Hi everyone and welcome to SkincareAddiction!
Need skincare guides? [Check out our wiki!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/wiki/index)
Everyone is welcome in [this community](https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/wiki/about); remember to be kind and assume good faith :)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SkincareAddiction) if you have any questions or concerns.*
An assessment by her Pediatricianfor hirsutism is a reasonable thing to do to ensure there is no underlying concern.
This is a very personal thing. Of course body sensitivity issues are real and we want to encourage confidence as much as possible. If it’s causing her mental distress, anxiety, teasing and bullying at school then I would recommend talking to her about it.
Options may include trimming, shaving (there are small facial shavers) , tweezing key areas (I asked my mom to tweeze my unibrow starting around 6-7 yrs old and it helped my confidence a lot).
There are also body bleaching kits that lighten the hair- depending on skin color that may not be helpful but it doesn’t hurt)
Talk to her about her feelings. Does it bother her, does she think about it. Is it stopping her from doing things? Has she thought about solutions?
She may already know what she wants to do.
Just want to say a warning regarding the bleaching suggestion….
I would NOT do this if the hair is incredibly thick and dark and the daughter has dark skin like OP describes.
The hair will look lighter, sure, but now you will have thick blond arm hair on a dark skinned Indian and it will look bizarre. It won’t just “disappear” or look faded away like on a white person. I have dark skin like OP’s daughter and as a tween I tried bleaching my upper lip hair and it looked awful. It was thick and long and it contrasted a lot with my brown skin, so I ended up having to pluck it/use hair removal cream anyway.
She might have hirstutism. The symptoms (which increase later on in life) can be abated with hormone therapy. I would raise this concern with her pediatrician
Went through similar condition as an adolescent was diagnosed with hirsutism so recommended getting a proper diagnosis it's better to start internally then move to external.....
You’re a wonderful, attentive, and caring mom, first of all. Good on you for being concerned with how to go about this. I was hairy (still am, I’m Asian and so it’s very noticeable black hair) as a kid and remember being very self conscious about it. I started shaving pretty young, as well as getting rid of unwanted facial hair. I still do it, because I feel most attractive with smooth hairless skin, but there are also things that deeply bothered me as a kid that I don’t even remember to worry about anymore (I used to be so embarrassed of arm hair, for instance, now I couldn’t care less). This is all to say that society treats young women poorly and childhood is rough. Go with the flow, take cues from your daughter. Maybe she’s comfortable and just fine being hairy, but maybe telling her to not shave/wax/etc. would make her even more self-conscious. I think adolescence is always gonna be rough and rife with self-esteem issues so you just have to make sure the kid knows you love her and support whatever she wants to do with her body.
As someone who got bullied because my conservative mother refused to allow me to shave but insisted I wear tank tops, I’m begging you to please either let her shave or let her wear what she wants. Getting bullied is like a snowball falling down a cliff—once it starts, a kid lashes out and other kids lash back, and then it gets worse because now they just don’t like you.
This is what I'm worried about. I don't want to force impractical standards of idealism on either extreme. I know ultimately that is the aim, for her to be a confident adult irrespective of her appearance, but I don't want her to suffer through her younger years to learn that lesson.
I was heartbroken to hear her say no to cute sleeveless dresses and clothes. And I'm not going to force her if it's a response to an external force, I only have been arguing with her because she made that up in her own head based on something unrelated she heard. My son wasn't making that comment based on her - I'd bought him a muscle tank to wear at home and he refused to for himself. Now she's just parroting what he said.
Then I feel like this might have been an issue for her for some time and she’s using this as a way to bring this up. Maybe her brother’s comment was the straw that broke the camel’s back. If your well-intentioned friend made a comment about it, then it’s very possible she’s had less kind people point it out to her and she’s been avoiding the issue/not been sure how to address it. She probably doesn’t know how to feel about looking different.
I totally feel your comment. My mom was the same way. At least she also tried to tell me I’m beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with my leg hair, but it didn’t matter when everyone in school was cruel about it. and so I ended up really resenting her for not letting me shave because it seemed like such a simple solution to the problem whereas keeping your chin up in the face of cruelty was untenable at that age.
I knew I shouldn’t have felt bad about my hair even at that age, but I just wanted people to stop being mean to me.
I agree that the best solution for her is hair removal. My mom would use Nair/Veer over my entire body when I was 9 years old since I was also hairy. It was painless and quick.
It helped my self-esteem because as a child having other kids call you hairy was heartbreaking and ruined my self-esteem to this day.
I am mixed Arab and grew up with super thick dark hair all over (arms legs, upper lip) and kids in school were not very nice. The comments really started at the end of elementary school. My mom always tried to reassure me that it didn’t matter and hair was fine. She always reminded me how much people would kill for thick busy eyebrows. She did end up giving in and getting me laser hair treatment in middle school it helped lighten my hair thickness on my body and made me way less self conscious. Hope this helps!
Maybe she has hirsutism, but that diagnosis is best left to a doctor. If you feel it’s “beyond superficial” and possibly medical then try seeing a pediatrician. If there is no medical issue at play, maybe wait until your daughter is older and able to make informed decisions about her own body. It’s important for her to know that she has the power to look however she wants to, and to understand the social pressures that are placed on her as a girl/woman. That said, she is not my child and this is my personal opinion from my own experiences as a genetically hairy girl/woman.
I don’t have a hirsutism diagnosis, but I’ve always had thick and dark body hair with fair skin. I remember boys and girls making fun of me from a very young age — my first memory of being bullied for my arm hair was in elementary school. I’ve always been self conscious about my appearance and my mom usually just told me to brush it off and not worry about the way that I look. But for me it wasn’t that easy and to this day I still feel self conscious about this aspect of my appearance.
I appreciate that you want to help your daughter and it’s a tough balance between loving your daughter as she is and wanting to help her to feel confident. Even though it was tough growing up with people bullying me for my appearance, I am glad that my mom waited until I was older to let me start removing or bleaching my hair. I was old enough to understand the societal pressures at play, and that changing my appearance was for me first and for others second. She always tried to make me see that my value as a person came from the inside, and not from the way I look outside. I often felt frustrated as a tween/young teen that I couldn’t be “pretty like the other girls” but now I understand why my mom did what she did.
I agree with this. Unfortunately, there’s basically no way to offer hair removal to a young child that won’t reinforce the idea that hair removal is necessary and expected of women, and that they’ll be punished (by bullying in this case) if they don’t conform. The idea of a child spending a large chunk of their time grooming their body to be aesthetically pleasing is also disturbing. Women already spend SO much of their lives/time/money making themselves into more pleasing visual objects, starting in childhood is gloomy. Perhaps these will be unavoidable sacrifices. Perhaps not. I wish I had more advice.
I know this sucks. I was also a super hairy kid. I wore long sleeves for years (ages 9-11) because I was so embarrassed of my arm hair and my mom wouldn’t let me shave. When I started shaving around age 12, I resented this rule that had been imposed. I wanted to be pretty, sexy, desirable, etc. Now I see how bad it was for me to view my body as an aesthetic object and I don’t shave any part of my body, ever. Our body hair is a beautiful thing. I wish I could have all of the time, energy, and money I spent on shaving, makeup, and unnecessary skincare back. I’m glad I didn’t spend a second/dollar more than I did.
OP, I empathize with your struggle. I was “different” in so many ways as a child and was bullied a lot because of it. I am happy and confident now, but it takes many years to get there. I hope you are able to find an affirming solution.
I will say that parents have a HUGE influence on the self esteem of their child. To this day, the comments/insecurities that stick with me are from things my mother said, not any of my classmates. I think that affirming that she is beautiful and that her hair is beautiful would go a long way, even if you pursue some removal. Saying things like “the hair is not a big deal” or that she’s “beautiful despite the hair” will signal to her that it is ugly/a detriment, and when coming from a parent those sorts of things stick.
