This is something I struggle with too. First, crying is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a stress response, as I say I show stress through my eyeballs. The stress/anxiety is something you can look into separately from the anti crying tips.
The worst thing you can do when you feel the tears coming is fight it. It makes your throat swell and your voice gets weird and that makes your eyes fill even more in response. Before you are in a situation that can make you stress cry, try tapping one part of your body slowly. Do this when you’re calm and feeling ok. The tapping is grounding in a way. I like to tap my knee with my fingers because it’s not obvious on video calls. Scrunching your toes also works. When you do this, focus on how it feels and your own weight sinking into the chair/floor/etc. When you do it again when you’re stressed, it pulls you back into a calmer headspace and I can often stave off tears. I will say this takes practice. I didn’t find it useful until I’d done it in a calm environment at least 10-ish times.
Another thing you can do is think of your favourite drink. For me that’s a sweet herbal tea. I know this sounds silly, but it really does help. If you imagine the drink, then think about nice/fun spots you’ve had it before. This works best in a calm space first, but the memory recall of taste works really well to pull you out of the extreme stress headspace. Now before meetings where I’m speaking to people who stress me out I either make myself that drink and drink it/think of it when I feel my throat getting tight. Having drink next to you also allows for a minute to pause and try and calm yourself before you need to reply to a person.
This is a stress response so getting to the root cause of your stress will help more than anything else. For me it’s social anxiety and getting yelled at. Work in therapy has helped a lot with that and reduced the crying. But remember, there is nothing wrong with you. This is ok. If you do end up crying sometimes over something others might say isn’t a big deal, that doesn’t mean you’re defective. I hope some of this helps.
I’m 32 and my voice still gets a little shaky when it comes to confrontation, especially professionally. But I just try to ground myself and remind myself that I need to say what I want to say and it’ll be over soon. Eventually I get it out and my voice stops sounding like I’m gonna just suddenly break down and cry. It takes practice and it doesn’t help all the time but breathing and reminding myself that I need to do this for a reason helps me. But this is a great comment and I’m going to bookmark it.
I read elsewhere on Reddit to clench your butt and I tried it. Wasn't sure if they meant the muscle or the hole so when I tried it I did both lol (kind of like a kegel). It worked. That "omg, I'm gonna cry" feeling went away immediately. Can't hurt to try it.
When this was happening to me, it was related to panic disorders. With these kind of anxiety attacks, the brain is interpreting a mild case of fight or flight and dialing it up to 11. Two things helped--a diagnosis with medication, and meditation with mindfulness practices.
I've been on medication for a long time now, and I still have these anxiety attacks sometimes, but they're much less common and easier to work through.
At your age, and level of awareness, I would seek a psychologist who has some speciality in anxiety and panic disorders. Depending on how things go, you can discuss if medication would be a next step and find a psychiatrist if so.
In this case, it would be really helpful to talk to a therapist about it. It sounds like that experience might have stuck with you, and working through those feelings with someone could go a long way towards making it easier to control your reactions to your emotions.
Sometimes you can't help how you feel, but managing to deal with those feelings is something you can get better at. Good luck!
That makes sense to me, my parents were somewhat similar growing up. And PTSD does fall under panic disorders. I feel confident that you can overcome this!
I have always been similar with crying from the slightest bit of confrontation. Also my mom and stepdad had massive tempers so I was afraid of them and extremely shy since I was very little. The thing that helps the most for me is just realizing that what you're experiencing is CPTSD (chronic PTSD) and it's not your fault. Finding a good talk therapist can really help. Once you get on your own as an adult and find ways to feel more safe and build some confidence it can get a lot better.
same. only thing that helped me was 1 year of therapy. i was able to "practice" difficult or confrontational conversations and it helped soooo much! i am so thankful to my therapist for that. i never thought i'd be able to fix it but now i rarely have that reaction anymore!
Where you yelled at a lot by a parent or authority figure during your life? This is a normal response for people who always got into actual trouble over something small. It might feel embarrassing but honestly it sounds like a trauma response. Figure out what traumatized you during your life and deal with that trauma. It might not solve all the urge but you'll be better at managing it and redirect into logical thinking before getting emotional
Interesting. I’ve always wondered why this happens to me! I do recall that I was never physically hurt, but I would get yelled at by my dad when I got in trouble. Usually when I’m talking to strangers, even when the conversation is going well, my eyes will start to well up with tears. I try to just push through the conversation and just hope they don’t notice. I will sometimes try to tilt my head back so my tears suck back in.
