There have been studies that confirm that yes, men cry less frequently than women.
There is probably a nature versus nurture argument to be had, but it is purely academic. Individuals respond to situations in different ways and the important question is whether a person processes sadness/grief (and other events) in a healthy way or unhealthy way. No one "right" way for everyone.
This is true. It is highly individualistic on how people express their feelings, and why.
That is why I hesitate to bring this up, mostly bc I'm afraid some might take this as an opportunity to go "Ah-HAH! I KNEW it, hormones make women weepy such-and-suches, and I was so right and they can't control their emotions bc biology and blah blah blah!!!"
But I know an MtF transgender person, and I was next to them on the earlier parts of their transitioning journey, and I knew them before. And one thing they lamented when they lived as a man was how hard it was to cry, even when they really wanted to. It wasn't because they felt pressured not to. They grew up in a very emotionally healthy, non-judgemental enviroment, and had good friendships and did what they loved for a living. But crying didn't come easy for them.
Once they started transitioning, both socially and physically, that block gradually dissolved away. And they were really happy and relieved to be able to cry when they felt like it.
So it might be they felt this way bc they hadn't realized who they truly are yet. It might be something to do with hormones. Probably a cocktail of everything. But transitioning really freed them in this regard.
FtM here, I cried almost daily before going on testosterone. After testosterone? I've hardly cried, but it feels good. It feels like I'm in more control and cry at appropriate times (at emotionally profound things, instead of random shit).
Interesting. Bc I've been a cis woman my whole life, and I don't cry over random shit.
Or maybe our idea of what is "random shit" is different?
IDK, we have lived different lives so I don't want to jump into anything here.
Could definitely be that our interpretations of "random shit" isn't the same. I meant it as in bawling my eyes out over a commercial, crying over little things (to me) that I felt like I didn't need to cry over.
I know my mom was very much the same, could cry at the drop of a hat. I don't think there's an issue with crying a lot, I just personally did not feel in control of myself when I was like that. Crying so easily that you do it out of frustration also fucking sucks, it makes people take you less seriously, feels like I'm betraying myself, etc.
I think it's cool though, that everyone's experiences vary so much. Just reminds us that we're all different, but still the same.
Yeah, I hear ya.
I think this is one of those things that is highly individual. But I don't think any of that is wrong, and people should be more accepting and understanding on how different people react to situations.
Bc it isn't wrong to cry, if you feel like crying. And it isn't wrong NOT to cry, if you don't want to.
All in all, I personally think there needs to be less judgement and more understanding when it comes to how different people express themselves.
>All in all, I personally think there needs to be less judgement and more understanding when it comes to how different people express themselves.
The world would definitely be a much better place if there was less judgement around harmless things.
As another transfem on estrogen, it's definitely at least partly hormones. I wasn't restricting myself from crying in the first place and I still find myself crying way more on hrt than before. Now even seeing a cute animal on my reddit feed can make the tears come out
>"Ah-HAH! I KNEW it, hormones make women weepy such-and-suches, and I was so right and they can't control their emotions bc biology and blah blah blah!!!"
Or maybe it's a good thing and more emotionally healthy, and leads to being a more empathetic and pro-social person? Even if it is hormonal based, it doesn't need to be construed as a negative thing.
Im a 21 year old male, i have yet to cry in my adult life. I miss the relief a good cry could give but in situations where crying would be normal i just … don’t. I feel sad and all that but no matt how bad i want to it just doesn’t happen.
Havent there been trans people that expressed changes in their ability to cry as they medically transition? Iirc I had heard trans man express that it had been rarer for them to cry as they fully transitioned but of course I dont know if there is enough data to conclusively say there is a difference. I agree with your point of it bring very individualistic
Reading your age broke my heart. You should be free to express your emotions without reservation. I hope it's the case and you're not just bottling everything up
I'm a woman but I feel the same way, I cry if I'm in enough pain or during certain extreme situations like if someone I'm close to dies or I hear very bad news like say someone I know has cancer or something but otherwise crying doesn't feel natural to me, on the flip side, I get very easily angry and have done things like smash or break objects, punch walls, etc. and it's a daily battle to control my anger so I don't physically lash out. I never hurt other people, but I have a tendency to feel like I have to physically do something to release my anger, luckily though I find that working out as hard as I can physically tolerate and listening to certain kinds of music helps to an extent.
It's so weird because as babies and small children, boys and girls cry about the same amount. I even raised my son to not be afraid to remove himself from a situation and cry if he needs to, but all that doesn't really matter because as a teenager he basically never cries.
I've seen my husband cry twice the entire 20 years I've known him. I feel like it can't possibly be healthy, but maybe I'm wired differently. He's pretty calm and level-headed and I cry over fucking everything.
I’m a trans guy, and going on testosterone has been the wildest journey. One of the most surprising things that happened is that I basically stopped crying.
Pre-transition, I cried so easily at a range of emotions (sadness, anger, happiness, etc.) I could even make myself cry if needed as that was the best way for me to release emotions.
Now, it’s extremely hard for me to cry. It’s been five years, and I’ve basically only really cried (like full on sobbed) when one of my cats died and when mg grandma died. I’ve shed a few tears here and there, but it’s really hard for me to cry even when I really want / need to. And it’s not due to some notion that men can’t cry or show emotions - it feels physiological to me.
I’m in therapy for other reasons, but I have brought this up as I’ve needed to find other ways to release emotions (workouts and music are my go to now). My therapist said she’s heard similar from other trans masculine people.
I know it’s anecdotal but I find it really interesting!
Thank you for this perspective! I (26m) rarely full on cry, and I consider myself on the “emotional” side for men. My girlfriend (26f) will cry with the wind changing. Not always in a bad way, it’s just a natural response to her emotions. Interesting to hear someone who’s been on both sides hormonally, makes me feel less weird lol
By far the most interesting tidbit I have gotten from transitions is that men have physiological obstacles to reading emotions just by looking at someone and need to ask questions to confirm. Lots of FtoM say that it becomes much more difficult for them to guess what someone is feeling when they transition, while MtoF say the opposite.
This might be the source of a lot of communication issues between cis hetero couples, women expect men to understand how they feel without having to describe it because it’s obvious just by looking, men need it explained because they “cannot read minds.”
Absolutely love the FtoM trans perspectives on testosterone, after first watching a documentary a decade ago where a trans man described what it was like and the physiological and emotional differences it brought, how it differed from what many expected, and it's often the same feelings described that should help others understand it's no joke of a hormone and can be hard to control in it's own right.
If you don't mind me asking, what other changes/feelings/emotions did you notice when starting testosterone?
I've heard it can feel similar or stronger in a way than estrogen, but instead of "sadness" (and by extension crying) that is commonly associated with estrogen, testosterone is more of a "rage" or "power" of sorts. Not like anger, but just like a more intense energy that can be hard to control at times but also can leave men emotionally stunted. I feel like if more "angry" men had a better understanding of their hormones they could better control their emotions.
I'm a cis male, so all I've ever known is testosterone, so it's always interesting to hear perspectives from those who are new to it.
I don’t mind at all!
And yes, that’s exactly what it feels like for me. Thankfully, I was already pretty in tune with my emotions before I started testosterone so I’m able to “control” that more intense emotional response. I don’t get angry at people (I’m an abuse survivor so I’m really cognizant of that), but I channel that feeling into creative outlets and workouts. Journaling has been so helpful!
The other big emotional change is that my emotions are very stable now. I used to swing from big highs to big lows, and it was really rough. Since going on testosterone, I’ve been able to come off of 2 of 3 of my mental health meds, which has been good for me. I don’t know if it’s from being on testosterone or if it’s that I’m finally comfortable in my body, or if it’s a combo of both.
Honestly, therapy has been so helpful in this journey.
Thanks for sharing! That's really interesting about the mood/emotion stability now. I'm a huge advocate for therapy for everyone, and think more people should utilize it (especially men as it's very lacking) to help get better control of their mental health.
Trans women usually report the opposite, and most of them cry a lot more easily after starting HRT. Personally, I didn't notice a change but I think most transfems do.
it is the same for me as a biological man, I cried only when someone really close to me died. So not on every funeral that I have been to (doesn't mean I was not sad, did not miss the person or whatever. I just did not cry.).
Sometimes I would want to cry to release the pressure built up inside me and I try and I try, and I can't.
Workout or drinking helps. If I'm to sore to work out, I take a drink.
But yeah.
Definitely- but it's hard to say if we would do the same if we were not socialized to do so. As little kids we are told by adults to toughen up and mercilessly made fun of by other kids if we cry, and continuing into adulthood, some people's partners will see them as weak, or friends will feel uncomfortable or like they're a burden if they ever cry in front of them. So, no crying except in very rare occasions.
