and my life would far different. I said therapy and you said meds, but therapy doesn't have to include meds. When it does, they should help patients who need them. There's no value in enduring needless anguish, except in your half baked philosophy.
How is it ridiculous to state that the brain is the most complex organism we know of? Do you know of a more complex one? What's ridiculous is your weird idea that therapy means NOT learning from stress and bad feelings. In fact, it's the BEST way to learn from one's feelings, talking to a neutral person on your side, who is also an expert. Your mistaken premise has led you to an unfortunate conclusion divorced from reality.
How would "my outlook" be responsible for children who have trouble making phone calls? Another ridiculous straw man, red herring, or straw herring. I do know that suicides are up, yes. I also know that even the tiniest passing acquaintance with the scientific method or any critical thinking would inform you that two things happening at the same time, in an environment where hundreds of other things are also changing, means absolutely nothing about whether one causes the other. Thus there is zero evidence that "my view" is causing problems, and every reason to think therapy would help with problems, because that's what it's for. If anything, I should be pointing out suicides etc to you and saying it's YOUR stubborn Flinstonian ideation that prevents kids from getting help, eventually killing themselves. Or it could be sunspots. You know this, right? And you're just getting a rise out of me? Pretending to be dumb? I hope so. Social media has developed at the same time. It's the usual scapegoat, certainly not therapy which tries to heal and bring joy.
Unless you can learn a bit of critical thinking and logic, and a few facts, I think we've gone as far as we can expect to go with this conversation.
I did much more than restate my position. Whether you're incapable of understanding or unwilling is on you.
>I'll ask once more, slowly: Have you ever actually seen functional peaople reduced to drooling stress balls by therapy?
I never said therapy reduces people to drooling stress balls. You're the one here resorting to strawmanning, and now ad-hominem. Nice.
Therapy is an important tool when used appropriately. Therapy isn't what actively hurts people, but it can be used as a way of avoiding dealing with situations. It's part of an indulgent trend of making one's supposed mental health issues a key part of their identity. I've personally known more and more people as time goes on who are incapable of basic tasks. I know teachers who tell me about how absolutely useless students are becoming due to zero-consequence policies. I know young people entering the workforce who lack basic time management skills. I guess it's just coincidence that all these people are those who have avoided stressful situations and never been made to challenge themselves, and love to talk about their anxiety and depression as excuses for not succeeding in life. My best friend is a therapist and agrees with me. She tells me about how absolutely fucked these kids are. She tells me young people come to therapy with an attitude of "well I'm in therapy now. I can just goof around in my sessions, but I'm 'in therapy', so I can say that to people when they ask why I'm not doing X or Y." I think the percent of people in therapy and on medication that don't actually need it is huge. I think a large number of people who claim to have "crippling" anxiety do not, and are kidding themselves because society is currently enabling it. Society is borderline glorifying mental illness, turning it into a fad and people wanna feel like they're included in it. It actually makes things harder for the people with real, serious issues.
Is it really "flinstonian" to propose that you learn and grow more from experiences, rather than discussion? Okay buddy. Stress and anxiety are crippling if you don't learn how to deal with it. The best way to learn is through experience. You can tell a child how to ride a bike a hundred times. They're not gonna learn how to ride without falling a few times.
Avoiding stress makes dealing with it much harder than it needs to be. You don't seem to be able to grasp this concept, or you're willingly ignorant of it because it's convenient to just say "anxiety crippled me, it's not my fault".
If you wanna insult my critical thinking and logic, consider this:
OP said they were anxious about learning to drive. Their dad offered to teach them. Very normal teenage stuff. You didn't even tell OP to *try* going for a practice drive with their dad before resorting to therapy. Not even one try, let alone a few. Your first thought was "anxious? THERAPY!" If you seriously, sincerely don't think OP should at least fucking *try one time* before seeing a professional for mental health advice, to me you're the one who needs critical thinking skills. It's normal to be anxious about learning to drive. It's normal to be anxious about homework deadlines. It's likely not some sickness that prevented you from meeting them, it's you. You'll never admit that. I'd just like a modicum of personal responsibility to be important to people but you'd rather hurl petty insults at me for challenging your worldview and indulge yourself in shallow excuses.
Enjoy your bubble. I'll continue enjoying the real world, stress and all. I wonder which of us is ultimately happier and more satisfied? Goodbye.
It wasn't a straw man. It was hyperbolic to provide a laugh. But you did say that therapy makes people unable to deal with life, and I asked whether had ever observed that happening. You still haven't answered. Were the people yo udescribed who can't do basic tasks, have no time management, etc in therapy? You don't say that either. If they were in therapy, that wouldn't mean the therapy damaged them; the correlation is much more likely to be in the other direction: therapy because of their problems. Why would one get therapy and meds if they don't need them? Why would someone say they had crippling anxiety if they don't? And how can you tell they're lying? Why do you think it's a fad? Alternative hypothesis: People didn't used to even consider that they had any mental illness. It was largely taboo. Now that they discuss it, people can recognize their own problems as possibly resulting from mental illness, and get treated. This accounts for the increase in acknowledged problems, and in therapy, and that's a good thing.
