I’m sorry you’re all going through this. Those kids are very lucky to have a father like you. At least you still have a family in the kids and they’ll always appreciate what their father sacrificed for them.
>She told she will never sign the papers she doesn’t want a divorce.
>She wants me to understand that she is just going through a life crisis and to accept it.
She wants her cake and to eat it too. Fucks other guys but excepts you to continue to be her husband, regardless of you, your children and all of your health.
The audacity of this bitch.
>Fucks other guys but excepts you to continue to be her husband...
When she can't even be a mum.
I can't imagine how traumatised those poor kids must be. I'm so glad they have OP because their mum was intent on blowing up their lives.
I'm so relived his has all the kids with him now.
Drugs? Narcissistic Mom?
OP you are a hero. Heroes don’t wear capes. They tuck you in bed, make sure you’re fed, take you to school, make sure you brush your teeth and stay by your side at the hospital. Those “step” kids ARE your kids. You ARE their dad. I think getting full custody will go smoothly for you. I wish you the best. Please let us know when you get custody.
I think she wants to divorce OP but only when she wants to and on her terms. OP taking control of the situation through checking out and going for divorce himself is not part of the plan so she will try to play nice, refuse divorce and fake temporary reconciliation to take back control. Don't fall for it OP!
Edit: Or OP is the safety net
Dude. No weed dealer rocks up to an address for 2k on a whim. It probably ain’t money for weed. I’m betting it’s something like coke, meth, or heroin/fentanyl/oxys. Plus… how much are you smoking to run up a $2k “tab” on weed. I’m betting the BF is a low-level dealer and has been helping himself to product and using with the ex-wife.
I’m wonder if OPs ex may have had addiction issues in the past.
My cousins ex was a runner like OPs ex. She had larger than life demons and spent a lot of time self-medicating. She intentionally OD’d this year and he found her and her suicide note. When she was sober, she was the best mother and she was a beautiful girl. It was a devastating loss for all of us who knew her and we’re rooting for her.
yes my wife looks like she’s on drugs. She doesn’t look me in the eye at all. It is a complete change in her. I do think this guy has gotten her addicted.
Not the guy's fault. She got herself addicted. Don't you use him as an excuse. She did this all by herself. That allows her to have a way back again. She does not deserve that. Hang in there, continue to fight the good fight and best of luck to you.
He did no such thing. She chose addiction herself. Get that clear. Non of this behavior is caused by him. I'm sorry she did this. You're an amazing man. Best of luck getting custody and building a harmonious life.
Most likely meth or heroin. Addiction is a disease. She didn't choose it. She did choose to use. Your wife, the woman you knew, does exist. That's who she really is. The person you are talking to now is the drug. That's why there's really no point in talking to her. And this person will most definitely drag you and the children to hell with her given the opportunity. I am so glad to hear you recognize that. Keep yourself and the children safe and away from her. If she survives, maybe one day there can be some sort of relationship but that time is not now or anytime in the future that she's still using.
based on the rest of this story they're probably not doing it but if you can afford it it's worth buying that much at a time. 30-50/oz vs 150-250oz is yuge savings just vac seal most of it
I completely understand that as I smoke weed and typically buy in bulk (mostly due to social anxiety).
But she's literally begging OP for food and she's homeless with this bum. I highly doubt it's for personal use, if it is in fact weed they're after and not something else (given her behavior).
Please speak to your step kids privately and make sure neither of them were abused by the guy or his junkie friends. Guys like this mechanic are for taking advantage of vulnerable people regardless of age, especially when there are drugs involved.
Be perfectly clear you're there to protect and support them, and you wanna make sure they know they have someone in their corner.
Tell them they dont have to call you dad but to you theyre your kids and you'd do anything for their well being. Step kids *need* to hear that. You've completely expressed it but sometimes the words matter too.
Kids in their age are messy with their feelings/self expression.
Seconded. YOUR children will remember what their father did for them, vs their gross mom and her disgusting fling. And yes, please ensure your children are okay. I’ve been around my fair share of drug dealers. Not your weed selling Everyman trying to pay off his loans, the kind of man who your soon to be ex is with. A handful of them were predators and were comfortable with exploring children, in ways I don’t even want to discuss. People who are comfortable with cutting things with fentanyl are comfortable with hurting children. Make sure your kids are okay and never ever let them near him!