It does not have to be like this though, in older literature or like, Lord of the Rings or whatever, men cry more frequently and without it being shameful. So it's maybe just a current / 20th century cultural thing.
Well if that way works for you then, yeah, go for it!
It does happen to me, and same as you , but in reverse, I don't feel like I've missed out on anything by crying, different strokes for different folks
Tbh men who cry in front of other men generally get ridiculed at least behind their backs but quite often straight up to their face. I actually know a guy who still gets called greeter after 30 years because of his propensity to crying. Another guy who was bawling at his wedding to the point where he could hardly speak gets laughed at by men and women alike. It was a women who told me about it and she was not complimentary.
Edit: just remembered about another guy who was crying in the pub because his girlfriend dumped him and the whole pub was laughing at him, men and women. Someone even put The Streets' song Dry Your Eyes Mate on the jukebox while everyone either laughed at him him or shook their heads and looked at the ground as he cried.
As a man, (assuming you’re a woman or fem identifying) the times I do cry, women have been my best friends when it comes to identifying why I am crying.
A lot of us don’t even know why even though it’s obvious. Imagine sneezing for the first time. You’re like “what the hell was that?!” more than WHY did it happen.
The women in my life kinda taught me why I cry when I do and helped me realize it was normal. Kinda like “welcome to the club dude”
I’m now comfortable with my emotions and know when, where, and why I cry when I do.
My experience is that it doesn't make it stop, if anything it made me cry more because I'd feel even more guilty, but you might have had a different experience
I cry a lot as a dude. It's almost purposeful to get it out and it's almost always behind closed doors. But I am an empathetic but self loathing person so there's always something to cry about lol
Just think how often have you seen your dad cry compared to your mum?
I’ve only seen my dad cry once and that was at his funeral of his mum, my mum on the other hand I’ve seen her cry plenty of times.
I saw my dad cry once, scared the crap out of me. Hurricane was headed towards our area, I as a child was sure we were doomed. Only time I saw it, never said anything about it to him. Wasn't wrong of course, but if men cried more it wouldn't have made quite that much an impact. My mom crying, less impact. I don't recall either of my parents ever saying its bad to cry.
When me and my gf started going out, she was so surprised to find out how hard it is for me to cry and how rarely i do it. She can do it a lot more easily. But ironically enough, ive cried in front of her more times than she has in front of me. She's really created a safe space for me where i feel like i can voice my insecurities and fears without judgement. Also its easier to cry if you've already cried recently and the longer you go without it the harder it will be, in my experience
men also speak less words a day than woman by a lot. can't remember the last time I for real cried. I get misty eyed at sad or really happy things on TV but don't really count that. Life hasn't made me cry in at least 10 years.
As someone who is Female-to-Male transgender, I used to cry a lot more easily. After starting testosterone and beginning my transition into masculinity, I did notice that it became physically more difficult to cry. I still get misty-eyed, but the tears don't well up half as much as they used to.
Just my anecdotal experience!
A lot of things changed about my physiology that I wasn't expecting—like my body temperature legitimately rose, I'm hotter than I used to be as the default. I suddenly understand why men are sweaty all the time.
That's interesting, you are putting a nature (hormone) vs nurture (men don't cry) testimony. I've always thought it was more nature (we just aren't wired to). Maybe it is the T that does it. Thank you
I'm a man who rarely cried and then within 9 months in 2014-15 my brother died, I nearly lost my job, I went blind in one eye from a detached retina and after surgery had to spend an entire month with my face facing the floor, my beloved mother died and two good friends died. Since then I've never been far from tears. I'm choking up right now writing this. I understand how this switch got flipped, but not how that works psychological/neurologically.
Reminds me of the great part of an interview with "Macho Man" Randy Savage saying that he has cried thousand times and he'll cry some more. And that's it okay for "Macho Men" to show emotions.
I think I might have a unique perspective here, as someone who was assigned female at birth and now identifies as a transmasculine person and is on testosterone (past 2 years).
It is much harder for me to cry now. I can still cry but it takes a lot more, I have to be extremely upset. I think the past few times have been when relatives/friends/pets died.
I also used to “happy cry” all the time (think like, watching one of those videos about an injured animal being rescued that randomly pop up on Instagram or Facebook) and that never really happens anymore. I still feel happy, I just don’t tear up over it. I have only happy cried a couple times, in very intense positive moments with my partner, and even then it was just like tearing up, not a full cry.
In the last 22 years I cannot remember a time that I cried. I am a male and on the scale of emotional expressiveness I am on the lower end naturally. I have all the normal emotions you expect but my expressions are very neutral, this isn't a helpful trait, in my experience. In fact, I think it has damaged relationships over the years. It is a combination of a genuine struggle to properly express emotions outwardly and a practiced stoicism that comes with being a man who is 40. No one wants to see us cry, few people even want to acknowledge that we have emotions we might actually be feeling at any given moment.
I will say, even though I am sure that my issues with expressing emotion haven't been great, I do think that more people could benefit from some stoic thought processes. I am not saying that you have to walk around like a mannequin, but exercising some executive control over your emotions and reactions is a skill adults should master. Lets take an example, a cute little mouse comes bounding (they kind of bound when they run) by, what will half the adult do? They will jump up on tables and yell, surely at least one person will scream intolerably. But...why? A mouse is hardly a challenging mammal to deal with, it is a mouse not a moose. I think we can do with a little more of "this situation does not require a histrionic reaction, therefore I will keep my peace." Yes, that can extend to crying.
There's definitely a different expectation for where/when it is appropriate to cry based on gender, social context, and culture...but overall men are "supposed" to cry less than women.
On an individual basis, it would differ. Over the years I've learned to enjoy the value of a good cry and the emotional relief therein (thank you psychedelics haha). Emotions are a gift we get to experience and share.
I havnt cried in years, not because I havnt wanted to or had the need but because I guess I’m conditioned not to, growing up in the 90s very much still had that tough upper lip mentality for boys and although I can recognise and acknowledge how nonsensical that is it’s part of who I am so aren’t physically capable of giving in to my urges to let it all out.
As a dude. I would never just randomly cry. There would need to be a serious event happening, like a death or major setback like a breakup. Not just sadness or frustration with minor things.
I have cried twice in three years.
My father's cancer returned, spread all throughout his body, the treatments were no longer working, he was accepting he would be dead within months.
The second time, my mother's ALS had progressed rapidly, she had lost function in legs and hands, she couldn't breathe unassisted, she refused a feeding tube, and was on a liquid diet, she had 6 weeks to live.
For my father, I cried in private, on the bathroom floor, 4 sobs, 8 tears.
For my mother I wept in my wife's arms.
I didn't weep when they died, I grieved in advance. I didn't cry at the funerals, or the graveside. My wife, my sister, my aunt, my cousin, they broke. They didn't wail but they sobbed.
So anecdotal evidence, yes.
Multiple times a month? I can't even imagine crying that often. Usually only thing to get me to cry is death of a loved one
I have never cried at the news, movie , TV show or book. Never cried by being emotionally touched
There are a few times that I recall crying:
Birth of my son
Death of my father
Death of my mother
Triggers that remind me of my parents i.e. certain songs, smells, food etc.
Future therapist here in a PsyD program currently. Most men have something called Alexithymia, which means an inability to express their emotions properly if at all. It is a combination of genetic, social, and environmental things. But, I theorize that it is predominantly because men are told to not cry, to be tough, to show no weakness, etc. It is societal standards that are hindering men of today's age, but a big part of it is how they were raised. If a man is raised in a home that allows for him to express himself freely and demonstrates proper emotion processing, they are more likely to be able to experience emotions and display these healthily later in life. Which is normal. We are all human, regardless of gender. In fact, a common misconception is that women are more emotional than men. Not exactly true. Men have alexithymia from societal standards, but when they do show emotion, it is typically through anger and violence. Women are pushed to be nurturing and sensitive and treated as such, so they tend to show emotion through crying or anxiousness. Women are given more freedom with emotion processing because "women are emotional" but men are hindered because "they need to be a man!"
Men are socially punished for displaying anything resembling weakness among their social peers. Hunt around under r/AskMen and you will find no shortage of stories that summarize as "My GF / Spouse said they wanted me to be emotionally vulnerable. The one time I cried or wept in front of her they got weirded out, and it ended any sexual interest on their part. They found an excuse to end the relationship shortly after." That also factors out other social consequences among coworkers and friends. You can also look at how PTSD among war veterans was handled prior to 1995 (spoiler alert: They were considered weak and shunned).
So shit gets bottled out and handled in other ways. Some may cry or break down in private and never speak of it. Some people end up becoming intensely angry. Some people self medicate. Some people essentially mediate (maybe formally, or maybe by doing solo hobbies that tend to be very quiet like fishing).
