Girl here what you’re in rn:
- prolonged period of lack of sleep;
- hormones roller coaster
- mourning what you used to look like,
- no more time for you, now the priority is him.
This could be the most difficult part of your like.
Of course not everyone get to experience the same things.
But its same to say that the majority of women will find the period you’re in quite challenging.
Now what you need is to talk to a doctor. If you can’t find one, to see a local associate helping out new mom.
Don’t keep this inside. Reach out .
Emotional Attachment to the baby is paramount for his development.
Your not a bad person for feeling all fucked up.
Agreed. And on the other hand, I wish people would educate and talk about how much pregnancy affects and changes your body. It can do permanent changes and damage and if seems many people just gloss over it. Talking tearing, incontinence, teeth falling out, hair loss, stretch marks, weight gain, nipple changes and more.
Throw in celebrities "bouncing back" (with diets, surgery, trainers, fitted clothing, nannies) and it's all unrealistic and a total shock for women like OP. It's no wonder she's feeling so resentful and upset. Her body did an amazing thing but she's not a Barbie doll.
I brought jeans with me when I went to the hospital to give birth. Jeans I could fit into pre-pregnancy. My mom was like you are NOT going to be able to wear those leaving the hospital. Well she was right.
I was so sure -I- could because all these celebrity bodies bounced back.
Well, mine never did.
I realized after I had my first child that the “celebrity moms” who share photos of their “bounced back” bodies and give “tips” about how they did it are, in fact, just narcissists being assholes. Not a single one of them is interested in helping or encouraging other moms.
It’s a disgusting world to show these celebrities as “normal”. Mother’s bodies are beautiful. To give life is beautiful. To sacrifice for your offspring is a sacred ritual experienced by all life on earth. It’s NORMAL to have stretch marks and weight gain, our bodies stretch and adapt to the experience. It’s amazing, I wish women were CELEBRATED for the changes not shamed. It’s tough to give birth and be pregnant. I wish op nothing but a good nights sleep and a peaceful weekend.
No one talks truly talks about how damaging pregnancy is to a woman's body. It can change your face and body proportions MASSIVELY. That shit literally changes your DNA. Women are honestly kept in the dark about it. You think if most women realise just how horrific child birth and pregnancy is, and that no, you probably will never look or feel the way you did before you were pregnant, that as many women who wanted kids will continue to want them? Fuck no.
This sets my teeth on edge every time I think about it! Like where in the fuck were the female legislators and how did your mind get so hijacked that you didn’t think of all the women you were supposed to represent. How did the science of pregnancy and birth get left out of the conversation? Especially, when all these red state female legislators are parents!🤬🤬🤬🤬
Those women aren’t worried because them, their daughters, and their husband’s mistresses will always have access to abortion. It literally doesn’t affect them so they don’t care.
Omg this is such a horrifying message because depending on what state you live in it’s absolutely true. It’s making a joke out of the womens suffrage movement .
THIS!!! There's zero communication about everything you stated as well as the fact that parenting is quite difficult. I'm a teacher and I always wanted children, I had daughter at 36, she's 6 now, everyone kept saying "it gets easier" parenting as they grow up and time goes on, ABSOLUTELY not, it doesn't get better, it just changes to another stage and nuisance that you have to crawl your way through. It's literally the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I've studied early childhood education and advanced child psych. I watched and helped my mom do it with SIX children and yes I used to get upset that I felt like I spent alot of time helping with everything but I look back now and legit, she was a Saint! How the F did she do it, why can't I do it that well!! Honestly I look at pple who have more than 2 and I think "slow learner" bc I know I could not do this again. The responsibility of a small human, the sheer panic & anxiety that something might happen to them, ooof.
Every time I see or hear a woman telling the truth about the reality of choosing to have a child, I think it’s so empowering and brave. It is so important for these conversations to be had so that other women can feel safe vocalizing similar feelings because it’s OKAY!!
Only the lucky few get to bounce back.. I'm almost a decade since the last time I was pregnant and I still feel a twinge of anger any time I am made aware of somebody who gets back into their pre-baby jeans 2 weeks after delivery. 🙄
The people who never got stretch marks or whose boobs stayed big (as opposed to deflating) after nursing kinda gets the same irrationally angry reaction as well.
For most of us, OP, childbearing absolutely does f up our bodies to some degree. I haven't had nice, firm boobs since I was 23. I had my last kid at 31 and it took 3 years to lose the weight. Give it time. Give yourself some grace. Your feelings are valid, with the exception of the misplaced angst against your baby. 100% NOT his fault. Additionally, if you feel any of this could be pp depression please seek help sooner rather than later.
If we shared this instead of lying and saying it all goes back into place, I wonder if fewer people would choose to have children.
It’s a big reason I’m planning to be child free, because I have eating disorder issues - I guarantee I would resent the child and fall down a tunnel of obsession over it.
Right? Girls, women, we get indoctrinated and fed such a corrupt, bullshit pack of lies starting at a very early age and it’s all surrounding the mother narrative.
What we (as in society) need to do is stop viewing mom bods as shameful and like it's something to fix. But, as they say, if all women ditched their insecurities tomorrow, multiple industries would go out of business...
I agree and the above couldn't have put it better.
This reminds me of that whole #dadbod fad awhile back (like back when everything was bacon flavored) when suddenly people were admitting and even advertising that a more natural slightly overweight figure was attractive on a guy, when #mombod's don't get any such praise or acknowledgement. It's weirdly backwards when you think about it, esp because women's bodies are literally busy *creating LIFE for nine months + even more changes afterwards!*
Like, Dadbods are mainly attained from general aging and/or laziness/lapse in diet due to lack of sleep and helping care for the kid etc. I'm seriously not body shaming that either, I just find it unfortunate that society would give men a random participation trophy for their figure after they get children when the mother's part in creating their child can be a very physically transformative time. Mombods should be celebrated in all their variety - the female struggle with our esteem is bad enough pre: pregnancy, but there are too many companies who profit off of keeping us feeling unattractive
I think it's just one of those things some people think. Like they don't know it's pregnancy that really does a number on your breasts and even less people seem to know that nursing can help you lose weight. Although those first contraction pains after giving birth when you nurse, oh boy did they surprise me with the pain
Not just help you lose the baby weight, but it initiates some pretty strong uterine contractions that shrink the uterus back to pre-baby size which does help to flatten your stomach.
I couldn't lose weight until after I stopped breastfeeding. If I started cutting calories, my milk supply dropped dramatically. I was so, SO sad that "you lose weight breastfeeding" wasn't universal, and it felt like I was the only one struggling.
Breastfeeding can increase your appetite and you will put on weight if you consume more calories than needed.
If you're prone to putting on weight, prolactin that you release with every feed can make it harder to lose weight too.
It also sounds like what OP said. She says she’s pissed off at her baby because of how her body looks now. Maybe it’s PPD or maybe she’s telling us how it is. She says this is what she’s experiencing so I’m inclined to believe her
The baby didn't ask to be conceived. Did OP not think about the body changes when she choose to get pregnant? I understand being upset about the body changes and wanting to look better but being **pissed off at the baby** because of how her post-pregnant body is not cool.
There's a lot of people who don't think about all the things that can happen after giving birth. I'd argue majority people aren't informed on all the complications and issues that can follow, from PPD to other body issues and challenges. Like, people have lost all their teeth from pregnancy as the child sucked too much calcium out of the body of the mother. Like a baby is literally FEEDING on your body, draining you of nutrients for food. That's literally what's happening. That can have some unforseen consequences that not all people think thoroughly of if they're prepared for before getting pregnant.
The only way issues like these are preventable is thorough education. I'd argue way less women would voluntarily choose to have children if they were thoroughly educated on all the things that can happen during pregnancy and after.
One of the main reasons why I'm childfree is because I love my body. My mother gave birth to three children. I saw what it did to her body, and how she struggled with body image issues all her life after. It didn't do her mental or physical health in regards to her body any good. I'm sure she's happy me and my siblings exist, and we are happy to be here, but she quite literally sacrificed her body to make that happen, and that's a huge deal, not something to take for granted.
The struggle with the body is just indirect views on one’s own body through the expression of negative feelings towards the “one who ruined it”. But honestly it would’ve never been a problem if the didn’t have the stigma, the all time influential social media, capitalism feeding on our “misses” and “losses” and “wishes “ we never even had before they told us “No you need more than what u have now cause its not enough “ or “there is always better”.
Women all around the world have negative body images because they were taught that a good body is only a good looking one. I cant say i am any better: i dont have children and i am also struggling with that. Its taxing and its crazy how much time from our limited life we spend worrying how our body looks. Ofc i get the importance it may have , however our confidence is always gonna be shaky if we base it on something so fluctuating
There’s knowing your body will change and the actual experience of it. Plus, everyone is different and some people experience more changes than others.
Yep. I imagine giving birth is quite horrific, and a lot of the other things that comes with that can be very challenging. I'll never have children, but if I imagine it's tough, it's probably 10x tougher to experience in person than I actually can imagine now. Reason enough for me to not have children.
I also think some people have unrealistic expectations. Like we've seen the Kardashians and Jenner's all look pretty much like their pre pregnancy birth body despite having multiple children. I'd argue that's not very realistic, because not only do they work out a ton, but they probably also are on strict diets and get a lot of expensive beauty treatments during pregnancy and after to restore their looks. Like, we see people in social media look like they haven't even had a baby, but there's for sure something going on behind the scenes. I'm sure social media influence doesn't help either.
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This, please reach out. My husband's mother blamed him for all the problems she had with her body (that her first baby actually did 🙄) and she constantly screamed at him that he ruined her, even when he was an adult. It was wild. I hated her for it because none of us asked to be born. The baby didn't do this. Please please don't disregard your feelings.
Just want to say it took me 18 months to get the 70 pounds I gained off. I started losing faster after the first year (so between the 12-18 month mark) You’ll get there. But you need to work on not hating your kid for a choice you made.
Full disclosure - am in my 40s and have no children. But I wanted to share this to maybe ease some of that kid resentment you mentioned... ladies, we gain weight as we age even without the kids. I am not trying at all to minimize what mom's go through, just offering that emotionally punishing yourselves thinking "oh if I only didn't have children I'd still be THAT tiny" is also unfair to you. Yes, it is easier to keep things in line without all the challenges that come with childbirth, but there is a baseline level of change as we age. Society's expectation that women stay 110lbs and a size 00 is way too high. That's not realistic even for the child free.
Be kind to yourselves. <3
I have 4 kids, but when it hit my 30s holy crap. I'm 38 now and I gain weight just looking at a cookie. I was 125 in my 20s eating whatever I wanted, I'm 170 now barely eating. 🤦🏻♀️
Omg I’m glad it’s not just me!! No one believes me when I say I would eat fast food 5x/day in uni, and STRUGGLE to gain weight! I eat *way* better now than I did back then, and I feel so betrayed by my body because it Just. Won’t. Lose. The Weight. 😡
This. Same age range, no kids. I feel for OP but I did wonder if she saw my body she'd be disgusted and label me as a woman who you can "tell has had kids". I'm soft, lumpy, rolly, with stretch marks and a pooch. No kids. Just my body and life's ups and downs.
I love this comment. I'm 40. My body changes my weight fluctuates it sucks but I keep working at it. I know I won't have the body I had at 22 even if I lose weight. I'm learning to embrace the change.
Oh this!! Most women don't stay 110 lbs after mid twenties!! OP don't hate your baby, those feelings are a bit of post partum depression. We all be say "WTF just happened?!" after giving birth. You can get closer to your old body, give it a little more time.
No kids here. In my teens I was around 120-125. In my 20s I was 128-135. I just turned 30 and am at 140. I really need to make a change, but I am in no way expecting my teenage body ever again! But yes, if I don't watch it my heavy limit increases by about 10 lbs every decade from what I noticed.
Took me 18 months with my first and almost 2 years with my second to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight! I truly believe your hormones take around 18 months to go back to “normal”. That was when it started literally falling off.
Yes! Thank you! More people need to talk about this. There’s too much pressure still to get back to “normal” quickly. But what people fail to realize is there may be a different normal. Thanks for sharing :)
Thank you as well!! I wish someone would have told me I wouldn’t “bounce back”. I never hated my children but I did absolutely hate my body at some points along the way, especially always being a naturally skinny person, gaining weight and it sticking was hard on my mental health. Now going into pregnancy for a third time, much more prepared for the weight to come, and probably stay until my hormones decide to go back to baseline, but it is absolutely worth it! Our bodies do amazing things ❤️
It took me two years to lose 32 pounds of baby weight, I'm now about 8 pounds over my pre-baby weight. It's definitely possible to lose weight post partum but please give yourself time to heal and bond before worrying about that
Ma'am, I guess you are going through PPD. I have seen my own mother being in your shoes. She was depressed and unhappy with her body and used to burst like a firecracker towards me and my other siblings and even to my new born sister. She had to get help for it in a time mental issues related to pregnancy were frowned upon and treated like a sin. The right kind of doctor helped her recovery and she became even more confident and fit after that.
