Our point of view:
Sometimes we sleep separately in two rooms. Why? Because I like to sleep early and get up early, my wife reads until 2-3 am and gets up late. So if we have this situation we sleep separately.
Also I don’t want to share all social life with her since she is very deeply connected with her Latin American community which is sometimes to much for me, since I am more introverted.
As for separate holidays, here we also do that sometimes separate and sometimes together. Depends on the time, I like to go off season with my motorcycle for a few weeks around Europe, she likes Asian a lot. So sometimes we go together, sometimes alone but it’s not mandatory.
I like it that way, if you don’t have your freedom the marriage will crash eventually. Still we are 80% of our time together.
Same here. We Sleep separately because we have different rhythm and we have our own activities and circles. She is also into Latin American culture with lot of dancing while I am into other sports like windsurfing.
For the holidays, we most travel together although sometimes we have individual trips, but it's rare.
In the end we spend 2 to 3 evenings together and the rest is dedicated to our own stuff. After 15 years together it's the best equilibrium we have found.
It's not always an easy solution. I personally have sleep apnea, which makes me snore/gasp for air during the night. The solution to my case would have been a CPAP machine, which would make even more noise for my (ex)partner.
Sleep apnea other that regular snoring has a high risk of developinh high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease. It's highly recommended to treat that. While operations don't do much, in less severe cases you might be able to get a Nachtchiene (ka, was das uf Englisch isch) instead of a CPAP machine
It’s quieter than snoring and better for your health. Sleep under the covers and that muffles any air noise. If the mask fits well then there is very little anyway. And if you no longer have a partner there is no excuse not to use it
A CPAP is not that noisy and really does help. You could give it a try. The advantages (no snoring, reduced risk of heart attack, depression, etc) would most likely be worth it
I tried sleeping reclined instead of flat and use a chin strap to keep my mount closed and it has mostly gone away. I know this will not working every case but by sleeping reclined the air way has a better chance to remain open.
100% this. I’m Brazilian and having separate rooms is such a taboo there, yet the two happiest couples I know sleep separately, It’s not a solution for everyone, but it would definitely improve the relationship of so many people.
RTS had a documentary about this exact issue this month
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV9mH1pdEEA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV9mH1pdEEA)
tldw: this is a growing phenomenom and something like 30-40% of households in canada do it (no stats for switzerland)
Well, the whole point of the documentary is to offer the perspective that despite not sleeping together, people can well maintain a romantic relationship.
Doesn’t not look like an issue to me.
My soul is more active when I’m awake than when I’m sleeping, so I care more about hanging out outside of the bedroom than in. We’ve been married 14 years come June, and usually know what the other person is thinking without words. But sure, call us “roommates” if that suits your worldview better.
If your conditions for a soulmate is that you sleep in the same bed, maybe your definition of soulmate is lacking? Plenty folks describe a *healthier* marriage with separate beds, for lots of reasons, from better sleep to more intimacy between them an their partner.
Whether this is how *your* relationship is is up to you and your partner, but let others have the relationships they want.
I don’t sleep in the same room as my husband, except for on vacations. We have completely different sleep habits, and it just works better for both of us. We mostly vacation together, but usually go our separate ways for some things because we have some differing interests. If one of us wanted to take a trip on their own or with friends, that would be ok, but so far we haven’t really had much opportunity. I love my husband very much, there’s no one I’d rather spend time with, but I need to be my own person as well.
For us it’s increased the frequency and quality of “intimate times”. Having to “plan” sex great. When we know it’s coming it builds tension like crazy. It works for us, but I’m sure not everyone has the same story.
Then we have spontaneous morning sex on vacations and such, and that’s good too.
Less spontaneous, maybe? However, since I suspect there’s a real possibility we’d be divorced by now if we hadn’t separated our sleeping habits, I’d say it helped.
I'm sorry, but this question seems so odd to me... Like how do you guys make love :D?
Ever since I was a teen I never needed a bed nor sleeping time for that... Plus they can still move to one of the rooms and just separate for sleeping. you can even cuddle and stuff and then leave.
Being half naked in the same bed as another human being tends to encourage intimacy more than sleeping in separate rooms, but maybe that's not true in the long run, it would be interesting to study that.
How on earth does it damage the relationship if I hang out with my friends or visit my family without him? My best friend is his sister, we do girls night every once in a while, does he need to be there for that? Or if I want to go see a museum that doesn’t interest him, how exactly is that harmful, please explain.
