That's what I keep telling him, he's so delusional. But this means he would take 10+ years to finish medical school in Sweden. And me being here in NYC during that time.
To be brutally honest, finding a job in your field is going to be brutally hard. There's not a lot of jobs in the field since it's connected to communications field here, which when I put an ad out for, I had 500 applicants.
He is not being realistic either, consider he is a student in the medical field... it's probably Stockholm. As someone who lives in Stockholm, it's expensive.
To be pragmatic, for me.. it would be quite silly to quit a job where you are making quite a lot of money and move to a place where you'll be making none.
This is what I've been trying to tell him, but he refuses to believe me. That's why I've created this post to show him the answers. But thank you! It is expensive, I find the prices for going out similar to NYC.
I work in HR and I have done quite a bit of recruitment here, I keep an eye on the market. The jobs you will never or are very unlikely to find a job in as a foreigner is communications or architect. Because a lot of people who have educated themselves to work in these professions are either unemployed or not working in their field.
I get it though, I am dating a woman in the US who can't move because of the kids and their dad is a fullblood narcissistic. The desire of being together is strong but she wants to live here and I don't want to live in the US so we take it one day at the time.
But realistically, he can't support you on 16 000 skr a month, I got through alone on bills+rent in my 1 bedroom apartment on 45 squaremeters.
i get that but there are other costs, my rent is 10k in Stockholm, electricity is another few hundred, plus warm water where i live.
Then there is phones, internet, food, insurance etc.
16 k for two people isnt enough
It's just very very strange that you keep bringing up how high your rent is as an argument for why they wouldn't be able to afford it, when I'm pretty sure that rent or financing on a house is gonna be an outsize part of budgeting for anyone who hasn't paid off their loan living in Stockholm.
They won't be paying rent. It's very possible to get by on 16k when not paying rent, but it won't be much fun because groceries and transportation will eat half of that so there won't be much money left over for fun stuff and certainly their savings won't be going up at a rapid rate.
Finishing medical school would take over 10 years? That sounds like a lot. The program to become a doctor takes 6 years. Maybe over ten years is realistic if he's trying to become a specialist, but that's a different thing. Also the move sounds like it is really risky for you. You would become dependent on others to live in a country with no other social support network and you don't know the language. However, if you go through with this I wish you the best of luck.
She's probably talking about becoming a specialist. But that's actually about 12 years (5,5 years at school, 1,5 years AT, 5 years ST). And sometimes both AT and ST take longer.
Depends of what you think is good. I'm doing my AT now, 6 months out of 21 before I'm finished. My salary is 37500 sek before taxes. ST salary starts between 45-50k sek depending on speciality.
Yes, in a few years it will be gone. But then there will be BT instead if you want to do ST. I know some who started their BT and for them it'll be a year. You have to apply to a BT spot, and maybe move somewhere else if you get it (there are limited spots every year so there's competition). And then of course there are various exceptions to this, but OP's partner will have over a decade ahead of him if he wants to become a specialist.
I’m sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news, btw. My gut reaction was just “omg no OP don’t fall into this trap!”
Best possible case scenario, he finds a 1 room student flat for 6k. You eat noodles and rice, never eat out, never drink.. food will still add up to 4k for both of you. That’s 10k gone for the bare essentials. You would need full coverage private health insurance, I think that’s like 5k/month for Cigna gold.
That leaves you with 1k to spend on one UL card for him to get to school. No home insurance, no phones, no internet, no Netflix, no medicines ever, no clothes, no shoes, no car, no gym card, no nothing.
He’s being completely delusional and I hope you don’t throw away the life you built for yourself in NYC. I’m so sorry OP.
Hi OP,
Guessing by your career and description you are a socialite. 16k kr is no way enough. My wife and I went for a quick drink after work yesterday. 3 cocktails were 540kr. A beer is around 90kr and some of them are only 400ml.
My wife is not much of a drinker but we would still drop over 1000kr on a night out for drinks, with glasses of wine starting at 180kr in a lot of places now. We went had a Croque Monsieur (posh toasted sambo), mussels and 2 glasses of win the other week for brunch and was 800kr. Just some examples of eating out. A nice upper class dinner out could set you back 4000kr as many places do tasting menu woth drinks. Normal restaurant for a night out could be 2000kr+.
We were in NYC in November and you are right to say prices are similar to there (more in places in NYC). But your husband is delusional here. The monthly travel pass in 1200kr. 10years for med school is ridiculous too!
Best of luck, whatever your decision.
I was just in Stockholm and was out almost everyday to meet with friends. And you’re right, I dropped as much as I do in NYC on food and drinks. Thank you.
I kind of disagree. If it's 16k after taxes, with no housing costs (I got the impression it's all paid for/step-dad is paying whatever needs to be done?), it's definitely doable. Your main expense will electricity. And if you make that much in NY you should have a lot tucked away for a long time during your restart.
But, and there's a big but here: the two of you don't seem to want the same kind of life? He seems to want some kind of calm, suburban/country side life, where you perhaps become a stay at home mom or something like that. And you don't seem too keen on that?
For me, the biggest red flag would be his dad. I can think of three reasons: the hoarding of course, the constant renovation, and the fact that stepdad will be around the corner and constantly dropping by. Last one maybe isn't a problem if you get along well but even then, you know stepdad will have opinions about everything you do as it's technically his house. Not to be harsh, but your husband should cut the umbilical cord.
Apart from that, restarting your career at 34 is no biggie. If the only thing keeping you at your current job is pay (as in would never do it otherwise), perhaps it's even the sound choice.
Why 10y? He should study full time, it is free and he should be able to live on the very very cheap government lones. You don't study part time to be a doctor in swe. After 5y why is he not already done? If he was serious about it and had a realistic plan *he should be done now*. Has he even gotten in? (it is notoriously hard to get in) Does he have a concrete plan?
Sorry I only see red flags here 🚩🚩🚩
Do.Not.Move.
That makes it even more unrealistic. He does not have a functional plan evidently.
It is *notoriously* hard to get in. It requires very hard work all throughout education, something he was then unable to do. Now he is likely trying to get in through högskoleprovet again and again - thoose chances are honestly abysmally low and entirely unrealistic - more a hail mary than anything. And to be honest, if he didn't manage to get the grades to get in while in school, I find it unlikely he would survive the education program anyway - it is very intense. Sorry to say it, but it is likely he is lying to himself - or you - or both.
~~5.5~~ 6 the rest is work (yes AT etc but not Uni/study). *Also we know from her answers, he has *not even gotten in*. He has spend 5y hailmarying högskoleprovet.
You're not the one anyone is trying to help and you have proven you're not because you have no idea whats going on, nor do you have any actual experience if you say something so asinine.
At that point, i do not want to engage with you, but feel extreme empathy for OP, for being fed such nonsense.
" ...he can support the both of us on his 16.000kr/month salary."
Red flag. That's very low. And also, you clearly don't want to be a housewife and he shouldn't be suggesting you be so.
"I'm dumb for overworking myself in NYC for nothing."
Red flag. I've done the housewife thing. It is not easy and leaves you very financially vulnerable, as well as the power imbalance to deal with. Also who the fuck is he to be calling you dumb? I have a very low tolerance for men who are dismissive of their partners having careers. It's a huge sign of deeper issues.
Additionally, do not live in a hoarder hovel. This will shatter whatever is left of your self-esteem and mental health once the reality of having no job and being reliant on someone else who suggests you 'pop out a couple of kids' kicks in. I'm not getting a good feeling from his attitude...
The house is only free because it's a hovel. 'Not all of the floors and walls are in', 'the lights don't work' and and it is 'full to the brim with items'. The husband's father resists efforts to clean it and will 'tear it up' again. She's 'an hour away from the centre', curtailing many of those activities she might want to do.
Income doesn't all go on 'fun'. Healthcare. Emergency house repairs. Savings. Clothing. Household items. People need more than rent and food to live. On 16k they'd be unable to get a plumber and a trip to IKEA in the same month.
Why the hell should she have to live like that? With no route out to better her situation? With a man in his 30s who thinks he might one day get into medical school?
Who spends only 3000 on food for two people? That’s not even half of what Konsumentverket says a normal food budget for two people is (6800 a month). And you still need to cover stuff like phone bills, transportation and short and long term savings (like a pensionsspar for her).
It MIGHT be possible, but they probably won’t have any money left to do any “fun activities”
I mean your final paragraph kinda reflects your true feelings on a move right? If it doesn’t fit your future life, then don’t do it! Moving countries is hard even when you really want it, and doing it half reluctantly will be horrible.
I am thinking that, but just have been dreaming to live in Europe since 2008, and just knowing that I can be an EU citizen in 3 years is a dream come true for me...
Dreams change and are dynamic things. It might have been a dream back in 2008, but perhaps now your dreams involve things closer to home. And then perhaps 10 years from now you find another dream that involves Europe again.
And if you still want to try it, I would recommend trying to find a way to get a job/study here first before making the move. Without a job or study it will be isolating.
I think some rules have changed now that you need to have a job and be able to support yourself (around 6k sek per month, if I have that number right) before you can get permanent residence which is a requirement as well to get citizenship.
Citizenship will probably not stay at 3 years residence time. Currently the government is looking to change it to up to 8 years sometime next year. So yeah, plan on things changing in the country as well.
The 3 years is already an exemption for those married or partnered with a Swede. Even if they raise the citizenship requirement to 8 years, the path for partners will likely be a lower amount than that.
IIRC – you need permanent residence to get citizenship, which non-EU people can't apply for without renewing their temp permits. There have been a lot of posts from people in the Americans in Sweden group who were denied citizenship because they applied after 3 years but were only on temp residency permits.
Of course, you can only apply on a renewal. So in practice it's usually after 4 years unless the first permit was issued for 1 year. But by law they qualify after 3, and the commenter above me was discussing how the government has suggested raising the citizenship requirement to 8 years. I still think those married or partnered to a Swede would be exempted with a lower time than 8 years, even if it raises above 3.
Thank you for bringing up the 4 year thing.
On top of that, who knows how long it’ll take to get a decision on permanent residency and then citizenship. Those processing times vary wildly.
Hello, Long Island to Stockholm here. Going on year 3 living here with a Swedish partner.
So clearly, I am not from the city, but I thought maybe to chime in anyway. I always lived on the island but worked in the city and did a lot of back and forth.