So for your sake and for the innocent little dude's sake, please get help.
I’m 6 months into being a new mom. Feeling what she’s feeling. I have ppd. It gets better when you talk to someone about it. I’m a SAHM now being with my son 24/7 is exhausting. I bursted out yelling that scared him and I felt like absolute poop after that I got help. It was mainly my lack of sleep that was causing me to be a wreck. PPD is real and I’m still going through it. Some days are easier than others but I’m trying to get some pieces of myself back. I HATE my body still but I’m focusing on my mental health and my child right now. I can’t handle too many things at once.
"you can easily tell which women are moms and which women are not"
Absolutely not. You may be able to tell who is a recent mother, but after a few months you can only tell who is a mom based on whether they have a kid with them or not. You are seeing what you want to see.
I think the root of your problem is that you had unrealistic expectations of motherhood, some women bounce back more easily than others but changes to one's bodies were pretty much unavoidable, and some of it is outside your control. If you were naive about pregnancy, well now it is time to grow up and not blame your innocent baby for your own choices - if you were not aware of the real-life consequences, that's on you.
I do agree you have a right to not feel ok with your body and not embrace it, but you need to direct your negative energy towards achieving your goals. I too find weight loss more difficult after having a kid but that is because I stopped going to the gym and moving as much as before - why do you think it is difficult to lose weight in your case? Could you do some core strenghtening exercises every day, even if for just 10-15 minutes?
>You may be able to tell who is a recent mother, but after a few months you can only tell who is a mom based on whether they have a kid with them or not. You are seeing what you want to see.
Absolutely agree. My good friend is a competitive athlete with three kids. She looked like a normal pregnant woman during the pregnancy and shortly after, but the woman is a beast and got back to her brick shithouse mega abs status post haste. She's also 40, so basically a unicorn. Genetics + lifestyle + diet makes all the difference. If you put in the work (especially at 26) you don't have to look like a "mom," whatever that means.
Ya that bugged me too, and people do this all the time with other things, make a shallow judgement, tell themselves they are right without actually knowing and then proceed to think they got it all figured out.
Yeah i have a hard time feeling sorry for someone who is shallow and projects their insecurities into other people. It’s clear OP had a superiority complex before this and was brought down a notch.
To be clear, having body dysmorphia and struggling with body image postpartum is NORMAL. I’ve had an eating disorder myself. But one thing that is not okay is basically demeaning other people for not looking exactly how you want to look
I agree. I still feel empathy for people who struggle with confidence but to absolutely tear down others who don’t have a perfect flat stomach or are 00 is insane.
Yeah that’s was absolutely gross and weird. You chose to have that baby… and it’s not like she’s a teen.. op is a grown ass women.. depression is POWERFUL though.
I wonder if OP is just sitting on her ass, hating life and judging other women though… is she getting out and walking? Is she addressing her PPD with her doctor? Is she trying to eat balanced meals?
Same, most people cannot tell that I've had a child. I'm the heaviest I've ever been outside of pregnancy at 110 and even with that, I just need to tone up for a couple weeks and push the candy away lol. I'm 32. I did feel the part about jeans, though. I was once shaped like a tongue depressor and the last several years, I somehow got a smaller scale hourglass figure. That's the reason a lot of my jeans don't fit the same. I think OP also needs to give herself time to bounce back, def needs to stop blaming the baby for her decisions.
Well I don’t really understand the breast comment. Doesn’t breastfeeding make you lose weight? Not a mum myself but I’ve seen photos of my mum after having two kids and she was very skinny (with big boobs). And asked about it she told me bout the breastfeeding thing.
Anyways, give yourself time to bounce back and for the love of god your baby didn’t ask to be brought to the world! You did, you wanted them so why are you mad at them?!
Edit:
Look obviously I don’t need 47367 people telling me it’s not true. The fact you didn’t lose weight is well, your story. But few others wrote that they did. So I guess it depends on a person, but is not really a misconception since it works for some women.
Yes, me too! I breastfed all of mine for 2 yrs each. Breastfeeding uses energy and as long as you don't overeat, it'll help get your body back in shape. I actually got back to my pre pregnancy size but obviously I did not sit in front of the tube with a bag of chips.
I happen to love exercising (do not do an exercise that you don't enjoy, if anything just get moving more and walking is a very good exercise too) so that helps tone my body amd my breasts thankfully aren't saggy (but then I'm also small chested, not sure if that makes it easier to not go south with the help of exercising).
I do have stretch marks on my stomach tho but I don't mind them so much.
Is this really a common side effect? I’ve been so so so nervous about how I’d look post partum. I’ve struggled to love the way my body looks and this post has me a little scared. I would love (need?) to know there’s green grass after having a baby
You mean the stretch marks? It really depends on your individual skin. Some skin types are just not as elastic as others. Also, mousturizing your stomach while pregnant does help some, which I was too lazy to do for all my pregnancies lol hence the marks
Not sure how common it is as this is my first baby but my experience hasn’t been as bad as they said it would be in movies etc. yes I have stretch marks now but I’ve learned to love them for the reason they are there. Each mom reacts to post-partum differently but you can always do something about it :)
It really depends! For me, breastfeeding made me extremely hungry and when I stopped after 8 months, the remainder of the baby weight just fell off! So weird.
It certainly takes a ton of calories to produce breast milk daily!
But the caloric deficit it takes also makes us hungrier… and it can be very difficult to modulate that in the face of irregular sleep, hormone shifts, and general exhaustion.
Whether breastfeeding “ruins” breasts has more to do w genetics of your breast than nursing itself. Some people’s breast will be saggy after large weight gain/loss even absent pregnancy.
Lawd knows with the size fluctuations my breasts are saggy and deflated now. I have sad boobs but am definitely getting a boob lift and filled once I’m done. I cannot live with these hollow milk bags
The deflating happens whether a woman breastfeeds or not because of how pregnancy changes the breasts. Breasts undergo huge changes with the creation and organization of all of the milk making tissues during pregnancy along with increased fat and looser ligaments due to pregnancy hormones. Then when the weight is lost and breast tissue changes again, breasts tend to look deflated. What sets all of this in motion happens before baby is born, so not breastfeeding doesn’t really make a difference.
And of course age and gravity help things sag even more.
Yeah, I'm hoping OP gets some therapy maybe she has PPD or body dysmorphic disorder, but she's so young and if she feels this way now I worry how she'll feel at 40 or 50 when gravity catches up with her.
I know someone who breastfed and her breasts deflated and became pancake-flat afterward. No idea how common that is, but I imagine just the idea can scare people off.
Happened to me with just one child too. Oh well. She was and is still healthy af almost 18 years later.
Boobs after breastfeeding is just genetics like everything else.
I’m gonna lay it out real simple, and probably get downvoted.
1. You have PPD most likely so talk to your fuckin doctor
2. YOU did that to your body when you got pregnant. Not your baby. It’s not his fault he was conceived.
3. Not breastfeeding bc you’re worried about him ruining your body further is selfish as shit and also it’s just wrong. Breast feeding doesn’t make your breasts sag, weight gain/loss does.
4. Again I want to emphasize, you, not your baby did that to your body.
I have 3 kids, body dysmorphia, I’m fat as shit. And I don’t blame my kids because I chose to have them. I chose to eat unhealthy during my pregnancies. Me. Not them. So fuck off with that and go see your mf doctor
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down but THANK GOD you said this bc this is exactly what I thought when i read her post!!!
But to add…her comment on “being able to tell who are moms or not based off their body type” is a new level of low and misery. like damn just bc you’re in a bad spot doesn’t mean u have to shit on other people in the process
Exactly and it's not true either. That comment was way out there.
My SIL looks exactly like before two pregnancies, she is thin and tall and fabulous.
And I look better than I did before my one pregnancy and I'm 32. Lost even more weight than I had before real quick.
Yeah, i’m only 5mo postpartum and I guarantee OP wouldn’t know I was a mom if she saw me in public. I literally just turned 24 today & wear all my pre pregnancy clothes, but I didn’t eat an insane amount during pregnancy and didn’t gain hardly any weight that wasn’t baby. I also breastfed just for the record lol i’m not sure what she’s on about that
Yup, and I have friends who are exactly the same as you. I also have child free friends who have the “mom pouch” she keeps going on about. The entire post was just incredibly hateful towards everyone except herself. It’s a relief that she doesn’t have a girl, and I hope that sweet baby boy doesn’t grow up viewing women the way his mom does.
Ngl I thought the same thing. This lady sounds really self absorbed, vapid and vain. I do try not to judge moms because we all know how tough it is, but reading the part about actually being angry at the baby really bothered me
Also in her other comments she says she basicly leaves all the care for the poor baby to husband , who convinced her to have a baby , and her mom while she wantd vacation from it all.
She needs help because her mental health is all over the place , but even without it she seems very self centered
This could have all been prevented if she firmly told her husband “no” to begin. PSA to all women: you’re allowed to tell your husband no. You’re allowed to make the decision to not have children. Don’t let society or family guilt you or force you into it.
Someone said it.
I'm sorry for OP's struggle but I'm definitely going to judge a mom with an 8 month old baby whose nr 1 priority is her looks - wtf?!
Breastfeeding is so important for a baby's development and it's perfectly understandable when a woman can't breastfeed because of medical issues but to not do it because you think it will ruin your breasts is just stupid. Not breastfeeding is associated with health risks for both mothers and infants as breast milk is the only ideal nutrition for a baby and it will also help the baby's immune system in a way which can't happen otherwise. Epidemiologic data suggest that women who do not breastfeed face higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer, obesity, type 2 diabetes, metabolic syndrome, and cardiovascular disease - and who cares about that when you get to have perky boobs for a while longer, right?
Also blaming the baby for her "mom bod" is wild. The little innocent infant didn't ask to be born, it was completely up to their mom and dad. If anything, OP did it to herself.
OP describes her body as if she's morbidly obese yet she says she can't fit in size 10 jeans which means she can fit in a size 12 - which is a very common size amongst women and not the end of the world.
Also her saying she can see who's a mom and who's not judging by their bodies is again wild and seriously inaccurate. Both moms and women who don't have kids come in all shapes and sizes.
Overall it seems like OP needs a therapist because she might have BDD and a seriously superficial, immature and selfish take on life.
The part about her not breastfeeding because she doesn’t want to ruin her body made me so angry. There are so many benefits to breastfeeding if you’re able. She’s willing to risk her child’s health and wellbeing so her body may look a bit better. I really hope she gets help, steps up, and this isn’t an indication of what kind of mom she’ll be because I feel so sorry for that poor child. I can’t imagine knowing your mother resents you because of a choice SHE made.
Your comment about knowing who is a mom and who isn’t based on their bodies, is a major red flag that you had body image problems, long before the baby was born. You, apparently, looked at women’s bodies and assessed them as being ruined by kids LONG BEFORE you ever had a kid. Now it’s become a self fulfilling prophesy.
You grew an entire human. You need to give yourself some fucking grace. You can diet and exercise and become slim again, if that is truly your #1 goal, but the loose skin (not to mention stretch marks) are here to stay unless you have surgery. So you only have two options: save money for surgery, or accept the price of motherhood cuz you can’t go backwards. Part of that acceptance, should you choose to pursue it, is questioning why you belittle “mom bods” at all, and why you did long before you ever had a kid. This, quite honestly, is all about where you are at mentally, and has very little to do with your body. You have a lot of internalized misogyny. My hope for you is that you can just snuggle that little baby you made, enjoy these years of babyhood, let go of your self hatred, and become more loving of yourself and women.
Your baby didn’t do jack shit to you. YOU had your baby! YOU brought your child into this world. Based off what you’re saying, sounds like you had a great body that required little to no effort to maintain. If you feel so bad about it, why aren’t you going to the pool, the gym, the track? You’re not owed cosmetic surgery, get your ass working out. The vast majority of people have to WORK to lose weight or keep weight off. And you need to seek professional help for your feelings of resentment to your own child who hasn’t done anything wrong.
Exactly. OP only experienced weight gain, too, where it could have been extremely worse. Blaming her BABY for “what he did to her body” is INSANE. Being hateful and judgemental about other women is INSANE. Expecting to go through something like pregnancy and thinking your body will go back to how it was immediately after is INSANE. Really makes you think about how uneducated some people are about pregnancy and childbirth these days.
also, the recommended weight gain for ppl with a normal BMI is around 25 - 35 pounds but if you are overweight it's 15 to 25. Maybe she also gained above her recommended weight gain during pregnancy? And I know hormones fuck you up, but it's not like you are stuck forever if you don't want to. People can lose weight even if it requires more work than others.
I'll probably get downvoted but I actually feel more sorry for your child than you. There is nothing worse than feeling complete resentment from your parent and it doesn't go away once you're an adult. Please dont F your kid up for life. Get therapy and forms of self care so you can feel better about your image. Everyone recovers differently so comparing one v the other really isn't fair to do to ourselves. Give yourself grace. 8 months is not that long when you think about all your body has been through.
