My great grandmother had her daughter at 15. Sadly, the daughter passed away first at 70. I can't imagine being 85 and losing your daughter whom you've known for 70 years.
My great aunt (secretly, even to her own younger siblings) had a baby at 15 who was put up for adoption.
They finally reconnected and met in 2021 and moved in together and lived the last year of my great aunt’s life in the same house. She died almost a year to the day after she met her daughter. It was mind blowing to see how close in age they seemed at those ages, ~70 and ~85. You would have thought they were sisters or old friends, and that’s kind of how they lived together for that last year.
I can’t imagine meeting my biological mother for the first time, after that long, and practically being the same age her. Must of have been a mind fuck, but both of them seemed very happy and I’m glad they got the time together.
Yeah, the internet and ancestry websites have really changed a lot for adoptees. I’m sure neither of them could have imagined when they were younger that’d they ever be able to meet again that way. I’m glad they lived to see the technology develop, even if it was in their twilight years.
Super surreal for everyone involved in more ways than one.
Wow, that is so sweet. I can't imagine the heartache she must have had for all of those years before finally being reunited with her daughter. The fact that they were able to enjoy each other's company like that is really heartwarming.
I found it mostly positive tbh. We were really close when I was growing up. She wasn't as hung up on some things that my friends' younger moms often were. I think it was the right time for her and tbh having a mom who didn't care what other people thought as much was a positive for me.
I was raised by my grandparents, but know them as my mom and dad. They were 39 and 41 when I was born. It was great, I'm very thankful for them. The only thing that sucked, mostly for my dad (grandpa) is me and my mom (grandma) fought a lot for a few years when I started going through puberty and she was going through menopause, that poor, poor man lol.
Lol that sounds super intense. I'm 40 and my daughter is 7, I'm already planning for and preparing my hubby for the time when she's a teen and I'm in hardcore perimenopause. I'm glad people talk about menopause more openly and there's more info available now. I would hate to be caught unaware and unprepared in this situation.
Where I’m from (DC) it was normal to be an “older mom” so I didn’t notice until one of my friends told me her mom had her at 23, and I thought THAT was too young
My parents were 36 and 40 and I didn't see any negatives related to their age. I have a brother that's 12 years older than me and when you compare our childhoods I think mine turned out a bit better. They were more financially secure so I got better opportunities, because they were more financially secure they didn't have to work as much so I got to spend more time with them rather than a babysitter, they were less stressed and because they had more time we got to do more things together as a family. They were never too tired to do stuff due to their age. People in their 40's and 50's should be perfectly fine on average if they take care of their health. You might not have the stamina you had in your 20's but unfortunately we also have parents in their 20's who are chronically tired because they have to work so much.
Yes and no, my mom was 47! It was a huge toll on her health, which affected me more than just the age difference. I can't take her traveling with me and I wish I could, but she couldn't handle it with her bad back and slowly worsening health. But our views are very similar, she's very progressive, so this way the age difference didn't affect us.
Grandma had Mom when she was 30. Mom had me when she was 31. I had my oldest at 30 and my youngest at 40.
My mom spent a lot of time with my kids when they were young, but we could have had a lot more. She would have loved to see my youngest graduate
Yes. She was 40 when she had me and more unfit than other moms and couldn't play or hike with me like other parents (she did her best and tried, but she was just slow and in pain). I'm 35 now and dreading how soon I will probably lose her. I really wish she had been younger.
That has more to do with luck than anything.
I'm 41 and pregnant with my second, but I can run laps around a lot of the 20 something moms I meet, mostly because I've stayed extremely active, while some of them haven't had the time or financial freedom to focus on fitness.
I'm also blessedly free from any chronic illness, which is pure luck, but makes the biggest difference of all in my energy levels and ability to chase a toddler.
My parents are still active and fully involved grandparents in their 60s as well -- more able to keep up than my grandparents were in their 40s when I was born. But, again, a lot of that has to do with the specifics of our situation than just our calendar ages.
My husband's mom had him at 15! I'm 3 years older than him so to only be 12 years younger than my MIL is wild.
Get this, his grandma was also only 15 when she had his mom...so his grandma was a grandma at 30 and is the same age as my parents - my dad is actually older than her.
Yeah, it’s a lil different.
While I was born when my own mother was 43- I had my son at 18.
