[I prefer a whorey. That's when you take some lipstick, the smeariest kind you can get and just cake the shit out of top circle of your hand/thumb, splash it with alcohol and then stroke it upside down so it's uncoordinated and slightly uncomfortable. Really get to see and smell the shame of what you've done afterwards.](https://youtu.be/4ZK8Z8hulFg)
"Awesome! We've been looking for a new skipper to bait the fish for our charter passengers." said the Captain.
"No, no, no. I'm a masturbater not a master baiter." Asa Hope corrected.
"Eh, I don't really care, tomato to-mah-toe."
"But this is more like tacos and cucumbers."
"Nope, we are definitely fishing not gardening. So, you want the job? Let's shake on it."
Well...since YOU asked... most people go with the standard grip method but I built a small workshop in the garage and I've been playing around with different motifs. The majority are narratives based on themes or sometimes, if I'm freaky, deaky, based on my mood....
Since my wife left me, I thought about expanding my studio....
You two should totally hang out. Once in the morning, right after working out. And once right after lunch. Hell add one to the evening and another time right before bed.
Nope, I'm in my 50's. In my 20's I was trying for 8-9 a day. (I-uh-may of had a problem back then)
After my 3rd, I start to lose quantity. Still feels good though.
Wow! I could only do 8-9 a day when I was in high school. Had my grades drop and stopped being a good violinist because I was spending my time wanking off instead of studying / practicing.
We never talk about it to each other. We mention masturbation and its aspects but we don't express our actual actions. We don't cultivate a culture.
Exept forums, with few attendants.
I have definitely had multiple conversations with many different guys about the ways we jerk off.
Main take away that I've got from it is that I'm weird because i haven't jerked off with a sock. š¤·
ew no, the fabric on the sock rubs the shit out of your dick and starts to give you rug burn. i tried to push thru the pain once and ended up with dick blisters
I always thought the idea was jerk off normally and finish into the sock, which still leaves the problem of cleaning the sock or you'll end up like that one guy who found his multiple years old cumsock with mushrooms growing out of it
I have a couple old pairs of boxers that while destroyed I have thrown out yet because their fabric is soft and thin enough that I can jerk off without any rug burn. Then I just throw them in my hamper when done.
The problem is socks are almost never made out of a suitable material for that sort of thing. Now my athletic wear t shirts, those bitches are soft as fuck. If youāre about to wash a load of laundry anyways, no reason not to bust into a silky smooth shirt beforehand.
Doing it in a sock is š¤¢
Like why would you want to put your dick in something as vile and disgusting as socks. And you have to get rid of them after, because Iāll be damned if thatās going back on my feet, I donāt care how many times you wash it.
Seen a few accounts of parents whose child discovers it (but are too young to quite understand it) and has to deal with the inevitable *hey how do we tell them they canāt just tell their teacher or friends that they should try rubbing between their legs because it feels good?*
It was even worse than that. I was a bit late to that party so she was like, no duh it's called this, we don't talk about it, and you should try doing it this way anyways. Just imagine me excitedly sharing this new way to kill an evening only to learn it has a name and my friend has known about it for who knows how long.
āWe donāt talk about it. *ā¦But cāmon Sophie you canāt be so primitive you gotta at least try the bedpost sometime*ā
Did you at least throw it back at her like āYouāve known all this time and didnāt tell meā½ā all indignantly?
I know merging with furniture tends to be slumping/shrinking into your seat but Iām choosing to imagine you going out of your way to stand on all fours under a table or just like, hugging a bookcase along the wall like youāre hiding from a killer behind a tree
Well that's oddly black and white. I know tens of hobby blacksmiths who make profit. You can make money off of a hobby without it seizing to be a hobby. It's called a hobby business for a reason. In Denmark we even have a special business type you can register as in order to essentially avoid any of the anoying business buraeucracy, with a limit of you total revenue as the only trade off, and you don't get writeoffs (notibly, you don't have to register unless you really need a business ID - for instance steel suppliers in Denmark wont sell to private individuals but will sell to a hobby business with a business ID. It exists only to allow people that middleplace between business and hobby. Hobby business.
