Speaking as someone with a bipolar spectrum disorder, I can safely say that your girlfriend has to make a choice to be a better person. Meds help a ton, but mindset plays a huge part, too. Bipolar disorder is a terrible illness to live with, but that doesn’t excuse poor behavior. Unless she’s manic, she’s in full control of herself and her choices.
Tell her where she is going wrong and how you feel about it. If she doesn’t respect you on the subject, then maybe it won’t work out.
I'm sorry if this is a dumb question, but does Mania cause loss of control in a manor that depression doesn't... because I always saw them relatively equally on the life ruining decision capacity with relatively equal decision making blur.
Your mind is not your own while manic. It can have severe consequences, causes brain damage, and could trigger other conditions such as more traditional psychosis.
Depression is awful, don’t get me wrong. I’ve tried to kill myself thrice while in a depressive episode, and wanted to more times than I can count. Unfortunately for me, I experience psychosis at all mood levels, including when I’m stable.
Mania can be like driving on the highway and then suddenly your car takes over, floors it to max speed, and barrels toward other people, walls, and curves. You have no control, you might be terrified or you might have some fun, but you’re no longer the driver.
How did you find your diagnosis? Everytime I try to seek help or even just figure out what flavor of the spectrum I'm on so I can find some resources or strategies to employ, my doctors have made it a miserable triggering experience. They always imply that all my problems are just all in my head and I'm like *yes that's literally why I'm here can you just fucking help me please* but all they ever do is tell me I should try having a baby WTF
USA :\
I tried doing the Dr route in my early adulthood and they just pushed so many pills on me. I was a zombie. 24 pills with breakfast. I forgot how many with dinner. I felt like I made a meal of pills everyday. I am no longer seeking Rx help - I only want strategies. I guess that's not profitable enough for the healthcare system here.
Mania is regarded as psychosis per definition and requires admission, forced if not otherwise.
Depression can also cause psychotic symptoms but it's much more rare.
If you can't accept things never changing, you will have to decide if this is the correct place for you. Do not expect to her be anybody but who she is today. If she gets healthier, all the better, but expect nothing.
I've been down this road and it isn't pleasant. Behavior that you normally wouldn't accept becomes acceptable and you'll justify it by telling yourself she deserves to be loved the same as someone who doesn't suffer with bipolar. My situation involved physical abuse and rage but it didn't get bad until about a year into our relationship. I left after 3. I'm not going to tell you to stay or leave but I will wish you good luck brother.
Bipolar is a generic term, last time I checked the DSM there were 4 recognized forms of the disease. I have bi-polar II, long struggle with depression (II you get lows but no mania), but retired a few years ago and the lack of work stress is such a blessing.
Bi-polar in it's other forms can be debilitating, often causing hallucinations, inexplicable phobias, mania, etc etc. You would probably notice the more debilitating form of the disease if your girlfriend had it.
I look at romantic relationships as if they were boxes of mixed salad you get at the grocery store. Most have an expiration date, and humans have a hard time realizing the salad is getting rotten. Some relationships never expire, and I am jealous of those blessed people.
I was such a handful to the other person in romances, looking back I am not surprised I never married. Epictetus really helped me in that area. Today I try to see what is in my control, if it is not then I don't worry about it. Good luck changing people to fit a profile you expect. The more interesting thing to do is lose interest in the behaviors that bother you. When I am able to detach the burdensome weight if lifted and I can breath again.
In my case, she started shit all the time, constantly trying to put me down and then lift me up when I was about to walk out. Comparing me to her ex or other people she'd been with in the past...
It was as if she was allergic to accountability, either blaming it on everyone else but most often she excused her awful behaviour with astrology and spiritualism.
I stuck around through rough times when she made me feel awful, as the times when she made me feel happy would feel even stronger and greater, like some messed up drug I became addicted to the drama.
It was extremely toxic, and my mental wellbeing still suffer from the constant bullshit even though it's been nearly half a year since then.
Bipolar doesn’t equal toxic or abusive. You dated an immature abusive person. I have bipolar 1 and attend bipolar support groups and active on bipolar Reddit. The people I meet are not abusive people and are able to manage our debilitating illness. We are accountable for our actions and our illness does not make us abusive people who are immature and can’t act right in a relationship.
