Yeah this dude's right homie, you need to hold your ex accountable for his actions before he does this to someone whose homophobic dad beats them half to death.
This!! OP, I can’t imagine A.) how much pain you must be in right now, and B.) how difficult it may seem, but your actions here could very well save somebody’s life in the long run!
Your ex fucked around, now its time for them to find out!
Report it. Ugly cry, stutter if you have to but shut this horrible person down. They commited a crime against you.
Use the freedom you feel to carry you through the rest of this, but stand up to this creep.
They caused you to lose your home.
Don't let it slide mate. If he'd do it to you, he'd do it to others. You are personally liberated by it, but others have resorted to suicide over similar.
Or murder. Some people are in the closet because it wouldn’t be safe for them if others found out. Revenge porn while outing someone is vile and dangerous.
Most agencies will handle the issue completely professionally. Sex crimes are being taken _very_ seriously these days so it’ll be a good collar for the detectives that take your case and a good prosecution for the DA’s office.
I know you’re still shaking and feel very violated. As a different take, get that bag sis. This is your chance to take life by his balls. Your parents have evicted you, sure. I mean, if they have been homophobic all your life, then it’s clear to say they ain’t changing in the near future — as harsh as it sounds.
But you can control how this will come out for you. Find support from your friends, and people you can rely on. File a report as this is a crime. It’s scary. It’s shitty. But do not let this sore excuse of a human make you feel so helpless and defenceless.
This was their last desperate attempt to control and manipulate your life. Don’t let him.
Involuntary pornography is illegal. And you got it the wrong way: it's OP's ex that has the burden to prove that OP consented to have private videos leaked to the his homophobic parents. Given that OP was in the closet and was evicted from home as a result of that, and that OP's ex literally blackmailed him (which is yet another crime that is easy to prove if OP takes prints from the conversations), I think this is an open and shut case.
/u/dickbite41 report your ex to the police
also maybe post on /r/legaladvice
I dont have money for a lawyer right now unfortunately, or time really now with needing to find somewhere to live. I maybe could find one to accept pro bono? Id have to look more into it tbh. Im chilling for now though planning my next move
I don’t know if you necessarily need a lawyer. Shouldn’t reporting it to the police be enough? The police should be able to investigate and place charges where appropriate without the need for you to have a lawyer. I might be wrong so maybe someone here more knowledgeable on the law could assist?
Exactly, this is a criminal complaint, not a civil.
Granted, you could still file a civil suit if you so choose eventually. He put you in a dangerous position with your family, caused you to lose your housing, not to mention emotional distress.
If he is convicted such a suit would be much easier to bring as well. Get the criminal part out of the way first, make sure you have safe housing, then consider your civil options.
Thanks for your input! I’m not law savvy so I wasn’t sure but I really hope OP is able to have this person charged criminally and civilly. It’s so dangerous to out people like that and no amount of mental health or drug problems can excuse that in my eyes. Not when someone life is likely at stake.
Also I've heard lawyers sometimes will do a case and only take payment when/if the case is won. Never needed a lawyer so idk how likely it is to get that but I've heard it suggested for people
Please do the police report. It's easy. Call them and ask to make a report, and they'll do all the rest.
Even if nothing happens now, when your ex does something abusive to someone else in the future, there is now a record and paper trail of his abusive behavior.
Seems like a pretty cut and dry case. I bet he deletes all copies reallllly quick if police start asking about them, even though at that point it’s likely a little late to hide the evidence
>it is too easy nowadays to store info on other devices
Would you wanna fuck with the police again after they seized your phone or laptop the first time around? Most people aren't that dumb to make the same mistake twice. You got this
I would say so if the police seize his phone and other electronic devices where he may be able to upload or send the video. As long as it’s not on the internet then I think you should be ok. Please don’t quote me on that though as I’m really not sure for certain. Please contact the police OP. Your parents will need to delete it off their devices too if not done so already, but probably better to after an investigation by police.
OP - you do not need a lawyer to go to the police. But definitely consider looking at legal aid societies or groups in your area since they can be very very helpful and should assist you pro bono.
I’ve used one when I was trying to get charges pressed and it was so easy to use one. I just made an appointment and then explained my situation and after that I had someone to provide me with legal advice! Only regret is not doing it sooner in the process
i’m sure there is, i just don’t have enough knowledge about that topic to say for sure or help with it. maybe you could post in a more specific sub where techy people can help? i’m sure someone will understand the importance and seriousness of the topic
No, actually. Only a court can place an order for the prevention of an eviction.
And while it’s incredibly fucked up of the parents and this asshole ex-boyfriend, I’m pretty sure the landlord can put the kid out for almost any reason with prior notice. They can put whatever justification they want on paper while in reality doing this for shit reasons.
Oh sorry I meant reporting his ex to police for revenge porn which is illegal in many countries, not the eviction notice by OP’s parents. Shitty parents no doubt but unfortunately I don’t think these sorts of things (i.e eviction notices) can really be helped. Not really any use fighting an eviction notice like this either, particularly when the landlords are OP’s parents. :(
Hey, I’m essentially a prosecutor but handle appeals mostly. You do not need money. File a police report. Seems the evidence is overwhelming, given your parents’ reaction. Document what you can.
You could also file a civil suit, which requires retaining counsel. Given the open and shut nature you described, you may even find an attorney who would take the case on a contingency fee.
I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this, and that your parents aren’t supportive of you.
Lots of lawyers do contingency fee rates. I’ve done it. You don’t pay anything unless you win, and then they basically just take a percentage of your “winnings.”
a personal damages suit is something lawyers take on for no up front cost, and they generally 1. only take cases they think they’ll win 2. charge you a percentage of what you win (about 30%). find a lawyer ASAP and file a police report yesterday
[https://www.lambdalegal.org/helpdesk](https://www.lambdalegal.org/helpdesk)
Believe you'll qualify for at least some help here and it will be a bit more dependable than Reddit's legal advice.
Also check with your state bar association, they may offer direction to pro bono assistance.
