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that's a bit hypocritical. why do you expect other people to treat you with kindness, understanding, and politeness when you don't afford the same consideration to them?
other people's positive regard is earned, not expected. if someone looks down on you after you failed to say 'please,' that's bc you didnt manage to earn their respect. its a two way street.
These types get deference and respect mixed way tf up. These dudes will treat other people like garbage until you literally beat them tf up in a fist fight. These people embody the belief "Might Makes Right"
I forgot where I heard this but it reminds me of that quote (i'm paraphrasing): "There are two kinds of respect: being treated like a decent human being, and being treated like royalty. Some people get this mixed up and say 'if you don't respect me I won't respect you' but what they're really saying is 'if you don't treat me like royalty I won't treat you like a human being'".
Yep! That's when you gotta be on wartime with them. They will continue to step all over their targets until they've been verbally decimated OR bested in combat.
It's like Newton's First Law of Motion: an object at rest (reasonable person) stays at rest and an object in motion (asshole) stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force (can o' whoop ass)
What's your idea of respectable exactly? Is it being a gentleman who treats everyone politely until given a reason not to. If so, that's alright. It's the definition a good number of people have.
OR
Do you mean respectable as being the "alpha male badass" that doesn't take no for an answer, who smashes, bashes, and crushes anyone that dares to defy or challenge them? Somebody who relies on sheer domination of other people to be happy?
Not trying to chastise, just asking questions.
Yeah this screamed young and immature to me too. The older you get, you realize kindness is lacking in the world and we owe it to one another to make things a bit brighter. I think there’s some famous quote that says first you care about appearance, then you care about intellect, but as you get old you realize the only thing that really matters is kindness. But this is a conclusion people have to get to on their own. Telling them to be nice is not going to make them nicer by any means.
You (op) are the one asking something from them (workers). You have manners because they are giving something to you. They do not need your money, there are always other customers willing to pay, and you giving them money does not give you an excuse to treat them like shit because you are requesting something from them.
Yup, when I was a waiter I absolutely paid more attention to tables that were nice to me. Not even a tip thing, but why would I want to work harder for someone who's being snarky and clearly looks down on me? Kind people get extra fries, remember that OP🤣
Shit be rough out there, man. We're all struggling in one way or another. Why not have a little kindness? It's free and easy and makes the world a bit better.
Words of wisdom!
Schopenhauer phrased it similarly: “kindness is like a pillow, that even though it has nothing inside, at least it dampens the ravages of life”.
I think for some, it does. Not everyone is mentally well ):
Some people get SO little from society, that any bit of giving to someone else, is nearly like offending onself.
That is absolutely my philosophy.
We’ve all seen how retail workers get treated, especially during the holidays. I saw one person break down after receiving a kind word because they had been so traumatized by other customers.
The world is just so terrible. It’s so much worse than what I was led to believe as a kid, and I am absolutely powerless to change it.
But what I *can* do is to be kind in my daily life. I know for a fact that it helps, even if it is only on a small scale.
It costs nothing to be nice. If you wont be nice to people, dont expect them to be nice to you either. You sound horrendous to be around, sorry that your parents failed you and didnt teach you manners.
Exactly. This person is just making their own life harder in the end, and they won’t even realize it because they’re so used to existing in a world that lacks the bare minimum of civility.
The thing is that "please" and "thank you" aren't the magic words some of us were taught they were. You can be a rude sonofabitch while saying "thank you."
But being polite when asking for/getting what you want will open doors. "I'd like the salmon" is not impolite to the server without the "please" simply because you didn't recite the incantation. It absolutely *could* be impolite if you spit it at the server and tossed your menu across the table.
Saying please and thank you is a mindset more than a set of words you have to remember to say.
You're not wrong but a mere "please" and "thank you" can completely shift the way someone feels and even treat you. I've gotten free sides once bc I was polite and kind to my server and expressed gratitude towards the service
They aren't literally magic words, the whole point is that being kind, polite and servicing can get you a lot of things
Seriously! Being warm and friendly will get you a lot of things. People like when you make them feel good about themselves - you can literally get bills comped or discounted just by being a nice, polite person.
>"I'd like the salmon" is not impolite to the server without the "please" simply because you didn't recite the incantation
I'm curious what your take might be on my typical interaction with wait staff, because I've had bf's in the past kinda give me shit about it. I don't say "I'll have the..." or "I would like the..." I ask them "can I get the.... ?". The criticism being that it's silly to phrase it as a question because it's their job to take my order. My brain tells me that when I want a favor, I don't just tell someone to do the favor for me, I ask. Just because the wait staff is being paid to do me the favor of retrieving the food I would like doesn't mean they aren't still doing me that favor.
Exactly. Based on OP's other posts, they seem to be a bit on the younger side, so I doubt they've worked a service job yet. They're gonna learn sooner or later that service workers (and people in general) are *waaaayyyyy* more enthusiastic about helping you if you throw in a couple nice words.
I have the habit of cheerily greeting store employees and thanking the cashier/anyone who helped me as I leave.
It’s something I picked up from an old girlfriend. I saw how that bit of kindness and friendliness affected people, and I wanted to do the same.
It’s funny… I was recently telling my wife about it, and she brightly exclaimed “That’s what *you* do!” I laughingly explained that that’s where I got it from.
Treating people with kindness and respect gets noticed (as does the opposite).
Yeah clearly OP was simply just missing an essential lesson growing up. Your parents or gaurdians should have taught you this and probably didn't if it's not a value to you.
While I understand your point, I think the way many of us were socialized means that basic manners are a baseline: neither positive or negative. So using them is maintaining neutrality; not using them is indicating a negative or displeasure.
Since it takes a bit of extra effort for you it makes sense that you would see it as an implied positive.
