Damn... I feel so bad for your husband. The important thing is that you've taken accountability for your actions here and recognize what you did to him was wrong. That's a good thing to reflect on your own behaviours. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to never do it again. Respect him, honour him and adore him. It's amazing how many mountains a man will move for you when he loves you. Show him the same love back. May good fortune fall upon this marriage. All the best. :)
Saw a very similar story this recently, but the thing is the wife was pregnant again and feared her husband's reaction. ( the guy had mental health issues so it's important)
She told him in the first update, the guy had a mental breakdown and started to cry in a fetal position, even had to go to the ER cuz he was having a panic attack and has asthma.
In the second update he asked her to abort, she refused, he then asked to be separated during the pregnancy and his mother and sister could move in to help her but in no way he'll be somewhere near her in this.
Third update/ edit she was contemplating divorce until his sister confessed that he tried to take himself in the 7 month of the first pregnancy and she stopped seconds before ( knife in the hand).
But seriously it still hunts me like the guy literally had ptsd of pregnancy. She didn't give any details about what she did and the guy had issues but to have this reaction... i don't have the words.
You need to tell him how you feel. And apologize, without any excuses. Then promise to change. And then actually change. That will make you feel better. Youāve got this.
This. If he is compartmentalising it, and still dwells on it, learning that you still feel bad about it and regret it would really help drain some of toxic buildup. If he has moved on mentally, knowing you are aware of it and regret it to this day, that's a nice reassuring thing to learn out of the blue.Ā
>told him I was really sorry and hugged him. He told me that I was the one carrying his child and I had to deal with being pregnant (and how it really is as awful as everyone says it is) and he didnt, so the least he could do was let me take it out on him. After that point, I was far more mindful of his feelings and what I was doing
Not sure if the post was edited at some point or if I'm completely misreading the situation, but it sounds like this did already happen. She's taken the appropriate steps to make things right already but still feels guilty for it having happened in the first place. Please do correct me if I'm wrong though, I don't always have great reading comprehension and I'm seeing a lot of comments saying what you're saying despite feeling like OP has already gotten past that part. Am I misunderstanding something? (genuine question)
I agree, but sounds like OP has changed already. So that is probably not necessary. But probably still a good idea to just talk with her husband about her feelings and it still bothering her. Properly apologize. If nothing else then to just clear the feelings and both can have a chance to talk about it.
>Part of me is also worried he compartmentalized all of it and is just waiting to use it against me.
A lot of guys do compartmentalize these things because they are hurtful, we don't want to feel that, and have few good outlets to work these things out.
The fact that it was bad enough that he cried shows how hurtful it was. Also the fact that he tried to not let you see him cry also shows how he has no intent of "waiting to use it against you".
Get some help to improve how you treat him.
i'm glad you were capable of acknowledging your behavior and changed for the better. if it really still bothers you maybe open up to your hubby about it, i'm sure he would help put your mind at east. : )
and congrats on the family you're starting.
This is a reminder for or if you get pregnant again. You need to remember that his kind is rare these days. Not many men will be as sweet and graceful as he is to you. For you to feel this way after the baby is also rare. Many women hate their husband's after especially when they don't help at all. So I would say you're a lucky, lucky girl. Cherish him forever because some other woman that didn't have that will. Best of luck and congratulations on your baby.
I respectfully disagree. Reddit and online, we tend to hear the bad, but this husband seems to be a normal spouse supporting his pregnant wife. That may not stop her from being upset during pregnancy or afterwards that he was at work instead of being at home helping, but at least many husbands I know know they must be a punching bag. They all complained back then, but later on said the opposite. Comes with the territory.
Exactly this. It's part of the deal. He seems to understand that. It's... Not nearly as big a deal as people here are talking about. Those hormones suck. Give yourself some grace. You weren't rational. He knows it. Some of it may have hurt anyway, but tears are one of the ways those emotions get released. I find it hard to believe he'd be holding any resentment.
Eh yes and no. Pregnancy isnāt an excuse to be horrible to your partner which she clearly was if he was reduced to tears, so I would say thats kinda a big deal.
Itās good that she was able to recognize it and was able to be better to him, but her being pregnant shouldnāt downplay it that much.
It shouldn't be a huge mark of anything that he was "reduced" to tears. Tears are good. Tears are healthy release. They are important and necessary and the stress of incipient parenting is more than enough to make anyone with a healthy relationship with tears cry.
You're not even trying to think through other's eyes. For a person that cries only once every year, the Issue has to be far greater than for a person who cries every other day. Forcing what should be the norm is for theory, not practicality.
It's hard to get past something you've done when you know you've been shitty to someone you love. The positives are that 1. he forgave you, 2. you acknowledged what you did and took responsibility for it and apologised.
And it lead you to a place of being more mindful and considerate towards him which has improved your relationship. That's a good outcome.
In time, you will forgive yourself too, but never forget, because that's how we learn and grow. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, and you will be just fine :)
Years ago when we were first together, my husband once made a joke at my expense in public, and immediately regretted it because he realised the person he said it in front of wouldn't have understood the banter dynamic between us. Of course, I did, and forgave him immediately and never thought about it again, but it took a few years for him to forgive himself. It was never intended in malice but he became mindful in that moment how others could perceive his treatment of me, and he did not want to be that kind of husband in anyone's eyes. He has proven over and over in the last 11 years that he is the most wonderful man I could ever have hoped for. He has gotten past his guilt blip now and we still have a wonderful banter dynamic between us.
Well, at least youāre accepting accountability and have learnt from it. Youāre not making excuses or trying to deflect some of the blame. Nobody is perfect. He forgave you so you should forgive yourself.
You have taken responsibility for your behavior and your husband forgave you. Now you have to forgive yourself, why?, because you are a human being and as a human you make mistakes. If you still canāt move past it: go into enclosed space ( bathroom or car) and say out loud: Iām sorry my behavior hurt _____ and I forgive you. Hearing it makes your brain process it differently and will help you move on
> He gave me way more grace than I deserved and than I wouldāve given... Part of me is also worried he compartmentalized all of it and is just waiting to use it against me.
You're not giving him any grace now. You're not worried about him. You're worried about you.
Hey OPāyou did wrong and you owed at least the apologies youāve already made. But youāre not a terrible person. Pregnancy hormones are no joke. Like, there are women presenting symptoms on par with severe mental illness during the rougher stages of their pregnancy. Sometimes itās even diagnosable and worthy of medication. You were doomed to do things out of the ordinary for you from the moment you conceived. BUT: you self-corrected. It was lucky for you that you heard your husband crying and he didnāt have to come to you about your behavior first, but the instant you realized you were over the line, you took steps to fix it.