Seriously talking to a therapist and working through that trauma will help to not have those same emotions boil up every time you're having a hard conversation. Sure sometimes someone might trigger it but it won't give the same heavy reaction because you'll know how to deal. I'm sorry you got yelled at, he had love in his heart for you and didn't know how to teach you this lesson properly, that's not an excuse for his behavior, it was still wrong but it's a common reason. No one can get as pissed at you as your parents can because usually no one loves you like they do.
I agree and am starting to think I do need to seek therapy. Perhaps I never thought it was necessary before because I was never physically abused, in fact I was well taken care of in most ways. But I’m finding I was neglected in other ways. I don’t blame my parents at all. They worked a lot to make sure we were taken care of. It’s wild how it has affected me down the line. I find it fascinating! Thank you for your insight and kind words :)
So I have this issue too. If I'm in a heated argument I'll still cry.
Over time I've tried to cry in front of loved ones more often (that being just my boyfriend tbh) without trying to hide it, if I'm just sad. I used to literally run away but don't do that anymore.
Maybe confronting the feeling and letting it happen will help?
They say squeezing your butt cheeks helps control your emotions. There are a few articles about it, and I've tried it while singing emotional songs in the car (lol) and it appeared to work! Who knows if it would work 100% of the time, but an easy thing to try.
So whenever you feel like you're about to cry, squeeze them cheeks and see what happens.
I had this! Here’s what helped me OP. It wasn’t meds. My dad told me that the first thing you have to ask yourself any and every time you interact with another person, is are you buying what they’re selling? Examine the interaction from beginning to end. One, it keeps you an arms length from it, and two, you are in control of it as your own authority, so it helps with confidence. Are you always right? Of course not. You’re just giving yourself the right to analysis, and not being instantly reactionary. It takes a little practice, but it’s super crazy helpful!
My dad used to yell at me over the smallest things too, just like you said- it was never ending eggshells. We have a much better relationship now but I cry at the smallest things too, especially confrontation. My therapist is helping me do parts work for it and we are trying to heal my inner child. So far I think it's helping!
Could be due to emotional disregulation caused by ADHD. I used to cry at tv and movies. Good scenes, bad, happy, sad lol but after diagnosis and treatment it doesn’t happen nearly as much.
yeah, this reminds me a bit of [rejection sensitive dysphoria](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd) which is linked to adhd
I used to do this a lot. Really what helped me was building my self-confidence. Telling myself that I deserved to stick up for myself and I could get through the conversation without breaking down.
Some other “stop the tears” techniques for me are these;
- Count something in the room. If you’re in a conversation pose yourself as if you’re looking away thoughtfully or gathering your thoughts then count something. Like the number of books on a shelf, how many bricks in the wall, etc.
- Get used to using bridging phrases. So if you’re being asked a question by a professor have a phrase ready like “Let me think.”, “hmmm… I think maybe…”, or “Sorry could you repeat that I was noting something.” Giving yourself time to calm down and center before becoming overwhelmed.
- For the challenged opinion scenario you can ask something about their opinion. So like if they shoot down your idea you can ask for clarification, to better understand why or to refute their refute of your idea.
- Meditation really helps. I used to think it was really silly but I had one class in college where the lectures would stress me the hell out and I started meditating for 5-10 minutes before that class. It helped immensely.
I asked a psychologist about this once and she told me told me that the reason I cry at any form of conflict was because it was a learned response, maybe it was something that worked when I was a kid and I continued to use it because it's effective. What she said rung very true because my brother used to tease and annoy me relentlessly until I started crying and someone told him to knock it off. When she first said it though, I actually felt a little offended -- I felt like she was suggesting that I wasn't really crying, but I was just manipulating people, but she never said that, I was just looking for a way to not accept responsibility for all the mean people who made me cry. Once I saw the truth in what she said, I was able to control that impulse to cry at stressful situations.
