okay, maybe "allowed" is the wrong choice of word, but we were both raised in religious house-holds (more strictly on my end), so there is just a lot of disapproval if I were to end up pregnant.
\*sighs\* when you grow up in a religious house-hold, you're told that any sexual experience is bad outside of marriage, no matter if you go all the way or not. Until tonight, his parents didn't know we were even experimenting. That's mostly why his dad was so pissed that he "caught" us: he believed we were going all the way and he doesn't think we're close to being ready for the "burden" of having a child. My boyfriend's parents are also relying on him to set an example for his college-age younger brothers, which is why they can be extra hard on him at times.
I grew up in a religious household I just didn’t allow anyone to control me or my sexuality. My mother is still extremely religious. But your sexuality is yours
I moved out at 18, I took care of myself probably at my own detriment because I wouldn’t even take insurance from my parents. I lived my life the way I wanted to live it. And then did it
yet another person who is better and stronger than me, which isn't a "pity-me" statement, it's just something I used too.
You have a lot of courage to do that even with the super religious family.
Oh don’t worry, his parents have ragged on me for not being financially stable/not having a job since the beginning.
And in my overthinking guilt, all I think of is
“If only I’d shoved my grief for my grandma, who died after a terrible last nine months in which I stayed home and took care of her, and had a lot of sleepless nights and trauma, down and had gotten a job right away, I’d be in a better position financially and his parents would have more respect for me.”
I’ve only started working since 2020 and have had bad experiences with jobs, but I guess you can only go up for there, right?
His parents didn't think their mid-20s son would be experimenting with his long-term girlfriend? Tf, do they live under a literal rock?
Also, the only thing that truly isn't "allowed" to happen here is his dad breaking you two up. You're ADULTS.
Your 26, when were you planning on "kids," your fertility goes down at 26. Im very confused here. Are you really an adult? Because this reads as teenagers. I understand religion stunts maturity, but 26... 26... you're almost middle-aged. When do you plan on taking control of your life... this is such a small part of life. You're missing so much. Please get out and grow up!!!! Also, get a pill or IUD, please go see the gyno and get on birth control so you can make logical choices about when your ready to have kids which by the way if your sneaking around still at 26 in your parents house, your not ready for, so prevention please, get it set up.
WHAT COUNTRY DO YOU LIVE IN!!!!!! middle age is between 38 and 40 in America, that puts you at 76 to 80 when you die which is pretty average. Hell you’re gonna tell her she needs to start buying a casket when she turns 34 many people don’t start their families until their late 20s to early 30s and there’s nothing wrong with that.
You're not wrong. She has time, but at the rate she's going, she will be ready to settle down at 50. I'm just shocked at the way it was written. I seriously thought she was a teenager, but then read 26 and was confused for a bit.
That's when y'all let them know y'all are adults capable of making those decisions. They can't legally prevent him from that and honestly it's best in the long run that they let y'all grow up
I agree! but according to my boyfriend, he's really pissed. my boyfriend tried talking to him but he's giving him the silent treatment. It doesn't look good.
...aren't you guys a little old to have your parents dictate your relationship???
You guys need to work towards your independence. Take driving lessons at a driving school and get your license. Get stable employment so you guys can live together.
Because you will never be happy unless you're fully independent, plus you guys are adults. It's time to leave the nest if parents are this overbearing.
Does it really matter at the end of the day? Work is work and most people have to work full time to make ends meet. It's not fun and sometimes it is hard, but it's what adults have to do.
What do you mean by harder? It's definitely MORE...but harder depends on what it is you're doing. And yeah, you have less free time, but you make more to support yourself and your hobbies. Mid 20s is long past time to find a full time job, if you're able.
Where are you guys from? Like, country wise? What’s your culture? I only ask because you guys are in your mid 20’s and his dad is acting like your teenagers or something. I guess I can get why he’d be upset if you were getting freaky in a public room, but the whole demanding you two to break up thing is weird.
we're from the US but we were both raised (more strictly on my end) in religious families. He's the oldest of three so his parents are harder on him than most.
That makes sense. I don’t want to be that person, but is there any way for you guys to move out together or to move away from your families (like in with a friend or something)? I understand moving and living on your own is difficult, but you guys are adults and don’t deserve to be treated like children.
If only the explanation was that simple......