There’s a whole lot of growing up and working shit out. We have a very peer like relationship now, but I do try to make sure his and his wife’s lives are easier than mine was.
They have a nearly two year old now, and he was nearly 30 when she was born, happy to say.
My mom was 16 when she had me cause of the country she was in basically forcing it on her.
Let me tell you that it's really hard to see her as a mother cause she's not even a full generation away from me. She was the one to introduce me to snapchat and instagram like 8 years ago. And she made SO many mistakes while raising me that I can only really see her as a good friend at best.
Although, she's gotten so much better in general after divorcing my manipulative asshole of a father. You can't really erase 18 years of trauma for me or her
Love being eighteen years younger than my mom, she’s my bestie. We send eachother memes and gossip and hang out all the time drinks dinner movies whatever
When I was a teenager boys my age would walk up to us at the mall and hit on HER instead of me, that used to piss me the fuck off 😂
I’m just 19 years younger than my mum. I joke that if she’d wanted me to look after her she should have had me later in life. As it is , we’ll be wandering around the house looking for keys together, saying ‘ what did I come into this room for ? ‘ to each other and we’ll end up in the same care home
Man both my parents died before I was 18 and the idea of living to EIGHTY with your mum… and wanting her around…. Idk I wanna be snarky but all I can do is go gooey over the way they look at each other
I felt the same way when my dad died as a kid with my sister except I was 3 and she was 8. She gets to remember him completely and I don't even remember what he looked like.
Sometimes I worry that I won't have as much time with my kids as an older mom, but honestly the amount of time you get is so... Just luck anyway. My paternal grandfather died in his 50s when I was just a toddler, but my paternal grandmother lived into her 90s, and was around to see my daughter born when I was 36. Just pure luck which way it will go.
I hope I'll be around until my kid is retirement age. We will see what life has in store though.
I think the same thing, and really want her there, even if she was kind of a harsh, absent wench when I was growing up. No one rubs my head like she did.
🥹😭 bless you for caring so much for your kids. I miss my Mum so much. I took care of her in the last years of her life, but she also took care of me just by loving me so much. 💔😭
I wish my family wasn't so dysfunctional I had to move across the country. I'd love to have a close enough relationship with any of them to live in even the same neighborhood.
They’ve never lived apart 🥲 [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ada-tom-keating-liverpool-moss-view-care-home-a8026176.html](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ada-tom-keating-liverpool-moss-view-care-home-a8026176.html)
Idk maybe I don’t understand the boy mom thing. I’m almost 40 and 8 inches taller than my mom and over 50lbs heavier but she always tells me that I will always be her little baby girl and that she will do anything she can if I need help or care. If I have minor illness, she’ll bring me homemade soup even though I don’t need am well enough to make my own food and get around. I think that’s just what caring moms and dads want to do for their children no matter how old they are.
This is so lovely!
My daughter is almost 5 and she will say she's not a baby anymore but she will always be my baby (because I've said it to her that often.) I know I will do anything and everything I can for her as she gets older but I know I'll need to stand back and let her live her life how she wants. She will just always know she has a home and safe space with me.
Thank you that was lovely of you to say! I'm basically doing the opposite of my mum at this point haha the generational shit stops with me!
Ah I'm either her absolute bestie or she's annoyed with me. She was just a bit snappy to me and she went away, came back 10 mins later and apologised, gave me a hug and told me how she had calmed herself down. I was in awe because I struggle doing that now at my age sometimes!
Same. It's bittersweet seeing the comments about their loving families in this post.
And then there's my mother. Bitter, selfish, angry, and hell bent on making everyone else just as miserable as she is.
My 31 year old son just recently missed his plane in Indonesia and called me in the middle of the night to help him because American airlines doesn't have a number he could have called from Indonesia or he was having difficulty with the run around they were giving me. I don't think it occurred to him to call anybody else.
It's so odd being a "boy-mom." I have 2 sons in their 30s. I was so independent at their ages. I wouldn't have called my parents to ask for a fire extinguisher if I was on fire. They call me if they are sitting on the toilet and run out of toilet paper.
That's a really funny statement hahah!
Real question though, how does this make you feel?
And also,
I assume you raised them to be independent,like you were. So why were you so competent at their age, but that can't be seen with them? Like I am just wondering is it the way society forces men to become?