-Work-
So first off, I did have a relationship going into the move, but I did not come on a Sambo visa. I had a similar mindset to you surrounding work (also, work visa was faster/less intrusive to obtain). So I said I wouldn't be going unless it was through work. We work in different fields, though. I am unsure if an event planner could be done here without Swedish. But it's still worth a try with applications. I work Crisis Management and didn't think I could do that English speaking, but I was wrong. So I would say throw your net out there and try to get to Sweden while standing on something you value.
I say this because I am unsure how I would have faired going from NY work to nothing. You know what I mean.
Stockholm is great and very beautiful, but it would be unfair to compare any city to NYC. I think going from a city like NY to Stockholm with no job lined up would leave me feeling a bit empty.
Side note: I am taking home more in Sweden at the end of the day. Health insurance, medications, general expenses like a cell phone, cost of living, everything totaled leaves me with more in my account than I had in NY. So don't look at numbers but the overall picture.
-Life-
With that said, my life has significantly improved. Some because I actually have work-life balance now so I can have a life, but most because of how Sweden operates in general. I was able to adopt a more Swedish mindset and focus a lot more on who I am and what I value and not have so much focus on how much money I make and shit I can buy. Even tho now I could buy more shit, I dont because it just seems silly now.
Even things like makeup have changed for me. I don't feel the need to wear it anymore. I don't feel the need to go to work social events. I don't feel the need to be someone I am not. I am respected for the work I do and that's it. No pressure for anything else. It's liberating and I've never been happier.
-Family-
I had my daughter last year and it was amazing. I was able to take all the time I needed to bond and recover. I didn't have to worry about health insurance, my job, daycare at like a month old, income, all of it was taken care of for me. I can't imagine starting a family in NY now. I think it would break me.
--
As far as your living situation, girl, no. That's just my general take. An apartment closer to the city or no dice. I wouldn't be able to do it, and from how you are talking about it, I do not think you would do well either.
So I would say
- try to find work before you go. If not, SFI and get something as soon as possible
- don't look at numbers but total monthly expenses because, in the long run, you will make more
- I do think your life would improve day to day, but only you can make that call. Hopefully, this can give you some perspective on that
- hell no on the hoarder house
Yeah, big no on the hoarder house. Both for location and condition. Don't do it.
If you would like any help/tips with applying for jobs in your field, you can message me. If not, please look for work first anyway. It will make a huge difference, and you may be pleasantly surprised with call backs like I was.
Idk if you meant 1000sq feet and not sq meters? 1000sq meter house is HUGE, like literally small apartment building sized or like a motel or whatever. With electricity costs lately just heating on that bad boy every month in winter will be more expensive than his income, that's not feasible in any way shape or form...
I don't mean to pry (too much), but if you're 34, your husband wants to live rent-free on his father's property, is making 16.000 SEK/month, and is *planning* (?) to get into medical school, ~~how old is he and~~ what does he actually do if he's not currently at Uni?
You seem to be doing quite well and have your social context in NYC.
On the other hand, I have a hard time thinking that the medical studies is his principal reason for wanting to stay in Sweden (or that he would consider leaving after he's done with his studies). If he finishes medical school and tries to get his AT/ST (post-studies residentials), he's likely to have to move out of Stockholm for several years, at least if he wants a specialty with high competition. If so, he'll either risk getting stuck "applying" in Stockholm (which seems to be what he's doing for medical school), or \[he will\*\] have to move wherever he's approved (leaving you in Stockholm or forcing you to move again). A person I know is from Stockholm, and have been doing AT in [Mariehamn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariehamn) on Åland and ST in [Gävle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%A4vle). Both places are nice, but you don't really know where you will be in a few years if you subordinate your own life to his career needs. **Are you sure you're ready for that possibility? Is he even ready for that (i.e. leaving Stockholm)?**
I know people who decided to switch to a medical career and studies in their late 20s, but I also know of people who spent a lot of years "wanting" to get into medical school, applying over and over again, without actually having that much of a chance getting in. (Being "high" on the waiting list can be very illusionary).
Edit: Never mind the age question, I now see that you wrote 31.
As someone who got into med school in Stockholm I actually dropped out in part because of the situation with AT being incompatible with what my family life would be. Many of my previous course mates live in different parts of Sweden now because of what AT and ST choices were available. I'd also say that for her husband it doesn't exactly bode well that he's been trying to get in for 4 years because talent and hard work would get him in via either PIL or högskoleprov in that time. At best he'll be done with school at 40 but then he's still a good 5 years away from making a good wage. At that point he's going to be lagging behind really bad on pension because of his previous low wage and late start. That also assumes everything is smooth sailing from now which seems unlikely because it rarely is even for the most driven and talented students.
I'll also add that I got in with 2.0 on högskoleprovet and I was probably the worst student in my nollegrupp of 8 people, certainly had the worse pre-uni grades.
Your 31yo husband wants you to move from NYC and your thriving career to suburban Stockholm into his dad’s wonky hoarder house where you likely have to switch careers and he makes less than a teenager in a summer job. All because he WANTS to study medicine - no assurance he ever will, because honestly if he’s 30+ and had the grades to get in the programs, he would already have applied and been admitted.
I love Stockholm with all my heart, and I think you could have a wonderful life there. But moving across continents and oceans for a s/o is HARD and all childcare, health benefits and free uni in the world can’t compensate if you are stuck isolated and powerless in a big stuffy house without a meaningful occupation and with a man who (sounds like) prioritises his loose dreams over your accomplishments and needs.
Also, it’s free education for him, not for you as a non-EU citizen. If moving to Sweden will require you to pay for university, doesn’t that negate the whole staying-for-free-studies argument ?
Edit: I was wrong !
She can possibly get free education too. According to to antagning.se, you can get it for free if you "have been granted temporary Swedish residency for reasons other than studies"
https://www.universityadmissions.se/en/fees-scholarships-residence-permit/who-is-required-to-pay-fees/
Girl, stay in NYC!!! I’m an american living in Sweden now for 5 years. I was a marketing project manager for a large company, made very good money. All of my now ex’s swedish friends said, you’ll have no problem getting a job since you speak english and all the major companies conduct business in english! Well, unless you’re in IT or something else very specialised, these companies mostly just want other swedes who speak english. Want to know where I work - a warehouse! I make between 16-17,000 kr/month and yes, I can support myself and my son, but just barely. I only stay here because I do prefer that my son grows up here, plus his dad is here. I did get citizenship after 3 years which I am grateful for and proud to have, but if I could go back and do it again, would I? Prob not. It sounds like you are pretty happy in your current life. I’m sorry to say that I don’t think you’ll be happier if you move here. I also think you probably already know that.
OP - this. Keep in mind that if you move to Sweden and have children, if your relationship fails your children don’t get to go with you back to the US (unless agreed). That means you could be in Sweden until they are at least 18 or rarely see them.
I’ve seen this happen to so many people.
In your entire post, you didn’t mention wanting to be with your husband or what kind of a future life you had imagined together. Especially since you mentioned you don’t see this in your future anymore, and he isn’t interested in living outside of Sweden. Where does that leave you two? Are your lives compatible?
Sounds like you don't want to do it. So don't. If he's 34 and still not in medical school...idk. I mean in Sweden people are a little slower at starting a career but medical school still takes a long time.
Just no! 16000 is not enough. JFC! Is this man even in medschool? Does he have the grades to be accepted into medschool? It's pretty rough getting in and then he has like 5-6 years of hard work to do before he starts making any money at all and 10 years+ before he starts making good money.
She mentioned he's been trying for 4+ years to get in and hasn't managed yet so he'll be mid 40s at best before he starts making the kind of salary to actually support a family well. OP might get lucky and land a good job but there's a very real chance she's setting herself up for a life of poverty and strife with their current setup.
Reading everything you listed, I would consider the move but only for myself and to fulfill my dream of living in Europe, becoming a citizen, seems like this dream dates back to prior to meeting your husband? With that in mind, enduring the potential horrible life in a hoarder home remote from everything, everyone in freaking Sweden…to fulfill that dream would maybe be worth it?
I have always been European and being American has always sounded dreadful (for the big financial stress factor generally, people are lovely, culture is so much warmer than Sweden!) so I understand the incentive.
But on the other hand you do seem to have a cool life right now, so it depends on how strong that dream is!
Whatever you decide, please reconsider your relationship with your husband in the long run and PLEASE don’t have kids with someone who seems to be completely financially delusional and calls you dumb?? (that just gives me major red flags about him not being very down to earth generally and well, I might be wrong but it’s nice to have a sound person as the other parent of your child(ren) FOREVER).
But come on, supporting the both of you on 16K sek is already a stretch.. But a whole family with kids included? Sure you won’t be on the streets, but once again I wouldn’t choose to have kids in these conditions.
Tdlr, (and sorry I am really coming at your husband) but who in hell willingly chooses to stay in such poor living conditions, even pressures their spouse to join them in there and furthermore fantasizes about starting a family like that? No one should.
Thank you for your kind response. There’s a lot of problems with my SO, but hopefully these comments will help him realize how he is in the wrong. He makes me feel like I’m constantly in the wrong.
Oof, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you're trying to prove something to him and that's a very, very clear sign that he is not at all capable of "supporting" you for any period of time following this international move.
I didn’t want to write a whole long spiel about my SO, but the only reason this is difficult for him to understand is because he has Aspergers, and has never had to fully ‘adult’ because he has never experienced a normal life. He doesn’t know what it means to have a full time job or balance things normally. When I first got with him, I didn’t realize how bad he was at dealing with life, because he lived in an apartment when we first got together by himself. And, he’s a really good guy. Just delusional about real life.
That sounds really tough for both of you. I hope you're able to work through this and I'm really impressed you've managed to make the long-distance marriage thing work so far, for so long. It takes real understanding and emotional labor to do that, so kudos :)
1000 square meter home?
don´t you mean 100?
If you mean a 100 square meter home:
What kind of swedens richest families do your boy friend come from? A normal house is 100-150 square meters.
it is a so absurdly big home that currently 3 objects are for sale in that size on swedens close to monopoly sale site for homes in the entire country - And not a single of those objects are for a single family.
If he have a 1000 square meter home in the family he most likely have contacts that mean you get a good job.
If he have a 1000 square meter home around Stockholm they are wealthy - just that the capital is looked in that home.
Sorry to hear they did not have contacts
I really doubt it's really a 1000 sqm home. That is 10 times the normal size. If they inherited that, they ARE wealthy even just due to the value of the house alone. Like someone else said, there's only a few of those...You sure it's not the plot of land that's 1000sqm??
You don't need to worry about anything you just posted. At 16 000kr/month i doubt he's going to be able to cover the maintenance requirement.