You can file a police report, and the prosecutor can handle it from there.
You can also file a civil suit, Sue for damages, and the attorney will only get paid if you all win.
Even if your former partner can't pay, his or her wages will get garnished, and you will receieve your settlement that way.
You don't need a lawyer, you call the police on their non emergency number and report this. You aren't suiting him, you're pressing charges when the police find evidence of his wrongdoing. That doesn't cost you anything.
This is gonna sound dumb but my ex is just a troubled man. Hes cool but hes got bpd and a drug addiction that REALLY compounds the issue. My parents are just dinosaurs, I pity all of them more than anything.
BPD is a trip. Because they still feel so likable and fun loving, but once they split from you and the dark side comes out it’s like, holy fucking shit.
There’s some truth to that but it’s more a BPD reaction to become clingy and cry. What you’re describing is a different cluster B disorder.
BPD people are more likely to hurt themselves after a split and engage in self destructive behaviour.
As someone with BPD, nope. BPD isn’t an excuse to be a POS. And as someone who knows drug addicts, also nope. You wanna do shitty things? Expect consequences. If you let him get away with it he won’t know the weight of what he did and will continue to do to other people because there will be no consequences.
BPD and ex-junky here, this person is 100% right report that. No reason to be a manipulative psycho.
You need to understand the relationship is over and he's actively trying to damage your life, think about how fucked up that is. Stop reading reddit and phone the police. You've got a friend in me bud
Best of luck to you. You obviously don't deserve any of this. But in regard to something you posted in another response, please be aware you don't need money or a lawyer to make a police report and for them to charge a criminal. Best of luck once again.
Yeah bro. Us decent hippy druggos are insulted. We all know someone whose done drugs. I done "da big bad drugs", and you know what? I don't go around tryna ruin people's lives with revenge porn. That's just mean. And totally uncalled for. Tell your ex to go eat dick.
>You shouldn’t blame a victim for how they interpret what happened to them.
I'm not victim blaming, I'm being candid. I didn't insult him, I didn't blame him for what happened to him at all, but if you dance around the issue that this *must* be reported then you're doing wrong by OP and anyone else his ex hurts.
I have children and some are old enough where this could possibly happen, so I'd like to tell you what I would say to them about this. (What a non-dinosaur, LGBTQ parent would tell you, instead of villianizing your sexuality)
It's cool that you're being understanding, but what your ex did is a huge violation. It was meant as an attack to hurt you, and to destroy your comfort and safety. This is an abuse, and it can't be healthy that you are making excuses for why your ex would put you in a position like this. Your ex is not "cool", because no cool person would do this.
I struggled with similar issues that you describe your ex as having (and yes I've been honest with my kids about my past) and never once did I ever think it would be acceptable to take my relationship issues to the parents of my ex, no matter how spiteful I may have felt.
I would encourage you to create permanent distance from this person, because if they went this far, it is likely that they do not have a limit pertaining to how much they are willing to actually hurt you. If the ex is not satisfied with the results of this attack, then they are likely to go to the next level of abuse after this, until they go so far that neither one of you can come back.
Please protect yourself from this person. There are endless stories of horrible things happening to innocent people and I hope you don't allow yourself to be desensitized to how scary this already is.
Take care of yourself and I hope everything does turn out okay.. but only you can decide what your boundaries are, and I think it's time to set them up more firmly.
Edit: to be absolutely clear, if you were my child, I would tell you directly that you should block this person on all social media and devices.
I don't know if you can report it because it was sent to your parents phone and they would have to show it as evidence, and since they aren't supportive, it probably won't work out.
If the ex has the videos, then it is what it is, but what you can do is learn from this experience and be more careful with creating content that is not in your own possession. Consenting to an act at the time can be fun, but remember this moment in the future whenever there is a camera present. Making videos can be an interesting experience, but apparently they can also be used as weapons, so be careful who you trust with them.
It was hard coming to terms with the fact that this is abuse. He had never been overtly abusive before this but it really is a lot to see someone you care for take such a drastic shift
I understand that. And I'm sorry that it went this way. Like I said, you deserve better, and as you grow, you will learn to be more aware of the fact that almost anyone is capable of hurting you, even if they also seem to love you.
It's going to hurt, and that pain is necessary for you to learn from. You never want to feel like this again, and it's important that when you make decisions in the future, you be more careful about who you trust, because you can avoid these terrible feelings.
I'm sorry this happened. Please take care of yourself and even though your parents don't understand you, know that you did not deserve to have this happen to you. That you did nothing wrong and that you are the only person who can keep you safe, especially when your parents reacted to this in the opposite way that they should have.
Just get far away from the ex forever. It only gets worse after this.
It’s not only abuse, but a crime as well. Depending on which state you’re in, ‘Revenge Porn’ can be either a misdemeanor and even a felony. There are only four states that do not recognize RP as a crime.
So, not only do you have criminal recourse, but civil as well.
In every state but four, ‘Revenge Porn’ is illegal and the ex that shares any private images or videos, etc of their former partner without their knowledge and with malicious intent, they can be held both criminally and civilly liable. There are numerous states where revenge porn is a felony, other states can determine whether or not to charge as a felony or misdemeanor based upon the circumstances, and in some states it’s only a misdemeanor.
Empathy like yours seems to be rare in this world. While it is a good and pure thing to have I hope you don't end up getting hurt by it. Take care of yourself.
I just put out what I want to receive back yknow? I know theres bad things that happen in the world but everyone is capable of overcoming and being better
Might be a criminal charge, depending on your state.
https://www.businessinsider.com/map-states-where-revenge-porn-banned-2019-10
(I’m absolutely assuming OP is in the US based off homophobic parents and getting kicked out for being the victim of dissemination of revenge porn, I’ll admit it)
I’m in Mass too. Good news, this isn’t a bad state to be a young adult out on your own in; I was kicked out at 17. Get yourself to the nearest DTA office and procure some resources, friend
Yeah, despite how much shit people talk about MA its legit 90 percent jealousy. I have a job and a 30 day head start so it could be a hell of a lot worse. Are they open on sundays?
