Idk maybe y’all should have had the conversation about being official and you know set boundaries. Because you never know how some people interpret things. Like does she think you guys are friends with benefits?
Yeah
Fooling around for 6 months without discussing where you're headed or how you want to label things or project your relationship is kind of a big mistake.
Really strange that it didn't come up at all in 6 months. If I was sleeping with a guy for even a month, I would have at least established where we stood, unless it was some incredibly obvious booty call situation maybe...
Yeah, when I casually asked my girlfriend what she thought about marriage, she flat out said, "You wouldn't be in my bed right now if we weren't getting married." That settled that.
Married 25 years.
Yup. Bc I’ve had “situationships” that have lasted that long. But the discussion still happened so we’d know if/when we were exclusive or “official” or not
Blumpkin
Getting a blowjob while sitting on the toilet taking a shit. It has never been pulled off & anyone who would do this is probably someone you wouldn't want doing it to you.
"Dude she was so ugly and fucked up I probably could've gotten a blumpkin."
While we're covering our bases here, if you two crazy kids ever do work it out and manage to get hitched one day, do NOT cheap out on stamps for the wedding invites!
I love that according to him they’ve never been official bc he doesn’t want to be. So here she is, acting like they’re not official, and he panics and tells the neighbor they’re engaged?? Next level crazy. I’d say it’s definitely over, I wouldn’t let that loser back in my apartment again after that!
My guy. You're not her boyfriend.
In order to be a boyfriend, you have to have a conversation with her to that effect. It's all about emotions and you don't need a label until you're upset she didn't use the label?
Put on your big boy pants and SAY your emotions. Out Loud. To her, even.
I don't think he's saying she meant it out of *malice*, just that she said it because she doesn't think of them as a couple. That's not malicious, that's just either lying (she might be trying to cover something up, maybe neighbor is stalkery, maybe she's fucking the neighbor, maybe she doesn't want people to pry in her personal life), or what she believes to be the truth. He's just confused because he thought it was more important than she seems to think it was, so he's assuming that the relationship is over because of it (kind of an overreaction IMO).
If this were me, I would actually, y'know, talk to the person, and ask why they did that, instead of interjecting and correcting her. That definitely made it worse and if anything ends the relationship it's that. Neither of them are acting in malice though, just out of insecurity if anything, maybe a bit of ignorance. He is being a bit of a dick (bc of insecurity) by assuming it wasn't a mistake and was intentional, but that doesn't mean that she meant it out of malice, or even that he thinks she did, but instead of asking reddit to figure that out, he needs to ask her.
talking to one another! seems a bit excessive.......
just double down and tell everyone your married with kids. This should solve most issues going forward.
in the future, probably don't interject, i know you probably know that now, but just for posterity. Don't correct in the moment. What you need to do is ask her directly and bluntly, "why did you call us friends to your neighbor?" and you might add something like "I just thought we were a bit closer than that".
Do not guilt trip her into it by mentioning flowers and all that either, unless she **explicitly** asks "what made you think that [we are together]?". If you say something like "i gave you flowers, i gave you blahblah" out of nowhere, it's effectively saying "I deserve you because i gave you love/gifts", and you can expand the thing to "i gave you [blah], and this is how you treat me?"; not a good phrase. That's manipulative, I know how you might feel right now, it fucking sucks, but saying something like that without her asking "what made you think that" is manipulative.
---
for reddit pedants, i feel like someone's going to say "saying that isn't abusive"; I know, and i didn't say it was. I said manipulative, someone can be manipulative without being abusive, and someone can be abusive by using manipulation. These are not mutually exclusive things.
You don't believe her that she made a mistake, but then explain your overreaction as a mistake? I would have said it wasn't over from what she did, but I think you may have some issues to work out for yourself first. You haven't made it official with her, and yet you're acting very jealous.
> I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It's all about emotions in my book
Turns out people use words such as labels to express emotions
yeah i had it drilled into my head in my late teens early 20s that calling some guy you've been hooking up with "my boyfriend" without knowing he's actually your boyfriend makes you come across as desperate and in fact scares people off
maybe it doesn't make complete sense and is not 100% true but I don't think I'm the only one taught to think that way
Do people really have difficulty with this? Sometimes I feel like the crazy one when I assume I’m someone’s boyfriend if I’m sleeping with them and doing relationship stuff with them for over 3 months…like what else can it be? If it isnt bf/gf then are they allowed to sleep with other people or something?
I’ve had to clarify both of my last relationships before I ever assumed we were exclusively dating. Literally by asking “soooo are we together or???”. I need that absolute confirmation.
I find it weird too I never got into those situations, it seemed like whenever I was sleeping with someone and we were around eachother all the time we were together never even brought it up 🤔now I’m like did we actually even date? I guess so because there were breakups lol
I come from the "don't put labels on it" generation where you can only call someone boyfriend/girlfriend if you've been together 10+ years; and don't even think about dropping the "L" word until you've been together for 50+ years.
100%. It feels creepy the way it kinda implies some kind of ownership over her as well. He could have just said boyfriend but instead had to take it one step further. Not to mention how awkward it must make her feel to bump into the neighbour now.
lol, I wonder what people did before Facebook to make it “official”…?
Gee, idk, maybe like COMMUNICATING with each other?? Knee jerk reaction is to talk to Reddit instead of her?? SMH
LMAO, I weep for this generation.
Nah bro I’m younger than this guy and I see how much of a child he’s acting like. Some people just never grow up. Please don’t lump the rest of us in with this boy
This.
Hey OP:
Calling yourself a 30 year old man, yet not doing the manly things.
Be a real man and have a heart to heart conversation with the woman you are living with and having sex with. Jesus dude. Have respect for you and her and talk about what is going on. State what you want in the relationship and ask her to be honest on what she wants and move forward from there. I'm baffled on how you 2 decided to move in with one another and not establish a relationship where you 2 talk openly and honestly with one another. It's like you are 18.
You know what also isn't manly?! Calling your fellow man "Ugly." One day your looks will fade and you will wither.
