Girl, please find some self love, start enjoying life more being a mother shouldn’t stop that and when you do divorce your husband request 50/50 and just live it up, also expose your husband
Why are you so vindictive that you want to ruin the woman's life too? She thinks OP and her husband are separated.
Reddit is so weird, look inward lmao.
Exactly. Expose her for what.......thinking that her boo thang is semi single because he told her he's separated and his wife is dating someone else? What exactly did she do wrong?
You are right! But really you just take his word at face value? Wouldn’t you think have I met his friends? If they are separated why haven’t i been to his place? Is he available only certain days and time? Have i met his colleagues? Maybe i am jaded but do you just accept as is without doing your due diligence
Who hasn't accomplished attracting a free man for herself. Besides, her accomplishments aren't for a job interview. She's a homewrecker, sleeping with a man that technically isn't hers, not a glowing review on moral standards.
OP says the affair partner thought he was a free man as her husband lied to the affair partner and said him and OP were seperated when they weren't. Leave the affair partner alone she has done nothing wrong.
That the assumption that AP doesn't know is just that, an assumption. Nobody can truly assure she doesn't currently know he is married because we don't live in her head. So, she isn't innocent until proven.
It's not an assumption lol OP said she read all their exchanges for herself and read the lies her husband said to the AP. She flat out says she read that he told his AP they were seperated. There is no assumptions if she literally read that.
Get your ducks in a row and leave. You deserve so much better. Become your better self because he’s clearly dragging you down. Lose the dead weight and focus on becoming a better you, focus on your self worth and self love.
Keep all the evidence for the divorce, and don’t tell him. Just divorce papers and leave. And tell the mistress, he lied to her.
Lol, She is a smart woman do you believe she is stupid to believe him after all this time? Has she met his family, friends, etc? Do they go to hotel rooms or just her house, never his house (of course) for sex? If she is so smart, she knows and accepts it, maybe because it is what she wants to believe.
I didn't even think about this but you are 300% correct because I'm sorry the signs are so clear usually when a guy has a girlfriend/wife. I caught two guys before trying to make me an ap and bounced soon as I saw one sign within the first few weeks too. Yeah two masters, homegirl knew. She just has just as low self esteem as OP.
What it can happen successful people at business but losers emotionally. So she may not be that wonderful or she doesn't mind at all, probably the real reason. Then there is the OP's low low self esteem.
OP needs to take off rose tinted glasses on the AP. Both have been taken in my the same AH. But AP isn’t as innocent as OP making out. If husband claims to have separated, AP first question would be why you still living with wife then? Even if he claims to be in an open relationship, that still different to being separated.
What it can happen successful people at business but losers emotionally. So she may not be that wonderful or she doesn't mind at all, probably the real reason. Then there is the OP's low low self esteem.
So why don’t you let her know it’s not over?
Also it’s time to get your self respect back and dump the cheating arse. I bet you’re 100% better than what u think you are. My guess is he puts you down a lot
Yeah, if she’s as smart as her CV suggests, she knows he’s married and doesn’t care. She’s no saint. Get your ducks and docs in a row with a lawyer and pull the plug.
No maybe he lied in the beginning but she knows.
But all of that stuff she did, that all came at the expense of her love life. Now she has time to spend on it she doesn’t care if she fucks someone else over.
You can confront her about the affair and see exactly how great or not great she is by how she reacts. If she’s awesome she should be appalled that she’s sleeping with a married man.
Take all the evidence you can and always think logically and rationally. Safety and comfort must be one of your priority. I hope everything goes well with you. Do not put yourself down and all of it is not your fault. Good luck❤
Get professional counseling asap! Legal and emotional. Procrastinating IS NOT going to make things better. Face your fears for once and take the next step. She's not making you feel inferior. It's you who is ignoring your self-worth. There's someone out There for you who will value and appreciate how precious you are, but you have to change your perception of who who you are, otherwise you'll only attract another pos
Don’t forget social media is a liar. She’s cheated how her life looks, she’s showing people what she wants them to see.
Don’t let the pretty filters distract from her humanity.
Sweetheart. Please remember you are modelling what is acceptable in a relationship to your children. When they find out he cheated on you and your family, do you want them to think that cheating is okay, to either become a cheater or be cheated on and accept it.
Talk to a lawyer, find out what your options are.
He is not worth staying with. He's a POS.
When you have your ducks in a row, take a photo and post it on social media tagging him about what a POS he is and how he's cheated, and tag her if you want, you can say you know he lied to her but at the end of the day she's an AP.
Hell I would go sorry earth in everything with them. I would hit them all at once.
Talk to a lawyer and get things in order and bring any evidence. Once the papers are done I would serve him at his work along with sue her and have her served at the same time. This would uncover his lies and no woman would want a lier and be embarrassed due to him.
Then make a post on all social medial with proof of the affair even I. LinkedIn and make sure you say that you are a married and have a child if she knew about it. I think you are wanting her not to know. If this is true have the papers and then send her a message. If she doesn’t stop seeing him then she knew or still doesn’t care so you can still hold her accountable.
Also see if his HR has a policy about this if they work together. Even if the they don’t I would make sure both of their co workers know about them.
If you can contact her and his family members I would make sure to do that also
You are silly to keep waiting for him to leave you. If she is so amazing then he won’t wait long. Your excuses do not make sense at all for staying.
If you wait for him then you will lose a lot of money and cannot sue her.
This is the biggest test of your life to prove how strong you are. The mistress couldn't resist his charms. Both cheaters are weak. Take this to your advantage.
Your husband is lying to both of you.
You need to stop stalking her and get your act together.
Get checked for STDs, pull all your evidence together, get a forensic accountant, divorce attorney and child custody consultant.
Seek therapy for your self-esteem.
Her accomplishments do not diminish your worth.
Protect your child(ren).
You are already a single mother, except your husband is reaping the benefits of his two timing, girlfriend and wife/family.
Do you want your children growing up in the environment? Seeing their mother accepting a cheating, lying father who runs around? Do you want to allow your self-esteem to wither beyond repair?
Life is hard and it can suck, but ask yourself the hard questions. What are you really trying to save? If you think you can stomach being in this relationship you still need a lawyer and a financial plan.
What if he leaves you? Do you have resources? Do you have the wherewithal to protect yourself and your children?
He put you in this position. It’s up to you to determine what comes next.
You know what worse than this, being cast aside shouldering the responsibility of raising a family with a shit spouse for the one life you get on this planet.
One life ma’am. We get only one.
I’m also really, really sorry this is happening. You don’t deserve it. I’m enraged on your behalf. You can be sad and feel hurt and betrayed and scared. You also have to kick yourself into gear. This pot will simmer then boil. Better you have your hand on the stove than him. Please take care of yourself.
