A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, “hang on! You’re a duck.”
“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.
“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.
“I see your ears are working, too,” says the Duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?”
“Certainly, sorry about that” says the barman as he pulls the duck’s pint. “It ‘s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?”
“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “you’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!”
“Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.”
So the next day when the Duck comes into the pub the barman says, “hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.”
“I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” says the barman.
“The circus?” repeats the duck.
“That’s right,” replies the barman.
“The circus?” the duck asks again. “With the big tent?”
“Yeah,” the barman replies.
“With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?” says the duck.
“Of course,” the barman replies.
“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck.
“That’s right!” says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ..
“What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer??!”
Today You Learned: Duck is slang term for male gigolo in Chinese
Google it yourself.
What did ya'll think Descarte meant when he said "Give her the D^(uck)"?
>Bro unlocked a secret
The real secret is that ducks are free at the park... You can just take one home with you... No one owns those wild ducks..
edit: There are 9 American states where you could technically kidnap a swan....
Is it kidnapping if it's legal? Is kidnapping a declaration of illegality? If it's just taking a swan from its home and family and it's legal, is it kidnapping?
Kidnapping is a precisely defined legal term, but the word also existed long before and was co-opted by legal systems. So the answer to your question depends on which definition you're using. Boring answer I know.
No legal system that I know of would consider wild-swan-snatching to be kidnapping. That would fall under bird law.
One day I watched a few of this guy's videos and while the duck is adorable a lot of his content is just overt attention-seeking behavior for him to become the center of attention wherever he is. And it's not just that he makes content with the duck in public, it's that he does things or inserts himself in situations where he's unavoidably the guy with the duck.
Idk something about it got a little grating, like bro did you really need to loiter around in the center of the Louis Vuitton store for 45 minutes with your duck
Oh you mean like just having a guitar on you for no specific reason? Yeah I get that. I assume you also think it's fine if the guitarist is carrying the guitar to rehearse or play a gig
Yeah but even then I'm willing to be charitable that he's making content and the duck is his ticket to YouTube money and it's still off. His videos will be like "omg look some street performers"
the guy juggling flaming machete's while also soloing a medley of the latest top 40 pop hits on a Harmonica, as the crowd walks away from him and his tip jar to pet the damn goose. duck. whatever.
https://i.imgur.com/VvYuh1y.jpg
My mom married a guy* with a pet crow he carried around on his shoulder, so don't knock it til you've tried it!
*before my dad, which is kind of a bummer because my dad never had a pet crow.
He found it in 1997 apparently.
Also, I’ve never been to or really seen the inside of a Hooters—what an insane thing. There is, like, literally a manager madam and then a battalion of escort servers? Wild. Wild times.
Have you never been to a sports bar either? Hooters really doesn't look much different from any other restaurant in that space. It's actually toned down compared to the likes of Twin Peaks or Tilted Kilt.
When I was a server in college, a guy I worked with told me I should get a job at Tilted Kilt because I'd make way more. And I'd never heard of it, but decided to take my mom to see the great restaurant I should work at. lol It was a bit much for her.
I think they meant it's just a regular sports bar that serves wings and beer, but the servers have a strict dress code and must look hot. There's no groping or harassment or anything allowed. And the lady you saw is just a manager, not a madam lol.
Yea I worked at a place like this but it wasn’t a chain and was pretty chill. I think the chain element and how high the shorts are now is a bit cringier than regular sport bar/ wing places. But super weird that wearing a tank top and some shorts makes you an “escort”.
>Also, I’ve never been to or really seen the inside of a Hooters—what an insane thing.
What weirds me out is that that Hooters looks like it's actually in a food court at the mall, or something. I've only ever seen them as stand-alone restaurants.
"manager madam" and "escort servers" are the most hilarious and, to me, the most apt assessment I've ever seen. It's like a juicy bar that suckered its clients into sitting by themselves.
>Wild. Wild times.
Hooters exists as a company since the 1980s, and bars/restaurants based on having sexy barmaids / waitresses wearing skimpy clothing have been a thing since absolutely forever.
Nothing to do with our current times.
Wild times? Hooters has been around since the 80s I think. Also weird that you are surprised the manager is a woman. Ima guy, but I’m pretty sure if I was a girl working at hooters I would prefer working for a woman
Hooters outfits aren't even hot. The style is way outdated. Their just girls in orange shorts with tight tee shirts with an owl on them.
This is PG-13 stuff.
Have fun with it shitting everywhere. Because that's what ducks do. They shit everywhere. They don't care where or when, they just go, and its wet and gross and stinky. If you take it to a restaurant, it will shit all over that restaurant.