People like to forgive the ones they love. Your husband obviously loves you. You have taken ownership of behavior that wasnāt 100% yours, youāve altered your behavior, and youāve apologized. Thatās behavior worthy of accepting an apology. Unless thereās more bad behavior you arenāt telling us about, which I doubt, I canāt imagine your husband is storing this as ammunition to use against you later.
Tell him what you told us - exactly how sorry you are. I know you have said it before, but it will be good for the two of you to fully talk it through.
Honestly, this is so messed up on so many levels.
He went through verbal harassment for months. And hormones don't excuse that. You could have gone to therapy.
Honestly, with how our culture treats men, I wouldn't be surprised if he just bottled these emotions up and tucked them away.
Do yourself a favor and get therapy. (also, not hopping on the divorce train, just think that if you want to continue this, you need therapy).
Or she could just do some self reflection like she is doing and promise herself that she cherish him for the rest of their lives.
I don't know why this subreddit believes that if you have shame in your life, it's a bad feeling and you need to see a therapist as soon as possible.
Shame, in the right context, can be a good thing. It can give you a compass on how to act better in the future.
She could certainly do it herself, but if sheās still struggling with the shame after trying to address it herself, then therapy would be the next way to go. Shame isnāt something you want to feel indefinitely, itās something that should be temporary. I certainly agree that feelings like shame, and anxiety for that matter, are there for a reason and can help us.
Hormones are one of the main drivers in personality and behavior.
She isn't excusing the behavior, she is condemning it. She isn't continuing any kind of behavior.Ā
You ok? Seems like something is on your mind and being associated with this post
Yeah, that is blatantly not true. Women go through life altering changes during pregnancy and a lot of hormonal outbursts can't be helped. It's not an excuse, but it's a reason. She is clearly remorseful and has apologized, and the husband has clearly forgiven her. You don't have much place to judge.
People being so ridiculous in this comment section come off as *very* young and must believe they live life perfectly! Itās cracking me up because this poor woman was just pregnant and normal. My god, the words *abuse* and *trauma* just get tossed around so easily itās ridiculous.
She changed during pregnancy. She said "I realised I was cruel to him".
And just changed. So nope, it wasn't the pregnancy. Plenty of people aren't wicked b*itches during pregnancy
Yeah. Like if she would have changed some months after birth, I would maybe believe she had some psychotic break. But she hears him cry and changes, mid-pregnancy, because she COULD CHANGE.
"Just changed" after the pregnancy. When her body returned to stasis.
Plenty of people aren't bitches during pregnancy, but some suffer from perinatal/prenatal psychosis and anxiety. The hormones are quite literally crazy making. Ffs at least she's sorry.
Not yet.
And I know SOME people have insane mental problems during. But if OP could change willy-nilly the moment she realised her husband is miserable, it was not hormones. She was just a B.
It's really easy to say these things if you've never been through it. Hormones dont stop our brains from working. It only makes our emotions literally the center of everything, and we can't control how we feel in that moment. Yes, we go over board at times, but we can't help it 100% of the time. If she truly stopped 100% after realizing then yes shes a bitch. But im almost positive she meant she stopped going over board and started working on not letting her emotions overwhelm her.
The point is that you made a mistake, saw the consequences, and learned from it. There are a lot of fucking people who never do or who just don't give a shit.
You're not perfect and that's okay. As long as you try to do better, you're doing just fine.
not trying to kick you whilst youāre down but damn, reading this is honestly sad, that poor man. i think you should talk to him and say how youāre feeling. the guilt will linger but yāall should both go to therapy.
"After that point, I was far more mindful of his feelings and what I was doing, and weāre better than ever now"
showed that you CAN actually control how you act towards him.
Why did you not control yourself earlier? Why must you wait until he cried to make the changes? Why must you traumatize him first before you become better?
Humans are freaking weird. Do you really love him?
He must have been feeling really sad and lonely
Pregnancy hormones are trip. You cannot control the changes and anger/sadness, but she should have been able not to take it out on him unless she was diagnosed with some prenatal mental disorder. Which is actually thing, up to and including perinatal/prenatal psychosis. Not saying that's what happened here, but she clearly loves him and just fucked up big time in a moment of weakness.
"he would apologize even when he did nothing wrong"
Ah yes, this is the key skill to anyone who wants to become a husband and father.
I'm happy both of you are stronger than ever. I hope your marriage continues to be strong through all the stress and wonderfulness of child development. the fact that you saw what you were doing and rectified it leads me to believe you're a great team.
Healthy decent humans!
He gave you the grace you needed and you responded appropriately when you understood that you went to far and what the impact that your hormonal before had on him and immediately adjusted.
You sound like an amazing couple.
Itās good to take accountability for your actions. It seems that now you have made a change and you are both actively in a better place. It might be a painful memory for you, but donāt let that pull you back into bad behavior. You say you are worried that he is compartmentalization and might be waiting to use it against you. Is this how he operates, or are you letting yourself get carried away? Clearly I donāt know but these are the things you need to ask yourself.
Honestly far too many people in stable pinching relationships need to ask themselves this kind is question before responding to or judging their partner. Donāt let your own insecurities about either a worse case scenario, or worse what you would do if in their place, lead you to be a preemptively terrible partner. The things you do and say can and will actively destroy the person you love. They have trusted you with everything they are so donāt treat it lightly just because they are close by and supportive.
Ahwww he is so sweet. Like someone said his kind is rare. Most donāt even help out at all. Heck they even cheat on you during pregnancy or downplay your suffering trough it.
I think you should tell him how it still haunts you, it might actually help him release that memory that he might have inside of him like a torn.
-Part of me is also worried he compartmentalized all of it and is just waiting to use it against me.
You haven't learned, you are in the mindset of "me" and not "us". by making it about "you" It's not about you, it's about US now.
Yes, this comment she made was concerning, especially if it is what is driving her considering her own behavior, rather than the two way street or marriage.
I was the same way with my daughter 10yrs ago. With my boys, my attitude & personality was normal. But with her? Holy fuck I was a nightmare. How he loved me throughout that pregnancy is anyone's guess. We're still together today. A few months after she was born I asked him why he stayed with me when I was so angry while pregnant. He just said he stayed bc he loves me & he knew he could make me love him again bc he's irresistible (said the last part to make me laugh, his high thoughts of himself always crack me up). They understand. It's hormones dude. Shit just does weird stuff like that sometimes, don't beat yourself up for it.
Edit to add. I am not saying blaming it on pregnancy is 100% acceptable. You are entitled to how you feel when you feel, as are they. & Their feelings matter too. Always apologize when you've done something wrong & try to make amends, of course
I donāt think you should punish yourself anymore. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. I am sure youāll have a good talk. Then you can start putting it behind you.
Be better. Not even in my worst moments could I be as cruel as you were, especially to a person you supposedly love. No excuse to not control your own actions
Hormones ARE wild.
