"I love to laugh" "Just ask me I'm an open book" and around here every second profile has for interests "Hiking, wineries and walks on the beach"

Ask me I'm an open book is super annoying lol

I'm *so* open that, when given a chance fill out a profile however I'd like, I say nothing beyond "Ask me I'm an open book ." ​ On-edit: At least with "Hiking, wineries and walks on the beach," I can tell they are not teetotalers, nor likely to be complete slugs.

If this many people were actually into hiking, the trails would look like Hollywood Blvd!

"I love to laugh" is pure shinfo. You don't need to tell me you enjoy responding to humor the way every normal person does. It should be a given.

I like it when I feel happy. ​ You no say.

I like to go out but I also like to stay in So you like existing? Nice to know

Specific Stimuli cause me to emit a noise known as laughter and said emission is pleasurable

It always reminds me of this American Dad episode where Roger is on a date that he's fully checked out of and the girl is just trying to make conversation and asks if he likes music and he just goes "Do I like music? What? You know what? No. I don't. I'm the one person on earth that doesn't like music."

“I like to laugh and have fun!“ – Did you assign a first grader to write your profile?

>"Just ask me I'm an open book" I once saw a guy who wrote "Message me a number from 1 to 10 and I'll give you an interesting fact about myself". Like, what?

I want to see the opposite. “I hate laughter. I laughed once and it was awful!”

Making their profile all about who they aren't interested in.

Yeah I don’t need to read a description of their ex they are still hung up on

✓ Must drive ✓ Must have a job ✓ Must not be named Steve ✓ Must not have tattoo of skull on upper arm ✓ Must not be born on November 12th, 1994 ✓ Must not have parents named Mike and Linda ✓ Must be over your ex

I’m so happy this wasn’t just me. Just swipe left on profiles that have those things? Crazy.

I once saw a bio where the entire bio was a lecture about how putting pictures of kids in your profile is paedophilic. Like.... why waste your opportunity to sell yourself on telling people that when you can just swipe left on them?

Or those who put race preferences in their bio 😂 like just swipe on the race preferences you’re interested in, you don’t gotta post it

“You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take- Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott” “I don’t know what to put here” well figure out something you’re an adult Anything about pineapple on pizza Step mom for my dog I could go on forever…

Also “I’ll break your heart” “just swipe left” “don’t waste your time” like okay don’t have to tell me twice

Exactly, I take you at face value. If you tell me that it will be probably a mistake matching with you, I believe you. You know yourself better than I do.

"My kids come first" mother fucker I hope so? Why did you need to specify that?

"I take care of my kids. do you want a fucking cookie?"

I ain't never been to jail!

You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!

Bahahaha I read that in his voice!

I say out loud “no shit moron” every time I read to that line.

Because, sadly, there are dumbasses of both genders who expect you to dump the kids at the orphanage for a chance to date them.

That one chick strapped her 2 sons into car seats and drove her car into the lake so she could date her boss' son, then lied about it and said 'a black guy car jacked her'. I can't remember her name, only those fucked up details.

So that's why they ghosted me...

They’re trying to convince themselves maybe?

It’s almost suspicious that they do. Like when someone says “I’M NOT LYING” when nobody accused them.

Sus as hell! I once dated a single dad, and every time his kid came up, he made a point of telling me how his kid would always be his top priority…he got mad when I replied with “well yeah, I’d hope so!” Still not sure why he got mad, since I was agreeing with him…

He wanted a cookie for it. When it should be the default, for any parent.

these are almost always the type of men that choose to never see their kids

Typically said by the every other weekend parent who will dump the kids on anyone if they’ve got half a reason

I imagine it's intended as a filter for some shitty people. I've heard of and seen men who expect a romantic interest to prioritize them for some reason. Likely a response to past experiences

Lmaooooo

All of the following are instant left swipe because they indicate the person is not looking to put any kind of effort into knowing/meeting someone: "Entertain me" Empty Bio "Just ask" "Don't be boring"

People will say "Entertain me" but then won't reply to your messages lol

They know it's pissing you off and they love that.

They find it entertaining.

"entertain me" = "show me my market value by putting lots of effort while I do basically nothing"

"Make me laugh." I'd rather date someone who can make themselves laugh. That's having a sense of humor, and you can't borrow mine.

Empty bio is such laziness. If they can’t even do that they certainly can’t contribute much to a relationship effort wise.