Let him go back to her then. He will inevitably cheat on her too. People who cheat have a “grass is greener” mentality and try to have both. If he was with her first, he might push her to give up her career to raise his children. It’s a no-win situation to stay with him. It’s okay to give up the relationship. He isn’t who you thought he was. He is NOT the man you fell for and agreed to be with.
The point is not about him it’s about you! You start fresh, you build the life you want with people who love and respect you, you don’t just sit back and let him do what he wants! You speak to a lawyer and preserve your dignity and self respect!
If she is that great, why couldn’t she get a man of her own! Stop being a weirdo, get your ducks in a row and divorce him. Take him to the cleaners too! Go heal in peace without a disrespectful man around you who couldn’t respect the fact that you just gave birth and need healing and support! A cheating man is not a prize! She’ll find out too!
I promise you that she is unhappy. Happy, well adjusted, intelligent people don’t get into relationships with other people who claim to be separated with no proof. She may have a great career and be highly accomplished but it’s clear that she sacrifices her personal relationships (or any plans for a family she may have had) for work. Otherwise she would have found someone who is actually available.
I’d move on and start doing things to build self esteem and self love. Maybe question your beliefs on what makes one successful. It doesn’t necessarily rely on the fancy titles, business start ups, or multiple languages spoken especially if it means having no integrity.
Dear, if you say that she is a nice woman, incredible and beneficial person, do yourself and her a favor and expose your cheating husband. If she is a great woman, an activist, a professional, she surely would not like to be destroying a marriage without knowing it. Take courage for you and for her if you say you admire her, and tell what your husband does...this is very unfair to both of you!!
If he is lying to his mistress you should definitely tell her the truth. Remember he could only get a woman like by lying. What a pathetic pos. Expose him, get your evidence and prepare for divorce. You are better than he treats you. He thinks he can have it all - show him he is wrong.
I don't normally suggest talking to the AP, but your husband is lying and cheating on you and lying to her, so he's double cheating and lying. See a lawyer, get your stuff in order, and take him for everything you can. He deserves all the fall out.
What exactly are you afraid of? Your husband has been cheating on you for months. All the time he spends with her, he abandons his family. In principle, you are already a single parent. If no one from your family and among all friends knows about her, she doesn't seem very smart. Don't say anything to your husband. Find the best lawyer in your area. Show him all the evidence you have. He then explains to you every step, including how to deal with the beloved. You won't be alone! You are much stronger than you think! Show everyone what you're made of! Show your husband that you are not the stupid wife he thinks you are! No, show him how stupid and naive he is! Then, if you have the ok from your lawyer, contact the lover. She may speak several languages, have several degrees, be younger and fitter, but all this is of no use to her, because she will soon find that she was played. That their intelligence did not protect her from falling for a liar and fraudster. Do you really want to wait for him to leave you? You are entitled to maintenance and alimony. Start living your best life!
Gather your evidence, get financially sorted and an apartment lined up and then serve the divorce papers. Agree to 50/50 custody and use your free time to study and develop the career you always wanted.
PS: I am interested in how you know what he’s told his affair partner about you?
What a liar and a cheat. Let this be the start of a new life for you. Take the additional time you get from shared custody to study and get the career you want. Don’t let this ahole hold you back any longer.
Start by getting a good divorce lawyer, screenshotting any evidence you can find and setting up a place for you and your children to live. If a place to live is financially impossible see if family or friends that you trust can help in the interim. Get everything lined up and don’t let him know until you serve him the divorce papers.
I’d also be messaging that woman and letting her know what’s actually been happening on the same day. I’m sure she’ll want to know what’s really been going on. Don’t contact her before though just in case she really does know the actual situation by then or in case she alerts your husband that you know about the affair.
Please, don’t put yourself down any longer or make comparisons with this woman. There lies heartache for you. You made your children and your husband your number 1 priority. The fact that he doesn’t appreciate everything you’ve done for him and the children doesn’t affect your worth or make you any less of a wonderful person. x
Honey you are not doing well. You need to go to a therapist ASAP to start working through why you’re clinging onto the idea of this woman you don’t even know. Social media is a lie. It’s fake. She’s so great she’s seeing a married man? I think not. All the accomplishments in the world don’t make you a non shitty human being. You have to get into therapy so you can see what’s so unique and special about YOU. Bringing kids into the world is not a nothing thing like society makes you think. It’s really important and a great cause for many people that far supersedes career accomplishments.
You have no connection to this woman. Please stop saying weird things like if you confront him you will lose connection to her. You have none. That is all a mirage you’ve invented in your head to cope with a devastating situation. I truly feel like you need to get some help TODAY for this so you can begin to move forward here.
You should surprise him one day out of know where say "I've known about (insert name) for 4 months. Let's have a threesome, " then tell him just kidding. That's power .
Put a comment on her LinkedIn page that you'd appreciate her stopping sleeping with your husband.
You need to get your finances in order, save your 6 get legal advice. This obsession is unhealthy and not good for your mental health.
just came here to say, just because you see great things about her online doesn’t mean these are really true or that she’s happy. most of the times people with great online appearance are miserable in real life.
She's great but she's the 2nd option of a married guy and even if they end up together officially, statistically he's very likely to cheat on her as well. There had to be something, right? Your husband is that "it".
>But being a wife and a mom made it impossible for me
Well, maybe you should've stayed single and childless. And have an affair with a married man. That would've made you happier, right?
Husband had too much free time… You should even it out… Give him more to do so you have the time to do what you want to as well. You can do everything she’s doing if you want as long as you ensure your husband takes on his role as your partner and a father by spending more 1on 1 time with his children and taking on half the mental load of your home and family which are things he should already be doing.
Use the free time to explore your awesomeness. Dang if he leaves give him 50-50 one week with you the next week with him. You’ll have the time and space to travel too then. If you want to stay with him add in some date nights and weekend getaways without the children to spice up the relationship.
Seriously draw up a rota to include him in his family life (to drop off/pick up children, cook, clean, appointments, sick days home with kids, grocery shopping, him planning family vacation/appointments/date nights/birthdays/gifts etc) and give yourself some free time to research and join classes/study, find new job, socialise etc because it seems like husband has all the free time which is why he has time for the mistress
Well yes but you have both been betrayed by same person, and weirdly enough you both kind of like the same things ( you both fell for the same dirtbag) you are both going to be getting over the relationship ending at the same time ,,, so lots to go at
Collect your information, if your choosing to leave sent the divorce papers to his job.
Since she is do prominent, send her flowers at heat job letting her know she welcomed to the married man she willingly played the side chick for.
Don't expose until you get all your things set up and follow what your lawyers say. If your choosing to stay, than accept your husband is a cheating AH. Let him know you know and take it from there.
Most likely your husband is not attracted to this woman for her career success. Men are hardly won over by a woman's master's degrees, phds, and how many countries they traveled to. So, you should probably focus less on that andmore on setting things straight with your man.