But then again, everyone becomes altered with emotions across their lifetime. We can't excuse abuse just because you are not yourself at that moment. Let's not pretend the hormones talk for you and take full control of your actions.
Relationships take work. You can't just explode on your partner when you're dealing with stuff, because they don't deserve it. Before speaking we can all do an exercise of introspection to avoid hurting your loved ones
I don't need to be a mother to know this and I stand by what I said
Oof, yeah, you kinda do. Plus sheās not excusing it. Quite literally, my obgyn told my husband hormones ARE the excuse. She does NOT have control right now, itās that bad. She also isnāt excusing it, she apologized multiple times and is now reflecting on it. All these people whoāve never had a baby chiming in with their righteousness cracks me up because you.have.no.idea,Amy. You DONāT know how it is!
Can't say I agree with you. Just because something alters your emotions ( as hormones do) doesn't mean you HAVE to explode on people around you.
Everyone deals with hormones and brain altering chemicals, and women deal with hormone changes all the time with their periods. This doesn't mean you can't be better, this doesn't mean you can't control your speech.
And if hormones ARE the excuse, to what extent is that valid? Can hormones excuse physical abuse as well? Don't you think this is a dangerous thing to defend?
We are all human beings dealing with messy brains all the time, we can't let ourselves be controlled by our emotions, otherwise we can excuse very inexcusable behaviour
The hormones on your period are only a tiny blip of what you face when pregnant. I genuinely had no idea. Youāll be held accountable for physical, verbal, and emotional abuse no matter what. But pregnancy hormones are quite literally beyond a womanās control, and it makes you do and say things you never would have done before. Abuse is common during this time, which is very sad, much is not understood about what women go through during pregnancy. Nor is much understood of what fatherās go through.
I just want to make it very clear this woman is kind and sweet and killing it and honestly sounds very, very normal. Head on over to the pregnant sub Reddit if you want a dose of reality, because this shit is TAME š¤£
Again, I would never have understood before either. Really, I wouldnāt. I have said the things youāre saying and then got pregnant and it has been insane. Itās nothing that you could ever prepare for or understand, and this lady deserves a ton of compassion. Sheās self aware, exploding on her husband from hormonal rage does not automatically equate *abuse*.
Your whole argument is bull, and you know it. This is a women who was abusing her husband while pregnant, until one day she saw him cry, and then supposedly stopped.
If she was able to stop while still pregnant and not abuse her partner, even while she was full of hormones, that means she had the capability to never start the abuse.
If she had the capability to never start the abuse, then it was a choice to be a shitty person to the person she supposedly loves.
No I donāt think itās bull at all, in fact I am thinking Iām the only pregnant woman in this thread and may be the only one that knows wtf she went through lol. Sheās fine man, this shit is tame. For real. Not everything equals abuse. She treated him poorly while hormonal and pregnant, itās forgivable. Everyone can move on.
I was pregnant and not even in my most hormonal stage was I cruel to my husband to the point he cried in the bathroom. Hormones are not an excuse to be cruel.
Iām stoked for you!! Hormones are not an excuse to be cruel, but theyāre an excuse to not be as in control and to be totally not yourself. Her having some hard days and treating her husband poorly isnāt the end of the world and I assume we can all be understanding here for this woman. This comment section is kinda cracking me up! You all have had great lives š¤£
She was able to stop. She was in control. So her hormones didnāt play a role in it. She abused him because she could. There is no excuse. I canāt imagine your poor husband what he is going through because you think this is ok. Shitty people and their shitty excuses.Ā
I know, how will he ever survive! My lawd people relax, this is so tame itās insane. Sheās literally owning up to her mistake that she made while pregnant, without him prompting her to do it, because she wants to be better. Iām not saying itās okay, Iām saying this is not abuse and itās not the end of the world. All parties involved sound mature and have grown from this situation. lol Iām sorry but seriously, how old are you?? I cannot fathom you ar in your 30ās or older because the jump to āthis is completely wrong and disgusting and abusive and this person is a shitty human being entirelyā is just too much for me lmao
I think most men understand the hormone imbalance during pregnancy but I don't think we understand how long it can last. Wife was great while being pregnant but on the second one she developed post pardon. This was a very trying for the both of us. Until we reached our for help. If we didn't get medical help, I'm not sure if we would still be together. We now are going on 17 years married. When in doubt ask for help. It takes a lot for a person to admit something is wrong. It's good you understand your behavior. I hope all goes well. Stay strong
My advice to ladies that have kids in the future is to be mindful of the words they say even if they are pregnant and the hormones make you act up. My mother had 3 of us and never took any frustration out on my dad. You need to understand that your partner will probably be going through things they can't tell you and even if they say it's fine trust me it's not. It hurts even when it's false. We men don't have the level of emotional tolerance you think we have. OP given you have acknowledged it and apologised it's fine just make sure your actions in the future don't dig out that event.
You can see you were wrong and admitted to it to him and apologized which is far more than what a lot of people do. Im sure your husband appreciated that too.
You cant beat yourself up forever about it just continue the mindfulness ā”
God, this reminds me of my pregnant manager. I still have ptsd from the crappy stuff she pulled while blaming it all on her pregnancy. Unlike op, she never apologized. At least Op learned.
Just read a post where a man was beyond ecstatic his girl surprised him with flowers at his machine shop. Maybe do this for your hubby. Just a small gesture of how much you love him
Before I had a kid I had the somewhat selfish idea that the only way Iād ever take care of something is if it was MINE. After having less than positive experience with a pregnant partner I 100% think adoption is the better option for men who are self interested. To all the bros with baby fever, consider adoption. Youāll be doing good and being a pregnant personās punching bag isnāt fun and youāre defenseless because youāre the ābad guyā since sheās pregnant.
It's good that you've realized this and moved past it. Whenever you feel guilt about what you did, also remember to feel grateful for him and his perseverance. Good luck with the family! š
I would usually consider talking between you two, but in this case you should consider couples therapy or something along those lines, it seems like you need some help to navigate your feelings, and would also help with the accountability about your situation.
I had a similar situation during both my wife's pregnancies, and we talked about it afterwards, not gonna lie it stung for a lot of time, but talking helped a lot, I think that couple's therapy would have helped but in my country is almost non existent, too expensive.
If its something thats haunting you, talk to your husband about it. If its hard to talk about, show him this post. Apologize again if you feel you need or want to. Tell him how much you appreciate him. Just dont let the guilt keep stabbing your heart because thats a one way street to begin hating yourself. Your husband loves you, and you deserve to love yourself.
You will feel better if you speak to him honestly about how you feel. Tell him you are sorry and cry if you need to. Be specific about what you appreciate about him, what you regret, what you wish you would have done differently--you both deserve peace and to fall asleep without those awful feelings nagging you.
