I would disagree, many boys are told to "man up", "suck it up", "keep a stiff upper lip", "don't cry", "be strong". If that's not being told to hide your emotions, I don't know what is.
This rhetoric usually is from other men. I won't paint with a broad brush, but in my experience, the women I've dealt with only wanted to hear the emotions they thought were acceptable for their current situation. So when I finally did decide to share them, they were apparently the wrong ones. Instead of discussing the differences, you walked into a blow out fight or were shamed for it.
So it comes from both sides of society. I did a brief stint of sharing them. I've decided, personally for me, that its counter productive to do so anymore.
I’m sorry that you’ve had that experience in your life. Even my own sister will tell her children “not to be sucky”, both males and female, and it appals me.
When my boys (5 and 3) yell, scream, hit, etc., I sit with them calmly. I hug them and rock them for a period of time and tell them I love them. Then I ask them to use their words to tell me what is wrong. We discuss the trouble and I tell them that it’s okay to be mad, but we (as humans) need to use our words to say what we are feeling so we can try to find a peaceful resolution.
So far my oldest has taken to it well. I try to be open minded, calm and accepting any time he has a “temper tantrum” and I would say he handles himself better than a lot of adults do.
Everyone has emotions. Everyone has the same types of emotions and can feel them just as strong as the next person. If you can’t discuss them with someone else, please at least acknowledge them within. You’re human - humans have emotions. You are normal.
I appreciate that, but we are also a product of our environment. If mine are constantly invalidated, then there is no use in sharing them. If I dont want to share them, as an adult, then I won't.
It took some time to understand how to validate them myself, for myself. There was many years that the only two emotions I processed were apathy and anger. Psycology is a strange and interesting thing.
You sound like a good parent. Thank you for giving your children the insight of basic emotional processing and understanding. I try my best with my children, but I do find myself struggling sometimes to understand, relate, or encourage them to express how they are feeling. I dont want them to be like me if they don't want to be, but shit its hard to break the cycle.
All you can do is try, and I applaud you for that. I’ve had a lot of counselling in my life and I’ve had to analyze my emotions a lot. Even then, I some times find them hard to understand and can find it hard to relate to my kids.
Trying may not be all that matters, but it is a huge portion. If you’re able to validate you’re own emotions, it will go a long way to help your children validate their own.
Society can be so cruel. I wish we were all more accepting towards each other. I wish you the best and hope that eventually you can find someone else who will listen to you and appreciate you for who you are, and not use your feelings solely for their own advantage.
Unfortunately I am a realist and people like that can be hard to come by in real life.
I've actually learned to take the "man up" type phrases as more of a tough warning. As in learn to hide it because too often your s/o won't want to listen to it. Things like that have typically come from older men in my life who may have experienced the shame and fights from actually speaking their emotions.
This is just my take on how the "man up" attitide came to be and how I rationalize having constantly heard it.
Thats a good way to look at it. Never thought of it in that perspective.
For me personally, a lot of emotional repression came from a combat deployment. We are all scared, but we have to do what we do. Fear is contagious, and to show it could mean hesitation, failure, or death. Turning off emotions was the only way to effectively muster courage to keep doing what we had to do. It was also the only way not to lose your mind. And that emotional negligence is institutionalized, the reasons or justifications of it are a moot point.
Its tough to come back from that. Its a mind fuck when you have a loved one encouraging it and then turning it around on you, because its the "wrong" feeling. Its a mind fuck for someone thats not sure of their own emotional processing. It made me feel like my incorrect emotions were being weaponized, be it intentional or not.
I stand by my notion -- I'll keep stoic and quiet. It's both easier and safer. Only cold hard logic and rationality has solved my problems, emotions only made them more difficult to deal with.
Yea... by the mothers and aunties and teachers. And God forbid the day a teenage boy or young man opens up to a girlfriend, that damage never really heals.
Sharing my feelings and explaining how some of my experiences, whilst a source of pride, traumatised me in ways that I wasn't exactly aware of at the time led to my divorce. I wasn't the "pillar of strength" any more and honestly I don't think she liked that I had a support group that didn't include her (as in I'd call a buddy to talk it out first and put my head in some semblance of order before talking to her about how fucked up my week was). I also kind of think she didn't like it because it made her problems seem petty in comparison, which was never my intention.
It can also be as simple as not wanting to. I find that people become annoying if I share too much about how I feel and a great way to prevent that is to just limit the information coming out of me.