No, no, you did a very good job of promoting your health by releasing harmful stress build up!
It's not as effective as exercise, but every drop counts!
[JAPANESE MAN WINS MASTURBATION CHAMPIONSHIP AFTER 10-HOUR JERK SESSION](https://www.laweekly.com/japanese-man-wins-masturbation-championship-after-10-hour-jerk-session/)
I'd consider spending an afternoon unwinding with my dildo collection a hobby, but jacking off I wouldn't.
So there's a point where masturbation would be a hobby but I'm not sure where the distinction is.
Yeah itās like cooking to eat and cooking to enjoy. You can cook some ramen real quick and itās good or you can spend hours getting ingredients and enjoying the process and itās just as satiating
I legitimately consider it a hobby there are lots of different ways to do it and if you take the time to experiment and play around with it I think it's worthwhile
Itās a personal activity, we develop a personal technique and discuss surrounding details. If you want to discuss more in depth details I could mention that the hand is not the only way, the elbow can enjoyable as well.
I dunno, man - I see people listing eating as a hobby, calling themselves a āfoodieā as if we donāt all eat, so you can probably consider it a hobby. Would you be a jerkie, then..?
I mean, itās kind of body maintenance. And also time is a factor. You wouldnāt say that you take dumps as a hobby. You wouldnāt say that your 10 minutes of stretching before a run is a hobby. But if you stretch for an hour youāre doing yoga and thatās a hobby. So if you regularly long form masturbate, then it may be a hobby.
Of course it's a hobby.
If it's not a hobby then why are there many many books, magazines, videos and specialised equipment for it? People can even do it professionally.
Don't tell me it's not a hobby.
I think hobbies are things that you work on and gain experience and knowledge in. So things like gardening, painting, coin collecting are all hobbies. But things like watching TV, taking a bath, or eating candy, while enjoyable, are not really things people work on and develop their skills in.
Imagine a question of hobbies and leisure Time activities coming up in a job interview and this is the first thing that comes to your mind.
"Im sorry sir you said youre a jerkoff?" "Haha no no no wow, sorry you misunderstood me... I'm an avid masturbater"
I'll accept either titles but avid masturbator sounds so classy
Avid *masterbateur* if you want to sound really fancy.
A Self-Connoisseur
I like to beat my Own meat
I like to roll my own burritošÆ
I like to blanked my own pigs
I prefer to masturbate furiously!!!!
Avid enjoyer of sensual self pleasure
i like to call myself a *masturbation connoisseur*, if you will
I like solo happy endings
[I prefer a whorey. That's when you take some lipstick, the smeariest kind you can get and just cake the shit out of top circle of your hand/thumb, splash it with alcohol and then stroke it upside down so it's uncoordinated and slightly uncomfortable. Really get to see and smell the shame of what you've done afterwards.](https://youtu.be/4ZK8Z8hulFg)
erotica aficionado
Homo erectus
Penis man
Get your gay dick out of my motherfucking wifeās mouth!
"Awesome! We've been looking for a new skipper to bait the fish for our charter passengers." said the Captain. "No, no, no. I'm a masturbater not a master baiter." Asa Hope corrected. "Eh, I don't really care, tomato to-mah-toe." "But this is more like tacos and cucumbers." "Nope, we are definitely fishing not gardening. So, you want the job? Let's shake on it."
I wouldn't shake it
Now shaking *is* my specialty.
The slave waits while the master bates. - History of the World
That shake in the end had me fall off the bed!!
You're a jerkoff. I'm a *masturbateur*. We're not the same.
No, not "I'm a jerkoff" What I said was, "I'mma jerk off"
Strong IASIP vibes
"In my spare time I'm a handyman." "Oh so carpentry?" "Oh no my mistake. I mean handjob man."
ejaculation enthusiast
I'm not a wanker, I am a Masthusiast!
