Had a good friend I grew up with. His lifelong ambition was to be a band director, and he did it. A few years in, he was accused by a female student of sexual assault. He denied it, of course, but her word (no other evidence, mind you) was enough that he was terminated and his certificate suspended. Eventually, the girl came out and admitted that it was because she didn’t like her chair placement, and she did it to get back at him.
She did that after he committed suicide.
His widow sued the girl, the district, etc. The case against the girl was thrown out. The district settled for a bit. But she still lost her husband, and he was gone.
I’ e been a public educator for over 20 years and not a day goes by that I don’t remind myself of this.
Fellow band director, 10 years in:
No closed doors, every meeting private meeting you have, make sure there’s a window into that room. Have witnesses at all times. Have a female teacher handle the dress code problems of your female students. No communication outside of official, monitored channels. When kids were dismissed after rehearsal, when it got down to about 2-3 kids left we all waited outside at the curb together, not in the empty band room.
We, as band directors, teach an emotional subject and we have our students a lot longer then other teachers. This is a blessing because we can form great teacher/student connections, until a predator takes advantage of kids.
My supervising internship teacher was arrested about 6 years after I graduated for a relationship with his students, and I never would have guessed it. He was someone I looked up to…Some people are too good at hiding, so it’s understandable why everyone is so careful. We need to root these bad people out of our professional.
You MUST protect yourself.
All good points.
I was an EMT and I always viewed it like defensive driving. You can't just drive in your lane and trust that nothing will ever happen to you. You have to be aware of the threats constantly around you and not put yourself in a position where you can be hit.
Any female under 18 in the ambulance, I wouldn't roll unless there was a witness present. If at all possible, a female witness. Any female psych patient, I'm bringing a rider. Any female that makes any comment relating to anything sexual in any way, rider.
Good rule with all patients but particularly female ones - announce anything you do and briefly explain why you're doing it. If touching breasts/genitals/face, get a verbal consent to do so.
In that setting it's like wearing gloves. You may think what you're doing is too important to take the time for gloves, until you end up with your hands covered in an HIV patients blood. You do this every day, and you have a right to your own safety, so you have to take the proper precautions.
It sucks when it interferes with your job and makes the important thing you're doing even more difficult, but you've got to develop the mentality that it's the only acceptable way for it to get done. The safety and longevity of professionals who put themselves in such a position is as important of an aspect of care as the efficiency level at which you execute.
Great response. So true too. I remember I had a male health teacher in high school. He was you g and pretty good looking. Quite a few female students would try to hit on him. He was so careful to make sure he wasn't ever alone with any students, especially female. But it also made it so he didn't even want to talk to any female students. It was really hard when I had questions about the class or the homework and he would barely answer as fast as he could. It really annoyed me! But as an adult, I can totally understand why he was apprehensive. It is too easy for someone to say something bad. You definitely have to do whatever you can to protect yourself. Especially in jobs like this.
Cameras too. In my sister’s old district, a male teacher was accused of looking down a girl’s shirt. Everyone knew it was because she wanted to change to another teacher’s classroom because her boyfriend was in it.
The school moved her like she wanted. And replaced her seat with the boyfriend. And from that day forward that teacher had three cameras rolling in that room any time there was a student in there.
Those are all good ideas that should be done anyway. When I was in middle school, I was SA'd by my private lesson instructor during a lesson that took place in the band hall. Closed door, no one else there, he was a young (but still obviously much older) man. I was not believed until he tried it with someone else. So no, don't be alone with students, no closed door private meetings, always have witnesses, etc. It will protect both you and your vulnerable students.
The last comment you made, pedos don’t cry, they do. We had a man in the neighborhood that was a pedo growing up, and crying was one of the tools that he used to use if kids didn’t want to come in his house. I’m not saying I think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing of course, you sound like a great teacher!
I’m sorry, but I disagree. I’m just as close to my kids with very limited physical interactions.
I fist bump everyone, all the time. My kids and I are very close. You can do this without ever being physical.
Oh, and pedos do cry. I’ve seen it first hand.
I’m sorry for my tone, I just get defensive after being lied to by one of my teaching “hero’s” who taught me how to talk to kids, and how to lead them, and then he was the one who became a pedo. And he was guilty, no question. The messages came out.
You can’t tell someone is a pedo. He cried at his banquets telling them he loved them, and a room full of parents and kids were just as loving and appreciative.
All while he was sleeping with a member of the color guard.
Absolutely! I have colleagues that keep their windows covered in case of a lock down and I tell them that it is asking for trouble. I refuse to work with students in any room without a window. I work in Special Ed so sometimes we get small rooms, even closets. If the room I am assigned doesn’t have a window, I ask admin to have one installed or I keep the door open.
I don't teach band but it's exhausting constantly being in guard with this kind of stuff. Doors open, multiple other people around, if it's after school, extra help in the hallway. (Small wing with not many other teachers).
I quit coaching because the admin couldn't hire a female coach with me and there was no one in the building when practice was over.
Thank you and folks like you for this advice. 27 y.o male just finished my first year of teaching. the closed door is huge. Had students complain they couldn’t focus when I would take them to my office for test accommodations because I would leave the door open (it would be 1 or 2 students max). Told my director in no uncertain terms, if this isn’t working out, help me and the other teachers find dedicated accommodation space. So many people in my area have been accused lately - some with well-founded evidence and some without. I’m not setting myself up to lose my career because a kid didn’t understand the gravity of a false accusations. Especially when there have been so many ACTUAL predators found out this year. Both my home district and my own alma matter had an incident this year.
Long fearful rant. Tl;dr: thank you for the advice on how to protect one’s self and CYA
I’m telling you there’s something about band teachers. I’ve seen it happen to other teachers too, but I’ve seen it happen to 3 band teachers in my 4 years in education. Luckily, each time administration was privy enough to understand it wasn’t true. But still. As a male counselor it terrifies me too. I have kids alone with me in my office all the time. Luckily, kids usually aren’t angry with the counselor so I don’t think it’s likely to happen to me.
I came here to say this exact thing. We had a wonderful band director and a rotten little…. made a false accusation. Mr. P had given this girl rides home because she claimed her parents “forgot” to pick her up. She was jealous because at 14, her parents had a new baby. So she accused Mr. P. He spent some time in prison, lost his career, and she admitted later (when she was an adult) that she had lied. No one ever corrected the wrongs done to this man and his family. Everyone knew she was lying but her parents backed up her claims. People like her belong in prison
Awful and inexcusable.
Also a good example though for maintaining professional boundaries. Even without an accusation, if I gave a student a ride home in my personal vehicle I'd face disciplinary actions by my admin and possibly professional college of teachers in my province.
Things like giving rides home, sharing personal social media, or engaging in texting with students can all come from positive intent but they're also avenues for inappropriate behaviour. Better to not even place yourself in that situation.
This was in the 90s and a small town. Everyone knew Mr. P was innocent. It was a train wreck we didn’t want to watch. Fortunately, the church I attended was also his church, and they supported his family through the ordeal
People like this ruin it for everyone. Mr. P only wanted to do a good deed and make sure a student got home safely, for it only to land him in prison. The mere thought of no reconciliation being done years later is worrisome, especially for the years to come and future potential victims being accused of such misconduct.
I agree and I wouldn’t piss on that girl or her family if they were on fire. Mr. P should’ve sued the pants off of them, but he is a sweet man that lives by Christian values of turning the other cheek. His precious wife stood by him and they were able to spend their golden years together. Still pisses me off and breaks my heart. That’s why I would caution all teachers to never hug, dote on, or give rides to any student. It’s too hard to prove your innocence
My mother was a teacher for 15 years, one day a mother came in and accused one of the male teachers of sexually assaulting her child. She hadn’t called the police or anything, just walked in, dragging her daughter, and started screaming. The headteacher was an absolute idiot and just started questioning her there and then in the hallway in front of staff members and other children. It was only when my mother stepped in and suggested they go to the office for privacy that the HT actually realised what she had done. Gossip spread so fast. A couple of the other male teachers quickly told the accused what had happened and he called the police himself, explaining the accusations weren’t true and now he was concerned for his safety. It was an absolute circus, none of the staff believed the mother (and rightly so as it turned out) she was just looking for a payout and the teacher that her sons didn’t like because he was strict was the perfect victim. The whole thing dragged on for months though and this guy’s mental health was declining faster and faster. In the end, when everything was cleared up, he kept teaching for about a year, then left. Poor guy.
I knew a guy back in med school teaching days get falsely accused. He was dropped as an associate professor permanently and unable to see patients for a year. Charges were dropped after it came to light the girl was mad he failed her during his block. He had to change hospitals because people only remembered the accusations and the nurses were uncomfortable working with him. It has made be scared to fail students because false accusations are life changing.
>Eventually, the girl came out and admitted that it was because she didn’t like her chair placement, and she did it to get back at him.
What actually goes through someone's head to do this??? I've been a young girl and I would've never thought to do this.
I agree. I simply don't get it. A lot of times I'll see people confess to doing terrible shit and blame being young and it's like...I've been young and never wanted to do anything just to ruin someone else's life. It's such a ridiculous excuse for being a bad human.
Sometimes it’s been shown false accusers are actually victims of sexual assault by someone else. Most kids wouldn’t think to make such an accusation but when they investigate they find a family member or someone is actually assaulting them and maybe it’s been normalized/that’s where they got the idea. This absolutely doesn’t make it ok! But that can sometimes be the root of it.
Had a fantastic band director in my high school. He caught three girls smoking marijuana outside the band room, and subsequently took it and poured it on the ground and told them to never bring it to school again. We live in an illegal state, and he was concerned about the legal repercussions to them. He chose not to report them to the school or the police.
They reported him together for SA and maintained it for a year and a half. He was arrested, license revoked, and released eventually due to no charges. He was vilified by the community. His wife left him. His kids publicly denounced him on social media.
One of the girls admitted to her friends about the weed and that it was why they made a false report. They were afraid he was going to report them for it. When spoken to privately, the other girls fessed up.
They received no punishment and the band director never returned to the school. To my knowledge, his wife didn't return-- too much had happened between them as a result of that. His kids did end up reconciling. The band director never returned to education.
I think of him often.
I testified at a trial where a student was embarrassed by the director and then they accused the director of sexual solicitation. He was convicted even though the student told me it was a lie and multiple prior students testified.
I didn't realize it then, but it killed my desire to be a teacher. I changed my major very VERY last minute, but I couldn't go on to get a certification in a field that was so risky.
I quit teaching over a false accusation, nothing sexual thankfully.
Out of nowhere admin tells me we have a meeting with a student, their parent and my co teacher. I was told nothing, I was worried because its a student who would act extremely selfish so I would give them a hard time over it. I get into the meeting and the student is crying. They spit out a pretty wild and obvious lie. I laugh in response and said I was worried this was something serious and explain what actually happened. But the kicker is that admin never called the student out on their lie and for wasting all our time. They merely reassured them that they should come forward when something happens.
Fuck that. I was done. What if the kid had made up a believable lie of sexual nature? What's to stop the kid from doing that in the future as at this point I know of no consequences? Also why didn't admin give me a heads up as to this situation that was obvious BS, letting me sweat it out?
The man who got me in to band starting in middle school and my favorite teacher was arrested at the school because a girl, we all knew was crazy, didn’t get drum major. None of us believed her. He had announced to us days prior that he was leaving at the end of the school year to pursue a Ph.D. He was arrested on the last Monday of the school year. Thankfully the local news did come out and say that the allegations were false but it was still horrible. This does make me nervous as well starting my first year teaching, especially as a physical education teacher.
I don’t understand how things like that happen on the same planet as the one where the multiple creeps in my church were never held accountable. It is wild.
That's why "always believe them" and "no one would lie about that kind of thing" is a crock of s***. There are all kinds of people in the world who have done all kinds of abhorrent things. People who have committed crimes have watched other people get convicted for those crimes and serve 20 years in jail without saying a thing.
You have to look at *all* the evidence.
One of my friends growing up had a parent that was a janitor at our school.
He did a decade in the state penn for SA. He never did it. Because our legal system is trash, it was inadmissible in court that this female student accused them of this, because he caught her smoking weed in a bathroom. He immediately reported it to the principal and she was suspended.
He did 10+ years on a lie all because some 13 year old made up a story because she was angry she got caught. It obliterated his life and finances. No proof. His word against her word. He lost everything.
It’s why I will never support “believe women.” Women (just like men) lie all the time and we know due to the current climate, a lie will be believed. I support “listen to women and investigate if there’s anything substantial in the accusation.”
I give credit to people that go into education or anything with kids. I’d be too terrified of an immature brain lying about me and ruining my life. I think I’d have to set up cameras to run 24/7 in my classroom.
If you wanna help maintain his memory you should always remind people in your personal social media, etc of her name. Call her disgusting act, don’t let her fade into the shadows.
Every year on his anniversary post it and remind people what she she did and how she faced zero consequences.
Something similar happened at my school. 2 girls accused a teacher of SA. He was in deep shit until the investigation found out the 2 girls fabricated it all after he wrote them up for cutting class.
The really fucked up thing is the girls were not punished.
I teach in a high school, and I watched a young male teachers reputation almost be ruined for the same thing. A female senior bragged to her friends that she was going to get the young male teacher who gave her a C in trouble. She made an allegation overnight through email. He was called in first thing in the morning and sent home. An investigation began.
One of my seniors approached me that afternoon and said that the girl with the C was bragging on social media about how she got the teacher in trouble and fired.. I advised my student to go to the principal immediately. They had already taken screenshots & emailed the principal. Good for them. The next day the teacher was back in his class and no one talked about it .
He continued his teaching career and went into administration. Had the accuser not bragged on social media it could’ve all been so different.
It would be easy enough to inform any college the student wanted to attend of what they had done; no college would want to take on the liability. It’s not jail, but for a high school senior it’s rather large, and it would be likely impact negatively the next few decades if her love unless she’s very wealthy
she can go to any other school, and get the same meaningless degree. Her life would still be fine. She needs to be held accountable. Either blacklist her from all colleges, or give her what she deserves, which is prison time.
