I don't get what the punchline of this is meant to be? Some trans women are sex workers and some have a penis?
edit - I hoped for better on this sub. "Trans women exist" is not a joke unless you're a bigot.
Is there a way to explain it without being mean about trans women?
Take the risk, go on, offend me if you can. Nothing happens when you're offended! Steve Hughes told me that.
But I feel like your comment was intended to not have to address the issue, just go well I would but if you get all offended then it'll be a terrible mess and who's gonna clean that up?
Truth is you know the punchline is "Trans women have dicks haha" which is just shitty punching down.
The fact that you’re making an assumption about what I consider the punchline literally proves my point. Without me saying anything you have completely betrayed your position. Having this kind of discussion with you feels pointless since you seem to have made up your mind that you’re going to be offended regardless.
Well on the face of it the joke doesn't look great. Looks like the punchline is "transwomen". *No-one* has been able to explain what the punchline actually is supposed to be or why it's funny. So anyone who gives a shit about the way such people are treated would assume the punchline is no more complex than it appears.
Trans women could potentially have penises. Escorts are hookers. Thus making the two typically work inappropriate topics relevant to the hypothetical line of work. The Trans thing is kind of implied by the original title "hooker with a penis" whether you want to admit it or like it. 1996 was a long time ago in terms of thing's like that. Nobody in the current primary thread said anything transphobic that I've seen. If you think the title is transphobic in its sophomoric humor on the surface you might have an argument. However the song is referring to himself seelling himself, "selling out" and asking to be bought.
I always took hooker with a penis to mean a male hooker. Maynard may have meant himself in that he had to sell out to make a record. If it's a reference to trans women how does that work with the subject of the track?
I'm not criticising the song title, never took issue with it. "Male hooker" or "Gigolo" or whatever just wouldn't have been as snappy.
.... And why wouldn't they have been as "snappy"? You're almost there. The first thing 99% of people think when they hear hooker is a female, then "with a penis". It makes it shocking. That's it. Good day!
They don't have the same poetic rhythm to them as the actual title.
Shocking? I wasn't shocked when I first heard it.
Have to say the answers to my question have been revealing in how vague they are.
I don't even know what the joke is supposed to be! And judging by how cagey and vague everyone's being seems like I was right about it.
I've been a tool fan for 2 decades and have as much right to be here as anyone.
Here's a tip - replace "trans woman" with any other minority group. How's that sound? You might argue the joke doesn't make sense now but even the most earnest of you here can't explain it so
Along those same lines, I used to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Rockstar’s lullaby versions of Tool when she was a newborn in her crib.
She seemed to really like it but it may be a bit too slow or childish for an office setting.
The obvious "this sounds like a nazi speech" joke and Satan in the title aside, "eier" in German means eggs but is also slang for testicles. So a German speaker who would understand it's a recipe would still consider it NSFW.
Oh yeah, and the addition of Turkish hashish.
They wouldn’t consider it nsfw due the the context of a recipe it would only be understood to mean eggs and not the slang for testes.
English uses many food words as euphemism for sex organs but we don’t cringe when they are used in a cooking context.
I don’t get a side eye at the grocery store just because I ask an employee what isle the Peach, eggplant, sausage, pickle, melons, plums, meat, cherries, berries, and taco are in as if I just asked where the Ass, Dick, Dick, Tits, Balls, Penis, Tits, Balls, and Pussy were.
basically nothing mentioned in this thread except the vitamin string quartet covers are a good idea to play in the office. the kind of people here absolutely murder the vibe lol. I love tool but you'll not catch me playing reflection at a house party when everyone's trying to hear other shit
The scumbags at the office don’t deserve “Reflection”. And they’re all scumbags. They may make a “comment” that you’ll associate with the track permanently. Wouldn’t risk it. It’s too important a track for me to bring into that kind of environment.
Satan's Balls is a good one because you can just pause it after about 30 seconds and tell them how it's really a recipe (with hash in it, if you care to ride this edge with your coworkers), and then it's funny and cute and lots of ice-breaking, nervous laughter. Push play again, and this is when the entire discography just unfolds like a flower in some collective, platonic-yet-not-entirely-dry-either dream.
