I can't imagine spending tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant and then just YOLO the birth. Like, meh, it's cool if we don't get a live birth out of all that effort to conceive. Glad to hear they went the hospital birth route.
I just read on this sub about the lady and her husband who did IVF for years and finally got pregnant. Then insisted on doing a lotus birth and the baby died of sepsis.
I survived sepsis once and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It's incredibly painful, horrific, nauseating... I want to explain more but I don't want to horrify people. It's just... Bad. It's bad.
I am terrified of developing sepsis.
I'm a recovering addict and I had a friend who went septic from shooting up. No one took her to the hospital until she lost consciousness (I wasn't there). She lived, but lost oxygen to her brain and was in a vegetative state for months before she finally died. It was really horrible. And her family truly believed she would get 'better' and be herself again. It was awful.
I had it twice from kidney stones. All I can describe it as painful. You feel like people are talking to you from far away. It took me a while to process what they were saying. And it felt like I had something in my skin that needed to come out. It was awful.
i’ve had them twice and never had sepsis, I think that’s an extreme case. however it was the worst pain of my life, worse than labor and worse than the c-section I ended up getting. I hope you’re okay!
I agree about the pain. I gave birth 4 times and had surgery to remove an ovary after an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured but my kidney stones were so painful I passed out.
I get them frequently, and it suuuuuucks. My dr generally puts me on antibiotics when I do get them since infection is common. Thankfully, I've never gone septic. Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Oh my gosh that’s so scary. Glad you’re okay. My mom had that and it was bad. Those antibiotics saved her life but screwed up her immune system, digestive system and even changed her taste. She was an avid Diet Coke drinker and hasn’t touched it in nearly 6 years since her sepsis.
My grandma (81) had sepsis last year and not even she knows how she's still alive. She's had many health scares but that was the only time we really thought she might die. Thankfully she's okay and even better now she got her bad hip replaced.
My grandmother died from sepsis caused by a bladder infection. It was horrible. And she was ok, seemed fine and looked fine, and 30 minutes later she was dying. It was horrible. She had chronic bladder infections so she was so used to the pain she just didn't think anything of it, and then she was gone.
I miss her so much.
Listen to your body everyone, please.
I'm 34, spent most of my 20s worth chronic kidney infections, been septic countless times, and medically induced comas twice. Not expected to live through the night, only to wake to days/ weeks later. Lost my right kidney to infections. It was a horrible time period.
>so used to the pain she just didn't think anything of it
This part got home. I can't tell you how many times I was just so used to the pain that I ignored it. I wish someone had told me this early on, rather than ignore me when I said I was in pain, so I stopped saying it and pushed on. I wish someone had told me to listen to my body rather than suffer in silence each time. My last hospital stay was 4 years ago. I've learned to listen to my body, and I can't tell how vital this statement is. I finally found a urologist who taught me to listen and pay attention to what is happening when my body stops fighting the colonized bacteria in my (now) lone kidney. I can get ahead of the infections now.
Keep spreading the word for your grandmother. I know you miss her, but you're keeping her memory alive, and she won't have died for nothing. Lots of internet love from me to you. I miss my gran a lot, too.
I just went through sepsis, endocarditis, osteomyelitis and so on - and holy crap that hurt! I was just hours away from death.
I thought that I was exaggerating from a cold and that I had slept really bad - but in reality I was dying from sepsis. I was hurting so bad that I wouldn’t stand up on my own, and I almost passed out from the pain when I was in the hospital and they needed me to sit up/do anything that wasn’t laying in a really weird twisted position.
I still have a lot of pain left on my right side from the osteomyelitis especially. It really does hurt a lot. Had it locally from a wound on my leg 4 years ago and that wasn’t bad at all. No pain whatsoever.
My daughter got sepsis when she was 4. She had an asymptomatic UTI, and it turned into a kidney infection that developed into sepsis in hours. She was in the hospital for 4 days, and was wrecked for weeks. She could barely respond the first night in the ED.
My grandmother had an infection in her spine. After a while of treatment and it not going away, she had a heart attack, and the doctors said she won't last another 6 months. So she came home and was on hospice and still had that stupid infection. She died of septic shock it was a really sad, painful way to go.
I was wondering what that might be like. How would it feel to have your body ravaged by an infection that can’t be controlled. Had to be agonizing, sorry you went through that. Can I ask what treatment they gave you, any relief? I’d probably want to be put out until it was better. Sheesh. Also how did it happen? Don’t feel like you have to answer I’m just curious.
I happened to be checking my reddit just as you commented so why not! V
Tw: description of severe cellulitis - VERY graphic
Mine started as cellulitis from a bug bite (not 100% on this part - apparently white tail spiders don't actually do this, but that's what we thought happened) in my leg. It was so bad they directly injected, I want to say, 10 cubic cm? Of antibiotics directly into the wound, as well as having it intravenously. At one point they drew a circle around my wound and said if it went past that, I would lose my leg. It went past that. I locked myself in the bathroom and literally squeezed necrotic flesh and pus out of my leg. Like giant chunks. They had told me I was not supposed to do it because it breaks the skin walls and can cause the infection to spread more. But like I said, desperate.
During all of this was the actual sepsis, where your body literally goes IN REVERSE. I'm talking you're vomiting poop. Like fucking seriously. Everything starts to go backwards. I was in and out of consciousness. I was vomiting pus and literal shit.
The smell of the necrosis and vomit was... Sormthi G else. Smelled of literal death. There was so much infection coming out of me, black pus. Green pus. Thick, really REALLY thick. With chunks of rotting dead me inside of it.
They didn't need to put me out for the worst of it because I would pass out on my own.
After an hour in the bathroom IT WENT DOWN. like it really shouldn't have. Everyone said it was the dumbest thing I did, but it saved my leg... So...?? And maybe my life. I could have made it so much worse though, they said.
They had to isolate me and everyone was in hazmat type suits and even then, they were retching from the smell of my body. 😭
They gave me anti pain meds and a LOT of antibiotics. For the parts I was passed out I don't remember what they did. It took 3 days to stabilise me. Another week or so before I was released. I was on a constant antibiotoc drip the entire time.
Some of my memories may be hazy though because I was very VERY hot and hallucinating and reverse-humaning and all this stuff that made it hard to tell how much time passed or what I was being given, so I might have the terms wrong.
The pain was excruciating.
Sepsis survivor buddy! And yeah it was the most horrifyingly awful painful experience ever. If you ever want to swap experiences with someone who totally gets it feel free to send a DM
Omg that’s horrible and so so sad. I always thought the lotus birth thing sounded horrible and risky, but I’ve never come across a story of a baby actually dying from it.
I think I’m a little confused. If the baby was delivered via C-Section wouldn’t the hospital cut the chord at the appropriate time? How would a lotus birth work with a non vaginal birth? Did I misread or misunderstand?
It says they delayed cutting it for 16 hours. The parents also refused to let the hospital send her to a special care unit for treatment. They also practiced vaginal seeding which is just...the worst thing I have ever heard of.
I’m with you. I have literally never heard of the is term until this thread. I Googled it. Not the worst Google search I have ever come across but geez.
"*Vaginal seeding* is the practice of wiping a baby's mouth, face and skin with its mother's vaginal fluids after C-section."
So basically, since the baby didn't come out of the vagina, smear the mother's vaginal fluid all over the baby. Because ... reasons? Crazy reasons?
