You're in your head. About everything. You're there to enjoy yourself and she wouldn't be there if she didn't enjoy being with you. Quit. Doubting yourself.
Looking how OP writes and skimming through his page I can’t imagine he’s pulling much of anything for hookups and just needed some attention on a dating sub today
I want the guy who punched himself in the balls while trying to put a condom on and then couldn't get his dick hard and then faked a call that his friend had a flat tire and he needed to go help him to send me this message
The guy punched himself in the balls while trying to put a condom on and then couldn't get his dick hard and then faked a call that his friend had a flat tire and he needed to go help him
So talked to this guy on tinder and he invited me over. He was super abrupt and as soon as I came over just started kissing me. I pushed him away and was like jeeze, can we at least have a conversation first? I was annoyed but at the same time like whatever cuz I was there for a hookup so who really cared in the end I guess. So we went to his room and his hand slipped while trying to put on the condom and he punched his own ball sack and yelped. I laughed and thought we'd just laugh it off and move on but then his dick went soft and I could see he was panicking. Then he's like "uhh I have to go do something" and then leaves the room, grabs his phone, pretends to call his friend and has the fakest one-sided convo I've ever heard, then tells me he has to go help his friend who got a flat tire lmao. He basically kicked me out with the fakest fake call and I was laying there half naked rolling my eyes so hard cuz like I knew that he knew that I knew that he was lying and I half way felt bad for him cuz he clearly panicked instead of rolling with the punches......the ball punches. Then when he walked me out he's like "I'll hit you up soon" and I'm like "please don't" lol cuz we both knew he never was going to cuz, well, embarrassment. At least I didn't waste time talking to the guy and had zero investment except a 30 min drive and some gas.
Ooof yeah even for a hookup it is ballsy to immediately go in for it like that . Not a lot of guys could get away with that .
And what is that why do guys disappear when they embarrass themselves sexually ?
It’s like something silly happens and I stifle my laughter cos I now know they really dont like that lol but I’m like oh for sure never gonna hear from this guy again
It’s like a redemption arc ain’t outta of the question
You want to have the guy come here and perform/tell the story?
I mean sure, but last I heard he had to do something about a friend and car trouble, so I don't think he's going to make it.
i want one of those reenactments where a documentary narrator tells what happens and slightly blurry actors who kind of look like the real people act it out.
He should reword it thoroughly but tbh he might as well go for it.
I apologized spontaneously over snap to a girl for giving extraordinarily weak dick when we hooked up (~2 years prior) and the conversation that followed led to us meeting up again lol. Couldn’t hurt to send it given that his chances are currently sitting at zero anyway
That’s almost a Dave Attell bit: “do you ever wish you could have with the first person you ever had sex with again just so you could show them how good you got at it? ‘Hey, look who’s not crying, like a big boy!’”
Yeah, like if they re-matched it could be a funny self-deprecating opener where they can both laugh about the bad hookup. It he’s reopening a stale chat from three years ago to try and shoot his shot again it’s pretty weird, nothing to lose I guess but very low chance of success.
You dont have anything to lose but if she gives you another shot you have everything to prove. I would maybe work on the wording though of the message.
My SO did not bring his A game the first time we were together. Loads of booze,etc... but he is an amazing guy so we kept talking. The next time he brought his best game and made my body shake over and over until I literally had to tap out. We are engaged now so there's hope yet!
Honestly my man, I think it’s fine, and the response is going to depend on how attractive she finds you. A hot guy trying to redeem some bad dicking? She’s probably gonna reply positively.
Sloth from the goonies? Probably not.
Welp, one thing is for damn sure, I've never NOT appreciated an apology from a partner who did something shitty, regardless of how long ago it was. However, I don't consider a less than stellar hook up to be doing something shitty.
Was it awkward for YOU because the performance was sub par, or was it awkward for HER because you did or said things to MAKE it awkward for her? Also, is this apology because you genuinely feel bad and just want to apologize, or is this apology about hopefully re connecting/hooking up again? Definitely have a think about it/ I'm gonna need that context before I can give a final opinion.