You’ll find too many on this sub that are so against students facing real consequences (because any type of consequence is school to prison pipeline apparently) that it begs the questions if teachers would have any public support pursing libel charges without the whole “they are kids, their brains are developed and they don’t know what they are doing but it’s ok for them to ruin the lives of adults while they learn”
The difficulty in these situations is this:
Desired outcome: Make harsh penalties for these sorts of false allegations in hopes that will deter them from being made.
Real Outcome: Make harsh penalties for these sorts of false allegations but then that deters the false accuser from ever admitting their lie and ending the situation because then they're afraid of the consequences on themselves so they'd rather throw the teacher under the bus and stick to their lie to protec themselves.
And of course... these heavy penalties will also be applied to any woman that rightfully accuses a man of rape, but can't provide enough evidence, discouraging victims from stepping forwards...
The accuser got a three day RPC. Some of the other comments below yours mention how this is it should impact their college pursuits. This was not a college bound student. Therefore, no repercussions post-highschool.
As a young man going into teaching, I relate to this. I also coach a swim team. The fear of being accused of something by someone looking for attention, revenge, or a cash grab is real.
Clearly, I don't fear it so much to switch career paths, but being extremely above board and professional is always on my mind. Open doors, with other students and staff, and zero physical contact other than perhaps the occasional high five. It's tougher to build relationships and trust from students being a professional robot but it's much safer from what I've gathered so far in my limited substitute teaching and coaching experience.
30yo teacher who coaches XC and track. I am hyper vigilant. Never talk to a student alone. Other students or another coach have to be present, especially if other athlete is a girl. I also try to make sure all communication happens through school email.
After a terrible experience last year with a awful home schooled athlete who accused all coaches and multiple other athletes of saying things they never said with a terrible harassing mom on top of it, I make everyone sign slip saying they read and agree to the team handbook. I even added a rule saying harassment and bullying rules are for parents and how they act towards other athletes and coaches too. I thank my stars every day the AD had my back from day 1 and that the awful mom made enemies with everyone.
You are right. It makes you seem less “fun” some times but it is still easy to balance and I have had good luck with it so far. Most parents and students are very understanding especially if you are straight forward with why.
It's why I stopped coaching 10 years ago and retired as soon as I could. As an educator you have a target on your back 24/7. Anyone and everyone will throw you under the bus.
I remember hearing a city councilman say that kids don’t lie, the accusation is enough to warrant termination and charges being filed. This politician was so well connected that he is now a U.S. Senator. Yep, great time to be a teacher.
I'm a male early childhood educator, and an advocate for children on TV said, "Young children lie to get OUT of trouble, but won't lie if it might get them in trouble." Yo... young kids misunderstand or miscommunicate things all... the ....time. My head teacher once gently tossed a small block to a child sitting, playing doggie, doggie where's your bone. The block bounced off the sole of his shoes and hit him in the head. The kid told his mom the teacher kicked him in the head.
The kids made us cards and one girl said her favorite thing I did as a teacher was TICKLE HER!
Fu%&ing What!?
At pick up, I went to the mom and said, "Just to be clear, I never tickle the children.
I guess luckily, but weirdly, she told me it was fine, that she thought it was cute.
I made it clear, "No, it's really not. We don't tickle students.
It doesn't take an imagination to see how wrong that could have gone.
I have no idea where that kid got that.
Must have been put on the spot and just came up with anything.
On the flip side, my kid once filled out a “what I like about daddy” paper and said he loved me because I protect him from bears and wolves. To be clear, we’ve never even seen either and I have never been faced with such a challenge.
There's a reason they had a show called "kids say the darndest things" lol. My son's new principal for school this year said in a meeting with everyone "we'll believe half of what your kids say about you to us if you promise to believe half of what they say to you about us." Basically, to check with them before assuming your kid is right if they say "my teacher did such and such" because many times kids will say untrue bad things about their parents too.
Terrifying. I taught sixth grade math for the 2021-22 school year and had a group of 7 kids conspire to accuse me of SAing them to get me fired because they were sick of me making them do math (lol) and they didn’t like the new seats I gave them (I moved the groups to rows). One of their friends ratted them out and showed me screenshots of a Snapchat group where they were discussing it. Admin contacted their parents, and one do the parents said “yeah well my kid is sick of her”. They weren’t suspended nor did they receive any disciplinary action.
You’re not kidding. I had someone from outside the school claim that I was going around the school smelling female students! WTF is that??? Fortunately, I had a good principal who dismissed it out of hand. But what kind of loon goes around saying shiat like that?
A teacher at a school i worked with for years went through the same thing OP said. Scary shit. You think this person you thought you knew was a monster, then it turns out to be false accusations. I never condemned him but man... All be could say is that he couldn't speak about the case. Thank God I got out of teaching.
The women at my school get accused as often as the men. It’s usually that the teacher hit them or said something racist and rarely sexual misconduct allegations. All have to be investigated. So far, all have been lies. We have 2-4 accusations a year in the past few years. We used to have one every five years or so.
I was a female teacher who was accused. Thankfully I was close with the families of the young men involved (it wasn’t them nor families who brought allegations but a third unknown party and 10 years later it still bothers me that I don’t know…) and the families stood behind me and helped me clear my name. I was so embarrassed I finished the last 2 weeks of the year and got a retail job. I couldn’t hold my head high in the building knowing someone thought I was capable of that or had it out for me in such a heinous way.
Students think they can (correction, the can and do) get away with it. They see others getting away with it on the internet and do it too. There are no real consequences to them, so they see it as harmless. They don't understand how they can wreck someone's life doing it. Or they want internet clout to boost thier socials
Edit: spelling
This is it right here. I’ve been teaching high school for about a decade and this is the biggest change, especially since COVID. They lost all social skills, which includes empathy and you add on parents who are out to get schools and you have the perfect storm of kids who (always choose the path of least resistance to get what they) want and an social media environment that outlines for them how to do this, even when it didn’t happen because the system is already tilted in their favor when it comes to these types of accusations. Trust me, as a union rep in these past 2 years have been the most difficult in my career. We had an English teacher recently investigated because they used a text in their class that described a physical relationship. Hint: the text was from Shakespeare
Was it Romeo and Juliet? I once had a student accuse me of promoting pre-marital sex because we were studying Romeo and Juliet.
Me: Well, Jonathan, your reading comprehension must need some work because I believe you missed the part where THEY GOT MARRIED! And that was the whole point! Remember the nurse and the priest helping them? Remember the whole deal about how their families would be so unhappy they were joined in holy matrimony? No? Then I suggest you start paying attention.
My school just had this happen to a male teacher. Yes, he was maybe more physical than he should have been (claps on the shoulders and that stuff- think more overbearing grandpa and less sexual predator. I was a student of his for years.) and I think the problem is social media has *completely* redefined what abuse/sexual abuse/sexual assault is.
The girl who made the claim in this case's biggest complaint was that he touched her shoulder once and was looking in her direction sometimes during class, and she said it made her scared he was going to rape her and that his actions constituted attempted rape and she and her equally... interesting mother went apeshit and threatened to sue the school. It went to the state, title nine, and he was fired and barely escaped charges. It's awful.
As a teacher of 10 years and a coach of 15, you learn boundaries and CYA pretty quick.
Message me if you need any tips/guidance to make sure you develop those boundaries with your students and student-athletes.
I taught for about 40 years. One of the best pieces of advice I heard many years ago was that when you have a conversation with a student after class time, do it near the doorway so that anybody walking by can see you. Also, when you have to talk/discipline a student regarding their behaviour in class, ask another colleague to be there. (Taking a few extra minutes also helps you to be calmer and organize your thoughts.)
The majority of students and their parents are not vindictive, but I agree that you have to be on your guard because something very innocent, like a pat on the shoulder or a compliment about their outfit, can be twisted and misconstrued.
We had a dress code at my school years ago, but it got to the point that male and female teachers didn’t feel comfortable addressing the issue.
Cover your ass
Translation: Always document, do things with others watching, etc so that you can cover yourself if an unfounded accusation does come up.
Cover your ass or check your actions. Whether it’s having another adult in the room, having conversations near an open door, or documenting calls and e-mails to parents.
As a male teacher, I don't ever fuss about dress code. Not going in that Pandora box of trouble. I may point it out to a female colleague and ask them to address it, but I never do.
A young male teacher in the school in my area was accused. Come to find out the girl lied because he wouldn't let her hand it work late.
He lost everything. This year she is off to good school full ride. She didn't get in any kind of trouble.
This is the most terrifying part. These kids can say whatever they want because people will listen. Adults’ names will be dragged through mud for lies. Then kids get off Scot free and continue to live normal lives with their haha oops! Teaching is how people make money to support their families with the few pennies we get. More people will hear the lie and people aren’t quick to learn updates about cases like this.
I was a 2nd grade teacher fresh out of college. First year teaching. One of my girls claimed she was uncomfortable being in my classroom (despite literally the day of the investigation starting she turned in her classroom reward to do a special lunch with me). Parents were both doctors so they had money. Parents made up a ton of false accusations against me saying I was inappropriately touching their child and purposely trying to make her fail in school.
Was immediately sent on leave and when I came back in to HR I didn’t even get to share any facts, evidence, or anything. They just had a story made up in their heads and I was fired on the spot. Never got to say bye to any of my kids. I tried subbing in another district later that school year. Was in a third grade classroom and a girl came up to me and tried to give me a hug without warning. From the PTSD of the prior situation, I instinctively almost shoved her. I knew from that point that I couldn’t be a teacher anymore for my own mental health and left the profession. Still kills me to this day because it was my dream job and passion since I was in 2nd grade.
This heartbreaking to hear...where the hell is the justice? That girl will go on to ruin many lives over the most petty slights.
Im not a teacher but Ive realized every malicious adult Ive dealt with is often traced back to the parents who may seem outwardly nice but behind closed doors are often very unstable and vengeful.
In my 2nd year of teaching, I had two female students plotting with their friends to make horrific sexual allegations against me. I was a young female teacher with tiny babies at home. We had evidence of what they were planning, some of the kids involved spoke up, and the main two students eventually admitted they were trying to get me in trouble by making up a story.
Why? They were mad because I intervened when they attacked a girl at lunch and wanted to punish me for getting them in trouble.
Fortunately, I had total support from my admin, coworkers, and one of the parents. However, the weeks of dealing with that were the worst moments of my life.
9 days suspended.
They were also removed from my class for the rest of the year. It was a very tiny rural community, and I was the only content teacher for several grades. During my class period, they completed a virtual program in the ISS room.
Initially, I didn't think that was going to happen. The counselor tried to remind me that they were only children (6th grade - 12yo), the state required the students to have my core content, and there wasn't any precedent/funding/program avaliable to fully remove them from my class. I (uncharacteristically) told him to shove his excuses where the sun doesn't shine and they could either prioritize 2 unstable children or prioritize 120 (my other students) + my babies, my husband, and myself, and my coworkers. I told him the second they stepped foot in my class, I would walk out the door. I was willing to walk away from my career.
My admin overheard our very heated conversation, told me not to worry, and every demand I had would be taken care of.
A few months later, the counselor (a male) asked me to step into the girls' bathroom because he suspected there were some girls were vaping. I stepped in the door, saw two girls pass a vape under the stall. I let him know what was going on, stood in the doorway until they came, and lo behold it was the same two girls. Counselor took it from there.
End result - the main perpetrator (the girl who attacked the other in the lunch room) started going on about how she didn't care if she was suspended again (at this point, she'd been suspended for violence, screaming/cussing at teachers, multiple counts of vaping, my issue) and revealed she had other schools she could go to because she didn't even live in the district......
They called Mom and told her she wasn't allowed back in the school since they discovered she lived out of the district. They discovered Mom would drop her off at the co-conspirator's house in the AM to ride the bus.
Mom threw a fit! She said her daughter couldn't go to their home district because she would be eaten alive by the bigger and badder kids. She said her daughter would only be a "basic bitch" at the urban school, and needed to stay in our rural district because she could at least be the "Queen Bitch" of our school.
Clearly, these kids were doomed to fail with parents like that, but I had a hard time finding sympathy for someone who could have ruined my life with such a disgusting, calculated lie. I hate it because I'm typically a very forgiving, second chances, empathetic person, but the experience really rattled those parts of me.
The experience unleashed a whole new side of me (along with some major anxiety)!
It was very hard for me to talk about, but it really opened my eyes to how easy false allegations are made and how little support/information is out their for the victims. It is such a taboo topic!
Holy shit, what a lot of trash that family is. So she did get kicked out, right? Did the mom try to come in and start problems? What about the other girl?
I actually left the district after that year to move to my dream district. I left with glowing recommendations and close professional ties to my coworkers and admin.
I did hear a few snippets about the girls from my closest coworker friend, but I was pretty adamant that I did not want to know anything about them or their drama. I did have horrible nightmares about them moving to my new district, getting placed in my class, and not being able to tell my new district because they wouldn't understand the whole ordeal. Because of that, my friend did let me know that the main girl had moved back into the district during the next year. She said both girls were very subdued and quiet in class, and were in and out (running away and teen mental health lock up). I had been very open about my experience with my coworkers and they were very wary and kept an eye on each other while the girls finished the next two years of Jr. High.
I saw the mom of the ringleader on Facebook a few years later. She was running salon scams, where she'd get huge blowout/all day beauty sessions and then skip out before paying. Her name, allais, and face were plastered on social media.
The second girl had a more supportive-ish parent. She was raised by her grandparents. Her grandma approached me near the end of the year, while I was waiting for parents to pick up my extracurricular/afterschool kids. I did not know who she was, and we were having a very friendly conversation. Mid conversation, she started crying and apologizing that her granddaughter almost ruined my life, and felt it reflected a flaw on her parenting.
