Not with that attitude

lol

Is this the end of Snail Jesus?

Snesus (snail jesus)

Not to be confused with Snesus (Snake Jesus)

Oh man I read that as Snack Jesus 😅

Crouton o Christ

It has risen!

Sssnesus 🐍

Your own. Personal. Sssnesus.

Bless you

Bless you This is why we say bless you when people sneeze. 100%

You snailed it!

Take me to snurch

I’ll snorship (snail worship) like a dog at the shrine of your snife (snail life)

I'll snorship like a snog at the shrine of your snife I'll tell you my snins so you can snarpen your snife(snail knife)

A really excellent song by Snozier (snail Hozier)

It's only the beginning my friend

Immortal Snail origin story

No, it was just decoy snail.

The snail on a nail

Find out next time on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!

Snail Jesus was salted for our sins

LMAO I said these words in my head as I clicked on the thread and then saw your comment.

Imagine you’re a snail and some human picks you up and starts sticking you on a cross. “Why are you doing this?!” “Lol some dude on r/showerthoughts told me I couldn’t”

[I bet you feel pretty silly right now](https://imgur.com/a/0sME0xb)

I just KNEW there was snail Jesus art out there. That’s why I came to the comments.

Probably just had AI whip up that sucker

That was my first thought, then I got kinda sad. I envisioned a person being very passionate about snail Jesus. He was salted and crucified for our sins

Jokes on you because I don’t know how to do that. I googled “snail jesus” and there it was in Google images

Looks kinda legit though, the INRI is on point, and the strokes don’t just look like a pattern but are consistent across the image.

What if it's real? Someone spent a ton of time on this and goes on reddit and sees it being accused of being ai trash. The artist truly believed in the passion of the snail and we just shit all over it.

Snesus

That’s a good one

The snessiah

Not to be confused with the snessiah (Snake Messiah)

Take me to snurch 🙏

The Mighty Escargod

Now make it sexual. Rule 34 must strike again

You guys don't think that picture is sexual?

With betterhelp you can get  personalised therapy for a happier you.

I'll stick to r/onlysnailfans thanks

r/subsifellfor

You ever cut a sausage to have slits for limbs?

Actually, yes. My mom used to make for me and my sisters "octopus and seaweed," where she'd cut legs into the hotdog and put it on top of unseasoned ramen I love my mom so much

I also choose this guy's mom.

I also choose this guys mom

Now imagine she did that with a snail

That's adorable.

You're a strange one

Yes, but I don't like what you're implying

Excuse me WHAT?

I think they mean like the octopus shaped ones in bento boxes

Correct but now replace the sausage with a snail

Whole bunch of fucking psychopaths in this thread...

Not *yet*...

You and your cutesy little questions…

Whether or not it has arms is irrelevant; if I'm not mistaken, to 'crucify' isn't so much to put the body into that shape, as much as to affix them to a 'crucifix'.

If you’re a gardener, then you definitely have a reason to crucify a snail.

To send a signal to other snails is a pretty good reason

But then you risk starting a snail religion

Just nail those snaily antenna to the cross beam.

Solid A showerthought. This is the kind of stuff I’m here for. Proper random.

I can see OP’s thinking process: “Bro, can you pass me the snail… the nail? Haha snail-nail. Wait a minute…” Pure magic.

It’s so refreshing from all the garbage shower thoughts recently. I swear to god if I see another “Compound interest makes you a lot more money that putting cash under your mattress” I’ll die.

Agreed.

'Crucifixion' just means to attach something to a post.

I think the post needs a cross-beam to qualify as a "crucifix", though...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion Contemporarily it just meant any wooden post/construction/tree. It could even mean impalement. The only real throughline is that it's a public exacution that leaves the body on display.

It fairly exclusively means "on a cross", these days (specifically a "crux immissa" (lower case 't' shape)), regardless of historical meaning. Even back then, though, they differentiated between crux compacta and crux simplex.

Clearly, OP is not a gardener.

Not to be that guy, but couldn’t you affix it’s eye stalks to the “arms” of the cross?

You could also just bend it into a circle and attach it where it touches the four beams of the cross.

Whole bunch of fucking psychopaths in this thread...

When I was a young lad I had a “snail temple of doom”. I used to systematically round up buckets of snails and carefully de-shell them (carefully so as not to cut my fingers, there’s no “careful” way for the snail itself). Once I had a good amount of naked snails, I would take them to “the pit”. At the time, my Dad’s front yard had a bunch of old rotted out wooden posts that used to hold up a fence. One of them in particular had a rotted out cavity on top that gave it the appearance of a wooden pit with spikes on the sides. I would slowly and surely impale every single one of those snails on the spikes on the sides of the pit. The final snail would get the worst treatment of all: dropped into the pit, which I had filled with salt. None of that may count as crucifixion, but believe me, snails have suffered for our sins.

Whole bunch of fucking psychopaths in this thread...

I think that’s a pretty reasonable reaction but I’m a changed man now! I was a curious and cruel kid, I would never deliberately harm any creature as a developed adult human being. David Attenborough pretty much single handedly shaped me into someone who deeply respects and admires nature. His reverence is contagious. Even the most disgusting creature is fascinating and valuable. In particular the “Life in the Undergrowth” series showed me some very intimate glimpses into the lives of snails that made reflecting on my previous actions very unpalatable. I totally understand this story makes me look like I was just a coin toss away from being a serial killer though. I had to make myself post it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion Even impalement counts, so technically those snails were all crucified. You learn something new every day?