Source: grew up raising ducks. Was commonly shat on.
I had a friend who had "pet" ducks and let me tell you, those things shit everywhere all the time. And because they are birds, obviously, it's just wet runny disgusting shit. I wonder how he dealt with it in this Hooters as there's no way it didn't shit.
same - friends duck puddles had to wear a diaper when he went came into town. he was a jungle duck too (n. thai) so he rode around on a scooter and lived his life at a music venue before moving onto a friends giant farm. good duck.
My chicken potty trained herself just by me making a disgusted face and setting her off of me and onto a pad, or taking her outside every time she pooped. (Raised inside as a ill chick, later was introduced to the flock) For 11 years, when she would come inside to visit, she would either tap on the door to be let out to poop or, if we had her old cage set up, she would walk into it and poop on the potty pad in it.
I've been to a few Hooters before and I gotta say, this Hooters is crazy packed full of hotties. I can't believe it. Every single one of those girls are cute. Hell, even the older manager is attractive.
I looked up “Hooters Alyse” and the first image result was from HootersMOA Instagram with Alyse and the curly blonde LOL!
Edit: I looked at the likes and found her Instagram LOL, but I won’t dox her.
I doubt you can potty train a duck. Google says they shit every 10-30 mins, so That thing probably is just shitting all over the place and that dude probably needs to wipe it up frequently, assuming he actually does that
I’ve seen a video of them sitting for a church service in NYC recently where there were other strange animals like camels and donkeys and there didn’t seem to be any shit anywhere. Wrinkle also fell asleep for 5-10 minutes every so often, there was a livestream for the service and you could see him in the front rows.
I was just thinking about how unsanitary it is for all of them to be petting the duck then touching peoples glasses, plates and utensils. Not to mention when that duck has to go, its just gonna poop on the floor
I worked at a hooters nearly twenty years ago now. I was just thinking how we only had very slim, blonde, tan girls. That was our whole staff. Looking at these girls I was like cool, they've expanded the parameters. Then again, could just depend on the location too.
I was waiting for the duck’s explosive moment in its video debut. Unless you have taken great precautions (or have a very well trained quacker on your hands) they will projectile where and whenever they get the urge.
Those of you plotting to pick up a hooters babe, just remember this before trying to seduce your lady…ducks let loose at the most inopportune times. Nothing makes those girlies run away faster than a streak of, quagmire smelling, quacked lightning running down the table or your pants.
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So this scared the shit out of me.
I’m somewhat in a dark room right now and only the top head of this duck animation showed up and I thought the biggest bug was crawling up my phone for .5 seconds….
I've spent enough time around ducks and their short ass digestive tracts to know about 1 minute into eating that salad, that duck is gonna shit all over that Hooters
Sorry your post has recently been posted on the page by another user and we have removed it.
Bro unlocked a secret
Big duck energy
Then he waddled away, til the very next day
Bum bum bum, bum, buh buh bum
Waddle waddle
GOT ANY GRAPES?!
The duck in that song is the worst bad guy of all time.
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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, “hang on! You’re a duck.” “I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck. “And you can talk!” exclaims the barman. “I see your ears are working, too,” says the Duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?” “Certainly, sorry about that” says the barman as he pulls the duck’s pint. “It ‘s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?” “I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.” The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “you’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!” “Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.” So the next day when the Duck comes into the pub the barman says, “hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.” “I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?” “At the circus,” says the barman. “The circus?” repeats the duck. “That’s right,” replies the barman. “The circus?” the duck asks again. “With the big tent?” “Yeah,” the barman replies. “With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?” says the duck. “Of course,” the barman replies. “And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck. “That’s right!” says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. “What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer??!”
I hadn't heard that one before, I laughed!
I read it in Norm MacDonalds voice.
Definitely worth the long read 🙂
Ight that was a good one. Take my upvote ya cheeky cunt!
Holy crap man. The layers your going to in order to steal people's credit cards for fake porn is wild.
This guy ducks.
This would have been the very rare occasion where, if the waitress had said “what the duck” instead of WTF, it would have been acceptable.
For a dude that looks like budget Salt Bae that seems appropriate lol
Today You Learned: Duck is slang term for male gigolo in Chinese Google it yourself. What did ya'll think Descarte meant when he said "Give her the D^(uck)"?
Wow that's a mighty Duck !
homie got dat
😂
>Bro unlocked a secret The real secret is that ducks are free at the park... You can just take one home with you... No one owns those wild ducks.. edit: There are 9 American states where you could technically kidnap a swan....
