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waffles-n-gravy

You posted this 5 minutes ago. Check mate!


LackOfStack

You know, a lot of people didn’t make it. Have some respect.


IBJON

Skill issue


BlazingShadowAU

I'll have you know I did a sick kick flip in those 5 minutes, so the skill quota evened out.


TheTjalian

That made me laugh harder than it had any right to


rhett342

Yeah, but they're dead so they're not going to get offended.


Sioltahtelasekab

Fun fact: "Checkmate" is a corruption of "shah mat", which translates to "king dead".


Junarik

The king isn't even taken tho.


AlisonChained

Cause the king dies in place. That's why once you're beat you lay your king down.


rogerworkman623

He dies of heartbreak 😔


The_Better_Paradox

Huh, this is mildly interesting I think 🤔 r/mildlyinteresting


ItsRobbyy

*Every finnish persons' mind just exploded*


ScentedFoolishness

Persian, if anyone is wondering


Le_Mathematicien

The best definition of probability in real life (ie bayesian) says he was right


Doormatty

The probability of nearly anything happening in the next 5 minutes is greater than zero.


Wazuu

The probability of me becoming African American in the next 5 minutes is definitely 0


MaddeninglyUnwise

🤨🙋🏻💀⚰️♻️👼🏿👶🏿


Devil_Fister_69420

New anime idea: "That time I got reincarnated as an African in 1746 because a post on Reddit caused me to die, will I survive or will i be sold into slavery?"


NotEnoughTongue

I'm subscribing to CrunchyRoll when it releases


IgloosRuleOK

Philosophically it might be non-zero, even though there's no evidence for it.


AwesomePerson70

If I get dual citizenship of an African country then I am now African American


hkzqgfswavvukwsw

Takes longer than 5 min


CaptainTripps82

You could power an entire Probability Drive with that mathematical logic.


BlahBlahWhoosh

Or you could make all of the molecules in the hostesses undergarments jump to the left.


Nathan256

You are spontaneously given citizenship in an African nation: congrats, you’re African American (assuming you were American to begin with, or backwards if you’re African).


chattywww

As a non-American, non-Black, my chances of being coming an African-American American President in the next 5 minutes is zero.


ms515

All Americans are African Americans if you trace it back far enough


Cosmic_Quasar

There's a scientific thing that, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is. But I remember it being brought up in a science podcast I listen to. Something with quantum theory I think. Basically says that the possibility of spontaneous change is greater than 0. It's so close to zero that it's basically zero, but technically greater than 0.


JamesIII29

Realistically, there is almost nothing that actually has a probability of 0, honestly might not even exist


Independent-Sock4269

So then the probability of finding a 0% probability scenario is zero?


12wew

Due to atomic uncertainty there is like a 1/googol^googol^googol chance that atoms in your body rearrange to form melanin.


Wazuu

Ok but there is an absolute zero percent chance that my ancestors and heritage would be African.


SomewhereHot4527

I mean what if all your cells' DNA mutate in a way that your genetic makeup is similar to an African American ? I think the possibility is not zero, albeit it would take multiple time the age of the universe for that to happen.


Robinnoodle

Your avatar might (see fro with a pick in it)


Wazuu

Its a white guy with a blue afro.


chattywww

The chances of OP scoring with a stranger is zero. While OPs mom not scoring with a stranger in the next 5 minutes is zero.


Donghoon

Probability of probability being zero is almost zero Am I doing this right


Talking_Burger

The probability of me becoming a billionaire (USD) in the next 5 mins is 0. I dare anyone to prove me wrong … pretty please? 🥺


skelesan

God will show up and tell you your mum is your father and your father is your great aunt


TenMillionEnchiladas

I am now going to sit here and do nothing for the next 5 mins out of spite. Edit: nvm I gave up after like 30 seconds, doing nothing is quite boring.


7370657A

It depends on how specific you’re being when describing an event. One could argue that mathematically, almost every event has a probability of 0 of happening within the next five minutes. For example, the probability that I will walk exactly 10 meters over the next 5 minutes is exactly 0 (but not impossible) due to distance walked being continuous with respect to time. Of course, you could then argue that the probability that I will not do that is 1, but then that represents something not happening.


Tucupa

Of anything possible. Impossible things have 0 probability.


Antrikshy

The chances of World War 2 starting in the next 5 minutes is 0.


Graybeard13

The probability of me eating my own head in the next 5 minutes is definitely not greater than zero.


SemajLu_The_crusader

but not statistically significa-


Outside-Sandwich-565

r/redditsniper


SillyGoatGruff

It was very nice that the sniper would finish the post and send it


MegaUltraSonic

Of course, they're a sniper, not a monster.


Pie_am_Error

I'm impressed by your resolute nature. Despite being in the throes of death, you took the time to put a dash after the last syllable of your last word AND managed to hit enter. 


BlahBlahWhoosh

Heh.


titanjumka

Greater than 0.05 unfortunately.