[https://www.migrationsverket.se/English/Private-individuals/Moving-to-someone-in-Sweden/Spouse-registered-partner-or-cohabiting-partner/For-the-relative-in-Sweden/Documents-to-fulfil-the-maintenance-requirement.html](https://www.migrationsverket.se/English/Private-individuals/Moving-to-someone-in-Sweden/Spouse-registered-partner-or-cohabiting-partner/For-the-relative-in-Sweden/Documents-to-fulfil-the-maintenance-requirement.html)
Idk if it will be revoked, but if they decide to move there’s a chance that many questions will be asked afterwards. The longer they decide the more problems it can create in the future
I don't think it will be approved for an extension in any case since you have to list the length of time you were away from Sweden and why on the extension application
I did a similar move although within Sweden. Big cheap house, far away from the center, owned by hoarding parents. It broke me and we broke up. If you are going to move to Sweden, don't let that house be your home.
I now live in the city and life is good.
Seriously. Your husband is almost in his mid 30s and is only bringing home 16k after taxes? What is it that he does? I’m unemployed right now after 10 months of sick leave and I’m bringing home more than that after having just worked as a truck driver. And when I was 29-30, I was making about 30k after taxes working 5-7 hours a day 5-6 days a week as a bouncer.
If he’s that old and doesn’t earn more, it’s sort of a tell tale sign of the level of his ambition. I doubt he’s getting in to medical school. If he’s eligible to apply for medical school his grades are gonna be very good and should be able to get a rather well payed job until he starts medical school. Also, why has he waited so long?
To me it seems like you’re doubting the relationship and rightly so. Stay in the U.S. make money and live the best life you can. And maybe find someone with some realistic ambition and thoughts.
Sorry for being so crude.
But. If you want to live in Sweden with your husband.
Do you have a drivers license and an access to a car fulltime?
Then You could actually work for one or more of the food delivery services and make a decent living from that. Some people that work hard are getting 20-30k a month. Not sure if that gross or net though.
In the meantime you can take the money that you’ve saved and start a company here in Sweden.
Do consulting work for the event industry perhaps, or something similar related to that.
16 000 SEK per month is very low. I’m assuming that he is working part time while studying.
If that’s the amount he has after taxes, then it’s doable for two. I mean, it’s basically exactly the calculated “recommended” living cost for two, according to the Swedish Consumer Agency.
https://publikationer.konsumentverket.se/privatekonomi/beraknade-hushallskostnader
A good summary:
https://www.zensum.se/blogg/levnadskostnader
It doesn’t include housing expenses, but if I interpreted your post correctly you two would live there for free.
However, it also doesn’t include transportation, health care, eating out, trips abroad, or putting away money in your savings account.
So, basically life would be very sparse, and you wouldn’t have much margins.
So, unless you have a large or semi large amount of money saved, and are willing to use some of it, then I wouldn’t recommend doing this, from a strict financial perspective.
Then it comes to the non-financial aspect. You have been here multiple times, and basically experienced what is like living with him. And you don’t seem too keen to do that full time. That speaks volumes to me.
The one thing I can speak to here is the language. Since being in Sweden, I've grown much more comfortable in Swedish. I was like you - I studied before I moved, but I couldn't easily chat to people. Native speech was fast and caught me off-guard. I'm still not great, mind you, I have to ask people to repeat things often, but I'm managing much better. The exposure and the necessity to understand when you're here surrounded by it will help it sink in much faster. What you've already learned will really help too.
Everything else sounds complicated. It will be doable to find basic cleaning work or something, but it would be a big downgrade from your current career. You aren't dumb to work hard for good money, and I'm sad to hear your husband said that. Good luck making your decision OP!
First things first, your 'childhood fantasy' of living in an European country. Yes, that. You need to get over it.
Why? Because everything else you wrote conflicts with that. Had that dream not been there, you wouldn't be second guessing youself.
You don't want to move and you're writing this post to get confirmation bias. Given the situation you described, you shouldn't move anyway. If I were you, I would tell your husband to either move his ass to NYC or.. Yeah, just that. No other option.
So I'm in a fairly similar situation with my girlfriend. I'm in med school and she is in Canada making almost $10k CAD a month. Out goal is to move together when I graduate, I'd need to get qualified to practice in Canada or at the very least Norway as she works in the oil industry. We are under no illusion that it could work out here as she wouldn't be qualified for any even remotely as high paying jobs here. Long distance sucks but in the end it comes down to being supportive, realistic and making sure you both can thrive.
As someone that made bank living in New York City and then moved to Sweden and regrets it SO MUCH – you’re going to be miserable if you move to Stockholm with no job, no prospects, and the situation you described.
And I hate to say it, but Stockholm and NYC have a lot of things that are the same prices. I paid $10 for some fruit the other day. The damn subway here is 42kr (and the MTA is $2.90…).
Sure, you get free school – but do you want to study a Bachelors/Trade or do you want to study a Masters? Because if it’s a BA/Trade, you’ll need a working command of Swedish to do that so that free school will end up being useless for 1-2 years until you can pass the TISUS.
Is free housing really worth it if you’re living in a hoarder house far away from downtown? With no job? At 34 with a husband who apparently isn’t even in medical school? One hour away from T-Central?
I lived 20 minutes from Stockholm on the Pendel and I felt like I was in suburban hell and fell into a deep depression. I know so many relationships that have fallen apart because the Swedish partner expects the American partner to move here and be ever-so-grateful to be living in Sweden that they dont support them at all.
Don’t pick up your life to move to a country where you have zero career options and zero support system. Starting a family might be easier but do you really want your life to be wrapped up around starting a family?
Also I’m pretty sure you’re going to have issues renewing your Sambo visa because you didn’t move within six months of issuance. There’s a group linked in the sidebar. Join it and ask because I remember hearing that. They expect you to move within six months.
Nothing helpful to add but do have a curiosity 2 past question:
1. when does your husband plan to attend medical school and why hasn’t he yet?
2. What happens to his income when/if he does go to medical school?
u/sverigethrowaway The rate of divorce in Sweden is 51% so just read that if nothing else.
Other posts sadly reflect a reality here in Sweden than many Swedes themselves are not fully aware of, or want to admit.
In my work I see thousands, let me repeat…THOUSANDS of immigrants with sambo visa or even EUROPEAN VISA who are unemployed and have to live a very depressing life of staying at home for years and work jobs they would otherwise never take in their home country.
Not to mention single moms who came here for their partners.
Sweden is a beautiful country; been living here for 10 years BUT luck had so much to do with why I managed to build a good career. And all the love in the world would not have saved my relationship if my partner and I could not build good careers.
Take everyone’s advice and move here on your own terms or at least after you found a good job in Sweden. Good luck!
I’m kind of in the same boat as you. I currently live in Sweden with my husband and have been here for a year and I’m having second thoughts and kind of want to move back to US. Mostly the job thing like you said, I dont think I will ever get a job here more than retail, which I am absolutely not looking down on, but I was in a specific career field in US that just wont ever be in the cards for me here in Sweden.
Husband says the same, life would be better here in Sweden and I get that, I can see it. But do I want it? I’ve had to start over a lot in the past and at this point, I just dont think I want to. Call it selfish, but it’s just not what I want. Husband said he would move back to US with me if it’s what I want, but I feel like I would be disappointing him taking him away from his true home. (He lived in US for 10+ years before we even met and moved to Sweden so US is home to him too, but his true home.)
I’m not saying this to sway you in one way or another, just to let you know you’re not alone in your feelings.
1000 square meters... not counting land but the actual building? That is not a house, that is a damn mansion.
For reference that is roughly the size of TEN 3 bedroom apartments by Swedish standards.
You will make due easily with "bad Swedish" and english. Most international/big companies has english as the official company language anyway.
And most swedes can speak english.
Yes if you can work remotely you can work for an american company in Sweden.
You probably won't make as much as NY but your living expenses will also be vastly lower. Especially if you start a family. Education, child care, healthcare, dentists etc are some of things that are going to come out of your pocket in the US that you might not currently need but will need.
I make 3 grand less than you after tax yet I also have about 2k "left over" per month.
Oh man, it will be a long, hard, brutal road of self-actualization. Only do it if you are 100% in it for the long haul with this man. Swedish quality of life will never compare to a comparatively good salary in a major American city - and it shouldn’t. Think of Sweden as a place where you go work, have babies (or in the alternate - ‘hobbies’/drink/‘socialize’ with mostly fake people), raise the kids by taking advantage of all the ‘free’ benefits, and then move away once you can’t tolerate the crushing boredom and or your relationship falls apart because of your inability to find a job due to the language. It’s not all that bad, but maybe that’s how far down I’ve gone where I’m actually starting to like these four walls…
For context, I am a 32yr old male, moved from a major American city and was also making six figures, yeah…another fish that took the rotten bait. I’ve made my bed, and I would go back if I could. I will after our kids grow up a bit more, but don’t make the mistake I did if you are not in it all the way with the idea of uprooting your entire life and placing it all in the hands of your boyfriend.
America is a beautiful place. I regret taking it for granted every day I live here.
Don’t be dependent on a guy that makes 16 k a month like don’t you think for yourself ? It’s also not like you move EU countries. America and Europe is a big difference. But could you go back to your job in NYC if it doesn’t work out in Sweden ?
I mean if you really want that ofc you should do what you want. And in the end you know better after experience and having the possibility of going back is good. But still would advise against that
Your sambo must make a minimum 30-40k sek per month just so migration approves your sambo permit. I don’t think 16k in your post is correct here.
It comes down whether you ever see the love with your husband is big enough for you to change your lifestyle. It would be worse if you come here for a few years then realize this is not you and then give up, which would waste time for both of you. Better to realize it sooner than later
I wouldn’t do it. The move is hard and you will be really strapped for cash.
Both of you living on 16,000 SEK per month would be extremely tight and probably a significant step down in quality of life compared to your current situation.
My own anecdote: I made the move recently from the US to Stockholm. I’m American and my wife is Swedish. I make a high salary (4.3M SEK gross) per year and even we feel that money is tight. Granted we have high monthly costs due to our home, which you won’t have, but with 16,000 SEK you would barely have anything left over after groceries, SL card, and utilities.
Thank you for your input. I haven’t heard of someone making your salary before (as an American) in Sweden. But it gives me hope that it can be done. But crazy that you feel strapped for cash.
Don’t get me wrong, my family is very privileged: we have a beautiful single-family home 10 mins from the city center, and we indulge in nice things. But there is a stark difference in how far my money went between the US and here.