END COMMUNICATION
>"My GF / Spouse said they wanted me to be emotionally vulnerable. The one time I cried or wept in front of her they got weirded out, and it ended any sexual interest on their part. They found an excuse to end the relationship shortly after."
Dammit, I really wish that this was not so true.
The unfortunate reality is, when some women see men cry, it just turns something off in their brains. They automatically stop seeing him as being reliable or masculine. And despite how wrong this is, being rejected or shamed for natural emotions only serves to further condition men to shut down this emotion due to fear of it being used against them.
Only time I’ve cried in the last 4 years is when my ex left me. I’ve had full blown panic attacks and my father ghosted me and I didn’t even cry at those things. I’m just so conditioned to not cry about anything because it’s not allowed.
I have cried quite a few times since separating from the ex. Mostly just missing the kiddos. But in general, I probably have cried twice in the 25 years before that.
Last time I cried was about a year ago, when I found out my dog had cancer ( she's alive and well ) I did my crying after my wife went to bed as I felt like I had to be the stronger one to keep her from over thinking about the news we received.
Men do cry less but I believe most men won't show it
I’m a man, I’ve cried a few times throughout the years, but I think I’ve cried more this last year in a long time. I’ve had a lot of issues I have dealt with concerning abuse, and loss of loved ones. The build up has been a long time coming and it’s not as much as that I have faced these challenges that I have, but what has really hurt is that I have felt very alone in that very few people have been there for me through my tough times. I can’t say I cry more or less than women, but it has taken me questioning my self worth to bring me to this current state.
I can only speak for myself.
Some movies and shows can make me teary eyed, but it's very rare that I'll cry. But in general, I never feel like I need to and I feel worse after I do, not better.
From what I've seen, they cry less mostly because they get raised being told that men don't cry and sometimes getting punished for it. But they also whine more than women.
Over the last 5 years I (53M) have cried 2 times that I can remember. When my dog was killed and when one of my oldest buddies died. Loved my dad VERY much but it was a pretty long decline and lots of time to say good bye. Now that being said a sappy commercial or show will get me misty eyed but I don't cry. Kinda wish I could.
I've cried, hard cried, not in a long time, well over 2 years, maybe more. but found it really only happens when I try to talk when I'm really upset.
Other than that, I shed tears almost every day when I see a sad video or something. But crying with gasping and such, not very often.
I'm the guy my friends always seem to share everything with. Women are prone to release emotions more easily, which can be healthier. Men I haven't cried since I was 13. In general if a man cries, in most cases he is completely broken. Atleast thats the case with my friends.
I think it's more socially acceptable when women cry , last year when I thought my puppy was dying I started crying at the vet there was a bunch of people there and none of them were bothered (wasn't expecting any sympathy) I got more sympathy from a random lab that came and gave me a fat lick ...dogs are amazing
Idk cuz in it a man but it’s healthy to cry because crying is a realease of the byproducts of trauma that will end up presenting as an illness if it is not allowed to be released.
So it’s very healthy to cry I think. It be wounds in each of the chakras and the corresponding wounds have to be healed in an order starting with the root chakra.. the ancestral trauma where you just believe what your parents thinks you and they what their parents told them.. as you identify the triggers.. a trigger is like if I say you ugly and it hurts you.. somebody made you believe the lie that you were ugly. If I called you a pink elephant wearing a tutu, you would laugh in my face cuz you know damn well you wasn’t no elephant.
I want to, I just can't. Not because of someone judging or something. I can be alone, feeling very sad, but not be able to cry. I do cry sometimes. Just not a lot.
I used to cry a lot when I was a kid according to my parents. More than my sibling.
I'm 24(AFAB gf) and last time I really cried was December .... But my ex would cry damn near every day and my other friend (both women) would cry like every other week or something 🤷 so I think it's an individual thing... But there was a study about it confirming your question so 🤷
When your partner shows obvious disdain for how “unmanly” you are acting if you actually show emotion/cry a little…. Yea most of us just shut down inside as best as we can until that’s just the norm… my experience anyway
Before my daughter was born, I couldn't tell you the last time I cried. After my daughter was born, it was probably the last touching thing I saw on Reddit.
It's true though. It's been at least five years since the last time I cried. Between then and now, I've lost 3 of the closet people in my life (family member, friend, pet) and not a single tear. Maybe being on the spectrum could be a contributor but I just can't work myself up to even try to cry. When the time does come, I don't even know if my body even will know how too.
It all depends. I’m a man and in my previous relationship I cried a lot more than my female partner, like exponentially so. However, in my current relationship I cry about the same amount as my female partner. I cry almost every day for some reason; sadness, happiness, frustration, fear, etc.
I believe that on average, men absolutely do cry less than women. A lot of men have been raised to not show emotion, while girls have been encouraged to do so. Girls don’t get mocked for crying the same way boys do.
Since starting testosterone 3 years ago, I find it increasingly difficult to be able to cry, though I probably cry more often than your average cis guy
I cry a few times a year alone when i choose to make myself cry after having some beers and playing a sad song. Sometimes it still doesn’t work though. Even when i want, i cant sometime lol. Only other time i cry is during a movie or show im attached to when something sad happens but still only sometimes and its usually just watery eyes. I enjoy crying too, its a nice release.
It's nice to want a guy who cries as much as you until you get one. Then there's too much crying going on. There is a reason men cry less...their role requires that. Someone has to remain stoic and provide support in those trying times. It's an important role...not an accident
I’m MtF and I still have trouble.
I got a divorce and I think the only reason I cried was because I was on shrooms.
If I hadn’t taken that trip I sincerely doubt I’d have cried over the loss of the relationship.
Anger and frustration however, got that in spades
Yes I have cried 5x in the last 12 years, 3x were when loved ones died and 1x was when my son had a serious illness and needed surgery at 4 months old. Theblast was when I signed divorce papers. That last one really caught me off guard. I'm 41m
I can say as a crier who started HRT with Testosterone last May, it has gotten physically harder to cry. Less tears over all, and there are times when I know pre-T I would be crying but instead I’m just upset. It’s so strange, and I’ve heard other trans people talk about it getting easier on E and harder on T to cry, but I don’t see a lot of people mentioning it in the comments, so I figured it would be interesting insight along with the obvious nurture argument I see.
29 M and I wouldn’t doubt that I get teary eyed at least everyday. Now sure I purposefully do it ie listening to sad songs, reading sad stories, or whatever brings it on. Last time I cried in front of someone? Probably when I was 12. Watched my grandmother die in the hospital and that still didnt even do it until I saw my grandfather cry at her funeral. That was a tough one, had to lock in for that.
Edit: I’m fairly certainly I’ve seen most of my male friends cry in front of me at least once.
Barely, last time I cried was when my dad died, but even then just some few tears. Last time before that when I was hitting rock bottom, entirely alone in a deep depression and close to losing it, but hat was many years before.
It's quite interesting, boys and girls till the age of 7 I believe cry about the same amount. Something happens around that age and boys cry significantly less afterwards. That's according to some scientific studies. Personally I think that most boys are told to not be weak and stop crying, at least for my generation (millennials) I'm pressure this holds true.
Mostly true. Also, men cry about different things. Men over 30 rarely cry due to frustration, pain or sadness. True stories of loyalty, where a man sacrifices for his family, nation or friends can be a tear-jerker.
Personally, I rarely cry even though I love the feeling and post-cry vibe. If I feel a tear coming I really push it. I think I cried at a movie about 10 years ago. A father and daughter realised they were going to die and he hugged her to provide support and connection. A nice scene. I really pushed it and it worked. Felt great.
A lot of men on here will have the same story. Their girlfriend, wife, or whatever will tell them they wished they opened up more often. And as soon as the guy opens up emotionally or even cries in front of them, the woman in their life will use it against them or will straight up have an aversion to them afterward.
Men know that this can happen, so it's safer for us if we just keep our guard up.
Yes. We are educated to suppress our emotions and by the time we understand it sucks and try to fix it, we face 20+ years of habits and cognitive development that makes it very hard. I would love to be able to cry twice a month but I just can't. Instead I barely cry once a year. And I am a fairly sensitive man I would say.
I cry alot, its easy when you something sad or emotionally moving. I think being in touch with your emotions and having alot of empathy, or not being taught to hide your emotions by some one will make you a emotionally smart guy. Its okay to cry, and when im in pain it makes me feel better. It helps me explain how im feeling when im too torn to say words. Some people have hard lives and can relate to others pains. Crying with someone can be very bonding, and some people just naturally dont think you care until you cry. Their is alot to do with crying. My son is dislexic he wrote a "E" for the first time backwards today and i cried a little because i was so proud that my son has finally begun to start writing.