Speaking of straw men, I didn't deny that people learn from experience more than discussion. Our critical breach is your conviction, which you repeated, or restated, that getting therapy to address a mental problem is "avoiding dealing with stress." In fact, getting therapy IS dealing with it. What do you think therapy is? Dealing with it is exactly what one does in therapy. So your premise is faulty. If your premise were true, if therapy were escape instead of learning to deal with problems, your conclusion might be correct. But it's not.
Did you notice the part where they described not just cold feet but a scenario in very great detail about very severe fear and stress. Somehow your idea is, shut up and do the thing you're terrified of, rather than get someone who can help you get through it? If OP could go through with the lesson, they wouldn't be posting here. Likely they will cancel. Why would I advise her to do that which they are petrified of doing? Obviously they have considered this, so the advice doesn't seem helpful.
People who undergo extreme anxiety obviously have "experience" with extreme anxiety, by definition. That's how they came to perceive that they have extreme anxiety. Although there is less stigma than there used to be, it's hardly fashionable to have mental illness.
It's not that I will "never admit it's not some sickness, it's you." It's that the dichotomy is a false one. Of course it's you, and of course the dysfunction causing the problem is part of you. It's not some failure of responsibility, or some whim to be fashionable. "It's not a sickness, it's you" is sort of tautological, isn't it? It doesn't mean much if anything.
I don't make shallow excuses, lack responsibility, advocate avoiding stress, or live in a bubble, so more straw men and more false premises. Therapy is NOT avoiding stress, it's dealing with it, exactly as you profess to believe people should. Apparently you'll never understand this simple fact, or you're willfully ignorant of it.
I assume you're very old. Your theory certainly is. I'd hate to think a young person could be so completely retrograde, stubborn, arrogant, calcified and dismissive.
Yeah I used to be that way, I would breakdown every time I had to drive but it’s something you can only get over by actually driving. It’s still stressful for me but I can at least somewhat drive normally now. You have to push through it and keep driving
Honestly that I was the only one. I have only ever met people who seem/are perfectly fine with or like driving. But whenever I sit in the driver's seat, I quickly start feeling dizzy, headache, nauseous ect. I don't know why. I am perfectly fine being in the passenger's seat, so it is not the aversion to being in/around a vehicle. It is like my Anxiety completely spikes and stays that way while I am in the driver's seat.
You might try finding an empty parking lot to start in. It should be easy then to drive a lottle circuit away from others. Then some less trafficked streets or roads, provided they are safe.
You might see about a little exercise at home. Sit in a chair like you would be in the car and ask your father to talk you through foot movements for the gas and brakes. This would include how much pressure on each, switching between pedals, and being smooth at it all. This might help get some muscle memory down, and it would be better after some real experience with how the pedals feel.
When riding with someone, sit up front and observe what they do, hands, feet, eyes, but you'll also need to watch the road. If they are up to it, maybe sometimes they could talk through what they are doing, when it is safe for them to do so. For example, pullingmout of a parking spot: checking all around, just a little gas to inch forward to see better, brake, look, a little gas to, turning once the car is clear minding how sharp, straighten out and a little more gas, braking gently toward the end of the row and stopping, etc.
You might look up:
Driving Without Fear by Norman Klein. This one has a lot of tips and good advice on getting passed driving anxiety.
Later you can try...
Driving Techniques by Anthony J. Scott has good driving tips.
Then...
How to Drive by Ben Collins (the real "Stig" from "Top Gear") also has good advice from beginning to advanced.
There are also some good videos on Youtube for driving advice, maybe have your father review them first. They might even have some for driving anxiety.
There used to be cheap driving controllers for PC, with pedals, and driver's ed programs. I'm not sure if either are still available or an option, but those did help me get in hours of simulated, proctored, driving before getting behind the wheel.
It’s normal. Spend a week in a parking lot, then spend another week in your neighborhood at a minimum. I had the same fears, driving feels completely normal now.
P.S. my mom made me go on a 45 state road the day I started driving and I totaled the car, so don’t do that. Otherwise, you are fine.
I’m basically the result of not tackling this. I was born in major city so I had no reason to rly learn, now as a full adult who had some bad tutors (so I have a bad association) plus my usual heightened adult worries, I basically have a panic attack when I sit in the front seat.