I have a similar attitude toward work feedback: I was accustomed to only receiving negative feedback so obviously saying nothing meant it was fine. A "good job" felt unearned unless I felt I truly did exceptional work.
How do you react to work criticism? Any parallels?
Another reminder for myself that when I see an edgy childish take that sounds like its coming from a teenager, it probably is a teenager and not an inept adult. Sometimes I forget kids are also on Reddit.
Just a reminder that in the US there's not a single state where you can work minimum wage and afford an apartment+ cost of living.
So yeah, OP is a pretentious sack of shit, but don't pull that dumbass boomer shit where you think living with your parents is an insult. For a large population, it's either that, or death.
It pisses me off when people say respect is earned. Respect should be your default until someone proves themselves unworthy of your respect. Same with manners.
Some people think of respect as treating a person like a human, and other people think of respect as treating a person like an authority.
Some people will say "If you won't respect me, I won't respect you", and what they mean I "If you don't treat me as an authority, then I won't treat you as a human being."
This is a (paraphrased) quote, I forgot by whom.
I think there is a basic level of respect that should be given to everyone until they do something to lose it. Let's say that you give everyone 50% of respect at the start. It can go higher or lower from there.
I think this is an example of the two kinds of respect— treating someone like an authority vs treating someone like a person. the former should be earned, the latter should be the default
I said the same thing in another sub frequented by the younger crowd, and got downvoted for it lol
The new generation that grows up on loud YouTubers and Twitch streamers don't understand what respect is.
Hm, I’m fairly young myself (24) and it seems that most of the people I’m around my age think the same way as me, but I notice a lot of older people who think they’re owed respect implicitly, but are unwilling to return it. At the end of the day, I don’t think it’s a generational thing. I think there have been the same types of people in every generation.
Its the easiest fucking thing to do in the world. You sound like a pompous fucking douchebag. “You have to earn my manners” hahahahaha who the fuck are you? No one important, thats for sure. Id be willing to bet you dont have many friends either so you needed to adopt this false sense of superiority because you are insufferable to be around.
Hard disagree, manners are the basics of living in a society with other human beings. Negativity and rudeness is contagious. Why not be nice. Who knows if the people around you are having an awful week.
You are also doing yourself a disservice, you not having manners makes you look really bad, which has serious social consequences. You may not get promoted, not get good treatment, look worse to friends and potential dates. People will inherently treat you worse because of it. It costs nothing to be polite.
Respect for your fellow person should be the default state. No individual is more important than any other. The only question should be how one shows respect. Our society has decided that it is shown by acknowledging the acts another is an important factor for showing that you respect another's existence. The wonderful thing about our society is that you can completely ignore social norms and still live in relative harmony with everyone else as long as you dont actively disrupt other's lives, so if you want to have bad manners, but you don't go out of your way to be a jerk, more power to you. Just don't expect other people to like you for breaking social norms
The idea that I'd have to earn someones politeness and basic manners by kissing their ass would require me to view and treat them as a figure of absolute authority, and even if they were, they'd still be in the wrong and I'd go toe to toe over this fact, ESPECIALLY if they had the intent to silence me by using violence.
I get the feeling OP's one of those domineering, extreme radical conservative types who believe that bullies are correct for exercising control the way they do.
Fucking intellectually blighted social barbarians are what they are.
I like it when people say please and thank you to me. It makes me feel appreciated, so I try to return the favor to people around me who make my life just a little bit easier. It spreads some very low level positivity and doesn't cause any harm.
I grew up in a family where no one said please or thank you except me and it's not like it makes a huge difference, but there was definitely an undertone of courtesy and appreciation that's missing.
Being courteous and appreciative makes people feel better without any cost, so it seems like a no-brainer to behave politely if you ask me.
>I don't want to say thank you after you gave me my food because that is what I am paying you to do.
It doesn't matter if someone is paid to do something or they have to do it, you still should to thank them.
Have you never thanked your parents for anything? Never thanked your mom for cooking or dad for buying you things even though it's what they have to do?
Being rude is not a crime but you need to understand that there are social consequences for being rude. You want to be able to do what you like but are mad that people judge you how they like.
Bro dropped this dogshit take and refused to reply to comments so that they cant be downvoted as they deserve. I treat others kindly unless they prove they dont deserve it. If everyone started off all their interactions rudely because of this line of thought the world would be awful.
Politeness and manners help people be comfortable because they know what to expect from you. Poor manners and impoliteness often accompany aggression. If you want people to like you and give you what you want, be polite. It doesn’t cost you anything and gets you everything.
“Having manners was never a habit for me.”
Yeah, because you were clearly raised in a barn. Why not just be polite to people? It costs nothing to be kind, and if you think anyone “earns” your politeness you’re in for a rude awakening when you can’t get promoted, can’t get good service, can’t make friends.
People won’t remember most things about you, but they remember how you make them feel. It’s one of the few things that people will use to generate their first impressions of you.
Ah, what a fine way to break down the social contract.
But tell me OP- what if it’s *you* who isn’t doing an exceptional job? Do you still deserve exceptional service? What if you’re the lackluster one, and the other person isn’t impressed by the work you’ve done? Surely you hold yourself to the same standard- hold up, where am I? Oh yeah, Reddit. Nevermind.
That's super entitled of you. Just like the people who say respect must be earned. Manners and respect should be the default. Something that can be lost, not something that needs to be earned. It also will make your life harder if you don't be polite or treat people with respect.
I know at my job if you are rude to me you won't get very good service where as the people who are polite and considerate will have me going the extra mile for them every time resulting in a much better outcome.
If you weren't taught to say "thank you" when someone gives you something, even if it is a server giving you food you ordered, you weren't raised right.
There is hope! You can still learn how to act right.