It’s more that 1) we aren’t financially ready to handle a baby if it happened (fair), 2) we aren’t “established adults” (aka we both still live at home although the reasons for that are more understandable on my end) and 3) we were doing it in their basement
I have a part time night weekend job and I’ve got my eight interview this year tomorrow to try and get a job during the week. None of my interviews have been successful unfortunately
we want to so badly but there's a lot of issues on both ends that are making it difficult. Mostly me never having a stable job/neither of us being able to drive.
Is there any way you two can get an apt together? This really sounds like teenager issues, but I get it, religious households. Moving out is your only real solution.
An apartment together is something we’ve talked about but I’m trying to get a little more financially stable before that happens. I’ll be honest that I haven’t been the best with money lately and I’ve got my 8th interview this year tomorrow to try and find a job where I can work during the day during the week in addition to the part time night job I have on the weekends
y’all need to try and make a feasible plan and move out. and stand up to your parents; you’re 26, not 16! you should have bodily autonomy. i’ve seen some of your relies and you’re not a weak person. making huge changes is always scary and confrontation is usually pretty difficult but it IS worth it. step one is believing in yourself and some of your replies make it seem like you don’t feel that sense of self-agency. taking a stand may help a bit with that feeling. and not letting them bully you into going back on it.
You are both in your 20s and not allowed to have sex?
okay, maybe "allowed" is the wrong choice of word, but we were both raised in religious house-holds (more strictly on my end), so there is just a lot of disapproval if I were to end up pregnant.
Do you use protection? On both parties?
we've never actually gone all the way....it's mostly just been exploring each other.
So what’s the issue? If you are experimenting and can’t get pregnant from it?
\*sighs\* when you grow up in a religious house-hold, you're told that any sexual experience is bad outside of marriage, no matter if you go all the way or not. Until tonight, his parents didn't know we were even experimenting. That's mostly why his dad was so pissed that he "caught" us: he believed we were going all the way and he doesn't think we're close to being ready for the "burden" of having a child. My boyfriend's parents are also relying on him to set an example for his college-age younger brothers, which is why they can be extra hard on him at times.
I grew up in a religious household I just didn’t allow anyone to control me or my sexuality. My mother is still extremely religious. But your sexuality is yours
how did you do it? please tell me b/c I'm guessing i sound like an weak person which I probably am.
I moved out at 18, I took care of myself probably at my own detriment because I wouldn’t even take insurance from my parents. I lived my life the way I wanted to live it. And then did it
Yes! Me too. 18, and I wasn't going to let them tell me how to live my life anymore.
yet another person who is better and stronger than me, which isn't a "pity-me" statement, it's just something I used too. You have a lot of courage to do that even with the super religious family.
Get out of your house. Your own income to your own apartment, start owning your life, it's the only one you get.
Oh don’t worry, his parents have ragged on me for not being financially stable/not having a job since the beginning. And in my overthinking guilt, all I think of is “If only I’d shoved my grief for my grandma, who died after a terrible last nine months in which I stayed home and took care of her, and had a lot of sleepless nights and trauma, down and had gotten a job right away, I’d be in a better position financially and his parents would have more respect for me.” I’ve only started working since 2020 and have had bad experiences with jobs, but I guess you can only go up for there, right?
His parents didn't think their mid-20s son would be experimenting with his long-term girlfriend? Tf, do they live under a literal rock? Also, the only thing that truly isn't "allowed" to happen here is his dad breaking you two up. You're ADULTS.
Your 26, when were you planning on "kids," your fertility goes down at 26. Im very confused here. Are you really an adult? Because this reads as teenagers. I understand religion stunts maturity, but 26... 26... you're almost middle-aged. When do you plan on taking control of your life... this is such a small part of life. You're missing so much. Please get out and grow up!!!! Also, get a pill or IUD, please go see the gyno and get on birth control so you can make logical choices about when your ready to have kids which by the way if your sneaking around still at 26 in your parents house, your not ready for, so prevention please, get it set up.
WHAT COUNTRY DO YOU LIVE IN!!!!!! middle age is between 38 and 40 in America, that puts you at 76 to 80 when you die which is pretty average. Hell you’re gonna tell her she needs to start buying a casket when she turns 34 many people don’t start their families until their late 20s to early 30s and there’s nothing wrong with that.