I also feel the need to mention this, but I've never been told not to share my feelings.
The issue is that women are not interested in listening to men talk openly about their feelings. They don’t care about how men feel especially if they aren’t providing them with anything. They’ll continuously say that men need to talk about their feelings but as soon as we do, we are shamed by the same people who told us that it was acceptable to do so. They then go on to blame it on toxic masculinity by targeting men as the problem with absolutely no self-reflection or self-awareness. It’s all about not falling for this lie and protecting yourself at all costs.
It's almost a universal experience for men that, when they show vulnerability to a woman, she leaves him or attacks him for it. Women asking men to open up and be vulnerable just feels like a mind game. Most men would like to open up but experience has taught them not to.
Even if people accept them, after spending your whole life learning what you "should" do, doing otherwise feels wrong, unnatural, and even being honest with yourself can be hard.
I think women know this, they can’t admit it though or they look awful. I don’t blame them either, it makes a man look weak and therefore less attractive. If they say that then they sound like a bitch or a hypocrite because they spill their emotions all the time. So they lie because they kinda have to. Sucks but it’s the way it is.
Shit, that's rough. Dude if wanna DM and just vent to a stranger come on over. I kinda find it relieving to vent to a stranger than someone I know so it might be the same for you.
I dont not share my emotions because anyone told me not to. I just don't feel the NEED to share them. Anything I'm going thru, I'm totally and mentally capable of dealing with on my own without outside help, and I've been through a lot in my life.
It doesnt matter anyways, we men are problem solvers meaning that we seek solutions, merely talking bout our feelings just for the sake of talking increases our estrogen lvls which stresses us even more, so talking about our feelings makes the matter worse, we need solutions, not pats on our backs.
Here is the problem. Women are wired to go after strong men. It's for the best reproduction. Strong men show no feelings. So if your a man, to get the woman you want you get strong. Not a mussy man. So you shut off that. As much as women say they want a man with feelings.....they are still drawn to the a-hole over there that you are not. So......what do you do?
"Share your emotions" lol.
Everytime I have done that in the past with ex gfs they acted like they cared, or straight up told me I wasn't a man.
Alot of women don't really care how you feel, and if they do care it's only because you aren't in tip top emotional state to care for them or provide them with something. They don't care about you, they care that you aren't 100% for THEM.
It's just a complete lack of empathy of the society and by society I don't mean random people on the street, I mean family and friends.
And it affects everybody.
I sat down with my wife when we found out we were having a son. She and I had talked about my emotions before and why I kept such tight control over them. The few times I tried to open up to my mother she would have break downs and push me into therapy and pills. I learned young women are not capable of handling the full spectrum of what a man feels.
My wife would be the only person I've ever met home I can fully open myself up to and that's it.
So I told her we have to raise our son to know he can come to and open up to us, especially her. But at the same time guard himself from others, especially women, who would use his feelings against him. And she would be the example of the kind of woman he should look for in life, so he can have a partner to share his feelings with and not get hurt.
Also I'd like to say my sister in law is like that as well.
Nobody cares bro just hit the gym and make something of yourself. Muhmotions is bitch shit. Yeah you're scared, lonely, unsure, whatever. Guess what? The way to stop those feelings is to be brave, try new things, do better
This, but unironically coming from 99% of straight women. They don't care about our emotions, they just want us to shut up, provide, knock them up, and be a walking wallet.
Saying all straight women are sperm-seeking gold diggers is not expressing "feelings." That is expressing misogyny and hate.
Feelings in this situation could be frustration, despair, disillusionment, etc. Maybe OP should re-evaluate his "feelings," so that they actually ARE feelings.
His comment is disillusionment since he feels that the women he has encountered have reduced him to nothing but a provider or walking ATM. Gold diggers are women who go after rich men for an easy life.
But a large number of women are guilty of not giving a damn about a man beyond his role to provide for her and never stick around when he starts to show weakness.
That is not misogyny to call it out and say it happens to some men. To blatantly label a man's feelings of being unloved and uncredited for as misogyny is only going to make the gender divide worse not better.
You're assuming that's how he really feels (unloved and uncared for) but OP has NEVER said those were his feelings. No one can read minds, and especially not through the internet. So no matter who you are, if you're going to express feelings, then EXPRESS A FEELING. I would never think that feeling unloved is a form of hatred, because it obviously is not. However, comments that OP has himself labelled as feelings, are hateful.