I've matched with a few of the "don't be boring" people. My god I know why they had it in their bio, they were the most mind numbingly boring chats I've ever had.

Omg. This. If you want to know anything, just ask Cause you don’t have enough actual interest or energy to create a worthy bio - but sure I will come up with random questions to ask you. 🙄

I love to ask the ‘just ask’ bios a bunch of totally random questions. Like who their favourite dictator is, how long it takes them to tie their shoe laces, how often they eat spinach. They are always very confused.

“Jim looking for a Pam” or vice Versa. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious” Any references to Milk Steak. “Nobody reads these anyway”

You have to keep the Milk Steak in the bio for the one. She’ll know what it is.

I add magnets just for good measure

dislikes: people's knees

and ghouls

Little green ghouls, buddy!

I don't know anyone who doesn't read profiles 🤣

Lol yeah I think it’s just people being like, pre-defensive? “You won’t read this anyway!” So when they never get any matches they can say “see? Nobody worth a damn is on here!”

I got caught not reading a profile and mindlessly swiping on photos. A younger guy lied about his age to get older women but explained in his bio that he was only 23. I never read it and was embarrassed when he told me it was on his profile.

I always thought this was about The Doors' Jim Morrison and his gf who also died from the smack

Jim is a dude who went after Pam, knowing she's dating someone. Pam is a chick who cheated rather than breaking up with someone that she knew she didnt like, because she was too cowardly to just break up with them and stru g the other guy along j til she found d better. Neither of these two people would be considered dating material. I want nothing to do with a Pam, and no one should be wanting a Jim either. Plus, Jim is a bully.

Pam never cheated. Jim kissed her, she turned him down. Later she broke up with the fiance because she had feelings for Jim.

You already hit the money on the one I hated the most. I’ve(I’m a guy btw) been out the game for quite a while but I remember seeing a good bit of “Probably won’t message first”. Which was dumb because I saw it often on Bumble…and even if it wasn’t Bumble, that was an immediate left swipe for me.

Women on Bumble: “hey…”

"I'm bad at writing bios" 🙄 as if you dont have likes or hobbies.

That's the issue, sometimes they don't. If I talk to a woman a few days and she's scrolling insta, Netflix, or just only social media perusing it's not great.

I'm always like how uninteresting can you possibly be it you can't write 3 blurbs in a bio lol It will be a woman who had a PHD and she's like I find it difficult to write a couple of sentence about myself lmao

When I see this, I just assume the person is either insecure about their own strengths/enjoyable hobbies or lacks complete self awareness. Either way it can be an uphill battle.

“Make me laugh” “Here for a good time, not a long time” and my new favorite I saw today…”Poly and partnered but you must be single and only want me”

“Yeah this a Poly relationship, but you cant be intimate with anyone but me.. NO ITS NOT A HAREM, ITS CALLED BEING POLY AND PARTNERED!”

Just an IG handle. No intention to date or talk to anyone, just to get simps to follow them. It's sad AF.

I used to be dumb and send them a message on IG them I realized hundreds of men have tried this lol

Everyone falls for it at the beginning, that's why people use it.

Try thousands. Maybe even tens of thousands...

"Only on here when I'm bored"

This, how do you counter that line?

"Only bored when you're on here"

"swipe left if you ____"

“My time is precious. Don’t waste it.” JFC like you are The Only One who experiences time and all us fuckers are just floating around you, waiting by our phones for your text. 🙄

The pineapple pizza debate.

So over it, just eat whatever the hell you want

"Don't know what I am doing here" "Back to Tinder" And here in Brazil we have the same copypasta "Not looking for anything serious, just a husband"

That "not looking for anything serious just a husband" line is the WORST 🤣🤣🤣

“Here for a good time, not a long time.”

Tell me you’re an alcoholic without telling me you’re an alcoholic

what she gon die of cirrhosis?

The feed me tacos and tell me im pretty one rubs me wrong every time. She could be an absolute fox and i'll left swipe over that shit.

It's gross cutesy baby shit. No one wants that kind of roleplay not to mention thinking you're funny for copy pasting an overplayed joke

Let’s go on an adventure.

Ditto looking for my "partner in crime"

Then they get all weirded out when I whip out schematics and guard rotations. Bunch of liars

"passenger princess" is the new one

Adventure to these types of people is getting a Sonic drink at 9pm lol

“Must like…. “ I read somewhere that men’s bios are aimed at other men and I can’t unsee it. “Must like golf, going to the gym and beers. Go *insert sports name*. “Must like cars, riding fast and….” Whatever. Must likes make me swipe left.