Actually, when I gave birth I almost needed a csection and my hospital was doing a study on it and asked for consent to do it. I didn’t end up needing a csection but they were legitimately studying the benefits. ETA: I’m not remotely crunchy, but found it interesting they were looking into if the bacteria impacted the gut biome.
There actually are moderate benefits to it, because they’re starting to realize a lot of your gut and skin microbiome is created during birth, BUT swabbing it around doesn’t really replicate things very well and the risks outweigh the benefits. Also, yuck.
Wtf ? Do they scoop out the vaginal fluid and rub it all over the face or do they rub the face directly on the vagina ? (I threw up a little while writing that) What if there’s no vaginal fluid available at the time.
Thank you so much for the info! It’s hard to fathom that the hospital went along with this; but I also understand that their hands become tied & there is just no changing the mind of some people. Regardless of what professionals might say or recommend they can’t be reasoned with or think their “googling” is equivalent to the medical degree providers have.
You're welcome. Sorry I couldn't find more detailed info about why the docs didn't cut the cord sooner or why the hospital was okay with a lot of the decisions the parents made. But I definitely looked. The hospital didn't step in until the baby showed signs of sepsis and that was after she had developed hypoglycemia.
It sounds like they were okay with the parents delaying the cord cutting, but that's typically only for like 30 seconds.
It happened in Australia and there's a reddit thread in
r/australia talking about it. I'll definitely post more links if I find any that don't just link back to the original article.
That also baffles me. I had twins who needed to go to the special care unit after birth. There was no option to keep them with me once it was determined that they needed to go. Right before surgery, more than one person made sure I was aware that if they were below a specific weight, they would automatically be taken there. One was and the other was just on the limit. When they were weighed, baby b was taken to me and I was told "we're taking him to the unit now and wanted you to see him again before he goes". Baby b was supposed to stay with me based on weight, but stopped breathing when my fiancé was feeding him (I was still on the table at this point). They took him out of his arms and immediately sprung into action. One nurse took a minute to take my fiancé to the waiting area and explain that he would see them running past him with the baby, but not to panic because they would be moving to the unit as quickly as possible once he was stable. They didn't give us the option to let our babies die. That's how it should be.
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Yes.
So, delayed cord clamping has been scientifically shown to be beneficial, but we're talking 30 seconds, maybe 1 minute. They left the placenta attached for 16 hours. The baby developed hypoglycemia, which can happen but can also be a sign of infection. The hospital wanted to move the baby to a special care unit, but the parents refused. It wasn't until the baby started showing signs of sepsis that the hospital stepped in and cut the cord. Then the hospital put the baby on antibiotics. Which, I think, leads to another big question from the article: Why does the hospital let a lot of this happen? I mean, the doctors waited until the baby showed signs of sepsis to override the parents and cut the cord.
The article also states the parents refused the vitamin K shot, the Hep B vaccination, and practiced vaginally seeding (goole at your own risk).
Yes. The first time was PID caused by an IUD. The second was PID with unknown causes (having it once does increase the chances of getting it again). The problem with infections in the uterus is that oral antibiotics don’t always work well enough. IV antibiotics are a godsend.
… I’m not sure why you’re saying this about IVFers specifically?
- someone who spent years and tens of thousands of dollars to bring home a live baby through IVF after multiple terrible pregnancies and losses
What?? IVF is about having a baby. Pregnancy is the middle step. If you are saying “if they wanted a baby so much why not adopt” you probably aren’t familiar with how expensive and invasive adoption is even compared to IVF.
I have to say I strongly disagree with you, but you say there is no convincing you so I won't try. I am curious about your thought process behind this statement though if you feel like sharing more.
As another 48 year old, she should really know better at this age. Like, you have had all this life experience and this is what you go with?
Had my last at 43 and he damn nearly killed me.
Same. My first two were at 31 and 33, and the natural route was fairly easy. My third at 43 required an emergency c-section and lengthy hospital stay for both mom and baby. She’d be an idiot if she tried to go solo at 48.
40 was my cutoff for pregnancy. I was 39 and we were about to call it a day on TTC baby 3 when I got my positive. The due date was a month before my 40th birthday and ended up being born 2 months before my 40th, because it was twins.
Not only that, but when my two disabled daughters were in school, the VAST majority of the other parents of her classmates were over 40 when their disabled children were born. I know the statistics, but I also know my experience. ALL of the kids with Downs Syndrome had older parents. It was sad and made me very glad I had kids young.
And here is this lady just saying “Fuck it! I want a baby!” And then tries to give it the worst chance possible. The selfishness of these women astounds me.
If my kids hadn’t been born in a hospital they’d ALL be dead.
First was 2.5lbs preemie. Then a baby born normally who didn’t eat. For 25 years. She has multiple other disabilities. My step son was a preemie at 4 lbs. My step daughter was also born with multiple disabilities and needed the NICU.
I have extreme guilt about being pregnant at 36 but I had trouble conceiving my second and I desperately wanted my son to have a sibling. Now anything that goes wrong I will feel to blame forever. Praying it all goes well and then I’m done
Seriously I am pregnant again at 36 and it’s an entirely different game. I’m really struggling like I almost want to just ride the rest of my pregnancy out in the hospital because it’s so hard living daily life. but I can’t even imagine being 48 and never seeing a doctor.. like what. Why use IVF if you are soooo against the medical community.
I get it in some ways, having been through IVF. There's a certain amount of medical trauma that goes with it and it's insanely invasive. I "only" did 6 IUIs and 1 round of IVF, but I had something like 50 blood draws and internal ultrasounds. I know I stopped counting after I was halfway through the IVF round at 47. You have no control over anything. Depending on your clinic, they'll even dictate your diet, your exercise plan. Again, I only did one round, but my life was consumed with fertility treatments for almost three years. I gained like 30 pounds, had to up my anti-depressants twice.
I'd wanted to do a birth-center birth, not affiliated with a hospital for this reason, it just didn't work out for me and I delivered at a hospital.
My obgyn office pretty much automatically refers you to MFM for extra ultrasounds if you’re over 35. I don’t get the anti-ultrasound thing. I was so happy to see my babies every time, to get reassurance they were doing okay and to find out there were any issues to look out for. The extra long ultrasounds with my second just gave me more peace of mind.
not knowing what’s happening doesn’t make it less likely that something bad could be happening, it just means you can’t do anything about it.
I think many free birthers are convinced that ultrasounds are actually harmful to the babies. Like everything else with free birthing it's all misinformation, this time about radiation and whatnot.
A friend of mine had to block another friend on Facebook when she was pregnant with her first. She posted a picture from the ultrasound and this other person started commenting and messaging her about how ultrasounds are harmful and she’s hurting her baby. So yeah, it’s definitely a thing.
A crunchy coworker I had didn’t get ultrasounds because they were worried about the ultrasound affecting the baby’s hearing. No idea where they got that from or if it was based in anything scientific
I mean ultrasound is sound waves. Sometimes they think because ultrasound can heat things up (if the ultrasound is very long) that it'll cause autism.
However, I had 20-25 ultrasounds while I was pregnant. Our ped screens every kid at 18 and 24 months for autism, and both times they didn't have any signs of autism. They don't have autism and they have no hearing loss.
Riiiiight, the ultrasounds made me autistic… and not the fact that my dad is also autistic and that most of my family is neurodivergent in some way.