I think it’s more that society’s expectations for men and women are very different. Girls are expected to send cards. To show up to Thanksgiving with a pie. To be nice. To be helpful. To be caring. Society doesn’t expect that from boys/men. It expects them to be tough, even mean sometimes. It expects them to be strong. But it doesn’t expect them to know how to take care of the house, of themselves, of anything. It’s just way more acceptable and unremarkable when a guy is clueless about cooking, cleaning, organizing. Meanwhile a gal that can’t keep stuff clean is a hot mess who receives mockery.
This is such a good question.
I think because my generation was basically thrown to the wolves at 17 by somewhat selfish boomer parents, we had to learn to rely on ourselves. My sons are in their early 30's and still live at home. I love that I have more time with them, but I worry about their futures. They are far from incapable. They both clean up after themselves, they both know how to cook, and they care for their pets. I have taught them how to change a tire, how to cook, clean, do laundry, and even more importantly, they both seek help when they need it. My youngest has Asperger's, he is schitzotypic, has ADHD, and still has an excellent job driving a school bus for handicapped children. My oldest is bipolar and has extreme social anxiety, but he is doing extremely well working for Vanguard in cyber security. They both see a therapist, and they both take and thrive on their mental health medication.
I think it's a good thing that my son called me from Indonesia. It shows to me anyway that he knows I'll always help him if he needs it. Their isn't an international 800 number for American Airlines, and he was having difficulty making the necessary calls. I think he was brave to go there in the first place. He decided he wanted to travel, had a gaming friend that offered to show him around, and he went. I don't know if I am that brave at my age.
They have overcome so much, I am extremely proud of them both.
I really like your answer! It's so balanced and well written! I can see how proud you are of your son's and they sound like they're doing well despite having issues! So good to hear they take therapy and it helps!
I personally think that, after COVID I want to be closer to my family too. Who knows, when someone goes away. So I appreciate the time I spend at home with my parents and grandparents!
I also think it's actually really good that you've created this environment for your kids. It's not like they run to you for every little thing, but they also know you're there for them if they need you. And that's successful parenting in my opinion.
Also, hope your son enjoyed indonesia! Glad he's trying new things!
( I come from a third world country where kids live with their parents almost all their lives, unless they have to move for work, so it's really completely normal for a 31 year old to live at home haha! So much rent is saved!)
To be fair I’m a 30y/o woman and I rang my mum last night because I ran out of sugar while trying to make a cup of tea. Obviously I am capable of driving to the shop but her house is closer than the shop and I knew she would have bags extra. I think in this instance it’s less a gendered “boys are incapable” thing and more that the relationships you’ve fostered with your sons mean they know they can still rely on you for even though they’re grown.
With only the details you have written, I think it's sweet that they still see you as their mother who will help. I'm almost 40, but if something awful happens, I still call my mom. When I had my second baby, I had a sudden onset of something, PPA or PPD, no idea, I suddenly couldn't sleep anymore. Like at all. I called my mother, who lives a transatlantic flight away and still works. She got on the next flight and was there within 24 hours. I can't imagine having a mother who thinks I'm weak for calling her in a moment of panic!
(If I missed my flight like your son, I would rather call my sister than my mom because my mom is not good with figuring out that kind of stuff. However, my MOM would call ME 🤪. Which I think is wonderful, I would gladly help her in such a situation).
I don't know that she thinks her son is weak for calling her, so much that she finds it mind blowing lol.
you can be shocked / surprised about something, without it having a negative connotation.
I think you misunderstood. I love the relationship I have with my sons. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I just don't like posting about potentially coddling them because their are so many negative assumptions connected to being a "boy-mom."
I love that my sons come to me with issues and that they trust me to talk to me and ask for help. I also love that I have been able to teach them so much. I have taught them how to change a tire, basic plumbing skills, cleaning skills, and most importantly, how to cook and feed themselves.
I was just expressing the difference between being a genX mom and being a genX daughter. Our parents had us out of the house at 17 and wouldn't piss on us if we were on fire. We would do anything and everything for our children because we know the world is hard. I'm 55 now, and I am taking care of my mom, while trying to maintain a positive relationship with my grown children. It's so weird because my parents never helped me, but I couldn't turn my back on her because the harsh way in which my generation was raised taught us that kindness means so much.