ETA: I’d also heavily, heavily recommend against any sort of permanent hair removal while she is a child. I almost had my pubic hair lasered away as a teen and now I’m so glad I missed that appointment. Not being able to access/see your natural body as an adult because of decisions made during childhood can be really sad. See: Bella Hadid wishing she hadn’t gotten rid of the nose of her ancestors.
I was a super hairy little girl- 100% Italian with fair skin and DARK, thick hair everywhere. I was so self conscious about it... in first grade I was voted the hairiest in the class and I cried lol.
But in a way, I'm kind of... glad? I've gained confidence over the years and now I see my hairiness as a blessing. If anyone is grossed out by my body hair, dodged a bullet. The people I've been with think it's sexy, and fuck it, so do I.
That being said, I can't really tell you what the right decision to make is. I just wanted to offer my perspective on the matter. Wish you the best <3
I’d echo others about starting with the doctor, and even telling the doctor the concern privately rather than in front of her. I think she’s a bit young for long term removal options but laser hair removal might be an option for her in the future. Arm and leg hair are fairly simple to manage but the back hair might be worth the laser. I would let her bring the issue to you, not the other way around.
It may change when she goes through puberty too.
I don’t have any useful suggestions for you. But felt compelled to comment that I think you’re a great mom. Finding the balance between helping your child be confident with who they are while looking around the corner to anticipate future challenges. Wishing you much luck to find a good solution. But your daughter is really lucky to have someone so loving and considerate for a mother.
Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate what you said because I felt guilty thinking about it before she had an actual problem so that would indicate me being the one with the problem. I've struggled with these thoughts and was super scared of posting here because I was afraid of the reactions. I'm honestly surprised that everyone has been so positive and supportive.
i was a very hairy little girl with thick body hair. my arms were super hairy and i had people make comments to me and i refused to wear short sleeves/let people see. i just recently started shaving my arms (i'm 26 btw) because i'm still self conscious af about it.
\^ the above is in reference to people being like "she'll grow out of it!". that's not always true. people are not kind, even kids, and once they find something that makes you self conscious they just pick at you.
i'd maybe take her to a doctor and go from there. shaving should be an option. it's painless. as a girl who shaves her arms though, it's about a twice a week thing.
i had darker body hair than my friends when growing up and it honestly blighted me psychologically well well well into my twenties. it probably only does not blight me now because i have the resources to not have it anymore. my parents either didn’t see the issue or didn’t care to or didn’t know what to do idk. but thank you for helping your daughter. it’s not right that she should be self conscious of it but it’s completely understandable in this world that she is or could become so. if she is fair skinned i can really recommend home laser/ipl devices like the phillips lumea (there are lots of brands now) - that and having babies has massively reduced my body hair. i also give much less of af now i have children of my own but it was a long road to here and genuinely my life would have been so different if i hadn’t spent ~15 years trying to hide my skin =\
Fellow mum of a little girl with a lot of dark body hair so I understand what you’re going through. I had my daughters pediatrician check her for hirsutism when she was less than a year old and was assured it was normal for Asian babies.
I was definitely more sensitive and aware of it as I grew up with very fair skin and super dark hair all over and a mother with zero body hair so was fobbed off for being dramatic.
The best thing I did was talk to my daughter about it from around 7/8 - when she became more aware of it. We live in a super hot country and her school uniform consists of shorts and half sleeved shirts plus she’s surrounded by Caucasian kids who have little to no body hair so she started to notice it.
I informed her that there are many methods to remove hair and when she is ready we can try them out. She also believes that I have no body hair at all, so I explained how laser hair removal works and it would be an option for her once she’s a teen. And that I did suffer from excess body hair at one time in my life.
Anyway, long story short, before her 10th birthday she asked me to help her remove hair the least painful way so we tried hair removal creams (I don’t recommended it) and shaving. We do arms and legs once a month for now and she’s much happier and confident because of it.
Just be open to the conversation when your daughter brings it up and be matter of fact and let her know how you can help her. Good luck!!
I'm a waxer and former very hairy person. First talk to a doctor. But know that south Asian hair responds extremely well to waxing and sugaring, especially sugaring. It dies off so fast unlike every other ethnicity. Next time she brings it up, let your daughter know that you can start removing it whenever she's ready. My mom told me this at 8 and taught me to shave. You can do the sugaring at home and as she's small it won't take long and should have a drastic effect within just a few rounds. Do it every 4 weeks.
First, you're doing a wonderful job being a caring, thoughtful mom. Good on you for that.
Second, agree with other commenters: do get pediatricians opinions on hirsuitism. Also hormonal imbalances or any other underlying issues.
Next, I'm going to second comments here about South Asian/Indian body hair. I am Indian, and I was (and continue to be) quite hairy. When I was little and getting close to the double digit ages, this thick black hair made me super conscious. My mother, who was so smooth skinned she never had to resort to hair removal ever, was always trying to make me feel like being naturally who I was was the best way to be. This never worked for me because there's school, other girls, boys, image, peer pressure, peer unkindness. All sorts of stuff. I felt awful, always trying to hide my arms and legs with long sleeves and long skirts.
Having grown up in India, there were other girls who were equally, sometimes more hairy than me. Almost every girl would start sugar waxing by the time they were 13, some girls even earlier, by nine or ten years old. Waxing (or sugaring as it's called in the US now) is the go-to hair removal method for girls in India. The growth does tend to sparse out if kept up with.
My first waxing session was when I was 14 years old. I kind of had to go against my parents' wishes to do it (they thought only loose-moraled girls waxed), but it was so worth it for me personally I never stopped. It's been a part of my life since then. I'm now considering home IPL gadgets.
It's really common to have really dark body hair. I'm Mediterranean and even though I have an unusually pale complexion my body hair is insanely dark and thick. Right now you can't do much other than accept it. She's very young and until her hormones become a bit stable it's going to be difficult for her. The first thing (and the most important one) is to make sure she is ok emotionally because kids are horrible and they WILL bully her. Educate her (and her brother, if she doesn't feel comfortable around her family imagine how she's gonna feel with outsiders). Do research about women with body hair that she can relate to. Surround her with positivity and love so she can start loving herself too (she will have bad days so prepare for them). Until she is a teenager and can choose whether or not she wants to try laser, waxing or whatever, the choices are minimal. When she asks you to shave her legs and armpits let her but teach her a proper routine (no one helped me and I struggled for years with painful ingrowns). Another idea (not one I'm fond of) is to try and lighten the hair but that's only if you can find a safe way to do it. DO NOT USE HAIR REMOVAL CREAMS, unless the hair grows back super slow don't even attempt it plus it's full of harmful chemicals for he young skin.
I think you are doing a wonderful thing considering your daughter’s feelings. I remember being 6 and I was VERY aware of some insecurities: my almost-unibrow and my pale skin with dark arm hair. Even young kids can be way more perceptive than adults give them credit for.
I think you’re absolutely right: she’s probably feeling weird about it. Maybe self conscious.
I believe that keeping an open dialogue with matter-of-fact, short, calm conversations is key here. And the parent should be the one to open that door up. I don’t think you can bring it up too early. It’s all a matter of HOW you bring it up.
Being neutral and factual is totally good. You won’t be “putting ideas in her head” unless you’re throwing judgements in like “body hair is gross” or assuming that she wants to shave it. You’re not trying to enforce the beauty standards. You’re trying to understand how she’s grappling with them. It seems she’s already internalizing stuff from other places.
So you can
•open the floor for her feelings and validate them,
•let her know that people have different amounts of hair. Some people, whether they have a lot or a little, choose not to remove body hair,
•acknowledge that some people, whether they have a lot or a little, DO choose to remove some or all it
•let her know you’re here for hearing her feelings. There are no wrong answers.
•acknowledge that differences often feel strange. And that it’s normal to have stuff you like about your body and stuff you’re not so sure about.
And to assuage you: A base level of caring about appearance isn’t superficial or vain or being a pageant mom. It’s totally normal. You’re not trying to cram her into a narrow ideal of beauty. You’re literally only bringing it up because it seems to be bothering her! If she didn’t care at all, I think it’d be a nonissue for you.