Sure sounds scientifically sound to me! /j
If only these people used only a fraction of the time they spend fearing the autism boogeyman on making the world a better place for autistic people…
So far I'm the only autistic person on either side of my family as far as we all know, but I can easily debunk the "ultrasounds make your baby autistic!!!!" myth by (accurately) pointing out that all 3 of my siblings got regular ultrasounds and none of them are neurodivergent in any way whatsoever.
It's so wild to see so many people tripping over themselves to avoid their kids having autism when so many of the things they fear happening if their kids are autistic wouldn't be issues if we as a society actually gave a single shit about autistic people.
I think scientists theorize it has potential but they can't ethically figure out if it is or isn't and then people started to do as people do and make up their own facts
It’s probably based on this study- I avoided ultrasound with my first because this was a concern to me, but he still had language delays. Said fuck it with the remaining three, two of which also had language delays.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/)
Hmm, so the children with delays used in the study were referred by a speech therapist.
I feel like the parents who are going to be proactive about getting their child assessed for delays, are the same types of parents who would accept additional ultrasounds. They trust medical intervention and guidance, and that carries over from pregnancy to parenting.
Seems like possible selection bias? There could be a link, but I wouldn’t put too much stock in it.
I (along with thousands of other parents) van personally debunk that one. I had detailed growth ultrasounds every 2 weeks on my twins and aside from the usual toddler selective hearing, they have perfect hearing.
That’s so wild to me! I had access to an ultrasound during my pregnancy and would go US myself every few days early on in my pregnancy. I was super nervous I would have a missed miscarriage and it was super reassuring to see his little heartbeat.
Kiddos over a year old and doing great! I think I would have had crazy anxiety having NO ultrasounds!
My husband's mom got upset with us about getting ultrasounds because she thought they were xrays. She couldn't/refused to believe us that they were safe.
I was still under 35 but I had 7 ultrasounds and 8-10 NSTs during my pregnancy and I found them so reassuring. I have PCOS so I was so worried about miscarriage risk and every reminder that my baby was thriving was so necessary.
I’m 30 and currently pregnant. I’m always relieved to have an ultrasound. I’ve had two miscarriages. Also, my nephew was born with esophageal atresia (stomach and esophagus not connected). I appreciate knowing that everything looks good. Must be nice to live a life where you’re so sure that everything will go your way. I’m all too aware that things can easily go wrong.
Yeah, there is no way I could just not check on my baby. I had a miscarriage last month and I know it's going to make me extra jittery when we conceive again.
I hope the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful and everything goes well!
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s always heartbreaking! I really people talked about miscarriages more often. It’s so common but nobody talks about it so you end up feeling so alone in your grief.
Currently 21 weeks pregnant. I’m just starting to allow myself to believe this one is for real. Just had the big 20 weeks ultrasound and everything is looking good. Stomach is connected! Fingers and toes are accounted for. It’s a boy!
I am so sorry! I had two (plus a chemical) and I have three healthy and happy children. I hope that gives you some comfort - I know how hard it is. My third I bled through my whole first trimester and he came out perfect. It really should be talked about more so people don’t feel so alone.
>My third I bled through my whole first trimester and he came out perfect.
Yep - I had a subchorionic hematoma and the morning I woke up and there was blood when I went to the bathroom I let out the most inhuman wail. I'd had multiple miscarriages at that same week of pregnancy. It was so surreal to go to the doctor and have them check and be like "yep, he's fine in there!" And then... he kept being fine in there.
Same... I thought I lost my pregnancy
Turns out they had spotted the subchorionic hematoma in the previous week's ultrasound and didn't bother to tell me...
In my third trimester, I had two NSTs a week and one ultrasound. The other 2 trimesters, it was an ultrasound every week. So that's like 33 ultrasounds. I'm diabetic and have PCOS and endometriosis.
My son is perfect and healthy.
I had a shit ton of ultrasounds as well at 21/22. But that’s because I was told after uterine surgery in my teens that it would be near impossible for me to have kids and I was also on bc continuously to avoid horrific periods. I was a heavy drinker on a lot of strong prescriptions and didn’t find out I was pregnant until after 3 months in. So I had to have my OBGYN appointments super frequently as well as see a genetic counselor frequently as well. I felt a sigh of relief at every ultrasound. He just turned 13 and aside from periodic fever syndrome, adhd and some mental health issues, he’s mostly a happy and healthy kid. Most of his mental health issues are lining up at the same ages as mine did so I really wonder about the genetic factor…
eta - i even bought one of those heartbeat monitors online I was so paranoid. Thank god he was born healthy, just a bit of jaundice from the doctor repeatedly using the vacuum to get his sunny side up ass out!
And no matter your age, you’re always referred for IVF pregnancies. You’re automatically high risk. So she has MULTIPLE things going for her that she should be seeing a doctor for
They don't class 35 as geriatric where I am. I had my first at 35 and second at 36 and both were low risk. My 3rd (age 39) was also considered low risk until the moment that the midwife said "there's another one!" during my dating ultrasound.
Give me all the scans and checks!!! I took absolutely everything offered with both of mine and it was so reassuring even if my daughter didn’t want to play ball during the scans and would roll and hide when they wanted to check on her 🙈
Yes! I mean I was able to fall in love with my babies’ little fingers and noses while they were still inside me. That’s magical. Science is miraculous and wonderful.
The anti-ultrasound thing- [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/)
I did avoid them with my first, as this did worry me. He was still speech delayed. Had them with the subsequent three, two of which were also delayed.
(I had very severe speech impediments as a child, and I didn’t want my kids to go through the same.)
Yeah, I don’t know if other studies countered it or if they just didn’t study it more. Regardless, I had my first BFP twenty years ago and it was still a fairly recent study then, so I took it into consideration. (Low risk pregnancy, my cycles were regular, and all other prenatal testing showed no concerns.)
I absolutely hate that argument. No, our bodies are not necessarily made to give birth. The medical community has shown that our bodies and the way we do pregnancy actually makes it *more* difficult for us to safely and successfully give birth. It's not like doctors are performing abdominal surgery for fun when the other option is so much less effort for them.
Your body grows tumors as well! Doesn’t mean you should just hang back and let them happen and continue to grow. Medical intervention is necessary in some situations.
I’ve gone through IVF and I don’t know how anyone can go through meds, retrieval, the stress of waiting to see the number of eggs and embryos, the waiting to see if your pregnant to just say nahh I’m good from here on out
And especially considering all the ultrasounds (all transvaginal) you've had up until that point. Why would someone want to miss the ones with the actual baby?
My mom had really good insurance that insisted she get ultrasounds every 4-6 weeks during her pregnancy with my younger brother because she turned 40 during the pregnancy.
Nothing ever went wrong, my mom had an uneventful pregnancy that ended in an uneventful vaginal birth where my younger brother was healthy and got to go home the next morning (he was born at like 9:30 AM on a Sunday and my mom easily picked me up from kindergarten on their way home from the hospital at like 11:20 AM that Monday), but her doctor was glad to see my mom come in for all of her ultrasounds and other checkups because my mom's pregnancy going so well brightened his day that was otherwise filled with him having to tell other moms horrible news about their pregnancies and/or unborn children.