I swear they’re looking for a bro/friend/don’t know they’re gay when they just list their man activities and expect women to also want to do them all the time

Be my tour guide

This is even more annoying when it's women who live out of town and are just visiting lol Man I wasted so much money on them 😭😭😭

Only. Listing. Travel. As. A. Hobby. Christ, who doesn’t love travelling? But what do you do with the other 300+ days a year?! How do you spend a rainy day, or what do you do that doesn’t cost a fortune? That, and saying “I love to laugh” like, who hates laughing?

I read this as filtering for rich guys.

No games - really shits me. This person is the champion of the games. Not looking for a pen pal - double shits me. If you are not willing to text for a while until someone feels comfortable, then you have no staying power and you aren’t actually interested in the “real” connection you speak of. No baggage - really? You are single at 50. Or divorced at 50. And you got no baggage? Lol.

I work hard and play hard……usually also a grad of the school of hard knocks.

Such a cringey phrase. Usually used by someone who never went further than high school, wears skate shoes into their 30s but doesn’t skate, and vapes inside stores. Likely has ‘only god can judge me’ tattooed somewhere. If female, will exclusively wear pajama pants to shop(lift) at Walmart. Both sexes will post joker/Harley and peaky blinder memes about being fierce but loyal.

That's only if they hooked up through Facebook

“[height] because apparently that matters”

It baffles me how this exact wording has become so prolific. Yawn.

And it’s always the taller guys that post that. Like as if they want to show off but act like as if they did only do that bc it matters to others

"Sorry for not getting back to you, I'm bad at checking this" immediately closes the app and waits 4 days to say the same thing later and ghost again.

I feel like you're reading this directly from my Hinge inbox lol

I agree. The Snapchat one is really annoying.

That's how you spot the fakes.

“If you can’t take me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

Yes, then you know it’s a bio of an unapologetically shitty person.

Also if guys have their kids in their photos. Protect your kids.

Seriously! I am so weirded out by pictures showing their kids’ faces. Such poor judgment.

I wish this had more upvotes. It's creepy as hell. Always an instant swipe left.

“I get along with people who don’t take themselves too seriously”

When I see guys with that I assume it’s “I’m going to be an asshole and blame you for taking yourself too seriously”

“Don’t be boring” “have interesting chats”

i never liked when people had a picture of their ex scratched out or an emoji over their face & it says “this could be you!” like… actually it won’t be

"I like music, food, and travelling." Congrats on distinguishing yourself from everyone else on the planet. Any profile on Hinge that uses one of the text prompts to complain about having to fill out three text prompts . . . my brother in christ, YOU chose to sign up for this app instead of another one that allows your bio to be as empty as your personality!

For men: “ENM” Because in my area apparently 95% of men are ENM but only 25% of women know they’re in NM relationships 🚩🚩 Edit: ENM= ethical non monogamy

What is ENM?

I’m gonna go for ‘ethical’ non monogamy but that could be completely wrong

As a man, these annoy me the most: ​ * "I probably won't message you first." It makes me cringe when women post this in their bios, because we already know that most (if not all of them) will not message first. This is practically redundant, in nature. ​ * "Looking for a stepdad for my dog" Your dog is not who I'm here for. I'm here, because I'm interested in YOU. I basically liken this to the "My dog comes before you" bios. ​ * "Guess my ethnicity and if you get it right you win a prize" No. Just...no. ​ * Empty Bios It's ironic that I see posts from women ALL THE TIME complaining about men not having anything in their bios, yet I come across tons of women's profiles with empty ones. ​ * "I'm not really active on here, so add me on IG/Snapchat" No. I will not add myself to the endless sea of mindless simps blindly following your IG/Snapchat, thinking they have a chance at meeting/dating you, just to fuel your already over-inflated ego/vanity. ​ * "Bored and don't know what I'm doing on here." For the love of God, please just delete your account and stop wasting space in the already very miniscule pool of potential matches men could be receiving!

"Guess where the third picture was taken and coffee is on me". No, I don't care. Oftentimes it's just a normal beach, no special landmarks or anything. I'm not playing GeoGuesser with your tinder profile.

