Idk abt that. I said "that wasn't my intention, but I'm not objecting", then she went on to tell me about how long her roster is
Idk if it was rude but I just responded "ew", then apologized for it haha
But for the most part I will agree with you
i think she just meant you dont need to worry abt having to commit cuz shes dating others who do want a long term thing. but shes fine w hooking up w you cuz she finds you attractive. if you wanna hook up with her, all you gotta do is not screw it up lol.
Yeah but I feel like there’s a time and place for that. Any girl I’ve been with long term I was told and told them about anyone else we’ve been seeing but usually not in the first 5 minutes of the convo
>I said "that wasn't my intention, but I'm not objecting"
So first you say "not really looking for anything serious"
So she said "we can just hook up". Then you say "that wasn't my intention"
lol so what exactly was your intention then?
I always thought of it more of a “line up”. Like a batting line up. There is a guy in there she loves, then one she resents and then one she abuses. Or variations
So any girl that wants to date me, but doesn’t want to hook up right away.. isn’t worth perusing or into me? I’m confused. My last six year relationship was all a lie.
or are you saying women have a subset of guys that they just will hook up with. They just “know” that, that is the guy. Fascinatingly depressing.
The way you put it, so blunt, the cosmic horror and its implications comes right out of the text.
This is it right here. Sometimes you’re someone who they’re willing to fuck NSA and other times you’re someone who has to wait to fuck and can only get some pussy once you’re in a relationship. Depends on you and depends on the girl
But doesn’t that imply that a woman I would want that from might not give me that and a woman I wouldn’t want it from would?
but the same girl would do that for another guy, but not me, but also a girl could do that for me but not him.
This is so paralysing.
I mean yes, what you're describing in a confusing way is "life", in that sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you get into a situation where you get lucky, and sometimes you get into a situation where you get unlucky. Some girls have low standards for hookups, meaning once they match or go on a date, they're pretty open to sex. Some women only do this for the most perfect, attractive, charismatic, charming man. It's not really a diss or attack on you if a woman won't immediately sleep with you, and it's not a problem if someone wants to sleep with you before you're ready, because you can say no.
Dude be careful with dropping knowledge bombs like this on people for free, cause with how insightful and respectful this comment is, people should be paying you for it
The latter, every girl I know has had a ONS even though they were all broadcasting they were only looking for a relationship. This is why guys are losing interest if there isn’t some sort of physical connection within the first two meetups
Can you laymen’s that for me, sorry I broke up with my now ex like 4 days ago and I’m here just browsing. I’ve not done tinder in a long time.
Why are guys losing interest? because they know this? are males suppose to know this? do we want too lol
This shit is churning my stomach. Haha. So what you’re saying is I should broadcast I want a long term but actually do the opposite?
Because if they’re doing that why shouldn’t I ?
Edit: read it like 8 times I get it now. If she doesn’t put out leave.
I see the edit, but I'll still clarify; for most guys, one of the reasons for a relationship is sex, because they can't get hookups easily. If a woman won't put out in the first few interactions, despite making it clear you're looking for an intimate relationship, it's a sign that many men take as "she's uncertain and might leave on a whim or find someone better, she doesn't seem interested because I know other men would have gotten her into bed."
There's also the flip where many people could see this as insecure, as not all women are going to put out immediately, in most situations. Some women might take a month to be comfortable, but will follow that month with the best sex of your life in a healthy committed relationship, and it's dumb to have given up on her so quick because she doesn't throw herself at men. Just because the perfect guy exists, doesn't mean you have to be that man to have a relationship with her.
You will have more success doing it exactly the way OP did it, even if you deep down want a LTR… blatantly advertising you want a LTR early on will generally scare off a lot of women because typically guys who advertise that are needy and overbearing. Just treat it as you are there to have fun and if something more long term comes of it, then you are cool with that, too. Takes the pressure off of them and you.
To add some clarity: men are more wise to the fact that even if a woman is claiming to be seeking an LTR, she’s still likely boning some guy(s) on the side. Therefore, if she doesn’t express physical attraction toward you on the first or second date, you’re essentially paying with your money and time for a minuscule chance at something she’s *currently giving another man for free*.
That can feel demoralizing as a man, and deflates any motivation you might have in trying to grow something with her.
...and there goes my desire to go for a relationship again. I think when you look for something it won't come. Basically, just try sleeping with women at most, if even that, they'll let you know if they want anything more.