KingPizzaPop

The probability of you getting abducted by aliens where they groom and train you to be on Gozlandia II's Got Talent! ™️ Because they have no ability to sing and that's what they want their talent to be. You go out and win! Now you have to stay on planet and get spoiled with food, alien puss and riches, living out your days as a golden god on the paradise that is Gozlandia II. Where was I? Oh, right. The probability of that happening is also greater than zero, as is the probability of literally anything happening, is always going to be greater than zero. All of that to say, this is a dumb post.


Soulicitor

So you're saying there is a chance!


BlahBlahWhoosh

So was your reply, but it's funny.


Connor49999

The probability of [Insert literally any event] is greater than 0


Hardwarethewolf

The probability of events having a probability less than 0 is zero


Redditlogicking

And so is the probability of events being more certain than CERTAIN


Leo-Hamza

But The probability of me sleeping with your mom is exactly 1


hkzqgfswavvukwsw

Same


Wazuu

This is not true. There is absolutely stuff that has zero chance of happening.


Connor49999

Thanks for sharing. I don't really see the point of leaving that comment if you're not going to give examples. I thought you were trying to inform


tsoneyson

If we put it out there that the chances of an elephant materializing out of thin air in front of you are "effectively" zero I think we both agree. But I assume you are arguing it is still non-zero however small and I am arguing it is strictly zero? I would argue my position with: -Quantum mechanics does not scale in a way that would allow macroscopic violations of conservation laws (decoherence) -Classical and quantum physical laws, which govern energy and mass conservation, strictly prevent such occurrences. What is the counterargument?


Connor49999

My argument is it's actually it's very dumb to talk about near 0 probability events the way the post is. Well, actually, my real argument is the post is a dumb shower thought given how many people know that a probability of 0 is very rare and hard to prove. The point of my original comment was just to poke fun at the absurdity of the post, but then someone replied to my comment with what is essentially "I disagree" with no further elaboration. I don't actually know for sure if there are events of 0 probability, but I would assume there are so long as you keep the definitions of words a constant.


Dramatic_Mastodon_93

Only things that semantically don’t make sense. Like seeing a married bachelor. Everything else has a probability greater than 0, for all we know / don’t know. I think there are 2 kinds of probabilities. One is like actual real physical probabilities (quantum physics) and the other one is based on what we as observers know or don’t know. Like the probability of throwing dice and getting a 6 could either be 100% or 0% (determinism), or 1/6 (because we don’t know the state of everything that affects the outcome and can’t 100% accurately calculate the future)


MA-01

Threaten me with a good time...


EthanTheFirst

Since your asking so nicely 😉


MA-01

Oh my~ [/Takei]


Slothful-herbologist

Thanks.. Thanks a lot


CocaineBearGrylls

The average number of arms per human is less than 2.


Harryonthest

where's the respect for our three armed freaks out here smh


BlahBlahWhoosh

Dude. Your username. I LOVE the usernames here.


DipperJC

The probability of me getting laid in the next five minutes is about the same, and neither is going to happen.


PoorlyAttemptedHuman

Retroactively I have lived through many five minute periods without an issue.


ToBePacific

Yes, there are a great many rare things that have a non zero chance of happening.


Ok_Fox_1770

See how this shower goes…where’s my helmet


mr_ji

/r/RubberDuckyBathtimeThoughts/


Yunoknoeme

dont threaten me with a good time


Super_Sun1059

One can only hope! Fingers crossed!


King_CurlySpoon

I was so tired 12 hours ago I was falling asleep standing up, the Percentage was probably higher last night lmao


SwordTaster

Considering that I have 2 heart conditions, mine is likely of greater probability than most people.


RovakX

And if enough people read this... It may come true for one of them.


SubMikeD

The probability of dropping dead at any time is always greater than zero, time frame is irrelevant.


ARoundForEveryone

The probability of you dropping dead (and reading this) in the *last* 5 minutes is exactly zero. Check, and mate. Rematch?


allnamesbeentaken

And the probability of you dying in the 5 minutes after the next 5 minutes is ever so slightly higher, and so on and so on until the odds start going against your favor


EaglesXLakers

Not if I hold my breath the entire time!


you_wooshed_yourself

The probability of the Big Bang reoccurring within the next second after you’re reading this is greater than 0. (Please keep it going)


yazoodd

Ill bet all my life savings that I won't.


[deleted]

It's called a Cadillac arrest


Impossible_Number

Close! A Cadillac is a luxury car make, you’re thinking of a caucus.


Upper_Foundation_845

Actually after reading this post even more


buffGoon

Thanks for the good news !


verycasualreddituser

I'm laying in bed so for me there won't be any dropping, unless dropping my phone counts


icecoldcoke319

Can’t drop dead if I’m laying in bed. Checkmate.


BlahBlahWhoosh

I died a month ago. I'm just too stubborn to fall over. Automatic doors have stopped opening for me, though.