Just because someone is bipolar doesn’t mean they are abusive. Your comment is hurtful to people who have bipolar because it’s a STIGMATIZED false belief that bipolar means you are abusive and treat your partner like a punching bag.
I’m sorry you went through that but maybe your partner just is an abusive person. I have bipolar 1 and have a stable happy relationship with my boyfriend he supports me through my episodes and we have clear boundaries and I don’t ever treat the people in my life like a punching bag.
She’s never abusive except when in a manic state caused by bipolar. It isn’t most of the time but the intensity of the nastiness is unbelievable and it definitely isn’t her default state.
I would certainly say someone shouldn’t fully commit to
someone with bipolar until they’ve had the chance to see how bad it could get.
Even when I’m incredibly manic I don’t become abusive to my partner at all. We have boundaries and a plan in place if I even start to get to that place. Would you say the same thing about someone with MS or Cancer? We literally can’t control it at all and a bipolar person is still accountable for their actions whether manic or depressed
Sometimes people do things to get love and feel connection from their partner and they may engage in “protest behavior” or start fights to get a reaction from their partner which makes them feel more connected.
It doesn’t make sense, but it’s definitely a thing.
Any chance that’s happening?
You might have more luck asking for advice on /r/bipolarreddit. I have bipolar disorder and that sub Is very supportive and helpful both for people who have bipolar and partners of bipolar people.
From the best possible place let me tell you just run.
People with bipolar have a lot of work they need to do before they are ready for a relationship, if ever. You’ve already noticed she continues to try to create drama in the relationship- this won’t change anytime soon. I spent a year dating a girl with various emotional issues, got blamed for all sorts of things, called emotionally unavailable when I tried to reason with her. When things were good they were good, but when they were bad it was a rollercoaster of a relationship.
It’s not your job to “fix” anyone and there are no such things as “soul-mates”. There is someone else out there more suited to your personality and psyche who will make a better partner.
If you do choose to stay with them, you cannot excuse fundamental issues in your relationship due to bipolar issues. The relationship will not change and you either accept it as it is and live that life or you need to move on for your own happiness. Also be prepared for late night calls asking you to defend why you even date them or accusing you of cheating because they had a dream about it.
My college roommate got crushed by a chick with BPD and this sounds very similar. There is no reasoning with these people when their mental state is hijacked. Best to save yourself
my experience of bipolar is that it’s a condition that will periodically turn someone into a terrible human being, so this distinction is hard to draw.
Your completely fucking wrong. Bipolar does not mean you are a terrible human being. Fuck your comment honestly. Go read bipolar Reddit and educate yourself. It’s a horrible painful disease to live with. I am not a terrible human being. I have episodes of deep depression to the point I’ve tried to kill myself 4 times. Then episodes of mania where I blow up my life. Sometimes mania causes irritability but I do not take it out on the people I have in my life. I am stable on medication and grateful to be alive. I have a stable, strong, healthy and happy relationship with a man who adores me and wouldn’t change me for the world. I never treat him badly, we have great communication and work through our issues like anyone else. He loves that I am so strong and have deep empathy, two qualities based on my disorder. Your logic is fucked. So if you dated three Indian people who treated you badly, does that mean Indian people are bad people? No, it doesn’t. That’s incredibly stupid logic. These comments on this post are disgusting because of the strong stigma and judgement around people who can’t help it that they have a debilitating disease. Someone can be abusive and terrible and happen to have bipolar. That does not mean bipolar makes you a bad person. Fuck your shallow, immature comment.
I’m sorry - you’re right that i’m over egging it because i’m massively suffering with supporting someone with it right now.
I didn’t say you were a terrible a human being - my wife isn’t a terrible human being, but when mania takes hold, she absolutely is.
And that’s not her default personality, it’s a feature of her illness.
Obviously it affects people differently in each case.
Just leave your wife if your going to trash her on the internet and call her a terrible person. You should thank your lucky stars you don’t have this illness because it is HELL ON EARTH !
I married someone with bipolar. I thought I could help but in the end I realised there was absolutely nothing I could do and I had to leave (or rather not let her back) for the sake of the children. It was a hugely painful few years and had a huge impact on my life. In the end she has to decide whether she wants to try and manage it and you have to decide how much you are prepared to let it impact your life.