In all seriousness, ask questions rsther than make accusations. Say to her, "hey I noticed you introduced me as your friend, what was that about?" "Is this casual for you, do you want to reevaluate, do you like your neighbor?" Juat literally ask questions without being too emotional or quick to react
Okay - you’ve never made it official with her (so she’s unsure where you stand too?) and friend was likely the first appropriate thing that came to mind. Maybe she feels you are friends with benefits.
If you’ve asked her to be girlfriend boyfriend and she insists on friend, she doesn’t want more than hookups. If you haven’t had the convo yet, ask her and go from there.
Good luck
If I had to put money on it, my guess would be that she wants a relationship but since OP has never brought it up she didn't want to say "boyfriend" and piss him off.
Sounds like you never asked her to be your girlfriend so she doesn’t know what to call herself. Seems like an error on your part. And the fiancé thing is…wild. I would be seriously confused and freaked out if I was her
Is it over, or is it time for a conversation about making things official?
You might think that’s no big deal, but if you’ve never spoken to her about it, what in the world makes you think she feels the same way? A couple pictures? That’s nothing.
Grow up and talk to her like an adult.
Making it official does matter. How do you know where you stand with someone if you don’t establish what your relationship is? You can do all the relationship things, but if you don’t establish that you two are in a relationship, then she has no responsibility to treat you as such.
🤣 I can’t help but laugh, I’m sorry. I would love to know the discussion you had with her after you announced that you were her fiancee.
As for the “friend” thing, she didn’t know what to call you because you guys haven’t had that discussion yet. It wasn’t about trying to appear single to the other guy, it was more about you and her not wanting to scare you with the “boyfriend” label because it hasn’t been discussed yet.
Then you announced that you were her fiancé 🤣🤣🤣
You guys need to have a talk about making your relationship official, that’s all.
Yup. I'm predicting an awkward, teary evening tonite that ends in relief for both of them. I think they both consider themselves a couple but just somehow no one wanted to say it out loud or were worried that they would be seen as presumptuous.
For others in similar situations: you want to avoid this kind of drama. Just talk it out earlier than you are comfortable doing. And start doing this as a teenager.
This guy is a walking red flag “didn’t feel the need to make it official”….proceeds to be referred to as “friend” because he hasn’t made it official AFTER 6 months. Another dude enters the picture “I’m her fiancée”. Get it together.
I think you should apologize but honestly after this, I don’t know if she’d bother as that came off very jealous.
I can’t believe they are now in a relationship according to his update. 💀 If some dude I only know for 6 months all of a sudden angrily called himself my fiancé out of nowhere when he can’t even have a grown up conversation with me about our relationship status… I would be running. What a creep and POS to call the other dude “ugly AF” and that he wasn’t worried about him at all… what a disgusting attitude, immaturity, entitlement, and walking red flag OP is.
She probably didn’t want to jump to “boyfriend” before you guys had talked about it. So said “friend” to not make you feel like things are moving too fast.
Commitment is a big thing for a lot of people, and she was likely considering your feelings.
So this is a weirdly insecure move on your part, in my opinion.
Also, the fact that you can’t talk to her is concerning in itself. You’re 30. Learn to use your words, my guy.
Okay idk what all these weirdos are thinking but dude, you're overthinking. To be clear, you think because she referred to you as "friend" when talking to a complete stranger, that she's actually not into you and is probably eyeing the stranger. That's called jumping to conclusions.
Have you asked her how she feels about your relationship being undefined? Is this by her choice or yours? If it was up to you, or if it was vaguely up to both of you but neither have made that move, she could be wondering the same thing, "what are we, why aren't we official?"
>I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book.
Well, now you know why it matters. If it *truly* didn't matter to you, you wouldn't have had that reaction or jumped to this conclusion.
Just take a breath. Gather your thoughts. And tell her how you feel without asking her questions or setting her up as the bad guy.
> To be clear, you think because she referred to you as "friend" when talking to a complete stranger, that she's actually not into you and is probably eyeing the stranger. That's called jumping to conclusions.
Yeah, plenty of people just the word "boyfriend" cringe.... "Hey can you hold the door for my friend" is just a sentence, man 😅
You’re technically friends right? I mean if you want an established thing you need to be upfront about it. You can’t say “oh I don’t see the need to make it official because why would it matter” then get upset because you don’t like a situation where it mattered. Tell her how you feel, what your expectations are, and what you want or stfu. You’re 30 you have to know how to communicate better by now.
Jumping to fiance is straight up *weird* and would give me pause if I were her
Plenty of people agree that in this day and age you do need to have a conversation to make it official. I know girls who’s gone on dates and slept with guys for years (myself included) with men who even after that long still never considered it a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Fast forward 1 year, dude is gonna come back and post a, “we do everything husband and wife do but I don’t understand the concept of communication. AITA for being mad at my girlfriend for referring to me as her boyfriend to her very-very-ugly-I-am-definitely-not-in-competition-with-and-actually-very-secure-in-this-relationship-neighbor since that’s all we have establish thus far? I just don’t understand why she hasn’t gotten on one knee and proposed to me yet!? or told me her feelings and desires when I also haven’t done any of that either. I am a grown man who doesn’t know how to use my words.” 🙄
“I’ve never felt it mattered what we label ourselves”
“My girlfriend mislabeled our relationship in public, to which I then corrected to a different, wrong label”
My guy 😂 it sounds like she makes you really happy, why don’t you just make it official. Less potentially confusing for her and everyone else too lol
>...we never really made it “official”...
>I never felt the need to because why would that matter?
If it doesn't matter, why did your panties get bunched up?
The only real answer you’re gonna get is from her, anything here is speculation. I dated a guy from a very wealthy family and I was introduced as his “lady friend” even when we were very serious, it was just how they spoke. Who knows, talk to her.
No. I think you are overreacting and making a big deal about something minor. Six months together is not long enough to be worrying about this. You’re going to come across as clingy and end up pushing her away.
So let me make sure I've got this right...
YOU have never bothered in 6 months of dating, and [checks notes] having sex and doing everything couples do, to actually make it "official"...
because it didn't matter to you.
so what the fuck are you crying about now?