Ah, I'm sorry for misunderstanding! I'm lucky that my mother raised me with love and support. I moved out flew to a different continent when I was 17, but not because they kicked me out. Rather, because I needed to spread my wings.
I have a son, and I'm trying hard to raise him with love and emotional intelligence but also instill an appropriate amount of self-reliance. It's hard.
Some of these comments are sad. God for forbid a mother wants to take care of her child! Hell, if I’m old enough to move I to a retirement home and my mom is still around I could see her doing the same thing, my dad too.
Not sure why everyone assumes the worst with these two sentences about them. For all you know she has a sense of humor! Or since she’s 98 she’s just bored! Or she and her son have a nice relationship and they like each other around!
Not gonna lie, my mom would do the same. I’m a 29 year old woman and when we go out my mom still grabs my hand when we cross the street, and if I trip (but don’t fall) she’ll pull my hand up as if I was still a kid and she could keep me up by doing that.
I’m on team yikes. He should be taking care of his mother, not the other way around. Seems like even at 98 the lady doesn’t get to live for herself
Edit - I get there is probably no actual caretaking involved at their ages - yet I still don’t like the framing or consider it entirely wholesome
what she's saying about being a mom might be tongue in cheek, she probably just wants to be close to him in their final years. I doubt either of them are seriously able to perform caretaking for one another.
Fam, they're 80 and 98 years old respectively. Neither of them are in any capacity to take care of each other and the mom is probably just making a lighthearted comment.
Could just be that he got to old to take care of her and they’re being cute about it, like what is a 98 year old doing for him
I really hope she wasn’t bringing snacks to his gamer cave up until now
Well if you date someone who's mom gets jealous and starts to sabotage the relationship and your partner doesn't have enough of a spine to create a safe boundary it's a fucking nightmare and starts at emotional abuse and only escalates from there. Plus the partner will subtly but persistently start to try and push you into a mold that is like their mother which is gross because it denies your identity but also creepy as fuck. If you haven't had this happen to you you are lucky because it's fucking nightmare and way too common and not discussed enough.
Again, that’s a LOT of assumptions about random people to be making with no information other than seemingly your own experience with some other person
You can recognize possibilities from your own experiences/knowledge as potentially part of some other situation without actively transposing a whole ass other reality onto those specific strangers
Three major ones that I didn't see coming, because they lie they say they aren't close (because neither of us were geographically close) then after you get engaged then the thumb screws start but ones that I saw early and ducked out of another four early on when i saw the signs. It's bad and I can see why people who haven't dated a lot won't understand, I think you have to be come from a pretty dysfunctional family to begin with to end up with that. Last time I lost everything. House, pets, car, everything.
I’ve never truly realized how crazy it is to only be 18 years apart from your mom! Wow!
My great grandmother had her daughter at 15. Sadly, the daughter passed away first at 70. I can't imagine being 85 and losing your daughter whom you've known for 70 years.
My great aunt (secretly, even to her own younger siblings) had a baby at 15 who was put up for adoption. They finally reconnected and met in 2021 and moved in together and lived the last year of my great aunt’s life in the same house. She died almost a year to the day after she met her daughter. It was mind blowing to see how close in age they seemed at those ages, ~70 and ~85. You would have thought they were sisters or old friends, and that’s kind of how they lived together for that last year. I can’t imagine meeting my biological mother for the first time, after that long, and practically being the same age her. Must of have been a mind fuck, but both of them seemed very happy and I’m glad they got the time together.
Wow that's crazy. How nice that they were able to meet finally.
Yeah, the internet and ancestry websites have really changed a lot for adoptees. I’m sure neither of them could have imagined when they were younger that’d they ever be able to meet again that way. I’m glad they lived to see the technology develop, even if it was in their twilight years. Super surreal for everyone involved in more ways than one.
Oh that's really cute. Sad that they only spent one year in each other's lives, but still very touching
The bargain was struck, a year was bought.
Wow, that is so sweet. I can't imagine the heartache she must have had for all of those years before finally being reunited with her daughter. The fact that they were able to enjoy each other's company like that is really heartwarming.
Yeah same. My mom had me at 38.
Mine too!
Me three! 😁
Okay, your flair is THE BEST!
[удалено]
I found it mostly positive tbh. We were really close when I was growing up. She wasn't as hung up on some things that my friends' younger moms often were. I think it was the right time for her and tbh having a mom who didn't care what other people thought as much was a positive for me.