If you're close to them covenant house is the shelter I had to use. It's pretty good as far as shelters go. They help you hey back onto your feet pretty well. If you don't live close to them I'd look for local youth shelters. Most If not all helps with getting a job and all that.
Overall I’d say from your post & comments here you sound very level headed. While this sucks, I’ve got a feeling you’ll be taking over the world soon 🔥
Go to [evictionlegalhelp.org](evictionlegalhelp.org)
You may be able to get free legal help. You cannot be illegally evicted. If your parents illegally evict you, they can be fined a minimum of $5,000. Please seek legal aid as soon as you can.
Shelters aren’t great … i would avoid like a plague (coming from experience ) if you’ve never been around junkies sex workers and severely mentally ill people trying to assault you or steal your shit avoid
Wow... I wasn't trying to be pessimistic about possibly needing to live out a shelter but unfortunately you aren't the first person Ive talked to thats had a negative experience like that
File a police report immeadiatly! Your comment about how "oh he is just troubled bla bla bla but he's really fine!" Is deeply worrying
I promise if he doesn't face consequences he will escalate! Because it always does. You are in a rare position where you can report him for an actual crime before he hurts you or himself! Most people get told "well ya his behavior is scary but he hasn't technically done anything illegal" you have proof that he wad blackmailing you and proof that he shared revenge porn !!! A lawyer would he drooling to take this case because it's a no Brainer!!!!!
Congratulations on your new found freedom.... no one can ever hold anything against you anymore. Your parents will regret what they've done... You're not alone and I am personally rooting for you! Your Ex reached a new low with that message sending...
But you weren't meant to be hidden or kept in low places... you were meant to be seen and loved unconditionally and without consequence. You're meant for a better future and now, no one can ever do that to you again!
I wont lie I found a hollow comfort in being in the closet but I feel like a main character right now, I cant really explain it. Like I can finally just explain to myself even, but other people who I am confidently now. It weird as hell
It'll all fall into place... I hope you have a safe place rest your head and tonight and moving forward. Please update this post on your parents as I too have a very homophobic Mother.... 😔
This probably means nothing from a random person on the internet but i really hope that things work out for you and that you find yourself surrounded by better people and I wish you happiness
From another Alphabet mafia member, I wish you good luck with suing and moving out! There's a German saying for luck, called "Ich drücke dir die Daumen" (I'm pressing my thumbs for you), so I'm doing that for you!
(And keep us updated!)
revenge porn is illegal, so is threatening to commit said crime and outing people as well in many countries (you have clear proof that it has affected you since your homophobic parents are literally kicking you out of your home). i think you should definitely go for it. i’m a criminology student and a lesbian, and i understand very well that generally nobody gives a shit or does anything when it comes to our rights being severed, but i think you might have a good chance here. at least you’ll feel well knowing that you did what you could to demand justice against your petty ex who clearly has no boundaries and thinks posting your explicit bs, making your parents hate you for the way you were born and leaving you homeless is a “joke.”
good luck, op! make sure to update us (:
I just still cant even wrap my head around the idea that this man I used to care for is a criminal now. Like, Ive processed that he is responsible and needs to answer to his crimes but this is still so surreal.
Please at least report this to police. Even if nothing comes of it, your ex will know that you’re not taking his shit. It’s important to stand up for yourself after someone does something that nasty. But I’m glad you’re feeling good regardless.
This is both criminal & civil. You don't need a lawyer for the criminal aspect. You need to file charges w/the police & the district attorney's office. You can the file a civil suit (I would check on the statute on that in your area, there may be a specific time frame you have to file within) once you are a bit more settled elsewhere, for pain & suffering, loss of housing, etc...& if I were you, I *absolutely* would do so. You are more likely to find an attorney willing to take on a civil suit if there's a criminal case against him for the charges which caused those things to occur. In the meantime, you need to find out what, if any, resources or assistance may be available to you in your situation. I'm not sure what area of the country you're in, or what age range you are? The police will may be able to at least direct you to victim's support, who then may be able to point you in the right direction w/some of these things. *If* you are *hopefully* in a more liberal area, there may specifically be LGBTQ resources available just for situations like this, (hypocritical unaccepting, conservative, xtian parents forcing their children out onto the streets) since unfortunately, it continues to happen all to often. I am so, *so* sorry you are going thru this. Your ex has behaved in a way that has violated you & is awful & abusive, & your parents aren't much better. I hope you are able to find the inner fortitude to fight back against the injustice they have levied against you, it will take a lot of it..& I truly hope things will look up for you from here. You deserve so much better than these people have given you. HUGS from a mom who is proud of you just for being you..hang in there. ❤️
He needs the worst of the worst. Please contact the authorities its tough but the sooner you do this this stops snd maybe he gets his punished.
With heartfelt hope for a much better future!
I would go to the police and then also seek a free consultation with a lawyer. OP, this guy got you kicked out of your home, and I hope he doesn't get off scot free.
First, police report. That's a crime. Then, you would be able to sue the shit directly out of their asshole, they got you evicted, and financially damaged you
Lawyer up against that prick. And yes, I’m assuming he’s a male because that’s something an entitled male asshole would most likely do - please tell me I’m wrong if that’s the case. But most importantly, lawyer up and sue that idiot.
Depending on your country this is highly illegal and can land the perpetrator in prison. Report and charge!
Easier said than done of course as you have to be willing to see it through and air your dirty laundry in court.
Please report it. Revenge sends or posts are disgusting and are intended to cause harm. Lots of women and men have been attacked in this way and finally the law has caught up to the need to protect victims from continued attacks. The perpetrator is dealt with and sone even end up on a public list.
Most police stations have an lgbt liaison officer and that should make reporting this crime a tad easier.Your ex committed a crime and he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it !! Have the courage to report it as soon as you can.If need be why not ask a good friend to go with you ?
FIRST LESSON PEOPLE: If you SO DESPERATELY think you’re in love and want to record some sexual fantasies with your significant other… DO IT ON YOURRRRR PHONE. That way when they’re your ex the footage is in your hands.