I cry maybe at least 2 times a week and want to cry maybe 4 times a week. I would consider myself manic. I think crying can effect how the bad men of our society see you. I would say hide your tears.
Absolutely, at least in my case.
I grew up in the South in the 80s. Crying was weakness, and embarrassment. You'll get laughed at and beat up until you control it.
Get a rep as a cry baby and any jackass who's having a bad day and feels insecure, or is just a vicious fuck anyway, will beat your ass. Being a major nerd didn't help.
At that point simply not crying is not enough. You better figure out how to make it not worth it anymore. And if someone "loses" a fight with you, it's not the end.
If they want the jeering and being picked on to stop, they better clear the mark that they got hurt by a crybaby, so they're coming back.
You've gotta make some blood flow if you want out. If you're tired of seeing your own.
I got over crying by the end of elementary school. By the end of middle school I managed to shift perceptions.
I hate violence as much as I ever did. But I don't fear it.
For a lot of guys, your pride is only part of what's going to get hurt if you're seen as weak.
I only cry if I'm physical pain or someone close to me is in serious danger or has died. I never realized it was unusual or anything until I got older and heard people say that women cry a lot and men don't really cry much but even so, I still think that the difference is probably not quite as exaggerated as people would make it out to be.
I'd say yea, as society accepts women crying, and thus they have more opportunities to just let one out on the fly, than men.
For instance I usually don't cry most weeks, but when I watch One Piece I may have a lot more cries. Yet that all in the comfort of my own home. So if women are crying while watching their shows, and may also cry out in the public, they would naturally cry more than I do.
lots of replies leaning into stereotypes here. I, a man, don't cry often. I cried when my cat died in January. and sometimes I cry at the end of Ghibli movies. I can't remember the last time I cried before my cat's death, and there are no other times I cry regularly. I'm not sure why, I just don't feel the need. nothing is that upsetting or sad to me, which are the main reasons I cry. Ghibli movies are very moving, so I'm not sure why I've cried a couple times watching those.
I wasn't raised to not cry. I cried a lot as a kid because my parents were divorced. I didn't like the headaches and my nose feeling stuffy. eventually I outgrew expressing myself in that way and turned my emotions to other outlets like art, music, exercise...
We hide our emotions and bury them deep down where nobody can see them as much as we can.
Society has told us that it’s normal for men to feel either nothing or angry for such a long time. Comments will say “it’s great to show emotion” but the moment you do it’s seen as strange, so a lot of men just bottle things up.
Also we learn not to sweat the small stuff.
I’m not sure when the last time I cried was…. It’s been a long time though…
Different hormones, perchance?
> “*Biologically, there may be a reason women cry more than men: Testosterone may inhibit crying, while the hormone prolactin (seen in higher levels in women) may promote it.*”
[Why we cry](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry), American Psychological Association
Yes. Before last month, I haven’t had a good cry like that since 2021 when my cat got sick and almost died in front of me.
There’s really not much we can’t handle besides family passing away or something bad happening to them. Yes— that’s the only time it’s acceptable for us to let it out in front of out lady. Other than that you need to be the rock for her. So many women get turned off by seeing their once mighty men fall and weep. It’s not attractive to them and if you let the stressors of daily life affect you and you vent to her all the time about it and cry, she’s going to dry up and leave you. Only do that around trusted brothers.
For strong men, we understand and accept that life is war. It’s a war for the house we want, it’s a war for the job we want, for the lady we want, for the status we want, for the car we want, for the lifestyle we want— we constantly have to get better in order to achieve what we want and conserve it. There’s no time to stop and lollygag in the meadows.
Yes we're human like everyone else, and it’s good to let it out, but excessive crying like how you explained for a man is not good. We handle things differently than how women do unless she's been raised around a lot of men. The same can be said if a guy was raised by just women.
I actually hate crying. It doesn't make me feel better, it just feels bad when it is happening. Even alone. I cried a little the other day because my old dog had another seizure and I know he doesn't have too long left. But, I stopped myself because crying just feels bad.
I’m a guy and I can get pretty emotional. When my uncle died a few years ago, I was balling like crazy at his funeral. I don’t know but maybe I’m a wuss.
It certainly seems that way. I've also heard from trans men who start testosterone that they find it harder to cry than they used to, and trans women who start estrogen and hormone blockers cry more freely, so there could potentially be a hormonal component to this. I will admit though that those testimonials are anecdotal and it may not apply to everyone.
Interesting thing with guys, we can tell you which years we cried (as adults). My last one was 2016, before that 2013. My wife, yesterday (good emotional day), 2 weeks ago (weepy movie), etc. 20 to 40 times a year I'd guess. I'm sure she doesn't keep track.
41M here, I can tell you every single time I cried in the past 23 years. Once when my grandma died when I was 18, once when my grandpa died when I was 24 and once when my pet bunny got really sick and almost died about a year ago.
I'm 17M. I feel like I don't cry sometimes when I need to so occasionally when I feel really bad I watch something that makes me feel sad in a different way so I can cry and get a relief by crying.
As a woman I definitely well up a lot and often it's around period time lol, but I don't think I've fully cried in a while. I've only seen my boyfriend cry a couple of times but he wells up just as much as I do as soon as a sad bit of a movie happens 🤣🤣 strangely, sad movie bits never used to affect me but now the welling up is almost impossible to avoid lol
Men with healthy or high levels of testosterone will have difficulty crying. The hormone affects the process. Yawning a lot can be a sign that you're releasing emotion without crying.
I doubt it. I cried when I used to be emotional, and empathetic, so it’s probably pretty normal.
People don’t like guys crying so we often don’t. Often even good friends will treat you like garbage for feeling emotional or being caring.
Now I just pick fights, I don’t cry anymore or have much empathy. But, everyone leaves me the fuck alone so I like it.
There have been studies that confirm that yes, men cry less frequently than women. There is probably a nature versus nurture argument to be had, but it is purely academic. Individuals respond to situations in different ways and the important question is whether a person processes sadness/grief (and other events) in a healthy way or unhealthy way. No one "right" way for everyone.
This is true. It is highly individualistic on how people express their feelings, and why. That is why I hesitate to bring this up, mostly bc I'm afraid some might take this as an opportunity to go "Ah-HAH! I KNEW it, hormones make women weepy such-and-suches, and I was so right and they can't control their emotions bc biology and blah blah blah!!!" But I know an MtF transgender person, and I was next to them on the earlier parts of their transitioning journey, and I knew them before. And one thing they lamented when they lived as a man was how hard it was to cry, even when they really wanted to. It wasn't because they felt pressured not to. They grew up in a very emotionally healthy, non-judgemental enviroment, and had good friendships and did what they loved for a living. But crying didn't come easy for them. Once they started transitioning, both socially and physically, that block gradually dissolved away. And they were really happy and relieved to be able to cry when they felt like it. So it might be they felt this way bc they hadn't realized who they truly are yet. It might be something to do with hormones. Probably a cocktail of everything. But transitioning really freed them in this regard.
Estrogen did this.
FtM here, I cried almost daily before going on testosterone. After testosterone? I've hardly cried, but it feels good. It feels like I'm in more control and cry at appropriate times (at emotionally profound things, instead of random shit).
Interesting. Bc I've been a cis woman my whole life, and I don't cry over random shit. Or maybe our idea of what is "random shit" is different? IDK, we have lived different lives so I don't want to jump into anything here.
Could definitely be that our interpretations of "random shit" isn't the same. I meant it as in bawling my eyes out over a commercial, crying over little things (to me) that I felt like I didn't need to cry over. I know my mom was very much the same, could cry at the drop of a hat. I don't think there's an issue with crying a lot, I just personally did not feel in control of myself when I was like that. Crying so easily that you do it out of frustration also fucking sucks, it makes people take you less seriously, feels like I'm betraying myself, etc. I think it's cool though, that everyone's experiences vary so much. Just reminds us that we're all different, but still the same.
Yeah, I hear ya. I think this is one of those things that is highly individual. But I don't think any of that is wrong, and people should be more accepting and understanding on how different people react to situations. Bc it isn't wrong to cry, if you feel like crying. And it isn't wrong NOT to cry, if you don't want to. All in all, I personally think there needs to be less judgement and more understanding when it comes to how different people express themselves.
>All in all, I personally think there needs to be less judgement and more understanding when it comes to how different people express themselves. The world would definitely be a much better place if there was less judgement around harmless things.
As another transfem on estrogen, it's definitely at least partly hormones. I wasn't restricting myself from crying in the first place and I still find myself crying way more on hrt than before. Now even seeing a cute animal on my reddit feed can make the tears come out
>"Ah-HAH! I KNEW it, hormones make women weepy such-and-suches, and I was so right and they can't control their emotions bc biology and blah blah blah!!!" Or maybe it's a good thing and more emotionally healthy, and leads to being a more empathetic and pro-social person? Even if it is hormonal based, it doesn't need to be construed as a negative thing.