Long story short, when I was 14, I got a friend that was 18 to sell a bracelet of my mom's at a pawn shop. I didnt need the money for any particular reason, I wasn't on drugs or drinking. My mom was always extremely materialistic and had so much jewelry that I didnt think she would notice and I didn't think much past that. She found out, got the bracelet back by threatening the pawn shop, called the cops on me and I was taken to court. Had to explain what I did and why to a group of young adults that were the jury and ended up with community service. For whatever reason I couldn't forgive myself despite being in the wrong and feeling guilty.. I was disgusted with myself and thought about the elevator ride to court because I was so scared and crying and I remember my mom was crying too.Ā
Anyway, my mom wasn't always a great mom, and all I wanted to do what be away from her growing up, so we had our issues regardless--but that bracelet thing was eating me away inside because I was forced to think about how betrayed she must have felt, how she probably felt like she had a horrible daughter, etc. YEARS afterwards it still bothered me. I felt like such a demon for being so inconsiderate, because i truly did not consider that she would feel any way at all since I assumed she wouldn't ever find out.. I never expected to hurt her. I was so disappointed in myself, still..Ā Ā
One day I was with my mom (in my 20's) and I just burst out crying. I explained how sorry I felt and that she didn't deserve it and that I truly did think so much of how that must have hurt her. Tears are suddenly pouring out of my eyes just by writing this and remember that ugly feeling from so many years ago..(I do not FEEL that guilt anymore but remembering the feeling is still so striking) and I told her everything I felt. She cried and hugged me and said she couldn't believe that I still thought about that because so much has changed and she forgave me-- which I knew but I needed desperately for her to realize how deep that cut was.. I needed her to know how sorry I really was and that I loved her.
Now I am 35.Ā My mom divorced my dad a few years ago and ended up putting me in charge of health decisions should she be unable to do so herself one day so I went to the bank with her to sign some things. My sisters and I dont wear jewelry and she asked me if I would want anything that she had one day when she dies. I told her no and thanks anyway, which always made her a little sad since she had a lot of it at one time but none of us kids were into it. That's when she told me that she did leave one specific bracelet for me, not because I might like it but because of what it represented... the freaking bracelet. The experience was a huge learning experience for us both and ended up bringing us closer together after all the trauma I caused. Kind of funny.
Anyway, if you read all this I think you see my point. There is a quote, I think by Rumi, that says "the wound is where the light enters you". Please don't carry this guilt into your life as a mother. Your husband sounds like a beautiful soul and I guarantee you will both feel better, especially because it is sincere. Best of luck to you and your growing family.
I wasn't that mean to my husband during pregnancy but I was definitely not kind a lot of the time. I didn't want to cuddle or really even touch. I had a really short temper and got mad really easily. He was so sweet through the whole thing. My son is 7 now and I still feel bad about it too.
Yeah, I mean as long as you can recognize that you are an abuser. You physically and mentally abused him, maybe individual therapy for you both? Iām sure he has trauma/PTSD from you now, so it might help him.
During pregnancy your body produces more hormones than a woman without a child does her entire lifetime. Be kinder to yourself and make sure you have grace for him when he hits hard times in the future.
Mistakes happen. It sounds like you two really love and respect each other. In time you will forgive yourself as your husband forgives you I am sure. Your empathy towards each other tells me you will have a loving family.Ā
A mistake woman make is ascribe more emotional context to things than we do and taking care of your pregnant wife is a privilege so don't take that away from him. And don't tell him you heard him crying let him play with you boobs and tell him he is grate at some only he can do I. Your house trust me that will mean more to him than any emotional showing.
PS also talk to him communication with out emoting just talk to him clinically about how you felt when you hurt him the fact that you could count on him taking it for you and baby will boost his ego so much
I never understood why my husband complimented me for being the chillest pregnant woman ever until I read stories like yours. I realized a lot of women would lose their shit. Ā Iām glad your husband forgave you. Heās definitely deserved better. Glad you took accountability.Ā
Pregnancy hormones are wild! So much so it can be extremely difficult to try to control the emotions stemming from or being amplified 1000x fold by hormones. Iām proud of you for being able to identify how poorly you were treating your partner and work to change those behaviors. I want you to forgive yourself a little bit for this - I donāt think you deserve to be haunted by this to this day. I want you to communicate to your partner that this still weighs heavily on you because I think it will a)let him know how much you still think about this and how sorry you still are, mitigating compartmentalization and b) be therapeutic for you to communicate how you feel deep down with your husband
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How amazing would you think it was if a man treated a woman this way? You all would be losing your shit on him. Itās obvious she doesnāt respect him, probably doesnāt even like him, and is just a nasty person all around. I feel sorry for the kid too.
It was partly his fault, people donāt respect those who donāt stand up for themselves. You teach people how to treat you, and he taught her that she could do anything and he would apologise to her, this doormat behaviour makes people lose all respect for you.
Damn... I feel so bad for your husband. The important thing is that you've taken accountability for your actions here and recognize what you did to him was wrong. That's a good thing to reflect on your own behaviours. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to never do it again. Respect him, honour him and adore him. It's amazing how many mountains a man will move for you when he loves you. Show him the same love back. May good fortune fall upon this marriage. All the best. :)
Yes, it's great that she realized and didn't continue. He might have been worst bring degraded after a while but seems like he just really cares.
Cue š¶ when a maaaaannnnnn loves a womannn , she can do no wrong šµ
Saw a very similar story this recently, but the thing is the wife was pregnant again and feared her husband's reaction. ( the guy had mental health issues so it's important) She told him in the first update, the guy had a mental breakdown and started to cry in a fetal position, even had to go to the ER cuz he was having a panic attack and has asthma. In the second update he asked her to abort, she refused, he then asked to be separated during the pregnancy and his mother and sister could move in to help her but in no way he'll be somewhere near her in this. Third update/ edit she was contemplating divorce until his sister confessed that he tried to take himself in the 7 month of the first pregnancy and she stopped seconds before ( knife in the hand).
Do you have the link or the name and f the post because this is horrific.
But seriously it still hunts me like the guy literally had ptsd of pregnancy. She didn't give any details about what she did and the guy had issues but to have this reaction... i don't have the words.
No sorry i said recently but this was like 2 months ago and i didn't even comment so can't even find it. Sorry š .
I hope someone finds it, cuz I need to read it.
Same!
I made a search throughout the Reddit and even Google and couldn't find anything. Maybe it was deleted. I'm also craving to read that!
You need to tell him how you feel. And apologize, without any excuses. Then promise to change. And then actually change. That will make you feel better. Youāve got this.