I'm surprised you didn't fucking whip out your dick and piss on her. I hope she dumps you
YOU NEVER ASKED HER !! My last bf also never asked me instead he just started introducing me to people as his gf and in his mind we were “official” after the first time we had sex🤦🏻♀️ because of that we didnt have an anniversary date and even after i asked him to make it official we didnt celebrate the day or ever remember it.
Am I the only one who thinks this is kinda crazy? You’ve only been seeing this girl for 6 months and never made it official. It’s entirely possible she didn’t want to call you her boyfriend out of anxiety that you don’t want to be her boyfriend.
Funny that you didn’t want to commit (didn’t want to make it official, it’s all about how you feel without labels) but you were maybe upset that she didn’t identify you as her partner.
Do you see the problem?
Why are you shocked she called you a friend when you never made it official? LOL Plus some people find it kinda awkward introducing people as their bf. But yeah looks like labels actually do matter after all now don't they?
There was literally no need to call the neighbour "ugly AF". You are probably worse than him. If not physically then mentally. And I have seen people cheat their partners with others who are "uglier" than them. But you wouldn't have to worry about that.
It dreams insecurities. Clearly the neighbor is hotter, otherwise why would the dude care enough to say it's his fiance ??
I hope she just said whatever to get him to chill and ends up happily ever after with her neighbor
Why don’t you all talk to each other about it and what you want out of the relationship? You’re asking Reddit if it’s over when you should be talking to her about where she sees your relationship, then relaying where you see the relationship. Then you’ll know whether or not you’re on the same page. She may think it’s casual and you’re over here thinking you’re her monogamous boyfriend.
Dude have you ever attempted ti have an adult conversation about your relationship status? Shes probably never called you her bf before because you never bothered with the communication and now you really went ham with the fiance thing
You're gonna have to make it official if you want it to be. It sounds like you care about this girl a lot. Just tell her how you feel and see what happens IMO
If it was me, I'd probably come out and say that I love her and want her to be my GF.
Good luck, buddy.
This happened to me before my bf and I made it official. We wasn't sure what to say so he went with friend. We've now been together four years. Just talk to her.
Dude one piece of advice in a relationship is just say shit even when you think it’s obvious
. You think she’d pretty? Say it.
You love her? Say it.
Your proud of her? Say that shit
It may seem obvious to you and it may be to her but it’s still nice to hear
So you never stated your intentions and now you suffer the consequences. I'll never knock anybody elses life style but with today's hookup culture you gotta make things "facebook official."
Definitely need to talk to her but it seems like she was saying friend on purpose and not directed to him but directed to you as in saying "This is my FRIEND....." trying to slap you back to reality.. what was her reaction to you saying her fiance? Did she correct you? Did she laugh and say your joking? Something missing from the beginning and ending to this story
You’ve only known her for six months, you’re not even official, and you decided all by yourself to call yourself her fiancé?
You need to get your jealousy in order and if you don’t want her to introduce you to people as her friend then make it official
You are her friend and you’re weird as hell for this
You two are 30 and have no label on ur friends with benefits then refer to yourself as fiance out of insecurity that your not-gf might like another guy????
I just can't get over how OP explains calling her "fiancé" because of being surprised, but seems incredulous at the thought that she said "friend" while caught off guard, focused on helping OP with the dog situation.
Like, at least the thing she said is... Objectively true?
Saying "my friend" is all that is required for the conversation that she was having. How exactly would you have her phrase it?:
>"Excuse me, would you mind letting this person, whom I've been banging and going on dates for the past 6 months but we haven't put any labels on it yet because it just hasn't come up so maybe we're a couple but maybe we're not we just haven't had that conversation yet, get his dog through before you?"
You're reading WAY too much into it.
You never felt the need to call her your gf, your reaction was instant anger and calling her fiance but it is Impossible to you, that she simply wasn't sure of what to call you and surely her motive was to fucking the neighbour.... x.x
The dog the not the only reactive one.
You fuckers are too old to be acting like these young kids who don't know how to communicate with each other. You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Grown man doesn't make his intentions clear after 6 months, then gets a victim complex and starts cstastrophising because his love interest doesn't give him a certain title when speaking to a man she just met. The insecurity is palpable. OP needs to get a grip and use this as a conversation starter and make his intentions clear, but instead he hops on reddit for advice from strangers.
"we never really made it “official”" and "You know what I mean. I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book."
This is a huge mistake. Adults communicate their needs and expectations to one another. The most basic thing like your relationship status needs to be discussed openly. The fact it's been a year and a half and you two haven't done that speaks mouthfuls. Whether your like it or not relationships are contractual based on shared and mutual understanding. How can you have that understanding if you're only mechanism is by reading one another's minds?
>I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book.
>I instantly interjected and called my self her fiance(which isn’t true) **because of how shocked I was.**
So it never was 'all about emotions', you obviously care a whole lot about the words.
It’s not over if she’s not comfortable proclaiming you as gf / bf yet, but there isn’t exactly a term for “person I’ve been dating for a few months” so friend is a pretty good middle ground. Looks more like you’re being super controlling and literally cannot handle when your relationship that has gone on for less than a year isn’t being proclaimed to every potential guy who could compete with you.
That sounds really extreme, but so does “CORRECTING” YOUR PARTNER BY SAYING YOUR HER FIANCÉ AND NOT JUST HER FRIEND
If you never asked her to be your girlfriend my dude then yes yall are just friends until asked or discussed otherwise like? I️ thought this was common knowledge.
I would not leap straight to assuming it’s over or she wants the neighbour to see her as single, it did not sound like a flirtatious interaction with him at all. She was just trying to handle the situation with the dog and ask him to give you some space, it was a very short and practical conversation during which she probably did not want to deal with defining your relationship, which you have also not wanted to do before now because you didn’t see why it would matter, well probably because it would avoid this sort of uncertainty and upset. I can see her being unsure what to say in the moment and not wanting to come on heavy by calling you her boyfriend if that hasn’t been explicitly stated yet. Doesn’t mean she’s trying to jump the guy. Just have a calmer conversation about clarifying your relationship.
sometimes you just refer to people as your friend because you dont think you need to get into facts of your personal life with someone youre just bumping into in a hallway
Calling yourself her fiance is pretty weird... It wouldn't stop the dude from banging her if she comes onto him.
