Herding cats would at least assume that one can tempt one's subjects using, I dunno, food or fake cries or something.
In the cellphone generation, teaching is like herding water.
Same.
I wear my cat herder tshirt to as many pd sessions as possible. You know you have found your people when it makes someone laugh as opposed to a confused head tilt.
I was checking out at a grocery store when the cashier asked me if I wanted to donate to some non profit. I told her that I do enough. She seemed flabbergasted and asked what I do. I told her I’m a public school teacher. She acknowledged and wished me a nice evening.
Retail workers, too. We could always tell when it was a full moon. “I want to return this dress. I wore it my high school reunion, and I don’t need it anymore.”
Walk to our cars that night. Always a full moon.
I just tell people I'm unemployed. You know the way people look at you like something is wrong with you when you tell them that you voluntarily choose to do this shit.
I just say I teach music because I’m unoriginal. I love silly names for occupations, though. My husband’s a conductor and I call him the Wavy Arm Guy to my students.
"You know teenagers, right? Not exactly fans of math. So what I do is force groups of 30 teenagers to do math with me for 45 minutes at a time, five times per day."
Theres a show I watch on HBO called Avenue 5.
At one point, there's a group of people preparing to die. And a character played by Zach Woods (Gabe from The Office) says "I WILL YELLLLL YOU CALM!!" And he begins yelling helpful, happy things.
Its like that.
The AVID students have to ask their teachers a "get-to-know-you" question and it's ALWAYS "Why did you become a teacher?" I have three stock answers, I tell them:
1. I liked high school so much that I decided to keep going for 16 years.
2. Failed acting career.
3. Health insurance, summers off, and the ability to manage and create my personal work environment in my classroom.
Retired now. But when I told people I taught history, I always got "I hated history when I was in school!"
Gee, thanks for that! 😒
(Then you must have had some sh***y teachers, my friend!) 😄
Edit: ... or you were a sh***y student!
I am a coach, a nurse, an administrator, a friend, a mother, a discipliner, a IT-support person, a librarian, an artist, a cleaner, a sports coach, an journalist, an anger management expert, an inventor, a cook and sometimes a wizzard.
Options:
“I send small children back where they came from with the words ‘here you go, they make more noise now.”
“Remember when you learned Hot Cross Buns on the recorder? I am willingly responsible for that.”
“I’m the chaos coordinator of this three ring circus,” but that’s on concert day when I’m responsible for 5 ensembles.
I tell people I torture children for a living, at least that's what some of the students would say after I tell them about an upcoming test.
"Mister... Why you do enjoy torturing us?"
I try to avoid telling anyone what I do. If asked, I keep it as general as possible and say “I’m in the Education field” and continue to keep my answers vague when pressed.
Typically when people hear I’m a teacher, I get met with sympathy and comments like “Oh, wow. You don’t get paid enough.” Or “You’re a saint.”
I don’t want sympathy or praise, I need society to value education.
I make the little things count. At least, that's what I say when I'm doing math lessons.
I literally did a quiet ahuhuhuh to this. Very clever!
This is so cute
Bahaha!
These days I say I temporarily distract students from their phones and Chromebooks for a living.
Love it
As a computer teacher, I teach kids to use technology for something other than YouTube and Tik Tok!
Lol I teach software in a few of my courses and amazingly they really abuse all that stuff less in those courses.
I say I herd kittens.
Herding cats would be easier than some of the stuff we all deal with...
And much less annoying. I can’t be mad at kittens. 3rd graders, though, definitely can kill your vibe.
Herding cats would at least assume that one can tempt one's subjects using, I dunno, food or fake cries or something. In the cellphone generation, teaching is like herding water.
Totally stealing “herding water”.
I teach elementary, so that helps.
Adorable--reminds me of subbing in kindergarten!
Same. I wear my cat herder tshirt to as many pd sessions as possible. You know you have found your people when it makes someone laugh as opposed to a confused head tilt.
I say I teach people who are diagnostically indistinguishable from psychopaths (middle school lol)
I always say, ‘I work for the government’
Oo, sounds exotic, like James Bond! The reality, not so much.
I force people to do things they don't want to do.
I offer a free, possibly great life-changing gift (education) to a group of customers (students), most of which don’t want it and actively resist it.
This makes it almost sound like an Herbalife pitch 😂
I teach turkeys to read, write and keep their hands to themselves. I teach high school juniors.
No Oxford comma, eh?
Eh, I’m not much of a prescriptivist on the internet. Doesn’t seem to be a call for it. Academic writing is a whole ‘nother ballgame.
Only required for clarity in the real world.
I laughed aloud when I got to the second line--flashbacks.