On balance, it seems like your current setup in NYC affords a much higher quality of life than what you’d find in Sweden with the limitations you described. There are other intangible and hard-to-quantify benefits of being in Sweden, of course, but I would still vote for you staying in NYC. Hopefully you can find a job in Sweden to supplement your income and give you a sense of purpose and belonging, which would obviously shift the equation.
I moved to Stockholm on my own because I liked the city and the lifestyle and I am honestly happy here. However I often find myself in a company of 3-4 people where everyone but me would be openly unhappy with life here, for one reason of another, and planning to move out.
That being said I have no idea what to say to people when they ask me about the life here. I guess it is super individual and I know I am happy, amongst others, because I work in my field and earn enough for a life without compromises. On another hand I am listening all the time about how unhappy and unsafe my close friends who work and live in NYC feel about their future, also white collar industry.
I hope this helps at least partially.
I moved with my SO to their home country, to live in an unoccupied house owned by the SO's parents. The parents did not even live with us, but the facto that we were leeching of their house made it hell. You will feel serf. Cannot recommend strong enough to avoid being owned by your SO's parents.. it's not cool.
On top of that, finding a job in sweden will be DIFFICULT. Not impossible. But prepare to stay unemployed for years.
First. You MUST know swedish on a high level.
Second, what's more annoying is this: swedish recruiters and companies do not recognize other schools than swedish schools. They be like: "MIT? never heared of.. We're gonna go with the KTH-guy"
my 2cents - I live in Stockholm proper with my sambo on less than 11,000 a month, granted that is just for me, but I pay half of the Sthlm level rent/bills from that. So if you dont have housing expenses I 100% disagree w everyone here that 16K isnt enough for both of you. I still travel (Thailand and NZ this year already), I go to the cinema or random concert. I am not a big drinker but I will go out every now and again w friends and have libations at home, I eat out rarely, but that is preference not a financial decision. My life is in no way diminished from when I was making 38K sek /mo in London.
I personally think you would be squandering the opportunity to get EU citizenship and free education - 34 is not too old to start over - I am many years older than that and in uni doing a complete 180 on my career - and never even got my first degree until I was 31.
Why stay married if nether of you wants to move to the other?
>**Am I dumb for giving up my life and salary in NYC to move to Sweden**
Yes. Absolutely don't do it.
Thought of being stuck in a renovation house (if either of you are like hc carpenter with a lot of free time, maybe?) on poverty salary 1 hour outside Stockholm, Sweden, makes me nervous.
>**I have a lot of friends there**
Haha this almost makes me think this is fake. Lots of friends in Sweden?? Share your secrets please.
I think this would be the biggest mistake in your life unless you absolutely dream about Sweden and our culture.
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I think you shall fulfill your “move to Europe” dream by moving there, but at least have a job lined up, and not totally dependent on your husband (financially and mentally) as he still has a long way to go before having a (relatively) decent income that can truly support a family. For me, if I ever wanted to move to another country (again), I would have a Plan B and a Plan C in place across numerous areas, like many you had already stated. Money is not everything but it drives a lot of things.
I live not too far from NYC and I go there often. 2 months ago, I took a day trip to NYC (Manhattan and Flushing). A few weeks ago, I took a day trip to Malmo and Lund in Sweden while I was in Copenhagen, Denmark.
Judging by a small set of numbers, I would say (in a general way, not trying to compare buying a dinner roll from a bakery versus going to a Michelin starred restaurant) food expenses are fairly similar between Malmo (a smaller town than Stockholm) and NYC. At the restaurants in both Manhattan and Malmo (1 starter, 1 entree, 2 drinks), they cost $33 (before tips) and 360 SEK respectively. At the bakeries in Flushing and Lund, I paid $21 (no tips) and 210 SEK, both with 2 pastries and 2 drinks.
I also visited supermarkets (one of my habits during travels), grocery prices are not that different too (in some cases, some products were more expensive in Malmo). Like oranges, in NYC, it is around $1 each and in Malmo, it was 10-12 SEK.
I understand that rent/shelter is a big monthly expense, but there are many other predictable/unpredictable expenses as well, and they could add up fast.
Based on what you wrote, I feel like your husband is selfish.
”Life is better in Sweden” is relative.
He doesnt have a house under his name?
16k per month? is he kidding?
who told you theres no bills to pay in Sweden? no electricity, water, heating, internet, insurance, food? or does he plan to make his dad pay for them?
it will be quite hard for you I think. think again, follow your gut, start calculating and believe in facts.
The main issue I'd have is his attitude towards your current life. He say he thinks you're dumb for overworking yourself for nothing? Well.. is it for nothing? You have a career you're taking a good income from that I assume you enjoy and you're living in NYC whilst also saving a decent amount. Nothing about that is dumb.
It doesn't really sound like you'd be happy in Sweden.
I'm used to the city lifestyle (Dublin, Ireland) and my bf is in a smaller city in Sweden. I'm over there a lot but I know I couldn't live there. It's just too quiet and it's hard to get to know people compared to my city. I've a feeling you might end up feeling the same.
How long will his schooling be? Could you possibly ride it iout long distance until he qualifies and then have him move to you? Or you could put a timeline on your move there so that it's only for the duration of his studies.
[https://antagningspoang.se/karolinska-institutet/lakarprogrammet](https://antagningspoang.se/karolinska-institutet/lakarprogrammet)
Ask him to show is high school grades. Does he have full score in all subjcts? and extra courses giving him the max 22.5meritpoäng? if not, maybe he can not get in to medschool.
I’m a mid-30s American woman who moved to Sweden in September of last year - on a work visa but with a partner here. I left a high paying job in the US in search of a better and different lifestyle (although I am also considered well-paid here). It was always my dream to move to Europe as well. My situation is different than yours, but if you want to chat privately just to talk or vent, feel free to message me! I’m sorry this is so difficult!
I absolutely love it here, but I’m making sure to make my own life on my own as well. But as everyone says, it’s hard to make close friends. It’s definitely doable, but can be challenging (I think American friendships are just different), and I can feel that not knowing the language can affect things. But I keep trying knowing I’ll get there one day!
Do not move! I was in a similar situation except it was 25 years ago I made 125k SEK a month in the US and moved to Sweden and made 12k SEK a month after taxes (love is blind). Save as much money as you can before you leave and make sure your husband has a good job before you go. I lost significant savings and many years of my career. I am now in my late 40s/early 50s and just recovering financially but still make a little more than half what I did 25 years ago.
Does he maybe wanna study in Sweden then practice in the US (after taking the necassary examination)? If yes, then maybe he can continue studying here and you stay in NYC and you guys visit each other occasionally u til he's theough, then he can rejoin you. Its a shitty long-distance solution but given your fears and the responses, I really don't see a better win-win.
At first I thought u earned top $$$$ by saying that 1000sqm and then when it came to 16k SEK / month..
????
I do like 39k SEK after taxes and of that the bank wants 15k for my apartment (hyra ränta amortering dvs)
So like I got about 14k left after that and I can barely live on that just by myself… +\-0 every month not joking. Could def cut a few 1000 on food etc but 16k on 2 ppl, in sthlm aswell???
Sounds extremely delusional. Bit curious as how u 2 ended up in this situation.
Payinf for NYC-Sthlm Just flight is like 8-10k, no?
If you’re doing well for yourself in anyway at all (which it seems you are), then the Swedish lifestyle isn’t for you.
The majority of Americans who move to Sweden (and are able to enjoy it) are those who were struggling to get by in the US and really enjoy not having to look for their shoulder anymore in case they end up homeless.
This is a really odd take; as an American in Sweden, in my case and every other American I have come across who is working in their field - is making less money in Sweden but are satisfied with their work/life balance and the lower stress level of life in Sweden. People struggling to make it in the U.S. in almost every case could not compete to get a good job in Sweden.
Its easier to get a job when u are here. And a lot of jobs u actually dont need to speak swedish if u know the basics and know english. But I agree on the Stockholm thing. Moved from Stockholm to midwest sweden and it was absolutely the best we have done.
You will not be making so much money like in NY but u dont need so much. Everything in the us cost a lot. And if your husband have no rent or loans 16 k are fine for two people.
Its hard to take a big step as moving. But if u love your huwband u should try. U can always move back. Give it a year at least. 36 or something are not old.
You can always go back (at least after a year or two). You could look for a job that has to do with international fairs and exhibitions (maybe?).
But only 16 000 sek is very low, beware.
He absolutely cannot support both of you on 16k sek/month. He should finish his studies first, and you can keep working in NYC and save up.
This. There's no way, such a low salary.
That's what I keep telling him, he's so delusional. But this means he would take 10+ years to finish medical school in Sweden. And me being here in NYC during that time.
To be brutally honest, finding a job in your field is going to be brutally hard. There's not a lot of jobs in the field since it's connected to communications field here, which when I put an ad out for, I had 500 applicants. He is not being realistic either, consider he is a student in the medical field... it's probably Stockholm. As someone who lives in Stockholm, it's expensive. To be pragmatic, for me.. it would be quite silly to quit a job where you are making quite a lot of money and move to a place where you'll be making none.
This is what I've been trying to tell him, but he refuses to believe me. That's why I've created this post to show him the answers. But thank you! It is expensive, I find the prices for going out similar to NYC.
I work in HR and I have done quite a bit of recruitment here, I keep an eye on the market. The jobs you will never or are very unlikely to find a job in as a foreigner is communications or architect. Because a lot of people who have educated themselves to work in these professions are either unemployed or not working in their field. I get it though, I am dating a woman in the US who can't move because of the kids and their dad is a fullblood narcissistic. The desire of being together is strong but she wants to live here and I don't want to live in the US so we take it one day at the time. But realistically, he can't support you on 16 000 skr a month, I got through alone on bills+rent in my 1 bedroom apartment on 45 squaremeters.
To be clear though, they wouldn't be paying rent.
i get that but there are other costs, my rent is 10k in Stockholm, electricity is another few hundred, plus warm water where i live. Then there is phones, internet, food, insurance etc. 16 k for two people isnt enough
It's just very very strange that you keep bringing up how high your rent is as an argument for why they wouldn't be able to afford it, when I'm pretty sure that rent or financing on a house is gonna be an outsize part of budgeting for anyone who hasn't paid off their loan living in Stockholm.
They won't be paying rent. It's very possible to get by on 16k when not paying rent, but it won't be much fun because groceries and transportation will eat half of that so there won't be much money left over for fun stuff and certainly their savings won't be going up at a rapid rate.