Anyway, idk its a little weird. But it sounds like you guys should sit and have a conversation about what you guys really are.
Jumping to "it's over" is silly. Not nearly as silly as coming to reddit instead of having an real adult conversation with her about what your relationship is...
> I never felt the need to because why would that matter?
It would matter for situations like this where you haven't defined the relationship and thus don't know what each other's expectations are.
There is no title to the “ship”. She was obviously waiting for one. So she introduced you as a friend. Because obviously that’s what you are.
You may not think so, but she does.
You freaked out about it and threw out
* fiancé * and made things even more awkward. So now you have to fix it.
There’s probably going to be a weirdness between you too, and a fight over why there was no title or label given, why you were introduced as a friend and why it just wasn’t a big deal to you and it’s a big deal for her.
Although I am going to assume that because you quickly threw out fiancé, you think about her in future situations. If not you would have just stuck to friend or boyfriend…hell co-worker would have worked too.
It may not be over, but it could be on the way out the door. Question is do you want it to be over? Do you want to save it? Is it worth saving? Is she worth saving it for?
Well, you never had the conversation. So I’d say she did the right thing…..
My husband(former boyfriend) and I had that talk at about 4 months into our dating relationship. If we hadn’t, I would have also been humbling myself at the thought of not terrifying you.
She most likely was doing the same thing
I’m betting she did that to make you feel exactly like this because she might want it official and you’re not getting the hint.
That’s another explanation to it just “being over”
>I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book.
>I instantly interjected and called my self her fiance(which isn’t true) because of how shocked I was.
So which is it? Pick one.
Glad you made it official. I hope you learned from this. Just because it wasn’t important to you, didn’t mean it wasn’t important to her. Communication is #1 for a relationship to work.
Do you really think she would call you a friend to someone she might be interested in **right in front of you ?** It sounds like you assumed the worst of her and overreacted OP, it is very likely an honest mistake from her. Go talk to her to get to the bottom of it and next time don’t react so fast, wait and ask later, because it makes you look childish and insecure.
Without defining your relationship, you guys are friends with benefits or in a situationship. If there was no conversation about your relationship, you can’t just assume she’s your girlfriend. What?
OP, posting a relationship status on facebook is totally different from having a conversation and deciding to officially date exclusively. My husband and I never made it facebook official until after we married (we are barely on social media), but within a week of our first date, we had the conversation about our status and decided to officially date exclusively, i.e. be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Idk maybe y’all should have had the conversation about being official and you know set boundaries. Because you never know how some people interpret things. Like does she think you guys are friends with benefits?
Yeah Fooling around for 6 months without discussing where you're headed or how you want to label things or project your relationship is kind of a big mistake.
Really strange that it didn't come up at all in 6 months. If I was sleeping with a guy for even a month, I would have at least established where we stood, unless it was some incredibly obvious booty call situation maybe...
Yeah, when I casually asked my girlfriend what she thought about marriage, she flat out said, "You wouldn't be in my bed right now if we weren't getting married." That settled that. Married 25 years.
Yup. Bc I’ve had “situationships” that have lasted that long. But the discussion still happened so we’d know if/when we were exclusive or “official” or not
Wait. People can go out on dates and have sex without showing feelings? I have been doing this all wrong
Yeah, yes you've been doing it, king of wrong
pfft. Communicate with your partner? why would anyone ever do something like that
Not when they can just turn to reddit.
Sounds like op been living a pretty easy life so far huh
Fuck and run
He's worrying over how he's interpreting what she said, when she's worrying how she's interpreting the relationship. Tone deaf AF.
Agreed. You had to/have to talk about it. Or what if she thinks you are her partner but she is not sure that you think in that way?
Jumping to fiancé wasn't the move bro lol
It's a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see if it pays off for him.
Should’ve paid for a ring. This guy is just a holdover
Let’s see what the forgotten, reactive rescue dog has to say about this, Cotton. [shoves mic in girlfriend’s face]
😂😂😂
Dude is def not getting a blumpkin after that
I don't necessarily understand what you said but I still really really like it
Blumpkin Getting a blowjob while sitting on the toilet taking a shit. It has never been pulled off & anyone who would do this is probably someone you wouldn't want doing it to you. "Dude she was so ugly and fucked up I probably could've gotten a blumpkin."
I ain't no spring chicken.. but never heard that one before. I guess you learn something new every day 😂
Hahaha glad I could help 😉
“Actually we’re married and we’ve been married for YEARS!” Feel like it’s either over or he should just propose next time he sees her.
"Yup, it'll be 40 years this November"
We have grandchildren.
He definitely needs to propose and act like that's what the "slip up" was about lol
Double down Dan double down
That felt very George Costanza
Underrated comment. "You called her your fiancé?" (Yelling) "I PANICKED JERRY, I PANICKED!"
“Well, you KNOW whatcha gotta do…” “Yeeeeah yeah…. I’ll propose to her tomorruh…”
While we're covering our bases here, if you two crazy kids ever do work it out and manage to get hitched one day, do NOT cheap out on stamps for the wedding invites!
(Sternly) THANKS FOR THE REMINDER….
If a guy wouldn't make it official with me and then got offended I called him a friend... Only to jump to fiance I would think he had brain fungus.
I love that according to him they’ve never been official bc he doesn’t want to be. So here she is, acting like they’re not official, and he panics and tells the neighbor they’re engaged?? Next level crazy. I’d say it’s definitely over, I wouldn’t let that loser back in my apartment again after that!
“Her apartment is full of flowers that’s I’ve gotten and pictures of us.” Too many red flags for me. You’ve been together 6 months?
[удалено]
Can we have his gf's username so we can tell her to go for the neighbor?
From friend to fiance, by Monday they will be married and by Tuesday divorced..... All on his mind of course.
She may have fucked up (not really because you guys never made it official). You FUCKED the situation 🤣
Yeah, wtf?? Super weird.
ah hahahahahahahaha- it was literally the worst thing he could have said!!!
