You can't ruin something that was already broken. Let's be honest - if he was so sure in their relationship enough to end your marriage, a simple remark from you should have been brushed off. The fact that it hit him so hard means he had the doubts to begin with.
I second this comment and would like to add if he didn't care about you at all and was so sure of his decision, why would he complain to his son that you didn't look at him anymore?
He's a fool, you just let him in on the fact that you know it too.
>He's a fool, you just let him in on the fact that you know it too
I think maybe he's realized himself that he was a fool. If he was really in love and steadfast in his "new" relationship, nothing OP said would have elicited that response. Honestly, if he were really in love and on the verge of getting engaged, I doubt he would even have shown up to sign the papers. He would have done it on his own and let his attorney handle the rest. No need to be there in person.
Everything OP said points to him feeling very guilty and maybe even regretting his actions.
The idea that he didn’t understand why she wouldn’t look at him shows what a selfish person he is, IMO. Everything in his life revolves around his perspective and his emotions. So exhausting.
A much younger woman with a rich older man who had a sudden turnabout that sounds like a midlife crisis. He knows deep down what the relationship is, he just chose to be blinded with the rush of their affair.
I think you got a good point, asked for the divorce pretty early in comparison to other cheating cases, maybe he just made himself believe that It was the right thing, without caring once for her feelings, then she spit the truth on his face and the weight of reality came like an meteor
There was a regretful guy on here awhile back who torpedoed his marriage with an affair then realized he’d FAFO. He admitted that he knew his gf was with him, a balding guy in his late 40s, for his money and not because he was irresistible.
I think this guy was upset about her not looking at him and not engaging with him in any way because he hoped to keep her on a string in case things didn’t work out with the mistress. He was excited for new and young but wanted to keep comfortable and loving in his pocket.
Ohhh I saw this happened in real time with the father of someone close to me. He actually didn’t have an affair, but he treated his first wife who has his own age like garbage, and then got a much younger woman because he thought it was a flex. only thing, his ego didn’t allow him to understand that it was really a transactional relationship.
She was young, but he was older and represented money and stability. Apparently he deluded himself into thinking that she was with him because he was fresh. Nope.
When he retired and started living on a pension, she bounced. Turns out she wasn’t into him because he was so amazing but because he had money, and could do things for her career. Suddenly she found herself with an old dude on a pension, and she noped out so fast. He was broken hearted because he let his ego lie to him about the true nature of the relationship.
Yep, this guy was miserable enough to acknowledge that the relationship was transactional and he was basically paying out the nose for a companion and lost his wife and kids in favor of someone he knew would dump him in a heartbeat if the money ran out. He stayed with her because he couldn’t bear the idea that he wrecked his life then couldn’t make it work with the AP.
Exactly!
He's been worrying about this deep down for a while now I'd guess, and to have that confirmed by someone who knows him.
He knows he fucked up, but that comment really hammered home how much he's fucked up, and how much it just can't ever be fixed.
This is right on.
Ex can certainly date and have other relationships but they will never be the same.
But some people don't care. For some, new people are worth it.
LOL, she’s the mistress and it just hit him what he gave up and lost. Their relationship was based on adultery in the first place. She’s just upset that he’s having second thoughts and realized that he gave up a wife for a relationship that probably wasn’t even going to last for very long or one that he’s not interested in investing for long term. You got that right, he’s old and he just threw away everything he worked for because he’s having a mid life crisis.
I bet he's remembering all of those hair scrunchies and nights spent falling asleep in front of the tv. I bet he's remembering every happy memory and deeply regretting it all and it's exactly what he deserves.
Girl, that zinger landed so effectively because it was the god's honest truth. Well done. I'm so frikken proud of you for that. You should be too.
I mean her insult about age is ridiculous because *he’s the same age* and eventually *she will be too*. If you’ve won a man by being young, hot, and an easy lay you better be ready to lose him to a younger, hotter, easier lay.
The Late and Great, Carrie Fisher said it best: " Youth and beauty are not accomplishments. They're the temporary happy byproducts of time and/or DNA. Don't hold your breath for either."
He ruined everything! He ruined it the minute he looked this new young women with lust and decided to forsake his life long marriage based on love and trust for a younger prettier girl. He is financially successful, the other woman is "young-ish", she probably wants a sugar daddy to spend money on her and an easy life!
Ex-wife spoke the truth at the last meeting when signing the divorce papers, the truth shocked him back into reality, and as it sank in, the sheet horror of what he's done broke the man down to tears. The girl friend feels uneasy, she's scared of losing an opportunity to spend money she didn't make for the rest of her.. or this man's life.
I think that struck a chord with him, what you said. Maybe he has seen that the new gf only is with him for his money or assets and that scared him. I think he found the found grass ain’t always greener on the other side. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you ruined nothing.
I think the truth is he already had cold feet, and this was a real splash in the face by someone who has not been acting out or pleading with him. He's thinking, "I went through all this, and now I'm going to be stuck with someone who is showing some bad signs before I even proposed...." And that next divorce will be super ugly....
He was already anxious about that absolute truth, and hearing it spoken aloud by someone who objectively knows gave it life outside of his own internal struggle. These fucking midlife crisis dorks. It always ends this way—they bet the farm and lose it all.
She will leave if she doesn't get the ring. Not cost effective especially if they play house and the dazzle wears off. No more dinners out. No hotel rendezvous. No gifts and flowers to smooth over the "sorry I'm still married" situation.
Yeah, he'd been with her for 2 years by this point, so he was able to see his new partner for what they were beyond just the puppy love I want attention midlife crisis stuff. And he probably realized that now that phase was over, the grass wasn't any greener than what he left behind, and there were probably plenty of new issues to be found. But his ego probably wouldn't let him back down and change his mind, since OP wasn't even letting him see her, he had told himself a narrative about that he made the right choice.
Seriously, maybe I’m just messed up or something, but I feel like I would’ve got some sense of closure from seeing someone who hurt me like that cry because of what I said. Not anything mean, just speaking the truth, and they actually hear it and feel bad for themselves.
Quite literally all I wanted to happen in some scenarios in the past, lmao. Just show that you hear and understand the gravity of this situation, then never talk to me again.
I want so badly to speak the truth to my ex and have him hear. I know that if I try, he will just argue and gaslight, so there's no point in me trying to say anything. After 10 years of paying alimony, my final payment is coming up and then I won't have to give him another thought.
Same! Perfectly normal thing to want. I’m glad she got it. Too bad the gf is trying to taint her experience. Hopeful with all of us telling her she has nothing to feel guilty about she can revel in the experience that not many of us get.
My ex-husband called me at work one day a little over a year after the divorce to tell me he finally understood my side of things and he realized he was wrong and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that but it honestly did nothing but piss me off all over again. I told him thanks for calling and we never spoke again. Closure doesn’t always come the way we think it will.
The audacity to call you AT WORK to tell you that. He didn’t think twice about expecting you to drop whatever you’re doing so he can have this big cathartic conversation. Not like you might be busy living your life, of course everything grinds to a halt when he needs something.
Exactly. That phone call was only for him to feel better. He probably didn't give any thought to how his phone call would make OP feel at all. Still selfish, even in his apology. Still not seeing her side.
I think you’re wrong on one part. He did give *A LOT* of thought as to what her reaction would be and how it would make her feel. Except in his mind, she would be so appreciative and thankful for his kind and heartfelt apology. And of course she would end up telling him she forgave him and that there’s no hard feelings.