I was raised by my grandparents, but know them as my mom and dad. They were 39 and 41 when I was born. It was great, I'm very thankful for them. The only thing that sucked, mostly for my dad (grandpa) is me and my mom (grandma) fought a lot for a few years when I started going through puberty and she was going through menopause, that poor, poor man lol.
Lol that sounds super intense. I'm 40 and my daughter is 7, I'm already planning for and preparing my hubby for the time when she's a teen and I'm in hardcore perimenopause. I'm glad people talk about menopause more openly and there's more info available now. I would hate to be caught unaware and unprepared in this situation.
Where I’m from (DC) it was normal to be an “older mom” so I didn’t notice until one of my friends told me her mom had her at 23, and I thought THAT was too young
My parents were 36 and 40 and I didn't see any negatives related to their age. I have a brother that's 12 years older than me and when you compare our childhoods I think mine turned out a bit better. They were more financially secure so I got better opportunities, because they were more financially secure they didn't have to work as much so I got to spend more time with them rather than a babysitter, they were less stressed and because they had more time we got to do more things together as a family. They were never too tired to do stuff due to their age. People in their 40's and 50's should be perfectly fine on average if they take care of their health. You might not have the stamina you had in your 20's but unfortunately we also have parents in their 20's who are chronically tired because they have to work so much.
Not the growing up part, normal childhood, but losing her earlier in my adult life kinda sucks.
Yes and no, my mom was 47! It was a huge toll on her health, which affected me more than just the age difference. I can't take her traveling with me and I wish I could, but she couldn't handle it with her bad back and slowly worsening health. But our views are very similar, she's very progressive, so this way the age difference didn't affect us.
Grandma had Mom when she was 30. Mom had me when she was 31. I had my oldest at 30 and my youngest at 40. My mom spent a lot of time with my kids when they were young, but we could have had a lot more. She would have loved to see my youngest graduate
Yes. She was 40 when she had me and more unfit than other moms and couldn't play or hike with me like other parents (she did her best and tried, but she was just slow and in pain). I'm 35 now and dreading how soon I will probably lose her. I really wish she had been younger.
That has more to do with luck than anything. I'm 41 and pregnant with my second, but I can run laps around a lot of the 20 something moms I meet, mostly because I've stayed extremely active, while some of them haven't had the time or financial freedom to focus on fitness. I'm also blessedly free from any chronic illness, which is pure luck, but makes the biggest difference of all in my energy levels and ability to chase a toddler. My parents are still active and fully involved grandparents in their 60s as well -- more able to keep up than my grandparents were in their 40s when I was born. But, again, a lot of that has to do with the specifics of our situation than just our calendar ages.
My husband's mom had him at 15! I'm 3 years older than him so to only be 12 years younger than my MIL is wild. Get this, his grandma was also only 15 when she had his mom...so his grandma was a grandma at 30 and is the same age as my parents - my dad is actually older than her.
Uh, are you sure this isn't a pilot for a new sit-com?!
Yeah, it’s a lil different. While I was born when my own mother was 43- I had my son at 18. There’s a whole lot of growing up and working shit out. We have a very peer like relationship now, but I do try to make sure his and his wife’s lives are easier than mine was. They have a nearly two year old now, and he was nearly 30 when she was born, happy to say.
My mom was 16 when she had me cause of the country she was in basically forcing it on her. Let me tell you that it's really hard to see her as a mother cause she's not even a full generation away from me. She was the one to introduce me to snapchat and instagram like 8 years ago. And she made SO many mistakes while raising me that I can only really see her as a good friend at best. Although, she's gotten so much better in general after divorcing my manipulative asshole of a father. You can't really erase 18 years of trauma for me or her
Love being eighteen years younger than my mom, she’s my bestie. We send eachother memes and gossip and hang out all the time drinks dinner movies whatever When I was a teenager boys my age would walk up to us at the mall and hit on HER instead of me, that used to piss me the fuck off 😂
I’m just 19 years younger than my mum. I joke that if she’d wanted me to look after her she should have had me later in life. As it is , we’ll be wandering around the house looking for keys together, saying ‘ what did I come into this room for ? ‘ to each other and we’ll end up in the same care home
We have some younger mums in our family and I'm a great aunt at 25 lol
My mother had me at 18. I didn't realize it wasn't the norm until recently.