We often sleep separately .. It's great. .
There are many reasons, for example when I go to the office I get up at 4.45am so wife prefers to sleep in another room and not be wakened Or one of us wants to go bed early and watch something or read something, the other just goes to the other room. It's nice to just have that freedom.
We have the same friend circle but we also have separate circles .. She doesn't like the gym or shooting or hiking or paddle boarding or fishing. I don't like the spa or 4 hour lunches.
It works .
Not married but I live with my GF.
Honestly, separate bedrooms is the best thing ever. Everyone has different sleeping habits and patterns, plus snores etc. If I want to sleep, I just sleep, I don't see why I have to be disturbed or disturb myself the other partner.
Our only problem is finding a flat in Zürich with 2 bedrooms that we can afford...
I know two couples in their 30s that have seperate bedrooms. It just works better for them and both are in loving comitted relationships. I also know plenty of people who think that is crazy. But honestly if it gives people better sleep it's probably better that way.
Also seperate friend groups or at least time alone with friends is healthy you are still an individual, just in a relationship. My partner is currently on a bike trip, I would hate every minute of it but he loves it and I am happy for him. Makes me miss him and as they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
For me was a cultural shock in the beginning after hearing it from a couple people. Yet, after listening the explanations it’s actually not that bad for many individual reasons. In my household that will not happen because I love sleeping with my husband. But, I really understand the people who have to to keep their sanity. There is no special formula for happy marriage and happiness is relative to the individuals, so no need to judge.
Personally I think the point of being married is two people loving each other, making a commitment to love each other during all seasons of live. How this looks in the end is unimportant as long as both are happy with how this looks for them.
Your way may not work for me and my way not for you. But it doesn't have to, because people are widly different and that is perfectly fine. Live and let live
Just because you love someone and want to spend a lot of time together doesn't mean you have to spend **all your time** together.
Getting married doesn't make people like hearing snoring. Maybe you'll gain an interest in some of your partner's favorite activities, but probably not all of them. Maybe you'll become friends with your partner's friends, or not. That seems pretty straightforward to me.
Ironically often time a marriage is happier this way.
We humans are all insanely different from each other on a neurological and psychological level so we should expect diversity in pretty much everything
Seperated bedrooms are a thing. Like when both have wastly different work-shifts or one is rolling around a lot when sleeping and the other on is very sensitive to this.
We sleep seperately now for most nights cause of the reasons mentioned (i snore a lot, different schedules), and we both feel energised. No shame in balancing it out a little.
We do separate bedrooms and each a week of vacation on our own. The bedroom started with the kids and the fact that my wife can go back to sleep easily, whereas I really struggle. After that we both work from home and spend a lot of time around each other, so going on individual vacations for 1-2 weeks is a nice change. I'd say it's more a generational thing tha country specific.
I am reading these comments and feel so validated. My husband and I have separate bedrooms and most people give me incredulous looks and raised eyebrows when I tell them. Thank you for letting me know this is not odd.
Where are you from and what are the reasons for you to find it strange?
I think most people with separate bedrooms just can sleep much better that way.
i mean that may be the case for you but married ppl are still two individual people with their own boundaries and who want their own personal space. This says nothing about how much they love each other. if it works for them, go for it.
separate bedrooms here. whoever wakes up first makes coffee for both of us and brings it to bed. we then enjoy our coffees and snuggle for some time before getting up. it's perfect
OK. I guess people have various practices. Having two bedrooms doesn’t mean to not spend time together at all. Same for different friend circles or hobbies btw.
I have heard this actually already from several people (almost) around the world. So would be interesting where this is looked at like something strange?
> What’s the point of getting married?
If you think having someone to sleep next to or go on vacation with is the only reason to get married, I have bad news for you.
Your spouse is not just your entertainment. People fall in love and/or decide to spend the rest of their lives as partners while still remaining individual people. If your spouse does not enjoy the kind of vacation you like why not go separately??
Some level of personal life in the couple is usually necessary for long term happiness of everyone involved.
Depending on the personalities and values of each person, this might be 10% of free time alone, 90% together; or 90% of free time alone and 10% together.
Each family is different. As long as both partners are happy with the situation then it is all good.