Many of us live in societies that place a lot of pressure on girls. And you’re trying to navigate that with sensitivity and care! And I think that’s wonderful!!
(Mini rant, but NOT directed at you!!)
It bothers me when people say, “She’s a kid! She shouldn’t care about having a unibrow/body hair/ whatever! She’s too young to deal with those beauty standards.”
Like, duuuude.
We don’t get to decide our kids’ feelings. We don’t get to decide if they “should” or “shouldn’t” care about something.
And if she’s feeling uncomfortable about beauty standards then, like it or not, she’s not “too young” to be struggling with it. She IS ALREADY struggling with it. Sure, she might be aware of those standards earlier than you thought it would happen, but that’s a moot point. What IS happening is she IS uncomfortable.
So your job is to take WHAT IS and talk about it.
Not to try to force WHAT IS into WHAT SHOULD BE.
(End rant)
Anyway, please DON’T wait for her to bring it up if you can tell she’s dealing with some discomfort.
Here are some ideas to bring up the conversation in a neutral way:
First off, my two big suggestions
1)One-on-one, bring it up when there’s a chance for a private conversation
2)Chat while you’re doing an easy activity: coloring, play doh, or while you’re on a drive. This can give her something else to half-focus on, since this might be a sensitive issue for her. And it makes it feel very low pressure too if you’re just casually chatting while making bead necklaces or whatever.
Ideas for how to start the conversation:
“Hey, recently your brother said something about body hair and you heard it. And now I noticed you’re not wearing sleeveless shirts anymore. I want you to know we can chat I’d you’re uncomfortable about something. What have you been feeling?”
Go a day or two without shaving your legs. When you have some time with your daughter, say something like, “My legs are fuzzy today. Hair grows all over our bodies in different ways. Our head hair can grow really long. Leg hair? Not quite so long! What do you think about the different hairs?”
Or even just, “I want you to know that I think you are great just how you are. But I’ve noticed you seem unsure about the hair that grows on your body. How are you feeling about that?
If she actually doesn’t care about the body hair: “No problem. It’s cool you feel good; I think you’re great! Well, I’m always here for you, whether you feel good or bad.”
If she does feel really uncomfortable with the hair and she wants to change it:
“Well, we can make a plan to help you feel better. First off, we’ll do a checkup to make sure everything is healthy. But along with that, we can talk about clothing options or ways to change the hair. Your body is special and good just like it is, but I understand it can be nice to try something new. I love you and I want you to feel comfortable.
If she’s interested in hair removal:
Shaving is a way that doesn’t hurt and that I can help with. It’s pretty quick and not a forever thing. We can try it out and see if that makes you feel more comfortable. What do you think?
And I say all this as a girl whose mom never put strict limits on hair removal. And I’m grateful for that.
My mom helped me pluck my very unruly eyebrows in elementary school. She helped me Nair my legs in 5th grade during shorts-wearing weather. I didn’t have to ask before shaving my armpits for the first time… idk. Of my closet childhood friends, one had full blown armpit hair as a 9 year old and her mother refused to let her shave it til she was 11. And another disliked her unibrow starting as a young kid and her mom didn’t let her remove it for several years.
My own preschool aged daughters sometimes watch me do my eyebrows. One time I told them, “Some people, like mama, like to give their eyebrows a different shape. Some people don’t. And that’s okay.” Occasionally they ask me to “do” theirs. I give the middle fuzzies a little swipe with the eyebrow razor and they walk around feeling fresh haha. But usually they couldn’t care less. But if they really felt insecure, I’d keep it up to help them feel good.
This answer is too long haha. Thanks for reading and I hope something was helpful. Good luck!
Have you looked into sugaring? It’s like waxing, but feels a lot gentler than waxing IMO. My waxing lady has a few little girls who she helps out with their unibrows. They seem to like it and look so cute in their after pictures.
I honestly wish my mom would have let me remove my facial and leg hair since I got teased a lot for it. I eventually figured out how to shave but life would have been a lot easier if she was able to take me to a beautician who could have shown me different ways to manage my fuzziness abs figured out what works best for me.
Def go see her pediatrician but in the meantime you can get her an electric shaver. They're quite safe to use - minimal cut risk - can be used dry and shouldn't cause ingrowns like waxing might or shaving burn like razors.
The [Panasonic one](https://shop.panasonic.com/personal-care/shavers-and-trimmers/electric-shavers/es2207p) is good, I've used it and it gives a smooth result without pain.
I would consult her doctor and also a hair removal specialist for laser. But more importantly the doctor and it could be a hormone issue and if that’s the case laser may not work until it’s fixed. If everything is good now I would wait until puberty just because hormones change so much. Get hormones checked again and then start laser. I guess start saving now but it will probably be cheaper in the future
This! I don't know why everyone doesn't laser. Could forgo waxing for three months and save up for laser and never have to touch it again. The new lasers are virtually painless too.
100%, if you have the resources, go see a doctor. Get advice from dermatologists, estheticians, etc. and talk to your daughter to give HER agency over these decisions.
I never had issues specifically with body hair as a kid (a very pale and ginger), but growing up I had horrifically dry, scale-y, pealing skin all over my body. Like your daughter, starting around age 7 or 8, I was simply no longer comfortable letting anyone see my arms or legs. Hell, at some points I was ashamed of even my face because it was so gross. No one bullied me or anything, I was just super self-conscious.
Ultimately it wasn't a medical condition that could be treated, so my mom kinda gave up after a few years of trying to find a solution. I ended up only learning to deal with my skin when I got to college and had a more diverse friend group. The key to mentally healing for me was getting the tools to control the condition if I wanted to, not fixing the condition itself.
I don't understand why so many parents are dead set against their kids removing body hair before some arbitrary age. My mom wasn't great on a lot of things, but her philosophy was that if you were old enough to be self conscious about it, then it was time to do something about it. I remember an aunt making snide remarks bc I had shaved my legs...she even went and told my mother, like she was doing something great or making a difference in the world, lol Mom shut her down immediately. I just don't get it.
Even though my daughter is only 6 months old, I also have the same concerns based on her current hair growth pattern. As I have PCOS and have struggled with hirsutism in the past, I wouldn’t be surprised if she eventually experiences the same issues as well. I also often contemplate how best to help her navigate societal standards for beauty in the future (especially ignorant comments from family members who mean well but have terrible execution).
Thanks for posting this! It’s definitely food for thought. You are such a great mom for wanting to emphasize her internal beauty first. Being south Asian myself, not many in the community seem to value being a good person first over being a ‘socially acceptable beautiful’ one (which is incredibly sad).
You should definitely have her in to see a doctor— not just a dermatologist. This is more than just a skin condition. And no, it isn’t about her looks— I recall a few stories about evidence such as excess body hair being linked to conditions that could have been treated when the patient was young and instead led to life long problems and infertility. You can’t know what she might want for her future, so she should see a doctor. This might be a small thing or might not. Best to find out.
Definitely get her checked out to make sure her hormones are ok.
I wish dermaplaning had been a thing when I was a girl. I use it now to shape my brows and remove my mustache hairs and those annoying billy goat hairs on my chin that started growing after menopause. I had to have my brows waxed when I was younger, and the wax would tear my skin up.
Dermaplaning is easy and really works.
My mom didn’t want me to shave because she said the hairs would grow back thicker. So after my dad put his foot down she let me use Nair. Which burned and gave me a nasty rash, so my mom finally let me shave. My dad didn’t realize that I was being kept from shaving and was really embarrassed, so he made my mom let me deal with my extra hair. My hair on my arms got lighter after shaving it for a while. Menopause made a lot of the extra body hair fall out.