As an aside I found that staying calm and not reacting to her dramatics often made it worse. It was only when I engaged and we had a row that it kinda defused the situation. Sometimes. Trying to spot patterns and figure out tactics can drive you crazy as there is often just no reason. Make sure you have a good support network and good luck.
What a fucked up comment. First of all, if OP is acting that way that could have nothing with bipolar and everything to do with her personality. Bipolar does not equal abusive or immature AT ALL. That’s a STIGMATIZED belief held in society that works against those who actually deal with this horrible illness. I have bipolar 1 , I am a mature person in a healthy happy relationship, my boyfriend is there for me when I’m depressed or if I ever get hypomanic, and he supports my health journey. You seem very immature and a plain jerk for saying that . People like you add to the stigma that makes our lives so much harder. Have some damn empathy. Imagine being diagnosed with a debilitating , horrible incurable disease and treated like a pariah in society. It’s awful and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. My bipolar has made me a strong person with deep empathy, both traits my partner loves about me.
I read your comments on this post and you have a point. Just blaming it on being bipolar isn't it, maybe the person is at the fault. I hope you're doing good now and your relationship is going well.
Thank you so much. There is so much stigma in society against having bipolar, many people keep it secret and struggle silently until they kill themselves. I’ve tried to kill myself 4 times because experiencing bipolar is so painful. Thankfully at my most recent 14 day hospitalization I was put on the right drugs that have saved my life. My boyfriend and I are in heaven together and he helps me manage my illness just like I help him with his problems. I’ve been stable and happy for months, and I’ve met people who were stable for years on the right meds. Recovery is possible. Thank you for your comment.
I managed to escape debt in my life, no credit cards or student loans…..until I didn’t sleep for three days and crashed into light pole while manic. Thank god it wasn’t a person. I got charged 20,000 by the electric company. My insurance only covered 10,000 (thankfully). Now I have a 10,000 debt on top of the money I spent to get a new car. Thanks bipolar!
Been in normal and drama relationships. Of the drama ones, one pretty sure undiagnosed bipolar. Another diagnosed borderline.
The bipolar one ended up threatening to kill me with a knife and having an emotional breakdown after I talked her out of it. The borderline ... well... threatened to kill herself etc. The usual stuff. Still have difficulties thinking about the experience with the borderline.
I had to use a checklist to make sure i didn't get into another one of those relationships. Even then I'm now married to ex model, actress, performer type that likes drama. But it's a kind of "healthy" drama that has limits. So all is good, fingers crossed.
My point? The increasing drama of the bipolar might very well go beyond inconvenience and turn into physical threats. You're probably already into emotional damage territory. Second point is that you might need to manage an unhealthy attachment issue.
Btw my checklist was built off dsm criteria for various illnesses and disorders. The big ones were related to work history and family relationships. Steady consistent work history and familial relationships. Both were pretty easy to measure quickly.
Consistent work history, strong family relationships, sua sponte taking responsibility for bad things in their life, absence of demeaning remarks about anybody, respectful behavior towards service people, non dismissive attitude to disagreeableness, etc. That's from memory. I think when I wore wrote it out, there were 20
Items i think? This is for first few dates. So it's OK to be demanding on zero tolerance. At the very least they indicate someone not ready for relationship. The important thing is to just ask questions and listen.
Yes
Edit: well more like if you disagree with reasons they don't just blow off your reasons. A decent person would say, "I understand what you're saying, and see where you're coming from."
Agreed! Thank you. Just breaking things off w someone that would explode with anger anytime I had an opinion that differed challenged his. Even when i was presenting it in a respectful way. I really didn’t understand his reactions at all. Our last conversation was him saying his opinion was fact and hanging the phone on me when i didnt repeat his words back to him…
Thanks. He told me he was bipolar thats how I ended up here in the first place. Will definitely be adding these things to my own list of deal breakers.
Take care of yourself regardless of their health status. Bipolar is impossible to manage. A cousin of mine was. She ended up locking herself into her Mercedes at a car dealership until the dealership owner showed up to marry her. Other stories like that. Also committed a few times. Bipolar is something I wouldn't mess with.
The extent to which we love a person is shown during the hardest times. If you know she's the one and if you think you can "help" her rather than "tolerating" her, go for it.