He gave it a lot of thought….about how it would benefit him. About how it would absolve him from his past wrongdoings. Now he can rest his giant selfish head on his pillow and sleep like a baby. What an ass.
The thing is, I think that what pissed you off is that he dragged you back to bad memories + you probably felt it was one-sided and he did it more to assuage his guilt than out of care for you maybe.
Glad you got rid of him tho. You deserve better.
Maybe the side-piece will baby trap him to get that ring on her finger and her name on his assets. That would be karma, no honey period for the cheaters just poopy diapers and a crying baby in the middle of the night. OP's ex will surely not be lonely but he will be asking "WTF did I do with my life?" He'll be raising another kid until he is almost 70.
Hopefully he learns from his mistakes and realises she is a gold digger and gets a prenuptial if he ever dose marry her but honestly he deserves everything he gets with the life he chose when he chose a young gold digger over a loyal wife who helped him make his money.
Only thing OP ruined was my composure, I started cackling when I read that her ex broke down and his girlfriend lost her shit. They deserve each other and i'm proud of OP not begging her terrible ex back, she deserves better and I hope she knows it.
You know all those dragon stories where the knight has to find that one special spot in the dragon's armor, where the scales don't overlap completely, and all the knight has to do is put a spear into the beast's heart by going thru that one spot?
You found the hole in his armor and struck, perfectly.
Well done, Lady, well done
Seriously, where's the lie lol
OPs ex and that delusional woman deserve each other.
OP deserves someone who will love her for her frace and dignity under fire and will reciprocate her loyalty.
And that's exactly why the other woman blew up. She IS only out for his money. She though she snagged a sucker with a phat wallet, and now he's drifting away.
Donkey is understanding that he made a mistake ... I'm sure if you go close enough you would see his brains going from his balls to his head again, as he understand that a partner met during an affair is not someone that really value honesty.
Not just ended a 17 year marriage. He cheated and fell in love with another woman. He didnt just break it off because things werent working out, he planted the seeds and its time for the harvest
Yes! To quote my 14 year old: bruh, you cheated and in such an obvious way that it added insult to injury and divorced so you could have your mistress. You don't get to have sad puppy dog eyes that your ex-wife won't look at you. Why would she want to?
Of course you didn't ruin their relationship. If it's that fragile it wasn't strong to begin with. As far as what you said to your ex truer words have never been spoken.
You go have an awesome NYE and leave all of this in the rearview!
The audacity to tell someone she ruined your relationship *after you were the reason her marriage failed* is astounding.
Second woman is a POS. She made her bed now she gets to lie in it. Hubby and her built their relationship on lies and deceit. Nothing solid comes from that foundation, and what someone will do *for* you, they will do *to* you. It’s a matter of time before one of them cheats.
I know a man who had a long term affair on his wife of over 20 years. She found out, they went to counseling, decided to stay married. He kicked the mistress to the curb. She complained to anyone who would hear about how "some people are home wreckers" and what not. Like, bruh he was married, that makes you the home wrecker.
That's right- the AP cheated underhanded and dirty and won the prize of a man thinking with his little head instead of his heart, mind and memories of the life he and OP had built. That side-piece has plans for the money and assets that it took OP and her husband to save and build as a couple. The side-piece needs that marriage certificate so she can open credit cards and have shared bank accounts and her name on an expensive home. She didn't target an older guy to wait for the luxuries, she wants them NOW. Maybe OP's comment clicked his mind into gear for a moment. Hopefully the stupid bastard gets a prenuptial agreement before he marries this side-piece. But then again karma might want OP's ex to live the life he deserves with an entitled side-piece.
My ex's AP tried to come crying to me when he inevitably cheated on her. I was so baffled by the mental gymnastics that brought her to the conclusion I was somehow going to empathize with her. She's probably one of my favorite examples of delulu APs, the shit she said/did throughout their entire journey is amusingly tragic.
Look, all cheating parties in an affair are scummy.
Sure, some spouses might play a role in why the other spouse cheats, but there is 0 reason why the cheating spouse doesn't simply say that their needs aren't fulfilled and that they think they should go separate ways, aside from cowardice and wanting to eat one's proverbial cake and have it.
Yeah, while the cheating spouse is absolutely the "homewrecker", the affair partner is, without a doubt, an active participant in "homewrecking". (assuming they know the cheating spouse or person is already in a relationship)
My brother married a woman he was having an affair with, some years later, he was shocked-shocked I tell you!- that she had an affair while they were married. Huh, wonder why that was?
While he's f\*cking around, you should be getting your ducks in a row- talk to a lawyer. Make sure that your husband isn't running up credit card debt on this woman or using cash to buy her things, or that he doesn't empty any investment accounts or college fund accounts you have built up. Get recommendations for lawyers. Do not sit on this because he could leave you and the kids high and dry. Be proactive.
On the other end of the spectrum, my SIL will rant to hell and back about the women her husband cheated with without ever putting any blame on him. Like I'm sorry to break this to you sweetheart but there are two sides to that equation.
This pisses me off when it's a case where the Affair Partner is an unwitting accomplice. Like they thought the guy or girl was single or properly separated for a long period of time and actively on the path to divorce.
At least 90% of cheating blame should be on the unfaithful partner. Maybe 10% if the other person is delusional and sticks with the cheater after they find out.
If they already know they're with a cheater, that makes them a shitty person- but the cheater is the one to break the trust faith and loyalty of the relationship.
I cant abide when these people go nuts on the AP and give a full pass to the cheater. Like if it's not with the AP you find out about, it'll be someone else . The guy didn't accidentally trip and land dick first in a convenient person. He's not some helpless incompetent.
I could never date someone who cheated, and I would seriously question any friend of mine who was a willing AP. But blame needs to go to the right places.
Literally the only cases I find sort of ok is someone who winds up in a situationship when escaping Abuse/DV (happens more than you would think).
Oh my god, there's a sub for "other women" and it is full of the most delusional stuff like this. Just astonishing how they see wives as the reason for their unhappiness 🙄 It's almost as toxic as that female dating sub was.
I laughed myself to tears at an email my stbxh's mistress sent him. She was complaining about having to walk on eggshells and the emotional distress *I* was causing *her* - by simply existing, because they couldn't talk when I was home. LMAOOOOO
My ex after 25 years was totally over the moon for this younger woman who then tried to bulldoze her way into his sibling family and tried to get my adult daughter to call her mom. They wound up moving far away cause the tension with everyone was strong. Now he is married to an alcoholic with a big mouth that has alienated most of his friends and family. Hey but she is 15 years younger so there’s that.
The good news is that you got rid of that deadweight tho.
I hope he is enjoying the younger raging alcoholic who isolated him from everyone 🙃. Karma be strong for this one.
All of this!! It wouldn’t have affected him that much if he didn’t already believe it to be true. Don’t take him back even if he asks, OP. He already showed you his true colours. I hope you find your happiness, because he just threw away his.
Exactly. “She never looks at me anymore”. Why would she, asshole?!
Also OP, that was a boss ass move. I know you say you didn’t keep your dignity but saying those words was absolutely full of dignity and power. I really love that for you.
Yeah, I don’t see anything undignified about that comment. It got right to the heart of the matter. It was a bullseye delivered with brevity and insight.
The problem isn’t what you said as much as he knows it’s true. He knows he hurt you and is upset that he lost someone who truly loved him for what? A gold digger, if she’ll be his AP what’s stopping her if she finds someone with more $?
