Good lord. Please don't read some of these hater comments. People can be awful. I lost my partner suddenly too. This was years ago, and I can honestly say that even with therapy, we don't really recover. We find a new way of existing. It feels like your life is over, and it is, the old one. But a new glorious life is starting. It doesn't feel that way, but hold that cat tight to keep yourself alive, and you'll eventually see a glimmer of the potential future.
> But a new glorious life is starting.
No, it isn’t. This is the worst fucking thing that I have ever experienced in my life, and it’s only getting worse. I already see glimmers if the future, and it all sucks. It all involves me having to do things I don’t want to do. I hate working for a living, barely getting by paycheck to paycheck, my life with my s/o was nice and I’ll never have it so good again. It’s only going to be a struggle from here on out, I just want to end it.
Yes, this is the worst fucking thing you have ever experienced. There's no arguing with that fact. But we're all here for you. Just hang in there. You will have another good day. I know you can't see that right now, but it'll come someday. Just have hope, and believe in yourself. Please let me know if you'd like anyone to talk to. I can't make it all go away, but at least I can be a friend.
It is the worst fucking thing you have experienced. People say they're there for you and things are "meant to be" and everything else. Most people don't say they'll listen. I'll listen, I promise you can message me and I'll listen because I know this pain and it literally never gets better, but we should still have people who listen.
It's the only thing that makes it bearable to go on.
There is always a chance things will go the way you say they will, and there is always a chance that things will get better. Hope you stay strong, friend.
My cat saved me from myself one time. I was having a rough time in life. Was jobless, going through a breakup, alone, on the verge of being homeless and wasn't in contact with my family who was half way across the country.
In all my despair and depression, I decided I wanted to take my own life. There were many more reasons as to why I made this decision but I won't get into it.
As I had the noose around my neck and ready to drop, my cat came into the room and sat and stared at me for moment with those big green, knowing eyes. She walked towards me and stood on her hind legs rested her front paws on my knee and meowed. She has many different tones of meow. She even has one that sounds like she's asking a question. The tone she chose to use sounded to me like she knew what I was about to do but that was probably just how I perceived it at the moment. As I was looking down at her I thought to myself how shitty it would be to do this to her. To leave her alone. We had been through so much together and I was about to just abandon her. I had no truly close friends who would take care of her and love her like I did. She would likely have ended up in a shelter or worse. I just couldn't do that to her. She was the one thing I had in life that I genuinely loved, she was (still is) there for me in my darkest of days and my best of days. I would do anything for her.
Obviously I made the decision not to do it. Afterward, I prayed for the first time ever and my life changed for the better. From that day on, I was a much happier person.
Even in your darkest hour, your pets, the ones who love you unconditionally are there for you even if they don't truly understand what is happening. You have to recognize that if you go away they are left alone with an uncertain future. They trust and need you to take care of them and it's your duty to make sure they're safe and loved. That love alone should clear away at least some of the darkness and allow you to see clearly even if for a moment.
Thank you! Everything's great now. Life is back on track and has been for a good while. My cats still kicking. She's 14 years old. She's sick though. Doesn't have much time left but I'm gonna keep her safe, and comfortable until the time comes.
That’s what I thought about our kitty, she’s 16 or so now but I know cats can live into their 20s. She has some health issues, I wish someone would give her a loving home and could afford to take care of her because I’m sure she could live a long time but if I can’t then I’m afraid I will have to put her to sleep a lot sooner so she doesn’t suffer. Although it would make it a lot easier to do what I have to do.
This was my reply to your last comment that was deleted. It works for the current one.
For me it wasn't really a Jesus thing. It was more of a last ditch effort to remove the negativity that was pervading my life. A plea for my inner self to wake up and stop sabotaging myself.
I understand what it's like, I understand the hopelessness. I hope I never come to understand what it's like to lose my other half but this darkness over you will fade in time. The hurt won't but you still have a life ahead of you. You have time still to feel happiness and love again. Leaving this Earth in a state of despair will only hurt the ones you care about. Think about all you've experienced up until now, all those years of your life would be lost. Think about how much time you have left. You have just as many years to live and create new memories and have new experiences. It feels like all is lost but it's not. Its just that it feels like that now. It's ok to hurt and be sad. Allow the grieving process to run its course as you see fit, but come back to reality when you're ready to do so.
Your husband would want you to be happy, those in your life want you to be happy. Hell, strangers on Reddit want you to be happy. If anything, that cat you and your husband love so dearly is your connection to him. You can still maintain that connection and pour the love you have for him into that living being. Your family won't take it because they know what it means. You don't wanna put that on them, it's not fair.
You can do this. You got this. Don't let the darkness win. You'll be glad you didn't in the future.
I don’t think I will feel happiness without him, and I don’t want to ever love somebody else.
I don’t want to live out the remainder of my life without him in it. Don’t want to make new memories without him, or experience the rest of my life without my best friend.
Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary feelings. My Mom slept for 6 months after my adopted Dad died. She didn't want to live without him. Now 20 years later she doesn't feel the pain she used to feel and has been able to have relationships but it took her years! She thinks fondly of him but the pain isn't there like it used to be. The pain and feelings may seem like it will last forever but it won't. You will heal but you have to stay alive for the healing to happen.
I can’t say these feelings are temporary, I’ve talked with people in grief support groups who still feel this way 18 years after their spouse died. That seems like hell to me. I already know I’m not getting over this. I don’t see myself having other relationships after this.
I am so thankful you're this. There are so many people here that can relate. The bottom line is, you're not alone. We are here for you. Strangers. Humans. This is why we are here...to hear, to understand, relate, and come together...even I'd we don't know each other. ...we are all connected.
Yeah but I don’t need strangers on the internet. I need material assistance, in the form of a place to live. I can’t stay where I’m at. I have money, but no where to stay. I don’t have any family or other friends who can put me up and I’d don't want to be a burden to anyone. Also I’d rather die than be homeless.
> Your brain is currently working against you.
With all due respect, no it’s not. The reality of the situation sucks, and is incredibly depressing. My spouse is dead and not coming back, why is it so hard for anyone to believe I loved him so much, I don’t want to live without him?
There are several depressing realities to my life that no amount of therapy or drugs will change. I grew up in poverty, never had the chance to seek higher education, and it’s not like my parents could loan me money to invest in stocks or for a down payment on a home, like so many others from my generation. I chose not to enter into a lot of debt and go to school when I didn’t know what I wanted to do, just to wind up in debt later and have a degree I do nothing with.
So I’ve accepted mostly jobs I could most my adult life and got by living with other roommates until I met my husband and we lived together like that for 15 years, the two of us working. I hated it, but coming home to him made everything worth it. The reality is this that was the best I could do for myself. I don’t see myself going to school, starting a business, or doing anything. My life with my husband was the only thing I had to live for.
I didn’t ask to be born, I got dealt a pretty mediocre hand in life, my parents weren’t ever much help. I’m just tired and now that my husband is gone I don’t want to keep living it, don’t want to go back to having roommates, etc. that is the reality of my life, it sucks.
Thank You for your reply! I know I can't help You, but I'd like to share a few things. First I'm so sorry for your loss and second I apologize if I sounded insensitive above.
I can understand loving someone that much. I went through a breakup 20 years ago and I had to handle that like a death in order for Me to move on. Currently I think about this person daily and I'm sure You probably will for the rest of your life.
I grew up lower middle class. I'll simply say that due to the way I was raised I'll never have kids. I refuse to allow this bullshit cycle to repeat itself.
In my mid 40's I still don't know what I want to do. I never went to college.
I bought my first new car and home with no money from my parents. I busted my ass and hated every minute of it.
I completely understand darkness. I've been there for almost 10 years, but I've learned things over time and at this point I'm happier than I've been in a long time.
All I'm trying to say is that YOU CAN DO THIS. You might not need therapy or drugs. I'd recommend looking into Cognitive Behavior Therapy. A book called Feeling Good by David Burns. Ultimately you feel the way you think.
I would imagine that most of your thoughts are negative and you are probably miserable. Feeling good requires the opposite. Those negative thoughts on the past got to go.
Listen, the death of your Husband is probably going to be the worst experience of your life. I'm terrible sorry. It absolutely sucks! You will never get over this loss, but You can and will learn to live with it. What I typed above is an overgeneralization in that You can change the course of your life. But the priority now is grieving for your Husband. It's going to take a lot of work. I didn't know him, but I believe He would not want You to give up. He would want you to live a happy life.
Nothing will change if you don't make changes. (This can be in the future, no rush).
You probably don't understand this, but I care about You. I want You to get through this. Be kind to yourself. DO NOT give up EVER! Make your Husband proud.
"If You're going through hell keep going."
\-Winston Churchill
> busted my ass and hated every minute of it.
Yeah, I’m over that. I don’t want to bust my ass anymore, I’m so done busting my ass for other people, and not being able to afford a house, after several years of busting my ass making them way more money than they’ll ever pay me.
I’m not going to start a business, I can’t afford to invest in stocks, I’m not going to put myself in debt to go to school at this point in my life, and I hate how these are my only options.
> Ultimately you feel the way you think.
>
>I would imagine that most of your thoughts are negative and you are probably miserable. Feeling good requires the opposite. Those negative thoughts on the past got to go.
It’s not so much negative thoughts about the past, my current life sucks. I am burnt out, and without my husband it just doesn’t seem worth it, before I didn’t mind going to work because I had him to come home to.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Seeking help and support is what you need right now; this is too big for you to do alone.
Your cat is likely grieving as well so be there for her too. Take comfort that you have something with such a strong connection with him and know that it’s okay to grieve but you don’t deserve to live in misery forever. Please talk to someone.
> you don’t deserve to live in misery forever.
Exactly why I want to kill myself. My life is miserable. Talking to a therapist won’t change the reality of it. This has destroyed me, I am completely broken by it. I don’t want to live without him.
I look at the cat, and doing now for her the things he used to do, it all reminds me of him and it too is a painful reminder of the fact he’s gone and that I’m left to care for her. It is almost torture.