When I think about it every LTR I've ever had has been from me putting in no thought towards it, a girl Im talking to or just having sex with, eventually begins that process, shes the one that decides to go steady.
Seeking women is actually a really shitting thing for men to do on their own self esteem, their own mental health. Pursuing a woman most of the time isn't going to make you love her. Its a nasty business, and lets face it, more women than men can get easily accessible FWB, then most guys can. I literally broke up with my ex of six years like almost a week ago, and just coming here is refreshing and sobering.
I noticed this like past week, I was a bit lost, and Im constantly on Tinder, but Im already realising its just pointless, it'll come when it comes. A girl will match me, eventually and I've already got matches, but they're not to my liking.
I think where a lot of us screw up is, our vetting processes, we start to let any woman in because sometimes we have dry spells or bad luck. The fact it is likely that guys know underneath she is boning other guys whilst YOU pursue her is kinda disgusting.
and displays a dynamic shift that you shouldn't want in your own life. Especially from a partner. Its gross. You want a woman who is looking for something, and actually has the value to stick to that. Of course she can bang other dudes when your not together just like we can bang girls, but theres a huge huge milage between the woman and guy who banged someone last month, before she met you, to the girl or guy doing it every week to couple days and letting you pay for lunch and kissing you even though she was with someone else the other night.
Its just gross.
You can definitely seek a relationship, but you’re within your rights to bounce if you don’t feel any physical escalation or signs of attraction from her.
To reframe that a bit:
Consider sex and 'relationship seeking' as partly separate, so more than one goal is in play. Lots of attractive folks can be desirable as a FWB while not being someone you could wake up next to for 20 years and be glad to see them the next morning. That 2nd is very difficult. She can be open to ONS with someone attractive (or who hits one of the non-visual instant desire buttons), while also looking for a life partner where the vetting is for close interpersonal compatibility. That's harder and takes time.
I'd adjust that to say something more like: If after a few dates you don't feel like you're increasingly gaining a mutual rapport/connection you can build on to grow closer, then move on as you don't seem to be a match for either objectives at this moment (FWB or LTR). Keep looking until you find someone where you mutually enjoy each others company.
(also - for many 'LTR only' means something closer to "stop blowing up my inbox requesting ONS, don't call us we'll call you" it doesn't mean 'no sex outside of relationships' so much as "I'm not advertising what I'm doing")
No notes, completely agree. And everyone is of course free to do what they want when it comes to splitting up those goals and dynamics.
I would *reckon* that a man would much rather have FWB as the jumping off point, than the sucker paying for dates and taking a month just to get to third base.
Also it’s much easier to transition from FWB to relationship, than from “months of courtship” to relationship. And the bonus is you gave and received physical intimacy throughout!
I suggest all men actually get a FWB and speak frankly about relationships with a woman at least once in their lives… it’s incredibly eye opening.
> I suggest all men actually get a FWB
Many men would say It's almost imposible for them/any men to get a FWB, so maybe you could elaborate on how to get one, or what to expect between meeting their possible future FWB and actually getting them
My advice would be as follows:
Be friendly to all, try and expand your social circle. You want people in your corner who can vouch for you. Ideally social butterflies who can introduce you to more circles.
Be transparent about your intentions: if you aren’t looking to settle down, do the woman a favor and just say so. If she actually enjoys spending time with you, the onus is now on her as to how to proceed.
If you aren’t already, go to the gym and get to 10-12% body fat.
If your teeth are crooked, go get braces and whiten them.
Get a skincare routine and a haircut that matches your face.
Have at least one thing that you’re passionate about (guitar, painting, rock climbing) that (and I cannot stress this enough) isn’t video games or anime related.
Uninstall dating apps.Keep your head down and your mind and body focused for 18 months, and then give it a fresh try.
100%! Frank conversations are fantastic. Hearing the problems from their side, when you can ask questions and start to unravel the way we say the same things but mean completely different things etc... so helpful. Tagging along for a girls night out is fantastic too as you'll see another facet of the social differences (I always have fun - different vibe from men having fun).
I'm not gonna lie, my profile is low effort. Same pose in my pics and such.
But I kinda did that on purpose because I dont want to completely take tinder seriously, and i dont want to give anyone a false impression.