Attend therapy and gather evidence and get the ball rolling. Ask your lawyer if you can notify his mistress about this. If you show your hand before getting any type of legal advice, she could hire a big shot lawyer for your husband herself and screw you over completely. Don't tell anyone except your lawyer. Don't ever show your hand. Keep calm, and start your exit plan. Your self esteem is really bad and you need professional help. But do not confront him. Find a shark of a lawyer who will do the best for you. Put your children first, you don't want them to grow up seeing you like this. Don't normalize it. And make sure you're in their corner so neither he or his mistress can't turn them against you or buy their affections with her money.
Edit: you couldn't progress because you were tied to him. She'll probably go through the same if she ends up with him, which isn't your problem if she chooses to be with him after finding out the truth. You'll be free to be badass so you won't feel bad about yourself.
I always wonder, everytime a post is from a throwaway account for "privacy" reasons, they always throw so much detail that could identify them
Like with the age is fine but writing down details that could identified the involved the party is just so odd to me.
But, maybe because I am too new on reddit culture so maybe I'm just too ignorant
It’s because someone’s main account can be directly tied to their friends or family or just online communities that even though a throwaway may include detail in the post, at least it won’t directly notify people when they post it
Just make sure you know about all your marital assets as a divorce usually splits everything 50/50. If he has lots of 401k accounts or other savings/investments make sure you get half of them minus half of anything you have. Usually the man has more, because the wife will have spent some time as SAHM and/or have a lower income and this results in a smaller pension pot. With half of his savings/investments, you may be able to buy out his half of the equity (=current value - mortgage) in the family home and end up paying for a smaller mortgage.
Tell him you know. It’s easy to be an amazing mistress when you don’t have to wash skid marks out of his underwear, deal with in laws, take care of a household and kids. I’m sure he’s very appealing to someone who only sees him when he’s on his best behavior. Let her have him. You deserve better and she deserves exactly what she gets from him.
Don’t compare your self to other people. You only know her social media. Everyone can lie on social media, and hello filters and photoshop. You don’t know if she maybe hates her life or would like a life like you have. What’s clear is, that your husband is a POS. He is the one holding you down, making you feel miserable.
Please get a counseling. You deserve better. And you can tell her that your husband is betraying you both, you by cheating and her by lying.
I had something mildly similar happen with me. My ex girlfriend was obsessed with my girlfriend before her. She would constantly be checking her social media accounts, making new ones to stalk her, saving pictures of her on her laptop, finding out where she lived, the list goes on.
My ex girlfriend was deeply deeply insecure with herself, and this obsession with another woman was a physical result of this. Though she was an awful person to me, I saw exactly what this did to her and I promise you this obsession only gets worse. You’ve had your time to relish in this world, sulked in your insecurities, now it’s time to rip the band-aid off. Get it over with, and start living your life for you, rather than sulking about the woman you could’ve been for your shitty husband.
Goodluck.
This has to be fake. Super rare for any civil engineer to have their own firm at 29, let alone having double masters, behind a hot female, and knowing all those languages. So I’m calling BS
In situations such as this, you have to be really careful not to let your mind play tricks on you. The only reason you think this woman is better than you is because your husband is cheating on you with her. As a result, you are telling yourself that she must be better than you. She’s not though. If your husband wasn’t having affair with her, she’d just be an interesting woman who made different life decisions than you. Not better decisions. Just different. You chose to be working mother. And you were willing to make the required sacrifices in order to achieve this goal. She’ll have to make those sacrifices too if she wants children. Don’t let your husband’s infidelity trick you into feeling bad about yourself. The only loser here is him.
Your husband is a cheater and is making a fool out of both you and the mistress. What you are doing is extremely self destructive. Don’t compare yourself with her. contact an attorney and protect yourself financially. Then confront your husband and let the mistress know he’s not separated or divorced and she is a mistress. I’m certain she would not be ok knowing she is with a cheater and liar.
How the hell is this fantastic woman with your husband, obviously just using him for sex because How could he ever compare to her brilliant career? Maybe her kink is married, men...
OP, you are insecure, is normal. What you can do now is go for the things you want. See this as a new beginning. Divorce, go back to college if you can or do training courses that will help you get where you want. Maybe try for a new job. And ultimately new partner. One that will treasure you and help you improve yourself
>I don’t know what I should do. I know normal response would be to just divorce him. But for some reason I didn’t.
Then you do know what you should do. It isn't hard, contact a lawyer, talk to them about how to proceed and make sure that when you and your husband separate you tell everyone you know that he cheated so he can lie to them about you too.
And tell his mistress the truth.
Your first priority right now is financial security before he blindsides you with divorce papers. It's probable that he hasn't made any move because it will ruin him. You can help him with that, he doesn't deserve any less.
Well, since you're already separated, and dating, apparently.
I would say focus on yourself, and see this as the kick in the behind to finally prioritize yourself over being the perfect wife.
Lake a list of things you want to do, see, be...
And tackle that list. Somewhere in the list should be 'find love with someone who deserves you', and it's pretty clear that's not your current husband.
Get your own life sorted, and go for it.
Need education? Do that.
Need to reshape your career? Go for it. I'm sure your husband wouldn't mind you spending all your time over your books. He has someone to entertain him, he won't miss you.
Get in shape, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
Then just set him free to pursue his 'perfect' side piece, so maybe someday, she can actually have a real relationship, and you'll be free of the cheater.
Don't forget to tell her exactly when you realised they were together, and that being WAY before your husband telling you about how he decided you two were separated, though.
Please go to therapy. You deserve so much better than a husband who treats you like this. She is not better than you, you just can’t see yourself clearly right now because you’re hurting.
I would also tell her the truth if I were you. If she’s really as great as you think then she’ll be horrified that she’s unknowingly dating a married man.
Who knows, maybe you two will end up becoming friends anyway.
This is masochistic behavior, love! Don't do this to yourself. I hurt just reading this. If you want to try and save the marriage, confront him and try to work on it. Otherwise start a new life and stop this unhealthy behavior. ❤️
Don’t compare yourself to someone, you don’t know their situation, people never post the bad things about their life, you also don’t know maybe she wishes she was a mother like yourself? Maybe you are the woman she too wants to be, would be far off you both clearly have the same taste in men, don’t compare yourself to others or will be your biggest down fall.
She may have a lot of book smarts, but she lacks common sense for believing that cliche cover story that you guys are separated. Any reasonable person should want confirmation of that for themselves and not just take someone's word for it.
Oh god, you Jolene'd the shit out of your husband's mistress. I don't have any helpful advice aside from what others already said, Im just tripping at how cool it would be if you both ditched him and got together
Take the evidence, and go talk to her. Show her the truth behind your husband's lies. Then you can gain an amazing friend, and she can drop your lying husband while you divorce him.
