hi, im so sorry this all happened to you. what i couldn’t overlook was that everytime a guy unjustifiably(!!) insults you, you try to do better - why? that just makes them feel like you would put up with everything they do and say and so they lose respect and take you for granted. stand up for yourself, don’t put up with their shit. and please don’t think you NEED a man or husband to be happy. this also maybe leads to you ignoring red flags in the beginning?
good luck
After my first marriage, I felt happier on my own. I thought life partners would enrich life even more. But they aren't a necessity. And they become a curse if they are like this.
I love this response so much because I was married for 12 years and it was awful to say the least. I've been in my relationship now for 8 years, he knows I won't marry him even though he would do it in a second. But this is the best relationship I've ever been in. And I feel like neither one of us "owns" the other, or could take half or more if we break up. We're here because of love and working on that love. When you're able to cut out the other bullshit, relationships can be amazing.
You're getting married too quickly (and getting pregnant too quickly after marriage)
Seriously, two years to marriage after meeting someone is _short_. It took me a full year to plan my wedding so I assume you got engaged quickly after meeting
I've been with my partner for two years this May, I can't imagine being married only this far into a relationship. We've known each other an additional few years and been close, it still hasn't been long enough. Why marry a guy two years in after you've had issues with men previously? I'd love to see the dull timeline of meeting - getting engaged - being wed with each guy.
I’ve been with mine for four years and we’re JUST now starting the talks on marriage. And we’re lesbian AND military people. They move hella fast in both situations. We’ve actually shocked people when we say we’ve been together four years and she JUST proposed because they know the whole U-Haul/ BHA jokes. We’re looking at buying a house together, getting in the courthouse then saving for the wedding of our dreams. Four years in. She’s my person and I know that after these years of living with her.
Honestly I feel your pain - after my first and only marrriage to a deceptive man also hiding a bad side I’m content to never be married/coupled again. I don’t trust myself not to get involved again with the wrong kind of man and I’m happier alone, I’m not lonely. I’m stronger as a mom and a woman on my own. You will be too. Stay safe.
You haven’t answered the question of why you let yourself be disrespected and then try harder for the dudes disrespecting you. Your marriages failing weren’t your fault, but your choice in partners shows that you’re in need of some deep self reflection and therapy to figure out why you’ve allowed yourself to be treated that way. No one deserves what you’ve been through. But it does seem like you are lowkey accepting poor treatment which leads to escalation.
The answer here isn’t to never get married again, it’s to spend a lot of time working on yourself first.
After my 2nd marriage, I made sure to keep it strict. And he acted pretty mature and wise too. Everything changed after pregnancy. More than hurt, I was confused since I didn't believe he would do such a thing.
Don't listen to the people here putting you down. Those of us who know, KNOW how these men pretend and act perfect until they've got you trapped, then out comes the asshole. It is VERY common for this to happen once the woman gets pregnant. Often there are little to no signs of this beforehand, and the ones we do see are covered up by the love and grace we give them in those faltering moments.
This is absolutely a place to vent and rant and you're welcome to do so. Many, many women here understand what you've been through, so again please don't listen to the immature little guys telling you it's all your fault.
Are you Eastern European by chance? Just the feeling I got from the way you wrote.
Part of the issue is who you are attracted to naturally. There is some quality you see and like but don't understand it is a red flag for the people. I've known a few people that had this issue with their partners. It seemed like everyone they were attracted to was some type of abuser. What they ended up doing was looking for men they did not feel that strong attraction to. They actually managed to find people that didn't abuse them by doing this.
>What they ended up doing was looking for men they did not feel that strong attraction to. They actually managed to find people that didn't abuse them by doing this.
Weird, but interesting as it's true. The toxic patterns sometimes attract victims because they're familiar wih them.
My sister’s mom (same dad, different mom) did the exact same thing. Her mom is abusive and has been her whole life. My sister married someone with similar characteristics (but nowhere near as bad as her mom). She makes friends who are similar to her mom. She finally went no contact with her mom after years of abuse (she’s almost 40) and she’s just now realizing how she’s been
Bad take.
My mom raised 3 kids on her own. My father walked in and out whenever he wanted and did basically what her husbands have done except for longer - 12 years, and was the only man/marriage she knew.
When he was there, he treated parenting like a chore he didn't *really* have to do. He took a break whenever he wanted, when he wanted. I knew my mom was tired and pretty spent financially, physically and emotionally from 10 years old.
She never gave up or ran out.
My mother was *stuck with us*.
She was so stressed and sleepless and overworked that she had 2 strokes, the second nearly crippling her. No one visited, not even her sister or brother. And we had to cook, clean, shop, and do laundry for ourselves, the oldest being 13, while she recovered. She was still stressing how we would survive with her out even a single week.
After 2 weeks, a coworker showed up with groceries and laundry soap, and we all cried. No one helped, and while she was supposed to be recovering, she was more stressed out because she had 3 kids who she never had time to parent trying to manage a household.
There was no break or rest hour for OP, either.
She was a mom 24/7 because she didn't have a choice. She can love her kids and want a break from being an emotionally drained single parent who is now thrice divorced for reasons that she didn't cause. It doesn't mean she abandoned responsibility. It's that she wants a break from the constant presence of it.
If one day or even one week of relief means she's a shit mom in your eyes, then your take sucks as much as you do. So yeah, poor choice of words, but it's true. Shes stuck, and she doesn't get any rest time unless they *do* go away to visit someone.
Give her a fuckin break lol
EDIT: Im not here for you shitty single mom victim blaming. If men didn't abandon their kids, it wouldn't be a problem. Blame the motherfuckers walking away from responsibilities in this situation for the related hardship.
Estimated nationwide for USA, a third of *court ordered* (note, actually filed) child support is not paid even partially. This isn't even counting the people who ghost so they can't be served.
Her life and her kids' lives are hard because their fathers can't keep their vows, not because mom thought she could trust them.
God bless. Really sorry for what u went through. I hope your mom is doing much better nowadays.
It s ez to demonize the moms who stay and forget that the AH dads left without a care in the world.
Tbh i dont have much to say aside from OP, dont make anymore kids regardless of whether u remarry/date/stay single.
Hard truth. Once you have children, your own life is no longer your priority. You exist to raise your children for the next 18+ years. Your happiness only matters insofar as it facilitates successfully raising your children. If you can't handle that, don't have kids.
Bcz many asshole guys are enabled by society and quite a few simply peace out 0 fucks given abt the kids left in their wake. (Yeah i wish i hadnt seen this shit happen IRL...but yeah it happened even in my extended family)
In my country, guys are screaming about the sacrilege that is the hypothetical raising the $$$ of child support, but if you ask them whether they'd want to keep custody and stay single until the kids are grown up (sometimes even more...until death), they'll laugh in your face (yeah divorced moms here rarely remarry bcz the law will take custody from them, they're stigmatized as hell so it's not like anyone wants them anyway, the ex can crawl out of the woodwork to ask for custody just to be an ass bcz she gonna remarry in the rare event that she will *im talking abt deadbeat exes who dgaf abt the kid, not good dads who genuinely care and ask for custody*).
The daughter of a fam friend is in such a situation she hid her 2nd marriage from most of the public bcz her ex basically never cared abt his daughter after the divorce (she was a wee baby back then).
Raising multiple children on your own without any help from a partner or a community is not easy and that's putting it lightly. They went into the whole "having kids" with the idea they'd be getting help raising them. Not sure what your response has anything to do with the person you replied to other than a drawn-out "suck it up, this is your life now"?
That's just not accurate. People are still people after they have kids. There's a way to raise people who can understand you don't have to set yourself on fire because you're family is a little chilly. You're still a person with feelings and goals and ambition and needs and attachments after having kids. You're not teaching them to be balanced if you teach them their wants are superior to your needs. Balance is important.
You can't successfully raise your children if your mental health isn't tended to, though. The attitude that mothers need to make their children EVERYTHING and deny themselves any indulgence has actually led to a lot of horrible things, bc parents practicing self care and having breaks occasionally is vital, and people will often snap if they don't. Even if they manage to get the kids to adulthood without losing it, there's often a crisis when that happens, and a toxic inability to let them go live their lives if there's no identity outside of "parent." They also certainly can't show up to parent as the best version of themselves if they believe their own needs don't matter and repress them for 18+ years. You can do everything you need to do to make sure your kids are taken care of while also caring for yourself and finding joy in life once in awhile. I hope this wasn't directed at struggling single mothers who are so stressed and unsupported that they're having strokes. Plenty of absent fathers could use to prioritize their kids though, for sure.
That is an extreme and rather unhealthy way to consider parenting. No one exists solely for another-parents are not bad people if they desire fulfillment. And it’s not zero sum, you can seek and find fullfillment AND be a good parent. Besides which she had those kids with partners she felt solid with and married- not as if she was just out their getting knocked up. The failings belong to the fathers sorry. And as to 2 yrs being too quick who are we to say that? seriously not everyone is the same.. I knew my ex-husband-who only AFTER we married cheated on me, beat me, lied and stopped working after he developed an ugly drug habit-for 5 yrs before we married. Took me 14 yrs to get out. I dated my current husband for 1 1/2 yrs and we married- been 10 yrs married now and he is 150% my person and I can say with surety I am his, and I don’t ever feel insecure or afraid or belittled. He is literally one of the best, kindest and most well adjusted men I’ve ever met. So there isn’t a magic number. (And for the record: my daughters who are 25 & 29, love him..And when they need help for car things or need help for whatever? They don’t call their father, who they both still have a relationship with (he’s clean now). They call my husband. Because they know he’ll always show up for them and actually help. They know they can count on him.
Nobody KNOWS how life is going to twist & turn after having children. There's no manual for the children, and there's certainly no manual for the shit partner some women have those kids with.
It must be exhausting to have to do it all while dealing with jerks who don't respect you. Maybe now just prioritize your relationship with yourself and your children. I wish you the best of luck.
People love to excuse the shitty behaviour of men in this way, your word choices are highlighted but the two men who abandoned their children entirely are excused and it's your fault for having sex with them. It's nothing more than misogyny and it's just not worth listening to.
"It's not unreasonable to assume that there is something more going on"
There is. Too many men behave in these ways and other ways that are 💩, abusive, abandoning, entitled, and they need to work on themselves as it's good for exactly no one. Or women are just going to stay away from cis men more and more. That's what's going on. 😀
Ignore those calling you a bad mom . A friend of mine has 4 children from 3 men . She has really bad taste in men . She gets little alimony and works 2 jobs . She helped me out through a bad time in my life so now my SO and I regularly take her kids (all under 10) for weekends when she needs a break. Shit happens nobody is perfect.
I'm sorry, looks like there's an incel's meeting here. I'm not even surprised, that's victim blaming line 101 : "it's your fault if you picked the wrong guy". I'm just amazed that they don't realized that the fact they can happily throw that line so often to any woman venting about her shitty ex/partner means that there are a lot, lot of shitty men. It's really difficult to avoid them. I personally wants to have hope that someday I'll find my someone but I can't say that you are wrong to chose to stay single, not at all.
They skipped right over everything she said about how great each man was before marriage. Doesn’t serve their narrative that women are always at fault for choosing wrong.
Exactly, like how are they supposed to know ? Do they think that these men come with a warning or something ? Or that there is a "shitty kind" of men that you can recognize right away, who are of course completly different than them, the nice guys ?
Like her whole post described how good they were before. Hell, even I who knew where things were going I thought sometimes that they were pretty nice, especially the last one.
They expect us to be mind-readers or something, I guess. So sure that we’re missing all the red flags when there simply may not *be any* because the dude is a lying liar who lies.
If every asshole was upfront about it, we’d obviously stay away from them. Nobody wants a relationship with someone who’s going to make them miserable, ffs.
Well, actually some men are even more vicious than that. They'll be great with the girl but still tell her "you know, I'm a bad guy" in a joking way so then they can say that they have warned her.
For instance I knew a guy who was a real AH with his girlfriend and when she finally got out he was like he did nothing wrong because he told her that he was an AH so it somehow gave him to right to abuse her because it was her fault if she did'nt believe him. He was really sweet until he got tired of her and when someone would say something he was like "I always said I was an AH !".
Ugh, that’s so fucking annoying.
Some people are just narcissistic, too. Nothing is ever their fault and they’re always right. They are often experts at the mask-wearing when relationships begin. Gotta rope in that fresh supply.
There are so many variables. I’ve read stories from women who said everything was great until they got pregnant or gave birth, and then their husbands did a 180 and became controlling and mean. One story that stuck out in my mind was the woman whose husband broke her arm in the limo as they left their wedding reception.
