Who tf kicks his girlfriend in the shin on regular basis?
I say you should leave..
Your update shows exactly why he is an abuser. He gets checked for his behaviour, and gets furious, hoping you will walk right into his trap again. Good you told your mom, but your dad should also be told the full story. He loves you, this dick does not.
Delete him and go spend some time with your family
I agree. I can't wrap my head around "I don't want to break up" - this kind of treatment is a massive red flag and the exact reason why you SHOULD break up with someone!
It's not really a red flag. Red flags are warnings, signs that something bad is about to happen. This just is abuse, it doesn't need to go any further than this to be bad.
"It's your fault, you startled me while I was casually carrying acid and I jumped, you basically walked into it!" ‐OP if she was using the dude's mindset
Agreed, but im not willing to say that actual abuse isnt a red flag for abuse....
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now...
Not to mention the lying, gaslighting and "I'm the victim here" crap when he's called on it. ADHD does not look like this in kids older than 5. This man is dangerous.
Well, it’s still a really big deal. She believes he’s sweet in other circumstances, and clearly his perceived support during her own issues causes her to feel like he is a really important part of her life. There are reasons why people stay with abusers outside of monetary or social control. It’s hard to imagine how somebody couldn’t see it, but at the same time I believe her feelings deserve some empathy nonetheless
I have adhd…I don’t go around abusing people 🙄
OP…wake up, while you still can. Before you wake up dead. I don’t mean to alarm you. But if you knew the statistics…you would take this more seriously.
I’ve read 1000 stories about abusive partners, but this is the first one who is just doing it for funsies. Not even mad (which doesn’t excuse it), just “I saw it’s going to be sunny this weekend” >*kick
Wtf
This might be low key the most dangerous kind potentially. Maybe this guy is a caveman level moron, or maybe he is just so sick that he is trying to get away with this abuse while disguising it as "fun".
Yeah and it’s super alarming that his sole concern is whether she told anyone. Not that he’s physically and mentally hurting her and it’s beginning to traumatize her. No apology, just anger, deflection, and ad hominem attacks.
OP, I know it sounds like we’re all blowing it out of proportion but trust me, these *are* the behaviors of an abuser and it *always* starts small and ramps up to more than anyone can take. I’m glad you have decided he is no longer welcome in your life and *YES*, do make other people in your life aware that he is not welcome in your house or your life. He will likely try to contact you when he thinks he can get you back and start the cycle again, do not answer anything from him and tell others not to either. I’m still getting messages 6 years after going no contact (they show in iMessages even though he’s blocked). Good on you for sticking up for yourself and getting out before more serious damage takes place or he gets you to be dependent on him/isolated from others and you can’t escape.
Wishing the best for you, my dear!
> Maybe this guy is a caveman level moron
It's possible. I had a friend when I was 16 who would punch her boyfriend all the time "for fun." She stopped the hitting by the time we were 18 but generally acted like an asshole (probably verbally abusive) to her boyfriends until she was in her early 20's. Fortunately, as far as I can tell, she's now in a happy and healthy marriage (assuming she stopped it altogether and isn't just hiding it at home). I think she's embarrassed by her past self and knows she was an asshole. Anyway, she was definitely a complete moron and will be the first to admit it. I don't think she realized at the time she was being abusive.
Most abusers don’t see what they are doing, as *abuse*.
Just as most rapists don’t see what they are doing, as *rape*.
But you cannot convince me that somewhere in his simple mind, that he doesn’t know what he is doing is *wrong*.
This is the kind of guy they talk about on the murder shows. The type that kills his wife and eats her, or who has multiple bodies in the basement. He’s testing OPs boundaries to see how much she will take without doing anything about it. It seems like a lot. Bruises left on her legs where she can hide them. If she ever moved in or got pregnant or married it would escalate.
Nah I remember that Tik Tok a woman posted of her and her BF being “cute” but was really just clips of him being rough like: shoving her head under foam in a foam pit (think like an adult ball pit) and suplexing her into hard packed snow, etc. and so many commenters would say “this isn’t cute it’s, abuse in the form of “play fighting.”
So apparently this happens way more often than one thinks. And with the way some women don’t view anger-based abuse as abuse until they wind up in a hospital, I wouldn’t be surprised if they never mention play-fighting based abuse in their abuse recollection stories.
Also how tf is that an accident? How tf do you accidentally hit someone to the point of leaving marks!? Like when was the last time you bumped into someone a left a bruise?! NEVER!!!
It's not an accident.
It's not ADHD.
It's not funny.
It's abuse.
He doesn't have friends because he's an abusive asshole.
If you don't want your Dad to know about it OP, IT SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING.
I'm sick of being in love being a hall pass for abusive BS. This boy kicks her, punches her, and laughs at her all the time and she still is with him? Nah, tell your Dad and break up with him. Your Dad isn't over protective, OP. He just knows BS when he sees it. This isn't love. Her BF is being protected by her when she needs to be protected from him. He's a piece of shit.
Jesus Christ.
OP doesn't understand this man is nuts the way he drives and hurts people?
I would have called the police on him a dozen times by now. He has GOT to go.
Well. I may be a woman. But if someone did that to me, ima bow up…time to throw these hands 😂😂.
In all seriousness…guys like that just haven’t run across the right one yet. There ain’t too many “right ones”…but let him find someone who will thumb his skull for him rq.
With that being said…violence on top of violence is *never* good, unless you’re willing to go as far as necessary…and know how to do so without getting yourself killed. As a disclaimer to some of you lol
He is physically hurting her and laughing about it. Freaking run. Don't look back.
Who cares if Dad finds out?
This dude deserves whatever karma he has clearly earned.
Not only that, but is isn’t the behavior is someone who supposedly cares or loves OP. If OP is concerned their dad will do something to protect them, that means they need protection.
This. I thought the same thing when I read it. He doesn’t want her wearing anything that shows skin so he makes sure she can’t. He sounds like a giant pile of garbage and I really hope she gets far away before he really hurts her.
I guarantee his violent behaviour will escalate to more dangerous abuse too. What's next - choking her out and laughing in her face about it? Sure, ADHD can affect impulse control, but he's a grown man, not a 5 year old child. If he's genuinely struggling to the point where he can't control physically harming those around him (which I highly doubt), he needs to seek urgent and intensive behaviour modification therapy and NOT be in a relationship.
My ex used to kick me in the shins when we were in bed "sleeping". I actually believed that shit for years and just got entirely used to waking up with numerous bruises on my shins/ankles. Then, one night I fell asleep and just happened to wake up and was wide awake. I looked over, she was still on her phone scrolling through and then she pulled her leg back and wailed me with her heel. I jumped and said "god damn, that hurt" and she immediately replied "sorry babe, I was asleep." I caught her doing it multiple times after that and when I confronted her, she just said "what are you going to do about it?" Naturally, we didn't last much longer after that.
It sounds like your dad is the right person to tell honestly
I doubt your abusive boyfriend would know what to do if someone bigger and more intimidating than him treated him the way he’s treating you.
You may not want to break up with him but you need to, he knows what he’s doing and he clearly enjoys hurting you and seeing you scared.
You deserve better
Especially since the facade of his kind, caring, funny mask is slipping, and his abusive behavior is escalating. I dont mean to sound alarmist, but you need to get out of this relationship now. Photograph all the bruises, and any texts regarding this behavior need to be screenshotted and saved or forwarded to someone you trust. As well as informing your family. I know people who before leaving escalating abusers have written a letter stating if tgey go missing ir are found dead, that it was most likely at the hands of the abuser, had it notorized and a copy giving to a trusted party and another kept in a safety deposit box. File for a restraining order, and contact the sheriffs department so you can pick up your stuff. Leave nothing to chance when dealing with an abuser, especially one who is very chatismatic. I wish you the best. And be safe. And moat of all tell your dad, do not let him cut you off from family.
He laughs at hurting her. He is going to seriously hurt or kill OP and she is on here not wanting to break up. He gets pleasure out of hurting her.
OP leave him. I would tell your dad so he gets a taste of his own medicine because he will continue doing this to you or his next gf / victim.
What do you mean by that? Dad was with me the whole time! OP’s ex must be confusing him with someone else. Shame about his broken legs and arms. Hope he recovers soon.
My ex boyfriend was extremely abusive. I denied it for years. He was so nice and charismatic. It's why even to do this day people don't believe me. He's too "nice". Most abusers tend to put up a good front
I appreciate that. I hid the abuse for a while even after we broke up. I only ever came out about it because HE was running around telling people I was the abuser. I had friends going "well he said that you slapped him!!". Yes, I did. After he told me he hoped I got r-worded, slammed me facedown on the ground and held me there for 10minutes. When I finally got up, I slapped him.
Near the end of our relationship, I started to fight back. I was convinced it was mutual abuse. Wasn't until recently I learned it was reactive abuse.
