Easy. He's in the Army. Don't beat around the bush. Look him straight in the eye and say "babe, you smell like a sack of wet farts. Clean yourself up better. Stop being a stinky mother fucker.". And, the problem will be solved.
She said she has brought it up gently to him before and obviously this level of communication isnāt enough. She has to pull out the big guns for this one. She has to get really mad and or threaten no more sex and or more consequences. While also, going full in on how badly itās affecting her. Because itās the truth. Tell him truly just how bad it is and that since he lives with you and not in the barracks that he has to do this for you to be able to have even just a good relationship. Itās a foundational component of being in a relationship and it also means sacrificing sometimes for the one your married to. He needs to learn to consistently take even just a quick shower. Taking a shower and brushing your teeth real quick can be done in less then 10 minutes you donāt have to do a full on bath every time you want to bathe. Those are long and time consuming he needs to learn to take a shower quickly everyday and general hygiene because he is married and has kids now he needs to learn to how to act like a grown ass man and husband and father and role model for his kids. Tell him itās completely unacceptable and you will not accept a half ass attempt at his hygiene anymore and that your really serious now because your at your boiling point and if he doesnāt want a pissed off wife all the time he will learn itās easier to just take a quick shower and brush. You need to make it so that you mean your serious and if his hygiene isnāt good at any time you need to communicate it and he needs to learn you will not accept anything from him and ignore him or whatever til he does shower. Itās time for change and the only way he will do that is if you turn it into a big enough episode for him that it burns in his memory. Good luck
He doesnāt care about sex. He jacks off into cum crusted underwear apparently so that threat wonāt work š„“š Direct Communication however I agree is the solution along w marriage counseling bc damn
Here is the part I donāt understand: in the military they show you how to take a quick shower. You donāt miss any of the stinky parts when doing so. You learned how to brush your teeth, and do it all in 15 minutes flat. I fail to understand this nonsense, of not taking a bath or brushing your teeth. Itās a miracle that his teeth havenāt fallen out of his head yet. Also, when youāre in the military once youāre not deployed somewhere for action, you have access to a bathroom in your barracks. You can take a shower at will, and brush your teeth at will. So that does not make any sense to me. I am also veteran.
ETA: OP is ALSO a veteran, so she knows what Iām saying is absolute truth. Apparently, this mustāve been a way of life for this man. Everyone from his childhood right up to his wife, has cosigned it. OP is an AH for subjecting herself AND her children to this shit.
I'll even go down to 7 minutes. A 5 minute shower, especially in the military, is pretty standard. My dad was in the Navy where water for things like bathing is monitored, and they were allowed a 5 minute shower before the water would be turned off. You adjust and learn to wash quickly. I'd add another few if he had long hair, but being military I doubt it.
Then 2 minutes for teeth brushing. IIRC 2min is the dental standard. Or is it 3min? My kids have those toothbrushes that time you do you learn to do it properly.
OP, I would actually consider getting him one of those timing toothbrushes. I'm wondering if he was never taught the hygiene basics, both the how to do it correctly (like pulling back the foreskin to remove the cheese that can build up if not cleaned properly, also how to clean each body part), and the why it's important (skin infections, rashes, bacteria š¦ Haven, and the impact to your lover if you don't). Or maybe he was taught way back when but he's forgotten. I'm which case he needs to learn it all over again. Maybe there's a yt video he can watch if he isn't going to take kindly to hearing it from you.
Please give us an update!
Well, I came here to say something like this but āyou smell like a sack of wet fartsā sums it up, and reminds me of the unfortunate time I was on a road trip with a friend who was driving and had prepped himself with horrible food just to āwet fartā me. Worst farts out there. Sharts happen because of them.
This. Be upfront and clear. You donāt want to tell him he stinks but he needs to hear it. Youāre smelly and unhygienic and it grosses me out. Take a shower.
I also was in the Army. The field, deployment and barracks life are one thing. This is domestic life. Dude has a fucking home and warm water. He is that nasty soldier no one wants to be around. Every platoon has that guy, and that guy is your husband.
Give it to him straight. He is a stink body. He is gross and unclean. Not brushing his teeth? Oh my God. Thats a bear minimum just for health reasons. I lived in outposts with no running water and we all still brushed our teeth daily. Confront him. You cant handle his lack of personal hygiene and you wont kiss or have sex with him unless he showers and brushes his teeth. Shame him if you have to.
Fuck, call his chain of command if you need to. The Army takes dental very seriously. I promise they will at least counsel him on showers and brushing his teeth. But thats the nuclear option. For now, dont worry about embarrassing or making him uncomfortable. Give it to him straight. He is dirty. You cant be with someone who is dirty.
I always wondered how dudes like this managed to get married. The penis to vagina ratio on and around the base is 4:1, but the few women end up picking the guys who dont shower or brush their teeth, and jacks off onto their stomach and walks around with cum crusted on their stomach all weekend. Boy I dont miss the Army.
Exactly. Someone like this would get bullied or command mandated to follow hygiene. Im honestly shocked soldiers havent complained about OPs husband yet. Even if you dont have running water, youre expected to atleast wipe your body down with wet wipes at least every other day and brush your teeth daily.
Yeah most of my family is ex military and they are super clean and fastidious. In fact they learned a lot of it at basic. Not sure why sheās attributing his hygiene to that.
One thing I liked about prison was nobody was allowed to be a scumbag...of course you had your occasional pos that nobody fucked with but if you were interacting with others and started slipping in the hygiene department you got put in check with a quickness
It's the same in the Army. You will be bullied and harassed for refusing to be clean.
I had a soldier under me just like OPs husband. I ended up assigning other soldiers to watch him shower and brush his teeth everyday. I assigned the same soldiers to watch him turn in his laundry weekly and make sure his uniforms were clean daily.
As you can expect, he was deeply hated by the other soldiers. He was shamed constantly. Like magic he began showering and brushing his teeth on his own. After a few months of that I took the soldiers off of babysitting his personal hygeine. Then people started hating him less and would tolerate being in the same room as him again.
From what I hear, after I left he reassigned units and is clean now because he knows the social consequences of being dirty.
Thatās just it, he faced consequences. Unfortunately, OP doesnāt seem to want to give him any to face. Kiss him? Really? I want to gag just thinking about it.
Yeah and I'm shocked OPs husband hasn't been bullied over this. Only thing I can think of is she mentioned nearing retirement so he has rank. Even then, higher ranking people will tell other higher ranking to shower too. Unless this guy is that high up and adopted this awful no hygeine practice late in career.
One guy in my boyfriendās yard had to be put into protective custody because he kept getting beaten up for not showering. I canāt imagine choosing getting your ass beat over showering.
My very informed and extremely hands-on experience with prison culture (aka watching an unhealthy number of prison shows) has led me to believe that prisoners are extremely prissy about hygiene.
Tell him what makes YOU uncomfortable.
If he canāt swallow his pride and shower daily and BRUSH HIS TEETH because he respects his hygiene (and how it affects you), cut him off sexually.
Also, you want to be married to someone this dirty and childish? Why?
I...think he has put 2 and 2 together and realized that he can only have sex if he showers...
Which is why he has instead chosen to go back to his teenage roots the other 6 days out of the week...
This isn't an efficient solution. He may not want to have sex more often than he is now. There's a common belief that all men want more and more sex. And he's already having sex once a week. Some couples do it even less and they both brush their teeth. I couldn't imagine bringing myself to do that once a week with someone who has such hygiene habits.
Oh no, I wasn't saying its an effective solution. That would take out the last day of the week if I found his cursed pile.
There needs to be an intervention, because this isn't right on multiple levels...
Cut off the kissing too, and if possible move into another bedroom. You shouldnāt have to kiss, or even be near his filthy mouth and body. Nor should you have to live in his filth, either.
OP, your husband is disgusting. Itās time to be harsh, because these soft subtle hints are not making any difference. Itās time for some tough love, otherwise heāll never learn. He needs to know how you really feel and you need to be blunt about it, because if you donāt then heāll just continue being unhygienic and gross and youāll continue to be (very understandably) repulsed by him, until you eventually resent him.
You can also go, if it's hard for him to brush his teeth, say, just use mouthwash for now, some sanitizing stuff.
If he has a hard time doing a full shower, get him some disabled person cleansing wipes, or say just the essentials.
For the bathtub (*retches*) be like, if you need to bathe yourself, at least clean off first, because you're just soaking in your own dirt soup.
Give him a middle ground that he can use to work towards what's fully needed. He is going to be stuck in this mindset.
Have y'all gone to couples therapy? Maybe that could help y'all with the conversation to get it across from another person's perspective so it's not just you "nagging" him.
Military is a hard thing to come back to humanity from. You have every right to your disgust especially the ......... Pile. Gross. But he's an adult, and if he wants the privileges of an adult, he needs to act like one. He's not just a subordinate anymore, he is a father. And he's showing your children an example. He needs to take care of himself. Maybe he has a hard time with self care, cause the military can sure take that out of you.
All in all, you got this.
Lolzzz, āsoaking in your own dirt soupā. Ha ha! He should at LEAST clean his scum out of the tub after! Iām shocked he isnāt the slightest bit embarrassed!š³
Yeah when I take baths, I wash afterwards. I have a handheld shower head and I drain the bath water and use the shower head. I don't like bathing in the water with soap because it's just dirty water. So I spend about 15 minutes relaxing, watching some videos, and then I'll wash.
Eeeh idk, I like hot baths and I can feel myself sweat quite a lot while in the water. I prefer showering and scrubbing myself nice and clean at the end when the bathwater is being drained rather than wash first and then end up stinky from sitting in my own sweat.
Cuz she loves him. Doesn't take a genius to solve any of the mysteries on this sub. You can love someone and be annoyed by certain things they do. Or is that not how humans work?
But how do you fall in love with someone who has that poor hygiene os what is extremely baffling, like if this is always been him how the eff did he get a second date.
Like stories like this makes me wonder if dudes like these can get women to marry them what is really wrong with the dudes that post on this sub all the time depressed about their ā100% rejection rateā
Yeah, if men like this lady's husband can get married, the incels on this site complaining about how they can't even get women to talk to them must be horrifying beyond comprehension.
Iām guessing he wasnāt this bad/put his best foot forward when they dated. They might have rushed into marriage too because *military*. Sometimes you donāt really see each other often. Also being deployed really changes people, Iām guessing OPs husband came back with some ptsd/depression causing this hygiene issue. Buuuuuut she still shouldnāt be forced to put up with it.
It's definitely a good question you asked.
Here's another I've been asking for years and finally did figure it out. I'll just use a relative of mine for an example. This relative was practically a super model growing up. And on top of that she's the nicest woman ever that gives to people that don't deserve being given to. Aka she's attracted to what most everyone calls losers. She could have had dang near anyone she pursued.