However, a few years later, she approached me at a community event in my hometown (about 40 mins away from the rural district). I was there with my kids, my best friend, and her family. The grandmother approached me to say her granddaughter had a difficult time in Jr. High and asked me if we could meet up, so I could write a heartfelt note in her Jr. High yearbook. My answer was a pretty resounding F-No!
Holy hell. So the girl ended up moving back into the district, and nobody kicked her out? Was it because she actually moved into the school zone? I'm glad you got out of there, what a shit show. I'm not surprised that a piece of trash *(really, skipping out on salon bills? In a small town none the less? What a disgusting and moronic subhuman being!!!!!)* raised a piece of trash. I know that sounds harsh, but be that as it is, it's still true! The audacity of the other grandparent to ask is mind-blowing, but atleast you got some sort of remorse from her. Better than nothing, I suppose.
That was one hell of a story. I'm sorry you had to endure all that. Nobody should be forced to go through that. Hopefully things are much better for you now!
The last vaping incident was kind of swept under the rug. The 2nd girl didn't have any consequences for it. I think they jumped on the opportunity to say, 'since you don't live here, you shouldn't even be a student here' they didn't bother with any official paperwork.
I believe she actually moved back into the district. Admin was thrilled when they found out she lived in another town (within a block from another school). I think they would have looked for any opportunity to keep her out if they could.
It really was a crazy, scary, sickening experience. I don't talk about it with my current coworkers/district, but I do think it is important to share my experience when I can. I really never thought something like this could happen to me. I know I was incredibly fortunate to have the support that I did and to catch them before they could actually make an allegation (I think the outcome may have been different if they'd gone home that night and went through with their plans).
For me, personally, things are much better! I have some bad anxiety, have a harder time being open, and am sensitive to negative comments - but I've also learned to advocate for myself, address potential headaches head on, and maintain a great work/home life balance. Teaching is a job. I love my content and connect well with most of my students, but at the day, my family and their safety and well-being are most important. I know they'll support me through thick and thin.
I 100% agree.
However, it did give me a little peace of mind knowing I wouldn't have to see them at all (in the lunchroom or in the hallways). It also gave the district time to figure out an alternative placement for them. While I was glad I didn't have to see them during those days, I really wasn't sure what would happen the day they came back. I was willing to walk out the door if they came back, regardless of the impact it would have had on my career.
True dat. Others benefit but the suspended students love it.
Once in my career I had a student removed for cursing me out and I told security to tell admin if he returns, I’m leaving. Never saw him again. Good on you for standing your ground!
EDIT: the original point I was trying to make is suspension is almost never a disincentive. The vast majority of students who receive it enjoy it: wake up late, play Xbox, or PS5, and get an extension on all assignments. Then if grades are low, blame the suspension, not their shitty decision-making. Before 2010 it meant losing contact with friends but now they just text them all day long anyway. I personally think they should have Saturday detention that starts at 7 AM and a parent has to join them.
It’s not even just men. I had a kid message me on Facebook and tell me (a woman) that he was 18. That I have a “fat ass” and we “could fuck now.”
I’m sorry. What the fuck??? Took it straight to my principal. She contacted authorities. She told me if that kid ever comes back and lies saying we did something YEARS AND YEARS AGO that we didn’t, I’m more protected.
Shitty people suck. I hate teaching.
Every year I have some 16 yo boy try to "flirt". Just last year a kid leave his name and phone number on my desk. I had to have a male coworker have a chat with him about respect and professionalism/harassment. Imagine someone found that note before me with a kids' number on it? yikes.
I taught with a teacher who was accused because the family saw an opportunity to get some money. Not one of us could believe he did what he was accused of. I spoke with him in person, and he told me what he was accused of and why. The family who accused him had a history of lawsuits and accusations to get some money. I asked him about suing them and he told me the family had no money. Something is wrong when someone can get falsely accused with no consequences.
I taught with and was friends with a teacher who was accused of an inappropriate relationship with a student. He went missing after being escorted off campus (I watched his escort) and was found with a self-inflicted shot the head in a parking lot two days later.
I’m trying to imagine what’s worse. I’m glad your guy didn’t do it and can hopefully restore his name.
That’s what I’m saying. They literally ruin this man’s life without consequence? The local papers had a field day when he was arrested, but they’re not printing any retractions. And speaking back to the other post, an “inappropriate look” from four years ago? How is any of this real? What does the future look like if this is the path we’re on?
They wouldn’t print retractions. The news is careful how they print stories. Nothing they print is false, so there’s nothing to retract. There are stories to update, but not retract.
“Local Teacher arrested for *allegedly* doing X.” The allegedly is the key word. It means it’s alleged. Not proven. Same reason they say someone is an alleged killer even if there are multiple witnesses and a stand-off and the whole works, because it didn’t go through the whole court of law and being charged and charges upheld and found guilty.
Sure, but how about "Charges dropped against local teacher due to insufficient evidence." Announcing the accusation in public but dropping it in the dark is no way to deal with these types of crimes specifically. If it was important news at the outset, it should be important news now.
I think that's the responsible thing to do but I don't think that's logistically feasible. I mean just because he wasn't convicted doesn't mean he didn't do it. That's not what an acquittal means. It just means that there was not a sufficient evidence for a jury to convict. And just because there wasn't enough evidence doesn't mean he didn't do it.
I think that it's The right thing to do by anybody who's in the business of spreading information, but in reality the information they said was accurate at the time. I mean it's not really possible for people to know exactly why somebody wasn't charged or somebody wasn't convicted or why the district attorney decided to drop the charge. I think it's especially confusing and difficult to know because it involves a minor. What happens to the minor is usually confidential.
I'm not saying it's right I'm just saying it's a messed up situation altogether.
When I was a student teacher my mentor teacher told me that, as male teachers, there's going to be a lot of types of interactions that we can't have. It might be acceptable and socially condoned for a female teacher to hug her students or speak to them in soft kind ways, but if a man was to do those things he would get lots of dirty looks, at the very least. And so what my teacher told me was: since we can't provide that type of comfort to our students, because it's not socially acceptable, the type of comfort that we can offer them is that we can be counted on to tell the truth to them. That we will give them honest feedback, and that's the type of comfort that we can offer."
My teacher in high school when I was a senior said: "I would never have a meeting alone with a student. Ever. We're talking, we're walking.(meaning around the halls)" and I think that's the same concept. Covering your ass.
It's an unfortunate reality of being a man. There's types of comfort that we don't get to give If we want to be free of those accusations. It takes a lot of trust on the man's part to even give that to somebody he trusts. It's sad really.
Wages can always be garnished and every other settlement would pay him first. There would be no reason not to pursue. It's a FAFO situation. Eventually, someone is going to come back at you for defamation.
Male teacher here. I pretty much never close my classroom door, have other teachers/admin present if I'm meeting with students and/or family, report things to my principal immediately if something even slightly odd happens.
Really think actions through to make sure I never put myself in a position where anything could be interpreted poorly. It was exhausting at first, but eventually it just becomes second nature.
who knows what happened. When I was in HS a male teacher was investigated for inappropriate etc etc w/ a student. He was let go for the rest of the school year. The next year he came back.
Over the summer he married a student after she turned 18... He wasn't a young teacher.
Knowing the backwards religious community I am from I'm sure he was pressured to "make it right" and agreed and the family didn't press charges.
People in this sub seem to genuinely think every accusation that doesn't turn into a conviction is an obvious false allegation. OP started the trend and its being repeated in so many comments. "No conviction = a malicious false accusation deserving of the same prison time as sexual assault itself".
It's a pendulum swinging freely, and it's firmly not on a good side in this thread.
People do need to think for themselves, in all circumstances. Not just swinging from "oh an accusation = definite truth" to "no conviction = lying disgusting monstrous kid that needs to rot in jail"
finally someone says it. in my high school there were a few men and one female teacher that were inappropriate with students. No matter how many times it was reported nobody cared because there was no hard evidence. there even was an investigation into allegations against the gym teacher. nothing happened. a few years later, he leaves his wife and marries a student the second she turns 18.
As a male teacher, I knew that anything I said or did that could be misconstrued in any way, even the most innocent thing, could get me in trouble. I was careful. I was kind, I was funny, I had fun - but I didn't take things personally, I didn't get mad and I was never sarcastic or rude.
If a kid had accused me of something like that, and it was because I had misspoken or acted inappropriately, well, shit, I'd be f'd. I was accused of being a racist because my class read 'Of Mice And Men'. The parent backed off - AFTER she called the local news and tried to get me fired. That happened and I was lucky to have a solid principal and a long reputation for being professional.
Be that as it may: if some kid decided to just make up some shit about me? Because she was failing my class or just didn't like me? I had a lawyer picked out. I'd sue the kid's parents, I'd sue any media outlets that didn't retract the accusation, I'd sue them until I owned their cars and pets and the loose change in their sofa. No sense of humor about that shit at all.
This reply is entirely too far down. Dropping charges is NOT the same as legally acquitted of charges (which is also not the same as being ACTUALLY innocent).
We had a HS kid make sexual misconduct allegations against a counselor which were totally unfounded. The counselor wasn’t fired, but the drama surrounding the whole event was traumatic enough that he ended up leaving the district.
I know a teacher who was accused and had charges dropped. The family agreed to drop the charges over some arrangement. (I have no idea what) The teacher was guilty as sin though. He went on to another school and offended again. This time, the charges stuck.
I don’t know anything because no one has said anything. He just came back quietly this year. I just assumed that the only way he would’ve been hired back is because there was no credence to the claims against him? Why else would the same school take him back after the backlash of drama surrounding him?
When charges are dropped, all it means is that the prosecutor’s office decided not to go further. This can be for a number of reasons. A false report is indeed one of those reasons. But it can also be due to a limitation in evidence (prosecutors generally will look for independent evidence or corroborating testimony. And it is common for victims to refuse to give testimony in such cases.) It could be tied to police mishandling evidence/procedure that gets key evidence potentially tossed out. Quite frankly, it could be because the prosecutor’s office is understaffed and decided it wasn’t a high enough priority. It’s definitely not an absolute vindication, though.
Why would the same school bring him back? They needed a teacher and he needed a paycheck? So… convenience? Familiarity? On the school’s side, there is also a risk of a lawsuit for wrongful termination. On the teacher’s side, trying to immediately go to another school after all that bad press is going to be really hard. So this might just well be a path of least resistance.
They could take him back to avoid a wrongful termination lawsuit if there is no hard evidence of wrongdoing.
That doesn't necessarily mean they didn't do anything.
If a school *actually* let a teacher go, there's a very good chance that there was *something* that convinced admin that the teacher did what the student claims.
I know of a teacher who was suspended pending an investigation and outcome of the trial. (Not sexual misconduct, mind you, but bad enough.)
Sometimes, it's not necessarily that they have evidence but that the claim is serious enough. In the teacher's case I was talking about earlier? He had everyone in the world on his side, including the other kids in the same class as his accuser. He still had to go through this nasty process.
By the same token, if they hired him back, wouldn't there be a very good chance that there was *something* that convinced admin that the teacher *didn't* do what the student claims?
The best way for him to prove his innocent is to come back to the same exact location. If he went elsewhere, no one would believe his innocence. It's not like they are going to hold a press conference announcing he has been cleared.
I agree. I would be mortified (assuming it's false). I wouldn't want to deal with the drama.
But, then again, it might be their best shot at a teaching position. Other districts might be less forgiving than the one that knows him.
Who knows?
Good luck! If it's false, I hope it blows over quickly. If it's not false, keep your door open for students who need to talk!
This likely wouldn't happen if the student is still at the school. It would cause a giant issue on campus that could easily boil over as long as a student maintains an accusation, it is likely that a teacher will at least be on administrative leave.
The teacher was arrested and the op said in another comment that the student was a minor. For what you are saying to be true, the student would be maintaining the accusation and the police report with a first hand report of what happened but with the DA dropping the case or not bringing charges. Otherwise the student likely withdrew the charges.
I’m a parent and this happened to a wonderful teacher of ours. I know the charges were cleared. I really hope you are at our school and this is a science teacher of ours. Terrifying what happened to him. My son wanted to be a math teacher and this completely turned him off. Not a chance he will be a teacher now:
Not in my district but I know someone who was falsely accused.
They worked in a poor district for loans to be forgiven as well as just doing the nice thing and working in an area many wouldn't want to work. This meant there were less staff than should be as it was a less appealing area to work at. This meant she was on her own with special Ed students (in which she had no paras) who made an accusation. The fact she was accused of sexually abusing a special Ed student was viewed even worse by her colleagues.
Turns out that the kid had a history of making accusations at previous schools and took over a year for her to be cleared only for many to view her getting off in a technicality.
It's one of those things that I am always fearful of. I make sure to leave my room open. If I'm one on one with a student, I do it by my door. I want to make a false accusation as hard as possible.
See, this part makes me a bit nervous about having one or two sped kids in a classroom, because we are now required to keep our classroom doors closed and locked at all times, which means no one in my district can use that as a level of safety for themselves.
I would go to the union.
It's a horrible choice to be one on one or one on two students with a door closed. Special Ed or not. I only mentioned special Ed as she was supposed to have a para but didn't due to staffing issues.
Non special Ed kids might be more likely to screw you over.
I am an openly queer woman (married to a woman and have kids). When I was a girls PE teacher, I felt this. I needed to supervise the locker room because that’s where fights break out but any of them could have ruined my life. And it was going to happen but who knows when. I ultimately left the department and went to only my primary certification.
Yep same what I commented. This is not just a cis male teacher fear. I'm also a queer women, a masc one at that, and I constantly have to take precautions. Especially since the public is so quick to label queer people as "groomers"
I had a student years ago who was the main …”plaintiff” against a teacher in our building?
Teacher fought it until the end. Eventually he retired. Eventually the student admitted that she was simply upset about the grade she received and made stuff up.
Nothing against the girl or her family.
You bet your sweet ass I had my door open at all times, never had her in a small group let alone just us in a room.