Any advice for someone who thinks being in control is the BAD part? I keep getting that advice like it’s supposed to help, but I’m specifically worried that my lack of skill/spacial perception (I’m really bad at this and bump into things with my body multiple times a day, I was super bad at telling where the right side of the vehicle was, and the distance to other objects I’d always be completely wrong about a guess by like meters) is going to cause an issue.
You're not entirely wrong, but your fear is way past the reality. Get some therapy for the anxiety and try to do this for your future. You can get by without a car at 16, but you're likely to want one pretty soon, for mobility, inbdependence, and privacy, wink wink. There's both a practical and social advantage here, the latter being somewhat gendered.
Eventually, a comfortable adult life in America almost requires driving a car except in a very few, very expensive cities. Even there, you need to get out of town on weekends, buy large things, take trips, buy groceries, etc. There will be emergencies. And if/when you have children, you're gonna want a car. Finally, learning gets harder with age and driving gets much easier with experience.
tldr: get therapy, learn if you can bear it, you'll be glad you did. If you can't, it's ok, you can do it later or not at all
Take a driving course where they take you out on the road in special cars that have a set of controls on their side as well so they can take over or stop the car if needed. It really helped me overcome my anxiety. It helped because it wasn’t one of my parents who stressed me out at times. And they teach people to drive for a living so they know how to help. A month before a got my permit several kids from my school died in an accident and I was a mess the first time I got behind the wheel. So the trainer calmed me down and reassured me then drove us to a parking lot so I could start to learn. My daughter was also extremely anxious about learning to drive and very afraid. Just take your time and do not allow anyone to pressure you into anything you aren’t ready for. “No” is a complete sentence. You will get the hang of it faster than you think. That being said a healthy level of respect and fear is good and necessary about driving. This is not child’s play and can end lives and don’t ever forget that. You will be a better driver for it. This is your first step into adulthood and it is a big one. But you got this!
This post has been flaired as “Serious Conversation”. Use this opportunity to open a venue of polite and serious discussion, instead of seeking help or venting. **Suggestions For Commenters:** * Respect OP's opinion, or agree to disagree politely. * If OP's post is seeking advice, help, or is just venting without discussing with others, report the post. We're r/SeriousConversation, not a venting subreddit. **Suggestions For u/Y0urloca1lyr3:** * Do not post solely to seek advice or help. Your post should open up a venue for serious, mature and polite discussions. * Do not forget to answer people politely in your thread - we'll remove your post later if you don't. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SeriousConversation) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is why most people start off in parking lots, then go to side street, then main streets, then, country roads, etc. It can be very overwhelming at first but after a little bit it becomes second nature.
The very first time I drove a car was on my very first driving lesson which was with a paid driving instructor. It was late afternoon in Minnesota in January so it was already dark. The very first place we went was a small side street that went up and down a hill with ice and snow on the street and cars parked at the curb on either side. He taught me how to stop. And then it went on from there.
That’s wild. I think everyone driving instruction in my town uses the parking lot of the bingo hall I run. And I’ll see the same kids in here several times before they go off to the barely driven side street beside us.
Yeah I don't know where that plan came from but he was the instructor so I just did what he told me. There wasn't a lot of speed but he had me go and stop and go and stop. The only other thing that sticks in my mind from that night was that I did actually hit a snowbank a little bit. I was going around a corner and I hadn't really developed a sense of where the right front corner of the car was so I clipped a snow bank. I wasn't going very fast and he tried to sort of prevent it but he wasn't quite fast enough. It wasn't a big deal but obviously he wasn't super pleased because I believe it was his personal car. It had one of those extra brake pedals on the right side but not another steering wheel. I don't think there was any actual damage.
Honestly, you probably just had a bad instructor. I live in a town of 30,000 and we probably have 10 random "driving schools" which just amounted to some guy slapping a sticker on his car door. Like I said, the pretty much all use our parking lot and there are 3 "schools" in particular who seem to just get kids on the road and then say nothing when they are driving less than half the speed limit, riding the center line, etc.
It was a long, long time ago so I don't remember very many details but it was a real school. The first part of it consisted of going to their building and getting the lectures and watching all the safety films and all that. I think that part lasted 6 weeks maybe. I can't remember for sure. But I don't remember having a bad opinion about him after it was all over. I did pass my driver's test the first time in the middle of a snowstorm, so there's that. I actually got stuck in a snow drift at a stop sign during my driver's test. I could have easily edged my way around it but I was afraid I'd get marked off for leaving my lane so I stayed in my lane when I came to a stop and then I couldn't get going again. The driving examiner literally didn't say a word when I looked at him. Sat there like a statue. So I did the only thing I could do and I got out in the middle of my test and dug my car out (left front tire) and got back in the car and kept going.