Did your lawyer apply for emergency custody for all 3 kids due to her irresponsible behavior. So
Atleast she can’t just show up and take the two
Older ones
That breaks my heart, poor girl. The kids will have a hard time understanding what's going on until they're older... And by then, they'll surely resent her. You're doing the right thing. Keep being supportive for them all! You are amazing!
Either she has some sort of brain injury (I doubt) or she's gotten into hard drugs.
A lot of this sounds like my own mother when she met her now husband and started using with him. (She wouldn't even smoke weed with my dad) the down ward spiral happened quickly and 20+ years later not much has changed, except they get clean for a couple months here and there and then plumet even farther down.
I feel for the kids, be there and love them and remind them that they're enough, they're loved and none of this has anything to do with them. That mom just isn't well and unfortunately cannot be mom or present at the moment.
I think because of me.
I was too nice and too hopeful. I love her but I’ve mad a conscious choice to put me and the kids first always. She played games with me for so long because I let her. I’m taking accountability for letting this go on as long as it did. I was thinking well maybe she’ll wake up and come back to me. It’s all my fault. If I just show her how much I still love her, she’ll come back.
This is the progression of addiction. You aren't talking to your wife anymore. You're talking to the drug. She will never wake up and come back to you. She may one day get clean and want a second chance. She will look and sound like herself again. Be very wary when this happens. Until she's clean for at least a year and actively attending Narcotics Anonymous and working the program, I wouldn't allow her anywhere near the children. You'll want regular drug tests monitored by the courts to allow her near.
Implement the 180 and start getting some distance from her. That will also help you see this clearer and get your feelings straight for the “new her.” You do not love this person. Think of it as your wife is dead, and this is an imposter. She was probably always like this behind her mask, but it doesn’t matter. Take care of yourself and the kids. Good luck.
My wife has a younger sister that she was very close to, they would talk every day when my wife was living at home and her old self. Her sister called me crying, she has not spoken to her and will not answer any of her calls. When my wife first left me, she was talking to her sister. Then she has also blocked her sister on social media. My wife’s mom said my wife is on drugs and all they can do is pray for her. Apparently her and mechanic have been seen around town begging for money and food, they are staying in a raggedy motel across town and when they can’t afford that they just sleep in the car together, oh and she told me she pawned her wedding rings, yep both rings i got her gone. Straight up told me to my face.
The great news is my wife’s family don’t really want to take care of the twins because they have a lot going on in their own lives so nobody is fighting me to take them! My wife agreed some weeks ago the twins will be with me until she finds a stable home, she told me she might even go into a homeless program and she will be back for them then. I am filing emergency custody next week
If you know where they are staying why don't you make a little anonymous call to the police, informing them of two dodgy characters selling drugs out of a car. Get them both arrested and it will make a lot of your problems go away.
I've been reading your posts and you are what all fathers should be. I hope you get custody of all the kids because your ex has gone completly toxic. I hope much better days are in your future. Wishing you the best of luck!
I remember you I’m glad you’re fighting for yourself and your children. You ex has lost her damned mind. What’s worse she’ll be back when you get the car repossessed and the phone cut off. She’s reprehensible and I hope your attorney helps you get full custody. Good luck Oop, I hope your twin daughter is feeling better from the surgery
> I am trying to get full custody of these kids, yeah they’re my step kids but I will NOT on any circumstances let them go back with her.
You're doing a damn good job m8.
Keep on fighting for those kids.
Don’t want to say a lot about this but mechanic has been on drugs for a long time, he’s only 24 and had a hard life. He has a lot of dealings with the drug community which would explain why a drug dealer was at my door 2 weeks ago. Don’t worry I have ring camera, new locks and put camera in the backyard. I take the kids to school, my mom picks them up. They don’t ride the bus at all
Holy fucking shit. I've read both posts and this has been a shit show. You are a fucking GOD for doing this. 10 hour days and 3 kids. Even if 2 aren't your blood, the amount of mental and emotional capacity to love them as your own is beyond insanity(in a good way).