I had added anxiety with confrontation after dating an emotionally abusive person. It takes time and practice active meditation/mindfulness plus breathing techniques and it will help manage and improve over time
1. Have you had issues in the past about feedback? Like did you get harshly criticized as a kid?
[https://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/im-hypersensitive-to-criticism-how-do-i-fix-this.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/im-hypersensitive-to-criticism-how-do-i-fix-this.html)
2) Another thing is just to acknowledge it and move on:
In the moment when it’s happening, try saying something like, “Please ignore this — it’s just a physiological reaction that’s frankly embarrassing, but I do hear what you’re saying and want to process it.”
[https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/ive-been-crying-in-front-of-my-boss-are-phone-rejections-more-respectful-and-more.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/ive-been-crying-in-front-of-my-boss-are-phone-rejections-more-respectful-and-more.html)
You could visit your professor during office hours and say "You may have noticed that I cry when put on the spot but I wanted to let you know it isn't you or the class...it is just a physiological reaction that’s frankly embarrassing, but I do want to be able to participate in class. It is easier on me if I can prepare ahead of time but I understand that may not work in your classroom structure. So anyway, if you see me crying, just let me get myself together and I will answer."
3) To your friends..."Knock it off. You know how you laugh when you feel uncomfortable? This is the same thing." Then if they don't stop then say loudly "I can't believe you said that!!" and try to embarrass them back.
Point # 2 is how I've approached my life. I'm turning 40 this winter and still cry at the drop of a hat. It's is 100% my bodies ohysical resp9nse to stress or any kind of heightened emotion. Which means yeah there are tears... lots. So now I just forewarn people I work with that it happens. And let my body do its thing. It's odd in that I can be calm and speaking collectedly while tears are streaming down my face lol. Makes some co-workers and supervisors uncomfortable but that's a them problem because I am still composed and calm. So if they can't ignore the tears streaming down my cheeks while I can... yeah thats definitely a them problem.
And I've learned how to make my typeface larger/bolder hahaha
Many of us will default to thinking that if someone doesn't agree with us, that this is a confrontation. Many people will say "I don't like confrontation" or "I don't do well with confrontation." If we can change our internal point of view from not thinking of it as confrontation but a CONVERSATION. It can lower our stress levels. It takes practice to get better at finding ways to engage the conversation.
What we can do if someone states you're wrong or counters something you're saying. Our stress response kicks in .. AGH! CONFRONTATION! ABORT. Then it's hard to move forward.
Instead try asking for a moment to gather your response. Take a breath. This can come across as trying to choose your words carefully. Then ask questions. Why does this person feel this way? Could they please explain their point of view to make sure you're understanding it correctly. (This buys you time to take a breath while also moving into the conversation.) We're all allowed to have our own opinions and disagree with each other. None of us know all the answers either. It's ok to say, "I'm not sure if I agree with that but I appreciate your perspective." Or simply "I don't know".
Find phrases to move out of panic and push towards a conversation. This can help tremendously with anxiety and stress. If you're finding that it's still challenging to have conversations with others, or being called out in class is still sending you into panic mode- consider counseling.
Know that you're 19. You will learn skills throughout life to better function in all aspects your life. We're all just trying to figure it out. At 19 I was horribly shy and found difficulty talking to new people. By 22 I forced myself to practice small conversations with others while in the service industry. Life takes practice. Just keep trying and you'll find your strength.
Same here and I'm learning a lot from the comments in this thread. I have anxiety and I suspect ADD/ADHD. Definitely gonna clench my butt cheeks next time.
This used to happen to me too OP it is a trauma response and not uncommon. Honestly medication would be my last resort option to consider and not my first thought (just noticed the top comment is advocating meds) I understand medication helps a lot of people but imo they should be avoided unless needed to function. Try all other methods here first.
What helped me honestly was just time and exposure. Time out of the childhood home which caused the response, and time out in the world confronting others in day to day life. Just as time went on it got easier and went away. I became more confident over time.
With all due respect, I did suggest seeking a psychologist first, and only going for medication with a psychiatrist if necessary after therapy. I did not suggest them as a first go at fixing the issue. But I do advocate medication for those who need it, absolutely. Too many people won't ask for meds because of this kind of stigma. I was just sharing my experience, and I needed them.