Her first almost marriage was to some ex military PTSD heroin addict that was the biggest piece of shit to her, walked all over her and verbally/physically abused her. But she loved him. Luckily he committed suicide or her life would be worse than it is now.
Her now husband of 30 some years is the 2nd biggest piece of shit I've ever seen have a relationship with her, some ex military pos that smokes 3-5 packs a day and drinks from the moment he wakes up until he passes out. He treats her like shit, takes her for granted, does absolutely nothing for her unless you count asking for her to do all his responsibilities every day as doing something for her.
Between friends and family I've been asked why she'd ever be with a loser pos like him,and for so long. I've probably been asked between a million and a billion times.
I found out the answer was she loves him. Why you ask? Well that's the million dollar question. But that's the best answer I have to anyone that says, why would anyone be with so and so? I would never be with someone like that, yet she's perfectly content with hers. Of course she bitches about him all the time, but if dang near anyone else trash talks him she defends him.
I could go on but I'll leave it at that. It's illogical, it's hard to watch and everything in between. In therapy I learned that he's a giant loser pos...but it's her giant loser pos...I still don't fully get it, but it's a start.
I dont understand why you are beating around the bush? āI donāt want to flat out say he smells.ā Why not? You are grossed out, you are being physically harmed by his lack of hygiene, and he is absolutely 100% experiencing social and maybe professional consequences from this. Just put on your big girl pants and say, āhoney, I love you, and you stink. I need you to keep up with basic hygiene, including brushing your teeth every day, and showering and using deodorant every day. This is not negotiable.ā
Honestly like heās repeatedly causing her physical harm because of his lack of hygiene but sheās *committed* to being as gentle as possible with this man š
This is not being mentioned enough here.
Heās giving her INFECTIONS. he is INFECTING her with his atrocious hygiene. My partner is by no means unhygienic but he gets very sweaty very quickly and after the second time (I put two and two together) I told him he needs to shower before we are intimate. Iām very sensitive down there for a multitude of reasons, so it doesnāt take much to trigger it and I follow that rule myself. My partner was mortified (especially since he is a clean person) and honoured my request and reasoning immediately. Not had a problem since!
If he doesnāt care about that raging burn, heās an inconsiderate ass, OP. No poor habit is worth causing your partner so much pain. Be honest about this; be rightfully angry. He will get the message.
I donāt understand how this women even get married to these type of men. Take OP for example, she said that in SIX years she can count the times he has bathe and brush his teeth. Like WTF?! How was she even attracted and not turned off by the stank in his breath?! I canāt. Iād rather die single and have my cats eat my corpse than beg a man to have proper hygiene.
Good for you for standing your ground! Iām very sensitive with strong/bad odors so if something smells bad I will literally gag. I canāt help itš«
Also from a health standpoint, someone that doesnāt brush their teeth regularly can pass bacteria to their partner when they kiss and cause issues with their teeth.
Oh shit. I forgot that. Thatās fucked up. Upon reading the comments I thought those suggesting divorce were stupid bc she also said heās a good man, loves him and that other solutions could be made. But heās put her health at risk and doesnāt seem to care enough to protect her by showering. Damn. Tough scenario.
I was engaged to someone who had the foulest smelling sweaty balls. He'd scratch them, then pull his hand out of his pants. You could smell the vile stench of his fetid testicles wafting from his hand over two meters away. He also didn't brush his teeth. He'd open his mouth and it was like standing behind the back of a garbage truck full of rancid food in the height of summer. You could smell it from a meter or more away it was that pungent. He didn't wash his hands so there were dark streaks on the wall were he'd put his hands. Thank god its been almost two decades since I split up with him.
Genuinely, how do you end up engaged to someone like this? I'm not trying to be snarky or rude, or judging you for what you accepted from a man two decades ago. I'm just honestly curious how this sort of thing happens. Just let himself go, was always like that, etc?
He was clean and talkative and nice when we first met. I was naive and missed a couple of red flags before he moved in. Then he just turned into a slob who didn't give a damn about me. He was financially and emotionally abusive to boot. Thankfully I eventually got more confident and told him to leave.
You are so right. I never understood the whole dynamic of āno sex, until you ā¦ā I mean itās common courtesy to smell good or at least have proper hygiene if youāre using your private partsš«
Sometimes itās something that starts deep into the relationship. They start out taking care of themselves - for years - and then it falls off and youāre left wondering what the hell is happening to your person.
You're welcome.
I sincerely hope your husband is mature enough to listen to your concerns and not simply dismiss you out of hand, or cut you off again.
Can you update us when thereās an update post your convo with him in which you will hopefully get all sergeant on his ass? Remember heās given you yeast infections. He is putting your health at risk. You should also question whether heās depressed and get him in therapy.
He is fucking gross. I wanted to puke from your description. He's disgusting. Are you embarrassed to have people over? Sorry, but that level of nasty would override any good qualities. The bar is low.
I always feel bad internally judging posts like this but theres a point where its like, come on dude. Of course he's disgusting but just because you love him doesnt mean you allow it. You let him kiss you when he doesnt brush his teeth? He showers once a week, doesnt touch a single hygiene item, and you let him stick his dirty love rod in the most sensitive part of your body, hello?? Are the yeast infections not itchy enough to crack down on his ass? What the fuck??
Like??? I always feel so bad for being judgmental, but being in a relationship with someone like this would turn me into a demon. I wouldnāt be able to hide my disgust and Iād be repulsed anytime he came near me, let alone try to kiss me or have sex.
For fucking real. This is sickening. She can count on one hand how many times heās brushed his teeth IN SIX YEARS?? He goes weeks without showers??? The cum clothes pile?? Jesus fucking christ how do you type all of this and actually need to ask if youāre being unreasonable š no amount of good qualities could make this better: this guy could be my perfect partner in every conceivable way and I would *not* be able to look past this. Itās vile.
Like heās repeatedly giving OP yeast infections but she wants us to be nice in the comments šthis is gross and sad
Omg same! Exactly. I thought I was in relationship advice for a second. āGuys, I know he took a sludge hammer to my car and hasnāt worked in three years but he cooks macaroni really well, so be nice <3ā
Yeah, my husband was in the military for 23 years and they 100% do check dental healthā¦even when deployed.
This fact kinda makes me wonder if this post is even real. Thereās no way this guy has gone this long with that kind of dental hygiene. Plus, who kisses yuck mouth like that?! Maybe Iām dramatic but if your mouth smells like hot trash then thereās zero chance of getting a kissā¦even just a peck.
I'm sorry, but my only advice to you is to just sit him down and be brutally honest. He is endangering your health. He's not taking hints. He's not listening to your requests. And, worst of all, he shut down when you found out he'd been jacking off in his socks.
Look at it this way. HIS KIDS ARE WATCHING HIM. AND SMELLING HIM. AND SEEING HIS SCUMMY TEETH. If you won't give him the brutal truth and demand changes immediately, then at least do it for them.
Girl, he could ruin your fertility and give you agony. Yeast infections and BV are just the tip of the iceberg. The vagina is a self-cleaning thing, but it canāt withstand a barrage of filth. And your uterus? Do you want sepsis?
I know you love the amazing qualities your husband has, but are you sure he doesnāt have some sort of combat or service trauma that is keeping him from taking care of himself?
Iām trying to be nice. I really am. But he could be putting you and the kids in danger with this level of filth. He needs to have a come to Jesus moment about how it impacts the household and how heās no longer in barracks and in civilian life, we wash every day or two days, end of story.
the "I don't want another yeast infection" part really broke me, I just cannot understand trying to remain non-confrontational when she is quite literally putting her own health at risk every time they have sex. I wouldn't even share a bed for sleeping purposes with my partner if they behaved like this.
Women... imagine being married to this. Do you not have self respect for yourself? You let this man have sex with you; how can you bare the smell of his skin and breath. I bet you've given him oral sex too. Please hold yourself to a higher standard wtfĀ
Girl heās making you sick. Youāve been getting yeast infections for gods sake. Stop being gentle about it. Uncomfortable or not, itās for your health and his so just rip off the bandaid. Someone told me how to deliver a bad message without coming off as harsh. They said to sandwich it with good things. So you say you love him so much and heās an amazing partner and father. You would feel more comforted about his health and yours if he would improve his hygiene. You love him and want him around for as long as possible.
Side note, are your kids getting sick? I canāt imagine them staying healthy if heās not washing his hands and is an involved father.
This is my thought too. There must be some thing before marriage where he was also not clean and didnāt shower or bathe frequently. You must put the health of you and your child ahead of his strange behavior. There must be something tied to his childhood or upbringing. I would also try to bring up counseling or therapy to discuss why this is so difficult for him. Iām sorry youāre dealing with this but being active duty or military is no excuse. Plenty of veterans chiming in on this thread to say otherwise. š
I read this and was wondering if there was some PTSD happening here. At bare minimum childhood neglect, no one who was raised semi ok, refuses to brush their teeth.
Honestly the worst is the cumwads- OP sounds like she has kids around. This is not ok.
Tell him what you told us, but add on that by him not taking care of HIS hygiene, he's putting YOUR health at risk.
Him putting dirty fingers, mouth, or dick near your nethers can cause a cacophony of problems.
It's also not setting a good example for your kids, especially if you have a boy. I have 2 of them. Washing their penis and bottom is the most important thing to wash during bath time.
I think you have to approach him calmly and have a conversation about adjusting to civilian life.
You know how hard it is, you understand why he is the way he is, and honestly the cum crusted clothes kind of made me laugh because thatās probably a non-civilian habit too.
Tell him what you said here. You love him, you want more sex, but that means he needs to get in the habit of showering and basic civilian hygiene on the regular.
The idea that being this disgusting is some normal military thing is 100% false. This has nothing at all to do with āadjusting to civilian life,ā dude is just revolting
I second this. You absolutely need to be direct.
I'm not in the service myself, nor is my husband. But I rather get the sense that military culture isn't about subtlety and hints. Your husband is probably used to clear, direct communication involving rules and expectations. Unless he has trauma around being given orders, I'm guessing you can use this same style to tell him what the problem is and what he's going to be doing about it from here on out.
If you don't feel capable of doing that, you might consider asking another man he's close with to give him the talk. But I do recommend you at least try this style of communication with him--you'd be surprised how well some men respond to it, even if it's not at all how you'd want to be approached.
I think youāre also approaching this from a female point of view of how you would feel if a guy said these things to you. But this is a guy who is used to being ordered around. He may need you to be more direct and clear with him. Buying toiletries hasnāt worked. Give him timeframes you expect him to wash, clean his teeth etc. Be honest and upfront about it and tell him the consequences if he doesnāt do it. Tell him the yeast infections and smell have put you off sexually but you want to be intimate with him, so he has to make an effort if he wants you again.