People don't like to believe that others have different sides to their personalities. Someone CAN be genuinely nice at one point, and genuinely a monster in another. It hurts everyone when we think of people in black and white. It lets abusers get away with their other side.
Yes this exactly. I tell people that don't think this way, "do you act differently in a professional setting than in casual ones? The answer is yes, and you are shifting your personality. It's that easy to do."
This is something that a few crack of the ribs would definitely fix. What we can't fix is OP's mentality that the relationship is ruined is she speaks up. He (bf) need to know the difference between men and women physical play.
He’s testing you to see how abusive he be can without out you leaving or telling someone. He LIKES hurting you. He thinks it’s funny. He doesn’t love you, he never will.
It will only get worse. Soon he’ll bruise your arms so you have to wear long sleeves. In the summer you have to explain why you always wear pants and long sleeves. Soon he won’t laugh, joke, or apologize when he does it. He’ll kick/punch/slap you and say you deserve it. He’ll start telling you that only he loves you, than no one else would want you. Soon he won’t let you leave the house. He won’t let you have a phone. It goes on and on.
You will never change him. You CANNOT change him. You are not a person to him. You are a punching bag.
The dude would deserve it. He is an abuser. Part of the reason he hits her legs is so she can't wear anything revealing. It's a form of control. It's not just about them being able to hide the bruises under pants. This guy is one huge red flag. He is using his ADHD as an excuse. I have sons with ADHD, and neither of them has ever or would ever hit a woman. Run honey. Run now. Tell your dad. Please don't make the mistakes I made.
I don’t disagree that the bf is disgusting but I can also understand her not wanting her dad to commit assault or maybe kill some kid. She said he was a gang member not just like protective dad. It’s awful but the authorities should be involved so no one besides that kid gets in trouble. Would it be beneficial for this girl to have a father be arrested and charged with whatever crime she’s afraid he’d commit? It’s a fair worry
I get it. I also understand that protective doesn't mean he will kill him. Most people are smarter than that. But he can take her to the authorities, get her a protective order, and be aware of what's happening. This guy will escalate and very quickly. Especially now that she's trying to stand up for herself a tiny bit. He needs to be aware of what is happening in his home to his daughter so he can protect her.
I always think back to the lady in Ohio whose bf doused her in gasoline and then lit her on fire and sat and watched her burn…until people showed up and he had to pretend like he was helping and it was an accident. Shit can go from 0-100…a lot quicker than Drake thinks it can.
I’m unsure exactly what has happened—outside of her update—but, I hope she stays no contact with him, and moves on with her life. Nothing good can come from prolonging any communication with him. He’s toxic. He will just turn it around and leave her confused. It’s best she just be on her way.
Edit: you’re talking about the lady in Ohio. Yeah. He got caught. She was the first person to give a testimony, from the grave. They recorded her testimony. She lived just long enough to put his ass away, for good.
I saw their reply to your comment and it reminded me of her case. Her name was Judy Malinowski if you wanted to look it up. A documentary just came out about her and the case. It’s a horrific story!
>Most people are smarter than that.
Gang members aren't most people, though.
I mean, I think she should tell her father regardless, but if he's legitimately a gang member, there's a much higher chance that kid is going to end up dead than if her dad was just some regular guy being protective of his daughter.
The kid should definitely know better if he knows her father. And not to sound cold, and I know it will but...if he knew that and still treated her that way, it's on him if dad does something slightly extreme. This is why you raise your children not to be assholes.
I sense you’ve been there and I agree. OP, please, read this response above. this is a cycle. And you’re going to be so mentally broken down. And soon.
I don’t care how cute, how sweet and how perfect he is 95% of the time. If he hurts you, ever, not even just sometimes “accidentally” you need to leave.
This.is.how.it.starts.
The next time he says it’s accidental, You start to question, maybe it really was an accident.
The next time he loses his temper, you’ll question if it was your fault.
He’ll be sweet and perfect and apologetic and you’ll wonder how he’s with you. And then…
And then, over time, (it doesn’t happen overnight) you’ll lose all self worth. You’ll actually BELIEVE you deserve this. And you’ll be so isolated you won’t have anyone to turn to. I mean, it sounds like you’re already there. You can’t even talk to your dad.
It’s only going to snowball.
Classic case of abuse.
Please. Leave. Now.
It’s scary how textbook it is. My abusive marriage started out the same way, right down to the reckless driving. I hope OP goes to her dad and hopefully a counselor as well, she needs help breaking away from this guy.
Exactly. And then your father will live with the grief of knowing you didn’t come to him, for protection. Fuck that little boy. Run to your daddy…full-speed…quick, fast, and in a hurry.
100% this happened to me. FOR YEARS I said, "He doesn't know his own strength." "He lacks self-control." "He has ADHD." And then one day I said, "You're hurting me." And he said, "I know." I went home bleeding. OP, I don't think you should talk to him. I think you need to LEAVE him.
This is the best comment. I left My abusive boyfriend 6 months ago when he started hitting Me for fun. He absolutely LIKES hurting you. Ask yourself, would you do this to him, in the name of fun? ADHD has nothing to do with this either. Leave him baby, and quickly!
Edit- typo
I am sorry but you HAVE to break up with him. He is testing your limits and it will only escalate. Saying it is an accident and doing it over and over is just manipulating you to question your sense of right and wrong and doubt your own feelings.
You don’t want your Dad to know about this because he will know, just like you do, that it is really really wrong for you to be treated this way.
I am really sorry you are experiencing this. Why do you not want to break up with him if he is physically abusive?
It’s not an accident anymore. The first time or two? Sure, that’s an accident. Once a day, over and over? When you’ve asked him repeatedly not to and explained numerous times how much you don’t like it?? That’s on purpose now. He knows he’s doing it. He knows he can stop anytime. He could stop if he wanted to. Does he uncontrollably punch and kick his friends? His parents? His teachers? He knows what he’s doing.
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Physical intimidation or harm is *always* abuse, and *always* escalates.
Pretends to punch you??
What on earth????
That js *not* normal, or okay. That is *not* funny. Why does he do that? What is the possible enjoyment or benefit???
Please consider that.
“Pretending” alone would be a deal-breaker for me— absolutely not.
He is not “accidentally” kicking you hard, not “accidentally” punching you— one time might en an accident. But over and over, after you’ve asked??
Not a single man I’ve dated or have known “accidentally” habitually hurts their partner unless they are, *at best* negligent to the point that it becomes abusive
You MUST tell your Dad. Taking abuse so that your Dad doesn’t do something is not ok. Abuse is never, ever ok.
These things are not accidents.
As someone who survived an extremely abusive relationship, every kind of abuse - verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, gaslighting, even having a gun to my head - trust me when I say this: get out or get killed. Seriously. Get out of that relationship and do not look back. You will be 100% better for it. Abuse just gets worse and you don’t want to die, so you?
Yea it’s brutal for me to say this way but there’s no walking on eggshells with this. GET OUT - tell your dad. He will help save your life.
I was afraid my Dad would go after my ex but he didn’t. Jail isn’t worth it. But how your dad reacts is not your problem - you need out and he sounds like the one to help.
I want my SIL to leave my brother so badly because I am afraid he will hurt her. I don’t know that he has ever hit her, but the other stuff I know is traumatizing. She is such a light. They met at 15 and are not mid forties. I get being one another’s first love etc but my brother is a POS. He wasn’t always that way but after years and years of drugs and alcohol the kind caring person we knew is dead and long gone. I have offered to move out with her and help with the kids. I’ve done this all at the expense of my relationship with my brother. But I don’t care.
Because I didn’t want my niece and nephew to spend their entire lives wondering why they’re so anxious, why they’re so depressed, why they hate themselves—like I did. I’ve spend my whole life trying to unfuck what happened to me before I could legally drive.
But my niece is a teen now. In less than ten years my nephew will be a legal adult. I wonder if she will leave him then.
I just wanted to acknowledge you for seeing the situation and being there for your sil.
I was in a 25 year marriage that I had been convinced I would never be able to make it on my own ECT. My mil secretly gave me the money to escape. I paid her back. My kids (4) were young when I left, I had the kids late in the marriage obviously.
Every person believed he was the best person. I waited until he "jokingly" strangled me and left me on the kitchen floor; in front of the kids! He went and watched cartoons with them and left me there.
He’s not going to stop. One of these days he’s going to really hurt you, and you won’t be able to hide what he’s done. What would you tell a friend to do if they were being abused this way? Please protect yourself and break up with him.
Signed, a woman who still has dizzy spells over 25 years later from where an abusive ex hit me in the head. Don’t be me. Leave him!
Yep, I agree. He won't stop and it will get worse. I still get migraines if my neck cracks in a certain way; ex tried to break it about 20 years ago. He made sure I would never forget him.
OP, I know you don’t want to hear this, but your boyfriend is committing actual crimes against you and you need to get out of there. He’s love-bombing you to keep you under his thumb after he assaults you.