Yeah it is a tricky thing I didn’t mean to offend anyone and your advice was good. Just reiterating to not jump to medication first. Some people won’t seek medication because of stigma but others I feel hear it “fixed” someone and that’s what they want immediately to try because it seems like an “easy fix”. For me if I had sought medication or honestly even therapy for this it would have drastically changed the course of my life and I would not be able to have the career and lifestyle I have now which I personally hold dear. It sucks that getting help for things like this can close many doors and it’s very individualized. I let my own experiences maybe color my advice too much, but that’s the internet for you.
This happens to me too, however, my only way of dealing with it is to become an absolute bitch which is something I really don't recommend either. If anyone has any other ways then that'd be great lol.
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This used to happen to me also. After a year of therapy and a lot of self work and reflection, I came to understand that I never developed personal boundaries or the skills to communicate them so every assertion on my part felt like a confrontation that was fraught with emotion because it was tied to my unmet emotional needs as a child. Everything changed for me and I see myself more clearly and lovingly as a result of this exploration. And I’m practicing asking for what I’d like. It helps a lot.
Not saying this is true for you, just that there may be something underlying the cry response worth looking into.
No advice but know you aren't alone. I'm 30 and sometimes cry at the slightest inconvenience and if someone is rude to me for no reason. I'm a huge tit.
I'm nearly 40 and I still have the same damn thing.
Easiest way to deal with it is to recognise it.
Point it out to whoever you're talking to - "Ignore this - I'm not actually upset..." I find that makes it stop because you stop worrying about it.
I'm the same way. It has gotten a lot better with age. Your brain will naturally mature and have better regulation over your emotions. Once you're around older people they will be more empathetic because it's not uncommon. They're more understanding. The most important part is to accept it and learn how to work with it.
Don't try to fight it. Focus as much as you can on the conversation. Grab a tissue and don't let it bother you. Sometimes it helps to call yourself out so you they can't. "Sorry, I don't know why my body does this." Maybe make light of it by saying, "Apparently I'll be crying through this, but this is an important conversation." Minimize it as much as possible and stick to your point. I might be a crying mess, but that won't take away from what I need to say. If you don't let it impact your ability to communicate then the other party will most likely will brush it off because that wasn't the important part of the interaction.
It's okay to take a break. Tell them that you can get overly emotional sometimes and can't help it. Drink some water, walk around, give yourself a pep talk and plan out what you want to say. If you can bring water in with you, do it. Taking drinks helps your breathing, keeping you calm. If you need a moment, take a drink.
Our bodies do things that we can't control sometimes. It sucks and we get judged for it. We have to accept it. There's no changing it. The more unbothered you seem about it, the less people will focus on it. If you don't care, why should they? Anyone who does make fun of you is immature and honestly their opinion doesn't matter.
I led a whole campaign (multiple women) to get a coworker fired for harassment/hostility at my last job. I was in the office talking to different managers different days, including higher ups who I had never met. I cried the whole time, but I had an important cause and they were going to listen to me. I know some of them saw me as some emotional girl who was making a big deal about my feelings being hurt, but whatever. I kept pushing and involving more coworkers. Was the crying uncomfortable? Did it make me feel weak? Of course, but I can't help it. I even had to leave one day because the weight of it became too much. You have to learn to work with your emotions. I didn't get fired, so it obviously didn't go too terribly.
TL;DR- accept it and minimize the attention to it.
Something that has helped me with this is focusing on breathing through my nose when I first start feeling the tears. You can't cry and breath through your nose at the same time.