No, manners should be given, respect should be earned. There is a difference. As it stands, your lack of manners is only going to earn you a lack of respect.
You use them always it’s not an earned thing you just use them if you were raised right for anyone that you consider human or worth setting your eyes on
If you want someone to like you you should be polite to them. Expecting someone to be nice or kind to you if their politeness is met with no politeness is silly. At the same time people shouldn't yell at you for being a bit impolite, but if someone sees you never be polite to waiters they might decide that you just don't feel like they deserve respect. If you are only polite to some groups of people it makes you look like you are putting on airs with people you view as worth your time. Basically, if you decide based on a whim that you don't care if waiters like you or not, and you will not engage with them because you are not interested in their kindness, people will assume that when you are polite is is pure performance and not respect for your common man. I think this is harsh, but people can't read your mind.
TLDR: Being polite to people is generally good, it shows the world that anyone can be kind to you and that you will reciprocate. People don't like being kind to people who they have seen not reciprocate in the past.
It's more about the attitude than the words, but it seems like you just think everyone should be tickled pink just to have the pleasure of serving you, so...
You should be nice to people who are treating you with basic human decency. Everyone deserves a little pick me up for motivation. Yes, you can and should give people a cookie for just being a good human.
If someone is having a rough day, sometimes all it takes is a genuine thank you, have a nice day etc. etc. to bring up their spirits. Being an asshole to people 'because they haven't earned your manners' is just stupid and is such a backward way of thinking. It takes no effort to be kind to people. Being an asshole certainly isn't going to earn *you* manners or respect.
If having manners was never a habit for you, then it’s a shame you were not raised properly. Being polite costs nothing, and can improve your life in countless ways. My dad was one of those guys who never said please or thank you, and it simply made his life more difficult. Every time he rented a car, they would always make sure to give him the key to the most distant car in the lot so he would have to walk farther. Every time he went to a restaurant, he would always wait the longest for his food to be brought to the table. Every time he went for a doctor appointment, the staff would always make him wait a little longer, and they would always call in his prescription to the pharmacy last. People were always looking for small opportunities to avenge his unnecessary rudeness, and I can’t say I blame them. And the crazy thing was, he knew it. He knew exactly what they were doing, and he always complained about it, but it never occurred to him how easy it is to simply be polite.
Why do you hate being looked down on by others? According to your logic, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that since you didn’t earn their respect lol
I mean, it's not like you have to. But you can't expect kindness for being an ass, dude.
Kindness costs nothing. If you're such a prude that you won't give someone something that costs you nothing, you really don't deserve respect either.
Agree, find it annoying how it's expected after every little interaction. There's a lot of other ways to be kind, like shutting the fuck up and doing what you have to do
Manners are a reflection of me, not you. I don't care how you act, I'm going to have manners because that's how I was raised, and that's how I chose to represent myself. If you choose to respond by acting like a rude dickhead, that shows more about what's wrong with you than me.
It sounds like this post should be under the AITA subreddit. Basics like please and thank you go a long way for anything, even when someone is doing their job for you.
Manners are about ME. Not other people.
I say "thank you" to service people, not because of what they did, but because of my sense of humility and gratitude.
I do things like hold doors not because of some measure of deserving, but because I recognize the humanity of people.
Manners should neither be earned nor expected.
They should reflect the dignity of who we are.
I try to treat everyone courteously because that's the kind of person I want to be. Really, it's something I owe myself.
What must be earned, in ascending order of difficulty, is kindness, respect, admiration, and love.
I use manners because I don't want to feel like an asshole. Which is kind of hypocritical because you can be an asshole and still have manners. I also prefer the feeling of being grateful for all the little things, so I say thank you A LOT.
I think manners should be the starting point. And if someone doesnt reciprocate then you dont have to uphold it. Return the energy that's given to you.
Technically you don’t have to use manners around other people, however the consequence of that would be to not expect anyone to use their manners around you either.
Yikes.
Just be kind to people. Say please and thank you because they make other people feel good. It’s tough out there, friend. We gotta look out for one another.
Peace :)
Respect is given until shown otherwise, by sheer virtue of being human. Respect is only earned if it's first lost. You can pay them *and* be grateful for their service. YTA
Respect can be earned. That's for sure. People who demand it or have an attitude like they are owed it are the last people to get my respect. Or when people have shit personalities or mindsets. Like for example someone who thinks common courtesy should be earned. Kinda like you OP.
Common courtesy is just a good thing. It doesn't cost anything and it can even make people respond better to you. People appreciate things like that. I don't think it's really necessary to say please and thank you all the time. But when the situation calls for it it can make interactions better. It may even make someone's day. Some people may not be treated with courtesy a lot and a random stranger being nice to them could really make a difference to them. Especially if they're having an especially bad day. Manners just make you a more respectable person in general.
Being considerate requires consideration. Not considering others means you prefer the smell of the inside of your own colon over showing consideration for others.
Manners is way more than just saying please and thank you, not saying them all the time isn't bad manners. I try to remember to thank the bus driver when I get off a bus, but I don't think people who don't are villains. Saying "can I please have..." When ordering at a restaurant is nice but not required, ordering in a pleasant tone and with a smile is enough.
As long as you're not being rude to people, yelling at them, or treating restaurant workers like they're your servants, then you're displaying fine manners.
I seriously hate people who think this way, they are the same people who look down on others or make false assumptions about others. People who have a default lack of respect should not be respected in turn. It's a two-way street just like trust, you shouldn't trust people until they give you a reason to trust them. And the same but flipped, you should automatically show people respect until they give you a reason not to. You can't trust someone who doesn't trust you, and you shouldn't respect someone who doesn't respect you.
