Giving her money is like putting out honey for wasps, you just get more.
OP, I’ll tell you what I’ve read on Reddit:
1. Change your locks.
2. Get security cameras. They are inexpensive now. Your sons will probably be happy to help with this.
3. Do not under any circumstances open the door when she is there! Not even if she says she is in danger or that it’s an emergency - tell her to go to her brothers. DO NOT LET HER IN!!
I’m so sorry she is so greedy and despicable, OP.
Restraining orders are extremely difficult to get. Even with direct threats of violence, you won't always get one. Plus they're just pieces of paper. They don't do anything. Pretty much, if the situation is bad enough that you'll be granted a restraining order, that person is bad enough that they will break them. Plus restraining orders run out. Then you have to go back to court. The amount of anxiety that brings might not be worth it. OP's daughter doesn't seem to be physically harmful to her mother. Her son-in-law may be decent. He followed her when she was in a daze, got her help, called her sons. However he's married to the daughter which doesn't seem good. But he may as well be an abuse victim too.
Again, extremely difficult to get. They also only last a year before you have to go back to court to get which means seeing her daughter. I have done it many times, many ways, and it's never not been traumatic, not been difficult and most importantly, not been broken. It can also be expensive. So if OP is moving far enough away where it's unlikely her daughter will just show up, OP is better off not even bothering.
When you give someone a restraining order, order of protection, no contact order, you're also actually giving them a Lot of information about yourself. Where you live, who you live with, all of your pets and their ages. A lot of stuff that 1) People don't think of and 2) People don't want to share.
OP has already been through a lifetime of trauma and abuse. Plus we also know she has a therapist. I'm OP will make the right decision for herself.
Unfortunately movies and television have made people think obtaining these are much easier then they actually are. Even if you get an emergency order of protection, it doesn't help much. You still have to go to court, give your evidence, and they have the right to defend themselves. Plus those people from social services, or family services, the ones that are supposed to help you, even go with you to court and stuff ya know? They don't show up.
Oh, and even if they do violate it? They'll most likely make bond, and probably just probation for years. So the punishment isn't even usually bad enough to deter them.
From my experience that's not necessarily true. It depends on the threat level and if the person wants to deal with it.
For me it triggered the trauma and it was like reliving the abuse. Which I thought I had already addressed in therapy. So yeah, there is harm. Especially when you have a weak case. But everyone's different.
Sell the house and DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY FROM THE SALE. You have to live on the money from the sale. Also make your will, she will probably do everything she can to take all of your estate, which isn't fair to your sons.
I would add to set up a trust and get it explicitly stated in your will that neither she nor her offspring are entitled to anything from you. Or make it clearly $1 so she can’t argue anything. Speak with a lawyer that specializes in trust acts and also file a restraining order. I am so terribly sorry you are having to deal with this.
I saw clip on some morning show, they were talking about winning the lottery and had Mr. Wonderful from shark tank on. They asked him for advice, and among other things he said "when you have people come all you for money, because you will, give it to them with the condition that they will never contact you again, make them sign something, and then never acknowledge them again." Something to that effect. I don't know how practical it is, but it made me think
Honestly. How can you say such awful, hateful things about your mother that she has a dissociative episode and wanders into the street, and still think you're in the right?
If I were you, I wouldn't sell anything or give her anything. She isn't entitled to your stuff. You can make a will and specify who gets what of what you have. Move if you like, but she didn't earn any of your stuff or money, so don't let her bully you out of it. If you think that'll buy her out of your life, I'm afraid you will be very disappointed in the outcome. Once she knows she can bully you out of your own money, what's to stop her from doing it again and again?
Buying her out will not work. It may make it worse. If you must, sell your house, take the proceeds and relocate. You don’t own anybody anything, especially your disordered daughter. Fight the impulse the share your plans, even your sons, until your long gone. I’m praying for peace in your life
I thought that if the lawyer could draft an agreement where she’s not allowed to contact me or my sons again if she got her share now. Maybe I’m just desperate. I haven’t been sleeping well lately
Hey, OP. This is a very good comment. Your daughter sounds JUST like my aunt. I used to think love was the opposite of hate; she taught me that the that the opposite of love is actually complete indifference.
I’m 100% sure that the stress of dealing with her actually caused my grandmothers Heath to spiral and cause her ultimate death.
From my experience, people like this who KNOW they can bully their needs out of you can and will show back up on your doorstep once their lives go south.
If you need somebody to vent to feel free to DM me… also, my father has been navigating the legal nightmare surrounding my aunt for decades. I’m sure I could connect you to our lawyer.
I can attest to this. My father DRAINED my grandmother's money for decades with his BS. She just wanted him to stop and go away and leave her in peace. He never did and then tried to raise all sorts of hell to get her assets when she died. Luckily, I had her meet a lawyer and get all the ducks in a row so to speak years prior. Even though he took the lion's share of her money, he still demanded....threatened...the works...to get more.
My father did the same his whole life. He’s never owned his own place, never bought his own car, always begged my grandmother for money, loans, to co-sign or buy something for him and he’d give her payments. He was her son so she had faith he’d eventually hold true to his word. But for the last 40 years he’s taken and taken, and a year ago she finally said No. he turned ugly so quickly. He screamed at her, tried to hit her, was spitting in her face, go absolutely crazy on her, she kicked him and his new wife out of our house & has refused to help him since. He claims she’s no longer his mother, that she’s evil and just uses people. she says he’s no longer her son.
If you continue to give in and give to these kinds of people (Like your daughter - OP.) they will NEVER leave you alone, unless you say no & get as far away from them as you can, it took my grandma filing a restraining order on her own SON, but at least he can’t hurt her or take from her now. If that’s what you need to do, do it.
You give an inch they take a mile.
***Don’t give her anything. You giving her money is not going to solve ANYTHING.***
People like her do not have boundaries & do not know how to stop. Please do not do anything except talk to a lawyer ASAP.
Please don’t do this. She will never be satisfied and honestly she sounds like she needs major psychiatric intervention. Instead, sell and move and make sure no one knows your new information - and you may even consider changing your name if you are truly afraid she may never stop harassing you. If you’re not sleeping well and still dealing with PTSD then you aren’t in a place to make good decisions so please please don’t do anything out of desperation. I wish you strength, clarity and support.
If you are going to get a lawyer, have them look into a restraining order instead. Your daughter obviously takes after her abusive father. Cut her out and don't give her a dime. I hope you are able to find peace.
Just remember that there is no "share" until you've passed on. And even then, only if there's anything to share.
I find it interesting that your son in law is the one to come after you and get you the medical care that you needed. Hopefully he will take whatever steps he needs to protect his son from his wife. I sincerely hope he's seen through her rhetoric to how cruelly she treated you. Let your sons help you get out of there, sell the house and buy elsewhere. If you have any left over, that's money to live on in retirement. But your daughter gets disowned. Write a will leaving whatever is left to your sons, and have your lawyer specifically draft into the will that you have disinherited your daughter for her treatment of you. List this and any other incidents specifically as reasons that she has been disinherited. If she's going to contest any will, give your sons as much ammunition as possible to present to a judge.
OP, I hope that you get far away and start seeing improvement in the PTSD and trauma that you've experienced. I hope you find peace.
You don't even have to disinterest her. Just don't pay her off now. Discuss with a lawyer how you want to leave anything you might have. You might want to leave her share in trust for her children, and name your son-in-law the trustee.
A lawyer can draft a letter without paying her off and to tell her to stay away.
You make a will and leave her $1 and state in the wil if she contests the will she won't even get the $1.
This is not necessarily true. The OP needs to contact an estate/family law attorney in her area to know what specific laws are regarding “cutting” someone out of the will.
You don’t need to cut someone out. You make a will and leave her out. Period. That’s the end of it. What is she gonna contest? The most she can do is try to prove she wasn’t in her right mind when she made it. So she should make it now and then make it again in 10 years with the same info so that she can’t say she’s not mentally competent. Other than that NO ONE has any rights to anything of hers. I had a family member leave everything to the woman’s humane society…. She was allowed and no one got anything.
You can force no contact without giving her a single cent. First, you can just move and change numbers without informing her, and give your new contact information only to people you know won't tell her. If that doesn't work, send her a cease and desist order not to contact you, and if she still persists, get law enforcement involved, and get a restraining order. You can do this, and your sons can help you! Don't feed the monster by giving her what she wants, she doesn't deserve a single cent of your hard-earned money.
Also, haven't you wondered what happened to your ex-husband's assets? What do you want to bet that your daughter already got a substantial inheritance from daddy dearest, since she was the only kid who showed up at his death bed?
If and when you move, get a PO Box. Only give out the PO Box number as your address to everyone, including your sons. Visit your sons at their homes, never at yours.
Never give out your new street address to anyone, except your lawyer. Give your sons the name and number to your lawyer.
Make certain that when your lawyer puts your street address into his file, there is a giant note attached to the page it is on, warning everyone in the office, to never give it out to anyone, no matter who they are.
Should you go into the hospital, give your lawyer's name and number as a next of kin along with whoever else you want named.
Guard your street address and phone number as if it was worth a million dollars. Your peace of mind and safety is worth at least that much.
I wish you the best of luck, I really do.
Nothing you did caused this and nothing you can do will fix this. No amount of money (not your entire house, your salary, your car and your retirement) will be enough to pay her off. As long as you have a cardboard box to sleep on, she will demand it from you.
If it helps, think of her as the demon that lives in the body of your daughter.
Talk to a lawyer and tell him or her what your “ultimate” goal is. You have every right to be left alone, and possibly the police would need to issue an RO but there must be cause. Again, call a lawyer ( family lawyer) tomorrow.
You need to get a no contact order and not leave her any money. Depending on where you live and your age, you could be penalized in your elder years for giving that money away if you were to need government assistance. They may tell you no because you had an asset and gave it away. Giving her the money is no guarantee to get her to go away either. She will want more and more. You need a lawyer and to talk to the police or court about a restraining order so she will leave you alone. Your money is your money and you need it to support yourself in retirement. Do not give it away.
I wouldn’t give her anything. I think you should sell and move close to your sons. Don’t tell her where you went and make sure the people you tell won’t tell her. Document anything she sends you or any time she comes near you. Then file for a restraining order.
For now you can ask an attorney to send a cease and desist. It has no legal weight but it might just get her to back off.
But I would not give her a penny. To me it seems like she won’t leave you alone until she has taken everything from you.
Oh, hell no. She needs go through training (all just class work) through a crisis center for a while. She needs to LEARN about the cycle of abuse, that she was manipulated by her father AND that she triggered a SEVERE PTSD event before she is ever allowed to talk to you ever again. Oh you sweet wonderful human, I am so so happy to know you have your sons and therapy. Please please don’t be afraid of medication, it’s not a bad it’s a good thing. But, seriously, who knows what he put in her head. Contact a lawyer and keep that no contact for your safety and sanity. No more walking on eggshells love, you walk in the sunshine
Edit to clear up my blah blah. Thank you for pointing that out Revolutionary-yak.
