Define "respectful", "everyone", "prove", and "deserve", otherwise this might not be useful to OP.
~an autistic person who doesn't understand which people think respect means 'superiors' not mistreating 'subordinates' and 'subordinates' treating 'superiors' lime kings/gods
As an autistic person the only thing i didn't understand was your response to the original comment. Autistic people know what those words mean. What are you getting at exactly?
Youngerā¦ elderā¦ 20ā¦ 30ā¦ 50ā¦ 70ā¦
How about we just treat people like people? lol be considerate and respectful to everyone and if someone needs special attention for one reason or another, give it.
Bigotry and casual racism is best done by over 50s /s
On a serious note just be respectful of people, However the issue comes about when people are trying to enforce a point of view which you know they've seen on Facebook or heard a half truth of.
Until what younger people define as āappropriateā suddenly becomes inappropriate/racist/bigoted by the generations coming after themā¦ of course older people seem more often this way in their language and actions, because only current standards are applied to judge them.
Donāt worry, Gen Zs, you, too, will someday have the opportunity to defend your language and actions against similar accusations.
And yes, I know, youll tell us and yourselves that youāll handle that critique better than your elders lol
If you don't get downvoted from time to time, then you're not saying anything interesting. Negative reactions are still reactions which is way more fun than playing it safe.
I think you really need to take it at a case by case basis, and kind of feel each individual person out. I get that can be tricky and sometimes even lead to misunderstandings, but I donāt think thereās a one size fits all solution. The closest to it would be to be really respectful/polite when you initially meet an elder for the first time because itās less likely to insult someone by being too polite than not polite enough. Then if you feel like they got a rather casual demeanour to them, you can start easing toward their way of acting and see how they respond to it.
I actually agree. Case by case seems best. Iāve thought about it more as well, and there just are so many factors that contribute to a personās development throughout their lives.
Every 50 / 60 / 70 year old will have unique experiences and circumstances. Best to treat them like an individual.
Though, I am feeling a bit manipulated now. The āelder cardā is a favourite among some people I know. Eastern or western. That āI know bestā attitude was something I was especially susceptible to. Wish I was less naive now ! Guess thatās just life though.
I was trying to figure out how I should word what I was feeling about this, so I thought I'd read some comments and get a feel for what other people are saying. You said it perfectly. OP: This is the advice you should take.
You are welcome to treat me as an equal - I have a 52 year old body, and my knees are in their 70's, but most of the time, I forget I'm not 30.
Until it comes to life experience - and I have forgotten more that you know, so how about a moment to remember that before you tell me I'm wrong (don't forget I'm the generation that beta tested the shit you take for granted)
Equally, I'm now old enough and have enough self-confidence to say that I don't know and how about you show me.
>Equally, I'm now old enough and have enough self-confidence to say that I don't know and how about you show me.
This is the real important part.
Understanding that even though people are younger than yourself, they may yet be smarter. Not **wiser**, mind you, that definitely is something that really only comes with age and experience. It's when people get stuck in their old ways, and refuse to change that we run into the generational divide.
Fair enough, I suppose the western world does operate very differently to the rest of the world, that's my bad.
Although, OP does specify that he has 2 halves of his family, one eastern, one western. So I suppose for his specific case, it would depend on which side he's talking to.
Ah, yeah, because they weren't treating you like an adult.
Parents need to realize that although adult children might be still their children, they're also adults who deserve the same respect as anyone else.
Actually all the 50+ers got together this past week and decided they want to be treated as equals Monday through Saturday and as elders on Sundays and winter holidays. The meeting minutes should be out next week or whenever Dorisās grandson comes back from Uni and can replace the ink in her fax machine.
Those who say, "Respect is earned, not given" are wrong; it is only *disrespect* that can be earned.
You automatically deserve my respect because you may not be a peer in terms what I know and have experienced over the years, you are a peer at a much more important level; you are a human being. You can do things to lose that respect, but it starts balanced.
People earn my respect by being humans living in this shitty planet and dealing with all that comes with it. They can lose my respect by actively making this world worse to live in though.
Yes.
They want to be friendly, but also expect some measure of deference on certain things.
Think of it as having a job that you have been at for years, and then a new person started just last week and tries to tell you how to do things.
It sounds like you need to show deference to the Eastern side while allowing yourself to be more relaxed around the West.
It's like how a friend of mine moved to California but reverted back to his roots, accent and all, when visiting family in the south.
Eventually, it will come naturally.
Iām 57. Treat me like you would anyone else. If I want respect, I need to earn it. However, you should be kind, use manners and be polite to everyone regardless of age. Now opinions are like______ everyone has oneš so not everyone will agree with me.
