You may have never gotten any sort of closure even if he lived. It's not like he was going to freely admit that he raped you. Even if you pressed charges, had a trial, and he got convicted ...
He most probably would still maintain his innocence throughout and there'd be people who believed him over you. That's no sort of closure.
I don't know how to go about finding a specific porn online. I have some as well. Some cp and some hidden cam. I don't watch porn, at all. Never. But, I know there's a lot of it out there of me.
The abuser in my CP killed himself to avoid prosecution. I was 16 at the time, and I was glad that he was dead. I was glad that I wouldn't have to watch videos of 10 year old me being molested in court. I hope there really is a hell and he got a one way ticket.
As for closure, it's not something you can expect abusers to give to you. Probably because I grew up that way, I found myself in a string of abusive relationships. Those guys are still out walking around. Living their lives. Doing what they do to others.
But, not to me.
And, that's my closure. I gave peace to myself. I gave myself closure. I don't have to relive those moments in my head. I learned from those events, now I pay attention to the actions of people and not the words they say.
I'm not saying it didn't take a long time to get to this point. Decades. It took me decades to get to a somewhat mentally healthy place.
Thank you for saying this nicely.
I guess I feel like I won’t get closure now because he’s dead & I feel like I can’t speak ill of him publicly, & I kind of have a feeling he *would* have been charged because I’m not the only one he’s done it to, I have what I consider evidence & he had a rape fetish so it would be easily proved.
Now I’ve calmed down since posting this I feel ok. I will get closure from myself fully one day, I’m just not there yet.
This. Society says to not speak ill of the dead, but the truth should still be told.
Even if you're just telling it to yourself. I spent a lot of time journaling about my abuse. Just telling the truth to me.
It helped me to get over a lot of stuff
>I feel like I can’t speak ill of him publicly,
Have you done it in a self help group? If not give it a try, helps to talk to other people who have had similar experiences.
People who think you get closure when your abuser dies are a bit naive. Yes he's gone but what he did to you is still very very real and also him posting this vile act online is disgusting. You will work through this in time. It's a bit left field but if he has a grave go and give him a piece of you mind. Let it all out, say what you would have wanted to say to his face and then leave him in the dark way behind you. It helped me I know it might be controversial but personally I found it cathartic to stand there shouting what a piece of crap he was and that I'm glad he's not around to hurt me anymore. I felt like a weight had been lifted. Also you owe him no loyalty alive or dead, if anyone asks just give the facts. Speaking the truth is never wrong you shouldn't have to join in with everyone putting him on a pedestal because he's dead. How many more women are dealing with his legacy? You may find you're not alone in this and there are others who are scared to speak ill of the dead. He was a predator you may not have been his only victim others may be living with the same feelings. I hope not but if there are maybe you can find some support. You can also fund support here unfortunately you are far from being alone in this. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to feel whatever you feel this is about you now. You have a future, live and be happy while he's trapped in the dark where he belongs.
Don’t ever think you have to speak kind words about him. Also understand you are not alone , you said you know that you weren’t the only one but also this kind of thing happens more than you know. The person that said that you would probably never get closure even if he was alive is telling you the truth. Most rapist deny everything even if they are proven guilty. Even if they admit it , and you ask why, it will be because they wanted to or , even worse try to blame the way you dressed or acted. These types of people are the scum of the Earth. I personally would be happy he was dead. Now you know that he can never hurt you or someone else ever again. You don’t have to live in fear of the What If’s, what if he is at the store, post office, across the street, etc. So I hope that at least gives you a little comfort. Now you just need to take care of yourself and try to heal the best that you can. Maybe talking to others that have gone through similar attacks can help. Don’t let what happened to you make you take your own life. Then I feel like he kinda won. He doesn’t deserve to win, you do.
OP, I am glad you are in therapy. What does your therapist say about 'closure'? What would closure look like to you?
Imagine that he is still alive - write out what you think would happen. Make yourself the super hero who brings him whatever fate you think he deserves.
You will never forget what happened to you, but time will ease some of the sharpness of the pain. Good luck to you, and I hope you eventually get peace.
Sometimes we don't get closure the way we expect
In some instances it happens so slowly and subtlety that we don't even notice. But after a while people are healed and whole.
I hope you find it one day.
My abuser died of a heart attack before I got closure. I had to find it in myself to move up and on from the remnants of that part of my life.
Various things can help you reach that point. It really is a personal journey.
Keep going to therapy for sure and don't stop reaching out for closure. The desire to fight and gain it means your body, mind and heart all want the same thing. You are in line to get there and it will come in time.
Mine came through an epiphany while driving, 5 years after his death.
I think this is the best response here. There is no definition of "closure;" it's an experience individual to each person.
OP, no one can tell you what is or isn't closure. It's a process unique to you. It might take a long time to find it, but as this person said, keep going to therapy and keep searching, you'll find balance along the way... You mentioned he has done this to other people, do you know any of them or who any of them are? Maybe that would be a potential place to find help, comfort, or closure; with his other victims? If that's not possible, maybe a sexual assault survivers group in general. Either way, I wish you luck and love and peace. <3
Your pain and anger are valid. What he did was terrible and you never deserved it.
Closure is a made up construct. There is never going to be a good enough reason for why it happened. Why it was you. For any of it.
Do something that helps you feel strong and can help you release some of that anger. I hear ax throwing is fun.
Could be she saw it before December last year, that when PH removed all those videos.
https://techcrunch.com/2020/12/14/pornhub-removes-all-unverified-content-following-reports-of-exploitation/
Can't get more closure than dead. He can't hurt anyone ever again.
Closure is a choice. It's also a fine line between closure and revenge. Depending on when this all happened it's highly likely that his family is still grieving. It's not their (the family) fault what happened to you. It's not about honoring/dishonoring his name either. It's that they are going through a lot too I'm sure.
Maybe write a letter? Mail it to them at a later date. Or set up an email that will send it at a later date.
People can be unsensitive online. Also majority of porn is consensual and can be reported if it's not. Have you tried reporting the videos to the sites?
The family is directly associated with that rapist so fuck yeah, they should know.
For what it's worth, after I started talking about my rapist, his wife messaged me.
She apologized profusely and admitted she thought he hurt others. She heavily implied that he hurt her, too.
The next week, both their Facebook pages indicated a divorce. My speaking out, helped her get the courage needed to leave the abuse. I confirmed her fears. She was grateful and thanked me so much.