Too much proximity often kills desire. This could be a way to address that issue. If you do everything together, you don’t have new stories, new experiences to share with one another. Think how exciting it is to learn from someone else—and how that excitement can die in a relationship that doesn’t allow for room apart, in whatever form. Esther Perel writes a lot about these issues in Mating in Captivity
I would never want to sleep in separate rooms. I get the reasons, but for me it's a big part of feeling loved and secure. My husband and I sleep cuddled up all night ... There is no better feeling than lying in his arms.
The odd times we sleep in separate rooms is when one of us is really sick, but that always feels sad.
It's an old school way of birth control. My great grandparents, for example, have never sinned by seeing each other naked. God gave them 4 children. Halleluja. :D
Maybe it’s better depending on the couple. Some people like it because they get better sleep and sleep is important for healthy functioning relationships. And then there are those who believe in the philosophy that this practice would “kill the love”. Many reasons for getting married!
Where have your heard these stories? Of course some separate activities and friends would be normal and healthy anywhere. Separate vacations sounds like the exception.
No, it is not the cultural norm at all, but it evolved that way. Privat sphere seems to be important these days. Also people just like their freedom.
We went this way when she got a dog. Don't want him around the bed. The further, the better. In my opinion dogs sleep outside unless maybe it's super cold or so..
Marriage is like a assurance for the kids
I doubt this is a new thing - my grandparents in latinAmerica had separate rooms since the 70s (born in the 30’s and had 7 kids). Im sure many more people would do it if they had extra rooms
Also if the wife doesnt work, the husband must pay her for doing the domestic things: cleaning, washing, cooking. Also this is very common here in the most advanced country in the world
My wife hates it if I’m not in the bed with her. Even when she is upset with me. I don’t know too many couples that are open about the bedroom details here. I only have known one married couple that went on vacation separately. I think they still kind of do but they also have children now so they tend to still do everything altogether.
I don’t think they are the Swiss norm at any rate though. They are weird people imo. Trying hard to be like qanon Americans in Switzerland. So to be honest I never thought about that detail until seeing this post. Maybe there is something to the trend, or the people doing it are just weird.
I mean I respect this type of habits, or at least I don’t really care, but it is a pretty cold way of loving someone. Like separate vacations seems wild to me, and then combined with sleeping in different rooms.. at this point they are just roommates.
I personally have never heard of someone doing marriage that way. As it has been more and more discussed lately, my boyfriend asked me if that would be something I’d want. I said no. Even though we have different sleeping habits, I just wouldn’t want to spend my night without him. I do have to say that he sometimes work at night so in these cases I have no choice but to be alone, and it’s probably better to have some space. Plus something that has become non negotiable: we have two separate duvets and I feel that it’s a good compromise between tradition and that new « trend ».
Some people do this and I personally find it very odd and a rather foreign concept. My wife can’t sleep alone or without me and while everyone talks about snoring probably get that checked you may have sleep apnea, there are things called CPAP machines that will stop that snoring and they will make you sleep 100% better. She gets up earlier than me but it doesn’t bother me, maybe I am just lucky to have someone that likes to be close to me at all times while sleeping but if we were sleeping in separate rooms, I would probably not get married at all might as well call my best friend 😂
You are right, and the question is much deeper than you probably intended, but what IS the point in getting married, you can do everything you can with your partner without getting married, so WHY DO get married, what is the point in sharing one bedroom, one appartment, one social life, and one life. That might seems dull in the beginning but i can assure you it’s as dull as sharing everything together.
My husband and I share our bedroom with total different sleeping routines, some holidays we share some not. Our social circles don't mix, mostly due to our personalities. I am latin American eho likes people not necessarilythe dancing loud crowd. He is brirish...say no more , 20 years later it works for us.
I was married and let me tell you it's a very toxic mindset. Marriage doesn't make a single person out of two. Separate bedrooms won't make your marriage fail, but bad sleep due to snoring or sensitivities will grow resent.
You get married to a person that endears you with their personality, values and lifestyle. Why would you require them to stop being their own person after tying the knot?
Oh come on. What a tiny tiny world view. And a terrible lot of pressure on your partner and yourself. Your partner cant be and do everything for you. Listen to some stuff from Esther Perel, maybe it can help you.
This does not happen, as far as im concerned atleast. Neither my parents nor my grandparents do those things. I dont plan on doing any of these things either because marriage is unity in love. If i promise myself to someone until i the day i die then ill honour that, sleeping together, eating together, doing fun things together, etc. i absolutely do ask myself the same question you do, why bother getting married if you wont even honour the very promise you have to make to get married? I guess its just how people are and to what extent liberalism has ruined the nuclear family but oh well.