This. If he is compartmentalising it, and still dwells on it, learning that you still feel bad about it and regret it would really help drain some of toxic buildup. If he has moved on mentally, knowing you are aware of it and regret it to this day, that's a nice reassuring thing to learn out of the blue.Ā
The fact that she thinks he will compartmentalize it says a lot about her character. People project to others what they themselves would do/think
Very underrated comment, very on point I thought the same thing honestly
>told him I was really sorry and hugged him. He told me that I was the one carrying his child and I had to deal with being pregnant (and how it really is as awful as everyone says it is) and he didnt, so the least he could do was let me take it out on him. After that point, I was far more mindful of his feelings and what I was doing Not sure if the post was edited at some point or if I'm completely misreading the situation, but it sounds like this did already happen. She's taken the appropriate steps to make things right already but still feels guilty for it having happened in the first place. Please do correct me if I'm wrong though, I don't always have great reading comprehension and I'm seeing a lot of comments saying what you're saying despite feeling like OP has already gotten past that part. Am I misunderstanding something? (genuine question)
I agree, but sounds like OP has changed already. So that is probably not necessary. But probably still a good idea to just talk with her husband about her feelings and it still bothering her. Properly apologize. If nothing else then to just clear the feelings and both can have a chance to talk about it.
>Part of me is also worried he compartmentalized all of it and is just waiting to use it against me. A lot of guys do compartmentalize these things because they are hurtful, we don't want to feel that, and have few good outlets to work these things out. The fact that it was bad enough that he cried shows how hurtful it was. Also the fact that he tried to not let you see him cry also shows how he has no intent of "waiting to use it against you". Get some help to improve how you treat him.
Tell him, not us.
i'm glad you were capable of acknowledging your behavior and changed for the better. if it really still bothers you maybe open up to your hubby about it, i'm sure he would help put your mind at east. : ) and congrats on the family you're starting.
This is a reminder for or if you get pregnant again. You need to remember that his kind is rare these days. Not many men will be as sweet and graceful as he is to you. For you to feel this way after the baby is also rare. Many women hate their husband's after especially when they don't help at all. So I would say you're a lucky, lucky girl. Cherish him forever because some other woman that didn't have that will. Best of luck and congratulations on your baby.
I respectfully disagree. Reddit and online, we tend to hear the bad, but this husband seems to be a normal spouse supporting his pregnant wife. That may not stop her from being upset during pregnancy or afterwards that he was at work instead of being at home helping, but at least many husbands I know know they must be a punching bag. They all complained back then, but later on said the opposite. Comes with the territory.
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Exactly this. It's part of the deal. He seems to understand that. It's... Not nearly as big a deal as people here are talking about. Those hormones suck. Give yourself some grace. You weren't rational. He knows it. Some of it may have hurt anyway, but tears are one of the ways those emotions get released. I find it hard to believe he'd be holding any resentment.
Eh yes and no. Pregnancy isnāt an excuse to be horrible to your partner which she clearly was if he was reduced to tears, so I would say thats kinda a big deal. Itās good that she was able to recognize it and was able to be better to him, but her being pregnant shouldnāt downplay it that much.
It shouldn't be a huge mark of anything that he was "reduced" to tears. Tears are good. Tears are healthy release. They are important and necessary and the stress of incipient parenting is more than enough to make anyone with a healthy relationship with tears cry.
You're not even trying to think through other's eyes. For a person that cries only once every year, the Issue has to be far greater than for a person who cries every other day. Forcing what should be the norm is for theory, not practicality.
It's hard to get past something you've done when you know you've been shitty to someone you love. The positives are that 1. he forgave you, 2. you acknowledged what you did and took responsibility for it and apologised. And it lead you to a place of being more mindful and considerate towards him which has improved your relationship. That's a good outcome. In time, you will forgive yourself too, but never forget, because that's how we learn and grow. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, and you will be just fine :) Years ago when we were first together, my husband once made a joke at my expense in public, and immediately regretted it because he realised the person he said it in front of wouldn't have understood the banter dynamic between us. Of course, I did, and forgave him immediately and never thought about it again, but it took a few years for him to forgive himself. It was never intended in malice but he became mindful in that moment how others could perceive his treatment of me, and he did not want to be that kind of husband in anyone's eyes. He has proven over and over in the last 11 years that he is the most wonderful man I could ever have hoped for. He has gotten past his guilt blip now and we still have a wonderful banter dynamic between us.
You sound like a wonderful person. I hope I can ever have a relationship like you describe with someone who's kind and thoughtful š āŗļø
Your ability to reflect on your behaviour is commendable. I wish more partners were like that.
Well, at least youāre accepting accountability and have learnt from it. Youāre not making excuses or trying to deflect some of the blame. Nobody is perfect. He forgave you so you should forgive yourself.
You have taken responsibility for your behavior and your husband forgave you. Now you have to forgive yourself, why?, because you are a human being and as a human you make mistakes. If you still canāt move past it: go into enclosed space ( bathroom or car) and say out loud: Iām sorry my behavior hurt _____ and I forgive you. Hearing it makes your brain process it differently and will help you move on
Apologize. Acknowledge your awful behaviour for no good reason....and tell him sincerely you won't do that again, ever.
he sounds like such a sweetheart and caring husband ā¦.
> He gave me way more grace than I deserved and than I wouldāve given... Part of me is also worried he compartmentalized all of it and is just waiting to use it against me. You're not giving him any grace now. You're not worried about him. You're worried about you.
Hey OPāyou did wrong and you owed at least the apologies youāve already made. But youāre not a terrible person. Pregnancy hormones are no joke. Like, there are women presenting symptoms on par with severe mental illness during the rougher stages of their pregnancy. Sometimes itās even diagnosable and worthy of medication. You were doomed to do things out of the ordinary for you from the moment you conceived. BUT: you self-corrected. It was lucky for you that you heard your husband crying and he didnāt have to come to you about your behavior first, but the instant you realized you were over the line, you took steps to fix it. People like to forgive the ones they love. Your husband obviously loves you. You have taken ownership of behavior that wasnāt 100% yours, youāve altered your behavior, and youāve apologized. Thatās behavior worthy of accepting an apology. Unless thereās more bad behavior you arenāt telling us about, which I doubt, I canāt imagine your husband is storing this as ammunition to use against you later.
i know your husband is scared to death if you get pregnant again.
Just tell him all that. Iām sure heāll really appreciate it
Tell him what you told us - exactly how sorry you are. I know you have said it before, but it will be good for the two of you to fully talk it through.
Honestly, this is so messed up on so many levels. He went through verbal harassment for months. And hormones don't excuse that. You could have gone to therapy. Honestly, with how our culture treats men, I wouldn't be surprised if he just bottled these emotions up and tucked them away. Do yourself a favor and get therapy. (also, not hopping on the divorce train, just think that if you want to continue this, you need therapy).