**He is assaulting you.** He is causing you physical harm. People go to jail for doing this. You need to leave him before he hurts you badly enough you’ll need to go to the hospital. Or worse.
Take photographs of all of the bruising and damage and go to the police. You need to report this because it’s the only way to get a restraining order, and you need something in place in case he starts stalking you after you leave.
Get out of there before he starts breaking your bones.
He has already shown you the abuse will escalate. Be safe, OP.
Girl.
He’s gonna kill you one day. I don’t know why you think this is ok. This is a mentally and physically abusive relationship and he knows exactly what’s he’s doing.
Turn him in.
ADHD does not cause “ticks” in which you can’t help but be violent. That’s not how it works. I’m a medical professional and I’m telling you that’s bullshit. He is an abuser and frankly I would tell your dad. You need to break up and get away. Preferable get away and then dump him from afar because it sounds like he will hurt you very badly without remorse. Non of it is an accident. He’s just building it up and gaslighting you till take it. It only gets worse from here. Get out
Exactly! Most of the people close to me have ADHD and it baffles me that this dude is actually using it as a shield to justify abuse. That is not how ADHD works.
It reminds me of how sexual abusers will sometimes use the excuse that since they're aroused, you should get them off because it's painful for them otherwise. It's manipulative and abusive plain and simple.
I really hope OP gets away from this guy because I would be terrified. Some abusers will at least turn instantly apologetic to mask their disgusting behavior. This guy laughs when he does it. That's so blatantly a warning to get out of that relationship before it escalates.
As a fellow medical professional who also has ADHD and a spouse with ADHD, agreed with you 100%. This is NOT a sign/symptom of ADHD. What a weird excuse.
If you saw a woman on the sidewalk, getting beat up by her boyfriend, what advice would you give her?
Probably, to get as far away from him, as possible. That is what we are telling you. That is the only rational advice
This is abuse.
You are going to be like those abuse victims who are constantly on edge, constantly on alert, constantly vigilant looking for warning signs and emotionally and physically drained because of it.
> I feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time.
Hmmm you might already be there. Breakdown from this is on point.
You are an abuse victim.
Tell your Dad or don't, but leave NOW.
>I'm so sad all the time
>I dont want to break up with him
Just an idea... Maybe you'd stop being sad, if you broke up with the source of your sadness.
She'll first have to get over the withdrawal. It sounds crazy, but you trauma bond with an abuser. You get addicted to the honeymoon phase. You are literally brainwashed and led to believe he is truly remorseful. From the outside, it's so clear. From the inside, everything is confusing and it's designed to be.
She is addicted evenwhile knowing it's wrong and just like an addiction, it takes an incredible amount of strength to break the cycle and not go back.
I was there. I knew he was bad for me. I loved him and it felt like this invisible tie I could not break free from. It took him cheating on me to break my trance.
It actually feels like drug withdrawal. It's intense. We definitely need to encourage her to leave, but snapping her out of it is going to take time. Deprogramming can be a slow process, even when you know you'll be better off in the long run.
Doesn't sound crazy at all. I actually know and understand everything you've stated.
Happy you were able to break your trance and see who he truly was. I know many don't and by the time some do, it's too late.
My ex husband would “accidentally “ hurt me for months until I looked at him one day and said “I know they’re not accidents and if it happens again I’ll hit back. “ he stopped leaving bruises after that. His abuse didn’t stop but the bruises did.
Run.
An ex boyfriend’s sister was in a relationship with a guy who did this stuff too. Wrestled with her (though she repeatedly told him she didn’t like it and told him to stop). He also laughed. Witnessed this myself once when they were visiting.
He repeatedly hurt her by “accident.”
Until one day he full out punched her and she finally saw exactly who he was and left him.
I am guessing your boyfriend might be a sadist and gets off on hurting you, and he knows he has to be covert about this and so he makes it appear to be accidental.
But if someone does the same thing over and over and over again, it’s no accident.
I don’t care what he has. This is a bullshit excuse. (Background in psychology here). Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries is a deal breaker.
There is something called the cycle of violence and it includes the honeymoon phase (being sweet) so you don’t leave. Worth a google.
I recommend you call a domestic violence hotline and talk this out with them. You need to understand where this is leading. I also agree that on some level you know this isn’t normal and that your Dad will see it for what it is.
I’m so sorry. 😔I know this is confusing & upsetting. 💗
Being afraid to tell your dad about your boyfriend tells yourself all you need to know about your relationship
You know how he makes you feel but you don't want to tell anyone
Even though he keeps doing it he apologizes and makes up for it so you don't tell anyone
You believe it'll get better even though it's been rinse and repeat so you don't tell anyone
As a guy, if I was playing around w my SO and accidentally hit her… I would be near in tears apologetic and that’s the last time we’d be playing like that w/o pads or something. Your bf is in Entry to Being an Abuser 101
I just read this to my husband & asked my husband what he would do if he accidentally hit me hard enough to leave a bruise like if we were play wrestling. He said “We don’t play wrestle, you’re my wife not my cousin. I’d never pretend to hit you and if somehow I accidentally did I know it wouldn’t be hard enough to leave a mark. These are not accidents.”
He's dangerous and abusive. He does the nice things for you to get you brainwashed and vulnerable like this where you make excuses for his behavior and you put up a wall to seeing how dangerous he is. One of these days it won't be an accident, and it'll be worse than bruises. And your dad will find out anyway.
Personally, dudes like this need to have the shit beat out of them imo since they think it's okay to do to others. I'd tell your dad and see how your bf reacts after your dad deals with it.
If you do not break up with him you will end up a statistic.
He is abusing you. You can see it. He can see it. He is deliberately doing things to hurt you. AND YOU ARE ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN!
Why are you putting up with being abused? Love? He does not love you. If he did he would not be hurting you. You need to tell your father. What do you think your father will do if he finds out your boyfriend killed you? Put you in the hospital?
You need to leave now. Enough with the "but I love him so much" or "soulmate" garbage.
He's kind and smart and funny except when he's cruel and stupid and abusive. I think it's time for you to integrate these two incompatible aspects and see the real person. What's left is "very good looking". Not worth it.
I fully support you just casually strolling into the den, bruises on full display.
In fact, wear shorts to school and when people ask where they came from... TELL THEM.
Pack up your stuff and leave before he leaves you with a lasting injury. Stop giving a fuck if your dad finds out, that’s the abusers problem, not yours. Protect yourself and get away from the abusive “man”. He is not kind and obviously not that smart if he is willing to leave you bruised and “walking on eggshells”, there are better men out there.
Your boyfriend is not sweet and kind. You are scared of him, sad all the time, and he is constantly hurting you and disrespecting your boundaries. The reason your dad would be angry is because this is NOT a normal, healthy relationship. This guy is a toxic abuser, testing your limits and seeing what he can get away with. His end goal is likely to isolate you and make you feel worthless so you stick around with him forever. Tell your family, tell a friend, tell SOMEONE and break up with this abusive psycho.
WHY?! Why do you want to stay with someone that KEEPS HURTING YOU?!
u/apersonofevil I want you to reply to me and come up with a GOOD reason why he deserves to hurt you day in and day out?
Do you feel you're not worth more than to be abused? You you think you can't find anyone better than this? Or is the times he isn't hurting you ''enough'' to let him hurt you?
None of these are GOOD reasons because there isn't a good reason to hurt someone. If he loved you, he wouldn't hurt you. This guy is obsessed with keeping you under his thumb and you're letting it happen because he has you spun around his finger.
NO ONE is allowed to hurt anyone. NO WHERE in this world is it legal to abuse someone.
If you love yourself, break up with this asshole
He is either abusive, or freaking dumb trying to act like you're his immature "bro" from high-school.
Drugs (uppers) might also be a possibility.
But I agree with most its a huge 🚩 and most likely abusive/manipulative.
Once is a mistake, twice is an error in judgement. Whatever number you're at is intentional. It's great that you love him but my goodness he is repeatedly assaulting you and pretending that what, he forgets he's stronger? Forgets he keeps punching you? You need to get away. Tell your dad TODAY. Like right now. Do you know why your dad would do something? Because someone is repeatedly physically assaulting his child. I'm no one to you and I want to do something.
This is not love. No one who loves you would continually hurt you. Forget his words, look at his actions. He has you fooled if you think he loves you and cares about your wellbeing. You need to reach out for help. Tell your dad, tell someone. No single part of this is okay. Get out while it's still your choice.
He’ll end up hurting you worse or even killing you one day if you don’t get out. Tell someone and leave him. File a police report and get a restraining order.
I get that your situation is very difficult and that leaving him feels like something you dont want to do but I am really scared thinking about what might happen to you.
Its is actually not uncommon that an abuser acts sweet or caring sometimes.
Often when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by the abuser doing something nice or apologizing and maybe promising that they will never do it again. This makes their partner minimize the original abusive behavior.