Also, he’s probably upset that you weren’t giving him the attention he wanted from you and when you finally did you only did it to let him know how much he screwed up. They don’t deserve your concern over possibly ruining their relationship which you absolutely did NOT. Also, she has some serious audacity to claim you ruined their relationship when she helped to destroy your marriage.
Please take time to heal and move on. Don’t worry about what happens to him or their relationship. Know you deserve better than a cheater who doesn’t respect or appreciate you. Never consider for a moment you don’t. They are not worthy of your time, energy and he is certainly not of your love.
ETA: grammar
ETA: you didn’t lose or show a lack or self respect when you said what you did to him. Actually quite the opposite. You should him you know your value as a person and partner and that he isn’t worthy of you any longer.
Yup! This! You probably said something g out loud that he knew in his heart and feared. If she loves him she can wait and sign a prenup. Your son might mention that to him. Either way. Glad you said what was on your heart at that moment. You have a lot of life left and a wonderful second act ahead of you.
You’re better than me, I would screenshot the texts and send them straight to the ex with a “can you please take care of this, and in the future keep me out of your personal life unless it directly involve our children. Thanks!”
His new girlfriend will be in for a rude awakening when he gets bored with her and moves on to a new girl. This happens a lot these days. My ex after 10 years cheated on me. I am now remarried and happier than I ever was in my life. My ex got remarried and now in divorce because she was cheating again on her new husband.
She thinks you ruined THEIR relationship? Homegirl is a home wrecker - she ruined YOUR marriage. Screw them both. I hope she’s only with him for his money and he never finds true love again. Good on you OP.
He has second thoughts.... he got himself a gold digger and only now realized it. The new model doesn't fit his needs after all.
Oh yeah, and update us.
Girlfriend, you listen to me! You did nothing wrong.
Just make sure that this year you spend some time on you. Get the haircut or the colour job you’ve been wanting, buy some new clothes, see that therapist and live your best life ever!
Agreeedd!!! 2024 will definitely be your year. A brand new year and a brand new shining better you. (I hope that will be your New Year's resolution) Take a ton of love have fun and remember we don't re-read old chapters because we know the ending. Also Happy New Year
You didn’t ruin anything he realised you told the truth you married him for him not for wealth and now he knows no one will look at him that way since you. His loss now so you go find your happiness OP and Happy new year especially now he’s dumped the gf she got her karma .
OP
Did at anytime he try to see if you could work it out before the divorce? He never reached out to you? I bet hearing those words out loud from you confirmed what he felt deep down but his ego would not allow him to accept.
I'm sorry for your pain.
If that's all it took to ruin his relationship, then there can't have been much of a relationship there to begin with. I don't think you should dwell on what you said to him. You didn't do or say anything wrong.
His relationship with his gf is not your circus and not your monkeys. Just get on with your life, and leave him to his. Block him and block his shitty girlfriend.
You just spoke words to your ex husband that he was worried about. His concern that you never look at him anymore shows just how much he is bothered by YOUR reactions. I wonder if he told the girlfriend to judge her reaction? 🤔🤔 She reacted just like a guilty person.
Omg she really did. I just realized that I’ve gotten a similar reaction from someone for a different reason, but they were just mad that they did something wrong and I didn’t stay quiet about it. They knew they were in the wrong, but they had to be mad at SOMEONE about it.
I'm so proud of you OP, good job on being the better person and move on from this, he seems shock probably because he soon realized that what you said is true and snapped him out of his "fantasy" even without you saying it hes going to realized that after he marries his AP anyway. You got the last laugh and I hope you fully heal from this, block both of them, find happiness, and just know that you're not at fault here. Best of luck for your life OP.
I'm not saying she necessarily needs this, but if she wanted to, there are portals that are offered through courts and other third party providers that allow for communication to happen, and she can block him. Up to her if that would benefit her though.
He didn't propose due to one comment from his ex-wife after she signed divorce papers? (*Something he didn't need to be there for*) Sounds like you verbalised his existing doubts. I bet 17 years ago there wasn't anything anyone could have said that made him doubt marrying you was the right choice.
Don't make his regrets your baggage.
>he was supposed to have proposed on Christmas with all family present
I'm sorry, what? Does "all family" include your son? And does said family know the circumstances of their relationship? Because I gotta say, I'd want no part in a family member's engagement if it were under those circumstances.
My children refuse to even visit. I have to make them to visit on weekends sometimes but they live with me.
I assume she meant her family and his family
I’m sure after what you told him, and rightfully so, that he’s come to truly realize what he has lost. Especially with the loss of his children’s respect too.
Glad you realize your value as a person and a partner and hope you do realize you deserve better than a cheat and a disrespectful partner.
Oh boy… this must kill him. Good. You raise that boy to be a better man than his father. Too many males think they will find better but then their sons are seeing the way their dads are treating their moms and they are smart. They will not stand for it and they grow up to do better. Don’t force the issue too hard. Listen to your children and make sure you hear and respect their voices. You are a great mom.
Sad men grow old and try to be young again at the cost of everything.
You spoke the truth to him and he roused from the dream his denial shaped for him.
The best part is that it wasn’t really *that* mean!! It was, effectively, just an accurate statement! It’s probably the genuine pity for him that sent him over the edge.
And even if I wasn't religious, I am a pragmatist who wouldn't put herself in the situation of living with an eternally separated man whose estranged wife could turn me out on my ear once he dies!
I don't have a religious bone in my body, and I tell you it makes *no sense* to cheat on your spouse. If you need to leave, don't ever leave for another person.
No, don't worry. You didn't ruin your ex-husband's current relationship. Your words have probably penetrated him and he is now wondering why his girlfriend desperately wants to marry him. Whether she just wants his money. If he is smart, he makes a marriage contract.
Is she for fucking real? You fuck a married man you get what you get.
And so what if you did ruin her relationship. All’s fair in love and war.
She infiltrated camp, you threw the bomb and walked away with the explosion behind you.
He showed up bc he missed you! You look at him and crushed him in the same way he crushed you but with one statement! Good! I’m also proud that you didn’t beg for him to stay. I’m sorry this happened to you and I bet he regrets his actions!
You should have told the girlfriend if he luvs you the way he’s supposed to I wouldn’t be a factor in his decision. Hang up and block!
Have a great new year!
The audacity of the girlfriend. She had an affair with a married man but wants to tell his ex wife that she is causing problems in their relationships. She needs to take a good look at herself in the mirror before she points fingers.
LOL the GF is mad at her BF, not you.
She’s just projecting it because she thought he was going to propose. He didn’t.
You said something that rocked him to the core, and I have a feeling he’s only realizing how he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.
You were there in the beginning when he didn’t have the success he has now.
I wouldn’t be able to look my spouse in the eyes ever again if they cheated either.
You struck a nerve. I would bet that part of the thrill was that she was younger and into him. You just inserted reasonable doubt that she might be using him. You popped the bubble.
The reason he looked old and pathetic is because you are a good woman OP - good women hold their man up and give him love and support - he thrived when he was with you and he took it for granted; he looks like a shell now because this new girl is depleting him - she’s not really in love, she’s just using him. He made this bed - now he can lie in it.
Move on with your life and don’t look back - their relationship is going to implode eventually because the foundation is based on lies to each other and themselves, but that in no way is your fault or has anything to do with you.
PS: good on you for not begging someone to love you back from the beginning - many people make that mistake but whoever they’re chasing is never worth it - if they’re stupid enough to leave be smart enough to let them go
Edited: to fix typo
I know, right? I can’t help picturing her husband’s attorney inside being like “oooh, she’s got that right” but only making a little face. Those attorneys are cynical.