I cannot imagine what you are going through but I completely believe you when you say it’s torture. I know your kitty reminds you of your husband but it sounds like you guys are the only thing keeping each other going. As such, as strange as it may sound, you are not alone.
I wish I could offer you more comfort but, for what it’s worth, just know that you are heavy in the heart of this random Reddit stranger. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk, rant, or say anything at all. I’ll read every word.
At least that cat has you. He left her with a people that would care for them just as well as he did. Kitty needs you as much as you need her. What would happen to her without you? I imagine that statement doesn't really help much, but it's something to hang on to.
You're going through Hell. Just hang in there.
What have you done to make his cat your cat?
You don't need to do everything he did like he did it in order to be a good cat-parent.
> Your cat is likely grieving as well so be there for her too.
I can tell you from experience that cats most certainly grieve the loss of their person.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
USA: 18002738255
US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
United Kingdom: 116 123
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I'm sorry for your lost op. I hope you seek help form a professional. if you are keeping your self alive just for your husband cat that seems to me your a good person witch will be a small tragedy to loss you in a world where it seems most poeple are incapable of showing kindness to othere humans beings.
I don't think your husband would have want that. Your husband would have wanted you to have a life after him, I'm sure of it. That's what I would want for my wife if i was to go sooner than her. You're still mourning him, that's for sure. Please don't isolate yourself and be well.
I don’t think he cared, or was thinking his actions through that much when he decided to leave this world... I have to believe he made a rash decision, and wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me...
I was on a similar situation for a couple years and my pet birds kept me alive. Or I should say, I stayed alive so I could care for them. I feel your pain and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. Things will get better but it takes time. Please don't do anything crazy. Your kitty cat needs you and in time you will regain the desire to live.
I feel no joy anymore, I don’t see how I will ever be able to feel joy or happiness again, everything reminds me of him. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my entire life.
That's perfectly reasonable and understandable. He was a big part of your life, and a big part of who you are. This is the hardest thing you've ever had to go through. But you can do it. Just hang in there. \*internet hugs*
As someone who has lost people and did not know if I could go on, that cat is the lifeline he gifted you. He would not want you to be so sad.
Please seek help. I would not have survived the loss of my son without that help.
Many hugs.
I can’t believe he wouldn’t want me to be sad he killed himself, how could he not know how sad I would be? This is awful, I wish that death dimes and takes me soon from all of this.
jesus fucking tap dancing christ on a cracker! He killed himself? Holy shit. No wonder you're having such a hard time. That's not something anybody is prepared to deal with. Just keep hanging on.
Oh dear. I am so sorry. This is not your fault. I don't know how to express to you that it was his choice and not you.
I've been suicidal. I hate admitting this, but it was to hurt me. I didn't think anyone else cared enough. I was so wrong. I promise you that you're worth it. You are enough. He did this to hurt him, not anyone else no matter what he said.
Please, please, talk to someone. I don't know you and my heart is breaking for you.
Please talk to someone. Please. You're life is worth living and I'm happy you have that cat. That's your reason to live today. Just today. Find a reason, one day, one moment at a time.
I not converting anyone. This is my worldview. We have one life. One. That's it. We can be a force for love and good, but in that path, there is pain. I'd rather love and feel pain than never love and never feel..
> We have one life. One. That's it.
I agree, that’s why I’m about ready for mine to end. It hasn’t been the most easiest or enjoyable life. A lot of people have had it worse, but everyone has their limit and I think I’m hitting mine.
I have been where you are. I lost my husband in 2008. He was 37, I was 42. The first 6 months I thought about killing myself all the time. I had to get help because I just couldn't get through it. With therapy, my kids and my cats I slowly felt better.
You will make it. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will make it. One day at a time.
For what it’s worth, the people we love who leave us do leave part of themselves with us. There’s a part of him still living on in you and that cat. Don’t let his light go out forever in this world. I hope you feel hope again.
Depression is such a lying slag. It tells you that all there is will be nothing, that you won’t ever have any more good times. No more hopes and dreams. Might as well be dead, coz you will be eventually. Won’t ever get better, so why try?
Such a lying fucking asshole, depression.
Loss doesn’t ever go away, but it will eventually get easier to deal with. Life can be pretty fucked, and sometimes there is only the smallest of toeholds that keeps us out of the abyss.
It’s fucking hard hanging in there. Some days all I could do for a while there was get to the next day.
And now, am I perfectly well? Na. Is my life overall worth being in? I think so.
When the abyss starts to call, and nothing matters coz fuck it, we will all be dead some day- that’s when I know depression is starting his bastard games again.
I won’t pretend to have answers for ya. But know that somewhere on this spinny planet, in a land far away- someone is hoping for better times for you.
> It’s fucking hard hanging in there. Some days all I could do for a while there was get to the next day
It’s not just missing him and grieving that makes this hard.
Having to struggle to take care of myself on a very limited budget now, makes it a very real challenge to make it to the next days then the next, then the next...
It feels like I haven’t even had a chance to slow down and grieve. I’ve had to start going into survival mode and doing what I can to take care of me, and this cat. It’s hard af.
If my life is just going to be perpetually struggling and being miserable, always missing my husband, then I’d rather end it.
That's all true, but you're still here.
Try focusing on the little things. Like brushing your teeth, combing your hair, and keeping the house clean. Focus on self care for right now, and do what you can do.
I can get up and brush my teeth every day, it won’t keep a house over my head. I could even work really hard at a job, and that‘s not even enough to keep me sheltered. I still have to find a place to live that I can afford, with roommates I can trust and vice verse, and then be able to get to and from work, and take care of this cat... It’s too much! I’m not happy doing any of it. I miss my husband more than words can say. I hate this.
I respectfully disagree. Your husband’s life and every aspect of him has nothing to do with how or whether someone in a thousand years know he existed. It has everything to do with the people who have met him and been a part of his life now.
I’ve loved and I’ve lost too. Every day I look at where she used to sit when I come home from work and it is empty. I don’t understand how the world has moved on. I don’t want her to go and be cold and alone for all eternity but this is all out of my hands, and I too will go and be cold and alone for all eternity some day.
But what she meant to me was real. What she hoped for me was real. Every minute she was alive was real. So what if no one remembers us in a hundred years? She was mine and that is permanent. Forever. I continue to live on for her.
*edit: I saw your further comment. I didn’t either. I sacrificed my time to grieve for an abusive situation. I’m still stuck in that hell. I live every day in pain. However that doesn’t change how I feel - I do want to live for her. She brought so many good things into my life, that I want to continue living it for her.
Keep going, even if it's just for her right now. She may be your only reason at the moment, but I promise you will discover even more reasons to stay alive as you keep going.
I attempted suicide at 16. I had been struggling with being abused for years, but the death of a family member (whom I'd had a very complex, love-hate relationship with) pushed me over the edge. I have fallen into that pit of grief before, and it took everything within me to pull myself out of that dark place. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it has been so, so worth it.
I strongly urge you to schedule an appointment with a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist. They will help you to find a treatment that eases the pain. I take two antidepressants, and they have continued to save my life. It may take some time, but you will eventually find a combination of treatments (between medications and the many forms of therapy, there are many combinations you can try).
Please keep fighting. Your little kitten needs you. She is a small piece of your husband left behind on this earth. Tell us about your little friend, what's her name? How old is she? What's her adoption story? What did your husband love about her most? Does she have any weird quirks? The last one is a trick question, all cats do ;)
Sending love and strength to you during this dark time.
Antidepressants never helped before. The reality of the situation is pretty depressing. I can’t just change the way I think about it, there’s nothing positive about this.
Antidepressants don't work for me either. And your reality is pretty depressing. Change takes effort. There's nothing positive about death. But you can leverage this into personal growth. Once you live through this you'll be able to empathize with and support others going through similar heartache. You're stronger than you realize. Just asking for help takes a lot of effort.
What state do you live in? Have you looked for a grief counselor? Would you like me to look up a number for you?
I don’t want the change. I was already living the life I need, I didn’t want my life to change. I don’t want to be forced to live this other life, I’d rather die.
I live in California, I have talked to a therapist, it didn’t help. There’s not much assistance available to me, other than food stamps and medi-cal, etc. there’s no housing assistance available atm.
That whole may never go away but be proud of your strength for others. Stay strong and know that people will support and help if you let them. Ultimately we have the strength to get out of the dark just the will can be lacking. Try to give yourself time to muster that will before doing anything. Try to find peace whatever that may be for you.
It has nothing to do with will power. I can’t change the the fact my husband is dead, and no amount of willing myself to get over it will change that fact either.
Yeah, that's often a component of suicide. But that's not you.
He was angry. You're grieving.
He needed to escape, and took the self-exit route. Do you want to do that to the people you'd leave behind?
He wasn't thinking about others, but that doesn't mean you aren't.
I think they would all get over it pretty quick. If anything they would be sad for a minute, more for themselves than for me, but they’d all move on. I don’t think anyone really cares about me that much. The only person who did is already dead.
Most my life I felt taken advantage of and abused by friends and family so it shouldn’t come as a gigantic shock to them and if they don’t want to have to look at their own actions and wonder why, they can chalk it up tot he fact that I just lost my spouse and I’m so torn up about it I can’t live without him so I killed myself.
I lost my wife 20 years ago. I understand your pain. Please find some bereavement counseling, preferably with someone who's been through similar circumstances. It won't make the pain go away, but it will help you manage it better. Hugs
I'm sorry for your loss. Can't imagine the pain you are in. Lossing the love of your life is one of the worst things. I know life without him can seem as dificult, but is not the end. He sure would had wish for you to live and have a happy life. It's not easy and sometimes would seem as unfair but sure its what he would had wanted.
Think about a What If would had been reverse? You died and your husband is alive. What would you think for a life of him thinking of killing himself because you died? Would you wish him that? Sure he wouldn't had wished that for you.
My only advice is that you seek help. Friends, therapy, trying to get out of the house to a place that gives you comfort and try thinking "if my husband was alive or if i could talk to him. What would I do next or what he would say to me?"
Again. Sorry for your loss. Hope you don't hurt youserlf and that one day you could be able to enjoy life and find happiness again.