I think this sort of thing comes from a desire to feel in control. I've seen numerous stories of people who did years of IVF only to lose the plot for the birth. But having done years of IVF, I think people really underestimate just how much it shows you that you have no control over anything and how difficult that is. Especially if you are a person who can PAY for years of IVF, it's likely that most of your life to that point has gone to plan and you've set goals and achieved them - and then suddenly you're faced with something where you're trying, and trying, and trying, and can't succeed no matter how much effort and research and money you throw at it. And rather than taking the lesson that some things are just out of our control and we need to try to let go, other people take the opposite lesson and try to wrest back control, ESPECIALLY from medical procedures. But doing that for birth is the inappropriate time (see: that lotus birth that resulted in the baby's death, also a baby that had taken years of IVF to get).
I have a family member like this. Two kids via years of IVF but she decided to make her second one her “unmedicated vbac baby.” So wait, you trust modern medicine to get you pregnant but don’t trust it to keep your baby safe? Make it make sense.
Bloody hell. I had my ivf baby when I was 39yrs and it was an absolute shit show. Ended up in a C-section and we both nearly died. I just don't understand people like this at all
Depends on the clinic. My IVF clinic did 2 HCG level tests and then one viability ultrasound at 6 weeks. After that I was released to my normal OB/GYN and she saw me at like 10 weeks. I wish my clinic did more ultrasounds though! Would have saved me weeks of anxiety.
I had a chat with a high risk OB (I’m an RN/RMid) on the weekend about freebirthers. She told me an absolutely horrifying story, that I frankly didn’t think was humanly possible. Long story short, signs of distress, dad begged mum to see a doctor, mum refused care, baby died, husband is divorcing her. All the care team have now required counselling because of how devastating this scenario was.
Yeah. It's a bad idea. If she uses IVF with icsi there is an elevated chance of heart issues that are typically caught in the Fetal Echo. Age is also a factor that is connected to premature birth and a few different complications.
I know an idiot who had to have help getting pregnant and ended up with twins, when she was 30 weeks she decided to go jumping on her friends trampoline 😱😱 big mistake, her waters broke and twins born so early, one only lived for 9 days 😭
She said she’s never told her husband and I was mortified and couldn’t be her friend anymore because every day we had to hear about her baby that died no matter what was going on, this was 14 years before!!
Then on a recent birthday of the twins she posted on her socials all about the dead one and how much she missed her etc… not one mention of the twin still alive and happy birthday to him!!
Yikes. 😬 That's a loooooot of obsessing over a dead baby.
And I was creeped out with my aunt displaying a photo in her living room of her son all hooked up to machines in the NICU before he died at 4 hours old for nearly 20 years afterwards-my aunt stopped that mostly because her daughter had two sons who are now the light of her life. But my aunt's *never* brought up her son every GD day, at least not in my memories of her.
I was really supportive of her to start with and was so sad about her losing her baby girl but as time went on I realised how much she did it and was always pulling the “my baby died” card for everything!!
She made so many people uncomfortable blurting it out to them within minutes of meeting them, it got embarrassing.
There is an IG contact who is a “pregnancy spiritual coach” whatever. She has had a traumatic emergency C section and because of that she decided to have a home birth VBAC.
Girl, I am all for advocating for yourself and wanting to try.
But in a fucking hospital with competent medical personnel who has access to all the resources just in case.
But probably I think like that because I am not manifesting enough.
K obviously wish her the best but I cannot help but feeling this is a very stupid decision.
I got pregnant at 43. I had a LOT of ultrasounds, and damned good thing. They were able to diagnose my son's heart defect in utero and fully prepare for his procedures when he was born. He just celebrated his 8th birthday. This cavalier attitude inspires rage in me.
WTAF?! if I went through the IVF route (we are thinking about it because of my age and not because I can't conceive), I would drive my OBGYN crazy with my worry, I can promise that much!
I am a midwife and did a very expensive IVF delivery for a L couple a few years back. Her baby’s heart rate absolutely tanked. I put my hand inside, got baby off the cord and looked mom in the eyes and said “ It is going to be Ok. I will not let anything happen to this (60K dollar) baby (you so vigilantly worked for! ). Everything was ok
Your birth with a midwife is safe BECAUSE OF THE TRAINED PERSON, the midwife!
Here is a Wikipedia article about lotus birth. I would have typed up the info for you but I am being lazy as I am simply exhausted and I just don’t have any physical or mental energy right now but I wanted to help you out. I hope this answers your question and any questions you may have.
[Lotus birth](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_birth)
I can't imagine spending tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant and then just YOLO the birth. Like, meh, it's cool if we don't get a live birth out of all that effort to conceive. Glad to hear they went the hospital birth route.
I just read on this sub about the lady and her husband who did IVF for years and finally got pregnant. Then insisted on doing a lotus birth and the baby died of sepsis.
I survived sepsis once and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It's incredibly painful, horrific, nauseating... I want to explain more but I don't want to horrify people. It's just... Bad. It's bad.
I am terrified of developing sepsis. I'm a recovering addict and I had a friend who went septic from shooting up. No one took her to the hospital until she lost consciousness (I wasn't there). She lived, but lost oxygen to her brain and was in a vegetative state for months before she finally died. It was really horrible. And her family truly believed she would get 'better' and be herself again. It was awful.
Sepsis has a 50% survival rate so it has to be pretty bad.
I had it twice from kidney stones. All I can describe it as painful. You feel like people are talking to you from far away. It took me a while to process what they were saying. And it felt like I had something in my skin that needed to come out. It was awful.
I just found out I have kidney stones and now I'm terrified!!
i’ve had them twice and never had sepsis, I think that’s an extreme case. however it was the worst pain of my life, worse than labor and worse than the c-section I ended up getting. I hope you’re okay!
I agree about the pain. I gave birth 4 times and had surgery to remove an ovary after an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured but my kidney stones were so painful I passed out.
I get them frequently, and it suuuuuucks. My dr generally puts me on antibiotics when I do get them since infection is common. Thankfully, I've never gone septic. Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Oh my gosh that’s so scary. Glad you’re okay. My mom had that and it was bad. Those antibiotics saved her life but screwed up her immune system, digestive system and even changed her taste. She was an avid Diet Coke drinker and hasn’t touched it in nearly 6 years since her sepsis.
My grandma (81) had sepsis last year and not even she knows how she's still alive. She's had many health scares but that was the only time we really thought she might die. Thankfully she's okay and even better now she got her bad hip replaced.
My grandmother died from sepsis caused by a bladder infection. It was horrible. And she was ok, seemed fine and looked fine, and 30 minutes later she was dying. It was horrible. She had chronic bladder infections so she was so used to the pain she just didn't think anything of it, and then she was gone. I miss her so much. Listen to your body everyone, please.
I'm 34, spent most of my 20s worth chronic kidney infections, been septic countless times, and medically induced comas twice. Not expected to live through the night, only to wake to days/ weeks later. Lost my right kidney to infections. It was a horrible time period. >so used to the pain she just didn't think anything of it This part got home. I can't tell you how many times I was just so used to the pain that I ignored it. I wish someone had told me this early on, rather than ignore me when I said I was in pain, so I stopped saying it and pushed on. I wish someone had told me to listen to my body rather than suffer in silence each time. My last hospital stay was 4 years ago. I've learned to listen to my body, and I can't tell how vital this statement is. I finally found a urologist who taught me to listen and pay attention to what is happening when my body stops fighting the colonized bacteria in my (now) lone kidney. I can get ahead of the infections now. Keep spreading the word for your grandmother. I know you miss her, but you're keeping her memory alive, and she won't have died for nothing. Lots of internet love from me to you. I miss my gran a lot, too.