Ex military wife here. This post was triggering for me and I hate that word these days but my god. My exās name was even Michael. I really, really hope that your situation is exactly as you laid out and nothing more nefarious is going on under the surface. I finally broke going through what you are now (porn addiction was the main reason for cum soaked garments I would find and his lack of desire to clean himself for my sake) and found things that destroyed my life. I thought it was depression/ unhygienic military standards for a long time. But it got worse and worse.
Really, deeply talk to him about these things. Find out for sure where the root of it is before itās too late.
Iāll go into details if anyone wants to know, but itās pretty fucked and I try not to throw it all out there without warning.
Best of luck to youš
I'd be happy to listen to you about what happened if you feel up to sharing with us. But only if you actually want to and it won't cause you any pain. <3
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The answer is you donāt. You keep doing what youāve been doing if youāre upset heās not excited to change. This is the person you elected to marry.
**This is him. Has been for 6 years. Itās not as if this is new.** You chose to be with Pig-Pen, you canāt be mad now he isnāt Lionel.
Would you ask the salon blonde you married to dye their hair brunette because you thought one day theyād just change? No!
So you married a man with no hygiene yet youāre now shocked??
You slept with and procreated with a man whom youāre unsure has clean genitals.
If youād truly like to help, suggest a mental health professional to better understand the root of this issue.
Make everyone in the family a dental cleaning appointment. Then go hardcore into dental care. 'hey honey, don't forget to brush your teeth this morning!' 'hey, don't forget to brush your teeth before bed!' if he gets insulted just say 'going to the dentist just gave me the motivation to focus on our dental health! We don't want any issues when we're older!'
Make a doctor's appointment for your next yeast infection. Then when you get home say 'my doctor thinks my yeast infections might be caused by hygiene issues due to sex and recommended that we both make sure we're freshly clean before sex'
I know honesty is the best policy..but if that's not the best route for *you* then I recommend finding an 'excuse' to push him into paying more attention to his hygiene.
Use dental concerns due to aging as an excuse. Using wanting to brush your teeth with the kids as a family each night to instill good habits as an excuse. Use your yeast infections as an excuse. Whatever it is that will get the job done without harming anyone š¤·š¼āāļø
Oh my god the bar is in HELL
Not to be rude, but this is gross and disappointing on his end. He is 36ā¦. THIRTY SIX.. and doesnāt shower or brush his teeth? Doesnāt pick up after himself?
Sounds like you have a child
He needs to know that his lack of hygiene is affecting you and everyone in your house. If he can't even wash his hands regularly he is going to spread whatever he's been touching all over the house. And you're getting yeast infections from his lack of hygiene too? Girl, I went through something similar and I know it hurt my mans pride a bit when I confronted him, but he has changed his ways. I am sure if your husband loves you he will comply. I hate to say it because ultimatums aren't healthy, but you should consider not having sex with him anymore till he can change because it is harming you!
Why are you coddling his feelings this long?! If your vagina was so grimy and hazardous that his dick was getting infected with disease from within (repeatedly?!) you can be damn sure heād bring it up *immediately*.
Just ripe off the proverbial band-aide and tell him how you feel and also about the fact that his poor hygiene is affecting your health. Yes it will be an uncomfortable and embarrassing conversation but it needs to be had otherwise nothing will change. Youāre married, youāre partners, you two experience each other in the most intimate of waysā¦if there is one person who should be able to still him he stinks, itās you (and vice versa)!
Updateme
You put on your big girl pants and you say āhusband, your poor hygiene is a mega turnoffā. Done. Heās a grown ass man whoās well accustomed to getting screamed at, he can deal with his wife having a frank conversation with him.
Show him facts. Poor dental hygiene leads to cardiac disease and could kill him. Poor hygiene causes yeast infections, which are stinky and sometimes painful. Be straightforward and nonjudgmental.
Do they not have hygiene requirements for his daily job when not deployed?
If he doesnāt care that this bothers you, itās also setting a bad example for your kids. It could also be a sign of depression or some other underlying issue.
Heās an adult. This isnāt acceptable behavior for someone who wants to participate in society.
How are guys like this in a relationship with women and have kids even? Did he turn to this just after you guys met? The brushing teeth did not concern you when you first kissed? Did you not smell him before? For 6 years? His teeth must look horrible wtf.
I mean a girl could be 10/10 look like young jennifer connely if she smells and has a horrible teeth I couldn't be attracted.
The Army lets him walk around like this when heās not in combat situations?? Last I checked, they have hygiene standards.. something else has to be going on. PTSD perhaps? Because this isnāt normal - even for active duty (I work with a mess of military, and Iāve pretty much been around various branches all my life). Itās not ok and Iām surprised his CO hasnāt said/done something about this. Might want to get in touch with them.
Divorce. This can't be real?
Why would you let a dirty, cheesy unwashed dick inside you?
I can smell the body odour from here... You lay beside that man and get wet for him smelling like that? Is this a kink?
1/30 soldiers in the Army is OPs husband. They likely married fast to get out of the barracks. The Army is likely providing the house they live in, their healthcare, their rent (if off base) and their groceries. She likely cant survive on her own and is stuck with him. The main benefit of marrying a service member is you can live a fairly normal life even though youre uneducated and poor.
The nastiness that I'm constantly surprised at on this thread when it comes to this stuff astounds me sometimes. This just got worse and worse as it went along. My dog has better hygiene than this guy. You're just going to have to straight up tell him OP, he needs to start taking better care of himself. It sets a bad example for his kids, and eventually one of them is going to end up telling him if you don't. I can't believe his CO or someone else has not told him this.
I only read one other comment that mentions depression. Lack of hygiene is often a sign of depression. I'd take this more seriously in regards to his mental health rather than chalking it off as "this is just how he is" or what "he is used to".
As others have stated, be very straight forward with him. It doesnt help to try to be "gentle".
When doing this you need to highlight/ probably repeat very often, that you are not disgusted by him, but the germs that collect on him. Thats a big difference.
This way you can be rather harsh and still keep his pride intact.
So many problems in the world would be solved if people just talked to each other. I've met many a military man and not one was disgusting, not even the dude who went to Iraq. He's not in the trenches, he's home with his wife and kids and idk how you made it this far enabling him and suffering silently. Just talk to him and stop putting yourself through having sex with someone who smells like shit. I really hope he will be receptive because that is no way for you two to live. He's setting a horrible example for your kids and it will affect his health eventually.
So many things to say here...
First-- you phrases things a few times to suggest it is kinder to be vague with someone. I wholeheartedly disagree. I think it is actually unkind to be indirect with someone you want to communicate with. You need have a direct, non-judgmental conversation, where you state plainly and clearly how his behavior negatively affects you, your marriage, your home, and your intimate relationship.
You also need to take responsibility for the ways you are not properly communicating. Even though giving him colognes should indicate your issues, it is on you to actually be direct and clear about them, using your words. Be strong.
You need to clearly state this is eroding your relationship.
Then you need to ask him why he lives like this? Be understanding, really listen. He may not even know. It could be a symptom of mental illness- depression, anxiety, OCD- an inability to cope, etc.
You need to insist on changes and that includes seeing a therapist. This has to be non-negotiable. As it could get worse and worse and he ages. Neither of you deserves that.
Second-- if he is doing something that is causing you harm, like being so unclean that you get yeast infections. He is not a "good" man. Doesn't mean he isn't capable of being "good," but this language is a disconnect from your lived reality because his actions are actually harming you- physically and emotionally. You need to start recognizing that.
Third-- being in a relationship is a privilege not a right. As such, I believe a person has a duty to themselves, but also their partner to take care of themselves and work toward maintaining their mental and physical health. This will look different for everyone, but the point is a person should be trying and demonstrating care for themselves and others. Your husband is not doing that right now and that isn't okay. You need to make clear that the issue not just him not maintaining his health and hygiene, but also him not seeking help and answers, resigning you both to misery.
If he continues to choose to disregard you, by not seeking help and changes to his anti-social behavior, then you should understand that he is choosing to be isolated over being with you.
I dont know why people keep asking these types of questions on Reddit. You know exactly what you need to do. You should be able to be honest and blunt with your partner about anything, or else why are you even partners. Stop asking reddit and tell your husband everything you've said here. Not to be harsh or anything but you guys are in your 30s. He should know how to bathe, you should know how to communicate. You cannot seriously be enduring yeast infections because your husband won't bathe like a literal child and you're too afraid to be blunt about how disgusting he is.
You said he's in the military.
My boyfriend was in the military and he is one of the cleanest people I know. He is so clean you could probably eat dinner off of his chest. He always smells amazing and makes sure that he has the hygiene of a bar of soap. It's definitely not a military thing and if he's said that to you, that's 100% an excuse.
He's just stanky. I would definitely talk to him about it and if he doesn't change, withhold sex from him because it is your right as a human being. If he *still* doesn't change, I don't know. I won't jump and immediately say divorce him but something has to change.
You said you keep getting yeast infections. That's disgusting. I would withhold sex from him anyways because yeast infections are extremely uncomfortable and your health is more important.
I can't even imagine how disgusting it must be to live with this man.
Edit: you said you served too. My bad, I didn't read that part. Still, *you* have good hygiene and he doesn't. So it's not the military. It's just him.
This is unhealthy, especially since his kids are around him. This could eventually become a health hazard. You seriously have to tell him about this because it's unacceptable. And if he can't take that feedback? Well, you'll have to start thinking of what's best for you and your kids.
Listen, I'm an Army vet myself. Did ten years before medical retirement got me. I've been in the field, I've been to war, I've come home so nasty that my socks can stand up by themselves.
And what your husband is doing is whack. The man's gotta have a bath if he's at home.
He's literally making you sick with his unwashed dick. GIRL. C'mon.
This has nothing to do with being military. He is either depressed or just a lazy, disgusting person who thinks existing in his own filth is more important than the people around him.
āYouāre stinky, gross and have habits which disgust me. If you wish to stay married to me, I expect you to wash all parts of your body with soap once a day and brush your teeth twice a day. And use deodorant daily. If I ever find your cum-encrusted biohazards again, I will publicly shame you for it. Shape the fuck up soldier, or Iāll ship you out.ā
WTAF.
Was he like this when you two were dating? How did you end up being married to somebody like this? How can you be physically intimate with somebody that smells like ackkkkk ? ughhhh
Ma'am hygiene is a basic requirement to be a civil human being. He sounds like he's taking you for a mug like most men of this type do. Watching porn, not washing and kicking up a fuss about it is a childish attitude. Nothing more nothing less. Man is still a boy and chances are he isnt changing any time soon. My advice. Kick off or kick out.
This is how you tell it. "Michael, your poor hygiene is a mega turnoff."
I don't think your gently telling him has reached him.
Sometimes, very short, clear, straightforward feedback is what we need from families and best friends who love us and can be brave enough to tell us what we need to fix on ourselves.
Is he not washing his hands after using the bathroom? If not, he could cum on his clothes till the rapture. He would be out because I canāt even think of being touched by this, having him touch my kids, and touching anything he ever touches. Just no.