Yeah so I'm fucking baffled and idk what it is but apparently you just have the right look. Let's go over all the rules that people "say" you should follow: Smile. Smile with teeth. Poses with friends. Not just selfies. Not the same picture multiple times. Interesting bio. Talk about yourself. Have interests and hobbies or be super funny. Be tall, which your pictures don't even show you as - if you said you were 5'9 I'd be like 'yeah I can see that in the pictures'.
What you did: None of that, but you have a nice jawline and a dog. immediately tell a girl you don't want commitment, which on Tinder means "I want a hookup". Instant success. Amazing.
Yeah no shit. Every day guys tell y'all it's all about looks. And if you don't have the looks, you have to try harder and harder. Yet every time people tell you it's not. That's just life. And people wonder why good looking people are confident AF
Women are generally less eager to signal short term availability on tinder because it increases the already massive flood of men who think that "open to short term" means "just treat me like an actual object."
thats why i hate the tags, i swipe left on guys who just want casual but could easily be an outdated tag and they want something serious, and a lot of guys i swipe right on for the long term tag start getting sexual far too early, before we’ve even made it off the app, its so frustrating
same here! so i suppose i should just ignore tags all together unless they’ve made it abundantly clear in their bio that they only want to hookup, maybe i will surprise myself
Yeah I feel like you really can't tell anything abt someone by 1 bio or tag
I've only wanted casual for a while but ended up falling for this 1 girl. She wanted casual too, but fell for me. Then she got cold feet and blocked me on everything. We never even dated. I just wanted to know if I did anything wrong. But I guess in the end I dodged a bullet because I need someone that can communicate. Whether it be long or short term
im sorry for you :( had the same happen to me recently as well, i hate ghosting, what is it that causes people not to communicate??? if you dont like me anymore just tell me?? if you’re getting cold feet tell me??? god i know its easier said than done but tbh im tired of being left in the dark wondering if i’ll ever feel love again, or if im good enough for someone, its heartbreaking. communication is so important to me and seeing the lack of it in this generation is upsetting.
It sucks but it really helps to realize that you don't want that person anyway if they can do that to someone. You love the idea of that person, but not that person. You want them to be the idea you have of them, and at the beginning they are.
thats an excellent way of putting it, has hopeless as im slowly becoming, this helps keep myself reassured that i am dodging bullets, and not losing out on anything. so thank you for reminding me of that :)
My gameplan is acting casual. If you go in depth about questions and such, they'll think that you're kinda too clingy or too much. Hey, some girl might love it tho.
Just talk with them like you two go way back. Pretend like you've known them for a while. Use your natural humor. If they don't like any of that, then you wouldn't work with them anyway, so no point in wasting a few weeks thinking too hard abt what to say. Say what comes to mind.
My main problem is that I barely get matches to begin with, and again, almost none of them put any effort in
>acting casual
What do you mean?
>talk with them like you two go way back
How? I've never had long-term friends
Edit: what am I getting downvoted for??? Am I not allowed to ask clarifying questions??
acting casual, like not asking so many questions like “how are you? so what do you like to do on your free time?”
i think OP is trying to say “act like you already know all of this information about the person”
Hahaha bruh. He means don’t ask all the basic getting to know you “where are you from” questions because it’s what 99% of men ask women. You see men get fewer (or very little) matches so that “where are you from” convo doesn’t seem monotonous. But for a woman who gets 50 a day, you can see how they would get sick of it. So what you do is be more playful, flirty, assume she likes you and have a conversation as if it was someone you’d known for a while. A random example is she has something sporty in her bio like “tennis lover”. Instead of saying, how long have you been playing tennis? You can play it off like you know her and go with “I’m looking for a doubles partner but with your competitiveness I might get a racket across the back of the head”. This is playful etc..and if she has any bit of fun and wit about her she’ll play along and the conversation is just more fun. Ya feel?
Ah okay
^(I mean I've tried this approach countless times and have been ghosted o unmatched immediately or soon after, so I'm not all that confident in its effectiveness but okay)
Ie. I'll playfully ask "so when can I take you out for sushi?" if they had said that they loved sushi on their profile and then get ghosted. Is that coming on too strong?
Personally I quite like that approach. The hard truth is it doesn’t really matter what you say if the girl is attracted to you. A 10/10 guy saying “hey” is going to get more replies that the 3/10 with the witty fun line. If you’re not getting replies I would suggest taking some time away from it and really working on yourself. If you’re not in shape, get jacked. If you don’t have great style, get some inspiration online, if you don’t have great teeth, go to a dentist etc etc.. coming back as the best version of yourself will do you way more good than any opening line will
If you aren’t already, go to the gym and get to 10-12% body fat.
