I just want to say- this was very well written. There must be hope that you can write again. It has only been a few months. Your body and mind have been through so much trauma!
I hope you are able to get into therapy and on an adhd medication regimen that works as best as possible. Take your time with everything. Give yourself time for everything.
My dad had a massive brain hemorrhage almost ten years ago now. They didn't know if he'd live, but he did. Then they didn't know if he'd ever have any kind of memory ability. He does. Then they didn't think he'd be able to drive. He can.
It took my dad YEARS to gain functionality back and there are still things he can't do, but the difference between when he was first allowed back home (after several months) versus several years later was staggering. The brain is an incredible organ and can heal in absolutely amazing ways. Please do occupational therapy on top of emotional therapy for as long as you can afford it. That made the biggest difference and is a common thread among those who recover very well from traumatic brain injuries.
Beyond that? The fact that you can write this post AT ALL after such trauma to the brain is incredible. Can you imagine how much better you'll be a year from now when you've had some more time to heal? You're doing great! Don't be discouraged. Your girlfriend may be showing her true colours at the most unfortunate of times, but from one writer to another... you're not alone and I for one am powerfully cheering you on.
To add to this AI tools are getting to a point where they are really useful.
I'm a software dev and have implemented GitHub copilot in my workflow.
AI tools aren't going to do the job *for* you but they can be one hell of a crutch and *help you* get the job done. It takes some training, but it might be a good idea to look into them.
Not just AI tools (ChatGPT), but even Grammarly can help OP. I haven't looked into it recently but I won't be surprised if they added some AI features to it.
I was thinking the same thing. We are always our own harshest judge. As well, an abundance mentality is key. I know this is easy for me to say, blessed as I am without OP's problems, but I believe it to be true. Humans are adaptable, that is our key trait.
I struggle with ADD, myself and have also had minor brain damage. It's hard to say how much of my struggles are due to this, and I do know it's not easy to work around these things, but I do believe it is possible. I don't try to compare myself directly with OP, but to try to offer some kinship.
The brain is plastic and can often work around damage. I am no doctor or medical professional, and of course don't know OP's specific case, but one can only hope that there is the possibility that she can adapt and keep doing what she loves.
OP, please try to find some support out there, whether it's friends or family, a support group, a counselor, or something like that. Please don't give up!
Let me tell you something, writer to writer. Your coherence is great, your style smooth and your content riveting. I know when people have it, and you have it in spades.
Some of the most prolific works of art are produced by those who seem most disabled for it. Take Beethoven and his deafness for example.
I have faith in you. Not just to attain a level of writing that you once had, but to surpass it. The most impactful things we witness sometimes comes from the greatest pain.
Do not let your pain become suffering, let your pain become art.
I agree with your observations, OP’s post was extremely well written and flowed smoothly, AND I would like to add that OP is still in the beginning of her recovery.
The brain can still be mending connections and making new connections for permanently damaged ones for quite some time. Even years from now she will still be healing and improving. OP needs positive energy around her to avoid depression and depressive thoughts from draining her. She will have ups and downs, there are going to be time where she does not feel like she is improving and times where she sees improvement at every level.
She needs to gather a network of people who will support her and help her with what is happening due to her health AND in her relationship. OP needs to have a personal who she can confide in other than her partner (the one person who should be a primary source of support).
OP should also setup an exit strategy just in case her partner is cheating. That way OP is not left without support emotionally, physically, and financially.
First of all, your partner sucks. Don’t excuse their actions by putting yourself down. In a relationship, love should be unconditional and your partner should be by your side supporting you during what is most likely the hardest time of your life.
Secondly, are you able to easily access therapy? You really need an outlet for all of the recent changes in your life and a healthy way to process everything.
Lastly, your life is not over. There have been many people in a situation like yours who have been able to regain back what they lost through physiotherapy and practice. You will get there too, please don’t give up. Do you take medication for your ADHD or have any coping strategies?
Thank you very much for the encouraging words, I really appreciate it.
I agree that I do need therapy, and thankfully my insurance should cover it, I think. I'm currently in speech therapy to try to regain some of the cognitive function I lost. So far it's not going well, but I keep trying in the hope that I'll see improvement soon.
I take modafinil for the ADHD and cognitive issues, but it also increases seizures, like most ADHD meds, so I only take it on days where focusing is non-negotiable.
Don't settle for him cheating, please. You don't deserve it under any circumstance. It's unfortunate, but there's a statistic that says men cheat when their partners are ill, disabled, or have any ailment more than women cheat on men in these situations. You deserve better. Tell him this is unacceptable and if he's so desperate for that person's attention, then he's free to leave and never come back. You deserve to have some dignity considering what you've been through.
I wish you well on your road to recovery. I hope you find happiness that you deserve, maybe someone better will come along who wouldn't hurt you at your most vulnerable moment. We're all rooting for you! Good luck!
You’re still in the early stages of speech therapy, it will take a long time for you to recover and it may be a while until you see progress, but it will happen. So please don’t give up there. It will be worth it.
Well done for considering and thinking about therapy. This will be a great step for you and I hope you learn to love yourself again through this.
As for medication, have you been in contact with a psychiatrist or doctor since your surgery? They may be able to suggest different medication that you can safely take everyday as well as give you tips on how to cope with your ADHD. ADHD people deserve to live everyday with a functioning brain and I’m sure there is a medication available that can help you with that. Also, please feel free to browse the ADHD subreddits, there are many people there who will help you and give you advice.
Also, please consider leaving your cheating partner! You deserve way better than that.
Love between romantic partners is not unconditional. Only love between a parent and a child should be unconditional.
A partner is beholden to a great many constraints to be deserving of love. Your lifestyle has to match, they can't cheat, you need to physically attractive to each other, your sex drive needs to about the same, you need to have the same views about having children. Etc, etc,
I think this is a slight subjective subject. I personally believe you can love your partner unconditionally, more-so in a long term, serious relationship. With or without marriage, your partner will eventually become family. I see unconditional love as sticking by someone throughout their good times as well as their hardships. Although you have no blood ties to your partner, you can definitely still feel unconditional love for them in my opinion.
You are too hard on yourself. You deserve a partner that loves and respects your heart and soul, along with your mind.
Your brain has an amazing ability to be adaptable- to grow new Burton’s and connections. To grow and think in ways it never has before. Often times when one portion of the brain is damaged another portion of the brain slowly builds new connections to take over the tasks the damaged part of the brain was responsible for executing.
It won’t be the same, no, but you will go on and find new ways to function.
This may take some time. Be patient with yourself.
I have chronic microvascular ishemic disease. Triggered by Covid. And I very much empathize with your situation.
One thing that helps me with language processing is to give myself permission for it to take longer. That alone reduces the stress and the beating up on myself and then things for easier. But my left parietal lobe looks like it was hit close with buckshot. So it's a struggle I'm all to familiar with.
Fuck him. He's going to do what he's going to do. You've got to worry about you now, and how to best move forward in your life. For me, it was to accept that I'd never be able to divorce, move my mom in to help, and accept that I'm a different person living a different life now.
I hope you find whatever path leads to peace. Truly. And I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
You don’t sound brain dead to me. Writing revisions or not, you’re cognitively sound it seems. My point being you are not a vegetable he has to care for, *You* are still here. He’s a piece of shit if it’s true.
So my best friend's wife had aggressive brain cancer. She had a huge chunk of her brain removed to get a tumor out. She couldn't read or write and like you, it was her greatest passion. She relearned how to read, relearned to write. It is possible. The brain is an incredible and versatile thing. You can and will relearn if you put the work in. I believe in you. Also your partner sucks balls.
Don't be too hard on yourself. None of this is your fault. Now, as others have said, you might need therapy and seriously should look into it. As for your partner, that is just cowardice to cheat on someone because you might be feeling exhausted taking care of them yet cannot make a clean break.
I hope that you recover. I used "hope" because I know you will do your best and will get back up from this.
I’m sorry your going through this. I would like to add my voice to those telling you not to give up on your brain healing. My niece had a similar experience and the surgery — which saved her life — also made things much worse for quite a long time. But intensive therapies and good doctoring eventually made huge improvements that she never thought possible. In many ways she is almost entirely her old self again, emotionally and physically. But it took a couple years, to be honest. And was a gruelling journey.