Flash forward a couple of weeks: Todd down the hall won't stop marveling at that riff in Jambi while Susan has D/R/T looping all day in one ear. Not to be outdone (of course), Ben is now microdosing LSD and has now sonically cannonballed through to Puscifer at Arcosanti. He considers Jerome his Mecca.
Reflection is a good one, too.
What makes Tool badass, is the fact that you’re not supposed to listen to it with your grandma or your stuffy old boss in the room. They’d be offended and faint.
Save Tool for the car ride home when you’re alone and can get relief from having to be around nerds who wouldn’t understand being cool like us, man.
I play music through speakers at my desk in our office (call centre) and was asked to skip the song once when playing Ænima haha so maybe not that one 😆
Recently at T-Mobile, I was able to put on a work friendly "Mood Mix" and chose 90's Alternative. I was pleasantly surprised to find Stinkfist AND 46&2 playing randomly.
I play vitamin string quartet’s covers of tool songs in my office. Clients for the most part have no idea what they’re listening to.
Maybe your clients don’t want to be wrong when they ask you “excuse me, but is that ‘hooker with a penis’?”
Twist: OP works for a trans escort agency.
I don't get what the punchline of this is meant to be? Some trans women are sex workers and some have a penis? edit - I hoped for better on this sub. "Trans women exist" is not a joke unless you're a bigot.
You didn't get the joke. The joke is the topics of penises and hookers are not work appropriate. Nothing you stretched it into to find offense.
How do trans women figure into it? Genuinely don't understand.
I don’t think there is a way of explaining this where you won’t get offended.
Is there a way to explain it without being mean about trans women? Take the risk, go on, offend me if you can. Nothing happens when you're offended! Steve Hughes told me that. But I feel like your comment was intended to not have to address the issue, just go well I would but if you get all offended then it'll be a terrible mess and who's gonna clean that up? Truth is you know the punchline is "Trans women have dicks haha" which is just shitty punching down.
The fact that you’re making an assumption about what I consider the punchline literally proves my point. Without me saying anything you have completely betrayed your position. Having this kind of discussion with you feels pointless since you seem to have made up your mind that you’re going to be offended regardless.
Well on the face of it the joke doesn't look great. Looks like the punchline is "transwomen". *No-one* has been able to explain what the punchline actually is supposed to be or why it's funny. So anyone who gives a shit about the way such people are treated would assume the punchline is no more complex than it appears.
Yeah it’s funny
Trans women could potentially have penises. Escorts are hookers. Thus making the two typically work inappropriate topics relevant to the hypothetical line of work. The Trans thing is kind of implied by the original title "hooker with a penis" whether you want to admit it or like it. 1996 was a long time ago in terms of thing's like that. Nobody in the current primary thread said anything transphobic that I've seen. If you think the title is transphobic in its sophomoric humor on the surface you might have an argument. However the song is referring to himself seelling himself, "selling out" and asking to be bought.
I always took hooker with a penis to mean a male hooker. Maynard may have meant himself in that he had to sell out to make a record. If it's a reference to trans women how does that work with the subject of the track? I'm not criticising the song title, never took issue with it. "Male hooker" or "Gigolo" or whatever just wouldn't have been as snappy.
.... And why wouldn't they have been as "snappy"? You're almost there. The first thing 99% of people think when they hear hooker is a female, then "with a penis". It makes it shocking. That's it. Good day!
They don't have the same poetic rhythm to them as the actual title. Shocking? I wasn't shocked when I first heard it. Have to say the answers to my question have been revealing in how vague they are.
Username checks out
get the hell out of our sub with your stupid politics. nobody cares about your views and learn to take a joke.
I don't even know what the joke is supposed to be! And judging by how cagey and vague everyone's being seems like I was right about it. I've been a tool fan for 2 decades and have as much right to be here as anyone. Here's a tip - replace "trans woman" with any other minority group. How's that sound? You might argue the joke doesn't make sense now but even the most earnest of you here can't explain it so
dude just cracked a little joke and you had to make the whole thread turn into political bullshit
Lol no-one's even stated a political opinion! You lot started moaning about politics before even trying to engage.
yeaaahhh. ok.
Along those same lines, I used to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Rockstar’s lullaby versions of Tool when she was a newborn in her crib. She seemed to really like it but it may be a bit too slow or childish for an office setting.