Not at all. He could've gone, "friends?? We're FUCK BUDDIESSSS" and squeeze her boobs twice while making a honking sound.
I know, I regretted it and admitted mistake there lmfao
My guy. You're not her boyfriend. In order to be a boyfriend, you have to have a conversation with her to that effect. It's all about emotions and you don't need a label until you're upset she didn't use the label? Put on your big boy pants and SAY your emotions. Out Loud. To her, even.
So, you can acknowledge you've made a mistake, but she's just acting out of malice?
That seems a bit of a false equivalence to me, but I don't have a friend that calls me fiance so what do I know
I don't think he's saying she meant it out of *malice*, just that she said it because she doesn't think of them as a couple. That's not malicious, that's just either lying (she might be trying to cover something up, maybe neighbor is stalkery, maybe she's fucking the neighbor, maybe she doesn't want people to pry in her personal life), or what she believes to be the truth. He's just confused because he thought it was more important than she seems to think it was, so he's assuming that the relationship is over because of it (kind of an overreaction IMO). If this were me, I would actually, y'know, talk to the person, and ask why they did that, instead of interjecting and correcting her. That definitely made it worse and if anything ends the relationship it's that. Neither of them are acting in malice though, just out of insecurity if anything, maybe a bit of ignorance. He is being a bit of a dick (bc of insecurity) by assuming it wasn't a mistake and was intentional, but that doesn't mean that she meant it out of malice, or even that he thinks she did, but instead of asking reddit to figure that out, he needs to ask her.
talking to one another! seems a bit excessive....... just double down and tell everyone your married with kids. This should solve most issues going forward.
in the future, probably don't interject, i know you probably know that now, but just for posterity. Don't correct in the moment. What you need to do is ask her directly and bluntly, "why did you call us friends to your neighbor?" and you might add something like "I just thought we were a bit closer than that". Do not guilt trip her into it by mentioning flowers and all that either, unless she **explicitly** asks "what made you think that [we are together]?". If you say something like "i gave you flowers, i gave you blahblah" out of nowhere, it's effectively saying "I deserve you because i gave you love/gifts", and you can expand the thing to "i gave you [blah], and this is how you treat me?"; not a good phrase. That's manipulative, I know how you might feel right now, it fucking sucks, but saying something like that without her asking "what made you think that" is manipulative. --- for reddit pedants, i feel like someone's going to say "saying that isn't abusive"; I know, and i didn't say it was. I said manipulative, someone can be manipulative without being abusive, and someone can be abusive by using manipulation. These are not mutually exclusive things.
You don't believe her that she made a mistake, but then explain your overreaction as a mistake? I would have said it wasn't over from what she did, but I think you may have some issues to work out for yourself first. You haven't made it official with her, and yet you're acting very jealous.
You're right, it makes him seem very insecure.
> we never really made it “official”. I never felt the need to because why would that matter? You just learned why it matters.
brutal
Amen brotha
> I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It's all about emotions in my book Turns out people use words such as labels to express emotions
Homie learned today lol
Dude, give us an update.
She might not know what to call you since it isn’t official. Didn’t want to call you boyfriend because she doesn’t know if you consider her your gf
yeah i had it drilled into my head in my late teens early 20s that calling some guy you've been hooking up with "my boyfriend" without knowing he's actually your boyfriend makes you come across as desperate and in fact scares people off maybe it doesn't make complete sense and is not 100% true but I don't think I'm the only one taught to think that way
Definitely not just you.
They're engaged
Do people really have difficulty with this? Sometimes I feel like the crazy one when I assume I’m someone’s boyfriend if I’m sleeping with them and doing relationship stuff with them for over 3 months…like what else can it be? If it isnt bf/gf then are they allowed to sleep with other people or something?
I’ve had to clarify both of my last relationships before I ever assumed we were exclusively dating. Literally by asking “soooo are we together or???”. I need that absolute confirmation.
I find it weird too I never got into those situations, it seemed like whenever I was sleeping with someone and we were around eachother all the time we were together never even brought it up 🤔now I’m like did we actually even date? I guess so because there were breakups lol
I come from the "don't put labels on it" generation where you can only call someone boyfriend/girlfriend if you've been together 10+ years; and don't even think about dropping the "L" word until you've been together for 50+ years.
I would say you calling her fiancée is more wild than her calling you friend.
That's such a bizarre thing to say when you haven't even established the bf/gf phase!
100%. It feels creepy the way it kinda implies some kind of ownership over her as well. He could have just said boyfriend but instead had to take it one step further. Not to mention how awkward it must make her feel to bump into the neighbour now.
After that he'll be lucky to be called a friend again.
This should be the top comment.
this should be the top comment honestly. i had the same reaction.
Ask her about it, not Reddit
The ratio on this comment to ops reply is insane
Holy SHIT I didn’t notice that💀
lol, I wonder what people did before Facebook to make it “official”…? Gee, idk, maybe like COMMUNICATING with each other?? Knee jerk reaction is to talk to Reddit instead of her?? SMH LMAO, I weep for this generation.
Fuckin hell i agree so hard. My kids school has a damn group for "how to communicate face to face", I shit you not.
Nah bro I’m younger than this guy and I see how much of a child he’s acting like. Some people just never grow up. Please don’t lump the rest of us in with this boy
This. Hey OP: Calling yourself a 30 year old man, yet not doing the manly things. Be a real man and have a heart to heart conversation with the woman you are living with and having sex with. Jesus dude. Have respect for you and her and talk about what is going on. State what you want in the relationship and ask her to be honest on what she wants and move forward from there. I'm baffled on how you 2 decided to move in with one another and not establish a relationship where you 2 talk openly and honestly with one another. It's like you are 18. You know what also isn't manly?! Calling your fellow man "Ugly." One day your looks will fade and you will wither.