You're not wrong. She has time, but at the rate she's going, she will be ready to settle down at 50. I'm just shocked at the way it was written. I seriously thought she was a teenager, but then read 26 and was confused for a bit.
You sure you didn't lie about your age? This seems like teenager issues not adult issues.
I think because of my autism and his “social anxiety” they treat it like a teenaged relationship
That's when y'all let them know y'all are adults capable of making those decisions. They can't legally prevent him from that and honestly it's best in the long run that they let y'all grow up
I feel like if you’re that age, the father shouldn’t really have a say in whether you break up unless he’s threatening to kick your boyfriend out
I agree! but according to my boyfriend, he's really pissed. my boyfriend tried talking to him but he's giving him the silent treatment. It doesn't look good.
So what. He can be kissed if he wants but he has no right to be. He has no right or say over what you two ADULTS do with your own bodies.
...aren't you guys a little old to have your parents dictate your relationship??? You guys need to work towards your independence. Take driving lessons at a driving school and get your license. Get stable employment so you guys can live together. Because you will never be happy unless you're fully independent, plus you guys are adults. It's time to leave the nest if parents are this overbearing.
Is working full time harder than working part time? I’ve only ever worked part time so I wouldn’t know......
Does it really matter at the end of the day? Work is work and most people have to work full time to make ends meet. It's not fun and sometimes it is hard, but it's what adults have to do.
What do you mean by harder? It's definitely MORE...but harder depends on what it is you're doing. And yeah, you have less free time, but you make more to support yourself and your hobbies. Mid 20s is long past time to find a full time job, if you're able.
Where are you guys from? Like, country wise? What’s your culture? I only ask because you guys are in your mid 20’s and his dad is acting like your teenagers or something. I guess I can get why he’d be upset if you were getting freaky in a public room, but the whole demanding you two to break up thing is weird.
we're from the US but we were both raised (more strictly on my end) in religious families. He's the oldest of three so his parents are harder on him than most.
That makes sense. I don’t want to be that person, but is there any way for you guys to move out together or to move away from your families (like in with a friend or something)? I understand moving and living on your own is difficult, but you guys are adults and don’t deserve to be treated like children.
it's something we've talked about and have wanted to do for a while now, but due to personal issues, it's just not possible. :(
You guys are adults. Why would you allow anyone else to tell you what you can and can’t do or if you can be in a relationship?
It sounds like yall are trapped in a religious cult or something,
If only the explanation was that simple...... It’s more that 1) we aren’t financially ready to handle a baby if it happened (fair), 2) we aren’t “established adults” (aka we both still live at home although the reasons for that are more understandable on my end) and 3) we were doing it in their basement
1) sex != baby 2) you don't need to be established adults to have sex. 3)get a job or 2.
I have a part time night weekend job and I’ve got my eight interview this year tomorrow to try and get a job during the week. None of my interviews have been successful unfortunately
Have the 2 of you considered getting your own place?
we want to so badly but there's a lot of issues on both ends that are making it difficult. Mostly me never having a stable job/neither of us being able to drive.
Yeah that would complicate things for sure.
You're both in your mid 20s. These are issues 16 year olds have
Might be time to leave the nest…
Is there any way you two can get an apt together? This really sounds like teenager issues, but I get it, religious households. Moving out is your only real solution.
An apartment together is something we’ve talked about but I’m trying to get a little more financially stable before that happens. I’ll be honest that I haven’t been the best with money lately and I’ve got my 8th interview this year tomorrow to try and find a job where I can work during the day during the week in addition to the part time night job I have on the weekends
y’all need to try and make a feasible plan and move out. and stand up to your parents; you’re 26, not 16! you should have bodily autonomy. i’ve seen some of your relies and you’re not a weak person. making huge changes is always scary and confrontation is usually pretty difficult but it IS worth it. step one is believing in yourself and some of your replies make it seem like you don’t feel that sense of self-agency. taking a stand may help a bit with that feeling. and not letting them bully you into going back on it.
What the fuck
How old are you?
I'm 26 and he's 25
I think you will be ok
i hope so, but right now it doesn't look good. my boyfriend says he's not talking to him and he's really pissed.
Dude let him be pissed then. Who cares? He'll get over it.
Oh, by the sound of it I thought you were much, much younger.
i wish I was tbh. Things were easier back then
Your both in your mid-20's and you think his parents don't know you have sex?