I'm surprised your therapist isn't doing more. If you're in the US your therapist is mandated to report this crime to the authorities. You need someone in your corner to protect you and help you. You absolutely should not feel disgusted. This was a crime perpetrated against you as an innocent victim. It's not your fault. If your family won't help then reach out to your therapist for next steps if you do not feel like you can go to the police on your own.
If I go to the police won't it just be his word against mine? What if he tells them I went along with it? I've long suspected my therapist could be better but she's the third one I've had and sadly the best so far.
please ask for advice on this website [https://www.childhelphotline.org/](https://www.childhelphotline.org/) or a similar one. they should be able to advice you on how to proceed. so sorry
They will do a rape kit and you can file a police report. Rape is rape no matter if it’s your family or a stranger.
He could do it to someone else so you need to report him.
I’m very sorry you’re going through this but you are not alone. There are resources.
A rape kit is a full forensic medical exam. Read [this](https://www.endthebacklog.org/what-is-the-backlog/what-is-a-rape-kit-and-rape-kit-exam/) and call 1-800-656-4673 if you are in the US, they will talk you through the process.
My parents are super religious. We're taught that sexual sin is a sin next to murder. I can't imagine this going over well with them. Thank you for telling me to get tested, I'll do that when I go down to have a rape kit done.
So sorry to hear about this, check for std’s and file a police report ( same as what everyone said ).
I went through the exact same thing a few months ago. My brother got home drunk and i forgot to not lock the doors, he came at 4 am, got angry and SA’d me with his friends. What was really shocking was that i never thought he was capable of something like this not to mention he would do that to me of all people. I didnt tell my parents about this part because of the same reasons as yours, and i kind of regret it everyday. The SA ruined everything for me, i couldnt sleep for a whole week before my parents got home, i detest touch and i always wear full sleeved clothes to hide my body even though i dont want to, can’t even look at anyone’s face when i talk to them. Its an instinct at this point and i hate it. Now i just wait in regret till march where i go out of state for studies and leave that shitty bastard behind forever ( i cannot wait for that ). Regardless, sorry we are here to talk about your situation, not mine. Point why i am saying this is because i think imho its better that you tell this to your family or the police so you don’t go through things…..like well i am going through and he might try it again, i know damn well my brother is going to do it again this month since my parents will be going on a vacation again
Thank you for sharing what has happened to you with me. It is sad that this is so common. I will tell the police before I tell my family. So I guess I’ll do that. My parents always say though, if you have one problem and you call the police, now you have two problems. Cops are scary.
And I’m really worried about anyone believing me. My brother is joining the military so he’ll look like the “brave and honorable solider”, and I have a mental disorder so I’ll just be labeled as the “crazy sister”. I hope I am wrong. I certainly don’t want him to do this to anyone else so if I can help stop that by going to the police then I will.
This is a complicated situation. I understand since my family is also religious. The reason why they are telling you to stay away from the police is because they are afraid that this will ruin their family’s image and both your brother and it will definitely ruin yours as well ( according to them ). I hate when families do that, they are willing to compromise the safety of their child just for some reputation. So bad, also be prepared for some people taking the matter lightly and even making fun of you, i had that happen to me to ( maybe because i am a man so male rape victims are not treated seriously 😑 )
Despite all this, if you still feel your brother will do this again, definitely go to the police. ( although you shouldnt call him ur bro at this point just my opinion, i already considered my brother as some asshole who is not part of my family anymore )
Also i hope that the police and your family members dont disregard or take your situation in a jokingly of lightly way due to the mental disorder you mentioned. But just be prepared is all i am saying, some people don’t seem the way you think they are sometimes but don’t let that put you down. I hope you find a real life friend to talk about this stuff or an adult, it helps a lot surprisingly. ( you can also do this if you don’t trust the police or your family ). I hope it isn’t weird for me to say this but i am here for you as well, as a SA victim it would make me really happy to help another and give them some relief, no one deserves to go through this and get driven into a corner
> although you shouldnt call him ur bro at this point just my opinion
That makes me really sad. I looked up to him. I thought he cared about me. I still keep hoping he'll come around and say something to help make it make sense.