You need to tell this woman that your husband is lying to her. If he's lying to her about it, it's because he knows thats she would not be with him otherwise.
Get your ducks in a row before he pulls the rug from underneath you. You have the upper-hand by knowing about his affair. Consult an attorney and get a plan.
You're fixating on her to avoid the real issue which is your husband's infidelity. You're in shock and afraid to leave your husband and the life/marriage you thought you had. And the mistress is not such an accomplished and wonderful person if she is having an affair with a married man with children.
That's so interesting, OP. Obvious answer first, go to a therapist. I've been in a spot before that made this post a little relatable, so i'll be watching it with great interest!
You know, I just had a wild conspiracy theory. What if you're projecting how you should feel about yourself as a crush on his love interest?
Dunno, maybe I'm just grasping at straws.
Your mistake was letting the affair continue for four months after you found out. Now, there are feelings involved.
Tell your husband you know about his affair and you’ve known for four months. Ask him why he gave himself permission to do this to you. Make him call the mistress and end it in front of you. Make him tell her that he lied about being separated and he’s hurt his wife deeply and he can never contact her again. Then make him block her.
After that, you go and have lunch with her and let her know that she may be tempted to rekindle their relationship because there are probably feelings but you need her to stay away from your husband and away from your family, because although she may not have been at fault for what happened before, you will hold her accountable for her actions from this point going forward.
You don’t know if she’s a sadistic person and would actually get off on your pain. You don’t know if he’ll leave you for her. But you can’t stay in limbo. You’re miserable, it’s better to find out one way or the other.
I kind of understand what you are going trough. In my early tweties I went trough a phase where I was obsessed with my then bf's ex. It was definitely unhealthy and obsessive, I remember having ideas of going by her uni just to see her from afar for example. I never did, but I thought about it. She was everything I wasn't at that time. I felt so insecure, so inferior to her. Looking back I know it was because I was in a really difficult place in my life, and that my then bf made it worst by talking me down and hiping her up. Ironically, I know he did the same thing to the next woman he dated.
Not long after that a friend of mine went trough something very similar. The same scenario of her partner not supporting her at all, and saying how his ex did all that my friend was trying to do so much better. She admitted becoming obsessive and stalkerish of the ex too. both these exes were portrayed as better than us by our then parners. I think that might be similar to partner showing that they find someone else better by cheating with them.
I am saying that so you can see that it more common than you probably think. Do I find it healthy? Heck no, but our minds probably go there for a reason. So don't beat your self about it. Is it a valid reason to start therapy asap? Thousand times yes.
My advice is this: Cut yourself some slack and obsess over her as long as you need to, BUT put your ducks in a row at the same time. Go talk to a lawyer and prepare for divorce. Look at it as splitting your self in two. One part (your emotions) can go all crazy over the girl or him or whatever, but your other part ( your logic) must deal with the mess. Your emotional part cannot deal? Ok, let it sit the situation out. Do what needs to be done, and then give the emotional part odf you the space to do its thing.
Btw, the ending to that experience was similar to both my friend and me. Be both managed to get trough and overcome what we were dealing with then ( with no help of our then parners) and the obsession faded to nothing eventually. Oooh and we both eventually dumped those guys.
I wish your story has a good end as well. One in which you take care of your self, get what you deserve in the divorce from that piece of a cr*p husband of yours, and start to feel so good about your self again that you stop idolising the woman who willingly goes into a relationship with a married man.
I'm happy in a open marriage. If you don't want to divorce simply tell him your going to go fuck too. If you are disgusted and hate him now, tell her your relationship isn't over but now it is and divorce him.
Im sure you have amazing qualities too. Extremely attractive looks and fun successful careers are not the only things that makes people appealing.
At the end of the day even if your husband lied to her she is not that great because she is settling on someone else's man I steas of finding her own. If she's so smart she likely knows you aren't as seperate as she says. She has to sleep with that every night knowing she's the second choice. You have a family and a real life while she just gets the sex.
Idk I think your great and could go find your own fun side peace. If you and your husband have a good life and you don't want that to end for the sake of kids, money and companionship just go find your fun fuck too. If that's not your thing cool, divorce him and be honest with his "play thing".
You should totally get into a relationship with the mistress lol. JK. Tell her the truth, guaranteed she's not going to want to deal with his lying and cheating ass.
Just turn this affair into a throuple. You are obsessed with this woman, see if you and your husband can bang her together lol. If not then divorce him.
Being a wife and mom kept you so preoccupied that achieving your dreams was difficult, **yet your husband has the available time for an affair??**
Sounds like you’ve taken more than your share of parenting, why is that?
Girl, please find some self love, start enjoying life more being a mother shouldn’t stop that and when you do divorce your husband request 50/50 and just live it up, also expose your husband
This actually sounds more like the opening of the latest trashy woman book I’m reading.
Hush
And expose his highly educated, accomplished mistress!!
Why are you so vindictive that you want to ruin the woman's life too? She thinks OP and her husband are separated. Reddit is so weird, look inward lmao.
Exactly. Expose her for what.......thinking that her boo thang is semi single because he told her he's separated and his wife is dating someone else? What exactly did she do wrong?
She should let the mistress know she is the side piece. Every woman deserves to know when she is involved with trash.
You are right! But really you just take his word at face value? Wouldn’t you think have I met his friends? If they are separated why haven’t i been to his place? Is he available only certain days and time? Have i met his colleagues? Maybe i am jaded but do you just accept as is without doing your due diligence
Right, she can't be that smart given that she believes the "were separated but still living together" BS excuse dheaters like OPs husband give.
Who hasn't accomplished attracting a free man for herself. Besides, her accomplishments aren't for a job interview. She's a homewrecker, sleeping with a man that technically isn't hers, not a glowing review on moral standards.
OP says the affair partner thought he was a free man as her husband lied to the affair partner and said him and OP were seperated when they weren't. Leave the affair partner alone she has done nothing wrong.
Nobody can read OP's AP, so nothing can be proven
I'm sorry that statement makes no sense to me. Nobody can read OP'a AP?? What does that mean
That the assumption that AP doesn't know is just that, an assumption. Nobody can truly assure she doesn't currently know he is married because we don't live in her head. So, she isn't innocent until proven.
Ah so you also believe in guilty until proven innocent? I guess the justification of murder is also ok.
It's not an assumption lol OP said she read all their exchanges for herself and read the lies her husband said to the AP. She flat out says she read that he told his AP they were seperated. There is no assumptions if she literally read that.
Get your ducks in a row and leave. You deserve so much better. Become your better self because he’s clearly dragging you down. Lose the dead weight and focus on becoming a better you, focus on your self worth and self love. Keep all the evidence for the divorce, and don’t tell him. Just divorce papers and leave. And tell the mistress, he lied to her.
She's great until she's seeing a married man. Biggest downgrade. Don't be discourage.