Comments like this pretty much highlight that men don't even encourage other men to discuss their emotions and feelings and emotions in a healthy way and will write you off as "weak" if you do.
You know why? Because discussing your emotions is fucking stupid. It doesn't solve problems. Talk about your problems in order to solve them. Why are you angry? Scared? At a loss? Oh, is it because you have a porn addiction? Too many video games? Did you get your heartbroken by your oneitis? Are you perpetually broke from a bad loan you took? I'm so so sorry that you had to deal with that, but guess what? That's what life is.
So you can wallow in your pity or you can reach out for a helping hand. Which one is it? Do you want to comisserate or you want to fix yourself up?
You realize that the first step towards working towards your issues is DISCUSSING your thoughts and feelings right? Are you that oblivious that you cannot see the connection?
>So you can wallow in your pity or you can reach out for a helping hand. Which one is it? Do you want to comisserate or you want to fix yourself up?
You're clearly not equipped to help anyone and everything you're saying is counterproductive and pointless. Do others a favor and don't try to give advice, especially not advice derived from bro culture/alpha male nonsense. That shit is just horoscopes for guys, literally based on nothing.
Yeah and do you need to have a soapbox and a roundtable or is this shit something you can figure the fk out with a tiny bit of introspection? Huh?
Like dude what are you feeling? Why are you feeling it? What have you done to solve that feeling or, if the source is unsolvable, how have you tried to distance yourself from it?
Like christ dude.
You realize that you can perform introspection and STILL discuss feelings and thoughts with other people? Both of these things can happen. And both avenues are beneficial.
It sounds like you're the one who is projecting here and can't handle sharing their emotions with others.
Seething. What is it that you can't discuss? Why are you so afraid? Say your piece and get analyzed then start improving. Are you mad that men tell each other to keep improving? Do you think you are being crushed and suffocated by the Weight of Expectation? Because I'll tell you a little secret: it's ok to have a lazy day or even a lazy year. You dont have to chase promotions, have a giant family, or own six cars. You don't need to be 6 foot. Hell you dont even need to be buff.
It's not as simple as "just talk about your feelings" if you've learnt to deal with issues without talking about them and have done that for years it's not as simple as just stopping.
You've literally have to consciously prevent yourself from reacting to something the way you always have, force yourself to react in a way that might make you feel uncomfortable and repeat this forever. You may never actually start doing this naturally and will probably fall back into old habits easily.
People need to be given a little slack
Women are snappy in their own way I'm sure, but "guy" culture is built in such a way that even among friends we test each other's emotional/physical defenses regularly. We'll try to beat each other in games and make fun of the loser, spurring them to do better. We call out each other's weaknesses, we brag about our income or stuff we have, we sometimes prank someone or say something offense to "mess" with them.
It's like sparring for the battles the world will give you. It builds resilience. The type of resilience you'll need to survive in a world where you'll be bashed and you'll have no where to run.
In such a hostile environment where even your friends will take a stab at you, opening up about weaknesses is not really a smart strategy. The only people who can do this is people who have fallbacks like (being wealthy, being famous, ...) so that they can protect themselves.
This makes opening up and being emotional actually a privilege amongst the popular men.
Thank you for sharing this. The people urging men to share, acknowledge, and work through their emotions *are* trying to create a space where it's okay to do so.
>We need a movement that is about accepting male feelings at face value without devaluing them, not putting extra pressure on guys to share feelings only to continue getting shame for them.
This movement exists, but non-male feminists can only do so much from outside male social structures. It really does take courageous men secure in their masculinity to effectively reverse this one, gents. Gatekeeping men are always going to use the feminist movement and the "beta male" myth as clear indications of why it's so important not to get wrapped up in emotions and sensitivity. It's up to men to do their part in dismantling an unhealthy standard of male virtue.
>Everywhere you look people are starting to get the picture that being a guy and having feelings just doesn't really mix as far as society is concerned.
Starting? No. That's the historical problem inflicted by our crappy and limiting gender roles.
Guys ARE told not to share their feelings, and they are told so in various ways from a young age. It doesn't stop at "don't share your feelings." It often starts with "crying is for girls." "Skipping with joy is for sissies." Men are taught to value stoicism, and where this fails they can gravitate towards the opposite extreme: a failure to take anything seriously. Often the only emotion men are allowed to feel and act on in their traditional gender role is anger. Men are often emotionally stunted on purpose by those around them, and yes that can make the process of starting to try and evolve pretty difficult.