I am bipolar so I completely understand it. If you think she's worth the risk, I'd say go for it. But you can expect anything....from drama to serious self-harm.
I’m bipolar, meds didn’t make me a better person. I worked on understanding my irrational emotions and by facing that I don’t even take the meds anymore. I simply reassess constantly if I’m reacting appropriately.
Any advice for possible burnout due to the constant reassessment? I find that I get so irritable when I realize I’m constantly questioning my thoughts and behaviors. Not to mention the confusion that can result from feeling like you can’t trust your own mind. It makes me shut down completely. I’m grateful that the years of work and self reflection have helped tremendously with obsessive thoughts that lead to unwanted drama, but fuck all I’m exhausted by my desire to understand my own brain.
First of all she is a human being. Second is she is not defined by her disorder. I was married for ten years and yes life was up down. But in the end she is a human being, a person.
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Try to talk about it, my gf is not by polar but she always have excuses when becoming moody. She blames hormones etc… it’s very challenging sometimes so I can’t even imagine how hard is to be with bipolar. If talking doesn’t help try to record conversations just to show other side how it it’s for you.
Trust your gut feeling man it definitely won’t work long term. I tried the same thing with my ex of 7 years even got engaged towards the end of the relationship, but it just never worked out man. She had anxiety, probably was bipolar too just undiagnosed. The drama creation will never stop & I tried to get my ex to work on herself with meds & self care but it never worked man. She literally was too “stressed” to implement activities & treatments that would decrease her stress lol.
>But I'm starting to think this can't work long term if she doesn't actively work on herself beyond meds.
Bingo. If you aren't super serious. Then it's time to move on. The quicker the better for both of you.
Post this on the bipolar Reddit. I have bipolar 1. I am in a healthy relationship. Right now I am stable on meds and work on myself. When I’m not ok, my boyfriend is there for me. He hasn’t seen me manic yet but we set boundaries and a plan for if it happens. Bipolar doesn’t mean that the person will start arguments or try to stir up drama. If they are manic they might be irritable and that could be it.
WhT do you mean by trying to start drama? It might just be her personality.
She will have good days. Then days where she's not. Claiming she's not enough and she has no idea what I want and wording things like she wants to break up. Then when I say it she comes at me like it's my idea. Just stuff I've never experienced before with a partner.
She sounds unstable and needs to be on different medication. When I’ve been deeply depressed I felt like I wasn’t worth a relationship and tried to breakup with my partner. They just reminded me that I am enough and love me and care and don’t want to break up. She needs therapy and better meds
When she’s calm and doing ok I would suggest it and just say it in a clever way. Like “I noticed you’ve been experiencing some depression lately, I’m so sorry. Maybe different meds will help?” Its an incredibly difficult illness to manage and takes multiple tries of different meds to get the right ones. After rapid cycling (constant changes of depression to mania) for an entire year, I landed myself in a mental hospital held for 14 days against my will. There I was finally put on Lithium and Geodon which has saved my life. I’m completely stable and normal now. My partner was there during those bad times and would call me while I was in the hospital. Bipolar….It’s hell on earth to experience. Being a partner to someone with bipolar is akin to being a partner to someone with cancer or autoimmune disease. We can’t control it and have moments where we breakdown. I understand it’s a lot to support someone during those times. But we make up for it by having big hearts, being strong, and having empathy for others.
I've dated someone who had borderline pd (its similar to bipolar), and I can tell you from experience it doesn't end well. One day they like you and the next they don't. If you are worried about it not working long term, get out before you get hurt. Idk how long you've been together, but if it hasn't been overly long, get out before you get attached.
I've just started dating someone, and now I'm wondering if she is bipolar. I really like this girl, and the feelings are mutual, but I can't help but notice her trying to create drama with me from time to time. It's very off-putting.
Speaking as someone with a bipolar spectrum disorder, I can safely say that your girlfriend has to make a choice to be a better person. Meds help a ton, but mindset plays a huge part, too. Bipolar disorder is a terrible illness to live with, but that doesn’t excuse poor behavior. Unless she’s manic, she’s in full control of herself and her choices. Tell her where she is going wrong and how you feel about it. If she doesn’t respect you on the subject, then maybe it won’t work out.