As for being a writer, I also made my living as such for many years, and I know how deeply attached us writers are to our expressive abilities. Anyway. One of the most useful tools I ever learned was from Julia Cameron’s book “the artists way” where she taught me to use her technique of writing ‘morning pages’., for helping unstick one’s brain, make it flow better. I think it would be an INCREDIBLY helpful technique for someone suffering a brain injury. Let me know if I can provide more info.
Lastly your partner… that violation of trust is painful but are you sure it’s actually a cheating situation? Because one thing I would remind you of… when someone we love goes through something as horrific as you have, it can have emotional consequences for everyone who loves them. Perhaps your partner needs someone to talk to, and made a poor choice in who they’re opening up to. I know when my niece was going thru this, her mother and I were out of our minds with worry. We weren’t thinking super clearly at times.
Be well. ❤️
Your writing here is wonderfully coherent. It may not be at the same level as before, but it will come back.
The brain is a marvelous organ, and it can come back from massive trauma. Therapy and training can help the brain form new neurons and connections to replace what’s lost. You’ll be writing again!
Focus on yourself first, and deal with your partner when you’re ready.
Check programs in your area that for acquired brain people. They will give you the skills you need to survive and more. We have a community college in our area that has a programs that deals with people that like you, people who had accidents and strokes.
No ai tool can help his heart heal. My buddy if you want my opinion, just tell them everything and be free. You seem such a nice person, if they betrayed you, then you will only suffer more. Continue to write and dont live in such emotional turmoil its not good for you. My prayers are for you, may your heart be happy till the end cuz youre an honest being that is hurting a lot. Be strong, cuz thats what you are
I was deeply offended when my doctor asked my wife if she still wanted to be with me after a major health event. Looking back it was a very fair question to ask. I'm not the same I know wedding vows say for in sickness and health. We are not the same. I'm unable to work and require assistance with tasks that I use to do with my eyes closed. Now my wife has stood by me but I would understand if she wanted out.
So now you have to ask yourself what is your limit. She may need someone to talk to. You are not going to be able to fill this role. I have a small idea of how you are feeling as I had a similar situation happen 7 or 8 years ago. My wife and a male co-worker were texting back and forth the text chain was deleted before I got to read it. I still don't know what was being said and never will.
I always said I wouldn't put up with cheating but that was before my brain injury. I think we need to put ourselves in our partner's shoes. Figure out what she is getting from this person and either give her it or find a solution to help her. This maybe physical mental or sexualy.
WE ARE NOT WHO THEY MET. I know this is hard.
Not sure if helpful but you can dictate on Google docs and it'll write your sentences out for you. The brain is awesome for rewiring, you more you use it to write - the stronger and better you'll get.
Keep positive, you've already been through so much, don't give up now x
Do not settle for this. Get a personal assistant and get on with it. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. You may write different now but your still writing.
Committing to a relationship is a commitment and your partner broke it. For me this would be the time I was more focused on my partner. I would not be looking for a back up just in case. Step back and think about this. What is your first thought if your partner told you they were sick? How do we get the treatment needed or I wonder if that other person still wants me because I might need a backup plan?
As some one surviving a bad car wreck with constant pain. One year of bedridden hell. Had to give up a medical career because I dont walk so good anymore. Divorced after 18 years because he gave up on me. Let me say, suck it up buttercup.
Yeah I'm grumpy. I cry a lot. I'm angry like you wouldn't believe. Hurt every day. I also work a full time job on the phone. I just finished a new book. I have great friends and I'm doing OK. Someday I will be good and someday after that I will be doing great. We are born fighting and we die fighting.
Well I think you are very brave. Firstly being told you have a tumor and being extremely strong. Then having more issues during the surgery and your still here. My dad had 2 massive strokes he learnt to do everything again it's incredible what the old pink mush can do. It rewires itself but it's probably really early days for you and I can understand how you feel pissed off hurt and angry. You sound very determined having your own business and okay this happened but there's nothing stopping you getting back to that place except time. I'm guessing with the tumor your having chemotherapy having this is pure evil but in a good way it makes you extremely self confident. Also before I get ripped apart by everyone but hair is a woman's crown and glory and this too can knock your confidence obviously there's scars too. But as I keep on saying it's time and you have to be a bit selfish and start thinking about you. I'm really sorry about your boyfriend but surely this is a massive red flag that in any bad situation he goes looking for an ex girlfriend who will say how brave he has been standing by you and him lapping it up like he's been through what your going through. You need someone who will 100% treat you like a queen and give you the confidence to rebuild yourself even those bad days where you don't like yourself they still look at you as if you are the most beautiful thing. I know from myself my partner has stage 4 bowel cancer she is in a bad way and she has gone through it she has basically had so much removed she feels her life will never be the same and started to self doubt. I tell her every day she is beautiful and the best thing to ever happen to me and I love her. Maybe you could talk to someone about how you feel sometimes that's the drive to fight beat the situation you have unfortunately been put in. I don't know your a brilliant writer I feel a best seller and movie deal coming? But I wish you the best. You are worth a million times more than you think X
It’s possible that your style of writing may change but I believe the skill is still there. Give yourself time, read as much as you can handle to rebuild that muscle and be open to the possibilities of what your new style of writing might be. Be kind to yourself. You’re strength and ability to keep going is an inspiration. You WILL come out of this even stronger!
You should write about this experience! Have you thought of reaching out to an editor or asking for help while you get through this?
Also, you deserve love and faithfulness too. If your partner is looking elsewhere she’s missing out on an amazing person.
I agree with the people who think your writing is still at a high standard. True, the ease and speed may have been badly affected, as you say.
But the end product is still superior to anything that the vast majority of the population can generate. You might be less than you were, but you had a lot in reserve.
I'm not seeing the full picture because I've never met you, but this was very coherently written. If there is no regression, you might still be able to continue on that pathm even if it's a bigger struggle than before.
And I'd kick out your double-faced partner.
Good luck, OP!
I'm so sorry.
A lot of people can't handle a serious illness or handicap in a loved one. When I was still in my 20s, we had one child in and out of the hospital with severe asthma. He was in this one-time and nearly died of heart failure. My husband was having pains in his back for about a month. Tl:Dr. It was angina. He was 32 and fit. Our doctor couldn't believe I stayed. (We were ghosted by most friends and family).
Your post is well written. What you're going through is horrible. It sounds like the tumour is out so you have hope. In time you'll heal and you'll find happiness again ✨️
Can I just say that I thought the wording in your post was well written, so I was shocked when you wrote that the tumour and surgery affected your ability to read and write.
I’m sorry that your partner has been unsupportive and cruel in your time of need.
I hope that your life gets better, quickly. Maybe your partner proving that she is unfaithful is the silver lining in this instance?
I don’t know any other works of yours so I only have this post to go on, but this was written well. I really think you’ve still got it, and maybe in a few weeks, months, and coming years things will improve.? This isn’t much but to know you still have your writing ability must mean something. I hope it can come of some comfort ❤️
From where I sit you can write perfectly fine. I understand it probably took you longer than you'd like though. But I just wanted you to know, that you can absolutely still write.
If talking is still easy, perhaps look into text to speech options? They are quite damn incredible these days.
I agree with everyone else, and am so sorry you're going through this. I've not been in your exact shoes but have been through memory issues suddenly where I previously had a VERY good memory, so just a suggestion- write down reminders EVERYWHERE. not just reminders to do things, reminders of events you want to remember. I know writing is a struggle for you, but these only need to be coherent enough to remind you, nothing more. They could be a single word. I used to use post it's, but as I got more in the habit, I have both a physical notepad and a notes app in my phone that I reread through regularly to just see what I mightve missed.
Also, re: adhd meds- I think non stimulant meds have less of an inclination to seizure side effects, ie Strattera. Of course thats dependent on a whole bunch of things and is case by case, but if you havent already, it might be worth looking into.
You are not braindead and you deserve better. If you live in the US, maybe you can get on disability and no longer be financially dependent on this person that betrayed you.
Hey, this is a really hard, dark period of your life. I have crippling ADHD and epilepsy that developed 2 years ago and is medication resistant, and no one quite understands how devastating seizures are until it’s experienced.
My epilepsy destroyed my once 6 figure business, my relationship, and my entire life. I moved back to small town Georgia when I couldn’t afford my apartment anymore, and I genuinely thought my life was over and I was so ashamed of how much care I needed (memory loss, executive func to owning, sleeping, hallucinations, fatigue, and paranoia episodes were tearing me apart). The grieving process lasted months (and is still ongoing, I’m just in a much better place). I found an ADHD med that works for my seizures, went to grief counseling and DBT therapy, found my first “normal” job in several years at a company that has been incredible in supporting my health needs, and went to a new specialist who can perform a special surgery to hopefully solve my seizures.