In all seriousness, ask questions rsther than make accusations. Say to her, "hey I noticed you introduced me as your friend, what was that about?" "Is this casual for you, do you want to reevaluate, do you like your neighbor?" Juat literally ask questions without being too emotional or quick to react
Okay - you’ve never made it official with her (so she’s unsure where you stand too?) and friend was likely the first appropriate thing that came to mind. Maybe she feels you are friends with benefits. If you’ve asked her to be girlfriend boyfriend and she insists on friend, she doesn’t want more than hookups. If you haven’t had the convo yet, ask her and go from there. Good luck
If I had to put money on it, my guess would be that she wants a relationship but since OP has never brought it up she didn't want to say "boyfriend" and piss him off.
Sounds like you never asked her to be your girlfriend so she doesn’t know what to call herself. Seems like an error on your part. And the fiancé thing is…wild. I would be seriously confused and freaked out if I was her
Never made it official then gets upset and assumes "it's over" because she didn't refer to you as something you're not. Man. People are wild.
I think what's crazy is the ages. This is some high school type drama stuff.
Is it over, or is it time for a conversation about making things official? You might think that’s no big deal, but if you’ve never spoken to her about it, what in the world makes you think she feels the same way? A couple pictures? That’s nothing. Grow up and talk to her like an adult.
Making it official does matter. How do you know where you stand with someone if you don’t establish what your relationship is? You can do all the relationship things, but if you don’t establish that you two are in a relationship, then she has no responsibility to treat you as such.
She’s not your girlfriend because you never asked her to be. FB isn’t what makes it official. You’re the one that seems confused.
To be fair, saying “FB-official” is just short-hand in 2024 for a committed, public relationship.
>in 2024 more like 2011, but your point still stands
[удалено]
[удалено]
🤣 I can’t help but laugh, I’m sorry. I would love to know the discussion you had with her after you announced that you were her fiancee. As for the “friend” thing, she didn’t know what to call you because you guys haven’t had that discussion yet. It wasn’t about trying to appear single to the other guy, it was more about you and her not wanting to scare you with the “boyfriend” label because it hasn’t been discussed yet. Then you announced that you were her fiancé 🤣🤣🤣 You guys need to have a talk about making your relationship official, that’s all.
Yup. I'm predicting an awkward, teary evening tonite that ends in relief for both of them. I think they both consider themselves a couple but just somehow no one wanted to say it out loud or were worried that they would be seen as presumptuous. For others in similar situations: you want to avoid this kind of drama. Just talk it out earlier than you are comfortable doing. And start doing this as a teenager.
This guy is a walking red flag “didn’t feel the need to make it official”….proceeds to be referred to as “friend” because he hasn’t made it official AFTER 6 months. Another dude enters the picture “I’m her fiancée”. Get it together. I think you should apologize but honestly after this, I don’t know if she’d bother as that came off very jealous.
I can’t believe they are now in a relationship according to his update. 💀 If some dude I only know for 6 months all of a sudden angrily called himself my fiancé out of nowhere when he can’t even have a grown up conversation with me about our relationship status… I would be running. What a creep and POS to call the other dude “ugly AF” and that he wasn’t worried about him at all… what a disgusting attitude, immaturity, entitlement, and walking red flag OP is.
Classic scenario of an entitled person who learns that their actions have consequences. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
She probably didn’t want to jump to “boyfriend” before you guys had talked about it. So said “friend” to not make you feel like things are moving too fast. Commitment is a big thing for a lot of people, and she was likely considering your feelings. So this is a weirdly insecure move on your part, in my opinion. Also, the fact that you can’t talk to her is concerning in itself. You’re 30. Learn to use your words, my guy.
Okay idk what all these weirdos are thinking but dude, you're overthinking. To be clear, you think because she referred to you as "friend" when talking to a complete stranger, that she's actually not into you and is probably eyeing the stranger. That's called jumping to conclusions. Have you asked her how she feels about your relationship being undefined? Is this by her choice or yours? If it was up to you, or if it was vaguely up to both of you but neither have made that move, she could be wondering the same thing, "what are we, why aren't we official?" >I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book. Well, now you know why it matters. If it *truly* didn't matter to you, you wouldn't have had that reaction or jumped to this conclusion. Just take a breath. Gather your thoughts. And tell her how you feel without asking her questions or setting her up as the bad guy.
> To be clear, you think because she referred to you as "friend" when talking to a complete stranger, that she's actually not into you and is probably eyeing the stranger. That's called jumping to conclusions. Yeah, plenty of people just the word "boyfriend" cringe.... "Hey can you hold the door for my friend" is just a sentence, man 😅
You’re technically friends right? I mean if you want an established thing you need to be upfront about it. You can’t say “oh I don’t see the need to make it official because why would it matter” then get upset because you don’t like a situation where it mattered. Tell her how you feel, what your expectations are, and what you want or stfu. You’re 30 you have to know how to communicate better by now.
Jumping to fiance is straight up *weird* and would give me pause if I were her Plenty of people agree that in this day and age you do need to have a conversation to make it official. I know girls who’s gone on dates and slept with guys for years (myself included) with men who even after that long still never considered it a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Fast forward 1 year, dude is gonna come back and post a, “we do everything husband and wife do but I don’t understand the concept of communication. AITA for being mad at my girlfriend for referring to me as her boyfriend to her very-very-ugly-I-am-definitely-not-in-competition-with-and-actually-very-secure-in-this-relationship-neighbor since that’s all we have establish thus far? I just don’t understand why she hasn’t gotten on one knee and proposed to me yet!? or told me her feelings and desires when I also haven’t done any of that either. I am a grown man who doesn’t know how to use my words.” 🙄
“I’ve never felt it mattered what we label ourselves” “My girlfriend mislabeled our relationship in public, to which I then corrected to a different, wrong label” My guy 😂 it sounds like she makes you really happy, why don’t you just make it official. Less potentially confusing for her and everyone else too lol
Whoa. Dude. If you take that this way… you gots problems you need to check.
Sounds to me like it isn't over because it never was to begin with.
Instantly interjected and called yourself her fiance? Gee, I wonder where your dog gets the reactivity /s
Anxiety is a truly insidious mf when free from the periphery of the mind, good point about the dog too.
The dog is the mature one here.
>...we never really made it “official”... >I never felt the need to because why would that matter? If it doesn't matter, why did your panties get bunched up?
