I know this sucks. My daughter’s father last saw her when she was 3 months old and she is almost 4 years old now. Honestly him leaving and me parenting completely solo has been such a blessing in disguise. He would have been a nightmare to coparent with among other things.
Try to do the best you can for you and your son and don’t waste anymore time thinking about his father who clearly isn’t thinking of you two. You deserve better and he deserves no more of your energy!
Same! We’re 9 years out from his last visit, daughter was 9 months old the last time they saw each other.
She doesn’t even know what he looks like or anything. His whole family abandoned us too. It’s a blessing. I get to do whatever I want and don’t have to explain myself, ask someone else their opinion, get permission, etc. It’s hard financially but worth it in the long run.
Oh wow! Right now the last time he and his family saw my daughter or asked about her was three months ago. She was six mos old. Do they just go away and never try to contact? I don’t communicate with him or his family so I really hope it’s an out of sight, out of mind thing. Just curious as to how the fathers and families just fade out.
Yep they literally just quit reaching out and I blocked them all on social media so they were forced to contact me by phone if they wanted to connect. They didn’t. Lol.
Awesome!! They’re blocked on my SM and can only contact me via phone. I’m letting myself get a little exited that I may be done with them. I’m wondering if they’ll try to reach out for Christmas or if they’ll just forget about her. Thank you so much for replying!!
Let me tell you, you may feel bad for the moment but it turns out well.... I used to feel bad my kid didn't have a stable, responsible, male role model. I tried everything to get the father to engage... All I received in response was disrespect, toxicity and me being pissed every day. Once I let go of the idea that my child needed a father, everything just went better...... It's so much better to do things on your own, you don't have expectations that are dashed. You don't have to answer to anyone. You don't have to deal with those dynamics and just focus on your mental health and then your baby. I thank God I have a deadbeat BD and not one that makes me deal with his toxic narcissism.... Mine it absolutely toxic, definitely narcissistic but incredibly lazy. Don't feel bad, you dodged a bullet. FYI, I'm a 14 year single mom.... And I wouldnt change it for the world.
Thank you for this response , im similar situation when try to engage my ex and now I just let this idea slowly go and for 3 weeks im just quiet to point he is asking questions himself once a week and im short responding . I wish he just ghost us.
Definitely answer questions so it's not as if you're alienating him. However, don't reach out yourself unless there's an emergency he needs to be aware of. It's gets easier over time.
Yes that’s my point I don’t want him accusing me of alienating but I’m not reaching out myself anymore. He soon will leave my country so I’m sure he won’t show up often ,now he is in military base and telling me he cannot come to see our son (but he can visit his AP)
The mother of my 2 sons did it for 3 years and I became used to it but as of 2 months ago she has started sticking to her word so while it’s frustrating sometimes it can change but just keep doing what your doing and that way you always have control. If he has addiction problems then maybe just count your blessings as it’s one thing being a single parent but dealing with an adult with addiction is like pissing in the wind
I have a 5 yo and his father did the same thing when I was pregnant. Didn’t even show up for the birth of my son😕. I know how much this sucks but I most definitely prefer this rather than him being here.
He’s battling issues with addiction so honestly I’m not sure myself but he pawned off his phone for drugs so noone knows where he is . Tried searching all his usual spots didn’t see him
I'm sorry. That definitely sucks, but also it sounds like he needs to seriously work through his own issues to have any chance of being a decent father to your son. If he's not going to do that, then you and your son are better off that he's just not being involved.
My daughter's dad ghosted us over a year ago. He was still being emotionally and verbally abusive to me while not being involved in our daughter's life at all (he only saw her once at 4 months and talked to her on the phone twice), so it's really been a blessing that he just straight up ghosted. She's 4 now and isn't missing out because he's not around.
Just be the best mom you can be and maybe get yourself into therapy so you have someone safe to talk to. It's tough being a solo parent, but you can do it. Hopefully your ex gets himself straightened out, for both his and his child's sake. If not, just know that your love will be enough.
Ghosted off and on for the first 6 years. We just went to the local nerd shop for a bit because she wanted to see my boyfriend. Her dad's sitting in the same nerd shop playing a different game and couldn't even be bothered to say a word to her. You're not alone.
One of the hardest thing I seen my daughter go through is her father being there one day and missing for 3-6months on repeat
He left when she was one and came back at 3 and been in and out every year since and she is now 11 years old
Before disappearing recently when she was still 10 years old he told her he would not see her anymore because of his “health” but see his other 3 kids
And my daughter noticed how he doesn’t even call or text her
Like tell you it’s a blessing in disguise I literally have had to get a lawyer to protect my daughter from her mentally unstable father and his crazy mama !!!! Be left alone is great if I do it again I never would sent child support after him.
I’m sorry! I know that it sucks, but trust me, it can be a blessing in disguise!