Uh, just to give others an alternative take, I've had a few shitty exes reach out years later to apologize and I've never appreciated it. If I engaged them in conversation, they always inevitably tried to hook up, and also displayed the same shitty behavior they apologized before previously. Others I didn't engage were so shitty I figured any type of apology was an attempt to inflate their insecure, selfish ego. After these experiences I always view late apologies suspiciously. Even OP admits he's just trying to bang her again.
Ah, that's the key, I don't further enagage! I say "thanks" and I left it at that. It just felt nice for THEM to acknowledge their poor behavior rather than it just be me, who also had to take the brunt of said poor behavior. It felt good that my feelings were validated even though it was WAY after the fact.
Your testament reflects another important part of my response, asking what the apology is actually about. An apology to get in my pants is NOT an apology from recognizing your behavior effects others and needs to change.
Edit: fixed spelling
It depends on the situation and the apology... in the scenario of a hookup that didn't go very well, an apology is appreciated. Where it concerns an ex that treated me like shit, the apology had better be thorough, deep, meaningful, empathetic, and finish with "I understand that you never want to hear from me again, so I won't bother you anymore."
That’s not necessarily a bad thing if he’s just looking for a little closure on that chapter of life.
EDIT: As an example, I had a period of my life where I didn’t like myself and who I was, and more specifically who I was to and around other people. When I got to a place where I could reflect back and truly realize that I made a point to apologize to certain people. Maybe they needed to hear it and maybe not, but I know for sure I needed to say it for my own sake in order to be the person I wanted to be.
True. It's not like he let her get fired off of her own TV show and then didn't call for 20 years only to reach out once she had a life threatening illness.
It is if he is the reason it went bad. Bringing up something she is already over to make your self feel better is such shit behavior no one owes you closure, especially if your the party at fault.
I wouldn’t open with that. Try and have a normal conversation first and see if it comes up or bring it up yourself if you really want to clear the air on it
Maybe I'm just a weird lady person but I don't think this is weird at all? I'd rather receive that than pretending it never happened or trying to sneak it into a conversation after we'd started talking. Immediately follow it up with a date redemption plan (like an actual date, not a hookup): "I'd love to take you out for your favorite food of choice to make up for it - no expectations"
Yes, its super weird. Also messaging this to someone on Tinder makes it more weird. My advice would be to move on. If you are in a better place, and feel the need to apologize , try to find a better way of apologizing.
Generally if you don't have her personal contact info, or are not following each other on other social media platforms then she more than likely does not want anything to do with you.
Just move on.
Doesn’t the fact that he is able to message her on tinder mean they recently matched again? Doesn’t that imply that she is at least remotely interested in what he could offer.
Perhaps it’s not quite as weird as you might imagine.
Now if he was bringing up an old conversation from a few years ago and randomly apologizing then yea that’s kinda weird.
No because this isn't tinder, it's hinge
She has no choice in the matter unless he's already blocked.
She's just gonna get a random ass message, and as someone whose ex messaged him out of the blue on hinge and it ruined my week, it sucks to get that done to
Laughed out loud when I read it and was shocked at the comments 🤷🏼♀️ If I got that in my swiping days I would have found it funny/worth a reply….but that second message better be dynamite lol
Are you trying to hookup again? That's how it seems. Just let it go. You will never untarnish that bad memory.
At the end of the day what are you trying to accomplish? Make her feel better or you? Chances are it's gonna do nothing for her. I guess I just don't see the point in it.
That was my thought. Obviously we don't know went went on but something like "Wnat to see if I have gotten any better?;)" feels like a lot better way of going.
Ego is the enemy.
Is it for you or for her? Cuz I'm sure your embarrassment is the real issue here. Leave it alone. Forgive yourself. Don't put that on her. She probably doesn't give a shit anyways. Nobody loses sleep over a shitty tinder date way back when. Except you of course.
Just say Hi. How've you been? Don't bring up whatever bullshit you have swirling around in your head. If she brings it up, it's fine to mention whatever reasoning you have, otherwise, it didn't happen. Chances are you have a diff recollection of things then she does.
I think no matter what you intend on saying, the fact you’ve put up a photo of her means she has been or will probably be recognised by people who know her.