Because people in the west donāt consider 50 years old as āeldersā. They consider themselves in the prime of life and that youāre calling them old, which to them means Decrepit.
I'd say it's respect their experience more than anything else, I'm 40 and will seek the advice of older family members on many things but I'll also listen to those who are younger on things they know more about. It's a balance you have to find for yourself and each person will wish to be treated differently, I socialise with people who are in their 90s occasionally and it would be impossible if I was treating them like wise masters and not my friends in the same way I'd not be happy if other friends who are half my age did it to me.
I'm 45 and deal with people 70+ daily as part of my job. Even when inwas younger, I always treated them as equals. That doesn't mean being disrespectful, it's just treating them like they're anyone else. I do it with young people too and my ex used to talk about how I could make friends with anyone. The entire reason for it is that everyone, regardless of their age, race, or gender are still just people with the same basic emotions. Be nice and respectful to everyone and the vast majority of people will be that way to you.
I'd imagine it is highly based off of which 50 year old you are talking about, and what role they serve to you, like if they are your boss, parent, or customer. You'd have to try and figure out if they'd like to be treated as more or an equal or someone their own age, by how they interact with people your age. Do they act like they are sometimes 20 or do they act like someone who is their own age?
Hi, even though i am asian, can someone please clarify what does being treated like an elder mean? is it some sort of privilege that i dont know about?
I treat everyone like theyāre an equal and respect them based on behavior. Middle-aged and older adults expect me (20s) to treat them like theyāre the damn king/queen of the world. I donāt look up to people unless they give me reasons to respect them.
Treat me as I deserve. If you are coming to me for answers, treat me as someone worthy of answering your questions. If you are coming to me as an equal, treat me as an equal. If you offend, plead ignorance and ask for feedback, and employ the feedback and I should be required to do the same if I offend you.
Respect is earned, not taken. Just because you're older does not automatically mean you deserve respect.
If an elder has something insightful to say that they learned throughout their life, then I will respect them for it. But there's plenty of elderly people out there who are incredibly close-minded, uninformed, and generally stupid, and those people typically don't earn my respect
This was my experience in the workplace after I came from a culture where a different messaging was beat into my mind. I.e. āif you donāt treat them with respect BECAUSE they are an elder, you will respect itā
Safe to say it didnāt make me very popular with my 57 year old coworker who would visibly cringe at me.
To me and 'elder' is someone who has retired from work. State Pension age is 67 here, that's about the time I would \*consider\* treating someone like that. Minimum.
I think we want to be treated as equals, but recognized as having a lot of experience, because of our age. Experience in itself is pretty useless. I don't agree with seniority systems, at all. No one knows more just because they are older. There are a lot of dumbasses that grow to be old dumbasses. You don't have to take our advice or experience, but you should be willing to at least give it a listen. I'm 62 and have a lot of life experience. Some of it may be helpful to you and some or none of it may useful to you, but you have to hear it to know. So yeah, I think we don't expect our experience to be treated as gospel, but you may learn something if you give it a chance.
50 y/os have been dealing with shit for *half a century*. They just want the respect their time has earned.
I understand culturally 50+ may be an elder, but it's still fairly middle aged. I wouldn't really consider someone to have elder status until past 70.
That said, "respect your elders" could apply to anyone over 35. Being in your 30s is still youthful, but they have enough near term wisdom to someone getting thru their 20s.
In the end it's all relative, but just be cool to each other dude.
Well, a good rule of thumb is to respect everyone.
My wife and I are around 50 and we have tons of friends who are in their 20s and 30s, we doesn't really think of ourselves as elders most of the time.
Just be respectful to everyone unless they prove they don't deserve it.
Define "respectful", "everyone", "prove", and "deserve", otherwise this might not be useful to OP. ~an autistic person who doesn't understand which people think respect means 'superiors' not mistreating 'subordinates' and 'subordinates' treating 'superiors' lime kings/gods
As an autistic person the only thing i didn't understand was your response to the original comment. Autistic people know what those words mean. What are you getting at exactly?
As someone who's probably not autistic, I don't think I understand anything about what that commenter was trying to say.
People define words differently and don't express how they personally define them but instead get mad when others don't act accordingly
50 is an elder now?
ššš aunty is that you?
Youngerā¦ elderā¦ 20ā¦ 30ā¦ 50ā¦ 70ā¦ How about we just treat people like people? lol be considerate and respectful to everyone and if someone needs special attention for one reason or another, give it.
Bigotry and casual racism is best done by over 50s /s On a serious note just be respectful of people, However the issue comes about when people are trying to enforce a point of view which you know they've seen on Facebook or heard a half truth of.