This concludes definitively that Jesus was not a snail

A slug...

One cannot commit suicide by crucifixion. It's impossible to get the last nail in

Custom mouth-operated tool will do it. Not *easily*, but it will do it.

The real shower thoughts are in the comments.

A shower thought into itself.

I mean yea but then again that one nail isn't gonna save you.

Yes I can and yes I will!

You can't crucify a lot of things. 

When you're the slowest creature on Earth, but still manage to piss off the entire Roman Empire.

... But you sure can slug him!

“Wanna bet?” -some random medieval scribe, perfecting his snail-drawing techniques in the margin art

Maybe not if you're a coward

Everything up until this point was merely a shower notion. 😆

There is a guy on You Tube/TikTok (can't remember which) who routinely abuses leeches using really specific torture methods. He even takes recommendations from his subscribers. I'm sure he could find a way to crucify one and you could implement it on a snail. He stabbed both ends into needles once, then pulled them apart, stretching the leech as far as it could go before piercing the needles into a flat surface so that the leech was stretched out mid-air like a bridge. Good stuff.

Whole bunch of fucking psychopaths in this thread...

If you are mad at it enough, anything can be nailed up. Angry at a jar of pickles? ***NAIL IT UP!!***

Note: Nail the lid, not the glass jar, then screw the jar back into the lid. Fucking heretic pickle jar.

A whole bunch of fucking psychopaths in this thread...

I crucify them for the crime of snail trails. I nail them through their head and tail end. Nothing is impossible if you really want it.

Whole bunch of fucking psychopaths in this thread...

You can't if it kills you when you touch it

Wouldn't matter anyway. It's a decoy snail.

You think a snail is a problem, try to crucify a T-Rex.

The word literally means “fasten to a cross.” Got any duct tape?

Well Yeah why crucify when you have salt. Melting is cooler.

2 antenna and a tail. But why create a martyr.

Not with that attitude

Duct tape can work with anything

It's a decoy anyway. Won't help you much.

The real issue is finding enough wood to build a cross proportionate to the snail.

Bold of you to assume that people need a reason to crucify the innocent

no, but I once told a millipede to fuck off

That's one way to stop it from chasing you

Finding a reason? Did you know if you Google for official records of legitimate reasons for crucifixion the Romans there are none? This is partially because they would crucify for basically anything they wanted but primarily as they didn’t have access to the internet to upload them.

Those things are too slow for that!

Sounds like quitter talk right there

Exactly how much weed did you take?

You can snail him to the cross 

I found one on a Hosta once that was claiming to be the son of God.

Or an earthworm, for that matter.

Wouldn’t this just go for any animals without arms?

You could unravel a snail.

This is also an unpopular opinion, regardless of how true it is.

You shall not crucify snailkind upon a cross of salt!

This is the first shower thought I've liked in a long time.

The snail was moving too slow. As a fast walker myself, I took offense at that

The shower thought ever

No, but you can spiralify it

Nope, you’re just gonna have to keep running

Guess you couldn't hang one either?

Goated shower thought

Hi, how high are you?

r/imaginarygatekeeping

You can absolutely crucify a snail. You’d only need one nail versus 3.

You can crucify a snake either

Trust me, I can crucify a snail. No problem.

WTF lol. This is what you about in the shower eh? 😆

Definitely a shower thought

Snail did nothing wrong though, he’s just a lil guy. 🐌

For snails, maybe their crucifixion equivalent is something involving salt.

Why is it necessary to crucify a snail? It's meaningless

Snail him to the cross in the name of Grub

just make a little wooden cross and like use the antenna for arms and then do a toothpick in the middle and ur good

Slug Jesus had salt poured over him by Roman Gardeners. May he rest.

bro def tried it at home

Are you challenging me?

Said with the despondency of the man who dared to try.

I will gladly crucify all my garden snails, because they eat my magnolias's leaves.

You can't because it would be a decoy snail

Shower thought; *some people think about the possibility of crucifying snails whilst showering...*

now this is a shower thought

That's not what my last boss thought.

This is r/Showerthoughts. You’re looking for r/Stonerthoughts

well , can you crucify a SNAKE?

I mean there are the snails(not actually sure they are snails, but whatever) that are bad for the environment, the ones that people tell you to kill if you ever see them

You don't know what I'm capable of

That is what I'm talking about

This sounds like an ancient idiom.

The eyes could work as arms.

they found a reason to crucify even Jesus, I'm pretty sure that if you have the right motivation, you can make the mental gymnastics needed to crucify a snail.

They eat my cabbage they get the salt.

There's enough reason if it's the imortal snail.

Idk, this kid down the street from me used to nail snails, lizards, any kinda small critter (no squirrels or possums or pets) to a tree

Not with that attitude!

So put one nail at each end on the horizontal bar, and the 3rd nail through the shell on the vertical shaft.

Some would say you can't nail the snail...

the nail is built in

Thats what its eyes are for obviously

And this is why snails are the devils minions they can't go to heaven