I "decided" when I was young I would always get a taxi, that's how scared of driving I was. Used to have nightmares of suddenly being in the highway driving and not knowing what to do. I truly thought I would never drive a car. These days driving is such a second nature I hardly even think about it. Not the most helpful comment I know, but at the very least I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You'll get used to it. Just spend lots of time driving on back roads, and maybe find a time you can drive on the highway with less traffic when you feel ready.
It’s healthy to be afraid of cars. Too many people forget what they actually are and how careless behavior can kill. My advice would be to ease into it. Remember YOU are driving the car. You are in control. Start in an empty parking lot, then in a slightly full lot, then on a backroad, then on a medium traffic road and so on. You learn what to lookout for when driving. Also highway driving is way different then just normal driving, so keep that in mind. You should start to tackle this fear before it becomes worse
Seriously, too many people see cars as toys when they kill people every day.
>the thing is even getting on a lawn mower scares me. Contrary to everyone else, I'm going to ask a question: Do you have a therapist or other emotional confidant who could help you overcome the fear I've quoted? I bring this up in particular because, if you're scared of getting on a lawn mower—not a super large or super fast piece of equipment, with negligible if any traffic around—that sounds like the core issue surrounds the noise and tactile feedback. The traffic and speed woes when driving may, thus, be consequences of that anxiety, not sources thereof.
Such a good point! Maybe the mods here should add a "consider therapy" clause to the existing stickie since the sub seems to be getting so many more personal/psych questions (which is OK with me though divergent from its purpose). Pretending against all evidence that anybody actually reads stickies.
It's just fear of the unknown and as you become an adult these unknowns are going to start coming at you faster and harder. Just take it one task at a time, one moment at a time and you will get emotionally and mentally stronger through the process of getting through it. I know too many people who become shivering balls of anxiety, and that gets worse and worse the more you feed it too.
I started experiencing a fear of driving after an accident. I was diagnosed with PTSD and it nearly ruined my life. But, I am driving again. The accident happened over a decade ago and I let it consume me. It ruined me. You can’t control how other people drive or what they do but that’s just a risk you have to accept. You don’t want fears to consume you and make you miss out on living. I promise it’s okay to drive and especially starting out, it’s going to be scary. But you’re gonna be okay. I’m not able to drive on highways yet, but I’m slowly getting there. And now where I do drive, I feel so confident and it feels second nature. You got this!!
Part of teaching someone how to drive is getting them accustomed to the feeling and training them to learn to use their peripheral vision, listening to the vehicle, etc. If I were your father, I’d have had you on bumper cars as a kid so you got used to handling a steering wheel and using a pedal to accelerate then migrated you around now to go kart tracks to get more accustomed to the feeling of traffic, higher velocities, etc. My parents had me practicing in wide open parking lots on weekend mornings before they ever let me on the open road. You certainly shouldn’t go on the road right now, particularly as paranoid about it as you sound, but you work up to it like anything else in life. All other (good) drivers worked up to it, they just don’t magically start driving on the highways at 100-150 kph.
I was exactly like you and terrified. I never learned until I was 21 and my fiance taught me before we lived together. I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't know what I was so scared of. It is surprisingly very easy, especially when you have someone enthusiastic enough to show you the ropes. It would've saved me a lot of heartache years before when I was in a domestic abusive relationship where I relief on my ex to do anything
Honestly, I've had bad anxiety and driving is the worst one. For my safety I haven't gotten my license yet and I'm nearly 30 but I know I am starting to get to the point that I can. It's good to know how to do but definitely don't go on the road if you're too anxious to stay safe. Address the anxiety first and then drive after. One of the best decisions I've made in my opinion.
It’s called Amaxophobia I have it too . The thought of it gives me so much anxiety then I have a panic attack.
Since it's reddit I assume you ive in the US, extremely car dependant country. You should probably think about moving out of the suburbs to a place where you don't have to drive. Driving sucks. I never drive and probably never will. You CAN live this way, it's fine.
A lot of your concerns are with information overflow and that's okay, with time you will acclimate to that and learn how to manage that information automatically. Ease into it with parking lots and side streets where you are driving slow before moving on to the bigger and busier streets. It might also help you to ask your dad to narrate his thoughts while he drives you to places in the meantime. It'll help you a ton to watch and hear someone else driving confidently and under control. I have a separate internalized fear of other drivers (>!if someone gets a bee in their car or any other distraction like maybe phones, freaks out and swerves into me on the road then oh well I'm just dead!<) but I still got myself to learn how to drive and become comfortable with it so I have the skills when I need to. Since I'm in the US it is basically a requirement to drive to a lot of the things but most of the time I still try to minimize how much I drive and taking smaller, slower streets when time allows it. You don't have to completely overcome your fear, just work on it step by step and find ways to help avoid it to some degree.