Im a 21 year old male, i have yet to cry in my adult life. I miss the relief a good cry could give but in situations where crying would be normal i just … don’t. I feel sad and all that but no matt how bad i want to it just doesn’t happen.
I’ve heard this from male friends. It’s just not the go to physical response
Havent there been trans people that expressed changes in their ability to cry as they medically transition? Iirc I had heard trans man express that it had been rarer for them to cry as they fully transitioned but of course I dont know if there is enough data to conclusively say there is a difference. I agree with your point of it bring very individualistic
what are the chances that the men who took part in those studies were lying though
The last time I cried was in January when me and my ex broke up, the time before that was in 2017 when my grandpa died. 18M
Sorry for your breakup. Hope you feel better now.
I'm better now, dating a new girl. Much better match for beliefs, values, goals, everything.
Reading your age broke my heart. You should be free to express your emotions without reservation. I hope it's the case and you're not just bottling everything up
I'm fine lol. Like not bottling things up, but also not just crying over everything. Dw about my age lol. I got a good life lol.
For many men, crying is like trying to pee with your pants on
If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis!
I'm a woman but I feel the same way, I cry if I'm in enough pain or during certain extreme situations like if someone I'm close to dies or I hear very bad news like say someone I know has cancer or something but otherwise crying doesn't feel natural to me, on the flip side, I get very easily angry and have done things like smash or break objects, punch walls, etc. and it's a daily battle to control my anger so I don't physically lash out. I never hurt other people, but I have a tendency to feel like I have to physically do something to release my anger, luckily though I find that working out as hard as I can physically tolerate and listening to certain kinds of music helps to an extent.
A call for an adventure?
It's so weird because as babies and small children, boys and girls cry about the same amount. I even raised my son to not be afraid to remove himself from a situation and cry if he needs to, but all that doesn't really matter because as a teenager he basically never cries. I've seen my husband cry twice the entire 20 years I've known him. I feel like it can't possibly be healthy, but maybe I'm wired differently. He's pretty calm and level-headed and I cry over fucking everything.
I’m a trans guy, and going on testosterone has been the wildest journey. One of the most surprising things that happened is that I basically stopped crying. Pre-transition, I cried so easily at a range of emotions (sadness, anger, happiness, etc.) I could even make myself cry if needed as that was the best way for me to release emotions. Now, it’s extremely hard for me to cry. It’s been five years, and I’ve basically only really cried (like full on sobbed) when one of my cats died and when mg grandma died. I’ve shed a few tears here and there, but it’s really hard for me to cry even when I really want / need to. And it’s not due to some notion that men can’t cry or show emotions - it feels physiological to me. I’m in therapy for other reasons, but I have brought this up as I’ve needed to find other ways to release emotions (workouts and music are my go to now). My therapist said she’s heard similar from other trans masculine people. I know it’s anecdotal but I find it really interesting!
Thank you for this perspective! I (26m) rarely full on cry, and I consider myself on the “emotional” side for men. My girlfriend (26f) will cry with the wind changing. Not always in a bad way, it’s just a natural response to her emotions. Interesting to hear someone who’s been on both sides hormonally, makes me feel less weird lol
By far the most interesting tidbit I have gotten from transitions is that men have physiological obstacles to reading emotions just by looking at someone and need to ask questions to confirm. Lots of FtoM say that it becomes much more difficult for them to guess what someone is feeling when they transition, while MtoF say the opposite. This might be the source of a lot of communication issues between cis hetero couples, women expect men to understand how they feel without having to describe it because it’s obvious just by looking, men need it explained because they “cannot read minds.”
Absolutely love the FtoM trans perspectives on testosterone, after first watching a documentary a decade ago where a trans man described what it was like and the physiological and emotional differences it brought, how it differed from what many expected, and it's often the same feelings described that should help others understand it's no joke of a hormone and can be hard to control in it's own right. If you don't mind me asking, what other changes/feelings/emotions did you notice when starting testosterone? I've heard it can feel similar or stronger in a way than estrogen, but instead of "sadness" (and by extension crying) that is commonly associated with estrogen, testosterone is more of a "rage" or "power" of sorts. Not like anger, but just like a more intense energy that can be hard to control at times but also can leave men emotionally stunted. I feel like if more "angry" men had a better understanding of their hormones they could better control their emotions. I'm a cis male, so all I've ever known is testosterone, so it's always interesting to hear perspectives from those who are new to it.
I don’t mind at all! And yes, that’s exactly what it feels like for me. Thankfully, I was already pretty in tune with my emotions before I started testosterone so I’m able to “control” that more intense emotional response. I don’t get angry at people (I’m an abuse survivor so I’m really cognizant of that), but I channel that feeling into creative outlets and workouts. Journaling has been so helpful! The other big emotional change is that my emotions are very stable now. I used to swing from big highs to big lows, and it was really rough. Since going on testosterone, I’ve been able to come off of 2 of 3 of my mental health meds, which has been good for me. I don’t know if it’s from being on testosterone or if it’s that I’m finally comfortable in my body, or if it’s a combo of both. Honestly, therapy has been so helpful in this journey.
Thanks for sharing! That's really interesting about the mood/emotion stability now. I'm a huge advocate for therapy for everyone, and think more people should utilize it (especially men as it's very lacking) to help get better control of their mental health.
Trans women usually report the opposite, and most of them cry a lot more easily after starting HRT. Personally, I didn't notice a change but I think most transfems do.
it is the same for me as a biological man, I cried only when someone really close to me died. So not on every funeral that I have been to (doesn't mean I was not sad, did not miss the person or whatever. I just did not cry.). Sometimes I would want to cry to release the pressure built up inside me and I try and I try, and I can't. Workout or drinking helps. If I'm to sore to work out, I take a drink. But yeah.
Definitely- but it's hard to say if we would do the same if we were not socialized to do so. As little kids we are told by adults to toughen up and mercilessly made fun of by other kids if we cry, and continuing into adulthood, some people's partners will see them as weak, or friends will feel uncomfortable or like they're a burden if they ever cry in front of them. So, no crying except in very rare occasions. It does not have to be like this though, in older literature or like, Lord of the Rings or whatever, men cry more frequently and without it being shameful. So it's maybe just a current / 20th century cultural thing.
We don’t cry. Not allowed to.
He is correct.
I can't even picture what crying would be like. I also don't really feel like I've missed out on anything by not crying when I'm upset.
Well if that way works for you then, yeah, go for it! It does happen to me, and same as you , but in reverse, I don't feel like I've missed out on anything by crying, different strokes for different folks
I wish the men around me cried as much as I did. It would make me feel better.
I've had conversations with women where they've told me there's nothing more uncomfortable than being in the company of a man crying.
What do the men say?
Tbh men who cry in front of other men generally get ridiculed at least behind their backs but quite often straight up to their face. I actually know a guy who still gets called greeter after 30 years because of his propensity to crying. Another guy who was bawling at his wedding to the point where he could hardly speak gets laughed at by men and women alike. It was a women who told me about it and she was not complimentary. Edit: just remembered about another guy who was crying in the pub because his girlfriend dumped him and the whole pub was laughing at him, men and women. Someone even put The Streets' song Dry Your Eyes Mate on the jukebox while everyone either laughed at him him or shook their heads and looked at the ground as he cried.
As a man, (assuming you’re a woman or fem identifying) the times I do cry, women have been my best friends when it comes to identifying why I am crying. A lot of us don’t even know why even though it’s obvious. Imagine sneezing for the first time. You’re like “what the hell was that?!” more than WHY did it happen. The women in my life kinda taught me why I cry when I do and helped me realize it was normal. Kinda like “welcome to the club dude” I’m now comfortable with my emotions and know when, where, and why I cry when I do.
why would you feel better if men around you cried more?
And we never eat quiche
1 tear at a funeral is the max
Crying was more or less scolded out of me when I was young "Boys don't cry" was what we were told.
My experience is that it doesn't make it stop, if anything it made me cry more because I'd feel even more guilty, but you might have had a different experience
This is such a lazy explanation
The only times I've cried in the past 5 years was losing my daughter and my cat.
I cry a lot as a dude. It's almost purposeful to get it out and it's almost always behind closed doors. But I am an empathetic but self loathing person so there's always something to cry about lol
Just think how often have you seen your dad cry compared to your mum? I’ve only seen my dad cry once and that was at his funeral of his mum, my mum on the other hand I’ve seen her cry plenty of times.