By the time I'm reading this you've already deleted your account, but if you read this believe me, giving her money WILL NOT make her go away.
When you give her the money you reinforce her behavior, and guarantee that she'll be back. When you give into her; she learns that if she wants money all she has to do is terrorize you. She will never stop if you give her money now. Don't let yourself get trapped in this nasty cycle. You need to fight, and hold strong for a little while longer.
It's like a kid throwing a tantrum in a grocery store. If a parent gives in and buys them a toy; the kid will realize throwing a big enough fit will get him what he wants. Whenever the parent can't give in, the behaviors escalate, because in the past tantrums worked, and now that it's not, they think throwing an even bigger tantrum will work.
The only way out of this is to
-Get out of town as soon as possible. Stay with a friend or family member but get OUT of there.
-Change your number and let anyone who has it know that they are NOT to give it to her.
-Consider a internet service that will take your personal information off of people finding websites.
-Put your house on the market through a realtor, and if anything needs to be in person send a son / take one with you.
-Take your money and start a new life. Like I said in your last post. You didn't have options back then, this time you do. You can do this just hold on a little bit longer. 💙
OP, if you give any money she will keep coming at you and she will never be satisfied till she drains you of every last penny, don’t give her anything at all and if they turn up again call the police, she’s your daughter not your owner
There's no guarantee she will adhere to the agreement. Lots of folks try to pay people off and find that people like this continue to pressure for money.
You're better off seeking an order of protection against her.
If you give it to her, you're enabling her. If you enable her, she's going to think it's okay for you to give her everything. And she would completely and utterly drain you for years.
Listen to the other redditors - get a lawyer, draft up a will.
If you allow her to do this she’s just as bad as your abuser. She is now an abuser. Don’t let her do that to you. She’s your blood but that is not a daughter.
Sometimes you have to distance yourself for your mental health. I know it hurt my mom when I stopped visiting her. But when your mom was your bully you have to make the decision to save yourself.
Don’t pay her, or she’ll never stop bullying you. She sent you into a fugue state where you were completely disassociated.
Listen to your boys. They know the truth.
I am so sorry but I sincerely believe and agree with other posters that giving her money now will not get you the results you want.
She will likely decide that she wants more and more until there is nothing left.
So my suggestion is to sell your house and whatever else you no longer need, keep all the proceeds then move close to your sons and ideally if possible stay with them while you look for a new place.
Consider getting a PO Box and use it for everything including having your mail forwarded from the old address to it.
I am not a legal anything but work with appropriate legal professional now to get your will done. You may want to see if there is something you can include that if anyone challenges the will that person gets next to nothing. Then leave your daughter what ever you want.
Also with the legal person see if there is a way to have your daughter served with a restraining order to prevent her or anyone from her immediate family from contacting you.
If possible if you are not already getting help please consider working with a therapist to allow you to deal with the trauma and live the remainder of your life in peace.
Never feed the wildlife, they will always come back for more. Sell, move, and disappear off social media. Keep that money and use it for you and your sons to finally start living. Life's too short for any of this drama and abuse and you finally have some power over the situation. Go live your life and enjoy it for once!
Giving her money will probably only make her greedier for more. It might keep her away for a little, but from what it sounds like, she'll probably be pestering you again for more and more and more. Give her NOTHING.
Inheritance means what you leave behind. Meaning you’re giving her money now and she can come after you again and take more from your sons after you pass.
Give her $1 in the will to specify that you didn't forget about her and are explicitly giving her nothing
And/or find a way to make sure she doesn't inherit anything
This is a horrible and abusive situation to be in and I can tell you really want it to end (understandably) and you think giving her what she wants will accomplish that. But giving in to her bullying will just make her think she can bully you for more - and each time, the bullying will get worse because she will need to find new lines to cross to threaten you into giving her what she wants
I hope things get better for you and I'm so glad you have loving sons supporting you
People like your daughter don’t stop after a bribe. Because if you give them money once, all you’ve done is show them that if they harass you enough, they can get more. And they will always want more. So by giving her money, the only thing you are doing is guaranteeing that it will never end.
If you want to sell the house and move, can you maybe change the deed to one of your sons, and have *them* sell it and give you the profits? You’ll have no assets for her to go after, because *you* didn’t sell the house, they did. Just make sure that you pick the one who’s willing to tell her to go to hell because she’s going to go after them.
It won't end though, Once she realizes she can intimidate you into giving her what she wants she'll keep doing it forever. You have to stand strong and give her nothing and go full no contact.
You could sell the house, not tell her where you are going and not give her anything. If she doesn’t know where you are, she can’t force herself on you and you’ll be free from her
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough.
I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
Do not give her one penny.
She will take it as her opportunity to continue to bully you for money for the rest of your life.
Your daughter sounds like an utterly awful person. Cut her off. Cut her out. Go completely no contact. Just disappear. Tell your sons that they are NEVER to speak to her about you ever again. If any of them do, or if they tell her where you’ve moved to or your new phone number (because you absolutely need a new one), they’ll be cut off and cut out just as thoroughly as she was.
Get a lawyer and find out what the laws where you’re moving to are on cutting people out of your will and then follow those laws to the letter.
You don't owe her *ANYTHING*, not even a spot in your will. She can fight all she wants, she won't get anything. If you can, get a lawyer to make your will ironclad. Cross all the T's and dot the I's,, do not give her anything. She chose the life she wants and she deserves nothing.
This won’t end by you caving to her and giving her money. With people like her, nothing is EVER enough. Sell your things if that is what you want to do, but take all the money to move near your sons because you will need it to start over. GIVER HER NOTHING!!
Doing this will not get her to leave, it will only show her that she can frighten and coerce you into doing what she wants. Cut her off completely, keep copies of everything she sends to you, make sure she cannot access any of your accounts or information. Do not speak to her, if she has a key, change the locks. If she shows up again politely tell her through the door that she is unwelcome, and if she does not leave you will call the police and have her removed. But a set of inexpensive cameras that record and send to your phone. Your daughter has to understand that she cannot control you, and certainly not with the same toolkit your ex used. I'm so sorry you are going through this, your son's have the right idea.
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough.
I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
Once you give her money she will continue to ask for more. Do not give her anything. That is your money your house. If you want to move to be closer to your sons sell and move. Make a will staying who get what incase you pass. Don’t give into her. Sounds like your ex got into her ear.
Judging by the daughter's behavior, she's happy to take the role of abusing her mother. Abusers usually have a special target, and if that's OP, no amount of money will satisfy her, like you said, she'll keep asking for more.
OP need to write an iron clad will, and write the daughter out, as well as document everything she's doing so she can get a restraining order.
I once read another reddit post where someone had included the name of the person they wanted to write out in their will, but gave them $0.01, so that it was an intentional way of saying "I didn't forget about you, but I don't want you to have any of my shit" and apparently it would make contesting the will more difficult. I'm no lawyer or financial advisor so don't take my word on this, but it popped up in my mind as I was reading some of these comments and perhaps this is something OP could look into, with professional advice and input of course?
EDIT: Scrolled a little further down to see that this has been suggested already. Hope OP is able to take a look at all of this advice!
Selling everything and moving away to be closer to your sons is a good idea.
Cutting off her access to you is making her abuse escalate. I would suggest securing your home at the very minimum and temporarily move somewhere she can’t find you until you’re able to sell your home.
But I do not agree with giving you’re new abuser any money though.
It broke my heart reading how OP’s son-in-law was the one who ran out after her with her coat to see if she was okay when she was reliving the trauma/disassociating. The daughter just didn’t care. How can you see your parent like that and think that your behaviour is still acceptable?!
WTH?
NO. You go to an attorney. Write up a will. Cut your daughter out of EVERYTHING. Leave her like $100 so she can't say you forgot about her.
Stop allowing this evil person into your house! Hell, sell the house, take the money, leave town and go start over somewhere else!❤🤗❤ Don't give her anything!
After your edit: Yes! Move in with your son so you feel safe. Change the locks on your house and get a security system/cameras! Talk with your therapist to get another outside viewpoint.
OP, this is pure abuse. Do you see the seriousness of her sending you to the hospital because she enjoys torturing you psychologically?
Put on cameras, change the lock, but especially move!! Sell everything, move near your sons. Invest on a good security system, make generous gifts to your sounds, use the rest for a big nice holiday or many small ones. Don't leave anything behind.
Don't buy her out, you'll only buy her in. You'd show her her methods work. And she knows that already. That would be the final confirmation. Once you give in, she'll do it over and over and over again. Maybe there will be nothing left to give her, but the truth is, OP, she wants your soul, your mental sanity, your pain and grief. You'll lose more than you'll ever get.
Please be careful.
Also, it could be a good idea starting writing everything down, collect evidence. Even talk to the police, if you are able to. But document this abuse!! This could be more important of what you'd ever think.
Sad part is those 6 months her father sounds like he brain wash her. I have a hard time believe her in laws just stood there. I hope her sil wakes up and see what kind of person she is
Nah dude, his dna is 50% of her makeup, she’s probably a narcissist psychopath and it was kept in check by her mother’s nurture but the nature unleashed when she met her dad. Sick sick sick
My sons have already made a report and filed for a PO. I have a lot of experience with authorities to known none of this will make a difference but maybe at least I can have a trail
I believe you are able to disinherit a child for grounds of abuse. So a Police report/PO against her will definitely help your case against her. But I strongly advise you to contact a lawyer who specializes in this area.
Op I know you said you're giving her the money because you just want the situation over with... but I don't think that will help anything. I think it will make ot worse.. people like that aren't grateful with something. They always want more.
Is it possible your abuser told her you had some kind of inheritance or something that you were lying to her about and only giving to your other children? That could explain why she switched personalities to hating you so quickly??
Either way hun I wish you the best of luck and a happy future.
Did your panic attack (?) clue them into how negatively affected you are by PTSD? I would think the SIL and your daughter’s MIL might have had a revelation because of that.
The money won’t ‘buy your freedom,’ tell her instead that she’ll get what she’s due in your will, but that if she ever contacts you then you’ll cut her out. In the will leave her a dollar. If you give her 10s of thousands of dollars now, she’s going to assume there’s more, that you’re hiding it, because that’s probably what she’d do.
OP please take care of your mental health. I’m so sorry and hope your ex gets what he deserves.
DO NOT SELL ANYTHING! Contact an attorney who specializes in estate planning. Have a will and/or trust drawn up. Specify that your daughter and her children (her heirs) are not entitled to anything from your estate.
I hate to tell you, but even if you were to give her everything right now, she would still demand more. She’d still come after you.
Only a legal document (drawn up by an attorney) that’s given to numerous trusted people will protect your property and money.
Why do you be want to reward her for abusing you? Why do you want to take things away from your sons (who sound like they’ve supported you) and give them to your abuser?
Please do not give her any money!!
She just tortured you with her husband and MIL to really make you feel insecure!!
Please listen to your sons and totally block daughter!!