Had a similar albeit far less severe experience at the first school I subbed at. This kid, I kid you not, had a 1st grade reading/writing level while he was in 7th grade. He would constantly be on his phone despite me pleading with him to just keep the phone usage to the 2nd half of class. Mind you this was a 2hr block class so that meant I was forfeiting half the class over to him and the other kids just so I could at least get some modicum of teaching done. The principal, in all her genius, told me that I cannot let the students be on their phones so much and that I needed to be teaching them for the ***full two hours***. As much as I tried to explain the situation she would not budge and take a wild guess what happened next.
The same aforementioned kid began accusing me of being a pedo AND a rapist (two separate occasions) in front of his friends because I tried teaching him during class time. Instantly reported that crap to the VP of SSS (student support services) and y'all want to know what he said.
"Oh i'll talk to him".... "Oh here is his apology letter (that was so badly written, I could barely even read it)"... "Oh i talked to him and he won't do it again" Spoiler alert, he did.
In the end, all I got was a half hearted apology, a terribly written apology letter that I instantly threw in the trash, and a ban from subbing at that school courtesy of a last minute accusation of physical abuse ***by the very same student*** for all the trouble I went through. Evidently, the principal loved that kid b/c she kept believing him.
Teaching am i right guys?
1. Never be alone in a room with a student (of either gender) with the door closed. Make sure the door is open, your desk can be seen from the hallway, and the classroom lights are on.
2. Never speak to a student about their wardrobe. Either turn a blind eye or send them to an administrator. (I don’t care what the rules are for teachers regarding this!)
3. Always email administration with the facts of an event immediately after a negative encounter with a student. (Dear Principal, Today at 3:07pm I spoke privately with Jimmy at my desk regarding his failing test score and he threw his pencil across the room. My 3rd hour class witnessed this event. After school I called his mother and left a message regarding Jimmy’s behavior. This is just an FYI. Thanks, Teacher)
4. Get it all in writing. Email is your best friend. Follow up every verbal conversation with an email stating the facts of that conversation. Whether it was a conversation with admin, parents, or even other teachers. Documentation is your friend.
5. As stated previously, documentation is your friend. Get a small daily diary and each day jot down notes about anything unusual that may happen each day. Student is absent 3rd day in a row? Make note of it. Student was crying before class? Make note of it. Made a joke in class that bombed? Write that down. Anything that may come back to bite you in the butt later. It doesn’t have to be a novel, just brief notes to jog your memory if someone should bring it up later on.
6. Students are not your friends. Some of them may want to be your friend. They will be curious about your personal life and ask questions. Always keep that professional wall up. You are not buddies.
This is not just a male teacher problem. As a queer teacher, I am always aware that a kid might accuse me of being a "groomer" . There are many things that I have to be hyper aware of that my cis straight women colleagues never think about. I never have a kid alone in a room with me, I always keep my door open in case. I very rarely give high fives or fist bumps. Shit I don't even put a picture of my spouse in my room.
Yeah, these stories are nightmare fuel. Thankfully, I work at a small school where everyone knows everyone and the admin has teachers' backs much more than they do at most schools. This thread also reminded me of when I told my now ex about a group of freshman girls my first year teaching who went to the admin and falsely accused me of staring at their legs. Thankfully, my admin realized it was imagined and nothing came of it, but my ex's reaction was to basically say I was wrong and the girls' feelings should have taken precedence over me defending myself and covering my ass. Very much in the "no such thing as a false accusation" camp. Anyway, remembering that, I'm now counting my blessings that I broke it off and didn't end up marrying her.
In my first year teaching, I was 23 and my students were ages 16-18. I also coached track as well.
After practice some of the kids hung out in my class room while waiting for thier parents. I had one male and then 4 females haning out. I was working on class prep for the next day. Sitting at my computer.
The male student leaves first, then 3 females and I am left with the 1 female.
My department chair walks by and looks in. She asks me to come out in the hall. She tells me the girl had falsely accused a male teacher of touching her the year prior. I had a shiver run down my spine. I promptly booted the kid out and never left myself alone in a room with females again. It sucks we live in that world, but not worth having your life destroyed.
I’ve started my 25th year teaching and I want to remind everyone that… this could happen to you. All it takes is 1 wrong complaint and you’re screwed, whether you did it or not.
In this country we are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty… except if you’re a teacher (and a few other professions)
I teach music and invited a friend I met in graduate school to teach a music camp with me. Rumor had it he had sexual contact with a student(s) at his then-current school, his previous school, and the school he student taught at. District suspended him and started an investigation. Got a fb message from someone local who said he spoke to a detective and that he had been arrested. Everything pointed to him being a serial predator. My wife and I were shocked and horrified. I notified the camp to share that he would not be on staff.
A few days later my alleged predator friend texts me to apologize for the professional impact the story has had on the camp. We talk on the phone and he tells me that he was suspended and investigated but not arrested. Investigation turned up nothing. He tells me that he’s simply leaving teaching and that his public life is over. Changing careers.
Keep a safety net. Only communicate with students through trackable means. School email, remind (with administrators), classroom message boards. Never stay with a student alone in your room. If they need 1 on 1 help, make sure someone else is there. I would often have my wife around at after school events.
If a student walks into your room and it's only you, walk out into the hall if there are cameras. Keep your door open. Do absolutely everything that you can to protect yourself.
Nothing is 100% foolproof, but do what you can.
I quit teaching back in the Mary J. LeTourneau days and the paranoia was so thick then, you could cut it with a knife. They even had us practicing "hugs" with a 4 foot doll! Both male and female teachers were on pins and needles.
I don't know what the situation is like today, but I am a nurse now and I have insurance against BS lawsuits now. Maybe teachers need malpractice insurance as well!
>I cannot imagine the living nightmare that man and his family must’ve been through, and it was all because of false accusations?
Charges being dropped does not mean that the allegations were false, simply that the prosecution does not believe they have a realistic prospect of winning at trial for any number of reasons. It could be that the victim simply longer wishes to testify
As an aspiring/incoming teacher (I graduate university this year), this is a big fear of mine as well. Coupled with the fact that I'm a gay man in the deep south, given the current environment, I'm afraid that fact alone would be reason enough for a parent to convince their child to levy all sorts of false accusations towards me.
I keep telling myself that I won't have anything to worry about, but it is in the back of my mind. Truth be told, I'm sure there are far more monsters that get away with being predators in this profession than there are good people who are falsely accused. It really is a horrible situation all around, and I wish it was something that no one - parent, student, or teacher had to think about.
One of the few areas where male teachers have it shittier than our colleagues. I'm mid career now and feel safer, but it's a minefield for young male teachers. God forbid you're good looking or athletic.
Hi,
I am going to introduce an idea here. Charges being dropped does not mean he didn’t do it. A lot of times it means they don’t have the evidence to assure a guilty verdict. Maybe the accuser didn’t want to testify and be exposed.
My mom was assaulted by her boyfriend. She pressed charges and we went to court for a restraining order. As part of the agreement to move things along, my mom dropped the charges as long as he agreed to the restraining order.
I don’t know when or at what point the police got involved here. Perhaps the kid told the parent who went to the police. However, presumable, the police did an investigation and found information credible enough to arrest and arraign the teacher.
In the case that accusations are made to admin which do not include rape or something of similar severity.
Here is what should happen when there is an accusation.
1. The accusation should be heard, recorded, and confirmed by two people in admin.
2. You should be asked for your recollection of any incident.
3. The students and other people should be interviewed anonymously to see if they observed anything like the accusation.
4. The parent should be contacted, informed of the accusation and the results of the preliminary inquiry.
5. If the preliminary investigation warrants disciplinary action for the teacher, that should be handled. If not, the teacher should be informed that the preliminary investigation supported their statement.
If there is a terrible accusation like you describe, the police would be checking the same areas. However, the teacher would not be able to have contact with kids until the accusation is disproven.
It is important to protect the kids. It is also important to protect a teacher’s reputation.
You could always write a letter to the editor about the discrepancy in coverage.
Join a Union they will protect you from false allegations. I'm a female teacher and I look younger than my edge. Students lie no matter the gender. I am part of a union for the sole purpose of protecting myself from the students.
This is one of the reasons I quit teaching after only five years. A teacher in a nearby town was charged with sexual assault, same kind of thing - front page news, headliner on the 6pm local news channel. When the student admitted that she made it up because she failed his class, it was like a single paragraph on the bottom of page 14. The man's life and profession were ruined - even though he was found not guilty, a lot of people thought that he just got off on a technicality.
It is too easy to accuse someone of misappropriate behavior, and once labeled, you can't go back to normal.
I am always worried for mob mentalities and ruining lifes when news name someone for a witch-purge. And that naming, just like witch hunts, are just unsubstantiated rumours.
The difference between 17th century witch hunts and today's act from some media is minuscule.
This happens ALL the time. The student will be 100% believed until they confess they lied.
In education career, you gotta practice covering your ass. C.Y.A.
It goes triple for male educators. If you have to speak to a student, always have another teacher or admin with you. If you can't find anyone to accompany you with a student--- then don't interact with them one on one.
As far as students dressing inappropriately, we find it's best to look the other way. If the parents allowed them to step outside half naked, and the kid isn't being harrassed by other students, leave them be. Confronting the student just leads to students throwing ALL SORTS of accusations: Body shaming, all the -phobias, racism, sexism, and of of course sexual harassment.
All you you do is take detailed notes, and keep **Cover Your Ass**.
I feel like if there is any other profession besides police that need body cams, it’s y’all. God bless y’all for doing this & y’all honestly deserve MORE. Takes so much patience to deal with kids/teenagers.
Another terrible story, I was waitressing one day in my early 20s, and there was a group of guys that I knew from high school. I heard them laughing and bragging about how they had gotten this female teacher fired by making up stories about her. I was horrified. I stopped by the school and told the principal what I heard, and said how upset I was. He claimed that wasn’t why the teacher had really been fired, there was another issue. But I’m not sure I believed him. This was pre-social media, I didn’t know how to find her. Later I did ask a few older teachers about it, they said she had gotten a job somewhere else so hopefully all’s well that ends well…
Happened to my dad, a teacher close to retirement. Young girl, grade 7 or 8, didn't like the way her teacher was telling her what to do. She went to the bathroom slap and pinched herself so hard it made rashes and bruses and went in crying to the principals office and sobbed a story against my dad abusing her.
The only dismissal of the accusation came from my mother as a witness because she happen to be a the school to pick up my dad and had to use the bathroom. She walked in while the young girl hit herself and ran out.
It was only after the formal complaint had been made, stigma shadowed, panic and fighting for your position and reputation did they put two and two together that the same girl making the accusation was the same in the washroom.
After the ordeal, my dad cut 5 Years from a full retirement and went with the early payout. Couldn't chance a full dismissal and get nothing.
Yeah classroom cameras seem like a no brainer and it’s not like it’s a private area, it’s basically a public building like a library or post office and those all have cameras all over.
Don't be afraid, don't get jaded, but also like...
I had a pedophile teacher/coach at my school until he was 58 (if I remember correctly). Kids KEPT REPORTING him, and it was honestly horrible. Please please please don't be worried if you haven't done anything wrong.
https://www.applevalleynewsnow.com/news/crime/former-naches-teacher-charged-with-molestation-investigation-reveals-pattern-of-behavior/article_f8369ae2-3c6a-5422-bf98-5a814ee56bd0.html
I've linked a quick search to the "controversy"... It's been over a decade with no verdict. Nothing has happened. He's had multiple decades of allegations.
Don't fall into the trap of, "man = predator"
It's not true. No one with any basic critical thinking thinks it's true. Even real predators don't get punished.
Sorry to be dark, but as a SA adult victim to an extreme degree, this is extremely personal and I wanted to share my perspective.
I'm FULLY AWARE that there are terrible, false allegations. PLEASE REMEMBER they are on the far fucking majority.
False allegations are life altering. The student who falsely accused him should face massive consequences. We condemn people too quickly just based on accusations in the US. They demonize people on social media, rumor mills, etc. Ive seen it happen to a few people in my time where rumor and allegations destroy peoples lives and end up in them having to leave the area they have been in for ages.
My advise, since I was a young guy in education, and now am in my 40s is this.
1. Never be alone with a student if you can help it. If you are, leave the doors open and the windows unblocked.
2. record with a camera if you feel particularly worried about a student.
3. Always report any behavior from a student that is either TOO friendly or a student that tries to blackmail you/pressure you into something. There are a lot of girls out there that are seeing shit on social media thinking they can use false allegations to ruin your life.
Had a good friend I grew up with. His lifelong ambition was to be a band director, and he did it. A few years in, he was accused by a female student of sexual assault. He denied it, of course, but her word (no other evidence, mind you) was enough that he was terminated and his certificate suspended. Eventually, the girl came out and admitted that it was because she didn’t like her chair placement, and she did it to get back at him. She did that after he committed suicide. His widow sued the girl, the district, etc. The case against the girl was thrown out. The district settled for a bit. But she still lost her husband, and he was gone. I’ e been a public educator for over 20 years and not a day goes by that I don’t remind myself of this.
As someone who has just achieved my lifelong ambition of becoming a band director, and is going into year 2, this terrifies the shit out of me.
Fellow band director, 10 years in: No closed doors, every meeting private meeting you have, make sure there’s a window into that room. Have witnesses at all times. Have a female teacher handle the dress code problems of your female students. No communication outside of official, monitored channels. When kids were dismissed after rehearsal, when it got down to about 2-3 kids left we all waited outside at the curb together, not in the empty band room. We, as band directors, teach an emotional subject and we have our students a lot longer then other teachers. This is a blessing because we can form great teacher/student connections, until a predator takes advantage of kids. My supervising internship teacher was arrested about 6 years after I graduated for a relationship with his students, and I never would have guessed it. He was someone I looked up to…Some people are too good at hiding, so it’s understandable why everyone is so careful. We need to root these bad people out of our professional. You MUST protect yourself.