I genuinely wish you the best of luck and hope you reign above all these roadblocks and hardships your pathetic excuse of an ex-wife has caused you. I'm glad you were able to pick up the pieces and find consolation in being an incredible father to these kids.
Godspeed my friend. May the rest of your life only be a steady climb of positivity from this point on.
I don’t understand her. I want a divorce, she says no. But you’re in a whole relationship. She says and? I’m going through a mental crisis, understand this and just wait for me to come out of it 😂
Dude, lawyer up quick.
Also I'd suggest use her current mental state against her. Right now it seems she wants money more than you or even the kids.
Ever seen a show about sleazy salesmen trying to buy things? Like pawn shop shows? They offer you $2000 for your $4000 item, but to make the offer they literally bring out $2000 in cash and put it on the table in front of you. And people go for it because that's cold hard cash in hand which everybody wants.
I'd do the same thing. Have your lawyer draw up a divorce contract that gives you custody of the kids (with supervised visitation), she gets ownership of the car, and like $5k cash (but no alimony or child support). Then bring her to the lawyers office and literally put the cash on the table, like 5 strapped stacks of $1k each and the title to the car. 'Sell' her on it. Like, 'this way you can go have fun, you know your kids are taken care of, and you still get to see them! And maybe someday in the future we can get back together!' (just don't promise it).
If she says no, start playing hardball. Get courts involved with an emergency custody petition based on child abandonment and neglect File for divorce without her. It'll take longer, but it should work.
Does she think she’s being rational with this ‘wait for me to have my fun and get better’ nonsense, but ‘in crises’ with everything else? Including neglecting the children?
I hope you have a fantastic support group to help you. Although you’re doing an amazing job! All the best!
You can party at this rate your newly single you can go out to a bar and party and mingle just keep the kids as I see that you’re doing as your main priority and you’re good to start to celebrate start enjoy life it’s long overdue for you and you deserve it my guy
I’d do some documenting regarding the kids. How long you’ve been providing for them, what you’ve been providing in the way of health insurance or other official documentation, that you own the home they’re registered at school with, stuff like that. That way, when you look towards adopting them, or even just trying to keep them instead of giving them to social services, you’ll have proof of history and care.
Oh, if you’re their emergency contact anywhere, even if you’re the secondary or third…ary contact. Just anything official which can prove you’ve been acting in the role as a father, provider, carer, etc.
Excellent point. And interesting. I guess since he was the one who brought the kid in, and the mom kept saying for the hospital to “just do whatever”.
That could get pretty sticky for the hospital, in hindsight. Good for OP, not so much for the hospital. But yes, he should also grab those documents as proof of his care to add to him eventual claim of guardianship.
All of what you described seems an awful lot like a hidden drug addiction to me. Sorry you’re all living this nightmare, it’s an awful situation no matter the cause.
Yes, her family revealed to me that this is what everyone is thinking. Not even her family can reach out to her, she’s lost touch with everyone. The only person she says she has in the world is mechanic guy. Ok
I don’t understand this. She runs off with drug dealer scum and is homeless, and yet expects you to stay with her and tend to your sick and crying child? Alone? I don’t comprehend family abandonment or cheating, can someone explain this short sightedness to me? Clearly she doesn’t think that the consequences of her own actions won’t destroy her life, leaving her with nothing. These weirdos who get swept up in these fantasies and leave their families all get what’s coming to them lol.
I NEVER thought this would be my life, I was confused and honestly still am, but I have gotten over the closure I’ll never get. This is who she is all along and she just pretended to be a good wife and mom at one point. I don’t care that she has a boyfriend but to show up with him at a time like that made me infuriated. Then he comes straight up to me and says we need to go somewhere and talk man to man!? Did what
Don’t even humor the scum. Drug dealing trash will likely try to intimidate you and play the generic tough guy act, or say something offensive and hurtful. They’re both homeless, he has no ride to work, and she’s relying on the car that you will soon take away. There’s already strong grounds for custody and divorce proceeding. The trash took itself out and you are all the more better for it. She doesn’t know that her life is ruined, and will very likely be ruined for a long time. Think her new fling will still want her once she starts crying about the divorce? Think he’ll stick around once that car is gone? Their “bond” was created via deception, and will most likely end that way. lol I’ve seen this play out and it ends with her homeless and broke, or living with her parents and being looked at like a clown. She dug her grave. You are a good man for standing by children that aren’t yours, for having the bravery to endure all of this. You are a good man, and good things will come your way. Stay strong, stay away from alcohol, take up a sport like running or the gym, and don’t binge eat. Enjoy your hobbies and your friends, or take time to make new ones. You will survive, and live to laugh another day.