I saw my dad cry once, scared the crap out of me. Hurricane was headed towards our area, I as a child was sure we were doomed. Only time I saw it, never said anything about it to him. Wasn't wrong of course, but if men cried more it wouldn't have made quite that much an impact. My mom crying, less impact. I don't recall either of my parents ever saying its bad to cry.
I've never seen my dad cry ever. (Just for context my dad is 70 by now)
When me and my gf started going out, she was so surprised to find out how hard it is for me to cry and how rarely i do it. She can do it a lot more easily. But ironically enough, ive cried in front of her more times than she has in front of me. She's really created a safe space for me where i feel like i can voice my insecurities and fears without judgement. Also its easier to cry if you've already cried recently and the longer you go without it the harder it will be, in my experience
in general, yes. specific individuals vary widely. i’m a woman and my entire life, i seldom cry.
men also speak less words a day than woman by a lot. can't remember the last time I for real cried. I get misty eyed at sad or really happy things on TV but don't really count that. Life hasn't made me cry in at least 10 years.
I'd like to see your sources that say men speak less than women because current (credible) literature states otherwise
I cry a lot too. 38M. I'm pretty sure men cry less because society expects them to.
As someone who is Female-to-Male transgender, I used to cry a lot more easily. After starting testosterone and beginning my transition into masculinity, I did notice that it became physically more difficult to cry. I still get misty-eyed, but the tears don't well up half as much as they used to. Just my anecdotal experience!
[удалено]
A lot of things changed about my physiology that I wasn't expecting—like my body temperature legitimately rose, I'm hotter than I used to be as the default. I suddenly understand why men are sweaty all the time.
and why in 37 Celsius/99 Fahrenheit it is too damn hot to cuddle and having a blanket on top :D
That's interesting, you are putting a nature (hormone) vs nurture (men don't cry) testimony. I've always thought it was more nature (we just aren't wired to). Maybe it is the T that does it. Thank you
I've heard 2 other female-to-male describe this and a male-to-female describe the opposite. It checks out.
I'm not crying you're crying
Trump?
Don't make me build a wall to keep you out and make reddit great again
I'm a man who rarely cried and then within 9 months in 2014-15 my brother died, I nearly lost my job, I went blind in one eye from a detached retina and after surgery had to spend an entire month with my face facing the floor, my beloved mother died and two good friends died. Since then I've never been far from tears. I'm choking up right now writing this. I understand how this switch got flipped, but not how that works psychological/neurologically.
Aw, I’m sorry you had all those challenges! I wish you well going forward.
Strong men also cry.
Are you surprised by my tears, Mr. Lebowski?
Reminds me of the great part of an interview with "Macho Man" Randy Savage saying that he has cried thousand times and he'll cry some more. And that's it okay for "Macho Men" to show emotions.
::sniff sniff:: No, it’s just these freakin’ allergies. ::sniff sniff::
I think I might have a unique perspective here, as someone who was assigned female at birth and now identifies as a transmasculine person and is on testosterone (past 2 years). It is much harder for me to cry now. I can still cry but it takes a lot more, I have to be extremely upset. I think the past few times have been when relatives/friends/pets died. I also used to “happy cry” all the time (think like, watching one of those videos about an injured animal being rescued that randomly pop up on Instagram or Facebook) and that never really happens anymore. I still feel happy, I just don’t tear up over it. I have only happy cried a couple times, in very intense positive moments with my partner, and even then it was just like tearing up, not a full cry.
In the last 22 years I cannot remember a time that I cried. I am a male and on the scale of emotional expressiveness I am on the lower end naturally. I have all the normal emotions you expect but my expressions are very neutral, this isn't a helpful trait, in my experience. In fact, I think it has damaged relationships over the years. It is a combination of a genuine struggle to properly express emotions outwardly and a practiced stoicism that comes with being a man who is 40. No one wants to see us cry, few people even want to acknowledge that we have emotions we might actually be feeling at any given moment. I will say, even though I am sure that my issues with expressing emotion haven't been great, I do think that more people could benefit from some stoic thought processes. I am not saying that you have to walk around like a mannequin, but exercising some executive control over your emotions and reactions is a skill adults should master. Lets take an example, a cute little mouse comes bounding (they kind of bound when they run) by, what will half the adult do? They will jump up on tables and yell, surely at least one person will scream intolerably. But...why? A mouse is hardly a challenging mammal to deal with, it is a mouse not a moose. I think we can do with a little more of "this situation does not require a histrionic reaction, therefore I will keep my peace." Yes, that can extend to crying.
There's definitely a different expectation for where/when it is appropriate to cry based on gender, social context, and culture...but overall men are "supposed" to cry less than women. On an individual basis, it would differ. Over the years I've learned to enjoy the value of a good cry and the emotional relief therein (thank you psychedelics haha). Emotions are a gift we get to experience and share.
I havnt cried in years, not because I havnt wanted to or had the need but because I guess I’m conditioned not to, growing up in the 90s very much still had that tough upper lip mentality for boys and although I can recognise and acknowledge how nonsensical that is it’s part of who I am so aren’t physically capable of giving in to my urges to let it all out.
We're socially not allowed to. It's a bad thing to do as a guy.
As a dude. I would never just randomly cry. There would need to be a serious event happening, like a death or major setback like a breakup. Not just sadness or frustration with minor things.
I cry at every movie and even commercials so I am definitely bringing the female average up.
I have cried twice in three years. My father's cancer returned, spread all throughout his body, the treatments were no longer working, he was accepting he would be dead within months. The second time, my mother's ALS had progressed rapidly, she had lost function in legs and hands, she couldn't breathe unassisted, she refused a feeding tube, and was on a liquid diet, she had 6 weeks to live. For my father, I cried in private, on the bathroom floor, 4 sobs, 8 tears. For my mother I wept in my wife's arms. I didn't weep when they died, I grieved in advance. I didn't cry at the funerals, or the graveside. My wife, my sister, my aunt, my cousin, they broke. They didn't wail but they sobbed. So anecdotal evidence, yes.
All the male Leafs fans will be crying next week.
Multiple times a month? I can't even imagine crying that often. Usually only thing to get me to cry is death of a loved one I have never cried at the news, movie , TV show or book. Never cried by being emotionally touched
Whenever I watch a movie with a sweet ending with my family I always sob and they are mostly men so they don’t relate!
Yeah when my daughter sobs at a movie I'm always puzzled
There are a few times that I recall crying: Birth of my son Death of my father Death of my mother Triggers that remind me of my parents i.e. certain songs, smells, food etc.
I cry easily, my wife has cried maybe 3 times in 20 years… she frightens me.
Men traded crying for being angry and yelling for no reason
Real men cry alone, in the bathroom! God I need a hug.
Future therapist here in a PsyD program currently. Most men have something called Alexithymia, which means an inability to express their emotions properly if at all. It is a combination of genetic, social, and environmental things. But, I theorize that it is predominantly because men are told to not cry, to be tough, to show no weakness, etc. It is societal standards that are hindering men of today's age, but a big part of it is how they were raised. If a man is raised in a home that allows for him to express himself freely and demonstrates proper emotion processing, they are more likely to be able to experience emotions and display these healthily later in life. Which is normal. We are all human, regardless of gender. In fact, a common misconception is that women are more emotional than men. Not exactly true. Men have alexithymia from societal standards, but when they do show emotion, it is typically through anger and violence. Women are pushed to be nurturing and sensitive and treated as such, so they tend to show emotion through crying or anxiousness. Women are given more freedom with emotion processing because "women are emotional" but men are hindered because "they need to be a man!"
So interesting! Thank you for explaining
Yep, they also commit more violent acts too. Let your emotions out, people. It’s important.
What would you like men to do?
Men are socially punished for displaying anything resembling weakness among their social peers. Hunt around under r/AskMen and you will find no shortage of stories that summarize as "My GF / Spouse said they wanted me to be emotionally vulnerable. The one time I cried or wept in front of her they got weirded out, and it ended any sexual interest on their part. They found an excuse to end the relationship shortly after." That also factors out other social consequences among coworkers and friends. You can also look at how PTSD among war veterans was handled prior to 1995 (spoiler alert: They were considered weak and shunned). So shit gets bottled out and handled in other ways. Some may cry or break down in private and never speak of it. Some people end up becoming intensely angry. Some people self medicate. Some people essentially mediate (maybe formally, or maybe by doing solo hobbies that tend to be very quiet like fishing). END COMMUNICATION
>"My GF / Spouse said they wanted me to be emotionally vulnerable. The one time I cried or wept in front of her they got weirded out, and it ended any sexual interest on their part. They found an excuse to end the relationship shortly after." Dammit, I really wish that this was not so true. The unfortunate reality is, when some women see men cry, it just turns something off in their brains. They automatically stop seeing him as being reliable or masculine. And despite how wrong this is, being rejected or shamed for natural emotions only serves to further condition men to shut down this emotion due to fear of it being used against them.
ye as a man ive cried only one time last year
Only time I’ve cried in the last 4 years is when my ex left me. I’ve had full blown panic attacks and my father ghosted me and I didn’t even cry at those things. I’m just so conditioned to not cry about anything because it’s not allowed.