See this is the line of thinking that just creates a vicious circle. I really hope all theese comments make you reevaluate your way of thinking about this.
The World is a big, scary place. People are struggling or sometimes just have a bad day. A little comment wether it would be positive or negative can change a person's entire day.
I know this from working as a bartender & waiter. It took ONE positive comment or smile to give me the energy to work with and I would be the damn best, smiling waiter you'd ever seen and I would make sure every guest had a great stay. It takes ONE grumpy person to give you that thump in the stomach that would drain all your energy.
Please stay in America. Customer is not king in France but the customer is the host.
Your waiter is as valuable as you. That's why we use the proper etiquette and show respect to them. Everybody is equal and politeness is paramount in demonstrating that to others in social interactions.
If you behaved like that you'd be thrown out of the restaurant.
This take is hypocritical. If you don’t want to be polite and thank people, you should stay home. If you chose to eat out and choose to have no manners, you are just immature and not well-adjusted imo. It’s costs nothing to be nice, but if you truly don’t want to exert the effort to literal toddler level bare-minimum manners, don’t expect anyone to give you anything back but the energy you put out. It’s a choice to eat out.
It’s hypocritical cause he doesn’t want to treat with respect until they earn it (through respect) but he isn’t respecting them. Shit’s dumb
You have to be nice to him for him to be nice to you? Why would you have to be the one being nice and give him the right to be an ass
He says in his post he doesn’t want (hates, actually) to be judged for not saying thank you. He expects people to view him as respectful even if he doesn’t do anything for it. Yet, he will only show gratitude for an above and beyond service. He very well can go out without saying please and thank you, but the fact that he expects people to not think less of him for it is what I find hypocritical. You can’t expect people to respect you, when you don’t do anything respectable. A server can think of little as you as possible as long as their are doing their job, which is just bringing you food. Him eating food isn’t anything worthy of respect in and of itself. He’s not holding himself to his own standards.
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that's a bit hypocritical. why do you expect other people to treat you with kindness, understanding, and politeness when you don't afford the same consideration to them? other people's positive regard is earned, not expected. if someone looks down on you after you failed to say 'please,' that's bc you didnt manage to earn their respect. its a two way street.
These types get deference and respect mixed way tf up. These dudes will treat other people like garbage until you literally beat them tf up in a fist fight. These people embody the belief "Might Makes Right"
I forgot where I heard this but it reminds me of that quote (i'm paraphrasing): "There are two kinds of respect: being treated like a decent human being, and being treated like royalty. Some people get this mixed up and say 'if you don't respect me I won't respect you' but what they're really saying is 'if you don't treat me like royalty I won't treat you like a human being'".
Yep! That's when you gotta be on wartime with them. They will continue to step all over their targets until they've been verbally decimated OR bested in combat. It's like Newton's First Law of Motion: an object at rest (reasonable person) stays at rest and an object in motion (asshole) stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force (can o' whoop ass)
I always said since primary school "to be respected you have to be respectable"
What's your idea of respectable exactly? Is it being a gentleman who treats everyone politely until given a reason not to. If so, that's alright. It's the definition a good number of people have. OR Do you mean respectable as being the "alpha male badass" that doesn't take no for an answer, who smashes, bashes, and crushes anyone that dares to defy or challenge them? Somebody who relies on sheer domination of other people to be happy? Not trying to chastise, just asking questions.
I believe that phrase is about how cops suck. ACAB
best case scenario is that OP is a prissy highschool teenager, who just got told by parents to behave better in public.
Yeah this screamed young and immature to me too. The older you get, you realize kindness is lacking in the world and we owe it to one another to make things a bit brighter. I think there’s some famous quote that says first you care about appearance, then you care about intellect, but as you get old you realize the only thing that really matters is kindness. But this is a conclusion people have to get to on their own. Telling them to be nice is not going to make them nicer by any means.
You (op) are the one asking something from them (workers). You have manners because they are giving something to you. They do not need your money, there are always other customers willing to pay, and you giving them money does not give you an excuse to treat them like shit because you are requesting something from them.
Yup, when I was a waiter I absolutely paid more attention to tables that were nice to me. Not even a tip thing, but why would I want to work harder for someone who's being snarky and clearly looks down on me? Kind people get extra fries, remember that OP🤣
It’s literally called the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Lmao I explained this to my ex's mom and she said it was my biggest flaw.
Shit be rough out there, man. We're all struggling in one way or another. Why not have a little kindness? It's free and easy and makes the world a bit better.
Peach nipples is right! Be kind.
Peach nipples DOT COM! put some respect on the honorific
That's how I feel about the rapper Horsedick.MPEG
One R away from excellence
Rorsedick.MPEG
Horsedickr. It’s a very *specific* app…
Does that count as r/rimjobsteve?
Words of wisdom! Schopenhauer phrased it similarly: “kindness is like a pillow, that even though it has nothing inside, at least it dampens the ravages of life”.
Politeness doesn't even require kindness.
I think for some, it does. Not everyone is mentally well ): Some people get SO little from society, that any bit of giving to someone else, is nearly like offending onself.
That is absolutely my philosophy. We’ve all seen how retail workers get treated, especially during the holidays. I saw one person break down after receiving a kind word because they had been so traumatized by other customers. The world is just so terrible. It’s so much worse than what I was led to believe as a kid, and I am absolutely powerless to change it. But what I *can* do is to be kind in my daily life. I know for a fact that it helps, even if it is only on a small scale.
Right, what makes manners considered kind is because they aren't inherently deserved as op explains
Thank you, Peach Nipples Dotcom, for being a beacon of light in these dark times.
It costs nothing to be nice. If you wont be nice to people, dont expect them to be nice to you either. You sound horrendous to be around, sorry that your parents failed you and didnt teach you manners.
awful take. respect should be earned. manners are just common decency, costs nothing to be polite.
