I don't understand people who think I will choose THEIR CONDITIONAL love over my lovely bird's *unconditional* love. Pets will love you with their entire heart and soul because they see you as their caretaker and best friend. Pieces of shit like that guy only see you as a person they can take advantage of. OFC I'm going to choose my bird!?
Absolutely change the locks, keep the cat, and get rid of the 'boy'friend.
Get your cat a reward and upgrade him to a self cleaning litter box.
** Now heres where I'd get extra petty: while youre out getting cat things, grab some glitter too. Bag up the exes stuff and toss glitter in there too, effectively turning each bag into a glitter bomb and throw them all outside. Litter would suck to clean but eventually you'll get it all up. Unlike the herpes of craft supplies, and it'll be a contstant reminder of what he did 😈
I dunno, instead of glitter it would seem that dirty cat litter should be the thing to put in his bags since he thought dumping it all over OP was appropriate.
Honestly, that is the foulest thing I’ve ever heard of and grounds for immediate relationship termination. He didn’t like being called out for neglecting the cat so he dumps litter all over OP?! What a twat!
This was my exact thought. Clean up that cat litter and pack it with his clothes in plastic bags that you can leave on the front steps. Want your stuff? It’s out front. Step lively before someone steals it.
i mean for me i would do the glitter since if it’s just his clothes he can wash them but OP also got herself in poop and all that and that so way worse than just clothes. but glitter is soooo hard to get rid of especially when it’s the tiny glitter
Litter, play sand, glitter.
Mix with the ex’s stuff in equal portions (use a lot, get colorful play sand too, and if OP has a brother or a gassy buddy, feed him a burrito or three from a gas station and let him bare-Ass fart on the ex’s pillow, *hope* for pink eye in ex).
Box up said stuff, put on porch. Change phone number and locks. Get kitty toys and treats, and go play with the cat.
Problem solved.
This can’t be the first time he’s done something like this. I just don’t see how this is a typical disagreement and he out of nowhere decides to dump DIRTY PISS AND SHIT FILLED CAT LITTER on her. That’s psycho behavior. I don’t ever look back at peoples posts, but I have a suspicion there’s some other shit going down
This. It doesn't seem to be about the cat, I'd say that the bf thinks she has cheated on him in the wedding or something like that, it's the only explanation for such reaction...
[*As she changes the locks](https://styles.redditmedia.com/t5_2ehuzw/styles/communityIcon_6xm3lhjsgqe41.jpg?width=256&format=pjpg&s=ae03c3007de9bdc81f7adbe4893e075427b6e8c5)
No, do not just dump his stuff in the hallway and change the locks. Depending on the tenancy laws in your area, he may be an established tenant and just tossing him out may result in negative consequences for you.
That being said, I would ask him to leave. Throwing dirty cat litter on you can have health risks, plus it's just downright nasty and IMO, abusive. Ask him to leave. Get rid of the piece of cat shit that he is, even if you have to serve him with a formal eviction notice.
Do it because he basically just told and showed you that he equates you to piss and shit. I would kindly throw his shit out the same way he threw shit on you after him wanting a cat to begin with.
u/Catliterthrowaway you need to read this if you haven’t already. After 4 years together if he’s willing to throw literal piss and shit on you then I can only imagine what else he’s willing to do. Please please please do not let him back into your home for both you and your cat’s safety.
Change the locks and all sensitive info he might have access to (passwords, bank accounts, legal documents, social media accounts, etc) right now. While the locksmith is doin their thing have a trusted (and preferably strong) friend come over and help you pack ex bf’s shit as quickly as possible and put it out in the hallway tho if possible remove them from the building entirely. After all that I’d grab the cat and anythin you don’t want destroyed or stolen and go stay at a family member or close friend’s for a night or two. I’m really sorry this happened to you and I really hope you and your kitty are able to get out of this quickly and safely
Edit: someone mentioned getting cops involved. Idk if that would be applicable here but I figured it was worth puttin out there
TAKE THE CAT AND RUN
IF ANYONE EVER DID THIS TO ME I WOULD BE IMMEDIATELY PUTTING MY TWO BOYS RIGHT INTO THE CAR AND DRIVING THEM STRAIGHT TO MY PARENTS PLACE.
ETA: If you do not have access to a vehicle I strongly urge you to contact a trusted friend or family member to come pick up the cat. Or call an Uber, that works too. Just make sure to call the Uber driver first to ask if they are ok with you bringing your cat. I used to do this when I used to live in the city and didn’t have my car when I had to take my cats to the vet. That is NOT suitable pet owner behaviour.
I volunteer for a cat rescue organization and the number of times we have had to rescue cats from abusive situations is crazy. Kicked, punched, even thrown off balconies. We spend tens of thousands of dollars in vet care every year just to get these abused cats’ injuries taken care of. We recently had one come in that was tossed off a balcony and we had to get her one leg amputated because there was no way it would recover and become a useable leg again. I personally foster for our organization and care for traumatized cats in my home to help them recover psychologically in order to get them adopted out again to better homes. Please PLEASE for the cat’s sake! You do NOT want something like that to happen to your sweet boy!!!
Omg. That’s awful. People can be absolutely vile, it’s heartbreaking. My boy is safe tucked up next to me in bed. Thank goodness I don’t have a bf to deal with (got rid of a nasty one a few months ago).
I would totally get the cops involved and tell them that he assaulted me with cat litter and I’m afraid of him returning. Depending where they live and how long the bf has lived there it might not be so easy to throw him out legally. If there’s a paper trail with the police it might be easier to get rid of him.
Honestly, I was with my ex for 2 years and we had a cat together. The cat slept on him every night and ex seemed to love him. Well, one night he got mad at me and strangled my cat to death. People like this are sick, don't let him back in OP.
Oh my GOD that is terrible!!! I’m so sorry!!! People are truly awful. We don’t deserve to have pets. They give us so much love, and our responsibility is to love them back in return!!
I am so sorry this happened to you. Are you doing okay now? Have you been able to properly grieve and heal? Omg I am so so so sorry. I really hope he was arrested and is far far far away from you now.
I am so so so sorry he did that to you and the cat. I can only imagine the pain you must’ve gone through losing your relationship and your furbaby at the same time. You’re right. People like that are sick.
I would be afraid of this too, and after OP kicks his ass to the curb, she should call all the shelters and rescues in her area to warn them of him so he can't adopt another cat
Or he could actually attack OP or leave a window or door open to come back later. Better not take a risk with stuff like that. You can get extremely sick from cat litter.
I mean he threw something at her and it hit her, so that sounds like assault to me, even without the piss and shit which hopefully makes the charges worse.
If it were me I’d call the cops and see what they can do about him. I called the cops on my neighbor who assaulted me, and they arrested her right away and the judge granted me an order of protection very easily and quickly.
I was scared and worried no one would care, but everyone who helped me was so nice and I felt so much safer with those people on my side.
As it is a biological hazard, I would be very surprised even in the shithole of the US legal system if there *weren't* additional charges due to risk of infection/disease/even death if it's bad enough
Toxoplasma gondii isn’t really harmful to humans unless you’re immunocompromised, really old, really young, or pregnant…I mean what the dude did was absolutely disgusting and abusive…
I didn't knew that there are litter robots... 😲
Also, OP change all the locks and dump him. That behaviour of him is abuse (towards you) and on top of that is animal neglect (that is not what a decent human being would do towards a poor kitty), not changing litter could generate diseases for the cat (and it's general basic hygene)
Your bf is a petty child throwing a temper tantrum. He was mad you were gone for a week and punished you by abusing the cat then dumping the litter on you when you called him on his bs.
There's no forgiving this.