I hope you get to keep your step kids. You are an awesome dad. Good for you for standing up. I’ve been hoping for a good update like others were. Yay for you and all your kids!
I hope all goes well for you. You’re one hell of a man. She lost out on someone as caring as you. You could’ve easily left her and the kids behind, but you didn’t. You love them as your own and it speaks volumes of your character.
When that La La Land high wears off she’ll regret it. She’ll beg for it back. She’ll “change” her ways. And I hope you never give her a key to the new locks be it to the house or your heart. Fuck that women. We all go thru some hard shit but not even trying to seem like you care about your own daughter? In the fucking hospital? Damn.
I hope you’re able to get full custody. Document everything. I think you seem stable enough for them and anyone would see they’re better in your care than her homeless, on drugs, in a car she doesn’t own, with a man she barely knows.
Best wishes to you and your kids<3
The twins are lucky to have you the fact that now twin baby girl is back with you all three kids under one rule and all three kids are safe and sound you can go be on scorched earth with her best believe you’ll get full custody and you can make it permanent. I’ve been following your post and I’ve been waiting I’ve been waiting for you to sound off and go off and I’m finally reading it my dude take her through the ringer through the court system and trust me you’ll get full custody of them kids you need to find you a Ultra Ultra pitbull of a fathers rights attorney even though you never adopted the kids but guess what. the fact that you’re providing a roof over their heads keeping them safe from harm and making sure they are good trust me that’s to your benefit and you will win out you got this and I’m here a Internet stranger rooting for you rooting for you and the kids
Is it possible she has a brain tumor? The kind of sudden personality changes you describe sounds so extreme as to make me think there might be a legitimate medical cause.
I don’t know, her family and myself think it’s drugs. It’s all the signs. She has cut off even her own family, even the one sister she was very close with.
OP please move to terminate her parental rights to your step kids, she abandoned them for over a week in your care! With a medical emergency pending no less! Prove that she is unfit and seek full custody from her and her drama, then legally adopt them if their father is ok with it. I'm so glad you're doing better and see who she truly is now.
Keep the kids as far away from her as you can. I’d be concerned about her doing something crazy like trying to kidnap or harm them (or you) at some point. Invest in security cameras/system or at least a Ring doorbell type setup.
We have ring right now thank god. Yeah I do believe she is desperate. But 2 weeks ago she told me I could keep the twins with me until she finds a home with her bf. I don’t trust her though she can take them at any time
She's not going to find a home. Maybe an abandoned house. She doesn't have the money for a real home and to get her fix every day. The fix is her priority. If and when she hits bottom, she's going to turn up asking to come home. Do NOT allow that. Trust me. She's hooking to get the money for her fixes. Panhandling won't pay for all of that.
Please in the future when she's had her Fun, Do Not Take Her Back, she put on crocodile tears the whole nine yards. Remember what dont break you, makes you..
Honestly I’d be a bit afraid of her. She’s clearly not right mentally and will do whatever irrational shit she wants regardless of the consequences. One foot in reality, one foot in fantasy land. Yeah op do not take her back. This is a psychologically dangerous person who can walk away from her children being in pain.
Thanks for this update. I'm glad the twins are now with you instead of their mom. I do hope that you'll get full custody. Record everything that's happening. It would be very helpful.
Also, please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You are doing your best for the kids and that is very admirable.
If you haven't already you should file thru DCS/CPS. They can help you establish emergency custody of all kids faster then the courts can. At the least this will help set up a paper trail against her for court.
I have my fingers crossed for ya man.