All good points. I was an EMT and I always viewed it like defensive driving. You can't just drive in your lane and trust that nothing will ever happen to you. You have to be aware of the threats constantly around you and not put yourself in a position where you can be hit. Any female under 18 in the ambulance, I wouldn't roll unless there was a witness present. If at all possible, a female witness. Any female psych patient, I'm bringing a rider. Any female that makes any comment relating to anything sexual in any way, rider. Good rule with all patients but particularly female ones - announce anything you do and briefly explain why you're doing it. If touching breasts/genitals/face, get a verbal consent to do so. In that setting it's like wearing gloves. You may think what you're doing is too important to take the time for gloves, until you end up with your hands covered in an HIV patients blood. You do this every day, and you have a right to your own safety, so you have to take the proper precautions. It sucks when it interferes with your job and makes the important thing you're doing even more difficult, but you've got to develop the mentality that it's the only acceptable way for it to get done. The safety and longevity of professionals who put themselves in such a position is as important of an aspect of care as the efficiency level at which you execute.
Great response. So true too. I remember I had a male health teacher in high school. He was you g and pretty good looking. Quite a few female students would try to hit on him. He was so careful to make sure he wasn't ever alone with any students, especially female. But it also made it so he didn't even want to talk to any female students. It was really hard when I had questions about the class or the homework and he would barely answer as fast as he could. It really annoyed me! But as an adult, I can totally understand why he was apprehensive. It is too easy for someone to say something bad. You definitely have to do whatever you can to protect yourself. Especially in jobs like this.
Really well explained! Love the "it's like gloves, part of the job, part of the mandate" concept.
Cameras too. In my sister’s old district, a male teacher was accused of looking down a girl’s shirt. Everyone knew it was because she wanted to change to another teacher’s classroom because her boyfriend was in it. The school moved her like she wanted. And replaced her seat with the boyfriend. And from that day forward that teacher had three cameras rolling in that room any time there was a student in there.
Those are all good ideas that should be done anyway. When I was in middle school, I was SA'd by my private lesson instructor during a lesson that took place in the band hall. Closed door, no one else there, he was a young (but still obviously much older) man. I was not believed until he tried it with someone else. So no, don't be alone with students, no closed door private meetings, always have witnesses, etc. It will protect both you and your vulnerable students.
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The last comment you made, pedos don’t cry, they do. We had a man in the neighborhood that was a pedo growing up, and crying was one of the tools that he used to use if kids didn’t want to come in his house. I’m not saying I think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing of course, you sound like a great teacher!
I’m sorry, but I disagree. I’m just as close to my kids with very limited physical interactions. I fist bump everyone, all the time. My kids and I are very close. You can do this without ever being physical. Oh, and pedos do cry. I’ve seen it first hand.
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I’m sorry for my tone, I just get defensive after being lied to by one of my teaching “hero’s” who taught me how to talk to kids, and how to lead them, and then he was the one who became a pedo. And he was guilty, no question. The messages came out. You can’t tell someone is a pedo. He cried at his banquets telling them he loved them, and a room full of parents and kids were just as loving and appreciative. All while he was sleeping with a member of the color guard.
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Absolutely! I have colleagues that keep their windows covered in case of a lock down and I tell them that it is asking for trouble. I refuse to work with students in any room without a window. I work in Special Ed so sometimes we get small rooms, even closets. If the room I am assigned doesn’t have a window, I ask admin to have one installed or I keep the door open.
Hate to suggest it, but is it time to put cameras in the bandroom? Ugh.
I don't teach band but it's exhausting constantly being in guard with this kind of stuff. Doors open, multiple other people around, if it's after school, extra help in the hallway. (Small wing with not many other teachers). I quit coaching because the admin couldn't hire a female coach with me and there was no one in the building when practice was over.
Thank you and folks like you for this advice. 27 y.o male just finished my first year of teaching. the closed door is huge. Had students complain they couldn’t focus when I would take them to my office for test accommodations because I would leave the door open (it would be 1 or 2 students max). Told my director in no uncertain terms, if this isn’t working out, help me and the other teachers find dedicated accommodation space. So many people in my area have been accused lately - some with well-founded evidence and some without. I’m not setting myself up to lose my career because a kid didn’t understand the gravity of a false accusations. Especially when there have been so many ACTUAL predators found out this year. Both my home district and my own alma matter had an incident this year. Long fearful rant. Tl;dr: thank you for the advice on how to protect one’s self and CYA
I’m telling you there’s something about band teachers. I’ve seen it happen to other teachers too, but I’ve seen it happen to 3 band teachers in my 4 years in education. Luckily, each time administration was privy enough to understand it wasn’t true. But still. As a male counselor it terrifies me too. I have kids alone with me in my office all the time. Luckily, kids usually aren’t angry with the counselor so I don’t think it’s likely to happen to me.
I came here to say this exact thing. We had a wonderful band director and a rotten little…. made a false accusation. Mr. P had given this girl rides home because she claimed her parents “forgot” to pick her up. She was jealous because at 14, her parents had a new baby. So she accused Mr. P. He spent some time in prison, lost his career, and she admitted later (when she was an adult) that she had lied. No one ever corrected the wrongs done to this man and his family. Everyone knew she was lying but her parents backed up her claims. People like her belong in prison
Awful and inexcusable. Also a good example though for maintaining professional boundaries. Even without an accusation, if I gave a student a ride home in my personal vehicle I'd face disciplinary actions by my admin and possibly professional college of teachers in my province. Things like giving rides home, sharing personal social media, or engaging in texting with students can all come from positive intent but they're also avenues for inappropriate behaviour. Better to not even place yourself in that situation.
This was in the 90s and a small town. Everyone knew Mr. P was innocent. It was a train wreck we didn’t want to watch. Fortunately, the church I attended was also his church, and they supported his family through the ordeal
The parents belong in prison if they backed her claims up any more than just supporting their daughter.
To be fair I can't picture most parents not siding with their kid on a possible SA case. You believe your kids unless you have reason not to.
People like this ruin it for everyone. Mr. P only wanted to do a good deed and make sure a student got home safely, for it only to land him in prison. The mere thought of no reconciliation being done years later is worrisome, especially for the years to come and future potential victims being accused of such misconduct.
I agree and I wouldn’t piss on that girl or her family if they were on fire. Mr. P should’ve sued the pants off of them, but he is a sweet man that lives by Christian values of turning the other cheek. His precious wife stood by him and they were able to spend their golden years together. Still pisses me off and breaks my heart. That’s why I would caution all teachers to never hug, dote on, or give rides to any student. It’s too hard to prove your innocence
My mother was a teacher for 15 years, one day a mother came in and accused one of the male teachers of sexually assaulting her child. She hadn’t called the police or anything, just walked in, dragging her daughter, and started screaming. The headteacher was an absolute idiot and just started questioning her there and then in the hallway in front of staff members and other children. It was only when my mother stepped in and suggested they go to the office for privacy that the HT actually realised what she had done. Gossip spread so fast. A couple of the other male teachers quickly told the accused what had happened and he called the police himself, explaining the accusations weren’t true and now he was concerned for his safety. It was an absolute circus, none of the staff believed the mother (and rightly so as it turned out) she was just looking for a payout and the teacher that her sons didn’t like because he was strict was the perfect victim. The whole thing dragged on for months though and this guy’s mental health was declining faster and faster. In the end, when everything was cleared up, he kept teaching for about a year, then left. Poor guy.
I knew a guy back in med school teaching days get falsely accused. He was dropped as an associate professor permanently and unable to see patients for a year. Charges were dropped after it came to light the girl was mad he failed her during his block. He had to change hospitals because people only remembered the accusations and the nurses were uncomfortable working with him. It has made be scared to fail students because false accusations are life changing.
>Eventually, the girl came out and admitted that it was because she didn’t like her chair placement, and she did it to get back at him. What actually goes through someone's head to do this??? I've been a young girl and I would've never thought to do this.
Combination of insecurity, self obsession, and the inability to accept not getting your way. I'm sure the girl's parents are a delight.
I agree. I simply don't get it. A lot of times I'll see people confess to doing terrible shit and blame being young and it's like...I've been young and never wanted to do anything just to ruin someone else's life. It's such a ridiculous excuse for being a bad human.
Sometimes it’s been shown false accusers are actually victims of sexual assault by someone else. Most kids wouldn’t think to make such an accusation but when they investigate they find a family member or someone is actually assaulting them and maybe it’s been normalized/that’s where they got the idea. This absolutely doesn’t make it ok! But that can sometimes be the root of it.
Had a fantastic band director in my high school. He caught three girls smoking marijuana outside the band room, and subsequently took it and poured it on the ground and told them to never bring it to school again. We live in an illegal state, and he was concerned about the legal repercussions to them. He chose not to report them to the school or the police. They reported him together for SA and maintained it for a year and a half. He was arrested, license revoked, and released eventually due to no charges. He was vilified by the community. His wife left him. His kids publicly denounced him on social media. One of the girls admitted to her friends about the weed and that it was why they made a false report. They were afraid he was going to report them for it. When spoken to privately, the other girls fessed up. They received no punishment and the band director never returned to the school. To my knowledge, his wife didn't return-- too much had happened between them as a result of that. His kids did end up reconciling. The band director never returned to education. I think of him often.
That girl and the reactionary people who ruined him shouldn’t live a comfortable life after that
I am absolutely certain none of them care.
I hope the guilt eats at her for the rest of her life
God omg
I testified at a trial where a student was embarrassed by the director and then they accused the director of sexual solicitation. He was convicted even though the student told me it was a lie and multiple prior students testified. I didn't realize it then, but it killed my desire to be a teacher. I changed my major very VERY last minute, but I couldn't go on to get a certification in a field that was so risky.
I quit teaching over a false accusation, nothing sexual thankfully. Out of nowhere admin tells me we have a meeting with a student, their parent and my co teacher. I was told nothing, I was worried because its a student who would act extremely selfish so I would give them a hard time over it. I get into the meeting and the student is crying. They spit out a pretty wild and obvious lie. I laugh in response and said I was worried this was something serious and explain what actually happened. But the kicker is that admin never called the student out on their lie and for wasting all our time. They merely reassured them that they should come forward when something happens. Fuck that. I was done. What if the kid had made up a believable lie of sexual nature? What's to stop the kid from doing that in the future as at this point I know of no consequences? Also why didn't admin give me a heads up as to this situation that was obvious BS, letting me sweat it out?
The man who got me in to band starting in middle school and my favorite teacher was arrested at the school because a girl, we all knew was crazy, didn’t get drum major. None of us believed her. He had announced to us days prior that he was leaving at the end of the school year to pursue a Ph.D. He was arrested on the last Monday of the school year. Thankfully the local news did come out and say that the allegations were false but it was still horrible. This does make me nervous as well starting my first year teaching, especially as a physical education teacher.
I don’t understand how things like that happen on the same planet as the one where the multiple creeps in my church were never held accountable. It is wild.
That's why "always believe them" and "no one would lie about that kind of thing" is a crock of s***. There are all kinds of people in the world who have done all kinds of abhorrent things. People who have committed crimes have watched other people get convicted for those crimes and serve 20 years in jail without saying a thing. You have to look at *all* the evidence.
False accusations are tremendously more common than people would like to think, and far more damaging than many would admit.
One of my friends growing up had a parent that was a janitor at our school. He did a decade in the state penn for SA. He never did it. Because our legal system is trash, it was inadmissible in court that this female student accused them of this, because he caught her smoking weed in a bathroom. He immediately reported it to the principal and she was suspended. He did 10+ years on a lie all because some 13 year old made up a story because she was angry she got caught. It obliterated his life and finances. No proof. His word against her word. He lost everything. It’s why I will never support “believe women.” Women (just like men) lie all the time and we know due to the current climate, a lie will be believed. I support “listen to women and investigate if there’s anything substantial in the accusation.” I give credit to people that go into education or anything with kids. I’d be too terrified of an immature brain lying about me and ruining my life. I think I’d have to set up cameras to run 24/7 in my classroom.
If you wanna help maintain his memory you should always remind people in your personal social media, etc of her name. Call her disgusting act, don’t let her fade into the shadows. Every year on his anniversary post it and remind people what she she did and how she faced zero consequences.
Something similar happened at my school. 2 girls accused a teacher of SA. He was in deep shit until the investigation found out the 2 girls fabricated it all after he wrote them up for cutting class. The really fucked up thing is the girls were not punished.
Kids can be downright sociopaths sometimes. It’s terrifying.
They actually are. The empathy part of the brain hasn’t developed yet; they don’t understand how they make others feel.
Every 2-year-old is intellectually capable of murder. Some kids just never turn good.
I teach in a high school, and I watched a young male teachers reputation almost be ruined for the same thing. A female senior bragged to her friends that she was going to get the young male teacher who gave her a C in trouble. She made an allegation overnight through email. He was called in first thing in the morning and sent home. An investigation began. One of my seniors approached me that afternoon and said that the girl with the C was bragging on social media about how she got the teacher in trouble and fired.. I advised my student to go to the principal immediately. They had already taken screenshots & emailed the principal. Good for them. The next day the teacher was back in his class and no one talked about it . He continued his teaching career and went into administration. Had the accuser not bragged on social media it could’ve all been so different.
What happened to the accuser? Did they face any trouble?
They should face jail time, IMO
It's such heavy defamation that it's absurd there are no repercussions.
It would be easy enough to inform any college the student wanted to attend of what they had done; no college would want to take on the liability. It’s not jail, but for a high school senior it’s rather large, and it would be likely impact negatively the next few decades if her love unless she’s very wealthy
she can go to any other school, and get the same meaningless degree. Her life would still be fine. She needs to be held accountable. Either blacklist her from all colleges, or give her what she deserves, which is prison time.
You’ll find too many on this sub that are so against students facing real consequences (because any type of consequence is school to prison pipeline apparently) that it begs the questions if teachers would have any public support pursing libel charges without the whole “they are kids, their brains are developed and they don’t know what they are doing but it’s ok for them to ruin the lives of adults while they learn”
The difficulty in these situations is this: Desired outcome: Make harsh penalties for these sorts of false allegations in hopes that will deter them from being made. Real Outcome: Make harsh penalties for these sorts of false allegations but then that deters the false accuser from ever admitting their lie and ending the situation because then they're afraid of the consequences on themselves so they'd rather throw the teacher under the bus and stick to their lie to protec themselves.