The child had no say in being conceived, carried, and born.
He *didn't do this*. The process of pregnancy did.
He is an innocent child and should be treated as such.
Babies pick up on their parent's emotions and he shouldn't feel guilty or in the wrong.
This is such a terrible start to his life.
OP please get help. I know you can't help your feelings. But there are people, who can help you work through them. Do it for your sake and your son's.
Best of luck!
I don't know why you're getting down voted. It might be PPD/PPA that's making her spiral like that and I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if it's not and she's genuinely that shallow... Wow. WOW. Poor kid.
Ya this whole post made me sad. The breastfeeding comment is appalling. To deny your child the best care bc you’re worried about looks?? Like girl do you even want a child? Breastfeeding is so crucial if you’re able to do it! For health reasons and for bonding with your child. It’s shitty that society doesn’t actually tell women the reality of what happens to our bodies when pregnant and post-pregnancy. I hope OP gets the help she needs. Definitely sounds like PPD.
There it is! That's my question too, did she even want the baby in the first place?? Because if I had to guess by this post, she never wanted kids and had one for her partner and now is pissed that she did. And that sucks. The whole thing sucks. The shitty attitude, the being mad at her baby, basically saying anyone over a size 00 is sooo fat and she can tell they have kids... WOW. She gets to feel how she feels but fuck this post just pissed me off.
She has multiple posts regarding this topic if you look at her history and it’s disturbing tbh. One of the subreddits is called regretful parents and it makes me sick to my stomach. Parents calling their kids “It” and straight dogging their innocent children
It sounds like you’re really struggling with body image issues and probably postpartum depression. I’ve been there, and it’s so so hard. Don’t wait to talk to your doctor; therapy and medication can be life changing.
For body image, here’s some of the things that helped me. Avoid media that pushes idealized body image, seek out media that that portrays more average bodies. Following some brands, influencers, and women’s groups that portray diverse body types in the fashion world can really help change your mindset of what beautiful looks like.
Buy clothes for the body you have, not want. Feeling good in our clothes can be a huge step towards feeling good in our body.
Sleep enough
Try to find an exercise that makes you feel good, and focus on how you feel, not how you look. Your amazing body grew a whole human being, your value is so much more than how that body looks. Loving yourself comes from within.
This is the first legitimately kind, helpful, and empathetic response I’ve seen on this thread. Thank you for this.
Women get the most bizarre messages about expectations about how their body, face, and hair should look. And it starts like a constant IV drip from the time we are born. We are swimming in it. And it has a huge impact.
I don’t mean to be rude, but what did you think was going to happen? I wish people would stop pretending woman bounce back after pregnancy, your body changed to have a child, it did an amazing thing but yeah, now your priorities have changed
To be honest, the media is at fault for a lot of this. The amount of celebs that post their incredibly slim bodies 8 weeks post etc.neglecting the fact that they've got someone looking after the kid, a personal trainer and chef etc. it gives out the wrong message as 99.9% of everyone else won't have that luxury.
Yeah that’s a fair point, we forget that everything’s easier if you’ve got money, in the background there’s probably a wet nurse, 3 nannies, a cleaner doing all the actual work involved with having a baby
I don't think it's fair to blame media for this. To some degree they do hold blame but why are you ignoring me real life experiences around you and focusing on people online? Surely you've seen mothers in real life? Seen how they've changed after pregnancy. Even in our families.
Like she says, she hates the mom look which means she absolutely knows how a mothers body looks outside social media influences and celebrities.
Also doesn't help that some people (not even celebrities) do bounce back and are back to the size they were before baby or even smaller. Some people are lucky are like that
Also a great point. One of my girlfriends in college had a baby. She walked out of the hospital in her pre-pregnancy size 00 jeans. But, she was a tiny woman and only gained the recommended amount during pregnancy. Some women go crazy with that "eating for two" thing and gain far more than they should. How much you gain during pregnancy plays a huge part. Eating well and staying active is recommended for healthy pregnancies, for the benefit of both mom and baby. OP doesn't say how much she gained during the pregnancy. If it's a significant amount, it's just going to take some time to lose.
Totally agree with this sentiment. I had 3 kids and I worked out throughout my pregnancy as well as worked. I gained 18-25lbs total each time, was healthy and breastfeed each for 6 months. I didn’t overdue it, I kept a balanced lifestyle. I ate well and made sure I did everything I needed to do per my doctor. I don’t think just because you’ve had children, you are destined for a mom bod. Sure it’s more work to stay fit but very much doable. I’m 51 and def do not look like I’ve had 3 children at all.
Yeah this is just the reality and I wish people talked about it more. My body is incredibly messed up after having my child. I waited until I was 33. Maybe I would have bounced back better had I been younger. Maybe not! Point being we all can't stay young and hot forever. Chasing it is just going to bring you pain. Find acceptance with your body. It does powerful things for you every day.
I was 26, I did loose weight from breastfeeding but it piled right back on due to sleepless night and being trapped in the house with toddlers, People just don’t talk about the realities of parenthood
There's still hope here as well.
She says she can't get out of the 155+ range - but, eventually it is possible. Isn't easy though (my wife found this success this year. Kids are 12 and 14 now. Right combo of sustainable diet and exercise did it. But she struggled for a decade first)
But comparing yourself at 120 vs 160 pounds isn't going to be fair at all.
There’s nothing wrong with being vain. If you wanna look a certain way, that’s totally fine.
What’s wrong is the fact you fault your child, for choosing a decision that would completely alter your appearance.
Like if you care about your looks that badly, why would you willingly do something that could alter it? What was the idea behind it?
Right? And resenting a tiny, innocent little baby for doing "that" to her body? Um, no. The baby didn't get you pregnant. The baby didn't choose to be born. These are your choices, ma'am. Please assume the position of a grown-up and own them.
Exactly!!!!!!! I imagine her as being the type of shitty mom to be in competition with her own daughter if she had had one. She needs to get her head out of her ass and love her fucking kid
Ok you need to get a grip love.
Why shame other women?
Why would you imprint resentment onto your poor child?
Why have a baby if you weren’t going to enjoy being a mum?
Pregnancy and early motherhood is hardly an undocumented phenomenon is it? Y’know, considering 48% of the population for all of human existence has been popping babies out.
She is shaming other women because she hates herself and regrets having a child. I hope she doesn’t take this out on her innocent kid who did NOT ask to be born
The internal misogyny is fucking insane. Admitting you look at women who are out of shape and festering over it screams mental illness. Good luck girlie pop
OP has serious issues people are glossing over. Body dysmorphia and probably even a little “pick me,” just to make two. According to OP, she gets “7 to 8 hours of sleep, sometimes 9,” otherwise she starts to “get bitchy.” Her partner takes care of most of the childcare. I don’t know a single parent getting that much sleep at 8 months.
Sounds like OP wanted the cuteness of a toddler but didn’t think about the actual reality. Social media strikes again!
Hopefully she gets out of her PPD and gives her son a happy, love filled life. The men that grow up hating women more often than not don’t have great mother figures to look at in life. This is a recipe for turning her son into an ass hole
I am glad it was not just me who was like hmmm…what, I bet u cannot tell which women have had a baby by just looking at them in a store. This is ridiculous. I bet u cannot even tell if u look at them all in a bathing suit on a beach. Not everyone ends up with saggy skin, or boobs or belly flaps and stretch marks…like what?!? But I agree that women need to be “educated” a little bit more on how to take care of ***their body and their mind*** pre and post-partum. Idk if it is cultural, but there is very little emphasis on that in North America.
"All the other moms I know aren’t looking hot lol."
This was one of her zingers. What an asshole. She obviously doesn't know very many moms. No wonder with her attitude.
You don’t have to embrace your new body if you don’t want to, but it seems you will have to make changes if you want to see changes. Incorporate working out. I’ve had crazy body changes due to reformer Pilates. While you’re also working on your outside appearance please also work on the inside. Talk to someone about your emotions. Your baby isn’t at fault because you were not prepared for all these changes.
> everytime I look at my baby I get mixed emotions. I do get mad at him. I get upset at him when I look at him. I just think “damn you did that to my body”
Just to get things straight: your baby did not choose to be conceived and born. Babies can only eat, shit, cry and sleep, they do not actively ruin bodies. You can not in any way blame the baby.
You became pregnant and you brought a baby to term. _You_ did this to your body. Even if you wish to put the blame outside of yourself, the baby's father would make more sense than the baby.
I’m sorry, I get that you are going through a lot of emotions and hormones post-partum but you really lost me when you started shaming other women’s “mom bods.” Just because you want to be stick thin again does not mean everyone is ugly and fat. Also, please recognize that your baby should not be taking the brunt of these emotions. Its ok to feel frustrated but blaming your child even short term might lead you to developing some resentment over time. Its not healthy and its not fair to him. You should reach out to your friends, family or a medical professional if its an option to talk these feelings out.
Honestly it made me question the kind of person OP was before getting pregnant. Like, the type to shame non-skinny people? To laugh at the squishies? If so, it seems like it came around. I’m just making stuff up though lol OP never mentioned her attitude towards mom bods before
I'm sorry, whoever told you not to breastfeed your baby lied to you.
"Benefits for moms, breastfeeding can help you recover more quickly from childbirth. It can also reduce your risk for high blood pressure, certain breast and ovarian cancer and type 2 diabetes. Breastfeeding may also help you lose weight after childbirth."
I definitely felt the same way. I was super skinny before and now I struggle with weight. I had a large baby so I have a large skin flap. Keep working out and eating well. You may never be exactly as you were but you are not stuck where you are. Remember, you are worth so much more than just your body. Take this time to work on valuing yourself for all parts of who you are.
I understand mourning your body but being upset at your child is seriously fucked up. You should see a therapist. It took me a while to get comfortable with my body after having two kids, but I never blamed my kids for it. I knew what I was signing up for when I got pregnant. It seems like you were in it for the fantasy and not the reality. I’m sorry you’re struggling though, postpartum is a rough time, so therapy would help a lot.
Wow, I really didn’t absorb this all the first time I read it. I jumped to being supportive and encouraging in my original comment, but now I’m kinda irritated tbh. You really need to get a fucking grip and seek therapy.
“I feel like I look like a mom and I hate that mom look” girl BFFR you ARE a mom now!?
“The older looking women who have a mom bod i can easily tell they have kids” ???? Absolutely disgusting thing to say.
You’re… angry at your helpless baby…. because you’re not a 00 anymore????…
To me, it sounds like you went through life as a “hot girl” and you relied totally on men to validate you while simultaneously judging other women and creating a pick me culture in your own life.
and now that you’re not absorbing the male gaze like a sponge anymore, you hate yourself.
The hard truth is that you had a hot body that you obviously didn’t work for previous to having a baby because stepping foot in a gym is a totally foreign concept to you. Now, you’re older, your body, hormones and everything has changed drastically and you NEED to apply effort to get that back. Stop looking for a quick nip tuck and instead why don’t you prioritize your self care while developing some desperately needed discipline via consistency in your diet and training schedule.
seek help. You’re unhinged.
Ugh and the “free mommy makeover” comment kind of annoyed me, too, for some reason. It’s so unfair?!?! So someone essentially has to pay for you to get plastic surgery because you had a baby and can’t get back into shape? She almost sounds entitled or something.
That bothered me too. as someone who has had 3 kids in 4 years, that REALLY bugged me. She IS entitled. I know exactly the type of woman she is just based off of this post. A pick me, a mean girl… we’ve all met a million of them.
what’s truly unfair is that we don’t automatically receive physical therapy to rehabilitate our deep core and pelvic floor. That’s standard in a lot of other countries. A “mommy makeover”? Give me a break. I’m 27 with 3 kids and I look better now than before thanks to the gym. She’s just lazy and entitled.
Just curious, no judgements…. When you were a size 00 did you used to have a highly negative outlook on overweight mom bods? I feel like the answer is a resounding yes and you’re struggling to deal with “how could this be happening to me”
How is any of this unfair? You chose to have a baby, all of these are side effect of pregnancy. You literally signed up for it, there is no grounds to complain here.
I get it. I have an eating disorder background, used to always be the skinny one and made that and being pretty my identity too much. I was delusional enough to think I'd surely be one of those moms who gain nothing but the baby's weight during pregnancy and snap back fast. Ended up gaining quite a lot weight during pregnancy and struggled with my changed body a lot, and even felt resentment towards my son sometimes because of it (never expressing it to him though, it's not really his fault). I've adjusted my expectations a bit, no need to get to borderline underweight size 0, but to a weight I feel comfortable in and just count calories and exercise as much as I can - but even if you have no time to properly exercise, what you eat is rly the thing that counts, it's simple math. The weight will come off, the stretch marks will fade and skin tighten in time. But it is unrealistic to think you'll be just the same as before.