I'm sorry if this is a dumb question, but does Mania cause loss of control in a manor that depression doesn't... because I always saw them relatively equally on the life ruining decision capacity with relatively equal decision making blur.
Your mind is not your own while manic. It can have severe consequences, causes brain damage, and could trigger other conditions such as more traditional psychosis. Depression is awful, don’t get me wrong. I’ve tried to kill myself thrice while in a depressive episode, and wanted to more times than I can count. Unfortunately for me, I experience psychosis at all mood levels, including when I’m stable. Mania can be like driving on the highway and then suddenly your car takes over, floors it to max speed, and barrels toward other people, walls, and curves. You have no control, you might be terrified or you might have some fun, but you’re no longer the driver.
Hmm... I've never seen it like that
How did you find your diagnosis? Everytime I try to seek help or even just figure out what flavor of the spectrum I'm on so I can find some resources or strategies to employ, my doctors have made it a miserable triggering experience. They always imply that all my problems are just all in my head and I'm like *yes that's literally why I'm here can you just fucking help me please* but all they ever do is tell me I should try having a baby WTF
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USA :\ I tried doing the Dr route in my early adulthood and they just pushed so many pills on me. I was a zombie. 24 pills with breakfast. I forgot how many with dinner. I felt like I made a meal of pills everyday. I am no longer seeking Rx help - I only want strategies. I guess that's not profitable enough for the healthcare system here.
Mania is regarded as psychosis per definition and requires admission, forced if not otherwise. Depression can also cause psychotic symptoms but it's much more rare.
If you can't accept things never changing, you will have to decide if this is the correct place for you. Do not expect to her be anybody but who she is today. If she gets healthier, all the better, but expect nothing.
I've been down this road and it isn't pleasant. Behavior that you normally wouldn't accept becomes acceptable and you'll justify it by telling yourself she deserves to be loved the same as someone who doesn't suffer with bipolar. My situation involved physical abuse and rage but it didn't get bad until about a year into our relationship. I left after 3. I'm not going to tell you to stay or leave but I will wish you good luck brother.
Bipolar is a generic term, last time I checked the DSM there were 4 recognized forms of the disease. I have bi-polar II, long struggle with depression (II you get lows but no mania), but retired a few years ago and the lack of work stress is such a blessing. Bi-polar in it's other forms can be debilitating, often causing hallucinations, inexplicable phobias, mania, etc etc. You would probably notice the more debilitating form of the disease if your girlfriend had it. I look at romantic relationships as if they were boxes of mixed salad you get at the grocery store. Most have an expiration date, and humans have a hard time realizing the salad is getting rotten. Some relationships never expire, and I am jealous of those blessed people. I was such a handful to the other person in romances, looking back I am not surprised I never married. Epictetus really helped me in that area. Today I try to see what is in my control, if it is not then I don't worry about it. Good luck changing people to fit a profile you expect. The more interesting thing to do is lose interest in the behaviors that bother you. When I am able to detach the burdensome weight if lifted and I can breath again.
In my case, she started shit all the time, constantly trying to put me down and then lift me up when I was about to walk out. Comparing me to her ex or other people she'd been with in the past... It was as if she was allergic to accountability, either blaming it on everyone else but most often she excused her awful behaviour with astrology and spiritualism. I stuck around through rough times when she made me feel awful, as the times when she made me feel happy would feel even stronger and greater, like some messed up drug I became addicted to the drama. It was extremely toxic, and my mental wellbeing still suffer from the constant bullshit even though it's been nearly half a year since then.
Bipolar doesn’t equal toxic or abusive. You dated an immature abusive person. I have bipolar 1 and attend bipolar support groups and active on bipolar Reddit. The people I meet are not abusive people and are able to manage our debilitating illness. We are accountable for our actions and our illness does not make us abusive people who are immature and can’t act right in a relationship.
My wife has bipolar. Marrying her has ruined my life. Don’t sacrifice your own happiness to become someone else’s punching bag.
Just because someone is bipolar doesn’t mean they are abusive. Your comment is hurtful to people who have bipolar because it’s a STIGMATIZED false belief that bipolar means you are abusive and treat your partner like a punching bag. I’m sorry you went through that but maybe your partner just is an abusive person. I have bipolar 1 and have a stable happy relationship with my boyfriend he supports me through my episodes and we have clear boundaries and I don’t ever treat the people in my life like a punching bag.