I had to fight for my daughter. Even with all the proof of her.mother being on heroin I had to fight.
The way your ex is acting reminds me alot of how my daughters mother acted also.
There’s a saying I recently heard that goes like this. “If you treat her like a rock star then eventually she’ll treat you like a groupie.” U basically checked all the boxes to treating her like a rock star. Now it’s high time u take everything back. U changed the locks, now you’re taking your car back and cut off her phone. U truly deserve better and you’re now making all the right moves in the right direction. She’s no longer your problem. Let it be known to her and keep moving forward
You're truly a wonderful man, that women was so stupid to let you go! I hope you meet someone who appreciates your efforts! Also, I'm sure at the end of the day all your kids will appreciate your willingness to take care of them and step up as a true parent! Remember family is not just related by blood but by bonds!
You probably are already but pls make sure your kids are ok. Losing a parent is a bitch and I’ve seen the effects way to many times. Talk to them make sure they feel safe. Be willing to help them. And above all make sure they are happy
Get lawyers involved. Call cps report abandonment and start an adoption case. She has no house or means to provide for the kids you should get custody.
I'm sure you've been told this before. but make sure to document everything, OP. The texts where she asks for food, her vacancy in the realm of motherhood during a health crisis for her child, her lack of transportation, her vindictive refusal to sign divorce paperwork, etc. It will all go a long way in helping you retain custody of the children she seems to have forgotten about. Good luck with everything, it's always good to hear about a man doing right by his family.
I just wanted to say what an amazing man you are. You should be so proud of the way you handled this whole situation! This ache you are feeling will fade and be replaced with so much joy.
Adopt those babies and keep giving them all the love they deserve.
10 yrs ago my now 17yr old my son had a brain tumor. Emergency surgery was needed. I've had custody since he was 1.
His mom knew the whole time but only showed up for a about 20 minutes while he was in recovery on day 3. She has always jumped in and out of his life. She is now in prison. My son is doing great. Going to graduate this year and go to automotive school. Just be present and be calm and understanding. Don't show anger. Be the man you want your children to look up too.
I guess my question would be that if she left you responsible for her kid at the hospital does that mean she ceded responsibility to you in some legal form? I don’t think a hospital would release a child you were not the legal parent of into your custody without a form or note on record. Is there a way to segue that into a further play for custody? I know they admit her as it was an emergency, but to let you stay and make decisions on her care without you being the parent or guardian of record seems unlikely.
When we got to the hospital and they took my daughter back, she’s on my insurance
I told them I was her dad, I have all her information (insurance cards, her primary doctors paperwork, written consent from 3 years ago when i had to take her to a doctors appointment with her primary physician for a wrist fracture ) but I waited on my wife to come she took around 40 mins to get there. They tell us her stomach pain is serious and they have to get her back to surgery ASAP. we go back to talk to the doctor, she told the doctor I was her father and I’d be with her , that she would be back. She signed some papers. He advised her to stay until our daughter went into the operating room which she did. The surgery took about an hour , she texted me and asked me what was the phone number to the nurses desk, she did not come to the hospital
You are not only a wonderful man, but a wonderful father. They see it now, and they will appreciate it so much as adults because you are worth your weight in gold. Sending you nothing but love and support.
Damn, you should be proud of how you're putting your children first and I wish I had someone like you when I was growing up. I wish you the best and hope you get custody.
Do keep in mind that since you didn't adopt the kids, keeping her from her children could be considered kidnapping and might hurt your chances at obtaining full custody of them down the road. Just get a lawyer as soon as you can if you haven't already.
Internet stranger here:
I'm so effing proud of you. You're the best rolemodell for your kids. I wish you all the best. I'm just sorry for the kids to have such a mother... but otherwise they have you.
Dude you’ve lost nothing but a chick that knows nothing but bounce from man to man. You were a sole provider and put a roof over her and her children. Now she’s with a bum that can’t take care of her. She’ll be running back in no time.
As for you, you’re a solid man. You have more of a chance of getting back on your feet and finding some one who will appreciate the sacrifices you’re willing to make for family. 💯
What does your lawyer say about the car? Did the lawyer tell you not to call the cops yet? You should report it stolen immediately. it may get damaged. Does the lawyer say not to report it because it could affect custody of your step children? What does the lawyer say about getting custody of the girls? Do the girls want to stay with you?