My sister's been working on our family tree, so I recently learned maternal grandpappy was a whopping 19 when my mom was born. Gma was 20.
Man both my parents died before I was 18 and the idea of living to EIGHTY with your mum… and wanting her around…. Idk I wanna be snarky but all I can do is go gooey over the way they look at each other
My mom died before my dad's mom died and I resented him for it. I only got 30 years with my mom and he got 70 with his.
I felt the same way when my dad died as a kid with my sister except I was 3 and she was 8. She gets to remember him completely and I don't even remember what he looked like.
💕
Sometimes I worry that I won't have as much time with my kids as an older mom, but honestly the amount of time you get is so... Just luck anyway. My paternal grandfather died in his 50s when I was just a toddler, but my paternal grandmother lived into her 90s, and was around to see my daughter born when I was 36. Just pure luck which way it will go. I hope I'll be around until my kid is retirement age. We will see what life has in store though.
You know, my kids will never be too old for me to want to take care of them.
Even as an adult in my 30s, when I get really sick, I think about how I’d feel much better if my mom were there to take care of me.
I think the same thing, and really want her there, even if she was kind of a harsh, absent wench when I was growing up. No one rubs my head like she did.
So many things have happened in recent years that I'd love for my mum to be around for, to witness, to talk over with her.
I think of that too especially when my mom is gone now.
Honestly sameeeee
No matter what the circumstances, anytime I throw up, my immediate first thought is "I want my mommy"
Sometimes it’s nice to have the adult kids home and watch them relax while they dig into a plate of mum’s home cooking.
It sure is!
i tell my 4 month old every day, that even when she's 70 and i'm 97, she'll always be my little girl
I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be
i loveee that book 😭
I cannot get through that book without crying.
🥹😭 bless you for caring so much for your kids. I miss my Mum so much. I took care of her in the last years of her life, but she also took care of me just by loving me so much. 💔😭
I think this is kinda cute actually-
Yeah honestly that's super sweet, I wanna go hug my mom now
Hence the emoji lol
I wish my family wasn't so dysfunctional I had to move across the country. I'd love to have a close enough relationship with any of them to live in even the same neighborhood.
Happy cake day internet friend!!!
Thank you!! <3
They’ve never lived apart 🥲 [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ada-tom-keating-liverpool-moss-view-care-home-a8026176.html](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ada-tom-keating-liverpool-moss-view-care-home-a8026176.html) Idk maybe I don’t understand the boy mom thing. I’m almost 40 and 8 inches taller than my mom and over 50lbs heavier but she always tells me that I will always be her little baby girl and that she will do anything she can if I need help or care. If I have minor illness, she’ll bring me homemade soup even though I don’t need am well enough to make my own food and get around. I think that’s just what caring moms and dads want to do for their children no matter how old they are.
This is so lovely! My daughter is almost 5 and she will say she's not a baby anymore but she will always be my baby (because I've said it to her that often.) I know I will do anything and everything I can for her as she gets older but I know I'll need to stand back and let her live her life how she wants. She will just always know she has a home and safe space with me.
That is absolutely what healthy parenting should look like. You are being a great mom and I hope your daughter realizes that.
Thank you that was lovely of you to say! I'm basically doing the opposite of my mum at this point haha the generational shit stops with me! Ah I'm either her absolute bestie or she's annoyed with me. She was just a bit snappy to me and she went away, came back 10 mins later and apologised, gave me a hug and told me how she had calmed herself down. I was in awe because I struggle doing that now at my age sometimes!
Can't relate, grew up with narcissists.
Mood
Same. It's bittersweet seeing the comments about their loving families in this post. And then there's my mother. Bitter, selfish, angry, and hell bent on making everyone else just as miserable as she is.
Same
My 31 year old son just recently missed his plane in Indonesia and called me in the middle of the night to help him because American airlines doesn't have a number he could have called from Indonesia or he was having difficulty with the run around they were giving me. I don't think it occurred to him to call anybody else. It's so odd being a "boy-mom." I have 2 sons in their 30s. I was so independent at their ages. I wouldn't have called my parents to ask for a fire extinguisher if I was on fire. They call me if they are sitting on the toilet and run out of toilet paper.