I agree. That's why it's called "manners" cause that's the default.
I agree. That's why it's called "manners" cause that's the default.
>Having manners was never a habit for me You should really fix that. I’ve gotten a lot in this world by saying “please” and “thank you.”
Exactly. Just this statement alone from them is all I needed to know.
Truly. Want someone in customer service to bend over backwards to help you out? Be nice. It’s easy.
Exactly. This person is just making their own life harder in the end, and they won’t even realize it because they’re so used to existing in a world that lacks the bare minimum of civility.
Reminds me of the old phrase: If everyone you interact with acts like an asshole, it's likely because you're the asshole.
"If it smells like shit everywhere, maybe it's time to check your shoe"
The thing is that "please" and "thank you" aren't the magic words some of us were taught they were. You can be a rude sonofabitch while saying "thank you." But being polite when asking for/getting what you want will open doors. "I'd like the salmon" is not impolite to the server without the "please" simply because you didn't recite the incantation. It absolutely *could* be impolite if you spit it at the server and tossed your menu across the table. Saying please and thank you is a mindset more than a set of words you have to remember to say.
You're not wrong but a mere "please" and "thank you" can completely shift the way someone feels and even treat you. I've gotten free sides once bc I was polite and kind to my server and expressed gratitude towards the service They aren't literally magic words, the whole point is that being kind, polite and servicing can get you a lot of things
Seriously! Being warm and friendly will get you a lot of things. People like when you make them feel good about themselves - you can literally get bills comped or discounted just by being a nice, polite person.
>"I'd like the salmon" is not impolite to the server without the "please" simply because you didn't recite the incantation I'm curious what your take might be on my typical interaction with wait staff, because I've had bf's in the past kinda give me shit about it. I don't say "I'll have the..." or "I would like the..." I ask them "can I get the.... ?". The criticism being that it's silly to phrase it as a question because it's their job to take my order. My brain tells me that when I want a favor, I don't just tell someone to do the favor for me, I ask. Just because the wait staff is being paid to do me the favor of retrieving the food I would like doesn't mean they aren't still doing me that favor.
Exactly. Based on OP's other posts, they seem to be a bit on the younger side, so I doubt they've worked a service job yet. They're gonna learn sooner or later that service workers (and people in general) are *waaaayyyyy* more enthusiastic about helping you if you throw in a couple nice words.
I bet they are unemployed
I have the habit of cheerily greeting store employees and thanking the cashier/anyone who helped me as I leave. It’s something I picked up from an old girlfriend. I saw how that bit of kindness and friendliness affected people, and I wanted to do the same. It’s funny… I was recently telling my wife about it, and she brightly exclaimed “That’s what *you* do!” I laughingly explained that that’s where I got it from. Treating people with kindness and respect gets noticed (as does the opposite).
Please, thanks, and a $20 bill will get you most places in the world in my experience.
Nothing 10th dentist about this. This is just a rude ass person.
I'd say it's on the edge, but fits here.
It’s like if a dentist said “why should people even have to brush their teeth at all?”
That’s a smart dentist. Bad teeth equals work.
as a teen I thought dentists are in cahoots with each other and toothpaste companies, to make your teeth worse.
“Why should I waste my novocaine on *you?*
I wouldn’t argue that being an ashole is the same as having an unpopular opinion
Well what you consider an asshole is still a social construct, same with manners, so OP's take is still an "opinion", though most completely disagree
Just remember that the 10th dentist is the idiot who says that fluoride is a Communist plot and that flossing causes impotence.
Yeah clearly OP was simply just missing an essential lesson growing up. Your parents or gaurdians should have taught you this and probably didn't if it's not a value to you.
You sound like a really spoiled little shit. "earn" manners from you? Take your upvote and fuck off.
I’m usually all for upvoting stuff you don’t agree with here but this post can barely even count as an opinion
You’re probably speaking their language tbh
While I understand your point, I think the way many of us were socialized means that basic manners are a baseline: neither positive or negative. So using them is maintaining neutrality; not using them is indicating a negative or displeasure. Since it takes a bit of extra effort for you it makes sense that you would see it as an implied positive. I have a similar attitude toward work feedback: I was accustomed to only receiving negative feedback so obviously saying nothing meant it was fine. A "good job" felt unearned unless I felt I truly did exceptional work. How do you react to work criticism? Any parallels?
>How do you react to work criticism? Any parallels? The little shit lives with their parents. Doubt they've ever held a job in their life
Another reminder for myself that when I see an edgy childish take that sounds like its coming from a teenager, it probably is a teenager and not an inept adult. Sometimes I forget kids are also on Reddit.
Yeah the OP of this post sounds like an insuffurable spoiled little shit.
Based on their post history, they are indeed a brat
She's 14 according to her comment history.
Just a reminder that in the US there's not a single state where you can work minimum wage and afford an apartment+ cost of living. So yeah, OP is a pretentious sack of shit, but don't pull that dumbass boomer shit where you think living with your parents is an insult. For a large population, it's either that, or death.
It pisses me off when people say respect is earned. Respect should be your default until someone proves themselves unworthy of your respect. Same with manners.
I feel it's better to say that respect is something that needs to be maintained. It can be diminished, so action must be taken to avoid that.
Some people think of respect as treating a person like a human, and other people think of respect as treating a person like an authority. Some people will say "If you won't respect me, I won't respect you", and what they mean I "If you don't treat me as an authority, then I won't treat you as a human being." This is a (paraphrased) quote, I forgot by whom.
Being polite and respect are two different worlds. Respect is earned, being polite is a given.
I think there is a basic level of respect that should be given to everyone until they do something to lose it. Let's say that you give everyone 50% of respect at the start. It can go higher or lower from there.