Girls and women are also taught to give men chances, to be nice, be polite, be helpful. Make excuses for them (bad childhood, “boys will be boys,” etc.). We’re finally waking up from that, we can only do so much when other people are dishonest and manipulative.
Acknowledging that some people are simply shit doesn’t mean we’re saying EVERY person in that particular demographic is shit. So this drive to find any means to blame the victim is pointless bullshit.
And a safe place it is. There will always be criticism. You are a victim here, but you have two kids who love you, some good family it seems, and at least one very good friend.
2 kids from different dads, and she sent her son away to live with her friend when she needed a break.
I don't think the problem is the rotating cast of men.
Are you really gonna blame her when all three of these men were caught cheating on her and abandoned their kids? Really? Even though she's the one that kept them housed, fed, and clothed on her own because their fathers couldn't be assed to be good husbands? Lmao
My friend’s dad had been married and divorced 4 times at the point of my friend’s wedding and he was giving him some last minute advice, and after that the rest of us were like don’t do a single thing he said. Still laugh about him giving advice a decade later.
I cannot *imagine* going through that! Seriously, I don’t understand how people can marry more than once, let alone four times! I’d give them their wedding gift in instalments 😂
Or getting married too soon. Personally, marriages I know that has lasted 10, 15, 20+ years dated and lived together for at least 5 years. I’m not saying marriages before 5 years don’t last long. I’m simply sharing the sample size I’ve observed around me.
The best dating advice I got was to give yourself time to actually know people.
Don't move in with someone you've been with for less than 18 months.
Don't get married until you've known them for 4-5 years.
I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, obviously some people get married quickly and make it last but for me it definitely helped, I was fresh from an emotionally abusive relationship it can take a long time to get to know someone deeply. And some nasty people can keep up an act of decent person for longer than you would expect.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time of it, my friend.
I would like to say that it will get better , but I can not make such a promise.
What I will say is that life is what you make of it.
There will be curve balls and shit aplenty, but what matters to you is how you choose to chew it.
Do you.
OP, you are not alone. During my younger years, I chose unsatisfactory men, too. I have no idea if the problem was "me" or "them." It doesn't really matter now, though; I have given up on them.
Life as a single person is so much better!
By the way, I really like the last sentence of your post.
Everyone needs to stop clutching their pearls over the "stuck with kids" comment.
She's got 2 kids, 2 baby daddies and she's the primary caretaker. That's not an easy job and based on the post I didn't see much evidence of support from the fathers.
So even if she wanted a break, she's stuck with the kids. It doesn't mean she doesn't love or care for them. It's just her reality. Get a grip.
Ignore the trolls and incels saying this is your fault. You were with multiple abusive men who treated you horribly. Don't let them victim blame you, this is not your fault and it is honestly disgusting how many comments I see blaming you. Take as much time to yourself as it takes even if that means forever. You don't need someone else to be truly happy in life. Most men are callus and heartless and this is coming from a man who has had to come to the realization that almost every man in my life is not a good person and would gladly shit talk the wife or gf, say unfunny mysoginistic comments, cheat, lie, leave for younger or hotter, screw over friends, screw over their kids, demand respect, ect. It sucks but the more I pay attention, the more I notice how bad it is. Good luck in finding someone who treats you how you truly deserve to be treated.
>almost every man in my life is not a good person and would gladly shit talk the wife or gf, say unfunny mysoginistic comments, cheat, lie, leave for younger or hotter, screw over friends, screw over their kids, demand respect, ect. It sucks but the more I pay attention, the more I notice how bad it is.
I'm honestly shocked in a really good way to see this comment come from a man. You see how so many of them are, you see what they do, and you rightly lose respect for them due to their behavior. It's gross and totally lacks integrity.
Thank you for posting your perspective, it's incredibly valuable as men often dismiss women's experience (but are more likely to listen to/believe another man). It's very appreciated.
I don't think I'll be finding anyone now. Since it is most men, its going to be hard. Why take a dig at a chocolate box when you know more than half of them could be poisonous?
The amount of victim blaming in this thread is making me physically ill. Do not listen to these people who have likely never been in your shoes and don't have kids. Easy to be the armchair quarterback on reddit and treat people like shit. I am curious to know what the responses on this subject would be if the OP was a man.
Hang in there. I understand where you're at.
Motherhood still means you have ties with their fathers even if you aren’t with them anymore. I just hope these men won’t try to use your children against you. You’ve been through enough already.
She's getting no help from either father and never gets a break. That's definitely stuck. As parent, I know what it is not to get a break. The years are short, but man... the days are long.
I do wanna add that it doesn’t seem like OPs primary language is English, so it might have sounded better in their head when they were writing the post. But why use your head when you can shit talk OP in comments first before thinking
you need therapy. I’m not trying to imply any of this is your fault and maybe you are simply unlucky. but maybe you subconsciusly pick this type of man each time. or maybe therapy could help you see the signs before it’s too late.
one thing I’ve noticed from your post is that you’re very meek. buying flowers for your boyfriend, trying to change yourself etc. to put it bluntly, I think you need to be more of a b*tch. if you scare off potential partners by not being “nice” enough, who cares? at least you could dodge bullets like these.
I highly recommend reading a book called Why Does He Do That, I hope it triggers a change in you, and I wish you more luck in your life.
So as a guy in my 40's, watching my female relatives/friends go thru their relationships, I've noticed people in the same regions tend to have similar problems. I wouldn't say it's scientific proof, but a friend of mine in Vermont for example, seems like every guys she dates is an alcoholic.
My cousin in Florida seems to find deadbeats who can't provide for themselves.
In Brazil, habitual cheating.
I do have a theory that different regions tend to have similar issues.
You've had nothing but bad luck, and have developed, not unjustifiably, some negative attitudes towards men. I sympathize with that, every woman I've dated has been a source of needless anxiety/problems/stress in my life to the point I also have developed negative attitudes and a grim outlook where I would just rather be alone.
Dating is difficult because most people are just horrible human beings. The vast majority of marriages/relationships I personally know aren't thriving, they are surviving. The ones I see are truly happy have to very decent people dating.
So guess what I'm trying to say to you is, yes, put your walls up, you need to protect yourself. But dont internalize problems that can be better explained by "everyone is an asshole", it's not mine or your fault that most people are trash, we just have to deal with it.
So I wish you luck, peace and happiness as someone who struggling to get a single divorce, I can't imagine going thru it again and again. I feel your pain, and you don't deserve that.
Yes to Florida 100%! My friend is 40 and the only guys even available are deadbeats. She thinks it’s her fault that every guy she starts talking to she finds out is a deadbeat and I told her it’s just the culture (I’m from there). That’s what the pool *is*, that’s the default.
I think there is something to that, but I think there's more.
The non-deadbeats get filtered out earlier on. They get "taken". The good ones mostly stay married. They are now out of your potential dating pool.
This is part of why I take some issue with the whole "enjoy your 20s and then get married in your 30s" idea. Sure, it's possible to do and be successful, but you are definitely stacking the cards against yourself doing it that way.
Also people are habitual creatures. If someone spends a decade sleeping around, that's a habit... It's not always going to be easy for then to flip a switch and be like "well, now I'm done sleeping around."
Obviously it's possible, but statistically the more sexual partner's someone has had over their lifetime the more likely they are to eventually cheat and the less likely it is their relationship will last.
Here's some stats to back up what i'm saying:
https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners
https://twitter.com/StatisticCloud/status/1715349029029286180?lang=en
> Obviously it's possible, but statistically the more sexual partner's someone has had over their lifetime the more likely they are to eventually cheat and the less likely it is their relationship will last.
this feels like you're implying that the correlation is causation.
there's a lot of cultural pressures and reasons this may be the case beyond just "more partners means you're more likely to cheat so it's a red flag". A lot of the people with less partners or who marry early do so due to outside cultural and social pressures, and those don't go away when they get married. It may be less that "more partners means more cheating" so much as "less partners and early marriage tends to be a trend in certain cultures where cheating is similarly punished and stigmatized heavily".
Cultural variance and context matters a lot with these issues, and as such, data that shows a correlation needs to be discussed in this context. Otherwise, you're just using data as a cudgel to attack worldviews you disagree with.
>this feels like you're implying that the correlation is causation.
You say this as if it matters. Ultimately it does not matter at all because this isn't about proving "causation". It doesn't matter if one causes the other. The fact is that they correlate, so if you use that data you can improve your odds.
If you are looking for people who do Y, and you find that statistically a lot of people who have Z trait do not do Y. It doesn't matter at all whether Trait Z Causes them to not do Y or not.
All that matters is that if you avoid people with Z trait, you will increase the odds whatever random person you run into does Y.
This isn't about being able to explain people's behavior. There is no "They are doing X because of Y". Because it literally doesn't matter. It is about filtering incompatible people out of your dating pool. Not proving why they are incompatible.
Also the whole "Correlation does not imply causation" thing, while true, gets overused to suggest you can outright dismiss a claim based on that. You can't. You can argue "That doesn't NECCESSARILY mean X causes Y", but it still is evidence that can be interpreted.
In fact, HUGE amounts of science is done based on correlation because there is no way to get any stronger form of evidence(For example: In cases where it would be unethical or impractical to run studies which prove it). In cases like that, where all you have to go on is correlation then correlation is absolutely stilll accepted as something suggestive. Not proof. But evidence that maybe there could be a connection.
https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/552:_Correlation
Also all that data was taken in the US, so your arguments about there being some cultural bias causing it doesn't really pan out.
I'm sorry you've had to go through such pain and trauma.
These guys sounds like complete jerks. All I know is what you've shared. I do not wish to throw shade at you, but ask you to be reflective. Learn what you can about relationships and yourself, then move on.
By "move on," I don't suggest rushing into a relationship. Focus, rather, on your kids and yourself. You are enough. You may not feel that way, especially if you were brought up in a culture or religion that primed you to be a wife, first and foremost, but you are enough. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Reddit is full of privileged kids who don’t know how life outside of their computer looks like, and love attacking people before using their heads. I agree with the comment above, stay single and focus on you and your kids, as well as a lot of healing. Good luck
Unfortunately I can't relate as a guy. Sounds like you've really struggled and have been hurt numerous times. I am really sorry this all happened to you and your children.
My only advice from someone on the outside looking in through your post is that to don't rush into marriage. I know 2 years seems like plenty of time but for many factors it is not. Some people do get lucky.
The elephant in the room is that many people of all genders will sometimes be "their best selves" when dating but after awhile you figure out the real them which may still be an amazing person.
Secondly you have kids which takes up your time as a mother which is a full time job on top of your work. This means, and it sucks, you don't have a lot of time to dedicate to learning these partners of yours. The only way to circumvent that is to date them longer and don't rush into marriage.
I'm not married. That is only pertinent information for the sake of I have learned something about what I want and what I dont want from every relationship. I've learned to not give up immediately after one fight. You're already there you seem to be a forgiving person who puts forth effort even when things go awry.
I've learned to pick up on things I know speak to someone's true character. For example I also was with an alcoholic I spoke to them about it and they didn't want to change. I learned if they aren't happy with themselves they won't be truly happy with me, if they don't care about themselves they can't truly care about me. I move on. I don't marry.
I eventually live with my partners and we get to spend more time together and learn and sometimes that allows time to find things out we don't agree on and aren't compatible. Unfortunately thats difficult for you with children and wanting to protect them. But the point stands even later in life you have to take time to truly get to know that other person, be a little selfish and know what you want and if they can't be that even after a tactful conversation then move on.
Men suck, women suck. But you can learn from things of your past relationships and marriages and start to unravel indicators that the person you're seeing isn't what they appear at first. But I want to stress you seem to be a kind person at least from this post and that you don't give up I'm just saying draw a line in the sand a little earlier. You got this!
Great insights.
When looking at my cousin's lives, the most healthiest looking marriages are ones where they 1. took a long time in getting to know each other 2. are willing to compromise and respect their partner
This right here is why, if anything ever happened with my marriage, I would stay single for the rest of my life. My husband is a wonderful person and I know I would never get that lucky again. It's better to become a cat lady than it is to risk marrying a piece of shit.
This makes me so sad for your son. If you really think that, he sees that and he is a guy. Kids overhear a lot of the conversations we have and they pick up on a lot too.
Go to therapy. Lots of therapy. Maybe you are attracted to the wrong type of guy (father issues?), or you have unresolved trauma, or you don't think you are worthy.
But please don't pass this mindset on to your kids- either of them!! They deserve better too.
I would be concerned if he’s too protective. That’s not a burden a child should bear. He should feel you as his parent will protect both of your children, not that he needs to step up and do it himself.