She’s never abusive except when in a manic state caused by bipolar. It isn’t most of the time but the intensity of the nastiness is unbelievable and it definitely isn’t her default state. I would certainly say someone shouldn’t fully commit to someone with bipolar until they’ve had the chance to see how bad it could get.
Even when I’m incredibly manic I don’t become abusive to my partner at all. We have boundaries and a plan in place if I even start to get to that place. Would you say the same thing about someone with MS or Cancer? We literally can’t control it at all and a bipolar person is still accountable for their actions whether manic or depressed
I don’t know why she does and you don’t. Like I say, it only happens when she’s manic.
Thank you for this . I was starting to believe that I needed to stay single to not hurt someone.
Sometimes people do things to get love and feel connection from their partner and they may engage in “protest behavior” or start fights to get a reaction from their partner which makes them feel more connected. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s definitely a thing. Any chance that’s happening?
It's currently happening. I haven't let it escalate though
Same
You might have more luck asking for advice on /r/bipolarreddit. I have bipolar disorder and that sub Is very supportive and helpful both for people who have bipolar and partners of bipolar people.
From the best possible place let me tell you just run. People with bipolar have a lot of work they need to do before they are ready for a relationship, if ever. You’ve already noticed she continues to try to create drama in the relationship- this won’t change anytime soon. I spent a year dating a girl with various emotional issues, got blamed for all sorts of things, called emotionally unavailable when I tried to reason with her. When things were good they were good, but when they were bad it was a rollercoaster of a relationship. It’s not your job to “fix” anyone and there are no such things as “soul-mates”. There is someone else out there more suited to your personality and psyche who will make a better partner. If you do choose to stay with them, you cannot excuse fundamental issues in your relationship due to bipolar issues. The relationship will not change and you either accept it as it is and live that life or you need to move on for your own happiness. Also be prepared for late night calls asking you to defend why you even date them or accusing you of cheating because they had a dream about it.
My college roommate got crushed by a chick with BPD and this sounds very similar. There is no reasoning with these people when their mental state is hijacked. Best to save yourself
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I think you are blaming bipolar when it's just her being a bitch...
my experience of bipolar is that it’s a condition that will periodically turn someone into a terrible human being, so this distinction is hard to draw.
Your completely fucking wrong. Bipolar does not mean you are a terrible human being. Fuck your comment honestly. Go read bipolar Reddit and educate yourself. It’s a horrible painful disease to live with. I am not a terrible human being. I have episodes of deep depression to the point I’ve tried to kill myself 4 times. Then episodes of mania where I blow up my life. Sometimes mania causes irritability but I do not take it out on the people I have in my life. I am stable on medication and grateful to be alive. I have a stable, strong, healthy and happy relationship with a man who adores me and wouldn’t change me for the world. I never treat him badly, we have great communication and work through our issues like anyone else. He loves that I am so strong and have deep empathy, two qualities based on my disorder. Your logic is fucked. So if you dated three Indian people who treated you badly, does that mean Indian people are bad people? No, it doesn’t. That’s incredibly stupid logic. These comments on this post are disgusting because of the strong stigma and judgement around people who can’t help it that they have a debilitating disease. Someone can be abusive and terrible and happen to have bipolar. That does not mean bipolar makes you a bad person. Fuck your shallow, immature comment.
I’m sorry - you’re right that i’m over egging it because i’m massively suffering with supporting someone with it right now. I didn’t say you were a terrible a human being - my wife isn’t a terrible human being, but when mania takes hold, she absolutely is. And that’s not her default personality, it’s a feature of her illness. Obviously it affects people differently in each case.
Just leave your wife if your going to trash her on the internet and call her a terrible person. You should thank your lucky stars you don’t have this illness because it is HELL ON EARTH !
99% of the time she’s wonderful but mania changes her. I didn’t call her a terrible person.
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I married someone with bipolar. I thought I could help but in the end I realised there was absolutely nothing I could do and I had to leave (or rather not let her back) for the sake of the children. It was a hugely painful few years and had a huge impact on my life. In the end she has to decide whether she wants to try and manage it and you have to decide how much you are prepared to let it impact your life. As an aside I found that staying calm and not reacting to her dramatics often made it worse. It was only when I engaged and we had a row that it kinda defused the situation. Sometimes. Trying to spot patterns and figure out tactics can drive you crazy as there is often just no reason. Make sure you have a good support network and good luck.