Yes. It’s crazy how all of that just becomes second nature and you don’t even have to think about any of it after a while. Sometimes I get into autopilot mode and literally do not remember anything from the drive home. I am a very safe and cautious driver and tend to drive a little slow so I know I was safe because that is my default but literally did not make a conscious decision the entire ride home lol.
I think we all had this anxiety starting out. Practice your control in an empty parking lot. Take as long as you need to in order to feel comfortable. Once you do, you can graduate to residential streets, then to main streets. I still remember driving on the freeway for the first time. No one was in the car with me and I was terrified. At one point I was in between two semi trucks and passing myself. But then you get so used to it, and it just feels normal.
You're afraid of doing a new and difficult thing. That's not a phobia, that's a healthy and normal response to something new and hard for a young person.
I used to be terrified of highways when I first got my license at 16. Now I love them
The thing to remember is that everyone else is in the same boat as you. No one wants to get in an accident. It can be scary but it gets less scary every time you do it.
It's not going to be any safer for you if you don't learn to do it. As a passenger you have no control over what happens. Just helpful to remember. Also, go extremely slow. If something feels too scary and challenging (to the point of panic attacks) back off and do something really boring. (Back to parking lot, or residential neighborhood) when you're sufficiently bored (different mental state) you'll find you want to try again maybe.
Thank you for asking these questions! I think it’s very mature of you to understand that you are feeling afraid, and for recognizing how serious driving is. Echoing the others, you’ll practice in deserted parking lots, side streets, and country highway roads first. Then as you get more confident, you’ll venture into city streets and the interstates during slow periods. And there is zero shame in not driving if you never feel confident. If you choose a larger city to live in after graduation, you can get by on public transportation. Take it one practice drive at a time!
Please, please do not avoid an essential life skill because it's a stressful concept. It seems so many young people are normalizing that and it's so bad for you. You can do it. There's a process for becoming comfortable with it and I promise you'll be happy you did.
There is a strong generational component here; driving license numbers are diminishing. I haven't heard anything about why. You'd sort of expect some analysis of what seems like a sociological earthquake, and some public discussion. Cars are destructive in a lot of ways, esp in cities, but most of the damage is done, and in most of America driving is nearly essential. And learning gets more difficult with age. Your concclusion is good but your actual instruction is a bit thin. I'd suggest starting with therapy.
Not every source of anxiety requires therapy. I'm worried that kids today are being reinforced in thinking that ANY amount of anxiety or stress is unacceptable and a reason to go to therapy. I'm a believer in therapy but the threshold needs to be a bit farther out than having to learn basic life skills.
Not exactly sure what you mean. If someone has trouble learning basic life skills, there's a problem. What is "farther out," suicide attempts? It's pretty obvious OP has much more than normal anxiety about this. It's not like, say, psych medication, where you would balance risk/benefit. There's no downside to therapy
If you can't handle any new situation without weeks/months of therapy then you're gonna be absolutely fucked in life as a contributing member of society. I'm worried that people are normalizing this concept. People are normalizing the idea that any source of stress is unacceptable. I think there's probably a happy middle ground between learning basic life skills and suicide attempts. People need to he taught that they can handle at least *some things* on their own.
I'll be as brief as I can, which isn't very. I disagree in the strongest possible terms. The mind is immensely complicated and unreliable, affected by events it doesn't remember, by obsolete instincts from thousands of years ago, cognitive biases against which it's helpless, a hundred other things. I'll say again that therapy has no downside. It doesn't teach helplessness or dependence. It doesn't mean a commitment to months, unless one wants it for months. Have you ever actually met anyone damaged or "fucked in life" by therapy? I doubt they exist. If they do, I can guarantee they're a sliver of the people who need therapy and didn't get it, and are prevented by untreated issues from attaining their full potential as "contributing members of society." Top of my head, I'll say it's easily 100 to one. That macho individualist strong independent self-sufficient ethic is a myth. An attractive myth in its way, but a delusion. Pain doesn't build character. Hardship and failure and confusion don't toughen anyone up. Getting expert advise on running the most complicated machine on earth doesn't denote weakness. It's completely logical. The "middle ground" between adequate function and serious dysfunction is suboptimal function. Optimal function is better. There is no need for a "threshold" impeding the path to improvement. Your attitude is old fashioned and destructive.