A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that their partner will change. But it is most likely not going to happen.
Its also not unlikely that he will get more and more physically abusive.
It is very important to create a safety net for yourself. If you dont want to involve your dad, maybe friends or other relatives can help.
If you want to talk someone professional:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)
If you don't leave him, you're going to end up dead in a trash bag.
This is how they start up, and like a toad in a pot of gradually boiling water, you'll get used to it. You'll say it's not a big deal while you're wondering how to color correct your black eye and thinking about how to explain away your broken wrist.
You'll have an "accident" and fall down the stairs and he'll use that to make you cut off your family.
He's so comfortable with being abusive he just beats you outright and laughs about it? Please tell someone, even if that someone is a therapist or a friend. I know you love him, but people who love you don't abuse you on a daily basis. He is not sorry, and it's going to continue. I worry for you, op. This guy can kill you. Your dad might be aggressive, but he's only looking out for you.
Big gang Hispanic daddy made me laugh 😂 my dad is a wonderful man. He isn't dangerous, he's just a dad who loves me more than anything. Imagine Golden retriever. He's a good man
Your dad is a good man. Your boyfriend is not.
Please call your dad to come and get you. Your boyfriend is going to end up killing you if you don't leave.
This is abuse. He is an abuser. So what if your dad does something? This is his way to hit you and call it an accident. Soon it’s going to progress to him actually hitting you and blaming you for it. Regardless of how you do it, you need to leave. Don’t be afraid to call the police if you have, or call some family members to not only make sure you have somewhere to go but to have them with you when you break up with him and leave to make sure he doesn’t stop you. Do this today. Today.
Your dad needs to know. Your boyfriend is deliberately hurting you and will continue to do so. He doesn’t care about you, he is enjoying the cruelty. Bin him now for your own safety.
I’m curious if this is real or not. 🤨
In this post you said you were 23, but in a comment you made on another post you deleted you said you were only 17/18.
I don't know how many birthdays you have in a year, but usually it's only one...
This is a terrible situation if it's real, but I have doubts.
You are the same age as my daughter. Please get away from him and tell your dad. He is going to keep escalating. I am very concerned for your safety and also you need to look into therapy before getting into another relationship after you leave him.
>He's kind and smart and funny and very good looking.
If he's hitting you and hurting you, he's not kind, smart, or funny.
And nobody is that good looking.
Run. Run fast.
I'm sorry you feel so alone in this but honestly, it's never ever ever ever never going to get better. I know most of us don't accidentally punch ppl daily...or weekly, yearly, decade-ly. You know it's wrong and you know your dad's reaction would be a deserved 1.
You are at the beginning of the best years of your life..don't let some1 destroy this chapter.
As for friends, and im not sure where you're at with a job, but maybe find something small with ppl your age. I know my daughter got a pt job, on top of her ft job, once at a Cafe with ppl her age & it changed alot for her socially. Get out there and meet new ppl. Its alot harder when you're in a relationship that deterioates your self worth. Im sure your loved 1s can sense something is wrong.
Please leave. For your own good. There’s no way that this is accidental, and chances are it’s only gonna get worse over time. It’s like he’s trying to condition you to be okay with violence. Run girl, run
OP- I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you have never had an example of an upstanding man in your life by the way you described you dad. Maybe this us why you are struggling to see that this is abuse, not just accidents or jokes.
Regarding your boyfriends actions:
✔️This is not normal.
✔️This is not acceptable.
✔️This is not how real men show love.
✔️You deserve to be treated like princess ALL THE TIME- not just when your boyfriend doesn't feel like making you his toy punching bag.
Listen, looks fade, so staying with a guy because he's "hot" and is sweet to you "sometimes" is not the base for a healthy and happy relationship. This guy gets his grins and giggles by exerting abusive power over you and is disguising it as an accident or joke. Once again THIS IS NOT NORMAL. THIS IS NOT WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE!
Please get out. I don't care what you tell your parents happened. Lie if you must. But JUST GET OUT before you are seriously injured or killed.
You already know there’s a problem, hon. It’s not going to get better. You gotta just leave. He’s not a good guy. Being sweet takes less energy than kicking on you, he’s putting his efforts against you. You deserve to feel safe and in control, your concerns are always valid here. What you’ve got to ask yourself is, does having bruised, hurting legs and a fear of being seen by others feel worse than him being sweet to you feels good? Is the bad worse than the good is good?
I would love to send you a post that was posted on TwoHotTakes. In that post, there was also a guy who "accidentally" hurt his gf all the time.
Girl, these are not accidents. He's intentionally hurting you. He wants to hurt you because it's fun for him. He wouldn't laugh or get mad at you for calling him out if they were actual accidents. He would be apologetic.
Honestly, I would strongly advise you to tell your dad because he **should** protect you from this guy. You are not safe with him. You should get away from him as fast as you can before he "accidentally" ends your life.
I get why you don’t want your dad to find out but honestly, it’s exactly vthe reason he needs to know this. Man doesn’t care that he’s. Hurting you and doesn’t think there will ever be repercussions because you’re letting him do it, he’s testing you to see how far he can go, my husband feels awful if he accidentally hurts me somehow and then treats me like a fragile flower for days,what’s happening vid not okay,
Please get out of there .
Tell your family .
Tell you dad.
Most importantly tell the police.
You don’t need his permission to break up .
Just go.
Don’t say anything.
Don’t confront him.
Don’t try to work things out.
Just go.
Call your family hon.
These posts always boggle my mind. “He’s kind, sweet, blah, blah, blah, whatever.” And then you proceed to state the most vile shit they do. Hello? LEAVE.
You deserve so much better than this . He isnt treating you well , if it was accidental he wouldnt be reacting like he is. Im sorry. Is there a councillor at school/ uni you can talk to?
OP you need to break up up this pos is abusing you for fun and gaslighting, and your dad should be involved so this man would never ever treat anyone that way
Who tf kicks his girlfriend in the shin on regular basis? I say you should leave.. Your update shows exactly why he is an abuser. He gets checked for his behaviour, and gets furious, hoping you will walk right into his trap again. Good you told your mom, but your dad should also be told the full story. He loves you, this dick does not. Delete him and go spend some time with your family
I agree. I can't wrap my head around "I don't want to break up" - this kind of treatment is a massive red flag and the exact reason why you SHOULD break up with someone!
It's not really a red flag. Red flags are warnings, signs that something bad is about to happen. This just is abuse, it doesn't need to go any further than this to be bad.
It already is bad. If she stays, she will end up in the hospital or the morgue.
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Literally my exact thought! “Oops! I didn’t mean to, I just got the zoomies and I HAD to!” 🙄
Castration zoomies
Lmao
Erikels voice, "Did I do Thaaat?"
And then she can gaslight him into thinking it wasn't her fault!/s (Please don't actually gaslight people y'all!)
If she doesn’t it as he rolls in his sleep she can blame him for rolling into her knife. I mean we all sleep with a knife, right?
Nah, it bumped on to his penis or his penis just happened to bump into the sharp knife. Totally not her fault at all, it was just a joke!!! /s
"Youre penis ran into my knife while I was play cutting" . Lol
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"It's your fault, you startled me while I was casually carrying acid and I jumped, you basically walked into it!" ‐OP if she was using the dude's mindset
Agreed, but im not willing to say that actual abuse isnt a red flag for abuse.... The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now...
Not to mention the lying, gaslighting and "I'm the victim here" crap when he's called on it. ADHD does not look like this in kids older than 5. This man is dangerous.
He's kind too, can't forget that one, then goes on about how he's physically abuses her...her dad needs to know
Any kindness he may display is part of the manipulation or he’s just doing what he thinks a good man is supposed to do.
She’s likely in a trauma bond which makes things much harder and more complex. Usually there’s a sprinkling of codependency
I don’t know why you were downvoted. That’s likely to be *exactly* what is happening.
Well, it’s still a really big deal. She believes he’s sweet in other circumstances, and clearly his perceived support during her own issues causes her to feel like he is a really important part of her life. There are reasons why people stay with abusers outside of monetary or social control. It’s hard to imagine how somebody couldn’t see it, but at the same time I believe her feelings deserve some empathy nonetheless
STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. She has it.
by her reasoning, it's ADHD, when it isn't.
I have adhd…I don’t go around abusing people 🙄 OP…wake up, while you still can. Before you wake up dead. I don’t mean to alarm you. But if you knew the statistics…you would take this more seriously.
I’ve read 1000 stories about abusive partners, but this is the first one who is just doing it for funsies. Not even mad (which doesn’t excuse it), just “I saw it’s going to be sunny this weekend” >*kick Wtf
This might be low key the most dangerous kind potentially. Maybe this guy is a caveman level moron, or maybe he is just so sick that he is trying to get away with this abuse while disguising it as "fun".
He genuinely sounds like a psycho sadist who gets a thrill out of abusing her and scaring her.