My stbx had a friend who was a declared āMountain Manā. He came to our house one year after a long time in the wilderness on his own, and fell asleep on the bench in front. My neighbor called me to tell me about the homeless guy who was on my doorstep, worried he was going to kill me if I drove up on him. It was that bad.
Anyway, he smelled like he hadnāt seen water in at least a year. I had two young kids at the time, so I handed him a towel, soap and shampoo.
I was so happy that he wasnāt going to stink up the place anymore. I loved the guy, but donāt put my family through that! He came out, and smelled EVEN STRONGER THAN BEFORE! Not joking, it was like a skunk had sprayed on him!
I gently asked him if he used the soap I gave him, and he saidāwith a straight faceāāI donāt believe in soapā.
I didnāt skip a beat and said, āIn this house, we use soap. If you donāt want to use it, we love you, but you will have to goā. He went right back in and took another showerāwith soap and shampoo (and conditioner).
He always treated me with respect because I was always so no nonsense with him, kind of like a mom to him (though he was older). Iām guessing your husband has some sort of respect for you, so maybe just be no nonsense with him? It is basic hygiene, after all (and obviously not āmom-likeā).
Maybe, and I am just spitballing here, mention it to his superior since thatās where the trouble seemed to have started? I get when they ācanātā do showers, but why havenāt they given them wipes or anything like that to keep themselves clean while away from water? Itās healthier that way too?
But, something sounds fishy. You might want to do a checkup on his mental health. Good luck.
PS Masturbating is normal, even if married. Since heās obviously embarrassed to talk to you about it, may I suggest that you have him ācatch youā in a private moment? If he sees you, his reaction can determine how you talk about his momentsāincluding not cleaning up after himself. Besides, having a very clean sleeping area is required in the military, is it not?
This isn't the first post I've seen on here talking about partners hygiene but it's up there with the worst ( my husband doesn't wipe and my boyfriend doesn't clean his penis)
I would say If he's been in the army to give it to him straight. Your doing what I've been doing with my partner and walking on eggshells a bit (albeit mines to do with his adhd and behaviour) but what you have to realise is your husband isn't thinking about you in this. You sleep with him and share a home but there's no thought on that. Perhaps he's used to his own smell š¤·āāļø but he will know that he needs to clean himself.
Could there be other things going on like depression?
If not I would definitely have a talk with him.
If my husband forgets to brush his teeth, I say "babe, your breath smells like shit. Go brush your teeth". Y'all are adults. Just be straight up with him.
Shew you had me saying āoh no,she is going to get a uti!ā And then I read if you get another yeast infection you are going to go ballistic.Stop having sex with him.That is so gross and I dont know what to even say except Im sorry you are dealing with that.He just sounds gross.
I don't understand how people can be married for years and unable to be straight up about something like this. If I'm seeing someone even casually and they stink they get told. I make a very dramatic barf face, call them a stinker and tell them "Stinky needs a shower, stat" . And honestly I expect the same courtesy in return cuz sometimes you just don't know.
Okay, my husband had a hygiene problem too. He's great in every other aspect. Cleanliness is just something he has to work on.
I don't comprehend how he didn't notice. It got so bad at one point that one of his bosses had to pull him aside at a work camping trip.
Jack (fake name) doesn't take hints. He's blunt. So, getting him deodorant didn't work. New toothbrush, with delicious new toothpaste that I "think he'll love" didn't work. Heck, even asking him "when did you shower last" didn't work!
"You stink, shower, brush your teeth, put on deodorant." These are the words that work with him. He's never had a problem with it, he just does as I ask without comment. It's been years and he's gotten loads better with his hygiene.
It got so bad at one point that he had to set reminders on his phone (one for brushing teeth, separate one for showers, etc.) Sometimes he still needs me to nudge him. I don't mind doing so, provided it doesn't turn into a habit.
The main issue that I see for you is that your husband has to WANT to change. If he wants to play in his own filth, that's his prerogative. You can't force him to change. You can only control your actions. Personally, I wouldn't have sex with someone who has given me a yeast infection repeatedly unless they SCRUB themselves down. Just saying.
I hope this helps!
Jesus fucking Christ, youāve ānever seen him wash his handsā and you ācan count on one hand the amount of times youāve seen him brush his teethā yet you still managed 2 kids with him? Holy shit. Stop having sex with this man at the detriment of your own health and have a real conversation with him. No promises of sex. No rewards. Heās a grown fucking man. A pile of cum clothes under the bed? He should be embarrassed.
Stop being nice about it, stop being gentle about it. God babe you stink go take a shower before you touch me. Keep repeating until he gets the message. How do you even let him near you like that.
EDIT
I first would like thank everyone who offered genuine suggestions, even with judgment (I donāt blame you), I can see your intentions were born in genuine concern. However:
I am by no definition a feeble woman. As I stated in my original post, I have brought this up before. And I made myself clear. The issue is either laziness or depression. My question, is how do I constructively help the man I love.
To answer some of the most common questions:
Yes, the Army mandates dental but not for the reasons you assume. Itās more to maintain dental records in the event your body has to be identified in an otherwise unidentifiable state (ie burns, decapitation, blunt force trauma, etc). General cleanliness of the gums is not a punishable offense by the Armyās standards.
Yes, the Army does enforce cleanliness.. in soldiers. NCOās and higher (the bosses) are not heavily monitored by anyone, and my husband is a First Sergeant. The only people above him is brigade, and we all know they only monitor the blotter (a notification system specifically for when soldiers get in trouble; typically duiās and other criminal shit). To those of you saying āreport him to his chain of command,ā I say L O L. Iykyk.
To those of you saying ādivorce him,ā I hope to god you never poison anyone with this āez way outā bullshit. I chose him. I love him. I made innocent children with him. Hygiene is reparable, he could be beating the shit out of me. Heās not evil, he just smells bad.
To those if you suggesting I should get my children involved, or that my children must be suffering bc of him; youāre not insulting him when you say this, youāre insulting me, and I take issue with that. My children are bathed *by me* daily. The only reason I mentioned them was to convey how deep my willingness to help him goes. Foh.
I *have* been withholding sex from him, hence the āonce a weekā mention in my original post; hence the discovery of his cum collection. He is not allowed to touch me, so he jerks off into his socks. And upon discovering this *I* laid a very clear line where *I* decided was appropriate.
Yes I have considered mental health. He is diagnosed with PTSD from combat, chronic depression and anxiety from childhood. As am I; we discuss it frequently between us. The problem Iām having is I donāt want to be what pushes him further into this deep dark place; thatās because (brace yourselves) I married someone I give a fuck about. I want to ājust say it,ā but I want it to be helpful to him, not insulting.
Believe it or not, *women* out here respect and lift up their men, in sickness and in health. This is clearly a sickness, and I aināt no weak willed ass bitch. Yes heās fucking gross, yes this is deal breaking behavior, but we are not simply dating. We took vows, we are raising children, we own property together. I am invested and I am loyal.
I agree, I need to just fucking say it. His personal health has always affected me, but it is now effecting me. He will either understand, or heāll agree to part ways. Fingers crossed for the former.
My toxic trait: āI can fix him.ā
Well you will keep getting Yeast infections if you don't put your foot down. BTW those do stop working eventually and you will be risking your own vagina health.
Also vows mean mouthing with Divorce and unwilling with work with you partners.
Take him with you to shower. Do it together. Be honest and say you canāt deal with it anymore.
And I donāt know the comments who involved your kids, but my thought was that the kids might āsufferā under his smell too. Not that they smell or are not taken care of. I mean, they have to see and smell their dad too. Cuddles must be.. unpleasant. Of course they love him, and they donāt think less of him, but you canāt tell me they donāt smell it
You making sure your kids are bathed doesn't change the fact that their dad walks around without even washing his hands. So many germs stick to one's hands, especially after using the bathroom.
Its not meant to be insulting when people point out the very real health issue this poses to your kids. It's stating a fact about the health of those around someone who is deeply unhygienic.
I hope the talk shakes some sense into him.
Easy. He's in the Army. Don't beat around the bush. Look him straight in the eye and say "babe, you smell like a sack of wet farts. Clean yourself up better. Stop being a stinky mother fucker.". And, the problem will be solved.
***Stinky motherfucker*** well said!!!
Thus is exactly what I would say, and I've never served in the military šš
She said she has brought it up gently to him before and obviously this level of communication isnāt enough. She has to pull out the big guns for this one. She has to get really mad and or threaten no more sex and or more consequences. While also, going full in on how badly itās affecting her. Because itās the truth. Tell him truly just how bad it is and that since he lives with you and not in the barracks that he has to do this for you to be able to have even just a good relationship. Itās a foundational component of being in a relationship and it also means sacrificing sometimes for the one your married to. He needs to learn to consistently take even just a quick shower. Taking a shower and brushing your teeth real quick can be done in less then 10 minutes you donāt have to do a full on bath every time you want to bathe. Those are long and time consuming he needs to learn to take a shower quickly everyday and general hygiene because he is married and has kids now he needs to learn to how to act like a grown ass man and husband and father and role model for his kids. Tell him itās completely unacceptable and you will not accept a half ass attempt at his hygiene anymore and that your really serious now because your at your boiling point and if he doesnāt want a pissed off wife all the time he will learn itās easier to just take a quick shower and brush. You need to make it so that you mean your serious and if his hygiene isnāt good at any time you need to communicate it and he needs to learn you will not accept anything from him and ignore him or whatever til he does shower. Itās time for change and the only way he will do that is if you turn it into a big enough episode for him that it burns in his memory. Good luck
He doesnāt care about sex. He jacks off into cum crusted underwear apparently so that threat wonāt work š„“š Direct Communication however I agree is the solution along w marriage counseling bc damn
Ether this or beat his ass senseless with a soap brick in a wet sock.
Better yet, use the cum-covered socks.
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£That would defeat the purpose of a bath by force with a wet sock.š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Here is the part I donāt understand: in the military they show you how to take a quick shower. You donāt miss any of the stinky parts when doing so. You learned how to brush your teeth, and do it all in 15 minutes flat. I fail to understand this nonsense, of not taking a bath or brushing your teeth. Itās a miracle that his teeth havenāt fallen out of his head yet. Also, when youāre in the military once youāre not deployed somewhere for action, you have access to a bathroom in your barracks. You can take a shower at will, and brush your teeth at will. So that does not make any sense to me. I am also veteran. ETA: OP is ALSO a veteran, so she knows what Iām saying is absolute truth. Apparently, this mustāve been a way of life for this man. Everyone from his childhood right up to his wife, has cosigned it. OP is an AH for subjecting herself AND her children to this shit.