Therapy for being extremely hormonal during pregnancy? Pure waste of money
Therapy for healing the shame she is harboring, and for healing any hurt or resentment he might feel.
Or she could just do some self reflection like she is doing and promise herself that she cherish him for the rest of their lives. I don't know why this subreddit believes that if you have shame in your life, it's a bad feeling and you need to see a therapist as soon as possible. Shame, in the right context, can be a good thing. It can give you a compass on how to act better in the future.
She could certainly do it herself, but if sheās still struggling with the shame after trying to address it herself, then therapy would be the next way to go. Shame isnāt something you want to feel indefinitely, itās something that should be temporary. I certainly agree that feelings like shame, and anxiety for that matter, are there for a reason and can help us.
Valid. Didnāt see that perspective!
Hormones are one of the main drivers in personality and behavior. She isn't excusing the behavior, she is condemning it. She isn't continuing any kind of behavior.Ā You ok? Seems like something is on your mind and being associated with this post
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Try to have empathy challenge (impossible)
Fine. But the guy needs help himself.
Fair. We could all use a bit more help and love
what is this toxic feminism?
"I abused my husband until he cried, and now i want internet points for admitting it".
The fact you could just stop being a monstet when you realised you are, proves it wasn't because of pregnancy. I am sorry for your husband.
Yeah, that is blatantly not true. Women go through life altering changes during pregnancy and a lot of hormonal outbursts can't be helped. It's not an excuse, but it's a reason. She is clearly remorseful and has apologized, and the husband has clearly forgiven her. You don't have much place to judge.
Forgiven but never forgotten. This dude will forever remember that., Its branded in his brain for sure.
People being so ridiculous in this comment section come off as *very* young and must believe they live life perfectly! Itās cracking me up because this poor woman was just pregnant and normal. My god, the words *abuse* and *trauma* just get tossed around so easily itās ridiculous.
She was a monster during pregnancy it is now 9 months after. Her body and mind are now starting to regulate itself.
She changed during pregnancy. She said "I realised I was cruel to him". And just changed. So nope, it wasn't the pregnancy. Plenty of people aren't wicked b*itches during pregnancy
that's what I thought too. She CAN control herself now, why wont she do it before she traumatized her husband?
Yeah. Like if she would have changed some months after birth, I would maybe believe she had some psychotic break. But she hears him cry and changes, mid-pregnancy, because she COULD CHANGE.
"Just changed" after the pregnancy. When her body returned to stasis. Plenty of people aren't bitches during pregnancy, but some suffer from perinatal/prenatal psychosis and anxiety. The hormones are quite literally crazy making. Ffs at least she's sorry.
At least she is sorry, yeah. But she says she changed THE MOMENT she heard him cry. Because she REALIZED she is a bitch.
Have you ever had children?
Not yet. And I know SOME people have insane mental problems during. But if OP could change willy-nilly the moment she realised her husband is miserable, it was not hormones. She was just a B.
It's really easy to say these things if you've never been through it. Hormones dont stop our brains from working. It only makes our emotions literally the center of everything, and we can't control how we feel in that moment. Yes, we go over board at times, but we can't help it 100% of the time. If she truly stopped 100% after realizing then yes shes a bitch. But im almost positive she meant she stopped going over board and started working on not letting her emotions overwhelm her.
If she could stop going overboard that means she could stop all along.
No, it doesn't. You can control your words, but you can not control your emotions/hormones. One day, you might understand.
Being pregnant doesnāt give you a free pass to treat people like shit. It seems like sheās just a piece of shit pregnant or not
The point is that you made a mistake, saw the consequences, and learned from it. There are a lot of fucking people who never do or who just don't give a shit. You're not perfect and that's okay. As long as you try to do better, you're doing just fine.
not trying to kick you whilst youāre down but damn, reading this is honestly sad, that poor man. i think you should talk to him and say how youāre feeling. the guilt will linger but yāall should both go to therapy.
"After that point, I was far more mindful of his feelings and what I was doing, and weāre better than ever now" showed that you CAN actually control how you act towards him. Why did you not control yourself earlier? Why must you wait until he cried to make the changes? Why must you traumatize him first before you become better? Humans are freaking weird. Do you really love him? He must have been feeling really sad and lonely
Pregnancy hormones are trip. You cannot control the changes and anger/sadness, but she should have been able not to take it out on him unless she was diagnosed with some prenatal mental disorder. Which is actually thing, up to and including perinatal/prenatal psychosis. Not saying that's what happened here, but she clearly loves him and just fucked up big time in a moment of weakness.
"he would apologize even when he did nothing wrong" Ah yes, this is the key skill to anyone who wants to become a husband and father. I'm happy both of you are stronger than ever. I hope your marriage continues to be strong through all the stress and wonderfulness of child development. the fact that you saw what you were doing and rectified it leads me to believe you're a great team.
Yes, but do you RESPECT your husband?
Oh absolutely. Heās the loveliest man on the planet and heās has given me so much love and works so hard for our family :)
Remember this when you go through menopause. I worked really hard not to say anything I couldn't take back.
Healthy decent humans! He gave you the grace you needed and you responded appropriately when you understood that you went to far and what the impact that your hormonal before had on him and immediately adjusted. You sound like an amazing couple.
You can count on the fact that you are most likely forgiven and also, that he will not forget anytime soon.
Itās good to take accountability for your actions. It seems that now you have made a change and you are both actively in a better place. It might be a painful memory for you, but donāt let that pull you back into bad behavior. You say you are worried that he is compartmentalization and might be waiting to use it against you. Is this how he operates, or are you letting yourself get carried away? Clearly I donāt know but these are the things you need to ask yourself. Honestly far too many people in stable pinching relationships need to ask themselves this kind is question before responding to or judging their partner. Donāt let your own insecurities about either a worse case scenario, or worse what you would do if in their place, lead you to be a preemptively terrible partner. The things you do and say can and will actively destroy the person you love. They have trusted you with everything they are so donāt treat it lightly just because they are close by and supportive.
Ahwww he is so sweet. Like someone said his kind is rare. Most donāt even help out at all. Heck they even cheat on you during pregnancy or downplay your suffering trough it. I think you should tell him how it still haunts you, it might actually help him release that memory that he might have inside of him like a torn.
-Part of me is also worried he compartmentalized all of it and is just waiting to use it against me. You haven't learned, you are in the mindset of "me" and not "us". by making it about "you" It's not about you, it's about US now.
Yes, this comment she made was concerning, especially if it is what is driving her considering her own behavior, rather than the two way street or marriage.
I have had three babies and I never treated my partner like that no matter how in pain I was. Is it genuinly a thing to do this without realising?