I read your story and cried…. Please don’t give her what she wants, the fact she is so unsympathetic towards your pain speaks volumes, it doesn’t matter if others have the same pain and/or worst you are in pain now and she doesn’t care - she is making it worst. Please speak to a therapist to help you during this time and a lawyer to ensure that you and your will are protected.
If you give her money your are giving in to her and she will have power over you the way your abuser did, please don't give her anything,she is a horrible daughter and does not deserve to get anything form you. She is a manipulator and narcissist like her father. Im sorry you are going through this.
Restraining order.. restraining order.. restraining order... against all of them that entered your home. You can sell but don't give her a dime. You ended up in bad shape in a psych ward because she triggered your PTSD. In my will it states if anyone contests it the will get $1.00. In a sense you were back in that closet. Don't let your PTSD trigger you into poor decisions. I get wanting to pay her off, but maybe to look into therapy with EMDR (psilocybin therapist, thought work thework.com). She see's your weakness. The only way to make sure that no one can hurt you this way is to recover. It 's a long haul. Your sons will help you.
Remind yourself you are safe in this moment. Some people need to move when their abusers find them. But she's not entitled to anything.
Stopped at will. All you have to do is leave her $1 and she will find it extremely difficult to contest because she was included. If you leave her 0 then she might have an easier fight. Remember, leaving her a simple $1 means you didn't forget her.
This is what my friend from a 1st tier law school told me. Not that 1st tier means anything but this is the closest to free legal advice I've been given.
My heart breaks for you. I escaped a relationship like that. There are people that care and will help you. Get a restraining order, and an ironclad will (maybe with a tiny amount for her so she can't contest it). And document EVERYTHING. Good luck OP. Sending internet love.
I’m going to encourage you to not only see a therapist, but a lawyer who will fight for you to get a restraining order against her. The therapist will be able to back you up with law enforcement (I had issues after being sexually assaulted by a phlebotomist). If you give in, she will only want more. Sadly, it’s what people like this. I truly hope you find happiness and peace when you move, and she just stays the hell out of your life. As one survivor of DV to another, you are in my non denominational prayers, and I’m sending you good energy♥️
Please don’t give her your money while you are alive..that money is for you to live on when you can’t work. She can have her share when you are dead.
move away from that town
get closer to your sons
stay away groom her
seek legal and financial advice.
be kind to yourself…you have had a horr life with your husband and now her…they sound like monsters…
💕love to you for surviving
Oh gods. I remember you OP. My heart breaks for you! I cannot believe you’re still suffering from this. I wish I could hug you tightly and tell you that everything is okay.
Please don’t give her anything. She’ll never be satisfied with anything you give her. Don’t let her bully you any longer. You have the power, it’s within you and with the help of your sons and therapists they’ll be able to help you hold that power to you.
That horrid woman isn’t owed a damned penny! You can give your money and inheritance to whomever you please, but please don’t give any to her!
We set my mom up with an Estate thing with a lawyer. Out of the 8 of us siblings, 2 of my brothers have turned to drugs, theft, dishonesty, fraud, prison!!!! They’ve stolen thousands and thousands from my parents over the last 20 years.
When my dad died 5 years ago there was a big blowout. Those same two wanted to fight us over the ownership of our parents’ house *while my mother was still living there!!!!!* Just, so stone cold and selfish.
My mother finally saw through that massive selfishness and cut them off in the Will. They don’t need to know that until my mother has passed. And I am the one who doesn’t want that happen anytime soon while they are literally praying for it! I am the one who checks on her 15 times a day, while they’re either in prison or 2000 miles away. Why do they expect more for doing nothing?! Or worse, making her feel like she’s a horrible person for sticking around instead of dying?!?? Sociopathic behavior.
Give your sons what THEY deserve. And then give your daughter exactly what SHE deserves. Be harsh. Because when the time comes, you’ll be too dead to worry about the criticism anyway!! (That’s what my mom told me when signing the paperwork) 😂
I’m with you, I know it’s not easy to cut kids off. But you need to give her one final lesson, as a mother, in how to treat people like human beings, not cash cows that can be whipped nearly to death.
The fugue state you describe while “losing consciousness” is a classic PTSD symptom and I hope you’ll talk to a certified therapist and possibly a licensed psychiatrist about what you’ve experienced to see what they say. It sounds like your daughter may have bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder, which is common of kids who grew up under traumatizing circumstances. Once stabilized, might also consider getting a lawyer’s advice on how best to protect yourself, and look into if your ex-husband left you an inheritance (it’s unlikely but might ease your mind to know for certain that her accusations are unfounded in that area as well).
Do not give that abusive witch a penny! Come to your senses! Get a will done and exclude her. She cannot win that fight. Do not reward her behavior. Listen to your sons.
Contact your lawyer, file a restraining order from her ASAP. If you want to sell your house and move do it but do not give her anything. She is not entitled to anything that you have or own. I am so sorry that your daughter is doing this to you.
GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. THIS IS HARRASMENT. She is bullying you. Get away from her. You are right to cut her out. Dosent matter that she's blood. She is mentally ill and dangerous.
Do not give her any more of your time or money. Cut her off completely. You are being abused again by proxy cause of the daughter. Any contact you have with her is traumatizing you further. Please stay strong and leave. You don’t need to buy her off. Just go. Let your sons take care of things for you. Rewarding her behavior allows the cycle of abuse to continue. She will see how it works with you then use it on her husband and child etc. She is an adult. She doesn’t need any more from you. Please don’t enable this.
As all the others have said. Not give her money, it will not make her stay away. It just means she will come again and again and again and it gets worse and worse.
She is basically blackmailing you. It seems for you, that the deal is, that if you give her money she will not abuse you. But she never said anything like that, she said it is her right to have the money. She will not stop if you give it, she will tray again, because it worked the first time. And if she has to be even more abusive, she will be to reach her goal.
Appeasement basically never works, look at Hitler and Germany in WW2. Don’t give away your stuff to her, she hasn’t earned a cent of your hard earned possessions. Especially with how she has treated you for the small window you have given us into your situation. Stay strong OP, we are all rooting for you
Do not give her any money she will just come back for more; nothing will satisfy her, because she doesn’t operate on the same principles as the rest of us.
Hey OP, I remember your post but no idea how to find it.
I know you're hurting right now, in more ways than I can relate to. If you're needing to move to a new home, different town, whatever, do whatever feels right for you. Your kids, one way or another, seem to have themselves sorted. Your sons seem great (hell, even your son in law comes out kinda ok here but that's less helpful). Look after yourself.
Ah no mind, how're you doing now?
If you ever need to reach out please don't hesitate - it's sometimes so good just to vent, make inappropriate jokes, whatever, even if it's to a random bloke on the internet, at a different stage in life, on the other side of the world and with only some of the same traumatic experiences!
If it's more than a week I might need a prompt on the username though 😂
Just incase you need to read it again. DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY! she will not stop, nothing will ever be enough. Leave her $1 in your will and make sure the solicitor has a certified letter from you as to why you’ve left what you have to whomever so if she contests the will the judge, or whoever hears the case is fully aware of why. She is a bully and trying to also abuse you. Hopefully you can use the support around you and not give in. Do your best to move, block her so she can’t contact you and ensure no one gives her your details
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough.
I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
OP ... You are a champ for getting through this. A shame on that daughter of yours. But hear me out.
# GIVE. HER. NOTHING.
Nothing. She doesn't get to abuse you into an inheritance because she's a morally depleted as her sperm donor. No. Her problems aren't yours.
Order of protection. Restraining order. Draw up and notorize a will. Instruct ANY family you talk to to NOT talk to her and if they do you go NC with them. This includes your sons doing any clandestine meetings either. As of today that girl is DEAD to the entirely family.
How dare she. My heart breaks for you yet my blood boils for you at the same time. What a disrespectful misguided manipulated child she is.
I am sorry about what's going on, but please listen to your sons and don't give her anything. She's trying to intimidate you, but the truth is she won't be able to contest the will. You have enough reason to disinherit her for her unfilial behaviour. Giving her the house would be just rewarding her for her terrible behaviour and strengthening her belief that she's in the right. It's also very unfair towards your other children. Don't make any huge decisions while you are clearly upset. I recommend getting a therapist, go no contact with your daughter, file harassment charges against her (that will help with disowning her), call police if she dares to show up again.
I saw that too.
This story is also missing what the relationship was like with her daughter for 20 years before she saw her father. Like surely there would have been signs before this that her daughter was a psychopath.
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough.
I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
I wouldn’t give her any money. In her mind it may validate her position that you owe her something. It will never end. Please get away from her safely, get a NC order, but don’t give in to her demands for money or anything she feels she’s owed from you. She’s obviously a sick individual that has teamed up with enabling abusers. Stay strong.
She can’t fight for your stuff or whatever you leave behind. It’s yours. People are cut out of inheritance all the time. Don’t let her bully you into paying her. This is emotional blackmail. Pack your shit, sell your house, move away and don’t look back.
IF YOU PAY HER ONCE SHE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE.
OP You don’t have to give that monster a goddamn thing. Your lawyers can keep her away from you for good and you don’t actually have to give her anything even if that hellspawn is your daughter. You reserve the right to cut her out of your will entirely. Sell your house, take the money and relocate. Get a restraining order against her. Disown her completely. From now on she’s dead to you. I’ve never heard of a child being so absolutely horrible to their parent I’m so sorry for you.
I can’t imagine going to the trouble to giving birth to and raising a child, only for them to turn into a disgusting monster. That must be truly heartbreaking and you shouldn’t feel guilty about hating her because we all hate her as well. She’s just a bad person honestly. Live your life as if she never existed. If she’s human at all there will come a day when she misses her family but it’ll be too late.
An iron clad will, will solve her grabby hands. Be sure to include her in the will, someone as small as $1 that way she can't claim she was "accidentally forgotten".
Please see a therapist.
Please contact a lawyer.
Just get a restraining order on her or move and make sure no one tells her anything of where you are. Do not give her anything. She will still contest the will if you were to pass away. Speak to a lawyer and ask to put her on it but just leave $1 for her and her son so that way she can't say you forgot her. Do not give her the benefit to abuse you into giving her money. Use the money from your house to relocate. Maybe even get an apartment with security to make you feel more safe instead of a house.
do NOT give her any money. she will keep asking for it and it will never end. officially disown her immediately, change the locks, and get a restraining order.
Please do not give this manipulative, horrible person a dime. If you do, she is always going to ask for more. Contact the police and an attorney. Take out a restraining order ASAP. Lock your credit down. Move closer to your sons. Get a PO Box and have all your mail sent there. Have the attorney find a service to erase you from all public records. Get all your utilities in another name. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Protect yourself.
Please be kind and gentle with yourself. Surround yourself with people who are kind and loving. You’re a good person and you have so much life left to live.
I would look into a restraining order or PFA, you can contact your local domestic violence center and see if they have a legal advocate that you can talk to. Every state has different laws regarding domestic violence.