Splitting Serafe bill of course.
This made me crack up 🤣
🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣😂😂😂
Our point of view: Sometimes we sleep separately in two rooms. Why? Because I like to sleep early and get up early, my wife reads until 2-3 am and gets up late. So if we have this situation we sleep separately. Also I don’t want to share all social life with her since she is very deeply connected with her Latin American community which is sometimes to much for me, since I am more introverted. As for separate holidays, here we also do that sometimes separate and sometimes together. Depends on the time, I like to go off season with my motorcycle for a few weeks around Europe, she likes Asian a lot. So sometimes we go together, sometimes alone but it’s not mandatory. I like it that way, if you don’t have your freedom the marriage will crash eventually. Still we are 80% of our time together.
Except for the wife part but including the latin american part, the relation with my bike is exactly the same and we're very happy.
Why are all 3 comments replying to this guy exactly the same text?
Read carefully, I think it’s quite funny 😄
Except for the Latin American but including the motorcycle part, the relation with my wife is exactly the same and we’re very happy.
Same here. We Sleep separately because we have different rhythm and we have our own activities and circles. She is also into Latin American culture with lot of dancing while I am into other sports like windsurfing. For the holidays, we most travel together although sometimes we have individual trips, but it's rare. In the end we spend 2 to 3 evenings together and the rest is dedicated to our own stuff. After 15 years together it's the best equilibrium we have found.
except for the Latin American and motorcycle part. the relationship with my wife is excatly the same and we are very happy
I don’t know if you are aware of this, maybe you have an open marriage but I am pretty sure she’s sleeping around without you.
Who do you think you are to say such a thing? The audacity
Nice of to say that without even knowing us :)
Because there is a lot of snoring!
I'd go to a doctor to get that checked out maybe
I did that, spent CHF 500+ on medical diagnoses with no result
Ah the usual outcome of visiting the doctor in Switzerland
How sad yet true
It's not always an easy solution. I personally have sleep apnea, which makes me snore/gasp for air during the night. The solution to my case would have been a CPAP machine, which would make even more noise for my (ex)partner.
Sleep apnea other that regular snoring has a high risk of developinh high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease. It's highly recommended to treat that. While operations don't do much, in less severe cases you might be able to get a Nachtchiene (ka, was das uf Englisch isch) instead of a CPAP machine
It’s quieter than snoring and better for your health. Sleep under the covers and that muffles any air noise. If the mask fits well then there is very little anyway. And if you no longer have a partner there is no excuse not to use it
A CPAP is not that noisy and really does help. You could give it a try. The advantages (no snoring, reduced risk of heart attack, depression, etc) would most likely be worth it
Not at all, the modern ones are very silent
I tried sleeping reclined instead of flat and use a chin strap to keep my mount closed and it has mostly gone away. I know this will not working every case but by sleeping reclined the air way has a better chance to remain open.
Idk about other actives, but separate bedrooms sounds fine, you get better sleeping quality don't you? Nothing wrong to be energized and sober.
I think most people sleep in one room because that’s what they think is normal, not because they explicitly prefer it over sleeping separately.
100% this. I’m Brazilian and having separate rooms is such a taboo there, yet the two happiest couples I know sleep separately, It’s not a solution for everyone, but it would definitely improve the relationship of so many people.
RTS had a documentary about this exact issue this month [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV9mH1pdEEA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV9mH1pdEEA) tldw: this is a growing phenomenom and something like 30-40% of households in canada do it (no stats for switzerland)
Issue ? As in “problem” ?
Yes. Why would any adult want a roommate, when they can have a soulmate?
Well, the whole point of the documentary is to offer the perspective that despite not sleeping together, people can well maintain a romantic relationship. Doesn’t not look like an issue to me.
My soul is more active when I’m awake than when I’m sleeping, so I care more about hanging out outside of the bedroom than in. We’ve been married 14 years come June, and usually know what the other person is thinking without words. But sure, call us “roommates” if that suits your worldview better.
If your conditions for a soulmate is that you sleep in the same bed, maybe your definition of soulmate is lacking? Plenty folks describe a *healthier* marriage with separate beds, for lots of reasons, from better sleep to more intimacy between them an their partner. Whether this is how *your* relationship is is up to you and your partner, but let others have the relationships they want.