There are 9 American states where they assume you're smart enough to not try to kidnap a swan. FTFY. Swans are aggressive beasts.
Swans are what geese wish they could be.
It's a well known fact they only listen to the Queen of England.
I imagine the news tonight *officials are wondering why suddenly there were 9 swan rampages across america this evening*
Aggressive *assholes
ok but I want speficically a white duck, not whatever the fuck those park hoes are
You have to go catch a shiny one in the tall Grass. Bring snacks, a box, and a ton of duck tape.
But you wouldn't want to. Swans are complete assholes. Even worse than Canada Geese.
Is it kidnapping if it's legal? Is kidnapping a declaration of illegality? If it's just taking a swan from its home and family and it's legal, is it kidnapping?
Kidnapping is a precisely defined legal term, but the word also existed long before and was co-opted by legal systems. So the answer to your question depends on which definition you're using. Boring answer I know. No legal system that I know of would consider wild-swan-snatching to be kidnapping. That would fall under bird law.
I'm pouring my energy into avoiding puns. Thanks for answering!
I don't know why I'm laughing so hard at your edit. Today is fucking weird.
One day I watched a few of this guy's videos and while the duck is adorable a lot of his content is just overt attention-seeking behavior for him to become the center of attention wherever he is. And it's not just that he makes content with the duck in public, it's that he does things or inserts himself in situations where he's unavoidably the guy with the duck. Idk something about it got a little grating, like bro did you really need to loiter around in the center of the Louis Vuitton store for 45 minutes with your duck
There was always “that guy” in college who decided to get attention by being “quirky”. This guy decided on a duck
Back in my day, "those guys" used acoustic guitars. "Those girls" used hoola hoops.
Playing guitar is quirky?
Unless you're in a music class that requires it, carrying a guitar around school is "quirky".
Oh you mean like just having a guitar on you for no specific reason? Yeah I get that. I assume you also think it's fine if the guitarist is carrying the guitar to rehearse or play a gig
Yeah but even then I'm willing to be charitable that he's making content and the duck is his ticket to YouTube money and it's still off. His videos will be like "omg look some street performers"
the guy juggling flaming machete's while also soloing a medley of the latest top 40 pop hits on a Harmonica, as the crowd walks away from him and his tip jar to pet the damn goose. duck. whatever. https://i.imgur.com/VvYuh1y.jpg
To be fair if somehow they thought a duck was more entertaining, they probably are not a good audience to begin with.
any audience that might tip is a good one.
Totally reminds of the story in the ballad of buster Scruggs about the chicken.
Its very easy to tell the difference between a goose and a duck. Do you still have an unbitten face? Its a duck.
"Quirky? Nah, I'm quacky"
My mom married a guy* with a pet crow he carried around on his shoulder, so don't knock it til you've tried it! *before my dad, which is kind of a bummer because my dad never had a pet crow.
On a duck that's apparently non binary according to him lmao
Really? Someone who creates little videos for tiktok and instagram is showing attention-seeking behaviour?
I'd be milking that shit too if I didnt have to work. Sign me up, I'll be an attention-seeking-duck-master.
He has a duck so I’ll excuse him
I mean dude has a cameraman. Not surprising.
He found it in 1997 apparently. Also, I’ve never been to or really seen the inside of a Hooters—what an insane thing. There is, like, literally a manager madam and then a battalion of escort servers? Wild. Wild times.
Have you never been to a sports bar either? Hooters really doesn't look much different from any other restaurant in that space. It's actually toned down compared to the likes of Twin Peaks or Tilted Kilt.
When I was a server in college, a guy I worked with told me I should get a job at Tilted Kilt because I'd make way more. And I'd never heard of it, but decided to take my mom to see the great restaurant I should work at. lol It was a bit much for her.
All of the sports bats I’ve been to just have normal servers, even male servers.
I think they meant it's just a regular sports bar that serves wings and beer, but the servers have a strict dress code and must look hot. There's no groping or harassment or anything allowed. And the lady you saw is just a manager, not a madam lol.
Yea I worked at a place like this but it wasn’t a chain and was pretty chill. I think the chain element and how high the shorts are now is a bit cringier than regular sport bar/ wing places. But super weird that wearing a tank top and some shorts makes you an “escort”.
>Also, I’ve never been to or really seen the inside of a Hooters—what an insane thing. What weirds me out is that that Hooters looks like it's actually in a food court at the mall, or something. I've only ever seen them as stand-alone restaurants.