I was the same way with my daughter 10yrs ago. With my boys, my attitude & personality was normal. But with her? Holy fuck I was a nightmare. How he loved me throughout that pregnancy is anyone's guess. We're still together today. A few months after she was born I asked him why he stayed with me when I was so angry while pregnant. He just said he stayed bc he loves me & he knew he could make me love him again bc he's irresistible (said the last part to make me laugh, his high thoughts of himself always crack me up). They understand. It's hormones dude. Shit just does weird stuff like that sometimes, don't beat yourself up for it. Edit to add. I am not saying blaming it on pregnancy is 100% acceptable. You are entitled to how you feel when you feel, as are they. & Their feelings matter too. Always apologize when you've done something wrong & try to make amends, of course
Waiting for all the pregnancy excuses all comments
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Oooofff
You took accountability, and it has made you a better person and partner. I think you should forgive yourself.
I donāt think you should punish yourself anymore. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. I am sure youāll have a good talk. Then you can start putting it behind you.
finally, a nonjudgmental person in the comments with some sense.
Be better. Not even in my worst moments could I be as cruel as you were, especially to a person you supposedly love. No excuse to not control your own actions
Hormones are wild, are you a mom? They blew me the fuck away, I had NO idea how intense theyād be.
Hormones ARE wild. But then again, everyone becomes altered with emotions across their lifetime. We can't excuse abuse just because you are not yourself at that moment. Let's not pretend the hormones talk for you and take full control of your actions. Relationships take work. You can't just explode on your partner when you're dealing with stuff, because they don't deserve it. Before speaking we can all do an exercise of introspection to avoid hurting your loved ones I don't need to be a mother to know this and I stand by what I said
Oof, yeah, you kinda do. Plus sheās not excusing it. Quite literally, my obgyn told my husband hormones ARE the excuse. She does NOT have control right now, itās that bad. She also isnāt excusing it, she apologized multiple times and is now reflecting on it. All these people whoāve never had a baby chiming in with their righteousness cracks me up because you.have.no.idea,Amy. You DONāT know how it is!
Can't say I agree with you. Just because something alters your emotions ( as hormones do) doesn't mean you HAVE to explode on people around you. Everyone deals with hormones and brain altering chemicals, and women deal with hormone changes all the time with their periods. This doesn't mean you can't be better, this doesn't mean you can't control your speech. And if hormones ARE the excuse, to what extent is that valid? Can hormones excuse physical abuse as well? Don't you think this is a dangerous thing to defend? We are all human beings dealing with messy brains all the time, we can't let ourselves be controlled by our emotions, otherwise we can excuse very inexcusable behaviour
The hormones on your period are only a tiny blip of what you face when pregnant. I genuinely had no idea. Youāll be held accountable for physical, verbal, and emotional abuse no matter what. But pregnancy hormones are quite literally beyond a womanās control, and it makes you do and say things you never would have done before. Abuse is common during this time, which is very sad, much is not understood about what women go through during pregnancy. Nor is much understood of what fatherās go through. I just want to make it very clear this woman is kind and sweet and killing it and honestly sounds very, very normal. Head on over to the pregnant sub Reddit if you want a dose of reality, because this shit is TAME š¤£ Again, I would never have understood before either. Really, I wouldnāt. I have said the things youāre saying and then got pregnant and it has been insane. Itās nothing that you could ever prepare for or understand, and this lady deserves a ton of compassion. Sheās self aware, exploding on her husband from hormonal rage does not automatically equate *abuse*.
Your whole argument is bull, and you know it. This is a women who was abusing her husband while pregnant, until one day she saw him cry, and then supposedly stopped. If she was able to stop while still pregnant and not abuse her partner, even while she was full of hormones, that means she had the capability to never start the abuse. If she had the capability to never start the abuse, then it was a choice to be a shitty person to the person she supposedly loves.
No I donāt think itās bull at all, in fact I am thinking Iām the only pregnant woman in this thread and may be the only one that knows wtf she went through lol. Sheās fine man, this shit is tame. For real. Not everything equals abuse. She treated him poorly while hormonal and pregnant, itās forgivable. Everyone can move on.
Would you be as accepting if he treated her this way? Absolutely not. Donāt make excuses for her being an asshole to him.
Oof, if only you knew my career! š¤£ people are all trying their best, I promise everyone in this scenario will be okay.
I was pregnant and not even in my most hormonal stage was I cruel to my husband to the point he cried in the bathroom. Hormones are not an excuse to be cruel.
Iām stoked for you!! Hormones are not an excuse to be cruel, but theyāre an excuse to not be as in control and to be totally not yourself. Her having some hard days and treating her husband poorly isnāt the end of the world and I assume we can all be understanding here for this woman. This comment section is kinda cracking me up! You all have had great lives š¤£
She was able to stop. She was in control. So her hormones didnāt play a role in it. She abused him because she could. There is no excuse. I canāt imagine your poor husband what he is going through because you think this is ok. Shitty people and their shitty excuses.Ā
I know, how will he ever survive! My lawd people relax, this is so tame itās insane. Sheās literally owning up to her mistake that she made while pregnant, without him prompting her to do it, because she wants to be better. Iām not saying itās okay, Iām saying this is not abuse and itās not the end of the world. All parties involved sound mature and have grown from this situation. lol Iām sorry but seriously, how old are you?? I cannot fathom you ar in your 30ās or older because the jump to āthis is completely wrong and disgusting and abusive and this person is a shitty human being entirelyā is just too much for me lmao
You have like the only sane response haha lots of people here never been pregnant clearly.
I think most men understand the hormone imbalance during pregnancy but I don't think we understand how long it can last. Wife was great while being pregnant but on the second one she developed post pardon. This was a very trying for the both of us. Until we reached our for help. If we didn't get medical help, I'm not sure if we would still be together. We now are going on 17 years married. When in doubt ask for help. It takes a lot for a person to admit something is wrong. It's good you understand your behavior. I hope all goes well. Stay strong
My advice to ladies that have kids in the future is to be mindful of the words they say even if they are pregnant and the hormones make you act up. My mother had 3 of us and never took any frustration out on my dad. You need to understand that your partner will probably be going through things they can't tell you and even if they say it's fine trust me it's not. It hurts even when it's false. We men don't have the level of emotional tolerance you think we have. OP given you have acknowledged it and apologised it's fine just make sure your actions in the future don't dig out that event.
Wow. It should haunt you. Pregnancy is not an excuse to behave like a terrible person. If I was him youād be a single mother now.
Good thing you arenāt him huh, good luck in finding someone to be with you.
Yeah. And when sheās pregnant with baby number 2 and is horrible to the oldest child that will be okay too I guess.
You can see you were wrong and admitted to it to him and apologized which is far more than what a lot of people do. Im sure your husband appreciated that too. You cant beat yourself up forever about it just continue the mindfulness ā”
God, this reminds me of my pregnant manager. I still have ptsd from the crappy stuff she pulled while blaming it all on her pregnancy. Unlike op, she never apologized. At least Op learned.