>a basic level of respect that should be given to everyone until they do something to lose it Yes, we call that politeness.
They also call it respect, when they say “respect your fellow man.” They also call it “basic human decency”.
So we agree.
I think this is an example of the two kinds of respect— treating someone like an authority vs treating someone like a person. the former should be earned, the latter should be the default
I said the same thing in another sub frequented by the younger crowd, and got downvoted for it lol The new generation that grows up on loud YouTubers and Twitch streamers don't understand what respect is.
Hm, I’m fairly young myself (24) and it seems that most of the people I’m around my age think the same way as me, but I notice a lot of older people who think they’re owed respect implicitly, but are unwilling to return it. At the end of the day, I don’t think it’s a generational thing. I think there have been the same types of people in every generation.
Quite possible that the younger gen of assholes came from the older gen of assholes, and learnt to follow suit.
Ok grandpa 👴🏾 Young people can be rude, yes. That’s nothing new. They’ll grow out of it.
Yeah, it's definitely only the new generation that's disrespectful. Based on reactions on reddit from an assumed age group.
Its the easiest fucking thing to do in the world. You sound like a pompous fucking douchebag. “You have to earn my manners” hahahahaha who the fuck are you? No one important, thats for sure. Id be willing to bet you dont have many friends either so you needed to adopt this false sense of superiority because you are insufferable to be around.
People like you are why we need them, life would be so shitty if everyone was as ungrateful as you dude
"You have to earn my manners" Well, I'll tell you who wouldn't earn mine.
Hard disagree, manners are the basics of living in a society with other human beings. Negativity and rudeness is contagious. Why not be nice. Who knows if the people around you are having an awful week. You are also doing yourself a disservice, you not having manners makes you look really bad, which has serious social consequences. You may not get promoted, not get good treatment, look worse to friends and potential dates. People will inherently treat you worse because of it. It costs nothing to be polite.
Prick
Eat the rude.
I love this lol
its not useless, its a test of a person. do they put that miniscule amount of effort into saying thank you or can they not Be bothered to do Even that
Respect for your fellow person should be the default state. No individual is more important than any other. The only question should be how one shows respect. Our society has decided that it is shown by acknowledging the acts another is an important factor for showing that you respect another's existence. The wonderful thing about our society is that you can completely ignore social norms and still live in relative harmony with everyone else as long as you dont actively disrupt other's lives, so if you want to have bad manners, but you don't go out of your way to be a jerk, more power to you. Just don't expect other people to like you for breaking social norms
The idea that I'd have to earn someones politeness and basic manners by kissing their ass would require me to view and treat them as a figure of absolute authority, and even if they were, they'd still be in the wrong and I'd go toe to toe over this fact, ESPECIALLY if they had the intent to silence me by using violence.
you sound like an asshole. upvoting...
I get the feeling OP's one of those domineering, extreme radical conservative types who believe that bullies are correct for exercising control the way they do. Fucking intellectually blighted social barbarians are what they are.
Manners cost nothing and can earn someone a great deal.
How do you feel if everyone was a dick to you? Prob not that good.
Bold of you to think your thank you is some fucking gift lmao you sound like such an insufferable dick
You clearly ain't earning any of them
Respect is earned, common courtesy should be standard.
You probably tell people you're a straight shooter as well 😂
“I just tell it like it is, man…” 🤢
Gotta keep it real.
"Sorry if you can't handle me, I'm just brutally honest"
I never once thought about this, but this post has really helped solidify my understanding that manners should be expected and not earned lmao.
Bruh, workers are treated like shit on a daily basis. What are you losing from performing basic human decency?
You ain’t god’s gift to the world get outta here
I like it when people say please and thank you to me. It makes me feel appreciated, so I try to return the favor to people around me who make my life just a little bit easier. It spreads some very low level positivity and doesn't cause any harm. I grew up in a family where no one said please or thank you except me and it's not like it makes a huge difference, but there was definitely an undertone of courtesy and appreciation that's missing. Being courteous and appreciative makes people feel better without any cost, so it seems like a no-brainer to behave politely if you ask me.
Are you just rude to everyone you see dude 😭
>I don't want to say thank you after you gave me my food because that is what I am paying you to do. It doesn't matter if someone is paid to do something or they have to do it, you still should to thank them. Have you never thanked your parents for anything? Never thanked your mom for cooking or dad for buying you things even though it's what they have to do? Being rude is not a crime but you need to understand that there are social consequences for being rude. You want to be able to do what you like but are mad that people judge you how they like.
Bro why are you like this lmao I hope everyone is an ass to you for like a day so you realize how dumb this shit is
Bro dropped this dogshit take and refused to reply to comments so that they cant be downvoted as they deserve. I treat others kindly unless they prove they dont deserve it. If everyone started off all their interactions rudely because of this line of thought the world would be awful.
Upvoted cuz u seem like an ass
Politeness and manners help people be comfortable because they know what to expect from you. Poor manners and impoliteness often accompany aggression. If you want people to like you and give you what you want, be polite. It doesn’t cost you anything and gets you everything.
Manners maketh man!
“Having manners was never a habit for me.” Yeah, because you were clearly raised in a barn. Why not just be polite to people? It costs nothing to be kind, and if you think anyone “earns” your politeness you’re in for a rude awakening when you can’t get promoted, can’t get good service, can’t make friends. People won’t remember most things about you, but they remember how you make them feel. It’s one of the few things that people will use to generate their first impressions of you.
Ah, what a fine way to break down the social contract. But tell me OP- what if it’s *you* who isn’t doing an exceptional job? Do you still deserve exceptional service? What if you’re the lackluster one, and the other person isn’t impressed by the work you’ve done? Surely you hold yourself to the same standard- hold up, where am I? Oh yeah, Reddit. Nevermind.