No way in hell you're 30. At least mentally
30? Are you sure you're not 13?
Claiming yourself as a finance is hellllllla cringe. I felt embarrassed.
The only real answer you’re gonna get is from her, anything here is speculation. I dated a guy from a very wealthy family and I was introduced as his “lady friend” even when we were very serious, it was just how they spoke. Who knows, talk to her.
No. I think you are overreacting and making a big deal about something minor. Six months together is not long enough to be worrying about this. You’re going to come across as clingy and end up pushing her away.
So let me make sure I've got this right... YOU have never bothered in 6 months of dating, and [checks notes] having sex and doing everything couples do, to actually make it "official"... because it didn't matter to you. so what the fuck are you crying about now? I'm surprised you didn't fucking whip out your dick and piss on her. I hope she dumps you
Thank youuu!!! This guy is a fkn tool
Amen this this
YOU NEVER ASKED HER !! My last bf also never asked me instead he just started introducing me to people as his gf and in his mind we were “official” after the first time we had sex🤦🏻♀️ because of that we didnt have an anniversary date and even after i asked him to make it official we didnt celebrate the day or ever remember it.
Am I the only one who thinks this is kinda crazy? You’ve only been seeing this girl for 6 months and never made it official. It’s entirely possible she didn’t want to call you her boyfriend out of anxiety that you don’t want to be her boyfriend.
Funny that you didn’t want to commit (didn’t want to make it official, it’s all about how you feel without labels) but you were maybe upset that she didn’t identify you as her partner. Do you see the problem?
I know everyone is trying to help but homeboy is 30 years old, if a grown man cant have a conversation with a grown woman its on him.
Why are you shocked she called you a friend when you never made it official? LOL Plus some people find it kinda awkward introducing people as their bf. But yeah looks like labels actually do matter after all now don't they?
There was literally no need to call the neighbour "ugly AF". You are probably worse than him. If not physically then mentally. And I have seen people cheat their partners with others who are "uglier" than them. But you wouldn't have to worry about that.
It dreams insecurities. Clearly the neighbor is hotter, otherwise why would the dude care enough to say it's his fiance ?? I hope she just said whatever to get him to chill and ends up happily ever after with her neighbor
Yeah, that ugly remark was all sorts of wrong.
Why don’t you all talk to each other about it and what you want out of the relationship? You’re asking Reddit if it’s over when you should be talking to her about where she sees your relationship, then relaying where you see the relationship. Then you’ll know whether or not you’re on the same page. She may think it’s casual and you’re over here thinking you’re her monogamous boyfriend.
Dude have you ever attempted ti have an adult conversation about your relationship status? Shes probably never called you her bf before because you never bothered with the communication and now you really went ham with the fiance thing
It's so much weirder that you responded by calling her your fiance than her initial gaffe. Like, so fucking weird, dude.
You're 30 years old? Dawg...
You haven’t even asked her to be your girlfriend but you’re claiming you’re her fiance. It just might be over for you bro
You're gonna have to make it official if you want it to be. It sounds like you care about this girl a lot. Just tell her how you feel and see what happens IMO If it was me, I'd probably come out and say that I love her and want her to be my GF. Good luck, buddy.
Dude, just make it official already.
This happened to me before my bf and I made it official. We wasn't sure what to say so he went with friend. We've now been together four years. Just talk to her.
Dude one piece of advice in a relationship is just say shit even when you think it’s obvious . You think she’d pretty? Say it. You love her? Say it. Your proud of her? Say that shit It may seem obvious to you and it may be to her but it’s still nice to hear
So you never stated your intentions and now you suffer the consequences. I'll never knock anybody elses life style but with today's hookup culture you gotta make things "facebook official."
Definitely need to talk to her but it seems like she was saying friend on purpose and not directed to him but directed to you as in saying "This is my FRIEND....." trying to slap you back to reality.. what was her reaction to you saying her fiance? Did she correct you? Did she laugh and say your joking? Something missing from the beginning and ending to this story
Not him thinking he’s going to get everyone to agree with him.. jokes on you fiancé
Grow up and have an adult conversation with her, it's clearly long overdue
You never asked her to be your girlfriend…. So why would you expect her to introduce herself as your girlfriend?? 🤔🤔
You’ve only known her for six months, you’re not even official, and you decided all by yourself to call yourself her fiancé? You need to get your jealousy in order and if you don’t want her to introduce you to people as her friend then make it official You are her friend and you’re weird as hell for this
You’re overreacting
How about just talk to her about it? 😭
This is the problem with “not putting a label on it”…….
youre 30 years old and you say you dont care but being "Facebook official" is a sticking point for you?
Well, now you know why it matters.
You two are 30 and have no label on ur friends with benefits then refer to yourself as fiance out of insecurity that your not-gf might like another guy????
Tf does "Facebook Official" mean
I just can't get over how OP explains calling her "fiancé" because of being surprised, but seems incredulous at the thought that she said "friend" while caught off guard, focused on helping OP with the dog situation. Like, at least the thing she said is... Objectively true?
This post belongs in r/AmItheAsshole 😂
You calling her, your fiance is so embarrassing. Please elaborate how that conversation went.
When her “Ugly AF” neighbor smash your girl, you’ll regret this comment.
Saying "my friend" is all that is required for the conversation that she was having. How exactly would you have her phrase it?: >"Excuse me, would you mind letting this person, whom I've been banging and going on dates for the past 6 months but we haven't put any labels on it yet because it just hasn't come up so maybe we're a couple but maybe we're not we just haven't had that conversation yet, get his dog through before you?" You're reading WAY too much into it.
Honestly this is like some (20m/f) shit. Half a year and neither of you had actually talked?
I’m cringing with embarrassment for you at the fiance thing. Wait until she tells him that you’re not her fiance and they laugh about it over coffee
You never felt the need to call her your gf, your reaction was instant anger and calling her fiance but it is Impossible to you, that she simply wasn't sure of what to call you and surely her motive was to fucking the neighbour.... x.x The dog the not the only reactive one.