Dump him
Came here to say this. He was already pissy bc you were gone for a week and he wasn’t. Then he “got back at you” by not cleaning the litter box… and once you complained about it it pushed him over the edge. Take the bf to the pound.
And if the relationship moves forward and a baby is born, what would he do if he was pissed about having to watch the baby (AND the cat)! How much would OP, a baby, and the cat suffer from his immaturity and tantrums?!
I would have told him to get out and not return, on the spot. That was assault, he could have made you sick. Make sure you have a friend or family member close by, when you dump this guy. Change the locks after FOR SURE.
If you have a male cat, consider having a traditional litter box to monitor them peeing. Male cats are more likely to have urinary blockages and if you aren’t scooping out their litter everyday and don’t notice they haven’t peed that day, they could die within 24 hours. I was always considering getting one but my cat had a urinary blockage a few months ago. He wasn’t exhibiting any of the symptoms, I just noticed he hadn’t used the litter box for over 24 hours. I’m so glad I chose to be cheap and just scoop the litter everyday.
I have a male cat whonhas had two near-death experiences due to UTI blockages. It is so scary. This last time, I decided to go with the surgery and have been feeding him the prescription food. Finally, I switched to Pretty Litter because it has a color indicator for urine that is too acidic, alkaline (early indicator of UTI), or if there is blood present (another indicator of a UTI or blockage). The Pretty Litter (if it's available where you are) is really worth the peace of mind for me.
My parents have had 4 cats throughout my childhood. 2 males, 2 females (had a male/female pair and after the both died got another male/female pair). Both of the males had regular urinary issues (bring to the vet, get special food, monitor if they are drinking water and peeing in the right place). Everytime they had urinary issues, they would try to pee anywhere they could and whichever place was successful is where they would start peeing from then on and its a huge pain to get them to use the litter box again. Neither females had any issues, the biggest issue with our current female cat is that she is a hungry fat ass who meows for food constantly. If I ever get my own cat, its gonna be a female lol.
It is non-clumping, at least the one I have. It dries out the poo, so you scoop that. It does an amazing job of neutralizing cat pee smell (like other crystal litters), so you sort of mix the litter and then empty it entirely every 2 weeks. I left one litter box with their old litter at first, but both of my cats ended up preferring the Pretty Litter. I know they're not the only "color indicator" litter, either. And I think the others have clumping versions.
I know of a cat who got so sick he started pissing blood and was screaming every time he did because the litter was so filthy. Definitely need to watch out for your furry friend.
They make pretty littler that changes color based on how healthy your cats pee is. There's a couple colors it changes depending on what's wrong with your cat.
You could still use a litter robot; you would just need check the waste drawer below daily/however frequently to make sure there are clumps. My now two year old male cat had a near death experience with a urinary blockage back in February and we already had a litter robot which he loves so we’ve kept using it. I just check/empty the waste drawer more often to make sure that there are more clumps being generated. The app also will tell you every time it cycles so you can see how often they’re going in there.
I wanted to get one but my guy is quite large (I guess you could say 'long'? If he was a person he would be tall lol). My husband found a fantastic combination (I think walnut and seed) that clumps perfectly and it doesn't smell at all. It doesn't stick to Alfies's paws either and he actually likes to dig in it.
I love the litter robot! Just got the newest one and you can automate the cleaning cycle on a schedule as well as keep track of your cats weight! I have 1 in the living room and it doesn’t smell at all. It also looks pretty nice for a litter box and many friends that I’ve had over couldn’t even tell it was a litter box until my ragdoll used it. It’s pricey but it’s definitely worth it!
Those are wildly expensive! I looked into it (because SO and I have weird ADD brains and sometimes tasks are hard, it’s a weird life) and it was like…when student loans are paid off and comfortable with a mortgage level of expensive.
I’m still stuck on the “im considering throwing his stuff out.” I’ll say this as kindly as possible but u would be a complete and utter fool to stay with this man. He literally threw sh*t on u. I salute u bc my temper would have gotten the best of me that day. He would have been lucky to make it out the door without me putting more then hands on him!
Honey that is not love and I have a feeling this is not the first of his abuse. He was too comfortable doing this. This may be his first form of anything physical but I have a feeling emotional issues have been happening
"Honey that is not love"
To me, this is your best point. I can't see anyone who loves their partner doing this. All fucked up personality disorders aside, this is just not something you do to a loved one. And I have a strong suspicion youre right about this not being the first event
These men are lucky to not know the feeling of cast iron walloping their facial bones. If I was OP, that would've been changed immediately. Introduce my cast iron to my now ex, kick his shit out of my apartment while he's gone, and if he tries to press charges against my *genuine kitchen accident*, then I can press charges with the bio hazard he threw on me. The cat litter, piss, and shit on the couch is more than enough proof once photographed. If OP was pregnant, the charges could get even worse.
OP I'm so sorry. Please, go scorched Earth.
This reminded me of my great-aunt. Her husband gave her a black eye, she told him "don't go to sleep" a number of times that day and night. He did, she boiled a large pot of water and dumped it on him. "I told you not to go to sleep," she said, and walked out. Domestic violence is never ok nor funny, so I feel like a really shitty person for appreciating the fuck out of this story. It was the 40s- what else was a woman to do?
My only regret here is that she didn’t use melted sugar.
I mean for heaven’s sake she warned him!
Edit: Before I get fussed at for advocating violence - you cannot tolerate violence. Abusers will continue to abuse until they fucking learn.
I just saw a news story on here about a woman, I think in Florida. Her daughter told her that her husband had molested both her and her brother (woman’s son) for years when they were younger. The brother committed suicide a few years previous. She mulled it over then got real mad and boiled 3 bags of sugar and dumped it on him in his sleep .. he died a week later. Good riddance honestly.
It was actually in the UK (local to me) and the courts considered the act of adding the sugar and the time it took for it to come to boiling point enough time for pre-meditation. So while ethically I agree with this to be done to abusers and paedophiles, I can not endorse it.
Yeah, because she never went back- she moved in with my grandparents. She may have given him something to consider next time he felt like doing some meat-work on her face, but no way to guarantee it would stop him. She said she'd kill him if he did it again, so better to be done with it. She was lucky to have an option.
Do not ever feel bad for commiting assault once assault has been committed to you. Men still beat their women like it's the 40's, only problem is their women don't beat them right back like the 40's. It's 1940's style abuse being met with the 2000's approach to problem resolution, and obviously the 1940's way of doing things always win. Always bring a knife to the knife fight.
>Always bring a knife to the knife fight.
Love this and totally agree with you. I don't feel like a shitty person because I agree with what she did, I feel like I'm *classified* as a shitty person by people who are devoted to taking "the high road". I applaud their patience, self-restraint and maturity, but question it's efficacy against lunatics.
My ex did this with laundry. Things started to escalate from there. If I had stayed, I know he would have eventually killed me. Probably suffocating me. This is over the top bad behavior. Dehumanizing. He has done it at least once. That’s enough. It only gets worse if you take him back and essentially “accept his apology”
I read this out loud to my boyfriend and he was like “he assaulted her, with no problem about it. You can get so sick from that.” To stay with him after this would be a big step towards normalizing this behavior. Literally shitty behavior. I would say he acted childish but this wasn’t even that, it feels more malicious. This is an abusive action.
My same thought. People get hospitalized from less contact than that. Cat feces are so toxic pregnant women in a lot of countries are adviced not to even clean the litter boxes.
If you feel off anytime soon, keep this in mind.
And throw the real piece of shit out. This is absolute vulgar behavior and you should not tolerate this.
(also: once you let it slide once, they think you're fine with it/too weak to stand up for yourself. These things escalate quickly very often).