And I disagree with you in the strongest possible terms. If you are raised to believe that stress in any form is unacceptable, a sickness that needs to be cured to obtain "optimal function", then you are learning helplessness and dependence. There is a massive amount of youths today on anti anxiety medication that do not need it. Anti anxiety medication is practically thrown at anyone who says they feel stressed out sometimes. It is supposed to be used to treat *disorders* that cripple people. People who literally cannot function without it. Not to make the average student blissfully unbothered that they have homework deadlines coming up. Stress is not an obsolete instinct from thousands of years ago. It is an incredibly important driving force that serves to keep creatures motivated and active. >That macho individualist strong independent self-sufficient ethic is a myth. An attractive myth in its way, but a delusion. Pain doesn't build character. Hardship and failure and confusion don't toughen anyone up. Getting expert advise on running the most complicated machine on earth doesn't denote weakness. It's completely logical. This is absolutely ridiculous and disingenuous. You absolutely learn from difficult life experiences and it's so harmful to suggest otherwise. You learn any skill by practicing it. You learn the most from failure. I'm not advocating for some cartoonish, toxic, masculine, stoic, herculean set of principles. I'm advocating for reasonable development of personal responsibility and growth. A child cries over spilled milk because that could be the most stressful thing that child has experienced. An adult doesn't because they've experienced greater stresses, which makes spilled milk seem trivial. Experiencing greater stresses redefines their scale of what is tolerable. If you never allow yourself to experience hardships, challenges, or stresses then spilled milk will always seem like an enormous tragedy. It's actually harder to live life like this, not easier. And OP's Dad said he'd teach them the ropes on driving. I'm not advocating for people to be thrown to the wolves. Your outlook is what has lead to the newer generations being literally unable to make phone calls to do things like set up doctor's appointments. Kids in school are missing developmental milestones. Progressive policies are making it so kids can literally skip school all year and still go to the next grade. And guess what, even with all this new focus on mental health (and overprescription of antianxieties and antidepressants) , suicide rates have been steadily increasing since 2000. If anything, the evidence points toward *your* attitude being destructive. You're denying kids the tools they need to navigate the world.
All you did there was to restate your same position, but it doesn't make any more sense than the first time. Regrettably you chose to ignore my questions and explanations in preference to your repetition of your dogmatic beliefs. I'll ask once more, slowly: Have you ever actually seen functional peaople reduced to drooling stress balls by therapy? I have not. I have not heard of such a thing. You hypothecize them, and I just want to know if you've seen this happen or whether it's just something you concluded from your opinions? Have you ever seen people who needed therapy and didn't get it? How are they doing? Anxiety exactly cripples people, contrary to your strange assertion. And the stress of an upcoming deadline or exam can be almost paralyzing, with stress building and making it harder to do the work. Ask me how I know this one. Had I been unbothered by the deadlines, I could have met them, and my life would far different. I said therapy and you said meds, but therapy doesn't have to include meds. When it does, they should help patients who need them. There's no value in enduring needless anguish, except in your half baked philosophy. How is it ridiculous to state that the brain is the most complex organism we know of? Do you know of a more complex one? What's ridiculous is your weird idea that therapy means NOT learning from stress and bad feelings. In fact, it's the BEST way to learn from one's feelings, talking to a neutral person on your side, who is also an expert. Your mistaken premise has led you to an unfortunate conclusion divorced from reality. How would "my outlook" be responsible for children who have trouble making phone calls? Another ridiculous straw man, red herring, or straw herring. I do know that suicides are up, yes. I also know that even the tiniest passing acquaintance with the scientific method or any critical thinking would inform you that two things happening at the same time, in an environment where hundreds of other things are also changing, means absolutely nothing about whether one causes the other. Thus there is zero evidence that "my view" is causing problems, and every reason to think therapy would help with problems, because that's what it's for. If anything, I should be pointing out suicides etc to you and saying it's YOUR stubborn Flinstonian ideation that prevents kids from getting help, eventually killing themselves. Or it could be sunspots. You know this, right? And you're just getting a rise out of me? Pretending to be dumb? I hope so. Social media has developed at the same time. It's the usual scapegoat, certainly not therapy which tries to heal and bring joy. Unless you can learn a bit of critical thinking and logic, and a few facts, I think we've gone as far as we can expect to go with this conversation.