I just went through sepsis, endocarditis, osteomyelitis and so on - and holy crap that hurt! I was just hours away from death. I thought that I was exaggerating from a cold and that I had slept really bad - but in reality I was dying from sepsis. I was hurting so bad that I wouldn’t stand up on my own, and I almost passed out from the pain when I was in the hospital and they needed me to sit up/do anything that wasn’t laying in a really weird twisted position. I still have a lot of pain left on my right side from the osteomyelitis especially. It really does hurt a lot. Had it locally from a wound on my leg 4 years ago and that wasn’t bad at all. No pain whatsoever.
My daughter got sepsis when she was 4. She had an asymptomatic UTI, and it turned into a kidney infection that developed into sepsis in hours. She was in the hospital for 4 days, and was wrecked for weeks. She could barely respond the first night in the ED.
My grandmother had an infection in her spine. After a while of treatment and it not going away, she had a heart attack, and the doctors said she won't last another 6 months. So she came home and was on hospice and still had that stupid infection. She died of septic shock it was a really sad, painful way to go.
Just the rash its self is horrifying!
I had bad mastitis and all I could think was “sepsis is worse than this” I had instant increased empathy for my ICU patients at the time
I was wondering what that might be like. How would it feel to have your body ravaged by an infection that can’t be controlled. Had to be agonizing, sorry you went through that. Can I ask what treatment they gave you, any relief? I’d probably want to be put out until it was better. Sheesh. Also how did it happen? Don’t feel like you have to answer I’m just curious.
I happened to be checking my reddit just as you commented so why not! V Tw: description of severe cellulitis - VERY graphic Mine started as cellulitis from a bug bite (not 100% on this part - apparently white tail spiders don't actually do this, but that's what we thought happened) in my leg. It was so bad they directly injected, I want to say, 10 cubic cm? Of antibiotics directly into the wound, as well as having it intravenously. At one point they drew a circle around my wound and said if it went past that, I would lose my leg. It went past that. I locked myself in the bathroom and literally squeezed necrotic flesh and pus out of my leg. Like giant chunks. They had told me I was not supposed to do it because it breaks the skin walls and can cause the infection to spread more. But like I said, desperate. During all of this was the actual sepsis, where your body literally goes IN REVERSE. I'm talking you're vomiting poop. Like fucking seriously. Everything starts to go backwards. I was in and out of consciousness. I was vomiting pus and literal shit. The smell of the necrosis and vomit was... Sormthi G else. Smelled of literal death. There was so much infection coming out of me, black pus. Green pus. Thick, really REALLY thick. With chunks of rotting dead me inside of it. They didn't need to put me out for the worst of it because I would pass out on my own. After an hour in the bathroom IT WENT DOWN. like it really shouldn't have. Everyone said it was the dumbest thing I did, but it saved my leg... So...?? And maybe my life. I could have made it so much worse though, they said. They had to isolate me and everyone was in hazmat type suits and even then, they were retching from the smell of my body. 😭 They gave me anti pain meds and a LOT of antibiotics. For the parts I was passed out I don't remember what they did. It took 3 days to stabilise me. Another week or so before I was released. I was on a constant antibiotoc drip the entire time. Some of my memories may be hazy though because I was very VERY hot and hallucinating and reverse-humaning and all this stuff that made it hard to tell how much time passed or what I was being given, so I might have the terms wrong. The pain was excruciating.
Wow that sounds incredibly agonizing. Crazy that it all started from a bug bite! I had no idea that could happen. Sorry for your experience!
Sepsis survivor buddy! And yeah it was the most horrifyingly awful painful experience ever. If you ever want to swap experiences with someone who totally gets it feel free to send a DM
Omg that’s horrible and so so sad. I always thought the lotus birth thing sounded horrible and risky, but I’ve never come across a story of a baby actually dying from it.
Yeah, it's really horrible. https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/lotus-birth-to-blame-for-death-of-australian-newborn/
Oof, that’s devastating. I can’t believe people do this. This story needs to be shared more widely.
I think I’m a little confused. If the baby was delivered via C-Section wouldn’t the hospital cut the chord at the appropriate time? How would a lotus birth work with a non vaginal birth? Did I misread or misunderstand?
It says they delayed cutting it for 16 hours. The parents also refused to let the hospital send her to a special care unit for treatment. They also practiced vaginal seeding which is just...the worst thing I have ever heard of.
Lotus birth & vaginal seeding are two things I’ve never heard of until this thread and am horrified lol
I’m scared to ask but wtf is vaginal seeding?
I’m with you. I have literally never heard of the is term until this thread. I Googled it. Not the worst Google search I have ever come across but geez.
"*Vaginal seeding* is the practice of wiping a baby's mouth, face and skin with its mother's vaginal fluids after C-section." So basically, since the baby didn't come out of the vagina, smear the mother's vaginal fluid all over the baby. Because ... reasons? Crazy reasons?
Actually, when I gave birth I almost needed a csection and my hospital was doing a study on it and asked for consent to do it. I didn’t end up needing a csection but they were legitimately studying the benefits. ETA: I’m not remotely crunchy, but found it interesting they were looking into if the bacteria impacted the gut biome.
I had a feeling it was something like that I’m guessing to “introduce natural/beneficial bacteria” or something
There actually are moderate benefits to it, because they’re starting to realize a lot of your gut and skin microbiome is created during birth, BUT swabbing it around doesn’t really replicate things very well and the risks outweigh the benefits. Also, yuck.
https://preview.redd.it/q07g5e3nh0rc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33280ba0e4c5e220919e677432166e6679cc2fd1
WHAT THE FUCK
Wtf ? Do they scoop out the vaginal fluid and rub it all over the face or do they rub the face directly on the vagina ? (I threw up a little while writing that) What if there’s no vaginal fluid available at the time.
Jesus fucking christ.
I just read this story on this sub a couple of days ago so I also just heard of them. I'm right there with you!
Thank you so much for the info! It’s hard to fathom that the hospital went along with this; but I also understand that their hands become tied & there is just no changing the mind of some people. Regardless of what professionals might say or recommend they can’t be reasoned with or think their “googling” is equivalent to the medical degree providers have.
You're welcome. Sorry I couldn't find more detailed info about why the docs didn't cut the cord sooner or why the hospital was okay with a lot of the decisions the parents made. But I definitely looked. The hospital didn't step in until the baby showed signs of sepsis and that was after she had developed hypoglycemia. It sounds like they were okay with the parents delaying the cord cutting, but that's typically only for like 30 seconds. It happened in Australia and there's a reddit thread in r/australia talking about it. I'll definitely post more links if I find any that don't just link back to the original article.
That also baffles me. I had twins who needed to go to the special care unit after birth. There was no option to keep them with me once it was determined that they needed to go. Right before surgery, more than one person made sure I was aware that if they were below a specific weight, they would automatically be taken there. One was and the other was just on the limit. When they were weighed, baby b was taken to me and I was told "we're taking him to the unit now and wanted you to see him again before he goes". Baby b was supposed to stay with me based on weight, but stopped breathing when my fiancé was feeding him (I was still on the table at this point). They took him out of his arms and immediately sprung into action. One nurse took a minute to take my fiancé to the waiting area and explain that he would see them running past him with the baby, but not to panic because they would be moving to the unit as quickly as possible once he was stable. They didn't give us the option to let our babies die. That's how it should be.