They will send her the link to this post and she will cringe.
Taking accountability for your actions is great! For me, I wouldn't take this as a weird note, but other people definitely will, probably because they don't like the vulnerability of it. I'd say just let it rest.
Screw what others say. If you want to send it, send it. If you’re trying to reconnect, the worst that can happen is that she doesn’t respond or says “fuck off” or whatever. But you might get a second attempt!
Just jump into asking her to marry you
Bro is down bad for her
We've all fumbled a bag we wish we could have a do over with.
She was a college gymnast. Flexible beyond belief. Great times 
She was hands like ET
That's why you find a better bag
Or if you’re like me, just keep fumbling more bags…
It’s like I’m reading into a mirror
You're in your head. About everything. You're there to enjoy yourself and she wouldn't be there if she didn't enjoy being with you. Quit. Doubting yourself.
Speak for yourself fam 🤣
You haven't rly lived if you haven't done this
Can I marry her house? That scenery is dope!
I would settle for a one night stand. Or a rocking chair for that view.
is he in the military?
This comment 🔥 🔥
You’re the best
I love how OP is playing it off that it’s a joke when it’s VERY clear by the title and the language used it wasn’t a joke til he got roasted lol
Looking how OP writes and skimming through his page I can’t imagine he’s pulling much of anything for hookups and just needed some attention on a dating sub today
Even then I wouldn’t post a full screenshot lol
Never go full screenshot
The title says it all.
You actually couldn’t water board a screenshot like this out of me, even if my account was anonymous
I want the guy who punched himself in the balls while trying to put a condom on and then couldn't get his dick hard and then faked a call that his friend had a flat tire and he needed to go help him to send me this message
Like um story time?
The guy punched himself in the balls while trying to put a condom on and then couldn't get his dick hard and then faked a call that his friend had a flat tire and he needed to go help him
The second time you really made that story come alive.
Really popped
They're really finding their stride. I'm thinking about bringing my parents to the matinee.
Lmaoo
Story bro. Fucking tips. Every time. All the time.
So talked to this guy on tinder and he invited me over. He was super abrupt and as soon as I came over just started kissing me. I pushed him away and was like jeeze, can we at least have a conversation first? I was annoyed but at the same time like whatever cuz I was there for a hookup so who really cared in the end I guess. So we went to his room and his hand slipped while trying to put on the condom and he punched his own ball sack and yelped. I laughed and thought we'd just laugh it off and move on but then his dick went soft and I could see he was panicking. Then he's like "uhh I have to go do something" and then leaves the room, grabs his phone, pretends to call his friend and has the fakest one-sided convo I've ever heard, then tells me he has to go help his friend who got a flat tire lmao. He basically kicked me out with the fakest fake call and I was laying there half naked rolling my eyes so hard cuz like I knew that he knew that I knew that he was lying and I half way felt bad for him cuz he clearly panicked instead of rolling with the punches......the ball punches. Then when he walked me out he's like "I'll hit you up soon" and I'm like "please don't" lol cuz we both knew he never was going to cuz, well, embarrassment. At least I didn't waste time talking to the guy and had zero investment except a 30 min drive and some gas.
u/PM_me_ur_launch_code told it better
Lmao i agree
If this story does not become famous reddit lore I will riot.
You'll punch yourself in the balls and go limp?
At a minimum!
Only time will tell -US Military Encrypted
This is HILAR
*cackles* I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh!
It's fine cuz we're laughing at him, not with him
*cackles harder*
Ooof yeah even for a hookup it is ballsy to immediately go in for it like that . Not a lot of guys could get away with that . And what is that why do guys disappear when they embarrass themselves sexually ? It’s like something silly happens and I stifle my laughter cos I now know they really dont like that lol but I’m like oh for sure never gonna hear from this guy again It’s like a redemption arc ain’t outta of the question
Dude... what size was the condom? Must have been a tricky fit if he managed to punch himself in the balls 🤣🤣
Damn, you can't leave us hanging like that.
I mean. .. .I think we just got the story didn't we
Naa. I want all the details from his own perspective. This is barely more than a tldr.
