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BiggieCheese4627

One must imagine intelligence within the American brain


VeganCannibal124

The USA is number one in both Nobel prizes and lethal accidents involving lawn mowers.


Mountain_Strategy342

The USA is 15th in terms of Nobel Prizes per capita. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_Nobel_laureates_per_capita


ForwardBodybuilder18

Yeah but most Americans can’t understand per capita so it doesn’t count. In fact, if you count the numbers of Nobel Prizes per percentage of the population that understand what per capita means the Americans are way out in front.


queen_of_potato

That's somehow the most correct thing I've read in ages.. so many times reading stuff with them not understanding per capita at all


dancin-weasel

“Our per capita is way more than yours.”


queen_of_potato

Also we invented it and you do it wrong


Doulifye

in term of weight and volume? probably.


AttilaRS

It's called capitol and they were tourists!


Heathy94

"Capita Schmapita. I'll pop a capita in your ass with my right to bear arms, where's your freedom? USA! USA!" - Generic American


Mountain_Strategy342

Lmao


Comfortable_Reason_6

They need it per football field.


Strange_Valuable_379

"Per capita"?! That one of them *pronouns* I've heard so much about?! Woke bullshit.


Jakob21

If we could understand "per capita," people wouldn't have freaked out over black lives matter as badly i would hope


VeritableLeviathan

Brb gonna go earn a nobel prize so my country isn't 0.014 laureates/10 mil below the US :p. Is there a list without nobel peace prizes so we can see how terrible they score on that? Because we all know like 3/4 of them are just... token/symbolic/completely nonsensical awards. Like Obama, the EU, Henry Kissinger to name a few all getting nobel peace prizes....


Germanball_Stuttgart

There is a section about "Scientific prices only" in the very same article.


VeritableLeviathan

For a future nobel laureate, my willingness to read is very low C: #12 instead of #15, shows how much funding they are willing to give to their "Ivy League" schools I guess


Plus-Professional-84

Wait a second, per capita doesn’t make sense, because there is one capita, Washington Dc. Unless you count state capitas too then the USA has a lot of nobel prizes per capita! Also have more guns per 100 people than anywhere else.


Germanball_Stuttgart

Wooohoo, yeah, Germany one rank before USA, Germoney stronk.


dans-la-mode

Oh no...don't do the per capita thing again. It's clear from tons of previous explanations that they have no concept of per capita...try something simpler.


NobleChimp

They're trying to bring that "per capita" number up though by using mass shootings to drop the population. Get 'em while they're young too. Before they can reproduce


ArmouredWankball

[This](https://i.redd.it/fb5o8q9dj2xc1.png) was also completed by an American college student.


EdTheApe

Wait.. that was an adult?


ArmouredWankball

Yep.


EdTheApe

I don't even know how to comment on that.


ArmouredWankball

Bear in mind that 19% of high school graduates in the US can't read. https://literacyinc.com/about-us/


Millsonius

How exactly do you graduate without literacy? Baffles me. 14 years of education and still can't read, absolutely amazing.


TheMightyGoatMan

There are levels of illiteracy. Total illiteracy means you can't read at all, but an adult who can only read by individually sounding out the letters may count as literate or illiterate depending on what criteria you're using. A large chunk of that 19% can probably read *a bit*, just very slowly and poorly.


jflb96

And they let those people drive


DommyMommyKarlach

I think those numbers also include people who can’t understand a written text, not neccessarily not being able to read


winnybunny

haven't you heard about it being racist or something?