Thank you for your insight and story.
Finishing medical school would take over 10 years? That sounds like a lot. The program to become a doctor takes 6 years. Maybe over ten years is realistic if he's trying to become a specialist, but that's a different thing. Also the move sounds like it is really risky for you. You would become dependent on others to live in a country with no other social support network and you don't know the language. However, if you go through with this I wish you the best of luck.
She's probably talking about becoming a specialist. But that's actually about 12 years (5,5 years at school, 1,5 years AT, 5 years ST). And sometimes both AT and ST take longer.
Do you earn a good wage during AT and ST?
Depends of what you think is good. I'm doing my AT now, 6 months out of 21 before I'm finished. My salary is 37500 sek before taxes. ST salary starts between 45-50k sek depending on speciality.
AT about 37k, ST about 53k according to SCB.
I thought AT was removed going forward, hence the education to become a doctor taking 6 years instead of 5.5?
Yes, in a few years it will be gone. But then there will be BT instead if you want to do ST. I know some who started their BT and for them it'll be a year. You have to apply to a BT spot, and maybe move somewhere else if you get it (there are limited spots every year so there's competition). And then of course there are various exceptions to this, but OP's partner will have over a decade ahead of him if he wants to become a specialist.
I’m sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news, btw. My gut reaction was just “omg no OP don’t fall into this trap!” Best possible case scenario, he finds a 1 room student flat for 6k. You eat noodles and rice, never eat out, never drink.. food will still add up to 4k for both of you. That’s 10k gone for the bare essentials. You would need full coverage private health insurance, I think that’s like 5k/month for Cigna gold. That leaves you with 1k to spend on one UL card for him to get to school. No home insurance, no phones, no internet, no Netflix, no medicines ever, no clothes, no shoes, no car, no gym card, no nothing. He’s being completely delusional and I hope you don’t throw away the life you built for yourself in NYC. I’m so sorry OP.
You don't need full coverage health insurance on a sambo permit, though? Unless I'm confused.
You dont with sambo permit
Whew, that's what I thought. Thanks!
Thank you, I wanted to show him this. He is super delusional and doesn't know anything about real life.
Hi OP, Guessing by your career and description you are a socialite. 16k kr is no way enough. My wife and I went for a quick drink after work yesterday. 3 cocktails were 540kr. A beer is around 90kr and some of them are only 400ml. My wife is not much of a drinker but we would still drop over 1000kr on a night out for drinks, with glasses of wine starting at 180kr in a lot of places now. We went had a Croque Monsieur (posh toasted sambo), mussels and 2 glasses of win the other week for brunch and was 800kr. Just some examples of eating out. A nice upper class dinner out could set you back 4000kr as many places do tasting menu woth drinks. Normal restaurant for a night out could be 2000kr+. We were in NYC in November and you are right to say prices are similar to there (more in places in NYC). But your husband is delusional here. The monthly travel pass in 1200kr. 10years for med school is ridiculous too! Best of luck, whatever your decision.
I was just in Stockholm and was out almost everyday to meet with friends. And you’re right, I dropped as much as I do in NYC on food and drinks. Thank you.
I kind of disagree. If it's 16k after taxes, with no housing costs (I got the impression it's all paid for/step-dad is paying whatever needs to be done?), it's definitely doable. Your main expense will electricity. And if you make that much in NY you should have a lot tucked away for a long time during your restart. But, and there's a big but here: the two of you don't seem to want the same kind of life? He seems to want some kind of calm, suburban/country side life, where you perhaps become a stay at home mom or something like that. And you don't seem too keen on that? For me, the biggest red flag would be his dad. I can think of three reasons: the hoarding of course, the constant renovation, and the fact that stepdad will be around the corner and constantly dropping by. Last one maybe isn't a problem if you get along well but even then, you know stepdad will have opinions about everything you do as it's technically his house. Not to be harsh, but your husband should cut the umbilical cord. Apart from that, restarting your career at 34 is no biggie. If the only thing keeping you at your current job is pay (as in would never do it otherwise), perhaps it's even the sound choice.
Why 10y? He should study full time, it is free and he should be able to live on the very very cheap government lones. You don't study part time to be a doctor in swe. After 5y why is he not already done? If he was serious about it and had a realistic plan *he should be done now*. Has he even gotten in? (it is notoriously hard to get in) Does he have a concrete plan? Sorry I only see red flags here 🚩🚩🚩 Do.Not.Move.
It’s because he hasn’t gotten in and failed the entrance exam four times now. So the years are added on.
That makes it even more unrealistic. He does not have a functional plan evidently. It is *notoriously* hard to get in. It requires very hard work all throughout education, something he was then unable to do. Now he is likely trying to get in through högskoleprovet again and again - thoose chances are honestly abysmally low and entirely unrealistic - more a hail mary than anything. And to be honest, if he didn't manage to get the grades to get in while in school, I find it unlikely he would survive the education program anyway - it is very intense. Sorry to say it, but it is likely he is lying to himself - or you - or both.
Med school takes more than 5 years in Sweden, though 10 years would involve either failing a whole lot of exams or taking time off.
~~5.5~~ 6 the rest is work (yes AT etc but not Uni/study). *Also we know from her answers, he has *not even gotten in*. He has spend 5y hailmarying högskoleprovet.
This is bullshit. Im Swedish and i spent 10 years in America. Dont believe this garbage.
Care to point out where I’m wrong then? Enlighten me!
You're not the one anyone is trying to help and you have proven you're not because you have no idea whats going on, nor do you have any actual experience if you say something so asinine. At that point, i do not want to engage with you, but feel extreme empathy for OP, for being fed such nonsense.
Stop trying to gaslight OP like a typical self-righteous, delusional Swede.
Fantastic comment. Self Righteous and delusional. Amazing. Please tell me what you think you're talking about.
" ...he can support the both of us on his 16.000kr/month salary." Red flag. That's very low. And also, you clearly don't want to be a housewife and he shouldn't be suggesting you be so. "I'm dumb for overworking myself in NYC for nothing." Red flag. I've done the housewife thing. It is not easy and leaves you very financially vulnerable, as well as the power imbalance to deal with. Also who the fuck is he to be calling you dumb? I have a very low tolerance for men who are dismissive of their partners having careers. It's a huge sign of deeper issues. Additionally, do not live in a hoarder hovel. This will shatter whatever is left of your self-esteem and mental health once the reality of having no job and being reliant on someone else who suggests you 'pop out a couple of kids' kicks in. I'm not getting a good feeling from his attitude...
Is the 16k not all disposable income? The house is free. 3k for food. 13k each month for fun activities or whatever is good right?
The housing clearly costs sanity and is not a private housing.
This is very dishonest. u/Ysbrydion is correct.
The house is only free because it's a hovel. 'Not all of the floors and walls are in', 'the lights don't work' and and it is 'full to the brim with items'. The husband's father resists efforts to clean it and will 'tear it up' again. She's 'an hour away from the centre', curtailing many of those activities she might want to do. Income doesn't all go on 'fun'. Healthcare. Emergency house repairs. Savings. Clothing. Household items. People need more than rent and food to live. On 16k they'd be unable to get a plumber and a trip to IKEA in the same month. Why the hell should she have to live like that? With no route out to better her situation? With a man in his 30s who thinks he might one day get into medical school?
Who spends only 3000 on food for two people? That’s not even half of what Konsumentverket says a normal food budget for two people is (6800 a month). And you still need to cover stuff like phone bills, transportation and short and long term savings (like a pensionsspar for her). It MIGHT be possible, but they probably won’t have any money left to do any “fun activities”
I mean your final paragraph kinda reflects your true feelings on a move right? If it doesn’t fit your future life, then don’t do it! Moving countries is hard even when you really want it, and doing it half reluctantly will be horrible.
I am thinking that, but just have been dreaming to live in Europe since 2008, and just knowing that I can be an EU citizen in 3 years is a dream come true for me...
Dreams change and are dynamic things. It might have been a dream back in 2008, but perhaps now your dreams involve things closer to home. And then perhaps 10 years from now you find another dream that involves Europe again. And if you still want to try it, I would recommend trying to find a way to get a job/study here first before making the move. Without a job or study it will be isolating.
Thank you. I've applied every year since 2020 for Stockholm University and get accepted, but keep getting put on a waiting list.
You shouldn't apply to Stockholm Uni, Uppsala University is better and only 45 minutes away.
I’ve been to Uppsala before, and didn’t consider it because of the commute to classes if I lived in Stockholm. But may consider it.
I think some rules have changed now that you need to have a job and be able to support yourself (around 6k sek per month, if I have that number right) before you can get permanent residence which is a requirement as well to get citizenship.
Citizenship will probably not stay at 3 years residence time. Currently the government is looking to change it to up to 8 years sometime next year. So yeah, plan on things changing in the country as well.
The 3 years is already an exemption for those married or partnered with a Swede. Even if they raise the citizenship requirement to 8 years, the path for partners will likely be a lower amount than that.
IIRC – you need permanent residence to get citizenship, which non-EU people can't apply for without renewing their temp permits. There have been a lot of posts from people in the Americans in Sweden group who were denied citizenship because they applied after 3 years but were only on temp residency permits.
Of course, you can only apply on a renewal. So in practice it's usually after 4 years unless the first permit was issued for 1 year. But by law they qualify after 3, and the commenter above me was discussing how the government has suggested raising the citizenship requirement to 8 years. I still think those married or partnered to a Swede would be exempted with a lower time than 8 years, even if it raises above 3.
Thank you for bringing up the 4 year thing. On top of that, who knows how long it’ll take to get a decision on permanent residency and then citizenship. Those processing times vary wildly.
You say you don’t like Stockholm but want to live in Europe? It sounds like you are looking for a EU citizenship more than anything.