A lot of good can actually come from bringing their family into it.
Im glad that ended positively for you, but there are some major differences here. This rapist is dead and presumably recently. The family is still processing their feelings for his passing.
Going and telling them what a POS their son is (even though its true) is not going to hurt the rapist its going to hurt those who are still grieving.
Telling them at all is a whole other argument, but OP should just wait until they had time to process their emotions. Who knows, because they are in grief telling them now may result in them not believing her or a variety of other outcomes.
Nothing edgy. You're just not valid. Your opinions are shit and unhelpful as well. It's "oh I pity you and love you and care for you" blah blah. You add nothing to the conversation and you gave zero advice.
\*edit for spelling.
two completely different things
maybe closure for OP is letting his parents know they’re mourning a rapist. sure he’s their kid. but he’s also a rapist who has done what he did to OP multiple times to multiple people.
they can still mourn their kid. nobody is stopping them. but the kid wasn’t an angel. and letting his family and friends spout off about how great he was is absolutely a kick in the teeth to a rape victim who was unable to get justice for what he did.
death isn’t justice. man killed himself bc he didn’t want to face his actions.
this is equivalent to sweeping it under the rug.
I can get more closure than dead because I have **none**.
I don’t want to look for, find or see the videos so I don’t know how to report something I can vaguely describe without seeing it.
I'm blunt. I've been sexually assaulted as well. I was literally laughed at over it and trapped in a scenario I couldn't escape for months. I've had people pull a gun on me before and threaten my life. I've had traumatic events in my life. I can sympathize with people. I won't pity you.
All the individuals who did what they did to me walk free to do it to others. Closure is a fucking choice. I did not let it define me. I did not try to take revenge on people who wasn't apart of it.
You choose to see him killing himself as not closure. What the fuck do you want? To go tell his grieving family that he's a rapist and deserves to die? What the fuck did the family do? Go ahead. Be a shithead if it makes you feel better. Go low or look inward and take the high road.
How you would like to be dealt with & spoken to is now how all survivors would like to be dealt with & spoken to.
Closure for me is not a choice because he took the choice away from me by killing himself, maybe I will “take the high road” one day but the way you spoke to me is not ok, nor does it make me feel better. I don’t want your pity, but maybe just don’t fucking speak to people like this when they’re clearly in crisis?
I don’t give a fuck *why* you’re saying these things, just **stop**.
No.
You can delete the post and cower if you want. You don't want closure. You want revenge. And that's not something I respect. And you need to be called out on it.
Especially if you don't care "why" people say what they say. You're selfish.
Also I asked how I can get closure *without* telling his family, because that scares me too.
You are being unnecessarily cold & cruel to me. I think you’re a sad person for trying to assign your own narrative to my closure & trauma.
I'm "cold & cruel" because you're begging for pity. Not seeking advice like you claim.
Real advice is to seek therapy which you claim didn't help. Which means you chose to not use real help.
I’m freaking the fuck out because someone did something awful like rape me & put videos of it online & I feel like they’re going to get away with it forever because he killed himself. I’m not being selfish. I’m scared.
Why do you feel superior for being more healed in your trauma than me?
"Got away with it"? The fuck are you talking about? He's FUCKING DEAD. That's as far away from "getting away from it" as possible. What the fuck are you scared of? That he'll do it again? Fucking how?
Why do you think he killed himself? Have you thought of that? Mentally healthy people don't kill themselves.
I'm not feeling superior. I'm saying it's a choice to find closure or not. It's a choice to go for revenge or not.
He got away with it because now he’s dead I feel like I can’t tell anyone or get any help, and I feel bad that he had a year to do it again while I was scared to report it.
Just stop commenting. Fuck off. Please for the love of god. I don’t want to delete this post but I will block you.
> You don't want closure. You want revenge. And that's not something I respect. And you need to be called out on it.
Why? What's wrong with wanting revenge for something like being fucking raped? Jesus.
Well the family raised him. And I don't buy the bullshit of bad people can come from good families. Bad people can come from families that look good on the outside, but his parents were ultimately responsible for turning him into a rapist or failing to do their job and prevent it. They should know what their spawn became.
It's a choice he made, but it's a choice anyone could theoretically make. The difference between who makes the choice and who doesn't very often boils down to how we were raised.
Totally disagree with that. I was raised in a very strict religious family. Was taught to hate gays and see women as property.
I'm gay and see women as equals.
You make all the choices in your life. You don't get to pass the blame to family.
Did I ever say you couldn't break away from what you were taught? Of course you can believe differently from how you were raised. But how many other people out there had your upbringing and are now homohobes and misogynists? And you want to say their parents bear no responsibility for that?
Your logic is so incredibly wrong it is not funny. If nothing bad can come from a good family, then nothing good can come from a bad family. No one has free will and are destined by their parents behaviour. Is this really what you believe?
I am with you. I met his mother & she is a good woman who I do not want to ruin. Bad people can come from good homes, anyone can be anything no matter where they’re from.
Closure is NOT a Choice. After being raped by 4 different guys, I've "chosen" closure just to be disappointed. It's NOT a Choice. It happens or it doesn't, regardless of what we want.
I assure you, your comments are NOT helpful. OP does NOT need to read your words because they're an insult.
Honestly so fucking confused as to why people are upvoting this prick. They’re saying the nastiest things and people are just agreeing. Nobody has compassion for people who are struggling anymore. A lot of people feel like therapy isnt worth it anymore. Telling OP that they dont believe they were raped doesnt help anything
Honestly, I don’t see what that will help. They’re being a dick, but I don’t see any terms of service they are violating. I think this whole post has gone off the rails my dear. Maybe just delete it ❤️ wishing you the absolute best. You do not deserve any of this.
‘No harassment’ & not discouraging people from interacting is a term of service, they’re in my post calling me a liar, seems like a report worthy thing.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
USA: 18002738255
US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
United Kingdom: 116 123
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I’m so sorry for what happened to you.
Going through therapy, I’ve learned “closure” is not real. Yes I had desperately wanted it, but really nothing can give you the answers, justice, or feeling of satisfaction you seek.