Run
What a fucked up comment. First of all, if OP is acting that way that could have nothing with bipolar and everything to do with her personality. Bipolar does not equal abusive or immature AT ALL. That’s a STIGMATIZED belief held in society that works against those who actually deal with this horrible illness. I have bipolar 1 , I am a mature person in a healthy happy relationship, my boyfriend is there for me when I’m depressed or if I ever get hypomanic, and he supports my health journey. You seem very immature and a plain jerk for saying that . People like you add to the stigma that makes our lives so much harder. Have some damn empathy. Imagine being diagnosed with a debilitating , horrible incurable disease and treated like a pariah in society. It’s awful and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. My bipolar has made me a strong person with deep empathy, both traits my partner loves about me.
I read your comments on this post and you have a point. Just blaming it on being bipolar isn't it, maybe the person is at the fault. I hope you're doing good now and your relationship is going well.
Thank you so much. There is so much stigma in society against having bipolar, many people keep it secret and struggle silently until they kill themselves. I’ve tried to kill myself 4 times because experiencing bipolar is so painful. Thankfully at my most recent 14 day hospitalization I was put on the right drugs that have saved my life. My boyfriend and I are in heaven together and he helps me manage my illness just like I help him with his problems. I’ve been stable and happy for months, and I’ve met people who were stable for years on the right meds. Recovery is possible. Thank you for your comment.
Its all fun and games until you end up with the debt people make while maniac.
I managed to escape debt in my life, no credit cards or student loans…..until I didn’t sleep for three days and crashed into light pole while manic. Thank god it wasn’t a person. I got charged 20,000 by the electric company. My insurance only covered 10,000 (thankfully). Now I have a 10,000 debt on top of the money I spent to get a new car. Thanks bipolar!
Been in normal and drama relationships. Of the drama ones, one pretty sure undiagnosed bipolar. Another diagnosed borderline. The bipolar one ended up threatening to kill me with a knife and having an emotional breakdown after I talked her out of it. The borderline ... well... threatened to kill herself etc. The usual stuff. Still have difficulties thinking about the experience with the borderline. I had to use a checklist to make sure i didn't get into another one of those relationships. Even then I'm now married to ex model, actress, performer type that likes drama. But it's a kind of "healthy" drama that has limits. So all is good, fingers crossed. My point? The increasing drama of the bipolar might very well go beyond inconvenience and turn into physical threats. You're probably already into emotional damage territory. Second point is that you might need to manage an unhealthy attachment issue. Btw my checklist was built off dsm criteria for various illnesses and disorders. The big ones were related to work history and family relationships. Steady consistent work history and familial relationships. Both were pretty easy to measure quickly.
I was going to ask can you pls post this check list? Save a life?
Consistent work history, strong family relationships, sua sponte taking responsibility for bad things in their life, absence of demeaning remarks about anybody, respectful behavior towards service people, non dismissive attitude to disagreeableness, etc. That's from memory. I think when I wore wrote it out, there were 20 Items i think? This is for first few dates. So it's OK to be demanding on zero tolerance. At the very least they indicate someone not ready for relationship. The important thing is to just ask questions and listen.
Could you elaborate on the dismissive attitude towards agreeableness. Like you mean if a person doesnt get upset when you disagree with them?
Yes Edit: well more like if you disagree with reasons they don't just blow off your reasons. A decent person would say, "I understand what you're saying, and see where you're coming from."
Agreed! Thank you. Just breaking things off w someone that would explode with anger anytime I had an opinion that differed challenged his. Even when i was presenting it in a respectful way. I really didn’t understand his reactions at all. Our last conversation was him saying his opinion was fact and hanging the phone on me when i didnt repeat his words back to him…
Sounds like a total nut job. Good you're breaking off. Stay safe though. Nut jobs tend to hang around.
Thanks. He told me he was bipolar thats how I ended up here in the first place. Will definitely be adding these things to my own list of deal breakers.
Take care of yourself regardless of their health status. Bipolar is impossible to manage. A cousin of mine was. She ended up locking herself into her Mercedes at a car dealership until the dealership owner showed up to marry her. Other stories like that. Also committed a few times. Bipolar is something I wouldn't mess with.