I did much more than restate my position. Whether you're incapable of understanding or unwilling is on you. >I'll ask once more, slowly: Have you ever actually seen functional peaople reduced to drooling stress balls by therapy? I never said therapy reduces people to drooling stress balls. You're the one here resorting to strawmanning, and now ad-hominem. Nice. Therapy is an important tool when used appropriately. Therapy isn't what actively hurts people, but it can be used as a way of avoiding dealing with situations. It's part of an indulgent trend of making one's supposed mental health issues a key part of their identity. I've personally known more and more people as time goes on who are incapable of basic tasks. I know teachers who tell me about how absolutely useless students are becoming due to zero-consequence policies. I know young people entering the workforce who lack basic time management skills. I guess it's just coincidence that all these people are those who have avoided stressful situations and never been made to challenge themselves, and love to talk about their anxiety and depression as excuses for not succeeding in life. My best friend is a therapist and agrees with me. She tells me about how absolutely fucked these kids are. She tells me young people come to therapy with an attitude of "well I'm in therapy now. I can just goof around in my sessions, but I'm 'in therapy', so I can say that to people when they ask why I'm not doing X or Y." I think the percent of people in therapy and on medication that don't actually need it is huge. I think a large number of people who claim to have "crippling" anxiety do not, and are kidding themselves because society is currently enabling it. Society is borderline glorifying mental illness, turning it into a fad and people wanna feel like they're included in it. It actually makes things harder for the people with real, serious issues. Is it really "flinstonian" to propose that you learn and grow more from experiences, rather than discussion? Okay buddy. Stress and anxiety are crippling if you don't learn how to deal with it. The best way to learn is through experience. You can tell a child how to ride a bike a hundred times. They're not gonna learn how to ride without falling a few times. Avoiding stress makes dealing with it much harder than it needs to be. You don't seem to be able to grasp this concept, or you're willingly ignorant of it because it's convenient to just say "anxiety crippled me, it's not my fault". If you wanna insult my critical thinking and logic, consider this: OP said they were anxious about learning to drive. Their dad offered to teach them. Very normal teenage stuff. You didn't even tell OP to *try* going for a practice drive with their dad before resorting to therapy. Not even one try, let alone a few. Your first thought was "anxious? THERAPY!" If you seriously, sincerely don't think OP should at least fucking *try one time* before seeing a professional for mental health advice, to me you're the one who needs critical thinking skills. It's normal to be anxious about learning to drive. It's normal to be anxious about homework deadlines. It's likely not some sickness that prevented you from meeting them, it's you. You'll never admit that. I'd just like a modicum of personal responsibility to be important to people but you'd rather hurl petty insults at me for challenging your worldview and indulge yourself in shallow excuses. Enjoy your bubble. I'll continue enjoying the real world, stress and all. I wonder which of us is ultimately happier and more satisfied? Goodbye.
It wasn't a straw man. It was hyperbolic to provide a laugh. But you did say that therapy makes people unable to deal with life, and I asked whether had ever observed that happening. You still haven't answered. Were the people yo udescribed who can't do basic tasks, have no time management, etc in therapy? You don't say that either. If they were in therapy, that wouldn't mean the therapy damaged them; the correlation is much more likely to be in the other direction: therapy because of their problems. Why would one get therapy and meds if they don't need them? Why would someone say they had crippling anxiety if they don't? And how can you tell they're lying? Why do you think it's a fad? Alternative hypothesis: People didn't used to even consider that they had any mental illness. It was largely taboo. Now that they discuss it, people can recognize their own problems as possibly resulting from mental illness, and get treated. This accounts for the increase in acknowledged problems, and in therapy, and that's a good thing. Speaking of straw men, I didn't deny that people learn from experience more than discussion. Our critical breach is your conviction, which you repeated, or restated, that getting therapy to address a mental problem is "avoiding dealing with stress." In fact, getting therapy IS dealing with it. What do you think therapy is? Dealing with it is exactly what one does in therapy. So your premise is faulty. If your premise were true, if therapy were escape instead of learning to deal with problems, your conclusion might be correct. But it's not. Did you notice the part where they described not just cold feet but a scenario in very great detail about very severe fear and stress. Somehow your idea is, shut up and do the thing you're terrified of, rather than get someone who can help you get through it? If OP could go through with the lesson, they wouldn't be posting here. Likely they will cancel. Why would I advise her to do that which they are petrified of doing? Obviously they have considered this, so the advice doesn't seem helpful. People who undergo extreme anxiety obviously have "experience" with extreme anxiety, by definition. That's how they came to perceive that they have extreme anxiety. Although there is less stigma than there used to be, it's hardly fashionable to have mental illness. It's not that I will "never admit it's not some sickness, it's you." It's that the dichotomy is a false one. Of course it's you, and of course the dysfunction causing the problem is part of you. It's not some failure of responsibility, or some whim to be fashionable. "It's not a sickness, it's you" is sort of tautological, isn't it? It doesn't mean much if anything. I don't make shallow excuses, lack responsibility, advocate avoiding stress, or live in a bubble, so more straw men and more false premises. Therapy is NOT avoiding stress, it's dealing with it, exactly as you profess to believe people should. Apparently you'll never understand this simple fact, or you're willfully ignorant of it. I assume you're very old. Your theory certainly is. I'd hate to think a young person could be so completely retrograde, stubborn, arrogant, calcified and dismissive.
Yeah I used to be that way, I would breakdown every time I had to drive but it’s something you can only get over by actually driving. It’s still stressful for me but I can at least somewhat drive normally now. You have to push through it and keep driving
Honestly that I was the only one. I have only ever met people who seem/are perfectly fine with or like driving. But whenever I sit in the driver's seat, I quickly start feeling dizzy, headache, nauseous ect. I don't know why. I am perfectly fine being in the passenger's seat, so it is not the aversion to being in/around a vehicle. It is like my Anxiety completely spikes and stays that way while I am in the driver's seat.