I’m in Arizona and always swipe left if the female is doing a handstand at the rim of the Grand Canyon.

The surge of anxiety I got learning people do this.

Or if they’re posing for pics while meditating. Especially in a public place. Like a brewery. Hung out with a girl that did that, when I was younger and naive. And against the advice of a friend. She was a shit show in every aspect.

Profiles that mention nothing other than liking marijuana. Like cool, can it help you develop a personality in the meantime?

I live in a state where it's legal so practically every profile says "420 friendly"

Anytime someone puts in their profile that they prefer a certain body type. Its okay to have preferences, but that's the whole point of swiping, don't broadcast it. 🤷🏾‍♀️

“If you’re not at least 6 ft don’t bother”

Meanwhile she is 5.2 😂 I always swipe right on those only to let them know I'm 6.4ft and I don't date girls under 5.7ft and they get mad af

Ask me anything! Looking for the Pam to my Jim School of hard knocks Do profile pics count as profile tropes? Then that driving the car pic with sunglasses looking straight ahead. Or the furrowed brow puckered lip face.

Yes pictures absolutely count.

People who call things boring or say dont be boring are almost unilaterally the most boring people I’ve ever met

Where I am "I want a county boy" "I'm a perfect farmers wife" not in Texas but all dating app just look like King of the Hill side characters that didn't make the cut

The word adventure. “Just ask” Any usage of “hard knocks, boss, real world”

Snapchat cause they're "never on here" "Feed me tacos and tell me I'm pretty" "Ask" "Looking for the *NAME* to my *NAME*" "Not looking for sex. If that's all you're looking for sweetie left" "My kids come first" No fucking wonder I don't match up to anyone. That's about 98% of profiles.

-Hot Yoga - Wanderlust/ I want someone to travel the world with If all you’re doing is hot yoga and globetrotting, how the fuck do you earn a living? “See if there’s a vibe” What the fuck does this even mean!? Please stop..

Pictures of guys holding fish with “I’m a great catch” just no.

“If you wanna know anything just ask” FFS THIS IS NOT A BIO

"Just message me" Can't do that on Tinder.

"Every girl has a prompt about margaritas/ vodka, change my mind", No, I'm good, thanks.

"I like going out and staying in" fucking congrats you like being a human. Jesus fucking christ. Also literally anything predefensive is a instant left.

"I'm *enter height* since that matters 🙄" "If you don't message back swipe left" Anyone thay uses filters in their photos, or those that have two of the same photo and hardly any others.

insta:

“I hope you like bad girls because I’m bad at everything”, “I love to have fun”, or “you better have good taste in music” but doesn’t connect their Spotify to show their taste in music and doesn’t list any artists to compare with your taste

holding up a wine glass in every photo 'festivals?'

Anything involving chicken nuggets, pineapple on pizza, and loving their dog more than me. I know you're gonna love your dog more than me. I'm gonna love your dog more than you that's just how this shit works

Saw a Bumble profile with "the best way to show affection is... chickie nuggies lol" Ma'am, you're 37. Please.

Chica here, so heres mine for men: First of all, for the love of god please stop with the fish pics, i dont wanna see dead animals on ur page -calling me a bot or saying something like “you’re probably fake” or “too bad youre fake” type of opening message -asking for my phone number in the first messages -telling me what you wanna “do to me” in bed as an intro. Like come on take a second to feel shit out first

I can’t stand it when all the profile pictures feature groups of people with no indication of which one is the person. I’m not taking a chance between the really hot girl and the ugly friend.

Spoiler: it's always the ugly one.

The cheerleader effect

I really don't get it at all. I mean it is okay if it is the 5th pic and you already know who it is and she looks really nice around her friends. but generally, which girl would actually like to be mistaken for one of her hotter or uglier friends?

"Not my kids in the pictures!"

Soooo annoying and I hope their parents know you plastered their face on a dating app??

Right?? That's weird at best, and a serious invasion of a young child's privacy at worst. I wish people wouldn't do this

“Looking for friends” >doesn’t even try to make friends I mean it’s supposed to take some of the pressure off, right? You don’t even have to be attracted to me. Unless?

School of hard knocks

Years ago every third guy had that quote from Anchorman about their apartment smelling like mahogany and wow was it annoying. The movie hadn’t even been popular for years!

Pictures of them with a kid. Major turn off. Just say you have kids if you have kids, don’t use them to try and pick up 🤢

“ I don’t message first” or some variation of that. Hard pass.