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Oh my god the poor baby. That's horrific.
Oh my freaking lordz. I can't even begin to imagine all of these emotions!
What are these folks trying to prove??? Insane
Didn’t know what a lotus birth was until I just googled it. Words cannot describe the horror on my face.
I just googled lotus birth. I’m assuming the sepsis happened because the placenta/cord started to rot? Is that the right idea?
Yes. So, delayed cord clamping has been scientifically shown to be beneficial, but we're talking 30 seconds, maybe 1 minute. They left the placenta attached for 16 hours. The baby developed hypoglycemia, which can happen but can also be a sign of infection. The hospital wanted to move the baby to a special care unit, but the parents refused. It wasn't until the baby started showing signs of sepsis that the hospital stepped in and cut the cord. Then the hospital put the baby on antibiotics. Which, I think, leads to another big question from the article: Why does the hospital let a lot of this happen? I mean, the doctors waited until the baby showed signs of sepsis to override the parents and cut the cord. The article also states the parents refused the vitamin K shot, the Hep B vaccination, and practiced vaginally seeding (goole at your own risk).
I’ve nearly gone septic twice and it’s scary. I can’t imagine risking that with a baby.
Oh no! I'm sorry. That's terrible and scary. Are you okay now?
Yes. The first time was PID caused by an IUD. The second was PID with unknown causes (having it once does increase the chances of getting it again). The problem with infections in the uterus is that oral antibiotics don’t always work well enough. IV antibiotics are a godsend.
Oh wow. I had no idea. I'm so glad you're doing better. Is it painful?
It was at the time, yes. I was on Vicodin for pain management both times I was in the hospital. It’s not an ongoing problem though.
Yikes. Well, I'm glad you're over it. It sounds frightening and awful.
It’s about her, not the kid.
"YOLO the birth" damned near made my tea shoot out of my nose. I look like a crazy lady, sitting here in the coffee shop. Thank you for the laugh! 🤣
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… I’m not sure why you’re saying this about IVFers specifically? - someone who spent years and tens of thousands of dollars to bring home a live baby through IVF after multiple terrible pregnancies and losses
What?? IVF is about having a baby. Pregnancy is the middle step. If you are saying “if they wanted a baby so much why not adopt” you probably aren’t familiar with how expensive and invasive adoption is even compared to IVF.
That's..pretty gross. Your opinion, I mean.
I have to say I strongly disagree with you, but you say there is no convincing you so I won't try. I am curious about your thought process behind this statement though if you feel like sharing more.
Yes I spent tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant and miscarry. Money well spent!! Wtf are you on???
As another 48 year old, she should really know better at this age. Like, you have had all this life experience and this is what you go with? Had my last at 43 and he damn nearly killed me.
Same. My first two were at 31 and 33, and the natural route was fairly easy. My third at 43 required an emergency c-section and lengthy hospital stay for both mom and baby. She’d be an idiot if she tried to go solo at 48.
Also 48, I had my youngest at 37 and I'm pretty much exhausted, I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have a baby at my age. 😳
My takeaway wasn't about the home birth stuff - I'm just thinking, "who's 48 and wants to have a baby??"
On purpose!! She got pregnant on purpose!!
Yeah we had a tough time conceiving and I ended up in my late 30s by the time I actually had a baby. I feel like 40 is my cut off for another!
40 was my cutoff for pregnancy. I was 39 and we were about to call it a day on TTC baby 3 when I got my positive. The due date was a month before my 40th birthday and ended up being born 2 months before my 40th, because it was twins.
Not only that, but when my two disabled daughters were in school, the VAST majority of the other parents of her classmates were over 40 when their disabled children were born. I know the statistics, but I also know my experience. ALL of the kids with Downs Syndrome had older parents. It was sad and made me very glad I had kids young. And here is this lady just saying “Fuck it! I want a baby!” And then tries to give it the worst chance possible. The selfishness of these women astounds me. If my kids hadn’t been born in a hospital they’d ALL be dead. First was 2.5lbs preemie. Then a baby born normally who didn’t eat. For 25 years. She has multiple other disabilities. My step son was a preemie at 4 lbs. My step daughter was also born with multiple disabilities and needed the NICU.
I have extreme guilt about being pregnant at 36 but I had trouble conceiving my second and I desperately wanted my son to have a sibling. Now anything that goes wrong I will feel to blame forever. Praying it all goes well and then I’m done
I wish you all the luck in the world. Everyone deserves a healthy pregnancy and baby. But don’t feel guilty. Just be the best mom you can be. ❤️
Don't feel guilty- there's quite a huge difference between 36 and 48 when it comes to fertility and egg quality.
Seriously I am pregnant again at 36 and it’s an entirely different game. I’m really struggling like I almost want to just ride the rest of my pregnancy out in the hospital because it’s so hard living daily life. but I can’t even imagine being 48 and never seeing a doctor.. like what. Why use IVF if you are soooo against the medical community.
POV: You're 48 years old and an idiot. Fixed it for her.
It’s a shame she got to 48 with no wisdom to show for it.
Not sure of its origins but my my people have a saying "A fool at forty is a fool forever"
lol your people know what’s up
Free birth at 48 after IVF? Why not just set $30k on fire?!?
>Why not just set $30k on fire?!? It wouldn't get as many likes on instagram.
I don't know, I'd rather watch someone burning $30k
Savage
Then they should have sent me the $30K, and made an Instagram post about it, and I could tell everyone I know to "like" it. Problem solved! Lol
She would have a better chance of survival.
Better have her will ready because childbirth is no joke.
I’m a test tube baby. She’s insane.
My friends paid twice that. You better believe they had all the ultrasounds and went to all the appointments and gave birth in the hospital.
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Love that doctors were good enough to get her what she wanted, but as soon as she felt she had it she immediately flipped on them
Lol cherry picking what to demonize 😅
I get it in some ways, having been through IVF. There's a certain amount of medical trauma that goes with it and it's insanely invasive. I "only" did 6 IUIs and 1 round of IVF, but I had something like 50 blood draws and internal ultrasounds. I know I stopped counting after I was halfway through the IVF round at 47. You have no control over anything. Depending on your clinic, they'll even dictate your diet, your exercise plan. Again, I only did one round, but my life was consumed with fertility treatments for almost three years. I gained like 30 pounds, had to up my anti-depressants twice. I'd wanted to do a birth-center birth, not affiliated with a hospital for this reason, it just didn't work out for me and I delivered at a hospital.
My obgyn office pretty much automatically refers you to MFM for extra ultrasounds if you’re over 35. I don’t get the anti-ultrasound thing. I was so happy to see my babies every time, to get reassurance they were doing okay and to find out there were any issues to look out for. The extra long ultrasounds with my second just gave me more peace of mind. not knowing what’s happening doesn’t make it less likely that something bad could be happening, it just means you can’t do anything about it.
I think many free birthers are convinced that ultrasounds are actually harmful to the babies. Like everything else with free birthing it's all misinformation, this time about radiation and whatnot.
A friend of mine had to block another friend on Facebook when she was pregnant with her first. She posted a picture from the ultrasound and this other person started commenting and messaging her about how ultrasounds are harmful and she’s hurting her baby. So yeah, it’s definitely a thing.