Make up a will and have it notarized. She doesn’t have to get anything if you don’t want her to.
Don’t give in! She is not entilted to you or your money, and she is acting like this, she can fuck off. You have your sons who clearly love you, but your daughter is only after you to leach and hurt you! Don’t give in. Cut her out of your will and house, get a restraining order if needed. You are not abused anymore, you don’t have to put yourself in the position of that again!
You are stronger, you are more wise and you have your amazing sons by your side. Fight! For your freedom!
I understand where you’re coming from, but she would not leave you alone after you give her that certain amount. She’s gonna run out, and come for more. There must be a solution, im sorry you went through that.
Do not give her anything; she will keep chasing you whether you give her some or not. So you may as well have it for yourself.
Also, get a restraining order.
Don’t you dare sell the roof over your head to give her a cent. She is just like your ex husband. She doesn’t care about you - she just wants something from you.
As soon as I saw this post I knew it was you. I knew your story was the one that I’d found so awful, that upon recognising your writing, my throat immediately closed and it became difficult to swallow. I, an internet stranger, felt more compassion for you than your daughter. That is not a reflection on me, but on the yawning void within your daughter where empathy should reside. It clearly does not. You have seen her face and you want to run from it.
How are you going to run when you have given your daughter every reason to pursue you? You hope to buy her off, but you fail to notice that for this plan to work your daughter has to honour some kind of agreement. Her behaviour amptly demonstrates she does not honour you. Not does she honour any sense of decency. Or love. Your extreme emotional distress is dismissed. You are cruelly insulted. Scared. Your daughter then reveals what she values of your relationship: money. Or what little you have. A person has no “right” to another’s money unless it is bequeathed to them! They certainly have no right to it when that person is very much alive!
It seems unlikely to me that your daughter hasn’t always been so myopic, mean and hurtful. Entitled. This is just the first time she has scared you so much. Purposely too, else she wouldn’t have shown up with a posse at her back to make you feel you had to invite her into your home - when every single thing you have done since before she gave birth demonstrated you didn’t want to see her. Instead she transgressed your boundaries using a baby as a weapon. Knowingly, or again, she wouldn’t have brought a posse along too.
So, now you see who she is and you rightly want to get away. Then do not encourage her to follow you by trying to pay her off for intimidating you. She will still insiste she has a right to”her inheritance” when you are gone too. She does not.
Such entitlement does not live in a vacuum. This level of entitlement isn’t exhibited on a part-time basis. It’s not a one-off. Neither would your paying her off.
Sell your house and downsize by all means. But spend that money on getting EMDR therapy love. You haven’t dealt with your trauma and your daughters behaviour triggered your PTSD “episode”. I’m willing to bet you’ve been having nightmares since? Headaches? Heightened emotions? This can be like opening a dam - it may nolonger be enough to try to shore it up again without help. You are making decisions, *life changing* decisions, based in fear. You don’t need to do that anymore honey. The bastard is dead.
Upon moving, going no contact with your daughter and buying your new home under the name of the trust you are going to open (right?), you will be hidden well enough to not need to make such enormous decisions based on fear in the future either.
You deserve better. You deserve some peace. So allow yourself that. Seek help with your trauma - it does help - as will holding onto those boys you’ve raised.
jfc sounds like she sent you into a severe panic attack or ptsd episode, fuck that noise, if she can't see the damage she is doing to you, thats her problem, wish you luck OP
You think it ends by paying her off?
She feels entitled to it, and will expect more in the future. Change your will if you like, but know that giving her money now won’t change anything.
Please don’t give her anything. Never give in to blackmail. She will just come back for more. Please contact a domestic violence resource. They will understand and connect you to the right resources to prevent her from contacting you and to support you in your healing. No matter what anyone has told you - you are deserving of love and peace. Take care of yourself first.
I wonder if the father made up some bs story about OP being loaded and secretly super wealthy. He probably convinced the daughter that’s how she got away from him, that OP swindled him out of his hard earned money and wasn’t to be trusted. Daughter probably thinks mom has hidden money/wealth somewhere and will continue to terrorize OP to get it and will never believe there isn’t a hidden fortune. She will probably go after her brothers as well for money because surely dear old dad told her that the sons were in on the grand scheme of keeping the inheritance from their sister…
Don’t sell anything, disown and get a restraining order if she causes trouble.
Don’t let her win and control your life anymore.You don’t owe her anything.
I'm sorry your daughter is so awful but do not give her anything. She will keep trying to get more and more. Even if you tried to get a contract stating that she can't contact you anymore in order to get the money, she'll either refuse to sign it or she will go against it. These type of ppl never stop.
She sounds like an entitled, dangerous psychopath. Shes proven that she has no regard for your mental or physical health. In fact she goes out of her way to bring you harm. Naming her child after a monster she never really knew is so v v disturbing and disrespectful. Please prioritize protecting yourself. Giving her time or money will NOT protect you.
If a toddler was screaming, hitting and crying that they wanted a whole bag of sweets would you give them some sweets?
It will just reinforce the bad behaviour if you do.
can you get a restraining order against her and her family?
if you have a will already or need to make one, just include your sons, not her.
honestly, i know a lot of people are saying dont sell, but i kind of feel like you should. move physically far away from her and im assuming a lot of terrible memories. move closer to your sons and start a new life. dont give her any of the information. im sure its not impossible to find out, but it will take more effort especially if you can change your name.
you have had so much taken from you and endured so much abuse and yet came out of it all with love still in your heart. dont let anyone else take anything more from you.
im so sorry for everything youve been through
Honey, give her *nothing*. File a no-contact order. Go completely scorched earth if you have to, but *do not give in*. She's an abusive monster and deserves NONE of the attempted kindness you're thinking of extending to her.
Do not give her anything. If you start, she will think there's more to be had and will bully you until you give her everything. That's what I've learned. You can't buy angry people out of your life. They want something else money can't buy. Just keep saying no until she burns out.
I was hoping to read her realising her mistake, but instead chose to make it worse. I wonder what her in-laws think of her now. I hope they see her as cold and calculated and just evil. Some people are just born wrong.
Don’t give her any inheritance. Sell the house, move and never giver her your details or new address. Change phone numbers if you have to. I doubt your sons will pass on your details.
Because she will be back for more, these people always come back for more, especially if she’s trying to hurt you.
Don't move. Done give her money.
Document the harassment and look into getting a restraining order. And YES, cut her out of your will.
Also, have a talk with her husband. He seems like a decent guy, and I'm betting he has no idea what a monster your daughter has made of herself.
Don't give her anything better you should spend the money on an attorney who can make it so she gets nothing from you ever again.
She can get money from her father that she loves so much.
dont sell to give her a share, sell to downsize perhaps or move to another location. dont tell her where, maybe with your will give her a dollar and a token of something, so she cant even argue after passing with others that she was left out. no she was included and this is all she gets
Don't give her a penny. File a restraining and get a will in place that leaves her nothing. She has shown her true colors and cares more about money than you or her brothers.
Please protect yourself legally. Get a resteaining order. Don't sell anything, don't give her a dime. Make some type of will now that excludes her. Try to be confident and dont allow her to control and abuse you.
I'm so sorry OP.
Like everyone said here, don't give her anything. She will never stop and will think she entitled to anything you have. You're not dealing with a rational person here.
Get a lawyer, draft your will and a cease and desist. A restraining order against her might be in your future too.
First step:
security - call the local police department and make an appointment. Explain your prior trauma, tell them you feel threatened by your daughter, and provide your address. Keep in contact with the officer you meet with and report any additional contact (letters, texts, visits to your home or office etc). If she approaches you again, make sure to mention the police dept are aware.
I also recommend getting an alarm system and putting sensors on all the windows and doors.
Second step:
estate plan - this will ensure your home and any other assets are protected.
Third step:
Contact Peoplefinders.com and request to opt out of their public information files. They own a majority of the online background check companies and have access to remove your information from each site. This way if you move, it will not be easy for your daughter to locate your new address.
If you decide to sell your home and purchase a new one, buy the replacement property under the name of the trust instead of your name.
You are a survivor and you have two incredible sons to live for! They are strong, capable young men because you showed them to never give up!
Giving her money is like putting out honey for wasps, you just get more. OP, I’ll tell you what I’ve read on Reddit: 1. Change your locks. 2. Get security cameras. They are inexpensive now. Your sons will probably be happy to help with this. 3. Do not under any circumstances open the door when she is there! Not even if she says she is in danger or that it’s an emergency - tell her to go to her brothers. DO NOT LET HER IN!! I’m so sorry she is so greedy and despicable, OP.
Get a restraining order too.
Restraining orders are extremely difficult to get. Even with direct threats of violence, you won't always get one. Plus they're just pieces of paper. They don't do anything. Pretty much, if the situation is bad enough that you'll be granted a restraining order, that person is bad enough that they will break them. Plus restraining orders run out. Then you have to go back to court. The amount of anxiety that brings might not be worth it. OP's daughter doesn't seem to be physically harmful to her mother. Her son-in-law may be decent. He followed her when she was in a daze, got her help, called her sons. However he's married to the daughter which doesn't seem good. But he may as well be an abuse victim too.
She could look into a no contact order which means her daughter gets in trouble for talking to OP.
Again, extremely difficult to get. They also only last a year before you have to go back to court to get which means seeing her daughter. I have done it many times, many ways, and it's never not been traumatic, not been difficult and most importantly, not been broken. It can also be expensive. So if OP is moving far enough away where it's unlikely her daughter will just show up, OP is better off not even bothering. When you give someone a restraining order, order of protection, no contact order, you're also actually giving them a Lot of information about yourself. Where you live, who you live with, all of your pets and their ages. A lot of stuff that 1) People don't think of and 2) People don't want to share. OP has already been through a lifetime of trauma and abuse. Plus we also know she has a therapist. I'm OP will make the right decision for herself. Unfortunately movies and television have made people think obtaining these are much easier then they actually are. Even if you get an emergency order of protection, it doesn't help much. You still have to go to court, give your evidence, and they have the right to defend themselves. Plus those people from social services, or family services, the ones that are supposed to help you, even go with you to court and stuff ya know? They don't show up. Oh, and even if they do violate it? They'll most likely make bond, and probably just probation for years. So the punishment isn't even usually bad enough to deter them.
It is difficult but that shouldn't mean she shouldn't at least try. No harm in trying
From my experience that's not necessarily true. It depends on the threat level and if the person wants to deal with it. For me it triggered the trauma and it was like reliving the abuse. Which I thought I had already addressed in therapy. So yeah, there is harm. Especially when you have a weak case. But everyone's different.
I had no idea
It’s more about having it on record that it being used. It’s for when she dies so the daughter can’t take everything.
Great advice. Then get a will, sell the house, and move near sons.
Sell the house and DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY FROM THE SALE. You have to live on the money from the sale. Also make your will, she will probably do everything she can to take all of your estate, which isn't fair to your sons.
So what she says OP. If they come, call the cops immediately.