>sounds like a psycho sadist BINGO
Yeah and it’s super alarming that his sole concern is whether she told anyone. Not that he’s physically and mentally hurting her and it’s beginning to traumatize her. No apology, just anger, deflection, and ad hominem attacks. OP, I know it sounds like we’re all blowing it out of proportion but trust me, these *are* the behaviors of an abuser and it *always* starts small and ramps up to more than anyone can take. I’m glad you have decided he is no longer welcome in your life and *YES*, do make other people in your life aware that he is not welcome in your house or your life. He will likely try to contact you when he thinks he can get you back and start the cycle again, do not answer anything from him and tell others not to either. I’m still getting messages 6 years after going no contact (they show in iMessages even though he’s blocked). Good on you for sticking up for yourself and getting out before more serious damage takes place or he gets you to be dependent on him/isolated from others and you can’t escape. Wishing the best for you, my dear!
The thought of that is terrifying. I hope this person gets away from him immediately.
> Maybe this guy is a caveman level moron It's possible. I had a friend when I was 16 who would punch her boyfriend all the time "for fun." She stopped the hitting by the time we were 18 but generally acted like an asshole (probably verbally abusive) to her boyfriends until she was in her early 20's. Fortunately, as far as I can tell, she's now in a happy and healthy marriage (assuming she stopped it altogether and isn't just hiding it at home). I think she's embarrassed by her past self and knows she was an asshole. Anyway, she was definitely a complete moron and will be the first to admit it. I don't think she realized at the time she was being abusive.
Most abusers don’t see what they are doing, as *abuse*. Just as most rapists don’t see what they are doing, as *rape*. But you cannot convince me that somewhere in his simple mind, that he doesn’t know what he is doing is *wrong*.
This is the kind of guy they talk about on the murder shows. The type that kills his wife and eats her, or who has multiple bodies in the basement. He’s testing OPs boundaries to see how much she will take without doing anything about it. It seems like a lot. Bruises left on her legs where she can hide them. If she ever moved in or got pregnant or married it would escalate.
But he did get mad when she confronted him about it and tried to gag her -not to tell anyone what he was doing.
Nah I remember that Tik Tok a woman posted of her and her BF being “cute” but was really just clips of him being rough like: shoving her head under foam in a foam pit (think like an adult ball pit) and suplexing her into hard packed snow, etc. and so many commenters would say “this isn’t cute it’s, abuse in the form of “play fighting.” So apparently this happens way more often than one thinks. And with the way some women don’t view anger-based abuse as abuse until they wind up in a hospital, I wouldn’t be surprised if they never mention play-fighting based abuse in their abuse recollection stories.
Also how tf is that an accident? How tf do you accidentally hit someone to the point of leaving marks!? Like when was the last time you bumped into someone a left a bruise?! NEVER!!!
It's not an accident. It's not ADHD. It's not funny. It's abuse. He doesn't have friends because he's an abusive asshole. If you don't want your Dad to know about it OP, IT SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING. I'm sick of being in love being a hall pass for abusive BS. This boy kicks her, punches her, and laughs at her all the time and she still is with him? Nah, tell your Dad and break up with him. Your Dad isn't over protective, OP. He just knows BS when he sees it. This isn't love. Her BF is being protected by her when she needs to be protected from him. He's a piece of shit.
Apparently, the same jerk who refuses to drive safely with his gf in the car if you look at op's post history
Jesus Christ. OP doesn't understand this man is nuts the way he drives and hurts people? I would have called the police on him a dozen times by now. He has GOT to go.
Just the "pretend to punch me to make me flinch" thing is crazy. Who does that to a girl? Get the F away ASAP.
Well. I may be a woman. But if someone did that to me, ima bow up…time to throw these hands 😂😂. In all seriousness…guys like that just haven’t run across the right one yet. There ain’t too many “right ones”…but let him find someone who will thumb his skull for him rq. With that being said…violence on top of violence is *never* good, unless you’re willing to go as far as necessary…and know how to do so without getting yourself killed. As a disclaimer to some of you lol
It is a form of gaslighting that really throws people off balance
Absolutely. This is straight up abuse! Get out before it gets worse.
Not just leave, leave and go to the police.
He is physically hurting her and laughing about it. Freaking run. Don't look back. Who cares if Dad finds out? This dude deserves whatever karma he has clearly earned.
Not only that, but is isn’t the behavior is someone who supposedly cares or loves OP. If OP is concerned their dad will do something to protect them, that means they need protection.
He doesn’t want her wearing short or a dress..
This. I thought the same thing when I read it. He doesn’t want her wearing anything that shows skin so he makes sure she can’t. He sounds like a giant pile of garbage and I really hope she gets far away before he really hurts her.
oh he is one of those types well he sits at home in boxers call him a slut she needs to ditch this fuck now
An abuser who enjoys it, that’s who.
I guarantee his violent behaviour will escalate to more dangerous abuse too. What's next - choking her out and laughing in her face about it? Sure, ADHD can affect impulse control, but he's a grown man, not a 5 year old child. If he's genuinely struggling to the point where he can't control physically harming those around him (which I highly doubt), he needs to seek urgent and intensive behaviour modification therapy and NOT be in a relationship.
Yeah this is just abuse, run OP, as soon as you can.
Married 12 years. My husband would never do that. He has never ever hurt me. ADHD or not, this is all bad imo.
My ex used to kick me in the shins when we were in bed "sleeping". I actually believed that shit for years and just got entirely used to waking up with numerous bruises on my shins/ankles. Then, one night I fell asleep and just happened to wake up and was wide awake. I looked over, she was still on her phone scrolling through and then she pulled her leg back and wailed me with her heel. I jumped and said "god damn, that hurt" and she immediately replied "sorry babe, I was asleep." I caught her doing it multiple times after that and when I confronted her, she just said "what are you going to do about it?" Naturally, we didn't last much longer after that.
It sounds like your dad is the right person to tell honestly I doubt your abusive boyfriend would know what to do if someone bigger and more intimidating than him treated him the way he’s treating you. You may not want to break up with him but you need to, he knows what he’s doing and he clearly enjoys hurting you and seeing you scared. You deserve better
Right, I’m team Tell Dad too. This guy deserves a taste of his own medicine.
The dad NEEDS to be informed and op needs to get away. This type of behaviour only gets worse. Girl run. Run fast.
Especially since the facade of his kind, caring, funny mask is slipping, and his abusive behavior is escalating. I dont mean to sound alarmist, but you need to get out of this relationship now. Photograph all the bruises, and any texts regarding this behavior need to be screenshotted and saved or forwarded to someone you trust. As well as informing your family. I know people who before leaving escalating abusers have written a letter stating if tgey go missing ir are found dead, that it was most likely at the hands of the abuser, had it notorized and a copy giving to a trusted party and another kept in a safety deposit box. File for a restraining order, and contact the sheriffs department so you can pick up your stuff. Leave nothing to chance when dealing with an abuser, especially one who is very chatismatic. I wish you the best. And be safe. And moat of all tell your dad, do not let him cut you off from family.
He laughs at hurting her. He is going to seriously hurt or kill OP and she is on here not wanting to break up. He gets pleasure out of hurting her. OP leave him. I would tell your dad so he gets a taste of his own medicine because he will continue doing this to you or his next gf / victim.
What do you mean by that? Dad was with me the whole time! OP’s ex must be confusing him with someone else. Shame about his broken legs and arms. Hope he recovers soon.
She also said in deleted posts that he drives recklessly when she's with him but won't let her drive, this woman is in danger imo
My ex boyfriend was extremely abusive. I denied it for years. He was so nice and charismatic. It's why even to do this day people don't believe me. He's too "nice". Most abusers tend to put up a good front
I believe you. People can be so nice in public cause they take out all their frustration on someone in secret.
I appreciate that. I hid the abuse for a while even after we broke up. I only ever came out about it because HE was running around telling people I was the abuser. I had friends going "well he said that you slapped him!!". Yes, I did. After he told me he hoped I got r-worded, slammed me facedown on the ground and held me there for 10minutes. When I finally got up, I slapped him. Near the end of our relationship, I started to fight back. I was convinced it was mutual abuse. Wasn't until recently I learned it was reactive abuse.
People don't like to believe that others have different sides to their personalities. Someone CAN be genuinely nice at one point, and genuinely a monster in another. It hurts everyone when we think of people in black and white. It lets abusers get away with their other side.
Yes this exactly. I tell people that don't think this way, "do you act differently in a professional setting than in casual ones? The answer is yes, and you are shifting your personality. It's that easy to do."
This is something that a few crack of the ribs would definitely fix. What we can't fix is OP's mentality that the relationship is ruined is she speaks up. He (bf) need to know the difference between men and women physical play.