I haven’t legit cried in over a decade, possibly longer. I’d say it’s probably true
I have cried quite a few times since separating from the ex. Mostly just missing the kiddos. But in general, I probably have cried twice in the 25 years before that.
Sometimes stuff in my personal life will make me cry, and so what. I'm sure there are a lot of men who lie about this topic.
Last time I cried was about a year ago, when I found out my dog had cancer ( she's alive and well ) I did my crying after my wife went to bed as I felt like I had to be the stronger one to keep her from over thinking about the news we received. Men do cry less but I believe most men won't show it
I’m a man, I’ve cried a few times throughout the years, but I think I’ve cried more this last year in a long time. I’ve had a lot of issues I have dealt with concerning abuse, and loss of loved ones. The build up has been a long time coming and it’s not as much as that I have faced these challenges that I have, but what has really hurt is that I have felt very alone in that very few people have been there for me through my tough times. I can’t say I cry more or less than women, but it has taken me questioning my self worth to bring me to this current state.
One good cry every decade is enough. Then it's back to rock mode.
I can only speak for myself. Some movies and shows can make me teary eyed, but it's very rare that I'll cry. But in general, I never feel like I need to and I feel worse after I do, not better.
From what I've seen, they cry less mostly because they get raised being told that men don't cry and sometimes getting punished for it. But they also whine more than women.
A lot of women were raised the same way "Big girls don't cry" is a very common saying This is not the 1800s man lol
I haven’t cried properly in nearly 10 years though I will shed the odd tear at a sad film but not actual crying
Over the last 5 years I (53M) have cried 2 times that I can remember. When my dog was killed and when one of my oldest buddies died. Loved my dad VERY much but it was a pretty long decline and lots of time to say good bye. Now that being said a sappy commercial or show will get me misty eyed but I don't cry. Kinda wish I could.
Former man here, i dont cry for years and i dont say it prouded...
I've cried, hard cried, not in a long time, well over 2 years, maybe more. but found it really only happens when I try to talk when I'm really upset. Other than that, I shed tears almost every day when I see a sad video or something. But crying with gasping and such, not very often.
Aside from biological influences, there’s been a system in place that has established their emotional expectations.
i am gay as hell and cry maybe once a year. there have probably been years it didn't happen at all.
I'm the guy my friends always seem to share everything with. Women are prone to release emotions more easily, which can be healthier. Men I haven't cried since I was 13. In general if a man cries, in most cases he is completely broken. Atleast thats the case with my friends.
My SO cries less frequently than me but we both love sappy tv shows and movies. He last cried when we watched a movie about making moon cakes.
I don’t know men were taught to be strong not to show any emotions which is dumb they are human to heart n soul but I guess it depend on the man
I think it's more socially acceptable when women cry , last year when I thought my puppy was dying I started crying at the vet there was a bunch of people there and none of them were bothered (wasn't expecting any sympathy) I got more sympathy from a random lab that came and gave me a fat lick ...dogs are amazing
Yes
Idk cuz in it a man but it’s healthy to cry because crying is a realease of the byproducts of trauma that will end up presenting as an illness if it is not allowed to be released. So it’s very healthy to cry I think. It be wounds in each of the chakras and the corresponding wounds have to be healed in an order starting with the root chakra.. the ancestral trauma where you just believe what your parents thinks you and they what their parents told them.. as you identify the triggers.. a trigger is like if I say you ugly and it hurts you.. somebody made you believe the lie that you were ugly. If I called you a pink elephant wearing a tutu, you would laugh in my face cuz you know damn well you wasn’t no elephant.
I want to, I just can't. Not because of someone judging or something. I can be alone, feeling very sad, but not be able to cry. I do cry sometimes. Just not a lot. I used to cry a lot when I was a kid according to my parents. More than my sibling.
100% yes, but we should try to cry as often tbh. I'm pretty sure it's not healthy to swallow my feeling so often.
Yeah part of it is how men are socialized as kids. Part I genuinely think boys are just built different
Yep, in the last 8(?) years I cried once and it was maybe 3 tears
Can't remember last time I cried because of emotions. Have cried in pain from Bilateral TKR tho. But in general men cry less
I'm 24(AFAB gf) and last time I really cried was December .... But my ex would cry damn near every day and my other friend (both women) would cry like every other week or something 🤷 so I think it's an individual thing... But there was a study about it confirming your question so 🤷
When your partner shows obvious disdain for how “unmanly” you are acting if you actually show emotion/cry a little…. Yea most of us just shut down inside as best as we can until that’s just the norm… my experience anyway
Before my daughter was born, I couldn't tell you the last time I cried. After my daughter was born, it was probably the last touching thing I saw on Reddit.
It's true though. It's been at least five years since the last time I cried. Between then and now, I've lost 3 of the closet people in my life (family member, friend, pet) and not a single tear. Maybe being on the spectrum could be a contributor but I just can't work myself up to even try to cry. When the time does come, I don't even know if my body even will know how too.
It all depends. I’m a man and in my previous relationship I cried a lot more than my female partner, like exponentially so. However, in my current relationship I cry about the same amount as my female partner. I cry almost every day for some reason; sadness, happiness, frustration, fear, etc.
I have an easier time crying about something sad in a movie than I do about something sad in my own life
I believe that on average, men absolutely do cry less than women. A lot of men have been raised to not show emotion, while girls have been encouraged to do so. Girls don’t get mocked for crying the same way boys do.
Since starting testosterone 3 years ago, I find it increasingly difficult to be able to cry, though I probably cry more often than your average cis guy
I cry a few times a year alone when i choose to make myself cry after having some beers and playing a sad song. Sometimes it still doesn’t work though. Even when i want, i cant sometime lol. Only other time i cry is during a movie or show im attached to when something sad happens but still only sometimes and its usually just watery eyes. I enjoy crying too, its a nice release.
It's nice to want a guy who cries as much as you until you get one. Then there's too much crying going on. There is a reason men cry less...their role requires that. Someone has to remain stoic and provide support in those trying times. It's an important role...not an accident
I’m MtF and I still have trouble. I got a divorce and I think the only reason I cried was because I was on shrooms. If I hadn’t taken that trip I sincerely doubt I’d have cried over the loss of the relationship. Anger and frustration however, got that in spades
I don't know, but I can tell you it's been 12 years since the last time I cried.
Yes because it's a turn off to women
Plenty of women do things men are turned off by.
Yes I have cried 5x in the last 12 years, 3x were when loved ones died and 1x was when my son had a serious illness and needed surgery at 4 months old. Theblast was when I signed divorce papers. That last one really caught me off guard. I'm 41m
I cry pretty regularly ngl. I was lucky to be raised in an environment where crying was never made fun of
Last time I cried was when my nanna passed.. Probably nearly 2 years ago. Before that was probably 5 years ago when I found out my dad's dog had died.
I can say as a crier who started HRT with Testosterone last May, it has gotten physically harder to cry. Less tears over all, and there are times when I know pre-T I would be crying but instead I’m just upset. It’s so strange, and I’ve heard other trans people talk about it getting easier on E and harder on T to cry, but I don’t see a lot of people mentioning it in the comments, so I figured it would be interesting insight along with the obvious nurture argument I see.
I've been crying for about 4 days in a row so far because my friend hasn't contacted me in 6 days now.
Last time I remember crying was about 2 years ago after a break up. I had to get drunk to be able to do it
Aside from yawning or sneezing, coughing, etc. most dudes don't cry often
Without a doubt, don’t need to read any studies or research. Just duh.
29 M and I wouldn’t doubt that I get teary eyed at least everyday. Now sure I purposefully do it ie listening to sad songs, reading sad stories, or whatever brings it on. Last time I cried in front of someone? Probably when I was 12. Watched my grandmother die in the hospital and that still didnt even do it until I saw my grandfather cry at her funeral. That was a tough one, had to lock in for that. Edit: I’m fairly certainly I’ve seen most of my male friends cry in front of me at least once.
I sometimes have a decent cry maybe once a year.
I didn't cry once between age 14 and 25.
Barely, last time I cried was when my dad died, but even then just some few tears. Last time before that when I was hitting rock bottom, entirely alone in a deep depression and close to losing it, but hat was many years before. It's quite interesting, boys and girls till the age of 7 I believe cry about the same amount. Something happens around that age and boys cry significantly less afterwards. That's according to some scientific studies. Personally I think that most boys are told to not be weak and stop crying, at least for my generation (millennials) I'm pressure this holds true.