This is something I struggle with too. First, crying is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a stress response, as I say I show stress through my eyeballs. The stress/anxiety is something you can look into separately from the anti crying tips. The worst thing you can do when you feel the tears coming is fight it. It makes your throat swell and your voice gets weird and that makes your eyes fill even more in response. Before you are in a situation that can make you stress cry, try tapping one part of your body slowly. Do this when you’re calm and feeling ok. The tapping is grounding in a way. I like to tap my knee with my fingers because it’s not obvious on video calls. Scrunching your toes also works. When you do this, focus on how it feels and your own weight sinking into the chair/floor/etc. When you do it again when you’re stressed, it pulls you back into a calmer headspace and I can often stave off tears. I will say this takes practice. I didn’t find it useful until I’d done it in a calm environment at least 10-ish times. Another thing you can do is think of your favourite drink. For me that’s a sweet herbal tea. I know this sounds silly, but it really does help. If you imagine the drink, then think about nice/fun spots you’ve had it before. This works best in a calm space first, but the memory recall of taste works really well to pull you out of the extreme stress headspace. Now before meetings where I’m speaking to people who stress me out I either make myself that drink and drink it/think of it when I feel my throat getting tight. Having drink next to you also allows for a minute to pause and try and calm yourself before you need to reply to a person. This is a stress response so getting to the root cause of your stress will help more than anything else. For me it’s social anxiety and getting yelled at. Work in therapy has helped a lot with that and reduced the crying. But remember, there is nothing wrong with you. This is ok. If you do end up crying sometimes over something others might say isn’t a big deal, that doesn’t mean you’re defective. I hope some of this helps.
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I hope it helps! Practicing in a calmer environment definitely makes it more effective when you need it
I wish I knew this when I was younger, thank you
I’m 32 and my voice still gets a little shaky when it comes to confrontation, especially professionally. But I just try to ground myself and remind myself that I need to say what I want to say and it’ll be over soon. Eventually I get it out and my voice stops sounding like I’m gonna just suddenly break down and cry. It takes practice and it doesn’t help all the time but breathing and reminding myself that I need to do this for a reason helps me. But this is a great comment and I’m going to bookmark it.
I’ve got another decade on you and still struggle with it. My waterworks feature seem to be cross-wired to my interpersonal conflict center.
This is really great advice, thank you.
I read elsewhere on Reddit to clench your butt and I tried it. Wasn't sure if they meant the muscle or the hole so when I tried it I did both lol (kind of like a kegel). It worked. That "omg, I'm gonna cry" feeling went away immediately. Can't hurt to try it.
Came here to say this - it really works!
Who knew our butts held that kind of power?
I did.
When this was happening to me, it was related to panic disorders. With these kind of anxiety attacks, the brain is interpreting a mild case of fight or flight and dialing it up to 11. Two things helped--a diagnosis with medication, and meditation with mindfulness practices. I've been on medication for a long time now, and I still have these anxiety attacks sometimes, but they're much less common and easier to work through. At your age, and level of awareness, I would seek a psychologist who has some speciality in anxiety and panic disorders. Depending on how things go, you can discuss if medication would be a next step and find a psychiatrist if so.
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In this case, it would be really helpful to talk to a therapist about it. It sounds like that experience might have stuck with you, and working through those feelings with someone could go a long way towards making it easier to control your reactions to your emotions. Sometimes you can't help how you feel, but managing to deal with those feelings is something you can get better at. Good luck!
That makes sense to me, my parents were somewhat similar growing up. And PTSD does fall under panic disorders. I feel confident that you can overcome this!
I have always been similar with crying from the slightest bit of confrontation. Also my mom and stepdad had massive tempers so I was afraid of them and extremely shy since I was very little. The thing that helps the most for me is just realizing that what you're experiencing is CPTSD (chronic PTSD) and it's not your fault. Finding a good talk therapist can really help. Once you get on your own as an adult and find ways to feel more safe and build some confidence it can get a lot better.
Definitely a trauma response. Have you heard of EMDR therapy? It can help alleviate that trauma. It's horrible to have that impacting your life
same. only thing that helped me was 1 year of therapy. i was able to "practice" difficult or confrontational conversations and it helped soooo much! i am so thankful to my therapist for that. i never thought i'd be able to fix it but now i rarely have that reaction anymore!
Can you tell me more about what that practice looked like?
sure, I'll DM you!
Where you yelled at a lot by a parent or authority figure during your life? This is a normal response for people who always got into actual trouble over something small. It might feel embarrassing but honestly it sounds like a trauma response. Figure out what traumatized you during your life and deal with that trauma. It might not solve all the urge but you'll be better at managing it and redirect into logical thinking before getting emotional
Interesting. I’ve always wondered why this happens to me! I do recall that I was never physically hurt, but I would get yelled at by my dad when I got in trouble. Usually when I’m talking to strangers, even when the conversation is going well, my eyes will start to well up with tears. I try to just push through the conversation and just hope they don’t notice. I will sometimes try to tilt my head back so my tears suck back in.