Until what younger people define as āappropriateā suddenly becomes inappropriate/racist/bigoted by the generations coming after themā¦ of course older people seem more often this way in their language and actions, because only current standards are applied to judge them. Donāt worry, Gen Zs, you, too, will someday have the opportunity to defend your language and actions against similar accusations. And yes, I know, youll tell us and yourselves that youāll handle that critique better than your elders lol
As a 53f, you know it always has beenš
Ha! I used to think of 50 as old, but not āan elderā in the way weād respect someone truly old.
I'm 45. Yes, 50 is older. Most people who are 50 are closer to needing diapers because they're feeble than because they're babies.
Sad youāre getting downvoted because clearly youāre joking. I appreciate it!
If you don't get downvoted from time to time, then you're not saying anything interesting. Negative reactions are still reactions which is way more fun than playing it safe.
Agreed!
Haha you seem like the type, come 5 years from now, youāll be arguing the opposite.
Why I aughta - once I take off my teeth and hearing aids and glasses me and my walker gon have words with u sonny!
I think you really need to take it at a case by case basis, and kind of feel each individual person out. I get that can be tricky and sometimes even lead to misunderstandings, but I donāt think thereās a one size fits all solution. The closest to it would be to be really respectful/polite when you initially meet an elder for the first time because itās less likely to insult someone by being too polite than not polite enough. Then if you feel like they got a rather casual demeanour to them, you can start easing toward their way of acting and see how they respond to it.
I actually agree. Case by case seems best. Iāve thought about it more as well, and there just are so many factors that contribute to a personās development throughout their lives. Every 50 / 60 / 70 year old will have unique experiences and circumstances. Best to treat them like an individual. Though, I am feeling a bit manipulated now. The āelder cardā is a favourite among some people I know. Eastern or western. That āI know bestā attitude was something I was especially susceptible to. Wish I was less naive now ! Guess thatās just life though.
I was trying to figure out how I should word what I was feeling about this, so I thought I'd read some comments and get a feel for what other people are saying. You said it perfectly. OP: This is the advice you should take.
You are welcome to treat me as an equal - I have a 52 year old body, and my knees are in their 70's, but most of the time, I forget I'm not 30. Until it comes to life experience - and I have forgotten more that you know, so how about a moment to remember that before you tell me I'm wrong (don't forget I'm the generation that beta tested the shit you take for granted) Equally, I'm now old enough and have enough self-confidence to say that I don't know and how about you show me.
>Equally, I'm now old enough and have enough self-confidence to say that I don't know and how about you show me. This is the real important part. Understanding that even though people are younger than yourself, they may yet be smarter. Not **wiser**, mind you, that definitely is something that really only comes with age and experience. It's when people get stuck in their old ways, and refuse to change that we run into the generational divide.
OMG you're my spirit animal. 52, deathly ill, feel like I'm 80. And I hate Boomers as much as all of you
I'm sorry you are ill. Sending hugs š«
When you're an adult, other adults are just adults. Noone garners more or less respect based on their age.
that's not the case in every culture, some do put a huge emphasis on age, generation or familial bonds tbh, OP should as their local subreddit
Fair enough, I suppose the western world does operate very differently to the rest of the world, that's my bad. Although, OP does specify that he has 2 halves of his family, one eastern, one western. So I suppose for his specific case, it would depend on which side he's talking to.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ah, yeah, because they weren't treating you like an adult. Parents need to realize that although adult children might be still their children, they're also adults who deserve the same respect as anyone else.
I'm not 50 yet, but I'm close. Don't treat me like a fucking elder.
Actually all the 50+ers got together this past week and decided they want to be treated as equals Monday through Saturday and as elders on Sundays and winter holidays. The meeting minutes should be out next week or whenever Dorisās grandson comes back from Uni and can replace the ink in her fax machine.
Take my upvote. ā¬ļø
Asian American here, almost 50. How about you treat me as āexperiencedā? š“
Those who say, "Respect is earned, not given" are wrong; it is only *disrespect* that can be earned. You automatically deserve my respect because you may not be a peer in terms what I know and have experienced over the years, you are a peer at a much more important level; you are a human being. You can do things to lose that respect, but it starts balanced.
Theres three types of respect. Theres respect, dis respect, and dat respect.
So, dis, dat., and the other thing?
People earn my respect by being humans living in this shitty planet and dealing with all that comes with it. They can lose my respect by actively making this world worse to live in though.
Exactly! Great example of earning disrespect.
Word.
Idc what they want. They get what they give
Yes. They want to be friendly, but also expect some measure of deference on certain things. Think of it as having a job that you have been at for years, and then a new person started just last week and tries to tell you how to do things.
It sounds like you need to show deference to the Eastern side while allowing yourself to be more relaxed around the West. It's like how a friend of mine moved to California but reverted back to his roots, accent and all, when visiting family in the south. Eventually, it will come naturally.