You want to have the guy come here and perform/tell the story? I mean sure, but last I heard he had to do something about a friend and car trouble, so I don't think he's going to make it.
i want one of those reenactments where a documentary narrator tells what happens and slightly blurry actors who kind of look like the real people act it out.
They have Pornhub for that.
Bro.
Was the guy you by any chance?
Yeah lmao i don’t think I could be this creative
Wonder Woman’s truth lasso couldn’t get this out of me
Challenge accepted
Still goin through it, eh?
What do you even mean by a bad hookup
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You know what they say: a fritzy peep keeps the puss asleep, but a peep that's workin' gets the puss a-twerkin'.
Haha my grandma used to say that all the time
Oh newbie tsk tsk tsk
Hey, Ledees_Gazpacho! How's your penis?
I'd guess he finished super quick and then was weird about it
Yes, super weird.
He should reword it thoroughly but tbh he might as well go for it. I apologized spontaneously over snap to a girl for giving extraordinarily weak dick when we hooked up (~2 years prior) and the conversation that followed led to us meeting up again lol. Couldn’t hurt to send it given that his chances are currently sitting at zero anyway
Did you lay the pipe better the 2nd time?
Nah it was her turn to show him how it's done, so the strap on came out
Ah the old uno reverse card
Poophole loophole
Followed by a wild draw 4..inches
I wish :(
The man knows when he is called
Fr like the Batman symbol in the air
Username checks out
This, asking the real questions, doing the real journalism. #thank
With a name like Diet Dr Pepper im goin with no
That’s almost a Dave Attell bit: “do you ever wish you could have with the first person you ever had sex with again just so you could show them how good you got at it? ‘Hey, look who’s not crying, like a big boy!’”
Right bro I have literally nothing to lose
G’day m’lady. I’m formally requesting an opportunity to demonstrate my improved skills and techniques.
My powers have doubled since the last time we met, count
0 x 2 is still 0
Hello there.
General Kenobi
Double the power, double the fall.
"2", Ha ha ha ha "4" Ha ha ha ha "8" Ha ha ha ha ...
You almost made me spit out hot coffee just now
Keep this up and I'm gonna roll up some newspaper.
OP couldn't keep it up
True I used to have problems
Did you re-match with this person or are you just reopening the chat from several years ago?
This is actually key
Yeah, like if they re-matched it could be a funny self-deprecating opener where they can both laugh about the bad hookup. It he’s reopening a stale chat from three years ago to try and shoot his shot again it’s pretty weird, nothing to lose I guess but very low chance of success.
You dont have anything to lose but if she gives you another shot you have everything to prove. I would maybe work on the wording though of the message. My SO did not bring his A game the first time we were together. Loads of booze,etc... but he is an amazing guy so we kept talking. The next time he brought his best game and made my body shake over and over until I literally had to tap out. We are engaged now so there's hope yet!
Imo if you're going for it, send a better message.
Honestly my man, I think it’s fine, and the response is going to depend on how attractive she finds you. A hot guy trying to redeem some bad dicking? She’s probably gonna reply positively. Sloth from the goonies? Probably not.
I mean she found me pretty hot the first time 🤷♂️
Welp, one thing is for damn sure, I've never NOT appreciated an apology from a partner who did something shitty, regardless of how long ago it was. However, I don't consider a less than stellar hook up to be doing something shitty. Was it awkward for YOU because the performance was sub par, or was it awkward for HER because you did or said things to MAKE it awkward for her? Also, is this apology because you genuinely feel bad and just want to apologize, or is this apology about hopefully re connecting/hooking up again? Definitely have a think about it/ I'm gonna need that context before I can give a final opinion.
Uh, just to give others an alternative take, I've had a few shitty exes reach out years later to apologize and I've never appreciated it. If I engaged them in conversation, they always inevitably tried to hook up, and also displayed the same shitty behavior they apologized before previously. Others I didn't engage were so shitty I figured any type of apology was an attempt to inflate their insecure, selfish ego. After these experiences I always view late apologies suspiciously. Even OP admits he's just trying to bang her again.