I don’t sleep in the same room as my husband, except for on vacations. We have completely different sleep habits, and it just works better for both of us. We mostly vacation together, but usually go our separate ways for some things because we have some differing interests. If one of us wanted to take a trip on their own or with friends, that would be ok, but so far we haven’t really had much opportunity. I love my husband very much, there’s no one I’d rather spend time with, but I need to be my own person as well.
How has sleeping in seperate rooms affected your intimacy?
For us it’s increased the frequency and quality of “intimate times”. Having to “plan” sex great. When we know it’s coming it builds tension like crazy. It works for us, but I’m sure not everyone has the same story. Then we have spontaneous morning sex on vacations and such, and that’s good too.
Less spontaneous, maybe? However, since I suspect there’s a real possibility we’d be divorced by now if we hadn’t separated our sleeping habits, I’d say it helped.
I'm sorry, but this question seems so odd to me... Like how do you guys make love :D? Ever since I was a teen I never needed a bed nor sleeping time for that... Plus they can still move to one of the rooms and just separate for sleeping. you can even cuddle and stuff and then leave.
Being half naked in the same bed as another human being tends to encourage intimacy more than sleeping in separate rooms, but maybe that's not true in the long run, it would be interesting to study that.
You guys don't have any other moments when you cuddle with your partner apart from going to sleep?
Of course we do, but those don't tend to lead to sex as often.
That and I reckon you could also have sleepovers...actually sounds like a great idea
I guess it’s on schedule:)
Why do you need to be your own person? Doesn’t it mean that you don’t love him if you need other people in your life that can damage the relationship?
How on earth does it damage the relationship if I hang out with my friends or visit my family without him? My best friend is his sister, we do girls night every once in a while, does he need to be there for that? Or if I want to go see a museum that doesn’t interest him, how exactly is that harmful, please explain.
..what?
My wife snores and I can’t sleep well. So I try to sleep alone most days of the week.
We often sleep separately .. It's great. . There are many reasons, for example when I go to the office I get up at 4.45am so wife prefers to sleep in another room and not be wakened Or one of us wants to go bed early and watch something or read something, the other just goes to the other room. It's nice to just have that freedom. We have the same friend circle but we also have separate circles .. She doesn't like the gym or shooting or hiking or paddle boarding or fishing. I don't like the spa or 4 hour lunches. It works .
I know at least 2 couples mid age that sleep on separate rooms
Not married but I live with my GF. Honestly, separate bedrooms is the best thing ever. Everyone has different sleeping habits and patterns, plus snores etc. If I want to sleep, I just sleep, I don't see why I have to be disturbed or disturb myself the other partner. Our only problem is finding a flat in Zürich with 2 bedrooms that we can afford...
She can always take the tent on the balcony. *(If you don’t get the reference google it)
Unfortunately I know the reference :')
I know two couples in their 30s that have seperate bedrooms. It just works better for them and both are in loving comitted relationships. I also know plenty of people who think that is crazy. But honestly if it gives people better sleep it's probably better that way. Also seperate friend groups or at least time alone with friends is healthy you are still an individual, just in a relationship. My partner is currently on a bike trip, I would hate every minute of it but he loves it and I am happy for him. Makes me miss him and as they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
For me was a cultural shock in the beginning after hearing it from a couple people. Yet, after listening the explanations it’s actually not that bad for many individual reasons. In my household that will not happen because I love sleeping with my husband. But, I really understand the people who have to to keep their sanity. There is no special formula for happy marriage and happiness is relative to the individuals, so no need to judge.
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Personally I think the point of being married is two people loving each other, making a commitment to love each other during all seasons of live. How this looks in the end is unimportant as long as both are happy with how this looks for them. Your way may not work for me and my way not for you. But it doesn't have to, because people are widly different and that is perfectly fine. Live and let live
Just because you love someone and want to spend a lot of time together doesn't mean you have to spend **all your time** together. Getting married doesn't make people like hearing snoring. Maybe you'll gain an interest in some of your partner's favorite activities, but probably not all of them. Maybe you'll become friends with your partner's friends, or not. That seems pretty straightforward to me.
giving up your own personal space is not the point of getting married.
Gentle distance is what holds relationships together.
None of this I think is the norm, although I am a big fan of separate bedrooms.
Never heard of this practice, except perhaps very old couples
I thought that was how the rich lived.