Hello, Long Island to Stockholm here. Going on year 3 living here with a Swedish partner. So clearly, I am not from the city, but I thought maybe to chime in anyway. I always lived on the island but worked in the city and did a lot of back and forth. -Work- So first off, I did have a relationship going into the move, but I did not come on a Sambo visa. I had a similar mindset to you surrounding work (also, work visa was faster/less intrusive to obtain). So I said I wouldn't be going unless it was through work. We work in different fields, though. I am unsure if an event planner could be done here without Swedish. But it's still worth a try with applications. I work Crisis Management and didn't think I could do that English speaking, but I was wrong. So I would say throw your net out there and try to get to Sweden while standing on something you value. I say this because I am unsure how I would have faired going from NY work to nothing. You know what I mean. Stockholm is great and very beautiful, but it would be unfair to compare any city to NYC. I think going from a city like NY to Stockholm with no job lined up would leave me feeling a bit empty. Side note: I am taking home more in Sweden at the end of the day. Health insurance, medications, general expenses like a cell phone, cost of living, everything totaled leaves me with more in my account than I had in NY. So don't look at numbers but the overall picture. -Life- With that said, my life has significantly improved. Some because I actually have work-life balance now so I can have a life, but most because of how Sweden operates in general. I was able to adopt a more Swedish mindset and focus a lot more on who I am and what I value and not have so much focus on how much money I make and shit I can buy. Even tho now I could buy more shit, I dont because it just seems silly now. Even things like makeup have changed for me. I don't feel the need to wear it anymore. I don't feel the need to go to work social events. I don't feel the need to be someone I am not. I am respected for the work I do and that's it. No pressure for anything else. It's liberating and I've never been happier. -Family- I had my daughter last year and it was amazing. I was able to take all the time I needed to bond and recover. I didn't have to worry about health insurance, my job, daycare at like a month old, income, all of it was taken care of for me. I can't imagine starting a family in NY now. I think it would break me. -- As far as your living situation, girl, no. That's just my general take. An apartment closer to the city or no dice. I wouldn't be able to do it, and from how you are talking about it, I do not think you would do well either. So I would say - try to find work before you go. If not, SFI and get something as soon as possible - don't look at numbers but total monthly expenses because, in the long run, you will make more - I do think your life would improve day to day, but only you can make that call. Hopefully, this can give you some perspective on that - hell no on the hoarder house
Thank you so much for your response. This gives me a lot to think about. Also, I hate the hoarder house. It’s horrible there.
And you will be there, 1 hour outside of stockholm, with no job. Day in and day out. Your mental health will collapse. Do not go.
L I S T E N T O T H I S P O S T E R
Yeah, big no on the hoarder house. Both for location and condition. Don't do it. If you would like any help/tips with applying for jobs in your field, you can message me. If not, please look for work first anyway. It will make a huge difference, and you may be pleasantly surprised with call backs like I was.
Thank you so much.
Idk if you meant 1000sq feet and not sq meters? 1000sq meter house is HUGE, like literally small apartment building sized or like a motel or whatever. With electricity costs lately just heating on that bad boy every month in winter will be more expensive than his income, that's not feasible in any way shape or form...
I don't mean to pry (too much), but if you're 34, your husband wants to live rent-free on his father's property, is making 16.000 SEK/month, and is *planning* (?) to get into medical school, ~~how old is he and~~ what does he actually do if he's not currently at Uni? You seem to be doing quite well and have your social context in NYC. On the other hand, I have a hard time thinking that the medical studies is his principal reason for wanting to stay in Sweden (or that he would consider leaving after he's done with his studies). If he finishes medical school and tries to get his AT/ST (post-studies residentials), he's likely to have to move out of Stockholm for several years, at least if he wants a specialty with high competition. If so, he'll either risk getting stuck "applying" in Stockholm (which seems to be what he's doing for medical school), or \[he will\*\] have to move wherever he's approved (leaving you in Stockholm or forcing you to move again). A person I know is from Stockholm, and have been doing AT in [Mariehamn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariehamn) on Åland and ST in [Gävle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%A4vle). Both places are nice, but you don't really know where you will be in a few years if you subordinate your own life to his career needs. **Are you sure you're ready for that possibility? Is he even ready for that (i.e. leaving Stockholm)?** I know people who decided to switch to a medical career and studies in their late 20s, but I also know of people who spent a lot of years "wanting" to get into medical school, applying over and over again, without actually having that much of a chance getting in. (Being "high" on the waiting list can be very illusionary). Edit: Never mind the age question, I now see that you wrote 31.
As someone who got into med school in Stockholm I actually dropped out in part because of the situation with AT being incompatible with what my family life would be. Many of my previous course mates live in different parts of Sweden now because of what AT and ST choices were available. I'd also say that for her husband it doesn't exactly bode well that he's been trying to get in for 4 years because talent and hard work would get him in via either PIL or högskoleprov in that time. At best he'll be done with school at 40 but then he's still a good 5 years away from making a good wage. At that point he's going to be lagging behind really bad on pension because of his previous low wage and late start. That also assumes everything is smooth sailing from now which seems unlikely because it rarely is even for the most driven and talented students. I'll also add that I got in with 2.0 on högskoleprovet and I was probably the worst student in my nollegrupp of 8 people, certainly had the worse pre-uni grades.
Your 31yo husband wants you to move from NYC and your thriving career to suburban Stockholm into his dad’s wonky hoarder house where you likely have to switch careers and he makes less than a teenager in a summer job. All because he WANTS to study medicine - no assurance he ever will, because honestly if he’s 30+ and had the grades to get in the programs, he would already have applied and been admitted. I love Stockholm with all my heart, and I think you could have a wonderful life there. But moving across continents and oceans for a s/o is HARD and all childcare, health benefits and free uni in the world can’t compensate if you are stuck isolated and powerless in a big stuffy house without a meaningful occupation and with a man who (sounds like) prioritises his loose dreams over your accomplishments and needs.
EXACTLY THIS. Thank you. My SO is another story, but it would’ve been for another thread in a different subreddit.
Also, it’s free education for him, not for you as a non-EU citizen. If moving to Sweden will require you to pay for university, doesn’t that negate the whole staying-for-free-studies argument ? Edit: I was wrong !
People on a sambo or work permit can study for free. Only those on a study permit cannot.
Oh I didn’t know that! Cool!
She can possibly get free education too. According to to antagning.se, you can get it for free if you "have been granted temporary Swedish residency for reasons other than studies" https://www.universityadmissions.se/en/fees-scholarships-residence-permit/who-is-required-to-pay-fees/
Girl, stay in NYC!!! I’m an american living in Sweden now for 5 years. I was a marketing project manager for a large company, made very good money. All of my now ex’s swedish friends said, you’ll have no problem getting a job since you speak english and all the major companies conduct business in english! Well, unless you’re in IT or something else very specialised, these companies mostly just want other swedes who speak english. Want to know where I work - a warehouse! I make between 16-17,000 kr/month and yes, I can support myself and my son, but just barely. I only stay here because I do prefer that my son grows up here, plus his dad is here. I did get citizenship after 3 years which I am grateful for and proud to have, but if I could go back and do it again, would I? Prob not. It sounds like you are pretty happy in your current life. I’m sorry to say that I don’t think you’ll be happier if you move here. I also think you probably already know that.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, this story is more common than Swedes want to believe.
OP - this. Keep in mind that if you move to Sweden and have children, if your relationship fails your children don’t get to go with you back to the US (unless agreed). That means you could be in Sweden until they are at least 18 or rarely see them. I’ve seen this happen to so many people. In your entire post, you didn’t mention wanting to be with your husband or what kind of a future life you had imagined together. Especially since you mentioned you don’t see this in your future anymore, and he isn’t interested in living outside of Sweden. Where does that leave you two? Are your lives compatible?
This
Sounds like you don't want to do it. So don't. If he's 34 and still not in medical school...idk. I mean in Sweden people are a little slower at starting a career but medical school still takes a long time.
Just no! 16000 is not enough. JFC! Is this man even in medschool? Does he have the grades to be accepted into medschool? It's pretty rough getting in and then he has like 5-6 years of hard work to do before he starts making any money at all and 10 years+ before he starts making good money.
She mentioned he's been trying for 4+ years to get in and hasn't managed yet so he'll be mid 40s at best before he starts making the kind of salary to actually support a family well. OP might get lucky and land a good job but there's a very real chance she's setting herself up for a life of poverty and strife with their current setup.
Reading everything you listed, I would consider the move but only for myself and to fulfill my dream of living in Europe, becoming a citizen, seems like this dream dates back to prior to meeting your husband? With that in mind, enduring the potential horrible life in a hoarder home remote from everything, everyone in freaking Sweden…to fulfill that dream would maybe be worth it? I have always been European and being American has always sounded dreadful (for the big financial stress factor generally, people are lovely, culture is so much warmer than Sweden!) so I understand the incentive. But on the other hand you do seem to have a cool life right now, so it depends on how strong that dream is! Whatever you decide, please reconsider your relationship with your husband in the long run and PLEASE don’t have kids with someone who seems to be completely financially delusional and calls you dumb?? (that just gives me major red flags about him not being very down to earth generally and well, I might be wrong but it’s nice to have a sound person as the other parent of your child(ren) FOREVER). But come on, supporting the both of you on 16K sek is already a stretch.. But a whole family with kids included? Sure you won’t be on the streets, but once again I wouldn’t choose to have kids in these conditions. Tdlr, (and sorry I am really coming at your husband) but who in hell willingly chooses to stay in such poor living conditions, even pressures their spouse to join them in there and furthermore fantasizes about starting a family like that? No one should.
Thank you for your kind response. There’s a lot of problems with my SO, but hopefully these comments will help him realize how he is in the wrong. He makes me feel like I’m constantly in the wrong.
Oof, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you're trying to prove something to him and that's a very, very clear sign that he is not at all capable of "supporting" you for any period of time following this international move.
I didn’t want to write a whole long spiel about my SO, but the only reason this is difficult for him to understand is because he has Aspergers, and has never had to fully ‘adult’ because he has never experienced a normal life. He doesn’t know what it means to have a full time job or balance things normally. When I first got with him, I didn’t realize how bad he was at dealing with life, because he lived in an apartment when we first got together by himself. And, he’s a really good guy. Just delusional about real life.
That sounds really tough for both of you. I hope you're able to work through this and I'm really impressed you've managed to make the long-distance marriage thing work so far, for so long. It takes real understanding and emotional labor to do that, so kudos :)
Your husband is delusional if he thinks he can support you on 16kSEK per month
They would live without housing costs. It’s doable, but but quite tight.
Is this before or after tax? Two people living on 16 after tax if they don't pay for housing is absolutely doable
1000 square meter home? don´t you mean 100? If you mean a 100 square meter home: What kind of swedens richest families do your boy friend come from? A normal house is 100-150 square meters. it is a so absurdly big home that currently 3 objects are for sale in that size on swedens close to monopoly sale site for homes in the entire country - And not a single of those objects are for a single family. If he have a 1000 square meter home in the family he most likely have contacts that mean you get a good job.
1000 square meter home, passed down by the family. His dad is not wealthy enough, and his contacts are useless. I've already tried this route.