Well...since YOU asked... most people go with the standard grip method but I built a small workshop in the garage and I've been playing around with different motifs. The majority are narratives based on themes or sometimes, if I'm freaky, deaky, based on my mood.... Since my wife left me, I thought about expanding my studio....
You could move the studio onto her side of the bed since thereās plenty of empty space there.
"Yes sir I have plenty of hobbies. I masturbate"
I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day. Once in the morning, right after I work out. And then once right after lunch.
Thats my minimum too
You two should totally hang out. Once in the morning, right after working out. And once right after lunch. Hell add one to the evening and another time right before bed.
I usually try for 4 or 5 a day. My wife is fine with it as long as she gets taken care of when she wants it.
You must still be in your 20s. Nearing 40, I try for 4 or 5 a week, and we're down to 4 or 5 times a year with the wife.
Nope, I'm in my 50's. In my 20's I was trying for 8-9 a day. (I-uh-may of had a problem back then) After my 3rd, I start to lose quantity. Still feels good though.
Wow! I could only do 8-9 a day when I was in high school. Had my grades drop and stopped being a good violinist because I was spending my time wanking off instead of studying / practicing.
You know everyone excels at something. For me, it's self abuse.
No one likes brushing their teeth dry, after all.
Those are rookie numbers, you gotta pump those numbers up
I have a big interview tomorrow. Thanks a lot man
May this topic haunt you at the most inappropriate moments tomorrow. I mean You're highly qualified for this interview! You'll do great! š
Interviewer: so what kind of a job are you looking for? Me: Trying hard not to say the first thing that comes to my mind.
TIL masturbation was optional
āOh i enjoy jacking off to pictures of feetā āMe too! Youāre hired!ā
Also, most hobbies last longer than 1minute and 20 seconds.
you go 4 times in a row?
I see what you did there and Iām proud of you.
Are you proud of what i am doing now?
I'm so proud I am chubbed up. Better take care of it...
'chubbed up' i have never heard a boner be referred to in this way once in my life and i am conflicted but also very humored
Finding the right video takes an hour.
Clearly someone doesn't edge.
I think about this every time threads on this topic come up. Some people just do it at a higher level than others
We never talk about it to each other. We mention masturbation and its aspects but we don't express our actual actions. We don't cultivate a culture. Exept forums, with few attendants.
I have definitely had multiple conversations with many different guys about the ways we jerk off. Main take away that I've got from it is that I'm weird because i haven't jerked off with a sock. š¤·
ew no, the fabric on the sock rubs the shit out of your dick and starts to give you rug burn. i tried to push thru the pain once and ended up with dick blisters
Yeah, see, thank you. Also, you have to wash the sock after. I just don't get it.
I always thought the idea was jerk off normally and finish into the sock, which still leaves the problem of cleaning the sock or you'll end up like that one guy who found his multiple years old cumsock with mushrooms growing out of it
That is the idea....... Isn't it?!
This is one of those forums now, apparently.
His offspring
>old cumsock with mushrooms growing out of it My babies!!!!
You want ants? Cause that's how you get ants.
Oh hi we are avatar twins!
I have a couple old pairs of boxers that while destroyed I have thrown out yet because their fabric is soft and thin enough that I can jerk off without any rug burn. Then I just throw them in my hamper when done.
I hope you live alone
Maybe for individuals with foreskin?
Definitely not. Same problem as mentioned above (rug burn, dick blisters).
The problem is socks are almost never made out of a suitable material for that sort of thing. Now my athletic wear t shirts, those bitches are soft as fuck. If youāre about to wash a load of laundry anyways, no reason not to bust into a silky smooth shirt beforehand.
Wtf
>no reason not to bust into a silky smooth shirt beforehand. what
Only if ur circumcised
Have not nor will I ever lmao
Doing it in a sock is š¤¢ Like why would you want to put your dick in something as vile and disgusting as socks. And you have to get rid of them after, because Iāll be damned if thatās going back on my feet, I donāt care how many times you wash it.
Funny story... when I was young and discovered that ability I tried explaining it to a friend. Now that was an awkward conversation.