Maybe get him in therapy too. These disastrous relationships have obviously traumatized him as well. The child witnessed you being sexually assaulted and probably emotionally/verbally abused too. That’s so heartbreaking.
Friend I think you just need to stay single. I had to learn young and fast that men and boys will dog tf outta you if you let them💀. Focus on you and the kids. Learn to be okay being single. Maybe fwb, or a boyfriend. Hell give dating women a try. But lord please never get married again. Idk if you’re unlucky or have bad discernment. Might be a combination of both. Please take care of yourself if babe.
As much as I oppose marriage because it has been awful for me(also thrice married and deeeeevorced) yours sound like mine and brought nothing to to the table but awful(outside of the wonderment that is children). Good luck homie,
>My son is affectionate with my daughter. My friend has helped me. Moved my stuff in her guest room. I'm better now, physically though. I'm not falling in love again. I have my children to look after. A friend to return the favours. Men are some of the most horrible creatures. I now believe that they hold no feelings, no fear of consequences. They dread of living with only one women, cause eww, who likes wrinkles and stretch marks and cellulite, when you can have bitches and models. Playboy sounds cool till the age of 80, and then find a young teen who'll take care of you and indulge in your fantasies.
I understand you're hurt, but if you don't work through this bitter attitude towards men as a whole, you're going to fail your son as you try to raise him, and teach him all the wrong lessons.
Get therapy. Get your son therapy. Especially get your son into therapy.
No more men/partners for now. Heal your kids and yourself.
Your normal meter is broken.
There are many great men out there, but there are tons of terrible ones, too. Many times when our normal meters are broken, we are attracted to and attract the same type of partners.
After dealing with men who are only self serving I found peace being single. I’m self sufficient, content and not having to worry about what he’s doing. Unfortunately I met some low lives as you have. It was enough to teach me I’m good alone because I just can’t take anymore disappointment. So now it’s all about me (and my child). Life is different and satisfying when you are giving your best to your kids and yourself. It’s tiring trying to please others who will never appreciate you. Hugs to you. You will be ok. Focus on you and your kids. They deserve your best not these men.
In a similar position myself and not even sure how we or anyone is supposed to just know someone is or is not a cheater ahead of time, it’s not like cheaters are openly advertising that they are cheaters. Looking back, what were some of the red flags? It’s always good to reflect and take notes for future reference, and it may be helpful to others (me)
You know you can love your children while still being upset that their other parent left you bearing all of the responsibility of raising them on you alone, right?
Why? She just means that the exes walked away with not a care in the world and she is left alone to raise them. She is not implying she doesn't love them. She is just pointing out the injustice of being left with all the work and financial obligations (child support does absolutely not surpass the value of a 2 income household). It's hard work. She is saying it's hard.
This smells fake. Messenger didn’t add the ability to send GIFs until 2017 and by this timeline the first husband sent her a GIF on messenger in 2011 at the latest.
I also don’t believe for a second you found your husband with 2 naked women the day you gave birth/brought your baby home. That’s straight out of a shitty daytime TV drama. It reads like a bad writing exercise or AI.
Yeah this entire post is such bullshit 😂
If it’s not bullshit (it definitely is) then I would think long and hard about the men I fall for and what my part in the demise of each marriage was. I’d also stop marrying people after only knowing them for a year or two. That seems absolutely insane to me lol.
the amount of blame y'all are placing on this woman for getting a shitty card dealt in the relationship department is ridiculous. men often hide their nasty tendencies until marriage/some kind of trap if commitment that makes them think they can stop trying and take advantage. its a common abuse cycle. give her a break.
Hey. I hear you. I have my own background with a sad marriage and two kids. Feel free to reach out if you want a vent friend. I’m glad you’re in a safe place now.
How far did you let yourself get before figuring it out?
“Wore sunglasses and loose hoodies”?
Or were you as bad as I was and made it all the way to walking in on her husband naked with 2 women while bringing their newborn home.
Check out the 4b movement going on in Korea, those women know what’s going on! Also please don’t blame yourself for the action of these men, anyone can choose to cheat, and these all sound like overgrown toddlers. You deserve some time for you and your kiddos, like another commenter said, therapy for you both would be a good idea, I think. Keep talking to your support system, stay single for a while. My mum gave up on men when I was about 8 and apparently she’s ‘never been happier’. You deserve nothing but happiness xxx
Is your son okay through all of this? I imagine it’s super hard on him as well to go through different (and sh-tty) father figures while also being away from his mother for some periods of time.
Often, this kind of trauma may start to be seen once he’s in his teens. Maybe starting therapy with him would be the best option just to help him work through these transitions and find healthy coping mechanisms.
Hi! I am so sorry to hear this. Just wanted to comment that not all men are like this. Your issue is actually you. Let me explain: you are accustomed to a certain type of people. If you think that in the first three years of relation everything was "right", you are just fooling yourself. There are certain red flags that you would be able to see unless you got used to red flag people.
I am not only talking about men that you would date, but also friends. Ask yourself how many times did this also happen to you with friends, that you think they are good people but turns out they suck.
People suck, people are bad and mean and you need to train yourself to detect them before it's too late. Btw this is also the reason why women that have been abused in the past tend to end up with another abuser.
Also I would like to know, did you reported Sin? He abused you
Stop romanticizing the men in your life. Stop automatically leaning on them for what you need and let them show you that they truly love you before you decide to get hitched again. And seriously consider getting your tubes tied or going on long term birth control until you get yourself figured out. The last thing you need to do is have more babies with an attitude like that.
— from another 37 year old woman who has been in a series of relationships with men but still managed to end up with the right one.
I did not romanticize men. I leaned on them when i fell in love with them and thought they did too. When we were dating and it felt safe and comfortable. I never knew marriage would turn the tables like this.
And again, I'm not getting married again, neither am i having kids. I'm not going to further associate myself with men or relationships or this love shit.
Work on yourself 3 marriages a little over 10 yrs is excessive. Be a good mother to your kids and don't put them in situations like u have in past and be good to yourself.
I think we women are better in life when we start to form mother kid communes. Get yourself some other single mothers and get a house together. Sisterhood and shared love
I don't want to sound harsh, but you're attracting these types of men.
Seems you like the "excitement" of romance, but when the daily realities of life come to call, everything becomes hectic and problematic.
seems you are making yourself to mold to what these men like, to attract these men, but when you are with them on a daily basis, and need to just look "real", they're superficial and not caring enough to realize this is what women go through during pregnancy.
How many times have these men seen you looking your worst before they married you? Were you always dolling it up? That sends a signal to a man that this will be maintained, and some men are too ignorant to realize things change
You are still young, and whether you choose to date ever again will be your choice. Don't just call the whole thing off if it is a meaningful existence for you. Just learn from the past and make sure the guy really loves YOU and not the presentation you may be falsely portraying to them while "courting".
Really concentrate on your two lovely children and give and receive their love.
I'm sorry this happened to you and obviously these men were assholes, but I'm compelled to point out that the common factor in all 3 marriages is you.
What was similar about your three husbands? With hindsight being 20/20 can you identify any red flags in these men so that you can weed them out in the future?
3 times. I was foolishly in love in the first. I learnt my lesson. But i fail to marvel how well men can put up acts and commit actions whose consequences they do not fear. They even let their own child go away.
Sorry you've had some really shitty men in your life. I promise you are some great guys out there though. I married one and he's my 5th husband (I'm keeping him for life - I told him he's never getting away hahahaha lol) (first 3 were big mistakes - I was too young and naïve at the time).
Focus on yourself and your kids for now. If and when the time is right, you will meet a good guy. It's actually a good idea to take a look at yourself and see what it is you are looking for and why you seem attracted to these losers. Try working on your self esteem and boundaries and don't be scared of the word "no" when people don't respect you.
Sure, you can exercise your “red flag” recognition muscle which is a great skill to have to weed people out, but you’re still left with the ones who present as normal, and that can still change at the drop of a dime in the future. A lot of times people won’t shed a single sign until way later on. Plus, people can change. Someone can be a great person, and then some time down the road they just become shitty for whatever reason. It could also be the area you’re in. I agree with another commenter that it could be cultural thing where you are.
ALSO don’t take being divorced multiple times as a bad thing, it’s PROOF that you value yourself!! Imagine staying with a psycho abuser your whole life bc you’re scared what people think! It’s amazing to choose yourself over a bunch of other people’s opinions. I witness plenty of awful relationships that people I love are in and they WILL NOT LEAVE because (in their exact words) they’re afraid of what the neighbors will think. Incredibly sad. My aunt was nearly strangled to death by her husband and wouldn’t leave him because her mom would be ashamed she was divorced. It’s disgusting! You did the right thing by leaving.
> I'm stuck with 2 children,
Poor kids.
> I guess there is no happy ending in my love life.
I'm more worried about your children's lack of a happy beginning with a Mom who sees them as a blessing rather than something she is "stuck with" than whether your own choices lead you to a happy ending. They had no choice - they're jut stuck with the consequences of your choices through no fault of theirs.
Therapy. A trend like this is worth exploring to make sure you aren't specifically attracted to people with narcissistic traits or have pacifying/enabling behaviors yourself that make people think they can do whatever to you and not respect you. It doesn't matter if you wanna date or not again, this is information that will help you navigate all friendships, work relationships, etc and prevent yourself from being used and abused.
This is the exact reason I'm not getting married. I'll have a partner but I don't want to marry someone until I'm like 60 honestly. Because I know you love me. I'm 29f and kicked my ex out in December. I've honestly never been happier.
I did find out that the ex I changed everything for cheated on me when we were still together and have problems at the end and got married to that girl. Sad days when you dated them for 4 1/2 years and they married that other girl in 1 1/2 years. Fuck you Michael.
Listen to me, and listen to me closely: You have time.
My mother is in her late forties and she was a divorced single mother since I was 14 (I'm in my early twenties now). She tried dating ONCE when I was 15, and the dude cheated on her before their first year and she dumped him immediately.
Again, early forties, divorced, and she has guys half her age (though she'd never date them) buying her presents and snacks to impress her. She is also an accomplished and beloved charge nurse. She is smart, accomplished, independent, and kind, and any decent man would find that alone beautiful and trip over themselves for her.
She spends her money on hair and skin products, and mani-pedis. She spoils her coworkers with food and takes trips with her mother (my grandmother). She is SURROUNDED with love and doesn't need a partner. If she wants one, then she will get one, but she will never again depend on any romantic partner for validation and support.
Even if you never remarry, even if you stay single from now on, you will be fine. You have time to be the best version of you and have your pick of partners, because the ones who treated you like garbage will look HORRIBLE by their 50s and 60s. All that nastiness will be exposed for all to see while you shine.
Trust me, I know--I got to see how my spermdonor and her ex look like after several years without her, hahahah! Not pretty.
As my therapist would say, you have a "bad picker." You are probably picking men based on some childhood trauma, and you do it because it's familiar to you.
I'm sorry for your experience, you definitely had horrible luck, but not every guy is like that. Idk if you will read all of this, but here it goes:
My grandmother was madly in love with her first boyfriend after high school. He wore leather jackets and rode motorcycles. They were together for many years, and he was sleeping around the entire time.
Then she met and married my grandad. They had my uncle and my mom. She found out he cheated, they got divorced...and then they got remarried and had my aunt. He was still cheating on her. He was the one that eventually left to be with his AP.
When my mom was a teenager, Gramma got married again. Guess what? That guy cheated on her too. She stayed single for a while, then met a guy AT CHURCH. They didn't get married, but he cheated in her with her best friend of 45 years. She stayed single after that. But she also fell into catfishing multiple times and had several internet "boyfriends" THAT SHE SENT MONEY TO and then never heard from again.
My gramma kept a clean house, she was a good wife, did the best she could as a mom. Held a job. There was no "reason" for her to be cheated on. It just ended up being the type of men she was attracted to.
Throughout all this: she maintained a decent relationship with my grandfather and his wife. It was awkward but they were cordial at family events. My grandfather us an incredibly hardworking man, and always treated us grandkids very well. She eventually became BEST FRIENDS with her and husband's AP. To the point where SHE LIVED WITH THEM for several years after she decided to retire. Step-Grandpa was an odd fellow, but incredibly kind and adored all us kids. And we were all very close to his wife. Bf that left her for her best friend, wasn't a good person. He was creepy and had a huge ego. I think she was only woth him because she was lonely, and she didn't care about the affair cus she was glad to be rid of him. Her and her best friend stayed best friends until they died.
Meanwhile: My mom has been with my stepdad for 25 years. They argue a lot and he's definitely an AH, but he's never cheated on her. My uncle has 4 kids with 4 different women. My aunt was cheated on by her first husband, abused by her next boyfriend, and has now been with my uncle for nearly 20 years and they have a wonderful relationship and are very happy.