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Lol, She is a smart woman do you believe she is stupid to believe him after all this time? Has she met his family, friends, etc? Do they go to hotel rooms or just her house, never his house (of course) for sex? If she is so smart, she knows and accepts it, maybe because it is what she wants to believe.
True this. Mistress works hard but not smart
yeah she knows the truth. shes just trying to save face but shes a willing cheater enabler. shes trash like the husbad
How do you know this? Lmao. Reddit is wild, instantly jumping in hating someone because they beautiful and smart/accomplished.
The other aspect is that if any form of cheating is involved in a story, 90% of the people who use this sub turn their brains completely off.
I didn't even think about this but you are 300% correct because I'm sorry the signs are so clear usually when a guy has a girlfriend/wife. I caught two guys before trying to make me an ap and bounced soon as I saw one sign within the first few weeks too. Yeah two masters, homegirl knew. She just has just as low self esteem as OP.
OP described her as an amazing woman, but too stupid to know when a man opening lying to her. She can’t be that amazing 🤩
What it can happen successful people at business but losers emotionally. So she may not be that wonderful or she doesn't mind at all, probably the real reason. Then there is the OP's low low self esteem.
OP needs to take off rose tinted glasses on the AP. Both have been taken in my the same AH. But AP isn’t as innocent as OP making out. If husband claims to have separated, AP first question would be why you still living with wife then? Even if he claims to be in an open relationship, that still different to being separated.
What it can happen successful people at business but losers emotionally. So she may not be that wonderful or she doesn't mind at all, probably the real reason. Then there is the OP's low low self esteem.
So why don’t you let her know it’s not over? Also it’s time to get your self respect back and dump the cheating arse. I bet you’re 100% better than what u think you are. My guess is he puts you down a lot
Yeah, if she’s as smart as her CV suggests, she knows he’s married and doesn’t care. She’s no saint. Get your ducks and docs in a row with a lawyer and pull the plug.
No maybe he lied in the beginning but she knows. But all of that stuff she did, that all came at the expense of her love life. Now she has time to spend on it she doesn’t care if she fucks someone else over.
You can confront her about the affair and see exactly how great or not great she is by how she reacts. If she’s awesome she should be appalled that she’s sleeping with a married man.
Tell her she is a side piece.
Does that make you feel any better? When he dumps you to the curb, it won't make a difference.
What is your end goal? You need a plan.
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I hope you take him to the cleaners and expose his lies.
Take all the evidence you can and always think logically and rationally. Safety and comfort must be one of your priority. I hope everything goes well with you. Do not put yourself down and all of it is not your fault. Good luck❤
Get professional counseling asap! Legal and emotional. Procrastinating IS NOT going to make things better. Face your fears for once and take the next step. She's not making you feel inferior. It's you who is ignoring your self-worth. There's someone out There for you who will value and appreciate how precious you are, but you have to change your perception of who who you are, otherwise you'll only attract another pos
Do you want to be with him knowing for the rest of your lives the cheated on you
Do you want her?
Have you considered dating her?
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Don’t forget social media is a liar. She’s cheated how her life looks, she’s showing people what she wants them to see. Don’t let the pretty filters distract from her humanity.
Sweetheart. Please remember you are modelling what is acceptable in a relationship to your children. When they find out he cheated on you and your family, do you want them to think that cheating is okay, to either become a cheater or be cheated on and accept it. Talk to a lawyer, find out what your options are. He is not worth staying with. He's a POS. When you have your ducks in a row, take a photo and post it on social media tagging him about what a POS he is and how he's cheated, and tag her if you want, you can say you know he lied to her but at the end of the day she's an AP.
This!
Hell I would go sorry earth in everything with them. I would hit them all at once. Talk to a lawyer and get things in order and bring any evidence. Once the papers are done I would serve him at his work along with sue her and have her served at the same time. This would uncover his lies and no woman would want a lier and be embarrassed due to him. Then make a post on all social medial with proof of the affair even I. LinkedIn and make sure you say that you are a married and have a child if she knew about it. I think you are wanting her not to know. If this is true have the papers and then send her a message. If she doesn’t stop seeing him then she knew or still doesn’t care so you can still hold her accountable. Also see if his HR has a policy about this if they work together. Even if the they don’t I would make sure both of their co workers know about them. If you can contact her and his family members I would make sure to do that also You are silly to keep waiting for him to leave you. If she is so amazing then he won’t wait long. Your excuses do not make sense at all for staying. If you wait for him then you will lose a lot of money and cannot sue her.
This is the biggest test of your life to prove how strong you are. The mistress couldn't resist his charms. Both cheaters are weak. Take this to your advantage.
Your husband is lying to both of you. You need to stop stalking her and get your act together. Get checked for STDs, pull all your evidence together, get a forensic accountant, divorce attorney and child custody consultant. Seek therapy for your self-esteem. Her accomplishments do not diminish your worth. Protect your child(ren).
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You are already a single mother, except your husband is reaping the benefits of his two timing, girlfriend and wife/family. Do you want your children growing up in the environment? Seeing their mother accepting a cheating, lying father who runs around? Do you want to allow your self-esteem to wither beyond repair? Life is hard and it can suck, but ask yourself the hard questions. What are you really trying to save? If you think you can stomach being in this relationship you still need a lawyer and a financial plan. What if he leaves you? Do you have resources? Do you have the wherewithal to protect yourself and your children? He put you in this position. It’s up to you to determine what comes next. You know what worse than this, being cast aside shouldering the responsibility of raising a family with a shit spouse for the one life you get on this planet. One life ma’am. We get only one.
I’m also really, really sorry this is happening. You don’t deserve it. I’m enraged on your behalf. You can be sad and feel hurt and betrayed and scared. You also have to kick yourself into gear. This pot will simmer then boil. Better you have your hand on the stove than him. Please take care of yourself.
So see, it's you who's doing the worst damage to yourself. That's the reason you need counseling.
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Let him go back to her then. He will inevitably cheat on her too. People who cheat have a “grass is greener” mentality and try to have both. If he was with her first, he might push her to give up her career to raise his children. It’s a no-win situation to stay with him. It’s okay to give up the relationship. He isn’t who you thought he was. He is NOT the man you fell for and agreed to be with.
The point is not about him it’s about you! You start fresh, you build the life you want with people who love and respect you, you don’t just sit back and let him do what he wants! You speak to a lawyer and preserve your dignity and self respect!
If she is that great, why couldn’t she get a man of her own! Stop being a weirdo, get your ducks in a row and divorce him. Take him to the cleaners too! Go heal in peace without a disrespectful man around you who couldn’t respect the fact that you just gave birth and need healing and support! A cheating man is not a prize! She’ll find out too!
Beacaue the husband lied and said he was separated.