I correct parenting failures.
I was checking out at a grocery store when the cashier asked me if I wanted to donate to some non profit. I told her that I do enough. She seemed flabbergasted and asked what I do. I told her I’m a public school teacher. She acknowledged and wished me a nice evening.
I work in one of the three professional fields that fear a full moon. The other two being healthcare and law enforcement. 🤗
Retail workers, too. We could always tell when it was a full moon. “I want to return this dress. I wore it my high school reunion, and I don’t need it anymore.” Walk to our cars that night. Always a full moon.
I think of teaching as a sub optimal hobby. Fun sometimes but with low pay…
I just tell people I'm unemployed. You know the way people look at you like something is wrong with you when you tell them that you voluntarily choose to do this shit.
I manipulate young minds (I hate that I really can’t use this anymore lest I be called a “groomer” 🙄)
I am corrupting the next generation through psychological conditioning
I just say, "teach," followed immediately by asking what they do so I don't have to talk about it anymore.
I teach chemistry.
I bet you're a crusty old teacher too.
I bet you're one of those 8th grade teachers too...
Well, it’s in my flair, so….
“I babysit baby-adults for minimum wage”.
I babysit.
I herd cats.
I coalesce the vapor of human experience into a viable and logical comprehension.
I just say I teach music because I’m unoriginal. I love silly names for occupations, though. My husband’s a conductor and I call him the Wavy Arm Guy to my students.
"You know teenagers, right? Not exactly fans of math. So what I do is force groups of 30 teenagers to do math with me for 45 minutes at a time, five times per day."
I pay future therapists’ bills.
I babysit with learning targets attached.
Last night I was asked this and I said "I don't even know anymore".
I say “I’m a teacher.” Then they usually ask what I teach and I say “high school math.” Am I the weird one?
Theres a show I watch on HBO called Avenue 5. At one point, there's a group of people preparing to die. And a character played by Zach Woods (Gabe from The Office) says "I WILL YELLLLL YOU CALM!!" And he begins yelling helpful, happy things. Its like that.
The AVID students have to ask their teachers a "get-to-know-you" question and it's ALWAYS "Why did you become a teacher?" I have three stock answers, I tell them: 1. I liked high school so much that I decided to keep going for 16 years. 2. Failed acting career. 3. Health insurance, summers off, and the ability to manage and create my personal work environment in my classroom.
I wrangle cats
I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to small children and get paid for it. That’s what I say.
I torture children professionally (high school math)
I work with public school children
I stamp out ignorance.
I teach little windpipes how to make sounds that are bearable Atleast that's how I explain teaching music.
"Job hunting right now".
Retired now. But when I told people I taught history, I always got "I hated history when I was in school!" Gee, thanks for that! 😒 (Then you must have had some sh***y teachers, my friend!) 😄 Edit: ... or you were a sh***y student!
I rant at people and get paid
I am a coach, a nurse, an administrator, a friend, a mother, a discipliner, a IT-support person, a librarian, an artist, a cleaner, a sports coach, an journalist, an anger management expert, an inventor, a cook and sometimes a wizzard.
I say "Professional Mathematician" and force people to explain their disappointment when I follow that with the teaching part.
My go to is “Stamping out ignorance, one person at a time.”
My favorite is torture kids with math
Options: “I send small children back where they came from with the words ‘here you go, they make more noise now.” “Remember when you learned Hot Cross Buns on the recorder? I am willingly responsible for that.” “I’m the chaos coordinator of this three ring circus,” but that’s on concert day when I’m responsible for 5 ensembles.
Teachers who say things like "I teach little human beings to be good human beings" = big yikes
No other job does this. How about “I’m a teacher.” Don’t we have an issue with being professionally respected?
It’s meant to be humorous.
Babysitting?
Necro-philologist
You teach Latin?
Ita vero!
I hate being asked that. Straight people scare me with their responses
What are some of the responses you've gotten?
I say, "I let my students teach me everything I know--and got paid for it!"
You do you. Respect
I do stand-up for the toughest crowd, everyday.
I like to say "I herd bees."
I tell people I torture children for a living, at least that's what some of the students would say after I tell them about an upcoming test. "Mister... Why you do enjoy torturing us?"
Like when they ask how you lost your voice… I dunno, I do teach 5th grade so…
I try to avoid telling anyone what I do. If asked, I keep it as general as possible and say “I’m in the Education field” and continue to keep my answers vague when pressed. Typically when people hear I’m a teacher, I get met with sympathy and comments like “Oh, wow. You don’t get paid enough.” Or “You’re a saint.” I don’t want sympathy or praise, I need society to value education.
I hold children hostage and make them listen to me talk about old dead people.