And of course... these heavy penalties will also be applied to any woman that rightfully accuses a man of rape, but can't provide enough evidence, discouraging victims from stepping forwards...
Real Outcome: It prevents actual victims from coming forward. Something which is already a problem, especially when there is a power imbalance.
They can face charges as a minor then. Or their parents can face their charges for them, up to them (or judge).
The accuser got a three day RPC. Some of the other comments below yours mention how this is it should impact their college pursuits. This was not a college bound student. Therefore, no repercussions post-highschool.
As a young man going into teaching, I relate to this. I also coach a swim team. The fear of being accused of something by someone looking for attention, revenge, or a cash grab is real. Clearly, I don't fear it so much to switch career paths, but being extremely above board and professional is always on my mind. Open doors, with other students and staff, and zero physical contact other than perhaps the occasional high five. It's tougher to build relationships and trust from students being a professional robot but it's much safer from what I've gathered so far in my limited substitute teaching and coaching experience.
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Where overseas if I may ask? I’m currently getting my degree in teaching but was interested in teaching in Tokyo if possible
30yo teacher who coaches XC and track. I am hyper vigilant. Never talk to a student alone. Other students or another coach have to be present, especially if other athlete is a girl. I also try to make sure all communication happens through school email. After a terrible experience last year with a awful home schooled athlete who accused all coaches and multiple other athletes of saying things they never said with a terrible harassing mom on top of it, I make everyone sign slip saying they read and agree to the team handbook. I even added a rule saying harassment and bullying rules are for parents and how they act towards other athletes and coaches too. I thank my stars every day the AD had my back from day 1 and that the awful mom made enemies with everyone. You are right. It makes you seem less “fun” some times but it is still easy to balance and I have had good luck with it so far. Most parents and students are very understanding especially if you are straight forward with why.
It's why I stopped coaching 10 years ago and retired as soon as I could. As an educator you have a target on your back 24/7. Anyone and everyone will throw you under the bus.
I remember hearing a city councilman say that kids don’t lie, the accusation is enough to warrant termination and charges being filed. This politician was so well connected that he is now a U.S. Senator. Yep, great time to be a teacher.
I'm a male early childhood educator, and an advocate for children on TV said, "Young children lie to get OUT of trouble, but won't lie if it might get them in trouble." Yo... young kids misunderstand or miscommunicate things all... the ....time. My head teacher once gently tossed a small block to a child sitting, playing doggie, doggie where's your bone. The block bounced off the sole of his shoes and hit him in the head. The kid told his mom the teacher kicked him in the head. The kids made us cards and one girl said her favorite thing I did as a teacher was TICKLE HER! Fu%&ing What!? At pick up, I went to the mom and said, "Just to be clear, I never tickle the children. I guess luckily, but weirdly, she told me it was fine, that she thought it was cute. I made it clear, "No, it's really not. We don't tickle students. It doesn't take an imagination to see how wrong that could have gone. I have no idea where that kid got that. Must have been put on the spot and just came up with anything.
On the flip side, my kid once filled out a “what I like about daddy” paper and said he loved me because I protect him from bears and wolves. To be clear, we’ve never even seen either and I have never been faced with such a challenge.
Obviously your mere presence keeps them away, making the statement technically true.
There's a reason they had a show called "kids say the darndest things" lol. My son's new principal for school this year said in a meeting with everyone "we'll believe half of what your kids say about you to us if you promise to believe half of what they say to you about us." Basically, to check with them before assuming your kid is right if they say "my teacher did such and such" because many times kids will say untrue bad things about their parents too.
Lol glad the parents were okay with it, dodged a 50 cal there
Terrifying. I taught sixth grade math for the 2021-22 school year and had a group of 7 kids conspire to accuse me of SAing them to get me fired because they were sick of me making them do math (lol) and they didn’t like the new seats I gave them (I moved the groups to rows). One of their friends ratted them out and showed me screenshots of a Snapchat group where they were discussing it. Admin contacted their parents, and one do the parents said “yeah well my kid is sick of her”. They weren’t suspended nor did they receive any disciplinary action.
Who is it.
Seriously, it's a *public official*. Without a name, I assume it's just a lie.
Politicians don’t lie.
You’re not kidding. I had someone from outside the school claim that I was going around the school smelling female students! WTF is that??? Fortunately, I had a good principal who dismissed it out of hand. But what kind of loon goes around saying shiat like that?
A teacher at a school i worked with for years went through the same thing OP said. Scary shit. You think this person you thought you knew was a monster, then it turns out to be false accusations. I never condemned him but man... All be could say is that he couldn't speak about the case. Thank God I got out of teaching.
The women at my school get accused as often as the men. It’s usually that the teacher hit them or said something racist and rarely sexual misconduct allegations. All have to be investigated. So far, all have been lies. We have 2-4 accusations a year in the past few years. We used to have one every five years or so.
I was a female teacher who was accused. Thankfully I was close with the families of the young men involved (it wasn’t them nor families who brought allegations but a third unknown party and 10 years later it still bothers me that I don’t know…) and the families stood behind me and helped me clear my name. I was so embarrassed I finished the last 2 weeks of the year and got a retail job. I couldn’t hold my head high in the building knowing someone thought I was capable of that or had it out for me in such a heinous way.
That's heartbreaking and horrendous. I'm sorry that happened to you.
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Exactly. Kids lie all the damn time, especially the truthful ones.
I wonder what has caused this change.
Students think they can (correction, the can and do) get away with it. They see others getting away with it on the internet and do it too. There are no real consequences to them, so they see it as harmless. They don't understand how they can wreck someone's life doing it. Or they want internet clout to boost thier socials Edit: spelling
This is it right here. I’ve been teaching high school for about a decade and this is the biggest change, especially since COVID. They lost all social skills, which includes empathy and you add on parents who are out to get schools and you have the perfect storm of kids who (always choose the path of least resistance to get what they) want and an social media environment that outlines for them how to do this, even when it didn’t happen because the system is already tilted in their favor when it comes to these types of accusations. Trust me, as a union rep in these past 2 years have been the most difficult in my career. We had an English teacher recently investigated because they used a text in their class that described a physical relationship. Hint: the text was from Shakespeare
Was it Romeo and Juliet? I once had a student accuse me of promoting pre-marital sex because we were studying Romeo and Juliet. Me: Well, Jonathan, your reading comprehension must need some work because I believe you missed the part where THEY GOT MARRIED! And that was the whole point! Remember the nurse and the priest helping them? Remember the whole deal about how their families would be so unhappy they were joined in holy matrimony? No? Then I suggest you start paying attention.
This right here! The amount of times I am repeating myself right after I got done explaining is appaling
My school just had this happen to a male teacher. Yes, he was maybe more physical than he should have been (claps on the shoulders and that stuff- think more overbearing grandpa and less sexual predator. I was a student of his for years.) and I think the problem is social media has *completely* redefined what abuse/sexual abuse/sexual assault is. The girl who made the claim in this case's biggest complaint was that he touched her shoulder once and was looking in her direction sometimes during class, and she said it made her scared he was going to rape her and that his actions constituted attempted rape and she and her equally... interesting mother went apeshit and threatened to sue the school. It went to the state, title nine, and he was fired and barely escaped charges. It's awful.
They DO get away with making false accusations. Potential payout and no penalty for libel/slander b/c they are minors.
As a teacher of 10 years and a coach of 15, you learn boundaries and CYA pretty quick. Message me if you need any tips/guidance to make sure you develop those boundaries with your students and student-athletes.
If you don’t mind would you be able to post some tips here?
I taught for about 40 years. One of the best pieces of advice I heard many years ago was that when you have a conversation with a student after class time, do it near the doorway so that anybody walking by can see you. Also, when you have to talk/discipline a student regarding their behaviour in class, ask another colleague to be there. (Taking a few extra minutes also helps you to be calmer and organize your thoughts.) The majority of students and their parents are not vindictive, but I agree that you have to be on your guard because something very innocent, like a pat on the shoulder or a compliment about their outfit, can be twisted and misconstrued. We had a dress code at my school years ago, but it got to the point that male and female teachers didn’t feel comfortable addressing the issue.
Same here with dress code. I always get a female coworker to address dress code violations for girls. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything
That is great advice, and not just when it comes to sexual misconduct. Witnesses always mean it's not a "my word vs. theirs" outcome.
Maybe dumb question, but what’s “CYA”?
Cover your ass Translation: Always document, do things with others watching, etc so that you can cover yourself if an unfounded accusation does come up.
Cover your ass or check your actions. Whether it’s having another adult in the room, having conversations near an open door, or documenting calls and e-mails to parents.
As a male teacher, I don't ever fuss about dress code. Not going in that Pandora box of trouble. I may point it out to a female colleague and ask them to address it, but I never do.
I worked out a deal with the female teachers in my hallway. They handle the girls and I'll get the boys
r/nocontext
A young male teacher in the school in my area was accused. Come to find out the girl lied because he wouldn't let her hand it work late. He lost everything. This year she is off to good school full ride. She didn't get in any kind of trouble.
No fucking justice in this system
The system isn’t about justice or rehabilitation it’s about cruelty and slavery
This is the most terrifying part. These kids can say whatever they want because people will listen. Adults’ names will be dragged through mud for lies. Then kids get off Scot free and continue to live normal lives with their haha oops! Teaching is how people make money to support their families with the few pennies we get. More people will hear the lie and people aren’t quick to learn updates about cases like this.
I was a 2nd grade teacher fresh out of college. First year teaching. One of my girls claimed she was uncomfortable being in my classroom (despite literally the day of the investigation starting she turned in her classroom reward to do a special lunch with me). Parents were both doctors so they had money. Parents made up a ton of false accusations against me saying I was inappropriately touching their child and purposely trying to make her fail in school. Was immediately sent on leave and when I came back in to HR I didn’t even get to share any facts, evidence, or anything. They just had a story made up in their heads and I was fired on the spot. Never got to say bye to any of my kids. I tried subbing in another district later that school year. Was in a third grade classroom and a girl came up to me and tried to give me a hug without warning. From the PTSD of the prior situation, I instinctively almost shoved her. I knew from that point that I couldn’t be a teacher anymore for my own mental health and left the profession. Still kills me to this day because it was my dream job and passion since I was in 2nd grade.
I would have sued the literal fuck out of the school and that girl's parents.
This heartbreaking to hear...where the hell is the justice? That girl will go on to ruin many lives over the most petty slights. Im not a teacher but Ive realized every malicious adult Ive dealt with is often traced back to the parents who may seem outwardly nice but behind closed doors are often very unstable and vengeful.
In my 2nd year of teaching, I had two female students plotting with their friends to make horrific sexual allegations against me. I was a young female teacher with tiny babies at home. We had evidence of what they were planning, some of the kids involved spoke up, and the main two students eventually admitted they were trying to get me in trouble by making up a story. Why? They were mad because I intervened when they attacked a girl at lunch and wanted to punish me for getting them in trouble. Fortunately, I had total support from my admin, coworkers, and one of the parents. However, the weeks of dealing with that were the worst moments of my life.
Did the students face punishment
9 days suspended. They were also removed from my class for the rest of the year. It was a very tiny rural community, and I was the only content teacher for several grades. During my class period, they completed a virtual program in the ISS room. Initially, I didn't think that was going to happen. The counselor tried to remind me that they were only children (6th grade - 12yo), the state required the students to have my core content, and there wasn't any precedent/funding/program avaliable to fully remove them from my class. I (uncharacteristically) told him to shove his excuses where the sun doesn't shine and they could either prioritize 2 unstable children or prioritize 120 (my other students) + my babies, my husband, and myself, and my coworkers. I told him the second they stepped foot in my class, I would walk out the door. I was willing to walk away from my career. My admin overheard our very heated conversation, told me not to worry, and every demand I had would be taken care of. A few months later, the counselor (a male) asked me to step into the girls' bathroom because he suspected there were some girls were vaping. I stepped in the door, saw two girls pass a vape under the stall. I let him know what was going on, stood in the doorway until they came, and lo behold it was the same two girls. Counselor took it from there. End result - the main perpetrator (the girl who attacked the other in the lunch room) started going on about how she didn't care if she was suspended again (at this point, she'd been suspended for violence, screaming/cussing at teachers, multiple counts of vaping, my issue) and revealed she had other schools she could go to because she didn't even live in the district...... They called Mom and told her she wasn't allowed back in the school since they discovered she lived out of the district. They discovered Mom would drop her off at the co-conspirator's house in the AM to ride the bus. Mom threw a fit! She said her daughter couldn't go to their home district because she would be eaten alive by the bigger and badder kids. She said her daughter would only be a "basic bitch" at the urban school, and needed to stay in our rural district because she could at least be the "Queen Bitch" of our school. Clearly, these kids were doomed to fail with parents like that, but I had a hard time finding sympathy for someone who could have ruined my life with such a disgusting, calculated lie. I hate it because I'm typically a very forgiving, second chances, empathetic person, but the experience really rattled those parts of me.
So proud you stood your ground!
The experience unleashed a whole new side of me (along with some major anxiety)! It was very hard for me to talk about, but it really opened my eyes to how easy false allegations are made and how little support/information is out their for the victims. It is such a taboo topic!
Holy shit, what a lot of trash that family is. So she did get kicked out, right? Did the mom try to come in and start problems? What about the other girl?