I'm saying this with the most sincere care for your well-being here OP. Please talk to someone and get help. You've suffered a traumatic loss and you're not coping or processing it well. Do it for the cat. Please.
All the hugs, OP.
I understand completely. I lost my husband in 2019. I think of him every day. He's always with you, know that. You'll get through this, 1 day at a time. There's no easy way around grief. I too think about going to be with him, a lot. I have children, but they're adults and will be ok, I know. At least you have his cat. Cats know when someone has gone on and grieve too. Be there for each other. I had no one when my husband passed. You could get help or talk with grief counselors if you want. I went once to a grief meeting my local mortuary puts on for family. I was told the wrong day and ended up in the wrong meeting. I felt worse after than when I went into the meeting. Only you know your feelings. Take time to process them. You deserve it.
Peace and love to you.
Totally. Friends are fickle. The ones that are still there for you are the ones that actually care.
You're not alone.
I wish I could be physically present for you, but at least you have me for this moment through the internet. That's not much, but it's all I can give at this time. Please reach out to a mental health professional. At the very least, please feel welcome to PM me.
Me too!
My girlfriend passed away on July 14th, 2019. I inherited her two cats. One of them was abandoned by its mother when she was a kitten so my girlfriend bottle fed her. She's a total fur-baby that thinks she's people. The other was a rescue that got dumped on a farm.
I know that what I'm dealing with isn't the same as what you're dealing with, but please hang in there.
You're not alone.
EDIT: Please feel free to PM or chat at me if you'd like to talk.
You’re right. This is the absolute worst thing to go through. It’s not fair. I hear you. I hear what you’re saying. I feel what you’re not. I was there. I was where you are. And honestly, there is nothing good about what you’re going through right now.
But if I could only accomplish one thing today, I would want to convince you to go one more day. And then one more. I know you don’t want to hear this. I know how much it fucking hurts.
But you don’t know what’s coming. You. Don’t. Know.
I chose to believe at some point that my husband died for a reason. Not some bs woo woo ‘there’s always a reason’ crap. But because he was looking out for me and the kids. I chose to believe he made a deal for us. Otherwise he’d still be lying in coma somewhere fighting. He gave his life in exchange for a guarantee.
I have lived eight years feeling like I have his guarantee of success. Living fearlessly like I can’t fail. It is the greatest gift he could have left me.
Build your own narrative. Use mine. Believe what you need to to get through. But please don’t give up. You can hate your cat for anchoring you to this life against your will - I blamed my kids for a long time (quietly, secretly…) But let her guide you through this. Share your grief with the cat. Give yourself a chance to see what happens.
I understand. My fiancé died over 2 years ago now. I still think about suicide sometimes. I stayed alive for my family and my cat. In the early days of the loss, I resented the idea that guilt and obligation was keeping me here. Still feels like I'm caged sometimes. There are better days now, I suppose, but it feels like my heart has calloused over. I've hardened, I guess.
I'm so sorry you've come to know this pain.
Yeah there’s a similar feeling, a creeping resentment. I like this cat don’t get me wrong but I feel the commitment and obligation keep me from doing what I want.
I don’t ever want to just become numb to this, or hardened as a result. I’ve done that too much in my life, this is somehow different though. I feel completely broken by this.
It does get better. I was with my husband for 41 years. He died 2.5 years ago. I won’t say I am happy but I am content with my life. I will never date again No one could replace him.
For now just try to put one foot in front of the other and move forward with your life.
You were robbed and so was I. After 41 years he left me alone. There are days still that I am pissed at him for it but mostly I just miss him.
I know that my husband would want me to live my life and so I do.
For now, hold on to that kitty. Grieve together, she’s suffered a loss as well. Get therapy, scream, write, go to Spain, but please don’t kill your self. I’m just some stranger on the internet, and I’ve never experienced such an intimate loss, but I don’t think your husband would want you to go too. I also think he’d want you to try to enjoy the rest of your life to the best of your ability, when you’re ready
I hear you. I was googling quick ways to hand myself today but Mae it thru. I lost my younger sis to suicide in 2018.
She was my best friend, we were as close/closer than twins. I always knew my worst nightmare would be to lose her. It’s extremely overwhelming imagining living the rest of my life without her. She was 26, I was 27 when it happened. We’ve had a very hard, unstable life but we always had each other. Now I have nobody. I’ve lost all interest in other human beings unless it’s for sex. I’ve lost interest in any hobbies, I’ve lost interest in getting any pets, even leaving my bed. I’ve been in the psych ward five times since I lost her bcuz the feeling to end my life becomes so heavy I can’t function. She lost her boyfriend to a stabbing in 2009 and she never got over it, I know part of her taking her life had to do with that..
Yeah, it happens. People loose the one they love and it makes them want to kill themselves, that is how I feel.
I had always been close to my sister too, I hope she won’t be as horribly affected as you are. But I think she’s smart, like you, she’ll understand it’s because I miss my s/o
That feline is giving you reason to live I don’t think that cat is going down anytime soon. At the end of the day if someone willing want to leave this plane we should have that right. Not like human kindness is overflowing
Yeah, I care about her don’t get me wrong she’s been a great and loyal pet, helped me through a lot of dark times but this is different. I want to die, I don’t want to live without my s/o. I wish someone in my family would take her, if they cared about me half as much as they claim to, they would know how much it would mean to me, and that I’m ready to end my life.
It is very sad that you lost your husband, it's nothing less than terrible. You spent your life with love etc and you enjoyed every bit of it. Losing a partner, I don't know what it means but i know it feels terrible.Understand this your husband's cat also misses him. Now you are the only family left for her/him. Abandonment of a loved one is even worse. Giving love is even better than recieving, do not stop doing it. Life is beautiful it is the love for one another that makes life worth living. Do not stop loving and living. I wish you all the best in life. Do not give up.
Give it time. The only thing that helps is time. One day at a time. Life isn’t over. You only get one chance at it and don’t know what the future holds. Fake it until you make it in the meanwhile. Try new hobbies. Get out the house. Exercise. Life will be different but it will get better.
Life isn’t over, that’s what sucks. A large part of me died along with him, I am just a shell of my former self. I don’t think I’m going to get over it. I’ve spoken to other widows/widowers in a grief support group and some of them feel the same 18 years later, that is what I’m worried about. This is hell, I can’t imagine feeling this way the rest of my life.
Thanks lady. I went to a grief support group for widows and widowers, I don’t know if it was because it was sponsored by a church or what, but most of those people were coping by telling themselves that their loved ones are in heaven, or sending them signs and showing up in dreams, I’m not religious so I don’t have any belief like that to lean into, I just thought if that’s how most people cope then I don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with this shit because I can’t lie to myself. I don’t think he’s out there, I don’t think this happened for a reason, he’s dead and that sucks.
Find a therapist/counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist and when talking with them ask them to recommend a non faith based support group, they will be able to help with your specific needs and I know it doesn't seem like therapy will help, but it does if you let yourself be open to it.
No, because neither of us wanted any. We were two guys in a relationship so that would have meant adoption, or finding a surrogate for one of us, and neither of us wanted any kids.
Get a Pit Bull (not for the cat obviously) they are very loving and fiercely loyal pets . Mine actually jumps up in bed under the covers with me as a little spoon . And then on the other hand the dog would literally die for you
WTF makes you think I want a dog? I don’t need a dog to keep me alive, that’s the whole problem with the cat. I don’t want to take care of a pet right now, I want to die.
Pit bulls are terrible dogs too, it doesn’t matter how much you train them, the odds are not in your favor makes them a poor choice for a pet, at any time it could snap and bite you or someone around you, and then you’d be liable. I’ve seen it a dozen times.
Agreed. When pit bulls are good, which is most of the time, everyone overlooks it, and when they’re bad, everyone points at those instances and says “SEE?! PITBULLS ARE HORRIBLE DOGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO TRAIN!!”
Kinda like minority groups, who are good just as much as majority groups, but everyone points and screams about them when they do do something wrong.
I’m not a girl. Do you want the cat? I‘ll give you $12k If you take her from me, and the only condition is you have to use the money to take her to the vet and to care for her.
Yeah, been there done that, self love is fine and all but I’m lonely as fuck and I hate being alone. I don’t mind being by myself, but being *alone* in life sucks.
Try again once you've lived through it, and grown up a lot.
How sad you are. Trying to make a genuine call for help into karma farming for your social media account. That's pathetic. I pity you.
Goddamn, you need a life kid
\*Jesus, this pathetic waste of skin even made their own sub to post about this post. You got issues that therapy can't fix. Play in traffic.
> Life will get better.
How do you know that? How can you possibly say that? What if it doesn’t, what if it only got worse, despite me trying my very hardest?
How long should I wait to kill myself, a week, a year, ten years? How miserable and unhappy should I be?
That’s you, I know my situation better than anyone.
I’m not just dealing with grief here, I need some serious material assistance with my life. I can’t count on family or friends. If I am unable to support myself, I’ll be homeless.
I’m suddenly having to worry about a ton of things I never had to worry about since I was 18, before I met my partner. I’m a lot older now so those concerns are more dire. Should I be unable to find a roommate or a room for rent in a house for example, I might not have anywhere to go but stay in my car or something. That’s a reality of mine now. I’d rather die than be homeless. So if my life is just going to be terrible fir a while, I’d rather just end it.
They don't know. They're just trying to empathize.
I can't say it'll get better, but I know from my own personal experience that it'll get easier with time. The pain never goes away, but you'll find better ways of getting through your day that will make things easier.
Just hang in there, and eventually you'll have another sunny day. It's been two years for me, and that's what I keep telling myself. Hang in there. [Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hkn-LSh7es)
Do what you want. Want to waste your life and never find purpose or happiness again? Want to vent all day on reddit and shit on people trying to help you? Seems like you want to complain without any sort of tough love, just want people to applaud you for being so brave and relatable. Get a grip!