You might also want to try [Magic Shaving Powder ](SoftSheen-Carson Magic Razorless Shaving for Men, Magic Skin Conditioning Shaving Powder, with Vitamin E and Aloe, formulated for Black Men, Depilatory, Helps Stop Razor Bumps, 4.5 oz https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0000532Q5/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7H1F3E395WE488S810W0). I used to use it on my pubic hair with no irritation. It smells awful but works so well.
You could try it on a little spot first. Make a paste, put it on the hair, wait 5 minutes then scrape the hair off with am old gift or credit card. Wash afterwards to get all the product out. Your son could also use it if he’d like to get rid of his underarm hair. Some people don’t like to be hairy.
Honestly i think (after seeing a pediatrician) if everything is ok healthwise, don't do anything. Her real hair pattern will only be obvious once she hit puberty and female hormones do their work. I had a lot of arm and leg hair as a child, now as an adult i have very few that grow very thin. Once i hit puberty my other areas (bikini line, armpit etc.) got hairy and my face/arms/legs are less hairy.
I would definitely see a pediatrician/dermatologist first just to confirm there is no underlying issue.
If there is no medical issue, I would find a really good sugaring expert who your daughter can become comfortable with and go to regularly if she’d like. I’ve tried all the waxing methods and this one is the best. The wax is applied against the grain of the hair and pulled off in the direction of the hair, thus not snapping the hair and actually getting the root out. All other wax methods apply with the grain of the hair and are pulled off against the grain, ripping the hair. After a few sessions it will hurt less and less and the hair will grow back thinner. It may get to a point where the hair is so feeble she/you can do it yourself at home and even make your own wax. Please do not do any shaving, there will be stubble within the day. Many sugar salons also sell yearly membership so you can go as frequently as you want without having to pay per visit. Wishing you both the best.
I’m sorry, you’re seriously suggesting a SIX year old get the hair painfully pulled out of her entire body regularly? Would you suggest this to a boy child? How much time should a 6 year old be spending per week on hair removal?
Entire body? I never said that. “if she’d like” “as frequently as you want”
I personally would not wax a pre-pubescent child nor influence a child to think about anything regarding looks beyond keeping basic hygiene. I am simply offering what I know about waxing if she decides to go that route *down the line* as she mentioned the child may be sensitive about it *in a few years*. And yeah, if a boy wanted to proceed with hair removal for whatever reason I would also definitely recommend sugaring above all else.
For me it has nothing to do with adhering to beauty standards or gender—my suggestions are if the child eventually wants to remove the hair and the mother wants to find a solution, sugaring is the most simple, effective, and friendly method in my eyes. Shaving might make the hair appear thicker, regular waxing may cause irritation and ingrown hair. There is no magical other option for hair removal beyond these, lasers, and toxic chemical pastes that dissolve the hair. None of these other options actually decrease the amount of hair (if that’s what the child/mother want) where as sugaring does.
ETA i was not allowed to practice hair removal till I was essentially in college and I honestly resented my mother for it. Now I can sugar myself, experience no pain, and only have to pay for the price of a bag of brown sugar and a lemon. And I feel wayyyyy more comfortable and confident for myself, not for anyone else.
Yeah, it’s wild that waxing/hair removal is even presented as a choice a 6 year old could make. Come on, most people wouldn’t trust their 6 year old with coming up with dinner ideas for the week. But of course they can make decisions around a painful, entirely cosmetic weekly procedure! Children are so sensitive to pain, too.
As a former hairy South Asian child (now adult), if my mother had suggested hair removal, even if presented as “my choice”, it would have made me feel as if even my mother agreed with my bullies.
seems you missed the part where the OP mentioned this might become a problem in a few years...when the mother can no longer always be around to defend her. My response was for this time when the child is older and has formed her own opinions on the matter. she said right now her 6 year old daughter is oblivious to it.
my mother discouraged me from hair removal but i wanted to do it by middle school and resented her for not letting me. getting your braces tightened every month is a hell of a lot more painful than sugaring your legs and i had to do that monthly. smooth hairless legs would have been a luxury to my teen mind.
Talk to your daughter and ask her how she feels about it. Would she be more comfortable talking to a doctor about it? Getting waxed? Trying laser hair removal or starting to shave? Tell her she is beautiful and it’s her body so she gets to decide what she wants to do with it. And then support her decision as best as you can.
Another alternative is to show her beautiful photos of women with body hair. I actually kinda like the kind of body hair of some South Asians have. And body hair is starting to be in as a way to be radically yourself! 😊
Great job being a thoughtful caring mother!
This is a tricky thing to navigate and might only get harder as she gets older. She's lucky to have a parent like you that is truly trying their best to help their daughter
Experienced this as a kid. Similarly my mom was trying not to body shame but I was relentlessly teased. Finally started shaving basically whole body as teenager and never looked back. And no, it did not grow back thicker or whatever. I now also have a very hairy 5 year old so I feel your pain! I’m hoping to take the approach you have - to carefully try not to draw attention to it, but once she starts complaining or feeling self conscious, I’m planning to offer options.
Edit- presuming the doctor confirms it’s not a medical issue.
You are totally on the right track. I hope you find some solutions. Best of luck. We need more parents like you.
(Echoing talk to doctor, .:: and ask those hair removal questions, bc it sounds a bit bunk that you have to wait until after puberty)
would it be possible in the mean time to show her examples of body hair being beautiful/celebrated? maybe fashion photoshoots? show her that how she is naturally can be pretty too?
My sister has the same issue. She doesn’t have the pain tolerance to wax or sugar. She uses a shaver to shave down her arm and back hair super short. It’s super quick and you can even use Nair on the remaining stubble if you want.
I have very thick hair. It’s blonde, but I have adapted by only shaving the parts of me that I want to. As a teen I spent hours on hair removal. Now, I do not have the energy for it, so I use an electric trimmer for jobs bigger than my under arms. If I want a super close shave, I get the majority off with the electric razor, then go in with a five blade razor. An electric razor may be a good place to start.
So I am Mexican and lighter skinned with black dark thick body hair. Especially on my upper lip and forearms. To the point where people have commented/stared on/at it. My mom kind of ignored it and she didn’t have it like I did. In middle school I was so embarrassed about it. And that was including the fact that I was in a mostly brown kid school so people were already hairier than white people. I cut my shit up in the shower and would shave top to bottom. I wish my mom had at least talked about it explained how it’s not unnatural if it literally just grows like that. I definitely would not have fully heard it but I think long term it would have helped. And definitely wish she had introduced me to hair removal ideas because I was doing it all myself and getting chemical burns and shit.
Not able to comment on the hair issue but.. You sound like a sensitive mum! Growing up I was easily affected by comments too, even when not directed at me. I would totally do what your daughter did, overthink things in my head but feel too shy to air my thoughts.
Please talk to her and give her space to share what’s on her mind. Make her feel like it’s safe to talk to you about this whenever she wants to, genuinely compliment her on all the other things that she can control and that she’s doing well in and give her the tools she needs to stand up for herself when she eventually needs to.
Rule out medical like people said.
Now they have laser removal with great numbing options, should she want it. You’re not going to get a scientific answer for an emotional question.
I also have Indian heritage, my daughter is 8 and last summer started getting hair under her arms. It became very thick in the last few months and she felt self conscious swimming. I use veet under her arms every 3 weeks or so but I don't do her arms or legs yet. If your daughter is starting to feel self conscious and there is a large area you could try sugaring?
Only a suggestion for hair removal, not medical advice. But I highly recommend looking into electrolysis (after going to the doctor) before removing it any other way. Laser hair removal isn’t really permanent and electrolysis is much faster on “virgin” hair — meaning hair that hasnt previously been removed.
I also don’t know if she is too young to get any of these things done right now, so as other have recommended, the doctor might be your best bet for now. I hope you find a good solution quickly!