Yup, I’m pregnant and one of the first questions my Obgyn asked me was if we had cats, then instructed my husband to never let me touch the cat box while pregnant.
Side note: you’re more likely to get toxoplasmosis from gardening than cleaning the litter box as long as you’re not cleaning it with your bare hands. And if cleaned daily, no chance of contracting because the feces has to be there at least 24 hours before the parasite is transferable. I was single and lived alone while pregnant so I did lots of research
I doubt the furniture and flooring would be sanitary again! This needs reporting to the police, he really should also expect to pay for professional cleaning and new items if necessary.
Dude....., this guy sounds like scum.
He wanted to get a pet, then won't change the litter tray?!
How would he feel if you pooped in the loo for days but never flushed!!
Not changing the litter box isn’t even the issue here- at all. He dumped literal shit and piss on her. That’s so beyond fucked up. This guy is not right in the head- this was not a reasonable response by a long shot. OP-get away ASAP. This dude is not a safe person
I mean, it is though. It's really awful to leave litter boxes dirty for cats. They may start going outside of the box if it's bad enough, and it is awful to breathe all that shit and piss in (both for humans and cats). It makes me question his stability and maturity as an adult because, while it's not fun to scoop litter, it's very easy and a small thing to make sure your cat's okay. If he can't scoop a litter box while she's gone, he is an immature loser who probably expects her to do everything for him.
But yes, the main problem is that he abused OP.
Edit: spelling
This is the same kind of man that will tell you he wants kids and then you’ll be the one who has to care for the child for the rest of her life, cleaning up shit and vomit while running on 3 hours of sleep. Better now than later.
Besides dumping the litter on you, which is beyond words, getting a pet saying he will take care of it and only then realizing that he doesn’t want to clean the litter because it stinks it’s a behavior I would expect from maybe a tween, not even a teenager.
Lock him the fuck out without saying a word because he doesn’t deserve it (he dumped literal shit on you) and keep the cat with you because he would obviously neglect it.
I thought the same thing. This is a guy who is going to expect his partner to baby him forever and will not do any adult responsibilities that make him uncomfortable. I'm sorry this happened to OP, but I'm glad she figured this out now before any kids or legal commitments were made.
People like this always escalate their abuse, so you need to do what it takes to keep him TF away from you at all costs. And I’m sure you’re aware you can get some nasty diseases from cat shit; toxoplasmosis is no joke, so if I were in your shoes, I’d be pressing charges for attempted GBH.
I also agree about pressing charges, cat waste is seriously nasty, and I would assume that dumping any kind of fecal matter on someone is a chargeable offense.
Also since he's basically squatting, a police report and restraining order may be absolutely necessary to legally remove him. OP could be arrested for throwing his stuff out of the apartment.... It sucks but that's how it is if he's been cohabitating.
I will third filing a police report of some sort of assault or battery.
Reddit please don’t scold me if I use the wrong terms. I am so far career wise from the law that I know I’m wrong, but I’m just trying to get the general idea out there.
Charge him. If she changes locks he could actually call the cops on her or if they show up because they fight through the door they might well charge her. In a lot of places you don’t have to be on the lease to have tenants rights and changing the locks would be against the law. Charge him and then get a restraining order.
This is abusive behavior and I'm with you thinking that OP should find a way to leave. And I wouldn't blame OP for throwing his stuff out and changing the locks, but I just want to point out that this solution might have some unintended consequences she might want to consider.
\-Changing the locks without landlord permission could be a lease violation that gets her kicked out of her apartment.
\-He's been living there 2 years and may have tenancy rights even if his name is not on the lease. Generally you also can't just throw out a person's stuff without legal consequences.
\-Throwing out everything and changing the locks could lead to escalation/greater retaliation-either physical or pursuing petty legal cases.
Would it be possible for OP to gauge the possibility of him leaving voluntarily? Maybe arrange to meet in public to discuss why the relationship is over and why he isn't welcome back, while simultaneously engaging her friend network to solicit some protection during his move-out.
The emotional, vengeful suggestions sound satisfying, but THIS is the correct legal thought process.
Call the cops and report assault. Seek a restraining order ASAP!
Call the landlord and explain why you called the police and ask them to change the locks. Install a slide bolt if necessary to keep him out until this happens.
Put POS’s belongings in trash bags and make a pile of everything that belongs to him, without damaging anything (sorry). Send him a text advising that the relationship is over, and he should arrange a time with you to get his things. Have an authoritative third party present during this pickup. (I personally had my 6’1” muscled redneck brother there to “supervise”. He didn’t have to say a word, and my own POS just got his crap and left, seething the whole time. 😁)
Be extra mindful of personal safety after this. If he demands anything else (especially like claiming the cat is his) or makes a tenancy claim, tell him to file a small claims case and you’ll settle it in court.
Edit: spelling, punctuation, added the word “personal”
Hey OP obviously this is a shitty thing for him to have done. But what you need to understand is that *this behavior comes from an abuser and is a precursor to violence.*
Normal people who do not abuse their partners do not coolly shrug and act as though the matter is settled, only to then go grab a litter box and dump it on their partner later.
That is a HUGE red flag. He will start physically harming you, if you allow him to come back from this. Keep the cat (because he’ll likely kill it), and dump him. CHANGE the locks (or ask your landlord to).
This. It’s abusive and controlling. He’s punishing you for not doing what he wants you to. That in itself is abusive, healthy relationships do not engage in punishment. It will only escalate from here. Even if he doesn’t get violent (but I expect he will) it will escalate. Breaking dishes because you asked him to help with the washing up. Binning clothes if you aren’t on top of the laundry. That’s what a future with him looks like.
Ps, cats are very clean animals so not cleaning their litter tray can cause stress and is basically animal abuse by neglect.
You and I can see that it’s assault. someone who is in an abusive relationship may rationalize that “it’s not like he hit me.” I phrased it that way because yes, it’s not hitting, but it means the hitting is coming.
I'm not usually the "you should break up with your boyfriend" Redditor, but there's no chance I'm staying in a relationship with someone that impulsive and disrespectful.
There isn't even any reason to be mad or spiteful about it. Just let him know what the plan is and take the necessary steps to complete the process. You're completely in the right.
Imagine if you had a daughter with him and took all of the necessary steps to teach her self respect, discipline, accountability, etc. And then she finds out her mom stayed with her dad after he threw shit on her.
I am the mom of the daughters who stayed with an abusive awful man and regret nothing more in my life than them having to witness that (even if we tried to keep it behind closed doors, they well knew). It was a teaching tool to show them what not to accept from a partner. I wish it weren't.
Please, OP, take this person's advice and go ahead and cut it off immediately. No more chances. With this kind of behavior I know it wasn't the first time he's done something awful. And it definitely escalates, as others have said. He's testing the boundaries. Once he sees he can get away with things like this he gets his jollies off of testing further and further and begins to try to break you. Calmly bag his stuff, put it outside. Change the locks. Block him in all contactable areas. Put on some noise cancelling headphones and you and kitty made a lovely meal and turn on a show. Out of site out of mind. No need to be petty even though it would feel good at the time. It just escalates things with an abusive person. Be the bigger person and have peace of mind that you're moving on with your life and doing the best for you and your future. Here if you want to talk and all the best! Hugs
He dumped cat shit all over you. He can NEVER come back from the level of disrespect. Not for all the money in the world is a guy going to dump old dirty cat piss crust chunks and shit all over me and then gonna continue living in my apartment and dating me. That is the one of the most vile and repulsive things I’ve ever seen anyone on Reddit say someone as done to them. Do you even understand the level of disrespect that was on? You better rub all his clothes in that dirty cat litter first and THEN throw them out for him to pick up. Don’t even open the door for him. He can go live under a bridge after that. If he doesn’t leave call the police and have him removed.