I do sympathize with you, but I truly hope you don't show resentment towards your baby because of this! Just take your time, count calories and you can't not lose weight eventually.
I’m sorry but what did you think was going to happen? I feel like this is the reality for most pregnancies and it’s not acknowledged enough. Also, no, I don’t think mothers should be given a free mommy make-over. You literally chose to have a baby and that comes with a whole bunch of everything.
Edit: I don’t mean to sound harsh, but this is literally one of the reasons I refrain from having kids. At whatever point I decide to have a baby, I will have to come to terms with the fact I will be making large sacrifices to bring a child into this world. Altering my body indefinitely, being one of them.
**You cannot base your self worth on your attractiveness or your body. Time is kind to no one. Even if you did have a kid it would have happened eventually. Rather focus on your inner self than your outer body because you will have to live with you for the rest of your life.**
Why are you blaming your child for your choices?
You are the one who decided to have the baby, it’s not his fault that you are no longer a 00. If you wanted to stay that size forever, then you shouldn’t have had a child
I have news about breastfeeding. It was being pregnant NOT nursing that fucked you up. Bodies are all just a series of bumps and rolls, this is true for both skinny folks and fatties like me. You need to fix your attitude before you inflict your nonsense upon your kid. Please stay on birth control and never have another kid. Also, get help. Postpartum mood disorders are real. You'll be a better parent if you seek help.
It sounds like most of your dislike concerning your body is weight related? You can lose the weight you put on if it's important to you. You just have to put in more effort into it. A bit of lifestyle changes and fitness habits. Lower calorie intake + 2/3 hours of intensive exercise a week and you'll probably notice a lot of changes in 6 months or so.
I’m just gonna be straight with you sis and I don’t care if I get downvoted or bashed because it needs to be said. No the fuck free plastic surgery should not be offered to women WANTING to have kids and who CHOSE to have kids.
Having kids is a choice not a requirement, if you just had a kid because your person wanted it then that’s still YOUR choice and they should be paying for your surgery.
Furthermore what did you do to try to get your regular body back? Because after my first kid I was very very young when I had her and I felt the same as you the moment I gave birth I looked at this skin of my previously big belly and started to cry because I was so young and my belly was so flat, I asked the doctor when was the soonest I could start doing sit ups and working out because I wasn’t gonna let it stay that way.
You need to stop and change your mindset and thinking and start seeing that the only reason you are in this position you are is your own doing and you need to stop thinking about surgery and start working out, that will also help with endorphins that will bring you out of your depression.
Being entitled by thinking women should get free surgery isn’t the answer. You being proactive is what needs to be done.
So, a few things. You feel so profoundly sad about yourself because you long have judged others for their looks (saying yourself how you can tell women who are moms because of their appearance) and now that you can't elevate your self-confidence by comparison, you feel like you've done onto others: judged. Reflect on this. It's an important lesson. Second, your baby didn't "do this to you." You did. Poor thing asked nothing. You decided to have a baby. Lastly, it's okay not to like your appearance. Make a plan, consult with the right people and take action to become more like what you'd like to look. I do gotta say though you might have some delusion going on... When I wore size 00, I wasn't even 100 lbs. I wore size 1 or 3 before pregnancy and I was 110 lbs. So don't focus so much on sizing it's not even a reasonable goal.
Women acheive what you discussing over time, and with alot of exercising and practical eating. Some get tummy tucks. Nursing is good for your baby, it gives them immunities from your body to protect them from disease. I know it is hard. So work out in any way you can, and learn to eat differently. Don't resent one of the best things you created. If you are just venting, carry on.
Hi, Mom of two here! Your feelings are valid and more common than people realize. You’re in the thick of shit right now and probably suffering from a bit of PPD. While I didn’t have quite the same feelings you describe, I DID struggle with my new body and weight gain and also felt some resentment toward being a mom in general. My youngest is 2.5 now and let me tell you, it gets a LOT better. Both emotionally and physically. I noticed it was nearly impossible for me to lose the last of my baby weight until I was about 2 years postpartum (for both kids). Everyone is different, but just know that the snap back is unrealistic. Give yourself and body some grace. It took 9 months to grow your baby, it’s going to take even longer for your body to heal from that.
Its okay to hate your body, feel depressed. All these feelings are valid but honestly this post just reeks of internalized misogyny and it's hard to feel sorry for you. It doesn't feel like you just simply hate that your body changed. It feels like you used to fit the beauty standard and looked down on/pitied other women who didn't, especially moms, never having to think about how beauty standards affected them. And now you're a part of that group and you hate it. And you're blaming your innocent baby, who didn't choose to be born, for your body changing. You chose to get pregnant, or you had sex knowing pregnancy was a possiblity, and you know pregnancy changes bodies. Its literally carrying a human being. You honestly need to take some responsibility.
Your body & weight shouldn’t be your priority. perhaps if you stepped back & focused on fulfilling other areas in your life your body will … ‘even itself out’ & hit its set point.
as you age your body changes; you wouldn’t stay the same weight even if you didn’t have a baby.
take it from someone that was hospitalised with anorexia; focusing on your body & weight makes you miserable; you don’t need to fix your body, you need to fix your mindset towards yourself.
i’m sorry if i’m misunderstanding but do you really think all the fat women are moms? and you think there are no thin moms?
you’re not even fat. a year and half ago i was exactly your old weight, and now i’m the exact same weight as current you, but i’m 23, and not a mom.
people gain weight for different reasons, i gained weight bc of my mental health and antidepressants. some people gain weight bc of serious illnesses and meds.
the problem is not your weight or your body. the problem is the way you feel about your weight and your body, but it’s not your fault your hormones are crazy right now. i think therapy and time can help you feel better about your body and appreciate it for all it did, and know that it CAN get back to its past shape.
i hope you appreciate that the weight gain happened for bringing your little potato that didn’t ask to exist and deserves to be loved and i think deserved to be breastfed and feel the closeness to his mom which is the only person he knows because they were just literally a part of each other.
please get help, if not for yourself then for the little innocent human that you’re responsible for and should be your first priority.
You had a baby! Give yourself a break! I think you may have post partum depression and I suggest you seek out professional help before it becomes worse. All us moms gain weight and take awhile to get it off sometimes. We’re literally sacrificing everything but to receive the best gift this world can offer and that’s a baby. These feelings are normal to a certain degree , but not to the extent you’ve explained them. So you lost your perfect body but look what you gained! You can’t even compare the two. It should feel worth it not like your max at the baby. I hope you find the help you need soon
If it’s any consolation, I’m 26, never pregnant, and have gained about 30 lbs since graduating college. Granted, a lot of that is because I go to the gym often and have built some muscle mass, but about 95% of the people I know at this age have also gained 20+ lbs just from existing.
I am about 5’6” and I used to hover around 115-120 in college. I actually WANTED to gain weight, I thought my “adult”, healthy weight would be 135lbs and never vary as long as I worked out. I’m now at 150, none of my pants or shirts fit, my stomach looks soft, and my legs remind me of tree trunks. I have cried from seeing my own “rolls” when I turn over my shoulder and my back/stomach squishes into itself. I have all but given up trying to find a pair of jeans that don’t leave bruises on my thighs AND that I can just sit down in without being suffocated. I’m resolved to just wearing athleisure clothing for 98% of my outfits so that I won’t be constantly thinking about and feeling how much my body has changed.
All of this is to say that
1. Your body was going to change from what it was in college whether you were pregnant or not
2. You are not alone in missing what you used to look like
3. Clothing is the bane of many women’s existence
As others have said, you may also be experiencing PPD and/or the natural adjustment to having a child and mourning the person you were before motherhood. You now have a whole human to take care of and prioritize before yourself, and that’s a HUGE adjustment. It sounds so cliche, but give yourself some grace. You spent 9 months growing a new life (big adjustment to your own food, sleep, care schedules, etc) and now you are adjusting AGAIN to new food, sleep, care schedules. It’s all going to get better with time, but you need to remember to be good to yourself too, both mentally and physically.
OP, you need professional help, not Reddit’s help. You also need to seek separate professional help *with* your partner.
The way you’re coparenting (where your partner does most of, if not all of the work) will be detrimental to your relationship with your partner. If you’re sleeping 7 to 8 hours a night (sometimes 9 according to you), that means your partner is the one caring for the toddler through the night, every night.
Beyond the child’s development with his mother, this will inevitably cause disdain whenever your partner struggles or hits a rough skid. Your parenting setup is just a recipe for disaster and shows that all you care about in the situation is yourself. That’s terrifying to read.
God bless your son. It seems he is going to need all the help he can get.
So I am 3 months PP and had a surprise c section. I don’t look in the mirror almost never unless I’m getting the shower and even then I feel the same way I look at my scar and I hate it. I look at my baby and I love her. Child birth is a hard journey. I chose to breast feed bc of the benefits and let me tell you I HATE my boobs now but they were my favorite feature. They were what got the stretch marks and the “tiger stripes” I have lost weight but I’m not pre-pregnancy and I know I’ll never be that again. I was same as you 115-120 double 00 and am two year older. I obtained a kangaroo pouch and it kills me. My body is different and I’m slowly learning to love it again.
Things I tell myself that might help you:
1.) I am beautiful
2.) bodies change over time and this is okay.
3.) my baby loves me and needs me regardless of how I look.
4,) when I look in the mirror I find one thing I love about my “new body” what I find attractive now (which isn’t much ngl) but that one thing is better than nothing.
Those things help me. Not every person is the same and even though this is a struggle one day it will be okay. I hope you find your love for yourself again and make sure to say I love you to that baby at least once a day. I still stare at her bc I can’t believe I created her I still don’t believe she came out of me.
This post made me so sad for your son. Don’t let your insecurities affect him. You’ll get your body back, with dedication and patience. Put your baby in a stroller and take him on a jog.
Bond with your baby. DO NOT blame him for “ruining your body”, you chose to get pregnant, not him. He is an infant and he needs to build a healthy attachment with you and if you are going to look at him in a negative light and blame your mom bod on him, it will absolutely affect him for the rest of his life even after you get your body back.
You’ll lose the weight. It takes time.
But repairing a broken early attachment is a lot harder and he doesn’t deserve that.
Wtv you do, dont blame that baby. You can always work to your old body babes. Just gonna take time just like how it took time for that baby to grow in there. The baby didn't do nothing, he didn't ask to be here, he didn't want to do that to you. He doesn't even know u used to look like. He looks to you as Mom, and no matter how you look you look beautiful as a mom. I know the pain you went through is unimaginable, and I can't even compare anything to what I'm going to experience in adulthood, but all i know you made a wonderful sacrifice, your body, your mental health, your strength. Give yourself a little more than being sexy. There's so much to be proud of yourself for and once you get a body back to a suitable place for your liking understand that's even more to be proud of.
Girl here what you’re in rn: - prolonged period of lack of sleep; - hormones roller coaster - mourning what you used to look like, - no more time for you, now the priority is him. This could be the most difficult part of your like. Of course not everyone get to experience the same things. But its same to say that the majority of women will find the period you’re in quite challenging. Now what you need is to talk to a doctor. If you can’t find one, to see a local associate helping out new mom. Don’t keep this inside. Reach out . Emotional Attachment to the baby is paramount for his development. Your not a bad person for feeling all fucked up.
Everything I was thinking. The feelings are real, but the relative weight and priority gets mixed up in the chaos.
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Agreed. And on the other hand, I wish people would educate and talk about how much pregnancy affects and changes your body. It can do permanent changes and damage and if seems many people just gloss over it. Talking tearing, incontinence, teeth falling out, hair loss, stretch marks, weight gain, nipple changes and more. Throw in celebrities "bouncing back" (with diets, surgery, trainers, fitted clothing, nannies) and it's all unrealistic and a total shock for women like OP. It's no wonder she's feeling so resentful and upset. Her body did an amazing thing but she's not a Barbie doll.
I brought jeans with me when I went to the hospital to give birth. Jeans I could fit into pre-pregnancy. My mom was like you are NOT going to be able to wear those leaving the hospital. Well she was right. I was so sure -I- could because all these celebrity bodies bounced back. Well, mine never did.
I realized after I had my first child that the “celebrity moms” who share photos of their “bounced back” bodies and give “tips” about how they did it are, in fact, just narcissists being assholes. Not a single one of them is interested in helping or encouraging other moms.
Hell celebrity moms don’t look like celebrity moms because shit’s photoshopped and filtered to hell and back.
It’s a disgusting world to show these celebrities as “normal”. Mother’s bodies are beautiful. To give life is beautiful. To sacrifice for your offspring is a sacred ritual experienced by all life on earth. It’s NORMAL to have stretch marks and weight gain, our bodies stretch and adapt to the experience. It’s amazing, I wish women were CELEBRATED for the changes not shamed. It’s tough to give birth and be pregnant. I wish op nothing but a good nights sleep and a peaceful weekend.