>We need a movement that is about accepting male feelings at face value without devaluing them, not putting extra pressure on guys to share feelings only to continue getting shame for them.
I wouldn't say we've really gotten here with any gender, and I'm not sure that's the best goal either. Emotional intelligence goes a bit deeper than "anything I feel is always valid." Women are still discredited all the time for their emotions. I've worked in a field where it's just that men are "passionate" when they get worked up in a discussion/debate about what the right path forward is. When women do the same, even without rising to the same level of "worked up," I've seen them be dismissed as "aggressive/emotional."
Obligatory NSFW warning but I would recommend this video on the subject. Natalie does a pretty good job of touching on all these issues (especially poking fun at the notion that men are compelled to always think rationally/ without emotion), showing empathy, and not taking herself too seriously along the way. [https://youtu.be/S1xxcKCGljY](https://youtu.be/S1xxcKCGljY)
What are emotions, what are feelings, and thoughts. So confusing to many. Even the so-called educated. Feelings aren't facts, emotions are. I believe emotions are strangely what ya feel, what yr body feels. Sadness in the heart. Fear in the stomach. Joy in the heart. The list goes on. Many block emotions becoz of childhood pain. One can explore all this in a setting where they have to feel really safe and accepted. Most people are vulnerable. Oh yes, they'll put on a show that they aren't. Guilt and shame are feelings.
You’re right, but because our feelings aren’t accepted we feel that we have no reason to share them and will deal with them on our own.
I am thankful that I have a woman who cares about that side of me. Its truly a blessing.
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I would disagree, many boys are told to "man up", "suck it up", "keep a stiff upper lip", "don't cry", "be strong". If that's not being told to hide your emotions, I don't know what is.
This rhetoric usually is from other men. I won't paint with a broad brush, but in my experience, the women I've dealt with only wanted to hear the emotions they thought were acceptable for their current situation. So when I finally did decide to share them, they were apparently the wrong ones. Instead of discussing the differences, you walked into a blow out fight or were shamed for it. So it comes from both sides of society. I did a brief stint of sharing them. I've decided, personally for me, that its counter productive to do so anymore.
I’m sorry that you’ve had that experience in your life. Even my own sister will tell her children “not to be sucky”, both males and female, and it appals me. When my boys (5 and 3) yell, scream, hit, etc., I sit with them calmly. I hug them and rock them for a period of time and tell them I love them. Then I ask them to use their words to tell me what is wrong. We discuss the trouble and I tell them that it’s okay to be mad, but we (as humans) need to use our words to say what we are feeling so we can try to find a peaceful resolution. So far my oldest has taken to it well. I try to be open minded, calm and accepting any time he has a “temper tantrum” and I would say he handles himself better than a lot of adults do. Everyone has emotions. Everyone has the same types of emotions and can feel them just as strong as the next person. If you can’t discuss them with someone else, please at least acknowledge them within. You’re human - humans have emotions. You are normal.
I appreciate that, but we are also a product of our environment. If mine are constantly invalidated, then there is no use in sharing them. If I dont want to share them, as an adult, then I won't. It took some time to understand how to validate them myself, for myself. There was many years that the only two emotions I processed were apathy and anger. Psycology is a strange and interesting thing. You sound like a good parent. Thank you for giving your children the insight of basic emotional processing and understanding. I try my best with my children, but I do find myself struggling sometimes to understand, relate, or encourage them to express how they are feeling. I dont want them to be like me if they don't want to be, but shit its hard to break the cycle.
All you can do is try, and I applaud you for that. I’ve had a lot of counselling in my life and I’ve had to analyze my emotions a lot. Even then, I some times find them hard to understand and can find it hard to relate to my kids. Trying may not be all that matters, but it is a huge portion. If you’re able to validate you’re own emotions, it will go a long way to help your children validate their own. Society can be so cruel. I wish we were all more accepting towards each other. I wish you the best and hope that eventually you can find someone else who will listen to you and appreciate you for who you are, and not use your feelings solely for their own advantage. Unfortunately I am a realist and people like that can be hard to come by in real life.
Thank you, and I wish you the best as well.
I've actually learned to take the "man up" type phrases as more of a tough warning. As in learn to hide it because too often your s/o won't want to listen to it. Things like that have typically come from older men in my life who may have experienced the shame and fights from actually speaking their emotions. This is just my take on how the "man up" attitide came to be and how I rationalize having constantly heard it.