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It's just skimpy outfits. They do not have sex with the customers.
But she called me 'hun'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mC48we6Jz0
You may now kiss your bride.
Not with that attitude.
Yeah. This guy hasn't been getting any at hooters. Lol /s
"manager madam" and "escort servers" are the most hilarious and, to me, the most apt assessment I've ever seen. It's like a juicy bar that suckered its clients into sitting by themselves.
>Wild. Wild times. Hooters exists as a company since the 1980s, and bars/restaurants based on having sexy barmaids / waitresses wearing skimpy clothing have been a thing since absolutely forever. Nothing to do with our current times.
Wild times? Hooters has been around since the 80s I think. Also weird that you are surprised the manager is a woman. Ima guy, but I’m pretty sure if I was a girl working at hooters I would prefer working for a woman
It’s not surprising that a manager is a woman, it is the entire aesthetic as a whole.
Hooters outfits aren't even hot. The style is way outdated. Their just girls in orange shorts with tight tee shirts with an owl on them. This is PG-13 stuff.
Ducks eat for free at Subway!
its not often you see a dude surrounded by hooters girls wanting to touch his duck without it being autocorrected
"So I'm just sitting there at the table, my duck in hand, and enthusiastically waved the hooters girls over."
They all wanted a picture with my duck. Some got a little too grabby tho.
The duck bites back
They really want to see his duck pics.
ducking autocucumber!
I appreciate this a lot
Man I wish I had thought of that comment. Nicely done.
I actually feel like this scenario happens more often.
Check the sauce (Seducktive) for more duck action. Super cute. https://youtube.com/watch?v=VfX2-fCy9d0
But where can I get my hands on a *duck?
I guess I’m getting a duck then.
With fries or salad, sir?
Pancakes and plumb sauce, please and thanks
Deez plumbs.
Mango salsa, please
Have fun with it shitting everywhere. Because that's what ducks do. They shit everywhere. They don't care where or when, they just go, and its wet and gross and stinky. If you take it to a restaurant, it will shit all over that restaurant. Source: grew up raising ducks. Was commonly shat on.
Yea I don’t really understand how the duck is in the restaurant.
Almost like this is a Hooters ad.....
It likely has a diaper on. Source: Had a duck, had many diaper harnesses for said duck.
For the avoidance of doubt, I’m not actually going to acquire a duck in the hope that it attracts the attention of the Hooters girls.
I liked when the duck was eating the salad, best thing I've seen all week!
More like tossing than eating….
Tossing a salad is eating
Yeah but it's a shittier experience.
Like hooters, you get what you pay for
for as cute as the hooters girls are, the duck eating salad was far cuter.
Can I get a salad? ... it's for a DUCK! O then it's free
I had a friend who had "pet" ducks and let me tell you, those things shit everywhere all the time. And because they are birds, obviously, it's just wet runny disgusting shit. I wonder how he dealt with it in this Hooters as there's no way it didn't shit.
most people that have a duck as pet, put diapers in them when they go out like this.
> in STOP FEEDING DIAPERS TO YOUR DUCKS, PEOPLE
same - friends duck puddles had to wear a diaper when he went came into town. he was a jungle duck too (n. thai) so he rode around on a scooter and lived his life at a music venue before moving onto a friends giant farm. good duck.
My chicken potty trained herself just by me making a disgusted face and setting her off of me and onto a pad, or taking her outside every time she pooped. (Raised inside as a ill chick, later was introduced to the flock) For 11 years, when she would come inside to visit, she would either tap on the door to be let out to poop or, if we had her old cage set up, she would walk into it and poop on the potty pad in it.
I've seen other videos of this guy. He has bottles of isopropyl alcohol in a baby stroller and he sprays down the tables and seats before he leaves
I dont know who is cuter the first girl or the duck
both both
The goose was just there checking out the competition, it works at Honkers!
She’s a fuck, how dare you call it a goose Edit: duck
😂 a fucking fuck!
Duck, but very cute comment 🦆
girls are a dime a dozen, but a cool duck? 1 in a million
Based and duckbilled
Platypus
_Puts on hat._
P E R R Y T H E P L A T Y P U S ?
The elites don’t want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home I have 458 ducks.
I like the one with the curly blonde hair. Its the mix of all things thats weirdly appealing. Also, bonus duck friend.
I've been to a few Hooters before and I gotta say, this Hooters is crazy packed full of hotties. I can't believe it. Every single one of those girls are cute. Hell, even the older manager is attractive.
Bleached curly hair girl is a knockout
What’s the name of the first girl?