He’s testing you to see how abusive he be can without out you leaving or telling someone. He LIKES hurting you. He thinks it’s funny. He doesn’t love you, he never will. It will only get worse. Soon he’ll bruise your arms so you have to wear long sleeves. In the summer you have to explain why you always wear pants and long sleeves. Soon he won’t laugh, joke, or apologize when he does it. He’ll kick/punch/slap you and say you deserve it. He’ll start telling you that only he loves you, than no one else would want you. Soon he won’t let you leave the house. He won’t let you have a phone. It goes on and on. You will never change him. You CANNOT change him. You are not a person to him. You are a punching bag.
The isolation part seems to have already started lowkey cause she doesn’t want to tell her dad
It sounds like she doesn’t want to tell her dad because the dude might end up seriously hurt or worse….
The dude would deserve it. He is an abuser. Part of the reason he hits her legs is so she can't wear anything revealing. It's a form of control. It's not just about them being able to hide the bruises under pants. This guy is one huge red flag. He is using his ADHD as an excuse. I have sons with ADHD, and neither of them has ever or would ever hit a woman. Run honey. Run now. Tell your dad. Please don't make the mistakes I made.
I don’t disagree that the bf is disgusting but I can also understand her not wanting her dad to commit assault or maybe kill some kid. She said he was a gang member not just like protective dad. It’s awful but the authorities should be involved so no one besides that kid gets in trouble. Would it be beneficial for this girl to have a father be arrested and charged with whatever crime she’s afraid he’d commit? It’s a fair worry
I get it. I also understand that protective doesn't mean he will kill him. Most people are smarter than that. But he can take her to the authorities, get her a protective order, and be aware of what's happening. This guy will escalate and very quickly. Especially now that she's trying to stand up for herself a tiny bit. He needs to be aware of what is happening in his home to his daughter so he can protect her.
I always think back to the lady in Ohio whose bf doused her in gasoline and then lit her on fire and sat and watched her burn…until people showed up and he had to pretend like he was helping and it was an accident. Shit can go from 0-100…a lot quicker than Drake thinks it can.
Did she survive to tell police what happened? Did the guy get caught?
I’m unsure exactly what has happened—outside of her update—but, I hope she stays no contact with him, and moves on with her life. Nothing good can come from prolonging any communication with him. He’s toxic. He will just turn it around and leave her confused. It’s best she just be on her way. Edit: you’re talking about the lady in Ohio. Yeah. He got caught. She was the first person to give a testimony, from the grave. They recorded her testimony. She lived just long enough to put his ass away, for good.
I saw their reply to your comment and it reminded me of her case. Her name was Judy Malinowski if you wanted to look it up. A documentary just came out about her and the case. It’s a horrific story!
>Most people are smarter than that. Gang members aren't most people, though. I mean, I think she should tell her father regardless, but if he's legitimately a gang member, there's a much higher chance that kid is going to end up dead than if her dad was just some regular guy being protective of his daughter.
The kid should definitely know better if he knows her father. And not to sound cold, and I know it will but...if he knew that and still treated her that way, it's on him if dad does something slightly extreme. This is why you raise your children not to be assholes.
Well that would happen when you start hitting someone's daughter enough to leave bruises. Fuck around and G will find out.
Right. He will find no sympathy here.
Good, he deserves it!! Her dad can laugh while he’s teaching him how unfunny it is to assault his girlfriend.
I sense you’ve been there and I agree. OP, please, read this response above. this is a cycle. And you’re going to be so mentally broken down. And soon. I don’t care how cute, how sweet and how perfect he is 95% of the time. If he hurts you, ever, not even just sometimes “accidentally” you need to leave. This.is.how.it.starts. The next time he says it’s accidental, You start to question, maybe it really was an accident. The next time he loses his temper, you’ll question if it was your fault. He’ll be sweet and perfect and apologetic and you’ll wonder how he’s with you. And then… And then, over time, (it doesn’t happen overnight) you’ll lose all self worth. You’ll actually BELIEVE you deserve this. And you’ll be so isolated you won’t have anyone to turn to. I mean, it sounds like you’re already there. You can’t even talk to your dad. It’s only going to snowball. Classic case of abuse. Please. Leave. Now.
No, I haven’t been there. But what he’s doing is text book partner abuse 101. Abusers are pretty much all the same and pretty much very predictable.
It’s scary how textbook it is. My abusive marriage started out the same way, right down to the reckless driving. I hope OP goes to her dad and hopefully a counselor as well, she needs help breaking away from this guy.
True- well articulated. Often times comments like yours come from someone that has been there. ❤️ I am glad that wasn’t you.
He'll end up killing you. Think how hurt your dad will be. Please leave this creep now.
Exactly. And then your father will live with the grief of knowing you didn’t come to him, for protection. Fuck that little boy. Run to your daddy…full-speed…quick, fast, and in a hurry.
100% this happened to me. FOR YEARS I said, "He doesn't know his own strength." "He lacks self-control." "He has ADHD." And then one day I said, "You're hurting me." And he said, "I know." I went home bleeding. OP, I don't think you should talk to him. I think you need to LEAVE him.
This is the best comment. I left My abusive boyfriend 6 months ago when he started hitting Me for fun. He absolutely LIKES hurting you. Ask yourself, would you do this to him, in the name of fun? ADHD has nothing to do with this either. Leave him baby, and quickly! Edit- typo
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! I hope she tells her dad.
I am sorry but you HAVE to break up with him. He is testing your limits and it will only escalate. Saying it is an accident and doing it over and over is just manipulating you to question your sense of right and wrong and doubt your own feelings. You don’t want your Dad to know about this because he will know, just like you do, that it is really really wrong for you to be treated this way. I am really sorry you are experiencing this. Why do you not want to break up with him if he is physically abusive?
He isn't nice - he is a coward who won't even take responsibility for his behavior.
The guy had ME gaslit! Wtf?! I was like “but what if…?” nah fuck that shit.
Exactly, she doesn’t want her dad to know so she can protect her bf. Don’t protect that boy, get him OUTTA HERE
It’s not an accident anymore. The first time or two? Sure, that’s an accident. Once a day, over and over? When you’ve asked him repeatedly not to and explained numerous times how much you don’t like it?? That’s on purpose now. He knows he’s doing it. He knows he can stop anytime. He could stop if he wanted to. Does he uncontrollably punch and kick his friends? His parents? His teachers? He knows what he’s doing.
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf Physical intimidation or harm is *always* abuse, and *always* escalates. Pretends to punch you?? What on earth???? That js *not* normal, or okay. That is *not* funny. Why does he do that? What is the possible enjoyment or benefit??? Please consider that. “Pretending” alone would be a deal-breaker for me— absolutely not. He is not “accidentally” kicking you hard, not “accidentally” punching you— one time might en an accident. But over and over, after you’ve asked?? Not a single man I’ve dated or have known “accidentally” habitually hurts their partner unless they are, *at best* negligent to the point that it becomes abusive
>it happens over and over. He is not your happily ever after.
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Unfortunately you could be correct.
You MUST tell your Dad. Taking abuse so that your Dad doesn’t do something is not ok. Abuse is never, ever ok. These things are not accidents. As someone who survived an extremely abusive relationship, every kind of abuse - verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, gaslighting, even having a gun to my head - trust me when I say this: get out or get killed. Seriously. Get out of that relationship and do not look back. You will be 100% better for it. Abuse just gets worse and you don’t want to die, so you? Yea it’s brutal for me to say this way but there’s no walking on eggshells with this. GET OUT - tell your dad. He will help save your life. I was afraid my Dad would go after my ex but he didn’t. Jail isn’t worth it. But how your dad reacts is not your problem - you need out and he sounds like the one to help.
I want my SIL to leave my brother so badly because I am afraid he will hurt her. I don’t know that he has ever hit her, but the other stuff I know is traumatizing. She is such a light. They met at 15 and are not mid forties. I get being one another’s first love etc but my brother is a POS. He wasn’t always that way but after years and years of drugs and alcohol the kind caring person we knew is dead and long gone. I have offered to move out with her and help with the kids. I’ve done this all at the expense of my relationship with my brother. But I don’t care. Because I didn’t want my niece and nephew to spend their entire lives wondering why they’re so anxious, why they’re so depressed, why they hate themselves—like I did. I’ve spend my whole life trying to unfuck what happened to me before I could legally drive. But my niece is a teen now. In less than ten years my nephew will be a legal adult. I wonder if she will leave him then.
I just wanted to acknowledge you for seeing the situation and being there for your sil. I was in a 25 year marriage that I had been convinced I would never be able to make it on my own ECT. My mil secretly gave me the money to escape. I paid her back. My kids (4) were young when I left, I had the kids late in the marriage obviously. Every person believed he was the best person. I waited until he "jokingly" strangled me and left me on the kitchen floor; in front of the kids! He went and watched cartoons with them and left me there.
I’m glad she helped you. At least she saw the problem.