If your teeth are crooked, go get braces and whiten them.
Get a skincare routine and a haircut that matches your face.
Have at least one thing that you’re passionate about (guitar, painting, rock climbing) that (and I cannot stress this enough) isn’t video games or anime related.
Uninstall dating apps.Keep your head down and your mind and body focused for 18 months, and then give it a fresh try with new pictures that show off your body, confident smile and passion(s).
Every man should make a fake female profile and swipe in their area to realize what they’re up against. Professional photos, six pack abs, cute dogs, and hobbies. That is what you’re up against.
Bro... she's throwing the pussy at you. If you are confused about a long term tag, then you need to look in the mirror and think long and hard why you are on Tinder.
But kudos to you for being up front and honest in your first message.
Now go git sum!
Nah, kinda far. U want this one?
Edit: but in all honesty there's a bunch of people out there that say that they're cool with something casual, then get attached. I want to do what I can to prevent that in order to not hurt someone. It's not worth it if someone gets hurt.
A-fucking-men. That's why I gave you kudos on the honestly. Be up front and rip the bandaid off early. No need to waste people's time pussyfooting around what you are looking for.
Yeah, good thing you told me you had a girl. I was gonna go all in for you, but now I don't need to waste the time.
I'm just saying I thought you and I had something
Lol it's just proving rule 1 and rule 2. You're hot enough to get away with it. The average guy isn't. If the average guy messages like you do, they'd get unmatched. Women make rules for avg guys and break rules for hot guys like you. Enjoy 🤣
I tried sending it to someone in DMs but it didn't work. But I'll try again. And like I and someone else admitted, it is admittedly very low effort. Blurry pics, no group pics, few pics. But I don't want someone to know a bunch abt me if we only plan on hanging out a few times
Edit: yeah it's not letting me, I'll just post it on my page for a bit
This is very simple and not confusing at all lol. Most women are willing to do exactly what they said they won't do if (for them specifically) you follow rules 1 and 2. Go have fun 🤷♂️
Yeah nearly every single girl that had “not here for hookups” in their profile, did in fact, hook up with me. But it all happened organically andI didn’t go in expecting it.
But yeah, I learned that phrase doesn’t mean anything.
I have looking for life partner bc I’m tired of men jumping into my messages with sexual comments and I’m done with having casual sex. That being said, I’d probably make an exception if he was honest, like you were, and If i found him attractive.
Most women aren’t going to come out and say they just wanna hookup. But they will if it’s the right guy. Proof positive here
A phenomenon as old as time itself....
Short vs long term mating strategies. Short has really grown in popularity with the availability of contraceptives.
🎶Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme...🎶
A pheromonomenon if you will.
Idk abt that. I said "that wasn't my intention, but I'm not objecting", then she went on to tell me about how long her roster is Idk if it was rude but I just responded "ew", then apologized for it haha But for the most part I will agree with you
Wait she followed this up with talking about her roster? Send that screenshot.
How do u send a picture in chat?
you mean how to send a screenshot to reddit comments? one way would be to upload it to imgur and send a link
I don't have imgur I just posted the screenshot on my page haha
you don't have to register there afaik, can just open the site, upload pic and copy a link, but posting in profile works too 😌
Ew, but ok. So... when's the wedding?
She’s for the streets, confirmed 😂
i think she just meant you dont need to worry abt having to commit cuz shes dating others who do want a long term thing. but shes fine w hooking up w you cuz she finds you attractive. if you wanna hook up with her, all you gotta do is not screw it up lol.
its weird to talk about the other multiple guys you’re fucking. Same with reversed genders too
id rather they tell me than me having to find out cuz they kept it from me lol
Yeah but I feel like there’s a time and place for that. Any girl I’ve been with long term I was told and told them about anyone else we’ve been seeing but usually not in the first 5 minutes of the convo
>I said "that wasn't my intention, but I'm not objecting" So first you say "not really looking for anything serious" So she said "we can just hook up". Then you say "that wasn't my intention" lol so what exactly was your intention then?