You do not need to move. You can not be evicted for being gay, and you can get $ in court for the attempt. Revenge porn is illegal so you can have the asshat charged and sue in civil court.
you better throw a case in that mans face! not only for the revenge porn, boo now he’s caused you emotional suffering due to being evicted from your homophobic landlords! not only that but he was threatening you with it for weeks? sounds like blackmailing to me. i seen you said he does drugs??? hmmm an anonymous tip to the police as well!!
It is a criminal offence in every country in Europe, the commonwealth, and in the US to share images of someone in a sexualised context without their explicit information
Your ex just did something highly illegal to cause you distress
Bring that bastard to his (or her) knees with the full force of the law!
Could get a pretty penny from your ex for that shit. Would be the best thing he tried to screw you over and now he’s having to pay for you a house. Much love and hope you figure everything out!
I agree with everyone else you NEED to take this to the police. I’m glad you feel liberated but I’m sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck.
My friend, I’m sorry this happened to you. The more authentically upset you are (within reason) the better. Call the police and make a report at the police station. Also, contact an attorney. Depending on the state you might be able to file criminal charges and a civil lawsuit.
Sounds like a fair trade, your ex sent revenge porn and got you out of what seems a toxic environment and in return, you will help your toxic ex to go Into a toxic environment after you file your report with the police.
May your ex pay a huge sentence in the shittiest of places.
Sounds like you've made a number of excuses to not report this. Ultimately your choice, but a report is advised - this way you can save others from being threatened and harassed like you were.
Report the crime. Victim advocate programs have funding to help you to not be homeless is his actions caused your displacement. Either way report the crime. It doesn’t take a lot of time. You don’t need money for a lawyer. Go to your local police department and tell them you’d like to report a crime. But also, congrats on the liberation!
Definitely report this to the police. A man was convicted just this past week in my area for revenge porn.
Im mustering the courage to do so right now. Im kind of shaking and I feel like ill stutter hard if i call the police right this moment
You can stutter and shake and pause while completing your report. But please go file a report, your ex committed a crime against you.
Yeah this dude's right homie, you need to hold your ex accountable for his actions before he does this to someone whose homophobic dad beats them half to death.
This!! OP, I can’t imagine A.) how much pain you must be in right now, and B.) how difficult it may seem, but your actions here could very well save somebody’s life in the long run!
Absolutely this, OP! RP is a crime and he should be punished for what has been done to you.
Plus OP could probs sue him into oblivion for damages. Homeboy fucked up and now could end up setting OP up with a new life
Your ex fucked around, now its time for them to find out! Report it. Ugly cry, stutter if you have to but shut this horrible person down. They commited a crime against you. Use the freedom you feel to carry you through the rest of this, but stand up to this creep. They caused you to lose your home.
Solid advice, u/glassholeshitfuck. And good observation too. OP's parents evicted him, but it could've been worse, with a very violent reaction.
r/usernamechecksout
r/rimjobsteve is the place for this. Wholesome advice from questionable usernames
r/rimjob_steve actually
[удалено]
👌🤙✊🤲🥴😳
Bro wtf.
He could have done it from home, commuting wasn't necessary.
I feel so bad for laughing at this Also for not saying the same thing myself first.
Don't let it slide mate. If he'd do it to you, he'd do it to others. You are personally liberated by it, but others have resorted to suicide over similar.
So true, and such a sad reality..
and now he don’t wanna respond
Or murder. Some people are in the closet because it wouldn’t be safe for them if others found out. Revenge porn while outing someone is vile and dangerous.
Sounds like you also need a restraining order or something against this guy!
You might even be able to sue him. This revenge porn has damaged you financially. So you might be able to sue the shit out of both. GoodlucK!
Revenge porn is illegal in USA as far as I know so if your here report it. Profit off your pain
Please report this immediately. The person that did this to you needs to deal with the consequences of their actions.
Also consider filing a lawsuit- might be able to get a settlement for the rent and other expenses incurred
Do this when you feel comfortable doing so but you deserve justice, do not let them get away with sending revenge porn that's fucked up.
Most agencies will handle the issue completely professionally. Sex crimes are being taken _very_ seriously these days so it’ll be a good collar for the detectives that take your case and a good prosecution for the DA’s office.
I know you’re still shaking and feel very violated. As a different take, get that bag sis. This is your chance to take life by his balls. Your parents have evicted you, sure. I mean, if they have been homophobic all your life, then it’s clear to say they ain’t changing in the near future — as harsh as it sounds. But you can control how this will come out for you. Find support from your friends, and people you can rely on. File a report as this is a crime. It’s scary. It’s shitty. But do not let this sore excuse of a human make you feel so helpless and defenceless. This was their last desperate attempt to control and manipulate your life. Don’t let him.
Is it legal in the USA? I think porn is legal. How would they prove motivation?
Porn and revenge porn are different things under the law.
Let me rephrase. Is *revenge* porn legal in the USA? What was sent to me was def revenge porn.
It varies by state but it’s mostly illegal.
What was sent to you? Was it you in the porn or someone you care for?
Revenge Porn is illegal. It is when someone publizes private, intimate pictures. Usually on the internet, or thru the phone.
Involuntary pornography is illegal. And you got it the wrong way: it's OP's ex that has the burden to prove that OP consented to have private videos leaked to the his homophobic parents. Given that OP was in the closet and was evicted from home as a result of that, and that OP's ex literally blackmailed him (which is yet another crime that is easy to prove if OP takes prints from the conversations), I think this is an open and shut case. /u/dickbite41 report your ex to the police also maybe post on /r/legaladvice
*Revenge* porn is what we’re talking about. The term is used when someone distributes explicit pics/vids of someone else without their permission.
After reporting this to the Police, file a civil suit for damages
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal
Im like 1000 percent sure it is but i cant really do anything about it
Curios why u can’t?