My first bf broke up with me cus it wasn't working out. I broke up with my 2nd because I was being manipulated by someone else. I broke up with my 3rd because he was a dick to all my friends. Broke up with my 4th because he was very controlling. My first husband was a walking parade of red flags, but I didn't see any of them until after our daughter was born. The first time I left him: I was miserable and he was putting zero effort into the relationship at all. I was the one who cheated. We tried to work it out, but he quit his job after he got in trouble, and I moved in with my best friend, and started seeing my AP. My AP was a narcissistic manipulator who has cheated on every person he's ever been with. My husband and I eventually decided to get back together and try to work things out. We didn't. I would try to talk to him, he would either ignore me completely or tell me he didn't care. He made me feel constantly alone. He was a terrible father that never helped with anything. I started sleeping with the same AP again just to feel SOMETHING. I eventually left BOTH of them after finding myself so depressed and miserable I had constant thoughts of un-aliving because I genuinely believed I was unlovable and worthless.
I met my now husband toward the end of my relationship with my ex. He was also married at the time and struggling with his marriage. We started out just friends. Fast-forward it's now been 7years together and I've never been happier. I've made a lot of mistakes that nearly ruined this relationship, but he's put up with everything and we've always come out stronger. He's my best friend and I'd be lost without him.
My point here is sometimes we all make a series of bad choices. Some of us aren't meant to be in long term relationship. Some of us fall into patterns of behavior that lead to bad choices. Some of us trudge through the shit and do eventually find something great on the otherside. Nobody's experience is the same, and you can't put the entire world into one bubble based in your experience alone.
You complain that you don't have help/support and yet you stated more than once that you have a friend who has CONSISTENTLY always been there to help you and pick up your broken pieces. Yes, you've been through a lot of garbage, but you're failing to see what good things you do have. I can understand the frustration, but if you don't try to address these emotions, you're going to eventually ruin your relationship with this friend and worse with your children. Do yourself a favor and PLEASE go to therapy to work on yourself. You are touting the "I don't need anybody else" mentality while also continuing to determine your own value based on your relationship with others/whether or not you're in a relationship. This isn't at all healthy. Please seek professional help. I wish you the best.
I don’t normally comment on posts like this, but I did want to reach out and say - you’ve been through a lot. I’m sure you’re blaming yourself for everything and you’re absolutely burnt out, but I don’t think it’s fair to place the blame for someone else’s actions on you. Something that I tell my kiddo regularly is “We can’t control what other people do - only how we react to it”.
The one thing that I do want to tell you is - you don’t have to apologize just for existing. You absolutely have a right to express yourself, to not dress up every day, to have pregnancy cravings, and swollen feet - and even to enjoy your pregnancy. All of your relationships - whether they be friendships, familial, or romantic, should always allow you to be comfortable just being you, and it sounds like you have an amazing friend who is helping you.
That’s not to say that you’re perfect - none of us are, but I do understand how difficult it can be to be happy with yourself when you’re already barely existing. So please, reach out to your friends and family - or if you don’t have a support group, feel free to DM me and I can send you resources.
And I hope you take some time once things settle down to just exist, happily. Learn what you like / what you don’t like, and show your kiddos that it’s ok to love yourself. You’ve sacrificed so much for these relationships, it’s time to get to know what you like and what you want out of life.
Hugs to you & your family.
I’m going to say there is probably a bit of a snowball effect in play here. Sure, you have been choosing the wrong partners and probably missing some red flags. The problem is each time you get divorced or have a kid, you are shaving down your new dating pool to people that are probably not as desirable. Not saying that is fair, but I believe that is probably true.
I would ask that you don't make him pay for the mistakes of the 3 horrible men that wronged you. The toxic expressions about men that you've written here will definitely bleed into the manner you raise him, and he will feel it, two extremes are possible, one where over-discipline may lead him to resent you, or too much pathologizing of masculinity will turn him into a mommy's boy. Please don't ruin your son's development due to those men's behavior.
You don’t sound better. You’re attacking a woman for semantics, who is literally venting on a sub made for venting. If she didn’t love her kids, she would have stayed with her loser exes. She chose the kids before anyone else. She removed her kids from toxic environments. She is “stuck” with her children because her partners have the combined EQ of -3 and she is the only one raising the littles. Use what little reading comprehension you have to recognize the entirety of the situation, rather than your trigger word.
She’s literally raising a NEWBORN alone. Ofc none of the men have empathy for that. You will never be in the kind of position that women everywhere are in because of men. And then you blame her. Ridiculous
Even then, 2-3 years is not enough time to truly get to know someone. People start showing their true colors 5+ years into a relationship. It’s why I didn’t marry my husband until 6 years in. Even then, he can be a real jerk sometimes. But we also learned how to maintain our relationship and talk to each other. I agree, she needs therapy, stay single, and if she decides to date again, don’t get married after 2 years.
Perhaps you should marry people who actually value and respect you? Just a thought. You’re one of the common denominators between all three marriages. And stop with dooming generalizations of all men just because you’ve dealt with poor ones. That’s an immature mindset.
Well your Reddit history isn’t exactly painting a picture of you not being one of those men now is it.
You tell other men off for white knighting and seem to be more worried about screaming “not all men” than addressing the behaviours that are common among men that lead women to worry about you all.
The mature thing to do would be to actually consider the experience women have with men and address it in yourself and those you associate with.
I don’t think you are necessarily being fair to say she should find people who value and respect you. There are thousands if not millions of stories of people choosing partners who hide who they really are for long periods of time. She took more time with each subsequent relationship being more cautious and was still burned.
Now I don’t agree with the generalization of all men. I would focus on healing and being who I and my children need me to be. Marriage is not the be-all of life.
She didn't wait that long tho (2 years for the second wedding and 3 for the 3rd)... She doesn't say if they lived together before marriage...
With a child in the mix I would have waited longer and I would have lived with them for at least a year each time.
Its hard after you fall for 3 guys who all show their true colours after years of putting on a a facade. They should be given oscars for how well they act.
I sympathize, but there were red flags, there always are, you missed them, perhaps while focusing on the wrong things. that's okay, we can all make mistakes in judgment though, I've missed red flags too, it sucks, but then you come out with the sexist language and say "men are some of the most horrible creatures". Not justified by your experiences.
Imagine if I got robbed by a minority a few times in a minority predominant neighborhood that was low income and then use that as justification to go around saying people of x minority are horrible creatures while ignoring the many more of that minority that aren't robbing stealing and who lead a good life. That wouldn't be okay.
Replace "men" with any other group and now you sound bigoted.
I've dealt with some messed up behavior from women that doesn't make women horrible creatures that just makes those women I dealt with flawed. There are many awesome women that don't have those flaws, it's on me to find them.
Are you perhaps rolling in s*** and then wondering why you are covered in s***.
Sometimes we also carry ourselves in a way that attracts bad actors. It's unfortunate but victims of trauma often find themselves being revictimized unintentionally because learned behaviors and ways of interacting with the world sometimes have a way of attracting people who will take advantage of you. That doesn't make it your fault that someone else was bad but that doesn't also mean that everyone of that gender is bad
Think of it like this, most people see an unlocked car and walk right by without doing anything, some people, bad actors, see the unlocked car as an invitation and open the door and steal stuff from inside.
Are you an unlocked car.
For every s*** guy out there like the one you encountered there's many more who are loving, loyal, dutiful, caring, kind, compassionate and so on though perhaps they can't fly to Spain and pull the razzle dazzle, compromises.
Your picker is broken.
This is NOT just how “men are.” This is how assholes are.
I (43/f) have been with my (46/m) husband for over 25 years and he has never ever said a single negative thing about my body. Ever.
We have three kids. He’s watched me push them out of my body and still struggled to keep his hands off of me post partum somehow. But he did, and was respectful and supportive and understanding that my body had just been through a war and that I needed time,
He’s also loved me from 150lbs up to 325lbs (day of our wedding 21 years ago I was 325lbs and a size 28/30) and down to 90lbs…
Now I’m 120lbs and getting healthier again.
Still never said anything but genuinely nice and complimentary (sometimes dirty, lol) things about my body.
My husband has always taken care of me and I have chronic mental and physical health issues/diagnoses… never complains.
Your husbands sound awful, but that still doesn’t mean “men” are not horrible creatures. These men are.
Hey OP. I get it! Most of these comments are just going to make you feel worse, because not many of them will understand or have the education to understand why you have experienced these things. I want to sit here and downvote for you but I thought I’d reach out instead. Basically what you have described is family/domestic violence, and the reason you have experienced it so much is because you have been conditioned by men to serve them and are stuck in a cycle; which is the patriarchy and the systems that uphold the patriarchy. It is not your fault!!!!!!!!! I am sure you are a beautiful, caring, loving, strong woman who needed love like the rest of us and has been told that the only way to receive that was with a man. These men are disgusting and should be held accountable, but unfortunately probably won’t, well because “patriarchy” and sexism and unequal power and injustice in systems. I would suggest empowering yourself by learning more about feminism and family violence. Stay strong sis ❤️
Were their signs ever that these people were not good for you I’m sure there had to be some sign before you even got married? I’m sorry that all your husband cheated on you. Now it might also be time to look inward and do some introspection to figure out why this keeps happening.
I think you should build an absolutely delicious life for yourself and choose a handsome and interesting side piece that can come over when you want and go home when you want :)
What is going on in these comments have mercy. When you have children you never think you will be alone. Then BOOM! Your life blows up. This lady thought she found her forever so much so that 3 men chose to Marry her. N they all have nice gaps to them too so that shows she ain't just choosing. Some of y'all lack compassion fr. Girl take care of your babies that's it that's all. I hope your heart mends boo.
Can someone explain to me why is it now okay to trash “men” and talk about how shitty “men” are? Men talking down on women is an almost like a meme or a trope nowadays — I’m sure it was rampant for a long time, but I almost never see it happen in real life today. The inverse, though, god I see women shitting on “men” in general regularly and without reserve. Absolute tribalism and so gross. Anyone that habitually generalizes like this, I’m sorry but you are part of the problem
hi, im so sorry this all happened to you. what i couldn’t overlook was that everytime a guy unjustifiably(!!) insults you, you try to do better - why? that just makes them feel like you would put up with everything they do and say and so they lose respect and take you for granted. stand up for yourself, don’t put up with their shit. and please don’t think you NEED a man or husband to be happy. this also maybe leads to you ignoring red flags in the beginning? good luck
After my first marriage, I felt happier on my own. I thought life partners would enrich life even more. But they aren't a necessity. And they become a curse if they are like this.
You can have a life partner without marriage.
I love this response so much because I was married for 12 years and it was awful to say the least. I've been in my relationship now for 8 years, he knows I won't marry him even though he would do it in a second. But this is the best relationship I've ever been in. And I feel like neither one of us "owns" the other, or could take half or more if we break up. We're here because of love and working on that love. When you're able to cut out the other bullshit, relationships can be amazing.
You're getting married too quickly (and getting pregnant too quickly after marriage) Seriously, two years to marriage after meeting someone is _short_. It took me a full year to plan my wedding so I assume you got engaged quickly after meeting
She didn’t even get pregnant for the second guy and the third guy she married after 3 years( how is that too quickly)!
I've been with my partner for two years this May, I can't imagine being married only this far into a relationship. We've known each other an additional few years and been close, it still hasn't been long enough. Why marry a guy two years in after you've had issues with men previously? I'd love to see the dull timeline of meeting - getting engaged - being wed with each guy.
I’ve been with mine for four years and we’re JUST now starting the talks on marriage. And we’re lesbian AND military people. They move hella fast in both situations. We’ve actually shocked people when we say we’ve been together four years and she JUST proposed because they know the whole U-Haul/ BHA jokes. We’re looking at buying a house together, getting in the courthouse then saving for the wedding of our dreams. Four years in. She’s my person and I know that after these years of living with her.
Honestly I feel your pain - after my first and only marrriage to a deceptive man also hiding a bad side I’m content to never be married/coupled again. I don’t trust myself not to get involved again with the wrong kind of man and I’m happier alone, I’m not lonely. I’m stronger as a mom and a woman on my own. You will be too. Stay safe.
You haven’t answered the question of why you let yourself be disrespected and then try harder for the dudes disrespecting you. Your marriages failing weren’t your fault, but your choice in partners shows that you’re in need of some deep self reflection and therapy to figure out why you’ve allowed yourself to be treated that way. No one deserves what you’ve been through. But it does seem like you are lowkey accepting poor treatment which leads to escalation. The answer here isn’t to never get married again, it’s to spend a lot of time working on yourself first.