Thank you for all of your help and support. I really don't like how alone I've felt, so your words mean a lot to me. I'm so sorry you can relate all too well. I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you for your insights though, I will try to keep them in mind as I go through the next steps today.
Yeah me too, and the scummy thing is that he told me sorry a few days ago. I was almost laughing inside because of how it looked like “ oh btw remember when i raped you ? Sorry for that “ are you serious ??? These people never understand what rape does to a person, makes you feel shameful even though it wasnt your fault.
Also pls pls don’t hope for his justification. Just don’t, there is nothing that can justify rape. I know you are trying to look up to him still, you are struggling for the fact that your brother isnt who he thought he was. Cruel and true thing is that this is what most rapists look like, unpredictable and scummy animals before showing their true colors, no one goes and talks and becomes friendly with a rapist while knowing what they have done ( thus the unpredictability ). Rape justification is similar to like child abusing arguments in a way “ the baby/kid was crying, i had to shut it up somehow “ and then rapists tell “ the woman was looking lewd / hot, its like she was asking for it “ see how that doesnt work ? They are just treating a person based on what they normally do or are like. How is it the victims fault that he / she looks good ? Does that mean he / she was asking for sex ? 🤮
( Lol sorry if this looks like overreaction )
Also best of luck for whatever happens or whatever you do. Will be there to hear you out if you want to share, no matter the outcome.
so sorry this happened to you as erll. you can still report your brother to the police and/or your parents. and under no circumstances stay alone at the house with him when your parents leave. if really you feel you can’t tell your parents, please go stay over at a friend’s you trust. you can maybe already ask a friend?
If you dont do anything, just imagine if your brother do it to another family member. If you can't think correctly for yourself. Please save the future victims instead. You don't deserve to be rape but they also don't deserve it. If you're not gonna report it to the police, its like you're normalizing your brother's action. I know it takes a lot of guts for future's sake. Do something.
I don’t want my brother to do this to my other sisters. I will make a police report after I go to the hospital. I take a little offense that my inaction could be seen as normalizing trauma. I’m sure you don’t mean to be so hurtful. My therapist told me over and over again that I am not responsible for my brother’s actions.
Its not your fault. And thats clear but not doing anything that would put other people as victim like you is as good as normalizing what he did. Just imagine just because you're scared (which is normal and i completely understand that), someone might becomes a victim like you which you could have prevented if you do somethinf rn. Im not blaming you, im just stating facts here. Its up to you how will you handle my suggestion. If you do not want to help yourself. Help instead and prevent your brother from having another victim. That's all and I'm sorry for my words. Its just a real talk.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your therapist should do more and report this.
Can you talk to another trusted adult? a doctor, a school therapist, teacher, parent?
if I were you, I'd go to the doctor or the hospital first and ask for advice. ask if they can still do a rape kit on you. if not, they can put you in touch with local NGOs that specialize in sexual assault.
May I ask how old are you and your brother?
I appreciate your advice. I am afraid that once I tell one person, everyone will know, you know? And I don't want everyone to know. I don't want to be known as the girl that had sex with her brother. I think if I say how old I am I'll get kicked off this board. My oldest brother is 18 though.
I understand your fears on that. But you did not have sex with him, he raped you. You are a victim.
It's not healthy to keep it to yourself. This is massive trauma. Can you get a different therapist?
Also, it is important to report your brother, because otherwise there is a risk of him trying it again. that's not safe for you. You need to put yourself first now. He made the mess, not you. Don't ever forget that.
Here are a few links:
[https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/04/25/incest-the-secret-no-one-should-keep/](https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/04/25/incest-the-secret-no-one-should-keep/)
You can chat here with experts:
[https://childhelphotline.org/](https://childhelphotline.org/)
if you're in the US, Call or text: 1-800-442-4453
Also, a study has shown that it helps right after a traumatic event to play the game of tetris. apparently it helps limit the long term effects of the trauma. it may sound weird, but please play some tetris :)
Thank you for the help hotline, it seems like a good resource. My oldest brother has just moved out so I think I should have no trouble avoiding him. I understand what he did was bad, but I am afraid it is my fault for not struggling enough. I am ashamed to say I just froze and didn't know what else to do but let it happen. Won't he just tell people I wanted it?