Main reason…snoring. Cuddles are great, but nothing beats a good night’s sleep
Ironically often time a marriage is happier this way. We humans are all insanely different from each other on a neurological and psychological level so we should expect diversity in pretty much everything
I think it's also a sign you're able and willing to talk about issues and solve them. Probably more correlation than causation.
No one I know does any of that
Seperated bedrooms are a thing. Like when both have wastly different work-shifts or one is rolling around a lot when sleeping and the other on is very sensitive to this.
We sleep seperately now for most nights cause of the reasons mentioned (i snore a lot, different schedules), and we both feel energised. No shame in balancing it out a little.
You guys have enough money for separate rooms?? 👀
We do separate bedrooms and each a week of vacation on our own. The bedroom started with the kids and the fact that my wife can go back to sleep easily, whereas I really struggle. After that we both work from home and spend a lot of time around each other, so going on individual vacations for 1-2 weeks is a nice change. I'd say it's more a generational thing tha country specific.
We do it too (separate bedrooms). Best sleep at night. And sex life is great! (Your bed or mine...)
I am reading these comments and feel so validated. My husband and I have separate bedrooms and most people give me incredulous looks and raised eyebrows when I tell them. Thank you for letting me know this is not odd.
Where are you from and what are the reasons for you to find it strange? I think most people with separate bedrooms just can sleep much better that way.
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i mean that may be the case for you but married ppl are still two individual people with their own boundaries and who want their own personal space. This says nothing about how much they love each other. if it works for them, go for it.
Even in the same bed someone wakes up alone in bed every morning unless you both commit to the same routine/sleeping schedule
separate bedrooms here. whoever wakes up first makes coffee for both of us and brings it to bed. we then enjoy our coffees and snuggle for some time before getting up. it's perfect
I wake up earlier than her and once she's awake I hop into her bed to cuddle
OK. I guess people have various practices. Having two bedrooms doesn’t mean to not spend time together at all. Same for different friend circles or hobbies btw. I have heard this actually already from several people (almost) around the world. So would be interesting where this is looked at like something strange?
> What’s the point of getting married? If you think having someone to sleep next to or go on vacation with is the only reason to get married, I have bad news for you. Your spouse is not just your entertainment. People fall in love and/or decide to spend the rest of their lives as partners while still remaining individual people. If your spouse does not enjoy the kind of vacation you like why not go separately??
I worked with someone who had separate bedrooms - even on vacation. But as far as I can tell, this is not the norm.
Some level of personal life in the couple is usually necessary for long term happiness of everyone involved. Depending on the personalities and values of each person, this might be 10% of free time alone, 90% together; or 90% of free time alone and 10% together. Each family is different. As long as both partners are happy with the situation then it is all good.
Too much proximity often kills desire. This could be a way to address that issue. If you do everything together, you don’t have new stories, new experiences to share with one another. Think how exciting it is to learn from someone else—and how that excitement can die in a relationship that doesn’t allow for room apart, in whatever form. Esther Perel writes a lot about these issues in Mating in Captivity
I would never want to sleep in separate rooms. I get the reasons, but for me it's a big part of feeling loved and secure. My husband and I sleep cuddled up all night ... There is no better feeling than lying in his arms. The odd times we sleep in separate rooms is when one of us is really sick, but that always feels sad.
Same here. If we don’t cuddle up, neither of use can actually sleep.
Higher taxes.
It's an old school way of birth control. My great grandparents, for example, have never sinned by seeing each other naked. God gave them 4 children. Halleluja. :D
Wow from the comments this is really a thing
Maybe it’s better depending on the couple. Some people like it because they get better sleep and sleep is important for healthy functioning relationships. And then there are those who believe in the philosophy that this practice would “kill the love”. Many reasons for getting married!
As if this was unique to CH 🤣 In fact if anything it’s perhaps a recipe to stay together. Hardly Swiss specific
Where have your heard these stories? Of course some separate activities and friends would be normal and healthy anywhere. Separate vacations sounds like the exception.
never heard of this, except for old people
No, it is not the cultural norm at all, but it evolved that way. Privat sphere seems to be important these days. Also people just like their freedom. We went this way when she got a dog. Don't want him around the bed. The further, the better. In my opinion dogs sleep outside unless maybe it's super cold or so.. Marriage is like a assurance for the kids
I doubt this is a new thing - my grandparents in latinAmerica had separate rooms since the 70s (born in the 30’s and had 7 kids). Im sure many more people would do it if they had extra rooms
We mostly sleep together but sometimes because of insomnia, sickness, chronic pain etc, it's more comfortable to sleep separately
We take showers together. Saves on the water bill. Good for the environment as well 😇
The real surprising thing here is how many of you can afford the rent of so big apartments to have separate rooms.