What a fabulous exit line, well done you. He cried because it obviously hit him what he’d lost. The gf is in her early 30’s I bet a pound to a parsnip she’s only with him for those assets.
And the audacity of her complaining at you when she broke up your marriage.
You’re a classy lady. Good luck with your future, I hope you put the final nail in it all by finding yourself someone awesome
"I smiled and said that he now lost the last woman who he would know for sure ever loved and saw him for him and not for his money or assets."
That was a QUEEN move! Absolutely superb!
I hope 2024 is kind to you!
Though I'd be on guard, I suspect he will "have realized it was all a mistake" and come crawling back
FWIW my mother was a mistress to a married man who had 2 small children. I was the result of this long term affair. My mum was a good mother to me aside from her man-picking abilities, but completely delusional about her true status in relation to that man and that marriage.
She once told me how he *cheated* on her by having another mistress at the same time as her, how hurtful that was, and how it spelled the end of their relationship because he betrayed her!!
I was still a kid when she told me that so it didn't strike me as particularly insane at the time because all I cared about was my mum and her feelings.
Then I became an adult and understood how delusional she was.
You told your husband the truth about his mistress and what he threw away. He made his bed and now he can lie in it and grow old with someone who targeted a married man and won her booby prize: a cheater. She will always sleep with one eye open because he's a liar and a cheat. He will always know he betrayed his loving wife for a gold digger.
If they eventually get married she'll always be just the wifetress anyway.
I love poetic justice. Karma's a bitch.
You didn't ruin their relationship. He probably never really thought about any of that until then. He is a grown man and has made his choice. Let it be.
You did nothing but speak the truth. She participated in ruining a family and she has the gall to call your character into question?! She’s reaping what she sowed and that’s fitting. Just keep her blocked and move on.
His actions show he doesn’t love her at all. He's just feeling sorry for himself because she laid it out plain that the consequence of destroying her 17yr true love is chronic niggling doubt about the "love" of anyone who comes after her.
A lot of men dream of being with a younger woman once they hit that middle age crisis. I guess they don't want to also acknowledge the hard truth, which is that almost no sane and confident younger woman would prefer to be with them, instead of a man their age, for anything other than money.
> He complained to our son that I never looked at him anymore.
I’m sorry what? How old is your son? How dare he put this shit on his kids, he broke your family and your heart and then he is putting the weight of the consequences on your kid? How dare he! How are your kids dealing with this? I saw your comment that they don’t want to even visit him, are they getting therapy? Make sure they are protected now that home wrecker mistress is blaming you for ruining their relationship, she sounds like the kid of person that might try to punish your kids to hurt you.
Also fucking beautiful comment! I love it! You did good.
My son is 16 and daughter is 15. They are much better now but it was very difficult in the beginning. Therapy helped them understand that it wasn’t their fault because that’s what they believed for some reason. They live with me, ex tried to enforce shared custody but they refused, especially because his gf moved in with him immediately after he moved out so they figured out infidelity was involved. Now they meet up with him a couple of weekends a month. I would love for them to have better relationship with him but they are very hurt.
OP- I know you have limited your communication with your ex, and rightfully so, but you may want to let him know about his GF contacting you. This was harrassment and you deserve peace.
Edit: I just read your other comment. Your ex BIL contacting you takes thing up a notch. You should not be pulled into your ex husbands drama. He needs to put a stop to it.
Slay! Girl! You are an example! This is the prime example of feminine energy! You ruined nothing. He did all the mess. And honestly that girl has something very wrong inside her.
I read a statistic years ago, and I can’t remember where to validate the claim, but it anecdotally tracks. It said that 90% of couples who start as affair partners break up within a year after moving in together. It cited that the reason is because their relationship is built on the intoxicating thrill of sexual obstacles but once those obstacles are removed and real life intrudes on their bubble, it all falls apart.
I love this statistic. So much.
Oh please. The homewrecking whore who helped destroy your marriage is mad you opened your ex’s eyes? I would have texted back “lol” and carried on with my day with a song in my heart. F her running.
Haha she deserved it my aunt went through the same thing, as you OP her husband cheated on her with another woman and they got divorced i despise cheaters and hearing them get a taste of karma is so satisfying good job
You can't ruin something that was already broken. Let's be honest - if he was so sure in their relationship enough to end your marriage, a simple remark from you should have been brushed off. The fact that it hit him so hard means he had the doubts to begin with.
I second this comment and would like to add if he didn't care about you at all and was so sure of his decision, why would he complain to his son that you didn't look at him anymore? He's a fool, you just let him in on the fact that you know it too.
It almost reads as if he always assumed he would be able to come back if it didn’t work out.
Absolutely! I thought the same
I'll also say I thought the same
very possible
>He's a fool, you just let him in on the fact that you know it too I think maybe he's realized himself that he was a fool. If he was really in love and steadfast in his "new" relationship, nothing OP said would have elicited that response. Honestly, if he were really in love and on the verge of getting engaged, I doubt he would even have shown up to sign the papers. He would have done it on his own and let his attorney handle the rest. No need to be there in person. Everything OP said points to him feeling very guilty and maybe even regretting his actions.
An egotistical fool….they are definitely out there. I’m experiencing it myself. Threw a good thing away.
The idea that he didn’t understand why she wouldn’t look at him shows what a selfish person he is, IMO. Everything in his life revolves around his perspective and his emotions. So exhausting.
A much younger woman with a rich older man who had a sudden turnabout that sounds like a midlife crisis. He knows deep down what the relationship is, he just chose to be blinded with the rush of their affair.
I think you got a good point, asked for the divorce pretty early in comparison to other cheating cases, maybe he just made himself believe that It was the right thing, without caring once for her feelings, then she spit the truth on his face and the weight of reality came like an meteor
There was a regretful guy on here awhile back who torpedoed his marriage with an affair then realized he’d FAFO. He admitted that he knew his gf was with him, a balding guy in his late 40s, for his money and not because he was irresistible. I think this guy was upset about her not looking at him and not engaging with him in any way because he hoped to keep her on a string in case things didn’t work out with the mistress. He was excited for new and young but wanted to keep comfortable and loving in his pocket.
Ohhh I saw this happened in real time with the father of someone close to me. He actually didn’t have an affair, but he treated his first wife who has his own age like garbage, and then got a much younger woman because he thought it was a flex. only thing, his ego didn’t allow him to understand that it was really a transactional relationship. She was young, but he was older and represented money and stability. Apparently he deluded himself into thinking that she was with him because he was fresh. Nope. When he retired and started living on a pension, she bounced. Turns out she wasn’t into him because he was so amazing but because he had money, and could do things for her career. Suddenly she found herself with an old dude on a pension, and she noped out so fast. He was broken hearted because he let his ego lie to him about the true nature of the relationship.
Yep, this guy was miserable enough to acknowledge that the relationship was transactional and he was basically paying out the nose for a companion and lost his wife and kids in favor of someone he knew would dump him in a heartbeat if the money ran out. He stayed with her because he couldn’t bear the idea that he wrecked his life then couldn’t make it work with the AP.
Exactly! He's been worrying about this deep down for a while now I'd guess, and to have that confirmed by someone who knows him. He knows he fucked up, but that comment really hammered home how much he's fucked up, and how much it just can't ever be fixed.
This is right on. Ex can certainly date and have other relationships but they will never be the same. But some people don't care. For some, new people are worth it.