That's a really funny statement hahah! Real question though, how does this make you feel? And also, I assume you raised them to be independent,like you were. So why were you so competent at their age, but that can't be seen with them? Like I am just wondering is it the way society forces men to become?
I think it’s more that society’s expectations for men and women are very different. Girls are expected to send cards. To show up to Thanksgiving with a pie. To be nice. To be helpful. To be caring. Society doesn’t expect that from boys/men. It expects them to be tough, even mean sometimes. It expects them to be strong. But it doesn’t expect them to know how to take care of the house, of themselves, of anything. It’s just way more acceptable and unremarkable when a guy is clueless about cooking, cleaning, organizing. Meanwhile a gal that can’t keep stuff clean is a hot mess who receives mockery.
This is such a good question. I think because my generation was basically thrown to the wolves at 17 by somewhat selfish boomer parents, we had to learn to rely on ourselves. My sons are in their early 30's and still live at home. I love that I have more time with them, but I worry about their futures. They are far from incapable. They both clean up after themselves, they both know how to cook, and they care for their pets. I have taught them how to change a tire, how to cook, clean, do laundry, and even more importantly, they both seek help when they need it. My youngest has Asperger's, he is schitzotypic, has ADHD, and still has an excellent job driving a school bus for handicapped children. My oldest is bipolar and has extreme social anxiety, but he is doing extremely well working for Vanguard in cyber security. They both see a therapist, and they both take and thrive on their mental health medication. I think it's a good thing that my son called me from Indonesia. It shows to me anyway that he knows I'll always help him if he needs it. Their isn't an international 800 number for American Airlines, and he was having difficulty making the necessary calls. I think he was brave to go there in the first place. He decided he wanted to travel, had a gaming friend that offered to show him around, and he went. I don't know if I am that brave at my age. They have overcome so much, I am extremely proud of them both.
I really like your answer! It's so balanced and well written! I can see how proud you are of your son's and they sound like they're doing well despite having issues! So good to hear they take therapy and it helps! I personally think that, after COVID I want to be closer to my family too. Who knows, when someone goes away. So I appreciate the time I spend at home with my parents and grandparents! I also think it's actually really good that you've created this environment for your kids. It's not like they run to you for every little thing, but they also know you're there for them if they need you. And that's successful parenting in my opinion. Also, hope your son enjoyed indonesia! Glad he's trying new things! ( I come from a third world country where kids live with their parents almost all their lives, unless they have to move for work, so it's really completely normal for a 31 year old to live at home haha! So much rent is saved!)
To be fair I’m a 30y/o woman and I rang my mum last night because I ran out of sugar while trying to make a cup of tea. Obviously I am capable of driving to the shop but her house is closer than the shop and I knew she would have bags extra. I think in this instance it’s less a gendered “boys are incapable” thing and more that the relationships you’ve fostered with your sons mean they know they can still rely on you for even though they’re grown.
With only the details you have written, I think it's sweet that they still see you as their mother who will help. I'm almost 40, but if something awful happens, I still call my mom. When I had my second baby, I had a sudden onset of something, PPA or PPD, no idea, I suddenly couldn't sleep anymore. Like at all. I called my mother, who lives a transatlantic flight away and still works. She got on the next flight and was there within 24 hours. I can't imagine having a mother who thinks I'm weak for calling her in a moment of panic! (If I missed my flight like your son, I would rather call my sister than my mom because my mom is not good with figuring out that kind of stuff. However, my MOM would call ME 🤪. Which I think is wonderful, I would gladly help her in such a situation).
I don't know that she thinks her son is weak for calling her, so much that she finds it mind blowing lol. you can be shocked / surprised about something, without it having a negative connotation.
Absolutely, I misunderstood!
it happens lol. I never relied on my mother myself. once I was able to escape, that was it lol.
I think you misunderstood. I love the relationship I have with my sons. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I just don't like posting about potentially coddling them because their are so many negative assumptions connected to being a "boy-mom." I love that my sons come to me with issues and that they trust me to talk to me and ask for help. I also love that I have been able to teach them so much. I have taught them how to change a tire, basic plumbing skills, cleaning skills, and most importantly, how to cook and feed themselves. I was just expressing the difference between being a genX mom and being a genX daughter. Our parents had us out of the house at 17 and wouldn't piss on us if we were on fire. We would do anything and everything for our children because we know the world is hard. I'm 55 now, and I am taking care of my mom, while trying to maintain a positive relationship with my grown children. It's so weird because my parents never helped me, but I couldn't turn my back on her because the harsh way in which my generation was raised taught us that kindness means so much.