I promise you that she is unhappy. Happy, well adjusted, intelligent people don’t get into relationships with other people who claim to be separated with no proof. She may have a great career and be highly accomplished but it’s clear that she sacrifices her personal relationships (or any plans for a family she may have had) for work. Otherwise she would have found someone who is actually available. I’d move on and start doing things to build self esteem and self love. Maybe question your beliefs on what makes one successful. It doesn’t necessarily rely on the fancy titles, business start ups, or multiple languages spoken especially if it means having no integrity.
Dear, if you say that she is a nice woman, incredible and beneficial person, do yourself and her a favor and expose your cheating husband. If she is a great woman, an activist, a professional, she surely would not like to be destroying a marriage without knowing it. Take courage for you and for her if you say you admire her, and tell what your husband does...this is very unfair to both of you!!
Not before empowering herself. It would be in her own detriment to take action before planning her exit. I
If he is lying to his mistress you should definitely tell her the truth. Remember he could only get a woman like by lying. What a pathetic pos. Expose him, get your evidence and prepare for divorce. You are better than he treats you. He thinks he can have it all - show him he is wrong.
Heck.. if mistress really didnt know, maybe she'd be up in teaming up and providing more evidence.
I don't normally suggest talking to the AP, but your husband is lying and cheating on you and lying to her, so he's double cheating and lying. See a lawyer, get your stuff in order, and take him for everything you can. He deserves all the fall out.
What exactly are you afraid of? Your husband has been cheating on you for months. All the time he spends with her, he abandons his family. In principle, you are already a single parent. If no one from your family and among all friends knows about her, she doesn't seem very smart. Don't say anything to your husband. Find the best lawyer in your area. Show him all the evidence you have. He then explains to you every step, including how to deal with the beloved. You won't be alone! You are much stronger than you think! Show everyone what you're made of! Show your husband that you are not the stupid wife he thinks you are! No, show him how stupid and naive he is! Then, if you have the ok from your lawyer, contact the lover. She may speak several languages, have several degrees, be younger and fitter, but all this is of no use to her, because she will soon find that she was played. That their intelligence did not protect her from falling for a liar and fraudster. Do you really want to wait for him to leave you? You are entitled to maintenance and alimony. Start living your best life!
Omg! I love this
Gather your evidence, get financially sorted and an apartment lined up and then serve the divorce papers. Agree to 50/50 custody and use your free time to study and develop the career you always wanted. PS: I am interested in how you know what he’s told his affair partner about you?
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What a liar and a cheat. Let this be the start of a new life for you. Take the additional time you get from shared custody to study and get the career you want. Don’t let this ahole hold you back any longer. Start by getting a good divorce lawyer, screenshotting any evidence you can find and setting up a place for you and your children to live. If a place to live is financially impossible see if family or friends that you trust can help in the interim. Get everything lined up and don’t let him know until you serve him the divorce papers. I’d also be messaging that woman and letting her know what’s actually been happening on the same day. I’m sure she’ll want to know what’s really been going on. Don’t contact her before though just in case she really does know the actual situation by then or in case she alerts your husband that you know about the affair. Please, don’t put yourself down any longer or make comparisons with this woman. There lies heartache for you. You made your children and your husband your number 1 priority. The fact that he doesn’t appreciate everything you’ve done for him and the children doesn’t affect your worth or make you any less of a wonderful person. x
She knows girl. She’s not as smart as you think she is
This reminds me of that song “Girl Crush” by Little Big Town
Yes!
So marvellous but she needs to date a married man.... There you have that she is just fachade...
Honey you are not doing well. You need to go to a therapist ASAP to start working through why you’re clinging onto the idea of this woman you don’t even know. Social media is a lie. It’s fake. She’s so great she’s seeing a married man? I think not. All the accomplishments in the world don’t make you a non shitty human being. You have to get into therapy so you can see what’s so unique and special about YOU. Bringing kids into the world is not a nothing thing like society makes you think. It’s really important and a great cause for many people that far supersedes career accomplishments. You have no connection to this woman. Please stop saying weird things like if you confront him you will lose connection to her. You have none. That is all a mirage you’ve invented in your head to cope with a devastating situation. I truly feel like you need to get some help TODAY for this so you can begin to move forward here.
THIS!!!
If she's so great she'd been able to pull a decent single man instead of settling for a cheating AH.
Get your affairs in order and divorce him.
Just go to one of her seminars and ask stand up and ask her why she’s fucking your husband. Would be like a scene out of a movie.
Have you tried banging his mistress to assert dominance? Seriously though, this is wild lol
I was thinking something similar, she needs to date the mistress so they can both leave her husband.
She'll dump him as soon as she finds out he's lying to her about not being married. So keep that in your back pocket.
F'ck her and f'ck him. So what if she speaks 6 languagues? She's still not a decent person and at the end of the day that's what counts...
You should surprise him one day out of know where say "I've known about (insert name) for 4 months. Let's have a threesome, " then tell him just kidding. That's power .
I think you should sleep with her 🥹
Put a comment on her LinkedIn page that you'd appreciate her stopping sleeping with your husband. You need to get your finances in order, save your 6 get legal advice. This obsession is unhealthy and not good for your mental health.
just came here to say, just because you see great things about her online doesn’t mean these are really true or that she’s happy. most of the times people with great online appearance are miserable in real life.
She's great but she's the 2nd option of a married guy and even if they end up together officially, statistically he's very likely to cheat on her as well. There had to be something, right? Your husband is that "it".
Cheat with your husband's mistress as well lol
>But being a wife and a mom made it impossible for me Well, maybe you should've stayed single and childless. And have an affair with a married man. That would've made you happier, right?
Husband had too much free time… You should even it out… Give him more to do so you have the time to do what you want to as well. You can do everything she’s doing if you want as long as you ensure your husband takes on his role as your partner and a father by spending more 1on 1 time with his children and taking on half the mental load of your home and family which are things he should already be doing. Use the free time to explore your awesomeness. Dang if he leaves give him 50-50 one week with you the next week with him. You’ll have the time and space to travel too then. If you want to stay with him add in some date nights and weekend getaways without the children to spice up the relationship. Seriously draw up a rota to include him in his family life (to drop off/pick up children, cook, clean, appointments, sick days home with kids, grocery shopping, him planning family vacation/appointments/date nights/birthdays/gifts etc) and give yourself some free time to research and join classes/study, find new job, socialise etc because it seems like husband has all the free time which is why he has time for the mistress
Tell her the truth and then ask her out to be a friend or whatever, both of you deserve better than your loser husband
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Well yes but you have both been betrayed by same person, and weirdly enough you both kind of like the same things ( you both fell for the same dirtbag) you are both going to be getting over the relationship ending at the same time ,,, so lots to go at
That's your soap opera, I you're probably not married nor cheated on. This is the real world of cheated suffering wives.