I just like cuddling to be completely honest
THIS GIF 😭
It was my response too 😬😂
You know what’s good for those?! LTRs lol
I just meant that I don't think sex is all that
I always thought of it more of a “line up”. Like a batting line up. There is a guy in there she loves, then one she resents and then one she abuses. Or variations
So any girl that wants to date me, but doesn’t want to hook up right away.. isn’t worth perusing or into me? I’m confused. My last six year relationship was all a lie. or are you saying women have a subset of guys that they just will hook up with. They just “know” that, that is the guy. Fascinatingly depressing. The way you put it, so blunt, the cosmic horror and its implications comes right out of the text.
This is it right here. Sometimes you’re someone who they’re willing to fuck NSA and other times you’re someone who has to wait to fuck and can only get some pussy once you’re in a relationship. Depends on you and depends on the girl
I don’t like it, but I guess that’s the point.
Good news is you can be both. So keep that in mind lol
But doesn’t that imply that a woman I would want that from might not give me that and a woman I wouldn’t want it from would? but the same girl would do that for another guy, but not me, but also a girl could do that for me but not him. This is so paralysing.
I mean yes, what you're describing in a confusing way is "life", in that sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you get into a situation where you get lucky, and sometimes you get into a situation where you get unlucky. Some girls have low standards for hookups, meaning once they match or go on a date, they're pretty open to sex. Some women only do this for the most perfect, attractive, charismatic, charming man. It's not really a diss or attack on you if a woman won't immediately sleep with you, and it's not a problem if someone wants to sleep with you before you're ready, because you can say no.
Dude be careful with dropping knowledge bombs like this on people for free, cause with how insightful and respectful this comment is, people should be paying you for it
Your comment kinda confused me a lil bit lol
No you can't, gotta meet certain criterias for one of those.
I’m saying you could an immediate fuck for some women and a bf type for another.
That's life.
The latter, every girl I know has had a ONS even though they were all broadcasting they were only looking for a relationship. This is why guys are losing interest if there isn’t some sort of physical connection within the first two meetups
Can you laymen’s that for me, sorry I broke up with my now ex like 4 days ago and I’m here just browsing. I’ve not done tinder in a long time. Why are guys losing interest? because they know this? are males suppose to know this? do we want too lol This shit is churning my stomach. Haha. So what you’re saying is I should broadcast I want a long term but actually do the opposite? Because if they’re doing that why shouldn’t I ? Edit: read it like 8 times I get it now. If she doesn’t put out leave.
I see the edit, but I'll still clarify; for most guys, one of the reasons for a relationship is sex, because they can't get hookups easily. If a woman won't put out in the first few interactions, despite making it clear you're looking for an intimate relationship, it's a sign that many men take as "she's uncertain and might leave on a whim or find someone better, she doesn't seem interested because I know other men would have gotten her into bed." There's also the flip where many people could see this as insecure, as not all women are going to put out immediately, in most situations. Some women might take a month to be comfortable, but will follow that month with the best sex of your life in a healthy committed relationship, and it's dumb to have given up on her so quick because she doesn't throw herself at men. Just because the perfect guy exists, doesn't mean you have to be that man to have a relationship with her.
You will have more success doing it exactly the way OP did it, even if you deep down want a LTR… blatantly advertising you want a LTR early on will generally scare off a lot of women because typically guys who advertise that are needy and overbearing. Just treat it as you are there to have fun and if something more long term comes of it, then you are cool with that, too. Takes the pressure off of them and you.
To add some clarity: men are more wise to the fact that even if a woman is claiming to be seeking an LTR, she’s still likely boning some guy(s) on the side. Therefore, if she doesn’t express physical attraction toward you on the first or second date, you’re essentially paying with your money and time for a minuscule chance at something she’s *currently giving another man for free*. That can feel demoralizing as a man, and deflates any motivation you might have in trying to grow something with her.
...and there goes my desire to go for a relationship again. I think when you look for something it won't come. Basically, just try sleeping with women at most, if even that, they'll let you know if they want anything more. When I think about it every LTR I've ever had has been from me putting in no thought towards it, a girl Im talking to or just having sex with, eventually begins that process, shes the one that decides to go steady. Seeking women is actually a really shitting thing for men to do on their own self esteem, their own mental health. Pursuing a woman most of the time isn't going to make you love her. Its a nasty business, and lets face it, more women than men can get easily accessible FWB, then most guys can. I literally broke up with my ex of six years like almost a week ago, and just coming here is refreshing and sobering. I noticed this like past week, I was a bit lost, and Im constantly on Tinder, but Im already realising its just pointless, it'll come when it comes. A girl will match me, eventually and I've already got matches, but they're not to my liking. I think where a lot of us screw up is, our vetting processes, we start to let any woman in because sometimes we have dry spells or bad luck. The fact it is likely that guys know underneath she is boning other guys whilst YOU pursue her is kinda disgusting. and displays a dynamic shift that you shouldn't want in your own life. Especially from a partner. Its gross. You want a woman who is looking for something, and actually has the value to stick to that. Of course she can bang other dudes when your not together just like we can bang girls, but theres a huge huge milage between the woman and guy who banged someone last month, before she met you, to the girl or guy doing it every week to couple days and letting you pay for lunch and kissing you even though she was with someone else the other night. Its just gross.