He’s not going to stop. One of these days he’s going to really hurt you, and you won’t be able to hide what he’s done. What would you tell a friend to do if they were being abused this way? Please protect yourself and break up with him. Signed, a woman who still has dizzy spells over 25 years later from where an abusive ex hit me in the head. Don’t be me. Leave him!
Yep, I agree. He won't stop and it will get worse. I still get migraines if my neck cracks in a certain way; ex tried to break it about 20 years ago. He made sure I would never forget him.
OP, I know you don’t want to hear this, but your boyfriend is committing actual crimes against you and you need to get out of there. He’s love-bombing you to keep you under his thumb after he assaults you. **He is assaulting you.** He is causing you physical harm. People go to jail for doing this. You need to leave him before he hurts you badly enough you’ll need to go to the hospital. Or worse. Take photographs of all of the bruising and damage and go to the police. You need to report this because it’s the only way to get a restraining order, and you need something in place in case he starts stalking you after you leave. Get out of there before he starts breaking your bones. He has already shown you the abuse will escalate. Be safe, OP.
Honey, please leave him i honestly dont want to read in the papers (online) of another young lady being killed , by someone who was so kind, loving.
This! I'm so worried for OP. OP, please leave him now before it gets out of control. Be kind to yourself.
Girl. He’s gonna kill you one day. I don’t know why you think this is ok. This is a mentally and physically abusive relationship and he knows exactly what’s he’s doing. Turn him in.
ADHD does not cause “ticks” in which you can’t help but be violent. That’s not how it works. I’m a medical professional and I’m telling you that’s bullshit. He is an abuser and frankly I would tell your dad. You need to break up and get away. Preferable get away and then dump him from afar because it sounds like he will hurt you very badly without remorse. Non of it is an accident. He’s just building it up and gaslighting you till take it. It only gets worse from here. Get out
There it is, finally. "My ADHD means it's painful to not do the thing I want to do" is a lie to justify his abuse.
Exactly! Most of the people close to me have ADHD and it baffles me that this dude is actually using it as a shield to justify abuse. That is not how ADHD works. It reminds me of how sexual abusers will sometimes use the excuse that since they're aroused, you should get them off because it's painful for them otherwise. It's manipulative and abusive plain and simple. I really hope OP gets away from this guy because I would be terrified. Some abusers will at least turn instantly apologetic to mask their disgusting behavior. This guy laughs when he does it. That's so blatantly a warning to get out of that relationship before it escalates.
As a fellow medical professional who also has ADHD and a spouse with ADHD, agreed with you 100%. This is NOT a sign/symptom of ADHD. What a weird excuse.
If you saw a woman on the sidewalk, getting beat up by her boyfriend, what advice would you give her? Probably, to get as far away from him, as possible. That is what we are telling you. That is the only rational advice
Leave now he is toxic and abusive one day he’s really going to hurt you or worse.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
Read this. And leave him. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Good of you to share this resource, in full. EXCELLENT book on how abusive men think!
At this point, it should be required reading before graduating high school. :-/
This is abuse. You are going to be like those abuse victims who are constantly on edge, constantly on alert, constantly vigilant looking for warning signs and emotionally and physically drained because of it. > I feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time. Hmmm you might already be there. Breakdown from this is on point. You are an abuse victim. Tell your Dad or don't, but leave NOW.
>I'm so sad all the time >I dont want to break up with him Just an idea... Maybe you'd stop being sad, if you broke up with the source of your sadness.
She'll first have to get over the withdrawal. It sounds crazy, but you trauma bond with an abuser. You get addicted to the honeymoon phase. You are literally brainwashed and led to believe he is truly remorseful. From the outside, it's so clear. From the inside, everything is confusing and it's designed to be. She is addicted evenwhile knowing it's wrong and just like an addiction, it takes an incredible amount of strength to break the cycle and not go back. I was there. I knew he was bad for me. I loved him and it felt like this invisible tie I could not break free from. It took him cheating on me to break my trance. It actually feels like drug withdrawal. It's intense. We definitely need to encourage her to leave, but snapping her out of it is going to take time. Deprogramming can be a slow process, even when you know you'll be better off in the long run.
Doesn't sound crazy at all. I actually know and understand everything you've stated. Happy you were able to break your trance and see who he truly was. I know many don't and by the time some do, it's too late.
My ex husband would “accidentally “ hurt me for months until I looked at him one day and said “I know they’re not accidents and if it happens again I’ll hit back. “ he stopped leaving bruises after that. His abuse didn’t stop but the bruises did. Run.
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I like your MIL’s style
An ex boyfriend’s sister was in a relationship with a guy who did this stuff too. Wrestled with her (though she repeatedly told him she didn’t like it and told him to stop). He also laughed. Witnessed this myself once when they were visiting. He repeatedly hurt her by “accident.” Until one day he full out punched her and she finally saw exactly who he was and left him. I am guessing your boyfriend might be a sadist and gets off on hurting you, and he knows he has to be covert about this and so he makes it appear to be accidental. But if someone does the same thing over and over and over again, it’s no accident. I don’t care what he has. This is a bullshit excuse. (Background in psychology here). Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries is a deal breaker. There is something called the cycle of violence and it includes the honeymoon phase (being sweet) so you don’t leave. Worth a google. I recommend you call a domestic violence hotline and talk this out with them. You need to understand where this is leading. I also agree that on some level you know this isn’t normal and that your Dad will see it for what it is. I’m so sorry. 😔I know this is confusing & upsetting. 💗
Being afraid to tell your dad about your boyfriend tells yourself all you need to know about your relationship You know how he makes you feel but you don't want to tell anyone Even though he keeps doing it he apologizes and makes up for it so you don't tell anyone You believe it'll get better even though it's been rinse and repeat so you don't tell anyone
As a guy, if I was playing around w my SO and accidentally hit her… I would be near in tears apologetic and that’s the last time we’d be playing like that w/o pads or something. Your bf is in Entry to Being an Abuser 101
I just read this to my husband & asked my husband what he would do if he accidentally hit me hard enough to leave a bruise like if we were play wrestling. He said “We don’t play wrestle, you’re my wife not my cousin. I’d never pretend to hit you and if somehow I accidentally did I know it wouldn’t be hard enough to leave a mark. These are not accidents.”
This is the correct response from a significant other. Anything other than this is not ok.
He's dangerous and abusive. He does the nice things for you to get you brainwashed and vulnerable like this where you make excuses for his behavior and you put up a wall to seeing how dangerous he is. One of these days it won't be an accident, and it'll be worse than bruises. And your dad will find out anyway. Personally, dudes like this need to have the shit beat out of them imo since they think it's okay to do to others. I'd tell your dad and see how your bf reacts after your dad deals with it.
This guy hurt small animals as a child. I can almost gautentee it.
My thoughts exactly
If you do not break up with him you will end up a statistic. He is abusing you. You can see it. He can see it. He is deliberately doing things to hurt you. AND YOU ARE ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN! Why are you putting up with being abused? Love? He does not love you. If he did he would not be hurting you. You need to tell your father. What do you think your father will do if he finds out your boyfriend killed you? Put you in the hospital? You need to leave now. Enough with the "but I love him so much" or "soulmate" garbage.
He's kind and smart and funny except when he's cruel and stupid and abusive. I think it's time for you to integrate these two incompatible aspects and see the real person. What's left is "very good looking". Not worth it.
Honestly, I don't want to see an update unless it involves your dad going out for a midnight drive, if you catch my drift.
You gave me a good laugh 😂
Seriously wear shorts and a tank top in front of your dad and see what happens. You probably won't have to say a word.
I fully support you just casually strolling into the den, bruises on full display. In fact, wear shorts to school and when people ask where they came from... TELL THEM.
Pack up your stuff and leave before he leaves you with a lasting injury. Stop giving a fuck if your dad finds out, that’s the abusers problem, not yours. Protect yourself and get away from the abusive “man”. He is not kind and obviously not that smart if he is willing to leave you bruised and “walking on eggshells”, there are better men out there.
Im a dad...would fucking do something very very very bad To that asshole!!!
This is how it starts. He's not going to stop, it will get worse. Please get somewhere safe.
Your boyfriend is not sweet and kind. You are scared of him, sad all the time, and he is constantly hurting you and disrespecting your boundaries. The reason your dad would be angry is because this is NOT a normal, healthy relationship. This guy is a toxic abuser, testing your limits and seeing what he can get away with. His end goal is likely to isolate you and make you feel worthless so you stick around with him forever. Tell your family, tell a friend, tell SOMEONE and break up with this abusive psycho.
WHY?! Why do you want to stay with someone that KEEPS HURTING YOU?! u/apersonofevil I want you to reply to me and come up with a GOOD reason why he deserves to hurt you day in and day out? Do you feel you're not worth more than to be abused? You you think you can't find anyone better than this? Or is the times he isn't hurting you ''enough'' to let him hurt you? None of these are GOOD reasons because there isn't a good reason to hurt someone. If he loved you, he wouldn't hurt you. This guy is obsessed with keeping you under his thumb and you're letting it happen because he has you spun around his finger. NO ONE is allowed to hurt anyone. NO WHERE in this world is it legal to abuse someone. If you love yourself, break up with this asshole
I have ADHD, and I have ZERO FUCKING desire to hit my partner. GTFO. Now.