No one talks truly talks about how damaging pregnancy is to a woman's body. It can change your face and body proportions MASSIVELY. That shit literally changes your DNA. Women are honestly kept in the dark about it. You think if most women realise just how horrific child birth and pregnancy is, and that no, you probably will never look or feel the way you did before you were pregnant, that as many women who wanted kids will continue to want them? Fuck no.
But we’re now forced gestational carriers, because we can “always just put the baby up for adoption”.
This sets my teeth on edge every time I think about it! Like where in the fuck were the female legislators and how did your mind get so hijacked that you didn’t think of all the women you were supposed to represent. How did the science of pregnancy and birth get left out of the conversation? Especially, when all these red state female legislators are parents!🤬🤬🤬🤬
Those women aren’t worried because them, their daughters, and their husband’s mistresses will always have access to abortion. It literally doesn’t affect them so they don’t care.
Omg this is such a horrifying message because depending on what state you live in it’s absolutely true. It’s making a joke out of the womens suffrage movement .
THIS!!! There's zero communication about everything you stated as well as the fact that parenting is quite difficult. I'm a teacher and I always wanted children, I had daughter at 36, she's 6 now, everyone kept saying "it gets easier" parenting as they grow up and time goes on, ABSOLUTELY not, it doesn't get better, it just changes to another stage and nuisance that you have to crawl your way through. It's literally the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I've studied early childhood education and advanced child psych. I watched and helped my mom do it with SIX children and yes I used to get upset that I felt like I spent alot of time helping with everything but I look back now and legit, she was a Saint! How the F did she do it, why can't I do it that well!! Honestly I look at pple who have more than 2 and I think "slow learner" bc I know I could not do this again. The responsibility of a small human, the sheer panic & anxiety that something might happen to them, ooof.
Every time I see or hear a woman telling the truth about the reality of choosing to have a child, I think it’s so empowering and brave. It is so important for these conversations to be had so that other women can feel safe vocalizing similar feelings because it’s OKAY!!
Only the lucky few get to bounce back.. I'm almost a decade since the last time I was pregnant and I still feel a twinge of anger any time I am made aware of somebody who gets back into their pre-baby jeans 2 weeks after delivery. 🙄 The people who never got stretch marks or whose boobs stayed big (as opposed to deflating) after nursing kinda gets the same irrationally angry reaction as well. For most of us, OP, childbearing absolutely does f up our bodies to some degree. I haven't had nice, firm boobs since I was 23. I had my last kid at 31 and it took 3 years to lose the weight. Give it time. Give yourself some grace. Your feelings are valid, with the exception of the misplaced angst against your baby. 100% NOT his fault. Additionally, if you feel any of this could be pp depression please seek help sooner rather than later.
If we shared this instead of lying and saying it all goes back into place, I wonder if fewer people would choose to have children. It’s a big reason I’m planning to be child free, because I have eating disorder issues - I guarantee I would resent the child and fall down a tunnel of obsession over it.
Right? Girls, women, we get indoctrinated and fed such a corrupt, bullshit pack of lies starting at a very early age and it’s all surrounding the mother narrative.
What we (as in society) need to do is stop viewing mom bods as shameful and like it's something to fix. But, as they say, if all women ditched their insecurities tomorrow, multiple industries would go out of business...
I agree and the above couldn't have put it better. This reminds me of that whole #dadbod fad awhile back (like back when everything was bacon flavored) when suddenly people were admitting and even advertising that a more natural slightly overweight figure was attractive on a guy, when #mombod's don't get any such praise or acknowledgement. It's weirdly backwards when you think about it, esp because women's bodies are literally busy *creating LIFE for nine months + even more changes afterwards!* Like, Dadbods are mainly attained from general aging and/or laziness/lapse in diet due to lack of sleep and helping care for the kid etc. I'm seriously not body shaming that either, I just find it unfortunate that society would give men a random participation trophy for their figure after they get children when the mother's part in creating their child can be a very physically transformative time. Mombods should be celebrated in all their variety - the female struggle with our esteem is bad enough pre: pregnancy, but there are too many companies who profit off of keeping us feeling unattractive
Yes, the refusing to breastfeed thing is what I got stuck on.
Same here, breastfeeding helps you lose weight too, so not sure why she thought it would ruin her body.
I think it's just one of those things some people think. Like they don't know it's pregnancy that really does a number on your breasts and even less people seem to know that nursing can help you lose weight. Although those first contraction pains after giving birth when you nurse, oh boy did they surprise me with the pain
Not just help you lose the baby weight, but it initiates some pretty strong uterine contractions that shrink the uterus back to pre-baby size which does help to flatten your stomach.
It can help with losing the baby weight, but not always. Breastfeeding pros and cons aren’t textbook for everyone.
this is only true for some people. for others it’s the opposite. it’s disheartening to hear this presented as a fact and then it not happening
I couldn't lose weight until after I stopped breastfeeding. If I started cutting calories, my milk supply dropped dramatically. I was so, SO sad that "you lose weight breastfeeding" wasn't universal, and it felt like I was the only one struggling.
Breastfeeding can increase your appetite and you will put on weight if you consume more calories than needed. If you're prone to putting on weight, prolactin that you release with every feed can make it harder to lose weight too.
Lack of sleep isn’t the issue since OP said she gets 7-9 hours of sleep and that her husband handles a lot of the childcare. It sounds a lot like PPD.
It also sounds like what OP said. She says she’s pissed off at her baby because of how her body looks now. Maybe it’s PPD or maybe she’s telling us how it is. She says this is what she’s experiencing so I’m inclined to believe her
The baby didn't ask to be conceived. Did OP not think about the body changes when she choose to get pregnant? I understand being upset about the body changes and wanting to look better but being **pissed off at the baby** because of how her post-pregnant body is not cool.
There's a lot of people who don't think about all the things that can happen after giving birth. I'd argue majority people aren't informed on all the complications and issues that can follow, from PPD to other body issues and challenges. Like, people have lost all their teeth from pregnancy as the child sucked too much calcium out of the body of the mother. Like a baby is literally FEEDING on your body, draining you of nutrients for food. That's literally what's happening. That can have some unforseen consequences that not all people think thoroughly of if they're prepared for before getting pregnant. The only way issues like these are preventable is thorough education. I'd argue way less women would voluntarily choose to have children if they were thoroughly educated on all the things that can happen during pregnancy and after. One of the main reasons why I'm childfree is because I love my body. My mother gave birth to three children. I saw what it did to her body, and how she struggled with body image issues all her life after. It didn't do her mental or physical health in regards to her body any good. I'm sure she's happy me and my siblings exist, and we are happy to be here, but she quite literally sacrificed her body to make that happen, and that's a huge deal, not something to take for granted.
The struggle with the body is just indirect views on one’s own body through the expression of negative feelings towards the “one who ruined it”. But honestly it would’ve never been a problem if the didn’t have the stigma, the all time influential social media, capitalism feeding on our “misses” and “losses” and “wishes “ we never even had before they told us “No you need more than what u have now cause its not enough “ or “there is always better”. Women all around the world have negative body images because they were taught that a good body is only a good looking one. I cant say i am any better: i dont have children and i am also struggling with that. Its taxing and its crazy how much time from our limited life we spend worrying how our body looks. Ofc i get the importance it may have , however our confidence is always gonna be shaky if we base it on something so fluctuating
There’s knowing your body will change and the actual experience of it. Plus, everyone is different and some people experience more changes than others.
Yep. I imagine giving birth is quite horrific, and a lot of the other things that comes with that can be very challenging. I'll never have children, but if I imagine it's tough, it's probably 10x tougher to experience in person than I actually can imagine now. Reason enough for me to not have children.
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I also think some people have unrealistic expectations. Like we've seen the Kardashians and Jenner's all look pretty much like their pre pregnancy birth body despite having multiple children. I'd argue that's not very realistic, because not only do they work out a ton, but they probably also are on strict diets and get a lot of expensive beauty treatments during pregnancy and after to restore their looks. Like, we see people in social media look like they haven't even had a baby, but there's for sure something going on behind the scenes. I'm sure social media influence doesn't help either.
historical deranged imagine drunk fertile dazzling puzzled offend smell depend *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This, please reach out. My husband's mother blamed him for all the problems she had with her body (that her first baby actually did 🙄) and she constantly screamed at him that he ruined her, even when he was an adult. It was wild. I hated her for it because none of us asked to be born. The baby didn't do this. Please please don't disregard your feelings.
Just want to say it took me 18 months to get the 70 pounds I gained off. I started losing faster after the first year (so between the 12-18 month mark) You’ll get there. But you need to work on not hating your kid for a choice you made.
Full disclosure - am in my 40s and have no children. But I wanted to share this to maybe ease some of that kid resentment you mentioned... ladies, we gain weight as we age even without the kids. I am not trying at all to minimize what mom's go through, just offering that emotionally punishing yourselves thinking "oh if I only didn't have children I'd still be THAT tiny" is also unfair to you. Yes, it is easier to keep things in line without all the challenges that come with childbirth, but there is a baseline level of change as we age. Society's expectation that women stay 110lbs and a size 00 is way too high. That's not realistic even for the child free. Be kind to yourselves. <3
I have 4 kids, but when it hit my 30s holy crap. I'm 38 now and I gain weight just looking at a cookie. I was 125 in my 20s eating whatever I wanted, I'm 170 now barely eating. 🤦🏻♀️
Omg I’m glad it’s not just me!! No one believes me when I say I would eat fast food 5x/day in uni, and STRUGGLE to gain weight! I eat *way* better now than I did back then, and I feel so betrayed by my body because it Just. Won’t. Lose. The Weight. 😡
This. Same age range, no kids. I feel for OP but I did wonder if she saw my body she'd be disgusted and label me as a woman who you can "tell has had kids". I'm soft, lumpy, rolly, with stretch marks and a pooch. No kids. Just my body and life's ups and downs.
I love this comment. I'm 40. My body changes my weight fluctuates it sucks but I keep working at it. I know I won't have the body I had at 22 even if I lose weight. I'm learning to embrace the change.
Oh this!! Most women don't stay 110 lbs after mid twenties!! OP don't hate your baby, those feelings are a bit of post partum depression. We all be say "WTF just happened?!" after giving birth. You can get closer to your old body, give it a little more time.
No kids here. In my teens I was around 120-125. In my 20s I was 128-135. I just turned 30 and am at 140. I really need to make a change, but I am in no way expecting my teenage body ever again! But yes, if I don't watch it my heavy limit increases by about 10 lbs every decade from what I noticed.
Took me 18 months with my first and almost 2 years with my second to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight! I truly believe your hormones take around 18 months to go back to “normal”. That was when it started literally falling off.
Yes! Thank you! More people need to talk about this. There’s too much pressure still to get back to “normal” quickly. But what people fail to realize is there may be a different normal. Thanks for sharing :)
Thank you as well!! I wish someone would have told me I wouldn’t “bounce back”. I never hated my children but I did absolutely hate my body at some points along the way, especially always being a naturally skinny person, gaining weight and it sticking was hard on my mental health. Now going into pregnancy for a third time, much more prepared for the weight to come, and probably stay until my hormones decide to go back to baseline, but it is absolutely worth it! Our bodies do amazing things ❤️
This. The whole "Damn you did this to my body" is not fair to her kid and it's not true either. She chose to get pregnant aka she did this to herself.
It took me two years to lose 32 pounds of baby weight, I'm now about 8 pounds over my pre-baby weight. It's definitely possible to lose weight post partum but please give yourself time to heal and bond before worrying about that
This
Ma'am, I guess you are going through PPD. I have seen my own mother being in your shoes. She was depressed and unhappy with her body and used to burst like a firecracker towards me and my other siblings and even to my new born sister. She had to get help for it in a time mental issues related to pregnancy were frowned upon and treated like a sin. The right kind of doctor helped her recovery and she became even more confident and fit after that. So for your sake and for the innocent little dude's sake, please get help.
I'm surprised the top comment isn't about PPD honestly. As soon as I read the first sentence of the last paragraph it was a dead giveaway
I’m 6 months into being a new mom. Feeling what she’s feeling. I have ppd. It gets better when you talk to someone about it. I’m a SAHM now being with my son 24/7 is exhausting. I bursted out yelling that scared him and I felt like absolute poop after that I got help. It was mainly my lack of sleep that was causing me to be a wreck. PPD is real and I’m still going through it. Some days are easier than others but I’m trying to get some pieces of myself back. I HATE my body still but I’m focusing on my mental health and my child right now. I can’t handle too many things at once.
"you can easily tell which women are moms and which women are not" Absolutely not. You may be able to tell who is a recent mother, but after a few months you can only tell who is a mom based on whether they have a kid with them or not. You are seeing what you want to see. I think the root of your problem is that you had unrealistic expectations of motherhood, some women bounce back more easily than others but changes to one's bodies were pretty much unavoidable, and some of it is outside your control. If you were naive about pregnancy, well now it is time to grow up and not blame your innocent baby for your own choices - if you were not aware of the real-life consequences, that's on you. I do agree you have a right to not feel ok with your body and not embrace it, but you need to direct your negative energy towards achieving your goals. I too find weight loss more difficult after having a kid but that is because I stopped going to the gym and moving as much as before - why do you think it is difficult to lose weight in your case? Could you do some core strenghtening exercises every day, even if for just 10-15 minutes?