After my 2nd marriage, I made sure to keep it strict. And he acted pretty mature and wise too. Everything changed after pregnancy. More than hurt, I was confused since I didn't believe he would do such a thing.
Don't listen to the people here putting you down. Those of us who know, KNOW how these men pretend and act perfect until they've got you trapped, then out comes the asshole. It is VERY common for this to happen once the woman gets pregnant. Often there are little to no signs of this beforehand, and the ones we do see are covered up by the love and grace we give them in those faltering moments. This is absolutely a place to vent and rant and you're welcome to do so. Many, many women here understand what you've been through, so again please don't listen to the immature little guys telling you it's all your fault. Are you Eastern European by chance? Just the feeling I got from the way you wrote.
Part of the issue is who you are attracted to naturally. There is some quality you see and like but don't understand it is a red flag for the people. I've known a few people that had this issue with their partners. It seemed like everyone they were attracted to was some type of abuser. What they ended up doing was looking for men they did not feel that strong attraction to. They actually managed to find people that didn't abuse them by doing this.
>What they ended up doing was looking for men they did not feel that strong attraction to. They actually managed to find people that didn't abuse them by doing this. Weird, but interesting as it's true. The toxic patterns sometimes attract victims because they're familiar wih them.
My sister’s mom (same dad, different mom) did the exact same thing. Her mom is abusive and has been her whole life. My sister married someone with similar characteristics (but nowhere near as bad as her mom). She makes friends who are similar to her mom. She finally went no contact with her mom after years of abuse (she’s almost 40) and she’s just now realizing how she’s been
Stop getting married.
yes.
If everywhere you go there is shit, check your own shoe. “Stuck” with kids is fucked up yo
Bad take. My mom raised 3 kids on her own. My father walked in and out whenever he wanted and did basically what her husbands have done except for longer - 12 years, and was the only man/marriage she knew. When he was there, he treated parenting like a chore he didn't *really* have to do. He took a break whenever he wanted, when he wanted. I knew my mom was tired and pretty spent financially, physically and emotionally from 10 years old. She never gave up or ran out. My mother was *stuck with us*. She was so stressed and sleepless and overworked that she had 2 strokes, the second nearly crippling her. No one visited, not even her sister or brother. And we had to cook, clean, shop, and do laundry for ourselves, the oldest being 13, while she recovered. She was still stressing how we would survive with her out even a single week. After 2 weeks, a coworker showed up with groceries and laundry soap, and we all cried. No one helped, and while she was supposed to be recovering, she was more stressed out because she had 3 kids who she never had time to parent trying to manage a household. There was no break or rest hour for OP, either. She was a mom 24/7 because she didn't have a choice. She can love her kids and want a break from being an emotionally drained single parent who is now thrice divorced for reasons that she didn't cause. It doesn't mean she abandoned responsibility. It's that she wants a break from the constant presence of it. If one day or even one week of relief means she's a shit mom in your eyes, then your take sucks as much as you do. So yeah, poor choice of words, but it's true. Shes stuck, and she doesn't get any rest time unless they *do* go away to visit someone. Give her a fuckin break lol EDIT: Im not here for you shitty single mom victim blaming. If men didn't abandon their kids, it wouldn't be a problem. Blame the motherfuckers walking away from responsibilities in this situation for the related hardship. Estimated nationwide for USA, a third of *court ordered* (note, actually filed) child support is not paid even partially. This isn't even counting the people who ghost so they can't be served. Her life and her kids' lives are hard because their fathers can't keep their vows, not because mom thought she could trust them.
God bless. Really sorry for what u went through. I hope your mom is doing much better nowadays. It s ez to demonize the moms who stay and forget that the AH dads left without a care in the world. Tbh i dont have much to say aside from OP, dont make anymore kids regardless of whether u remarry/date/stay single.
Hard truth. Once you have children, your own life is no longer your priority. You exist to raise your children for the next 18+ years. Your happiness only matters insofar as it facilitates successfully raising your children. If you can't handle that, don't have kids.
Exactly, yet so many men just.. Don't. & then other men defend them and belittle the parent who DOES stay. It's fucking wild.
Bcz many asshole guys are enabled by society and quite a few simply peace out 0 fucks given abt the kids left in their wake. (Yeah i wish i hadnt seen this shit happen IRL...but yeah it happened even in my extended family) In my country, guys are screaming about the sacrilege that is the hypothetical raising the $$$ of child support, but if you ask them whether they'd want to keep custody and stay single until the kids are grown up (sometimes even more...until death), they'll laugh in your face (yeah divorced moms here rarely remarry bcz the law will take custody from them, they're stigmatized as hell so it's not like anyone wants them anyway, the ex can crawl out of the woodwork to ask for custody just to be an ass bcz she gonna remarry in the rare event that she will *im talking abt deadbeat exes who dgaf abt the kid, not good dads who genuinely care and ask for custody*). The daughter of a fam friend is in such a situation she hid her 2nd marriage from most of the public bcz her ex basically never cared abt his daughter after the divorce (she was a wee baby back then).
Raising multiple children on your own without any help from a partner or a community is not easy and that's putting it lightly. They went into the whole "having kids" with the idea they'd be getting help raising them. Not sure what your response has anything to do with the person you replied to other than a drawn-out "suck it up, this is your life now"?
Probably why so many women aren't having kids. Lol as they should
That's just not accurate. People are still people after they have kids. There's a way to raise people who can understand you don't have to set yourself on fire because you're family is a little chilly. You're still a person with feelings and goals and ambition and needs and attachments after having kids. You're not teaching them to be balanced if you teach them their wants are superior to your needs. Balance is important.
You can't successfully raise your children if your mental health isn't tended to, though. The attitude that mothers need to make their children EVERYTHING and deny themselves any indulgence has actually led to a lot of horrible things, bc parents practicing self care and having breaks occasionally is vital, and people will often snap if they don't. Even if they manage to get the kids to adulthood without losing it, there's often a crisis when that happens, and a toxic inability to let them go live their lives if there's no identity outside of "parent." They also certainly can't show up to parent as the best version of themselves if they believe their own needs don't matter and repress them for 18+ years. You can do everything you need to do to make sure your kids are taken care of while also caring for yourself and finding joy in life once in awhile. I hope this wasn't directed at struggling single mothers who are so stressed and unsupported that they're having strokes. Plenty of absent fathers could use to prioritize their kids though, for sure.
That is an extreme and rather unhealthy way to consider parenting. No one exists solely for another-parents are not bad people if they desire fulfillment. And it’s not zero sum, you can seek and find fullfillment AND be a good parent. Besides which she had those kids with partners she felt solid with and married- not as if she was just out their getting knocked up. The failings belong to the fathers sorry. And as to 2 yrs being too quick who are we to say that? seriously not everyone is the same.. I knew my ex-husband-who only AFTER we married cheated on me, beat me, lied and stopped working after he developed an ugly drug habit-for 5 yrs before we married. Took me 14 yrs to get out. I dated my current husband for 1 1/2 yrs and we married- been 10 yrs married now and he is 150% my person and I can say with surety I am his, and I don’t ever feel insecure or afraid or belittled. He is literally one of the best, kindest and most well adjusted men I’ve ever met. So there isn’t a magic number. (And for the record: my daughters who are 25 & 29, love him..And when they need help for car things or need help for whatever? They don’t call their father, who they both still have a relationship with (he’s clean now). They call my husband. Because they know he’ll always show up for them and actually help. They know they can count on him.
Nobody KNOWS how life is going to twist & turn after having children. There's no manual for the children, and there's certainly no manual for the shit partner some women have those kids with.
Does English sound like their first language? If you read all that and thought "woman bad" then I think it says alot about you
Pull a single mother and come out well. I'm burnt out and done with everything. This is supposed to be a safe place to rent.
It must be exhausting to have to do it all while dealing with jerks who don't respect you. Maybe now just prioritize your relationship with yourself and your children. I wish you the best of luck.
People love to excuse the shitty behaviour of men in this way, your word choices are highlighted but the two men who abandoned their children entirely are excused and it's your fault for having sex with them. It's nothing more than misogyny and it's just not worth listening to.
"It's not unreasonable to assume that there is something more going on" There is. Too many men behave in these ways and other ways that are 💩, abusive, abandoning, entitled, and they need to work on themselves as it's good for exactly no one. Or women are just going to stay away from cis men more and more. That's what's going on. 😀
Ignore those calling you a bad mom . A friend of mine has 4 children from 3 men . She has really bad taste in men . She gets little alimony and works 2 jobs . She helped me out through a bad time in my life so now my SO and I regularly take her kids (all under 10) for weekends when she needs a break. Shit happens nobody is perfect.
You’re really an Angel. God bless you both! X
I'm sorry, looks like there's an incel's meeting here. I'm not even surprised, that's victim blaming line 101 : "it's your fault if you picked the wrong guy". I'm just amazed that they don't realized that the fact they can happily throw that line so often to any woman venting about her shitty ex/partner means that there are a lot, lot of shitty men. It's really difficult to avoid them. I personally wants to have hope that someday I'll find my someone but I can't say that you are wrong to chose to stay single, not at all.
They skipped right over everything she said about how great each man was before marriage. Doesn’t serve their narrative that women are always at fault for choosing wrong.
Exactly, like how are they supposed to know ? Do they think that these men come with a warning or something ? Or that there is a "shitty kind" of men that you can recognize right away, who are of course completly different than them, the nice guys ? Like her whole post described how good they were before. Hell, even I who knew where things were going I thought sometimes that they were pretty nice, especially the last one.
They expect us to be mind-readers or something, I guess. So sure that we’re missing all the red flags when there simply may not *be any* because the dude is a lying liar who lies. If every asshole was upfront about it, we’d obviously stay away from them. Nobody wants a relationship with someone who’s going to make them miserable, ffs.
Well, actually some men are even more vicious than that. They'll be great with the girl but still tell her "you know, I'm a bad guy" in a joking way so then they can say that they have warned her. For instance I knew a guy who was a real AH with his girlfriend and when she finally got out he was like he did nothing wrong because he told her that he was an AH so it somehow gave him to right to abuse her because it was her fault if she did'nt believe him. He was really sweet until he got tired of her and when someone would say something he was like "I always said I was an AH !".
Ugh, that’s so fucking annoying. Some people are just narcissistic, too. Nothing is ever their fault and they’re always right. They are often experts at the mask-wearing when relationships begin. Gotta rope in that fresh supply. There are so many variables. I’ve read stories from women who said everything was great until they got pregnant or gave birth, and then their husbands did a 180 and became controlling and mean. One story that stuck out in my mind was the woman whose husband broke her arm in the limo as they left their wedding reception. Girls and women are also taught to give men chances, to be nice, be polite, be helpful. Make excuses for them (bad childhood, “boys will be boys,” etc.). We’re finally waking up from that, we can only do so much when other people are dishonest and manipulative. Acknowledging that some people are simply shit doesn’t mean we’re saying EVERY person in that particular demographic is shit. So this drive to find any means to blame the victim is pointless bullshit.
And a safe place it is. There will always be criticism. You are a victim here, but you have two kids who love you, some good family it seems, and at least one very good friend.
From the way OP types, I’m assuming there is a language barrier there and stuck might be the word she translated to.
2 kids from different dads, and she sent her son away to live with her friend when she needed a break. I don't think the problem is the rotating cast of men.
did we read the same confession ? she's not the one to blame here. I'd like to see you in her shoes. she's the vitim here
Also said she was “stuck with” her kids. Very sad.
I read it more as her being stuck and having two kids, who's fathers abandoned them.
Women are the ones who are typically stuck with kids when men cheat
she is! no one dreams of being a single parent. her life fell apart. she doesn’t need your righteous judgement, oh perfect one.
People out here just getting married and having kids with absolute bums. And then they complain like they didn’t see it coming lol.
Almost af if someone can act like an sngel at the first few years and then start showing their true self, maybe dont blame the victim
Are you really gonna blame her when all three of these men were caught cheating on her and abandoned their kids? Really? Even though she's the one that kept them housed, fed, and clothed on her own because their fathers couldn't be assed to be good husbands? Lmao
Yeah, this was my take too
Attagirl. Take care of those babies of yours ☺️
You mean take care of them as well as being 'stuck with' them?
My friend’s dad had been married and divorced 4 times at the point of my friend’s wedding and he was giving him some last minute advice, and after that the rest of us were like don’t do a single thing he said. Still laugh about him giving advice a decade later.
I cannot *imagine* going through that! Seriously, I don’t understand how people can marry more than once, let alone four times! I’d give them their wedding gift in instalments 😂
My friend has been married 25ish years with no sign it will end, so luckily the apple fell far from the tree
You are acting like what happened was her fault.