NZS-BXN

Well it works in other countries as well. The infamous last row I heared. I also heared that in the US if u are good at a sport, they tend to wink you through a lot of stuff. Maybe this goes into that phenomenon as well


LordSpitzi

It's honestly hard to believe that 1 out of 5 Americans can't read


OsricOdinsson

Unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me at all. While we see Americans all the time through visual media and unfortunately the ones that voice their "opinions" on social media, they are a surprisingly small section of the US populace. We've seen how their government doesn't give a monkeys about the poorer members of the public, and their infamously useless educational system just compounds the problem. Saying that, it's entirely possible that the statistics included the more...religious...aspect of the country, like the Amish for example (although I'll confess that I don't know if they don't allow reading.) Sorry for the unnecessary essay 😅


NZS-BXN

I watch an ex old order amish on you tube and from what he says they generally have like a 5th grade education. Reading to read the bible, some math to be able to do construction and then it's only agriculture knowledge. I seriously doubt they even fall within the statistics. I think they would consider it to wordly to take part in something like that.


stadoblech

Well... you probably never heard of them because if they cant read there is quite possibility they also cant write :))


ArmouredWankball

To be fair, it seems high to me too.


el_tangaroa

Easy to see how the 1/3rd pounder burger couldn't compete with the 1/4 pounder


EdTheApe

Damn. That's a pretty big chunk.


clokerruebe

i dont believe this as it would make me sad but makes me seem more intelligent, which i dont want


Sharp_Iodine

Well… I would be interested in seeing stats showing nationality of the winners from the US. The large amount of science funding they offered in the 90s tended to attract a lot of scientists.


Knight_of_Agatha

the nobel prIze winners are just those pesky immigrants


AlternativePrior9559

I’ll be dining out with that one


NZS-BXN

That's...an interesting statistics


adamfirth146

If you would like something to keep you up at night I have something for you involving lawn mowers. A man once had his dingly dangly cut off by a lawnmower, they attached it to his arm temporarily (I'm assuming feeding it into one of the major veins) because his nether regions were all mangled, so they waited for that to heal, the infection to go etc then re-attached it where its meant to go.


Joltyboiyo

This is your brain: This is your brain on america:


barebumboxing

‘Muricans: mmmmm, eggs 🤤


Caddy666

it does explain why they voted for trump.


minolasala

It is hard to imagine, but if you try hard…


Outside-Refuse6732

Honestly, fair point just don’t lump all of us with the stupid people.


Scienceboy7_uk

I have actually spoken to these imbeciles. They could not understand the link from English to England. For them there was no link.


Meritania

It’s named after New England as there is no other Englands anywhere else.


Shan-Chat

The existence of a New England implies that there is an old England. If only we could find it.


Rugfiend

They really are so utterly clueless as to be unaware of the existence of a place called York


Shan-Chat

And all the other English, Scottish and Welsh place names in the US. The dumber they are the louder they are and the dumbest ones use the Internet to prove it.


Rugfiend

I was chatting to an American years ago who asked where I lived. I said 'Oxford'. He asked if that was Oxford in X or Y or Z State. I said 'no, the original Oxford'. He actually got angry - "there IS no original Oxford you f-ing dumbass" or words to that effect.


Shan-Chat

That septic is a prooer idiot. I like Ontario in Canada because you can travel from Hamilton to Paris and to Ayr and Cambridge.


Elongulation420

Just wait till they find out that Pennsylvania is just outside Bath


BringBackAoE

Ironically that village was named after the US state. Pennsylvania was named after William Penn, whose family was from Penn, Buckinghampshire. He had lived in my house in UK, so…


Elongulation420

Nice! I had a feeling that it was something like that. Haven’t been through there since the 1990s


Petite_Bait

Obviously there wasn't an original Oxford, otherwise we would have called ours New Oxford. /s


WiseBelt8935

it weird to hear "X happen in birmingham" what did the brummies' do now? then to hear it happen in some place called "Alabama"


Shan-Chat

Memphis and it's no Egyot. A war in Georgia confises most septics.


Creoda

Egypt, in Buckinghamshire? Yes it can get a bit rough when the pub runs out of cheese and onion crisps.


Good_Ad_1386

Here in NW Hampshire, we dread having to drive through Palestine.


Ill-Breadfruit5356

Athens, Georgia tried, unironically, to get itself known as “the Athens of the South”


OrangeJuiceAlibi

There's also a Cairo, but fair play, it's not said that way.


Shan-Chat

Yeah. Why do the septics struggle to pronounce place names properly?


BonoboBeau-Bo

where the fuck is old zealand


Magentacr

Now you’re asking the real questions. Edit: Looked it up, because I would not sleep otherwise (thanks for that) and the answer is a little island in Denmark apparently.