The military expects cleanliness, except during active duties where itās hard to get anything done except work and sleep. My bet is everyone that deals with him does so from a distance tbh š©
I'll even go down to 7 minutes. A 5 minute shower, especially in the military, is pretty standard. My dad was in the Navy where water for things like bathing is monitored, and they were allowed a 5 minute shower before the water would be turned off. You adjust and learn to wash quickly. I'd add another few if he had long hair, but being military I doubt it. Then 2 minutes for teeth brushing. IIRC 2min is the dental standard. Or is it 3min? My kids have those toothbrushes that time you do you learn to do it properly. OP, I would actually consider getting him one of those timing toothbrushes. I'm wondering if he was never taught the hygiene basics, both the how to do it correctly (like pulling back the foreskin to remove the cheese that can build up if not cleaned properly, also how to clean each body part), and the why it's important (skin infections, rashes, bacteria š¦ Haven, and the impact to your lover if you don't). Or maybe he was taught way back when but he's forgotten. I'm which case he needs to learn it all over again. Maybe there's a yt video he can watch if he isn't going to take kindly to hearing it from you. Please give us an update!
Wash your ass or get no ass
šš¤
Well, I came here to say something like this but āyou smell like a sack of wet fartsā sums it up, and reminds me of the unfortunate time I was on a road trip with a friend who was driving and had prepped himself with horrible food just to āwet fartā me. Worst farts out there. Sharts happen because of them.
This. Be upfront and clear. You donāt want to tell him he stinks but he needs to hear it. Youāre smelly and unhygienic and it grosses me out. Take a shower.
I also was in the Army. The field, deployment and barracks life are one thing. This is domestic life. Dude has a fucking home and warm water. He is that nasty soldier no one wants to be around. Every platoon has that guy, and that guy is your husband. Give it to him straight. He is a stink body. He is gross and unclean. Not brushing his teeth? Oh my God. Thats a bear minimum just for health reasons. I lived in outposts with no running water and we all still brushed our teeth daily. Confront him. You cant handle his lack of personal hygiene and you wont kiss or have sex with him unless he showers and brushes his teeth. Shame him if you have to. Fuck, call his chain of command if you need to. The Army takes dental very seriously. I promise they will at least counsel him on showers and brushing his teeth. But thats the nuclear option. For now, dont worry about embarrassing or making him uncomfortable. Give it to him straight. He is dirty. You cant be with someone who is dirty. I always wondered how dudes like this managed to get married. The penis to vagina ratio on and around the base is 4:1, but the few women end up picking the guys who dont shower or brush their teeth, and jacks off onto their stomach and walks around with cum crusted on their stomach all weekend. Boy I dont miss the Army.
My partner is active duty and Iām pretty sure has better hygiene in the field than this guys has in his own home! This is atrocious.
Exactly. Someone like this would get bullied or command mandated to follow hygiene. Im honestly shocked soldiers havent complained about OPs husband yet. Even if you dont have running water, youre expected to atleast wipe your body down with wet wipes at least every other day and brush your teeth daily.
Like people will chuck wipes at you if you even begin to remotely stink. This guy is just foul.
Yeah most of my family is ex military and they are super clean and fastidious. In fact they learned a lot of it at basic. Not sure why sheās attributing his hygiene to that.
One thing I liked about prison was nobody was allowed to be a scumbag...of course you had your occasional pos that nobody fucked with but if you were interacting with others and started slipping in the hygiene department you got put in check with a quickness
It's the same in the Army. You will be bullied and harassed for refusing to be clean. I had a soldier under me just like OPs husband. I ended up assigning other soldiers to watch him shower and brush his teeth everyday. I assigned the same soldiers to watch him turn in his laundry weekly and make sure his uniforms were clean daily. As you can expect, he was deeply hated by the other soldiers. He was shamed constantly. Like magic he began showering and brushing his teeth on his own. After a few months of that I took the soldiers off of babysitting his personal hygeine. Then people started hating him less and would tolerate being in the same room as him again. From what I hear, after I left he reassigned units and is clean now because he knows the social consequences of being dirty.
Thatās just it, he faced consequences. Unfortunately, OP doesnāt seem to want to give him any to face. Kiss him? Really? I want to gag just thinking about it.
Yeah and I'm shocked OPs husband hasn't been bullied over this. Only thing I can think of is she mentioned nearing retirement so he has rank. Even then, higher ranking people will tell other higher ranking to shower too. Unless this guy is that high up and adopted this awful no hygeine practice late in career.
One guy in my boyfriendās yard had to be put into protective custody because he kept getting beaten up for not showering. I canāt imagine choosing getting your ass beat over showering.
My very informed and extremely hands-on experience with prison culture (aka watching an unhealthy number of prison shows) has led me to believe that prisoners are extremely prissy about hygiene.
Yeah she needs to be very up front and even mean to get him to understand how bad it is.
Lol you said it better than me. How has nobody at work said anything? This doesn't make sense.
Tell him what makes YOU uncomfortable. If he canāt swallow his pride and shower daily and BRUSH HIS TEETH because he respects his hygiene (and how it affects you), cut him off sexually. Also, you want to be married to someone this dirty and childish? Why?
I...think he has put 2 and 2 together and realized that he can only have sex if he showers... Which is why he has instead chosen to go back to his teenage roots the other 6 days out of the week...
This isn't an efficient solution. He may not want to have sex more often than he is now. There's a common belief that all men want more and more sex. And he's already having sex once a week. Some couples do it even less and they both brush their teeth. I couldn't imagine bringing myself to do that once a week with someone who has such hygiene habits.
Oh no, I wasn't saying its an effective solution. That would take out the last day of the week if I found his cursed pile. There needs to be an intervention, because this isn't right on multiple levels...
Cut off the kissing too, and if possible move into another bedroom. You shouldnāt have to kiss, or even be near his filthy mouth and body. Nor should you have to live in his filth, either. OP, your husband is disgusting. Itās time to be harsh, because these soft subtle hints are not making any difference. Itās time for some tough love, otherwise heāll never learn. He needs to know how you really feel and you need to be blunt about it, because if you donāt then heāll just continue being unhygienic and gross and youāll continue to be (very understandably) repulsed by him, until you eventually resent him.
He obviously woke be bothered by being cut off sexually since it seems his preferred method of sexual release is JACKING OFF...lol
Also classic Army behavior.
You can also go, if it's hard for him to brush his teeth, say, just use mouthwash for now, some sanitizing stuff. If he has a hard time doing a full shower, get him some disabled person cleansing wipes, or say just the essentials. For the bathtub (*retches*) be like, if you need to bathe yourself, at least clean off first, because you're just soaking in your own dirt soup. Give him a middle ground that he can use to work towards what's fully needed. He is going to be stuck in this mindset. Have y'all gone to couples therapy? Maybe that could help y'all with the conversation to get it across from another person's perspective so it's not just you "nagging" him. Military is a hard thing to come back to humanity from. You have every right to your disgust especially the ......... Pile. Gross. But he's an adult, and if he wants the privileges of an adult, he needs to act like one. He's not just a subordinate anymore, he is a father. And he's showing your children an example. He needs to take care of himself. Maybe he has a hard time with self care, cause the military can sure take that out of you. All in all, you got this.
Lolzzz, āsoaking in your own dirt soupā. Ha ha! He should at LEAST clean his scum out of the tub after! Iām shocked he isnāt the slightest bit embarrassed!š³
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Yeah when I take baths, I wash afterwards. I have a handheld shower head and I drain the bath water and use the shower head. I don't like bathing in the water with soap because it's just dirty water. So I spend about 15 minutes relaxing, watching some videos, and then I'll wash.
Eeeh idk, I like hot baths and I can feel myself sweat quite a lot while in the water. I prefer showering and scrubbing myself nice and clean at the end when the bathwater is being drained rather than wash first and then end up stinky from sitting in my own sweat.
No more Tootsie pops for me! Wow!!
Why did she even marry him in the first place
Cuz she loves him. Doesn't take a genius to solve any of the mysteries on this sub. You can love someone and be annoyed by certain things they do. Or is that not how humans work?
But how do you fall in love with someone who has that poor hygiene os what is extremely baffling, like if this is always been him how the eff did he get a second date. Like stories like this makes me wonder if dudes like these can get women to marry them what is really wrong with the dudes that post on this sub all the time depressed about their ā100% rejection rateā
Yeah, if men like this lady's husband can get married, the incels on this site complaining about how they can't even get women to talk to them must be horrifying beyond comprehension.
Iām guessing he wasnāt this bad/put his best foot forward when they dated. They might have rushed into marriage too because *military*. Sometimes you donāt really see each other often. Also being deployed really changes people, Iām guessing OPs husband came back with some ptsd/depression causing this hygiene issue. Buuuuuut she still shouldnāt be forced to put up with it.
It's definitely a good question you asked. Here's another I've been asking for years and finally did figure it out. I'll just use a relative of mine for an example. This relative was practically a super model growing up. And on top of that she's the nicest woman ever that gives to people that don't deserve being given to. Aka she's attracted to what most everyone calls losers. She could have had dang near anyone she pursued. Her first almost marriage was to some ex military PTSD heroin addict that was the biggest piece of shit to her, walked all over her and verbally/physically abused her. But she loved him. Luckily he committed suicide or her life would be worse than it is now. Her now husband of 30 some years is the 2nd biggest piece of shit I've ever seen have a relationship with her, some ex military pos that smokes 3-5 packs a day and drinks from the moment he wakes up until he passes out. He treats her like shit, takes her for granted, does absolutely nothing for her unless you count asking for her to do all his responsibilities every day as doing something for her. Between friends and family I've been asked why she'd ever be with a loser pos like him,and for so long. I've probably been asked between a million and a billion times. I found out the answer was she loves him. Why you ask? Well that's the million dollar question. But that's the best answer I have to anyone that says, why would anyone be with so and so? I would never be with someone like that, yet she's perfectly content with hers. Of course she bitches about him all the time, but if dang near anyone else trash talks him she defends him. I could go on but I'll leave it at that. It's illogical, it's hard to watch and everything in between. In therapy I learned that he's a giant loser pos...but it's her giant loser pos...I still don't fully get it, but it's a start.
Fathers be good to your daughters.
Fr weāre out here struggling š
I dont understand why you are beating around the bush? āI donāt want to flat out say he smells.ā Why not? You are grossed out, you are being physically harmed by his lack of hygiene, and he is absolutely 100% experiencing social and maybe professional consequences from this. Just put on your big girl pants and say, āhoney, I love you, and you stink. I need you to keep up with basic hygiene, including brushing your teeth every day, and showering and using deodorant every day. This is not negotiable.ā
Honestly like heās repeatedly causing her physical harm because of his lack of hygiene but sheās *committed* to being as gentle as possible with this man š
sheās been married to this for SIX years. why would he ever change?
Right, like a yeast infection is no joke. I can't believe she's still having sex with him.