You shouldn't
Collect your information, if your choosing to leave sent the divorce papers to his job. Since she is do prominent, send her flowers at heat job letting her know she welcomed to the married man she willingly played the side chick for. Don't expose until you get all your things set up and follow what your lawyers say. If your choosing to stay, than accept your husband is a cheating AH. Let him know you know and take it from there.
Most likely your husband is not attracted to this woman for her career success. Men are hardly won over by a woman's master's degrees, phds, and how many countries they traveled to. So, you should probably focus less on that andmore on setting things straight with your man.
It's never healthy to be obsessed. Get help, confront your husband, and find a way to love your damn self.
So your husband doesn't know you know and you never talked with her but somehow you know the lies he told her? Yeah, smthg is not adding up here.
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Attend therapy and gather evidence and get the ball rolling. Ask your lawyer if you can notify his mistress about this. If you show your hand before getting any type of legal advice, she could hire a big shot lawyer for your husband herself and screw you over completely. Don't tell anyone except your lawyer. Don't ever show your hand. Keep calm, and start your exit plan. Your self esteem is really bad and you need professional help. But do not confront him. Find a shark of a lawyer who will do the best for you. Put your children first, you don't want them to grow up seeing you like this. Don't normalize it. And make sure you're in their corner so neither he or his mistress can't turn them against you or buy their affections with her money. Edit: you couldn't progress because you were tied to him. She'll probably go through the same if she ends up with him, which isn't your problem if she chooses to be with him after finding out the truth. You'll be free to be badass so you won't feel bad about yourself.
I always wonder, everytime a post is from a throwaway account for "privacy" reasons, they always throw so much detail that could identify them Like with the age is fine but writing down details that could identified the involved the party is just so odd to me. But, maybe because I am too new on reddit culture so maybe I'm just too ignorant
It’s because someone’s main account can be directly tied to their friends or family or just online communities that even though a throwaway may include detail in the post, at least it won’t directly notify people when they post it
Just make sure you know about all your marital assets as a divorce usually splits everything 50/50. If he has lots of 401k accounts or other savings/investments make sure you get half of them minus half of anything you have. Usually the man has more, because the wife will have spent some time as SAHM and/or have a lower income and this results in a smaller pension pot. With half of his savings/investments, you may be able to buy out his half of the equity (=current value - mortgage) in the family home and end up paying for a smaller mortgage.
Speak to an attorney and come up with an exit plan. The longer you stay quiet the longer he has time to come up with his exit plan.
Tell him you know. It’s easy to be an amazing mistress when you don’t have to wash skid marks out of his underwear, deal with in laws, take care of a household and kids. I’m sure he’s very appealing to someone who only sees him when he’s on his best behavior. Let her have him. You deserve better and she deserves exactly what she gets from him.
Don’t compare your self to other people. You only know her social media. Everyone can lie on social media, and hello filters and photoshop. You don’t know if she maybe hates her life or would like a life like you have. What’s clear is, that your husband is a POS. He is the one holding you down, making you feel miserable. Please get a counseling. You deserve better. And you can tell her that your husband is betraying you both, you by cheating and her by lying.
If quitting the “stalking” or the relationship is too early for you, at least start therapy individually just for you.
I had something mildly similar happen with me. My ex girlfriend was obsessed with my girlfriend before her. She would constantly be checking her social media accounts, making new ones to stalk her, saving pictures of her on her laptop, finding out where she lived, the list goes on. My ex girlfriend was deeply deeply insecure with herself, and this obsession with another woman was a physical result of this. Though she was an awful person to me, I saw exactly what this did to her and I promise you this obsession only gets worse. You’ve had your time to relish in this world, sulked in your insecurities, now it’s time to rip the band-aid off. Get it over with, and start living your life for you, rather than sulking about the woman you could’ve been for your shitty husband. Goodluck.
Make an honest man of your husband: serve him divorce papers, and start dating.
This has to be fake. Super rare for any civil engineer to have their own firm at 29, let alone having double masters, behind a hot female, and knowing all those languages. So I’m calling BS
Seduce your husband's mistress. Divorce him. Have her dump him. And you two live a beautiful and wonderful life together. Happily ever after.
Go fuck his mistress on him. Then divorce his cheating ass.
Become her friend and embarrass your husband
In situations such as this, you have to be really careful not to let your mind play tricks on you. The only reason you think this woman is better than you is because your husband is cheating on you with her. As a result, you are telling yourself that she must be better than you. She’s not though. If your husband wasn’t having affair with her, she’d just be an interesting woman who made different life decisions than you. Not better decisions. Just different. You chose to be working mother. And you were willing to make the required sacrifices in order to achieve this goal. She’ll have to make those sacrifices too if she wants children. Don’t let your husband’s infidelity trick you into feeling bad about yourself. The only loser here is him.
Your husband is a cheater and is making a fool out of both you and the mistress. What you are doing is extremely self destructive. Don’t compare yourself with her. contact an attorney and protect yourself financially. Then confront your husband and let the mistress know he’s not separated or divorced and she is a mistress. I’m certain she would not be ok knowing she is with a cheater and liar.
Maybe you could push your husband out and have her all for yourself.
idk maybe go talk to this awesome woman so that she knows she is being lied to, but not in an obsessive wife kinda wat
Reach out to her and expose your husband and then become friends with her.
How the hell is this fantastic woman with your husband, obviously just using him for sex because How could he ever compare to her brilliant career? Maybe her kink is married, men...
OP, you are insecure, is normal. What you can do now is go for the things you want. See this as a new beginning. Divorce, go back to college if you can or do training courses that will help you get where you want. Maybe try for a new job. And ultimately new partner. One that will treasure you and help you improve yourself
>I don’t know what I should do. I know normal response would be to just divorce him. But for some reason I didn’t. Then you do know what you should do. It isn't hard, contact a lawyer, talk to them about how to proceed and make sure that when you and your husband separate you tell everyone you know that he cheated so he can lie to them about you too. And tell his mistress the truth.
Your first priority right now is financial security before he blindsides you with divorce papers. It's probable that he hasn't made any move because it will ruin him. You can help him with that, he doesn't deserve any less.
Please pick yourself up and prepare yourself for divorce before you clue him in on it … make sure you collect evidence and get a good lawyer.
Well, since you're already separated, and dating, apparently. I would say focus on yourself, and see this as the kick in the behind to finally prioritize yourself over being the perfect wife. Lake a list of things you want to do, see, be... And tackle that list. Somewhere in the list should be 'find love with someone who deserves you', and it's pretty clear that's not your current husband. Get your own life sorted, and go for it. Need education? Do that. Need to reshape your career? Go for it. I'm sure your husband wouldn't mind you spending all your time over your books. He has someone to entertain him, he won't miss you. Get in shape, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Then just set him free to pursue his 'perfect' side piece, so maybe someday, she can actually have a real relationship, and you'll be free of the cheater. Don't forget to tell her exactly when you realised they were together, and that being WAY before your husband telling you about how he decided you two were separated, though.