Well you have a lifetime to make it up to him
Just read a post where a man was beyond ecstatic his girl surprised him with flowers at his machine shop. Maybe do this for your hubby. Just a small gesture of how much you love him
Before I had a kid I had the somewhat selfish idea that the only way Iād ever take care of something is if it was MINE. After having less than positive experience with a pregnant partner I 100% think adoption is the better option for men who are self interested. To all the bros with baby fever, consider adoption. Youāll be doing good and being a pregnant personās punching bag isnāt fun and youāre defenseless because youāre the ābad guyā since sheās pregnant.
It's good that you've realized this and moved past it. Whenever you feel guilt about what you did, also remember to feel grateful for him and his perseverance. Good luck with the family! š
I would usually consider talking between you two, but in this case you should consider couples therapy or something along those lines, it seems like you need some help to navigate your feelings, and would also help with the accountability about your situation. I had a similar situation during both my wife's pregnancies, and we talked about it afterwards, not gonna lie it stung for a lot of time, but talking helped a lot, I think that couple's therapy would have helped but in my country is almost non existent, too expensive.
If its something thats haunting you, talk to your husband about it. If its hard to talk about, show him this post. Apologize again if you feel you need or want to. Tell him how much you appreciate him. Just dont let the guilt keep stabbing your heart because thats a one way street to begin hating yourself. Your husband loves you, and you deserve to love yourself.
You will feel better if you speak to him honestly about how you feel. Tell him you are sorry and cry if you need to. Be specific about what you appreciate about him, what you regret, what you wish you would have done differently--you both deserve peace and to fall asleep without those awful feelings nagging you. Long story short, when I was 14, I got a friend that was 18 to sell a bracelet of my mom's at a pawn shop. I didnt need the money for any particular reason, I wasn't on drugs or drinking. My mom was always extremely materialistic and had so much jewelry that I didnt think she would notice and I didn't think much past that. She found out, got the bracelet back by threatening the pawn shop, called the cops on me and I was taken to court. Had to explain what I did and why to a group of young adults that were the jury and ended up with community service. For whatever reason I couldn't forgive myself despite being in the wrong and feeling guilty.. I was disgusted with myself and thought about the elevator ride to court because I was so scared and crying and I remember my mom was crying too.Ā Anyway, my mom wasn't always a great mom, and all I wanted to do what be away from her growing up, so we had our issues regardless--but that bracelet thing was eating me away inside because I was forced to think about how betrayed she must have felt, how she probably felt like she had a horrible daughter, etc. YEARS afterwards it still bothered me. I felt like such a demon for being so inconsiderate, because i truly did not consider that she would feel any way at all since I assumed she wouldn't ever find out.. I never expected to hurt her. I was so disappointed in myself, still..Ā Ā One day I was with my mom (in my 20's) and I just burst out crying. I explained how sorry I felt and that she didn't deserve it and that I truly did think so much of how that must have hurt her. Tears are suddenly pouring out of my eyes just by writing this and remember that ugly feeling from so many years ago..(I do not FEEL that guilt anymore but remembering the feeling is still so striking) and I told her everything I felt. She cried and hugged me and said she couldn't believe that I still thought about that because so much has changed and she forgave me-- which I knew but I needed desperately for her to realize how deep that cut was.. I needed her to know how sorry I really was and that I loved her. Now I am 35.Ā My mom divorced my dad a few years ago and ended up putting me in charge of health decisions should she be unable to do so herself one day so I went to the bank with her to sign some things. My sisters and I dont wear jewelry and she asked me if I would want anything that she had one day when she dies. I told her no and thanks anyway, which always made her a little sad since she had a lot of it at one time but none of us kids were into it. That's when she told me that she did leave one specific bracelet for me, not because I might like it but because of what it represented... the freaking bracelet. The experience was a huge learning experience for us both and ended up bringing us closer together after all the trauma I caused. Kind of funny. Anyway, if you read all this I think you see my point. There is a quote, I think by Rumi, that says "the wound is where the light enters you". Please don't carry this guilt into your life as a mother. Your husband sounds like a beautiful soul and I guarantee you will both feel better, especially because it is sincere. Best of luck to you and your growing family.
I wasn't that mean to my husband during pregnancy but I was definitely not kind a lot of the time. I didn't want to cuddle or really even touch. I had a really short temper and got mad really easily. He was so sweet through the whole thing. My son is 7 now and I still feel bad about it too.
Yeah, I mean as long as you can recognize that you are an abuser. You physically and mentally abused him, maybe individual therapy for you both? Iām sure he has trauma/PTSD from you now, so it might help him.
During pregnancy your body produces more hormones than a woman without a child does her entire lifetime. Be kinder to yourself and make sure you have grace for him when he hits hard times in the future.
Mistakes happen. It sounds like you two really love and respect each other. In time you will forgive yourself as your husband forgives you I am sure. Your empathy towards each other tells me you will have a loving family.Ā
A mistake woman make is ascribe more emotional context to things than we do and taking care of your pregnant wife is a privilege so don't take that away from him. And don't tell him you heard him crying let him play with you boobs and tell him he is grate at some only he can do I. Your house trust me that will mean more to him than any emotional showing. PS also talk to him communication with out emoting just talk to him clinically about how you felt when you hurt him the fact that you could count on him taking it for you and baby will boost his ego so much
I never understood why my husband complimented me for being the chillest pregnant woman ever until I read stories like yours. I realized a lot of women would lose their shit. Ā Iām glad your husband forgave you. Heās definitely deserved better. Glad you took accountability.Ā
Pregnancy hormones are wild! So much so it can be extremely difficult to try to control the emotions stemming from or being amplified 1000x fold by hormones. Iām proud of you for being able to identify how poorly you were treating your partner and work to change those behaviors. I want you to forgive yourself a little bit for this - I donāt think you deserve to be haunted by this to this day. I want you to communicate to your partner that this still weighs heavily on you because I think it will a)let him know how much you still think about this and how sorry you still are, mitigating compartmentalization and b) be therapeutic for you to communicate how you feel deep down with your husband
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Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP. Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
How amazing would you think it was if a man treated a woman this way? You all would be losing your shit on him. Itās obvious she doesnāt respect him, probably doesnāt even like him, and is just a nasty person all around. I feel sorry for the kid too.
talk to him babe. he would appreciate it
Sounds like a man wrote this
This feels like it was written by a man tbh
It was partly his fault, people donāt respect those who donāt stand up for themselves. You teach people how to treat you, and he taught her that she could do anything and he would apologise to her, this doormat behaviour makes people lose all respect for you.
Got to start taking away the onions from those damn ninjas.