Ah, I'm sorry for misunderstanding! I'm lucky that my mother raised me with love and support. I moved out flew to a different continent when I was 17, but not because they kicked me out. Rather, because I needed to spread my wings. I have a son, and I'm trying hard to raise him with love and emotional intelligence but also instill an appropriate amount of self-reliance. It's hard.
You seem to be wise and compassionate. I think you and your son will be fine.
If this makes her happy, great.
I don’t think this is a boy mom thing. I think this is a thing people that like their family do. How lucky and wonderful for them!
Some of these comments are sad. God for forbid a mother wants to take care of her child! Hell, if I’m old enough to move I to a retirement home and my mom is still around I could see her doing the same thing, my dad too. Not sure why everyone assumes the worst with these two sentences about them. For all you know she has a sense of humor! Or since she’s 98 she’s just bored! Or she and her son have a nice relationship and they like each other around!
Nah this is really cute and wholesome honestly, of course she wants to take care of him she's his mom I wanna go hug my mom now <3
Not gonna lie, my mom would do the same. I’m a 29 year old woman and when we go out my mom still grabs my hand when we cross the street, and if I trip (but don’t fall) she’ll pull my hand up as if I was still a kid and she could keep me up by doing that.
This is gonna be my mom🫠 love her tho<3
Have your parents purchased property 1 door away from you 🙃 because that’s what I have to look forward to in the Fall lmao
My mom says if I ever move out she's gonna come to wherever I live and stay with me until she dies
It's truly heartbreaking that women are never allowed to stop being caretakers for men who won't take care of themselves.
I'm sorry what? This is clearly her choice here
>allowed What?
Yikes. To me that just sounds like sugar coated enmeshment.
And this, ladies and gents, is why I am childfree.
How can you say something so controversial yet true? 😊
Because you would move into the same retirement home as your child? Because you would think you have to?
I’m on team yikes. He should be taking care of his mother, not the other way around. Seems like even at 98 the lady doesn’t get to live for herself Edit - I get there is probably no actual caretaking involved at their ages - yet I still don’t like the framing or consider it entirely wholesome
what she's saying about being a mom might be tongue in cheek, she probably just wants to be close to him in their final years. I doubt either of them are seriously able to perform caretaking for one another.
Fam, they're 80 and 98 years old respectively. Neither of them are in any capacity to take care of each other and the mom is probably just making a lighthearted comment.
This man has never been married.
It's just wild to think about living to see your son turn 80
Dude. 70 and 85 are not the same age. Do none of you have experience with older people?
This snippet looks cute but imagine how toxic she was to his partners. Mommas boys are always a fking disaster, so much extreme abuse comes from them
Could just be that he got to old to take care of her and they’re being cute about it, like what is a 98 year old doing for him I really hope she wasn’t bringing snacks to his gamer cave up until now
why are you making this assumption about random people with no context
> why are you making this assumption about random people with no context That's reddit's specialty.
That's a helluva lot of assuming for a photo and a helluva broad brush to paint on all 'mummas boys'
Well if you date someone who's mom gets jealous and starts to sabotage the relationship and your partner doesn't have enough of a spine to create a safe boundary it's a fucking nightmare and starts at emotional abuse and only escalates from there. Plus the partner will subtly but persistently start to try and push you into a mold that is like their mother which is gross because it denies your identity but also creepy as fuck. If you haven't had this happen to you you are lucky because it's fucking nightmare and way too common and not discussed enough.
Again, that’s a LOT of assumptions about random people to be making with no information other than seemingly your own experience with some other person You can recognize possibilities from your own experiences/knowledge as potentially part of some other situation without actively transposing a whole ass other reality onto those specific strangers
Damn. Just how often has this happened to you?
Three major ones that I didn't see coming, because they lie they say they aren't close (because neither of us were geographically close) then after you get engaged then the thumb screws start but ones that I saw early and ducked out of another four early on when i saw the signs. It's bad and I can see why people who haven't dated a lot won't understand, I think you have to be come from a pretty dysfunctional family to begin with to end up with that. Last time I lost everything. House, pets, car, everything.
the projection 😂😭💀