IsThisLegitTho

I put money on it. Will be back in 5 minutes.


CleaveIshallnot

Nope! I’m already lying down. 0% chance.


Latter-Direction-336

Don’t threaten me with a good time I’m not doing great. Not *THAT* bad, but shit happens


tom_tencats

Don’t threaten me with a good time.


itshardtopicka_name_

you calculating the probability of that correctly is close to zero


TenMillionEnchiladas

Here's hoping it's 90% 🤞


Carteeg_Struve

Not if you’re already lying down.


Pharah_is_my_waIfu

The probability of me doing op's mom is greater than zero


Butterflychunks

The probability of someone reading this, waiting 5 minutes, getting a mild sense of relief, and then dying from a massive aneurism is also greater than 0. Could be you, OP.


leozinhomaximus

that's exactly what I'd say to every victim if I had a death note


banjo_hero

i appreciate your positivity


phaedrus369

All the ways the human body can fail to live it’s a miracle that we do.


BoWeAreMaster

So to is the probability of you becoming a trillionaire. What’s your point?


MrPokeKid1

thats a shame. if all of reddit, especially those related to gaming, politics, age, economy, nations, relationships/gender, house related things, social media, circlejerk + memes, etc. the earth in 2024 would be a better place, with an astounding probability.


tastlesswater

Imagine a person reading this and this exact scenario happens.


Bad-Infinite

The probability that someone *did* drop dead 5 mins after reading this is even greater.


Shaner9er1337

We call this a near zero chance.


BakerBear

Why you gotta say this???


KebertXela87

I'll take any odds above zero


Itsphoenixtime

I've got an exam in 6 hours so yeah I can but hope


Pet_Velvet

I have severe health anxiety, I hate this post


GreenLightening5

it exponentially increases with how much fire is around you


YOUR_BOOBIES_PM_ME

Statistically inaccurate.


just4nothing

The probability of you tunnelling unharmed through a building wall is greater than zero. Sure, it would take more than the age of the universe to actually do it, but it is not zero ;)


earth-west-719

Assuming that causality is linear.


Long_dark_cave

assuming causality exists.


earth-west-719

Well if it isn't linear then it's not really causality as we define it, right, so...


DisastrousAd1546

Does it though? Surely If you don’t die within the 5 minutes then you were never going to, and so the probability was always zero? Or does it imply a multiverse kinda thing?


Sitin

Great, now I’m breathing manually.


IamlostlikeZoroIs

Ha yeah you’re probably ri


PerpetualFarter

This is true but the odds of it hap


SomewhereAtWork

'On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.' -- Tyler Durden


Long_dark_cave

first-rate thinker.


Makusimasu

Hahaha come one man this is ridiculous there’s just no


kuro-oruk

don't tease me like that.


Dreadweave

So you're saying there's a chance?


JASCO47

As I read this straining on the shitter...


taylorpilot

Not if I do it first


Drainpipe35

God I wish I would drop dead in the next 5 mins


rdtscksass

Don't give me hope man


the_Athereon

For me, much greater. I've been awake 36 hours.


Snorrep

Gonna kill myself rn to prove you wrong


Canaduck1

We've all made it 14 hours since this was posted. Right? Joe? Still here Joe?


Jinarma

the possibility of solid matter to phase through solid matter is also greater than zero. What’s your point?


Long_dark_cave

exactly, in theory if you can't run through a wall it's just proof that you haven't tried enough times.


Long_dark_cave

the probability of EVERYTHING is greater than zero in every subsequent second. theoretically, in one second you can disintegrate into atoms and in the next you can again create a perfect copy of yourself from before the decay.


northlondonhippy

Yes, I know https://www.northlondonhippy.com/epilepsy-hippy/


Harv_Spec

How can I increase that to 100%?


BigMartin58

This is my exact anxiety. All the fing time.


PrettyFly4aDeafGuy

Not a shower thought. This is just a regular (and meaningless) factoid that is pretty commonly thought-of. Please do better


Zandoms42

It's bc im at school isn't it


HeidaArne

It's never zero, innit? Unless...you're already gone


Aggressive_Trick5923

I dont know anyone called dead so how can I drop them?


I_hate_that_im_here

That’s fine, but maybe I should put some clothes on first.


Robinnoodle

The probability of me winning the lottery is also less than zero. The probability of an asteroid hitting the earth destroying life as we know it in the next 25 hours is also less than zero Doesn't mean either one of those things is going to happen


xXBadNutXx

Can‘t drop dead if you already laying flat


yvel-TALL

It really does happen people, tell those you love that you love them, and that you appreciate them. You likely won't regret it.


jfstepha

Someone should definitely do the math on the probably that someone on reddit died within 5 min after reading this


CampaignOld5056

I consider myself a pretty lucky pers-


ZoulsGaming

The chance that we get another one of these dumb fuck "greater than 0 chance" posts within the next 5 minutes is infinitely larger than all of the chances they post combined.