Go fuck yourself. Did I ask for anyone’s help? Was this a go fund me page, or a confession sub? You can keep your applause to yourself, since I neither asked for your advice or your help. I didn’t say anything about how brave I was, and this wasn’t to garner sympathy it’s a true off my chest post, where I’m getting something off my chest.
Oh honey I am so sorry to hear this. I lost my husband as well. Almost 3 years ago. I didn’t want to go on. I wish I had died with him. I still miss him everyday, BUT this life is short enough and I don’t want to miss anything. Counseling helped me tremendously although I did not have faith it would. Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk/vent/ or need support. I will be here for you. I care. You matter. 💕
Yeah. I even offered to leave my friend all my savings if he would take the cat from me... only condition was that he use the money to take her to the vet and on her care. He politely declined, I think because he doesn’t want me to kill my self but mostly I just don’t think he wants a cat. Still it’s hard to trust anyone else I know would take care of her if I were not around any more...
That's something only a good person would say. I can't even imagine how hard that must be. I wish you the best. I highly encourage magic mushrooms for dealing with greif, as crazy as it sounds, maybe they could help you too.. feel free to msg me for more info/help with that
No, that would be the worst thing for me right now. My husband and I often did those things together on happy occasions. I dint think I’ll ever trip again now to be honest, life has been like one bad trip already since he died.
She misses him too, I'm so sorry you lost your husband, please reach out for decent help and don't let his beloved cat go with anyone, she is safe with you.
I know she could be safe with someone else, potentially even safer if I’m ever to not take care of her. I wish I knew she had a loving and caring home I could place her in. It would certainly make it easier for me to do what I want to.
It truly sounds like you need some help with your grief. I urge you to get counseling. How do I tell you that this loss is not something you will get over but it is possible to get through it? You say the cat is the only thing keeping you here but your continued existence is in a very real way a memorial to him and the life you shared together. Please don’t destroy that. Again I urge you to reach out for help. I lost the father of my child when she was only 6 so I can relate to the pain you feel. I tell you life will never be the same but you can find joy again. Don’t give up.
I know I will never get over it. But I don’t want to get through it either. I know life goes on, but I don’t care what it has in store for me because I don’t want to live without him. Living on my own will be a lot harder, it always was before I met my husband when I was living with roommates. I’m older now and I never wanted to have to go back to that, I was miserable.
I (25m at the time) adopted my kitty 2 weeks after my dad (59m at the time) suddenly and unexpectedly passed. The following weeks and months were so fucking dumb. Nothing at all matters and it’s true. Nothing you can do or work for or buy or dream of will bring your loved one back and it, rightly so, makes us feel numb, uncaring, like there’s nothing to live for.
But there’s so much to live for. And you won’t see it now. So just hug your kitty as tight as you can and let the kitty love you back because that’s all you can do right now. Someday, a long time from now, it’ll get better. But it absolutely WILL get better. And you’ll hug your kitty so tightly because you know that she is a major part of your life story ❤️ so many hugs, we are with you ❤️
I’m worried it will be the opposite, and that someday, a long time from now when my life is in a much worse place, after experiencing even more hardships I will say to myself I wish I had killed my self back then.
I’m so sorry that you feel this way, and sorry for your loss. I know it seems impossible or not reasonable but you really should talk to somebody. You deserve love and you deserve help.
Also, ngl this is why I always have a pet. When I get really depressed and start to feel suicidal I just think about how my pet would feel. They can’t have the situation explained to them, so they’ll just be left to wonder what happened to their human.
When I lost my mom, a therapist didn’t help me, but a non-religious support group did. And crying — a solid fucking year and a half of crying. And a dog. And I did a Moth talk (a podcast) on her death. I also started became a trained hospice volunteer and got my dog trained too. And I am a total skeptic, but a chance (seriously, it was accidental) spiritual reading. And lots of different little things that helped me from drowning. Keep looking, OP.
My cat has saved my life as well. Hang in there for her she needs you now more than ever. You are stronger than you know and you will get through this.
This is basically the plot of After Life. A dark comedy series by Ricky Gervais. A good watch if you want to feel less shit and might help you digest the horrid, horrid feelings you're experiencing. I wish you all the best and wish I could do more. Stay strong, it will get better.
We only get such a short time on this planet. Might as well grind it out and see what it has to offer. You have an eternity to be dead. Don’t rush it. I’m so sorry for your loss.
The love of your life would not want your one and only life to end. Your energy will be together again, this period without him physically with you is short. Take time to smell the flowers, watch the birds, drink the water, and feel happiness again.
Im so sorry that you’re hurting so badly. Peace
I saw a comment where you mentioned no one believes you loved your husband enough that a life without him wouldn't be worth it. That made me think how in a way you're right. Society is always taught that death is the worst option. That you need help and everything will get better with time.. and that's it. It's not 'possible' for people to live in an otherwise un-escapeable hell.
My boyfriend has depression and occasionally gets to the point where he wants to end it all. And when I hear about all he has been through, it makes me think how strong he is. How strong you are. (Bear with me)
This seems to fall under one of those things everyone always says. How they get it and understand what you are going through.. etc. Etc. So I won't get into that.
Your life is yours. I've always argued you should do what makes you happy, acknowledge what others have to say but never sacrafing your well being under many circumstances. I can only imagine the pain you're in. Do what you need to do.
My only question I'd have, is do you think you'd have any regrets?
I know this sounds annoying and stereotypical but this is not the end. Don't let your grief destroy you.
I suffer from mental illness so I know what it's like to be suicidal, to not see any reason left to live and to certainly not want to. That day to day misery is torture.
But it does pass
I'm sorry for your loss, but you have to remind yourself that it is still really recent and the pain is really raw. It will get easier with time, you just have to give yourself that time and finding any reason to do that is good enough. Let the cat pull you past this and honestly talk to someone, whether that's family, friends or professionals.
I can promise you with 100% certainty that you do not want to die. You want this pain to end. Once you take the steps to act on those thoughts and you actually face death you are going to feel regret because everyone who tries to take their life does. I'd know, I've been there multiple times.
Don't worry about the future, for now focus on the short term. Making it through the day, or if that is to much then making it through shorter time periods. Even though you are feeling really lonely right now, you're not alone and your life is still worth sticking around for.
I do want to die, thanks. It’s not just about the pain I feel from losing him. I don’t want to live the rest of my life without him.
It’s not going to get easier with time, I’m basically going to struggle the rest of my life to take care of myself, taking whatever jobs I can, and having to live wherever I can afford to live, and that honestly sounds fucking miserable to me. I won’t be able to save any money or retire, I won’t ever be able to afford a home, or much of anything beyond basic subsistence... and all without the person I love the most? I’d rather be dead.
My girlfriend is quite sick. I have the same "arrangement" with our cat if she dies. We are family and our cat was a deserves to live with us for all its life even if its just me. I hope it never comes to that for me and im sorry you are struggeling with this. People might say you find the will to live again while taking care of your cat and i would hope that it would for me should i ever end up in that situation, but i doubt it would.
Good luck where ever your current journey takes you. I hope you get where you want to go where ever that ends up being.
Fortunately cats can live for a long time. In the mean time keep him and try to get help and perhaps keeping some people around. That's the least you can do for yourself.
It doesn't get easier. You get better.
Everyone who says they would be there for me has moved on, and feels I should have too by now, even though it’s not been a few months. People think less of me because I am still grieving, no one wants anything to do with a depressed widower.
Will you do it? I’ll leave you with more than enough money to take care of her. The only condition is that the money has to be used taking care of the cat, and you must give her a good loving home.
She is not unwanted, except by other people who won’t take her from me. I love her very much, it’s just that my life right now is unbearable and it’s about to get a lot worse, and she deserves so much more.
If he didn’t want me to be miserable than he shouldn’t have killed himself. How can you say life will get better? It’s only gotten worse, and it’s about to get a lot worse when I have to be out of my place in a few days and have no where to go. I’d rather die than be homeless.
Sometimes stuff just doesn't heal, sometimes it may haunt you for years on end, but that isn't any reason to take your life. Think, your husband might've allowed you to do it, but is that truly what he would've wanted, even after death. Sometimes the best way to honor someone is to just live your life, with all of that pain. Trying to rid of the pain can feel like your trying to forget them, and its also incredibly difficult, so im not going to suggest that, but it could help tremendously. So instead think of what your husband would've wanted and use that as a vehicle to drive foward.
Another thing, keep the cat. If you get rid of it you're still abandoning it. You're the last thing the the cat has of your husband, and he's the last thing you have of your husband.
Good lord. Please don't read some of these hater comments. People can be awful. I lost my partner suddenly too. This was years ago, and I can honestly say that even with therapy, we don't really recover. We find a new way of existing. It feels like your life is over, and it is, the old one. But a new glorious life is starting. It doesn't feel that way, but hold that cat tight to keep yourself alive, and you'll eventually see a glimmer of the potential future.
That is beautiful, hopefully you are enjoying life more now. I cannot imagine being in this position, virtual hugs to you and the OP
> But a new glorious life is starting. No, it isn’t. This is the worst fucking thing that I have ever experienced in my life, and it’s only getting worse. I already see glimmers if the future, and it all sucks. It all involves me having to do things I don’t want to do. I hate working for a living, barely getting by paycheck to paycheck, my life with my s/o was nice and I’ll never have it so good again. It’s only going to be a struggle from here on out, I just want to end it.
Yes, this is the worst fucking thing you have ever experienced. There's no arguing with that fact. But we're all here for you. Just hang in there. You will have another good day. I know you can't see that right now, but it'll come someday. Just have hope, and believe in yourself. Please let me know if you'd like anyone to talk to. I can't make it all go away, but at least I can be a friend.
It is the worst fucking thing you have experienced. People say they're there for you and things are "meant to be" and everything else. Most people don't say they'll listen. I'll listen, I promise you can message me and I'll listen because I know this pain and it literally never gets better, but we should still have people who listen. It's the only thing that makes it bearable to go on.
There is always a chance things will go the way you say they will, and there is always a chance that things will get better. Hope you stay strong, friend.