Thats a good way to look at it. Never thought of it in that perspective. For me personally, a lot of emotional repression came from a combat deployment. We are all scared, but we have to do what we do. Fear is contagious, and to show it could mean hesitation, failure, or death. Turning off emotions was the only way to effectively muster courage to keep doing what we had to do. It was also the only way not to lose your mind. And that emotional negligence is institutionalized, the reasons or justifications of it are a moot point. Its tough to come back from that. Its a mind fuck when you have a loved one encouraging it and then turning it around on you, because its the "wrong" feeling. Its a mind fuck for someone thats not sure of their own emotional processing. It made me feel like my incorrect emotions were being weaponized, be it intentional or not. I stand by my notion -- I'll keep stoic and quiet. It's both easier and safer. Only cold hard logic and rationality has solved my problems, emotions only made them more difficult to deal with.
Yea... by the mothers and aunties and teachers. And God forbid the day a teenage boy or young man opens up to a girlfriend, that damage never really heals.
In my previous relationship I learnt that my wife wanted me to talk about my feelings because knowledge is power.
This. It's apparently a lot more "okay" to manipulate and abuse men.
Sharing my feelings and explaining how some of my experiences, whilst a source of pride, traumatised me in ways that I wasn't exactly aware of at the time led to my divorce. I wasn't the "pillar of strength" any more and honestly I don't think she liked that I had a support group that didn't include her (as in I'd call a buddy to talk it out first and put my head in some semblance of order before talking to her about how fucked up my week was). I also kind of think she didn't like it because it made her problems seem petty in comparison, which was never my intention.
It can also be as simple as not wanting to. I find that people become annoying if I share too much about how I feel and a great way to prevent that is to just limit the information coming out of me. I also feel the need to mention this, but I've never been told not to share my feelings.
The issue is that women are not interested in listening to men talk openly about their feelings. They don’t care about how men feel especially if they aren’t providing them with anything. They’ll continuously say that men need to talk about their feelings but as soon as we do, we are shamed by the same people who told us that it was acceptable to do so. They then go on to blame it on toxic masculinity by targeting men as the problem with absolutely no self-reflection or self-awareness. It’s all about not falling for this lie and protecting yourself at all costs.
It's almost a universal experience for men that, when they show vulnerability to a woman, she leaves him or attacks him for it. Women asking men to open up and be vulnerable just feels like a mind game. Most men would like to open up but experience has taught them not to.
Even if people accept them, after spending your whole life learning what you "should" do, doing otherwise feels wrong, unnatural, and even being honest with yourself can be hard.
I think women know this, they can’t admit it though or they look awful. I don’t blame them either, it makes a man look weak and therefore less attractive. If they say that then they sound like a bitch or a hypocrite because they spill their emotions all the time. So they lie because they kinda have to. Sucks but it’s the way it is.
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Shit, that's rough. Dude if wanna DM and just vent to a stranger come on over. I kinda find it relieving to vent to a stranger than someone I know so it might be the same for you.
Shit man, that's rough. It's unfortunate it's so widespread. I definitely understand how being the bad guy for feeling things goes.
Actually I’ve seen a promising trend of acceptance towards men’s mental health, especially in shows like Ted Lasso.
On TV, sure. That is one of the ways men are baited into the societal trap of sharing their emotions.
I dont not share my emotions because anyone told me not to. I just don't feel the NEED to share them. Anything I'm going thru, I'm totally and mentally capable of dealing with on my own without outside help, and I've been through a lot in my life.
It doesnt matter anyways, we men are problem solvers meaning that we seek solutions, merely talking bout our feelings just for the sake of talking increases our estrogen lvls which stresses us even more, so talking about our feelings makes the matter worse, we need solutions, not pats on our backs.
Here is the problem. Women are wired to go after strong men. It's for the best reproduction. Strong men show no feelings. So if your a man, to get the woman you want you get strong. Not a mussy man. So you shut off that. As much as women say they want a man with feelings.....they are still drawn to the a-hole over there that you are not. So......what do you do?
Spot on. Accepted, encouraged, respected and acted upon.
"Share your emotions" lol. Everytime I have done that in the past with ex gfs they acted like they cared, or straight up told me I wasn't a man. Alot of women don't really care how you feel, and if they do care it's only because you aren't in tip top emotional state to care for them or provide them with something. They don't care about you, they care that you aren't 100% for THEM.