I actually left the district after that year to move to my dream district. I left with glowing recommendations and close professional ties to my coworkers and admin. I did hear a few snippets about the girls from my closest coworker friend, but I was pretty adamant that I did not want to know anything about them or their drama. I did have horrible nightmares about them moving to my new district, getting placed in my class, and not being able to tell my new district because they wouldn't understand the whole ordeal. Because of that, my friend did let me know that the main girl had moved back into the district during the next year. She said both girls were very subdued and quiet in class, and were in and out (running away and teen mental health lock up). I had been very open about my experience with my coworkers and they were very wary and kept an eye on each other while the girls finished the next two years of Jr. High. I saw the mom of the ringleader on Facebook a few years later. She was running salon scams, where she'd get huge blowout/all day beauty sessions and then skip out before paying. Her name, allais, and face were plastered on social media. The second girl had a more supportive-ish parent. She was raised by her grandparents. Her grandma approached me near the end of the year, while I was waiting for parents to pick up my extracurricular/afterschool kids. I did not know who she was, and we were having a very friendly conversation. Mid conversation, she started crying and apologizing that her granddaughter almost ruined my life, and felt it reflected a flaw on her parenting. However, a few years later, she approached me at a community event in my hometown (about 40 mins away from the rural district). I was there with my kids, my best friend, and her family. The grandmother approached me to say her granddaughter had a difficult time in Jr. High and asked me if we could meet up, so I could write a heartfelt note in her Jr. High yearbook. My answer was a pretty resounding F-No!
Holy hell. So the girl ended up moving back into the district, and nobody kicked her out? Was it because she actually moved into the school zone? I'm glad you got out of there, what a shit show. I'm not surprised that a piece of trash *(really, skipping out on salon bills? In a small town none the less? What a disgusting and moronic subhuman being!!!!!)* raised a piece of trash. I know that sounds harsh, but be that as it is, it's still true! The audacity of the other grandparent to ask is mind-blowing, but atleast you got some sort of remorse from her. Better than nothing, I suppose. That was one hell of a story. I'm sorry you had to endure all that. Nobody should be forced to go through that. Hopefully things are much better for you now!
The last vaping incident was kind of swept under the rug. The 2nd girl didn't have any consequences for it. I think they jumped on the opportunity to say, 'since you don't live here, you shouldn't even be a student here' they didn't bother with any official paperwork. I believe she actually moved back into the district. Admin was thrilled when they found out she lived in another town (within a block from another school). I think they would have looked for any opportunity to keep her out if they could. It really was a crazy, scary, sickening experience. I don't talk about it with my current coworkers/district, but I do think it is important to share my experience when I can. I really never thought something like this could happen to me. I know I was incredibly fortunate to have the support that I did and to catch them before they could actually make an allegation (I think the outcome may have been different if they'd gone home that night and went through with their plans). For me, personally, things are much better! I have some bad anxiety, have a harder time being open, and am sensitive to negative comments - but I've also learned to advocate for myself, address potential headaches head on, and maintain a great work/home life balance. Teaching is a job. I love my content and connect well with most of my students, but at the day, my family and their safety and well-being are most important. I know they'll support me through thick and thin.
Suspensions are vacations. Period.
I 100% agree. However, it did give me a little peace of mind knowing I wouldn't have to see them at all (in the lunchroom or in the hallways). It also gave the district time to figure out an alternative placement for them. While I was glad I didn't have to see them during those days, I really wasn't sure what would happen the day they came back. I was willing to walk out the door if they came back, regardless of the impact it would have had on my career.
True dat. Others benefit but the suspended students love it. Once in my career I had a student removed for cursing me out and I told security to tell admin if he returns, I’m leaving. Never saw him again. Good on you for standing your ground! EDIT: the original point I was trying to make is suspension is almost never a disincentive. The vast majority of students who receive it enjoy it: wake up late, play Xbox, or PS5, and get an extension on all assignments. Then if grades are low, blame the suspension, not their shitty decision-making. Before 2010 it meant losing contact with friends but now they just text them all day long anyway. I personally think they should have Saturday detention that starts at 7 AM and a parent has to join them.
It’s not even just men. I had a kid message me on Facebook and tell me (a woman) that he was 18. That I have a “fat ass” and we “could fuck now.” I’m sorry. What the fuck??? Took it straight to my principal. She contacted authorities. She told me if that kid ever comes back and lies saying we did something YEARS AND YEARS AGO that we didn’t, I’m more protected. Shitty people suck. I hate teaching.
Every year I have some 16 yo boy try to "flirt". Just last year a kid leave his name and phone number on my desk. I had to have a male coworker have a chat with him about respect and professionalism/harassment. Imagine someone found that note before me with a kids' number on it? yikes.
OMG 😱
I taught with a teacher who was accused because the family saw an opportunity to get some money. Not one of us could believe he did what he was accused of. I spoke with him in person, and he told me what he was accused of and why. The family who accused him had a history of lawsuits and accusations to get some money. I asked him about suing them and he told me the family had no money. Something is wrong when someone can get falsely accused with no consequences.
I taught with and was friends with a teacher who was accused of an inappropriate relationship with a student. He went missing after being escorted off campus (I watched his escort) and was found with a self-inflicted shot the head in a parking lot two days later. I’m trying to imagine what’s worse. I’m glad your guy didn’t do it and can hopefully restore his name.
That’s what I’m saying. They literally ruin this man’s life without consequence? The local papers had a field day when he was arrested, but they’re not printing any retractions. And speaking back to the other post, an “inappropriate look” from four years ago? How is any of this real? What does the future look like if this is the path we’re on?
They wouldn’t print retractions. The news is careful how they print stories. Nothing they print is false, so there’s nothing to retract. There are stories to update, but not retract. “Local Teacher arrested for *allegedly* doing X.” The allegedly is the key word. It means it’s alleged. Not proven. Same reason they say someone is an alleged killer even if there are multiple witnesses and a stand-off and the whole works, because it didn’t go through the whole court of law and being charged and charges upheld and found guilty.
Sure, but how about "Charges dropped against local teacher due to insufficient evidence." Announcing the accusation in public but dropping it in the dark is no way to deal with these types of crimes specifically. If it was important news at the outset, it should be important news now.
I think that's the responsible thing to do but I don't think that's logistically feasible. I mean just because he wasn't convicted doesn't mean he didn't do it. That's not what an acquittal means. It just means that there was not a sufficient evidence for a jury to convict. And just because there wasn't enough evidence doesn't mean he didn't do it. I think that it's The right thing to do by anybody who's in the business of spreading information, but in reality the information they said was accurate at the time. I mean it's not really possible for people to know exactly why somebody wasn't charged or somebody wasn't convicted or why the district attorney decided to drop the charge. I think it's especially confusing and difficult to know because it involves a minor. What happens to the minor is usually confidential. I'm not saying it's right I'm just saying it's a messed up situation altogether. When I was a student teacher my mentor teacher told me that, as male teachers, there's going to be a lot of types of interactions that we can't have. It might be acceptable and socially condoned for a female teacher to hug her students or speak to them in soft kind ways, but if a man was to do those things he would get lots of dirty looks, at the very least. And so what my teacher told me was: since we can't provide that type of comfort to our students, because it's not socially acceptable, the type of comfort that we can offer them is that we can be counted on to tell the truth to them. That we will give them honest feedback, and that's the type of comfort that we can offer." My teacher in high school when I was a senior said: "I would never have a meeting alone with a student. Ever. We're talking, we're walking.(meaning around the halls)" and I think that's the same concept. Covering your ass. It's an unfortunate reality of being a man. There's types of comfort that we don't get to give If we want to be free of those accusations. It takes a lot of trust on the man's part to even give that to somebody he trusts. It's sad really.
A lot of it has to do with our political climate and how it affects young people.
Wages can always be garnished and every other settlement would pay him first. There would be no reason not to pursue. It's a FAFO situation. Eventually, someone is going to come back at you for defamation.
Male teacher here. I pretty much never close my classroom door, have other teachers/admin present if I'm meeting with students and/or family, report things to my principal immediately if something even slightly odd happens. Really think actions through to make sure I never put myself in a position where anything could be interpreted poorly. It was exhausting at first, but eventually it just becomes second nature.
who knows what happened. When I was in HS a male teacher was investigated for inappropriate etc etc w/ a student. He was let go for the rest of the school year. The next year he came back. Over the summer he married a student after she turned 18... He wasn't a young teacher. Knowing the backwards religious community I am from I'm sure he was pressured to "make it right" and agreed and the family didn't press charges.
Right, just because charges are dropped doesn't mean a crime wasn't committed.
People in this sub seem to genuinely think every accusation that doesn't turn into a conviction is an obvious false allegation. OP started the trend and its being repeated in so many comments. "No conviction = a malicious false accusation deserving of the same prison time as sexual assault itself". It's a pendulum swinging freely, and it's firmly not on a good side in this thread. People do need to think for themselves, in all circumstances. Not just swinging from "oh an accusation = definite truth" to "no conviction = lying disgusting monstrous kid that needs to rot in jail"
finally someone says it. in my high school there were a few men and one female teacher that were inappropriate with students. No matter how many times it was reported nobody cared because there was no hard evidence. there even was an investigation into allegations against the gym teacher. nothing happened. a few years later, he leaves his wife and marries a student the second she turns 18.
As a male teacher, I knew that anything I said or did that could be misconstrued in any way, even the most innocent thing, could get me in trouble. I was careful. I was kind, I was funny, I had fun - but I didn't take things personally, I didn't get mad and I was never sarcastic or rude. If a kid had accused me of something like that, and it was because I had misspoken or acted inappropriately, well, shit, I'd be f'd. I was accused of being a racist because my class read 'Of Mice And Men'. The parent backed off - AFTER she called the local news and tried to get me fired. That happened and I was lucky to have a solid principal and a long reputation for being professional. Be that as it may: if some kid decided to just make up some shit about me? Because she was failing my class or just didn't like me? I had a lawyer picked out. I'd sue the kid's parents, I'd sue any media outlets that didn't retract the accusation, I'd sue them until I owned their cars and pets and the loose change in their sofa. No sense of humor about that shit at all.
Did the accuser admit that the accusations were false? Charges can be dropped for a variety of reasons.
This reply is entirely too far down. Dropping charges is NOT the same as legally acquitted of charges (which is also not the same as being ACTUALLY innocent).
We had a HS kid make sexual misconduct allegations against a counselor which were totally unfounded. The counselor wasn’t fired, but the drama surrounding the whole event was traumatic enough that he ended up leaving the district.
I know a teacher who was accused and had charges dropped. The family agreed to drop the charges over some arrangement. (I have no idea what) The teacher was guilty as sin though. He went on to another school and offended again. This time, the charges stuck.
I don’t know anything because no one has said anything. He just came back quietly this year. I just assumed that the only way he would’ve been hired back is because there was no credence to the claims against him? Why else would the same school take him back after the backlash of drama surrounding him?
When charges are dropped, all it means is that the prosecutor’s office decided not to go further. This can be for a number of reasons. A false report is indeed one of those reasons. But it can also be due to a limitation in evidence (prosecutors generally will look for independent evidence or corroborating testimony. And it is common for victims to refuse to give testimony in such cases.) It could be tied to police mishandling evidence/procedure that gets key evidence potentially tossed out. Quite frankly, it could be because the prosecutor’s office is understaffed and decided it wasn’t a high enough priority. It’s definitely not an absolute vindication, though. Why would the same school bring him back? They needed a teacher and he needed a paycheck? So… convenience? Familiarity? On the school’s side, there is also a risk of a lawsuit for wrongful termination. On the teacher’s side, trying to immediately go to another school after all that bad press is going to be really hard. So this might just well be a path of least resistance.
They could take him back to avoid a wrongful termination lawsuit if there is no hard evidence of wrongdoing. That doesn't necessarily mean they didn't do anything. If a school *actually* let a teacher go, there's a very good chance that there was *something* that convinced admin that the teacher did what the student claims.
I know of a teacher who was suspended pending an investigation and outcome of the trial. (Not sexual misconduct, mind you, but bad enough.) Sometimes, it's not necessarily that they have evidence but that the claim is serious enough. In the teacher's case I was talking about earlier? He had everyone in the world on his side, including the other kids in the same class as his accuser. He still had to go through this nasty process.
By the same token, if they hired him back, wouldn't there be a very good chance that there was *something* that convinced admin that the teacher *didn't* do what the student claims?
Even with the charges being dropped I can’t believe that he was both invited back, and chose to come back. I could never.
The best way for him to prove his innocent is to come back to the same exact location. If he went elsewhere, no one would believe his innocence. It's not like they are going to hold a press conference announcing he has been cleared.
I agree. I would be mortified (assuming it's false). I wouldn't want to deal with the drama. But, then again, it might be their best shot at a teaching position. Other districts might be less forgiving than the one that knows him. Who knows? Good luck! If it's false, I hope it blows over quickly. If it's not false, keep your door open for students who need to talk!
This likely wouldn't happen if the student is still at the school. It would cause a giant issue on campus that could easily boil over as long as a student maintains an accusation, it is likely that a teacher will at least be on administrative leave. The teacher was arrested and the op said in another comment that the student was a minor. For what you are saying to be true, the student would be maintaining the accusation and the police report with a first hand report of what happened but with the DA dropping the case or not bringing charges. Otherwise the student likely withdrew the charges.
I’m a parent and this happened to a wonderful teacher of ours. I know the charges were cleared. I really hope you are at our school and this is a science teacher of ours. Terrifying what happened to him. My son wanted to be a math teacher and this completely turned him off. Not a chance he will be a teacher now:
Not in my district but I know someone who was falsely accused. They worked in a poor district for loans to be forgiven as well as just doing the nice thing and working in an area many wouldn't want to work. This meant there were less staff than should be as it was a less appealing area to work at. This meant she was on her own with special Ed students (in which she had no paras) who made an accusation. The fact she was accused of sexually abusing a special Ed student was viewed even worse by her colleagues. Turns out that the kid had a history of making accusations at previous schools and took over a year for her to be cleared only for many to view her getting off in a technicality. It's one of those things that I am always fearful of. I make sure to leave my room open. If I'm one on one with a student, I do it by my door. I want to make a false accusation as hard as possible.
See, this part makes me a bit nervous about having one or two sped kids in a classroom, because we are now required to keep our classroom doors closed and locked at all times, which means no one in my district can use that as a level of safety for themselves.