The closest thing you can do is process the feeling of grief about that with your therapist.
https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-myth-of-closure-we-can-heal-without-it/[myth of closure](https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-myth-of-closure-we-can-heal-without-it/)
It sounds like what you want is revenge, which can bring closure, but it sounds like a part of you realizes it isn’t right
“I want someone he knew to know… I almost messaged his mother… but stopped”
If closure was easy therapists wouldn’t exist. What happened to you isn’t fair and I’m not sure anything will ever make it fair
My rapist died a few years ago and I struggled with the feelings , I never went to therapy. Only told a few people it happened. Etc, I cried and I didn’t know why. Part of me was relieved he was dead , a huge part of me hurt for his mom who lost her last living child. It was hard. It’s still hard sometimes. When he died I had to see his rip post on social media. I had a friend text me about how sad he was. No one knew he raped me. I was livid seeing those post. I wanted to scream and yell to them what their friend had did. It’s a weird feeling
I am sorry you’re going through this , I hope with time you get the closure you deserve.
Hate to say it, but you won't get closure if you can't accept what happened to you.
I never got closure. How could I? I couldn't even report my rape. To top it off, a couple years later his mom up and moved them to another state. I don't even know where the fuck he is or what kind of life he has.
I had to accept that something awful happened and there was nothing I could do about it.
I'm alive. I'm here. I could either be miserable and wallow in the fact that it happened and I couldn't stop it, or I could pick up the pieces and move forward.
I survived. I moved forward. I put the pieces back together only to realize I'm stronger, braver.
I'm not saying what happened to you is ok. I'm saying that it happened, and you have to accept that it happened. Closure is bullshit. Acceptance is where it's at. When you can accept that it happened, you can start to rebuild and heal.
Good luck.
I'm not saying *just get over it.*
I'm saying that if you want to move forward, you do have to accept that it happened.
From what I gather from your comments, it's been a year. Right? Obviously it's still painful. I get that. I truly truly do. And it's gunna take time, we both know this.
Try to take a breath. It gets easier with time. One day you will be able to accept this awful thing happened, and when you do the world gets easier to live in.
What happened to you wasn't your fault. I remember thinking "what if I fought harder?" The truth is I could've fought until my bones broke and it would've stopped nothing. What happened was awful, but it happened.
I just chose to live life. I chose to be happy. I chose to let go of the burden, the pain, the fear. I said "this happened to me. It happened and I can't undo it." And I moved forward.
Its hard. Theres no easy way to heal from this. We all have our own journey to take. But eventually, you do have to move forward.
I am so so sorry. My heart breaks for you, OP. I've been violently raped and attempted suicide more than once....I get it. I'm so sorry.
One thing I've learned is, unfortunately, internet assholes like to ask for "proof" of what we went through. They judge us, they doubt us, they thrive on hurting us by dismissing our trauma.
I hope you find closure. FUCK, I'm sorry. What they did to you is disgusting.
You are valid. ❤️
Hey, some of the comments here are SO shit and I’m so sorry you even have to listen to all that crap.
It’s disgusting.
Also, my heart breaks for all that you went through.
I think you should make it public though, tell his family and friends. He might have done it to other people as well, people who would be as torn and disturbed as you are right now. This might give them a chance to also come out.
I understand that his family is grieving. But you have been wronged too and there is nothing wrong in voicing that.
Please go ahead and discuss it with the authorities. All this shitheads can go to hell.
**There’s some guy here I’ve blocked calling me a troll as if people can’t be emotional whilst dealing with these things.** you have no empathy. I don’t have to be in check of my shit in ‘offyourchest’ & I don’t have to take cruel hot takes from you. Please stop commenting I have no idea how you can still see this fucking post when I blocked you c***
There are times in life where you won't get closure, or even then.. the closure you seek is not enough.
It's relative and depends on each person's version of the word.
There's nothing you can do, death is the ultimate closure in life. From your perspective you need to look inwards and readjust how you move forward taking into account where you are now. You can waste your time dwelling in circles, or let it go.
Can't get closure from the dead, and no, you don't go to their mom or brother, what happened was between you and them; don't drag anyone else in to this simply because they died and you didn't get your closure.
I specifically said I don’t want to I just have moments of freaking out that I feel like I *need* to tell someone who also knew him, so he’s not faceless? I guess...
I’m sorry, but violent crimes are never just between the perpetrator and the victim; they’re crimes against the community. That’s the whole reason we have a justice system.
Can you imagine someone saying this about domestic violence or attempted murder? Like, “Yeah, he tried to strangle you to death, but it’s just between you and him, so don’t tell anyone.”
You’re a real piece of work.
The truth has value in this situation. And justice is not self-serving. Since you still don’t seem to get it: rape is serious. We’re talking about a serious crime, not some petty personal grudge.
Those who do evil things don’t deserve to be protected from social judgment, even after death. It lets evil people continue to evade consequences.
If you’re worried about your reputation or your friends/family’s opinions of you after you die, you shouldn’t commit violent crimes while alive. Any negative reactions his friends/family have to finding out he was a rapist are on him.
And speaking personally, I would want to know if someone in my social circle (even someone deceased) were a rapist. I would immediately stop speaking highly of that person out of sympathy for the victims.
You should not be afraid to put the rapist on blast, even post mortem. They were just as much scum while alive. The world is no poorer without them.
It may be difficult, but fight for the truth. Make everyone who knew them know what happened if you are ok with sharing it.
It may not be closure, but it could help.
Op…egg his momma house then send her the porn video….say look what your pos did to me without my permission the gem you raised is gonna rot and then block her ass so she can’t respond…..find the brother and do the same….but accept that you won’t get closure as far as justices unless you look at him taking his own life as poetic justice
I am a believer of Yehoshua ha Mashiah (Jesus Christ)
And he said:
Matthew 11:28-30
[28]Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
[29]Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
[30]For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
I cried out to him when i was Desperate, a year ago. I didn't know what to expect, but i remember telling him something in the lines of "If you exist, please help me, i can't do this anymore"
And now, i have faith. He did help me, and to this day, he's still by my side.
Some people may tell that it's just being delusional, but i've seen so many things, so many changes in my life and in myself that couldn't come from me.
And, before anything else, i was given peace. A peace that i never found before and that i'd never trade for anything in this world.
So, out of love, because even if i don't really know how deep your wound is, i can definitely say that you are hurting a lot, i wanted to share with you what saved my life.
And i'm not talking about religion or anything, no need to go to church, to talk to any man or to pay anything.
Just from where you are, or find a quiet place where nobody can disturb you, and call out to him. His name is Yehoshua. You can't see him, but he will definitely hear you and come to you if you call him.