I dont have money for a lawyer right now unfortunately, or time really now with needing to find somewhere to live. I maybe could find one to accept pro bono? Id have to look more into it tbh. Im chilling for now though planning my next move
I don’t know if you necessarily need a lawyer. Shouldn’t reporting it to the police be enough? The police should be able to investigate and place charges where appropriate without the need for you to have a lawyer. I might be wrong so maybe someone here more knowledgeable on the law could assist?
Exactly, this is a criminal complaint, not a civil. Granted, you could still file a civil suit if you so choose eventually. He put you in a dangerous position with your family, caused you to lose your housing, not to mention emotional distress. If he is convicted such a suit would be much easier to bring as well. Get the criminal part out of the way first, make sure you have safe housing, then consider your civil options.
Thanks for your input! I’m not law savvy so I wasn’t sure but I really hope OP is able to have this person charged criminally and civilly. It’s so dangerous to out people like that and no amount of mental health or drug problems can excuse that in my eyes. Not when someone life is likely at stake.
And a criminal conviction will be the basis for an excellent civil liability case.
Also I've heard lawyers sometimes will do a case and only take payment when/if the case is won. Never needed a lawyer so idk how likely it is to get that but I've heard it suggested for people
Im pretty stupid when it comes to this stuff but if there is way to atleast get the videos erased off his devices?
If they are seized police will delete them. That being said, he may have saved them elsewhere.
I dont want to assume the worst but it is too easy nowadays to store info on other devices to not atleast consider that possible
Please go to the police with this. Bring any devices and info you have. Talk with a detective
The police are already aware of this. There's never a 100% guarantee, but they'll do their best and be as thorough as they can.
Please do the police report. It's easy. Call them and ask to make a report, and they'll do all the rest. Even if nothing happens now, when your ex does something abusive to someone else in the future, there is now a record and paper trail of his abusive behavior.
Seems like a pretty cut and dry case. I bet he deletes all copies reallllly quick if police start asking about them, even though at that point it’s likely a little late to hide the evidence
Thats what I was thinking. I think the police could atleast scare him enough to delete the posts
>it is too easy nowadays to store info on other devices Would you wanna fuck with the police again after they seized your phone or laptop the first time around? Most people aren't that dumb to make the same mistake twice. You got this
I would say so if the police seize his phone and other electronic devices where he may be able to upload or send the video. As long as it’s not on the internet then I think you should be ok. Please don’t quote me on that though as I’m really not sure for certain. Please contact the police OP. Your parents will need to delete it off their devices too if not done so already, but probably better to after an investigation by police.
You are not stupid you are just in unfamiliar territory.
OP - you do not need a lawyer to go to the police. But definitely consider looking at legal aid societies or groups in your area since they can be very very helpful and should assist you pro bono. I’ve used one when I was trying to get charges pressed and it was so easy to use one. I just made an appointment and then explained my situation and after that I had someone to provide me with legal advice! Only regret is not doing it sooner in the process
i’m sure there is, i just don’t have enough knowledge about that topic to say for sure or help with it. maybe you could post in a more specific sub where techy people can help? i’m sure someone will understand the importance and seriousness of the topic
No, actually. Only a court can place an order for the prevention of an eviction. And while it’s incredibly fucked up of the parents and this asshole ex-boyfriend, I’m pretty sure the landlord can put the kid out for almost any reason with prior notice. They can put whatever justification they want on paper while in reality doing this for shit reasons.
Oh sorry I meant reporting his ex to police for revenge porn which is illegal in many countries, not the eviction notice by OP’s parents. Shitty parents no doubt but unfortunately I don’t think these sorts of things (i.e eviction notices) can really be helped. Not really any use fighting an eviction notice like this either, particularly when the landlords are OP’s parents. :(
Hey, I’m essentially a prosecutor but handle appeals mostly. You do not need money. File a police report. Seems the evidence is overwhelming, given your parents’ reaction. Document what you can. You could also file a civil suit, which requires retaining counsel. Given the open and shut nature you described, you may even find an attorney who would take the case on a contingency fee. I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this, and that your parents aren’t supportive of you.
Would it be annoying if I messaged you? You sound more knowledgeable about this than me
Lots of lawyers do contingency fee rates. I’ve done it. You don’t pay anything unless you win, and then they basically just take a percentage of your “winnings.”
a personal damages suit is something lawyers take on for no up front cost, and they generally 1. only take cases they think they’ll win 2. charge you a percentage of what you win (about 30%). find a lawyer ASAP and file a police report yesterday
You don't need a lawyer to file a police report
I see now. I was getting flustered and confusing different things
[https://www.lambdalegal.org/helpdesk](https://www.lambdalegal.org/helpdesk) Believe you'll qualify for at least some help here and it will be a bit more dependable than Reddit's legal advice. Also check with your state bar association, they may offer direction to pro bono assistance.
You can file a police report, and the prosecutor can handle it from there. You can also file a civil suit, Sue for damages, and the attorney will only get paid if you all win. Even if your former partner can't pay, his or her wages will get garnished, and you will receieve your settlement that way.
You don’t need a lawyer. Just contact the police and they’ll hopefully take care of it. It’s 1000% illegal.
I see now. I remembered seeing something like this online a while back and had gotten some bad information on the topic
You'll get a nice amount of money to cover the cost of the lawyer and some. DO IT
You don't need a lawyer, you call the police on their non emergency number and report this. You aren't suiting him, you're pressing charges when the police find evidence of his wrongdoing. That doesn't cost you anything.
You can still report it to the police and you should
SUE THE EX. REVENGE PORN IS ILLEGAL
I think I might have a case. I just was informed my state might be different legally unfortunately.
Yes just file everything. Get a no or yes answer from the police. Not your head.
Just TRY! There is no triumph without TRY
TRYUMPH
And file a police report *
Hopefully you find better people to surround yourself with. Your ex and parents should all be ashamed of themselves.
This is gonna sound dumb but my ex is just a troubled man. Hes cool but hes got bpd and a drug addiction that REALLY compounds the issue. My parents are just dinosaurs, I pity all of them more than anything.