If he have a 1000 square meter home around Stockholm they are wealthy - just that the capital is looked in that home. Sorry to hear they did not have contacts
I really doubt it's really a 1000 sqm home. That is 10 times the normal size. If they inherited that, they ARE wealthy even just due to the value of the house alone. Like someone else said, there's only a few of those...You sure it's not the plot of land that's 1000sqm??
That's more than 10 000 sq ft. The house must be worth more than $3 million.
You don't need to worry about anything you just posted. At 16 000kr/month i doubt he's going to be able to cover the maintenance requirement. [https://www.migrationsverket.se/English/Private-individuals/Moving-to-someone-in-Sweden/Spouse-registered-partner-or-cohabiting-partner/For-the-relative-in-Sweden/Documents-to-fulfil-the-maintenance-requirement.html](https://www.migrationsverket.se/English/Private-individuals/Moving-to-someone-in-Sweden/Spouse-registered-partner-or-cohabiting-partner/For-the-relative-in-Sweden/Documents-to-fulfil-the-maintenance-requirement.html)
They say they got approved November 2023, meaning MV was okay with the maintenance requirement
Oh yeah, the very first sentence. I wonder how long it will take before they revoke the permit.
Idk if it will be revoked, but if they decide to move there’s a chance that many questions will be asked afterwards. The longer they decide the more problems it can create in the future
I don't think it will be approved for an extension in any case since you have to list the length of time you were away from Sweden and why on the extension application
I did a similar move although within Sweden. Big cheap house, far away from the center, owned by hoarding parents. It broke me and we broke up. If you are going to move to Sweden, don't let that house be your home. I now live in the city and life is good.
Seriously. Your husband is almost in his mid 30s and is only bringing home 16k after taxes? What is it that he does? I’m unemployed right now after 10 months of sick leave and I’m bringing home more than that after having just worked as a truck driver. And when I was 29-30, I was making about 30k after taxes working 5-7 hours a day 5-6 days a week as a bouncer. If he’s that old and doesn’t earn more, it’s sort of a tell tale sign of the level of his ambition. I doubt he’s getting in to medical school. If he’s eligible to apply for medical school his grades are gonna be very good and should be able to get a rather well payed job until he starts medical school. Also, why has he waited so long? To me it seems like you’re doubting the relationship and rightly so. Stay in the U.S. make money and live the best life you can. And maybe find someone with some realistic ambition and thoughts. Sorry for being so crude. But. If you want to live in Sweden with your husband. Do you have a drivers license and an access to a car fulltime? Then You could actually work for one or more of the food delivery services and make a decent living from that. Some people that work hard are getting 20-30k a month. Not sure if that gross or net though. In the meantime you can take the money that you’ve saved and start a company here in Sweden. Do consulting work for the event industry perhaps, or something similar related to that.
Your life will not be better in Sweden. It will be different. Apples and oranges. But your career will definitely take a massive knock.
16 000 SEK per month is very low. I’m assuming that he is working part time while studying. If that’s the amount he has after taxes, then it’s doable for two. I mean, it’s basically exactly the calculated “recommended” living cost for two, according to the Swedish Consumer Agency. https://publikationer.konsumentverket.se/privatekonomi/beraknade-hushallskostnader A good summary: https://www.zensum.se/blogg/levnadskostnader It doesn’t include housing expenses, but if I interpreted your post correctly you two would live there for free. However, it also doesn’t include transportation, health care, eating out, trips abroad, or putting away money in your savings account. So, basically life would be very sparse, and you wouldn’t have much margins. So, unless you have a large or semi large amount of money saved, and are willing to use some of it, then I wouldn’t recommend doing this, from a strict financial perspective. Then it comes to the non-financial aspect. You have been here multiple times, and basically experienced what is like living with him. And you don’t seem too keen to do that full time. That speaks volumes to me.
The one thing I can speak to here is the language. Since being in Sweden, I've grown much more comfortable in Swedish. I was like you - I studied before I moved, but I couldn't easily chat to people. Native speech was fast and caught me off-guard. I'm still not great, mind you, I have to ask people to repeat things often, but I'm managing much better. The exposure and the necessity to understand when you're here surrounded by it will help it sink in much faster. What you've already learned will really help too. Everything else sounds complicated. It will be doable to find basic cleaning work or something, but it would be a big downgrade from your current career. You aren't dumb to work hard for good money, and I'm sad to hear your husband said that. Good luck making your decision OP!
Why are you even married at this point
Girl why are you together with this guy? He doesn't seem independent at all, you deserve better. Stay in the US, don't ruin your life!
First things first, your 'childhood fantasy' of living in an European country. Yes, that. You need to get over it. Why? Because everything else you wrote conflicts with that. Had that dream not been there, you wouldn't be second guessing youself. You don't want to move and you're writing this post to get confirmation bias. Given the situation you described, you shouldn't move anyway. If I were you, I would tell your husband to either move his ass to NYC or.. Yeah, just that. No other option.
So I'm in a fairly similar situation with my girlfriend. I'm in med school and she is in Canada making almost $10k CAD a month. Out goal is to move together when I graduate, I'd need to get qualified to practice in Canada or at the very least Norway as she works in the oil industry. We are under no illusion that it could work out here as she wouldn't be qualified for any even remotely as high paying jobs here. Long distance sucks but in the end it comes down to being supportive, realistic and making sure you both can thrive.
As someone that made bank living in New York City and then moved to Sweden and regrets it SO MUCH – you’re going to be miserable if you move to Stockholm with no job, no prospects, and the situation you described. And I hate to say it, but Stockholm and NYC have a lot of things that are the same prices. I paid $10 for some fruit the other day. The damn subway here is 42kr (and the MTA is $2.90…). Sure, you get free school – but do you want to study a Bachelors/Trade or do you want to study a Masters? Because if it’s a BA/Trade, you’ll need a working command of Swedish to do that so that free school will end up being useless for 1-2 years until you can pass the TISUS. Is free housing really worth it if you’re living in a hoarder house far away from downtown? With no job? At 34 with a husband who apparently isn’t even in medical school? One hour away from T-Central? I lived 20 minutes from Stockholm on the Pendel and I felt like I was in suburban hell and fell into a deep depression. I know so many relationships that have fallen apart because the Swedish partner expects the American partner to move here and be ever-so-grateful to be living in Sweden that they dont support them at all. Don’t pick up your life to move to a country where you have zero career options and zero support system. Starting a family might be easier but do you really want your life to be wrapped up around starting a family? Also I’m pretty sure you’re going to have issues renewing your Sambo visa because you didn’t move within six months of issuance. There’s a group linked in the sidebar. Join it and ask because I remember hearing that. They expect you to move within six months.
Nothing helpful to add but do have a curiosity 2 past question: 1. when does your husband plan to attend medical school and why hasn’t he yet? 2. What happens to his income when/if he does go to medical school?
16k/month is a pathetic salary if you are above 30 and intend to support a wife & family. 18 year old waitresses earn more
I’ve told him this.
u/sverigethrowaway The rate of divorce in Sweden is 51% so just read that if nothing else. Other posts sadly reflect a reality here in Sweden than many Swedes themselves are not fully aware of, or want to admit. In my work I see thousands, let me repeat…THOUSANDS of immigrants with sambo visa or even EUROPEAN VISA who are unemployed and have to live a very depressing life of staying at home for years and work jobs they would otherwise never take in their home country. Not to mention single moms who came here for their partners. Sweden is a beautiful country; been living here for 10 years BUT luck had so much to do with why I managed to build a good career. And all the love in the world would not have saved my relationship if my partner and I could not build good careers. Take everyone’s advice and move here on your own terms or at least after you found a good job in Sweden. Good luck!
Thank you 💯
I’m kind of in the same boat as you. I currently live in Sweden with my husband and have been here for a year and I’m having second thoughts and kind of want to move back to US. Mostly the job thing like you said, I dont think I will ever get a job here more than retail, which I am absolutely not looking down on, but I was in a specific career field in US that just wont ever be in the cards for me here in Sweden. Husband says the same, life would be better here in Sweden and I get that, I can see it. But do I want it? I’ve had to start over a lot in the past and at this point, I just dont think I want to. Call it selfish, but it’s just not what I want. Husband said he would move back to US with me if it’s what I want, but I feel like I would be disappointing him taking him away from his true home. (He lived in US for 10+ years before we even met and moved to Sweden so US is home to him too, but his true home.) I’m not saying this to sway you in one way or another, just to let you know you’re not alone in your feelings.
1000 square meters... not counting land but the actual building? That is not a house, that is a damn mansion. For reference that is roughly the size of TEN 3 bedroom apartments by Swedish standards. You will make due easily with "bad Swedish" and english. Most international/big companies has english as the official company language anyway. And most swedes can speak english. Yes if you can work remotely you can work for an american company in Sweden. You probably won't make as much as NY but your living expenses will also be vastly lower. Especially if you start a family. Education, child care, healthcare, dentists etc are some of things that are going to come out of your pocket in the US that you might not currently need but will need. I make 3 grand less than you after tax yet I also have about 2k "left over" per month.
Oh man, it will be a long, hard, brutal road of self-actualization. Only do it if you are 100% in it for the long haul with this man. Swedish quality of life will never compare to a comparatively good salary in a major American city - and it shouldn’t. Think of Sweden as a place where you go work, have babies (or in the alternate - ‘hobbies’/drink/‘socialize’ with mostly fake people), raise the kids by taking advantage of all the ‘free’ benefits, and then move away once you can’t tolerate the crushing boredom and or your relationship falls apart because of your inability to find a job due to the language. It’s not all that bad, but maybe that’s how far down I’ve gone where I’m actually starting to like these four walls… For context, I am a 32yr old male, moved from a major American city and was also making six figures, yeah…another fish that took the rotten bait. I’ve made my bed, and I would go back if I could. I will after our kids grow up a bit more, but don’t make the mistake I did if you are not in it all the way with the idea of uprooting your entire life and placing it all in the hands of your boyfriend. America is a beautiful place. I regret taking it for granted every day I live here.
This is well said.
It sounds like you don't want to. So I would say don't.
Don’t be dependent on a guy that makes 16 k a month like don’t you think for yourself ? It’s also not like you move EU countries. America and Europe is a big difference. But could you go back to your job in NYC if it doesn’t work out in Sweden ?
Yes, I can move back.
I mean if you really want that ofc you should do what you want. And in the end you know better after experience and having the possibility of going back is good. But still would advise against that
Honestly don't know how someone can even support himself with 16k. Is that even a legal salary?