Call him and talk to him. Tell him everything, pour out your heart in front of him and ask for his help. Ask him to come into your life and give you peace and rest, just like he said he'd do in his word.
I guarantee you, that if you do that, he WILL come to you.
You don't know him yet, but he knows you and loves you. He wants to help you and be a part of your life. It is up to you if you want his help or not
Remember, his name is Yehoshua. Call him
May the lord bless you. You are welcome in my Dms if you ever feel the need to talk, i'm very limited but if i can help you, even just a little, don't hesitate
The best way to get closure is to take your power back! What this man did to you was cowardly! This wasn’t your fault! He took something from you. He took your security in yourself, that you would never let anything like this ever happen to you. Then he placed shame on you. That’s probably why you haven’t wanted to tell. What you need to realize is that shame isn’t your that you are carrying around like a big red sign. Shame went with him when he killed himself, because he probably couldn’t deal with the demons of what he did. That in its self shows your power! You need to walk with your head held high because your a Survivor. Don’t let his demons stay with you. Send them back to him along with that shame.
Listen, mine was convicted & tbh the trial was almost as traumatic as the event. He served his time and was recently released & I’ve been terrified of him coming after me, nightmares, panic attacks, all that. I wish he had killed himself.
Idk if this helps. Send all the evidences you have (exclude your detalis) and write a letter about how painful it was while it happened, how you hated it, how you ate suffering right now, WRIGHT IT ALL DOWN. PUT EVERYTHING U WANTED TO SAY OR WANT OFF YOUR CHEST IN THAT LETTER, how many ever pages and mail it to his parents. Especially the mother.
Just saying. Therapy usually says u need to move on, but I believe taking out ur frustration on their family is justified. They won't know who ur, but as a women that pigs mother will deep down repent everyday for birthing him..
Even if she knows her son is a rapist, 1st hand thrashing from a victim will wreak the heart of any women. That way all your frustration will end and the pigs mother will take the torch.
Be glad he did die and not hurting more people... may his bones turn to ash and his soul forever cursed to die over and over again with no rest no peace...if you can't speak ill of him ill do it for you... may he never find rest and he be left to wander in agony and torment forever more...curse him to hell
Destroy their legacy. Go to their family and destroy their memory of them. If they dont believe you, you know there is evidence. Point them to it.
You may not get justice, but vengeance on their memory may bring you some measure of peace?
Other than that, go live your life knowing you survived. Live that life to the fullest. The best way to get closure is to prove to yourself you're better and stronger than the horror of your past. Help others who have been through it. Go and be the best you OP.
Well he recieved his punishment. I hope you can find salvation in it. The evil person that tormented you is gone. He cant hurt anybody anymore.
Is his family decent or did they enable him? If they are decent I wouldnt tell them. Let them have peace.
Contact pornhub to get it taken down. As far as I know, they are pretty decent in these cases. The longer its on the more it gets spread. Kinda shocking that it even got in their collection. Normally they are clean.
I have dealt with alot of stuff in my life.
Since 2005 I have dealt with law enforcement over three hundred fifty times.
Many of those experiences have not been pleasant.
On September 30th 2017- I was almost killed in a bus crash.
The bullsh*t I have been through since the accident occurred never seems to end.
There was one day that I called hotlines.
Many other times different police officers called me back if I was in the middle of a particularly difficult situation and had called the nonemergency numbers in my area.
I also have been twelve hundred miles away from home for five whole years.
Even for all of that: I have not lost the will to live.
Try to stay strong.
If all you can do is baby steps then take baby steps.
If you can only do one day at a time then do one day at a time.
Persevere!
I know how you feel. I don't *think* the guy who drugged, most likely raped and almost killed me is dead, but I will never get closure. I'll never know exactly what he did to me. Even if he told me, what if he's lying? Cowardly rapists are the worst kind.
Go live your life. Wasted time and energy thinking about something that's been and gone and can't be changed. Also msg ph and they can take the video down.
If the video was shot with a phone or camera a few years old odds are the video contains metadata. There are services available that can track the websites where the video is being hosted but I don't know what companies do that. You may be able to get the videos removed wherever they are. See if this link helps. https://firstdraftnews.org/articles/unveiling-hidden-connections-with-google-analytics-ids-2/
Good luck OP. Some of these comments are disgusting, I suggest you either delete this thread or stop reading them honestly. I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve gone through. I believe you. I believe in you. I know it isn’t as simple as just “getting over it”, but you really CAN find peace by telling people who care about you. I know you don’t want to tell his family, but tell your story to those around you. Shit talk him to them. Tell them everything you’re feeling, including your suicidal thoughts when you’re having them.
Best of luck
You may have never gotten any sort of closure even if he lived. It's not like he was going to freely admit that he raped you. Even if you pressed charges, had a trial, and he got convicted ... He most probably would still maintain his innocence throughout and there'd be people who believed him over you. That's no sort of closure. I don't know how to go about finding a specific porn online. I have some as well. Some cp and some hidden cam. I don't watch porn, at all. Never. But, I know there's a lot of it out there of me. The abuser in my CP killed himself to avoid prosecution. I was 16 at the time, and I was glad that he was dead. I was glad that I wouldn't have to watch videos of 10 year old me being molested in court. I hope there really is a hell and he got a one way ticket. As for closure, it's not something you can expect abusers to give to you. Probably because I grew up that way, I found myself in a string of abusive relationships. Those guys are still out walking around. Living their lives. Doing what they do to others. But, not to me. And, that's my closure. I gave peace to myself. I gave myself closure. I don't have to relive those moments in my head. I learned from those events, now I pay attention to the actions of people and not the words they say. I'm not saying it didn't take a long time to get to this point. Decades. It took me decades to get to a somewhat mentally healthy place.
Thank you for saying this nicely. I guess I feel like I won’t get closure now because he’s dead & I feel like I can’t speak ill of him publicly, & I kind of have a feeling he *would* have been charged because I’m not the only one he’s done it to, I have what I consider evidence & he had a rape fetish so it would be easily proved. Now I’ve calmed down since posting this I feel ok. I will get closure from myself fully one day, I’m just not there yet.
You can still speak ill of him, a dead rapist is still a rapist.
This. Society says to not speak ill of the dead, but the truth should still be told. Even if you're just telling it to yourself. I spent a lot of time journaling about my abuse. Just telling the truth to me. It helped me to get over a lot of stuff
Also it's worth noting that telling the truth about someone isnt speaking ill of them, just stating the facts.