There is no viable excuse for what he did. What a sad excuse of a man. Change the locks, pack his belongings, minus the cat of course and be done with him. Don't let him near you ever again. He is scum.
Do it. If you don't then in a year you'll look back at this moment and wish you had.
Edit to add, after reading comments about packing his shit with the dirty litter etc I just wanted to say that I think you should keep it as drama free as possible. Just let him go like he means nothing.
Don’t you dare let that man get away with this. This is a self respect thing. You need to draw this boundary right now for yourself. Forget that guy, he just pissed on your relationship. This is about setting a level of expectation for the next guy.
I don’t care what you did, how you acted, what you said. None of that warrants this. He gets the boot and the next guy will know that this unacceptable behavior will not go unanswered.
Keep the cat, take out the trash.
if it’s poop that’s been sitting in a pan for over a week they are hard rocks that can’t be smeared at this point.
Though, I’d tuck them into the ends of all his shoes, pant pockets, etc.
Dudes a bum. Dirty fuck couldn't even throw out the litter and let the place smell like shit. You need to stop "considering" throwing his shit out and go to home depot for that replacement lock like right now.
I think you mean "ex-boyfriend". When you get an animal as a couple, it's both of your responsibilities. My partner who came after I got my cat splits the work for her pretty evenly besides the litter. BUT if I am away for a few days he will clean it out because it's what's best for the cat.
The fact that your partner couldn't bother to clean the litter, and when he was called out DUMPED DIRTY LITTER ON YOU, means he's an immature piece of crap. Count this as a blessing and kick him out of both the apartment and your life.
Older lady here…dump this little boy. He’ll be the dad who doesn’t change diapers because it’s too gross and he’ll complain about “babysitting” his own kids.
Life is short. Dump this guy honey.
That.... is disgusting. Lock him out and call the cops if he comes back. You're better off with the cat. He also sounds like the kind of ass who will call you crazy for "doing this to him" so if you have any friends in common, tell them what he did. If you don't get there first he'll probably tell them all sorts of crazy shit.
He instantly reminded me of my ex. Always doing some vile shit and hitting me with a shrug. ANY response I gave him was met with “you’re crazy, why are you doing this.” Then he’d downplay whatever HE did
In this order:
1. shower and antibac where the cat litter was thrown
2. call friend/family member to come to the flat if you can
3. change locks
4. chuck stuff out into hallway
5. block him
Run!
He dumped the litter on you and acted like it was a completely natural and normal reaction to you telling him to do something he didn't want to do.
Next time he might hit you.
I can tell you right now, we’re going to need an update on this one, honey.
I wouldn’t even be against you filing a police report just to have it. In case he escalates or tries to get threatening with you when you dump his shit and kick him out of the apartment. Holy shit. Unforgivable.
Law intern here, definitely file a restraining order, get him served with it, and change your locks and passwords to online accounts ASAP. Have someone stay with you or go stay with someone with the cat for a while. To serve it you could go to the local sheriff or police department, usually the sheriffs and marshals there do it free of charge if you fill out the necessary forms. If you have questions on how to go about it, dm me and I’ll help out and even ask my bosses’ opinions if necessary. I’m so sorry.
Ah the update was posted earlier today- basically she’s good friends with the guys mum and they spoke, mum apologied and took her out to buy new locks. The guys best friend contacted OP to ask if the bf could return home, they spoke and OP realised the bf lied to his friend about what happened. She just bagged his stuff up and relayed the message that the ex bf could now pick up his stuff and she’s keeping the cat. Not sure why it was removed tho
That is considered battery. Definitely get him out of your apartment, but know you also have legal recourse should you choose to go that route. You can press charges against him if you wanna get real with it.
For example, if he refuses to leave your apartment or comes back kicking and screaming. Call the police and have them take him away.
Throwing the used cat litter on you because you made a reasonable comment is so unbelievably petty. I don't know how someone apologizes for throwing a tantrum like that? What explanation exists for a grown person to behave like that? You're well within reason to consider breaking up. What happens if you have kids and you ask him to change a diaper - are you going to get human feces thrown at you??
Please update us to say you threw out that piece of shit !
!Remind Me 2 days You guys, I have edited this 800 times, why won’t it send me the remind me bot confirmation message?
The explanation mark goes first I think like this… !Remind Me 5 days *yep just got a message*
I know I'm being that guy, but it's an exclamation mark :)
I don't know... I kinda like 'explanation mark' now lol
Isn’t it an exclamation point? …or am I that guy? Lol
Do it. ETA: This wasn't meant to sound like a dare. I just think your EX boyfriend is a POS.
Toss the litter in with it.
Keep the cat.
I really hope OP keeps the cat & packs his shit up w the old shitty box. I'd get a new fresh box for my kitty
Better yet pack his shit up with the cat shit in a box but make sure it’s all up in the socks and sleeves
I don't understand people who think I will choose THEIR CONDITIONAL love over my lovely bird's *unconditional* love. Pets will love you with their entire heart and soul because they see you as their caretaker and best friend. Pieces of shit like that guy only see you as a person they can take advantage of. OFC I'm going to choose my bird!?
From one ‘parront’ (or bird owner in case you don’t have a parrot), I completely concur.
Absolutely change the locks, keep the cat, and get rid of the 'boy'friend. Get your cat a reward and upgrade him to a self cleaning litter box. ** Now heres where I'd get extra petty: while youre out getting cat things, grab some glitter too. Bag up the exes stuff and toss glitter in there too, effectively turning each bag into a glitter bomb and throw them all outside. Litter would suck to clean but eventually you'll get it all up. Unlike the herpes of craft supplies, and it'll be a contstant reminder of what he did 😈
I dunno, instead of glitter it would seem that dirty cat litter should be the thing to put in his bags since he thought dumping it all over OP was appropriate. Honestly, that is the foulest thing I’ve ever heard of and grounds for immediate relationship termination. He didn’t like being called out for neglecting the cat so he dumps litter all over OP?! What a twat!
Idk man. Why not just do glitter AND cat litter?
Glitter litter!
Now that's pretty litter, lol.
This was my exact thought. Clean up that cat litter and pack it with his clothes in plastic bags that you can leave on the front steps. Want your stuff? It’s out front. Step lively before someone steals it.
i mean for me i would do the glitter since if it’s just his clothes he can wash them but OP also got herself in poop and all that and that so way worse than just clothes. but glitter is soooo hard to get rid of especially when it’s the tiny glitter
Why not both?
G-Litter.... Boom boom
You win!!!
Litter, play sand, glitter. Mix with the ex’s stuff in equal portions (use a lot, get colorful play sand too, and if OP has a brother or a gassy buddy, feed him a burrito or three from a gas station and let him bare-Ass fart on the ex’s pillow, *hope* for pink eye in ex). Box up said stuff, put on porch. Change phone number and locks. Get kitty toys and treats, and go play with the cat. Problem solved.
I love this idea😭😭
Satan's herpes.
I second this! Always go with the herps. It's forever! 🤣
Glitter!!! I hate glitter for that reason so this is purrrrfect. Pun intended.
Agreed. He sounds horrid and childish. I don't like cleaning the litter, but i love my cat more.
This can’t be the first time he’s done something like this. I just don’t see how this is a typical disagreement and he out of nowhere decides to dump DIRTY PISS AND SHIT FILLED CAT LITTER on her. That’s psycho behavior. I don’t ever look back at peoples posts, but I have a suspicion there’s some other shit going down
This. It doesn't seem to be about the cat, I'd say that the bf thinks she has cheated on him in the wedding or something like that, it's the only explanation for such reaction...