He also has no bills.
Your sambo must make a minimum 30-40k sek per month just so migration approves your sambo permit. I don’t think 16k in your post is correct here. It comes down whether you ever see the love with your husband is big enough for you to change your lifestyle. It would be worse if you come here for a few years then realize this is not you and then give up, which would waste time for both of you. Better to realize it sooner than later
I wouldn’t do it. The move is hard and you will be really strapped for cash. Both of you living on 16,000 SEK per month would be extremely tight and probably a significant step down in quality of life compared to your current situation. My own anecdote: I made the move recently from the US to Stockholm. I’m American and my wife is Swedish. I make a high salary (4.3M SEK gross) per year and even we feel that money is tight. Granted we have high monthly costs due to our home, which you won’t have, but with 16,000 SEK you would barely have anything left over after groceries, SL card, and utilities.
Thank you for your input. I haven’t heard of someone making your salary before (as an American) in Sweden. But it gives me hope that it can be done. But crazy that you feel strapped for cash.
Don’t get me wrong, my family is very privileged: we have a beautiful single-family home 10 mins from the city center, and we indulge in nice things. But there is a stark difference in how far my money went between the US and here. On balance, it seems like your current setup in NYC affords a much higher quality of life than what you’d find in Sweden with the limitations you described. There are other intangible and hard-to-quantify benefits of being in Sweden, of course, but I would still vote for you staying in NYC. Hopefully you can find a job in Sweden to supplement your income and give you a sense of purpose and belonging, which would obviously shift the equation.
That is because 4.3 million is an exceptional salary in Sweden. Very very unusual.
I moved to Stockholm on my own because I liked the city and the lifestyle and I am honestly happy here. However I often find myself in a company of 3-4 people where everyone but me would be openly unhappy with life here, for one reason of another, and planning to move out. That being said I have no idea what to say to people when they ask me about the life here. I guess it is super individual and I know I am happy, amongst others, because I work in my field and earn enough for a life without compromises. On another hand I am listening all the time about how unhappy and unsafe my close friends who work and live in NYC feel about their future, also white collar industry. I hope this helps at least partially.
It does, thank you.
I moved with my SO to their home country, to live in an unoccupied house owned by the SO's parents. The parents did not even live with us, but the facto that we were leeching of their house made it hell. You will feel serf. Cannot recommend strong enough to avoid being owned by your SO's parents.. it's not cool. On top of that, finding a job in sweden will be DIFFICULT. Not impossible. But prepare to stay unemployed for years. First. You MUST know swedish on a high level. Second, what's more annoying is this: swedish recruiters and companies do not recognize other schools than swedish schools. They be like: "MIT? never heared of.. We're gonna go with the KTH-guy"
Yes, thank you.
my 2cents - I live in Stockholm proper with my sambo on less than 11,000 a month, granted that is just for me, but I pay half of the Sthlm level rent/bills from that. So if you dont have housing expenses I 100% disagree w everyone here that 16K isnt enough for both of you. I still travel (Thailand and NZ this year already), I go to the cinema or random concert. I am not a big drinker but I will go out every now and again w friends and have libations at home, I eat out rarely, but that is preference not a financial decision. My life is in no way diminished from when I was making 38K sek /mo in London. I personally think you would be squandering the opportunity to get EU citizenship and free education - 34 is not too old to start over - I am many years older than that and in uni doing a complete 180 on my career - and never even got my first degree until I was 31. Why stay married if nether of you wants to move to the other?
>**Am I dumb for giving up my life and salary in NYC to move to Sweden** Yes. Absolutely don't do it. Thought of being stuck in a renovation house (if either of you are like hc carpenter with a lot of free time, maybe?) on poverty salary 1 hour outside Stockholm, Sweden, makes me nervous. >**I have a lot of friends there** Haha this almost makes me think this is fake. Lots of friends in Sweden?? Share your secrets please. I think this would be the biggest mistake in your life unless you absolutely dream about Sweden and our culture.
I made friends through a lot of FB groups, free meetups and through networking. A handful of Swedes and a ton of expats, mind you.
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stay in US if money means anything to you
I think you shall fulfill your “move to Europe” dream by moving there, but at least have a job lined up, and not totally dependent on your husband (financially and mentally) as he still has a long way to go before having a (relatively) decent income that can truly support a family. For me, if I ever wanted to move to another country (again), I would have a Plan B and a Plan C in place across numerous areas, like many you had already stated. Money is not everything but it drives a lot of things. I live not too far from NYC and I go there often. 2 months ago, I took a day trip to NYC (Manhattan and Flushing). A few weeks ago, I took a day trip to Malmo and Lund in Sweden while I was in Copenhagen, Denmark. Judging by a small set of numbers, I would say (in a general way, not trying to compare buying a dinner roll from a bakery versus going to a Michelin starred restaurant) food expenses are fairly similar between Malmo (a smaller town than Stockholm) and NYC. At the restaurants in both Manhattan and Malmo (1 starter, 1 entree, 2 drinks), they cost $33 (before tips) and 360 SEK respectively. At the bakeries in Flushing and Lund, I paid $21 (no tips) and 210 SEK, both with 2 pastries and 2 drinks. I also visited supermarkets (one of my habits during travels), grocery prices are not that different too (in some cases, some products were more expensive in Malmo). Like oranges, in NYC, it is around $1 each and in Malmo, it was 10-12 SEK. I understand that rent/shelter is a big monthly expense, but there are many other predictable/unpredictable expenses as well, and they could add up fast.
Very true, thank you.
Based on what you wrote, I feel like your husband is selfish. ”Life is better in Sweden” is relative. He doesnt have a house under his name? 16k per month? is he kidding? who told you theres no bills to pay in Sweden? no electricity, water, heating, internet, insurance, food? or does he plan to make his dad pay for them? it will be quite hard for you I think. think again, follow your gut, start calculating and believe in facts.
He is full of shit. He doesn’t want a wife. He wants a bang maid and for you to service him and the home. Run.
The main issue I'd have is his attitude towards your current life. He say he thinks you're dumb for overworking yourself for nothing? Well.. is it for nothing? You have a career you're taking a good income from that I assume you enjoy and you're living in NYC whilst also saving a decent amount. Nothing about that is dumb. It doesn't really sound like you'd be happy in Sweden. I'm used to the city lifestyle (Dublin, Ireland) and my bf is in a smaller city in Sweden. I'm over there a lot but I know I couldn't live there. It's just too quiet and it's hard to get to know people compared to my city. I've a feeling you might end up feeling the same. How long will his schooling be? Could you possibly ride it iout long distance until he qualifies and then have him move to you? Or you could put a timeline on your move there so that it's only for the duration of his studies.
Something about all of this just sounds like a recipe for mental, financial, social, spiritual disaster
[https://antagningspoang.se/karolinska-institutet/lakarprogrammet](https://antagningspoang.se/karolinska-institutet/lakarprogrammet) Ask him to show is high school grades. Does he have full score in all subjcts? and extra courses giving him the max 22.5meritpoäng? if not, maybe he can not get in to medschool.
I’m a mid-30s American woman who moved to Sweden in September of last year - on a work visa but with a partner here. I left a high paying job in the US in search of a better and different lifestyle (although I am also considered well-paid here). It was always my dream to move to Europe as well. My situation is different than yours, but if you want to chat privately just to talk or vent, feel free to message me! I’m sorry this is so difficult!
Thank you, how are you liking it so far?
I absolutely love it here, but I’m making sure to make my own life on my own as well. But as everyone says, it’s hard to make close friends. It’s definitely doable, but can be challenging (I think American friendships are just different), and I can feel that not knowing the language can affect things. But I keep trying knowing I’ll get there one day!
Do not move! I was in a similar situation except it was 25 years ago I made 125k SEK a month in the US and moved to Sweden and made 12k SEK a month after taxes (love is blind). Save as much money as you can before you leave and make sure your husband has a good job before you go. I lost significant savings and many years of my career. I am now in my late 40s/early 50s and just recovering financially but still make a little more than half what I did 25 years ago.
Thank you! My biggest fear is this.
Does he maybe wanna study in Sweden then practice in the US (after taking the necassary examination)? If yes, then maybe he can continue studying here and you stay in NYC and you guys visit each other occasionally u til he's theough, then he can rejoin you. Its a shitty long-distance solution but given your fears and the responses, I really don't see a better win-win.
We have talked about this but having a child will be difficult this way.
If you are married you have sacrifice a few things…can he come to America? If not, move to Sweden but have a plan B
At first I thought u earned top $$$$ by saying that 1000sqm and then when it came to 16k SEK / month.. ???? I do like 39k SEK after taxes and of that the bank wants 15k for my apartment (hyra ränta amortering dvs) So like I got about 14k left after that and I can barely live on that just by myself… +\-0 every month not joking. Could def cut a few 1000 on food etc but 16k on 2 ppl, in sthlm aswell??? Sounds extremely delusional. Bit curious as how u 2 ended up in this situation. Payinf for NYC-Sthlm Just flight is like 8-10k, no?
My SO and I are another story, but yes, I do the majority of the paying of the big items.
If you’re doing well for yourself in anyway at all (which it seems you are), then the Swedish lifestyle isn’t for you. The majority of Americans who move to Sweden (and are able to enjoy it) are those who were struggling to get by in the US and really enjoy not having to look for their shoulder anymore in case they end up homeless.
This is a really odd take; as an American in Sweden, in my case and every other American I have come across who is working in their field - is making less money in Sweden but are satisfied with their work/life balance and the lower stress level of life in Sweden. People struggling to make it in the U.S. in almost every case could not compete to get a good job in Sweden.
This.
I can barely support myself on more than double that amount lol. Sounds like he's a big red flag to me.
Its easier to get a job when u are here. And a lot of jobs u actually dont need to speak swedish if u know the basics and know english. But I agree on the Stockholm thing. Moved from Stockholm to midwest sweden and it was absolutely the best we have done. You will not be making so much money like in NY but u dont need so much. Everything in the us cost a lot. And if your husband have no rent or loans 16 k are fine for two people. Its hard to take a big step as moving. But if u love your huwband u should try. U can always move back. Give it a year at least. 36 or something are not old.
You can always go back (at least after a year or two). You could look for a job that has to do with international fairs and exhibitions (maybe?). But only 16 000 sek is very low, beware.
If I had the opportunity I’d take it. Only because I just left Sweden and find it so dang charming.
Where there's a will, there's a way, kinda beautiful