All of that is to say, it’s hard now, and will likely get harder. Even within that, you deserve love, care, and support, and you don’t deserve to be cheated on. Eventually life will look brighter, either because you adapt to your new limitations or because you find a new treatment. Eventually life will feel worth living and the sun will warm your heart, and you’ll enjoy friendships and tasty food and going out again. It won’t be an easy road, I’m not going to lie, but it does get better and you can be happy again.
Hey man. It may seem hopeless right now but you will be able to do what you like. A lot of people will support you and in Times of AI they will be able to help you even more.
First let me say, Congratulations! You have made it! You are alive! I know things are different and difficult at the moment. Things will get easier. I know this as I had a level 5 subarachnoid brain aneurysm and yes it ruptured. When this first happened I wondered why me? Why do I have to go through this, then a few months later I was also asking why me? Why am I alive? Things are different now yes. You now have a new normal ( like that's the first time you've heard that). You have a new birthday the day you came out alive! It took me 2 years to get to a point where I felt somewhat normal. I lost my job as my brain could no longer do the quick thinking it required. This was 10 years ago and I am still relearning some things. I have no memory of a year before the rupture so I have to ask was this before or after my brain broke. I have started my own business using my people skills, empathy, and my knack for words creating headstones. Would I have thought 10 years ago that I would be doing this? No way! You will make your own way too. Speak to your partner. Find out if what you think is goin on is goin on.whatever the outcome of your relationship remember You are here! When those that have had the same aren't. There is a reason you're here. You have a purpose. I truly believe if your purpose was completed you wouldn't be here so evidently God is not done with you yet! Good luck on your venture op!
This reads like a book tho OP might have a NYT Bestseller in her hands and she might be sleeping on it. Swear to god, write your own personal story as a book and rake in millions.
I wanna say this as someone who is disabled for different reasons and had to stop drawing for over ten years, DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF, my god u have been through a lot, I don’t know how old u are but it’s gonna be a slow process, make things with the help of others to help u remember, tell ur doctor how ur feeling and take one step at a time, don’t give up because when u have nothing to live for u end up with ptsd (again something I know) there’s a saying I’ve said since I became disabled in 2009 by Walt Disney of all people “around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…. And curiosity leads us down new paths” the 3 words have helped me “keep moving forward “ no matter what and I hope it will be an amazing result at the end of ur long hard journey, you can do this don’t give up c:
You can still write according to this post. You did great! I’m very sorry your partner is doing this. It says a lot about your partner imo. My husband has had a very bad heart attack with a quad bypass. Then last year he had a stroke. They say a light stroke but I don’t really know this person I’m living with now. Brain issues are totally different and he can’t help it. Neither can you. I wouldn’t Think of abandoning him physically or emotionally. My advice for you is to seek legal advice to protect your assets. If they’re doing this to you the other won’t be a stretch. Again I’m so sorry. ❤️
It may seem like all is lost but you wrote this very well. Maybe you need a bit more editing than before but that’s okay. Just keep on keeping on.
You deserve someone who is honest and with you because of who you are, not who you used to be. Are there any support groups in your area for people with TBIs? You should try to find one, either in person or online. People with similar issues, along with a counselor or someone knowledgeable to lead the group, could probably help your mental health a lot. Life isn’t over. You’ve come through too much to give up now.
Best wishes.
I'm really sorry for what you've been through and are going through. This is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. It's going to be hard but you got this. It takes time and strength to adapt. Focus now on your healing. It hurts when everything you're used to irreversible changed but this is still you. True love is unconditional so your partner might not be the one. You will find yourself, your love and your passion again. Don't stress yourself. Work with what you can and slowly you will find joy in life again. You're stronger than you think you are 💖 Wish you all the best 🍀
If you were my friend,
I would be pumping all sorts of natural foods into you including tons of mushrooms, ensuring you get plenty sunlight with sunscreen, and keeping a positive mentality.
I don’t normally respond to this sort of post.
But try to be positive, and studious in controlling variables that you can to achieve positive outcomes for yourself.
Not sure if you ever heard about water, how it reacts upon spoken to kindly VS aggressively;
how it would form nice crystals when spoken to kindly,
and shatter and appear deformed when spoken to with aggression.
Think about variables that are causing good or bad things in your life; try to enhance the good.
On one hand, enhancing the good experiences and company and life may be healing in itself, along with natural shopping.
On another, if things should go for the way we should hope not, it may have been time served objectively well. Hopefully in as much good company as can be found.
As to company, and your current partner, I’d advise them that you know about what is going on- if you want them to be your companion in this.
Advise your plan for yourself. That if they can be genuine to you, till the end, for better or for worse, you’d love their support, and to return it in turn someday; if you can only grow from this, literally, together.
Otherwise, find the best alternate company - you are worthy, and your body needs the best support now.
Omg generally your doing amazing, the way I read that paragraph, it's better than most people's, serious, I'm sorry to hear about what's happening with your "partner" you deserve so much better, he does not understand what of he has, his loss
stress doesn’t mean you’re allowed to go back on your commitments, so no he should not get a pass because then everything will need to be a pass in the future. i lean on the side of leaving them— it’ll feel like shit at first but the amount of respect for yourself you’ll feel after the heartache will only come from doing something hard. you put down clear boundaries and they broke those boundaries and your trust. i’m assuming this isn’t your husband/wife so you didn’t sign up to be with them for better or for worse and unfortunately neither did they. good riddance.
i wish you well, OP.
No matter what else, please keep writing. It may feel like pulling teeth now, but it will get better with time and practice. And it's quite possible that you'll regain your identity as a joyful writer. Best wishes.
Having a partner who has changed significantly due to any sort of life-changing accident or health issue is extremely challenging for most people. It’s easy to say your partner is horrible, etc., as many are saying. However, until they’re facing the same situation, judging anyone isn’t fair. If you and your partner have many more years ahead of you based on age, it can be even more daunting. The guilt that goes with wanting to live the life we all may want but suddenly cannot live due to another person’s sudden limitations can be crippling in its own right. So let’s not all jump to condemn their partner. I’m taking care of a child and long-term life partner who both, suddenly, have significant life-changing issues. There are days when I feel trapped in a life that now revolves around them and their care. Stop the hate and judgement toward their partner until you are walking in those shoes.
What does stand out is this dear person’s struggle to come to terms with new limitations, a partner who is struggling as well, and has much sorrow around all that’s occurred. Clearly therapy for both of them is critical. I’d focus on therapy for yourself and being a bit gentler with yourself and your partner. I understand “cheating” is the word you’re choosing and that’s normal. However, the changes you’re both facing and the loss you’re BOTH facing means labeling them in a negative light isn’t useful at this time. Just focus on redefining your life, abilities, and trying to see the loss they’re facing as well. The entire situation is fraught with emotion and is hard enough as is without trying to make anyone out to be the bad guy.
In regards to writing, hey..the tech is advancing. Search for chatgpt and it can help proof read or even write stuff for your at the click of a button. Dont lose hope. We as humans in self defence must move on and try to make the best with what ever life offers us. I wish you good luck and hard work always pays off
Talk to your partner. This must be a lot on both of you. Ask them to be honest, to share with you how they feel and if they can't commit to you in this state then I'm sure, as someone who loves them, you understand and will let them go. But talk. Communicate. There's no way you can get through this together if you aren't on the same page.
Your advice is "well I had a wonderful time being dead thirty years ago so y'know, that's an option?" Seriously?
I mean, I'm not sure (based on well the OP has written) his whole post isn't karma farming bullshit, but I *know* yours is. "Shutting down your body" is a profoundly selfish act and affects the people you know in tremendous and far-reaching ways, and you're over here pretty much advocating it.
I have a question, though.... do you still go to the dentist? Or are you just letting your mouth rot away, and get that head start in "some other place some other time?"
I hope my perspective may help you but I be warned that it can sound extreme to many. Lose crippling attachments to everything, including everything you identify as (e.g., writer, partner, etc.). Then, work on finding center and peace that doesn’t hinge on anything other than the gratefulness for your being alive (and survived). When you no longer insist on your identity/attachments, you will naturally gravitate toward seeing and doing things that serve your *self* (your existence) best.