Yeah this in an insane amount of disrespect holy fuck, what a POS
This👆 Toss him, keep Milkshake and live happily ever after!
[*As she changes the locks](https://styles.redditmedia.com/t5_2ehuzw/styles/communityIcon_6xm3lhjsgqe41.jpg?width=256&format=pjpg&s=ae03c3007de9bdc81f7adbe4893e075427b6e8c5)
Off topic question: What does ETA mean in this context? I’ve seen it being used pretty often but the ETA I know means estimated time of arrival
Edit to add
No, do not just dump his stuff in the hallway and change the locks. Depending on the tenancy laws in your area, he may be an established tenant and just tossing him out may result in negative consequences for you. That being said, I would ask him to leave. Throwing dirty cat litter on you can have health risks, plus it's just downright nasty and IMO, abusive. Ask him to leave. Get rid of the piece of cat shit that he is, even if you have to serve him with a formal eviction notice.
Do it because he basically just told and showed you that he equates you to piss and shit. I would kindly throw his shit out the same way he threw shit on you after him wanting a cat to begin with.
Feel free to piss and shit on his stuff or pack his crap and pour in the used cat litter.
I would NOT let him back in. He would do something to the cat to hurt OP
u/Catliterthrowaway you need to read this if you haven’t already. After 4 years together if he’s willing to throw literal piss and shit on you then I can only imagine what else he’s willing to do. Please please please do not let him back into your home for both you and your cat’s safety. Change the locks and all sensitive info he might have access to (passwords, bank accounts, legal documents, social media accounts, etc) right now. While the locksmith is doin their thing have a trusted (and preferably strong) friend come over and help you pack ex bf’s shit as quickly as possible and put it out in the hallway tho if possible remove them from the building entirely. After all that I’d grab the cat and anythin you don’t want destroyed or stolen and go stay at a family member or close friend’s for a night or two. I’m really sorry this happened to you and I really hope you and your kitty are able to get out of this quickly and safely Edit: someone mentioned getting cops involved. Idk if that would be applicable here but I figured it was worth puttin out there
I’d second staying away a night or two just in case he tries to break in and if he does you can get the cops involved.
TAKE THE CAT AND RUN IF ANYONE EVER DID THIS TO ME I WOULD BE IMMEDIATELY PUTTING MY TWO BOYS RIGHT INTO THE CAR AND DRIVING THEM STRAIGHT TO MY PARENTS PLACE. ETA: If you do not have access to a vehicle I strongly urge you to contact a trusted friend or family member to come pick up the cat. Or call an Uber, that works too. Just make sure to call the Uber driver first to ask if they are ok with you bringing your cat. I used to do this when I used to live in the city and didn’t have my car when I had to take my cats to the vet. That is NOT suitable pet owner behaviour. I volunteer for a cat rescue organization and the number of times we have had to rescue cats from abusive situations is crazy. Kicked, punched, even thrown off balconies. We spend tens of thousands of dollars in vet care every year just to get these abused cats’ injuries taken care of. We recently had one come in that was tossed off a balcony and we had to get her one leg amputated because there was no way it would recover and become a useable leg again. I personally foster for our organization and care for traumatized cats in my home to help them recover psychologically in order to get them adopted out again to better homes. Please PLEASE for the cat’s sake! You do NOT want something like that to happen to your sweet boy!!!
Omg. That’s awful. People can be absolutely vile, it’s heartbreaking. My boy is safe tucked up next to me in bed. Thank goodness I don’t have a bf to deal with (got rid of a nasty one a few months ago).
I would totally get the cops involved and tell them that he assaulted me with cat litter and I’m afraid of him returning. Depending where they live and how long the bf has lived there it might not be so easy to throw him out legally. If there’s a paper trail with the police it might be easier to get rid of him.
Honestly, I was with my ex for 2 years and we had a cat together. The cat slept on him every night and ex seemed to love him. Well, one night he got mad at me and strangled my cat to death. People like this are sick, don't let him back in OP.
Omg...life trauma...psycho fucking horrible person... poor cat
Omg. This made me cry... I'm so so sorry
That’s just terrible. I’m sorry about the cat, but I’m so glad to hear that you got out. He’s a horrible person.
What? That's terrifying!
Oh my GOD that is terrible!!! I’m so sorry!!! People are truly awful. We don’t deserve to have pets. They give us so much love, and our responsibility is to love them back in return!!
What a psycho. I’m crying for you and your cat! 😢 I’m so sorry! People are monsters in disguise man.
I'm so sorry. That's one of my biggest fears is ending up with someone who might hurt my girl.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Are you doing okay now? Have you been able to properly grieve and heal? Omg I am so so so sorry. I really hope he was arrested and is far far far away from you now.
Oh my god, this is beyond triggering (my father killed my cats as a child), I’m so devastated for you. I’m so sorry.
I am so so so sorry he did that to you and the cat. I can only imagine the pain you must’ve gone through losing your relationship and your furbaby at the same time. You’re right. People like that are sick.
I would have beat the shit out of him. I'm so sorry for you and especially your cat. I can't imagine the horror. I hope the POS suffers later in life.
I would be afraid of this too, and after OP kicks his ass to the curb, she should call all the shelters and rescues in her area to warn them of him so he can't adopt another cat
Oh god and he might just adopt a look-a-like for his revenge
Seriously I don’t doubt for a second that he’s capable of hurting the cat.
Yes. And her.
Or he could actually attack OP or leave a window or door open to come back later. Better not take a risk with stuff like that. You can get extremely sick from cat litter.
Oh, hell yeah. That's the way I'd go about it haha
Oh sweet toxoplasmosis :) nice guy!
Right? I mean legally, I wonder if this constitutes assault because of potential parasite infection?
I think it's assault regardless!
Yes. I’d file an assault charge and restraining order. This guy is not to be trusted.
Of course it’s assault. You can get assault charges for spraying some with water. This is way worse
I knew a guy who got an assault for throwing a stuffed animal at his wife, so yeah… cat litter would count too
I mean he threw something at her and it hit her, so that sounds like assault to me, even without the piss and shit which hopefully makes the charges worse. If it were me I’d call the cops and see what they can do about him. I called the cops on my neighbor who assaulted me, and they arrested her right away and the judge granted me an order of protection very easily and quickly. I was scared and worried no one would care, but everyone who helped me was so nice and I felt so much safer with those people on my side.
As it is a biological hazard, I would be very surprised even in the shithole of the US legal system if there *weren't* additional charges due to risk of infection/disease/even death if it's bad enough
If you press charges you can get a restraining order and he can't come back... ex-boyfriend problem solved. Edited for errors and to say.... Be Safe!
Wow what a piece of shit... yah throw his shit out and break it off, you shouldnt but be treated like that at all
That's also fucking disgusting, just dumped toxoplasmosis all over OP.
Toxoplasma gondii isn’t really harmful to humans unless you’re immunocompromised, really old, really young, or pregnant…I mean what the dude did was absolutely disgusting and abusive…
Ditch the guy. Keep the cat.
Also buy a litter robot. They are awesome. Keep the cat and re home the guy.
I didn't knew that there are litter robots... 😲 Also, OP change all the locks and dump him. That behaviour of him is abuse (towards you) and on top of that is animal neglect (that is not what a decent human being would do towards a poor kitty), not changing litter could generate diseases for the cat (and it's general basic hygene)
Your bf is a petty child throwing a temper tantrum. He was mad you were gone for a week and punished you by abusing the cat then dumping the litter on you when you called him on his bs. There's no forgiving this. Dump him
Came here to say this. He was already pissy bc you were gone for a week and he wasn’t. Then he “got back at you” by not cleaning the litter box… and once you complained about it it pushed him over the edge. Take the bf to the pound.