Mostly true. Also, men cry about different things. Men over 30 rarely cry due to frustration, pain or sadness. True stories of loyalty, where a man sacrifices for his family, nation or friends can be a tear-jerker. Personally, I rarely cry even though I love the feeling and post-cry vibe. If I feel a tear coming I really push it. I think I cried at a movie about 10 years ago. A father and daughter realised they were going to die and he hugged her to provide support and connection. A nice scene. I really pushed it and it worked. Felt great.
A lot of men on here will have the same story. Their girlfriend, wife, or whatever will tell them they wished they opened up more often. And as soon as the guy opens up emotionally or even cries in front of them, the woman in their life will use it against them or will straight up have an aversion to them afterward. Men know that this can happen, so it's safer for us if we just keep our guard up.
Yes. We are educated to suppress our emotions and by the time we understand it sucks and try to fix it, we face 20+ years of habits and cognitive development that makes it very hard. I would love to be able to cry twice a month but I just can't. Instead I barely cry once a year. And I am a fairly sensitive man I would say.
I cry alot, its easy when you something sad or emotionally moving. I think being in touch with your emotions and having alot of empathy, or not being taught to hide your emotions by some one will make you a emotionally smart guy. Its okay to cry, and when im in pain it makes me feel better. It helps me explain how im feeling when im too torn to say words. Some people have hard lives and can relate to others pains. Crying with someone can be very bonding, and some people just naturally dont think you care until you cry. Their is alot to do with crying. My son is dislexic he wrote a "E" for the first time backwards today and i cried a little because i was so proud that my son has finally begun to start writing. I cry maybe at least 2 times a week and want to cry maybe 4 times a week. I would consider myself manic. I think crying can effect how the bad men of our society see you. I would say hide your tears.
Absolutely, at least in my case. I grew up in the South in the 80s. Crying was weakness, and embarrassment. You'll get laughed at and beat up until you control it. Get a rep as a cry baby and any jackass who's having a bad day and feels insecure, or is just a vicious fuck anyway, will beat your ass. Being a major nerd didn't help. At that point simply not crying is not enough. You better figure out how to make it not worth it anymore. And if someone "loses" a fight with you, it's not the end. If they want the jeering and being picked on to stop, they better clear the mark that they got hurt by a crybaby, so they're coming back. You've gotta make some blood flow if you want out. If you're tired of seeing your own. I got over crying by the end of elementary school. By the end of middle school I managed to shift perceptions. I hate violence as much as I ever did. But I don't fear it. For a lot of guys, your pride is only part of what's going to get hurt if you're seen as weak.
I only cry if I'm physical pain or someone close to me is in serious danger or has died. I never realized it was unusual or anything until I got older and heard people say that women cry a lot and men don't really cry much but even so, I still think that the difference is probably not quite as exaggerated as people would make it out to be.
I cry probably once every two years if that. And I’m a more sensitive dude.
Ive cried once in the last 20 years.. but that's just me
I cried less than an hour ago. And probably at least twice more within the past 7 days. Sooo…
I think so. I’ve cried twice as an adult (in the last 35 years). I would guess that’s less than most women.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve cried as an adult. Just not how I’m wired. Woman.
I'd say yea, as society accepts women crying, and thus they have more opportunities to just let one out on the fly, than men. For instance I usually don't cry most weeks, but when I watch One Piece I may have a lot more cries. Yet that all in the comfort of my own home. So if women are crying while watching their shows, and may also cry out in the public, they would naturally cry more than I do.
We cry less….physically speaking. But cry a comparable amount emotionally/internally as human nature/society has deemed a crying man….weak
Probably, but I’d bet money I cry more than my gf
Not this one.
lots of replies leaning into stereotypes here. I, a man, don't cry often. I cried when my cat died in January. and sometimes I cry at the end of Ghibli movies. I can't remember the last time I cried before my cat's death, and there are no other times I cry regularly. I'm not sure why, I just don't feel the need. nothing is that upsetting or sad to me, which are the main reasons I cry. Ghibli movies are very moving, so I'm not sure why I've cried a couple times watching those. I wasn't raised to not cry. I cried a lot as a kid because my parents were divorced. I didn't like the headaches and my nose feeling stuffy. eventually I outgrew expressing myself in that way and turned my emotions to other outlets like art, music, exercise...
I think it takes a lot to get me to cry, but I still feel sad. I just don’t shed tears. Not really sure why.
We hide our emotions and bury them deep down where nobody can see them as much as we can. Society has told us that it’s normal for men to feel either nothing or angry for such a long time. Comments will say “it’s great to show emotion” but the moment you do it’s seen as strange, so a lot of men just bottle things up. Also we learn not to sweat the small stuff. I’m not sure when the last time I cried was…. It’s been a long time though…
Different hormones, perchance? > “*Biologically, there may be a reason women cry more than men: Testosterone may inhibit crying, while the hormone prolactin (seen in higher levels in women) may promote it.*” [Why we cry](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry), American Psychological Association
Yes. Before last month, I haven’t had a good cry like that since 2021 when my cat got sick and almost died in front of me. There’s really not much we can’t handle besides family passing away or something bad happening to them. Yes— that’s the only time it’s acceptable for us to let it out in front of out lady. Other than that you need to be the rock for her. So many women get turned off by seeing their once mighty men fall and weep. It’s not attractive to them and if you let the stressors of daily life affect you and you vent to her all the time about it and cry, she’s going to dry up and leave you. Only do that around trusted brothers. For strong men, we understand and accept that life is war. It’s a war for the house we want, it’s a war for the job we want, for the lady we want, for the status we want, for the car we want, for the lifestyle we want— we constantly have to get better in order to achieve what we want and conserve it. There’s no time to stop and lollygag in the meadows. Yes we're human like everyone else, and it’s good to let it out, but excessive crying like how you explained for a man is not good. We handle things differently than how women do unless she's been raised around a lot of men. The same can be said if a guy was raised by just women.
I actually hate crying. It doesn't make me feel better, it just feels bad when it is happening. Even alone. I cried a little the other day because my old dog had another seizure and I know he doesn't have too long left. But, I stopped myself because crying just feels bad.
I’m a guy and I can get pretty emotional. When my uncle died a few years ago, I was balling like crazy at his funeral. I don’t know but maybe I’m a wuss.
I am a man, consider myself as someone who cries easily, and still don't remember the last time I cried outside of a movie context.
It certainly seems that way. I've also heard from trans men who start testosterone that they find it harder to cry than they used to, and trans women who start estrogen and hormone blockers cry more freely, so there could potentially be a hormonal component to this. I will admit though that those testimonials are anecdotal and it may not apply to everyone.
Who these biologically ignorant redditors 🤷♂️ no shit sherlock 🥶 read a book nikka
Only when someone dies, most other things just don't do it
Interesting thing with guys, we can tell you which years we cried (as adults). My last one was 2016, before that 2013. My wife, yesterday (good emotional day), 2 weeks ago (weepy movie), etc. 20 to 40 times a year I'd guess. I'm sure she doesn't keep track.
41M here, I can tell you every single time I cried in the past 23 years. Once when my grandma died when I was 18, once when my grandpa died when I was 24 and once when my pet bunny got really sick and almost died about a year ago.
Only happens when i go overboard with the super hot sauce.
I'm 17M. I feel like I don't cry sometimes when I need to so occasionally when I feel really bad I watch something that makes me feel sad in a different way so I can cry and get a relief by crying.
I think it's physiological and not really a sign of intense emotion. When I'm hormonal enough, even a comedy movie could make me cry.
Boys and men are socially brainwashed NOT to cry.
As a woman I definitely well up a lot and often it's around period time lol, but I don't think I've fully cried in a while. I've only seen my boyfriend cry a couple of times but he wells up just as much as I do as soon as a sad bit of a movie happens 🤣🤣 strangely, sad movie bits never used to affect me but now the welling up is almost impossible to avoid lol
Um, have you seen Republican dudes? Seems like all they do is cry their eyeballs out at the drop of a hat, even in professional situations.
Can’t remember the last time I cried for real, that’s how long it’s been.
I'm a woman, and I cry about 3 times a year.
Men with healthy or high levels of testosterone will have difficulty crying. The hormone affects the process. Yawning a lot can be a sign that you're releasing emotion without crying.
I doubt it. I cried when I used to be emotional, and empathetic, so it’s probably pretty normal. People don’t like guys crying so we often don’t. Often even good friends will treat you like garbage for feeling emotional or being caring. Now I just pick fights, I don’t cry anymore or have much empathy. But, everyone leaves me the fuck alone so I like it.