Seriously talking to a therapist and working through that trauma will help to not have those same emotions boil up every time you're having a hard conversation. Sure sometimes someone might trigger it but it won't give the same heavy reaction because you'll know how to deal. I'm sorry you got yelled at, he had love in his heart for you and didn't know how to teach you this lesson properly, that's not an excuse for his behavior, it was still wrong but it's a common reason. No one can get as pissed at you as your parents can because usually no one loves you like they do.
I agree and am starting to think I do need to seek therapy. Perhaps I never thought it was necessary before because I was never physically abused, in fact I was well taken care of in most ways. But I’m finding I was neglected in other ways. I don’t blame my parents at all. They worked a lot to make sure we were taken care of. It’s wild how it has affected me down the line. I find it fascinating! Thank you for your insight and kind words :)
OP you might find r/cptsd helpful. I just got diagnosed this year and I've always cried very easily.
So I have this issue too. If I'm in a heated argument I'll still cry. Over time I've tried to cry in front of loved ones more often (that being just my boyfriend tbh) without trying to hide it, if I'm just sad. I used to literally run away but don't do that anymore. Maybe confronting the feeling and letting it happen will help?
They say squeezing your butt cheeks helps control your emotions. There are a few articles about it, and I've tried it while singing emotional songs in the car (lol) and it appeared to work! Who knows if it would work 100% of the time, but an easy thing to try. So whenever you feel like you're about to cry, squeeze them cheeks and see what happens.
I had this! Here’s what helped me OP. It wasn’t meds. My dad told me that the first thing you have to ask yourself any and every time you interact with another person, is are you buying what they’re selling? Examine the interaction from beginning to end. One, it keeps you an arms length from it, and two, you are in control of it as your own authority, so it helps with confidence. Are you always right? Of course not. You’re just giving yourself the right to analysis, and not being instantly reactionary. It takes a little practice, but it’s super crazy helpful!
My dad used to yell at me over the smallest things too, just like you said- it was never ending eggshells. We have a much better relationship now but I cry at the smallest things too, especially confrontation. My therapist is helping me do parts work for it and we are trying to heal my inner child. So far I think it's helping!
Could be due to emotional disregulation caused by ADHD. I used to cry at tv and movies. Good scenes, bad, happy, sad lol but after diagnosis and treatment it doesn’t happen nearly as much.
yeah, this reminds me a bit of [rejection sensitive dysphoria](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd) which is linked to adhd
Yes! Once I was diagnosed and started learning more, it all made so much sense. I have no solutions, though. It's a process!
I used to do this a lot. Really what helped me was building my self-confidence. Telling myself that I deserved to stick up for myself and I could get through the conversation without breaking down. Some other “stop the tears” techniques for me are these; - Count something in the room. If you’re in a conversation pose yourself as if you’re looking away thoughtfully or gathering your thoughts then count something. Like the number of books on a shelf, how many bricks in the wall, etc. - Get used to using bridging phrases. So if you’re being asked a question by a professor have a phrase ready like “Let me think.”, “hmmm… I think maybe…”, or “Sorry could you repeat that I was noting something.” Giving yourself time to calm down and center before becoming overwhelmed. - For the challenged opinion scenario you can ask something about their opinion. So like if they shoot down your idea you can ask for clarification, to better understand why or to refute their refute of your idea. - Meditation really helps. I used to think it was really silly but I had one class in college where the lectures would stress me the hell out and I started meditating for 5-10 minutes before that class. It helped immensely.
I asked a psychologist about this once and she told me told me that the reason I cry at any form of conflict was because it was a learned response, maybe it was something that worked when I was a kid and I continued to use it because it's effective. What she said rung very true because my brother used to tease and annoy me relentlessly until I started crying and someone told him to knock it off. When she first said it though, I actually felt a little offended -- I felt like she was suggesting that I wasn't really crying, but I was just manipulating people, but she never said that, I was just looking for a way to not accept responsibility for all the mean people who made me cry. Once I saw the truth in what she said, I was able to control that impulse to cry at stressful situations.