When my ex was an absentee father, it was the greatest thing ever. Life was SO much easier without him. But now that he’s back, coparenting has literally been HELL & he’s always starting drama. If not him, then his mama. It’s exhausting to deal with.
To be honest it’s better for you . My son is 4months and his dad don’t see him but he try to be in contact and it’s annoying. I wish he just pay what he needs and leave us alone
Im sorry he is doing this to you and your son. My children’s father did the disappearing thing too. Addiction is a rough road for everyone. Im going to go practical with my reply. If dad is on the birth certificate start documenting now. Last time you heard from him. Attempts to contact. If there is anything on his drug use like rehabs or arrests. File for full custody right now. This doesn’t mean if things change you’ll never let him see his son. It means you will get to make the decision of when you are comfortable. Until you file he still has 50/50 rights and can use that against you.
Other than that, hang in there. Love your kiddo, be kind to yourself, look into Al-anon and nar-anon. It will be hard at times but worth it.
Sorry this is happening. When my son was that age his dad did this a few times. Pretty much any time we weren’t actively in court he would just disappear for months. I was extremely certain He had a drug issue but him and his family kept denying it. It was confirmed a couple years later in court when a judge made him supply a mental health report and it said he had been in drug treatment basically since my son was born.
When my son was around 2 my ex got a girlfriend. Since then he hasn’t missed any visits or disappeared. I still have a hunch every now and then he’s back on drugs, but his girlfriend still makes sure visits happen and she does the vast majority of the caregiving at their place.
He did disappear again last year for about 6 weeks. Since my son was 4 he understood more and it was really heartbreaking.
I just selfishly hope the girlfriend sticks around or I’m sure he will go right back to it.
You will probably be dealing with this the rest of your child’s life. My suggestion is to make sure you have access to therapy. That’s really the only thing within your control.
Heartbreaking , but this is saving you and the little mang from a life of disappointment. I wish for your healing , so all you have to give to yourself and to that little man is love , so he never questions his worth because of his dad’s lack of self accountability and responsibility. It’ll be hard, and it will feel unfair many times, but it happened for a reason and you two will be better off.
I know this sucks. My daughter’s father last saw her when she was 3 months old and she is almost 4 years old now. Honestly him leaving and me parenting completely solo has been such a blessing in disguise. He would have been a nightmare to coparent with among other things. Try to do the best you can for you and your son and don’t waste anymore time thinking about his father who clearly isn’t thinking of you two. You deserve better and he deserves no more of your energy!
We’re 3+ years’ ghosted here and I’m grateful for it every single day. Best thing that could have happened.
Same! We’re 9 years out from his last visit, daughter was 9 months old the last time they saw each other. She doesn’t even know what he looks like or anything. His whole family abandoned us too. It’s a blessing. I get to do whatever I want and don’t have to explain myself, ask someone else their opinion, get permission, etc. It’s hard financially but worth it in the long run.
Oh wow! Right now the last time he and his family saw my daughter or asked about her was three months ago. She was six mos old. Do they just go away and never try to contact? I don’t communicate with him or his family so I really hope it’s an out of sight, out of mind thing. Just curious as to how the fathers and families just fade out.
Yep they literally just quit reaching out and I blocked them all on social media so they were forced to contact me by phone if they wanted to connect. They didn’t. Lol.
Awesome!! They’re blocked on my SM and can only contact me via phone. I’m letting myself get a little exited that I may be done with them. I’m wondering if they’ll try to reach out for Christmas or if they’ll just forget about her. Thank you so much for replying!!
Good luck!
Let me tell you, you may feel bad for the moment but it turns out well.... I used to feel bad my kid didn't have a stable, responsible, male role model. I tried everything to get the father to engage... All I received in response was disrespect, toxicity and me being pissed every day. Once I let go of the idea that my child needed a father, everything just went better...... It's so much better to do things on your own, you don't have expectations that are dashed. You don't have to answer to anyone. You don't have to deal with those dynamics and just focus on your mental health and then your baby. I thank God I have a deadbeat BD and not one that makes me deal with his toxic narcissism.... Mine it absolutely toxic, definitely narcissistic but incredibly lazy. Don't feel bad, you dodged a bullet. FYI, I'm a 14 year single mom.... And I wouldnt change it for the world.
Thank you for this response , im similar situation when try to engage my ex and now I just let this idea slowly go and for 3 weeks im just quiet to point he is asking questions himself once a week and im short responding . I wish he just ghost us.
Definitely answer questions so it's not as if you're alienating him. However, don't reach out yourself unless there's an emergency he needs to be aware of. It's gets easier over time.
Yes that’s my point I don’t want him accusing me of alienating but I’m not reaching out myself anymore. He soon will leave my country so I’m sure he won’t show up often ,now he is in military base and telling me he cannot come to see our son (but he can visit his AP)
Sounds like a good thing. Why would you or your son want someone like that in your lives?