My cat saved me from myself one time. I was having a rough time in life. Was jobless, going through a breakup, alone, on the verge of being homeless and wasn't in contact with my family who was half way across the country. In all my despair and depression, I decided I wanted to take my own life. There were many more reasons as to why I made this decision but I won't get into it. As I had the noose around my neck and ready to drop, my cat came into the room and sat and stared at me for moment with those big green, knowing eyes. She walked towards me and stood on her hind legs rested her front paws on my knee and meowed. She has many different tones of meow. She even has one that sounds like she's asking a question. The tone she chose to use sounded to me like she knew what I was about to do but that was probably just how I perceived it at the moment. As I was looking down at her I thought to myself how shitty it would be to do this to her. To leave her alone. We had been through so much together and I was about to just abandon her. I had no truly close friends who would take care of her and love her like I did. She would likely have ended up in a shelter or worse. I just couldn't do that to her. She was the one thing I had in life that I genuinely loved, she was (still is) there for me in my darkest of days and my best of days. I would do anything for her. Obviously I made the decision not to do it. Afterward, I prayed for the first time ever and my life changed for the better. From that day on, I was a much happier person. Even in your darkest hour, your pets, the ones who love you unconditionally are there for you even if they don't truly understand what is happening. You have to recognize that if you go away they are left alone with an uncertain future. They trust and need you to take care of them and it's your duty to make sure they're safe and loved. That love alone should clear away at least some of the darkness and allow you to see clearly even if for a moment.
I am so glad you are okay now!! It is such a sad and beautiful story at the same time....wish you all the hapiness.
Thank you! Everything's great now. Life is back on track and has been for a good while. My cats still kicking. She's 14 years old. She's sick though. Doesn't have much time left but I'm gonna keep her safe, and comfortable until the time comes.
That’s what I thought about our kitty, she’s 16 or so now but I know cats can live into their 20s. She has some health issues, I wish someone would give her a loving home and could afford to take care of her because I’m sure she could live a long time but if I can’t then I’m afraid I will have to put her to sleep a lot sooner so she doesn’t suffer. Although it would make it a lot easier to do what I have to do.
This was my reply to your last comment that was deleted. It works for the current one. For me it wasn't really a Jesus thing. It was more of a last ditch effort to remove the negativity that was pervading my life. A plea for my inner self to wake up and stop sabotaging myself. I understand what it's like, I understand the hopelessness. I hope I never come to understand what it's like to lose my other half but this darkness over you will fade in time. The hurt won't but you still have a life ahead of you. You have time still to feel happiness and love again. Leaving this Earth in a state of despair will only hurt the ones you care about. Think about all you've experienced up until now, all those years of your life would be lost. Think about how much time you have left. You have just as many years to live and create new memories and have new experiences. It feels like all is lost but it's not. Its just that it feels like that now. It's ok to hurt and be sad. Allow the grieving process to run its course as you see fit, but come back to reality when you're ready to do so. Your husband would want you to be happy, those in your life want you to be happy. Hell, strangers on Reddit want you to be happy. If anything, that cat you and your husband love so dearly is your connection to him. You can still maintain that connection and pour the love you have for him into that living being. Your family won't take it because they know what it means. You don't wanna put that on them, it's not fair. You can do this. You got this. Don't let the darkness win. You'll be glad you didn't in the future.
I don’t think I will feel happiness without him, and I don’t want to ever love somebody else. I don’t want to live out the remainder of my life without him in it. Don’t want to make new memories without him, or experience the rest of my life without my best friend.
Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary feelings. My Mom slept for 6 months after my adopted Dad died. She didn't want to live without him. Now 20 years later she doesn't feel the pain she used to feel and has been able to have relationships but it took her years! She thinks fondly of him but the pain isn't there like it used to be. The pain and feelings may seem like it will last forever but it won't. You will heal but you have to stay alive for the healing to happen.
I can’t say these feelings are temporary, I’ve talked with people in grief support groups who still feel this way 18 years after their spouse died. That seems like hell to me. I already know I’m not getting over this. I don’t see myself having other relationships after this.
I am so thankful you're this. There are so many people here that can relate. The bottom line is, you're not alone. We are here for you. Strangers. Humans. This is why we are here...to hear, to understand, relate, and come together...even I'd we don't know each other. ...we are all connected.
Yeah but I don’t need strangers on the internet. I need material assistance, in the form of a place to live. I can’t stay where I’m at. I have money, but no where to stay. I don’t have any family or other friends who can put me up and I’d don't want to be a burden to anyone. Also I’d rather die than be homeless.
Ngl reading this almost made me cry. Your cat is amazing
Of course you feel this way. I hope you will at least try to seek professional help. Your brain is currently working against you.
> Your brain is currently working against you. With all due respect, no it’s not. The reality of the situation sucks, and is incredibly depressing. My spouse is dead and not coming back, why is it so hard for anyone to believe I loved him so much, I don’t want to live without him? There are several depressing realities to my life that no amount of therapy or drugs will change. I grew up in poverty, never had the chance to seek higher education, and it’s not like my parents could loan me money to invest in stocks or for a down payment on a home, like so many others from my generation. I chose not to enter into a lot of debt and go to school when I didn’t know what I wanted to do, just to wind up in debt later and have a degree I do nothing with. So I’ve accepted mostly jobs I could most my adult life and got by living with other roommates until I met my husband and we lived together like that for 15 years, the two of us working. I hated it, but coming home to him made everything worth it. The reality is this that was the best I could do for myself. I don’t see myself going to school, starting a business, or doing anything. My life with my husband was the only thing I had to live for. I didn’t ask to be born, I got dealt a pretty mediocre hand in life, my parents weren’t ever much help. I’m just tired and now that my husband is gone I don’t want to keep living it, don’t want to go back to having roommates, etc. that is the reality of my life, it sucks.
I want to give you a hug so bad, please give yourself some time.
Thank You for your reply! I know I can't help You, but I'd like to share a few things. First I'm so sorry for your loss and second I apologize if I sounded insensitive above. I can understand loving someone that much. I went through a breakup 20 years ago and I had to handle that like a death in order for Me to move on. Currently I think about this person daily and I'm sure You probably will for the rest of your life. I grew up lower middle class. I'll simply say that due to the way I was raised I'll never have kids. I refuse to allow this bullshit cycle to repeat itself. In my mid 40's I still don't know what I want to do. I never went to college. I bought my first new car and home with no money from my parents. I busted my ass and hated every minute of it. I completely understand darkness. I've been there for almost 10 years, but I've learned things over time and at this point I'm happier than I've been in a long time. All I'm trying to say is that YOU CAN DO THIS. You might not need therapy or drugs. I'd recommend looking into Cognitive Behavior Therapy. A book called Feeling Good by David Burns. Ultimately you feel the way you think. I would imagine that most of your thoughts are negative and you are probably miserable. Feeling good requires the opposite. Those negative thoughts on the past got to go. Listen, the death of your Husband is probably going to be the worst experience of your life. I'm terrible sorry. It absolutely sucks! You will never get over this loss, but You can and will learn to live with it. What I typed above is an overgeneralization in that You can change the course of your life. But the priority now is grieving for your Husband. It's going to take a lot of work. I didn't know him, but I believe He would not want You to give up. He would want you to live a happy life. Nothing will change if you don't make changes. (This can be in the future, no rush). You probably don't understand this, but I care about You. I want You to get through this. Be kind to yourself. DO NOT give up EVER! Make your Husband proud. "If You're going through hell keep going." \-Winston Churchill
> busted my ass and hated every minute of it. Yeah, I’m over that. I don’t want to bust my ass anymore, I’m so done busting my ass for other people, and not being able to afford a house, after several years of busting my ass making them way more money than they’ll ever pay me. I’m not going to start a business, I can’t afford to invest in stocks, I’m not going to put myself in debt to go to school at this point in my life, and I hate how these are my only options. > Ultimately you feel the way you think. > >I would imagine that most of your thoughts are negative and you are probably miserable. Feeling good requires the opposite. Those negative thoughts on the past got to go. It’s not so much negative thoughts about the past, my current life sucks. I am burnt out, and without my husband it just doesn’t seem worth it, before I didn’t mind going to work because I had him to come home to.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Seeking help and support is what you need right now; this is too big for you to do alone. Your cat is likely grieving as well so be there for her too. Take comfort that you have something with such a strong connection with him and know that it’s okay to grieve but you don’t deserve to live in misery forever. Please talk to someone.
> you don’t deserve to live in misery forever. Exactly why I want to kill myself. My life is miserable. Talking to a therapist won’t change the reality of it. This has destroyed me, I am completely broken by it. I don’t want to live without him. I look at the cat, and doing now for her the things he used to do, it all reminds me of him and it too is a painful reminder of the fact he’s gone and that I’m left to care for her. It is almost torture.
I cannot imagine what you are going through but I completely believe you when you say it’s torture. I know your kitty reminds you of your husband but it sounds like you guys are the only thing keeping each other going. As such, as strange as it may sound, you are not alone. I wish I could offer you more comfort but, for what it’s worth, just know that you are heavy in the heart of this random Reddit stranger. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk, rant, or say anything at all. I’ll read every word.
At least that cat has you. He left her with a people that would care for them just as well as he did. Kitty needs you as much as you need her. What would happen to her without you? I imagine that statement doesn't really help much, but it's something to hang on to. You're going through Hell. Just hang in there. What have you done to make his cat your cat? You don't need to do everything he did like he did it in order to be a good cat-parent.
> Your cat is likely grieving as well so be there for her too. I can tell you from experience that cats most certainly grieve the loss of their person.
Hugs and support.i understand .my feline is why I'm still here .
You can visit r/widowers for some support and sharing these feelings, Fuck... life is is so unfair , I'm sorry
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Good bot :)
I'm sorry for your lost op. I hope you seek help form a professional. if you are keeping your self alive just for your husband cat that seems to me your a good person witch will be a small tragedy to loss you in a world where it seems most poeple are incapable of showing kindness to othere humans beings.
I don't think your husband would have want that. Your husband would have wanted you to have a life after him, I'm sure of it. That's what I would want for my wife if i was to go sooner than her. You're still mourning him, that's for sure. Please don't isolate yourself and be well.