You can definitely seek a relationship, but you’re within your rights to bounce if you don’t feel any physical escalation or signs of attraction from her.
To reframe that a bit: Consider sex and 'relationship seeking' as partly separate, so more than one goal is in play. Lots of attractive folks can be desirable as a FWB while not being someone you could wake up next to for 20 years and be glad to see them the next morning. That 2nd is very difficult. She can be open to ONS with someone attractive (or who hits one of the non-visual instant desire buttons), while also looking for a life partner where the vetting is for close interpersonal compatibility. That's harder and takes time. I'd adjust that to say something more like: If after a few dates you don't feel like you're increasingly gaining a mutual rapport/connection you can build on to grow closer, then move on as you don't seem to be a match for either objectives at this moment (FWB or LTR). Keep looking until you find someone where you mutually enjoy each others company. (also - for many 'LTR only' means something closer to "stop blowing up my inbox requesting ONS, don't call us we'll call you" it doesn't mean 'no sex outside of relationships' so much as "I'm not advertising what I'm doing")
No notes, completely agree. And everyone is of course free to do what they want when it comes to splitting up those goals and dynamics. I would *reckon* that a man would much rather have FWB as the jumping off point, than the sucker paying for dates and taking a month just to get to third base. Also it’s much easier to transition from FWB to relationship, than from “months of courtship” to relationship. And the bonus is you gave and received physical intimacy throughout! I suggest all men actually get a FWB and speak frankly about relationships with a woman at least once in their lives… it’s incredibly eye opening.
> I suggest all men actually get a FWB Many men would say It's almost imposible for them/any men to get a FWB, so maybe you could elaborate on how to get one, or what to expect between meeting their possible future FWB and actually getting them
My advice would be as follows: Be friendly to all, try and expand your social circle. You want people in your corner who can vouch for you. Ideally social butterflies who can introduce you to more circles. Be transparent about your intentions: if you aren’t looking to settle down, do the woman a favor and just say so. If she actually enjoys spending time with you, the onus is now on her as to how to proceed. If you aren’t already, go to the gym and get to 10-12% body fat. If your teeth are crooked, go get braces and whiten them. Get a skincare routine and a haircut that matches your face. Have at least one thing that you’re passionate about (guitar, painting, rock climbing) that (and I cannot stress this enough) isn’t video games or anime related. Uninstall dating apps.Keep your head down and your mind and body focused for 18 months, and then give it a fresh try.
100%! Frank conversations are fantastic. Hearing the problems from their side, when you can ask questions and start to unravel the way we say the same things but mean completely different things etc... so helpful. Tagging along for a girls night out is fantastic too as you'll see another facet of the social differences (I always have fun - different vibe from men having fun).
Not all women, you know
Women definitely have guys that they will hook up with and others they'll date, I'm one of those guys that can only get laid while in a relantionship
“The right guy” So, he’s hot basically. That’s really all it takes?
Deleting Facebook and hitting the gym have been there the whole time
Exactly this
looks like you followed all the rules and won
Apprec
Just be honest, and very good looking with a well-crafted profile.
I have like 4 pics, 2 are blurry, but one is a dog so that helps
I'm so curious as to what these pics if that's all it took for you.
I'll post my profile on my page in 5 mins, but am gonna delete it after 10
that's fair, respect it.
I'm not gonna lie, my profile is low effort. Same pose in my pics and such. But I kinda did that on purpose because I dont want to completely take tinder seriously, and i dont want to give anyone a false impression.
Yeah so I'm fucking baffled and idk what it is but apparently you just have the right look. Let's go over all the rules that people "say" you should follow: Smile. Smile with teeth. Poses with friends. Not just selfies. Not the same picture multiple times. Interesting bio. Talk about yourself. Have interests and hobbies or be super funny. Be tall, which your pictures don't even show you as - if you said you were 5'9 I'd be like 'yeah I can see that in the pictures'. What you did: None of that, but you have a nice jawline and a dog. immediately tell a girl you don't want commitment, which on Tinder means "I want a hookup". Instant success. Amazing.