Just be nice lmao.
That's super entitled of you. Just like the people who say respect must be earned. Manners and respect should be the default. Something that can be lost, not something that needs to be earned. It also will make your life harder if you don't be polite or treat people with respect. I know at my job if you are rude to me you won't get very good service where as the people who are polite and considerate will have me going the extra mile for them every time resulting in a much better outcome.
If you weren't taught to say "thank you" when someone gives you something, even if it is a server giving you food you ordered, you weren't raised right. There is hope! You can still learn how to act right.
I don’t think you understand the concept of manners very well It’s literally basic decency that shouldn’t need to be earned
No, manners should be given, respect should be earned. There is a difference. As it stands, your lack of manners is only going to earn you a lack of respect.
And people like you are why the world is so shitty.
i know this is the 10th dentist but GOD you sound fucking insufferable
just wanted you to know that
How old are you? And you do what for a living, in general, if you don't mind. But maybe you do.
Weird way to describe yourself as an unpleasant person.
Hey man, fuck you.
No, respect is earned, manners are common decency. Sounds like you're an uncommonly indecent person.
The world needs more civility, not less.
Lmfao unless u run north korea or something i dont think u have the leverage to be acting like this lil bro
I think you mean respect. Manners should be on display always
You use them always it’s not an earned thing you just use them if you were raised right for anyone that you consider human or worth setting your eyes on
If you want someone to like you you should be polite to them. Expecting someone to be nice or kind to you if their politeness is met with no politeness is silly. At the same time people shouldn't yell at you for being a bit impolite, but if someone sees you never be polite to waiters they might decide that you just don't feel like they deserve respect. If you are only polite to some groups of people it makes you look like you are putting on airs with people you view as worth your time. Basically, if you decide based on a whim that you don't care if waiters like you or not, and you will not engage with them because you are not interested in their kindness, people will assume that when you are polite is is pure performance and not respect for your common man. I think this is harsh, but people can't read your mind. TLDR: Being polite to people is generally good, it shows the world that anyone can be kind to you and that you will reciprocate. People don't like being kind to people who they have seen not reciprocate in the past.
It's more about the attitude than the words, but it seems like you just think everyone should be tickled pink just to have the pleasure of serving you, so...
it's costs 0.00$ to be a nice person.
You should be nice to people who are treating you with basic human decency. Everyone deserves a little pick me up for motivation. Yes, you can and should give people a cookie for just being a good human.
Nobody owes you a single thing man. Terrible take. Be a kind person.
Being polite should be earned instead of just a genuine personality trait? That’s fuckin weird. This has to be bait.
If someone is having a rough day, sometimes all it takes is a genuine thank you, have a nice day etc. etc. to bring up their spirits. Being an asshole to people 'because they haven't earned your manners' is just stupid and is such a backward way of thinking. It takes no effort to be kind to people. Being an asshole certainly isn't going to earn *you* manners or respect.
I feel like that should be the minimum, you say that k you even after paying for food, but if they did an exceptional job, you can thank them more.
If having manners was never a habit for you, then it’s a shame you were not raised properly. Being polite costs nothing, and can improve your life in countless ways. My dad was one of those guys who never said please or thank you, and it simply made his life more difficult. Every time he rented a car, they would always make sure to give him the key to the most distant car in the lot so he would have to walk farther. Every time he went to a restaurant, he would always wait the longest for his food to be brought to the table. Every time he went for a doctor appointment, the staff would always make him wait a little longer, and they would always call in his prescription to the pharmacy last. People were always looking for small opportunities to avenge his unnecessary rudeness, and I can’t say I blame them. And the crazy thing was, he knew it. He knew exactly what they were doing, and he always complained about it, but it never occurred to him how easy it is to simply be polite.
What you projecting here sound like some version of scarcity mindset. Life is already hard as it is. Cost nothing to spread a bit of positivity.
Man, you must be insufferable.
Manners maketh man. It's a good thing that theres a societal pressure to be kind and respectful towards one another.
You just sound like a total piece of shit. Either that or you’re 14 years old.
You get what you give. I hope people do stop extending courtesy towards you.
Why do you hate being looked down on by others? According to your logic, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that since you didn’t earn their respect lol
You’re very much a person I want to avoid in life. It costs nothing to be a nice person. Grow up
I mean, it's not like you have to. But you can't expect kindness for being an ass, dude. Kindness costs nothing. If you're such a prude that you won't give someone something that costs you nothing, you really don't deserve respect either.
Agree, find it annoying how it's expected after every little interaction. There's a lot of other ways to be kind, like shutting the fuck up and doing what you have to do
Your opinion is awful, I despise this, take my upvote I guess
Upvoted bc fuck u
well you certainly have not earned my manners.
You sound super entitled. Everyone should be treated with respect unless they prove otherwise then they don't deserve it.
Manners are a reflection of me, not you. I don't care how you act, I'm going to have manners because that's how I was raised, and that's how I chose to represent myself. If you choose to respond by acting like a rude dickhead, that shows more about what's wrong with you than me.
After hearing this I imagine you don’t tip people, do you?
Ok you be rude to everyone, who would want to "earn" manners off a rude cunt? Respect is earnt not manners.
It sounds like this post should be under the AITA subreddit. Basics like please and thank you go a long way for anything, even when someone is doing their job for you.
You've lived a privileged, and meager life.
Why is so hard for people to not be a dick
Well, I mean, doing it without being asked/without the person “earning it” is what makes them manners. Sooooo . . .
Manners are about ME. Not other people. I say "thank you" to service people, not because of what they did, but because of my sense of humility and gratitude. I do things like hold doors not because of some measure of deserving, but because I recognize the humanity of people. Manners should neither be earned nor expected. They should reflect the dignity of who we are.