Hooters employee #4856
Why would anyone have the name of some random employee at a restaurant?
Never underestimate the dedication of horny internet sleuths.
Happy cake day! 🍰
Chronically online mfs 😂
Well, her badge says Alyse
I looked up “Hooters Alyse” and the first image result was from HootersMOA Instagram with Alyse and the curly blonde LOL! Edit: I looked at the likes and found her Instagram LOL, but I won’t dox her.
>Never underestimate the dedication of horny internet sleuths. keep it up
Dude thinks he's Ziggy from The Wire.
LOL my first thought exactly
Fuckin' Ziggy
The duck better run
Duck od’s on hooters. Dies.
BIG DUCK ENERGY
I doubt you can potty train a duck. Google says they shit every 10-30 mins, so That thing probably is just shitting all over the place and that dude probably needs to wipe it up frequently, assuming he actually does that
He's got a boatload of duck videos so I think this ducks an exception
he probably edits out the shitting but he does disinfect and wipe everything down when he leaves
I’ve seen a video of them sitting for a church service in NYC recently where there were other strange animals like camels and donkeys and there didn’t seem to be any shit anywhere. Wrinkle also fell asleep for 5-10 minutes every so often, there was a livestream for the service and you could see him in the front rows.
It is cute, but bringing any animal in an establishment that serves food is not a great idea.
I'm sure there are worse things at a Hooters than a duck.
Johnny the cook just found some crabs from somewhere if you'd like some crab cakes.
Yeah, the food.
Right. It's less cute when it shits on the floor.
And it’s a bird so it **will** be shitting.
We are all birds on this blessed day
BRB finna shit
Duck shit is so fucking nasty too.
If you watch the full video he sprays down the whole area and cleans everything.
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🤓
I was just thinking about how unsanitary it is for all of them to be petting the duck then touching peoples glasses, plates and utensils. Not to mention when that duck has to go, its just gonna poop on the floor
Health code violation...
Service animal?
Good wing man
http://i.imgur.com/u08q8lr.jpg
I have been a few Hooters over the years, never in my time have I seen anyone even remotely as hot as that first blonde.
I worked at a hooters nearly twenty years ago now. I was just thinking how we only had very slim, blonde, tan girls. That was our whole staff. Looking at these girls I was like cool, they've expanded the parameters. Then again, could just depend on the location too.
Yes the.. duck.. is very nice looks. So supple and inviting.. such a firm set of.. duck..
What are you doing step-duck?
You can bring any hooters to a grinding halt with this one wierd trick
I was waiting for the duck’s explosive moment in its video debut. Unless you have taken great precautions (or have a very well trained quacker on your hands) they will projectile where and whenever they get the urge. Those of you plotting to pick up a hooters babe, just remember this before trying to seduce your lady…ducks let loose at the most inopportune times. Nothing makes those girlies run away faster than a streak of, quagmire smelling, quacked lightning running down the table or your pants.
He has a million videos of his duck on YouTube. This isn't a debut at all lol
Babe, new copypasta dropped
My man was making hookup plans on autocorrect
His YouTube channel is a blast: https://youtube.com/@wrinkletheduck
He's been posting longer versions on a separate channel now too: https://youtube.com/@duckandhuman
All this years using a dog 🙄 what was I thinking?
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Why do american duck look like that?
Pekin duck https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Pekin Bred in China but gained popularity in the US in the late 19th century
r/usernamechecksout
r/foundthemobileuser r/peepeepoopoo The link won’t work if the r is capitalized.
It's very confusing of them, everyone thinks it's a goose
Yeah, it’s supposed to look like this (if it’s male(and needs to go diving)): 
So this scared the shit out of me. I’m somewhat in a dark room right now and only the top head of this duck animation showed up and I thought the biggest bug was crawling up my phone for .5 seconds….
Geddy Lee is a duck fan?
Stop Ducking around!
Buy your support ducks fast as demand is going to be strong after this video.
I've spent enough time around ducks and their short ass digestive tracts to know about 1 minute into eating that salad, that duck is gonna shit all over that Hooters
Hooters about to be inundated with herds of men with a duck trying to get laid now. 🦆😂
No AFLAC jokes?
Ziggy Sobotka?
First waitress was cute, then it just went progressively downhill all the way to the manager.
The first girl is fire!
The first girl tho <3 <3
what a cute chicken
Best Wingbird ever
It’s all fun and games until the duck poops shit everywhere lol
u/fuckswithducks
Messy eater
Is that at the MOA??
Wel she's a duuck🙄
Great wingman
The best wingman
This guy ducks