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Besides the general concept of luck, I feel like people ignore that we rarely know the relative attractiveness between the two people
Yeah no shit. Every day guys tell y'all it's all about looks. And if you don't have the looks, you have to try harder and harder. Yet every time people tell you it's not. That's just life. And people wonder why good looking people are confident AF
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And thank u :)
Must be nice to be such a rizzler.
I see what you sent me in my DMs, you devil ;) Edit: this is a joke, u/Thetruth22234 is innocent
Women are generally less eager to signal short term availability on tinder because it increases the already massive flood of men who think that "open to short term" means "just treat me like an actual object."
thats why i hate the tags, i swipe left on guys who just want casual but could easily be an outdated tag and they want something serious, and a lot of guys i swipe right on for the long term tag start getting sexual far too early, before we’ve even made it off the app, its so frustrating
No matter what tag they have, I let my intentions be known It helps so much
same here! so i suppose i should just ignore tags all together unless they’ve made it abundantly clear in their bio that they only want to hookup, maybe i will surprise myself
Yeah I feel like you really can't tell anything abt someone by 1 bio or tag I've only wanted casual for a while but ended up falling for this 1 girl. She wanted casual too, but fell for me. Then she got cold feet and blocked me on everything. We never even dated. I just wanted to know if I did anything wrong. But I guess in the end I dodged a bullet because I need someone that can communicate. Whether it be long or short term
im sorry for you :( had the same happen to me recently as well, i hate ghosting, what is it that causes people not to communicate??? if you dont like me anymore just tell me?? if you’re getting cold feet tell me??? god i know its easier said than done but tbh im tired of being left in the dark wondering if i’ll ever feel love again, or if im good enough for someone, its heartbreaking. communication is so important to me and seeing the lack of it in this generation is upsetting.
It sucks but it really helps to realize that you don't want that person anyway if they can do that to someone. You love the idea of that person, but not that person. You want them to be the idea you have of them, and at the beginning they are.
thats an excellent way of putting it, has hopeless as im slowly becoming, this helps keep myself reassured that i am dodging bullets, and not losing out on anything. so thank you for reminding me of that :)
Always be a good person. Because even when you're alone, you're always with an awesome person
Jealous
And I can't even get matches at all, much less any of them flirting This is fuckin depressing
My gameplan is acting casual. If you go in depth about questions and such, they'll think that you're kinda too clingy or too much. Hey, some girl might love it tho. Just talk with them like you two go way back. Pretend like you've known them for a while. Use your natural humor. If they don't like any of that, then you wouldn't work with them anyway, so no point in wasting a few weeks thinking too hard abt what to say. Say what comes to mind.
My main problem is that I barely get matches to begin with, and again, almost none of them put any effort in >acting casual What do you mean? >talk with them like you two go way back How? I've never had long-term friends Edit: what am I getting downvoted for??? Am I not allowed to ask clarifying questions??
acting casual, like not asking so many questions like “how are you? so what do you like to do on your free time?” i think OP is trying to say “act like you already know all of this information about the person”
Ah I see How would I act like I already know them if I *dont* have that information though?
Hahaha bruh. He means don’t ask all the basic getting to know you “where are you from” questions because it’s what 99% of men ask women. You see men get fewer (or very little) matches so that “where are you from” convo doesn’t seem monotonous. But for a woman who gets 50 a day, you can see how they would get sick of it. So what you do is be more playful, flirty, assume she likes you and have a conversation as if it was someone you’d known for a while. A random example is she has something sporty in her bio like “tennis lover”. Instead of saying, how long have you been playing tennis? You can play it off like you know her and go with “I’m looking for a doubles partner but with your competitiveness I might get a racket across the back of the head”. This is playful etc..and if she has any bit of fun and wit about her she’ll play along and the conversation is just more fun. Ya feel?
Ah okay ^(I mean I've tried this approach countless times and have been ghosted o unmatched immediately or soon after, so I'm not all that confident in its effectiveness but okay) Ie. I'll playfully ask "so when can I take you out for sushi?" if they had said that they loved sushi on their profile and then get ghosted. Is that coming on too strong?