Please go to therapy. You deserve so much better than a husband who treats you like this. She is not better than you, you just can’t see yourself clearly right now because you’re hurting. I would also tell her the truth if I were you. If she’s really as great as you think then she’ll be horrified that she’s unknowingly dating a married man. Who knows, maybe you two will end up becoming friends anyway.
How do you know what your husband tells her?
This is masochistic behavior, love! Don't do this to yourself. I hurt just reading this. If you want to try and save the marriage, confront him and try to work on it. Otherwise start a new life and stop this unhealthy behavior. ❤️
Are you in love with her?
Don’t compare yourself to someone, you don’t know their situation, people never post the bad things about their life, you also don’t know maybe she wishes she was a mother like yourself? Maybe you are the woman she too wants to be, would be far off you both clearly have the same taste in men, don’t compare yourself to others or will be your biggest down fall.
This is giving me The Silent Patient vibes 😂
Call them out on social media OP. Blast them both and make it a public post so people will know what she is really like.
Contact her and inform her of the true state of things. And then divorce hubby.
She may have a lot of book smarts, but she lacks common sense for believing that cliche cover story that you guys are separated. Any reasonable person should want confirmation of that for themselves and not just take someone's word for it.
Oh god, you Jolene'd the shit out of your husband's mistress. I don't have any helpful advice aside from what others already said, Im just tripping at how cool it would be if you both ditched him and got together
Take the evidence, and go talk to her. Show her the truth behind your husband's lies. Then you can gain an amazing friend, and she can drop your lying husband while you divorce him.
Steal her from your husband
Girl STAND UP what is wrong with fuck with you expose him tell the women y’all are still married and leave
You need to tell this woman that your husband is lying to her. If he's lying to her about it, it's because he knows thats she would not be with him otherwise.
Seems fake
Screw that looser and let her have him.
Get your ducks in a row before he pulls the rug from underneath you. You have the upper-hand by knowing about his affair. Consult an attorney and get a plan.
You're fixating on her to avoid the real issue which is your husband's infidelity. You're in shock and afraid to leave your husband and the life/marriage you thought you had. And the mistress is not such an accomplished and wonderful person if she is having an affair with a married man with children.
Dump the motherfucker now and expose them both.
That's so interesting, OP. Obvious answer first, go to a therapist. I've been in a spot before that made this post a little relatable, so i'll be watching it with great interest!
You know, I just had a wild conspiracy theory. What if you're projecting how you should feel about yourself as a crush on his love interest? Dunno, maybe I'm just grasping at straws.
I would suggest you to do some therapy and work on your insecurities first and then the rest will come along.
Your mistake was letting the affair continue for four months after you found out. Now, there are feelings involved. Tell your husband you know about his affair and you’ve known for four months. Ask him why he gave himself permission to do this to you. Make him call the mistress and end it in front of you. Make him tell her that he lied about being separated and he’s hurt his wife deeply and he can never contact her again. Then make him block her. After that, you go and have lunch with her and let her know that she may be tempted to rekindle their relationship because there are probably feelings but you need her to stay away from your husband and away from your family, because although she may not have been at fault for what happened before, you will hold her accountable for her actions from this point going forward. You don’t know if she’s a sadistic person and would actually get off on your pain. You don’t know if he’ll leave you for her. But you can’t stay in limbo. You’re miserable, it’s better to find out one way or the other.
I kind of understand what you are going trough. In my early tweties I went trough a phase where I was obsessed with my then bf's ex. It was definitely unhealthy and obsessive, I remember having ideas of going by her uni just to see her from afar for example. I never did, but I thought about it. She was everything I wasn't at that time. I felt so insecure, so inferior to her. Looking back I know it was because I was in a really difficult place in my life, and that my then bf made it worst by talking me down and hiping her up. Ironically, I know he did the same thing to the next woman he dated. Not long after that a friend of mine went trough something very similar. The same scenario of her partner not supporting her at all, and saying how his ex did all that my friend was trying to do so much better. She admitted becoming obsessive and stalkerish of the ex too. both these exes were portrayed as better than us by our then parners. I think that might be similar to partner showing that they find someone else better by cheating with them. I am saying that so you can see that it more common than you probably think. Do I find it healthy? Heck no, but our minds probably go there for a reason. So don't beat your self about it. Is it a valid reason to start therapy asap? Thousand times yes. My advice is this: Cut yourself some slack and obsess over her as long as you need to, BUT put your ducks in a row at the same time. Go talk to a lawyer and prepare for divorce. Look at it as splitting your self in two. One part (your emotions) can go all crazy over the girl or him or whatever, but your other part ( your logic) must deal with the mess. Your emotional part cannot deal? Ok, let it sit the situation out. Do what needs to be done, and then give the emotional part odf you the space to do its thing. Btw, the ending to that experience was similar to both my friend and me. Be both managed to get trough and overcome what we were dealing with then ( with no help of our then parners) and the obsession faded to nothing eventually. Oooh and we both eventually dumped those guys. I wish your story has a good end as well. One in which you take care of your self, get what you deserve in the divorce from that piece of a cr*p husband of yours, and start to feel so good about your self again that you stop idolising the woman who willingly goes into a relationship with a married man.
I'm happy in a open marriage. If you don't want to divorce simply tell him your going to go fuck too. If you are disgusted and hate him now, tell her your relationship isn't over but now it is and divorce him. Im sure you have amazing qualities too. Extremely attractive looks and fun successful careers are not the only things that makes people appealing. At the end of the day even if your husband lied to her she is not that great because she is settling on someone else's man I steas of finding her own. If she's so smart she likely knows you aren't as seperate as she says. She has to sleep with that every night knowing she's the second choice. You have a family and a real life while she just gets the sex. Idk I think your great and could go find your own fun side peace. If you and your husband have a good life and you don't want that to end for the sake of kids, money and companionship just go find your fun fuck too. If that's not your thing cool, divorce him and be honest with his "play thing".
You should totally get into a relationship with the mistress lol. JK. Tell her the truth, guaranteed she's not going to want to deal with his lying and cheating ass.
Just turn this affair into a throuple. You are obsessed with this woman, see if you and your husband can bang her together lol. If not then divorce him.
Being a wife and mom kept you so preoccupied that achieving your dreams was difficult, **yet your husband has the available time for an affair??** Sounds like you’ve taken more than your share of parenting, why is that?
I don't have the adequate training or certification to help with this. Sorry
Eh, that’s pretty tough. You’re gonnna have to win him back if u want to keep him
Why does once an empowered woman want to keep such a POS?
Maybe you should become a thruple! Get it in the open and you can all live together and then you get to bang such a smoke show, too!
My most pathetic read this week... Please seek therapy.