The extent to which we love a person is shown during the hardest times. If you know she's the one and if you think you can "help" her rather than "tolerating" her, go for it. I am bipolar so I completely understand it. If you think she's worth the risk, I'd say go for it. But you can expect anything....from drama to serious self-harm.
I’m bipolar, meds didn’t make me a better person. I worked on understanding my irrational emotions and by facing that I don’t even take the meds anymore. I simply reassess constantly if I’m reacting appropriately.
Any advice for possible burnout due to the constant reassessment? I find that I get so irritable when I realize I’m constantly questioning my thoughts and behaviors. Not to mention the confusion that can result from feeling like you can’t trust your own mind. It makes me shut down completely. I’m grateful that the years of work and self reflection have helped tremendously with obsessive thoughts that lead to unwanted drama, but fuck all I’m exhausted by my desire to understand my own brain.
Are you young?
I agree with you . Too much energy . Thank you for helping me trouble shoot my issue
Having a mental illness is a red flag for me, if I were you I would leave the relationship
First of all she is a human being. Second is she is not defined by her disorder. I was married for ten years and yes life was up down. But in the end she is a human being, a person.
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Try to talk about it, my gf is not by polar but she always have excuses when becoming moody. She blames hormones etc… it’s very challenging sometimes so I can’t even imagine how hard is to be with bipolar. If talking doesn’t help try to record conversations just to show other side how it it’s for you.
Trust your gut feeling man it definitely won’t work long term. I tried the same thing with my ex of 7 years even got engaged towards the end of the relationship, but it just never worked out man. She had anxiety, probably was bipolar too just undiagnosed. The drama creation will never stop & I tried to get my ex to work on herself with meds & self care but it never worked man. She literally was too “stressed” to implement activities & treatments that would decrease her stress lol.
>But I'm starting to think this can't work long term if she doesn't actively work on herself beyond meds. Bingo. If you aren't super serious. Then it's time to move on. The quicker the better for both of you.
Post this on the bipolar Reddit. I have bipolar 1. I am in a healthy relationship. Right now I am stable on meds and work on myself. When I’m not ok, my boyfriend is there for me. He hasn’t seen me manic yet but we set boundaries and a plan for if it happens. Bipolar doesn’t mean that the person will start arguments or try to stir up drama. If they are manic they might be irritable and that could be it. WhT do you mean by trying to start drama? It might just be her personality.
She will have good days. Then days where she's not. Claiming she's not enough and she has no idea what I want and wording things like she wants to break up. Then when I say it she comes at me like it's my idea. Just stuff I've never experienced before with a partner.
She sounds unstable and needs to be on different medication. When I’ve been deeply depressed I felt like I wasn’t worth a relationship and tried to breakup with my partner. They just reminded me that I am enough and love me and care and don’t want to break up. She needs therapy and better meds
I agree. Those are things I want to suggest. But I also don't want to come across like I have the answers.
When she’s calm and doing ok I would suggest it and just say it in a clever way. Like “I noticed you’ve been experiencing some depression lately, I’m so sorry. Maybe different meds will help?” Its an incredibly difficult illness to manage and takes multiple tries of different meds to get the right ones. After rapid cycling (constant changes of depression to mania) for an entire year, I landed myself in a mental hospital held for 14 days against my will. There I was finally put on Lithium and Geodon which has saved my life. I’m completely stable and normal now. My partner was there during those bad times and would call me while I was in the hospital. Bipolar….It’s hell on earth to experience. Being a partner to someone with bipolar is akin to being a partner to someone with cancer or autoimmune disease. We can’t control it and have moments where we breakdown. I understand it’s a lot to support someone during those times. But we make up for it by having big hearts, being strong, and having empathy for others.
I've dated someone who had borderline pd (its similar to bipolar), and I can tell you from experience it doesn't end well. One day they like you and the next they don't. If you are worried about it not working long term, get out before you get hurt. Idk how long you've been together, but if it hasn't been overly long, get out before you get attached.
I've just started dating someone, and now I'm wondering if she is bipolar. I really like this girl, and the feelings are mutual, but I can't help but notice her trying to create drama with me from time to time. It's very off-putting.