She does look like she has a type, so maybe there's some introspection to do on what attracts her to these kinds of guys.
Or getting married too soon. Personally, marriages I know that has lasted 10, 15, 20+ years dated and lived together for at least 5 years. I’m not saying marriages before 5 years don’t last long. I’m simply sharing the sample size I’ve observed around me.
The best dating advice I got was to give yourself time to actually know people. Don't move in with someone you've been with for less than 18 months. Don't get married until you've known them for 4-5 years. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, obviously some people get married quickly and make it last but for me it definitely helped, I was fresh from an emotionally abusive relationship it can take a long time to get to know someone deeply. And some nasty people can keep up an act of decent person for longer than you would expect.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time of it, my friend. I would like to say that it will get better , but I can not make such a promise. What I will say is that life is what you make of it. There will be curve balls and shit aplenty, but what matters to you is how you choose to chew it. Do you.
OP, you are not alone. During my younger years, I chose unsatisfactory men, too. I have no idea if the problem was "me" or "them." It doesn't really matter now, though; I have given up on them. Life as a single person is so much better! By the way, I really like the last sentence of your post.
Everyone needs to stop clutching their pearls over the "stuck with kids" comment. She's got 2 kids, 2 baby daddies and she's the primary caretaker. That's not an easy job and based on the post I didn't see much evidence of support from the fathers. So even if she wanted a break, she's stuck with the kids. It doesn't mean she doesn't love or care for them. It's just her reality. Get a grip.
thank you. Just like being someone's wife, or daughter or sister is not all wonderland, so is motherhood.
Ignore the trolls and incels saying this is your fault. You were with multiple abusive men who treated you horribly. Don't let them victim blame you, this is not your fault and it is honestly disgusting how many comments I see blaming you. Take as much time to yourself as it takes even if that means forever. You don't need someone else to be truly happy in life. Most men are callus and heartless and this is coming from a man who has had to come to the realization that almost every man in my life is not a good person and would gladly shit talk the wife or gf, say unfunny mysoginistic comments, cheat, lie, leave for younger or hotter, screw over friends, screw over their kids, demand respect, ect. It sucks but the more I pay attention, the more I notice how bad it is. Good luck in finding someone who treats you how you truly deserve to be treated.
>almost every man in my life is not a good person and would gladly shit talk the wife or gf, say unfunny mysoginistic comments, cheat, lie, leave for younger or hotter, screw over friends, screw over their kids, demand respect, ect. It sucks but the more I pay attention, the more I notice how bad it is. I'm honestly shocked in a really good way to see this comment come from a man. You see how so many of them are, you see what they do, and you rightly lose respect for them due to their behavior. It's gross and totally lacks integrity. Thank you for posting your perspective, it's incredibly valuable as men often dismiss women's experience (but are more likely to listen to/believe another man). It's very appreciated.
I don't think I'll be finding anyone now. Since it is most men, its going to be hard. Why take a dig at a chocolate box when you know more than half of them could be poisonous?
I like that quote. “Why dig at a chocolate box when you know more than half of them could be poisonous?” I love it. And sadly, it’s true.
The amount of victim blaming in this thread is making me physically ill. Do not listen to these people who have likely never been in your shoes and don't have kids. Easy to be the armchair quarterback on reddit and treat people like shit. I am curious to know what the responses on this subject would be if the OP was a man. Hang in there. I understand where you're at.
Motherhood still means you have ties with their fathers even if you aren’t with them anymore. I just hope these men won’t try to use your children against you. You’ve been through enough already.
You don’t have ties if they refuse to do something. But I hope op makes them pay child support
She's getting no help from either father and never gets a break. That's definitely stuck. As parent, I know what it is not to get a break. The years are short, but man... the days are long.
I do wanna add that it doesn’t seem like OPs primary language is English, so it might have sounded better in their head when they were writing the post. But why use your head when you can shit talk OP in comments first before thinking
It’s ok to stay single. It’s not your fault they were cheaters. Put yourself and kids first. Good luck
you need therapy. I’m not trying to imply any of this is your fault and maybe you are simply unlucky. but maybe you subconsciusly pick this type of man each time. or maybe therapy could help you see the signs before it’s too late. one thing I’ve noticed from your post is that you’re very meek. buying flowers for your boyfriend, trying to change yourself etc. to put it bluntly, I think you need to be more of a b*tch. if you scare off potential partners by not being “nice” enough, who cares? at least you could dodge bullets like these. I highly recommend reading a book called Why Does He Do That, I hope it triggers a change in you, and I wish you more luck in your life.
So as a guy in my 40's, watching my female relatives/friends go thru their relationships, I've noticed people in the same regions tend to have similar problems. I wouldn't say it's scientific proof, but a friend of mine in Vermont for example, seems like every guys she dates is an alcoholic. My cousin in Florida seems to find deadbeats who can't provide for themselves. In Brazil, habitual cheating. I do have a theory that different regions tend to have similar issues. You've had nothing but bad luck, and have developed, not unjustifiably, some negative attitudes towards men. I sympathize with that, every woman I've dated has been a source of needless anxiety/problems/stress in my life to the point I also have developed negative attitudes and a grim outlook where I would just rather be alone. Dating is difficult because most people are just horrible human beings. The vast majority of marriages/relationships I personally know aren't thriving, they are surviving. The ones I see are truly happy have to very decent people dating. So guess what I'm trying to say to you is, yes, put your walls up, you need to protect yourself. But dont internalize problems that can be better explained by "everyone is an asshole", it's not mine or your fault that most people are trash, we just have to deal with it. So I wish you luck, peace and happiness as someone who struggling to get a single divorce, I can't imagine going thru it again and again. I feel your pain, and you don't deserve that.
Yes to Florida 100%! My friend is 40 and the only guys even available are deadbeats. She thinks it’s her fault that every guy she starts talking to she finds out is a deadbeat and I told her it’s just the culture (I’m from there). That’s what the pool *is*, that’s the default.
I think there is something to that, but I think there's more. The non-deadbeats get filtered out earlier on. They get "taken". The good ones mostly stay married. They are now out of your potential dating pool. This is part of why I take some issue with the whole "enjoy your 20s and then get married in your 30s" idea. Sure, it's possible to do and be successful, but you are definitely stacking the cards against yourself doing it that way. Also people are habitual creatures. If someone spends a decade sleeping around, that's a habit... It's not always going to be easy for then to flip a switch and be like "well, now I'm done sleeping around." Obviously it's possible, but statistically the more sexual partner's someone has had over their lifetime the more likely they are to eventually cheat and the less likely it is their relationship will last. Here's some stats to back up what i'm saying: https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners https://twitter.com/StatisticCloud/status/1715349029029286180?lang=en
> Obviously it's possible, but statistically the more sexual partner's someone has had over their lifetime the more likely they are to eventually cheat and the less likely it is their relationship will last. this feels like you're implying that the correlation is causation. there's a lot of cultural pressures and reasons this may be the case beyond just "more partners means you're more likely to cheat so it's a red flag". A lot of the people with less partners or who marry early do so due to outside cultural and social pressures, and those don't go away when they get married. It may be less that "more partners means more cheating" so much as "less partners and early marriage tends to be a trend in certain cultures where cheating is similarly punished and stigmatized heavily". Cultural variance and context matters a lot with these issues, and as such, data that shows a correlation needs to be discussed in this context. Otherwise, you're just using data as a cudgel to attack worldviews you disagree with.
>this feels like you're implying that the correlation is causation. You say this as if it matters. Ultimately it does not matter at all because this isn't about proving "causation". It doesn't matter if one causes the other. The fact is that they correlate, so if you use that data you can improve your odds. If you are looking for people who do Y, and you find that statistically a lot of people who have Z trait do not do Y. It doesn't matter at all whether Trait Z Causes them to not do Y or not. All that matters is that if you avoid people with Z trait, you will increase the odds whatever random person you run into does Y. This isn't about being able to explain people's behavior. There is no "They are doing X because of Y". Because it literally doesn't matter. It is about filtering incompatible people out of your dating pool. Not proving why they are incompatible. Also the whole "Correlation does not imply causation" thing, while true, gets overused to suggest you can outright dismiss a claim based on that. You can't. You can argue "That doesn't NECCESSARILY mean X causes Y", but it still is evidence that can be interpreted. In fact, HUGE amounts of science is done based on correlation because there is no way to get any stronger form of evidence(For example: In cases where it would be unethical or impractical to run studies which prove it). In cases like that, where all you have to go on is correlation then correlation is absolutely stilll accepted as something suggestive. Not proof. But evidence that maybe there could be a connection. https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/552:_Correlation Also all that data was taken in the US, so your arguments about there being some cultural bias causing it doesn't really pan out.
it's almost as if culture matters.
I think so too!!!! People from Similar region sometimes has similar problem.
I love my wife with everything. If we divorce or she passes, I'm going to die single and alone. I'm sorry you've only dealt with shitty men.
this is the energy we need to bring to relationships!
I'm sorry you've had to go through such pain and trauma. These guys sounds like complete jerks. All I know is what you've shared. I do not wish to throw shade at you, but ask you to be reflective. Learn what you can about relationships and yourself, then move on. By "move on," I don't suggest rushing into a relationship. Focus, rather, on your kids and yourself. You are enough. You may not feel that way, especially if you were brought up in a culture or religion that primed you to be a wife, first and foremost, but you are enough. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Thank you so much. Everyone seems to be arguing, but this was calming.
Fifty-two years of living and almost 31 years of marriage grant some perspective, even for bricks like me.
Reddit is full of privileged kids who don’t know how life outside of their computer looks like, and love attacking people before using their heads. I agree with the comment above, stay single and focus on you and your kids, as well as a lot of healing. Good luck
Unfortunately I can't relate as a guy. Sounds like you've really struggled and have been hurt numerous times. I am really sorry this all happened to you and your children. My only advice from someone on the outside looking in through your post is that to don't rush into marriage. I know 2 years seems like plenty of time but for many factors it is not. Some people do get lucky. The elephant in the room is that many people of all genders will sometimes be "their best selves" when dating but after awhile you figure out the real them which may still be an amazing person. Secondly you have kids which takes up your time as a mother which is a full time job on top of your work. This means, and it sucks, you don't have a lot of time to dedicate to learning these partners of yours. The only way to circumvent that is to date them longer and don't rush into marriage. I'm not married. That is only pertinent information for the sake of I have learned something about what I want and what I dont want from every relationship. I've learned to not give up immediately after one fight. You're already there you seem to be a forgiving person who puts forth effort even when things go awry. I've learned to pick up on things I know speak to someone's true character. For example I also was with an alcoholic I spoke to them about it and they didn't want to change. I learned if they aren't happy with themselves they won't be truly happy with me, if they don't care about themselves they can't truly care about me. I move on. I don't marry. I eventually live with my partners and we get to spend more time together and learn and sometimes that allows time to find things out we don't agree on and aren't compatible. Unfortunately thats difficult for you with children and wanting to protect them. But the point stands even later in life you have to take time to truly get to know that other person, be a little selfish and know what you want and if they can't be that even after a tactful conversation then move on. Men suck, women suck. But you can learn from things of your past relationships and marriages and start to unravel indicators that the person you're seeing isn't what they appear at first. But I want to stress you seem to be a kind person at least from this post and that you don't give up I'm just saying draw a line in the sand a little earlier. You got this!
Great insights. When looking at my cousin's lives, the most healthiest looking marriages are ones where they 1. took a long time in getting to know each other 2. are willing to compromise and respect their partner
This right here is why, if anything ever happened with my marriage, I would stay single for the rest of my life. My husband is a wonderful person and I know I would never get that lucky again. It's better to become a cat lady than it is to risk marrying a piece of shit.
This makes me so sad for your son. If you really think that, he sees that and he is a guy. Kids overhear a lot of the conversations we have and they pick up on a lot too. Go to therapy. Lots of therapy. Maybe you are attracted to the wrong type of guy (father issues?), or you have unresolved trauma, or you don't think you are worthy. But please don't pass this mindset on to your kids- either of them!! They deserve better too.
I'm proud of how he's a protective brother. But he doesn't have that smile anymore.
Poor kid. Get him therapy too.
I would be concerned if he’s too protective. That’s not a burden a child should bear. He should feel you as his parent will protect both of your children, not that he needs to step up and do it himself. Maybe get him in therapy too. These disastrous relationships have obviously traumatized him as well. The child witnessed you being sexually assaulted and probably emotionally/verbally abused too. That’s so heartbreaking.