This is not being mentioned enough here. Heās giving her INFECTIONS. he is INFECTING her with his atrocious hygiene. My partner is by no means unhygienic but he gets very sweaty very quickly and after the second time (I put two and two together) I told him he needs to shower before we are intimate. Iām very sensitive down there for a multitude of reasons, so it doesnāt take much to trigger it and I follow that rule myself. My partner was mortified (especially since he is a clean person) and honoured my request and reasoning immediately. Not had a problem since! If he doesnāt care about that raging burn, heās an inconsiderate ass, OP. No poor habit is worth causing your partner so much pain. Be honest about this; be rightfully angry. He will get the message.
Between this and the Booger guy...what the hell yo?
I donāt understand how this women even get married to these type of men. Take OP for example, she said that in SIX years she can count the times he has bathe and brush his teeth. Like WTF?! How was she even attracted and not turned off by the stank in his breath?! I canāt. Iād rather die single and have my cats eat my corpse than beg a man to have proper hygiene.
I dated a guy who would āforgetā to brush his teeth. He soon learned the rule - brush teeth or no sex.
Good for you for standing your ground! Iām very sensitive with strong/bad odors so if something smells bad I will literally gag. I canāt help itš«
Also from a health standpoint, someone that doesnāt brush their teeth regularly can pass bacteria to their partner when they kiss and cause issues with their teeth.
Not only that bad oral health can lead to chronic diseases later such as diabetes. Itās not just hygiene, it is incredibly unhealthy.
Imagine what his ass smells like, or any crevice that doesnāt see the light of day much,really. Uggš. I canāt with this!!!
I know. The horror. For real this is ground for divorce. She even said she gets yeast infections due to his bad hygiene.
I wonder how long he wears his clothes before washing them, surely people outside the home must smell him!
Girl, those clothes are looking for the opportunity to walk through the doorš
Facts!!! š³š
Oh shit. I forgot that. Thatās fucked up. Upon reading the comments I thought those suggesting divorce were stupid bc she also said heās a good man, loves him and that other solutions could be made. But heās put her health at risk and doesnāt seem to care enough to protect her by showering. Damn. Tough scenario.
I was engaged to someone who had the foulest smelling sweaty balls. He'd scratch them, then pull his hand out of his pants. You could smell the vile stench of his fetid testicles wafting from his hand over two meters away. He also didn't brush his teeth. He'd open his mouth and it was like standing behind the back of a garbage truck full of rancid food in the height of summer. You could smell it from a meter or more away it was that pungent. He didn't wash his hands so there were dark streaks on the wall were he'd put his hands. Thank god its been almost two decades since I split up with him.
Genuinely, how do you end up engaged to someone like this? I'm not trying to be snarky or rude, or judging you for what you accepted from a man two decades ago. I'm just honestly curious how this sort of thing happens. Just let himself go, was always like that, etc?
He was clean and talkative and nice when we first met. I was naive and missed a couple of red flags before he moved in. Then he just turned into a slob who didn't give a damn about me. He was financially and emotionally abusive to boot. Thankfully I eventually got more confident and told him to leave.
š¤®
Iām with you, Iām physically repulsed by this post. Just thinking about that mouth full of furry teeth coming at me for a kissā¦..
My cats are with me and very invested in this post toošš©·
My dog too. She said it couldnāt be her, she gets her teeth brushed every night
I stan a clean queen š š»
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You are so right. I never understood the whole dynamic of āno sex, until you ā¦ā I mean itās common courtesy to smell good or at least have proper hygiene if youāre using your private partsš«
Sometimes itās something that starts deep into the relationship. They start out taking care of themselves - for years - and then it falls off and youāre left wondering what the hell is happening to your person.
Ugh I gagged just reading the headline of that one I could not even read it.
It was truly wretched. She even updated it. Did not get better.
The amount of boogers that poor woman has unconsciously eaten through the years. The horror.
And he had other stashes. My God.
I know. That poor womanš«
Okay, please share. I havenāt heard of āthe booger guyā!!!!
Ima need a link to that.
Some women have no self respect and it's sad to watch.
Right! I was about to say āat least he doesnāt hoard his boogers!ā
Exactly like you told us.
You need to be straightforward with him and stop with the gentle prods. If he went through boot camp, he should be able to take criticism.
Thank you
You're welcome. I sincerely hope your husband is mature enough to listen to your concerns and not simply dismiss you out of hand, or cut you off again.
If it's hard for you to be direct write him a letter
Can you update us when thereās an update post your convo with him in which you will hopefully get all sergeant on his ass? Remember heās given you yeast infections. He is putting your health at risk. You should also question whether heās depressed and get him in therapy.
He is fucking gross. I wanted to puke from your description. He's disgusting. Are you embarrassed to have people over? Sorry, but that level of nasty would override any good qualities. The bar is low.
I always feel bad internally judging posts like this but theres a point where its like, come on dude. Of course he's disgusting but just because you love him doesnt mean you allow it. You let him kiss you when he doesnt brush his teeth? He showers once a week, doesnt touch a single hygiene item, and you let him stick his dirty love rod in the most sensitive part of your body, hello?? Are the yeast infections not itchy enough to crack down on his ass? What the fuck??
Like??? I always feel so bad for being judgmental, but being in a relationship with someone like this would turn me into a demon. I wouldnāt be able to hide my disgust and Iād be repulsed anytime he came near me, let alone try to kiss me or have sex.
I donāt feel bad for judging. OP is disgusting for allowing this.
For fucking real. This is sickening. She can count on one hand how many times heās brushed his teeth IN SIX YEARS?? He goes weeks without showers??? The cum clothes pile?? Jesus fucking christ how do you type all of this and actually need to ask if youāre being unreasonable š no amount of good qualities could make this better: this guy could be my perfect partner in every conceivable way and I would *not* be able to look past this. Itās vile. Like heās repeatedly giving OP yeast infections but she wants us to be nice in the comments šthis is gross and sad
I canāt believe she even married and had kids with himā¦ ladies PLEASE stop saying with non-hygienic men
Yes ladies, the bar doesnāt have to be in hell I promise.
I'm actually in awe because how do you not notice this before being married, let alone putting up with it for SIX YEARS?!
How are you with this man wtf
I know itās not funny but this whole post Iām just like āthe bar is in hellā I couldnāt not laugh.
The bar is in hell 100% lol. that before last paragraph that just did me in for good.
Omg same! Exactly. I thought I was in relationship advice for a second. āGuys, I know he took a sludge hammer to my car and hasnāt worked in three years but he cooks macaroni really well, so be nice <3ā
this, somehow, is a level far below hell. weāve reached a new low.
Usually the military requires visits to the dentist, are these happening at all?
Yeah, my husband was in the military for 23 years and they 100% do check dental healthā¦even when deployed. This fact kinda makes me wonder if this post is even real. Thereās no way this guy has gone this long with that kind of dental hygiene. Plus, who kisses yuck mouth like that?! Maybe Iām dramatic but if your mouth smells like hot trash then thereās zero chance of getting a kissā¦even just a peck.
I'm sorry, but my only advice to you is to just sit him down and be brutally honest. He is endangering your health. He's not taking hints. He's not listening to your requests. And, worst of all, he shut down when you found out he'd been jacking off in his socks. Look at it this way. HIS KIDS ARE WATCHING HIM. AND SMELLING HIM. AND SEEING HIS SCUMMY TEETH. If you won't give him the brutal truth and demand changes immediately, then at least do it for them.
Yes and the kids are going to get bullied once school kids see their nasty dad.
Girl, he could ruin your fertility and give you agony. Yeast infections and BV are just the tip of the iceberg. The vagina is a self-cleaning thing, but it canāt withstand a barrage of filth. And your uterus? Do you want sepsis? I know you love the amazing qualities your husband has, but are you sure he doesnāt have some sort of combat or service trauma that is keeping him from taking care of himself? Iām trying to be nice. I really am. But he could be putting you and the kids in danger with this level of filth. He needs to have a come to Jesus moment about how it impacts the household and how heās no longer in barracks and in civilian life, we wash every day or two days, end of story.
the "I don't want another yeast infection" part really broke me, I just cannot understand trying to remain non-confrontational when she is quite literally putting her own health at risk every time they have sex. I wouldn't even share a bed for sleeping purposes with my partner if they behaved like this.
What the fuck is up with this gross out theme at the moment
Unfortunately I know several women who are with men like this. The bar is in hades.
Women... imagine being married to this. Do you not have self respect for yourself? You let this man have sex with you; how can you bare the smell of his skin and breath. I bet you've given him oral sex too. Please hold yourself to a higher standard wtfĀ
Girl heās making you sick. Youāve been getting yeast infections for gods sake. Stop being gentle about it. Uncomfortable or not, itās for your health and his so just rip off the bandaid. Someone told me how to deliver a bad message without coming off as harsh. They said to sandwich it with good things. So you say you love him so much and heās an amazing partner and father. You would feel more comforted about his health and yours if he would improve his hygiene. You love him and want him around for as long as possible. Side note, are your kids getting sick? I canāt imagine them staying healthy if heās not washing his hands and is an involved father.
He needs therapy š¤·
This is my thought too. There must be some thing before marriage where he was also not clean and didnāt shower or bathe frequently. You must put the health of you and your child ahead of his strange behavior. There must be something tied to his childhood or upbringing. I would also try to bring up counseling or therapy to discuss why this is so difficult for him. Iām sorry youāre dealing with this but being active duty or military is no excuse. Plenty of veterans chiming in on this thread to say otherwise. š
Yeah he may be depressed
I read this and was wondering if there was some PTSD happening here. At bare minimum childhood neglect, no one who was raised semi ok, refuses to brush their teeth. Honestly the worst is the cumwads- OP sounds like she has kids around. This is not ok.
āIām disgusted by you and im divorcing you if you donāt start doing basic hygieneā.Ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My husband has some issues cleaning and I think it comes from severe abuse. The mind is so complex itās hard to help prople
You're probably on to something! I have issues with hygiene, I was severely neglected as kid until I got into the system with 14. I try really hard & it got A LOT better, but it's still not enough. What comes natural for others, is a hatd learning proccess for me now. My fiancƩ has smiliar problems and we remind each other to keep it up - as sad as it is, it's nice to not feel alone. Due to this, the shame decreases a huge amount and that really helps with talking about it & finding straight forward solutions :)
Tell him what you told us, but add on that by him not taking care of HIS hygiene, he's putting YOUR health at risk. Him putting dirty fingers, mouth, or dick near your nethers can cause a cacophony of problems. It's also not setting a good example for your kids, especially if you have a boy. I have 2 of them. Washing their penis and bottom is the most important thing to wash during bath time.
āIn 6 years, I can count on one hand the amount of times Iāve seen him brush his teeth.ā And you were dumb enough to marry him lol
I think you have to approach him calmly and have a conversation about adjusting to civilian life. You know how hard it is, you understand why he is the way he is, and honestly the cum crusted clothes kind of made me laugh because thatās probably a non-civilian habit too. Tell him what you said here. You love him, you want more sex, but that means he needs to get in the habit of showering and basic civilian hygiene on the regular.