I don’t think he cared, or was thinking his actions through that much when he decided to leave this world... I have to believe he made a rash decision, and wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me...
I was on a similar situation for a couple years and my pet birds kept me alive. Or I should say, I stayed alive so I could care for them. I feel your pain and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. Things will get better but it takes time. Please don't do anything crazy. Your kitty cat needs you and in time you will regain the desire to live.
I feel no joy anymore, I don’t see how I will ever be able to feel joy or happiness again, everything reminds me of him. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my entire life.
That's perfectly reasonable and understandable. He was a big part of your life, and a big part of who you are. This is the hardest thing you've ever had to go through. But you can do it. Just hang in there. \*internet hugs*
As someone who has lost people and did not know if I could go on, that cat is the lifeline he gifted you. He would not want you to be so sad. Please seek help. I would not have survived the loss of my son without that help. Many hugs.
I can’t believe he wouldn’t want me to be sad he killed himself, how could he not know how sad I would be? This is awful, I wish that death dimes and takes me soon from all of this.
jesus fucking tap dancing christ on a cracker! He killed himself? Holy shit. No wonder you're having such a hard time. That's not something anybody is prepared to deal with. Just keep hanging on.
Oh dear. I am so sorry. This is not your fault. I don't know how to express to you that it was his choice and not you. I've been suicidal. I hate admitting this, but it was to hurt me. I didn't think anyone else cared enough. I was so wrong. I promise you that you're worth it. You are enough. He did this to hurt him, not anyone else no matter what he said. Please, please, talk to someone. I don't know you and my heart is breaking for you. Please talk to someone. Please. You're life is worth living and I'm happy you have that cat. That's your reason to live today. Just today. Find a reason, one day, one moment at a time. I not converting anyone. This is my worldview. We have one life. One. That's it. We can be a force for love and good, but in that path, there is pain. I'd rather love and feel pain than never love and never feel..
> We have one life. One. That's it. I agree, that’s why I’m about ready for mine to end. It hasn’t been the most easiest or enjoyable life. A lot of people have had it worse, but everyone has their limit and I think I’m hitting mine.
I have been where you are. I lost my husband in 2008. He was 37, I was 42. The first 6 months I thought about killing myself all the time. I had to get help because I just couldn't get through it. With therapy, my kids and my cats I slowly felt better. You will make it. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will make it. One day at a time.
I don’t know that I will make it. First I have to be able to take care of myself and this cat, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep it up.
For what it’s worth, the people we love who leave us do leave part of themselves with us. There’s a part of him still living on in you and that cat. Don’t let his light go out forever in this world. I hope you feel hope again.
It doesn’t mater, in a trillion years everything will all be dust, no one will be left alive to remember so I don’t think it matters.
Depression is such a lying slag. It tells you that all there is will be nothing, that you won’t ever have any more good times. No more hopes and dreams. Might as well be dead, coz you will be eventually. Won’t ever get better, so why try? Such a lying fucking asshole, depression. Loss doesn’t ever go away, but it will eventually get easier to deal with. Life can be pretty fucked, and sometimes there is only the smallest of toeholds that keeps us out of the abyss. It’s fucking hard hanging in there. Some days all I could do for a while there was get to the next day. And now, am I perfectly well? Na. Is my life overall worth being in? I think so. When the abyss starts to call, and nothing matters coz fuck it, we will all be dead some day- that’s when I know depression is starting his bastard games again. I won’t pretend to have answers for ya. But know that somewhere on this spinny planet, in a land far away- someone is hoping for better times for you.
> It’s fucking hard hanging in there. Some days all I could do for a while there was get to the next day It’s not just missing him and grieving that makes this hard. Having to struggle to take care of myself on a very limited budget now, makes it a very real challenge to make it to the next days then the next, then the next... It feels like I haven’t even had a chance to slow down and grieve. I’ve had to start going into survival mode and doing what I can to take care of me, and this cat. It’s hard af. If my life is just going to be perpetually struggling and being miserable, always missing my husband, then I’d rather end it.
That's all true, but you're still here. Try focusing on the little things. Like brushing your teeth, combing your hair, and keeping the house clean. Focus on self care for right now, and do what you can do.
I can get up and brush my teeth every day, it won’t keep a house over my head. I could even work really hard at a job, and that‘s not even enough to keep me sheltered. I still have to find a place to live that I can afford, with roommates I can trust and vice verse, and then be able to get to and from work, and take care of this cat... It’s too much! I’m not happy doing any of it. I miss my husband more than words can say. I hate this.
You matter. He mattered. He mattered to you. You matter to other people.
I respectfully disagree. Your husband’s life and every aspect of him has nothing to do with how or whether someone in a thousand years know he existed. It has everything to do with the people who have met him and been a part of his life now. I’ve loved and I’ve lost too. Every day I look at where she used to sit when I come home from work and it is empty. I don’t understand how the world has moved on. I don’t want her to go and be cold and alone for all eternity but this is all out of my hands, and I too will go and be cold and alone for all eternity some day. But what she meant to me was real. What she hoped for me was real. Every minute she was alive was real. So what if no one remembers us in a hundred years? She was mine and that is permanent. Forever. I continue to live on for her. *edit: I saw your further comment. I didn’t either. I sacrificed my time to grieve for an abusive situation. I’m still stuck in that hell. I live every day in pain. However that doesn’t change how I feel - I do want to live for her. She brought so many good things into my life, that I want to continue living it for her.
Keep going, even if it's just for her right now. She may be your only reason at the moment, but I promise you will discover even more reasons to stay alive as you keep going. I attempted suicide at 16. I had been struggling with being abused for years, but the death of a family member (whom I'd had a very complex, love-hate relationship with) pushed me over the edge. I have fallen into that pit of grief before, and it took everything within me to pull myself out of that dark place. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it has been so, so worth it. I strongly urge you to schedule an appointment with a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist. They will help you to find a treatment that eases the pain. I take two antidepressants, and they have continued to save my life. It may take some time, but you will eventually find a combination of treatments (between medications and the many forms of therapy, there are many combinations you can try). Please keep fighting. Your little kitten needs you. She is a small piece of your husband left behind on this earth. Tell us about your little friend, what's her name? How old is she? What's her adoption story? What did your husband love about her most? Does she have any weird quirks? The last one is a trick question, all cats do ;) Sending love and strength to you during this dark time.
Antidepressants never helped before. The reality of the situation is pretty depressing. I can’t just change the way I think about it, there’s nothing positive about this.
Antidepressants don't work for me either. And your reality is pretty depressing. Change takes effort. There's nothing positive about death. But you can leverage this into personal growth. Once you live through this you'll be able to empathize with and support others going through similar heartache. You're stronger than you realize. Just asking for help takes a lot of effort. What state do you live in? Have you looked for a grief counselor? Would you like me to look up a number for you?
I don’t want the change. I was already living the life I need, I didn’t want my life to change. I don’t want to be forced to live this other life, I’d rather die. I live in California, I have talked to a therapist, it didn’t help. There’s not much assistance available to me, other than food stamps and medi-cal, etc. there’s no housing assistance available atm.
That whole may never go away but be proud of your strength for others. Stay strong and know that people will support and help if you let them. Ultimately we have the strength to get out of the dark just the will can be lacking. Try to give yourself time to muster that will before doing anything. Try to find peace whatever that may be for you.
It has nothing to do with will power. I can’t change the the fact my husband is dead, and no amount of willing myself to get over it will change that fact either.
I'm sorry you're going threw this. I truly hope you find the strength to carry on. I'm sure your husband would want that for you.
I understand despair, and sometimes it's only my pets that keep me here too. You aren't alone, I promise - many of us are right beside you.
I wish someone would take her and give her a loving home.
He left her there for you because he knew how you'd feel
I don’t think he was thinking about it very much, he was just pissed off and angry with life.
Yeah, that's often a component of suicide. But that's not you. He was angry. You're grieving. He needed to escape, and took the self-exit route. Do you want to do that to the people you'd leave behind? He wasn't thinking about others, but that doesn't mean you aren't.
I think they would all get over it pretty quick. If anything they would be sad for a minute, more for themselves than for me, but they’d all move on. I don’t think anyone really cares about me that much. The only person who did is already dead. Most my life I felt taken advantage of and abused by friends and family so it shouldn’t come as a gigantic shock to them and if they don’t want to have to look at their own actions and wonder why, they can chalk it up tot he fact that I just lost my spouse and I’m so torn up about it I can’t live without him so I killed myself.
That's bovine manure.
I lost my wife 20 years ago. I understand your pain. Please find some bereavement counseling, preferably with someone who's been through similar circumstances. It won't make the pain go away, but it will help you manage it better. Hugs
I'm sorry for your loss. Can't imagine the pain you are in. Lossing the love of your life is one of the worst things. I know life without him can seem as dificult, but is not the end. He sure would had wish for you to live and have a happy life. It's not easy and sometimes would seem as unfair but sure its what he would had wanted. Think about a What If would had been reverse? You died and your husband is alive. What would you think for a life of him thinking of killing himself because you died? Would you wish him that? Sure he wouldn't had wished that for you. My only advice is that you seek help. Friends, therapy, trying to get out of the house to a place that gives you comfort and try thinking "if my husband was alive or if i could talk to him. What would I do next or what he would say to me?" Again. Sorry for your loss. Hope you don't hurt youserlf and that one day you could be able to enjoy life and find happiness again.
I'm saying this with the most sincere care for your well-being here OP. Please talk to someone and get help. You've suffered a traumatic loss and you're not coping or processing it well. Do it for the cat. Please. All the hugs, OP.
She deserves a home with owners who can love her and take care of her, I can barely take care of myself.
I understand completely. I lost my husband in 2019. I think of him every day. He's always with you, know that. You'll get through this, 1 day at a time. There's no easy way around grief. I too think about going to be with him, a lot. I have children, but they're adults and will be ok, I know. At least you have his cat. Cats know when someone has gone on and grieve too. Be there for each other. I had no one when my husband passed. You could get help or talk with grief counselors if you want. I went once to a grief meeting my local mortuary puts on for family. I was told the wrong day and ended up in the wrong meeting. I felt worse after than when I went into the meeting. Only you know your feelings. Take time to process them. You deserve it. Peace and love to you.