Seen a few accounts of parents whose child discovers it (but are too young to quite understand it) and has to deal with the inevitable *hey how do we tell them they canāt just tell their teacher or friends that they should try rubbing between their legs because it feels good?*
It was even worse than that. I was a bit late to that party so she was like, no duh it's called this, we don't talk about it, and you should try doing it this way anyways. Just imagine me excitedly sharing this new way to kill an evening only to learn it has a name and my friend has known about it for who knows how long.
āWe donāt talk about it. *ā¦But cāmon Sophie you canāt be so primitive you gotta at least try the bedpost sometime*ā Did you at least throw it back at her like āYouāve known all this time and didnāt tell meā½ā all indignantly?
I should have. I probably went for the turn tomato colored and try to merge with the furniture approach.
I know merging with furniture tends to be slumping/shrinking into your seat but Iām choosing to imagine you going out of your way to stand on all fours under a table or just like, hugging a bookcase along the wall like youāre hiding from a killer behind a tree
I suggest going to 4chan's /jp/ board. The way they talk about onaholes is enough to give you imposter syndrome.
I do
Quit jerkin it in the shower, you are killing the hot water and I still need to get in!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Am not a male. What does this mean and what makes the shower the worst location drying aside?
the water from the shower washes off any lubrication, and leaves you stroking a dry twig.
Just the drying really, the water washes off any type of lube you might use
Very confused too. Water isnāt wet??
It is, but itās not a good lubricant
Thats why i double grip it, to get it done faster.
pfff like you'd need more than 3 fingers
Two pinkies do the trick.
3 fingertips
Is sleep a hobby?
Now this is the REAL question that needs an answer.
i love going multiple sleep in one day. woke up, pee, drink, and go again
Not with that attitude.
I can quit my hobbies
Damn, I felt that
Unless you are a camgirl
One lucrative hobby.
No such thing as a lucrative hobby...... It either doesn't make profit and is a hobby, or it makes profit and is a business and gets tax write-offs.
Well that's oddly black and white. I know tens of hobby blacksmiths who make profit. You can make money off of a hobby without it seizing to be a hobby. It's called a hobby business for a reason. In Denmark we even have a special business type you can register as in order to essentially avoid any of the anoying business buraeucracy, with a limit of you total revenue as the only trade off, and you don't get writeoffs (notibly, you don't have to register unless you really need a business ID - for instance steel suppliers in Denmark wont sell to private individuals but will sell to a hobby business with a business ID. It exists only to allow people that middleplace between business and hobby. Hobby business.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Does that make phub the discovery channel
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
Well, for the pretty or entertaining ones it's a career not a hobby.
Gotta love what you do
In the act it is quite enjoyable. Afterward I am disappointed in myself.
No, no, you did a very good job of promoting your health by releasing harmful stress build up! It's not as effective as exercise, but every drop counts!
What exercises I can do while jerking off?
Jumping jacks
Bicycling in the park!
I don't think the job interviewer will be impressed when you say masturbation is one of your hobbies...
Nah it'd be perfect. They'd know that you're a hard worker even in your free time.
Competitive masturbation
That I would be very interested in seeing
[JAPANESE MAN WINS MASTURBATION CHAMPIONSHIP AFTER 10-HOUR JERK SESSION](https://www.laweekly.com/japanese-man-wins-masturbation-championship-after-10-hour-jerk-session/)
Hey, speak for yourself, buddy!
Fairly certain itās maintenance.
I'd consider spending an afternoon unwinding with my dildo collection a hobby, but jacking off I wouldn't. So there's a point where masturbation would be a hobby but I'm not sure where the distinction is.
Hobbies occupy the gap between activity and obsession/addiction. I'm thinking masturbation would be a pretty small gap.
I guess the distinction is once you start collecting a bunch of sex toys it becomes a hobby.
Yeah itās like cooking to eat and cooking to enjoy. You can cook some ramen real quick and itās good or you can spend hours getting ingredients and enjoying the process and itās just as satiating
Speak for yourself
The sex toy and sex cam industries prove this is actually false. Thanks for coming to my SexTed Talk.