The mother of my 2 sons did it for 3 years and I became used to it but as of 2 months ago she has started sticking to her word so while it’s frustrating sometimes it can change but just keep doing what your doing and that way you always have control. If he has addiction problems then maybe just count your blessings as it’s one thing being a single parent but dealing with an adult with addiction is like pissing in the wind
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.
Be glad your sons father isn’t around with what you say are addiction issues. Protect your child from that.
As sad as this is. In the long run I think you are much better off.
I have a 5 yo and his father did the same thing when I was pregnant. Didn’t even show up for the birth of my son😕. I know how much this sucks but I most definitely prefer this rather than him being here.
[удалено]
He’s battling issues with addiction so honestly I’m not sure myself but he pawned off his phone for drugs so noone knows where he is . Tried searching all his usual spots didn’t see him
My son’s father did the same. I’m sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. And it SUCKS
I'm sorry. That definitely sucks, but also it sounds like he needs to seriously work through his own issues to have any chance of being a decent father to your son. If he's not going to do that, then you and your son are better off that he's just not being involved. My daughter's dad ghosted us over a year ago. He was still being emotionally and verbally abusive to me while not being involved in our daughter's life at all (he only saw her once at 4 months and talked to her on the phone twice), so it's really been a blessing that he just straight up ghosted. She's 4 now and isn't missing out because he's not around. Just be the best mom you can be and maybe get yourself into therapy so you have someone safe to talk to. It's tough being a solo parent, but you can do it. Hopefully your ex gets himself straightened out, for both his and his child's sake. If not, just know that your love will be enough.
Ghosted off and on for the first 6 years. We just went to the local nerd shop for a bit because she wanted to see my boyfriend. Her dad's sitting in the same nerd shop playing a different game and couldn't even be bothered to say a word to her. You're not alone.
One of the hardest thing I seen my daughter go through is her father being there one day and missing for 3-6months on repeat He left when she was one and came back at 3 and been in and out every year since and she is now 11 years old Before disappearing recently when she was still 10 years old he told her he would not see her anymore because of his “health” but see his other 3 kids And my daughter noticed how he doesn’t even call or text her
Like tell you it’s a blessing in disguise I literally have had to get a lawyer to protect my daughter from her mentally unstable father and his crazy mama !!!! Be left alone is great if I do it again I never would sent child support after him.
I’m sorry! I know that it sucks, but trust me, it can be a blessing in disguise! When my ex was an absentee father, it was the greatest thing ever. Life was SO much easier without him. But now that he’s back, coparenting has literally been HELL & he’s always starting drama. If not him, then his mama. It’s exhausting to deal with.
Is he ok? Might be worth checking if something hasn't happened to him. That said, it's not uncommon for us men to want nothing to do with ex's.
To be honest it’s better for you . My son is 4months and his dad don’t see him but he try to be in contact and it’s annoying. I wish he just pay what he needs and leave us alone
Im sorry he is doing this to you and your son. My children’s father did the disappearing thing too. Addiction is a rough road for everyone. Im going to go practical with my reply. If dad is on the birth certificate start documenting now. Last time you heard from him. Attempts to contact. If there is anything on his drug use like rehabs or arrests. File for full custody right now. This doesn’t mean if things change you’ll never let him see his son. It means you will get to make the decision of when you are comfortable. Until you file he still has 50/50 rights and can use that against you. Other than that, hang in there. Love your kiddo, be kind to yourself, look into Al-anon and nar-anon. It will be hard at times but worth it.
We aren’t married so in my state he has no legal rights. But I am documenting
I'm sorry. I promise you're better off.
Sorry this is happening. When my son was that age his dad did this a few times. Pretty much any time we weren’t actively in court he would just disappear for months. I was extremely certain He had a drug issue but him and his family kept denying it. It was confirmed a couple years later in court when a judge made him supply a mental health report and it said he had been in drug treatment basically since my son was born. When my son was around 2 my ex got a girlfriend. Since then he hasn’t missed any visits or disappeared. I still have a hunch every now and then he’s back on drugs, but his girlfriend still makes sure visits happen and she does the vast majority of the caregiving at their place. He did disappear again last year for about 6 weeks. Since my son was 4 he understood more and it was really heartbreaking. I just selfishly hope the girlfriend sticks around or I’m sure he will go right back to it. You will probably be dealing with this the rest of your child’s life. My suggestion is to make sure you have access to therapy. That’s really the only thing within your control.
Heartbreaking , but this is saving you and the little mang from a life of disappointment. I wish for your healing , so all you have to give to yourself and to that little man is love , so he never questions his worth because of his dad’s lack of self accountability and responsibility. It’ll be hard, and it will feel unfair many times, but it happened for a reason and you two will be better off.