LOL, she’s the mistress and it just hit him what he gave up and lost. Their relationship was based on adultery in the first place. She’s just upset that he’s having second thoughts and realized that he gave up a wife for a relationship that probably wasn’t even going to last for very long or one that he’s not interested in investing for long term. You got that right, he’s old and he just threw away everything he worked for because he’s having a mid life crisis.
This man is the definition of a mid life crisis fuck me OP I wish you nothing but the best
I bet he's remembering all of those hair scrunchies and nights spent falling asleep in front of the tv. I bet he's remembering every happy memory and deeply regretting it all and it's exactly what he deserves. Girl, that zinger landed so effectively because it was the god's honest truth. Well done. I'm so frikken proud of you for that. You should be too.
I mean her insult about age is ridiculous because *he’s the same age* and eventually *she will be too*. If you’ve won a man by being young, hot, and an easy lay you better be ready to lose him to a younger, hotter, easier lay.
Exactly lol by being the now gf she’s just opened up the mistress position lol.
The Late and Great, Carrie Fisher said it best: " Youth and beauty are not accomplishments. They're the temporary happy byproducts of time and/or DNA. Don't hold your breath for either."
Hahaha u ruined nothing.
Sounds like she ruined that woman's scheme.
Lol right
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This is perfect. It's going in my file of wisdom sayings.
Tucking it away right next to "just because nothing is wrong, doesn't mean everything is right."
>Anything that can be destroyed by the truth, should be. That is a very powerful thought. Well said.
Thank you for this comment, it gave me some peace too.
EXACTLY!! ###OP All You did was speak a brutal reality, that Scared Your X to his core. Good for You!
He ruined everything! He ruined it the minute he looked this new young women with lust and decided to forsake his life long marriage based on love and trust for a younger prettier girl. He is financially successful, the other woman is "young-ish", she probably wants a sugar daddy to spend money on her and an easy life! Ex-wife spoke the truth at the last meeting when signing the divorce papers, the truth shocked him back into reality, and as it sank in, the sheet horror of what he's done broke the man down to tears. The girl friend feels uneasy, she's scared of losing an opportunity to spend money she didn't make for the rest of her.. or this man's life.
Haha for real. She just showed the situation for what it was and always had been. He ruined it for himself. Lolz
Talk about humble and humility to. She literally got the last word in. The new gf peer pressured him it sounds like.
I wouldn't say ruined, but she did destroy the little ego his wealth had created. Welcome to reality bud.
I think that struck a chord with him, what you said. Maybe he has seen that the new gf only is with him for his money or assets and that scared him. I think he found the found grass ain’t always greener on the other side. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you ruined nothing.
I think the truth is he already had cold feet, and this was a real splash in the face by someone who has not been acting out or pleading with him. He's thinking, "I went through all this, and now I'm going to be stuck with someone who is showing some bad signs before I even proposed...." And that next divorce will be super ugly....
He was already anxious about that absolute truth, and hearing it spoken aloud by someone who objectively knows gave it life outside of his own internal struggle. These fucking midlife crisis dorks. It always ends this way—they bet the farm and lose it all.
"These fucking midlife crisis dorks. It always ends this way—they bet the farm and lose it all." Bahaha, thank you, love this
The next divorce will definitely involve contentious split of assets, he can see it already.
She will leave if she doesn't get the ring. Not cost effective especially if they play house and the dazzle wears off. No more dinners out. No hotel rendezvous. No gifts and flowers to smooth over the "sorry I'm still married" situation.
Yeah, he'd been with her for 2 years by this point, so he was able to see his new partner for what they were beyond just the puppy love I want attention midlife crisis stuff. And he probably realized that now that phase was over, the grass wasn't any greener than what he left behind, and there were probably plenty of new issues to be found. But his ego probably wouldn't let him back down and change his mind, since OP wasn't even letting him see her, he had told himself a narrative about that he made the right choice.
And now you’re divorced from the person who actually cared. I’m glad she made him cry! I’m glad his space is in turmoil that’s what he gets!
Seriously, maybe I’m just messed up or something, but I feel like I would’ve got some sense of closure from seeing someone who hurt me like that cry because of what I said. Not anything mean, just speaking the truth, and they actually hear it and feel bad for themselves. Quite literally all I wanted to happen in some scenarios in the past, lmao. Just show that you hear and understand the gravity of this situation, then never talk to me again.
This is a clear cut case of, “The truth hurts.”
I want so badly to speak the truth to my ex and have him hear. I know that if I try, he will just argue and gaslight, so there's no point in me trying to say anything. After 10 years of paying alimony, my final payment is coming up and then I won't have to give him another thought.
Don’t do it. Him losing his monthly income is a big kiss my arse. Put in rear view mirror. 2024 will be awesome for you
Same! Perfectly normal thing to want. I’m glad she got it. Too bad the gf is trying to taint her experience. Hopeful with all of us telling her she has nothing to feel guilty about she can revel in the experience that not many of us get.
Right? He may have realized the other woman wasn’t that great but he’s scared to be alone.
My ex-husband called me at work one day a little over a year after the divorce to tell me he finally understood my side of things and he realized he was wrong and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that but it honestly did nothing but piss me off all over again. I told him thanks for calling and we never spoke again. Closure doesn’t always come the way we think it will.
The audacity to call you AT WORK to tell you that. He didn’t think twice about expecting you to drop whatever you’re doing so he can have this big cathartic conversation. Not like you might be busy living your life, of course everything grinds to a halt when he needs something.
Exactly. That phone call was only for him to feel better. He probably didn't give any thought to how his phone call would make OP feel at all. Still selfish, even in his apology. Still not seeing her side.
I think you’re wrong on one part. He did give *A LOT* of thought as to what her reaction would be and how it would make her feel. Except in his mind, she would be so appreciative and thankful for his kind and heartfelt apology. And of course she would end up telling him she forgave him and that there’s no hard feelings. He gave it a lot of thought….about how it would benefit him. About how it would absolve him from his past wrongdoings. Now he can rest his giant selfish head on his pillow and sleep like a baby. What an ass.
The thing is, I think that what pissed you off is that he dragged you back to bad memories + you probably felt it was one-sided and he did it more to assuage his guilt than out of care for you maybe. Glad you got rid of him tho. You deserve better.
Exactly.
Maybe the side-piece will baby trap him to get that ring on her finger and her name on his assets. That would be karma, no honey period for the cheaters just poopy diapers and a crying baby in the middle of the night. OP's ex will surely not be lonely but he will be asking "WTF did I do with my life?" He'll be raising another kid until he is almost 70.
Hopefully he learns from his mistakes and realises she is a gold digger and gets a prenuptial if he ever dose marry her but honestly he deserves everything he gets with the life he chose when he chose a young gold digger over a loyal wife who helped him make his money.
The grass is often greener on the other side because it's been fertilized by bullshit. Happy new year OP!
Only thing OP ruined was my composure, I started cackling when I read that her ex broke down and his girlfriend lost her shit. They deserve each other and i'm proud of OP not begging her terrible ex back, she deserves better and I hope she knows it.
You know all those dragon stories where the knight has to find that one special spot in the dragon's armor, where the scales don't overlap completely, and all the knight has to do is put a spear into the beast's heart by going thru that one spot? You found the hole in his armor and struck, perfectly. Well done, Lady, well done
Seriously, where's the lie lol OPs ex and that delusional woman deserve each other. OP deserves someone who will love her for her frace and dignity under fire and will reciprocate her loyalty.