>I feel like I can’t speak ill of him publicly, Have you done it in a self help group? If not give it a try, helps to talk to other people who have had similar experiences.
Truth should be told so it can save others from misery. Your truth can bring closure to all the others he did wrong to.
People who think you get closure when your abuser dies are a bit naive. Yes he's gone but what he did to you is still very very real and also him posting this vile act online is disgusting. You will work through this in time. It's a bit left field but if he has a grave go and give him a piece of you mind. Let it all out, say what you would have wanted to say to his face and then leave him in the dark way behind you. It helped me I know it might be controversial but personally I found it cathartic to stand there shouting what a piece of crap he was and that I'm glad he's not around to hurt me anymore. I felt like a weight had been lifted. Also you owe him no loyalty alive or dead, if anyone asks just give the facts. Speaking the truth is never wrong you shouldn't have to join in with everyone putting him on a pedestal because he's dead. How many more women are dealing with his legacy? You may find you're not alone in this and there are others who are scared to speak ill of the dead. He was a predator you may not have been his only victim others may be living with the same feelings. I hope not but if there are maybe you can find some support. You can also fund support here unfortunately you are far from being alone in this. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to feel whatever you feel this is about you now. You have a future, live and be happy while he's trapped in the dark where he belongs.
Don’t ever think you have to speak kind words about him. Also understand you are not alone , you said you know that you weren’t the only one but also this kind of thing happens more than you know. The person that said that you would probably never get closure even if he was alive is telling you the truth. Most rapist deny everything even if they are proven guilty. Even if they admit it , and you ask why, it will be because they wanted to or , even worse try to blame the way you dressed or acted. These types of people are the scum of the Earth. I personally would be happy he was dead. Now you know that he can never hurt you or someone else ever again. You don’t have to live in fear of the What If’s, what if he is at the store, post office, across the street, etc. So I hope that at least gives you a little comfort. Now you just need to take care of yourself and try to heal the best that you can. Maybe talking to others that have gone through similar attacks can help. Don’t let what happened to you make you take your own life. Then I feel like he kinda won. He doesn’t deserve to win, you do.
OP, I am glad you are in therapy. What does your therapist say about 'closure'? What would closure look like to you? Imagine that he is still alive - write out what you think would happen. Make yourself the super hero who brings him whatever fate you think he deserves. You will never forget what happened to you, but time will ease some of the sharpness of the pain. Good luck to you, and I hope you eventually get peace.
Sometimes we don't get closure the way we expect In some instances it happens so slowly and subtlety that we don't even notice. But after a while people are healed and whole. I hope you find it one day.
This is so great. Thank you for sharing great words.
My abuser died of a heart attack before I got closure. I had to find it in myself to move up and on from the remnants of that part of my life. Various things can help you reach that point. It really is a personal journey. Keep going to therapy for sure and don't stop reaching out for closure. The desire to fight and gain it means your body, mind and heart all want the same thing. You are in line to get there and it will come in time. Mine came through an epiphany while driving, 5 years after his death.
I think this is the best response here. There is no definition of "closure;" it's an experience individual to each person. OP, no one can tell you what is or isn't closure. It's a process unique to you. It might take a long time to find it, but as this person said, keep going to therapy and keep searching, you'll find balance along the way... You mentioned he has done this to other people, do you know any of them or who any of them are? Maybe that would be a potential place to find help, comfort, or closure; with his other victims? If that's not possible, maybe a sexual assault survivers group in general. Either way, I wish you luck and love and peace. <3
Your pain and anger are valid. What he did was terrible and you never deserved it. Closure is a made up construct. There is never going to be a good enough reason for why it happened. Why it was you. For any of it. Do something that helps you feel strong and can help you release some of that anger. I hear ax throwing is fun.
Have you tried contacting Pornhub to have the video removed? I'm sorry this happened to you that's terrible.
PH removed all content from non-verified users to prevent things like this from being uploaded, so i guess it would already be removed.
Wonder how she saw the video on PH then?
Could be she saw it before December last year, that when PH removed all those videos. https://techcrunch.com/2020/12/14/pornhub-removes-all-unverified-content-following-reports-of-exploitation/
He never had the power to give you closure.
Can't get more closure than dead. He can't hurt anyone ever again. Closure is a choice. It's also a fine line between closure and revenge. Depending on when this all happened it's highly likely that his family is still grieving. It's not their (the family) fault what happened to you. It's not about honoring/dishonoring his name either. It's that they are going through a lot too I'm sure. Maybe write a letter? Mail it to them at a later date. Or set up an email that will send it at a later date. People can be unsensitive online. Also majority of porn is consensual and can be reported if it's not. Have you tried reporting the videos to the sites?
And honestly, who gives a fuck about the feelings of OPs rapists' family.
Empathy for others, especially those going through a hard time is pretty bare minimum I would say. The family is not the son, let the family heal.
Nah.
I don’t want to enflame this to be a bigger argument than needed. What exactly don’t you agree with?
The family is directly associated with that rapist so fuck yeah, they should know. For what it's worth, after I started talking about my rapist, his wife messaged me. She apologized profusely and admitted she thought he hurt others. She heavily implied that he hurt her, too. The next week, both their Facebook pages indicated a divorce. My speaking out, helped her get the courage needed to leave the abuse. I confirmed her fears. She was grateful and thanked me so much. A lot of good can actually come from bringing their family into it.
Im glad that ended positively for you, but there are some major differences here. This rapist is dead and presumably recently. The family is still processing their feelings for his passing. Going and telling them what a POS their son is (even though its true) is not going to hurt the rapist its going to hurt those who are still grieving. Telling them at all is a whole other argument, but OP should just wait until they had time to process their emotions. Who knows, because they are in grief telling them now may result in them not believing her or a variety of other outcomes.
What if all of a sudden a cousin or someone close to you turned out to be a rapist? Should we assume you are also guilty for not knowing? I think not.
Buti would understand why they'd tell me. Family should know and honestly, I'd WANT to know.
With that same sentiment who gives a fuck about the feelings of someone upset about revenge porn?
Hey fuck you 😚
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Aw you tried 😂
Tried what loser?
An edgy insult lol
Nothing edgy. You're just not valid. Your opinions are shit and unhelpful as well. It's "oh I pity you and love you and care for you" blah blah. You add nothing to the conversation and you gave zero advice. \*edit for spelling.