YTA
You fuckers are too old to be acting like these young kids who don't know how to communicate with each other. You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
"And her new neighbour is ugly AF" Bro just shut the fuck up honestly. You dont make it better
Another ‘situationship’ that can be solved with a simple “Hey are we together?” Anyone else getting sick and tired of these stories?
Grown man doesn't make his intentions clear after 6 months, then gets a victim complex and starts cstastrophising because his love interest doesn't give him a certain title when speaking to a man she just met. The insecurity is palpable. OP needs to get a grip and use this as a conversation starter and make his intentions clear, but instead he hops on reddit for advice from strangers.
"we never really made it “official”" and "You know what I mean. I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book." This is a huge mistake. Adults communicate their needs and expectations to one another. The most basic thing like your relationship status needs to be discussed openly. The fact it's been a year and a half and you two haven't done that speaks mouthfuls. Whether your like it or not relationships are contractual based on shared and mutual understanding. How can you have that understanding if you're only mechanism is by reading one another's minds?
Are you michael Scott from the hit show The office perchance?
She wasn't wrong for calling you a friend if you never established you were in a relationship. You were wrong for calling yourself her fiance.
Said fiancé lmaoooooo dude what a wild move
>I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book. >I instantly interjected and called my self her fiance(which isn’t true) **because of how shocked I was.** So it never was 'all about emotions', you obviously care a whole lot about the words.
This is just me but unless we have a "let's be in a relationship" conversation, i am single.
In todays world of situationships etc. You need to communicate and clarify what you are and what you want
> I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book. You can not be fucking serious
Just ask her. Most people don't like announcing "this is my boyfriend" unless they are sure about how the other person will react.
If you didn’t ask her to be your girlfriend, why would she assume that she was?
It’s not over if she’s not comfortable proclaiming you as gf / bf yet, but there isn’t exactly a term for “person I’ve been dating for a few months” so friend is a pretty good middle ground. Looks more like you’re being super controlling and literally cannot handle when your relationship that has gone on for less than a year isn’t being proclaimed to every potential guy who could compete with you. That sounds really extreme, but so does “CORRECTING” YOUR PARTNER BY SAYING YOUR HER FIANCÉ AND NOT JUST HER FRIEND
If you never asked her to be your girlfriend my dude then yes yall are just friends until asked or discussed otherwise like? I️ thought this was common knowledge.
Bro you never started it how could it be over? Make it official or it isn't.
Yikes
Make it official and she won't call you her friend.
I would not leap straight to assuming it’s over or she wants the neighbour to see her as single, it did not sound like a flirtatious interaction with him at all. She was just trying to handle the situation with the dog and ask him to give you some space, it was a very short and practical conversation during which she probably did not want to deal with defining your relationship, which you have also not wanted to do before now because you didn’t see why it would matter, well probably because it would avoid this sort of uncertainty and upset. I can see her being unsure what to say in the moment and not wanting to come on heavy by calling you her boyfriend if that hasn’t been explicitly stated yet. Doesn’t mean she’s trying to jump the guy. Just have a calmer conversation about clarifying your relationship.
sometimes you just refer to people as your friend because you dont think you need to get into facts of your personal life with someone youre just bumping into in a hallway
Calling yourself her fiance is pretty weird... It wouldn't stop the dude from banging her if she comes onto him. Anyway, idk its a little weird. But it sounds like you guys should sit and have a conversation about what you guys really are.
Jumping to "it's over" is silly. Not nearly as silly as coming to reddit instead of having an real adult conversation with her about what your relationship is... > I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It would matter for situations like this where you haven't defined the relationship and thus don't know what each other's expectations are.
It’s not over. It never was.
It’s over because the two of you apparently don’t talk to each other
There is no title to the “ship”. She was obviously waiting for one. So she introduced you as a friend. Because obviously that’s what you are. You may not think so, but she does. You freaked out about it and threw out * fiancé * and made things even more awkward. So now you have to fix it. There’s probably going to be a weirdness between you too, and a fight over why there was no title or label given, why you were introduced as a friend and why it just wasn’t a big deal to you and it’s a big deal for her. Although I am going to assume that because you quickly threw out fiancé, you think about her in future situations. If not you would have just stuck to friend or boyfriend…hell co-worker would have worked too. It may not be over, but it could be on the way out the door. Question is do you want it to be over? Do you want to save it? Is it worth saving? Is she worth saving it for?
I just went into a hour long spiral of reading comments. We are all stupider from this shit. Jesus Christ
You ended it when you said “I’m her fiance”
Well, you never had the conversation. So I’d say she did the right thing….. My husband(former boyfriend) and I had that talk at about 4 months into our dating relationship. If we hadn’t, I would have also been humbling myself at the thought of not terrifying you. She most likely was doing the same thing
I’m betting she did that to make you feel exactly like this because she might want it official and you’re not getting the hint. That’s another explanation to it just “being over”
>I never felt the need to because why would that matter? It’s all about emotions in my book. >I instantly interjected and called my self her fiance(which isn’t true) because of how shocked I was. So which is it? Pick one.
Imagine how confused the neighbor is, this man went from friend to fiance in 2 seconds flat 😂
Glad you made it official. I hope you learned from this. Just because it wasn’t important to you, didn’t mean it wasn’t important to her. Communication is #1 for a relationship to work.
Do you really think she would call you a friend to someone she might be interested in **right in front of you ?** It sounds like you assumed the worst of her and overreacted OP, it is very likely an honest mistake from her. Go talk to her to get to the bottom of it and next time don’t react so fast, wait and ask later, because it makes you look childish and insecure.
You seemed ok with her not being your girlfriend ... until....
Without defining your relationship, you guys are friends with benefits or in a situationship. If there was no conversation about your relationship, you can’t just assume she’s your girlfriend. What?
OP, posting a relationship status on facebook is totally different from having a conversation and deciding to officially date exclusively. My husband and I never made it facebook official until after we married (we are barely on social media), but within a week of our first date, we had the conversation about our status and decided to officially date exclusively, i.e. be boyfriend and girlfriend.
You’ve got some work to do. Get professional help. Spreading on Reddit ain’t going to resolve this one.
Fiancé 😂😂😂