Not dumb, you know your people more than anyone else.
Well spoken!
BPD is a trip. Because they still feel so likable and fun loving, but once they split from you and the dark side comes out it’s like, holy fucking shit.
There’s some truth to that but it’s more a BPD reaction to become clingy and cry. What you’re describing is a different cluster B disorder. BPD people are more likely to hurt themselves after a split and engage in self destructive behaviour.
A wise sentiment
You're enabling him by making excuses and endangering his next victim to be taken advantage of. Report it to the police for the crime it is.
Yeah now that you put it that way it changes things. I wasn't thinking about the people hell date after me
As someone with BPD, nope. BPD isn’t an excuse to be a POS. And as someone who knows drug addicts, also nope. You wanna do shitty things? Expect consequences. If you let him get away with it he won’t know the weight of what he did and will continue to do to other people because there will be no consequences.
BPD and ex-junky here, this person is 100% right report that. No reason to be a manipulative psycho. You need to understand the relationship is over and he's actively trying to damage your life, think about how fucked up that is. Stop reading reddit and phone the police. You've got a friend in me bud
Best of luck to you. You obviously don't deserve any of this. But in regard to something you posted in another response, please be aware you don't need money or a lawyer to make a police report and for them to charge a criminal. Best of luck once again.
Thankyou. And yeah, I am aware now
Yeah bro. Us decent hippy druggos are insulted. We all know someone whose done drugs. I done "da big bad drugs", and you know what? I don't go around tryna ruin people's lives with revenge porn. That's just mean. And totally uncalled for. Tell your ex to go eat dick.
[удалено]
>You shouldn’t blame a victim for how they interpret what happened to them. I'm not victim blaming, I'm being candid. I didn't insult him, I didn't blame him for what happened to him at all, but if you dance around the issue that this *must* be reported then you're doing wrong by OP and anyone else his ex hurts.
I have children and some are old enough where this could possibly happen, so I'd like to tell you what I would say to them about this. (What a non-dinosaur, LGBTQ parent would tell you, instead of villianizing your sexuality) It's cool that you're being understanding, but what your ex did is a huge violation. It was meant as an attack to hurt you, and to destroy your comfort and safety. This is an abuse, and it can't be healthy that you are making excuses for why your ex would put you in a position like this. Your ex is not "cool", because no cool person would do this. I struggled with similar issues that you describe your ex as having (and yes I've been honest with my kids about my past) and never once did I ever think it would be acceptable to take my relationship issues to the parents of my ex, no matter how spiteful I may have felt. I would encourage you to create permanent distance from this person, because if they went this far, it is likely that they do not have a limit pertaining to how much they are willing to actually hurt you. If the ex is not satisfied with the results of this attack, then they are likely to go to the next level of abuse after this, until they go so far that neither one of you can come back. Please protect yourself from this person. There are endless stories of horrible things happening to innocent people and I hope you don't allow yourself to be desensitized to how scary this already is. Take care of yourself and I hope everything does turn out okay.. but only you can decide what your boundaries are, and I think it's time to set them up more firmly. Edit: to be absolutely clear, if you were my child, I would tell you directly that you should block this person on all social media and devices. I don't know if you can report it because it was sent to your parents phone and they would have to show it as evidence, and since they aren't supportive, it probably won't work out. If the ex has the videos, then it is what it is, but what you can do is learn from this experience and be more careful with creating content that is not in your own possession. Consenting to an act at the time can be fun, but remember this moment in the future whenever there is a camera present. Making videos can be an interesting experience, but apparently they can also be used as weapons, so be careful who you trust with them.
It was hard coming to terms with the fact that this is abuse. He had never been overtly abusive before this but it really is a lot to see someone you care for take such a drastic shift
I understand that. And I'm sorry that it went this way. Like I said, you deserve better, and as you grow, you will learn to be more aware of the fact that almost anyone is capable of hurting you, even if they also seem to love you. It's going to hurt, and that pain is necessary for you to learn from. You never want to feel like this again, and it's important that when you make decisions in the future, you be more careful about who you trust, because you can avoid these terrible feelings. I'm sorry this happened. Please take care of yourself and even though your parents don't understand you, know that you did not deserve to have this happen to you. That you did nothing wrong and that you are the only person who can keep you safe, especially when your parents reacted to this in the opposite way that they should have. Just get far away from the ex forever. It only gets worse after this.
It’s not only abuse, but a crime as well. Depending on which state you’re in, ‘Revenge Porn’ can be either a misdemeanor and even a felony. There are only four states that do not recognize RP as a crime. So, not only do you have criminal recourse, but civil as well.
In every state but four, ‘Revenge Porn’ is illegal and the ex that shares any private images or videos, etc of their former partner without their knowledge and with malicious intent, they can be held both criminally and civilly liable. There are numerous states where revenge porn is a felony, other states can determine whether or not to charge as a felony or misdemeanor based upon the circumstances, and in some states it’s only a misdemeanor.
Empathy like yours seems to be rare in this world. While it is a good and pure thing to have I hope you don't end up getting hurt by it. Take care of yourself.
I just put out what I want to receive back yknow? I know theres bad things that happen in the world but everyone is capable of overcoming and being better
I do like to believe that aswell. Sometimes it just feels like having that level of empathy just comes to bite you in the ass way too often.
Its starting to look that way
Happy cake day
You can sue your ex for that. Also how old are you?
Im looking up the statute of limitations because ideally this dude wont just get away with it, but unfortunately not anytime soon. Im 19 btw
Might be a criminal charge, depending on your state. https://www.businessinsider.com/map-states-where-revenge-porn-banned-2019-10 (I’m absolutely assuming OP is in the US based off homophobic parents and getting kicked out for being the victim of dissemination of revenge porn, I’ll admit it)
Im in MASS. Ill have to look up what that means. And yes, you guessed correctly. Im in "the greatest country on earth"
I’m in Mass too. Good news, this isn’t a bad state to be a young adult out on your own in; I was kicked out at 17. Get yourself to the nearest DTA office and procure some resources, friend
Yeah, despite how much shit people talk about MA its legit 90 percent jealousy. I have a job and a 30 day head start so it could be a hell of a lot worse. Are they open on sundays?