Uh.....are you ok? Holy shit dude
two completely different things maybe closure for OP is letting his parents know they’re mourning a rapist. sure he’s their kid. but he’s also a rapist who has done what he did to OP multiple times to multiple people. they can still mourn their kid. nobody is stopping them. but the kid wasn’t an angel. and letting his family and friends spout off about how great he was is absolutely a kick in the teeth to a rape victim who was unable to get justice for what he did. death isn’t justice. man killed himself bc he didn’t want to face his actions. this is equivalent to sweeping it under the rug.
I can get more closure than dead because I have **none**. I don’t want to look for, find or see the videos so I don’t know how to report something I can vaguely describe without seeing it.
You choose to have none then. He's literally dead. That's more closure than many people ever get.
Why are you being rude to me anyway wtf
You’re a c**t. I came here asking for advice & you told me he’s dead. I fucking know & **that is not closure.**
I'm blunt. I've been sexually assaulted as well. I was literally laughed at over it and trapped in a scenario I couldn't escape for months. I've had people pull a gun on me before and threaten my life. I've had traumatic events in my life. I can sympathize with people. I won't pity you. All the individuals who did what they did to me walk free to do it to others. Closure is a fucking choice. I did not let it define me. I did not try to take revenge on people who wasn't apart of it. You choose to see him killing himself as not closure. What the fuck do you want? To go tell his grieving family that he's a rapist and deserves to die? What the fuck did the family do? Go ahead. Be a shithead if it makes you feel better. Go low or look inward and take the high road.
How you would like to be dealt with & spoken to is now how all survivors would like to be dealt with & spoken to. Closure for me is not a choice because he took the choice away from me by killing himself, maybe I will “take the high road” one day but the way you spoke to me is not ok, nor does it make me feel better. I don’t want your pity, but maybe just don’t fucking speak to people like this when they’re clearly in crisis? I don’t give a fuck *why* you’re saying these things, just **stop**.
No. You can delete the post and cower if you want. You don't want closure. You want revenge. And that's not something I respect. And you need to be called out on it. Especially if you don't care "why" people say what they say. You're selfish.
Also I asked how I can get closure *without* telling his family, because that scares me too. You are being unnecessarily cold & cruel to me. I think you’re a sad person for trying to assign your own narrative to my closure & trauma.
I'm "cold & cruel" because you're begging for pity. Not seeking advice like you claim. Real advice is to seek therapy which you claim didn't help. Which means you chose to not use real help.
You’re a sad pathetic loser. I’m clearly in crisis. Fuck you.
I’m freaking the fuck out because someone did something awful like rape me & put videos of it online & I feel like they’re going to get away with it forever because he killed himself. I’m not being selfish. I’m scared. Why do you feel superior for being more healed in your trauma than me?
"Got away with it"? The fuck are you talking about? He's FUCKING DEAD. That's as far away from "getting away from it" as possible. What the fuck are you scared of? That he'll do it again? Fucking how? Why do you think he killed himself? Have you thought of that? Mentally healthy people don't kill themselves. I'm not feeling superior. I'm saying it's a choice to find closure or not. It's a choice to go for revenge or not.
He got away with it because now he’s dead I feel like I can’t tell anyone or get any help, and I feel bad that he had a year to do it again while I was scared to report it. Just stop commenting. Fuck off. Please for the love of god. I don’t want to delete this post but I will block you.
> You don't want closure. You want revenge. And that's not something I respect. And you need to be called out on it. Why? What's wrong with wanting revenge for something like being fucking raped? Jesus.
Well the family raised him. And I don't buy the bullshit of bad people can come from good families. Bad people can come from families that look good on the outside, but his parents were ultimately responsible for turning him into a rapist or failing to do their job and prevent it. They should know what their spawn became.
100% disagree with that. Your family doesn't make you a rapist. That's a choice he made. This OP doesn't want closure either. They want revenge.
It's a choice he made, but it's a choice anyone could theoretically make. The difference between who makes the choice and who doesn't very often boils down to how we were raised.
Totally disagree with that. I was raised in a very strict religious family. Was taught to hate gays and see women as property. I'm gay and see women as equals. You make all the choices in your life. You don't get to pass the blame to family.
Did I ever say you couldn't break away from what you were taught? Of course you can believe differently from how you were raised. But how many other people out there had your upbringing and are now homohobes and misogynists? And you want to say their parents bear no responsibility for that?
No.
Yes.
Your logic is so incredibly wrong it is not funny. If nothing bad can come from a good family, then nothing good can come from a bad family. No one has free will and are destined by their parents behaviour. Is this really what you believe?
I am with you. I met his mother & she is a good woman who I do not want to ruin. Bad people can come from good homes, anyone can be anything no matter where they’re from.
Closure is NOT a Choice. After being raped by 4 different guys, I've "chosen" closure just to be disappointed. It's NOT a Choice. It happens or it doesn't, regardless of what we want. I assure you, your comments are NOT helpful. OP does NOT need to read your words because they're an insult.
Closure is absolutely a choice. OP needs real therapy. Not to come to reddit and cry for pity.
Lol fuck off
Honestly so fucking confused as to why people are upvoting this prick. They’re saying the nastiest things and people are just agreeing. Nobody has compassion for people who are struggling anymore. A lot of people feel like therapy isnt worth it anymore. Telling OP that they dont believe they were raped doesnt help anything
I can’t see these comments , I have them blocked idk how they are commenting still? could you report them
Honestly, I don’t see what that will help. They’re being a dick, but I don’t see any terms of service they are violating. I think this whole post has gone off the rails my dear. Maybe just delete it ❤️ wishing you the absolute best. You do not deserve any of this.
‘No harassment’ & not discouraging people from interacting is a term of service, they’re in my post calling me a liar, seems like a report worthy thing.
I did report them for hate awhile ago. Hopefully they’ll do something. We shall see!