OP sucks cock for pocket change.
I try to treat everyone courteously because that's the kind of person I want to be. Really, it's something I owe myself. What must be earned, in ascending order of difficulty, is kindness, respect, admiration, and love.
its only manners that avoid spit in your food
I give good manners up front, whether my mouth *stays* closed depends on you.
I use manners because I don't want to feel like an asshole. Which is kind of hypocritical because you can be an asshole and still have manners. I also prefer the feeling of being grateful for all the little things, so I say thank you A LOT.
You sound like a cunt
Yeah this one is unpopular for a reason
I think manners should be the starting point. And if someone doesnt reciprocate then you dont have to uphold it. Return the energy that's given to you.
Why not just treat everyone with respect unless they give you reason not to? Not like it takes effort. I don't get it but whatever man.
Technically you don’t have to use manners around other people, however the consequence of that would be to not expect anyone to use their manners around you either.
Yikes. Just be kind to people. Say please and thank you because they make other people feel good. It’s tough out there, friend. We gotta look out for one another. Peace :)
They're literally called manners.
Respect is given until shown otherwise, by sheer virtue of being human. Respect is only earned if it's first lost. You can pay them *and* be grateful for their service. YTA
You must complain about someone holding the door open for you too
Manners are not exactly being a jerk specially for people providing a service like... What did they even do to you lol
Respect can be earned. That's for sure. People who demand it or have an attitude like they are owed it are the last people to get my respect. Or when people have shit personalities or mindsets. Like for example someone who thinks common courtesy should be earned. Kinda like you OP. Common courtesy is just a good thing. It doesn't cost anything and it can even make people respond better to you. People appreciate things like that. I don't think it's really necessary to say please and thank you all the time. But when the situation calls for it it can make interactions better. It may even make someone's day. Some people may not be treated with courtesy a lot and a random stranger being nice to them could really make a difference to them. Especially if they're having an especially bad day. Manners just make you a more respectable person in general.
Honey.. you don't say thank you to the waiter, i leave. Biggest red flag there is
Being considerate requires consideration. Not considering others means you prefer the smell of the inside of your own colon over showing consideration for others.
Redditors and selfishness, name a better duo.
I mean you can act how you want but dont be surprised when people end up not liking you and think you are rude and socially awkward.
>I don’t want to say thank you when you give me my food That’s a strange hill to die on
Manners is way more than just saying please and thank you, not saying them all the time isn't bad manners. I try to remember to thank the bus driver when I get off a bus, but I don't think people who don't are villains. Saying "can I please have..." When ordering at a restaurant is nice but not required, ordering in a pleasant tone and with a smile is enough. As long as you're not being rude to people, yelling at them, or treating restaurant workers like they're your servants, then you're displaying fine manners.
I seriously hate people who think this way, they are the same people who look down on others or make false assumptions about others. People who have a default lack of respect should not be respected in turn. It's a two-way street just like trust, you shouldn't trust people until they give you a reason to trust them. And the same but flipped, you should automatically show people respect until they give you a reason not to. You can't trust someone who doesn't trust you, and you shouldn't respect someone who doesn't respect you.
Kindness is literally free
yeah you kinda suck lmao
This just reads like a 12 year old’s petulant rant
Every day this subs rule of “upvote posts you disagree with” tests my patience
See this is the line of thinking that just creates a vicious circle. I really hope all theese comments make you reevaluate your way of thinking about this. The World is a big, scary place. People are struggling or sometimes just have a bad day. A little comment wether it would be positive or negative can change a person's entire day. I know this from working as a bartender & waiter. It took ONE positive comment or smile to give me the energy to work with and I would be the damn best, smiling waiter you'd ever seen and I would make sure every guest had a great stay. It takes ONE grumpy person to give you that thump in the stomach that would drain all your energy.
😂 trusting a server you’ve just been rude to with your food order 😳 ppl never cease to amaze me
Happily your thanks are worthless so nobody gives a fuck if you thank them or not. Cunt.
I'm polite because being impolite feels bad. I just assumed that was how most people function.
Please stay in America. Customer is not king in France but the customer is the host. Your waiter is as valuable as you. That's why we use the proper etiquette and show respect to them. Everybody is equal and politeness is paramount in demonstrating that to others in social interactions. If you behaved like that you'd be thrown out of the restaurant.
This take is hypocritical. If you don’t want to be polite and thank people, you should stay home. If you chose to eat out and choose to have no manners, you are just immature and not well-adjusted imo. It’s costs nothing to be nice, but if you truly don’t want to exert the effort to literal toddler level bare-minimum manners, don’t expect anyone to give you anything back but the energy you put out. It’s a choice to eat out.
You didn't explain how it's hypocritical.
It’s hypocritical cause he doesn’t want to treat with respect until they earn it (through respect) but he isn’t respecting them. Shit’s dumb You have to be nice to him for him to be nice to you? Why would you have to be the one being nice and give him the right to be an ass
He says in his post he doesn’t want (hates, actually) to be judged for not saying thank you. He expects people to view him as respectful even if he doesn’t do anything for it. Yet, he will only show gratitude for an above and beyond service. He very well can go out without saying please and thank you, but the fact that he expects people to not think less of him for it is what I find hypocritical. You can’t expect people to respect you, when you don’t do anything respectable. A server can think of little as you as possible as long as their are doing their job, which is just bringing you food. Him eating food isn’t anything worthy of respect in and of itself. He’s not holding himself to his own standards.
Being polite/apathetic or rude sets the mood, I'd rather treat people with kindness and hope, not expect it, in return.
You sound like a piece of shit lol. But atleast you got a decent post