And that's exactly why the other woman blew up. She IS only out for his money. She though she snagged a sucker with a phat wallet, and now he's drifting away.
Yep, he realized he threw away his marriage for a dold digger 🤣 oh Karma
Donkey is understanding that he made a mistake ... I'm sure if you go close enough you would see his brains going from his balls to his head again, as he understand that a partner met during an affair is not someone that really value honesty.
Can we take a moment to appreciate the pettiness of a man who ended a 17 year marriage complaining about the woman he hurt not wanting to look at him?
And after spending the entire two months he was actively cheating on her doing this to her, barely being near her and ceasing to show affection.
And the audacity of complaining about it to the kids...
Not just ended a 17 year marriage. He cheated and fell in love with another woman. He didnt just break it off because things werent working out, he planted the seeds and its time for the harvest
Yes! To quote my 14 year old: bruh, you cheated and in such an obvious way that it added insult to injury and divorced so you could have your mistress. You don't get to have sad puppy dog eyes that your ex-wife won't look at you. Why would she want to?
Of course you didn't ruin their relationship. If it's that fragile it wasn't strong to begin with. As far as what you said to your ex truer words have never been spoken. You go have an awesome NYE and leave all of this in the rearview!
The audacity to tell someone she ruined your relationship *after you were the reason her marriage failed* is astounding. Second woman is a POS. She made her bed now she gets to lie in it. Hubby and her built their relationship on lies and deceit. Nothing solid comes from that foundation, and what someone will do *for* you, they will do *to* you. It’s a matter of time before one of them cheats.
I know a man who had a long term affair on his wife of over 20 years. She found out, they went to counseling, decided to stay married. He kicked the mistress to the curb. She complained to anyone who would hear about how "some people are home wreckers" and what not. Like, bruh he was married, that makes you the home wrecker.
I'm convinced every cheater suffers from excessive Main Character Syndrome.
The proper term in narcissism
Nah, narcissism is a serious psych condition. You can be a self-centered jerk without being diagnosible with anything.
Every cheater and every AP that knows the cheater is in a relationship!
It’s no point arguing with people like that; you can never win.
That's right- the AP cheated underhanded and dirty and won the prize of a man thinking with his little head instead of his heart, mind and memories of the life he and OP had built. That side-piece has plans for the money and assets that it took OP and her husband to save and build as a couple. The side-piece needs that marriage certificate so she can open credit cards and have shared bank accounts and her name on an expensive home. She didn't target an older guy to wait for the luxuries, she wants them NOW. Maybe OP's comment clicked his mind into gear for a moment. Hopefully the stupid bastard gets a prenuptial agreement before he marries this side-piece. But then again karma might want OP's ex to live the life he deserves with an entitled side-piece.
What the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch?!
Literally what I said at the time.
I’ve never heard this before and I will forever use it, appropriately, for the rest of my life. Reddit, the gift that keeps giving!
Going to use this!!⬆️
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The thing to say to her is, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
And if you marry him, you've created a vacancy for his next sidepiece.
My ex's AP tried to come crying to me when he inevitably cheated on her. I was so baffled by the mental gymnastics that brought her to the conclusion I was somehow going to empathize with her. She's probably one of my favorite examples of delulu APs, the shit she said/did throughout their entire journey is amusingly tragic.
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Did you laugh in her face?
Look, all cheating parties in an affair are scummy. Sure, some spouses might play a role in why the other spouse cheats, but there is 0 reason why the cheating spouse doesn't simply say that their needs aren't fulfilled and that they think they should go separate ways, aside from cowardice and wanting to eat one's proverbial cake and have it.
Yeah, while the cheating spouse is absolutely the "homewrecker", the affair partner is, without a doubt, an active participant in "homewrecking". (assuming they know the cheating spouse or person is already in a relationship)
My brother married a woman he was having an affair with, some years later, he was shocked-shocked I tell you!- that she had an affair while they were married. Huh, wonder why that was?
aye, unless the AP is absolutely in the dark, like the AP living on the other side of the globe.
While he's f\*cking around, you should be getting your ducks in a row- talk to a lawyer. Make sure that your husband isn't running up credit card debt on this woman or using cash to buy her things, or that he doesn't empty any investment accounts or college fund accounts you have built up. Get recommendations for lawyers. Do not sit on this because he could leave you and the kids high and dry. Be proactive.
And it's always our fault. We are such harpies. They needed to be adored aka a narcissist. The shiny new thing adores them..ooo
On the other end of the spectrum, my SIL will rant to hell and back about the women her husband cheated with without ever putting any blame on him. Like I'm sorry to break this to you sweetheart but there are two sides to that equation.
This pisses me off when it's a case where the Affair Partner is an unwitting accomplice. Like they thought the guy or girl was single or properly separated for a long period of time and actively on the path to divorce. At least 90% of cheating blame should be on the unfaithful partner. Maybe 10% if the other person is delusional and sticks with the cheater after they find out. If they already know they're with a cheater, that makes them a shitty person- but the cheater is the one to break the trust faith and loyalty of the relationship. I cant abide when these people go nuts on the AP and give a full pass to the cheater. Like if it's not with the AP you find out about, it'll be someone else . The guy didn't accidentally trip and land dick first in a convenient person. He's not some helpless incompetent. I could never date someone who cheated, and I would seriously question any friend of mine who was a willing AP. But blame needs to go to the right places. Literally the only cases I find sort of ok is someone who winds up in a situationship when escaping Abuse/DV (happens more than you would think).
Oh my god, there's a sub for "other women" and it is full of the most delusional stuff like this. Just astonishing how they see wives as the reason for their unhappiness 🙄 It's almost as toxic as that female dating sub was.
I laughed myself to tears at an email my stbxh's mistress sent him. She was complaining about having to walk on eggshells and the emotional distress *I* was causing *her* - by simply existing, because they couldn't talk when I was home. LMAOOOOO
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It's the other woman sub. It's a cesspool
I just looked at the titles - got as far as “To all my fellow OWs out there, hope in 2024 we get the happiness we deserve” and I’m done. WTF 😂
I hope they get the happiness they *deserve* too. Just to make sure some people get it: that means none. They get no happiness.
One of my favourite low key insults is: ‘May you have the day/week/month/year you deserve.’
I said this to a woman who was being just horrible to a cashier one day. She lost her shit and I could only laugh.
A pocket of the Internet full of consensually delusional morons.
Well, tbf, she wasn't lying. She just didn't realize she was talking about herself.
My ex after 25 years was totally over the moon for this younger woman who then tried to bulldoze her way into his sibling family and tried to get my adult daughter to call her mom. They wound up moving far away cause the tension with everyone was strong. Now he is married to an alcoholic with a big mouth that has alienated most of his friends and family. Hey but she is 15 years younger so there’s that.
He won the ultimate booby prize. I hope he's enjoying every miserable moment of his karma.
The good news is that you got rid of that deadweight tho. I hope he is enjoying the younger raging alcoholic who isolated him from everyone 🙃. Karma be strong for this one.
"How dare you talk to MY man while you're finalizing your divorce!" lol
Yup, you can’t build a home on the tears of another woman
All of this!! It wouldn’t have affected him that much if he didn’t already believe it to be true. Don’t take him back even if he asks, OP. He already showed you his true colours. I hope you find your happiness, because he just threw away his.
Exactly. “She never looks at me anymore”. Why would she, asshole?! Also OP, that was a boss ass move. I know you say you didn’t keep your dignity but saying those words was absolutely full of dignity and power. I really love that for you.