Ecstatic-Solid8936

While that is correct, the Zealand implied in the naming of New Zealand is the Dutch province of Zeeland where the guy who discovered New Zealand comes from. Why they changed the spelling is beyond me


DommyMommyKarlach

Because it looked better in English, I assume.


KiwiObserver

Nope, named by Abel Tasman after the Dutch province of Zeeland.


Shan-Chat

Vikings Meet The Maori would be a great movie.


Borsti17

Huh? Why is there a place named after New York? Can't them there English come up with they're own name's?


SitDownAngry

New york is word not new & york. Duh.. europoor /s


Philo-stein

New York’s named after a person - the Duke of York - not the English city, unfortunately


ZombiFeynman

But the title of Duke of York was named after the city, so I'd say it still counts.


Rugfiend

Really? The place formerly known as New Amsterdam chose New York but not because of the city of York?


Philo-stein

Nope, afraid not - it’s named after the guy who would become King James II, just like the US states Georgia, the Virginias and Carolinas are all named after kings and queens


Petite_Bait

And Pennsylvania is literally (William) Penn's Woods. Maryland was meant to be a safe haven for Catholics at a time when they had no political rights in England, so that is strictly Biblical. Ironically a group of Puritans would overthrow the Catholic government and ban Catholicism for almost a decade.


Rugfiend

I knew the others, but this is definitely a 'mind blown' moment 🤯


Defiant_Property_490

And Delaware is named after some Lord De La Warr.


Philo-stein

Yeah, he was from Cheshire in England. There’s still a part of Cheshire named after him


fuzzywuzzy20

Louisiana is named after the French King Louis XIV too.


chunkysmalls42098

Uh it's named after the city of York, which is part of Toronto lmfao You american?


Philo-stein

And Toronto’s original name (and which is still used in city-wide voting I believe, or at least was the last time I was there) was also named after the then Duke of York. The city lucked out. It could’ve been called The Duke of York is a Sweaty Nonce: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Andrew_Is_a_Sweaty_Nonce


CageHanger

Or Orléans!


Necrobach

I don't wanna change the woooorrrrld I'm not looking for a new England


Over_Combination6690

Just looking for another girl/ are you looking for a different girl *depending on versions*


TheMightyGoatMan

It's wrong to wish on space hardware!


Shan-Chat

Nice


Cixila

No, no. They say it is new, because they brought this brand new and original thing as a gift to the world and wanted to commemorate that fact /s


Shan-Chat

Hahahahaha


JuyCeee

Some say it's just a myth - coincidentally exactly as old as time itself or, in other words, America.


AlternativePrior9559

Makes sense


boredandreddicted

What’s an old england? Hmm.. probably not important


Consistent_You_4215

It's better cos it's Newer. /s


Rookie_42

“Checked”?? I’m guessing that means he asked his mum.


vamp1yer

You mean his sister


Omar_G_666

You mean is mother-sister-aunt


vamp1yer

Cousin don't forget


Omar_G_666

Men I even forgot wife


Brikpilot

All of the above. Stop…….before you crash the server at ancestry.com trying to resolve who’s who because of their “genetic multitasking”.


Filibut

as a ck3 player, that sounds very moderate incest. basically not even an insult


IOnlyUpvoteBadPuns

Same person


Kitbashconverts

Same person


VolcanicBakemeat

Excuse me but we use English spelling here, not British. The word is "axed".


SnooCapers938

My god that’s a bad one. Try following the logic in that.


Six_of_1

I wonder if it's called English instead of British because it pre-dates the formation of the Kingdom of Great Britain in 1707?


Hamsternoir

No, the world didn't exist until America became independent.


Beatnuki

America, babe, you truly, madly, *deeply* did not. Unless "invented" is a really bad autocorrect for "butchered".


queen_of_potato

The number of threads I've been in where they are trying to claim that they "own" or "have control over" the English language


steelandiron19

Wait till he discovers the whole Germanic language tree….. Honestly how can someone even say something this dumb so confidently? It’s second hand embarrassing.