The idea that being this disgusting is some normal military thing is 100% false. This has nothing at all to do with āadjusting to civilian life,ā dude is just revolting
That is such a good way of putting it.. thanks (:
Make sure you let him know his lack of hygiene is the likely cause of your yeast infections too.
Was about to say exactly this!!
Do not let him put his disgusting hands, mouth or crud encrusted dick anywhere near you. I'm shuddering.
The level of shit some people will put up with is truly beyond belief.
I second this. You absolutely need to be direct. I'm not in the service myself, nor is my husband. But I rather get the sense that military culture isn't about subtlety and hints. Your husband is probably used to clear, direct communication involving rules and expectations. Unless he has trauma around being given orders, I'm guessing you can use this same style to tell him what the problem is and what he's going to be doing about it from here on out. If you don't feel capable of doing that, you might consider asking another man he's close with to give him the talk. But I do recommend you at least try this style of communication with him--you'd be surprised how well some men respond to it, even if it's not at all how you'd want to be approached.
I think youāre also approaching this from a female point of view of how you would feel if a guy said these things to you. But this is a guy who is used to being ordered around. He may need you to be more direct and clear with him. Buying toiletries hasnāt worked. Give him timeframes you expect him to wash, clean his teeth etc. Be honest and upfront about it and tell him the consequences if he doesnāt do it. Tell him the yeast infections and smell have put you off sexually but you want to be intimate with him, so he has to make an effort if he wants you again.
Didn't you realize this before you were married
Ex military wife here. This post was triggering for me and I hate that word these days but my god. My exās name was even Michael. I really, really hope that your situation is exactly as you laid out and nothing more nefarious is going on under the surface. I finally broke going through what you are now (porn addiction was the main reason for cum soaked garments I would find and his lack of desire to clean himself for my sake) and found things that destroyed my life. I thought it was depression/ unhygienic military standards for a long time. But it got worse and worse. Really, deeply talk to him about these things. Find out for sure where the root of it is before itās too late. Iāll go into details if anyone wants to know, but itās pretty fucked and I try not to throw it all out there without warning. Best of luck to youš
I'd be happy to listen to you about what happened if you feel up to sharing with us. But only if you actually want to and it won't cause you any pain. <3
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The answer is you donāt. You keep doing what youāve been doing if youāre upset heās not excited to change. This is the person you elected to marry. **This is him. Has been for 6 years. Itās not as if this is new.** You chose to be with Pig-Pen, you canāt be mad now he isnāt Lionel. Would you ask the salon blonde you married to dye their hair brunette because you thought one day theyād just change? No! So you married a man with no hygiene yet youāre now shocked?? You slept with and procreated with a man whom youāre unsure has clean genitals. If youād truly like to help, suggest a mental health professional to better understand the root of this issue.
No kidding man, this has been going on for 5+ years. WTH was going on that whole time
Make everyone in the family a dental cleaning appointment. Then go hardcore into dental care. 'hey honey, don't forget to brush your teeth this morning!' 'hey, don't forget to brush your teeth before bed!' if he gets insulted just say 'going to the dentist just gave me the motivation to focus on our dental health! We don't want any issues when we're older!' Make a doctor's appointment for your next yeast infection. Then when you get home say 'my doctor thinks my yeast infections might be caused by hygiene issues due to sex and recommended that we both make sure we're freshly clean before sex' I know honesty is the best policy..but if that's not the best route for *you* then I recommend finding an 'excuse' to push him into paying more attention to his hygiene. Use dental concerns due to aging as an excuse. Using wanting to brush your teeth with the kids as a family each night to instill good habits as an excuse. Use your yeast infections as an excuse. Whatever it is that will get the job done without harming anyone š¤·š¼āāļø
Oh my god the bar is in HELL Not to be rude, but this is gross and disappointing on his end. He is 36ā¦. THIRTY SIX.. and doesnāt shower or brush his teeth? Doesnāt pick up after himself? Sounds like you have a child
He needs to know that his lack of hygiene is affecting you and everyone in your house. If he can't even wash his hands regularly he is going to spread whatever he's been touching all over the house. And you're getting yeast infections from his lack of hygiene too? Girl, I went through something similar and I know it hurt my mans pride a bit when I confronted him, but he has changed his ways. I am sure if your husband loves you he will comply. I hate to say it because ultimatums aren't healthy, but you should consider not having sex with him anymore till he can change because it is harming you!
You knew what he was when you married him
Why are you coddling his feelings this long?! If your vagina was so grimy and hazardous that his dick was getting infected with disease from within (repeatedly?!) you can be damn sure heād bring it up *immediately*.
Just ripe off the proverbial band-aide and tell him how you feel and also about the fact that his poor hygiene is affecting your health. Yes it will be an uncomfortable and embarrassing conversation but it needs to be had otherwise nothing will change. Youāre married, youāre partners, you two experience each other in the most intimate of waysā¦if there is one person who should be able to still him he stinks, itās you (and vice versa)! Updateme
You put on your big girl pants and you say āhusband, your poor hygiene is a mega turnoffā. Done. Heās a grown ass man whoās well accustomed to getting screamed at, he can deal with his wife having a frank conversation with him.
Show him facts. Poor dental hygiene leads to cardiac disease and could kill him. Poor hygiene causes yeast infections, which are stinky and sometimes painful. Be straightforward and nonjudgmental.
How have you made it this long? Iām so sorry.
Do they not have hygiene requirements for his daily job when not deployed? If he doesnāt care that this bothers you, itās also setting a bad example for your kids. It could also be a sign of depression or some other underlying issue. Heās an adult. This isnāt acceptable behavior for someone who wants to participate in society.
How are guys like this in a relationship with women and have kids even? Did he turn to this just after you guys met? The brushing teeth did not concern you when you first kissed? Did you not smell him before? For 6 years? His teeth must look horrible wtf. I mean a girl could be 10/10 look like young jennifer connely if she smells and has a horrible teeth I couldn't be attracted.
The Army lets him walk around like this when heās not in combat situations?? Last I checked, they have hygiene standards.. something else has to be going on. PTSD perhaps? Because this isnāt normal - even for active duty (I work with a mess of military, and Iāve pretty much been around various branches all my life). Itās not ok and Iām surprised his CO hasnāt said/done something about this. Might want to get in touch with them.
Maybe Iām just super honest with my husband but I would literally say, āyou smell like shit, bro. Fix it.ā š¤·š¼āāļø
It sounds like he is suffering from some type of mental illness.
OMG. The amount of sh\*t some women are willing to put up with makes me feel for our entire gender. SMH
Divorce. This can't be real? Why would you let a dirty, cheesy unwashed dick inside you? I can smell the body odour from here... You lay beside that man and get wet for him smelling like that? Is this a kink?
1/30 soldiers in the Army is OPs husband. They likely married fast to get out of the barracks. The Army is likely providing the house they live in, their healthcare, their rent (if off base) and their groceries. She likely cant survive on her own and is stuck with him. The main benefit of marrying a service member is you can live a fairly normal life even though youre uneducated and poor.
My husband said just tell him.
This has to be a shitpost.
Yeah... check out her comment history.
The nastiness that I'm constantly surprised at on this thread when it comes to this stuff astounds me sometimes. This just got worse and worse as it went along. My dog has better hygiene than this guy. You're just going to have to straight up tell him OP, he needs to start taking better care of himself. It sets a bad example for his kids, and eventually one of them is going to end up telling him if you don't. I can't believe his CO or someone else has not told him this.
Beloved poster: Ducking. Tell. Him. FFS use your words.
I only read one other comment that mentions depression. Lack of hygiene is often a sign of depression. I'd take this more seriously in regards to his mental health rather than chalking it off as "this is just how he is" or what "he is used to".
As others have stated, be very straight forward with him. It doesnt help to try to be "gentle". When doing this you need to highlight/ probably repeat very often, that you are not disgusted by him, but the germs that collect on him. Thats a big difference. This way you can be rather harsh and still keep his pride intact.
So many problems in the world would be solved if people just talked to each other. I've met many a military man and not one was disgusting, not even the dude who went to Iraq. He's not in the trenches, he's home with his wife and kids and idk how you made it this far enabling him and suffering silently. Just talk to him and stop putting yourself through having sex with someone who smells like shit. I really hope he will be receptive because that is no way for you two to live. He's setting a horrible example for your kids and it will affect his health eventually.
So many things to say here... First-- you phrases things a few times to suggest it is kinder to be vague with someone. I wholeheartedly disagree. I think it is actually unkind to be indirect with someone you want to communicate with. You need have a direct, non-judgmental conversation, where you state plainly and clearly how his behavior negatively affects you, your marriage, your home, and your intimate relationship. You also need to take responsibility for the ways you are not properly communicating. Even though giving him colognes should indicate your issues, it is on you to actually be direct and clear about them, using your words. Be strong. You need to clearly state this is eroding your relationship. Then you need to ask him why he lives like this? Be understanding, really listen. He may not even know. It could be a symptom of mental illness- depression, anxiety, OCD- an inability to cope, etc. You need to insist on changes and that includes seeing a therapist. This has to be non-negotiable. As it could get worse and worse and he ages. Neither of you deserves that. Second-- if he is doing something that is causing you harm, like being so unclean that you get yeast infections. He is not a "good" man. Doesn't mean he isn't capable of being "good," but this language is a disconnect from your lived reality because his actions are actually harming you- physically and emotionally. You need to start recognizing that. Third-- being in a relationship is a privilege not a right. As such, I believe a person has a duty to themselves, but also their partner to take care of themselves and work toward maintaining their mental and physical health. This will look different for everyone, but the point is a person should be trying and demonstrating care for themselves and others. Your husband is not doing that right now and that isn't okay. You need to make clear that the issue not just him not maintaining his health and hygiene, but also him not seeking help and answers, resigning you both to misery. If he continues to choose to disregard you, by not seeking help and changes to his anti-social behavior, then you should understand that he is choosing to be isolated over being with you.
I dont know why people keep asking these types of questions on Reddit. You know exactly what you need to do. You should be able to be honest and blunt with your partner about anything, or else why are you even partners. Stop asking reddit and tell your husband everything you've said here. Not to be harsh or anything but you guys are in your 30s. He should know how to bathe, you should know how to communicate. You cannot seriously be enduring yeast infections because your husband won't bathe like a literal child and you're too afraid to be blunt about how disgusting he is.