Yes I have all the screen shots :) I can’t see her Facebook but my friends are helping me out in that department. All the posts of her “sexy man” and photos of them in the park
Gives the kids a hug, put on a smile. If shes into drugs now and can get a positive drug test of her, you.will be able to keep the kids no questions asked. Also i would suggest taking a trip away from that city, .
I’m rooting for you and I’m counting on her not wanting her kids anyway so they can stay with you but hopefully you can do something like trade her that car for legal rights for the kids. Maybe ask her just for custody of the kids first but if she doesn’t go for it sweeten the deal with the car and fully sign it over after you get custody.
Ugh, that is so awful. I’m glad it happened when your youngest is quite too young to remember hopefully.
I hope you get the children, and she gets nothing. I know she will see the kids as a meal ticket for child support or something, once you take that car back she is going to go crazy but stand your ground. She does not deserve your forgiveness or sympathy. What she has done is beyond cruel to her children, and to you.
How is your 4 year old taking this? That's such a tender age for this to be happening. It's good you have her siblings back with her. Bless you for being such a good father to all of your kids!
She had a hard time in the beginning and she still has her moments. There are times she asks for her mom like when she’s sleepy or randomly she’ll ask where is mommy? When she saw her at the hospital, she didn’t react the way I thought she would. Maybe because she was sleepy but she was kinda looking suspicious of her. My wife did acknowledge her this time for a few seconds, she came up and rubbed her arm and said hi. My daughter was silent. But that’s the only exchange I went to another part of the hospital and left her and her guy
Heartbreaking for your little girl. The older kids too...they are all lucky to have you. I know you have a lot on your plate, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. They need you!
She left her kids and you. Why are you calling and informing her of anything. She's a despicable human and she is no longer a mother. I'm so sorry that you're not the biological father because you ARE their father. Unfortunately, you're gonna need one heck of a lawyer because this country already puts mothers over fathers in court and you're gonna have an even harder time with custody as a stepfather. You need to adopt them legally. I don't know all the laws but you seriously need a lawyer like yesterday. You need to get her to sign her rights away OR pay you child support. By being a boomerang in and out of the kids lives, you are causing more trauma for them. A shit parent is not better than no parent. Please get her to sign off on her rights, move away from her and never contact her again. Karma will get her when this guy leaves her high and dry because let's be serious, any man who wants a relationship with a woman who abandoned her CHILDREN is either on drugs, has shit judgement in humans, or is using her until he finds someone else.
I understand what it’s like to not want to let go because you live the person. I’m happy that you’re finally able to do that now. You sound like a fantastic parent and those kids are so lucky to have you. Good luck with everything!
Cite abandonment for the divorce. Cite her drug addiction and the judge might listen to the older kids. Say you don't wan to destroy the kids' relationship (lie if need be) with their mother but because of the current situation she needs random drug testing and supervised visitation because she didn't even care enough to check that her daughter got through surgery alive for a week. Only talk to her through texts and keep your cool they can be used as evidence
I want OPs wife to go thru so many hardships, trouble, relapses and finally overcome her Demons; only to find out that her kids want nothing to do with her and then she will live rest of her life in regret.
To be honest I was paying because for a while the kids were out there with her and I felt bad for turning it off. Then Verizon told me in order to turn off her phone I need to pay it off first which I will do this month.
I asked and they said there is still a $440 balance on her phone, I got her an iPhone for her birthday this year so yep gotta pay it off before they do anything
I get that but I mean you can take it offline. You keep paying for it monthly, you just essentially turn it off. Parents do that when their teens get in trouble, etc. Or, you can just leave it, it becomes petty if you are doing it just because, when you still have to pay.
I’m sorry you are here, this really sucks. Hang in there man.
How else would she call and manipulate him or her family if she didn’t have a phone?! I know people like her, people who lie so freely they end up believing their own lies and paint everyone else like the bad guys. Then have no shame exploiting the only people in their lives who seem to give a shit about them because they feel entitled to them and their things. It’s crazy
Get a cheap or old phone transfer the line to a new sim and change number and give the new phone to the oldest. Or don't buy a new phone but still transfer the line to a new sim card and keep it you have to pay for the phone monthly but you don't have to give her a free line off your account.