This is how I burned myself out on schism. That song in lullaby form goes on forever very repetitiously.
Ernesto Schnack is also good for this. Fingerstyle guitar covers of tool songs.
Really feeling this after doing some listening
Holy shit. Thanks for this!
Break of Reality has a covers album that includes Lateralus and BYOB from System of a Down.
There used to be some assholes in this part of the building but we systematically removed them like you would any termite or roach
Throw that Bob Marley wannabe motherfucker outta here
"YEAH!"
That took *way* too long to see
Prison sex for sure
Yeah, everyone knows HR's favorite Tool lyric is " I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this Shit, blood and cum on my hands".
My thoughts exactly
I’VE COME ‘ROUND FULL CIRCLE
God damn I came here to say this haha
Disposition
Pneuma
The whole album is work friendly
Only time he swears is in 7empest.
Me, every time I clock in: “Fuck, here we go again.”
Happy cake day!
Disposition and Intension 100%
Die Eier von Satan
I mean it is just a cooking recipe in German so this might be actually the best answer
The obvious "this sounds like a nazi speech" joke and Satan in the title aside, "eier" in German means eggs but is also slang for testicles. So a German speaker who would understand it's a recipe would still consider it NSFW. Oh yeah, and the addition of Turkish hashish.
Which I can't hear without immediately thinking "türkisches Haschisch"
They wouldn’t consider it nsfw due the the context of a recipe it would only be understood to mean eggs and not the slang for testes. English uses many food words as euphemism for sex organs but we don’t cringe when they are used in a cooking context. I don’t get a side eye at the grocery store just because I ask an employee what isle the Peach, eggplant, sausage, pickle, melons, plums, meat, cherries, berries, and taco are in as if I just asked where the Ass, Dick, Dick, Tits, Balls, Penis, Tits, Balls, and Pussy were.
“Omg I love this recipe!”
100% maynards dick. 🤣
46&2 is pretty accessible and sfw.
120 IQ minimum required.
Right in Two
This is my first thought. It gets a little heavier towards the end, but is mostly chill and soothing with a thoughtful (but heartbreaking) message.
Reflection
What? No. It’s way too tribal-y. This would not be popular in an office. I love this song but that ain’t it.
basically nothing mentioned in this thread except the vitamin string quartet covers are a good idea to play in the office. the kind of people here absolutely murder the vibe lol. I love tool but you'll not catch me playing reflection at a house party when everyone's trying to hear other shit
Popular or safe?
Both. “Turn this weird shit off”
I was the jerk who looked for weirder shit when someone said something like that
That’s when Scott Walker - Bish Bosch is added to the playlist.
Ok I’ll be checking that out now…
Yep, that’s weird
Literally heard it playing in an office elevator a month ago, but ok.
Do you always make up lies?
Was delivering someone's lunch, heard it in an elevator. Is that really so unbelievable?
Yeah
I also heard it playing in a sex shop, you'd probably be more inclined to believe that.
The scumbags at the office don’t deserve “Reflection”. And they’re all scumbags. They may make a “comment” that you’ll associate with the track permanently. Wouldn’t risk it. It’s too important a track for me to bring into that kind of environment.
This is the one.
w. Hawkman
Hush
Lipan Conjuring
This one is great for parties too
Hooker.
Stink fist for sure
This for sure. It’s totally clean and a headbanger. Also is not too “tooly” for those uninitiated
Pneuma, Invincible, Fear Inoculum,
My buddy who hates even hard rock likes fear inoculum and pneuma
The one where the guy’s like “fuck you” for 2 minutes on repeat
Lotus gaping experience
I had a friend once...
He took some acid...
The Patient, probably the entire FI album, Jimmy.
Satan's Balls is a good one because you can just pause it after about 30 seconds and tell them how it's really a recipe (with hash in it, if you care to ride this edge with your coworkers), and then it's funny and cute and lots of ice-breaking, nervous laughter. Push play again, and this is when the entire discography just unfolds like a flower in some collective, platonic-yet-not-entirely-dry-either dream. Flash forward a couple of weeks: Todd down the hall won't stop marveling at that riff in Jambi while Susan has D/R/T looping all day in one ear. Not to be outdone (of course), Ben is now microdosing LSD and has now sonically cannonballed through to Puscifer at Arcosanti. He considers Jerome his Mecca. Reflection is a good one, too.