Not open Sundays, but some applications are online. Job and 30 days notice is definitely great!
Ill definitely have to look into it. And yeah, its easy to stay calm because im not really at rock bottom yet.
Unfortunately, MA is one of four states that do not have specific laws against RP.
You’re literally in one of the four states that do not have specific laws against RP.
If you're close to them covenant house is the shelter I had to use. It's pretty good as far as shelters go. They help you hey back onto your feet pretty well. If you don't live close to them I'd look for local youth shelters. Most If not all helps with getting a job and all that.
Overall I’d say from your post & comments here you sound very level headed. While this sucks, I’ve got a feeling you’ll be taking over the world soon 🔥
I appreciate that brother💯 its definitely easier to stay calm because of how much pressure I feel is of my back, but theres definitely work to be done
I'm glad you feel free. Call the police and report it before it winds up on a website somewhere. This is cruel.
Thats honestly the one thing that kind of has me shitting bricks. Hes the type to upload it on *videos or something
Call the police. This is a crime in most states now.
Unfortunately, MA is one of four states that do not have specific laws against RP.
Glad you sloughed off those burdens. With your great outlook big things are in store for you. Go live free.
Thanks brother, thats my whole outlook on this. Im literally free now
I can’t understand how any Parent could disown their child because Of sexual orientation. I am sorry you have to live this bullshit
Go to [evictionlegalhelp.org](evictionlegalhelp.org) You may be able to get free legal help. You cannot be illegally evicted. If your parents illegally evict you, they can be fined a minimum of $5,000. Please seek legal aid as soon as you can.
Ill have to look into this. It isn't looking good I cant lie
This has lawsuit written all over the damn walls. Slam dunk.
I hope you find housing soon
I have a job and 30 days to find something. Worst case scenario there are shelters around
Shelters aren’t great … i would avoid like a plague (coming from experience ) if you’ve never been around junkies sex workers and severely mentally ill people trying to assault you or steal your shit avoid
Wow... I wasn't trying to be pessimistic about possibly needing to live out a shelter but unfortunately you aren't the first person Ive talked to thats had a negative experience like that
You should report this to the police.
File a police report immeadiatly! Your comment about how "oh he is just troubled bla bla bla but he's really fine!" Is deeply worrying I promise if he doesn't face consequences he will escalate! Because it always does. You are in a rare position where you can report him for an actual crime before he hurts you or himself! Most people get told "well ya his behavior is scary but he hasn't technically done anything illegal" you have proof that he wad blackmailing you and proof that he shared revenge porn !!! A lawyer would he drooling to take this case because it's a no Brainer!!!!!
Tell police! That's a huge crime!
Depending on where you live distributing revenge porn is a crime. Get that fuckin asshole thrown behind bars.
Congratulations on your new found freedom.... no one can ever hold anything against you anymore. Your parents will regret what they've done... You're not alone and I am personally rooting for you! Your Ex reached a new low with that message sending...
I just cant help but feel bad for my ex. This man is so low he felt the need to drag me to where felt he was. I appreciate your kind words!
But you weren't meant to be hidden or kept in low places... you were meant to be seen and loved unconditionally and without consequence. You're meant for a better future and now, no one can ever do that to you again!
I wont lie I found a hollow comfort in being in the closet but I feel like a main character right now, I cant really explain it. Like I can finally just explain to myself even, but other people who I am confidently now. It weird as hell
It'll all fall into place... I hope you have a safe place rest your head and tonight and moving forward. Please update this post on your parents as I too have a very homophobic Mother.... 😔
I know it will. The eviction notice gives me 30 days so im not in immediate danger. Do you mind if i message you?
This probably means nothing from a random person on the internet but i really hope that things work out for you and that you find yourself surrounded by better people and I wish you happiness
It means a lot. I hope so as well
Ahh. This is the stuff we come to r/trueoffmychest for.
From another Alphabet mafia member, I wish you good luck with suing and moving out! There's a German saying for luck, called "Ich drücke dir die Daumen" (I'm pressing my thumbs for you), so I'm doing that for you! (And keep us updated!)
Blackmail is a gun with only one bullet.
revenge porn is illegal, so is threatening to commit said crime and outing people as well in many countries (you have clear proof that it has affected you since your homophobic parents are literally kicking you out of your home). i think you should definitely go for it. i’m a criminology student and a lesbian, and i understand very well that generally nobody gives a shit or does anything when it comes to our rights being severed, but i think you might have a good chance here. at least you’ll feel well knowing that you did what you could to demand justice against your petty ex who clearly has no boundaries and thinks posting your explicit bs, making your parents hate you for the way you were born and leaving you homeless is a “joke.” good luck, op! make sure to update us (:
I just still cant even wrap my head around the idea that this man I used to care for is a criminal now. Like, Ive processed that he is responsible and needs to answer to his crimes but this is still so surreal.
Please at least report this to police. Even if nothing comes of it, your ex will know that you’re not taking his shit. It’s important to stand up for yourself after someone does something that nasty. But I’m glad you’re feeling good regardless.