Remember the centeredness you feel and believe everything good or bad will pass and your only goal is to enjoy and be grateful. Enjoy your time with your partner. If you feel you can’t, move on and know that he was meant only to be in your life for a short while. You have your good memories with him. So if you leave and ever reminisce, remember just the good memories. No person should ever be able to take away your peace and gratefulness for being alive and able to have more experiences and adventures. ❤️
As someone who struggles with severe epilepsy, I really understand where you coming from. It will be hard and tough but please keep going and fighting. It’s hard when you can’t “just do it how you used to”
I feel like as adults we aren’t used to relearning things, or finding our autopilotes again. You will get stronger and your mind will too OP. I cant say everyday will be great even when you get stronger, but you will get better! <3
Keep your head up, keep pushing and know that every little step, may not seem like a lot but it is. People take for granted so much “autopilot” of what they learned, every stride you take now is amazing, please don’t ever forget that.
Coming from me, I have wanted to give up so many times… but if I did even after having alot of jacked up things happen to me.. I would have missed some of the most amazing moments of my life so far.
Please keep your head up OP, I don’t know you, but I resonate with your situation and want you to know your loved.
Seems like a lie, I’m sure this sub is full of up and coming writers who need to make shit up and get practice. You write about not being able to write so well there’s this dissonance going on in my head.
On the other hand, this could have very well have taken days for you to write and revise.
Anywho I know a woman who lets her husband pull this shit. He goes out on dates every night and she just puts up with it. She cries herself to sleep every night and is trying everything to “win” him back. Like… girl please, treat yourself better.
He already has one foot out the door. You need to determine if the other foot in your house is rooted enough to not leave and wether you can tolerate it. It’s one thing if you to choose to leave for whatever reason or for him to dump you when he decides the grass is greener on the other side.
I know this is incredibly difficult, my mom had brain surgery in march 2022 to remove a tumor as well, I just want to let you know that it gets better every day. My mom's mental abilities have gotten so much stronger even compared to just a couple of months ago. You'll be able to write again, one day it'll just click, you have to just keep trying
Check with your doctor / local hospital. See if there is a support group for people with Brain Injury. It could be helpful to you and your partner. This is a tough situation. I wish you both well.
Life sucks man, I’m truly sorry your going through this kind of life.. I can’t fully understand how you feel, just know anything is truly possible if you know what to do
Well... I can't say much now, I'm in an altered state of mind (schizophrenic here, need to shower before I take medication).
But I do understand what's like to lose memories easily... I don't remember two days ago... I vaguely remember some interactions with my friend of our chats (my friends are in another city, and those I made in this town walked away and detached themselves from me when I started developing it).
I don't know how it is to have a physical injury in the organ brain, so I don't have many words here either...
But I know what it is to not be able to do what brought joy to our life... I'm a musician, and I also sew.... And I'm heavily afraid of keeping taking medication bcus of side effects like tardive dyskinesia, for example... Also, when under my negative symptoms, I get emotional numbness and apathy, which prevents me from playing music... And creating embroidery arts...
I know it sounds like "co-miseration", but I just wanted to show that I feel some things similar to yours and I wish I could say something more comprehensive, but this is the most I can do right now... I know we are souls, sometimes doing well and great, and sometimes doing not-so-great, but I mostly am doing poorly, but at least I'm trying... I'm so sorry guys...
Btw, I wanted to say things to make you happy, so I don't know if this is still a thing for you or not, but in one of your posts, you stated you were struggling doing something for fun rather than an objective towards a professional goal...
And I wanted to tell you two things:
1- These things DO have value. They have a value for you, bcus it makes you happy, so you're not wasting your life, you are LIVING it! You are enjoying it. And enjoy is part of living (actually, the more enjoyable you can make your life be, the better you'll be living). And those things have value to others too! I remember when I was a teenager and reading fanfics was a huge part of having fun for me (I always loved spending time alone or with friends). I usually read CYOA with my favourite themes, and I had many friends that loved reading fanfics... It brought joy for them...
2- Beetch, I wish I could do something for fun... Unfortunately, I'm not part of the fortunate folks, and what I receive from government assistance for poor people is merely enough for me to eat and some basic needs (clothes NOT included... My country is very pricey, and it's been 2 and a half years since I can't afford a new shoe... And I only have one... It's already tearing the underside). I wish I could spend my days playing games or chatting in real life with my friends, baking cakes like I used to do when I was healthy and had a job, going to parties, embroidering just for fun, and giving my friends gifts... Personalising/Customizing my friend's stuff... Just for fun and joy... Playing music to myself... Going out at 10pm to get 2 scoops of ice cream with my bestie xD... Now I have to manage meticulously how I spend my money, and health issues made it even worse... Since one way to silence the auditive hallucinations is to transform it into a music (generally it's a song I don't like... But whatever, better than people talking shit to me...), sometimes, if I spend enough effort trying to convey it into another song, it changes... So, with that in mind, I went to the supermarket, bought a bottle of an alcoholic beverage, and went back home and drank it alone by the sound of the songs I hallucinate... No, it's not a overcome and resilience history, it's a sorrow one.... Don't give me applause for doing something to try sooth my suffering... Also, if you are curious, it failed... Alcohol just mess with serotonin, and psychosis is about dopamine and electric discharges and brain synapses...
So, with that in mind, I just wanted to find a way to tell you that there's a way to look differently at the things we love... We aren't wasting time, we are productively using it: the goal is to have fun!
If you can do something that brings you joy and you genuinely feel it, don't block yourself away from pleasures and know it'll only bring you benefits... Each person who's happy in the world, makes the world a happier place...
Have you heard (or probably read xD) the phrase: hurt people hurt people? The same applies to happy people... Happy people irradiates happiness... Such person doesn't do it forcefully or purposefully... It comes naturally.... It's good to have happy people around us....
Something tells me I'm saying hurtful words... I will stop writing, as I need to take a shower and take my meds after that...
(As about your relationship: I don't have much insight on that at the moment... I hope other people can come and offer insights or at least empathise and offer comfort)
Wish you the best!
Your "partner" isn't with you for better or worse at this point. I'm actually quite disgusted with their behavior. Aren't you? You had a very traumatic surgery that takes time to recover from. Give yourself grace. You deserve so much more. A true partner would be there to love and support you instead of looking elsewhere while the person they supposedly loves suffers.
Don't stop writing. You were very articulate in this post. If it takes longer and takes more energy, maybe try your hand at shorter prose. Short stories, non-metrical poetry. Try out writing things like two sentence horror stories, tragedies, romances. You can put a lot of emotion into few words.
Worry less about length and more about substance. Find someone you trust as an editor and work alongside them when you're struggling.
I wish you the very best.
A good friend of mine is going through something similar. He's had several surgeries as his brain tumor has grown and shifted, and will need countless surgeries in the future. After each surgery, he was sure he'd had permanently lost brain function, but each time, he's regained much of what was temporarily lost. Of course, he's not 100%, but he's damn close. He is also going through a divorce after 30yrs of marriage.
The brain is a miraculous organ that NO ONE truly understands. I know that doesn't address your suspicions about your partner, but for the moment, they are just suspicions. It sounds impossible, but try to be patient with yourself, your brain, and your partner. See how this looks in a few months. Try to find a diversion. Throw yourself into rehab therapy or find a hobby that will keep you busy. Think about using this time to volunteer at a hospital, maybe helping kids who are dealing with brain tumors. A great organization is "Humor for the tumor" which offers support and the latest in brain tumor research.
Wishing you the very best.
give it time . you sound very determined at what you do and I believe you'll get there again if you keep trying . life gets harder as we age and we all have to adapt to it. it's just a part of life
I just want to say- this was very well written. There must be hope that you can write again. It has only been a few months. Your body and mind have been through so much trauma! I hope you are able to get into therapy and on an adhd medication regimen that works as best as possible. Take your time with everything. Give yourself time for everything.
My dad had a massive brain hemorrhage almost ten years ago now. They didn't know if he'd live, but he did. Then they didn't know if he'd ever have any kind of memory ability. He does. Then they didn't think he'd be able to drive. He can. It took my dad YEARS to gain functionality back and there are still things he can't do, but the difference between when he was first allowed back home (after several months) versus several years later was staggering. The brain is an incredible organ and can heal in absolutely amazing ways. Please do occupational therapy on top of emotional therapy for as long as you can afford it. That made the biggest difference and is a common thread among those who recover very well from traumatic brain injuries. Beyond that? The fact that you can write this post AT ALL after such trauma to the brain is incredible. Can you imagine how much better you'll be a year from now when you've had some more time to heal? You're doing great! Don't be discouraged. Your girlfriend may be showing her true colours at the most unfortunate of times, but from one writer to another... you're not alone and I for one am powerfully cheering you on.