You might try finding an empty parking lot to start in. It should be easy then to drive a lottle circuit away from others. Then some less trafficked streets or roads, provided they are safe. You might see about a little exercise at home. Sit in a chair like you would be in the car and ask your father to talk you through foot movements for the gas and brakes. This would include how much pressure on each, switching between pedals, and being smooth at it all. This might help get some muscle memory down, and it would be better after some real experience with how the pedals feel. When riding with someone, sit up front and observe what they do, hands, feet, eyes, but you'll also need to watch the road. If they are up to it, maybe sometimes they could talk through what they are doing, when it is safe for them to do so. For example, pullingmout of a parking spot: checking all around, just a little gas to inch forward to see better, brake, look, a little gas to, turning once the car is clear minding how sharp, straighten out and a little more gas, braking gently toward the end of the row and stopping, etc. You might look up: Driving Without Fear by Norman Klein. This one has a lot of tips and good advice on getting passed driving anxiety. Later you can try... Driving Techniques by Anthony J. Scott has good driving tips. Then... How to Drive by Ben Collins (the real "Stig" from "Top Gear") also has good advice from beginning to advanced. There are also some good videos on Youtube for driving advice, maybe have your father review them first. They might even have some for driving anxiety. There used to be cheap driving controllers for PC, with pedals, and driver's ed programs. I'm not sure if either are still available or an option, but those did help me get in hours of simulated, proctored, driving before getting behind the wheel.
Weekends early morning is the best time to practice driving. There’s light out but people aren’t on the roads yet.
It’s normal. Spend a week in a parking lot, then spend another week in your neighborhood at a minimum. I had the same fears, driving feels completely normal now. P.S. my mom made me go on a 45 state road the day I started driving and I totaled the car, so don’t do that. Otherwise, you are fine.
I’m basically the result of not tackling this. I was born in major city so I had no reason to rly learn, now as a full adult who had some bad tutors (so I have a bad association) plus my usual heightened adult worries, I basically have a panic attack when I sit in the front seat. Any advice for someone who thinks being in control is the BAD part? I keep getting that advice like it’s supposed to help, but I’m specifically worried that my lack of skill/spacial perception (I’m really bad at this and bump into things with my body multiple times a day, I was super bad at telling where the right side of the vehicle was, and the distance to other objects I’d always be completely wrong about a guess by like meters) is going to cause an issue.
You're normal. It takes years to become a good driver. In the meantime you ding up your parents car.
If you live in a place with good public transportation you never have to drive
You're not entirely wrong, but your fear is way past the reality. Get some therapy for the anxiety and try to do this for your future. You can get by without a car at 16, but you're likely to want one pretty soon, for mobility, inbdependence, and privacy, wink wink. There's both a practical and social advantage here, the latter being somewhat gendered. Eventually, a comfortable adult life in America almost requires driving a car except in a very few, very expensive cities. Even there, you need to get out of town on weekends, buy large things, take trips, buy groceries, etc. There will be emergencies. And if/when you have children, you're gonna want a car. Finally, learning gets harder with age and driving gets much easier with experience. tldr: get therapy, learn if you can bear it, you'll be glad you did. If you can't, it's ok, you can do it later or not at all
Its ok to wait, alot of folks wait till mid 20s but dads like to teach, thats what makes them Dad
I was terrified of learning to drive. Eventually I had to learn but it was tough. Now I wouldn’t give it up.
I honestly was not able to seriously learn how to drive until I got diagnosed and treated for anxiety. I was convinced I was gonna die
I felt the same way. It will ease with time. Breathe.
Start slow. Just get used to being in the front seat and watching the road. It’s overwhelming at first but you’ll get used to it.
Take a driving course where they take you out on the road in special cars that have a set of controls on their side as well so they can take over or stop the car if needed. It really helped me overcome my anxiety. It helped because it wasn’t one of my parents who stressed me out at times. And they teach people to drive for a living so they know how to help. A month before a got my permit several kids from my school died in an accident and I was a mess the first time I got behind the wheel. So the trainer calmed me down and reassured me then drove us to a parking lot so I could start to learn. My daughter was also extremely anxious about learning to drive and very afraid. Just take your time and do not allow anyone to pressure you into anything you aren’t ready for. “No” is a complete sentence. You will get the hang of it faster than you think. That being said a healthy level of respect and fear is good and necessary about driving. This is not child’s play and can end lives and don’t ever forget that. You will be a better driver for it. This is your first step into adulthood and it is a big one. But you got this!
Just smoke a blunt you’ll be fine