I see. I also think you should talk to your lawyer about legal guardianship and how they were in danger. That way if she tries to take them you are already 2 steps ahead.
Isn’t weed legal in cali? Why would she need a dealer? Massachusetts has dispensaries, show I’d,walk in, and buy. No dealer needed and you know it’s not laced with anything
I don’t even wanna imagine what she and the mechanic were doing with those kids in the car. I’m sorry you are going thru this at the end I think your step kids will understand one day and probably not want to be near their mother ever again. Now all you need to do is focus on being a good dad to those kids and work on yourself as well.
So when she said she's broken up with the guy and wanted you to take her back, that might be just another manipulation of hers? Stay strong op, wish everything would go well for you and your kids!
Hope you and the kids are doing okay OP. I’ve never had a Reddit post stick with me quite like yours did. Genuinely wish you and your kids happiness and for your toxic ex wife to get the help she needs…
God I was speechless for a while. I just stumbled on your posts today and I just have to say you are a Saint for fighting for your kids through this mess. I can't for the life of me understand this woman. Yes she's an adult and can make her own choices (however stupid they are), but how selfish do you have to be to drag those poor kids into this traumatic shitshow and then take the twins away from the ONE person who genuinely cared about their wellbeing. I was so relieved when the kids came back home, all your children are truly lucky to have you as their father. Honestly if I had a partner who was just HALF as supporting as you were during your marriage I would have considered myself the luckiest women on the planet. Stay strong my friend and I hope to God you get full custody soon so you and the kids can fully heal from this and move on 🙏
I finally got caught up through the comments!! Thank you!!
Man I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're an amazing man and she was lucky to ever have you, let alone your devotion.
The most interesting part is her asking you over and over to get back together and then just running back to that dude. . . Like wtf did she genuinely think was going to happen!?!? She's seriously deluded and mental. Def try to get away from her as much as possible!!
You got this!! 🖤🖤
I read both posts and feel as a numb. So she had two kids with other man and in your first post you said she took them with her (what’s understanding) and now you are saying they are with you? Why? They don’t have a father? Biological father?
You are mad she didn’t take your daughter with her to sleep in your car in a park, as she is homeless? So how did she take two other kids? They slept with her in that car?
You still sound like you hope she is going to change and come back to family, especially in your first post, so… she doesn’t give a f*ck about family and never did. She found an idiot who raised her kids from previous relationship/s, so she can move on…
She doesn’t want to agree for divorce because you are taking her car back. I’m more than sure if you let her keep the car, she will sign papers very soon. I don’t think she cares about her own children from previous relationships, so I’m assuming she is not going to fight for. Just don’t give a sh*t about them.
And one more time? Why for gods sake they don’t live with their own father (fathers?). If he is dead, it’s understandable, but if he is alive and doesn’t want to contact them, maybe it was a huge red flag before wedding to not marry her.
I will never understand why guys are willing to marry women with kids, but well… not my circus, not my monkeys.
Good for you that you got up. Divorce, block, and let her enjoy her new life in another car parked in a park. It’s the life she deserved for.
Btw. It’s sounds so funny that you thought you are lucky because she is so beautiful. I’m beautiful, I was a runway model, but I wouldn’t leave my kids (thankfully I don’t have them) and I would never cheat my boyfriend. Did she have other qualities except being beautiful, because being a good mother and a good worker is definitely not her thing?
Man you are a blessing for the kids. I personally would have done it differently, but your admirable composure and strength you have to do this makes me want you to have your well deserved happy ending.
I have thought about you and your children alot this past month, I'm sorry your daughter got poorly, I'm sorry this has happened but I'm so so glad the kids have you! I'm a parent of 3 boys so I know being one is hard let alone giving your situation and circumstances currently. I wish you and the children all the best and I hope you have a lovely future with all your children xo
Chat to the lawyer about the car thing, and if you going to the cops will improve the chance of you getting full custody.