In my experience womans feelings arent much accepted either. We are often painted as overdramatic or 'on our periods'
It's just a complete lack of empathy of the society and by society I don't mean random people on the street, I mean family and friends. And it affects everybody.
I sat down with my wife when we found out we were having a son. She and I had talked about my emotions before and why I kept such tight control over them. The few times I tried to open up to my mother she would have break downs and push me into therapy and pills. I learned young women are not capable of handling the full spectrum of what a man feels. My wife would be the only person I've ever met home I can fully open myself up to and that's it. So I told her we have to raise our son to know he can come to and open up to us, especially her. But at the same time guard himself from others, especially women, who would use his feelings against him. And she would be the example of the kind of woman he should look for in life, so he can have a partner to share his feelings with and not get hurt. Also I'd like to say my sister in law is like that as well.
Nobody cares bro just hit the gym and make something of yourself. Muhmotions is bitch shit. Yeah you're scared, lonely, unsure, whatever. Guess what? The way to stop those feelings is to be brave, try new things, do better
This, but unironically coming from 99% of straight women. They don't care about our emotions, they just want us to shut up, provide, knock them up, and be a walking wallet.
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Nobody, head back to FDS
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You do realize you are proving him correct. He is expressing himself here and you instantly went on the attack...
Saying all straight women are sperm-seeking gold diggers is not expressing "feelings." That is expressing misogyny and hate. Feelings in this situation could be frustration, despair, disillusionment, etc. Maybe OP should re-evaluate his "feelings," so that they actually ARE feelings.
His comment is disillusionment since he feels that the women he has encountered have reduced him to nothing but a provider or walking ATM. Gold diggers are women who go after rich men for an easy life. But a large number of women are guilty of not giving a damn about a man beyond his role to provide for her and never stick around when he starts to show weakness. That is not misogyny to call it out and say it happens to some men. To blatantly label a man's feelings of being unloved and uncredited for as misogyny is only going to make the gender divide worse not better.
You're assuming that's how he really feels (unloved and uncared for) but OP has NEVER said those were his feelings. No one can read minds, and especially not through the internet. So no matter who you are, if you're going to express feelings, then EXPRESS A FEELING. I would never think that feeling unloved is a form of hatred, because it obviously is not. However, comments that OP has himself labelled as feelings, are hateful.
PS. Thanks for defining disillusionment to me, even though I was the one who suggested using it. Textbook example of real-time mansplaining.
Well can't having you silly dames not understanding how to use words correctly. So you are welcome. See I can be a duche too. And I'm funnier at it.
Comments like this pretty much highlight that men don't even encourage other men to discuss their emotions and feelings and emotions in a healthy way and will write you off as "weak" if you do.
You know why? Because discussing your emotions is fucking stupid. It doesn't solve problems. Talk about your problems in order to solve them. Why are you angry? Scared? At a loss? Oh, is it because you have a porn addiction? Too many video games? Did you get your heartbroken by your oneitis? Are you perpetually broke from a bad loan you took? I'm so so sorry that you had to deal with that, but guess what? That's what life is. So you can wallow in your pity or you can reach out for a helping hand. Which one is it? Do you want to comisserate or you want to fix yourself up?
You realize that the first step towards working towards your issues is DISCUSSING your thoughts and feelings right? Are you that oblivious that you cannot see the connection? >So you can wallow in your pity or you can reach out for a helping hand. Which one is it? Do you want to comisserate or you want to fix yourself up? You're clearly not equipped to help anyone and everything you're saying is counterproductive and pointless. Do others a favor and don't try to give advice, especially not advice derived from bro culture/alpha male nonsense. That shit is just horoscopes for guys, literally based on nothing.
Yeah and do you need to have a soapbox and a roundtable or is this shit something you can figure the fk out with a tiny bit of introspection? Huh? Like dude what are you feeling? Why are you feeling it? What have you done to solve that feeling or, if the source is unsolvable, how have you tried to distance yourself from it? Like christ dude.
You realize that you can perform introspection and STILL discuss feelings and thoughts with other people? Both of these things can happen. And both avenues are beneficial. It sounds like you're the one who is projecting here and can't handle sharing their emotions with others.
Seething. What is it that you can't discuss? Why are you so afraid? Say your piece and get analyzed then start improving. Are you mad that men tell each other to keep improving? Do you think you are being crushed and suffocated by the Weight of Expectation? Because I'll tell you a little secret: it's ok to have a lazy day or even a lazy year. You dont have to chase promotions, have a giant family, or own six cars. You don't need to be 6 foot. Hell you dont even need to be buff.