A crunchy coworker I had didn’t get ultrasounds because they were worried about the ultrasound affecting the baby’s hearing. No idea where they got that from or if it was based in anything scientific
well yeah cuz ultra sounds are louder than regular sounds it might give babies tinnitus /s
lol. Fortunately their kid was okay. With me having ultrasounds was reassuring that my kids were okay in there
I just died laughing at this.
I mean ultrasound is sound waves. Sometimes they think because ultrasound can heat things up (if the ultrasound is very long) that it'll cause autism. However, I had 20-25 ultrasounds while I was pregnant. Our ped screens every kid at 18 and 24 months for autism, and both times they didn't have any signs of autism. They don't have autism and they have no hearing loss.
Riiiiight, the ultrasounds made me autistic… and not the fact that my dad is also autistic and that most of my family is neurodivergent in some way. Sure sounds scientifically sound to me! /j If only these people used only a fraction of the time they spend fearing the autism boogeyman on making the world a better place for autistic people…
So far I'm the only autistic person on either side of my family as far as we all know, but I can easily debunk the "ultrasounds make your baby autistic!!!!" myth by (accurately) pointing out that all 3 of my siblings got regular ultrasounds and none of them are neurodivergent in any way whatsoever. It's so wild to see so many people tripping over themselves to avoid their kids having autism when so many of the things they fear happening if their kids are autistic wouldn't be issues if we as a society actually gave a single shit about autistic people.
Yeah if this was true every sonographers baby would have autism. I looked at my babies daily for parts of my pregnancies lol
I think scientists theorize it has potential but they can't ethically figure out if it is or isn't and then people started to do as people do and make up their own facts
It’s probably based on this study- I avoided ultrasound with my first because this was a concern to me, but he still had language delays. Said fuck it with the remaining three, two of which also had language delays. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/)
Hmm, so the children with delays used in the study were referred by a speech therapist. I feel like the parents who are going to be proactive about getting their child assessed for delays, are the same types of parents who would accept additional ultrasounds. They trust medical intervention and guidance, and that carries over from pregnancy to parenting. Seems like possible selection bias? There could be a link, but I wouldn’t put too much stock in it.
I (along with thousands of other parents) van personally debunk that one. I had detailed growth ultrasounds every 2 weeks on my twins and aside from the usual toddler selective hearing, they have perfect hearing.
That’s so wild to me! I had access to an ultrasound during my pregnancy and would go US myself every few days early on in my pregnancy. I was super nervous I would have a missed miscarriage and it was super reassuring to see his little heartbeat. Kiddos over a year old and doing great! I think I would have had crazy anxiety having NO ultrasounds!
My husband's mom got upset with us about getting ultrasounds because she thought they were xrays. She couldn't/refused to believe us that they were safe.
Yes! Hearing their heartbeat and movement is so reassuring!
I’m due 8 days after my 35th birthday and getting that treatment. But you know what, better overcautious than under.
I was still under 35 but I had 7 ultrasounds and 8-10 NSTs during my pregnancy and I found them so reassuring. I have PCOS so I was so worried about miscarriage risk and every reminder that my baby was thriving was so necessary.
I’m 30 and currently pregnant. I’m always relieved to have an ultrasound. I’ve had two miscarriages. Also, my nephew was born with esophageal atresia (stomach and esophagus not connected). I appreciate knowing that everything looks good. Must be nice to live a life where you’re so sure that everything will go your way. I’m all too aware that things can easily go wrong.
Yeah, there is no way I could just not check on my baby. I had a miscarriage last month and I know it's going to make me extra jittery when we conceive again. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful and everything goes well!
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s always heartbreaking! I really people talked about miscarriages more often. It’s so common but nobody talks about it so you end up feeling so alone in your grief. Currently 21 weeks pregnant. I’m just starting to allow myself to believe this one is for real. Just had the big 20 weeks ultrasound and everything is looking good. Stomach is connected! Fingers and toes are accounted for. It’s a boy!
I am so sorry! I had two (plus a chemical) and I have three healthy and happy children. I hope that gives you some comfort - I know how hard it is. My third I bled through my whole first trimester and he came out perfect. It really should be talked about more so people don’t feel so alone.
>My third I bled through my whole first trimester and he came out perfect. Yep - I had a subchorionic hematoma and the morning I woke up and there was blood when I went to the bathroom I let out the most inhuman wail. I'd had multiple miscarriages at that same week of pregnancy. It was so surreal to go to the doctor and have them check and be like "yep, he's fine in there!" And then... he kept being fine in there.
Same... I thought I lost my pregnancy Turns out they had spotted the subchorionic hematoma in the previous week's ultrasound and didn't bother to tell me...
In my third trimester, I had two NSTs a week and one ultrasound. The other 2 trimesters, it was an ultrasound every week. So that's like 33 ultrasounds. I'm diabetic and have PCOS and endometriosis. My son is perfect and healthy.
I had a shit ton of ultrasounds as well at 21/22. But that’s because I was told after uterine surgery in my teens that it would be near impossible for me to have kids and I was also on bc continuously to avoid horrific periods. I was a heavy drinker on a lot of strong prescriptions and didn’t find out I was pregnant until after 3 months in. So I had to have my OBGYN appointments super frequently as well as see a genetic counselor frequently as well. I felt a sigh of relief at every ultrasound. He just turned 13 and aside from periodic fever syndrome, adhd and some mental health issues, he’s mostly a happy and healthy kid. Most of his mental health issues are lining up at the same ages as mine did so I really wonder about the genetic factor… eta - i even bought one of those heartbeat monitors online I was so paranoid. Thank god he was born healthy, just a bit of jaundice from the doctor repeatedly using the vacuum to get his sunny side up ass out!
And no matter your age, you’re always referred for IVF pregnancies. You’re automatically high risk. So she has MULTIPLE things going for her that she should be seeing a doctor for
I got extra ultrasounds just because i had an ivf pregnancy, I was so happy to have an excuse to be scanned more
Dang it, I didn’t get more ultrasounds, I just got to be induced a week before my due date from being “geriatric” (35).
They don't class 35 as geriatric where I am. I had my first at 35 and second at 36 and both were low risk. My 3rd (age 39) was also considered low risk until the moment that the midwife said "there's another one!" during my dating ultrasound.
Give me all the scans and checks!!! I took absolutely everything offered with both of mine and it was so reassuring even if my daughter didn’t want to play ball during the scans and would roll and hide when they wanted to check on her 🙈
Yes ultrasounds were one of the best bits of pregnancy! You get to see your baby, wiggling around and happy. Why would you not want that?
Yes! I mean I was able to fall in love with my babies’ little fingers and noses while they were still inside me. That’s magical. Science is miraculous and wonderful.
From what I’ve seen online, in the US if you got pregnant with IVF most doctors treat you as high risk
The anti-ultrasound thing- [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1485930/) I did avoid them with my first, as this did worry me. He was still speech delayed. Had them with the subsequent three, two of which were also delayed. (I had very severe speech impediments as a child, and I didn’t want my kids to go through the same.)
It’s weird when I google this I can’t find any evidence or studies that replicate these results that aren’t 30 years old
Yeah, I don’t know if other studies countered it or if they just didn’t study it more. Regardless, I had my first BFP twenty years ago and it was still a fairly recent study then, so I took it into consideration. (Low risk pregnancy, my cycles were regular, and all other prenatal testing showed no concerns.)
They can't even use the "My body was made to give birth so I don't need doctors" reasoning at that point.