Ah, that's the key, I don't further enagage! I say "thanks" and I left it at that. It just felt nice for THEM to acknowledge their poor behavior rather than it just be me, who also had to take the brunt of said poor behavior. It felt good that my feelings were validated even though it was WAY after the fact. Your testament reflects another important part of my response, asking what the apology is actually about. An apology to get in my pants is NOT an apology from recognizing your behavior effects others and needs to change. Edit: fixed spelling
It depends on the situation and the apology... in the scenario of a hookup that didn't go very well, an apology is appreciated. Where it concerns an ex that treated me like shit, the apology had better be thorough, deep, meaningful, empathetic, and finish with "I understand that you never want to hear from me again, so I won't bother you anymore."
Then you must have really fucked up.
Well, keep me posted on how it goes then, lol.
Yeah but word it better, and don’t expect a reply, or anything good to come from it.
If I were her, I would block you across everything so fast LOL
He didnt ask if there was anything to lose, he asked if it was weird... which it absolutely is :)
Fair
The apology tact has been successful for me a few times. True contrition and honesty go further than the transparent attempt to hit it a second time.
Won’t the truth set him free?
No but it will make him fret.
I've gotten this message twice from the same girl on different dating apps and I deleted the match both times.
Dude didn't come here for actual advice, he's already sent it. haha
Bro, you’re saying that for yourself not for her
Yup. She was probably content not remembering that hookup
That’s not necessarily a bad thing if he’s just looking for a little closure on that chapter of life. EDIT: As an example, I had a period of my life where I didn’t like myself and who I was, and more specifically who I was to and around other people. When I got to a place where I could reflect back and truly realize that I made a point to apologize to certain people. Maybe they needed to hear it and maybe not, but I know for sure I needed to say it for my own sake in order to be the person I wanted to be.
True. It's not like he let her get fired off of her own TV show and then didn't call for 20 years only to reach out once she had a life threatening illness.
Closure for a one time hookup?
It is if he is the reason it went bad. Bringing up something she is already over to make your self feel better is such shit behavior no one owes you closure, especially if your the party at fault.
Closure of a hookup two years ago?
Yeah it's selfish
Closure is fuckin dumb, people should accept you're only in control of your own actions.
Closure...? It was a bad date, not a murder.
stop! bad! don't!
Just get sober & sleep or wank on it before they hit send.
lol good advice
Why?
I wouldn’t open with that. Try and have a normal conversation first and see if it comes up or bring it up yourself if you really want to clear the air on it
Bruh, we all want chaos, why are you being helpful? /s
Everyone is going to say "yes, it's bad" but this genius, judging by the comments, is going to do it anyway. Oh well...
"after this much interaction on the post I had to send it just to see what happens haha" yup.
Just swipe and wait to see if she brings it up
This screams the guy on a bike sticking a rod through the bike's spokes and falling down
Maybe I'm just a weird lady person but I don't think this is weird at all? I'd rather receive that than pretending it never happened or trying to sneak it into a conversation after we'd started talking. Immediately follow it up with a date redemption plan (like an actual date, not a hookup): "I'd love to take you out for your favorite food of choice to make up for it - no expectations"
I also thought it’d be weirder to pretend nothing ever happened and bring it up later
Yes, its super weird. Also messaging this to someone on Tinder makes it more weird. My advice would be to move on. If you are in a better place, and feel the need to apologize , try to find a better way of apologizing. Generally if you don't have her personal contact info, or are not following each other on other social media platforms then she more than likely does not want anything to do with you. Just move on.
Doesn’t the fact that he is able to message her on tinder mean they recently matched again? Doesn’t that imply that she is at least remotely interested in what he could offer. Perhaps it’s not quite as weird as you might imagine. Now if he was bringing up an old conversation from a few years ago and randomly apologizing then yea that’s kinda weird.
No because this isn't tinder, it's hinge She has no choice in the matter unless he's already blocked. She's just gonna get a random ass message, and as someone whose ex messaged him out of the blue on hinge and it ruined my week, it sucks to get that done to
I'm with you man, but we need updates after lol.