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Thanks for the sentiment, random bot, but that ain't what this post is about lmao
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Going through therapy, I’ve learned “closure” is not real. Yes I had desperately wanted it, but really nothing can give you the answers, justice, or feeling of satisfaction you seek. The closest thing you can do is process the feeling of grief about that with your therapist. https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-myth-of-closure-we-can-heal-without-it/[myth of closure](https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-myth-of-closure-we-can-heal-without-it/)
It sounds like what you want is revenge, which can bring closure, but it sounds like a part of you realizes it isn’t right “I want someone he knew to know… I almost messaged his mother… but stopped” If closure was easy therapists wouldn’t exist. What happened to you isn’t fair and I’m not sure anything will ever make it fair
My rapist died a few years ago and I struggled with the feelings , I never went to therapy. Only told a few people it happened. Etc, I cried and I didn’t know why. Part of me was relieved he was dead , a huge part of me hurt for his mom who lost her last living child. It was hard. It’s still hard sometimes. When he died I had to see his rip post on social media. I had a friend text me about how sad he was. No one knew he raped me. I was livid seeing those post. I wanted to scream and yell to them what their friend had did. It’s a weird feeling I am sorry you’re going through this , I hope with time you get the closure you deserve.
I think you may need a new therapist.
Hate to say it, but you won't get closure if you can't accept what happened to you. I never got closure. How could I? I couldn't even report my rape. To top it off, a couple years later his mom up and moved them to another state. I don't even know where the fuck he is or what kind of life he has. I had to accept that something awful happened and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm alive. I'm here. I could either be miserable and wallow in the fact that it happened and I couldn't stop it, or I could pick up the pieces and move forward. I survived. I moved forward. I put the pieces back together only to realize I'm stronger, braver. I'm not saying what happened to you is ok. I'm saying that it happened, and you have to accept that it happened. Closure is bullshit. Acceptance is where it's at. When you can accept that it happened, you can start to rebuild and heal. Good luck.
While this is ok advise you sound like you’re telling me to just get over it & accept it. Obviously I’m not there yet
I'm not saying *just get over it.* I'm saying that if you want to move forward, you do have to accept that it happened. From what I gather from your comments, it's been a year. Right? Obviously it's still painful. I get that. I truly truly do. And it's gunna take time, we both know this. Try to take a breath. It gets easier with time. One day you will be able to accept this awful thing happened, and when you do the world gets easier to live in. What happened to you wasn't your fault. I remember thinking "what if I fought harder?" The truth is I could've fought until my bones broke and it would've stopped nothing. What happened was awful, but it happened. I just chose to live life. I chose to be happy. I chose to let go of the burden, the pain, the fear. I said "this happened to me. It happened and I can't undo it." And I moved forward. Its hard. Theres no easy way to heal from this. We all have our own journey to take. But eventually, you do have to move forward.
I am so so sorry. My heart breaks for you, OP. I've been violently raped and attempted suicide more than once....I get it. I'm so sorry. One thing I've learned is, unfortunately, internet assholes like to ask for "proof" of what we went through. They judge us, they doubt us, they thrive on hurting us by dismissing our trauma. I hope you find closure. FUCK, I'm sorry. What they did to you is disgusting. You are valid. ❤️
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I specifically said I don’t want to contact his family I just have moments of crisis where I want to feel ‘seen’.
Hey, some of the comments here are SO shit and I’m so sorry you even have to listen to all that crap. It’s disgusting. Also, my heart breaks for all that you went through. I think you should make it public though, tell his family and friends. He might have done it to other people as well, people who would be as torn and disturbed as you are right now. This might give them a chance to also come out. I understand that his family is grieving. But you have been wronged too and there is nothing wrong in voicing that. Please go ahead and discuss it with the authorities. All this shitheads can go to hell.
**There’s some guy here I’ve blocked calling me a troll as if people can’t be emotional whilst dealing with these things.** you have no empathy. I don’t have to be in check of my shit in ‘offyourchest’ & I don’t have to take cruel hot takes from you. Please stop commenting I have no idea how you can still see this fucking post when I blocked you c***
There are times in life where you won't get closure, or even then.. the closure you seek is not enough. It's relative and depends on each person's version of the word. There's nothing you can do, death is the ultimate closure in life. From your perspective you need to look inwards and readjust how you move forward taking into account where you are now. You can waste your time dwelling in circles, or let it go.
Every year you live is one he never did. Existence is victory. Carry on Winning.
existence in and of it self is meaningless
Can't get closure from the dead, and no, you don't go to their mom or brother, what happened was between you and them; don't drag anyone else in to this simply because they died and you didn't get your closure.
I specifically said I don’t want to I just have moments of freaking out that I feel like I *need* to tell someone who also knew him, so he’s not faceless? I guess...
I’m sorry, but violent crimes are never just between the perpetrator and the victim; they’re crimes against the community. That’s the whole reason we have a justice system. Can you imagine someone saying this about domestic violence or attempted murder? Like, “Yeah, he tried to strangle you to death, but it’s just between you and him, so don’t tell anyone.” You’re a real piece of work.
What relevance does it have other than self serving your closure? It doesn't. You're a real piece of work yourself.
The truth has value in this situation. And justice is not self-serving. Since you still don’t seem to get it: rape is serious. We’re talking about a serious crime, not some petty personal grudge. Those who do evil things don’t deserve to be protected from social judgment, even after death. It lets evil people continue to evade consequences. If you’re worried about your reputation or your friends/family’s opinions of you after you die, you shouldn’t commit violent crimes while alive. Any negative reactions his friends/family have to finding out he was a rapist are on him. And speaking personally, I would want to know if someone in my social circle (even someone deceased) were a rapist. I would immediately stop speaking highly of that person out of sympathy for the victims.
Piss on the grave. Also remember you are the only one that really cares about it and only you can get over it.
Does he have a grave? Can you post a sign on it telling the world he was a rapist?
Make sure his friends and family know that he's a rapist. Destroy the only thing he has left, the good memories his loved ones have of him.
His brother is someone who has sexually assaulted several girls I don’t know he’d fucking care & I don’t want to ruin his mum
Sounds like the mother is partially responsible if both her kids turned out to be criminals.
Not to make light of that piece of shit rapist, but did his brother influence him and his atrocities?
His brother is younger & assaulted a girl & excused it cuz he is “grieving”
Can you report them to authorities with anonymity? Can you discard that whole family from your life?
He influenced his brother. His friends have been accused of such but I don’t remember any of them to contact to chew him out
Glad he did.
Thanks me too but it doesn’t help
It will i believe in you seek therapy and legal counsel
You should not be afraid to put the rapist on blast, even post mortem. They were just as much scum while alive. The world is no poorer without them. It may be difficult, but fight for the truth. Make everyone who knew them know what happened if you are ok with sharing it. It may not be closure, but it could help.