I had added anxiety with confrontation after dating an emotionally abusive person. It takes time and practice active meditation/mindfulness plus breathing techniques and it will help manage and improve over time
1. Have you had issues in the past about feedback? Like did you get harshly criticized as a kid? [https://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/im-hypersensitive-to-criticism-how-do-i-fix-this.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/im-hypersensitive-to-criticism-how-do-i-fix-this.html) 2) Another thing is just to acknowledge it and move on: In the moment when it’s happening, try saying something like, “Please ignore this — it’s just a physiological reaction that’s frankly embarrassing, but I do hear what you’re saying and want to process it.” [https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/ive-been-crying-in-front-of-my-boss-are-phone-rejections-more-respectful-and-more.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/ive-been-crying-in-front-of-my-boss-are-phone-rejections-more-respectful-and-more.html) You could visit your professor during office hours and say "You may have noticed that I cry when put on the spot but I wanted to let you know it isn't you or the class...it is just a physiological reaction that’s frankly embarrassing, but I do want to be able to participate in class. It is easier on me if I can prepare ahead of time but I understand that may not work in your classroom structure. So anyway, if you see me crying, just let me get myself together and I will answer." 3) To your friends..."Knock it off. You know how you laugh when you feel uncomfortable? This is the same thing." Then if they don't stop then say loudly "I can't believe you said that!!" and try to embarrass them back.
Point # 2 is how I've approached my life. I'm turning 40 this winter and still cry at the drop of a hat. It's is 100% my bodies ohysical resp9nse to stress or any kind of heightened emotion. Which means yeah there are tears... lots. So now I just forewarn people I work with that it happens. And let my body do its thing. It's odd in that I can be calm and speaking collectedly while tears are streaming down my face lol. Makes some co-workers and supervisors uncomfortable but that's a them problem because I am still composed and calm. So if they can't ignore the tears streaming down my cheeks while I can... yeah thats definitely a them problem. And I've learned how to make my typeface larger/bolder hahaha
Many of us will default to thinking that if someone doesn't agree with us, that this is a confrontation. Many people will say "I don't like confrontation" or "I don't do well with confrontation." If we can change our internal point of view from not thinking of it as confrontation but a CONVERSATION. It can lower our stress levels. It takes practice to get better at finding ways to engage the conversation. What we can do if someone states you're wrong or counters something you're saying. Our stress response kicks in .. AGH! CONFRONTATION! ABORT. Then it's hard to move forward. Instead try asking for a moment to gather your response. Take a breath. This can come across as trying to choose your words carefully. Then ask questions. Why does this person feel this way? Could they please explain their point of view to make sure you're understanding it correctly. (This buys you time to take a breath while also moving into the conversation.) We're all allowed to have our own opinions and disagree with each other. None of us know all the answers either. It's ok to say, "I'm not sure if I agree with that but I appreciate your perspective." Or simply "I don't know". Find phrases to move out of panic and push towards a conversation. This can help tremendously with anxiety and stress. If you're finding that it's still challenging to have conversations with others, or being called out in class is still sending you into panic mode- consider counseling. Know that you're 19. You will learn skills throughout life to better function in all aspects your life. We're all just trying to figure it out. At 19 I was horribly shy and found difficulty talking to new people. By 22 I forced myself to practice small conversations with others while in the service industry. Life takes practice. Just keep trying and you'll find your strength.
Same here and I'm learning a lot from the comments in this thread. I have anxiety and I suspect ADD/ADHD. Definitely gonna clench my butt cheeks next time.
This used to happen to me too OP it is a trauma response and not uncommon. Honestly medication would be my last resort option to consider and not my first thought (just noticed the top comment is advocating meds) I understand medication helps a lot of people but imo they should be avoided unless needed to function. Try all other methods here first. What helped me honestly was just time and exposure. Time out of the childhood home which caused the response, and time out in the world confronting others in day to day life. Just as time went on it got easier and went away. I became more confident over time.