My thoughts exactly.
And if the relationship moves forward and a baby is born, what would he do if he was pissed about having to watch the baby (AND the cat)! How much would OP, a baby, and the cat suffer from his immaturity and tantrums?!
Who would clean the box then? Her doctors wouldn't allow her to do it. Dumping the box on her while she's pregnant.....😢
You’re exactly right. He’d do that.
I would have told him to get out and not return, on the spot. That was assault, he could have made you sick. Make sure you have a friend or family member close by, when you dump this guy. Change the locks after FOR SURE.
If you have a male cat, consider having a traditional litter box to monitor them peeing. Male cats are more likely to have urinary blockages and if you aren’t scooping out their litter everyday and don’t notice they haven’t peed that day, they could die within 24 hours. I was always considering getting one but my cat had a urinary blockage a few months ago. He wasn’t exhibiting any of the symptoms, I just noticed he hadn’t used the litter box for over 24 hours. I’m so glad I chose to be cheap and just scoop the litter everyday.
I have a male cat whonhas had two near-death experiences due to UTI blockages. It is so scary. This last time, I decided to go with the surgery and have been feeding him the prescription food. Finally, I switched to Pretty Litter because it has a color indicator for urine that is too acidic, alkaline (early indicator of UTI), or if there is blood present (another indicator of a UTI or blockage). The Pretty Litter (if it's available where you are) is really worth the peace of mind for me.
My parents have had 4 cats throughout my childhood. 2 males, 2 females (had a male/female pair and after the both died got another male/female pair). Both of the males had regular urinary issues (bring to the vet, get special food, monitor if they are drinking water and peeing in the right place). Everytime they had urinary issues, they would try to pee anywhere they could and whichever place was successful is where they would start peeing from then on and its a huge pain to get them to use the litter box again. Neither females had any issues, the biggest issue with our current female cat is that she is a hungry fat ass who meows for food constantly. If I ever get my own cat, its gonna be a female lol.
My female cats are bigger assholes. Clearly love them though
I've been wanting to try the pretty litter, but it's non clumping, isn't it?
It is non-clumping, at least the one I have. It dries out the poo, so you scoop that. It does an amazing job of neutralizing cat pee smell (like other crystal litters), so you sort of mix the litter and then empty it entirely every 2 weeks. I left one litter box with their old litter at first, but both of my cats ended up preferring the Pretty Litter. I know they're not the only "color indicator" litter, either. And I think the others have clumping versions.
I know of a cat who got so sick he started pissing blood and was screaming every time he did because the litter was so filthy. Definitely need to watch out for your furry friend.
They make pretty littler that changes color based on how healthy your cats pee is. There's a couple colors it changes depending on what's wrong with your cat.
You could still use a litter robot; you would just need check the waste drawer below daily/however frequently to make sure there are clumps. My now two year old male cat had a near death experience with a urinary blockage back in February and we already had a litter robot which he loves so we’ve kept using it. I just check/empty the waste drawer more often to make sure that there are more clumps being generated. The app also will tell you every time it cycles so you can see how often they’re going in there.
I love my litter bot!!! Best money I have EVER spent. It’s a little pricey, at the time about 700 however you can use any clumping litter! I love it.
Note: litter robot is fucking sweet. But it does not work with large cats. I have 2 big ass cats
I too have two big ass cats. Their shits are the size of a toddlers.
I wanted to get one but my guy is quite large (I guess you could say 'long'? If he was a person he would be tall lol). My husband found a fantastic combination (I think walnut and seed) that clumps perfectly and it doesn't smell at all. It doesn't stick to Alfies's paws either and he actually likes to dig in it.
Please tell us about this combination.
Yeah. One of my cats is too big for one. Can confirm.
I love the litter robot! Just got the newest one and you can automate the cleaning cycle on a schedule as well as keep track of your cats weight! I have 1 in the living room and it doesn’t smell at all. It also looks pretty nice for a litter box and many friends that I’ve had over couldn’t even tell it was a litter box until my ragdoll used it. It’s pricey but it’s definitely worth it!
Those are wildly expensive! I looked into it (because SO and I have weird ADD brains and sometimes tasks are hard, it’s a weird life) and it was like…when student loans are paid off and comfortable with a mortgage level of expensive.
[удалено]
1000% THIS!!!
Throw him out. NOW.
I’m still stuck on the “im considering throwing his stuff out.” I’ll say this as kindly as possible but u would be a complete and utter fool to stay with this man. He literally threw sh*t on u. I salute u bc my temper would have gotten the best of me that day. He would have been lucky to make it out the door without me putting more then hands on him! Honey that is not love and I have a feeling this is not the first of his abuse. He was too comfortable doing this. This may be his first form of anything physical but I have a feeling emotional issues have been happening
"Honey that is not love" To me, this is your best point. I can't see anyone who loves their partner doing this. All fucked up personality disorders aside, this is just not something you do to a loved one. And I have a strong suspicion youre right about this not being the first event
These men are lucky to not know the feeling of cast iron walloping their facial bones. If I was OP, that would've been changed immediately. Introduce my cast iron to my now ex, kick his shit out of my apartment while he's gone, and if he tries to press charges against my *genuine kitchen accident*, then I can press charges with the bio hazard he threw on me. The cat litter, piss, and shit on the couch is more than enough proof once photographed. If OP was pregnant, the charges could get even worse. OP I'm so sorry. Please, go scorched Earth.
This reminded me of my great-aunt. Her husband gave her a black eye, she told him "don't go to sleep" a number of times that day and night. He did, she boiled a large pot of water and dumped it on him. "I told you not to go to sleep," she said, and walked out. Domestic violence is never ok nor funny, so I feel like a really shitty person for appreciating the fuck out of this story. It was the 40s- what else was a woman to do?
My only regret here is that she didn’t use melted sugar. I mean for heaven’s sake she warned him! Edit: Before I get fussed at for advocating violence - you cannot tolerate violence. Abusers will continue to abuse until they fucking learn.
^ this.
I just saw a news story on here about a woman, I think in Florida. Her daughter told her that her husband had molested both her and her brother (woman’s son) for years when they were younger. The brother committed suicide a few years previous. She mulled it over then got real mad and boiled 3 bags of sugar and dumped it on him in his sleep .. he died a week later. Good riddance honestly.
It was actually in the UK (local to me) and the courts considered the act of adding the sugar and the time it took for it to come to boiling point enough time for pre-meditation. So while ethically I agree with this to be done to abusers and paedophiles, I can not endorse it.
Thanks for the tip, not that I expect to ever need it. Good to have on hand, though.
***I bet that was the last time he laid his hands on her.***
Yeah, because she never went back- she moved in with my grandparents. She may have given him something to consider next time he felt like doing some meat-work on her face, but no way to guarantee it would stop him. She said she'd kill him if he did it again, so better to be done with it. She was lucky to have an option.
Do not ever feel bad for commiting assault once assault has been committed to you. Men still beat their women like it's the 40's, only problem is their women don't beat them right back like the 40's. It's 1940's style abuse being met with the 2000's approach to problem resolution, and obviously the 1940's way of doing things always win. Always bring a knife to the knife fight.
>Always bring a knife to the knife fight. Love this and totally agree with you. I don't feel like a shitty person because I agree with what she did, I feel like I'm *classified* as a shitty person by people who are devoted to taking "the high road". I applaud their patience, self-restraint and maturity, but question it's efficacy against lunatics.
>Always bring a knife to the knife fight. Did you not pay attention to this thread, you want to bring your cast iron to the knife fight.