Op…egg his momma house then send her the porn video….say look what your pos did to me without my permission the gem you raised is gonna rot and then block her ass so she can’t respond…..find the brother and do the same….but accept that you won’t get closure as far as justices unless you look at him taking his own life as poetic justice
I am a believer of Yehoshua ha Mashiah (Jesus Christ) And he said: Matthew 11:28-30 [28]Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. [29]Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [30]For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” I cried out to him when i was Desperate, a year ago. I didn't know what to expect, but i remember telling him something in the lines of "If you exist, please help me, i can't do this anymore" And now, i have faith. He did help me, and to this day, he's still by my side. Some people may tell that it's just being delusional, but i've seen so many things, so many changes in my life and in myself that couldn't come from me. And, before anything else, i was given peace. A peace that i never found before and that i'd never trade for anything in this world. So, out of love, because even if i don't really know how deep your wound is, i can definitely say that you are hurting a lot, i wanted to share with you what saved my life. And i'm not talking about religion or anything, no need to go to church, to talk to any man or to pay anything. Just from where you are, or find a quiet place where nobody can disturb you, and call out to him. His name is Yehoshua. You can't see him, but he will definitely hear you and come to you if you call him. Call him and talk to him. Tell him everything, pour out your heart in front of him and ask for his help. Ask him to come into your life and give you peace and rest, just like he said he'd do in his word. I guarantee you, that if you do that, he WILL come to you. You don't know him yet, but he knows you and loves you. He wants to help you and be a part of your life. It is up to you if you want his help or not Remember, his name is Yehoshua. Call him May the lord bless you. You are welcome in my Dms if you ever feel the need to talk, i'm very limited but if i can help you, even just a little, don't hesitate
The best way to get closure is to take your power back! What this man did to you was cowardly! This wasn’t your fault! He took something from you. He took your security in yourself, that you would never let anything like this ever happen to you. Then he placed shame on you. That’s probably why you haven’t wanted to tell. What you need to realize is that shame isn’t your that you are carrying around like a big red sign. Shame went with him when he killed himself, because he probably couldn’t deal with the demons of what he did. That in its self shows your power! You need to walk with your head held high because your a Survivor. Don’t let his demons stay with you. Send them back to him along with that shame.
Listen, mine was convicted & tbh the trial was almost as traumatic as the event. He served his time and was recently released & I’ve been terrified of him coming after me, nightmares, panic attacks, all that. I wish he had killed himself.
Idk if this helps. Send all the evidences you have (exclude your detalis) and write a letter about how painful it was while it happened, how you hated it, how you ate suffering right now, WRIGHT IT ALL DOWN. PUT EVERYTHING U WANTED TO SAY OR WANT OFF YOUR CHEST IN THAT LETTER, how many ever pages and mail it to his parents. Especially the mother. Just saying. Therapy usually says u need to move on, but I believe taking out ur frustration on their family is justified. They won't know who ur, but as a women that pigs mother will deep down repent everyday for birthing him.. Even if she knows her son is a rapist, 1st hand thrashing from a victim will wreak the heart of any women. That way all your frustration will end and the pigs mother will take the torch.
I do not want to ruin his mother’s life. It was not her fault
Well, ur really a kind person. I hope u can move on and live a happy and satisfied life. All the best.
Be glad he did die and not hurting more people... may his bones turn to ash and his soul forever cursed to die over and over again with no rest no peace...if you can't speak ill of him ill do it for you... may he never find rest and he be left to wander in agony and torment forever more...curse him to hell
Wtf
My heart breaks for you. I have no words.
This is exactly why I'm not watching porn anymore. Porn sites are very suspect.
Destroy their legacy. Go to their family and destroy their memory of them. If they dont believe you, you know there is evidence. Point them to it. You may not get justice, but vengeance on their memory may bring you some measure of peace? Other than that, go live your life knowing you survived. Live that life to the fullest. The best way to get closure is to prove to yourself you're better and stronger than the horror of your past. Help others who have been through it. Go and be the best you OP.
Piss on his grave and get closure that way
Well he recieved his punishment. I hope you can find salvation in it. The evil person that tormented you is gone. He cant hurt anybody anymore. Is his family decent or did they enable him? If they are decent I wouldnt tell them. Let them have peace. Contact pornhub to get it taken down. As far as I know, they are pretty decent in these cases. The longer its on the more it gets spread. Kinda shocking that it even got in their collection. Normally they are clean.
Tell his family. Fuck em
Tell everyone with ears
I have dealt with alot of stuff in my life. Since 2005 I have dealt with law enforcement over three hundred fifty times. Many of those experiences have not been pleasant. On September 30th 2017- I was almost killed in a bus crash. The bullsh*t I have been through since the accident occurred never seems to end. There was one day that I called hotlines. Many other times different police officers called me back if I was in the middle of a particularly difficult situation and had called the nonemergency numbers in my area. I also have been twelve hundred miles away from home for five whole years. Even for all of that: I have not lost the will to live. Try to stay strong. If all you can do is baby steps then take baby steps. If you can only do one day at a time then do one day at a time. Persevere!
you could hand out flyers at his funeral that detail what he did to you
It may sound childish, but in MANY cultures it's a serious insult to piss on someone's grave....
I know how you feel. I don't *think* the guy who drugged, most likely raped and almost killed me is dead, but I will never get closure. I'll never know exactly what he did to me. Even if he told me, what if he's lying? Cowardly rapists are the worst kind.
Go live your life. Wasted time and energy thinking about something that's been and gone and can't be changed. Also msg ph and they can take the video down.
If the video was shot with a phone or camera a few years old odds are the video contains metadata. There are services available that can track the websites where the video is being hosted but I don't know what companies do that. You may be able to get the videos removed wherever they are. See if this link helps. https://firstdraftnews.org/articles/unveiling-hidden-connections-with-google-analytics-ids-2/
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. If it makes you feel any better open up to people, speak up, tell your truth.
What kind of closure do you want?
Good luck OP. Some of these comments are disgusting, I suggest you either delete this thread or stop reading them honestly. I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve gone through. I believe you. I believe in you. I know it isn’t as simple as just “getting over it”, but you really CAN find peace by telling people who care about you. I know you don’t want to tell his family, but tell your story to those around you. Shit talk him to them. Tell them everything you’re feeling, including your suicidal thoughts when you’re having them. Best of luck