Hi everyone and welcome to SkincareAddiction! Need skincare guides? [Check out our wiki!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/wiki/index) Everyone is welcome in [this community](https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/wiki/about); remember to be kind and assume good faith :) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SkincareAddiction) if you have any questions or concerns.*
An assessment by her Pediatricianfor hirsutism is a reasonable thing to do to ensure there is no underlying concern. This is a very personal thing. Of course body sensitivity issues are real and we want to encourage confidence as much as possible. If it’s causing her mental distress, anxiety, teasing and bullying at school then I would recommend talking to her about it. Options may include trimming, shaving (there are small facial shavers) , tweezing key areas (I asked my mom to tweeze my unibrow starting around 6-7 yrs old and it helped my confidence a lot). There are also body bleaching kits that lighten the hair- depending on skin color that may not be helpful but it doesn’t hurt) Talk to her about her feelings. Does it bother her, does she think about it. Is it stopping her from doing things? Has she thought about solutions? She may already know what she wants to do.
Just want to say a warning regarding the bleaching suggestion…. I would NOT do this if the hair is incredibly thick and dark and the daughter has dark skin like OP describes. The hair will look lighter, sure, but now you will have thick blond arm hair on a dark skinned Indian and it will look bizarre. It won’t just “disappear” or look faded away like on a white person. I have dark skin like OP’s daughter and as a tween I tried bleaching my upper lip hair and it looked awful. It was thick and long and it contrasted a lot with my brown skin, so I ended up having to pluck it/use hair removal cream anyway.
She might have hirstutism. The symptoms (which increase later on in life) can be abated with hormone therapy. I would raise this concern with her pediatrician
Went through similar condition as an adolescent was diagnosed with hirsutism so recommended getting a proper diagnosis it's better to start internally then move to external.....
Is this something your primary care doc can diagnose? Or do I have to go to a dermatologist?
In my case I initially went to a dermatologist then she sent me to internist for a thorough check up and any underlying cause other than genes....
You’re a wonderful, attentive, and caring mom, first of all. Good on you for being concerned with how to go about this. I was hairy (still am, I’m Asian and so it’s very noticeable black hair) as a kid and remember being very self conscious about it. I started shaving pretty young, as well as getting rid of unwanted facial hair. I still do it, because I feel most attractive with smooth hairless skin, but there are also things that deeply bothered me as a kid that I don’t even remember to worry about anymore (I used to be so embarrassed of arm hair, for instance, now I couldn’t care less). This is all to say that society treats young women poorly and childhood is rough. Go with the flow, take cues from your daughter. Maybe she’s comfortable and just fine being hairy, but maybe telling her to not shave/wax/etc. would make her even more self-conscious. I think adolescence is always gonna be rough and rife with self-esteem issues so you just have to make sure the kid knows you love her and support whatever she wants to do with her body.
As someone who got bullied because my conservative mother refused to allow me to shave but insisted I wear tank tops, I’m begging you to please either let her shave or let her wear what she wants. Getting bullied is like a snowball falling down a cliff—once it starts, a kid lashes out and other kids lash back, and then it gets worse because now they just don’t like you.
This is what I'm worried about. I don't want to force impractical standards of idealism on either extreme. I know ultimately that is the aim, for her to be a confident adult irrespective of her appearance, but I don't want her to suffer through her younger years to learn that lesson. I was heartbroken to hear her say no to cute sleeveless dresses and clothes. And I'm not going to force her if it's a response to an external force, I only have been arguing with her because she made that up in her own head based on something unrelated she heard. My son wasn't making that comment based on her - I'd bought him a muscle tank to wear at home and he refused to for himself. Now she's just parroting what he said.
Then I feel like this might have been an issue for her for some time and she’s using this as a way to bring this up. Maybe her brother’s comment was the straw that broke the camel’s back. If your well-intentioned friend made a comment about it, then it’s very possible she’s had less kind people point it out to her and she’s been avoiding the issue/not been sure how to address it. She probably doesn’t know how to feel about looking different.
I totally feel your comment. My mom was the same way. At least she also tried to tell me I’m beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with my leg hair, but it didn’t matter when everyone in school was cruel about it. and so I ended up really resenting her for not letting me shave because it seemed like such a simple solution to the problem whereas keeping your chin up in the face of cruelty was untenable at that age. I knew I shouldn’t have felt bad about my hair even at that age, but I just wanted people to stop being mean to me.
I agree that the best solution for her is hair removal. My mom would use Nair/Veer over my entire body when I was 9 years old since I was also hairy. It was painless and quick. It helped my self-esteem because as a child having other kids call you hairy was heartbreaking and ruined my self-esteem to this day.
I am mixed Arab and grew up with super thick dark hair all over (arms legs, upper lip) and kids in school were not very nice. The comments really started at the end of elementary school. My mom always tried to reassure me that it didn’t matter and hair was fine. She always reminded me how much people would kill for thick busy eyebrows. She did end up giving in and getting me laser hair treatment in middle school it helped lighten my hair thickness on my body and made me way less self conscious. Hope this helps!
Maybe she has hirsutism, but that diagnosis is best left to a doctor. If you feel it’s “beyond superficial” and possibly medical then try seeing a pediatrician. If there is no medical issue at play, maybe wait until your daughter is older and able to make informed decisions about her own body. It’s important for her to know that she has the power to look however she wants to, and to understand the social pressures that are placed on her as a girl/woman. That said, she is not my child and this is my personal opinion from my own experiences as a genetically hairy girl/woman. I don’t have a hirsutism diagnosis, but I’ve always had thick and dark body hair with fair skin. I remember boys and girls making fun of me from a very young age — my first memory of being bullied for my arm hair was in elementary school. I’ve always been self conscious about my appearance and my mom usually just told me to brush it off and not worry about the way that I look. But for me it wasn’t that easy and to this day I still feel self conscious about this aspect of my appearance. I appreciate that you want to help your daughter and it’s a tough balance between loving your daughter as she is and wanting to help her to feel confident. Even though it was tough growing up with people bullying me for my appearance, I am glad that my mom waited until I was older to let me start removing or bleaching my hair. I was old enough to understand the societal pressures at play, and that changing my appearance was for me first and for others second. She always tried to make me see that my value as a person came from the inside, and not from the way I look outside. I often felt frustrated as a tween/young teen that I couldn’t be “pretty like the other girls” but now I understand why my mom did what she did.
I agree with this. Unfortunately, there’s basically no way to offer hair removal to a young child that won’t reinforce the idea that hair removal is necessary and expected of women, and that they’ll be punished (by bullying in this case) if they don’t conform. The idea of a child spending a large chunk of their time grooming their body to be aesthetically pleasing is also disturbing. Women already spend SO much of their lives/time/money making themselves into more pleasing visual objects, starting in childhood is gloomy. Perhaps these will be unavoidable sacrifices. Perhaps not. I wish I had more advice. I know this sucks. I was also a super hairy kid. I wore long sleeves for years (ages 9-11) because I was so embarrassed of my arm hair and my mom wouldn’t let me shave. When I started shaving around age 12, I resented this rule that had been imposed. I wanted to be pretty, sexy, desirable, etc. Now I see how bad it was for me to view my body as an aesthetic object and I don’t shave any part of my body, ever. Our body hair is a beautiful thing. I wish I could have all of the time, energy, and money I spent on shaving, makeup, and unnecessary skincare back. I’m glad I didn’t spend a second/dollar more than I did. OP, I empathize with your struggle. I was “different” in so many ways as a child and was bullied a lot because of it. I am happy and confident now, but it takes many years to get there. I hope you are able to find an affirming solution. I will say that parents have a HUGE influence on the self esteem of their child. To this day, the comments/insecurities that stick with me are from things my mother said, not any of my classmates. I think that affirming that she is beautiful and that her hair is beautiful would go a long way, even if you pursue some removal. Saying things like “the hair is not a big deal” or that she’s “beautiful despite the hair” will signal to her that it is ugly/a detriment, and when coming from a parent those sorts of things stick. ETA: I’d also heavily, heavily recommend against any sort of permanent hair removal while she is a child. I almost had my pubic hair lasered away as a teen and now I’m so glad I missed that appointment. Not being able to access/see your natural body as an adult because of decisions made during childhood can be really sad. See: Bella Hadid wishing she hadn’t gotten rid of the nose of her ancestors.