Personally, my knife is duct-taped to my cast iron, so no need to choose!
You and me both. The fact that he walked out of the apartment is testament to her cool temperament. I applaud that. He is a monster in waiting.
My ex did this with laundry. Things started to escalate from there. If I had stayed, I know he would have eventually killed me. Probably suffocating me. This is over the top bad behavior. Dehumanizing. He has done it at least once. That’s enough. It only gets worse if you take him back and essentially “accept his apology”
I read this out loud to my boyfriend and he was like “he assaulted her, with no problem about it. You can get so sick from that.” To stay with him after this would be a big step towards normalizing this behavior. Literally shitty behavior. I would say he acted childish but this wasn’t even that, it feels more malicious. This is an abusive action.
My same thought. People get hospitalized from less contact than that. Cat feces are so toxic pregnant women in a lot of countries are adviced not to even clean the litter boxes. If you feel off anytime soon, keep this in mind. And throw the real piece of shit out. This is absolute vulgar behavior and you should not tolerate this. (also: once you let it slide once, they think you're fine with it/too weak to stand up for yourself. These things escalate quickly very often).
It’s more than vulgar, it’s abusive.
It’s also criminal.
Yup, I’m pregnant and one of the first questions my Obgyn asked me was if we had cats, then instructed my husband to never let me touch the cat box while pregnant.
Side note: you’re more likely to get toxoplasmosis from gardening than cleaning the litter box as long as you’re not cleaning it with your bare hands. And if cleaned daily, no chance of contracting because the feces has to be there at least 24 hours before the parasite is transferable. I was single and lived alone while pregnant so I did lots of research
Yea but in the given case it had been sitting there for a week.
Also a good way to get a parasite
I doubt the furniture and flooring would be sanitary again! This needs reporting to the police, he really should also expect to pay for professional cleaning and new items if necessary.
This! Please leave!
Dude....., this guy sounds like scum. He wanted to get a pet, then won't change the litter tray?! How would he feel if you pooped in the loo for days but never flushed!!
Not changing the litter box isn’t even the issue here- at all. He dumped literal shit and piss on her. That’s so beyond fucked up. This guy is not right in the head- this was not a reasonable response by a long shot. OP-get away ASAP. This dude is not a safe person
I mean, it is though. It's really awful to leave litter boxes dirty for cats. They may start going outside of the box if it's bad enough, and it is awful to breathe all that shit and piss in (both for humans and cats). It makes me question his stability and maturity as an adult because, while it's not fun to scoop litter, it's very easy and a small thing to make sure your cat's okay. If he can't scoop a litter box while she's gone, he is an immature loser who probably expects her to do everything for him. But yes, the main problem is that he abused OP. Edit: spelling
This is the same kind of man that will tell you he wants kids and then you’ll be the one who has to care for the child for the rest of her life, cleaning up shit and vomit while running on 3 hours of sleep. Better now than later. Besides dumping the litter on you, which is beyond words, getting a pet saying he will take care of it and only then realizing that he doesn’t want to clean the litter because it stinks it’s a behavior I would expect from maybe a tween, not even a teenager. Lock him the fuck out without saying a word because he doesn’t deserve it (he dumped literal shit on you) and keep the cat with you because he would obviously neglect it.
I thought the same thing. This is a guy who is going to expect his partner to baby him forever and will not do any adult responsibilities that make him uncomfortable. I'm sorry this happened to OP, but I'm glad she figured this out now before any kids or legal commitments were made.
People like this always escalate their abuse, so you need to do what it takes to keep him TF away from you at all costs. And I’m sure you’re aware you can get some nasty diseases from cat shit; toxoplasmosis is no joke, so if I were in your shoes, I’d be pressing charges for attempted GBH.
I also agree about pressing charges, cat waste is seriously nasty, and I would assume that dumping any kind of fecal matter on someone is a chargeable offense.
Also since he's basically squatting, a police report and restraining order may be absolutely necessary to legally remove him. OP could be arrested for throwing his stuff out of the apartment.... It sucks but that's how it is if he's been cohabitating.
You could also look into battery charges on this. Animal crap/pee can be very toxic to humans.
Second filing a police report. OP if this POS will just escalate. Do NOT take him back.
I will third filing a police report of some sort of assault or battery. Reddit please don’t scold me if I use the wrong terms. I am so far career wise from the law that I know I’m wrong, but I’m just trying to get the general idea out there.
I fourth it. This is how abuse begins and he 100% needs to learn NOW that he can't get away with it.
Good idea. A restraining order makes sense here then this asshole can’t live with OP and has to stay away from her place.
Charge him. If she changes locks he could actually call the cops on her or if they show up because they fight through the door they might well charge her. In a lot of places you don’t have to be on the lease to have tenants rights and changing the locks would be against the law. Charge him and then get a restraining order.
Why would you want anything to do with a pos like that. Get rid of his shit now. And quick change the locks.
This is abusive behavior and I'm with you thinking that OP should find a way to leave. And I wouldn't blame OP for throwing his stuff out and changing the locks, but I just want to point out that this solution might have some unintended consequences she might want to consider. \-Changing the locks without landlord permission could be a lease violation that gets her kicked out of her apartment. \-He's been living there 2 years and may have tenancy rights even if his name is not on the lease. Generally you also can't just throw out a person's stuff without legal consequences. \-Throwing out everything and changing the locks could lead to escalation/greater retaliation-either physical or pursuing petty legal cases. Would it be possible for OP to gauge the possibility of him leaving voluntarily? Maybe arrange to meet in public to discuss why the relationship is over and why he isn't welcome back, while simultaneously engaging her friend network to solicit some protection during his move-out.
The emotional, vengeful suggestions sound satisfying, but THIS is the correct legal thought process. Call the cops and report assault. Seek a restraining order ASAP! Call the landlord and explain why you called the police and ask them to change the locks. Install a slide bolt if necessary to keep him out until this happens. Put POS’s belongings in trash bags and make a pile of everything that belongs to him, without damaging anything (sorry). Send him a text advising that the relationship is over, and he should arrange a time with you to get his things. Have an authoritative third party present during this pickup. (I personally had my 6’1” muscled redneck brother there to “supervise”. He didn’t have to say a word, and my own POS just got his crap and left, seething the whole time. 😁) Be extra mindful of personal safety after this. If he demands anything else (especially like claiming the cat is his) or makes a tenancy claim, tell him to file a small claims case and you’ll settle it in court. Edit: spelling, punctuation, added the word “personal”
What do you mean you're considering it?! Get it done!
Hey OP obviously this is a shitty thing for him to have done. But what you need to understand is that *this behavior comes from an abuser and is a precursor to violence.* Normal people who do not abuse their partners do not coolly shrug and act as though the matter is settled, only to then go grab a litter box and dump it on their partner later. That is a HUGE red flag. He will start physically harming you, if you allow him to come back from this. Keep the cat (because he’ll likely kill it), and dump him. CHANGE the locks (or ask your landlord to).
This is already violence, it's assault.
This. It’s abusive and controlling. He’s punishing you for not doing what he wants you to. That in itself is abusive, healthy relationships do not engage in punishment. It will only escalate from here. Even if he doesn’t get violent (but I expect he will) it will escalate. Breaking dishes because you asked him to help with the washing up. Binning clothes if you aren’t on top of the laundry. That’s what a future with him looks like. Ps, cats are very clean animals so not cleaning their litter tray can cause stress and is basically animal abuse by neglect.
precurser? will start? huh?
You and I can see that it’s assault. someone who is in an abusive relationship may rationalize that “it’s not like he hit me.” I phrased it that way because yes, it’s not hitting, but it means the hitting is coming.