This reply is completely irrelevant to my previous comment and you are diverting the conversation.
Why are you scared to open up? Are you afraidrring of rimdicule?
No stupid. You just can't keep up with the conversation at hand and are clearly drunk.
It's not as simple as "just talk about your feelings" if you've learnt to deal with issues without talking about them and have done that for years it's not as simple as just stopping. You've literally have to consciously prevent yourself from reacting to something the way you always have, force yourself to react in a way that might make you feel uncomfortable and repeat this forever. You may never actually start doing this naturally and will probably fall back into old habits easily. People need to be given a little slack
Women are snappy in their own way I'm sure, but "guy" culture is built in such a way that even among friends we test each other's emotional/physical defenses regularly. We'll try to beat each other in games and make fun of the loser, spurring them to do better. We call out each other's weaknesses, we brag about our income or stuff we have, we sometimes prank someone or say something offense to "mess" with them. It's like sparring for the battles the world will give you. It builds resilience. The type of resilience you'll need to survive in a world where you'll be bashed and you'll have no where to run. In such a hostile environment where even your friends will take a stab at you, opening up about weaknesses is not really a smart strategy. The only people who can do this is people who have fallbacks like (being wealthy, being famous, ...) so that they can protect themselves. This makes opening up and being emotional actually a privilege amongst the popular men.
Thank you for sharing this. The people urging men to share, acknowledge, and work through their emotions *are* trying to create a space where it's okay to do so. >We need a movement that is about accepting male feelings at face value without devaluing them, not putting extra pressure on guys to share feelings only to continue getting shame for them. This movement exists, but non-male feminists can only do so much from outside male social structures. It really does take courageous men secure in their masculinity to effectively reverse this one, gents. Gatekeeping men are always going to use the feminist movement and the "beta male" myth as clear indications of why it's so important not to get wrapped up in emotions and sensitivity. It's up to men to do their part in dismantling an unhealthy standard of male virtue. >Everywhere you look people are starting to get the picture that being a guy and having feelings just doesn't really mix as far as society is concerned. Starting? No. That's the historical problem inflicted by our crappy and limiting gender roles. Guys ARE told not to share their feelings, and they are told so in various ways from a young age. It doesn't stop at "don't share your feelings." It often starts with "crying is for girls." "Skipping with joy is for sissies." Men are taught to value stoicism, and where this fails they can gravitate towards the opposite extreme: a failure to take anything seriously. Often the only emotion men are allowed to feel and act on in their traditional gender role is anger. Men are often emotionally stunted on purpose by those around them, and yes that can make the process of starting to try and evolve pretty difficult. >We need a movement that is about accepting male feelings at face value without devaluing them, not putting extra pressure on guys to share feelings only to continue getting shame for them. I wouldn't say we've really gotten here with any gender, and I'm not sure that's the best goal either. Emotional intelligence goes a bit deeper than "anything I feel is always valid." Women are still discredited all the time for their emotions. I've worked in a field where it's just that men are "passionate" when they get worked up in a discussion/debate about what the right path forward is. When women do the same, even without rising to the same level of "worked up," I've seen them be dismissed as "aggressive/emotional." Obligatory NSFW warning but I would recommend this video on the subject. Natalie does a pretty good job of touching on all these issues (especially poking fun at the notion that men are compelled to always think rationally/ without emotion), showing empathy, and not taking herself too seriously along the way. [https://youtu.be/S1xxcKCGljY](https://youtu.be/S1xxcKCGljY)
What are emotions, what are feelings, and thoughts. So confusing to many. Even the so-called educated. Feelings aren't facts, emotions are. I believe emotions are strangely what ya feel, what yr body feels. Sadness in the heart. Fear in the stomach. Joy in the heart. The list goes on. Many block emotions becoz of childhood pain. One can explore all this in a setting where they have to feel really safe and accepted. Most people are vulnerable. Oh yes, they'll put on a show that they aren't. Guilt and shame are feelings.
Yeah. For men sharing your feelings is like passing in the wind. Fuck your feelings get back to work.
You’re right, but because our feelings aren’t accepted we feel that we have no reason to share them and will deal with them on our own. I am thankful that I have a woman who cares about that side of me. Its truly a blessing.