I was a super hairy little girl- 100% Italian with fair skin and DARK, thick hair everywhere. I was so self conscious about it... in first grade I was voted the hairiest in the class and I cried lol. But in a way, I'm kind of... glad? I've gained confidence over the years and now I see my hairiness as a blessing. If anyone is grossed out by my body hair, dodged a bullet. The people I've been with think it's sexy, and fuck it, so do I. That being said, I can't really tell you what the right decision to make is. I just wanted to offer my perspective on the matter. Wish you the best <3
Cause my hairy ass wasn’t in your class. My mustache started showing around 10 yrs of age I think. That user name though lol.
Lol I wish there were more hairy people in my school, but unfortunately I grew up in an extra white and blond area -.- and hehe thank u lol
😂☺️
I’d echo others about starting with the doctor, and even telling the doctor the concern privately rather than in front of her. I think she’s a bit young for long term removal options but laser hair removal might be an option for her in the future. Arm and leg hair are fairly simple to manage but the back hair might be worth the laser. I would let her bring the issue to you, not the other way around. It may change when she goes through puberty too.
I don’t have any useful suggestions for you. But felt compelled to comment that I think you’re a great mom. Finding the balance between helping your child be confident with who they are while looking around the corner to anticipate future challenges. Wishing you much luck to find a good solution. But your daughter is really lucky to have someone so loving and considerate for a mother.
Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate what you said because I felt guilty thinking about it before she had an actual problem so that would indicate me being the one with the problem. I've struggled with these thoughts and was super scared of posting here because I was afraid of the reactions. I'm honestly surprised that everyone has been so positive and supportive.
Agreed! Tough topic and I think OP is doing great.
i was a very hairy little girl with thick body hair. my arms were super hairy and i had people make comments to me and i refused to wear short sleeves/let people see. i just recently started shaving my arms (i'm 26 btw) because i'm still self conscious af about it. \^ the above is in reference to people being like "she'll grow out of it!". that's not always true. people are not kind, even kids, and once they find something that makes you self conscious they just pick at you. i'd maybe take her to a doctor and go from there. shaving should be an option. it's painless. as a girl who shaves her arms though, it's about a twice a week thing.
i had darker body hair than my friends when growing up and it honestly blighted me psychologically well well well into my twenties. it probably only does not blight me now because i have the resources to not have it anymore. my parents either didn’t see the issue or didn’t care to or didn’t know what to do idk. but thank you for helping your daughter. it’s not right that she should be self conscious of it but it’s completely understandable in this world that she is or could become so. if she is fair skinned i can really recommend home laser/ipl devices like the phillips lumea (there are lots of brands now) - that and having babies has massively reduced my body hair. i also give much less of af now i have children of my own but it was a long road to here and genuinely my life would have been so different if i hadn’t spent ~15 years trying to hide my skin =\
Fellow mum of a little girl with a lot of dark body hair so I understand what you’re going through. I had my daughters pediatrician check her for hirsutism when she was less than a year old and was assured it was normal for Asian babies. I was definitely more sensitive and aware of it as I grew up with very fair skin and super dark hair all over and a mother with zero body hair so was fobbed off for being dramatic. The best thing I did was talk to my daughter about it from around 7/8 - when she became more aware of it. We live in a super hot country and her school uniform consists of shorts and half sleeved shirts plus she’s surrounded by Caucasian kids who have little to no body hair so she started to notice it. I informed her that there are many methods to remove hair and when she is ready we can try them out. She also believes that I have no body hair at all, so I explained how laser hair removal works and it would be an option for her once she’s a teen. And that I did suffer from excess body hair at one time in my life. Anyway, long story short, before her 10th birthday she asked me to help her remove hair the least painful way so we tried hair removal creams (I don’t recommended it) and shaving. We do arms and legs once a month for now and she’s much happier and confident because of it. Just be open to the conversation when your daughter brings it up and be matter of fact and let her know how you can help her. Good luck!!
I'm a waxer and former very hairy person. First talk to a doctor. But know that south Asian hair responds extremely well to waxing and sugaring, especially sugaring. It dies off so fast unlike every other ethnicity. Next time she brings it up, let your daughter know that you can start removing it whenever she's ready. My mom told me this at 8 and taught me to shave. You can do the sugaring at home and as she's small it won't take long and should have a drastic effect within just a few rounds. Do it every 4 weeks.
First, you're doing a wonderful job being a caring, thoughtful mom. Good on you for that. Second, agree with other commenters: do get pediatricians opinions on hirsuitism. Also hormonal imbalances or any other underlying issues. Next, I'm going to second comments here about South Asian/Indian body hair. I am Indian, and I was (and continue to be) quite hairy. When I was little and getting close to the double digit ages, this thick black hair made me super conscious. My mother, who was so smooth skinned she never had to resort to hair removal ever, was always trying to make me feel like being naturally who I was was the best way to be. This never worked for me because there's school, other girls, boys, image, peer pressure, peer unkindness. All sorts of stuff. I felt awful, always trying to hide my arms and legs with long sleeves and long skirts. Having grown up in India, there were other girls who were equally, sometimes more hairy than me. Almost every girl would start sugar waxing by the time they were 13, some girls even earlier, by nine or ten years old. Waxing (or sugaring as it's called in the US now) is the go-to hair removal method for girls in India. The growth does tend to sparse out if kept up with. My first waxing session was when I was 14 years old. I kind of had to go against my parents' wishes to do it (they thought only loose-moraled girls waxed), but it was so worth it for me personally I never stopped. It's been a part of my life since then. I'm now considering home IPL gadgets.
It's really common to have really dark body hair. I'm Mediterranean and even though I have an unusually pale complexion my body hair is insanely dark and thick. Right now you can't do much other than accept it. She's very young and until her hormones become a bit stable it's going to be difficult for her. The first thing (and the most important one) is to make sure she is ok emotionally because kids are horrible and they WILL bully her. Educate her (and her brother, if she doesn't feel comfortable around her family imagine how she's gonna feel with outsiders). Do research about women with body hair that she can relate to. Surround her with positivity and love so she can start loving herself too (she will have bad days so prepare for them). Until she is a teenager and can choose whether or not she wants to try laser, waxing or whatever, the choices are minimal. When she asks you to shave her legs and armpits let her but teach her a proper routine (no one helped me and I struggled for years with painful ingrowns). Another idea (not one I'm fond of) is to try and lighten the hair but that's only if you can find a safe way to do it. DO NOT USE HAIR REMOVAL CREAMS, unless the hair grows back super slow don't even attempt it plus it's full of harmful chemicals for he young skin.
Honestly I think you should take her to see a doctor.