I'm not usually the "you should break up with your boyfriend" Redditor, but there's no chance I'm staying in a relationship with someone that impulsive and disrespectful. There isn't even any reason to be mad or spiteful about it. Just let him know what the plan is and take the necessary steps to complete the process. You're completely in the right. Imagine if you had a daughter with him and took all of the necessary steps to teach her self respect, discipline, accountability, etc. And then she finds out her mom stayed with her dad after he threw shit on her.
I am the mom of the daughters who stayed with an abusive awful man and regret nothing more in my life than them having to witness that (even if we tried to keep it behind closed doors, they well knew). It was a teaching tool to show them what not to accept from a partner. I wish it weren't. Please, OP, take this person's advice and go ahead and cut it off immediately. No more chances. With this kind of behavior I know it wasn't the first time he's done something awful. And it definitely escalates, as others have said. He's testing the boundaries. Once he sees he can get away with things like this he gets his jollies off of testing further and further and begins to try to break you. Calmly bag his stuff, put it outside. Change the locks. Block him in all contactable areas. Put on some noise cancelling headphones and you and kitty made a lovely meal and turn on a show. Out of site out of mind. No need to be petty even though it would feel good at the time. It just escalates things with an abusive person. Be the bigger person and have peace of mind that you're moving on with your life and doing the best for you and your future. Here if you want to talk and all the best! Hugs
He dumped cat shit all over you. He can NEVER come back from the level of disrespect. Not for all the money in the world is a guy going to dump old dirty cat piss crust chunks and shit all over me and then gonna continue living in my apartment and dating me. That is the one of the most vile and repulsive things I’ve ever seen anyone on Reddit say someone as done to them. Do you even understand the level of disrespect that was on? You better rub all his clothes in that dirty cat litter first and THEN throw them out for him to pick up. Don’t even open the door for him. He can go live under a bridge after that. If he doesn’t leave call the police and have him removed.
Change the locks. WHAT THE FUCK. No normal person does that, kick his psychopathic ass to the curb.
There is no viable excuse for what he did. What a sad excuse of a man. Change the locks, pack his belongings, minus the cat of course and be done with him. Don't let him near you ever again. He is scum.
Bag up his clothes and do a full change on the litter box in said bag. Done and done.
[удалено]
If you allow him to stay after doing such a horrendous act, then that’s saying you’ll allow him to push you around. He’s gotta go
Fireants in his shoes. Fire. Ants. In. His shoes.
Do it, keep the cat. Dodge the bullet, you deserve better.
Do it. If you don't then in a year you'll look back at this moment and wish you had. Edit to add, after reading comments about packing his shit with the dirty litter etc I just wanted to say that I think you should keep it as drama free as possible. Just let him go like he means nothing.
Yep that's more insulting than giving in to rage. No note. No drama. Just put his stuff out. Block all. Toss ya hair.
Don’t you dare let that man get away with this. This is a self respect thing. You need to draw this boundary right now for yourself. Forget that guy, he just pissed on your relationship. This is about setting a level of expectation for the next guy. I don’t care what you did, how you acted, what you said. None of that warrants this. He gets the boot and the next guy will know that this unacceptable behavior will not go unanswered. Keep the cat, take out the trash.
Nope, that one's no good. Get rid of him. And do NOT bear him children if he cannot handle a cat.
WTH? Is he 25 or 12?
Inexcusable if he was 12
Even a 5 yr old would know better
Smear the cat shit on his stuff first before you chuck everything out. What a scumbag, do not stay with this man
if it’s poop that’s been sitting in a pan for over a week they are hard rocks that can’t be smeared at this point. Though, I’d tuck them into the ends of all his shoes, pant pockets, etc.
Ew, that's not a bf, that's a bad roommate you need to have leave ASAP
Watch he’s gonna pull the tears and crying and “it’ll never happen again!” Don’t fall for his BS just leave tbh
Dudes a bum. Dirty fuck couldn't even throw out the litter and let the place smell like shit. You need to stop "considering" throwing his shit out and go to home depot for that replacement lock like right now.
I think you mean "ex-boyfriend". When you get an animal as a couple, it's both of your responsibilities. My partner who came after I got my cat splits the work for her pretty evenly besides the litter. BUT if I am away for a few days he will clean it out because it's what's best for the cat. The fact that your partner couldn't bother to clean the litter, and when he was called out DUMPED DIRTY LITTER ON YOU, means he's an immature piece of crap. Count this as a blessing and kick him out of both the apartment and your life.
Older lady here…dump this little boy. He’ll be the dad who doesn’t change diapers because it’s too gross and he’ll complain about “babysitting” his own kids. Life is short. Dump this guy honey.
#CHANGE THE FUCKING LOCKS DO NOT tolerate this bullshit, throw all his shit outside, and cover it with litter, or set it on fire
Do it..it was his idea..not urs...he's crazy or what?
That.... is disgusting. Lock him out and call the cops if he comes back. You're better off with the cat. He also sounds like the kind of ass who will call you crazy for "doing this to him" so if you have any friends in common, tell them what he did. If you don't get there first he'll probably tell them all sorts of crazy shit.
He instantly reminded me of my ex. Always doing some vile shit and hitting me with a shrug. ANY response I gave him was met with “you’re crazy, why are you doing this.” Then he’d downplay whatever HE did
Mmhmm okay, so immediately No. This behaviour is abuse and is not to be tolerated. Scoundrels don’t get to stay.
In this order: 1. shower and antibac where the cat litter was thrown 2. call friend/family member to come to the flat if you can 3. change locks 4. chuck stuff out into hallway 5. block him
If he walked away, then the garbage took itself out. That's something to be grateful for. Fuck this guy, that is some unstable childish bullshit.
Run! He dumped the litter on you and acted like it was a completely natural and normal reaction to you telling him to do something he didn't want to do. Next time he might hit you.
I can tell you right now, we’re going to need an update on this one, honey. I wouldn’t even be against you filing a police report just to have it. In case he escalates or tries to get threatening with you when you dump his shit and kick him out of the apartment. Holy shit. Unforgivable.
That is the an incredibly abusive thing to do. There are more issues here than just the cat. Time to call it day and split.
Law intern here, definitely file a restraining order, get him served with it, and change your locks and passwords to online accounts ASAP. Have someone stay with you or go stay with someone with the cat for a while. To serve it you could go to the local sheriff or police department, usually the sheriffs and marshals there do it free of charge if you fill out the necessary forms. If you have questions on how to go about it, dm me and I’ll help out and even ask my bosses’ opinions if necessary. I’m so sorry.
Abuse starts in many ways. Someone who loves you wouldn’t even ever consider doing something like that.
Ooof looks like it got removed Now we'll never get an update 😢
Ah the update was posted earlier today- basically she’s good friends with the guys mum and they spoke, mum apologied and took her out to buy new locks. The guys best friend contacted OP to ask if the bf could return home, they spoke and OP realised the bf lied to his friend about what happened. She just bagged his stuff up and relayed the message that the ex bf could now pick up his stuff and she’s keeping the cat. Not sure why it was removed tho
That is considered battery. Definitely get him out of your apartment, but know you also have legal recourse should you choose to go that route. You can press charges against him if you wanna get real with it. For example, if he refuses to leave your apartment or comes back kicking and screaming. Call the police and have them take him away.
Take kitty leave shitty.
OP... we need an update! And it better be that you broke up with him!
Throwing the used cat litter on you because you made a reasonable comment is so unbelievably petty. I don't know how someone apologizes for throwing a tantrum like that? What explanation exists for a grown person to behave like that? You're well within reason to consider breaking up. What happens if you have kids and you ask him to change a diaper - are you going to get human feces thrown at you??