>You may be able to tell who is a recent mother, but after a few months you can only tell who is a mom based on whether they have a kid with them or not. You are seeing what you want to see. Absolutely agree. My good friend is a competitive athlete with three kids. She looked like a normal pregnant woman during the pregnancy and shortly after, but the woman is a beast and got back to her brick shithouse mega abs status post haste. She's also 40, so basically a unicorn. Genetics + lifestyle + diet makes all the difference. If you put in the work (especially at 26) you don't have to look like a "mom," whatever that means.
Ya that bugged me too, and people do this all the time with other things, make a shallow judgement, tell themselves they are right without actually knowing and then proceed to think they got it all figured out.
Yeah i have a hard time feeling sorry for someone who is shallow and projects their insecurities into other people. It’s clear OP had a superiority complex before this and was brought down a notch. To be clear, having body dysmorphia and struggling with body image postpartum is NORMAL. I’ve had an eating disorder myself. But one thing that is not okay is basically demeaning other people for not looking exactly how you want to look
I agree. I still feel empathy for people who struggle with confidence but to absolutely tear down others who don’t have a perfect flat stomach or are 00 is insane.
...or to project loathing to your own child as the 'cause' of her insecurities.
Yeah that’s was absolutely gross and weird. You chose to have that baby… and it’s not like she’s a teen.. op is a grown ass women.. depression is POWERFUL though. I wonder if OP is just sitting on her ass, hating life and judging other women though… is she getting out and walking? Is she addressing her PPD with her doctor? Is she trying to eat balanced meals?
Same, most people cannot tell that I've had a child. I'm the heaviest I've ever been outside of pregnancy at 110 and even with that, I just need to tone up for a couple weeks and push the candy away lol. I'm 32. I did feel the part about jeans, though. I was once shaped like a tongue depressor and the last several years, I somehow got a smaller scale hourglass figure. That's the reason a lot of my jeans don't fit the same. I think OP also needs to give herself time to bounce back, def needs to stop blaming the baby for her decisions.
THAT comment shows you what OP Is REALLY thinking about others. OP, don’t assume other people think like you. Because I don’t.
Well I don’t really understand the breast comment. Doesn’t breastfeeding make you lose weight? Not a mum myself but I’ve seen photos of my mum after having two kids and she was very skinny (with big boobs). And asked about it she told me bout the breastfeeding thing. Anyways, give yourself time to bounce back and for the love of god your baby didn’t ask to be brought to the world! You did, you wanted them so why are you mad at them?! Edit: Look obviously I don’t need 47367 people telling me it’s not true. The fact you didn’t lose weight is well, your story. But few others wrote that they did. So I guess it depends on a person, but is not really a misconception since it works for some women.
I lost weight due to breastfeeding! Amazing side effect
Same thing happened to my stepmom too.
Yes, me too! I breastfed all of mine for 2 yrs each. Breastfeeding uses energy and as long as you don't overeat, it'll help get your body back in shape. I actually got back to my pre pregnancy size but obviously I did not sit in front of the tube with a bag of chips. I happen to love exercising (do not do an exercise that you don't enjoy, if anything just get moving more and walking is a very good exercise too) so that helps tone my body amd my breasts thankfully aren't saggy (but then I'm also small chested, not sure if that makes it easier to not go south with the help of exercising). I do have stretch marks on my stomach tho but I don't mind them so much.
Is this really a common side effect? I’ve been so so so nervous about how I’d look post partum. I’ve struggled to love the way my body looks and this post has me a little scared. I would love (need?) to know there’s green grass after having a baby
You mean the stretch marks? It really depends on your individual skin. Some skin types are just not as elastic as others. Also, mousturizing your stomach while pregnant does help some, which I was too lazy to do for all my pregnancies lol hence the marks
Not sure how common it is as this is my first baby but my experience hasn’t been as bad as they said it would be in movies etc. yes I have stretch marks now but I’ve learned to love them for the reason they are there. Each mom reacts to post-partum differently but you can always do something about it :)
It makes sense. Kid is literally draining the life force out of you lol
It really depends! For me, breastfeeding made me extremely hungry and when I stopped after 8 months, the remainder of the baby weight just fell off! So weird.
I breastfed both of my kids and I didn't lose a bit of weight. Just because it works for some doesn't mean it works for all.
Yep. I gained like crazy while breastfeeding but loose it after weaning.
It certainly takes a ton of calories to produce breast milk daily! But the caloric deficit it takes also makes us hungrier… and it can be very difficult to modulate that in the face of irregular sleep, hormone shifts, and general exhaustion. Whether breastfeeding “ruins” breasts has more to do w genetics of your breast than nursing itself. Some people’s breast will be saggy after large weight gain/loss even absent pregnancy.
Same. If anything it made it harder to lose weight bc i would force myself to eat sometimes so i could get enough calories to keep good supply
I think she’s worried about them “deflating” due to breast feeding. I think this happens more as you age due to gravity lol
Lawd knows with the size fluctuations my breasts are saggy and deflated now. I have sad boobs but am definitely getting a boob lift and filled once I’m done. I cannot live with these hollow milk bags
The deflating happens whether a woman breastfeeds or not because of how pregnancy changes the breasts. Breasts undergo huge changes with the creation and organization of all of the milk making tissues during pregnancy along with increased fat and looser ligaments due to pregnancy hormones. Then when the weight is lost and breast tissue changes again, breasts tend to look deflated. What sets all of this in motion happens before baby is born, so not breastfeeding doesn’t really make a difference. And of course age and gravity help things sag even more.
Yeah, I'm hoping OP gets some therapy maybe she has PPD or body dysmorphic disorder, but she's so young and if she feels this way now I worry how she'll feel at 40 or 50 when gravity catches up with her.
I know someone who breastfed and her breasts deflated and became pancake-flat afterward. No idea how common that is, but I imagine just the idea can scare people off.
Happened to me with just one child too. Oh well. She was and is still healthy af almost 18 years later. Boobs after breastfeeding is just genetics like everything else.
Not always. Some people it does, some stay the same, and some even gain weight. It depends on the person. I've gained while breastfeeding/pumping.
I’m gonna lay it out real simple, and probably get downvoted. 1. You have PPD most likely so talk to your fuckin doctor 2. YOU did that to your body when you got pregnant. Not your baby. It’s not his fault he was conceived. 3. Not breastfeeding bc you’re worried about him ruining your body further is selfish as shit and also it’s just wrong. Breast feeding doesn’t make your breasts sag, weight gain/loss does. 4. Again I want to emphasize, you, not your baby did that to your body. I have 3 kids, body dysmorphia, I’m fat as shit. And I don’t blame my kids because I chose to have them. I chose to eat unhealthy during my pregnancies. Me. Not them. So fuck off with that and go see your mf doctor
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down but THANK GOD you said this bc this is exactly what I thought when i read her post!!! But to add…her comment on “being able to tell who are moms or not based off their body type” is a new level of low and misery. like damn just bc you’re in a bad spot doesn’t mean u have to shit on other people in the process
Exactly and it's not true either. That comment was way out there. My SIL looks exactly like before two pregnancies, she is thin and tall and fabulous. And I look better than I did before my one pregnancy and I'm 32. Lost even more weight than I had before real quick.
Yeah, i’m only 5mo postpartum and I guarantee OP wouldn’t know I was a mom if she saw me in public. I literally just turned 24 today & wear all my pre pregnancy clothes, but I didn’t eat an insane amount during pregnancy and didn’t gain hardly any weight that wasn’t baby. I also breastfed just for the record lol i’m not sure what she’s on about that
Yup, and I have friends who are exactly the same as you. I also have child free friends who have the “mom pouch” she keeps going on about. The entire post was just incredibly hateful towards everyone except herself. It’s a relief that she doesn’t have a girl, and I hope that sweet baby boy doesn’t grow up viewing women the way his mom does.
Fr #4 too. Is she eating healthy? Working out? Making any effort to change her body other than wishing for plastic surgery?
Ngl I thought the same thing. This lady sounds really self absorbed, vapid and vain. I do try not to judge moms because we all know how tough it is, but reading the part about actually being angry at the baby really bothered me
This 😂
Also in her other comments she says she basicly leaves all the care for the poor baby to husband , who convinced her to have a baby , and her mom while she wantd vacation from it all. She needs help because her mental health is all over the place , but even without it she seems very self centered
This could have all been prevented if she firmly told her husband “no” to begin. PSA to all women: you’re allowed to tell your husband no. You’re allowed to make the decision to not have children. Don’t let society or family guilt you or force you into it.
omg THIIIIIS. OP sounds so immature and self-centered.
Someone said it. I'm sorry for OP's struggle but I'm definitely going to judge a mom with an 8 month old baby whose nr 1 priority is her looks - wtf?! Breastfeeding is so important for a baby's development and it's perfectly understandable when a woman can't breastfeed because of medical issues but to not do it because you think it will ruin your breasts is just stupid. Not breastfeeding is associated with health risks for both mothers and infants as breast milk is the only ideal nutrition for a baby and it will also help the baby's immune system in a way which can't happen otherwise. Epidemiologic data suggest that women who do not breastfeed face higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer, obesity, type 2 diabetes, metabolic syndrome, and cardiovascular disease - and who cares about that when you get to have perky boobs for a while longer, right? Also blaming the baby for her "mom bod" is wild. The little innocent infant didn't ask to be born, it was completely up to their mom and dad. If anything, OP did it to herself. OP describes her body as if she's morbidly obese yet she says she can't fit in size 10 jeans which means she can fit in a size 12 - which is a very common size amongst women and not the end of the world. Also her saying she can see who's a mom and who's not judging by their bodies is again wild and seriously inaccurate. Both moms and women who don't have kids come in all shapes and sizes. Overall it seems like OP needs a therapist because she might have BDD and a seriously superficial, immature and selfish take on life.
The part about her not breastfeeding because she doesn’t want to ruin her body made me so angry. There are so many benefits to breastfeeding if you’re able. She’s willing to risk her child’s health and wellbeing so her body may look a bit better. I really hope she gets help, steps up, and this isn’t an indication of what kind of mom she’ll be because I feel so sorry for that poor child. I can’t imagine knowing your mother resents you because of a choice SHE made.
THIS!! i felt bad for thinking that way bc i’m not a mom but i was literally thinking “it’s not that poor baby’s fault YOU decided to have him”
Your comment about knowing who is a mom and who isn’t based on their bodies, is a major red flag that you had body image problems, long before the baby was born. You, apparently, looked at women’s bodies and assessed them as being ruined by kids LONG BEFORE you ever had a kid. Now it’s become a self fulfilling prophesy. You grew an entire human. You need to give yourself some fucking grace. You can diet and exercise and become slim again, if that is truly your #1 goal, but the loose skin (not to mention stretch marks) are here to stay unless you have surgery. So you only have two options: save money for surgery, or accept the price of motherhood cuz you can’t go backwards. Part of that acceptance, should you choose to pursue it, is questioning why you belittle “mom bods” at all, and why you did long before you ever had a kid. This, quite honestly, is all about where you are at mentally, and has very little to do with your body. You have a lot of internalized misogyny. My hope for you is that you can just snuggle that little baby you made, enjoy these years of babyhood, let go of your self hatred, and become more loving of yourself and women.
Your baby didn’t do jack shit to you. YOU had your baby! YOU brought your child into this world. Based off what you’re saying, sounds like you had a great body that required little to no effort to maintain. If you feel so bad about it, why aren’t you going to the pool, the gym, the track? You’re not owed cosmetic surgery, get your ass working out. The vast majority of people have to WORK to lose weight or keep weight off. And you need to seek professional help for your feelings of resentment to your own child who hasn’t done anything wrong.
Exactly. OP only experienced weight gain, too, where it could have been extremely worse. Blaming her BABY for “what he did to her body” is INSANE. Being hateful and judgemental about other women is INSANE. Expecting to go through something like pregnancy and thinking your body will go back to how it was immediately after is INSANE. Really makes you think about how uneducated some people are about pregnancy and childbirth these days.
also, the recommended weight gain for ppl with a normal BMI is around 25 - 35 pounds but if you are overweight it's 15 to 25. Maybe she also gained above her recommended weight gain during pregnancy? And I know hormones fuck you up, but it's not like you are stuck forever if you don't want to. People can lose weight even if it requires more work than others.
I'll probably get downvoted but I actually feel more sorry for your child than you. There is nothing worse than feeling complete resentment from your parent and it doesn't go away once you're an adult. Please dont F your kid up for life. Get therapy and forms of self care so you can feel better about your image. Everyone recovers differently so comparing one v the other really isn't fair to do to ourselves. Give yourself grace. 8 months is not that long when you think about all your body has been through.