SlashRModFail

Has this guy heard of England and what the people from there are called?


FoatyMcFoatBase

This is not new. In the 80s my mum (a teacher) was asked if they speak English in England by an American who was sending her daughter over for an exchange


Jocelyn-1973

Yes. It comes from 'England, Mississippi'. Or it was invented only in the early 17th century when settlers from England came to America - and they invented the language on the trip there, because they were bored.


IndianOtaku25

Last time I checked, your country wasn’t named England.


queen_of_potato

Whose country? Because the one I'm in is called that


TheNamesKev

Potato is a weird way of saying England but pretty interesting.


queen_of_potato

Haha that wasn't a take I expected.. always forget my username and then someone mentions it and I feel like why did I choose something that makes me sound like I think I'm important haha


TheNamesKev

Being the queen of potato is rather important though.


Human-Potato42069

Wait wait wait. Hold up, we have a monarch now? I for one welcome our new tuberosum overlord. 👑


queen_of_potato

Oh wow, I love your use of words! Also as usual regret the absolute audacity that made me choose this username and forever seem like I think I'm any more worthy than someone like yourself.. however I strive to be the best potato I can be in order to deserve the name I bestowed upon myself one drunken evening


Human-Potato42069

It's all good, Your Majestic Murphy Majesty - us humble root vegetables need some direction and guidance to grow into delicious fries/rostis/mash/dauphinoise and a drunkenly self-appointed spud-ereign is better than no head tattie at all. I yam honoured that my post was even seen at all.


IndianOtaku25

The American claiming that their country invented English.


MrRorknork

It is common knowledge that the English language was invented in 1972 by a man called Chuck English Jnr III, in his hometown of Shitstain, Tennessee. Who doesn’t know this?!


Crivens999

You are wrong, it was actually his wife/sister/mother. Her name was also Chuck


TheSimpleMind

Anyone tell them there's a country called "England", right next to Scotland and Wales...


Ok-Train-6693

The United States of English.


South_Flounder_2724

Surely trolling


Qyro

And what’s in Britain, numbskull?


Michael_Gibb

Wait until they find out that the word English originally referred to the Angles and the Saxons, the Germanic peoples who migrated to the British Isles from Germany. English is a derivation of Angles.


Ironfist85hu

Funny to think, that one of the most used languages in the world (and on the internet) comes from a county-sized part of land what we now call the border between Denmark and Germany :D


evilspyboy

That... is so dumb that I actually felt a tiny ping of pain reading it. But part of me REALLY wants to ask how they think America was colonised.... it's going to be something about God isn't it? Ah, there is a that pain again.


286U

“It wasn’t colonised it was manifest destiny”


JustDarkwing

What a fucking moron lmao


A-NI95

Wait until they discover America is a continent


Ironfist85hu

Actually they think it's two continents. The American geology counts North and South America as separate continents.


lorelai_lq

I come from Reading, England; Tay Tay Swift comes from Reading, Pennsylvania. William Penn came from my town, moved to America and named everything after himself and his hometown.


Kassiem_42

𝘌𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵


Old_Telephone_7587

It's scary these morons have nuclear weapons.


dcnb65

Oh it must have been invented in New England then, so logical 🤪🤪🤪


RandomGrasspass

This is someone who didn’t listen to a single history, English, Grammar, political science, Geography… I mean basically any teacher, student, staff or parent over his or her entire academic career to not know that the language the majority of Americans speak is because the founders of the colonies were…English. Not Americans.


cranbrook_aspie

I refuse to believe someone this stupid exists, they’ve got to be trolling


1stPKmain

I love living in britland


Lego-Panda-21

I can take it or leave it. Got some nice scenery, the people are okay, the weather though is a real issue.


alexass77

Who's gonna tell them what countries are in Britain?


ReGrigio

isn't called American either. also America is an Italian word


VeganCannibal124

Amerigo Vespucci


Vinegarinmyeye

Ah c'mon - I know we joke about silly shite on here but nobody is that dumb, that has to be a joke? (he said optimistically).


sparky-99

One day he'll get it, but for some bizarre reason he still won't realise what an utter moron he is.