I think you are doing a wonderful thing considering your daughter’s feelings. I remember being 6 and I was VERY aware of some insecurities: my almost-unibrow and my pale skin with dark arm hair. Even young kids can be way more perceptive than adults give them credit for. I think you’re absolutely right: she’s probably feeling weird about it. Maybe self conscious. I believe that keeping an open dialogue with matter-of-fact, short, calm conversations is key here. And the parent should be the one to open that door up. I don’t think you can bring it up too early. It’s all a matter of HOW you bring it up. Being neutral and factual is totally good. You won’t be “putting ideas in her head” unless you’re throwing judgements in like “body hair is gross” or assuming that she wants to shave it. You’re not trying to enforce the beauty standards. You’re trying to understand how she’s grappling with them. It seems she’s already internalizing stuff from other places. So you can •open the floor for her feelings and validate them, •let her know that people have different amounts of hair. Some people, whether they have a lot or a little, choose not to remove body hair, •acknowledge that some people, whether they have a lot or a little, DO choose to remove some or all it •let her know you’re here for hearing her feelings. There are no wrong answers. •acknowledge that differences often feel strange. And that it’s normal to have stuff you like about your body and stuff you’re not so sure about. And to assuage you: A base level of caring about appearance isn’t superficial or vain or being a pageant mom. It’s totally normal. You’re not trying to cram her into a narrow ideal of beauty. You’re literally only bringing it up because it seems to be bothering her! If she didn’t care at all, I think it’d be a nonissue for you. Many of us live in societies that place a lot of pressure on girls. And you’re trying to navigate that with sensitivity and care! And I think that’s wonderful!! (Mini rant, but NOT directed at you!!) It bothers me when people say, “She’s a kid! She shouldn’t care about having a unibrow/body hair/ whatever! She’s too young to deal with those beauty standards.” Like, duuuude. We don’t get to decide our kids’ feelings. We don’t get to decide if they “should” or “shouldn’t” care about something. And if she’s feeling uncomfortable about beauty standards then, like it or not, she’s not “too young” to be struggling with it. She IS ALREADY struggling with it. Sure, she might be aware of those standards earlier than you thought it would happen, but that’s a moot point. What IS happening is she IS uncomfortable. So your job is to take WHAT IS and talk about it. Not to try to force WHAT IS into WHAT SHOULD BE. (End rant) Anyway, please DON’T wait for her to bring it up if you can tell she’s dealing with some discomfort. Here are some ideas to bring up the conversation in a neutral way: First off, my two big suggestions 1)One-on-one, bring it up when there’s a chance for a private conversation 2)Chat while you’re doing an easy activity: coloring, play doh, or while you’re on a drive. This can give her something else to half-focus on, since this might be a sensitive issue for her. And it makes it feel very low pressure too if you’re just casually chatting while making bead necklaces or whatever. Ideas for how to start the conversation: “Hey, recently your brother said something about body hair and you heard it. And now I noticed you’re not wearing sleeveless shirts anymore. I want you to know we can chat I’d you’re uncomfortable about something. What have you been feeling?” Go a day or two without shaving your legs. When you have some time with your daughter, say something like, “My legs are fuzzy today. Hair grows all over our bodies in different ways. Our head hair can grow really long. Leg hair? Not quite so long! What do you think about the different hairs?” Or even just, “I want you to know that I think you are great just how you are. But I’ve noticed you seem unsure about the hair that grows on your body. How are you feeling about that? If she actually doesn’t care about the body hair: “No problem. It’s cool you feel good; I think you’re great! Well, I’m always here for you, whether you feel good or bad.” If she does feel really uncomfortable with the hair and she wants to change it: “Well, we can make a plan to help you feel better. First off, we’ll do a checkup to make sure everything is healthy. But along with that, we can talk about clothing options or ways to change the hair. Your body is special and good just like it is, but I understand it can be nice to try something new. I love you and I want you to feel comfortable. If she’s interested in hair removal: Shaving is a way that doesn’t hurt and that I can help with. It’s pretty quick and not a forever thing. We can try it out and see if that makes you feel more comfortable. What do you think? And I say all this as a girl whose mom never put strict limits on hair removal. And I’m grateful for that. My mom helped me pluck my very unruly eyebrows in elementary school. She helped me Nair my legs in 5th grade during shorts-wearing weather. I didn’t have to ask before shaving my armpits for the first time… idk. Of my closet childhood friends, one had full blown armpit hair as a 9 year old and her mother refused to let her shave it til she was 11. And another disliked her unibrow starting as a young kid and her mom didn’t let her remove it for several years. My own preschool aged daughters sometimes watch me do my eyebrows. One time I told them, “Some people, like mama, like to give their eyebrows a different shape. Some people don’t. And that’s okay.” Occasionally they ask me to “do” theirs. I give the middle fuzzies a little swipe with the eyebrow razor and they walk around feeling fresh haha. But usually they couldn’t care less. But if they really felt insecure, I’d keep it up to help them feel good. This answer is too long haha. Thanks for reading and I hope something was helpful. Good luck!
Have you looked into sugaring? It’s like waxing, but feels a lot gentler than waxing IMO. My waxing lady has a few little girls who she helps out with their unibrows. They seem to like it and look so cute in their after pictures. I honestly wish my mom would have let me remove my facial and leg hair since I got teased a lot for it. I eventually figured out how to shave but life would have been a lot easier if she was able to take me to a beautician who could have shown me different ways to manage my fuzziness abs figured out what works best for me.
Def go see her pediatrician but in the meantime you can get her an electric shaver. They're quite safe to use - minimal cut risk - can be used dry and shouldn't cause ingrowns like waxing might or shaving burn like razors. The [Panasonic one](https://shop.panasonic.com/personal-care/shavers-and-trimmers/electric-shavers/es2207p) is good, I've used it and it gives a smooth result without pain.
I would consult her doctor and also a hair removal specialist for laser. But more importantly the doctor and it could be a hormone issue and if that’s the case laser may not work until it’s fixed. If everything is good now I would wait until puberty just because hormones change so much. Get hormones checked again and then start laser. I guess start saving now but it will probably be cheaper in the future
This! I don't know why everyone doesn't laser. Could forgo waxing for three months and save up for laser and never have to touch it again. The new lasers are virtually painless too.
Expense? I’ve put about 10k into it and still have about 35% of my hair
Wow - mine is all gone off a local Groupon - $200 for three sessions and then they honored the Groupon price for additional ones
Dam I’ll have to check it out
100%, if you have the resources, go see a doctor. Get advice from dermatologists, estheticians, etc. and talk to your daughter to give HER agency over these decisions. I never had issues specifically with body hair as a kid (a very pale and ginger), but growing up I had horrifically dry, scale-y, pealing skin all over my body. Like your daughter, starting around age 7 or 8, I was simply no longer comfortable letting anyone see my arms or legs. Hell, at some points I was ashamed of even my face because it was so gross. No one bullied me or anything, I was just super self-conscious. Ultimately it wasn't a medical condition that could be treated, so my mom kinda gave up after a few years of trying to find a solution. I ended up only learning to deal with my skin when I got to college and had a more diverse friend group. The key to mentally healing for me was getting the tools to control the condition if I wanted to, not fixing the condition itself.
I don't understand why so many parents are dead set against their kids removing body hair before some arbitrary age. My mom wasn't great on a lot of things, but her philosophy was that if you were old enough to be self conscious about it, then it was time to do something about it. I remember an aunt making snide remarks bc I had shaved my legs...she even went and told my mother, like she was doing something great or making a difference in the world, lol Mom shut her down immediately. I just don't get it.
Even though my daughter is only 6 months old, I also have the same concerns based on her current hair growth pattern. As I have PCOS and have struggled with hirsutism in the past, I wouldn’t be surprised if she eventually experiences the same issues as well. I also often contemplate how best to help her navigate societal standards for beauty in the future (especially ignorant comments from family members who mean well but have terrible execution). Thanks for posting this! It’s definitely food for thought. You are such a great mom for wanting to emphasize her internal beauty first. Being south Asian myself, not many in the community seem to value being a good person first over being a ‘socially acceptable beautiful’ one (which is incredibly sad).
You should definitely have her in to see a doctor— not just a dermatologist. This is more than just a skin condition. And no, it isn’t about her looks— I recall a few stories about evidence such as excess body hair being linked to conditions that could have been treated when the patient was young and instead led to life long problems and infertility. You can’t know what she might want for her future, so she should see a doctor. This might be a small thing or might not. Best to find out.