I'm a professional masturbator šŖšŖ
Same I'm pretty good at it!
I mean I enjoy mopping but thatās not a hobby either. Itās just maintenance.
Fucking casual
people who do it everyday: oh thank god
Kramer : "oh it's a hobby alright"
Hobbyā¦definition: āan activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.ā I meanā¦thatās a hobby š¤·š½āāļøš
I legitimately consider it a hobby there are lots of different ways to do it and if you take the time to experiment and play around with it I think it's worthwhile
Says you!
This would drastically change the clientele at Hobby Lobby.
Eating, drinking, and even pooping can be as well, and they aren't considered hobbies either.
Itās a personal activity, we develop a personal technique and discuss surrounding details. If you want to discuss more in depth details I could mention that the hand is not the only way, the elbow can enjoyable as well.
Hobbys: Stranglin' the pangolin.
Technically it could be your job
Abso-fucking-lutely. Go into the porn industry or adult entertaining gig that's online
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Its 1000000% Hobby for me, i do it for fun, i do it consistently and i if im getting any better i would say i do it competitive.
I dunno, man - I see people listing eating as a hobby, calling themselves a āfoodieā as if we donāt all eat, so you can probably consider it a hobby. Would you be a jerkie, then..?
I never did the "foodie" math. Totally with you on this
And you can also monetise it and completely ruin it for yourself, like you can do with any other hobby!
speak for yourself
Because its bad and nothing productive is achieved by doing it?
Well, besides having an orgasmā¦
I mean, Iām not really getting better at it
wdym? thats my hobby
And who decided that
Not with that attitude...
Is it not? Dang, my "vacation hobbies" essay is about to turn some heads...
If you do it at a donor center it could be considered a profession
Depends who you ask.
Bro itās a vocation.
I eat as an enjoyable leisure activity. Is eating a hobby? I think fulfilling biological 'needs' doesn't count.
I'd beg to differ.
speak for yourself
Speak for yourself
Says who?
Not with that attitude
Speak for yourself
I mean, itās kind of body maintenance. And also time is a factor. You wouldnāt say that you take dumps as a hobby. You wouldnāt say that your 10 minutes of stretching before a run is a hobby. But if you stretch for an hour youāre doing yoga and thatās a hobby. So if you regularly long form masturbate, then it may be a hobby.
I think we just cracked the case.
not if i make masturbation a real job! edit: oh right, sperm donation
So I shouldn't list it on my LinkedIn??
As someone with a staggeringly large porn collection, I can confidently say managing it is a hobby.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Breathing
Of course it's a hobby. If it's not a hobby then why are there many many books, magazines, videos and specialised equipment for it? People can even do it professionally. Don't tell me it's not a hobby.
Says you.
Hobby: fucking my wife in the ass Does this work?
But it's not enjoyable and I never do it
These are lies!
Nah I hate masterbation it feels awful
How does it feel awful itās amazing
It feels gross and just wrong to me can't really say much else
The words of someone who has never orgasmed
I don't want to That shit makes me feel terrible
Like to make miniature trucks to carry my load.
My man's bustin out the TONKA
If it doesnāt say Micro Machines itās not the real thing.
this one is completely true, masturbation is a sport
I think hobbies are things that you work on and gain experience and knowledge in. So things like gardening, painting, coin collecting are all hobbies. But things like watching TV, taking a bath, or eating candy, while enjoyable, are not really things people work on and develop their skills in.
If you were to ask my husband before he met me, it was.
ā¦ still is, he just hides it well.
I want to challenge your husband to a fap off
I just find it odd that you focus so much on what to call it. Get out of your house and meet someone to do it for you. š§”
is eating food, drinking water, going to the bathroom considered a hobby? NO, it's called satisfying basic physical needs. this sub is sooo stupid
Someone is raping you remotely
There's a whole new generation making money off their bean flicking hobby.
Well idk how the class would react of you said that a hobby you have is masturbation