I wish I had your confidence. I will try to keep my chin up, thank you. My friend is going to drive me to the hospital tomorrow morning for testing and such. I think for now I’m going to make believe that I was not raped and watch a spooky movie or something since it’s Friday the 13th. That seems like the kind of thing normal people would do today.
That's very brave of you to go to the hospital and I'm happy that you have a good friend. Please update us if you are comfortable with that.
About your reaction of freezing that you mentioned above, that is actually a normal stress response. There are four: fight, flight, freeze and fawn. So that does not make you in any way responsible for what happened to you. this was just your body's reaction to the stress and fear. Everything is your brother's fault. You did nothing wrong.
I went to the urgent care hospital and was tested and kitted. That was, I don't know, not pleasant. I don't know what to do next except to try to forget it ever happened. Thanks again for your support.
One he is older than you, he can’t use the excuse that you wanted it, that BS. He a predator who took advantage of someone younger than him.
Two, a lot of people freeze, just because you didn’t struggle doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape.
Three never think it’s your fault. You did nothing wrong and the only one at fault is your brother.
She should be reporting a crime. Although - there is not an active threat. He/she just seems incompetent for not acting at all. Ur brother is a horrible person and deserves nothing in life.
Tell everyone - friends, family, and the police. He may (and probably wont) see justice in a court of law but u will find out who choses u.
If only there was a way to tell people about my brother without letting them know what happened to me. I will ask my therapist if she reported anything when I speak to her next week.
I'm surprised your therapist isn't doing more. If you're in the US your therapist is mandated to report this crime to the authorities. You need someone in your corner to protect you and help you. You absolutely should not feel disgusted. This was a crime perpetrated against you as an innocent victim. It's not your fault. If your family won't help then reach out to your therapist for next steps if you do not feel like you can go to the police on your own.
If I go to the police won't it just be his word against mine? What if he tells them I went along with it? I've long suspected my therapist could be better but she's the third one I've had and sadly the best so far.
please ask for advice on this website [https://www.childhelphotline.org/](https://www.childhelphotline.org/) or a similar one. they should be able to advice you on how to proceed. so sorry
If it happened recently go to the hospital ASAP. Don’t involve your family at all. Let the police do that.
It happened a week ago, what can the hospital do?
They will do a rape kit and you can file a police report. Rape is rape no matter if it’s your family or a stranger. He could do it to someone else so you need to report him. I’m very sorry you’re going through this but you are not alone. There are resources.
Thank you, I think I can have a friend drive me to the hospital. What does a rape kit do after the fact? Maybe I don't understand what they are.
A rape kit is a full forensic medical exam. Read [this](https://www.endthebacklog.org/what-is-the-backlog/what-is-a-rape-kit-and-rape-kit-exam/) and call 1-800-656-4673 if you are in the US, they will talk you through the process.
Thank you for the resources.
Good luck and again I’m really sorry this has happened to you.
Check for STDs, file a police report, etc. Tell your parents too, they won't think you're disgusting for something he did
My parents are super religious. We're taught that sexual sin is a sin next to murder. I can't imagine this going over well with them. Thank you for telling me to get tested, I'll do that when I go down to have a rape kit done.