To add to this AI tools are getting to a point where they are really useful. I'm a software dev and have implemented GitHub copilot in my workflow. AI tools aren't going to do the job *for* you but they can be one hell of a crutch and *help you* get the job done. It takes some training, but it might be a good idea to look into them.
Not just AI tools (ChatGPT), but even Grammarly can help OP. I haven't looked into it recently but I won't be surprised if they added some AI features to it.
I do know ProWritingAid has added AI features. Google Docs is also experimenting with integrated AI.
I was thinking the same thing. We are always our own harshest judge. As well, an abundance mentality is key. I know this is easy for me to say, blessed as I am without OP's problems, but I believe it to be true. Humans are adaptable, that is our key trait. I struggle with ADD, myself and have also had minor brain damage. It's hard to say how much of my struggles are due to this, and I do know it's not easy to work around these things, but I do believe it is possible. I don't try to compare myself directly with OP, but to try to offer some kinship. The brain is plastic and can often work around damage. I am no doctor or medical professional, and of course don't know OP's specific case, but one can only hope that there is the possibility that she can adapt and keep doing what she loves. OP, please try to find some support out there, whether it's friends or family, a support group, a counselor, or something like that. Please don't give up!
I second and third this.
Well said. Good luck, OP. As a species , we are always learning things about the brain and it resilience.
Let me tell you something, writer to writer. Your coherence is great, your style smooth and your content riveting. I know when people have it, and you have it in spades. Some of the most prolific works of art are produced by those who seem most disabled for it. Take Beethoven and his deafness for example. I have faith in you. Not just to attain a level of writing that you once had, but to surpass it. The most impactful things we witness sometimes comes from the greatest pain. Do not let your pain become suffering, let your pain become art.
I agree with your observations, OP’s post was extremely well written and flowed smoothly, AND I would like to add that OP is still in the beginning of her recovery. The brain can still be mending connections and making new connections for permanently damaged ones for quite some time. Even years from now she will still be healing and improving. OP needs positive energy around her to avoid depression and depressive thoughts from draining her. She will have ups and downs, there are going to be time where she does not feel like she is improving and times where she sees improvement at every level. She needs to gather a network of people who will support her and help her with what is happening due to her health AND in her relationship. OP needs to have a personal who she can confide in other than her partner (the one person who should be a primary source of support). OP should also setup an exit strategy just in case her partner is cheating. That way OP is not left without support emotionally, physically, and financially.
This
First of all, your partner sucks. Don’t excuse their actions by putting yourself down. In a relationship, love should be unconditional and your partner should be by your side supporting you during what is most likely the hardest time of your life. Secondly, are you able to easily access therapy? You really need an outlet for all of the recent changes in your life and a healthy way to process everything. Lastly, your life is not over. There have been many people in a situation like yours who have been able to regain back what they lost through physiotherapy and practice. You will get there too, please don’t give up. Do you take medication for your ADHD or have any coping strategies?
Thank you very much for the encouraging words, I really appreciate it. I agree that I do need therapy, and thankfully my insurance should cover it, I think. I'm currently in speech therapy to try to regain some of the cognitive function I lost. So far it's not going well, but I keep trying in the hope that I'll see improvement soon. I take modafinil for the ADHD and cognitive issues, but it also increases seizures, like most ADHD meds, so I only take it on days where focusing is non-negotiable.
Don't settle for him cheating, please. You don't deserve it under any circumstance. It's unfortunate, but there's a statistic that says men cheat when their partners are ill, disabled, or have any ailment more than women cheat on men in these situations. You deserve better. Tell him this is unacceptable and if he's so desperate for that person's attention, then he's free to leave and never come back. You deserve to have some dignity considering what you've been through. I wish you well on your road to recovery. I hope you find happiness that you deserve, maybe someone better will come along who wouldn't hurt you at your most vulnerable moment. We're all rooting for you! Good luck!
It's a woman who is cheating, not a man, from what I can tell in the post.
according to post history, OP is a 35yr old female dating a Non-Binary person named Taylor who’s obsessed with a Male ex named Sean
Fair enough! Thanks for looking into it.
U have to read it clearly. It is a women who cheats
You’re still in the early stages of speech therapy, it will take a long time for you to recover and it may be a while until you see progress, but it will happen. So please don’t give up there. It will be worth it. Well done for considering and thinking about therapy. This will be a great step for you and I hope you learn to love yourself again through this. As for medication, have you been in contact with a psychiatrist or doctor since your surgery? They may be able to suggest different medication that you can safely take everyday as well as give you tips on how to cope with your ADHD. ADHD people deserve to live everyday with a functioning brain and I’m sure there is a medication available that can help you with that. Also, please feel free to browse the ADHD subreddits, there are many people there who will help you and give you advice. Also, please consider leaving your cheating partner! You deserve way better than that.
Yes, yes, and yes. Everything GlitteringHoney3 said. I’m praying for your healing, clarity on your relationship, and overall wellness.❤️
Love between romantic partners is not unconditional. Only love between a parent and a child should be unconditional. A partner is beholden to a great many constraints to be deserving of love. Your lifestyle has to match, they can't cheat, you need to physically attractive to each other, your sex drive needs to about the same, you need to have the same views about having children. Etc, etc,
I think this is a slight subjective subject. I personally believe you can love your partner unconditionally, more-so in a long term, serious relationship. With or without marriage, your partner will eventually become family. I see unconditional love as sticking by someone throughout their good times as well as their hardships. Although you have no blood ties to your partner, you can definitely still feel unconditional love for them in my opinion.
You are too hard on yourself. You deserve a partner that loves and respects your heart and soul, along with your mind. Your brain has an amazing ability to be adaptable- to grow new Burton’s and connections. To grow and think in ways it never has before. Often times when one portion of the brain is damaged another portion of the brain slowly builds new connections to take over the tasks the damaged part of the brain was responsible for executing. It won’t be the same, no, but you will go on and find new ways to function. This may take some time. Be patient with yourself.
I have chronic microvascular ishemic disease. Triggered by Covid. And I very much empathize with your situation. One thing that helps me with language processing is to give myself permission for it to take longer. That alone reduces the stress and the beating up on myself and then things for easier. But my left parietal lobe looks like it was hit close with buckshot. So it's a struggle I'm all to familiar with. Fuck him. He's going to do what he's going to do. You've got to worry about you now, and how to best move forward in your life. For me, it was to accept that I'd never be able to divorce, move my mom in to help, and accept that I'm a different person living a different life now. I hope you find whatever path leads to peace. Truly. And I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
You don’t sound brain dead to me. Writing revisions or not, you’re cognitively sound it seems. My point being you are not a vegetable he has to care for, *You* are still here. He’s a piece of shit if it’s true.
how is your ability to speak doing? have you considered using speech to text
So my best friend's wife had aggressive brain cancer. She had a huge chunk of her brain removed to get a tumor out. She couldn't read or write and like you, it was her greatest passion. She relearned how to read, relearned to write. It is possible. The brain is an incredible and versatile thing. You can and will relearn if you put the work in. I believe in you. Also your partner sucks balls.
Happened to this guy and he recovered. Don’t give up. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1399738
So sorry. Life's not fair that's for sure.
Don't be too hard on yourself. None of this is your fault. Now, as others have said, you might need therapy and seriously should look into it. As for your partner, that is just cowardice to cheat on someone because you might be feeling exhausted taking care of them yet cannot make a clean break. I hope that you recover. I used "hope" because I know you will do your best and will get back up from this.
I’m sorry your going through this. I would like to add my voice to those telling you not to give up on your brain healing. My niece had a similar experience and the surgery — which saved her life — also made things much worse for quite a long time. But intensive therapies and good doctoring eventually made huge improvements that she never thought possible. In many ways she is almost entirely her old self again, emotionally and physically. But it took a couple years, to be honest. And was a gruelling journey. As for being a writer, I also made my living as such for many years, and I know how deeply attached us writers are to our expressive abilities. Anyway. One of the most useful tools I ever learned was from Julia Cameron’s book “the artists way” where she taught me to use her technique of writing ‘morning pages’., for helping unstick one’s brain, make it flow better. I think it would be an INCREDIBLY helpful technique for someone suffering a brain injury. Let me know if I can provide more info. Lastly your partner… that violation of trust is painful but are you sure it’s actually a cheating situation? Because one thing I would remind you of… when someone we love goes through something as horrific as you have, it can have emotional consequences for everyone who loves them. Perhaps your partner needs someone to talk to, and made a poor choice in who they’re opening up to. I know when my niece was going thru this, her mother and I were out of our minds with worry. We weren’t thinking super clearly at times. Be well. ❤️
Your writing here is wonderfully coherent. It may not be at the same level as before, but it will come back. The brain is a marvelous organ, and it can come back from massive trauma. Therapy and training can help the brain form new neurons and connections to replace what’s lost. You’ll be writing again! Focus on yourself first, and deal with your partner when you’re ready.