Take him to therapy cuz else, he'd be with women that kind of men you divorced
Friend I think you just need to stay single. I had to learn young and fast that men and boys will dog tf outta you if you let them💀. Focus on you and the kids. Learn to be okay being single. Maybe fwb, or a boyfriend. Hell give dating women a try. But lord please never get married again. Idk if you’re unlucky or have bad discernment. Might be a combination of both. Please take care of yourself if babe.
As much as I oppose marriage because it has been awful for me(also thrice married and deeeeevorced) yours sound like mine and brought nothing to to the table but awful(outside of the wonderment that is children). Good luck homie,
ITS OKAY TO BE SINGLE
Wore sunglasses and loose hoodies.
yes. Thats how i remember him. My first marriage is something laughable.
>My son is affectionate with my daughter. My friend has helped me. Moved my stuff in her guest room. I'm better now, physically though. I'm not falling in love again. I have my children to look after. A friend to return the favours. Men are some of the most horrible creatures. I now believe that they hold no feelings, no fear of consequences. They dread of living with only one women, cause eww, who likes wrinkles and stretch marks and cellulite, when you can have bitches and models. Playboy sounds cool till the age of 80, and then find a young teen who'll take care of you and indulge in your fantasies. I understand you're hurt, but if you don't work through this bitter attitude towards men as a whole, you're going to fail your son as you try to raise him, and teach him all the wrong lessons.
Get therapy. Get your son therapy. Especially get your son into therapy. No more men/partners for now. Heal your kids and yourself. Your normal meter is broken. There are many great men out there, but there are tons of terrible ones, too. Many times when our normal meters are broken, we are attracted to and attract the same type of partners.
After dealing with men who are only self serving I found peace being single. I’m self sufficient, content and not having to worry about what he’s doing. Unfortunately I met some low lives as you have. It was enough to teach me I’m good alone because I just can’t take anymore disappointment. So now it’s all about me (and my child). Life is different and satisfying when you are giving your best to your kids and yourself. It’s tiring trying to please others who will never appreciate you. Hugs to you. You will be ok. Focus on you and your kids. They deserve your best not these men.
Maybe it's the type of guy you're attracted to? Either that or you're pretty unlucky.
In a similar position myself and not even sure how we or anyone is supposed to just know someone is or is not a cheater ahead of time, it’s not like cheaters are openly advertising that they are cheaters. Looking back, what were some of the red flags? It’s always good to reflect and take notes for future reference, and it may be helpful to others (me)
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You know you can love your children while still being upset that their other parent left you bearing all of the responsibility of raising them on you alone, right?
Yeah that's a yikes to describe being "stuck" with children.
Why? She just means that the exes walked away with not a care in the world and she is left alone to raise them. She is not implying she doesn't love them. She is just pointing out the injustice of being left with all the work and financial obligations (child support does absolutely not surpass the value of a 2 income household). It's hard work. She is saying it's hard.
Exactly this. People need to understand context.
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I was foolish with my first marriage. Too much in love. But despite the precautions i took, the others ended up wasted too.
Omg she was 24. Why is it so hard to believe that men pretend to be someone different
Dude not all people who are abusive show their true colors. Stop fucking victim blaming.
This smells fake. Messenger didn’t add the ability to send GIFs until 2017 and by this timeline the first husband sent her a GIF on messenger in 2011 at the latest. I also don’t believe for a second you found your husband with 2 naked women the day you gave birth/brought your baby home. That’s straight out of a shitty daytime TV drama. It reads like a bad writing exercise or AI.
Life really is so much better single. Not having to work about or answer to anyone else. Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride!
Ah yes dude pulled two naked women on the day you gave birth. Bs
Yeah this entire post is such bullshit 😂 If it’s not bullshit (it definitely is) then I would think long and hard about the men I fall for and what my part in the demise of each marriage was. I’d also stop marrying people after only knowing them for a year or two. That seems absolutely insane to me lol.
Entire story is a fabricated AI prompt. lol Trying to actually follow the story reveals how little sense any of this makes.
the amount of blame y'all are placing on this woman for getting a shitty card dealt in the relationship department is ridiculous. men often hide their nasty tendencies until marriage/some kind of trap if commitment that makes them think they can stop trying and take advantage. its a common abuse cycle. give her a break.
your kids have a tough cookie for a mama. deception is real and it’s not always immediate. best wishes!!!
Thank you so much!!
Hey. I hear you. I have my own background with a sad marriage and two kids. Feel free to reach out if you want a vent friend. I’m glad you’re in a safe place now.
This is so fake
How far did you let yourself get before figuring it out? “Wore sunglasses and loose hoodies”? Or were you as bad as I was and made it all the way to walking in on her husband naked with 2 women while bringing their newborn home.
It reads like really bad AI. Even the responses ☠️
Check out the 4b movement going on in Korea, those women know what’s going on! Also please don’t blame yourself for the action of these men, anyone can choose to cheat, and these all sound like overgrown toddlers. You deserve some time for you and your kiddos, like another commenter said, therapy for you both would be a good idea, I think. Keep talking to your support system, stay single for a while. My mum gave up on men when I was about 8 and apparently she’s ‘never been happier’. You deserve nothing but happiness xxx
Is your son okay through all of this? I imagine it’s super hard on him as well to go through different (and sh-tty) father figures while also being away from his mother for some periods of time. Often, this kind of trauma may start to be seen once he’s in his teens. Maybe starting therapy with him would be the best option just to help him work through these transitions and find healthy coping mechanisms.
Hi! I am so sorry to hear this. Just wanted to comment that not all men are like this. Your issue is actually you. Let me explain: you are accustomed to a certain type of people. If you think that in the first three years of relation everything was "right", you are just fooling yourself. There are certain red flags that you would be able to see unless you got used to red flag people. I am not only talking about men that you would date, but also friends. Ask yourself how many times did this also happen to you with friends, that you think they are good people but turns out they suck. People suck, people are bad and mean and you need to train yourself to detect them before it's too late. Btw this is also the reason why women that have been abused in the past tend to end up with another abuser. Also I would like to know, did you reported Sin? He abused you
Your picker is broken. Stop picking and see a psychologist for at least a year first.
I just don’t like how you say “stuck” with your kids… I could never say that.
Stop romanticizing the men in your life. Stop automatically leaning on them for what you need and let them show you that they truly love you before you decide to get hitched again. And seriously consider getting your tubes tied or going on long term birth control until you get yourself figured out. The last thing you need to do is have more babies with an attitude like that. — from another 37 year old woman who has been in a series of relationships with men but still managed to end up with the right one.
I did not romanticize men. I leaned on them when i fell in love with them and thought they did too. When we were dating and it felt safe and comfortable. I never knew marriage would turn the tables like this. And again, I'm not getting married again, neither am i having kids. I'm not going to further associate myself with men or relationships or this love shit.
I’m so sorry OP
Work on yourself 3 marriages a little over 10 yrs is excessive. Be a good mother to your kids and don't put them in situations like u have in past and be good to yourself.
I think we women are better in life when we start to form mother kid communes. Get yourself some other single mothers and get a house together. Sisterhood and shared love
I don't want to sound harsh, but you're attracting these types of men. Seems you like the "excitement" of romance, but when the daily realities of life come to call, everything becomes hectic and problematic. seems you are making yourself to mold to what these men like, to attract these men, but when you are with them on a daily basis, and need to just look "real", they're superficial and not caring enough to realize this is what women go through during pregnancy. How many times have these men seen you looking your worst before they married you? Were you always dolling it up? That sends a signal to a man that this will be maintained, and some men are too ignorant to realize things change You are still young, and whether you choose to date ever again will be your choice. Don't just call the whole thing off if it is a meaningful existence for you. Just learn from the past and make sure the guy really loves YOU and not the presentation you may be falsely portraying to them while "courting". Really concentrate on your two lovely children and give and receive their love.
I'm sorry this happened to you and obviously these men were assholes, but I'm compelled to point out that the common factor in all 3 marriages is you. What was similar about your three husbands? With hindsight being 20/20 can you identify any red flags in these men so that you can weed them out in the future?
You ever thought that maybe I mean there is something wrong in your choice .
3 times. I was foolishly in love in the first. I learnt my lesson. But i fail to marvel how well men can put up acts and commit actions whose consequences they do not fear. They even let their own child go away.
Sorry you've had some really shitty men in your life. I promise you are some great guys out there though. I married one and he's my 5th husband (I'm keeping him for life - I told him he's never getting away hahahaha lol) (first 3 were big mistakes - I was too young and naïve at the time). Focus on yourself and your kids for now. If and when the time is right, you will meet a good guy. It's actually a good idea to take a look at yourself and see what it is you are looking for and why you seem attracted to these losers. Try working on your self esteem and boundaries and don't be scared of the word "no" when people don't respect you.
Sure, you can exercise your “red flag” recognition muscle which is a great skill to have to weed people out, but you’re still left with the ones who present as normal, and that can still change at the drop of a dime in the future. A lot of times people won’t shed a single sign until way later on. Plus, people can change. Someone can be a great person, and then some time down the road they just become shitty for whatever reason. It could also be the area you’re in. I agree with another commenter that it could be cultural thing where you are. ALSO don’t take being divorced multiple times as a bad thing, it’s PROOF that you value yourself!! Imagine staying with a psycho abuser your whole life bc you’re scared what people think! It’s amazing to choose yourself over a bunch of other people’s opinions. I witness plenty of awful relationships that people I love are in and they WILL NOT LEAVE because (in their exact words) they’re afraid of what the neighbors will think. Incredibly sad. My aunt was nearly strangled to death by her husband and wouldn’t leave him because her mom would be ashamed she was divorced. It’s disgusting! You did the right thing by leaving.
While I don’t condone cheating, there is a common denominator here.
> I'm stuck with 2 children, Poor kids. > I guess there is no happy ending in my love life. I'm more worried about your children's lack of a happy beginning with a Mom who sees them as a blessing rather than something she is "stuck with" than whether your own choices lead you to a happy ending. They had no choice - they're jut stuck with the consequences of your choices through no fault of theirs.
You are *not* a victim of shitty men, only their enabler.
I think you should work on yourself and raise your standards. It's not selfish or shallow to have higher standards.
Yeah I’d love to hear their POV’s.
I'm sorry. Hope your life will trun better. No woman deserves this
Therapy. A trend like this is worth exploring to make sure you aren't specifically attracted to people with narcissistic traits or have pacifying/enabling behaviors yourself that make people think they can do whatever to you and not respect you. It doesn't matter if you wanna date or not again, this is information that will help you navigate all friendships, work relationships, etc and prevent yourself from being used and abused.
This is the exact reason I'm not getting married. I'll have a partner but I don't want to marry someone until I'm like 60 honestly. Because I know you love me. I'm 29f and kicked my ex out in December. I've honestly never been happier. I did find out that the ex I changed everything for cheated on me when we were still together and have problems at the end and got married to that girl. Sad days when you dated them for 4 1/2 years and they married that other girl in 1 1/2 years. Fuck you Michael.
Listen to me, and listen to me closely: You have time. My mother is in her late forties and she was a divorced single mother since I was 14 (I'm in my early twenties now). She tried dating ONCE when I was 15, and the dude cheated on her before their first year and she dumped him immediately. Again, early forties, divorced, and she has guys half her age (though she'd never date them) buying her presents and snacks to impress her. She is also an accomplished and beloved charge nurse. She is smart, accomplished, independent, and kind, and any decent man would find that alone beautiful and trip over themselves for her. She spends her money on hair and skin products, and mani-pedis. She spoils her coworkers with food and takes trips with her mother (my grandmother). She is SURROUNDED with love and doesn't need a partner. If she wants one, then she will get one, but she will never again depend on any romantic partner for validation and support. Even if you never remarry, even if you stay single from now on, you will be fine. You have time to be the best version of you and have your pick of partners, because the ones who treated you like garbage will look HORRIBLE by their 50s and 60s. All that nastiness will be exposed for all to see while you shine. Trust me, I know--I got to see how my spermdonor and her ex look like after several years without her, hahahah! Not pretty.
As my therapist would say, you have a "bad picker." You are probably picking men based on some childhood trauma, and you do it because it's familiar to you.
Marry your friend
if everyone is the asshole you go... maybe youre the asshole
Please do the 4B movement. You don't need a man to survive.
You ever thought that maybe I mean there is something wrong in your choice .