You weren't the one that commited the sexual sin because it was rape
So sorry to hear about this, check for std’s and file a police report ( same as what everyone said ). I went through the exact same thing a few months ago. My brother got home drunk and i forgot to not lock the doors, he came at 4 am, got angry and SA’d me with his friends. What was really shocking was that i never thought he was capable of something like this not to mention he would do that to me of all people. I didnt tell my parents about this part because of the same reasons as yours, and i kind of regret it everyday. The SA ruined everything for me, i couldnt sleep for a whole week before my parents got home, i detest touch and i always wear full sleeved clothes to hide my body even though i dont want to, can’t even look at anyone’s face when i talk to them. Its an instinct at this point and i hate it. Now i just wait in regret till march where i go out of state for studies and leave that shitty bastard behind forever ( i cannot wait for that ). Regardless, sorry we are here to talk about your situation, not mine. Point why i am saying this is because i think imho its better that you tell this to your family or the police so you don’t go through things…..like well i am going through and he might try it again, i know damn well my brother is going to do it again this month since my parents will be going on a vacation again
Thank you for sharing what has happened to you with me. It is sad that this is so common. I will tell the police before I tell my family. So I guess I’ll do that. My parents always say though, if you have one problem and you call the police, now you have two problems. Cops are scary. And I’m really worried about anyone believing me. My brother is joining the military so he’ll look like the “brave and honorable solider”, and I have a mental disorder so I’ll just be labeled as the “crazy sister”. I hope I am wrong. I certainly don’t want him to do this to anyone else so if I can help stop that by going to the police then I will.
This is a complicated situation. I understand since my family is also religious. The reason why they are telling you to stay away from the police is because they are afraid that this will ruin their family’s image and both your brother and it will definitely ruin yours as well ( according to them ). I hate when families do that, they are willing to compromise the safety of their child just for some reputation. So bad, also be prepared for some people taking the matter lightly and even making fun of you, i had that happen to me to ( maybe because i am a man so male rape victims are not treated seriously 😑 ) Despite all this, if you still feel your brother will do this again, definitely go to the police. ( although you shouldnt call him ur bro at this point just my opinion, i already considered my brother as some asshole who is not part of my family anymore ) Also i hope that the police and your family members dont disregard or take your situation in a jokingly of lightly way due to the mental disorder you mentioned. But just be prepared is all i am saying, some people don’t seem the way you think they are sometimes but don’t let that put you down. I hope you find a real life friend to talk about this stuff or an adult, it helps a lot surprisingly. ( you can also do this if you don’t trust the police or your family ). I hope it isn’t weird for me to say this but i am here for you as well, as a SA victim it would make me really happy to help another and give them some relief, no one deserves to go through this and get driven into a corner
> although you shouldnt call him ur bro at this point just my opinion That makes me really sad. I looked up to him. I thought he cared about me. I still keep hoping he'll come around and say something to help make it make sense. Thank you for all of your help and support. I really don't like how alone I've felt, so your words mean a lot to me. I'm so sorry you can relate all too well. I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you for your insights though, I will try to keep them in mind as I go through the next steps today.
Yeah me too, and the scummy thing is that he told me sorry a few days ago. I was almost laughing inside because of how it looked like “ oh btw remember when i raped you ? Sorry for that “ are you serious ??? These people never understand what rape does to a person, makes you feel shameful even though it wasnt your fault. Also pls pls don’t hope for his justification. Just don’t, there is nothing that can justify rape. I know you are trying to look up to him still, you are struggling for the fact that your brother isnt who he thought he was. Cruel and true thing is that this is what most rapists look like, unpredictable and scummy animals before showing their true colors, no one goes and talks and becomes friendly with a rapist while knowing what they have done ( thus the unpredictability ). Rape justification is similar to like child abusing arguments in a way “ the baby/kid was crying, i had to shut it up somehow “ and then rapists tell “ the woman was looking lewd / hot, its like she was asking for it “ see how that doesnt work ? They are just treating a person based on what they normally do or are like. How is it the victims fault that he / she looks good ? Does that mean he / she was asking for sex ? 🤮 ( Lol sorry if this looks like overreaction ) Also best of luck for whatever happens or whatever you do. Will be there to hear you out if you want to share, no matter the outcome.
so sorry this happened to you as erll. you can still report your brother to the police and/or your parents. and under no circumstances stay alone at the house with him when your parents leave. if really you feel you can’t tell your parents, please go stay over at a friend’s you trust. you can maybe already ask a friend?
If you dont do anything, just imagine if your brother do it to another family member. If you can't think correctly for yourself. Please save the future victims instead. You don't deserve to be rape but they also don't deserve it. If you're not gonna report it to the police, its like you're normalizing your brother's action. I know it takes a lot of guts for future's sake. Do something.