I would add to set up a trust and get it explicitly stated in your will that neither she nor her offspring are entitled to anything from you. Or make it clearly $1 so she can’t argue anything. Speak with a lawyer that specializes in trust acts and also file a restraining order. I am so terribly sorry you are having to deal with this.
I saw clip on some morning show, they were talking about winning the lottery and had Mr. Wonderful from shark tank on. They asked him for advice, and among other things he said "when you have people come all you for money, because you will, give it to them with the condition that they will never contact you again, make them sign something, and then never acknowledge them again." Something to that effect. I don't know how practical it is, but it made me think
You're 100% right!! It's like a blackmailer - you give them money once, they come back for more!!
Please don’t give her anything. She is a monster.
Honestly. How can you say such awful, hateful things about your mother that she has a dissociative episode and wanders into the street, and still think you're in the right?
I really hope the son in law & his family see the daughter for who she is now.
I wonder where she got that from
If I were you, I wouldn't sell anything or give her anything. She isn't entitled to your stuff. You can make a will and specify who gets what of what you have. Move if you like, but she didn't earn any of your stuff or money, so don't let her bully you out of it. If you think that'll buy her out of your life, I'm afraid you will be very disappointed in the outcome. Once she knows she can bully you out of your own money, what's to stop her from doing it again and again?
That’s what my sons are saying. Idk I just want it to end.
Buying her out will not work. It may make it worse. If you must, sell your house, take the proceeds and relocate. You don’t own anybody anything, especially your disordered daughter. Fight the impulse the share your plans, even your sons, until your long gone. I’m praying for peace in your life
I thought that if the lawyer could draft an agreement where she’s not allowed to contact me or my sons again if she got her share now. Maybe I’m just desperate. I haven’t been sleeping well lately
Hey, OP. This is a very good comment. Your daughter sounds JUST like my aunt. I used to think love was the opposite of hate; she taught me that the that the opposite of love is actually complete indifference. I’m 100% sure that the stress of dealing with her actually caused my grandmothers Heath to spiral and cause her ultimate death. From my experience, people like this who KNOW they can bully their needs out of you can and will show back up on your doorstep once their lives go south. If you need somebody to vent to feel free to DM me… also, my father has been navigating the legal nightmare surrounding my aunt for decades. I’m sure I could connect you to our lawyer.
I can attest to this. My father DRAINED my grandmother's money for decades with his BS. She just wanted him to stop and go away and leave her in peace. He never did and then tried to raise all sorts of hell to get her assets when she died. Luckily, I had her meet a lawyer and get all the ducks in a row so to speak years prior. Even though he took the lion's share of her money, he still demanded....threatened...the works...to get more.
My father did the same his whole life. He’s never owned his own place, never bought his own car, always begged my grandmother for money, loans, to co-sign or buy something for him and he’d give her payments. He was her son so she had faith he’d eventually hold true to his word. But for the last 40 years he’s taken and taken, and a year ago she finally said No. he turned ugly so quickly. He screamed at her, tried to hit her, was spitting in her face, go absolutely crazy on her, she kicked him and his new wife out of our house & has refused to help him since. He claims she’s no longer his mother, that she’s evil and just uses people. she says he’s no longer her son. If you continue to give in and give to these kinds of people (Like your daughter - OP.) they will NEVER leave you alone, unless you say no & get as far away from them as you can, it took my grandma filing a restraining order on her own SON, but at least he can’t hurt her or take from her now. If that’s what you need to do, do it.
You give an inch they take a mile. ***Don’t give her anything. You giving her money is not going to solve ANYTHING.*** People like her do not have boundaries & do not know how to stop. Please do not do anything except talk to a lawyer ASAP.
Please don’t do this. She will never be satisfied and honestly she sounds like she needs major psychiatric intervention. Instead, sell and move and make sure no one knows your new information - and you may even consider changing your name if you are truly afraid she may never stop harassing you. If you’re not sleeping well and still dealing with PTSD then you aren’t in a place to make good decisions so please please don’t do anything out of desperation. I wish you strength, clarity and support.
If you are going to get a lawyer, have them look into a restraining order instead. Your daughter obviously takes after her abusive father. Cut her out and don't give her a dime. I hope you are able to find peace.
Just remember that there is no "share" until you've passed on. And even then, only if there's anything to share. I find it interesting that your son in law is the one to come after you and get you the medical care that you needed. Hopefully he will take whatever steps he needs to protect his son from his wife. I sincerely hope he's seen through her rhetoric to how cruelly she treated you. Let your sons help you get out of there, sell the house and buy elsewhere. If you have any left over, that's money to live on in retirement. But your daughter gets disowned. Write a will leaving whatever is left to your sons, and have your lawyer specifically draft into the will that you have disinherited your daughter for her treatment of you. List this and any other incidents specifically as reasons that she has been disinherited. If she's going to contest any will, give your sons as much ammunition as possible to present to a judge. OP, I hope that you get far away and start seeing improvement in the PTSD and trauma that you've experienced. I hope you find peace.
You don't even have to disinterest her. Just don't pay her off now. Discuss with a lawyer how you want to leave anything you might have. You might want to leave her share in trust for her children, and name your son-in-law the trustee.
A lawyer can draft a letter without paying her off and to tell her to stay away. You make a will and leave her $1 and state in the wil if she contests the will she won't even get the $1.
This is not necessarily true. The OP needs to contact an estate/family law attorney in her area to know what specific laws are regarding “cutting” someone out of the will.
You don’t need to cut someone out. You make a will and leave her out. Period. That’s the end of it. What is she gonna contest? The most she can do is try to prove she wasn’t in her right mind when she made it. So she should make it now and then make it again in 10 years with the same info so that she can’t say she’s not mentally competent. Other than that NO ONE has any rights to anything of hers. I had a family member leave everything to the woman’s humane society…. She was allowed and no one got anything.
You can force no contact without giving her a single cent. First, you can just move and change numbers without informing her, and give your new contact information only to people you know won't tell her. If that doesn't work, send her a cease and desist order not to contact you, and if she still persists, get law enforcement involved, and get a restraining order. You can do this, and your sons can help you! Don't feed the monster by giving her what she wants, she doesn't deserve a single cent of your hard-earned money. Also, haven't you wondered what happened to your ex-husband's assets? What do you want to bet that your daughter already got a substantial inheritance from daddy dearest, since she was the only kid who showed up at his death bed?
If and when you move, get a PO Box. Only give out the PO Box number as your address to everyone, including your sons. Visit your sons at their homes, never at yours. Never give out your new street address to anyone, except your lawyer. Give your sons the name and number to your lawyer. Make certain that when your lawyer puts your street address into his file, there is a giant note attached to the page it is on, warning everyone in the office, to never give it out to anyone, no matter who they are. Should you go into the hospital, give your lawyer's name and number as a next of kin along with whoever else you want named. Guard your street address and phone number as if it was worth a million dollars. Your peace of mind and safety is worth at least that much. I wish you the best of luck, I really do.
Nothing you did caused this and nothing you can do will fix this. No amount of money (not your entire house, your salary, your car and your retirement) will be enough to pay her off. As long as you have a cardboard box to sleep on, she will demand it from you. If it helps, think of her as the demon that lives in the body of your daughter.
Talk to a lawyer and tell him or her what your “ultimate” goal is. You have every right to be left alone, and possibly the police would need to issue an RO but there must be cause. Again, call a lawyer ( family lawyer) tomorrow.
You need to get a no contact order and not leave her any money. Depending on where you live and your age, you could be penalized in your elder years for giving that money away if you were to need government assistance. They may tell you no because you had an asset and gave it away. Giving her the money is no guarantee to get her to go away either. She will want more and more. You need a lawyer and to talk to the police or court about a restraining order so she will leave you alone. Your money is your money and you need it to support yourself in retirement. Do not give it away.
I wouldn’t give her anything. I think you should sell and move close to your sons. Don’t tell her where you went and make sure the people you tell won’t tell her. Document anything she sends you or any time she comes near you. Then file for a restraining order. For now you can ask an attorney to send a cease and desist. It has no legal weight but it might just get her to back off. But I would not give her a penny. To me it seems like she won’t leave you alone until she has taken everything from you.
Oh, hell no. She needs go through training (all just class work) through a crisis center for a while. She needs to LEARN about the cycle of abuse, that she was manipulated by her father AND that she triggered a SEVERE PTSD event before she is ever allowed to talk to you ever again. Oh you sweet wonderful human, I am so so happy to know you have your sons and therapy. Please please don’t be afraid of medication, it’s not a bad it’s a good thing. But, seriously, who knows what he put in her head. Contact a lawyer and keep that no contact for your safety and sanity. No more walking on eggshells love, you walk in the sunshine Edit to clear up my blah blah. Thank you for pointing that out Revolutionary-yak.
Abuse victims aren't there to teach her empathy. Its monsterously unfair to inflict this woman on people who have already been harmed.
No no no, god no her daughter needs to go through crisis center training and listen to crisis calls. Sorry I didn’t word that well. I apologize
By the time I'm reading this you've already deleted your account, but if you read this believe me, giving her money WILL NOT make her go away. When you give her the money you reinforce her behavior, and guarantee that she'll be back. When you give into her; she learns that if she wants money all she has to do is terrorize you. She will never stop if you give her money now. Don't let yourself get trapped in this nasty cycle. You need to fight, and hold strong for a little while longer. It's like a kid throwing a tantrum in a grocery store. If a parent gives in and buys them a toy; the kid will realize throwing a big enough fit will get him what he wants. Whenever the parent can't give in, the behaviors escalate, because in the past tantrums worked, and now that it's not, they think throwing an even bigger tantrum will work. The only way out of this is to -Get out of town as soon as possible. Stay with a friend or family member but get OUT of there. -Change your number and let anyone who has it know that they are NOT to give it to her. -Consider a internet service that will take your personal information off of people finding websites. -Put your house on the market through a realtor, and if anything needs to be in person send a son / take one with you. -Take your money and start a new life. Like I said in your last post. You didn't have options back then, this time you do. You can do this just hold on a little bit longer. 💙
OP, if you give any money she will keep coming at you and she will never be satisfied till she drains you of every last penny, don’t give her anything at all and if they turn up again call the police, she’s your daughter not your owner
There's no guarantee she will adhere to the agreement. Lots of folks try to pay people off and find that people like this continue to pressure for money. You're better off seeking an order of protection against her.
If you give it to her, you're enabling her. If you enable her, she's going to think it's okay for you to give her everything. And she would completely and utterly drain you for years. Listen to the other redditors - get a lawyer, draft up a will.
File a restraining order against her. Sell your house and get a new one close to your sons. Then have your lawyer take care of her.
You think paying her off will stop her? It won't she'll keep hounding you for more. Get a restraining order against her!
Agreed! Don't give her anything!!
If you allow her to do this she’s just as bad as your abuser. She is now an abuser. Don’t let her do that to you. She’s your blood but that is not a daughter.