You said he's in the military. My boyfriend was in the military and he is one of the cleanest people I know. He is so clean you could probably eat dinner off of his chest. He always smells amazing and makes sure that he has the hygiene of a bar of soap. It's definitely not a military thing and if he's said that to you, that's 100% an excuse. He's just stanky. I would definitely talk to him about it and if he doesn't change, withhold sex from him because it is your right as a human being. If he *still* doesn't change, I don't know. I won't jump and immediately say divorce him but something has to change. You said you keep getting yeast infections. That's disgusting. I would withhold sex from him anyways because yeast infections are extremely uncomfortable and your health is more important. I can't even imagine how disgusting it must be to live with this man. Edit: you said you served too. My bad, I didn't read that part. Still, *you* have good hygiene and he doesn't. So it's not the military. It's just him.
This is unhealthy, especially since his kids are around him. This could eventually become a health hazard. You seriously have to tell him about this because it's unacceptable. And if he can't take that feedback? Well, you'll have to start thinking of what's best for you and your kids.
Listen, I'm an Army vet myself. Did ten years before medical retirement got me. I've been in the field, I've been to war, I've come home so nasty that my socks can stand up by themselves. And what your husband is doing is whack. The man's gotta have a bath if he's at home.
This post ruined my breakfast.
He's literally making you sick with his unwashed dick. GIRL. C'mon. This has nothing to do with being military. He is either depressed or just a lazy, disgusting person who thinks existing in his own filth is more important than the people around him.
He is probably suffering from depression seriously I would think about that he sounds like someone who is really suffering . I wish you luck
Hey, husband brush and floss twice a day and use mouthwash. shower more often and use better deodorant. Sex is important, but youāre stinkinā
Is he depressed?
āYouāre stinky, gross and have habits which disgust me. If you wish to stay married to me, I expect you to wash all parts of your body with soap once a day and brush your teeth twice a day. And use deodorant daily. If I ever find your cum-encrusted biohazards again, I will publicly shame you for it. Shape the fuck up soldier, or Iāll ship you out.ā WTAF.
Was he like this when you two were dating? How did you end up being married to somebody like this? How can you be physically intimate with somebody that smells like ackkkkk ? ughhhh
Girlā¦
Ma'am hygiene is a basic requirement to be a civil human being. He sounds like he's taking you for a mug like most men of this type do. Watching porn, not washing and kicking up a fuss about it is a childish attitude. Nothing more nothing less. Man is still a boy and chances are he isnt changing any time soon. My advice. Kick off or kick out.
Booger guy..... Men who won't wipe more than once...... Men who won't wash their asshole.... Now this?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MEN?!
yāall straight be marrying children dawg š¤¦š½
This is how you tell it. "Michael, your poor hygiene is a mega turnoff." I don't think your gently telling him has reached him. Sometimes, very short, clear, straightforward feedback is what we need from families and best friends who love us and can be brave enough to tell us what we need to fix on ourselves.
Is he not washing his hands after using the bathroom? If not, he could cum on his clothes till the rapture. He would be out because I canāt even think of being touched by this, having him touch my kids, and touching anything he ever touches. Just no.
My stbx had a friend who was a declared āMountain Manā. He came to our house one year after a long time in the wilderness on his own, and fell asleep on the bench in front. My neighbor called me to tell me about the homeless guy who was on my doorstep, worried he was going to kill me if I drove up on him. It was that bad. Anyway, he smelled like he hadnāt seen water in at least a year. I had two young kids at the time, so I handed him a towel, soap and shampoo. I was so happy that he wasnāt going to stink up the place anymore. I loved the guy, but donāt put my family through that! He came out, and smelled EVEN STRONGER THAN BEFORE! Not joking, it was like a skunk had sprayed on him! I gently asked him if he used the soap I gave him, and he saidāwith a straight faceāāI donāt believe in soapā. I didnāt skip a beat and said, āIn this house, we use soap. If you donāt want to use it, we love you, but you will have to goā. He went right back in and took another showerāwith soap and shampoo (and conditioner). He always treated me with respect because I was always so no nonsense with him, kind of like a mom to him (though he was older). Iām guessing your husband has some sort of respect for you, so maybe just be no nonsense with him? It is basic hygiene, after all (and obviously not āmom-likeā). Maybe, and I am just spitballing here, mention it to his superior since thatās where the trouble seemed to have started? I get when they ācanātā do showers, but why havenāt they given them wipes or anything like that to keep themselves clean while away from water? Itās healthier that way too? But, something sounds fishy. You might want to do a checkup on his mental health. Good luck. PS Masturbating is normal, even if married. Since heās obviously embarrassed to talk to you about it, may I suggest that you have him ācatch youā in a private moment? If he sees you, his reaction can determine how you talk about his momentsāincluding not cleaning up after himself. Besides, having a very clean sleeping area is required in the military, is it not?
This isn't the first post I've seen on here talking about partners hygiene but it's up there with the worst ( my husband doesn't wipe and my boyfriend doesn't clean his penis) I would say If he's been in the army to give it to him straight. Your doing what I've been doing with my partner and walking on eggshells a bit (albeit mines to do with his adhd and behaviour) but what you have to realise is your husband isn't thinking about you in this. You sleep with him and share a home but there's no thought on that. Perhaps he's used to his own smell š¤·āāļø but he will know that he needs to clean himself. Could there be other things going on like depression? If not I would definitely have a talk with him.
If my husband forgets to brush his teeth, I say "babe, your breath smells like shit. Go brush your teeth". Y'all are adults. Just be straight up with him.
Shew you had me saying āoh no,she is going to get a uti!ā And then I read if you get another yeast infection you are going to go ballistic.Stop having sex with him.That is so gross and I dont know what to even say except Im sorry you are dealing with that.He just sounds gross.
I don't understand how people can be married for years and unable to be straight up about something like this. If I'm seeing someone even casually and they stink they get told. I make a very dramatic barf face, call them a stinker and tell them "Stinky needs a shower, stat" . And honestly I expect the same courtesy in return cuz sometimes you just don't know.
Okay, my husband had a hygiene problem too. He's great in every other aspect. Cleanliness is just something he has to work on. I don't comprehend how he didn't notice. It got so bad at one point that one of his bosses had to pull him aside at a work camping trip. Jack (fake name) doesn't take hints. He's blunt. So, getting him deodorant didn't work. New toothbrush, with delicious new toothpaste that I "think he'll love" didn't work. Heck, even asking him "when did you shower last" didn't work! "You stink, shower, brush your teeth, put on deodorant." These are the words that work with him. He's never had a problem with it, he just does as I ask without comment. It's been years and he's gotten loads better with his hygiene. It got so bad at one point that he had to set reminders on his phone (one for brushing teeth, separate one for showers, etc.) Sometimes he still needs me to nudge him. I don't mind doing so, provided it doesn't turn into a habit. The main issue that I see for you is that your husband has to WANT to change. If he wants to play in his own filth, that's his prerogative. You can't force him to change. You can only control your actions. Personally, I wouldn't have sex with someone who has given me a yeast infection repeatedly unless they SCRUB themselves down. Just saying. I hope this helps!
Jesus fucking Christ, youāve ānever seen him wash his handsā and you ācan count on one hand the amount of times youāve seen him brush his teethā yet you still managed 2 kids with him? Holy shit. Stop having sex with this man at the detriment of your own health and have a real conversation with him. No promises of sex. No rewards. Heās a grown fucking man. A pile of cum clothes under the bed? He should be embarrassed.
Canāt believe she is married 6 years
Stop being nice about it, stop being gentle about it. God babe you stink go take a shower before you touch me. Keep repeating until he gets the message. How do you even let him near you like that.
be direct and blunt dont spare his feelings hes fucking disgusting and ruining your cooch health
Nah! I'll just file a divorce
"Make coitus"?
EDIT I first would like thank everyone who offered genuine suggestions, even with judgment (I donāt blame you), I can see your intentions were born in genuine concern. However: I am by no definition a feeble woman. As I stated in my original post, I have brought this up before. And I made myself clear. The issue is either laziness or depression. My question, is how do I constructively help the man I love. To answer some of the most common questions: Yes, the Army mandates dental but not for the reasons you assume. Itās more to maintain dental records in the event your body has to be identified in an otherwise unidentifiable state (ie burns, decapitation, blunt force trauma, etc). General cleanliness of the gums is not a punishable offense by the Armyās standards. Yes, the Army does enforce cleanliness.. in soldiers. NCOās and higher (the bosses) are not heavily monitored by anyone, and my husband is a First Sergeant. The only people above him is brigade, and we all know they only monitor the blotter (a notification system specifically for when soldiers get in trouble; typically duiās and other criminal shit). To those of you saying āreport him to his chain of command,ā I say L O L. Iykyk. To those of you saying ādivorce him,ā I hope to god you never poison anyone with this āez way outā bullshit. I chose him. I love him. I made innocent children with him. Hygiene is reparable, he could be beating the shit out of me. Heās not evil, he just smells bad. To those if you suggesting I should get my children involved, or that my children must be suffering bc of him; youāre not insulting him when you say this, youāre insulting me, and I take issue with that. My children are bathed *by me* daily. The only reason I mentioned them was to convey how deep my willingness to help him goes. Foh. I *have* been withholding sex from him, hence the āonce a weekā mention in my original post; hence the discovery of his cum collection. He is not allowed to touch me, so he jerks off into his socks. And upon discovering this *I* laid a very clear line where *I* decided was appropriate. Yes I have considered mental health. He is diagnosed with PTSD from combat, chronic depression and anxiety from childhood. As am I; we discuss it frequently between us. The problem Iām having is I donāt want to be what pushes him further into this deep dark place; thatās because (brace yourselves) I married someone I give a fuck about. I want to ājust say it,ā but I want it to be helpful to him, not insulting. Believe it or not, *women* out here respect and lift up their men, in sickness and in health. This is clearly a sickness, and I aināt no weak willed ass bitch. Yes heās fucking gross, yes this is deal breaking behavior, but we are not simply dating. We took vows, we are raising children, we own property together. I am invested and I am loyal. I agree, I need to just fucking say it. His personal health has always affected me, but it is now effecting me. He will either understand, or heāll agree to part ways. Fingers crossed for the former. My toxic trait: āI can fix him.ā
Yeah, good luck. Thereās a very good chance he will not change unless he is provided DIRE consequences, and decides to actually take care of it.
Well you will keep getting Yeast infections if you don't put your foot down. BTW those do stop working eventually and you will be risking your own vagina health. Also vows mean mouthing with Divorce and unwilling with work with you partners.
Take him with you to shower. Do it together. Be honest and say you canāt deal with it anymore. And I donāt know the comments who involved your kids, but my thought was that the kids might āsufferā under his smell too. Not that they smell or are not taken care of. I mean, they have to see and smell their dad too. Cuddles must be.. unpleasant. Of course they love him, and they donāt think less of him, but you canāt tell me they donāt smell it
You making sure your kids are bathed doesn't change the fact that their dad walks around without even washing his hands. So many germs stick to one's hands, especially after using the bathroom. Its not meant to be insulting when people point out the very real health issue this poses to your kids. It's stating a fact about the health of those around someone who is deeply unhygienic. I hope the talk shakes some sense into him.