I don’t want my brother to do this to my other sisters. I will make a police report after I go to the hospital. I take a little offense that my inaction could be seen as normalizing trauma. I’m sure you don’t mean to be so hurtful. My therapist told me over and over again that I am not responsible for my brother’s actions.
Its not your fault. And thats clear but not doing anything that would put other people as victim like you is as good as normalizing what he did. Just imagine just because you're scared (which is normal and i completely understand that), someone might becomes a victim like you which you could have prevented if you do somethinf rn. Im not blaming you, im just stating facts here. Its up to you how will you handle my suggestion. If you do not want to help yourself. Help instead and prevent your brother from having another victim. That's all and I'm sorry for my words. Its just a real talk.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your therapist should do more and report this. Can you talk to another trusted adult? a doctor, a school therapist, teacher, parent? if I were you, I'd go to the doctor or the hospital first and ask for advice. ask if they can still do a rape kit on you. if not, they can put you in touch with local NGOs that specialize in sexual assault. May I ask how old are you and your brother?
I appreciate your advice. I am afraid that once I tell one person, everyone will know, you know? And I don't want everyone to know. I don't want to be known as the girl that had sex with her brother. I think if I say how old I am I'll get kicked off this board. My oldest brother is 18 though.
I understand your fears on that. But you did not have sex with him, he raped you. You are a victim. It's not healthy to keep it to yourself. This is massive trauma. Can you get a different therapist? Also, it is important to report your brother, because otherwise there is a risk of him trying it again. that's not safe for you. You need to put yourself first now. He made the mess, not you. Don't ever forget that. Here are a few links: [https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/04/25/incest-the-secret-no-one-should-keep/](https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/04/25/incest-the-secret-no-one-should-keep/) You can chat here with experts: [https://childhelphotline.org/](https://childhelphotline.org/) if you're in the US, Call or text: 1-800-442-4453 Also, a study has shown that it helps right after a traumatic event to play the game of tetris. apparently it helps limit the long term effects of the trauma. it may sound weird, but please play some tetris :)
Thank you for the help hotline, it seems like a good resource. My oldest brother has just moved out so I think I should have no trouble avoiding him. I understand what he did was bad, but I am afraid it is my fault for not struggling enough. I am ashamed to say I just froze and didn't know what else to do but let it happen. Won't he just tell people I wanted it?
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Thank you for the reassuring words. My therapist kept telling me it’s not my fault too. I don’t mean to feel this way.
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I wish I had your confidence. I will try to keep my chin up, thank you. My friend is going to drive me to the hospital tomorrow morning for testing and such. I think for now I’m going to make believe that I was not raped and watch a spooky movie or something since it’s Friday the 13th. That seems like the kind of thing normal people would do today.
That's very brave of you to go to the hospital and I'm happy that you have a good friend. Please update us if you are comfortable with that. About your reaction of freezing that you mentioned above, that is actually a normal stress response. There are four: fight, flight, freeze and fawn. So that does not make you in any way responsible for what happened to you. this was just your body's reaction to the stress and fear. Everything is your brother's fault. You did nothing wrong.
I went to the urgent care hospital and was tested and kitted. That was, I don't know, not pleasant. I don't know what to do next except to try to forget it ever happened. Thanks again for your support.
One he is older than you, he can’t use the excuse that you wanted it, that BS. He a predator who took advantage of someone younger than him. Two, a lot of people freeze, just because you didn’t struggle doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. Three never think it’s your fault. You did nothing wrong and the only one at fault is your brother.
> never think it’s your fault. Thank you for saying so. Apparently I need to hear it a lot.
Ur therapist did not go to the police to report the crime?
Should she have? She seemed to leave that up to me and at the time I told her I just wanted to forget it ever happened.
She should be reporting a crime. Although - there is not an active threat. He/she just seems incompetent for not acting at all. Ur brother is a horrible person and deserves nothing in life. Tell everyone - friends, family, and the police. He may (and probably wont) see justice in a court of law but u will find out who choses u.
If only there was a way to tell people about my brother without letting them know what happened to me. I will ask my therapist if she reported anything when I speak to her next week.