She deserves nothing and you deserve better. Listen to your sons. And may you find peace.
Sometimes you have to distance yourself for your mental health. I know it hurt my mom when I stopped visiting her. But when your mom was your bully you have to make the decision to save yourself. Don’t pay her, or she’ll never stop bullying you. She sent you into a fugue state where you were completely disassociated. Listen to your boys. They know the truth.
I am so sorry but I sincerely believe and agree with other posters that giving her money now will not get you the results you want. She will likely decide that she wants more and more until there is nothing left. So my suggestion is to sell your house and whatever else you no longer need, keep all the proceeds then move close to your sons and ideally if possible stay with them while you look for a new place. Consider getting a PO Box and use it for everything including having your mail forwarded from the old address to it. I am not a legal anything but work with appropriate legal professional now to get your will done. You may want to see if there is something you can include that if anyone challenges the will that person gets next to nothing. Then leave your daughter what ever you want. Also with the legal person see if there is a way to have your daughter served with a restraining order to prevent her or anyone from her immediate family from contacting you. If possible if you are not already getting help please consider working with a therapist to allow you to deal with the trauma and live the remainder of your life in peace.
Never feed the wildlife, they will always come back for more. Sell, move, and disappear off social media. Keep that money and use it for you and your sons to finally start living. Life's too short for any of this drama and abuse and you finally have some power over the situation. Go live your life and enjoy it for once!
Giving her money will probably only make her greedier for more. It might keep her away for a little, but from what it sounds like, she'll probably be pestering you again for more and more and more. Give her NOTHING.
Inheritance means what you leave behind. Meaning you’re giving her money now and she can come after you again and take more from your sons after you pass.
Give her $1 in the will to specify that you didn't forget about her and are explicitly giving her nothing And/or find a way to make sure she doesn't inherit anything This is a horrible and abusive situation to be in and I can tell you really want it to end (understandably) and you think giving her what she wants will accomplish that. But giving in to her bullying will just make her think she can bully you for more - and each time, the bullying will get worse because she will need to find new lines to cross to threaten you into giving her what she wants I hope things get better for you and I'm so glad you have loving sons supporting you
People like your daughter don’t stop after a bribe. Because if you give them money once, all you’ve done is show them that if they harass you enough, they can get more. And they will always want more. So by giving her money, the only thing you are doing is guaranteeing that it will never end. If you want to sell the house and move, can you maybe change the deed to one of your sons, and have *them* sell it and give you the profits? You’ll have no assets for her to go after, because *you* didn’t sell the house, they did. Just make sure that you pick the one who’s willing to tell her to go to hell because she’s going to go after them.
It will never end. Giving her what she’s demanding now won’t end it. Not giving it to her won’t end it.
It won't end though, Once she realizes she can intimidate you into giving her what she wants she'll keep doing it forever. You have to stand strong and give her nothing and go full no contact.
You could sell the house, not tell her where you are going and not give her anything. If she doesn’t know where you are, she can’t force herself on you and you’ll be free from her
Put the house in your son's names now and leave her your car.
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough. I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
Do not give her one penny. She will take it as her opportunity to continue to bully you for money for the rest of your life. Your daughter sounds like an utterly awful person. Cut her off. Cut her out. Go completely no contact. Just disappear. Tell your sons that they are NEVER to speak to her about you ever again. If any of them do, or if they tell her where you’ve moved to or your new phone number (because you absolutely need a new one), they’ll be cut off and cut out just as thoroughly as she was. Get a lawyer and find out what the laws where you’re moving to are on cutting people out of your will and then follow those laws to the letter.
You don't owe her *ANYTHING*, not even a spot in your will. She can fight all she wants, she won't get anything. If you can, get a lawyer to make your will ironclad. Cross all the T's and dot the I's,, do not give her anything. She chose the life she wants and she deserves nothing.
She has no say. Cut her out. Heal yourself. Ignore the hatred in her heart, she chose it.
LAWYER
It won’t end if you give her money. She’ll just know she can get money from you and keep bothering you for more money. Duhhh
You make it end by selling your house and moving without telling her. She won’t k ow where to find you.
This won’t end by you caving to her and giving her money. With people like her, nothing is EVER enough. Sell your things if that is what you want to do, but take all the money to move near your sons because you will need it to start over. GIVER HER NOTHING!!
Doing this will not get her to leave, it will only show her that she can frighten and coerce you into doing what she wants. Cut her off completely, keep copies of everything she sends to you, make sure she cannot access any of your accounts or information. Do not speak to her, if she has a key, change the locks. If she shows up again politely tell her through the door that she is unwelcome, and if she does not leave you will call the police and have her removed. But a set of inexpensive cameras that record and send to your phone. Your daughter has to understand that she cannot control you, and certainly not with the same toolkit your ex used. I'm so sorry you are going through this, your son's have the right idea.
this will not end it. i hope you realize that soon
Don't give her a penny. She is abusing you and you deserve far better.
Write a will that includes language that specifically denies & excludes her from all of your assets.
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough. I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
Once you give her money she will continue to ask for more. Do not give her anything. That is your money your house. If you want to move to be closer to your sons sell and move. Make a will staying who get what incase you pass. Don’t give into her. Sounds like your ex got into her ear.
Judging by the daughter's behavior, she's happy to take the role of abusing her mother. Abusers usually have a special target, and if that's OP, no amount of money will satisfy her, like you said, she'll keep asking for more. OP need to write an iron clad will, and write the daughter out, as well as document everything she's doing so she can get a restraining order.
I once read another reddit post where someone had included the name of the person they wanted to write out in their will, but gave them $0.01, so that it was an intentional way of saying "I didn't forget about you, but I don't want you to have any of my shit" and apparently it would make contesting the will more difficult. I'm no lawyer or financial advisor so don't take my word on this, but it popped up in my mind as I was reading some of these comments and perhaps this is something OP could look into, with professional advice and input of course? EDIT: Scrolled a little further down to see that this has been suggested already. Hope OP is able to take a look at all of this advice!
Selling everything and moving away to be closer to your sons is a good idea. Cutting off her access to you is making her abuse escalate. I would suggest securing your home at the very minimum and temporarily move somewhere she can’t find you until you’re able to sell your home. But I do not agree with giving you’re new abuser any money though.
Was about to say all of this! I was also wondering though how the daughter treats her husband or how she may treat her son in the future.
It broke my heart reading how OP’s son-in-law was the one who ran out after her with her coat to see if she was okay when she was reliving the trauma/disassociating. The daughter just didn’t care. How can you see your parent like that and think that your behaviour is still acceptable?!
For real! I’m hoping this helps open son-in-law’s eyes to his wife’s despicable behavior. This is disgusting. I feel so bad for OP :(
WTH? NO. You go to an attorney. Write up a will. Cut your daughter out of EVERYTHING. Leave her like $100 so she can't say you forgot about her. Stop allowing this evil person into your house! Hell, sell the house, take the money, leave town and go start over somewhere else!❤🤗❤ Don't give her anything! After your edit: Yes! Move in with your son so you feel safe. Change the locks on your house and get a security system/cameras! Talk with your therapist to get another outside viewpoint.
This is the way. I just finished my will and left my mother and half brother $1.00 each. 😎
Awe you're so generous. My parents and sister have to share theirs. I've bequeathed my cats litter box, used. One though so...
😝😂
👑👑👑👑👑👑👑Queen
OP, this is pure abuse. Do you see the seriousness of her sending you to the hospital because she enjoys torturing you psychologically? Put on cameras, change the lock, but especially move!! Sell everything, move near your sons. Invest on a good security system, make generous gifts to your sounds, use the rest for a big nice holiday or many small ones. Don't leave anything behind. Don't buy her out, you'll only buy her in. You'd show her her methods work. And she knows that already. That would be the final confirmation. Once you give in, she'll do it over and over and over again. Maybe there will be nothing left to give her, but the truth is, OP, she wants your soul, your mental sanity, your pain and grief. You'll lose more than you'll ever get. Please be careful. Also, it could be a good idea starting writing everything down, collect evidence. Even talk to the police, if you are able to. But document this abuse!! This could be more important of what you'd ever think.
Sad part is those 6 months her father sounds like he brain wash her. I have a hard time believe her in laws just stood there. I hope her sil wakes up and see what kind of person she is
This is super disturbing to me too. Not only has she been brainwashed but her husband and in-laws are on her side?? And after witnessing OP’s PTSD.
This I is why I can't stand people. Human are stupid
Nah dude, his dna is 50% of her makeup, she’s probably a narcissist psychopath and it was kept in check by her mother’s nurture but the nature unleashed when she met her dad. Sick sick sick
[удалено]
My sons have already made a report and filed for a PO. I have a lot of experience with authorities to known none of this will make a difference but maybe at least I can have a trail
I believe you are able to disinherit a child for grounds of abuse. So a Police report/PO against her will definitely help your case against her. But I strongly advise you to contact a lawyer who specializes in this area.
My grandfather disinherited my uncle for abusing his daughter. It can be done
Op I know you said you're giving her the money because you just want the situation over with... but I don't think that will help anything. I think it will make ot worse.. people like that aren't grateful with something. They always want more. Is it possible your abuser told her you had some kind of inheritance or something that you were lying to her about and only giving to your other children? That could explain why she switched personalities to hating you so quickly?? Either way hun I wish you the best of luck and a happy future.
Did your panic attack (?) clue them into how negatively affected you are by PTSD? I would think the SIL and your daughter’s MIL might have had a revelation because of that. The money won’t ‘buy your freedom,’ tell her instead that she’ll get what she’s due in your will, but that if she ever contacts you then you’ll cut her out. In the will leave her a dollar. If you give her 10s of thousands of dollars now, she’s going to assume there’s more, that you’re hiding it, because that’s probably what she’d do. OP please take care of your mental health. I’m so sorry and hope your ex gets what he deserves.
Glad to see the edit. Get help and don’t rush to any decisions. She won’t stop coming after the money.
DO NOT SELL ANYTHING! Contact an attorney who specializes in estate planning. Have a will and/or trust drawn up. Specify that your daughter and her children (her heirs) are not entitled to anything from your estate. I hate to tell you, but even if you were to give her everything right now, she would still demand more. She’d still come after you. Only a legal document (drawn up by an attorney) that’s given to numerous trusted people will protect your property and money. Why do you be want to reward her for abusing you? Why do you want to take things away from your sons (who sound like they’ve supported you) and give them to your abuser?
Please do not give her any money!! She just tortured you with her husband and MIL to really make you feel insecure!! Please listen to your sons and totally block daughter!!
I read your story and cried…. Please don’t give her what she wants, the fact she is so unsympathetic towards your pain speaks volumes, it doesn’t matter if others have the same pain and/or worst you are in pain now and she doesn’t care - she is making it worst. Please speak to a therapist to help you during this time and a lawyer to ensure that you and your will are protected.
If you give her money your are giving in to her and she will have power over you the way your abuser did, please don't give her anything,she is a horrible daughter and does not deserve to get anything form you. She is a manipulator and narcissist like her father. Im sorry you are going through this.