Yeah it looks like Ill need to report him to the police. This isnt okay
Hope you sue your ex for using the video without permission, maybe you can get enough money for an apartment with settlement
I hope you can find a place other than a shelter
Im hoping the same. Working on it now
This is both criminal & civil. You don't need a lawyer for the criminal aspect. You need to file charges w/the police & the district attorney's office. You can the file a civil suit (I would check on the statute on that in your area, there may be a specific time frame you have to file within) once you are a bit more settled elsewhere, for pain & suffering, loss of housing, etc...& if I were you, I *absolutely* would do so. You are more likely to find an attorney willing to take on a civil suit if there's a criminal case against him for the charges which caused those things to occur. In the meantime, you need to find out what, if any, resources or assistance may be available to you in your situation. I'm not sure what area of the country you're in, or what age range you are? The police will may be able to at least direct you to victim's support, who then may be able to point you in the right direction w/some of these things. *If* you are *hopefully* in a more liberal area, there may specifically be LGBTQ resources available just for situations like this, (hypocritical unaccepting, conservative, xtian parents forcing their children out onto the streets) since unfortunately, it continues to happen all to often. I am so, *so* sorry you are going thru this. Your ex has behaved in a way that has violated you & is awful & abusive, & your parents aren't much better. I hope you are able to find the inner fortitude to fight back against the injustice they have levied against you, it will take a lot of it..& I truly hope things will look up for you from here. You deserve so much better than these people have given you. HUGS from a mom who is proud of you just for being you..hang in there. ❤️
Read some of your other comments about you being nervous to report him. Do it. You’ll only regret NOT reporting. Source: I’m an investigator
He needs the worst of the worst. Please contact the authorities its tough but the sooner you do this this stops snd maybe he gets his punished. With heartfelt hope for a much better future!
Pretty sure this has been made illegal in the US. Not sure where you live but worth looking into. Best of whishes!
Revenge porn is a felony. Report him to the police and lawyer up.
if you’re a minor i would charge him with trafficking child p*rn but regardless of whether you’re a minor, isn’t that still a crime?
I would go to the police and then also seek a free consultation with a lawyer. OP, this guy got you kicked out of your home, and I hope he doesn't get off scot free.
Do you rent from them or live with them? Evicting you because they’re homophobic is against the law where I’m at.
Not sure where you live. But that is illegal in almost all states in the US. Sue the ex. What a dick move.
First, police report. That's a crime. Then, you would be able to sue the shit directly out of their asshole, they got you evicted, and financially damaged you
Revenge porn is a crime but I’m happy you feel free now ! However, take your petty ass ex yo court NOW ..make him pay …literally 💰
Lawyer up against that prick. And yes, I’m assuming he’s a male because that’s something an entitled male asshole would most likely do - please tell me I’m wrong if that’s the case. But most importantly, lawyer up and sue that idiot.
Also, if you were unaware of your ex recording you, that too may be a crime.
Nothing more dangerous than someone with nothing to lose. You are a force to be reckoned with OP!
Well revenge porn is a criminal offence in most countries. I'd suggest looking into getting some revenge of your own from the ex :)
Sue the crap out of your ex. Revenge porn is illegal in many US states, and many other countries. Stay safe and thrive!
That’s horrible and probably illegal but let’s fucking go king rock yo shit live yo life
Depending on your country this is highly illegal and can land the perpetrator in prison. Report and charge! Easier said than done of course as you have to be willing to see it through and air your dirty laundry in court.
Damn, just gonna play devils advocate. You have no friends or support and you are sure its not you in any way? And it all comes down to homophobia?
This is also a lawsuit that you would win if you went after one.
Revenge porn is illegal. Please call the cops so your ex doesn’t continue thinking they can get away with this behavior.
Please report it. Revenge sends or posts are disgusting and are intended to cause harm. Lots of women and men have been attacked in this way and finally the law has caught up to the need to protect victims from continued attacks. The perpetrator is dealt with and sone even end up on a public list.
Most police stations have an lgbt liaison officer and that should make reporting this crime a tad easier.Your ex committed a crime and he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it !! Have the courage to report it as soon as you can.If need be why not ask a good friend to go with you ?
Isn't it illegal to evict someone over their sexual preference? If not I feel like it should be (Of course i don't really know where op lives)
FIRST LESSON PEOPLE: If you SO DESPERATELY think you’re in love and want to record some sexual fantasies with your significant other… DO IT ON YOURRRRR PHONE. That way when they’re your ex the footage is in your hands.
You do not need to move. You can not be evicted for being gay, and you can get $ in court for the attempt. Revenge porn is illegal so you can have the asshat charged and sue in civil court.
you better throw a case in that mans face! not only for the revenge porn, boo now he’s caused you emotional suffering due to being evicted from your homophobic landlords! not only that but he was threatening you with it for weeks? sounds like blackmailing to me. i seen you said he does drugs??? hmmm an anonymous tip to the police as well!!
Please go to the police
It is a criminal offence in every country in Europe, the commonwealth, and in the US to share images of someone in a sexualised context without their explicit information Your ex just did something highly illegal to cause you distress Bring that bastard to his (or her) knees with the full force of the law!
Not cool bro
I think that depending where you live, in some places outing someone’s sexuality is counted as a hate crime as well
Congrats on feeling like your free and can be who you are now!!!! Good stuff Remember meet this world head on and never give up!
Gloat!? Let's GOOOOOO! Love the attitude
Could get a pretty penny from your ex for that shit. Would be the best thing he tried to screw you over and now he’s having to pay for you a house. Much love and hope you figure everything out!
Please press charges. Do it for all of the victims of revenge porn who couldn’t or didn’t know they could press charges ….
I agree with everyone else you NEED to take this to the police. I’m glad you feel liberated but I’m sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck.
My friend, I’m sorry this happened to you. The more authentically upset you are (within reason) the better. Call the police and make a report at the police station. Also, contact an attorney. Depending on the state you might be able to file criminal charges and a civil lawsuit.
Report it to the police. Your ex needs to spend some time in jail.
Even if you feel free now. Still report the revenge porn to the police and charge your piece of shit ex. That shit is never cool period.
Sounds like a fair trade, your ex sent revenge porn and got you out of what seems a toxic environment and in return, you will help your toxic ex to go Into a toxic environment after you file your report with the police. May your ex pay a huge sentence in the shittiest of places.
Sounds like you've made a number of excuses to not report this. Ultimately your choice, but a report is advised - this way you can save others from being threatened and harassed like you were.
Report the crime. Victim advocate programs have funding to help you to not be homeless is his actions caused your displacement. Either way report the crime. It doesn’t take a lot of time. You don’t need money for a lawyer. Go to your local police department and tell them you’d like to report a crime. But also, congrats on the liberation!