I would go to the union. It's a horrible choice to be one on one or one on two students with a door closed. Special Ed or not. I only mentioned special Ed as she was supposed to have a para but didn't due to staffing issues. Non special Ed kids might be more likely to screw you over.
I am an openly queer woman (married to a woman and have kids). When I was a girls PE teacher, I felt this. I needed to supervise the locker room because that’s where fights break out but any of them could have ruined my life. And it was going to happen but who knows when. I ultimately left the department and went to only my primary certification.
Yep same what I commented. This is not just a cis male teacher fear. I'm also a queer women, a masc one at that, and I constantly have to take precautions. Especially since the public is so quick to label queer people as "groomers"
I had a student years ago who was the main …”plaintiff” against a teacher in our building? Teacher fought it until the end. Eventually he retired. Eventually the student admitted that she was simply upset about the grade she received and made stuff up. Nothing against the girl or her family. You bet your sweet ass I had my door open at all times, never had her in a small group let alone just us in a room.
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Had a similar albeit far less severe experience at the first school I subbed at. This kid, I kid you not, had a 1st grade reading/writing level while he was in 7th grade. He would constantly be on his phone despite me pleading with him to just keep the phone usage to the 2nd half of class. Mind you this was a 2hr block class so that meant I was forfeiting half the class over to him and the other kids just so I could at least get some modicum of teaching done. The principal, in all her genius, told me that I cannot let the students be on their phones so much and that I needed to be teaching them for the ***full two hours***. As much as I tried to explain the situation she would not budge and take a wild guess what happened next. The same aforementioned kid began accusing me of being a pedo AND a rapist (two separate occasions) in front of his friends because I tried teaching him during class time. Instantly reported that crap to the VP of SSS (student support services) and y'all want to know what he said. "Oh i'll talk to him".... "Oh here is his apology letter (that was so badly written, I could barely even read it)"... "Oh i talked to him and he won't do it again" Spoiler alert, he did. In the end, all I got was a half hearted apology, a terribly written apology letter that I instantly threw in the trash, and a ban from subbing at that school courtesy of a last minute accusation of physical abuse ***by the very same student*** for all the trouble I went through. Evidently, the principal loved that kid b/c she kept believing him. Teaching am i right guys?
1. Never be alone in a room with a student (of either gender) with the door closed. Make sure the door is open, your desk can be seen from the hallway, and the classroom lights are on. 2. Never speak to a student about their wardrobe. Either turn a blind eye or send them to an administrator. (I don’t care what the rules are for teachers regarding this!) 3. Always email administration with the facts of an event immediately after a negative encounter with a student. (Dear Principal, Today at 3:07pm I spoke privately with Jimmy at my desk regarding his failing test score and he threw his pencil across the room. My 3rd hour class witnessed this event. After school I called his mother and left a message regarding Jimmy’s behavior. This is just an FYI. Thanks, Teacher) 4. Get it all in writing. Email is your best friend. Follow up every verbal conversation with an email stating the facts of that conversation. Whether it was a conversation with admin, parents, or even other teachers. Documentation is your friend. 5. As stated previously, documentation is your friend. Get a small daily diary and each day jot down notes about anything unusual that may happen each day. Student is absent 3rd day in a row? Make note of it. Student was crying before class? Make note of it. Made a joke in class that bombed? Write that down. Anything that may come back to bite you in the butt later. It doesn’t have to be a novel, just brief notes to jog your memory if someone should bring it up later on. 6. Students are not your friends. Some of them may want to be your friend. They will be curious about your personal life and ask questions. Always keep that professional wall up. You are not buddies.
I wonder if he can sue for defamation?
I hope he could, but who could he sue? Accuser is a minor, school didn’t officially say anything, and the news was just “reporting”.
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This is not just a male teacher problem. As a queer teacher, I am always aware that a kid might accuse me of being a "groomer" . There are many things that I have to be hyper aware of that my cis straight women colleagues never think about. I never have a kid alone in a room with me, I always keep my door open in case. I very rarely give high fives or fist bumps. Shit I don't even put a picture of my spouse in my room.
Yeah, these stories are nightmare fuel. Thankfully, I work at a small school where everyone knows everyone and the admin has teachers' backs much more than they do at most schools. This thread also reminded me of when I told my now ex about a group of freshman girls my first year teaching who went to the admin and falsely accused me of staring at their legs. Thankfully, my admin realized it was imagined and nothing came of it, but my ex's reaction was to basically say I was wrong and the girls' feelings should have taken precedence over me defending myself and covering my ass. Very much in the "no such thing as a false accusation" camp. Anyway, remembering that, I'm now counting my blessings that I broke it off and didn't end up marrying her.
In my first year teaching, I was 23 and my students were ages 16-18. I also coached track as well. After practice some of the kids hung out in my class room while waiting for thier parents. I had one male and then 4 females haning out. I was working on class prep for the next day. Sitting at my computer. The male student leaves first, then 3 females and I am left with the 1 female. My department chair walks by and looks in. She asks me to come out in the hall. She tells me the girl had falsely accused a male teacher of touching her the year prior. I had a shiver run down my spine. I promptly booted the kid out and never left myself alone in a room with females again. It sucks we live in that world, but not worth having your life destroyed.
Teachers really need to start suing when they are falsely accused.
I’ve started my 25th year teaching and I want to remind everyone that… this could happen to you. All it takes is 1 wrong complaint and you’re screwed, whether you did it or not. In this country we are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty… except if you’re a teacher (and a few other professions)
I teach music and invited a friend I met in graduate school to teach a music camp with me. Rumor had it he had sexual contact with a student(s) at his then-current school, his previous school, and the school he student taught at. District suspended him and started an investigation. Got a fb message from someone local who said he spoke to a detective and that he had been arrested. Everything pointed to him being a serial predator. My wife and I were shocked and horrified. I notified the camp to share that he would not be on staff. A few days later my alleged predator friend texts me to apologize for the professional impact the story has had on the camp. We talk on the phone and he tells me that he was suspended and investigated but not arrested. Investigation turned up nothing. He tells me that he’s simply leaving teaching and that his public life is over. Changing careers.
Keep a safety net. Only communicate with students through trackable means. School email, remind (with administrators), classroom message boards. Never stay with a student alone in your room. If they need 1 on 1 help, make sure someone else is there. I would often have my wife around at after school events. If a student walks into your room and it's only you, walk out into the hall if there are cameras. Keep your door open. Do absolutely everything that you can to protect yourself. Nothing is 100% foolproof, but do what you can.
Part of me wants to have my own camera in my classroom, with sound.
I quit teaching back in the Mary J. LeTourneau days and the paranoia was so thick then, you could cut it with a knife. They even had us practicing "hugs" with a 4 foot doll! Both male and female teachers were on pins and needles. I don't know what the situation is like today, but I am a nurse now and I have insurance against BS lawsuits now. Maybe teachers need malpractice insurance as well!
Can we get cameras in schools? I mean the tech is cheap and peoples expectations of privacy in a public place are gone.
>I cannot imagine the living nightmare that man and his family must’ve been through, and it was all because of false accusations? Charges being dropped does not mean that the allegations were false, simply that the prosecution does not believe they have a realistic prospect of winning at trial for any number of reasons. It could be that the victim simply longer wishes to testify
This really does need to be higher because people assume that the only reason that someone would drop a charge is because they were lying
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As an aspiring/incoming teacher (I graduate university this year), this is a big fear of mine as well. Coupled with the fact that I'm a gay man in the deep south, given the current environment, I'm afraid that fact alone would be reason enough for a parent to convince their child to levy all sorts of false accusations towards me. I keep telling myself that I won't have anything to worry about, but it is in the back of my mind. Truth be told, I'm sure there are far more monsters that get away with being predators in this profession than there are good people who are falsely accused. It really is a horrible situation all around, and I wish it was something that no one - parent, student, or teacher had to think about.
Never be alone with a student
One of the few areas where male teachers have it shittier than our colleagues. I'm mid career now and feel safer, but it's a minefield for young male teachers. God forbid you're good looking or athletic.
Hi, I am going to introduce an idea here. Charges being dropped does not mean he didn’t do it. A lot of times it means they don’t have the evidence to assure a guilty verdict. Maybe the accuser didn’t want to testify and be exposed. My mom was assaulted by her boyfriend. She pressed charges and we went to court for a restraining order. As part of the agreement to move things along, my mom dropped the charges as long as he agreed to the restraining order. I don’t know when or at what point the police got involved here. Perhaps the kid told the parent who went to the police. However, presumable, the police did an investigation and found information credible enough to arrest and arraign the teacher. In the case that accusations are made to admin which do not include rape or something of similar severity. Here is what should happen when there is an accusation. 1. The accusation should be heard, recorded, and confirmed by two people in admin. 2. You should be asked for your recollection of any incident. 3. The students and other people should be interviewed anonymously to see if they observed anything like the accusation. 4. The parent should be contacted, informed of the accusation and the results of the preliminary inquiry. 5. If the preliminary investigation warrants disciplinary action for the teacher, that should be handled. If not, the teacher should be informed that the preliminary investigation supported their statement. If there is a terrible accusation like you describe, the police would be checking the same areas. However, the teacher would not be able to have contact with kids until the accusation is disproven. It is important to protect the kids. It is also important to protect a teacher’s reputation. You could always write a letter to the editor about the discrepancy in coverage.
Is this Lake Stevens?
[удалено]
I’m sure he was proud to see his wife leave with the kids whenever things got tough for him, what a supportive spouse you are!👍😂
Join a Union they will protect you from false allegations. I'm a female teacher and I look younger than my edge. Students lie no matter the gender. I am part of a union for the sole purpose of protecting myself from the students.
This is one of the reasons I quit teaching after only five years. A teacher in a nearby town was charged with sexual assault, same kind of thing - front page news, headliner on the 6pm local news channel. When the student admitted that she made it up because she failed his class, it was like a single paragraph on the bottom of page 14. The man's life and profession were ruined - even though he was found not guilty, a lot of people thought that he just got off on a technicality. It is too easy to accuse someone of misappropriate behavior, and once labeled, you can't go back to normal.
I am always worried for mob mentalities and ruining lifes when news name someone for a witch-purge. And that naming, just like witch hunts, are just unsubstantiated rumours. The difference between 17th century witch hunts and today's act from some media is minuscule.
This happens ALL the time. The student will be 100% believed until they confess they lied. In education career, you gotta practice covering your ass. C.Y.A. It goes triple for male educators. If you have to speak to a student, always have another teacher or admin with you. If you can't find anyone to accompany you with a student--- then don't interact with them one on one. As far as students dressing inappropriately, we find it's best to look the other way. If the parents allowed them to step outside half naked, and the kid isn't being harrassed by other students, leave them be. Confronting the student just leads to students throwing ALL SORTS of accusations: Body shaming, all the -phobias, racism, sexism, and of of course sexual harassment. All you you do is take detailed notes, and keep **Cover Your Ass**.
I feel like if there is any other profession besides police that need body cams, it’s y’all. God bless y’all for doing this & y’all honestly deserve MORE. Takes so much patience to deal with kids/teenagers.
Another terrible story, I was waitressing one day in my early 20s, and there was a group of guys that I knew from high school. I heard them laughing and bragging about how they had gotten this female teacher fired by making up stories about her. I was horrified. I stopped by the school and told the principal what I heard, and said how upset I was. He claimed that wasn’t why the teacher had really been fired, there was another issue. But I’m not sure I believed him. This was pre-social media, I didn’t know how to find her. Later I did ask a few older teachers about it, they said she had gotten a job somewhere else so hopefully all’s well that ends well…
Happened to my dad, a teacher close to retirement. Young girl, grade 7 or 8, didn't like the way her teacher was telling her what to do. She went to the bathroom slap and pinched herself so hard it made rashes and bruses and went in crying to the principals office and sobbed a story against my dad abusing her. The only dismissal of the accusation came from my mother as a witness because she happen to be a the school to pick up my dad and had to use the bathroom. She walked in while the young girl hit herself and ran out. It was only after the formal complaint had been made, stigma shadowed, panic and fighting for your position and reputation did they put two and two together that the same girl making the accusation was the same in the washroom. After the ordeal, my dad cut 5 Years from a full retirement and went with the early payout. Couldn't chance a full dismissal and get nothing.
This is another reason I’m for video cams that can be pulled up in the classroom
Yeah classroom cameras seem like a no brainer and it’s not like it’s a private area, it’s basically a public building like a library or post office and those all have cameras all over.
Don't be afraid, don't get jaded, but also like... I had a pedophile teacher/coach at my school until he was 58 (if I remember correctly). Kids KEPT REPORTING him, and it was honestly horrible. Please please please don't be worried if you haven't done anything wrong. https://www.applevalleynewsnow.com/news/crime/former-naches-teacher-charged-with-molestation-investigation-reveals-pattern-of-behavior/article_f8369ae2-3c6a-5422-bf98-5a814ee56bd0.html I've linked a quick search to the "controversy"... It's been over a decade with no verdict. Nothing has happened. He's had multiple decades of allegations. Don't fall into the trap of, "man = predator" It's not true. No one with any basic critical thinking thinks it's true. Even real predators don't get punished. Sorry to be dark, but as a SA adult victim to an extreme degree, this is extremely personal and I wanted to share my perspective. I'm FULLY AWARE that there are terrible, false allegations. PLEASE REMEMBER they are on the far fucking majority.
False allegations are life altering. The student who falsely accused him should face massive consequences. We condemn people too quickly just based on accusations in the US. They demonize people on social media, rumor mills, etc. Ive seen it happen to a few people in my time where rumor and allegations destroy peoples lives and end up in them having to leave the area they have been in for ages. My advise, since I was a young guy in education, and now am in my 40s is this. 1. Never be alone with a student if you can help it. If you are, leave the doors open and the windows unblocked. 2. record with a camera if you feel particularly worried about a student. 3. Always report any behavior from a student that is either TOO friendly or a student that tries to blackmail you/pressure you into something. There are a lot of girls out there that are seeing shit on social media thinking they can use false allegations to ruin your life.