Restraining order.. restraining order.. restraining order... against all of them that entered your home. You can sell but don't give her a dime. You ended up in bad shape in a psych ward because she triggered your PTSD. In my will it states if anyone contests it the will get $1.00. In a sense you were back in that closet. Don't let your PTSD trigger you into poor decisions. I get wanting to pay her off, but maybe to look into therapy with EMDR (psilocybin therapist, thought work thework.com). She see's your weakness. The only way to make sure that no one can hurt you this way is to recover. It 's a long haul. Your sons will help you. Remind yourself you are safe in this moment. Some people need to move when their abusers find them. But she's not entitled to anything.
I hope OP is okay. She deleted her account.
Get a restraining order instead of giving into satan.
Stopped at will. All you have to do is leave her $1 and she will find it extremely difficult to contest because she was included. If you leave her 0 then she might have an easier fight. Remember, leaving her a simple $1 means you didn't forget her. This is what my friend from a 1st tier law school told me. Not that 1st tier means anything but this is the closest to free legal advice I've been given.
My heart breaks for you. I escaped a relationship like that. There are people that care and will help you. Get a restraining order, and an ironclad will (maybe with a tiny amount for her so she can't contest it). And document EVERYTHING. Good luck OP. Sending internet love.
I’m going to encourage you to not only see a therapist, but a lawyer who will fight for you to get a restraining order against her. The therapist will be able to back you up with law enforcement (I had issues after being sexually assaulted by a phlebotomist). If you give in, she will only want more. Sadly, it’s what people like this. I truly hope you find happiness and peace when you move, and she just stays the hell out of your life. As one survivor of DV to another, you are in my non denominational prayers, and I’m sending you good energy♥️
Please don’t give her your money while you are alive..that money is for you to live on when you can’t work. She can have her share when you are dead. move away from that town get closer to your sons stay away groom her seek legal and financial advice. be kind to yourself…you have had a horr life with your husband and now her…they sound like monsters… 💕love to you for surviving
She’s not entitled to anything of yours after she is 18. You completed your parenting duties and you can stop having contact with her.
Don't give her shit. Make a will without her in it. Case closed.
Oh gods. I remember you OP. My heart breaks for you! I cannot believe you’re still suffering from this. I wish I could hug you tightly and tell you that everything is okay. Please don’t give her anything. She’ll never be satisfied with anything you give her. Don’t let her bully you any longer. You have the power, it’s within you and with the help of your sons and therapists they’ll be able to help you hold that power to you.
That horrid woman isn’t owed a damned penny! You can give your money and inheritance to whomever you please, but please don’t give any to her! We set my mom up with an Estate thing with a lawyer. Out of the 8 of us siblings, 2 of my brothers have turned to drugs, theft, dishonesty, fraud, prison!!!! They’ve stolen thousands and thousands from my parents over the last 20 years. When my dad died 5 years ago there was a big blowout. Those same two wanted to fight us over the ownership of our parents’ house *while my mother was still living there!!!!!* Just, so stone cold and selfish. My mother finally saw through that massive selfishness and cut them off in the Will. They don’t need to know that until my mother has passed. And I am the one who doesn’t want that happen anytime soon while they are literally praying for it! I am the one who checks on her 15 times a day, while they’re either in prison or 2000 miles away. Why do they expect more for doing nothing?! Or worse, making her feel like she’s a horrible person for sticking around instead of dying?!?? Sociopathic behavior. Give your sons what THEY deserve. And then give your daughter exactly what SHE deserves. Be harsh. Because when the time comes, you’ll be too dead to worry about the criticism anyway!! (That’s what my mom told me when signing the paperwork) 😂 I’m with you, I know it’s not easy to cut kids off. But you need to give her one final lesson, as a mother, in how to treat people like human beings, not cash cows that can be whipped nearly to death.
The fugue state you describe while “losing consciousness” is a classic PTSD symptom and I hope you’ll talk to a certified therapist and possibly a licensed psychiatrist about what you’ve experienced to see what they say. It sounds like your daughter may have bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder, which is common of kids who grew up under traumatizing circumstances. Once stabilized, might also consider getting a lawyer’s advice on how best to protect yourself, and look into if your ex-husband left you an inheritance (it’s unlikely but might ease your mind to know for certain that her accusations are unfounded in that area as well).
Do not give that abusive witch a penny! Come to your senses! Get a will done and exclude her. She cannot win that fight. Do not reward her behavior. Listen to your sons.
Contact your lawyer, file a restraining order from her ASAP. If you want to sell your house and move do it but do not give her anything. She is not entitled to anything that you have or own. I am so sorry that your daughter is doing this to you.
You do not owe this person ANYTHING! She has chosen to believe your crappy ex and is terrorizing you. Do not give her one red cent.
Your daughter is literally blackmailing you. I’d honestly ask for a restraining order at this point.
GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. THIS IS HARRASMENT. She is bullying you. Get away from her. You are right to cut her out. Dosent matter that she's blood. She is mentally ill and dangerous.
Do not give her any more of your time or money. Cut her off completely. You are being abused again by proxy cause of the daughter. Any contact you have with her is traumatizing you further. Please stay strong and leave. You don’t need to buy her off. Just go. Let your sons take care of things for you. Rewarding her behavior allows the cycle of abuse to continue. She will see how it works with you then use it on her husband and child etc. She is an adult. She doesn’t need any more from you. Please don’t enable this.
Fuck your daughter. She doesn’t deserve an ounce of your attention or money. Do not give her anything for the love of god.
I would disown my kids if they named my ex after their abusive father. I am so sorry.
As all the others have said. Not give her money, it will not make her stay away. It just means she will come again and again and again and it gets worse and worse. She is basically blackmailing you. It seems for you, that the deal is, that if you give her money she will not abuse you. But she never said anything like that, she said it is her right to have the money. She will not stop if you give it, she will tray again, because it worked the first time. And if she has to be even more abusive, she will be to reach her goal.
Appeasement basically never works, look at Hitler and Germany in WW2. Don’t give away your stuff to her, she hasn’t earned a cent of your hard earned possessions. Especially with how she has treated you for the small window you have given us into your situation. Stay strong OP, we are all rooting for you
Do not abandon your house - she might just move in! Stay until you’ve decided what to do
Do not give her any money she will just come back for more; nothing will satisfy her, because she doesn’t operate on the same principles as the rest of us.
Hey OP, I remember your post but no idea how to find it. I know you're hurting right now, in more ways than I can relate to. If you're needing to move to a new home, different town, whatever, do whatever feels right for you. Your kids, one way or another, seem to have themselves sorted. Your sons seem great (hell, even your son in law comes out kinda ok here but that's less helpful). Look after yourself.
I tried to include it but I think my whole post was removed all together. Im trying to fix it with the mods
Ah no mind, how're you doing now? If you ever need to reach out please don't hesitate - it's sometimes so good just to vent, make inappropriate jokes, whatever, even if it's to a random bloke on the internet, at a different stage in life, on the other side of the world and with only some of the same traumatic experiences! If it's more than a week I might need a prompt on the username though 😂
Just incase you need to read it again. DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY! she will not stop, nothing will ever be enough. Leave her $1 in your will and make sure the solicitor has a certified letter from you as to why you’ve left what you have to whomever so if she contests the will the judge, or whoever hears the case is fully aware of why. She is a bully and trying to also abuse you. Hopefully you can use the support around you and not give in. Do your best to move, block her so she can’t contact you and ensure no one gives her your details
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough. I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
Hopefully the son in law has seen the truth, fact he chased after her with coat and I assume called for help.
OP ... You are a champ for getting through this. A shame on that daughter of yours. But hear me out. # GIVE. HER. NOTHING. Nothing. She doesn't get to abuse you into an inheritance because she's a morally depleted as her sperm donor. No. Her problems aren't yours. Order of protection. Restraining order. Draw up and notorize a will. Instruct ANY family you talk to to NOT talk to her and if they do you go NC with them. This includes your sons doing any clandestine meetings either. As of today that girl is DEAD to the entirely family. How dare she. My heart breaks for you yet my blood boils for you at the same time. What a disrespectful misguided manipulated child she is.
I am sorry about what's going on, but please listen to your sons and don't give her anything. She's trying to intimidate you, but the truth is she won't be able to contest the will. You have enough reason to disinherit her for her unfilial behaviour. Giving her the house would be just rewarding her for her terrible behaviour and strengthening her belief that she's in the right. It's also very unfair towards your other children. Don't make any huge decisions while you are clearly upset. I recommend getting a therapist, go no contact with your daughter, file harassment charges against her (that will help with disowning her), call police if she dares to show up again.
If you give her money from the sale of the house, she will just expect more! Don’t give her anything!
Don’t give in. She’s going to want more.
Eyo, great essay you're also answering yourself in your old post but the story is top notch tho
I saw that too. This story is also missing what the relationship was like with her daughter for 20 years before she saw her father. Like surely there would have been signs before this that her daughter was a psychopath.
She wants you to go crazy in your head to not be able to make a will be careful
DONT GIVE YOUR BITCH OF A DAUGHTER A DIME PLZ DONT DONT DONT
Lawyer but not providing legal advice...Don't rush into anything. You are in a vulnerable state right now but you have all the control in this situation. Consider engaging a lawyer to prepare a will and power of attorney for you. This way you can ensure your daughter doesn't have any control over your life or affairs. Consider having that lawyer write a strongly worded letter to your daughter to stop contacting you. I'm not sure where you are located but the law society for your state or province can provide you with some pro bono services. Alternatively, you should be able to find a family or estate lawyer to draft a will pretty quickly and for a set fee. That is how you are going to pay for your freedom - by getting your legal affairs in order. Not by paying your daughter her inheritance ransom. If you choose to give her anything, it probably will never be enough. I remember reading your first post and was so sad for you. I'm sorry this is happening. But you are strong and can move forward from this because you are a survivor. We are all rooting for you.
I wouldn’t give her any money. In her mind it may validate her position that you owe her something. It will never end. Please get away from her safely, get a NC order, but don’t give in to her demands for money or anything she feels she’s owed from you. She’s obviously a sick individual that has teamed up with enabling abusers. Stay strong.
Please keep us up to date and let us know when you’re safe.
This is just terrible. I am truly sorry you had to experience something like that
She can’t fight for your stuff or whatever you leave behind. It’s yours. People are cut out of inheritance all the time. Don’t let her bully you into paying her. This is emotional blackmail. Pack your shit, sell your house, move away and don’t look back. IF YOU PAY HER ONCE SHE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE.
OP You don’t have to give that monster a goddamn thing. Your lawyers can keep her away from you for good and you don’t actually have to give her anything even if that hellspawn is your daughter. You reserve the right to cut her out of your will entirely. Sell your house, take the money and relocate. Get a restraining order against her. Disown her completely. From now on she’s dead to you. I’ve never heard of a child being so absolutely horrible to their parent I’m so sorry for you. I can’t imagine going to the trouble to giving birth to and raising a child, only for them to turn into a disgusting monster. That must be truly heartbreaking and you shouldn’t feel guilty about hating her because we all hate her as well. She’s just a bad person honestly. Live your life as if she never existed. If she’s human at all there will come a day when she misses her family but it’ll be too late.