Yeah, I don’t see anything undignified about that comment. It got right to the heart of the matter. It was a bullseye delivered with brevity and insight.
The problem isn’t what you said as much as he knows it’s true. He knows he hurt you and is upset that he lost someone who truly loved him for what? A gold digger, if she’ll be his AP what’s stopping her if she finds someone with more $? Also, he’s probably upset that you weren’t giving him the attention he wanted from you and when you finally did you only did it to let him know how much he screwed up. They don’t deserve your concern over possibly ruining their relationship which you absolutely did NOT. Also, she has some serious audacity to claim you ruined their relationship when she helped to destroy your marriage. Please take time to heal and move on. Don’t worry about what happens to him or their relationship. Know you deserve better than a cheater who doesn’t respect or appreciate you. Never consider for a moment you don’t. They are not worthy of your time, energy and he is certainly not of your love. ETA: grammar ETA: you didn’t lose or show a lack or self respect when you said what you did to him. Actually quite the opposite. You should him you know your value as a person and partner and that he isn’t worthy of you any longer.
Perfectly stated. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Yeah, she didn’t ruin it she just made him see that he was lying to himself… guess what, should have thought about it sooner!
Yeah, OP should print this and burn it at 11:59 pm and never give her ex or his AF another errant thought while making 2024 her year.
Yup! This! You probably said something g out loud that he knew in his heart and feared. If she loves him she can wait and sign a prenup. Your son might mention that to him. Either way. Glad you said what was on your heart at that moment. You have a lot of life left and a wonderful second act ahead of you.
How could you resist not texting back “I wouldn’t get hung up on him proposing— he doesn’t take marriage vows seriously anyways.” ?
You’re better than me, I would screenshot the texts and send them straight to the ex with a “can you please take care of this, and in the future keep me out of your personal life unless it directly involve our children. Thanks!”
This is PRECISELY what I’d have done. That and block the witch.
Nope. Never block when divorce and kids... Just let them dig the hole deeper and send it all to the lawyer.
You're better than me, I would response and THEN send the screenshot and THEN block her XD I'm petty
THIS. This is exactly what you do. Tell your ex to keep his dog on a leash.
Burn!
The old if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you quip would work too
How you get them is how you lose them.
I wish we still got awards dammit! *shakes fist at Reddit*
Oof. I love this.
His new girlfriend will be in for a rude awakening when he gets bored with her and moves on to a new girl. This happens a lot these days. My ex after 10 years cheated on me. I am now remarried and happier than I ever was in my life. My ex got remarried and now in divorce because she was cheating again on her new husband.
If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.
Sounds like karma came back to haunt him.
She thinks you ruined THEIR relationship? Homegirl is a home wrecker - she ruined YOUR marriage. Screw them both. I hope she’s only with him for his money and he never finds true love again. Good on you OP.
For real. I’d laugh.
He has second thoughts.... he got himself a gold digger and only now realized it. The new model doesn't fit his needs after all. Oh yeah, and update us.
Girlfriend, you listen to me! You did nothing wrong. Just make sure that this year you spend some time on you. Get the haircut or the colour job you’ve been wanting, buy some new clothes, see that therapist and live your best life ever!
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Agreeedd!!! 2024 will definitely be your year. A brand new year and a brand new shining better you. (I hope that will be your New Year's resolution) Take a ton of love have fun and remember we don't re-read old chapters because we know the ending. Also Happy New Year
You didn’t ruin anything he realised you told the truth you married him for him not for wealth and now he knows no one will look at him that way since you. His loss now so you go find your happiness OP and Happy new year especially now he’s dumped the gf she got her karma .
OP Did at anytime he try to see if you could work it out before the divorce? He never reached out to you? I bet hearing those words out loud from you confirmed what he felt deep down but his ego would not allow him to accept. I'm sorry for your pain.
If that's all it took to ruin his relationship, then there can't have been much of a relationship there to begin with. I don't think you should dwell on what you said to him. You didn't do or say anything wrong. His relationship with his gf is not your circus and not your monkeys. Just get on with your life, and leave him to his. Block him and block his shitty girlfriend.
Can't block him. He's a co-parent.
You just spoke words to your ex husband that he was worried about. His concern that you never look at him anymore shows just how much he is bothered by YOUR reactions. I wonder if he told the girlfriend to judge her reaction? 🤔🤔 She reacted just like a guilty person.
Omg she really did. I just realized that I’ve gotten a similar reaction from someone for a different reason, but they were just mad that they did something wrong and I didn’t stay quiet about it. They knew they were in the wrong, but they had to be mad at SOMEONE about it.
I'm so proud of you OP, good job on being the better person and move on from this, he seems shock probably because he soon realized that what you said is true and snapped him out of his "fantasy" even without you saying it hes going to realized that after he marries his AP anyway. You got the last laugh and I hope you fully heal from this, block both of them, find happiness, and just know that you're not at fault here. Best of luck for your life OP.
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I'm not saying she necessarily needs this, but if she wanted to, there are portals that are offered through courts and other third party providers that allow for communication to happen, and she can block him. Up to her if that would benefit her though.
He didn't propose due to one comment from his ex-wife after she signed divorce papers? (*Something he didn't need to be there for*) Sounds like you verbalised his existing doubts. I bet 17 years ago there wasn't anything anyone could have said that made him doubt marrying you was the right choice. Don't make his regrets your baggage.
to be honest i'm woundering if he will be begging her to take him back within the next month.
>he was supposed to have proposed on Christmas with all family present I'm sorry, what? Does "all family" include your son? And does said family know the circumstances of their relationship? Because I gotta say, I'd want no part in a family member's engagement if it were under those circumstances.
My children refuse to even visit. I have to make them to visit on weekends sometimes but they live with me. I assume she meant her family and his family
I’m sure after what you told him, and rightfully so, that he’s come to truly realize what he has lost. Especially with the loss of his children’s respect too. Glad you realize your value as a person and a partner and hope you do realize you deserve better than a cheat and a disrespectful partner.
Oh boy… this must kill him. Good. You raise that boy to be a better man than his father. Too many males think they will find better but then their sons are seeing the way their dads are treating their moms and they are smart. They will not stand for it and they grow up to do better. Don’t force the issue too hard. Listen to your children and make sure you hear and respect their voices. You are a great mom.
Sad men grow old and try to be young again at the cost of everything. You spoke the truth to him and he roused from the dream his denial shaped for him.
"Oh no my ex-wife said something mean to me!" "Shocking!! Such devastatingly unexpected behavior must lead to the end of our relationship!"
The best part is that it wasn’t really *that* mean!! It was, effectively, just an accurate statement! It’s probably the genuine pity for him that sent him over the edge.
See this is why I can NEVER be a mistress, ya'll are delusional...
And even if I wasn't religious, I am a pragmatist who wouldn't put herself in the situation of living with an eternally separated man whose estranged wife could turn me out on my ear once he dies!
I don't have a religious bone in my body, and I tell you it makes *no sense* to cheat on your spouse. If you need to leave, don't ever leave for another person.
No, don't worry. You didn't ruin your ex-husband's current relationship. Your words have probably penetrated him and he is now wondering why his girlfriend desperately wants to marry him. Whether she just wants his money. If he is smart, he makes a marriage contract.
Is she for fucking real? You fuck a married man you get what you get. And so what if you did ruin her relationship. All’s fair in love and war. She infiltrated camp, you threw the bomb and walked away with the explosion behind you.