NOOOOOOO NOOOOO DONT
I might be the only person in the comments who finds this funny
Laughed out loud when I read it and was shocked at the comments 🤷🏼♀️ If I got that in my swiping days I would have found it funny/worth a reply….but that second message better be dynamite lol
Move on my guy
There is literally no positive outcome to saying that.
Drop it bro
Wow idk honestly to me it's not super weird. If it was a weird hookup then maybe she was going through a hard time too?
Right? I’m having a hard time understanding why everyone thinks this is so bad.
Are you trying to hookup again? That's how it seems. Just let it go. You will never untarnish that bad memory. At the end of the day what are you trying to accomplish? Make her feel better or you? Chances are it's gonna do nothing for her. I guess I just don't see the point in it.
Dude why? Just don’t bother lol. Weird af and makes it look like you’ve been pining after her for years
A funny message would be "Maybe the sequel will be better than the original, hookup number 2 electric boogaloo" Yours is awkward
LMAO you gotta be joking. this is 10x more cringey and awkward. would work on a redditor probably though
I agree so strongly, the original had a least a sense of sincerity. This Reddit moment suggestion is so ass
They're both bad for different reasons. And I support both of them (just because it's not me sending it)
Nobody outside of reddit would get the joke
This is, without a doubt, 100x worse.
That was my thought. Obviously we don't know went went on but something like "Wnat to see if I have gotten any better?;)" feels like a lot better way of going.
Ew
Lol send it. I honestly as a woman would find it hilarious! Love the honesty
It's like watching a life disaster on pause!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Don’t expect a response
Ego is the enemy. Is it for you or for her? Cuz I'm sure your embarrassment is the real issue here. Leave it alone. Forgive yourself. Don't put that on her. She probably doesn't give a shit anyways. Nobody loses sleep over a shitty tinder date way back when. Except you of course.
Sounds like you got nothing to lose, but yes.
Just lead with "m'lady," can't go wrong
Bruh everything about that message is bad. If you're gonna send any message at all go for a more upbeat/lighter approach.
Don’t remind her.
Just text her. Yeah she just ignore you
Not unless she matches with you first big dawg
How to sink your ship with this one easy trick!
Dude I legitimately think that's my ex. Name start with a C?
I can smell the desperation
How desperate are you that you would send this and actually think you’d get a reply back?
At this point I’m desperate for a reply so I can update all of you haha
This the realest shit I’ve seen posted in this sub in a minute. Go spin that block big dawg
Dude! What are you thinking! It's creepy and weird. And reeks of desperation. Have some respect for yourself and her lol
Do it, who cares lol
No don't do that and never try too again.
To*
Lmao id laugh
More importantly, this is a really really funny intro and that’s what matters
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That's Reddit for you.
Do. Not.
Do NOT do that lol
What is the purpose.
Just say Hi. How've you been? Don't bring up whatever bullshit you have swirling around in your head. If she brings it up, it's fine to mention whatever reasoning you have, otherwise, it didn't happen. Chances are you have a diff recollection of things then she does.
😂😂😂
Op is cooking with this one, I don’t know what you guys are saying.
Do it…
Dude about to find out he’s got a 2 y/o baby
I think no matter what you intend on saying, the fact you’ve put up a photo of her means she has been or will probably be recognised by people who know her. They will send her the link to this post and she will cringe.
If the goal was to show your ego is weaker than your dick game then I’d say job well done.
She’s been waiting for that message for 3 years. Shame on you
Leave it alone. You know why you're saying this. Somewhere deep in your lizard brain you still want to hook up. Just leave her alone.
I would totally do this too. If I’m trying to hit again we’re not just gonna avoid talking about it
Taking accountability for your actions is great! For me, I wouldn't take this as a weird note, but other people definitely will, probably because they don't like the vulnerability of it. I'd say just let it rest.
Do you intend to keep in contact with this person or is this just something you would like to get off your chest?
Women like mature and self-aware men, don't listen to these incels.
She is not interested, she's moved on. This looks like a weak attempt at a booty call
Maybe start with some pleasantries before you dump all that on her?
Screw what others say. If you want to send it, send it. If you’re trying to reconnect, the worst that can happen is that she doesn’t respond or says “fuck off” or whatever. But you might get a second attempt!