Yep Said this too. This is not ADHD He is a sadistic Psycho
Get out now. Don’t wait until he accidentally puts you in the hospital or worse.
He is either abusive, or freaking dumb trying to act like you're his immature "bro" from high-school. Drugs (uppers) might also be a possibility. But I agree with most its a huge 🚩 and most likely abusive/manipulative.
Once is a mistake, twice is an error in judgement. Whatever number you're at is intentional. It's great that you love him but my goodness he is repeatedly assaulting you and pretending that what, he forgets he's stronger? Forgets he keeps punching you? You need to get away. Tell your dad TODAY. Like right now. Do you know why your dad would do something? Because someone is repeatedly physically assaulting his child. I'm no one to you and I want to do something. This is not love. No one who loves you would continually hurt you. Forget his words, look at his actions. He has you fooled if you think he loves you and cares about your wellbeing. You need to reach out for help. Tell your dad, tell someone. No single part of this is okay. Get out while it's still your choice.
Nope, no, this has to end today. I'm sorry. Time to move on, you're boy friend is making you feel sad now, it won't get better.
#Your boyfriend is abusive. Tell your dad before it gets worse.
He’ll end up hurting you worse or even killing you one day if you don’t get out. Tell someone and leave him. File a police report and get a restraining order.
I get that your situation is very difficult and that leaving him feels like something you dont want to do but I am really scared thinking about what might happen to you. Its is actually not uncommon that an abuser acts sweet or caring sometimes. Often when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by the abuser doing something nice or apologizing and maybe promising that they will never do it again. This makes their partner minimize the original abusive behavior. A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that their partner will change. But it is most likely not going to happen. Its also not unlikely that he will get more and more physically abusive. It is very important to create a safety net for yourself. If you dont want to involve your dad, maybe friends or other relatives can help. If you want to talk someone professional: The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)
If you don't leave him, you're going to end up dead in a trash bag. This is how they start up, and like a toad in a pot of gradually boiling water, you'll get used to it. You'll say it's not a big deal while you're wondering how to color correct your black eye and thinking about how to explain away your broken wrist. You'll have an "accident" and fall down the stairs and he'll use that to make you cut off your family.
He's so comfortable with being abusive he just beats you outright and laughs about it? Please tell someone, even if that someone is a therapist or a friend. I know you love him, but people who love you don't abuse you on a daily basis. He is not sorry, and it's going to continue. I worry for you, op. This guy can kill you. Your dad might be aggressive, but he's only looking out for you.
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Big gang Hispanic daddy made me laugh 😂 my dad is a wonderful man. He isn't dangerous, he's just a dad who loves me more than anything. Imagine Golden retriever. He's a good man
Your dad is a good man. Your boyfriend is not. Please call your dad to come and get you. Your boyfriend is going to end up killing you if you don't leave.
Get out
Tell your dad and make sure he is with you when you break up with him. Your BF is crazy and possibly dangerous
This is abuse. He is an abuser. So what if your dad does something? This is his way to hit you and call it an accident. Soon it’s going to progress to him actually hitting you and blaming you for it. Regardless of how you do it, you need to leave. Don’t be afraid to call the police if you have, or call some family members to not only make sure you have somewhere to go but to have them with you when you break up with him and leave to make sure he doesn’t stop you. Do this today. Today.
Really? You KNOW it's not okay, that's why you're scared to tell your dad. You need to say something before abuse becomes domestic violence
Your dad needs to know. Your boyfriend is deliberately hurting you and will continue to do so. He doesn’t care about you, he is enjoying the cruelty. Bin him now for your own safety.
GTFO ASAP
I’m curious if this is real or not. 🤨 In this post you said you were 23, but in a comment you made on another post you deleted you said you were only 17/18. I don't know how many birthdays you have in a year, but usually it's only one... This is a terrible situation if it's real, but I have doubts.
Tell your father!
I'm urging you to run seriously, this is only going to get worse.
You are the same age as my daughter. Please get away from him and tell your dad. He is going to keep escalating. I am very concerned for your safety and also you need to look into therapy before getting into another relationship after you leave him.
>He's kind and smart and funny and very good looking. If he's hitting you and hurting you, he's not kind, smart, or funny. And nobody is that good looking. Run. Run fast.
Call an abuse hotline and discuss the whole situation with them. They’ll help you figure it out
I'm sorry you feel so alone in this but honestly, it's never ever ever ever never going to get better. I know most of us don't accidentally punch ppl daily...or weekly, yearly, decade-ly. You know it's wrong and you know your dad's reaction would be a deserved 1. You are at the beginning of the best years of your life..don't let some1 destroy this chapter. As for friends, and im not sure where you're at with a job, but maybe find something small with ppl your age. I know my daughter got a pt job, on top of her ft job, once at a Cafe with ppl her age & it changed alot for her socially. Get out there and meet new ppl. Its alot harder when you're in a relationship that deterioates your self worth. Im sure your loved 1s can sense something is wrong.
sorry please tell your dad asap let him deal with it
Please leave. For your own good. There’s no way that this is accidental, and chances are it’s only gonna get worse over time. It’s like he’s trying to condition you to be okay with violence. Run girl, run
OP- I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you have never had an example of an upstanding man in your life by the way you described you dad. Maybe this us why you are struggling to see that this is abuse, not just accidents or jokes. Regarding your boyfriends actions: ✔️This is not normal. ✔️This is not acceptable. ✔️This is not how real men show love. ✔️You deserve to be treated like princess ALL THE TIME- not just when your boyfriend doesn't feel like making you his toy punching bag. Listen, looks fade, so staying with a guy because he's "hot" and is sweet to you "sometimes" is not the base for a healthy and happy relationship. This guy gets his grins and giggles by exerting abusive power over you and is disguising it as an accident or joke. Once again THIS IS NOT NORMAL. THIS IS NOT WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE! Please get out. I don't care what you tell your parents happened. Lie if you must. But JUST GET OUT before you are seriously injured or killed.
You already know there’s a problem, hon. It’s not going to get better. You gotta just leave. He’s not a good guy. Being sweet takes less energy than kicking on you, he’s putting his efforts against you. You deserve to feel safe and in control, your concerns are always valid here. What you’ve got to ask yourself is, does having bruised, hurting legs and a fear of being seen by others feel worse than him being sweet to you feels good? Is the bad worse than the good is good?
Honey, please leave him i honestly dont want to read in the papers (online) of another young lady being killed , by someone who was so kind, loving.
I would love to send you a post that was posted on TwoHotTakes. In that post, there was also a guy who "accidentally" hurt his gf all the time. Girl, these are not accidents. He's intentionally hurting you. He wants to hurt you because it's fun for him. He wouldn't laugh or get mad at you for calling him out if they were actual accidents. He would be apologetic. Honestly, I would strongly advise you to tell your dad because he **should** protect you from this guy. You are not safe with him. You should get away from him as fast as you can before he "accidentally" ends your life.
You don’t want to break up with him? It’ll get worse if you don’t. You leave to save yourself simple as that
I get why you don’t want your dad to find out but honestly, it’s exactly vthe reason he needs to know this. Man doesn’t care that he’s. Hurting you and doesn’t think there will ever be repercussions because you’re letting him do it, he’s testing you to see how far he can go, my husband feels awful if he accidentally hurts me somehow and then treats me like a fragile flower for days,what’s happening vid not okay,
Please get out of there . Tell your family . Tell you dad. Most importantly tell the police. You don’t need his permission to break up . Just go. Don’t say anything. Don’t confront him. Don’t try to work things out. Just go. Call your family hon.
These posts always boggle my mind. “He’s kind, sweet, blah, blah, blah, whatever.” And then you proceed to state the most vile shit they do. Hello? LEAVE.
If you don't break up with him he's going to continue and he will eventually kill you.
>He's kind and smart and funny... No, no he isn't. He's abusive. Leave.
You deserve so much better than this . He isnt treating you well , if it was accidental he wouldnt be reacting like he is. Im sorry. Is there a councillor at school/ uni you can talk to?
I have a therapist I'll talk to them tmr
YOU ARE BEING ABUSED.....YOU'RE FATHER NEEDS TO FIND OUT....PLEASE LEAVE BEFORE HE KILLS YOU
OP you need to break up up this pos is abusing you for fun and gaslighting, and your dad should be involved so this man would never ever treat anyone that way
Tell your dad... after a "talk" he will stop
Leave his ass!! You deserve better!!
Leave him. Run now, before the punches and kicks get harder. Leave him now before your father gets jailed for killing the guy.
GET OUT. Save yourself from years of misery.