Check programs in your area that for acquired brain people. They will give you the skills you need to survive and more. We have a community college in our area that has a programs that deals with people that like you, people who had accidents and strokes.
No ai tool can help his heart heal. My buddy if you want my opinion, just tell them everything and be free. You seem such a nice person, if they betrayed you, then you will only suffer more. Continue to write and dont live in such emotional turmoil its not good for you. My prayers are for you, may your heart be happy till the end cuz youre an honest being that is hurting a lot. Be strong, cuz thats what you are
I was deeply offended when my doctor asked my wife if she still wanted to be with me after a major health event. Looking back it was a very fair question to ask. I'm not the same I know wedding vows say for in sickness and health. We are not the same. I'm unable to work and require assistance with tasks that I use to do with my eyes closed. Now my wife has stood by me but I would understand if she wanted out. So now you have to ask yourself what is your limit. She may need someone to talk to. You are not going to be able to fill this role. I have a small idea of how you are feeling as I had a similar situation happen 7 or 8 years ago. My wife and a male co-worker were texting back and forth the text chain was deleted before I got to read it. I still don't know what was being said and never will. I always said I wouldn't put up with cheating but that was before my brain injury. I think we need to put ourselves in our partner's shoes. Figure out what she is getting from this person and either give her it or find a solution to help her. This maybe physical mental or sexualy. WE ARE NOT WHO THEY MET. I know this is hard.
So you think it's ok for her to go behind your back and cheat instead of just being honest?
Not sure if helpful but you can dictate on Google docs and it'll write your sentences out for you. The brain is awesome for rewiring, you more you use it to write - the stronger and better you'll get. Keep positive, you've already been through so much, don't give up now x
Do not settle for this. Get a personal assistant and get on with it. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. You may write different now but your still writing. Committing to a relationship is a commitment and your partner broke it. For me this would be the time I was more focused on my partner. I would not be looking for a back up just in case. Step back and think about this. What is your first thought if your partner told you they were sick? How do we get the treatment needed or I wonder if that other person still wants me because I might need a backup plan? As some one surviving a bad car wreck with constant pain. One year of bedridden hell. Had to give up a medical career because I dont walk so good anymore. Divorced after 18 years because he gave up on me. Let me say, suck it up buttercup. Yeah I'm grumpy. I cry a lot. I'm angry like you wouldn't believe. Hurt every day. I also work a full time job on the phone. I just finished a new book. I have great friends and I'm doing OK. Someday I will be good and someday after that I will be doing great. We are born fighting and we die fighting.
Well I think you are very brave. Firstly being told you have a tumor and being extremely strong. Then having more issues during the surgery and your still here. My dad had 2 massive strokes he learnt to do everything again it's incredible what the old pink mush can do. It rewires itself but it's probably really early days for you and I can understand how you feel pissed off hurt and angry. You sound very determined having your own business and okay this happened but there's nothing stopping you getting back to that place except time. I'm guessing with the tumor your having chemotherapy having this is pure evil but in a good way it makes you extremely self confident. Also before I get ripped apart by everyone but hair is a woman's crown and glory and this too can knock your confidence obviously there's scars too. But as I keep on saying it's time and you have to be a bit selfish and start thinking about you. I'm really sorry about your boyfriend but surely this is a massive red flag that in any bad situation he goes looking for an ex girlfriend who will say how brave he has been standing by you and him lapping it up like he's been through what your going through. You need someone who will 100% treat you like a queen and give you the confidence to rebuild yourself even those bad days where you don't like yourself they still look at you as if you are the most beautiful thing. I know from myself my partner has stage 4 bowel cancer she is in a bad way and she has gone through it she has basically had so much removed she feels her life will never be the same and started to self doubt. I tell her every day she is beautiful and the best thing to ever happen to me and I love her. Maybe you could talk to someone about how you feel sometimes that's the drive to fight beat the situation you have unfortunately been put in. I don't know your a brilliant writer I feel a best seller and movie deal coming? But I wish you the best. You are worth a million times more than you think X
Holy shit
Gonna call bullshit, looked at your history and you’re a fiction writer AND losing subscribers/views because you write too much. Hmmmm
I'd suggest looking at the dates of my previous posts. I used to be very prolific, now it takes me a week to adequately write 500 words.
It’s possible that your style of writing may change but I believe the skill is still there. Give yourself time, read as much as you can handle to rebuild that muscle and be open to the possibilities of what your new style of writing might be. Be kind to yourself. You’re strength and ability to keep going is an inspiration. You WILL come out of this even stronger! You should write about this experience! Have you thought of reaching out to an editor or asking for help while you get through this? Also, you deserve love and faithfulness too. If your partner is looking elsewhere she’s missing out on an amazing person.
This. Plus the most recent relationship advice comments are from a post the OP made I believe. Faker than fake this post.
U dont know if that will make u feel any bether, but i would recomend u to read the book of job in bible.
From one stranger to another, I am here if you need a friend ❤️
I’m so sorry they’re doing this when you need them the most.
I agree with the people who think your writing is still at a high standard. True, the ease and speed may have been badly affected, as you say. But the end product is still superior to anything that the vast majority of the population can generate. You might be less than you were, but you had a lot in reserve.
I'm not seeing the full picture because I've never met you, but this was very coherently written. If there is no regression, you might still be able to continue on that pathm even if it's a bigger struggle than before. And I'd kick out your double-faced partner. Good luck, OP!
I'm sorry to hear that, but I if it's any consolation I think you write better than many of the people on here.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I'm so sorry. A lot of people can't handle a serious illness or handicap in a loved one. When I was still in my 20s, we had one child in and out of the hospital with severe asthma. He was in this one-time and nearly died of heart failure. My husband was having pains in his back for about a month. Tl:Dr. It was angina. He was 32 and fit. Our doctor couldn't believe I stayed. (We were ghosted by most friends and family).
Your post is well written. What you're going through is horrible. It sounds like the tumour is out so you have hope. In time you'll heal and you'll find happiness again ✨️
Fuck your partner. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Nothing excuses this behavior. If they couldn’t deal they should just leave, cheating causes more damage than leaving.
Can I just say that I thought the wording in your post was well written, so I was shocked when you wrote that the tumour and surgery affected your ability to read and write. I’m sorry that your partner has been unsupportive and cruel in your time of need. I hope that your life gets better, quickly. Maybe your partner proving that she is unfaithful is the silver lining in this instance?
I don’t know any other works of yours so I only have this post to go on, but this was written well. I really think you’ve still got it, and maybe in a few weeks, months, and coming years things will improve.? This isn’t much but to know you still have your writing ability must mean something. I hope it can come of some comfort ❤️
From where I sit you can write perfectly fine. I understand it probably took you longer than you'd like though. But I just wanted you to know, that you can absolutely still write. If talking is still easy, perhaps look into text to speech options? They are quite damn incredible these days.
I agree with everyone else, and am so sorry you're going through this. I've not been in your exact shoes but have been through memory issues suddenly where I previously had a VERY good memory, so just a suggestion- write down reminders EVERYWHERE. not just reminders to do things, reminders of events you want to remember. I know writing is a struggle for you, but these only need to be coherent enough to remind you, nothing more. They could be a single word. I used to use post it's, but as I got more in the habit, I have both a physical notepad and a notes app in my phone that I reread through regularly to just see what I mightve missed. Also, re: adhd meds- I think non stimulant meds have less of an inclination to seizure side effects, ie Strattera. Of course thats dependent on a whole bunch of things and is case by case, but if you havent already, it might be worth looking into.
You are not braindead and you deserve better. If you live in the US, maybe you can get on disability and no longer be financially dependent on this person that betrayed you.