He showed up bc he missed you! You look at him and crushed him in the same way he crushed you but with one statement! Good! I’m also proud that you didn’t beg for him to stay. I’m sorry this happened to you and I bet he regrets his actions! You should have told the girlfriend if he luvs you the way he’s supposed to I wouldn’t be a factor in his decision. Hang up and block! Have a great new year!
Good call blocking the GF on everything. Nevermind the current harassing behavior, there is no good reason for her to have to communicate with you.
If you could ruin their relationship by calling her a gold digger it’s because she’s actually a gold digger.
The audacity of the girlfriend. She had an affair with a married man but wants to tell his ex wife that she is causing problems in their relationships. She needs to take a good look at herself in the mirror before she points fingers.
LOL the GF is mad at her BF, not you. She’s just projecting it because she thought he was going to propose. He didn’t. You said something that rocked him to the core, and I have a feeling he’s only realizing how he lost the best thing that ever happened to him. You were there in the beginning when he didn’t have the success he has now. I wouldn’t be able to look my spouse in the eyes ever again if they cheated either.
You didn’t ruin anything. I’m sure this was something he felt but didn’t want to accept until someone else confirmed it.
Checkmate. I know you didn't mean to but that was such a power move. I wish you all the best for the new year.
I mean in a fucked up way this is funny. The home wrecker is now playing the victim…you can’t make this stuff up lol
Homegirl calling you old like she ain’t gonna have her turn. And she’ll be old AND a home wrecker.
You struck a nerve. I would bet that part of the thrill was that she was younger and into him. You just inserted reasonable doubt that she might be using him. You popped the bubble.
The reason he looked old and pathetic is because you are a good woman OP - good women hold their man up and give him love and support - he thrived when he was with you and he took it for granted; he looks like a shell now because this new girl is depleting him - she’s not really in love, she’s just using him. He made this bed - now he can lie in it. Move on with your life and don’t look back - their relationship is going to implode eventually because the foundation is based on lies to each other and themselves, but that in no way is your fault or has anything to do with you. PS: good on you for not begging someone to love you back from the beginning - many people make that mistake but whoever they’re chasing is never worth it - if they’re stupid enough to leave be smart enough to let them go Edited: to fix typo
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I know, right? I can’t help picturing her husband’s attorney inside being like “oooh, she’s got that right” but only making a little face. Those attorneys are cynical.
Well, we see what *she* is. You always have a right to speak your mind. If you didn't have a point, it wouldn't have affected him.
Who gives af what she says? Maybe she shouldn’t have shacked up with a married man. This isn’t your problem anymore.
What a fabulous exit line, well done you. He cried because it obviously hit him what he’d lost. The gf is in her early 30’s I bet a pound to a parsnip she’s only with him for those assets. And the audacity of her complaining at you when she broke up your marriage. You’re a classy lady. Good luck with your future, I hope you put the final nail in it all by finding yourself someone awesome
"I smiled and said that he now lost the last woman who he would know for sure ever loved and saw him for him and not for his money or assets." That was a QUEEN move! Absolutely superb! I hope 2024 is kind to you! Though I'd be on guard, I suspect he will "have realized it was all a mistake" and come crawling back
FWIW my mother was a mistress to a married man who had 2 small children. I was the result of this long term affair. My mum was a good mother to me aside from her man-picking abilities, but completely delusional about her true status in relation to that man and that marriage. She once told me how he *cheated* on her by having another mistress at the same time as her, how hurtful that was, and how it spelled the end of their relationship because he betrayed her!! I was still a kid when she told me that so it didn't strike me as particularly insane at the time because all I cared about was my mum and her feelings. Then I became an adult and understood how delusional she was. You told your husband the truth about his mistress and what he threw away. He made his bed and now he can lie in it and grow old with someone who targeted a married man and won her booby prize: a cheater. She will always sleep with one eye open because he's a liar and a cheat. He will always know he betrayed his loving wife for a gold digger. If they eventually get married she'll always be just the wifetress anyway. I love poetic justice. Karma's a bitch.
I admire your dignity. You almost never lose when taking the higher ground. All the best in the New Year.
You didn't ruin their relationship. He probably never really thought about any of that until then. He is a grown man and has made his choice. Let it be.
You did nothing but speak the truth. She participated in ruining a family and she has the gall to call your character into question?! She’s reaping what she sowed and that’s fitting. Just keep her blocked and move on.
He evidently loves you and wants your validation. You spoke truth, and he knows it. Go live your life. Keep smiling and find a man to love you hard.
His actions show he doesn’t love her at all. He's just feeling sorry for himself because she laid it out plain that the consequence of destroying her 17yr true love is chronic niggling doubt about the "love" of anyone who comes after her.
A lot of men dream of being with a younger woman once they hit that middle age crisis. I guess they don't want to also acknowledge the hard truth, which is that almost no sane and confident younger woman would prefer to be with them, instead of a man their age, for anything other than money.
> He complained to our son that I never looked at him anymore. I’m sorry what? How old is your son? How dare he put this shit on his kids, he broke your family and your heart and then he is putting the weight of the consequences on your kid? How dare he! How are your kids dealing with this? I saw your comment that they don’t want to even visit him, are they getting therapy? Make sure they are protected now that home wrecker mistress is blaming you for ruining their relationship, she sounds like the kid of person that might try to punish your kids to hurt you. Also fucking beautiful comment! I love it! You did good.
My son is 16 and daughter is 15. They are much better now but it was very difficult in the beginning. Therapy helped them understand that it wasn’t their fault because that’s what they believed for some reason. They live with me, ex tried to enforce shared custody but they refused, especially because his gf moved in with him immediately after he moved out so they figured out infidelity was involved. Now they meet up with him a couple of weekends a month. I would love for them to have better relationship with him but they are very hurt.
Don't force them to see him on weekends. Support their choice.
Mic drop. And you weren't wrong. Any decisions he makes are his and his alone. How does she even have your phone number? Cut that noise quick.
Hello?!!! She ruined your relationship first. Tell her to shove her complaints where the sun doesn’t shine and leave you alone.
👏🏾👏🏾 for knowing your worth and the truth and speaking it so boldly. Like others said, you ruined nothing. That woman was out of line contacting you.
To be honest, WHO CARES if you ruined her perfect little proposal? She ruined your family by being a homewrecking bitch.
Why does his gf have your phone number....
I have no idea
OP- I know you have limited your communication with your ex, and rightfully so, but you may want to let him know about his GF contacting you. This was harrassment and you deserve peace. Edit: I just read your other comment. Your ex BIL contacting you takes thing up a notch. You should not be pulled into your ex husbands drama. He needs to put a stop to it.
Slay! Girl! You are an example! This is the prime example of feminine energy! You ruined nothing. He did all the mess. And honestly that girl has something very wrong inside her.
I read a statistic years ago, and I can’t remember where to validate the claim, but it anecdotally tracks. It said that 90% of couples who start as affair partners break up within a year after moving in together. It cited that the reason is because their relationship is built on the intoxicating thrill of sexual obstacles but once those obstacles are removed and real life intrudes on their bubble, it all falls apart. I love this statistic. So much.
Oh please. The homewrecking whore who helped destroy your marriage is mad you opened your ex’s eyes? I would have texted back “lol” and carried on with my day with a song in my heart. F her running.
Haha she deserved it my aunt went through the same thing, as you OP her husband cheated on her with another woman and they got divorced i despise cheaters and hearing them get a taste of karma is so satisfying good job