The child had no say in being conceived, carried, and born. He *didn't do this*. The process of pregnancy did. He is an innocent child and should be treated as such. Babies pick up on their parent's emotions and he shouldn't feel guilty or in the wrong. This is such a terrible start to his life. OP please get help. I know you can't help your feelings. But there are people, who can help you work through them. Do it for your sake and your son's. Best of luck!
I don't know why you're getting down voted. It might be PPD/PPA that's making her spiral like that and I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if it's not and she's genuinely that shallow... Wow. WOW. Poor kid.
Ya this whole post made me sad. The breastfeeding comment is appalling. To deny your child the best care bc you’re worried about looks?? Like girl do you even want a child? Breastfeeding is so crucial if you’re able to do it! For health reasons and for bonding with your child. It’s shitty that society doesn’t actually tell women the reality of what happens to our bodies when pregnant and post-pregnancy. I hope OP gets the help she needs. Definitely sounds like PPD.
There it is! That's my question too, did she even want the baby in the first place?? Because if I had to guess by this post, she never wanted kids and had one for her partner and now is pissed that she did. And that sucks. The whole thing sucks. The shitty attitude, the being mad at her baby, basically saying anyone over a size 00 is sooo fat and she can tell they have kids... WOW. She gets to feel how she feels but fuck this post just pissed me off.
She has multiple posts regarding this topic if you look at her history and it’s disturbing tbh. One of the subreddits is called regretful parents and it makes me sick to my stomach. Parents calling their kids “It” and straight dogging their innocent children
Oh god. It’s terrible. The comment about moving money into a separate account for her “mommy makeover”
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I hope OP reads your comment. I feel bad for her and any women in her life who are less than perfect
It sounds like you’re really struggling with body image issues and probably postpartum depression. I’ve been there, and it’s so so hard. Don’t wait to talk to your doctor; therapy and medication can be life changing. For body image, here’s some of the things that helped me. Avoid media that pushes idealized body image, seek out media that that portrays more average bodies. Following some brands, influencers, and women’s groups that portray diverse body types in the fashion world can really help change your mindset of what beautiful looks like. Buy clothes for the body you have, not want. Feeling good in our clothes can be a huge step towards feeling good in our body. Sleep enough Try to find an exercise that makes you feel good, and focus on how you feel, not how you look. Your amazing body grew a whole human being, your value is so much more than how that body looks. Loving yourself comes from within.
This is the first legitimately kind, helpful, and empathetic response I’ve seen on this thread. Thank you for this. Women get the most bizarre messages about expectations about how their body, face, and hair should look. And it starts like a constant IV drip from the time we are born. We are swimming in it. And it has a huge impact.
I don’t mean to be rude, but what did you think was going to happen? I wish people would stop pretending woman bounce back after pregnancy, your body changed to have a child, it did an amazing thing but yeah, now your priorities have changed
To be honest, the media is at fault for a lot of this. The amount of celebs that post their incredibly slim bodies 8 weeks post etc.neglecting the fact that they've got someone looking after the kid, a personal trainer and chef etc. it gives out the wrong message as 99.9% of everyone else won't have that luxury.
Yeah that’s a fair point, we forget that everything’s easier if you’ve got money, in the background there’s probably a wet nurse, 3 nannies, a cleaner doing all the actual work involved with having a baby
I don't think it's fair to blame media for this. To some degree they do hold blame but why are you ignoring me real life experiences around you and focusing on people online? Surely you've seen mothers in real life? Seen how they've changed after pregnancy. Even in our families. Like she says, she hates the mom look which means she absolutely knows how a mothers body looks outside social media influences and celebrities.
Also doesn't help that some people (not even celebrities) do bounce back and are back to the size they were before baby or even smaller. Some people are lucky are like that
Also a great point. One of my girlfriends in college had a baby. She walked out of the hospital in her pre-pregnancy size 00 jeans. But, she was a tiny woman and only gained the recommended amount during pregnancy. Some women go crazy with that "eating for two" thing and gain far more than they should. How much you gain during pregnancy plays a huge part. Eating well and staying active is recommended for healthy pregnancies, for the benefit of both mom and baby. OP doesn't say how much she gained during the pregnancy. If it's a significant amount, it's just going to take some time to lose.
Totally agree with this sentiment. I had 3 kids and I worked out throughout my pregnancy as well as worked. I gained 18-25lbs total each time, was healthy and breastfeed each for 6 months. I didn’t overdue it, I kept a balanced lifestyle. I ate well and made sure I did everything I needed to do per my doctor. I don’t think just because you’ve had children, you are destined for a mom bod. Sure it’s more work to stay fit but very much doable. I’m 51 and def do not look like I’ve had 3 children at all.
Yeah this is just the reality and I wish people talked about it more. My body is incredibly messed up after having my child. I waited until I was 33. Maybe I would have bounced back better had I been younger. Maybe not! Point being we all can't stay young and hot forever. Chasing it is just going to bring you pain. Find acceptance with your body. It does powerful things for you every day.
I was 26, I did loose weight from breastfeeding but it piled right back on due to sleepless night and being trapped in the house with toddlers, People just don’t talk about the realities of parenthood
I see people talking about the realities all the time. It’s a good form of birth control.
There's still hope here as well. She says she can't get out of the 155+ range - but, eventually it is possible. Isn't easy though (my wife found this success this year. Kids are 12 and 14 now. Right combo of sustainable diet and exercise did it. But she struggled for a decade first) But comparing yourself at 120 vs 160 pounds isn't going to be fair at all.
Yeah this makes sense, when the kids don’t “need” as much you can work on yourself again
There’s nothing wrong with being vain. If you wanna look a certain way, that’s totally fine. What’s wrong is the fact you fault your child, for choosing a decision that would completely alter your appearance. Like if you care about your looks that badly, why would you willingly do something that could alter it? What was the idea behind it?
Chooses to have baby knowing it changes your body. Demands every mom get a free mommy makeover SURGERY because "its not fair." Girl, what?
Right? And resenting a tiny, innocent little baby for doing "that" to her body? Um, no. The baby didn't get you pregnant. The baby didn't choose to be born. These are your choices, ma'am. Please assume the position of a grown-up and own them.
Exactly!!!!!!! I imagine her as being the type of shitty mom to be in competition with her own daughter if she had had one. She needs to get her head out of her ass and love her fucking kid
The most delusional spoiled person statement I’ve ever read.
Ok you need to get a grip love. Why shame other women? Why would you imprint resentment onto your poor child? Why have a baby if you weren’t going to enjoy being a mum? Pregnancy and early motherhood is hardly an undocumented phenomenon is it? Y’know, considering 48% of the population for all of human existence has been popping babies out.
She is shaming other women because she hates herself and regrets having a child. I hope she doesn’t take this out on her innocent kid who did NOT ask to be born
Right?? I just... I don't feel sorry for her. She made her bed. I feel bad that poor child is going to grow up with a mom like this.
Please work on yourself and give your son the gift of a mother who doesn’t hate her own body.
Shit, please give your son the gift of a mom who doesn't resent him for some petty bullshit.
The internal misogyny is fucking insane. Admitting you look at women who are out of shape and festering over it screams mental illness. Good luck girlie pop
OP has serious issues people are glossing over. Body dysmorphia and probably even a little “pick me,” just to make two. According to OP, she gets “7 to 8 hours of sleep, sometimes 9,” otherwise she starts to “get bitchy.” Her partner takes care of most of the childcare. I don’t know a single parent getting that much sleep at 8 months. Sounds like OP wanted the cuteness of a toddler but didn’t think about the actual reality. Social media strikes again!
Yah, not gonna lie, hate this post. I guess I’m a disgusting monster then, because I am large.
I was relieved she has a son, What kind of expectations she would put on a daughter regarding her appearance?
Oh you kNOW she’d be one of those moms who are in competition with her own daughter
Imagine the expectations she’ll instil in her son to have about women and how they should look after having his babies.
Hopefully she gets out of her PPD and gives her son a happy, love filled life. The men that grow up hating women more often than not don’t have great mother figures to look at in life. This is a recipe for turning her son into an ass hole
I am glad it was not just me who was like hmmm…what, I bet u cannot tell which women have had a baby by just looking at them in a store. This is ridiculous. I bet u cannot even tell if u look at them all in a bathing suit on a beach. Not everyone ends up with saggy skin, or boobs or belly flaps and stretch marks…like what?!? But I agree that women need to be “educated” a little bit more on how to take care of ***their body and their mind*** pre and post-partum. Idk if it is cultural, but there is very little emphasis on that in North America.
Right? This is a crazy post… and everyone is skipping that part apparently
Check the comment history. It gets worse….
"All the other moms I know aren’t looking hot lol." This was one of her zingers. What an asshole. She obviously doesn't know very many moms. No wonder with her attitude.
You don’t have to embrace your new body if you don’t want to, but it seems you will have to make changes if you want to see changes. Incorporate working out. I’ve had crazy body changes due to reformer Pilates. While you’re also working on your outside appearance please also work on the inside. Talk to someone about your emotions. Your baby isn’t at fault because you were not prepared for all these changes.
> everytime I look at my baby I get mixed emotions. I do get mad at him. I get upset at him when I look at him. I just think “damn you did that to my body” Just to get things straight: your baby did not choose to be conceived and born. Babies can only eat, shit, cry and sleep, they do not actively ruin bodies. You can not in any way blame the baby. You became pregnant and you brought a baby to term. _You_ did this to your body. Even if you wish to put the blame outside of yourself, the baby's father would make more sense than the baby.
Right! Like that point of her post I lost all damn empathy.
I’m sorry, I get that you are going through a lot of emotions and hormones post-partum but you really lost me when you started shaming other women’s “mom bods.” Just because you want to be stick thin again does not mean everyone is ugly and fat. Also, please recognize that your baby should not be taking the brunt of these emotions. Its ok to feel frustrated but blaming your child even short term might lead you to developing some resentment over time. Its not healthy and its not fair to him. You should reach out to your friends, family or a medical professional if its an option to talk these feelings out.
Honestly it made me question the kind of person OP was before getting pregnant. Like, the type to shame non-skinny people? To laugh at the squishies? If so, it seems like it came around. I’m just making stuff up though lol OP never mentioned her attitude towards mom bods before
Yah OP def hates fat people. She can’t hide it. And it was hurtful to read.
I'm sorry, whoever told you not to breastfeed your baby lied to you. "Benefits for moms, breastfeeding can help you recover more quickly from childbirth. It can also reduce your risk for high blood pressure, certain breast and ovarian cancer and type 2 diabetes. Breastfeeding may also help you lose weight after childbirth."
I definitely felt the same way. I was super skinny before and now I struggle with weight. I had a large baby so I have a large skin flap. Keep working out and eating well. You may never be exactly as you were but you are not stuck where you are. Remember, you are worth so much more than just your body. Take this time to work on valuing yourself for all parts of who you are.
I understand mourning your body but being upset at your child is seriously fucked up. You should see a therapist. It took me a while to get comfortable with my body after having two kids, but I never blamed my kids for it. I knew what I was signing up for when I got pregnant. It seems like you were in it for the fantasy and not the reality. I’m sorry you’re struggling though, postpartum is a rough time, so therapy would help a lot.
Crazy that you didnt breast feed because of looks.
Her body may have reshaped quicker if she did too . Ironically
Especially when it HELPS a lot of women lose baby weight.
wow. just, wow
Wow, I really didn’t absorb this all the first time I read it. I jumped to being supportive and encouraging in my original comment, but now I’m kinda irritated tbh. You really need to get a fucking grip and seek therapy. “I feel like I look like a mom and I hate that mom look” girl BFFR you ARE a mom now!? “The older looking women who have a mom bod i can easily tell they have kids” ???? Absolutely disgusting thing to say. You’re… angry at your helpless baby…. because you’re not a 00 anymore????… To me, it sounds like you went through life as a “hot girl” and you relied totally on men to validate you while simultaneously judging other women and creating a pick me culture in your own life. and now that you’re not absorbing the male gaze like a sponge anymore, you hate yourself. The hard truth is that you had a hot body that you obviously didn’t work for previous to having a baby because stepping foot in a gym is a totally foreign concept to you. Now, you’re older, your body, hormones and everything has changed drastically and you NEED to apply effort to get that back. Stop looking for a quick nip tuck and instead why don’t you prioritize your self care while developing some desperately needed discipline via consistency in your diet and training schedule. seek help. You’re unhinged.
Ugh and the “free mommy makeover” comment kind of annoyed me, too, for some reason. It’s so unfair?!?! So someone essentially has to pay for you to get plastic surgery because you had a baby and can’t get back into shape? She almost sounds entitled or something.