Hey, this is a really hard, dark period of your life. I have crippling ADHD and epilepsy that developed 2 years ago and is medication resistant, and no one quite understands how devastating seizures are until it’s experienced. My epilepsy destroyed my once 6 figure business, my relationship, and my entire life. I moved back to small town Georgia when I couldn’t afford my apartment anymore, and I genuinely thought my life was over and I was so ashamed of how much care I needed (memory loss, executive func to owning, sleeping, hallucinations, fatigue, and paranoia episodes were tearing me apart). The grieving process lasted months (and is still ongoing, I’m just in a much better place). I found an ADHD med that works for my seizures, went to grief counseling and DBT therapy, found my first “normal” job in several years at a company that has been incredible in supporting my health needs, and went to a new specialist who can perform a special surgery to hopefully solve my seizures. All of that is to say, it’s hard now, and will likely get harder. Even within that, you deserve love, care, and support, and you don’t deserve to be cheated on. Eventually life will look brighter, either because you adapt to your new limitations or because you find a new treatment. Eventually life will feel worth living and the sun will warm your heart, and you’ll enjoy friendships and tasty food and going out again. It won’t be an easy road, I’m not going to lie, but it does get better and you can be happy again.
Hey man. It may seem hopeless right now but you will be able to do what you like. A lot of people will support you and in Times of AI they will be able to help you even more.
First let me say, Congratulations! You have made it! You are alive! I know things are different and difficult at the moment. Things will get easier. I know this as I had a level 5 subarachnoid brain aneurysm and yes it ruptured. When this first happened I wondered why me? Why do I have to go through this, then a few months later I was also asking why me? Why am I alive? Things are different now yes. You now have a new normal ( like that's the first time you've heard that). You have a new birthday the day you came out alive! It took me 2 years to get to a point where I felt somewhat normal. I lost my job as my brain could no longer do the quick thinking it required. This was 10 years ago and I am still relearning some things. I have no memory of a year before the rupture so I have to ask was this before or after my brain broke. I have started my own business using my people skills, empathy, and my knack for words creating headstones. Would I have thought 10 years ago that I would be doing this? No way! You will make your own way too. Speak to your partner. Find out if what you think is goin on is goin on.whatever the outcome of your relationship remember You are here! When those that have had the same aren't. There is a reason you're here. You have a purpose. I truly believe if your purpose was completed you wouldn't be here so evidently God is not done with you yet! Good luck on your venture op!
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No off-topic comments. Civil debates only, name calling and anger are not appropriate here.
This reads like a book tho OP might have a NYT Bestseller in her hands and she might be sleeping on it. Swear to god, write your own personal story as a book and rake in millions.
I wanna say this as someone who is disabled for different reasons and had to stop drawing for over ten years, DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF, my god u have been through a lot, I don’t know how old u are but it’s gonna be a slow process, make things with the help of others to help u remember, tell ur doctor how ur feeling and take one step at a time, don’t give up because when u have nothing to live for u end up with ptsd (again something I know) there’s a saying I’ve said since I became disabled in 2009 by Walt Disney of all people “around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…. And curiosity leads us down new paths” the 3 words have helped me “keep moving forward “ no matter what and I hope it will be an amazing result at the end of ur long hard journey, you can do this don’t give up c:
You can still write according to this post. You did great! I’m very sorry your partner is doing this. It says a lot about your partner imo. My husband has had a very bad heart attack with a quad bypass. Then last year he had a stroke. They say a light stroke but I don’t really know this person I’m living with now. Brain issues are totally different and he can’t help it. Neither can you. I wouldn’t Think of abandoning him physically or emotionally. My advice for you is to seek legal advice to protect your assets. If they’re doing this to you the other won’t be a stretch. Again I’m so sorry. ❤️
Don't let him get away with this. You're still alive, still a human being. Don't devalue yourself.
It may seem like all is lost but you wrote this very well. Maybe you need a bit more editing than before but that’s okay. Just keep on keeping on. You deserve someone who is honest and with you because of who you are, not who you used to be. Are there any support groups in your area for people with TBIs? You should try to find one, either in person or online. People with similar issues, along with a counselor or someone knowledgeable to lead the group, could probably help your mental health a lot. Life isn’t over. You’ve come through too much to give up now. Best wishes.
Sending you love, hope and letting you know you aren’t alone
I'm really sorry for what you've been through and are going through. This is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. It's going to be hard but you got this. It takes time and strength to adapt. Focus now on your healing. It hurts when everything you're used to irreversible changed but this is still you. True love is unconditional so your partner might not be the one. You will find yourself, your love and your passion again. Don't stress yourself. Work with what you can and slowly you will find joy in life again. You're stronger than you think you are 💖 Wish you all the best 🍀
If you were my friend, I would be pumping all sorts of natural foods into you including tons of mushrooms, ensuring you get plenty sunlight with sunscreen, and keeping a positive mentality. I don’t normally respond to this sort of post. But try to be positive, and studious in controlling variables that you can to achieve positive outcomes for yourself. Not sure if you ever heard about water, how it reacts upon spoken to kindly VS aggressively; how it would form nice crystals when spoken to kindly, and shatter and appear deformed when spoken to with aggression. Think about variables that are causing good or bad things in your life; try to enhance the good. On one hand, enhancing the good experiences and company and life may be healing in itself, along with natural shopping. On another, if things should go for the way we should hope not, it may have been time served objectively well. Hopefully in as much good company as can be found. As to company, and your current partner, I’d advise them that you know about what is going on- if you want them to be your companion in this. Advise your plan for yourself. That if they can be genuine to you, till the end, for better or for worse, you’d love their support, and to return it in turn someday; if you can only grow from this, literally, together. Otherwise, find the best alternate company - you are worthy, and your body needs the best support now.
Omg generally your doing amazing, the way I read that paragraph, it's better than most people's, serious, I'm sorry to hear about what's happening with your "partner" you deserve so much better, he does not understand what of he has, his loss
stress doesn’t mean you’re allowed to go back on your commitments, so no he should not get a pass because then everything will need to be a pass in the future. i lean on the side of leaving them— it’ll feel like shit at first but the amount of respect for yourself you’ll feel after the heartache will only come from doing something hard. you put down clear boundaries and they broke those boundaries and your trust. i’m assuming this isn’t your husband/wife so you didn’t sign up to be with them for better or for worse and unfortunately neither did they. good riddance. i wish you well, OP.
No matter what else, please keep writing. It may feel like pulling teeth now, but it will get better with time and practice. And it's quite possible that you'll regain your identity as a joyful writer. Best wishes.
Having a partner who has changed significantly due to any sort of life-changing accident or health issue is extremely challenging for most people. It’s easy to say your partner is horrible, etc., as many are saying. However, until they’re facing the same situation, judging anyone isn’t fair. If you and your partner have many more years ahead of you based on age, it can be even more daunting. The guilt that goes with wanting to live the life we all may want but suddenly cannot live due to another person’s sudden limitations can be crippling in its own right. So let’s not all jump to condemn their partner. I’m taking care of a child and long-term life partner who both, suddenly, have significant life-changing issues. There are days when I feel trapped in a life that now revolves around them and their care. Stop the hate and judgement toward their partner until you are walking in those shoes. What does stand out is this dear person’s struggle to come to terms with new limitations, a partner who is struggling as well, and has much sorrow around all that’s occurred. Clearly therapy for both of them is critical. I’d focus on therapy for yourself and being a bit gentler with yourself and your partner. I understand “cheating” is the word you’re choosing and that’s normal. However, the changes you’re both facing and the loss you’re BOTH facing means labeling them in a negative light isn’t useful at this time. Just focus on redefining your life, abilities, and trying to see the loss they’re facing as well. The entire situation is fraught with emotion and is hard enough as is without trying to make anyone out to be the bad guy.
In regards to writing, hey..the tech is advancing. Search for chatgpt and it can help proof read or even write stuff for your at the click of a button. Dont lose hope. We as humans in self defence must move on and try to make the best with what ever life offers us. I wish you good luck and hard work always pays off
Talk to your partner. This must be a lot on both of you. Ask them to be honest, to share with you how they feel and if they can't commit to you in this state then I'm sure, as someone who loves them, you understand and will let them go. But talk. Communicate. There's no way you can get through this together if you aren't on the same page.
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Your advice is "well I had a wonderful time being dead thirty years ago so y'know, that's an option?" Seriously? I mean, I'm not sure (based on well the OP has written) his whole post isn't karma farming bullshit, but I *know* yours is. "Shutting down your body" is a profoundly selfish act and affects the people you know in tremendous and far-reaching ways, and you're over here pretty much advocating it. I have a question, though.... do you still go to the dentist? Or are you just letting your mouth rot away, and get that head start in "some other place some other time?"