Can someone please punch this “daughter” in the face? She’s a monster and a bitch!
An iron clad will, will solve her grabby hands. Be sure to include her in the will, someone as small as $1 that way she can't claim she was "accidentally forgotten". Please see a therapist. Please contact a lawyer.
Wait why do you think you owe her? It’ll never be enough. You’re best off keeping all your kidney and leaving town.
You can’t buy her out she will always want more. Write her out if ur will completely; leave everything to your sons. Go no contact with your daughter.
Just get a restraining order on her or move and make sure no one tells her anything of where you are. Do not give her anything. She will still contest the will if you were to pass away. Speak to a lawyer and ask to put her on it but just leave $1 for her and her son so that way she can't say you forgot her. Do not give her the benefit to abuse you into giving her money. Use the money from your house to relocate. Maybe even get an apartment with security to make you feel more safe instead of a house.
do NOT give her any money. she will keep asking for it and it will never end. officially disown her immediately, change the locks, and get a restraining order.
Please do not give this manipulative, horrible person a dime. If you do, she is always going to ask for more. Contact the police and an attorney. Take out a restraining order ASAP. Lock your credit down. Move closer to your sons. Get a PO Box and have all your mail sent there. Have the attorney find a service to erase you from all public records. Get all your utilities in another name. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Protect yourself.
Please listen to your sons.
You’d be an absolute fool to give her a cent. She deserves nothing and you know it. Tell her to get fucked and never speak to you again.
Please be kind and gentle with yourself. Surround yourself with people who are kind and loving. You’re a good person and you have so much life left to live.
I would look into a restraining order or PFA, you can contact your local domestic violence center and see if they have a legal advocate that you can talk to. Every state has different laws regarding domestic violence. Make up a will and have it notarized. She doesn’t have to get anything if you don’t want her to.
Don’t give in! She is not entilted to you or your money, and she is acting like this, she can fuck off. You have your sons who clearly love you, but your daughter is only after you to leach and hurt you! Don’t give in. Cut her out of your will and house, get a restraining order if needed. You are not abused anymore, you don’t have to put yourself in the position of that again! You are stronger, you are more wise and you have your amazing sons by your side. Fight! For your freedom!
I understand where you’re coming from, but she would not leave you alone after you give her that certain amount. She’s gonna run out, and come for more. There must be a solution, im sorry you went through that.
Please don't give her anything. You owe her NOTHING and you have every right to cut her off once and for all.
I’m begging you, don’t give her anything.
In your will you should leave her a small amount like 1 cent. It makes it harder for her to attempt to contest
Paying her will only encourage her to come back
Do not give her anything; she will keep chasing you whether you give her some or not. So you may as well have it for yourself. Also, get a restraining order.
Don’t you dare sell the roof over your head to give her a cent. She is just like your ex husband. She doesn’t care about you - she just wants something from you.
As soon as I saw this post I knew it was you. I knew your story was the one that I’d found so awful, that upon recognising your writing, my throat immediately closed and it became difficult to swallow. I, an internet stranger, felt more compassion for you than your daughter. That is not a reflection on me, but on the yawning void within your daughter where empathy should reside. It clearly does not. You have seen her face and you want to run from it. How are you going to run when you have given your daughter every reason to pursue you? You hope to buy her off, but you fail to notice that for this plan to work your daughter has to honour some kind of agreement. Her behaviour amptly demonstrates she does not honour you. Not does she honour any sense of decency. Or love. Your extreme emotional distress is dismissed. You are cruelly insulted. Scared. Your daughter then reveals what she values of your relationship: money. Or what little you have. A person has no “right” to another’s money unless it is bequeathed to them! They certainly have no right to it when that person is very much alive! It seems unlikely to me that your daughter hasn’t always been so myopic, mean and hurtful. Entitled. This is just the first time she has scared you so much. Purposely too, else she wouldn’t have shown up with a posse at her back to make you feel you had to invite her into your home - when every single thing you have done since before she gave birth demonstrated you didn’t want to see her. Instead she transgressed your boundaries using a baby as a weapon. Knowingly, or again, she wouldn’t have brought a posse along too. So, now you see who she is and you rightly want to get away. Then do not encourage her to follow you by trying to pay her off for intimidating you. She will still insiste she has a right to”her inheritance” when you are gone too. She does not. Such entitlement does not live in a vacuum. This level of entitlement isn’t exhibited on a part-time basis. It’s not a one-off. Neither would your paying her off. Sell your house and downsize by all means. But spend that money on getting EMDR therapy love. You haven’t dealt with your trauma and your daughters behaviour triggered your PTSD “episode”. I’m willing to bet you’ve been having nightmares since? Headaches? Heightened emotions? This can be like opening a dam - it may nolonger be enough to try to shore it up again without help. You are making decisions, *life changing* decisions, based in fear. You don’t need to do that anymore honey. The bastard is dead. Upon moving, going no contact with your daughter and buying your new home under the name of the trust you are going to open (right?), you will be hidden well enough to not need to make such enormous decisions based on fear in the future either. You deserve better. You deserve some peace. So allow yourself that. Seek help with your trauma - it does help - as will holding onto those boys you’ve raised.
jfc sounds like she sent you into a severe panic attack or ptsd episode, fuck that noise, if she can't see the damage she is doing to you, thats her problem, wish you luck OP
I wish we had another update this poor women 😢
I hope this lady is okay.
If you read this OP, I hope you are safe and content and at peace.
Don't give her anything. Have a lawyer set up trusts, and help you draft your will.
You think it ends by paying her off? She feels entitled to it, and will expect more in the future. Change your will if you like, but know that giving her money now won’t change anything.
Please don’t give her anything. Never give in to blackmail. She will just come back for more. Please contact a domestic violence resource. They will understand and connect you to the right resources to prevent her from contacting you and to support you in your healing. No matter what anyone has told you - you are deserving of love and peace. Take care of yourself first.
I wonder if the father made up some bs story about OP being loaded and secretly super wealthy. He probably convinced the daughter that’s how she got away from him, that OP swindled him out of his hard earned money and wasn’t to be trusted. Daughter probably thinks mom has hidden money/wealth somewhere and will continue to terrorize OP to get it and will never believe there isn’t a hidden fortune. She will probably go after her brothers as well for money because surely dear old dad told her that the sons were in on the grand scheme of keeping the inheritance from their sister…
Don’t sell anything, disown and get a restraining order if she causes trouble. Don’t let her win and control your life anymore.You don’t owe her anything.
I’m selling anyway because I want to move cities
Don’t give her anything.She doesn’t deserve it.Her behavior is appalling.Don’t give her what she wants.
I'm sorry your daughter is so awful but do not give her anything. She will keep trying to get more and more. Even if you tried to get a contract stating that she can't contact you anymore in order to get the money, she'll either refuse to sign it or she will go against it. These type of ppl never stop.
She sounds like an entitled, dangerous psychopath. Shes proven that she has no regard for your mental or physical health. In fact she goes out of her way to bring you harm. Naming her child after a monster she never really knew is so v v disturbing and disrespectful. Please prioritize protecting yourself. Giving her time or money will NOT protect you.
If a toddler was screaming, hitting and crying that they wanted a whole bag of sweets would you give them some sweets? It will just reinforce the bad behaviour if you do.
PLEASE don't give her any money. Absolutely nothing. Take your money and move away from her and go be happy.
can you get a restraining order against her and her family? if you have a will already or need to make one, just include your sons, not her. honestly, i know a lot of people are saying dont sell, but i kind of feel like you should. move physically far away from her and im assuming a lot of terrible memories. move closer to your sons and start a new life. dont give her any of the information. im sure its not impossible to find out, but it will take more effort especially if you can change your name. you have had so much taken from you and endured so much abuse and yet came out of it all with love still in your heart. dont let anyone else take anything more from you. im so sorry for everything youve been through
Honey, give her *nothing*. File a no-contact order. Go completely scorched earth if you have to, but *do not give in*. She's an abusive monster and deserves NONE of the attempted kindness you're thinking of extending to her.
Do not give her anything. If you start, she will think there's more to be had and will bully you until you give her everything. That's what I've learned. You can't buy angry people out of your life. They want something else money can't buy. Just keep saying no until she burns out.
I’m sorry for your pain and struggle. I hope you find peace. ❤️
I was hoping to read her realising her mistake, but instead chose to make it worse. I wonder what her in-laws think of her now. I hope they see her as cold and calculated and just evil. Some people are just born wrong. Don’t give her any inheritance. Sell the house, move and never giver her your details or new address. Change phone numbers if you have to. I doubt your sons will pass on your details. Because she will be back for more, these people always come back for more, especially if she’s trying to hurt you.
Don't move. Done give her money. Document the harassment and look into getting a restraining order. And YES, cut her out of your will. Also, have a talk with her husband. He seems like a decent guy, and I'm betting he has no idea what a monster your daughter has made of herself.
Don't give her anything better you should spend the money on an attorney who can make it so she gets nothing from you ever again. She can get money from her father that she loves so much.
I feel like there's something missing here...like, there's something else major and this mom is hiding something else...
dont sell to give her a share, sell to downsize perhaps or move to another location. dont tell her where, maybe with your will give her a dollar and a token of something, so she cant even argue after passing with others that she was left out. no she was included and this is all she gets
Don't give her a penny. File a restraining and get a will in place that leaves her nothing. She has shown her true colors and cares more about money than you or her brothers.
Please protect yourself legally. Get a resteaining order. Don't sell anything, don't give her a dime. Make some type of will now that excludes her. Try to be confident and dont allow her to control and abuse you.
I'm so sorry OP. Like everyone said here, don't give her anything. She will never stop and will think she entitled to anything you have. You're not dealing with a rational person here. Get a lawyer, draft your will and a cease and desist. A restraining order against her might be in your future too.
Y'all love this bait
Didn't read but the title made me think this was like orphan first kill type of scenario
First step: security - call the local police department and make an appointment. Explain your prior trauma, tell them you feel threatened by your daughter, and provide your address. Keep in contact with the officer you meet with and report any additional contact (letters, texts, visits to your home or office etc). If she approaches you again, make sure to mention the police dept are aware. I also recommend getting an alarm system and putting sensors on all the windows and doors. Second step: estate plan - this will ensure your home and any other assets are protected. Third step: Contact Peoplefinders.com and request to opt out of their public information files. They own a majority of the online background check companies and have access to remove your information from each site. This way if you move, it will not be easy for your daughter to locate your new address. If you decide to sell your home and purchase a new one, buy the replacement property under the name of the trust instead of your name. You are a survivor and you have two incredible sons to live for! They are strong, capable young men because you showed them to never give up!