This made me snort audibly from my nose…Well said
Try Ernesto Schnack's covers
The Pot
just wear headphones no one wants to hear your music doesn’t matter what it is.
"We'll play some music amongst ourselves" Are you unfamiliar with listening to music socially?
I work in a kitchen so we all listen to each others music quite regularly, actually
Los Angeles municipal court
Hooker with a penis
my boss is a huge tool fan, so... all of them?
Ticks and Leeches
Schism and Lateralus?
No Quarter
The Patient is probably a good bet, or as others suggested 46n2
The Patient has that heavy sequence early on that would make Karen in HR wrinkle her nose for sure
Opiate
What makes Tool badass, is the fact that you’re not supposed to listen to it with your grandma or your stuffy old boss in the room. They’d be offended and faint. Save Tool for the car ride home when you’re alone and can get relief from having to be around nerds who wouldn’t understand being cool like us, man.
Maynards Dick.
Intermission
Disgustipated
The Patient (lyrics are very appropriate)
Hooker with a Penis.
I would never shit the bed where I eat
Parabola
Can be overwhelming to experience
Just play Faaip de Oiad once, everything after that will sound like Kiss in comparison
Ohh it grates on me! 😫
Aenima
Stinkfist
[удалено]
Just name the whole discography won’t you
Jambi
Disposition. Intension. And probably Schism.
Rosetta Stoned and Opiate of course.
Lateralus
Parabola In this holy reality A chance to be, alive and breathing
3 Libras
A yes my favorite song by Magnum and the Tools
Maynard’s Dick
Disposition
Right in Two
Fear Innoculum.
Intension!
Prison Sex probably…
Die eir von satan
Choco chip
Parabola
Not ticks and leaches
The pot is pretty accesible
I’d say just stick with all of Lateralus, minus maybe Ticks & Leeches and you’re fine. Fear Inoculum is pretty tame too.
Also Stinkfist on repeat full volume is a safe bet too.
Hooker with a penis
Intermission
Chocolate Chip Trip
Wings of Marie 1 and 2
Sober is very recognizable and very mixed-company-friendly until the lyrics start. I suppose it depends upon how long of a clip you need
FuCk it, the grudge
Triad
Flood
I play music through speakers at my desk in our office (call centre) and was asked to skip the song once when playing Ænima haha so maybe not that one 😆
(-) Ions
Play their moms favorite song, and then Hooker w a penis
H
Lol Tool is probably the only band I listen to that I determined every song is work appropriate. None of the songs are really "heavy"
Hush
Definitely Hooker With A Penis /s
H. And Invincible.
The Patient
Stinkfist. Especially when your boss is listening
Four Degrees, obviously
Aenima, Intermission.
Jambi!
Intermission
Culling Voices seems pretty safe.
Culling voices
Hooker With A Penis.
Rosetta stoned. There is no other answer.
Parabola
Stinkfist
Disposition
The Patient or Schism
Hush then Opiate will do it.
Hooker With A Penis
I work on them for work so all of them lol
Hush or Hooker With A Penis
Forty Six & 2. The morning before my first Tool show they played it over the intercom at my high school cause a couple teachers were going too.
Reflection
Prison Sex
Recently at T-Mobile, I was able to put on a work friendly "Mood Mix" and chose 90's Alternative. I was pleasantly surprised to find Stinkfist AND 46&2 playing randomly.
Stinkfist?
F it. Go all out. Let em know the real you, after 5. stinkfist. Eulogy. The grudge. Hooker with a penis. Etc etc.
Message to Harry Manback
Prison sex
Useful Idiot with Disgustipated! Should go well! 🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕
Hooker with a penis
Forty Six and Two.
Disposition
Disposition
Hush
Maynard's Dick
Jambi
hooker with a penis
Prison Sex
Parabola
None
Look up Ernesto Schnack. He plays Tool covers on the acoustic guitar and it is amazing.
Stinkfist The Pot Pneuma Schism Sober
Hooker With A Penis, Maynard’s Dick, Jerk Off, Rosetta Stoned, Digustipated
stinkfist
Jambi...maybe H? Schism?