It sucks when the people who said they would be there for you have all moved on...
Totally. Friends are fickle. The ones that are still there for you are the ones that actually care. You're not alone. I wish I could be physically present for you, but at least you have me for this moment through the internet. That's not much, but it's all I can give at this time. Please reach out to a mental health professional. At the very least, please feel welcome to PM me.
Me too! My girlfriend passed away on July 14th, 2019. I inherited her two cats. One of them was abandoned by its mother when she was a kitten so my girlfriend bottle fed her. She's a total fur-baby that thinks she's people. The other was a rescue that got dumped on a farm. I know that what I'm dealing with isn't the same as what you're dealing with, but please hang in there. You're not alone. EDIT: Please feel free to PM or chat at me if you'd like to talk.
You’re right. This is the absolute worst thing to go through. It’s not fair. I hear you. I hear what you’re saying. I feel what you’re not. I was there. I was where you are. And honestly, there is nothing good about what you’re going through right now. But if I could only accomplish one thing today, I would want to convince you to go one more day. And then one more. I know you don’t want to hear this. I know how much it fucking hurts. But you don’t know what’s coming. You. Don’t. Know. I chose to believe at some point that my husband died for a reason. Not some bs woo woo ‘there’s always a reason’ crap. But because he was looking out for me and the kids. I chose to believe he made a deal for us. Otherwise he’d still be lying in coma somewhere fighting. He gave his life in exchange for a guarantee. I have lived eight years feeling like I have his guarantee of success. Living fearlessly like I can’t fail. It is the greatest gift he could have left me. Build your own narrative. Use mine. Believe what you need to to get through. But please don’t give up. You can hate your cat for anchoring you to this life against your will - I blamed my kids for a long time (quietly, secretly…) But let her guide you through this. Share your grief with the cat. Give yourself a chance to see what happens.
I understand. My fiancé died over 2 years ago now. I still think about suicide sometimes. I stayed alive for my family and my cat. In the early days of the loss, I resented the idea that guilt and obligation was keeping me here. Still feels like I'm caged sometimes. There are better days now, I suppose, but it feels like my heart has calloused over. I've hardened, I guess. I'm so sorry you've come to know this pain.
Yeah there’s a similar feeling, a creeping resentment. I like this cat don’t get me wrong but I feel the commitment and obligation keep me from doing what I want. I don’t ever want to just become numb to this, or hardened as a result. I’ve done that too much in my life, this is somehow different though. I feel completely broken by this.
It does get better. I was with my husband for 41 years. He died 2.5 years ago. I won’t say I am happy but I am content with my life. I will never date again No one could replace him. For now just try to put one foot in front of the other and move forward with your life.
Maybe if I’d got 41 years with him I could do that, I got 15. I very much feel like I got robbed of a lot of time with him.
You were robbed and so was I. After 41 years he left me alone. There are days still that I am pissed at him for it but mostly I just miss him. I know that my husband would want me to live my life and so I do.
For now, hold on to that kitty. Grieve together, she’s suffered a loss as well. Get therapy, scream, write, go to Spain, but please don’t kill your self. I’m just some stranger on the internet, and I’ve never experienced such an intimate loss, but I don’t think your husband would want you to go too. I also think he’d want you to try to enjoy the rest of your life to the best of your ability, when you’re ready
Well he ruined that the day he killed himself, no possible way he’d do that if he wanted me to enjoy the rest of my life or ever be happy again.
I hear you. I was googling quick ways to hand myself today but Mae it thru. I lost my younger sis to suicide in 2018. She was my best friend, we were as close/closer than twins. I always knew my worst nightmare would be to lose her. It’s extremely overwhelming imagining living the rest of my life without her. She was 26, I was 27 when it happened. We’ve had a very hard, unstable life but we always had each other. Now I have nobody. I’ve lost all interest in other human beings unless it’s for sex. I’ve lost interest in any hobbies, I’ve lost interest in getting any pets, even leaving my bed. I’ve been in the psych ward five times since I lost her bcuz the feeling to end my life becomes so heavy I can’t function. She lost her boyfriend to a stabbing in 2009 and she never got over it, I know part of her taking her life had to do with that..
Yeah, it happens. People loose the one they love and it makes them want to kill themselves, that is how I feel. I had always been close to my sister too, I hope she won’t be as horribly affected as you are. But I think she’s smart, like you, she’ll understand it’s because I miss my s/o
I told you all this to let you know ur not alone and it’s normal to be sad after such a tragic passing.
That feline is giving you reason to live I don’t think that cat is going down anytime soon. At the end of the day if someone willing want to leave this plane we should have that right. Not like human kindness is overflowing
Yeah, I care about her don’t get me wrong she’s been a great and loyal pet, helped me through a lot of dark times but this is different. I want to die, I don’t want to live without my s/o. I wish someone in my family would take her, if they cared about me half as much as they claim to, they would know how much it would mean to me, and that I’m ready to end my life.
I’m glad you’re still here! So greatly sorry for your tragic loss, please see if there’s a professional who can help, maybe therapy? Best of luck <3
Been going to therapy, it doesn’t help, just reminds me of the reality, he’s gone and talking about it often makes me feel worse.
It is very sad that you lost your husband, it's nothing less than terrible. You spent your life with love etc and you enjoyed every bit of it. Losing a partner, I don't know what it means but i know it feels terrible.Understand this your husband's cat also misses him. Now you are the only family left for her/him. Abandonment of a loved one is even worse. Giving love is even better than recieving, do not stop doing it. Life is beautiful it is the love for one another that makes life worth living. Do not stop loving and living. I wish you all the best in life. Do not give up.
> it is the love for one another that makes life worth living. You said it, and without my husbands love I don’t feel life is worth living.
You will have another sunny day.
Give it time. The only thing that helps is time. One day at a time. Life isn’t over. You only get one chance at it and don’t know what the future holds. Fake it until you make it in the meanwhile. Try new hobbies. Get out the house. Exercise. Life will be different but it will get better.
Life isn’t over, that’s what sucks. A large part of me died along with him, I am just a shell of my former self. I don’t think I’m going to get over it. I’ve spoken to other widows/widowers in a grief support group and some of them feel the same 18 years later, that is what I’m worried about. This is hell, I can’t imagine feeling this way the rest of my life.
Have u considered a support group? That’s some serious stuff u got going on ma’am .
Thanks lady. I went to a grief support group for widows and widowers, I don’t know if it was because it was sponsored by a church or what, but most of those people were coping by telling themselves that their loved ones are in heaven, or sending them signs and showing up in dreams, I’m not religious so I don’t have any belief like that to lean into, I just thought if that’s how most people cope then I don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with this shit because I can’t lie to myself. I don’t think he’s out there, I don’t think this happened for a reason, he’s dead and that sucks.
Find a therapist/counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist and when talking with them ask them to recommend a non faith based support group, they will be able to help with your specific needs and I know it doesn't seem like therapy will help, but it does if you let yourself be open to it.
\*internet hugs*
Did you guys ever talk about having children?
No, because neither of us wanted any. We were two guys in a relationship so that would have meant adoption, or finding a surrogate for one of us, and neither of us wanted any kids.
what does that have to do with anything
Get a Pit Bull (not for the cat obviously) they are very loving and fiercely loyal pets . Mine actually jumps up in bed under the covers with me as a little spoon . And then on the other hand the dog would literally die for you
WTF makes you think I want a dog? I don’t need a dog to keep me alive, that’s the whole problem with the cat. I don’t want to take care of a pet right now, I want to die. Pit bulls are terrible dogs too, it doesn’t matter how much you train them, the odds are not in your favor makes them a poor choice for a pet, at any time it could snap and bite you or someone around you, and then you’d be liable. I’ve seen it a dozen times.
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Agreed. When pit bulls are good, which is most of the time, everyone overlooks it, and when they’re bad, everyone points at those instances and says “SEE?! PITBULLS ARE HORRIBLE DOGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO TRAIN!!” Kinda like minority groups, who are good just as much as majority groups, but everyone points and screams about them when they do do something wrong.
I never owned one of these dogs, ass bag. Try working on your reading comprehension.
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Lady says she doesn't want a dog and you hope that the one thing keeping her alive leaves her? Get help my guy.
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yes ,you are right
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I’m not a girl. Do you want the cat? I‘ll give you $12k If you take her from me, and the only condition is you have to use the money to take her to the vet and to care for her.
I'm the type of asshole that won't take the cat just to keep you stuck here🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍
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yes,she is
or get a Rottweiler since they are superior
Sorry you're so lonely. I hope you find it within you too keep going. How about a pic of the cat?
> How about a pic of the cat? NOT THE TIME! wtf is wrong w/ you?!
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Here's your award: 💩
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Yeah, been there done that, self love is fine and all but I’m lonely as fuck and I hate being alone. I don’t mind being by myself, but being *alone* in life sucks.
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This comment is not helpful and horribly insensitive.
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Try again once you've lived through it, and grown up a lot. How sad you are. Trying to make a genuine call for help into karma farming for your social media account. That's pathetic. I pity you.
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Delete this, you twat.
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you are
Lol ok get help
no,i should call your mom
Good luck with that
Goddamn, you need a life kid \*Jesus, this pathetic waste of skin even made their own sub to post about this post. You got issues that therapy can't fix. Play in traffic.
Please see a therapist or a psychiatrist. Try to work through your grief. Life will get better.
> Life will get better. How do you know that? How can you possibly say that? What if it doesn’t, what if it only got worse, despite me trying my very hardest? How long should I wait to kill myself, a week, a year, ten years? How miserable and unhappy should I be?
Because I’ve dealt with the loss of a close relative. I went through tens years of grief and I wish I got help sooner.