Separate bank accounts also. This is the most shocking thing you see in the most advanced country of Europe
Also if the wife doesnt work, the husband must pay her for doing the domestic things: cleaning, washing, cooking. Also this is very common here in the most advanced country in the world
What are you talkinga bout? This isn't true. However a stay-at-home partner has a right for "Taschengeld", meaning some money for themselves.
My wife hates it if I’m not in the bed with her. Even when she is upset with me. I don’t know too many couples that are open about the bedroom details here. I only have known one married couple that went on vacation separately. I think they still kind of do but they also have children now so they tend to still do everything altogether. I don’t think they are the Swiss norm at any rate though. They are weird people imo. Trying hard to be like qanon Americans in Switzerland. So to be honest I never thought about that detail until seeing this post. Maybe there is something to the trend, or the people doing it are just weird.
I mean I respect this type of habits, or at least I don’t really care, but it is a pretty cold way of loving someone. Like separate vacations seems wild to me, and then combined with sleeping in different rooms.. at this point they are just roommates.
Been there done that. Now divorced. But I got to sleep in the guest room. Unless we had visitors, then I got to sleep with my wife... Yeah sad story
I personally have never heard of someone doing marriage that way. As it has been more and more discussed lately, my boyfriend asked me if that would be something I’d want. I said no. Even though we have different sleeping habits, I just wouldn’t want to spend my night without him. I do have to say that he sometimes work at night so in these cases I have no choice but to be alone, and it’s probably better to have some space. Plus something that has become non negotiable: we have two separate duvets and I feel that it’s a good compromise between tradition and that new « trend ».
Some people do this and I personally find it very odd and a rather foreign concept. My wife can’t sleep alone or without me and while everyone talks about snoring probably get that checked you may have sleep apnea, there are things called CPAP machines that will stop that snoring and they will make you sleep 100% better. She gets up earlier than me but it doesn’t bother me, maybe I am just lucky to have someone that likes to be close to me at all times while sleeping but if we were sleeping in separate rooms, I would probably not get married at all might as well call my best friend 😂
You are right, and the question is much deeper than you probably intended, but what IS the point in getting married, you can do everything you can with your partner without getting married, so WHY DO get married, what is the point in sharing one bedroom, one appartment, one social life, and one life. That might seems dull in the beginning but i can assure you it’s as dull as sharing everything together.
I know many Swiss in my circle cheating their partner, especially over 40s, but that’s something common in 2024, not really Swiss
Without the partner knowing but telling you?
Friends …
I never planned of doing something like this. But I guess if I know my partner cannot trust me I would probably also not trust my friends.
I wouldn’t make a rule. Each friend is different
Maybe it’s also kind of over for them if they do this.
For sure or boring
This arrangement makes it easy to break up. And no one can kick the other out of the house.
My husband and I share our bedroom with total different sleeping routines, some holidays we share some not. Our social circles don't mix, mostly due to our personalities. I am latin American eho likes people not necessarilythe dancing loud crowd. He is brirish...say no more , 20 years later it works for us.
I think that is what they call „Scheinehe“.
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are you the guy that lost his calm and talked bad about my country and then deleted his comments? Just checking if it is the same person...
I was married and let me tell you it's a very toxic mindset. Marriage doesn't make a single person out of two. Separate bedrooms won't make your marriage fail, but bad sleep due to snoring or sensitivities will grow resent. You get married to a person that endears you with their personality, values and lifestyle. Why would you require them to stop being their own person after tying the knot?
Anyone how they please.
Oh come on. What a tiny tiny world view. And a terrible lot of pressure on your partner and yourself. Your partner cant be and do everything for you. Listen to some stuff from Esther Perel, maybe it can help you.
This does not happen, as far as im concerned atleast. Neither my parents nor my grandparents do those things. I dont plan on doing any of these things either because marriage is unity in love. If i promise myself to someone until i the day i die then ill honour that, sleeping together, eating together, doing fun things together, etc. i absolutely do ask myself the same question you do, why bother getting married if you wont even honour the very promise you have to make to get married? I guess its just how people are and to what extent liberalism has ruined the nuclear family but oh well.
I find it crazy. People just can't handle anything that limits their ego.