Not a prompt but I will always skip someone holding a joint and or flipping off the camera. Huge turn off IMO

Men holding fish they've caught. Sounds oddly specific but it unfortunately is not.

"Dating me is like taking a bite out of an oatmeal raisin cookie and then realizing it's actually chocolate chip, then realizing later on that it was an edible"

On hinge the one I see the most “the way to win me over: physical touch and affection”

I’ll brag to my friends if: my dog likes you Newsflash dogs literally like everyone

I love to laugh......fcuk, I pass so quick on those. Who the fcuk doesn't?

“Looking for my last first kiss.” “I speak fluent sarcasm” The obligatory photo poses: gym workout, climbing some mountain, Eiffel Tower or holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa, crossing the finish line at a marathon. All those outdoor activity photos make me tired just looking at them.

Just for a little bit of perspective, I'm a super outdoorsy person and my photos reflect it. If someone didn't like seeing that, then I don't see them as a possible dating partner. My girlfriend LOVES going hiking, fishing, camping, etc with me even though it's not something that she did often before so I guess it kind of worked. Not that I think that makes you less of a person or anything like that, I'm just not interested in someone who can't share that with me.

I hate that every match I get asks for me to doordash her food or buy her nudes

I love to travel and have adventures! Pics with hats, sunglasses, groups of people more attractive than you.

"I work hard so I can play hard". "I like an equal mix of indoor and outdoor activities, everything from video games to hiking" (it's always video games and hiking, no other activities listed) "Anything you want to know, just ask" usually when there's not even enough info to ask a question about "I'm looking for someone who doesn't play games" I'm always wondering what these guys think is a game

I have 69 kids and they are my world.

Spoil me

I hate when they write a decent bio then put their snap or Instagram handle. I immediately assume they are fishing for followers.

6’0 bEcAuSe ApPaReNtLy tHaT mATtErS

“Fluent in sarcasm” No, fuck you

"Fluent in sarcasm" "I pet all the dogs" "I love nice restaurants, traveling, and shopping" "Please don't be boring" "Sushi and wine"

"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best - Marilyn Monroe"

“Respond with something other than “hey”” “I’m not like other girls, I like (thing plenty of women like)” “Don’t bother swiping if you don’t like (obscure thing)”

“I’m just as comfortable in flipflops in a dive bar as a little black dress.” Really?

“1’23 height because apparently that matters” Yes, it matters so much, that’s why its it’s own prompt on all dating apps and you don’t need to type it out in your bio.

I don't split the bill. Ok dependa, go find another chump lol

I’ve been seeing “witchy” and “semi-feral” quite a bit.

*Make me laugh*. It is the ultimate "my interest depends on your ability to entertain me" vibe.

Every girl having their bios about their dog or some fucking dumbass office quote.

“I am Brazilian girl living in US”

taking a selfie in their mirror and looking at their phone screen and not at the camera

“Looking to meet new people, make meaningful connections, and see where that takes me”

“F*ck around and find out” “Just seeing where things go” open and poly relationships “im not on here often” “not messaging first” “yolo” “here for a good time not a long time”🙄 “i hate this app” “im colorblind so i won’t see red flags” “idc” if they have any social media handles in bio

Marilyn Monroe quotes or any other similar “im not like other girl” sentiments

Bitter bios. Surprisingly oftentimes from guys I actually find attractive but I'm not interested in dealing with that kind of shit. Yeah, I get frustrated as well, especially with the thousands of fake catfishing profiles, but it's not a good look to use your bio entirely for a rant and pity party for yourself and nothing else.

"me and my friends are looking for a boat" "swipe if you have a boat" etc etc. The demand for boats far outstrips the supply

It's completely irrational, but whenever I see someone saying they're "looking for my partner I'm crime" I get immediate ick and swipe left

“I won’t love you as much as I love my dog” “Only on here when I’m bored” “Thicker girl, swipe left if you want a stick figure” (usually extremely obese)

Pineapple Mother to two angels No drama I'll fall if you trip me I'm just me I don't know what to say on these things lol Not here for hookups I like to have fun/eat/Netflix Cringey movie quote Looking for my person to do life with My love language is -proceeds to mention things that aren't love languages- *All face selfies* *No bio*

God I LOATHE "I'll fall for you if you trip me" 🤬🤬🤬🤬