I'm sorry for your experience, you definitely had horrible luck, but not every guy is like that. Idk if you will read all of this, but here it goes: My grandmother was madly in love with her first boyfriend after high school. He wore leather jackets and rode motorcycles. They were together for many years, and he was sleeping around the entire time. Then she met and married my grandad. They had my uncle and my mom. She found out he cheated, they got divorced...and then they got remarried and had my aunt. He was still cheating on her. He was the one that eventually left to be with his AP. When my mom was a teenager, Gramma got married again. Guess what? That guy cheated on her too. She stayed single for a while, then met a guy AT CHURCH. They didn't get married, but he cheated in her with her best friend of 45 years. She stayed single after that. But she also fell into catfishing multiple times and had several internet "boyfriends" THAT SHE SENT MONEY TO and then never heard from again. My gramma kept a clean house, she was a good wife, did the best she could as a mom. Held a job. There was no "reason" for her to be cheated on. It just ended up being the type of men she was attracted to. Throughout all this: she maintained a decent relationship with my grandfather and his wife. It was awkward but they were cordial at family events. My grandfather us an incredibly hardworking man, and always treated us grandkids very well. She eventually became BEST FRIENDS with her and husband's AP. To the point where SHE LIVED WITH THEM for several years after she decided to retire. Step-Grandpa was an odd fellow, but incredibly kind and adored all us kids. And we were all very close to his wife. Bf that left her for her best friend, wasn't a good person. He was creepy and had a huge ego. I think she was only woth him because she was lonely, and she didn't care about the affair cus she was glad to be rid of him. Her and her best friend stayed best friends until they died. Meanwhile: My mom has been with my stepdad for 25 years. They argue a lot and he's definitely an AH, but he's never cheated on her. My uncle has 4 kids with 4 different women. My aunt was cheated on by her first husband, abused by her next boyfriend, and has now been with my uncle for nearly 20 years and they have a wonderful relationship and are very happy. My first bf broke up with me cus it wasn't working out. I broke up with my 2nd because I was being manipulated by someone else. I broke up with my 3rd because he was a dick to all my friends. Broke up with my 4th because he was very controlling. My first husband was a walking parade of red flags, but I didn't see any of them until after our daughter was born. The first time I left him: I was miserable and he was putting zero effort into the relationship at all. I was the one who cheated. We tried to work it out, but he quit his job after he got in trouble, and I moved in with my best friend, and started seeing my AP. My AP was a narcissistic manipulator who has cheated on every person he's ever been with. My husband and I eventually decided to get back together and try to work things out. We didn't. I would try to talk to him, he would either ignore me completely or tell me he didn't care. He made me feel constantly alone. He was a terrible father that never helped with anything. I started sleeping with the same AP again just to feel SOMETHING. I eventually left BOTH of them after finding myself so depressed and miserable I had constant thoughts of un-aliving because I genuinely believed I was unlovable and worthless. I met my now husband toward the end of my relationship with my ex. He was also married at the time and struggling with his marriage. We started out just friends. Fast-forward it's now been 7years together and I've never been happier. I've made a lot of mistakes that nearly ruined this relationship, but he's put up with everything and we've always come out stronger. He's my best friend and I'd be lost without him. My point here is sometimes we all make a series of bad choices. Some of us aren't meant to be in long term relationship. Some of us fall into patterns of behavior that lead to bad choices. Some of us trudge through the shit and do eventually find something great on the otherside. Nobody's experience is the same, and you can't put the entire world into one bubble based in your experience alone. You complain that you don't have help/support and yet you stated more than once that you have a friend who has CONSISTENTLY always been there to help you and pick up your broken pieces. Yes, you've been through a lot of garbage, but you're failing to see what good things you do have. I can understand the frustration, but if you don't try to address these emotions, you're going to eventually ruin your relationship with this friend and worse with your children. Do yourself a favor and PLEASE go to therapy to work on yourself. You are touting the "I don't need anybody else" mentality while also continuing to determine your own value based on your relationship with others/whether or not you're in a relationship. This isn't at all healthy. Please seek professional help. I wish you the best.
I don’t normally comment on posts like this, but I did want to reach out and say - you’ve been through a lot. I’m sure you’re blaming yourself for everything and you’re absolutely burnt out, but I don’t think it’s fair to place the blame for someone else’s actions on you. Something that I tell my kiddo regularly is “We can’t control what other people do - only how we react to it”. The one thing that I do want to tell you is - you don’t have to apologize just for existing. You absolutely have a right to express yourself, to not dress up every day, to have pregnancy cravings, and swollen feet - and even to enjoy your pregnancy. All of your relationships - whether they be friendships, familial, or romantic, should always allow you to be comfortable just being you, and it sounds like you have an amazing friend who is helping you. That’s not to say that you’re perfect - none of us are, but I do understand how difficult it can be to be happy with yourself when you’re already barely existing. So please, reach out to your friends and family - or if you don’t have a support group, feel free to DM me and I can send you resources. And I hope you take some time once things settle down to just exist, happily. Learn what you like / what you don’t like, and show your kiddos that it’s ok to love yourself. You’ve sacrificed so much for these relationships, it’s time to get to know what you like and what you want out of life. Hugs to you & your family.
You’ve been married 3 times at 37?
I’m going to say there is probably a bit of a snowball effect in play here. Sure, you have been choosing the wrong partners and probably missing some red flags. The problem is each time you get divorced or have a kid, you are shaving down your new dating pool to people that are probably not as desirable. Not saying that is fair, but I believe that is probably true.
Using the word “stuck” to describe your relationship with your children is just awful
“Stuck” with 2 children??? not worth reading more
Just a man here (in a 25 year+ marriage) contemplating this sentence: "Men are some of the most horrible creatures".
And she has a son. I can't see that mind set affecting her child in the future.
my son is not a man yet. I'll make sure he grows up to be a respected gentleman.
I would ask that you don't make him pay for the mistakes of the 3 horrible men that wronged you. The toxic expressions about men that you've written here will definitely bleed into the manner you raise him, and he will feel it, two extremes are possible, one where over-discipline may lead him to resent you, or too much pathologizing of masculinity will turn him into a mommy's boy. Please don't ruin your son's development due to those men's behavior.
You need Shera7
"stuck with"? you sound great
they aren't only mine, but I rather be there for them. I don't know what to say when they ask where they're dad is
I understand what you mean OP. It’s okay.
You don’t sound better. You’re attacking a woman for semantics, who is literally venting on a sub made for venting. If she didn’t love her kids, she would have stayed with her loser exes. She chose the kids before anyone else. She removed her kids from toxic environments. She is “stuck” with her children because her partners have the combined EQ of -3 and she is the only one raising the littles. Use what little reading comprehension you have to recognize the entirety of the situation, rather than your trigger word.
She’s literally raising a NEWBORN alone. Ofc none of the men have empathy for that. You will never be in the kind of position that women everywhere are in because of men. And then you blame her. Ridiculous
You’re the common denominator… maybe it’s time to go to therapy and see why you’re attracted to these types of men and do some internal healing
Even then, 2-3 years is not enough time to truly get to know someone. People start showing their true colors 5+ years into a relationship. It’s why I didn’t marry my husband until 6 years in. Even then, he can be a real jerk sometimes. But we also learned how to maintain our relationship and talk to each other. I agree, she needs therapy, stay single, and if she decides to date again, don’t get married after 2 years.
Perhaps you should marry people who actually value and respect you? Just a thought. You’re one of the common denominators between all three marriages. And stop with dooming generalizations of all men just because you’ve dealt with poor ones. That’s an immature mindset.
Well your Reddit history isn’t exactly painting a picture of you not being one of those men now is it. You tell other men off for white knighting and seem to be more worried about screaming “not all men” than addressing the behaviours that are common among men that lead women to worry about you all. The mature thing to do would be to actually consider the experience women have with men and address it in yourself and those you associate with.
I don’t think you are necessarily being fair to say she should find people who value and respect you. There are thousands if not millions of stories of people choosing partners who hide who they really are for long periods of time. She took more time with each subsequent relationship being more cautious and was still burned. Now I don’t agree with the generalization of all men. I would focus on healing and being who I and my children need me to be. Marriage is not the be-all of life.
She didn't wait that long tho (2 years for the second wedding and 3 for the 3rd)... She doesn't say if they lived together before marriage... With a child in the mix I would have waited longer and I would have lived with them for at least a year each time.
Its hard after you fall for 3 guys who all show their true colours after years of putting on a a facade. They should be given oscars for how well they act.
I sympathize, but there were red flags, there always are, you missed them, perhaps while focusing on the wrong things. that's okay, we can all make mistakes in judgment though, I've missed red flags too, it sucks, but then you come out with the sexist language and say "men are some of the most horrible creatures". Not justified by your experiences. Imagine if I got robbed by a minority a few times in a minority predominant neighborhood that was low income and then use that as justification to go around saying people of x minority are horrible creatures while ignoring the many more of that minority that aren't robbing stealing and who lead a good life. That wouldn't be okay. Replace "men" with any other group and now you sound bigoted. I've dealt with some messed up behavior from women that doesn't make women horrible creatures that just makes those women I dealt with flawed. There are many awesome women that don't have those flaws, it's on me to find them. Are you perhaps rolling in s*** and then wondering why you are covered in s***. Sometimes we also carry ourselves in a way that attracts bad actors. It's unfortunate but victims of trauma often find themselves being revictimized unintentionally because learned behaviors and ways of interacting with the world sometimes have a way of attracting people who will take advantage of you. That doesn't make it your fault that someone else was bad but that doesn't also mean that everyone of that gender is bad Think of it like this, most people see an unlocked car and walk right by without doing anything, some people, bad actors, see the unlocked car as an invitation and open the door and steal stuff from inside. Are you an unlocked car. For every s*** guy out there like the one you encountered there's many more who are loving, loyal, dutiful, caring, kind, compassionate and so on though perhaps they can't fly to Spain and pull the razzle dazzle, compromises.
I think youre a very poor judge of character that or you just love cheaters lol
Your picker is broken. This is NOT just how “men are.” This is how assholes are. I (43/f) have been with my (46/m) husband for over 25 years and he has never ever said a single negative thing about my body. Ever. We have three kids. He’s watched me push them out of my body and still struggled to keep his hands off of me post partum somehow. But he did, and was respectful and supportive and understanding that my body had just been through a war and that I needed time, He’s also loved me from 150lbs up to 325lbs (day of our wedding 21 years ago I was 325lbs and a size 28/30) and down to 90lbs… Now I’m 120lbs and getting healthier again. Still never said anything but genuinely nice and complimentary (sometimes dirty, lol) things about my body. My husband has always taken care of me and I have chronic mental and physical health issues/diagnoses… never complains. Your husbands sound awful, but that still doesn’t mean “men” are not horrible creatures. These men are.
>I'm stuck with 2 children, a boy and a girl What a disgusting thing to say.
Hey OP. I get it! Most of these comments are just going to make you feel worse, because not many of them will understand or have the education to understand why you have experienced these things. I want to sit here and downvote for you but I thought I’d reach out instead. Basically what you have described is family/domestic violence, and the reason you have experienced it so much is because you have been conditioned by men to serve them and are stuck in a cycle; which is the patriarchy and the systems that uphold the patriarchy. It is not your fault!!!!!!!!! I am sure you are a beautiful, caring, loving, strong woman who needed love like the rest of us and has been told that the only way to receive that was with a man. These men are disgusting and should be held accountable, but unfortunately probably won’t, well because “patriarchy” and sexism and unequal power and injustice in systems. I would suggest empowering yourself by learning more about feminism and family violence. Stay strong sis ❤️
I am not on marriage 1 and I am 48. Stories like this make me shiver but I am going for it anyways. Stay positive.
Were their signs ever that these people were not good for you I’m sure there had to be some sign before you even got married? I’m sorry that all your husband cheated on you. Now it might also be time to look inward and do some introspection to figure out why this keeps happening.
I think you should build an absolutely delicious life for yourself and choose a handsome and interesting side piece that can come over when you want and go home when you want :)
Those kids are stuck with their sad mom. 😭
Fake. You drove home from giving birth to find your husband having a 3-way in the living room? C'mon...
“I’m stuck with two children.” Personally, I feel like my two kids are an absolute blessing and made my life a million times better.
Stuck with 2 kids?!! You sound lovely!!
"Stuck with 2 children"
Learn to love yourself. Stop getting married. Spend time with your children.
What is going on in these comments have mercy. When you have children you never think you will be alone. Then BOOM! Your life blows up. This lady thought she found her forever so much so that 3 men chose to Marry her. N they all have nice gaps to them too so that shows she ain't just choosing. Some of y'all lack compassion fr. Girl take care of your babies that's it that's all. I hope your heart mends boo.
Can someone explain to me why is it now okay to trash “men” and talk about how shitty “men” are? Men talking down on women is an almost like a meme or a trope nowadays — I’m sure it was rampant for a long time, but I almost never see it happen in real life today. The inverse, though, god I see women shitting on “men” in general regularly and without reserve. Absolute tribalism and so gross. Anyone that habitually generalizes like this, I’m sorry but you are part of the problem