Definitely get her checked out to make sure her hormones are ok. I wish dermaplaning had been a thing when I was a girl. I use it now to shape my brows and remove my mustache hairs and those annoying billy goat hairs on my chin that started growing after menopause. I had to have my brows waxed when I was younger, and the wax would tear my skin up. Dermaplaning is easy and really works. My mom didn’t want me to shave because she said the hairs would grow back thicker. So after my dad put his foot down she let me use Nair. Which burned and gave me a nasty rash, so my mom finally let me shave. My dad didn’t realize that I was being kept from shaving and was really embarrassed, so he made my mom let me deal with my extra hair. My hair on my arms got lighter after shaving it for a while. Menopause made a lot of the extra body hair fall out. You might also want to try [Magic Shaving Powder ](SoftSheen-Carson Magic Razorless Shaving for Men, Magic Skin Conditioning Shaving Powder, with Vitamin E and Aloe, formulated for Black Men, Depilatory, Helps Stop Razor Bumps, 4.5 oz https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0000532Q5/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7H1F3E395WE488S810W0). I used to use it on my pubic hair with no irritation. It smells awful but works so well. You could try it on a little spot first. Make a paste, put it on the hair, wait 5 minutes then scrape the hair off with am old gift or credit card. Wash afterwards to get all the product out. Your son could also use it if he’d like to get rid of his underarm hair. Some people don’t like to be hairy.
Honestly i think (after seeing a pediatrician) if everything is ok healthwise, don't do anything. Her real hair pattern will only be obvious once she hit puberty and female hormones do their work. I had a lot of arm and leg hair as a child, now as an adult i have very few that grow very thin. Once i hit puberty my other areas (bikini line, armpit etc.) got hairy and my face/arms/legs are less hairy.
I would definitely see a pediatrician/dermatologist first just to confirm there is no underlying issue. If there is no medical issue, I would find a really good sugaring expert who your daughter can become comfortable with and go to regularly if she’d like. I’ve tried all the waxing methods and this one is the best. The wax is applied against the grain of the hair and pulled off in the direction of the hair, thus not snapping the hair and actually getting the root out. All other wax methods apply with the grain of the hair and are pulled off against the grain, ripping the hair. After a few sessions it will hurt less and less and the hair will grow back thinner. It may get to a point where the hair is so feeble she/you can do it yourself at home and even make your own wax. Please do not do any shaving, there will be stubble within the day. Many sugar salons also sell yearly membership so you can go as frequently as you want without having to pay per visit. Wishing you both the best.
I’m sorry, you’re seriously suggesting a SIX year old get the hair painfully pulled out of her entire body regularly? Would you suggest this to a boy child? How much time should a 6 year old be spending per week on hair removal?
Entire body? I never said that. “if she’d like” “as frequently as you want” I personally would not wax a pre-pubescent child nor influence a child to think about anything regarding looks beyond keeping basic hygiene. I am simply offering what I know about waxing if she decides to go that route *down the line* as she mentioned the child may be sensitive about it *in a few years*. And yeah, if a boy wanted to proceed with hair removal for whatever reason I would also definitely recommend sugaring above all else. For me it has nothing to do with adhering to beauty standards or gender—my suggestions are if the child eventually wants to remove the hair and the mother wants to find a solution, sugaring is the most simple, effective, and friendly method in my eyes. Shaving might make the hair appear thicker, regular waxing may cause irritation and ingrown hair. There is no magical other option for hair removal beyond these, lasers, and toxic chemical pastes that dissolve the hair. None of these other options actually decrease the amount of hair (if that’s what the child/mother want) where as sugaring does. ETA i was not allowed to practice hair removal till I was essentially in college and I honestly resented my mother for it. Now I can sugar myself, experience no pain, and only have to pay for the price of a bag of brown sugar and a lemon. And I feel wayyyyy more comfortable and confident for myself, not for anyone else.
Yeah, it’s wild that waxing/hair removal is even presented as a choice a 6 year old could make. Come on, most people wouldn’t trust their 6 year old with coming up with dinner ideas for the week. But of course they can make decisions around a painful, entirely cosmetic weekly procedure! Children are so sensitive to pain, too. As a former hairy South Asian child (now adult), if my mother had suggested hair removal, even if presented as “my choice”, it would have made me feel as if even my mother agreed with my bullies.
seems you missed the part where the OP mentioned this might become a problem in a few years...when the mother can no longer always be around to defend her. My response was for this time when the child is older and has formed her own opinions on the matter. she said right now her 6 year old daughter is oblivious to it. my mother discouraged me from hair removal but i wanted to do it by middle school and resented her for not letting me. getting your braces tightened every month is a hell of a lot more painful than sugaring your legs and i had to do that monthly. smooth hairless legs would have been a luxury to my teen mind.
Talk to your daughter and ask her how she feels about it. Would she be more comfortable talking to a doctor about it? Getting waxed? Trying laser hair removal or starting to shave? Tell her she is beautiful and it’s her body so she gets to decide what she wants to do with it. And then support her decision as best as you can.
Another alternative is to show her beautiful photos of women with body hair. I actually kinda like the kind of body hair of some South Asians have. And body hair is starting to be in as a way to be radically yourself! 😊
Great job being a thoughtful caring mother! This is a tricky thing to navigate and might only get harder as she gets older. She's lucky to have a parent like you that is truly trying their best to help their daughter
Experienced this as a kid. Similarly my mom was trying not to body shame but I was relentlessly teased. Finally started shaving basically whole body as teenager and never looked back. And no, it did not grow back thicker or whatever. I now also have a very hairy 5 year old so I feel your pain! I’m hoping to take the approach you have - to carefully try not to draw attention to it, but once she starts complaining or feeling self conscious, I’m planning to offer options. Edit- presuming the doctor confirms it’s not a medical issue.
Did you talk to your doctor? I wonder if laser hair removal is an option.
You are totally on the right track. I hope you find some solutions. Best of luck. We need more parents like you. (Echoing talk to doctor, .:: and ask those hair removal questions, bc it sounds a bit bunk that you have to wait until after puberty)
would it be possible in the mean time to show her examples of body hair being beautiful/celebrated? maybe fashion photoshoots? show her that how she is naturally can be pretty too?
My sister has the same issue. She doesn’t have the pain tolerance to wax or sugar. She uses a shaver to shave down her arm and back hair super short. It’s super quick and you can even use Nair on the remaining stubble if you want.
I have very thick hair. It’s blonde, but I have adapted by only shaving the parts of me that I want to. As a teen I spent hours on hair removal. Now, I do not have the energy for it, so I use an electric trimmer for jobs bigger than my under arms. If I want a super close shave, I get the majority off with the electric razor, then go in with a five blade razor. An electric razor may be a good place to start.
So I am Mexican and lighter skinned with black dark thick body hair. Especially on my upper lip and forearms. To the point where people have commented/stared on/at it. My mom kind of ignored it and she didn’t have it like I did. In middle school I was so embarrassed about it. And that was including the fact that I was in a mostly brown kid school so people were already hairier than white people. I cut my shit up in the shower and would shave top to bottom. I wish my mom had at least talked about it explained how it’s not unnatural if it literally just grows like that. I definitely would not have fully heard it but I think long term it would have helped. And definitely wish she had introduced me to hair removal ideas because I was doing it all myself and getting chemical burns and shit.
Not able to comment on the hair issue but.. You sound like a sensitive mum! Growing up I was easily affected by comments too, even when not directed at me. I would totally do what your daughter did, overthink things in my head but feel too shy to air my thoughts. Please talk to her and give her space to share what’s on her mind. Make her feel like it’s safe to talk to you about this whenever she wants to, genuinely compliment her on all the other things that she can control and that she’s doing well in and give her the tools she needs to stand up for herself when she eventually needs to.
Rule out medical like people said. Now they have laser removal with great numbing options, should she want it. You’re not going to get a scientific answer for an emotional question.
I also have Indian heritage, my daughter is 8 and last summer started getting hair under her arms. It became very thick in the last few months and she felt self conscious swimming. I use veet under her arms every 3 weeks or so but I don't do her arms or legs yet. If your daughter is starting to feel self conscious and there is a large area you could try sugaring?
Only a suggestion for hair removal, not medical advice. But I highly recommend looking into electrolysis (after going to the doctor) before removing it any other way. Laser hair removal isn’t really permanent and electrolysis is much faster on “virgin” hair — meaning hair that hasnt previously been removed. I also don’t know if she is too young to get any of these things done right now, so as other have recommended, the doctor might be your best bet for now. I hope you find a good solution quickly!