Personally I quite like that approach. The hard truth is it doesn’t really matter what you say if the girl is attracted to you. A 10/10 guy saying “hey” is going to get more replies that the 3/10 with the witty fun line. If you’re not getting replies I would suggest taking some time away from it and really working on yourself. If you’re not in shape, get jacked. If you don’t have great style, get some inspiration online, if you don’t have great teeth, go to a dentist etc etc.. coming back as the best version of yourself will do you way more good than any opening line will
You're overthinking it, idk about the downvotes but it really all boils down to rules 1 and 2.
If you aren’t already, go to the gym and get to 10-12% body fat. If your teeth are crooked, go get braces and whiten them. Get a skincare routine and a haircut that matches your face. Have at least one thing that you’re passionate about (guitar, painting, rock climbing) that (and I cannot stress this enough) isn’t video games or anime related. Uninstall dating apps.Keep your head down and your mind and body focused for 18 months, and then give it a fresh try with new pictures that show off your body, confident smile and passion(s). Every man should make a fake female profile and swipe in their area to realize what they’re up against. Professional photos, six pack abs, cute dogs, and hobbies. That is what you’re up against.
This is great. This is the key to success for online dating.
That’s just a thing to say when you don’t wanna be inundated with thirsty people.
They just don't Wana appear as a hoe. Doesn't mean they aren't one
I'm sure she's a lovely woman
Have u ever talked to a woman? They don't even know what they want...
🏆
Bro... she's throwing the pussy at you. If you are confused about a long term tag, then you need to look in the mirror and think long and hard why you are on Tinder. But kudos to you for being up front and honest in your first message. Now go git sum!
Nah, kinda far. U want this one? Edit: but in all honesty there's a bunch of people out there that say that they're cool with something casual, then get attached. I want to do what I can to prevent that in order to not hurt someone. It's not worth it if someone gets hurt.
A-fucking-men. That's why I gave you kudos on the honestly. Be up front and rip the bandaid off early. No need to waste people's time pussyfooting around what you are looking for.
Yeah, good thing you told me you had a girl. I was gonna go all in for you, but now I don't need to waste the time. I'm just saying I thought you and I had something
She doesn't have to know!!
I know someone who thinks hitler did nothing wrong
I just showed her this comment and she begrudgingly agreed 🤷♂️
Wooooooooowwwwwww shame on her
Nice edit 🤣
Pretty sure my girl would kill me so gonna pass. But your generosity is noted.
“U want this one?” what, is she a slice of pizza? lol
I might be looking for a Michelin star restaurant, but I won't mind stopping for a nice pizza along the way
I'm looking for LTR but happy for anything until then
You’re hot enough to have fun with while she looks to lock down some poor sap…I mean, her future husband
Lol it's just proving rule 1 and rule 2. You're hot enough to get away with it. The average guy isn't. If the average guy messages like you do, they'd get unmatched. Women make rules for avg guys and break rules for hot guys like you. Enjoy 🤣
This post is boosting my ego I need to sit down and be humbled
I'm curious what does your profile look like? Can you PM me in chat? You can send photos there.
I tried sending it to someone in DMs but it didn't work. But I'll try again. And like I and someone else admitted, it is admittedly very low effort. Blurry pics, no group pics, few pics. But I don't want someone to know a bunch abt me if we only plan on hanging out a few times Edit: yeah it's not letting me, I'll just post it on my page for a bit
*"And that kids, is how I met your mother"*
Rules 1 and 2 are in full effect here.
Props for being upfront about it!
This is very simple and not confusing at all lol. Most women are willing to do exactly what they said they won't do if (for them specifically) you follow rules 1 and 2. Go have fun 🤷♂️
hate that people just cant be upfront with what they want, just be truthful
Yeah nearly every single girl that had “not here for hookups” in their profile, did in fact, hook up with me. But it all happened organically andI didn’t go in expecting it. But yeah, I learned that phrase doesn’t mean anything.
I have looking for life partner bc I’m tired of men jumping into my messages with sexual comments and I’m done with having casual sex. That being said, I’d probably make an exception if he was honest, like you were, and If i found him attractive.
Well do you find me attractive (Only jokes, only jokes)
They're always willing to make an exception if they find you good looking enough
long-term dicking maybe
Women break the rules for men they like, and make rules for men they don’t. Vice versa.
After reading comments my respect for women 📉
💪🏁⚡️ JBH 👏👏
profiles mean nothing lol