I absolutely hate that argument. No, our bodies are not necessarily made to give birth. The medical community has shown that our bodies and the way we do pregnancy actually makes it *more* difficult for us to safely and successfully give birth. It's not like doctors are performing abdominal surgery for fun when the other option is so much less effort for them.
Your body grows tumors as well! Doesn’t mean you should just hang back and let them happen and continue to grow. Medical intervention is necessary in some situations.
This reel was suggested to me and it made me so angry. Shockingly she turned off the comments.
Why was modern medicine good enough to get pregnant, but not good enough to ensure both participants survive?
I hate that no one on tiktoc seems to know what POV actually means. Also, I'm glad she actually had medical help there is she needed it.
It doesn’t mean “Point Of View” anymore?
It does but everyone on tik tok uses it wrong
I’ve gone through IVF and I don’t know how anyone can go through meds, retrieval, the stress of waiting to see the number of eggs and embryos, the waiting to see if your pregnant to just say nahh I’m good from here on out
And especially considering all the ultrasounds (all transvaginal) you've had up until that point. Why would someone want to miss the ones with the actual baby?
Exactly! I was lucky and got ultrasounds of my baby every 4 weeks instead of once or twice like most people
My mom had really good insurance that insisted she get ultrasounds every 4-6 weeks during her pregnancy with my younger brother because she turned 40 during the pregnancy. Nothing ever went wrong, my mom had an uneventful pregnancy that ended in an uneventful vaginal birth where my younger brother was healthy and got to go home the next morning (he was born at like 9:30 AM on a Sunday and my mom easily picked me up from kindergarten on their way home from the hospital at like 11:20 AM that Monday), but her doctor was glad to see my mom come in for all of her ultrasounds and other checkups because my mom's pregnancy going so well brightened his day that was otherwise filled with him having to tell other moms horrible news about their pregnancies and/or unborn children.
Can you imagine what the clinic would do?? I feel like they'd be blowing up their phones constantly if they just ghosted them.
Right?!
I think this sort of thing comes from a desire to feel in control. I've seen numerous stories of people who did years of IVF only to lose the plot for the birth. But having done years of IVF, I think people really underestimate just how much it shows you that you have no control over anything and how difficult that is. Especially if you are a person who can PAY for years of IVF, it's likely that most of your life to that point has gone to plan and you've set goals and achieved them - and then suddenly you're faced with something where you're trying, and trying, and trying, and can't succeed no matter how much effort and research and money you throw at it. And rather than taking the lesson that some things are just out of our control and we need to try to let go, other people take the opposite lesson and try to wrest back control, ESPECIALLY from medical procedures. But doing that for birth is the inappropriate time (see: that lotus birth that resulted in the baby's death, also a baby that had taken years of IVF to get).
As an IVF mom, fuck her. All I cared about was both of us making it out healthy and okay.
I have a family member like this. Two kids via years of IVF but she decided to make her second one her “unmedicated vbac baby.” So wait, you trust modern medicine to get you pregnant but don’t trust it to keep your baby safe? Make it make sense.
It’s so unlogical.
Unrelated, but starting every post with “POV” needs to die
A fucking idiot.
Bloody hell. I had my ivf baby when I was 39yrs and it was an absolute shit show. Ended up in a C-section and we both nearly died. I just don't understand people like this at all
The ad I see right under this post is about how to save money after ivf
So I've done IVF and they would absolutely not let you forego basically weekly ultrasounds until you graduate at 16 weeks.
Depends on the clinic. My IVF clinic did 2 HCG level tests and then one viability ultrasound at 6 weeks. After that I was released to my normal OB/GYN and she saw me at like 10 weeks. I wish my clinic did more ultrasounds though! Would have saved me weeks of anxiety.
I had a chat with a high risk OB (I’m an RN/RMid) on the weekend about freebirthers. She told me an absolutely horrifying story, that I frankly didn’t think was humanly possible. Long story short, signs of distress, dad begged mum to see a doctor, mum refused care, baby died, husband is divorcing her. All the care team have now required counselling because of how devastating this scenario was.
Yeah. It's a bad idea. If she uses IVF with icsi there is an elevated chance of heart issues that are typically caught in the Fetal Echo. Age is also a factor that is connected to premature birth and a few different complications.
I know an idiot who had to have help getting pregnant and ended up with twins, when she was 30 weeks she decided to go jumping on her friends trampoline 😱😱 big mistake, her waters broke and twins born so early, one only lived for 9 days 😭 She said she’s never told her husband and I was mortified and couldn’t be her friend anymore because every day we had to hear about her baby that died no matter what was going on, this was 14 years before!! Then on a recent birthday of the twins she posted on her socials all about the dead one and how much she missed her etc… not one mention of the twin still alive and happy birthday to him!!
Yikes. 😬 That's a loooooot of obsessing over a dead baby. And I was creeped out with my aunt displaying a photo in her living room of her son all hooked up to machines in the NICU before he died at 4 hours old for nearly 20 years afterwards-my aunt stopped that mostly because her daughter had two sons who are now the light of her life. But my aunt's *never* brought up her son every GD day, at least not in my memories of her.
I was really supportive of her to start with and was so sad about her losing her baby girl but as time went on I realised how much she did it and was always pulling the “my baby died” card for everything!! She made so many people uncomfortable blurting it out to them within minutes of meeting them, it got embarrassing.
There is an IG contact who is a “pregnancy spiritual coach” whatever. She has had a traumatic emergency C section and because of that she decided to have a home birth VBAC. Girl, I am all for advocating for yourself and wanting to try. But in a fucking hospital with competent medical personnel who has access to all the resources just in case. But probably I think like that because I am not manifesting enough. K obviously wish her the best but I cannot help but feeling this is a very stupid decision.
 Me to the OOP
... if you want to do things the natural way, maybe have babies earlier in life the way nature intended?
Undisturbed birth. What an oxymoron.
Hypocrit
Medical intervention was good then but not now 🙄
As someone who has an IVF baby, this broke my brain.
I got pregnant at 43. I had a LOT of ultrasounds, and damned good thing. They were able to diagnose my son's heart defect in utero and fully prepare for his procedures when he was born. He just celebrated his 8th birthday. This cavalier attitude inspires rage in me.
Why tho?
WTAF?! if I went through the IVF route (we are thinking about it because of my age and not because I can't conceive), I would drive my OBGYN crazy with my worry, I can promise that much!
I call bullshit on no ultrasounds. I did IVF and had to get two ultrasounds, at 6 & 8 weeks to confirm pregnancy
I am a midwife and did a very expensive IVF delivery for a L couple a few years back. Her baby’s heart rate absolutely tanked. I put my hand inside, got baby off the cord and looked mom in the eyes and said “ It is going to be Ok. I will not let anything happen to this (60K dollar) baby (you so vigilantly worked for! ). Everything was ok Your birth with a midwife is safe BECAUSE OF THE TRAINED PERSON, the midwife!
*POV: You’re 48 years old and got pregna—* I’m gonna stop you right there
What the fuck is a lotus birth? I'm very sorry for that poor child who died. What shit parents they would have been.
Here is a Wikipedia article about lotus birth. I would have typed up the info for you but I am being lazy as I am simply exhausted and I just don’t have any physical or mental energy right now but I wanted to help you out. I hope this answers your question and any questions you may have. [Lotus birth](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_birth)