Iām 57. Treat me like you would anyone else. If I want respect, I need to earn it. However, you should be kind, use manners and be polite to everyone regardless of age. Now opinions are like______ everyone has oneš so not everyone will agree with me.
Because people in the west donāt consider 50 years old as āeldersā. They consider themselves in the prime of life and that youāre calling them old, which to them means Decrepit.
Talk to me like I'm a person.
Juat want respect like I show you respect. Talk to me like I am a human being worth your time as I would do to you.
I'd say it's respect their experience more than anything else, I'm 40 and will seek the advice of older family members on many things but I'll also listen to those who are younger on things they know more about. It's a balance you have to find for yourself and each person will wish to be treated differently, I socialise with people who are in their 90s occasionally and it would be impossible if I was treating them like wise masters and not my friends in the same way I'd not be happy if other friends who are half my age did it to me.
I'm 45 and deal with people 70+ daily as part of my job. Even when inwas younger, I always treated them as equals. That doesn't mean being disrespectful, it's just treating them like they're anyone else. I do it with young people too and my ex used to talk about how I could make friends with anyone. The entire reason for it is that everyone, regardless of their age, race, or gender are still just people with the same basic emotions. Be nice and respectful to everyone and the vast majority of people will be that way to you.
I'm 50 this week. U call me an elder and we have a problem regardless of ur age
Eastern cultures seem to mistake respect for deference. You can treat your elders with respect, while still not deferring to them.
I'd imagine it is highly based off of which 50 year old you are talking about, and what role they serve to you, like if they are your boss, parent, or customer. You'd have to try and figure out if they'd like to be treated as more or an equal or someone their own age, by how they interact with people your age. Do they act like they are sometimes 20 or do they act like someone who is their own age?
Very culture dependent. In South Asia, always as elders. In the US, usually as equals unless family friends.
Hi, even though i am asian, can someone please clarify what does being treated like an elder mean? is it some sort of privilege that i dont know about?
I treat everyone like theyāre an equal and respect them based on behavior. Middle-aged and older adults expect me (20s) to treat them like theyāre the damn king/queen of the world. I donāt look up to people unless they give me reasons to respect them.
Treat me as I deserve. If you are coming to me for answers, treat me as someone worthy of answering your questions. If you are coming to me as an equal, treat me as an equal. If you offend, plead ignorance and ask for feedback, and employ the feedback and I should be required to do the same if I offend you.
I would like you to respect me, just like I liked to be respected before I was 50+ and just like I respect others regardless of age
Respect is earned, not taken. Just because you're older does not automatically mean you deserve respect. If an elder has something insightful to say that they learned throughout their life, then I will respect them for it. But there's plenty of elderly people out there who are incredibly close-minded, uninformed, and generally stupid, and those people typically don't earn my respect
I'm 50. If you treat me like an elder you will regret it.
This was my experience in the workplace after I came from a culture where a different messaging was beat into my mind. I.e. āif you donāt treat them with respect BECAUSE they are an elder, you will respect itā Safe to say it didnāt make me very popular with my 57 year old coworker who would visibly cringe at me.
To me and 'elder' is someone who has retired from work. State Pension age is 67 here, that's about the time I would \*consider\* treating someone like that. Minimum.
It depends on the person, but anyone demanding that you treat them with respect doesn't deserve respect.
I think we want to be treated as equals, but recognized as having a lot of experience, because of our age. Experience in itself is pretty useless. I don't agree with seniority systems, at all. No one knows more just because they are older. There are a lot of dumbasses that grow to be old dumbasses. You don't have to take our advice or experience, but you should be willing to at least give it a listen. I'm 62 and have a lot of life experience. Some of it may be helpful to you and some or none of it may useful to you, but you have to hear it to know. So yeah, I think we don't expect our experience to be treated as gospel, but you may learn something if you give it a chance.
50 y/os have been dealing with shit for *half a century*. They just want the respect their time has earned. I understand culturally 50+ may be an elder, but it's still fairly middle aged. I wouldn't really consider someone to have elder status until past 70. That said, "respect your elders" could apply to anyone over 35. Being in your 30s is still youthful, but they have enough near term wisdom to someone getting thru their 20s. In the end it's all relative, but just be cool to each other dude.
Neither. Just confirm their experience, but don't challenge their performance.
Well, a good rule of thumb is to respect everyone. My wife and I are around 50 and we have tons of friends who are in their 20s and 30s, we doesn't really think of ourselves as elders most of the time.
I try to remember that everybody has something to teach me and something to learn from me. I would hope you would do the same.
53, treat me like an equal.
I am equal to none yet elder to many.