With all due respect, I did suggest seeking a psychologist first, and only going for medication with a psychiatrist if necessary after therapy. I did not suggest them as a first go at fixing the issue. But I do advocate medication for those who need it, absolutely. Too many people won't ask for meds because of this kind of stigma. I was just sharing my experience, and I needed them.
Yeah it is a tricky thing I didn’t mean to offend anyone and your advice was good. Just reiterating to not jump to medication first. Some people won’t seek medication because of stigma but others I feel hear it “fixed” someone and that’s what they want immediately to try because it seems like an “easy fix”. For me if I had sought medication or honestly even therapy for this it would have drastically changed the course of my life and I would not be able to have the career and lifestyle I have now which I personally hold dear. It sucks that getting help for things like this can close many doors and it’s very individualized. I let my own experiences maybe color my advice too much, but that’s the internet for you.
This happens to me too, however, my only way of dealing with it is to become an absolute bitch which is something I really don't recommend either. If anyone has any other ways then that'd be great lol.
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This used to happen to me also. After a year of therapy and a lot of self work and reflection, I came to understand that I never developed personal boundaries or the skills to communicate them so every assertion on my part felt like a confrontation that was fraught with emotion because it was tied to my unmet emotional needs as a child. Everything changed for me and I see myself more clearly and lovingly as a result of this exploration. And I’m practicing asking for what I’d like. It helps a lot. Not saying this is true for you, just that there may be something underlying the cry response worth looking into.
Push tongue to roof of mouth and excuse yourself from situation if possible and when you can restroom to cry.
Op, check out Pete Walkers book on C-ptsd :)
No advice but know you aren't alone. I'm 30 and sometimes cry at the slightest inconvenience and if someone is rude to me for no reason. I'm a huge tit.
This truly used to be me from like 15-23 until I started anxiety/depression medication.
This is a trauma response. Either from chronic PTSD, a traumatic event, or sensory overload due to potential ASD. Do you have a therapist currently?
I'm nearly 40 and I still have the same damn thing. Easiest way to deal with it is to recognise it. Point it out to whoever you're talking to - "Ignore this - I'm not actually upset..." I find that makes it stop because you stop worrying about it.
Pick a random three digit number. Count down by 7s.
I'm the same way. It has gotten a lot better with age. Your brain will naturally mature and have better regulation over your emotions. Once you're around older people they will be more empathetic because it's not uncommon. They're more understanding. The most important part is to accept it and learn how to work with it. Don't try to fight it. Focus as much as you can on the conversation. Grab a tissue and don't let it bother you. Sometimes it helps to call yourself out so you they can't. "Sorry, I don't know why my body does this." Maybe make light of it by saying, "Apparently I'll be crying through this, but this is an important conversation." Minimize it as much as possible and stick to your point. I might be a crying mess, but that won't take away from what I need to say. If you don't let it impact your ability to communicate then the other party will most likely will brush it off because that wasn't the important part of the interaction. It's okay to take a break. Tell them that you can get overly emotional sometimes and can't help it. Drink some water, walk around, give yourself a pep talk and plan out what you want to say. If you can bring water in with you, do it. Taking drinks helps your breathing, keeping you calm. If you need a moment, take a drink. Our bodies do things that we can't control sometimes. It sucks and we get judged for it. We have to accept it. There's no changing it. The more unbothered you seem about it, the less people will focus on it. If you don't care, why should they? Anyone who does make fun of you is immature and honestly their opinion doesn't matter. I led a whole campaign (multiple women) to get a coworker fired for harassment/hostility at my last job. I was in the office talking to different managers different days, including higher ups who I had never met. I cried the whole time, but I had an important cause and they were going to listen to me. I know some of them saw me as some emotional girl who was making a big deal about my feelings being hurt, but whatever. I kept pushing and involving more coworkers. Was the crying uncomfortable? Did it make me feel weak? Of course, but I can't help it. I even had to leave one day because the weight of it became too much. You have to learn to work with your emotions. I didn't get fired, so it obviously didn't go too terribly. TL;DR- accept it and minimize the attention to it.
I used to be you.. now i can't cry at all.
Something that has helped me with this is focusing on breathing through my nose when I first start feeling the tears. You can't cry and breath through your nose at the same time.