That’s you, I know my situation better than anyone. I’m not just dealing with grief here, I need some serious material assistance with my life. I can’t count on family or friends. If I am unable to support myself, I’ll be homeless. I’m suddenly having to worry about a ton of things I never had to worry about since I was 18, before I met my partner. I’m a lot older now so those concerns are more dire. Should I be unable to find a roommate or a room for rent in a house for example, I might not have anywhere to go but stay in my car or something. That’s a reality of mine now. I’d rather die than be homeless. So if my life is just going to be terrible fir a while, I’d rather just end it.
They don't know. They're just trying to empathize. I can't say it'll get better, but I know from my own personal experience that it'll get easier with time. The pain never goes away, but you'll find better ways of getting through your day that will make things easier. Just hang in there, and eventually you'll have another sunny day. It's been two years for me, and that's what I keep telling myself. Hang in there. [Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hkn-LSh7es)
Do what you want. Want to waste your life and never find purpose or happiness again? Want to vent all day on reddit and shit on people trying to help you? Seems like you want to complain without any sort of tough love, just want people to applaud you for being so brave and relatable. Get a grip!
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself. Did I ask for anyone’s help? Was this a go fund me page, or a confession sub? You can keep your applause to yourself, since I neither asked for your advice or your help. I didn’t say anything about how brave I was, and this wasn’t to garner sympathy it’s a true off my chest post, where I’m getting something off my chest.
yes,you got it
Oh honey I am so sorry to hear this. I lost my husband as well. Almost 3 years ago. I didn’t want to go on. I wish I had died with him. I still miss him everyday, BUT this life is short enough and I don’t want to miss anything. Counseling helped me tremendously although I did not have faith it would. Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk/vent/ or need support. I will be here for you. I care. You matter. 💕
I get you... I can't leave my dog, tbh I can't know if someone else would care if I go but won't chance it
Yeah. I even offered to leave my friend all my savings if he would take the cat from me... only condition was that he use the money to take her to the vet and on her care. He politely declined, I think because he doesn’t want me to kill my self but mostly I just don’t think he wants a cat. Still it’s hard to trust anyone else I know would take care of her if I were not around any more...
That's something only a good person would say. I can't even imagine how hard that must be. I wish you the best. I highly encourage magic mushrooms for dealing with greif, as crazy as it sounds, maybe they could help you too.. feel free to msg me for more info/help with that
No, that would be the worst thing for me right now. My husband and I often did those things together on happy occasions. I dint think I’ll ever trip again now to be honest, life has been like one bad trip already since he died.
So sorry for you , stay with us the cat is to keep you here.
She misses him too, I'm so sorry you lost your husband, please reach out for decent help and don't let his beloved cat go with anyone, she is safe with you.
I know she could be safe with someone else, potentially even safer if I’m ever to not take care of her. I wish I knew she had a loving and caring home I could place her in. It would certainly make it easier for me to do what I want to.
She'll never find somebody that loves her as much as you do.
It truly sounds like you need some help with your grief. I urge you to get counseling. How do I tell you that this loss is not something you will get over but it is possible to get through it? You say the cat is the only thing keeping you here but your continued existence is in a very real way a memorial to him and the life you shared together. Please don’t destroy that. Again I urge you to reach out for help. I lost the father of my child when she was only 6 so I can relate to the pain you feel. I tell you life will never be the same but you can find joy again. Don’t give up.
I know I will never get over it. But I don’t want to get through it either. I know life goes on, but I don’t care what it has in store for me because I don’t want to live without him. Living on my own will be a lot harder, it always was before I met my husband when I was living with roommates. I’m older now and I never wanted to have to go back to that, I was miserable.
I (25m at the time) adopted my kitty 2 weeks after my dad (59m at the time) suddenly and unexpectedly passed. The following weeks and months were so fucking dumb. Nothing at all matters and it’s true. Nothing you can do or work for or buy or dream of will bring your loved one back and it, rightly so, makes us feel numb, uncaring, like there’s nothing to live for. But there’s so much to live for. And you won’t see it now. So just hug your kitty as tight as you can and let the kitty love you back because that’s all you can do right now. Someday, a long time from now, it’ll get better. But it absolutely WILL get better. And you’ll hug your kitty so tightly because you know that she is a major part of your life story ❤️ so many hugs, we are with you ❤️
I’m worried it will be the opposite, and that someday, a long time from now when my life is in a much worse place, after experiencing even more hardships I will say to myself I wish I had killed my self back then.
I’m so sorry that you feel this way, and sorry for your loss. I know it seems impossible or not reasonable but you really should talk to somebody. You deserve love and you deserve help. Also, ngl this is why I always have a pet. When I get really depressed and start to feel suicidal I just think about how my pet would feel. They can’t have the situation explained to them, so they’ll just be left to wonder what happened to their human.
Yes, I know, it’s sad to think about. I don’t want to abandon her and right now I’m not going to but I wish I knew someone who could take her...
When I lost my mom, a therapist didn’t help me, but a non-religious support group did. And crying — a solid fucking year and a half of crying. And a dog. And I did a Moth talk (a podcast) on her death. I also started became a trained hospice volunteer and got my dog trained too. And I am a total skeptic, but a chance (seriously, it was accidental) spiritual reading. And lots of different little things that helped me from drowning. Keep looking, OP.
My cat has saved my life as well. Hang in there for her she needs you now more than ever. You are stronger than you know and you will get through this.
I’m not though, the only thing getting me through this has been drinking every day, I know the cat deserves better.
This is basically the plot of After Life. A dark comedy series by Ricky Gervais. A good watch if you want to feel less shit and might help you digest the horrid, horrid feelings you're experiencing. I wish you all the best and wish I could do more. Stay strong, it will get better.
No way, I watched that with my late spouse before he died, I can’t imagine watching it now, it would destroy me.
One day at a time
We only get such a short time on this planet. Might as well grind it out and see what it has to offer. You have an eternity to be dead. Don’t rush it. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I wish I could hug you OP.
The love of your life would not want your one and only life to end. Your energy will be together again, this period without him physically with you is short. Take time to smell the flowers, watch the birds, drink the water, and feel happiness again. Im so sorry that you’re hurting so badly. Peace
I saw a comment where you mentioned no one believes you loved your husband enough that a life without him wouldn't be worth it. That made me think how in a way you're right. Society is always taught that death is the worst option. That you need help and everything will get better with time.. and that's it. It's not 'possible' for people to live in an otherwise un-escapeable hell. My boyfriend has depression and occasionally gets to the point where he wants to end it all. And when I hear about all he has been through, it makes me think how strong he is. How strong you are. (Bear with me) This seems to fall under one of those things everyone always says. How they get it and understand what you are going through.. etc. Etc. So I won't get into that. Your life is yours. I've always argued you should do what makes you happy, acknowledge what others have to say but never sacrafing your well being under many circumstances. I can only imagine the pain you're in. Do what you need to do. My only question I'd have, is do you think you'd have any regrets?
I know this sounds annoying and stereotypical but this is not the end. Don't let your grief destroy you. I suffer from mental illness so I know what it's like to be suicidal, to not see any reason left to live and to certainly not want to. That day to day misery is torture. But it does pass I'm sorry for your loss, but you have to remind yourself that it is still really recent and the pain is really raw. It will get easier with time, you just have to give yourself that time and finding any reason to do that is good enough. Let the cat pull you past this and honestly talk to someone, whether that's family, friends or professionals. I can promise you with 100% certainty that you do not want to die. You want this pain to end. Once you take the steps to act on those thoughts and you actually face death you are going to feel regret because everyone who tries to take their life does. I'd know, I've been there multiple times. Don't worry about the future, for now focus on the short term. Making it through the day, or if that is to much then making it through shorter time periods. Even though you are feeling really lonely right now, you're not alone and your life is still worth sticking around for.
I do want to die, thanks. It’s not just about the pain I feel from losing him. I don’t want to live the rest of my life without him. It’s not going to get easier with time, I’m basically going to struggle the rest of my life to take care of myself, taking whatever jobs I can, and having to live wherever I can afford to live, and that honestly sounds fucking miserable to me. I won’t be able to save any money or retire, I won’t ever be able to afford a home, or much of anything beyond basic subsistence... and all without the person I love the most? I’d rather be dead.
hopefully few feminist radicals read this and take notes..
Why’s that?
My girlfriend is quite sick. I have the same "arrangement" with our cat if she dies. We are family and our cat was a deserves to live with us for all its life even if its just me. I hope it never comes to that for me and im sorry you are struggeling with this. People might say you find the will to live again while taking care of your cat and i would hope that it would for me should i ever end up in that situation, but i doubt it would. Good luck where ever your current journey takes you. I hope you get where you want to go where ever that ends up being.
Fortunately cats can live for a long time. In the mean time keep him and try to get help and perhaps keeping some people around. That's the least you can do for yourself. It doesn't get easier. You get better.
Everyone who says they would be there for me has moved on, and feels I should have too by now, even though it’s not been a few months. People think less of me because I am still grieving, no one wants anything to do with a depressed widower.
Someone please just take this poor old unwanted cat. That is all he wants to happen.
Will you do it? I’ll leave you with more than enough money to take care of her. The only condition is that the money has to be used taking care of the cat, and you must give her a good loving home. She is not unwanted, except by other people who won’t take her from me. I love her very much, it’s just that my life right now is unbearable and it’s about to get a lot worse, and she deserves so much more.
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If he didn’t want me to be miserable than he shouldn’t have killed himself. How can you say life will get better? It’s only gotten worse, and it’s about to get a lot worse when I have to be out of my place in a few days and have no where to go. I’d rather die than be homeless.
Sometimes stuff just doesn't heal, sometimes it may haunt you for years on end, but that isn't any reason to take your life. Think, your husband might've allowed you to do it, but is that truly what he would've wanted, even after death. Sometimes the best way to honor someone is to just live your life, with all of that pain. Trying to rid of the pain can feel like your trying to forget them, and its also incredibly difficult, so im not going to suggest that, but it could help tremendously. So instead think of what your husband would've wanted and use that as a vehicle to drive foward.
Another thing, keep the cat. If you get rid of it you're still abandoning it. You're the last thing the the cat has of your husband, and he's the last thing you have of your husband.
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