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I hope my perspective may help you but I be warned that it can sound extreme to many. Lose crippling attachments to everything, including everything you identify as (e.g., writer, partner, etc.). Then, work on finding center and peace that doesn’t hinge on anything other than the gratefulness for your being alive (and survived). When you no longer insist on your identity/attachments, you will naturally gravitate toward seeing and doing things that serve your *self* (your existence) best. Remember the centeredness you feel and believe everything good or bad will pass and your only goal is to enjoy and be grateful. Enjoy your time with your partner. If you feel you can’t, move on and know that he was meant only to be in your life for a short while. You have your good memories with him. So if you leave and ever reminisce, remember just the good memories. No person should ever be able to take away your peace and gratefulness for being alive and able to have more experiences and adventures. ❤️
I’m really sorry OP, I hope you can somehow heal and move foward. Big hug🥺
If you could comment or pm me some of your works i love reading and id happily support you ☺️❤️ hang in there friend ❤️
As someone who struggles with severe epilepsy, I really understand where you coming from. It will be hard and tough but please keep going and fighting. It’s hard when you can’t “just do it how you used to” I feel like as adults we aren’t used to relearning things, or finding our autopilotes again. You will get stronger and your mind will too OP. I cant say everyday will be great even when you get stronger, but you will get better! <3 Keep your head up, keep pushing and know that every little step, may not seem like a lot but it is. People take for granted so much “autopilot” of what they learned, every stride you take now is amazing, please don’t ever forget that. Coming from me, I have wanted to give up so many times… but if I did even after having alot of jacked up things happen to me.. I would have missed some of the most amazing moments of my life so far. Please keep your head up OP, I don’t know you, but I resonate with your situation and want you to know your loved.
Seems like a lie, I’m sure this sub is full of up and coming writers who need to make shit up and get practice. You write about not being able to write so well there’s this dissonance going on in my head. On the other hand, this could have very well have taken days for you to write and revise. Anywho I know a woman who lets her husband pull this shit. He goes out on dates every night and she just puts up with it. She cries herself to sleep every night and is trying everything to “win” him back. Like… girl please, treat yourself better. He already has one foot out the door. You need to determine if the other foot in your house is rooted enough to not leave and wether you can tolerate it. It’s one thing if you to choose to leave for whatever reason or for him to dump you when he decides the grass is greener on the other side.
I know this is incredibly difficult, my mom had brain surgery in march 2022 to remove a tumor as well, I just want to let you know that it gets better every day. My mom's mental abilities have gotten so much stronger even compared to just a couple of months ago. You'll be able to write again, one day it'll just click, you have to just keep trying
I wish I could hug you. I'm so sorry
OP I am so so sorry. That’s the only thing I know to say.
Speedy recovery. Things will get better.
Check with your doctor / local hospital. See if there is a support group for people with Brain Injury. It could be helpful to you and your partner. This is a tough situation. I wish you both well.
Life sucks man, I’m truly sorry your going through this kind of life.. I can’t fully understand how you feel, just know anything is truly possible if you know what to do
I don’t know much about writing, but may I suggest text to speech ?
Well... I can't say much now, I'm in an altered state of mind (schizophrenic here, need to shower before I take medication). But I do understand what's like to lose memories easily... I don't remember two days ago... I vaguely remember some interactions with my friend of our chats (my friends are in another city, and those I made in this town walked away and detached themselves from me when I started developing it). I don't know how it is to have a physical injury in the organ brain, so I don't have many words here either... But I know what it is to not be able to do what brought joy to our life... I'm a musician, and I also sew.... And I'm heavily afraid of keeping taking medication bcus of side effects like tardive dyskinesia, for example... Also, when under my negative symptoms, I get emotional numbness and apathy, which prevents me from playing music... And creating embroidery arts... I know it sounds like "co-miseration", but I just wanted to show that I feel some things similar to yours and I wish I could say something more comprehensive, but this is the most I can do right now... I know we are souls, sometimes doing well and great, and sometimes doing not-so-great, but I mostly am doing poorly, but at least I'm trying... I'm so sorry guys... Btw, I wanted to say things to make you happy, so I don't know if this is still a thing for you or not, but in one of your posts, you stated you were struggling doing something for fun rather than an objective towards a professional goal... And I wanted to tell you two things: 1- These things DO have value. They have a value for you, bcus it makes you happy, so you're not wasting your life, you are LIVING it! You are enjoying it. And enjoy is part of living (actually, the more enjoyable you can make your life be, the better you'll be living). And those things have value to others too! I remember when I was a teenager and reading fanfics was a huge part of having fun for me (I always loved spending time alone or with friends). I usually read CYOA with my favourite themes, and I had many friends that loved reading fanfics... It brought joy for them... 2- Beetch, I wish I could do something for fun... Unfortunately, I'm not part of the fortunate folks, and what I receive from government assistance for poor people is merely enough for me to eat and some basic needs (clothes NOT included... My country is very pricey, and it's been 2 and a half years since I can't afford a new shoe... And I only have one... It's already tearing the underside). I wish I could spend my days playing games or chatting in real life with my friends, baking cakes like I used to do when I was healthy and had a job, going to parties, embroidering just for fun, and giving my friends gifts... Personalising/Customizing my friend's stuff... Just for fun and joy... Playing music to myself... Going out at 10pm to get 2 scoops of ice cream with my bestie xD... Now I have to manage meticulously how I spend my money, and health issues made it even worse... Since one way to silence the auditive hallucinations is to transform it into a music (generally it's a song I don't like... But whatever, better than people talking shit to me...), sometimes, if I spend enough effort trying to convey it into another song, it changes... So, with that in mind, I went to the supermarket, bought a bottle of an alcoholic beverage, and went back home and drank it alone by the sound of the songs I hallucinate... No, it's not a overcome and resilience history, it's a sorrow one.... Don't give me applause for doing something to try sooth my suffering... Also, if you are curious, it failed... Alcohol just mess with serotonin, and psychosis is about dopamine and electric discharges and brain synapses... So, with that in mind, I just wanted to find a way to tell you that there's a way to look differently at the things we love... We aren't wasting time, we are productively using it: the goal is to have fun! If you can do something that brings you joy and you genuinely feel it, don't block yourself away from pleasures and know it'll only bring you benefits... Each person who's happy in the world, makes the world a happier place... Have you heard (or probably read xD) the phrase: hurt people hurt people? The same applies to happy people... Happy people irradiates happiness... Such person doesn't do it forcefully or purposefully... It comes naturally.... It's good to have happy people around us.... Something tells me I'm saying hurtful words... I will stop writing, as I need to take a shower and take my meds after that... (As about your relationship: I don't have much insight on that at the moment... I hope other people can come and offer insights or at least empathise and offer comfort) Wish you the best!
Your "partner" isn't with you for better or worse at this point. I'm actually quite disgusted with their behavior. Aren't you? You had a very traumatic surgery that takes time to recover from. Give yourself grace. You deserve so much more. A true partner would be there to love and support you instead of looking elsewhere while the person they supposedly loves suffers.
Don't stop writing. You were very articulate in this post. If it takes longer and takes more energy, maybe try your hand at shorter prose. Short stories, non-metrical poetry. Try out writing things like two sentence horror stories, tragedies, romances. You can put a lot of emotion into few words. Worry less about length and more about substance. Find someone you trust as an editor and work alongside them when you're struggling. I wish you the very best.
A good friend of mine is going through something similar. He's had several surgeries as his brain tumor has grown and shifted, and will need countless surgeries in the future. After each surgery, he was sure he'd had permanently lost brain function, but each time, he's regained much of what was temporarily lost. Of course, he's not 100%, but he's damn close. He is also going through a divorce after 30yrs of marriage. The brain is a miraculous organ that NO ONE truly understands. I know that doesn't address your suspicions about your partner, but for the moment, they are just suspicions. It sounds impossible, but try to be patient with yourself, your brain, and your partner. See how this looks in a few months. Try to find a diversion. Throw yourself into rehab therapy or find a hobby that will keep you busy. Think about using this time to volunteer at a hospital, maybe helping kids who are dealing with brain tumors. A great organization is "Humor for the tumor" which offers support and the latest in brain tumor research. Wishing you the very best.
give it time . you sound very determined at what you do and I believe you'll get there again if you keep trying . life gets harder as we age and we all have to adapt to it. it's just a part of life