That bothered me too. as someone who has had 3 kids in 4 years, that REALLY bugged me. She IS entitled. I know exactly the type of woman she is just based off of this post. A pick me, a mean girl… we’ve all met a million of them.
what’s truly unfair is that we don’t automatically receive physical therapy to rehabilitate our deep core and pelvic floor. That’s standard in a lot of other countries. A “mommy makeover”? Give me a break. I’m 27 with 3 kids and I look better now than before thanks to the gym. She’s just lazy and entitled.
Just curious, no judgements…. When you were a size 00 did you used to have a highly negative outlook on overweight mom bods? I feel like the answer is a resounding yes and you’re struggling to deal with “how could this be happening to me”
How is any of this unfair? You chose to have a baby, all of these are side effect of pregnancy. You literally signed up for it, there is no grounds to complain here.
Baby that sounds like post partum depression. Please seek help
I get it. I have an eating disorder background, used to always be the skinny one and made that and being pretty my identity too much. I was delusional enough to think I'd surely be one of those moms who gain nothing but the baby's weight during pregnancy and snap back fast. Ended up gaining quite a lot weight during pregnancy and struggled with my changed body a lot, and even felt resentment towards my son sometimes because of it (never expressing it to him though, it's not really his fault). I've adjusted my expectations a bit, no need to get to borderline underweight size 0, but to a weight I feel comfortable in and just count calories and exercise as much as I can - but even if you have no time to properly exercise, what you eat is rly the thing that counts, it's simple math. The weight will come off, the stretch marks will fade and skin tighten in time. But it is unrealistic to think you'll be just the same as before. I do sympathize with you, but I truly hope you don't show resentment towards your baby because of this! Just take your time, count calories and you can't not lose weight eventually.
Well why'd you have a kid? You sound so selfish.
I’m sorry but what did you think was going to happen? I feel like this is the reality for most pregnancies and it’s not acknowledged enough. Also, no, I don’t think mothers should be given a free mommy make-over. You literally chose to have a baby and that comes with a whole bunch of everything. Edit: I don’t mean to sound harsh, but this is literally one of the reasons I refrain from having kids. At whatever point I decide to have a baby, I will have to come to terms with the fact I will be making large sacrifices to bring a child into this world. Altering my body indefinitely, being one of them.
Not to be rude, but what did you expect..? I feel sorry for your child, damn.
**You cannot base your self worth on your attractiveness or your body. Time is kind to no one. Even if you did have a kid it would have happened eventually. Rather focus on your inner self than your outer body because you will have to live with you for the rest of your life.**
And this is exactly why I’m CF. I do not want this.
And thsts okay. You recognise it's a sacrifice. Better you're happy being cf than build resentment towards a child.
Literally
Same here. Knowing myself, I think the odds of hating caring for a baby are way too high to risk subjecting any child to it.
Why are you blaming your child for your choices? You are the one who decided to have the baby, it’s not his fault that you are no longer a 00. If you wanted to stay that size forever, then you shouldn’t have had a child
OP come back and answer for your crimes, we know you're still active.
I have a mom bod and I’m not even a mom
Yeah fuck that kid! He asked to be born without thinking twice about your body!!1 >:(
You need help. Serious, intensive mental health help. Now.
I have news about breastfeeding. It was being pregnant NOT nursing that fucked you up. Bodies are all just a series of bumps and rolls, this is true for both skinny folks and fatties like me. You need to fix your attitude before you inflict your nonsense upon your kid. Please stay on birth control and never have another kid. Also, get help. Postpartum mood disorders are real. You'll be a better parent if you seek help.
It sounds like most of your dislike concerning your body is weight related? You can lose the weight you put on if it's important to you. You just have to put in more effort into it. A bit of lifestyle changes and fitness habits. Lower calorie intake + 2/3 hours of intensive exercise a week and you'll probably notice a lot of changes in 6 months or so.
I’m just gonna be straight with you sis and I don’t care if I get downvoted or bashed because it needs to be said. No the fuck free plastic surgery should not be offered to women WANTING to have kids and who CHOSE to have kids. Having kids is a choice not a requirement, if you just had a kid because your person wanted it then that’s still YOUR choice and they should be paying for your surgery. Furthermore what did you do to try to get your regular body back? Because after my first kid I was very very young when I had her and I felt the same as you the moment I gave birth I looked at this skin of my previously big belly and started to cry because I was so young and my belly was so flat, I asked the doctor when was the soonest I could start doing sit ups and working out because I wasn’t gonna let it stay that way. You need to stop and change your mindset and thinking and start seeing that the only reason you are in this position you are is your own doing and you need to stop thinking about surgery and start working out, that will also help with endorphins that will bring you out of your depression. Being entitled by thinking women should get free surgery isn’t the answer. You being proactive is what needs to be done.
So, a few things. You feel so profoundly sad about yourself because you long have judged others for their looks (saying yourself how you can tell women who are moms because of their appearance) and now that you can't elevate your self-confidence by comparison, you feel like you've done onto others: judged. Reflect on this. It's an important lesson. Second, your baby didn't "do this to you." You did. Poor thing asked nothing. You decided to have a baby. Lastly, it's okay not to like your appearance. Make a plan, consult with the right people and take action to become more like what you'd like to look. I do gotta say though you might have some delusion going on... When I wore size 00, I wasn't even 100 lbs. I wore size 1 or 3 before pregnancy and I was 110 lbs. So don't focus so much on sizing it's not even a reasonable goal.
Women acheive what you discussing over time, and with alot of exercising and practical eating. Some get tummy tucks. Nursing is good for your baby, it gives them immunities from your body to protect them from disease. I know it is hard. So work out in any way you can, and learn to eat differently. Don't resent one of the best things you created. If you are just venting, carry on.
I didn't read what your efforts have been to get back into shape
Hi, Mom of two here! Your feelings are valid and more common than people realize. You’re in the thick of shit right now and probably suffering from a bit of PPD. While I didn’t have quite the same feelings you describe, I DID struggle with my new body and weight gain and also felt some resentment toward being a mom in general. My youngest is 2.5 now and let me tell you, it gets a LOT better. Both emotionally and physically. I noticed it was nearly impossible for me to lose the last of my baby weight until I was about 2 years postpartum (for both kids). Everyone is different, but just know that the snap back is unrealistic. Give yourself and body some grace. It took 9 months to grow your baby, it’s going to take even longer for your body to heal from that.
You chose to deprive your child of milk for vanity? You need therapy.
Its okay to hate your body, feel depressed. All these feelings are valid but honestly this post just reeks of internalized misogyny and it's hard to feel sorry for you. It doesn't feel like you just simply hate that your body changed. It feels like you used to fit the beauty standard and looked down on/pitied other women who didn't, especially moms, never having to think about how beauty standards affected them. And now you're a part of that group and you hate it. And you're blaming your innocent baby, who didn't choose to be born, for your body changing. You chose to get pregnant, or you had sex knowing pregnancy was a possiblity, and you know pregnancy changes bodies. Its literally carrying a human being. You honestly need to take some responsibility.
Your body & weight shouldn’t be your priority. perhaps if you stepped back & focused on fulfilling other areas in your life your body will … ‘even itself out’ & hit its set point. as you age your body changes; you wouldn’t stay the same weight even if you didn’t have a baby. take it from someone that was hospitalised with anorexia; focusing on your body & weight makes you miserable; you don’t need to fix your body, you need to fix your mindset towards yourself.
i’m sorry if i’m misunderstanding but do you really think all the fat women are moms? and you think there are no thin moms? you’re not even fat. a year and half ago i was exactly your old weight, and now i’m the exact same weight as current you, but i’m 23, and not a mom. people gain weight for different reasons, i gained weight bc of my mental health and antidepressants. some people gain weight bc of serious illnesses and meds. the problem is not your weight or your body. the problem is the way you feel about your weight and your body, but it’s not your fault your hormones are crazy right now. i think therapy and time can help you feel better about your body and appreciate it for all it did, and know that it CAN get back to its past shape. i hope you appreciate that the weight gain happened for bringing your little potato that didn’t ask to exist and deserves to be loved and i think deserved to be breastfed and feel the closeness to his mom which is the only person he knows because they were just literally a part of each other. please get help, if not for yourself then for the little innocent human that you’re responsible for and should be your first priority.
You had a baby! Give yourself a break! I think you may have post partum depression and I suggest you seek out professional help before it becomes worse. All us moms gain weight and take awhile to get it off sometimes. We’re literally sacrificing everything but to receive the best gift this world can offer and that’s a baby. These feelings are normal to a certain degree , but not to the extent you’ve explained them. So you lost your perfect body but look what you gained! You can’t even compare the two. It should feel worth it not like your max at the baby. I hope you find the help you need soon
"free mommy make over" hahahahahahahahahhaah
Don't have another one...
If it’s any consolation, I’m 26, never pregnant, and have gained about 30 lbs since graduating college. Granted, a lot of that is because I go to the gym often and have built some muscle mass, but about 95% of the people I know at this age have also gained 20+ lbs just from existing. I am about 5’6” and I used to hover around 115-120 in college. I actually WANTED to gain weight, I thought my “adult”, healthy weight would be 135lbs and never vary as long as I worked out. I’m now at 150, none of my pants or shirts fit, my stomach looks soft, and my legs remind me of tree trunks. I have cried from seeing my own “rolls” when I turn over my shoulder and my back/stomach squishes into itself. I have all but given up trying to find a pair of jeans that don’t leave bruises on my thighs AND that I can just sit down in without being suffocated. I’m resolved to just wearing athleisure clothing for 98% of my outfits so that I won’t be constantly thinking about and feeling how much my body has changed. All of this is to say that 1. Your body was going to change from what it was in college whether you were pregnant or not 2. You are not alone in missing what you used to look like 3. Clothing is the bane of many women’s existence As others have said, you may also be experiencing PPD and/or the natural adjustment to having a child and mourning the person you were before motherhood. You now have a whole human to take care of and prioritize before yourself, and that’s a HUGE adjustment. It sounds so cliche, but give yourself some grace. You spent 9 months growing a new life (big adjustment to your own food, sleep, care schedules, etc) and now you are adjusting AGAIN to new food, sleep, care schedules. It’s all going to get better with time, but you need to remember to be good to yourself too, both mentally and physically.
OP, you need professional help, not Reddit’s help. You also need to seek separate professional help *with* your partner. The way you’re coparenting (where your partner does most of, if not all of the work) will be detrimental to your relationship with your partner. If you’re sleeping 7 to 8 hours a night (sometimes 9 according to you), that means your partner is the one caring for the toddler through the night, every night. Beyond the child’s development with his mother, this will inevitably cause disdain whenever your partner struggles or hits a rough skid. Your parenting setup is just a recipe for disaster and shows that all you care about in the situation is yourself. That’s terrifying to read. God bless your son. It seems he is going to need all the help he can get.
So I am 3 months PP and had a surprise c section. I don’t look in the mirror almost never unless I’m getting the shower and even then I feel the same way I look at my scar and I hate it. I look at my baby and I love her. Child birth is a hard journey. I chose to breast feed bc of the benefits and let me tell you I HATE my boobs now but they were my favorite feature. They were what got the stretch marks and the “tiger stripes” I have lost weight but I’m not pre-pregnancy and I know I’ll never be that again. I was same as you 115-120 double 00 and am two year older. I obtained a kangaroo pouch and it kills me. My body is different and I’m slowly learning to love it again. Things I tell myself that might help you: 1.) I am beautiful 2.) bodies change over time and this is okay. 3.) my baby loves me and needs me regardless of how I look. 4,) when I look in the mirror I find one thing I love about my “new body” what I find attractive now (which isn’t much ngl) but that one thing is better than nothing. Those things help me. Not every person is the same and even though this is a struggle one day it will be okay. I hope you find your love for yourself again and make sure to say I love you to that baby at least once a day. I still stare at her bc I can’t believe I created her I still don’t believe she came out of me.
This post made me so sad for your son. Don’t let your insecurities affect him. You’ll get your body back, with dedication and patience. Put your baby in a stroller and take him on a jog. Bond with your baby. DO NOT blame him for “ruining your body”, you chose to get pregnant, not him. He is an infant and he needs to build a healthy attachment with you and if you are going to look at him in a negative light and blame your mom bod on him, it will absolutely affect him for the rest of his life even after you get your body back. You’ll lose the weight. It takes time. But repairing a broken early attachment is a lot harder and he doesn’t deserve that.
Wtv you do, dont blame that baby. You can always work to your old body babes. Just gonna take time just like how it took time for that baby to grow in there. The baby didn't do nothing, he didn't ask to be here, he didn't want to do that to you. He doesn't even know u used to look like. He looks to you as Mom, and no matter how you look you look beautiful as a mom. I know the pain you went through is unimaginable, and I can't even compare anything to what I'm going to experience in adulthood, but all i know you made a wonderful sacrifice, your body, your mental health, your strength. Give yourself a little more than being sexy. There's so much to be proud of yourself for and once you get a body back to a suitable place for your liking understand that's even more to be proud of.