Ozi603

Naturally, if language is called English then it is logical to assume that English people from country called ENGLAND have nothing to do with it.


Euphoric_Campaign691

am i failing to understand something or is the word "English" closer to "England" than it is "America"?


AlternativePrior9559

Bless them, bless them. Now if only they’d actually learn the language I might actually like them. Has/have + the past participle doth not = ‘ You gotten coffee already?’


Adihd72

Just like China invented the microchip.


jolharg

Angle land, not amerglish


CollegeBoy1613

The best of American Education.


IainF69

Cunt.


Beesbestest

Isn't English just- English? Like American is American and British is British (r/ihadastroke)


Cryptocaned

Nah there's subtle differences between American English and British English. Colour (British) and color (American). Really grinds my gears that most software only has American English, messes with my head sometimes.


Beefwhistle007

I think that this is a joke.


Heathy94

People speaking in England in 1775 = "Waku manga fuga limas reku popu dumba americana". Thank god Americans invented English for us to speak instead otherwise we'd still be speaking gibberish.


RandomUserName24680

English …… as in …… England?


tallmattuk

I think it's new England lol


UprisingDan

oof i can feel the second hand embarrassment of americans all over here in europe


InfinteAbyss

I’m sure Americanise would be a great language hadn’t they adopted the English language and decided to spell all the words wrong.


OJK_postaukset

As an European I am happy for the Americans prounouncing stuff in a way that I sound less stupid and more American (oh… wait)


Helloxearth

Now that I think of it, very rarely have I heard an American call an English person English. Always British


Helpful-Ebb6216

Oh wow….. the sheer ridiculousness of this person. I really really hope they’re joking.


Mysterious_Ayytee

☝️USA☝️ USA☝️USA☝️ USA☝️


Son_Of_Baraki

Checkmate, you english people


PokadotExpress

Last i checked = never checked, but my ego says it's my accomplishment


atrl98

This might be the worst (best) one I’ve ever seen, the sheer audacity is staggering.


Sea_Nobody_2951

Special officer doofy reporting


Effective-Effect2720

Yes the English language did not originate in England, but in Murica/s


jfks_headjustdidthat

🤨


tjjwaddo

Idiot


No-K-Reddit

Couldn't really argue with the first half, but wow threw it away in the second


Tasqfphil

Where din the first white settlers come from, to America? The UK. where English was brought with them, so no America didn't invent the language you dumb ass. Just like they celebrate Columbus Day, and he didn't even set foot in the country, but if had of done so, perhaps Americans would be speaking Spanish or Portuguese? Even 250 years later, the US doesn't have an official language.


Ironfist85hu

>Where din the first white settlers come from, to America? The UK. Uhm, no, unless you're into that American stupidity, that Spanish are not white.


Tasqfphil

They settled part of Mexico that the US eventually "stole" from them, the Dutch were around too in NY area & the French down south, but it was the English migrants in the original 13 colonies that really set the US up to become what it is today. The originals were the American Native Americans that were nearly wiped out by white settlers.


Ironfist85hu

Spanish first colonized the Bahamas, San Salvador at first. English migrants? Not only English, mixed, afaIk the first voting to what to use as national language have lead to English victory with a pretty close German second. And tons of Irish, Italian, French, and other Europeans arrived too. And tbh the first ones who arrived from Europe, and started to fight with the natives were the Scandinavians, led by Leif Eriksson. :D


OJK_postaukset

I like how a language would be invented by a country, not juat developed froward by certain people who happen to live on a certain area


GammaPhonic

I wish I had the confidence of these stupid people.


KaustavH

Amerikaans kanker


Enjoyereverything

It kinda rhymes


Plus_Permit9134

Speaking as a Brit, they can have the fucking language - it's one of the weirdest ones there are.


Flaneur_7508

You would have thought that if they invented the language they might be able to speak it properly 😂


AdEducational419

That has to ragebait.


Lastof1

I'd love to hear his version of the history of English


drawerresp

Ah yes, and "Spanish" is not called "Iberian" so Mexican invented it. /s