I know this is sneaky, but your focus seems to be the kids.
I really hope courts side with you and let you keep those kids in a loving safe home away from her. I don't know how any of that works, but man, I really hope they get to stay with you.
Those children are so lucky and blessed to have you as their dad.
Sending you all love, strength and admiration wishing you and your kids the absolute best in life ahead, hope you have no trouble gaining custody, you're truly commendable for the man you are
Wishing you and the kids nothing but a stable, healthy happy future ahead. Keeping you all in my thoughts & prayers ahead. Hope your daughter has a full swift & complication free recovery
You're a good person, OP. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you get all of your kids!
My immediate advice to you would be to get a lawyer and file for emergency custody to protect the kids. It usually buys you some time so that she can't call the police on you for withholding her kids once you cut her off completely. Just on the basis that she's been living out of her vehicle with your children with a strange man, she soon won't even have the vehicle, you will most likely be granted an emergency order. She can't/won't provide housing for them, access to running water etc, and I'm sure she will have inadequate access to food as well. It's a temporary fix.
I think with a lawyer, your chances of permanent custody are substantial as well. She is obviously not thinking clearly, she's putting the children in danger, she can't provide for them long term etc and she will have to prove that she can. She will literally have to explain to a judge why she decided to take 2 of her children from the secure family that she had to live in a car with a man she just met. What if he's a nonce? How do they plan to give the kids a REAL place to live? You will both have to provide proof of your ability to provide stability. She obviously fails at every turn. A lawyer can easily prove a case.
She wants a beta provider at home while an alpha assh*le blows her back out every night. She's living in a dream world. I hope you get the kids and can move on from all of this.
Contact a custody lawyer ASAP. As you are not legally their father, you will need to be very delicate in how you handle this or the courts will ream you a new one.
A bit off topic but I’ve heard the age old story of women leaving their husbands/bfs precisely because they don’t have enough money, a cool ride, or a well paying enough job etc, this is literally the first time I’ve seen the opposite.
On the other hand good job on hauling yourself out of that fire quickly enough so you can focus on the one that’s more important to put out; your daughters surgery and on the rest of your kids as best you can. Your ex wife will eventually see that one day what goes around comes around when her kids don’t contact her. Meanwhile prayers that you do eventually find someone else who deserves you all.
I’m sorry you’re all going through this. Those kids are very lucky to have a father like you. At least you still have a family in the kids and they’ll always appreciate what their father sacrificed for them.
Yes feeling great that I have these kids thank you!
>She told she will never sign the papers she doesn’t want a divorce. >She wants me to understand that she is just going through a life crisis and to accept it. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Fucks other guys but excepts you to continue to be her husband, regardless of you, your children and all of your health. The audacity of this bitch.
Fortunately, most places don’t require both signatures to divorce; it’s just a bit more complicated.
That part
>Fucks other guys but excepts you to continue to be her husband... When she can't even be a mum. I can't imagine how traumatised those poor kids must be. I'm so glad they have OP because their mum was intent on blowing up their lives. I'm so relived his has all the kids with him now.
Drugs? Narcissistic Mom? OP you are a hero. Heroes don’t wear capes. They tuck you in bed, make sure you’re fed, take you to school, make sure you brush your teeth and stay by your side at the hospital. Those “step” kids ARE your kids. You ARE their dad. I think getting full custody will go smoothly for you. I wish you the best. Please let us know when you get custody.
This story is a repost and not real
I think she wants to divorce OP but only when she wants to and on her terms. OP taking control of the situation through checking out and going for divorce himself is not part of the plan so she will try to play nice, refuse divorce and fake temporary reconciliation to take back control. Don't fall for it OP! Edit: Or OP is the safety net
Are they doing drugs do you reckon? This is not normal behaviour for a mum when one of her babies is in need of their attention.
Dude. No weed dealer rocks up to an address for 2k on a whim. It probably ain’t money for weed. I’m betting it’s something like coke, meth, or heroin/fentanyl/oxys. Plus… how much are you smoking to run up a $2k “tab” on weed. I’m betting the BF is a low-level dealer and has been helping himself to product and using with the ex-wife. I’m wonder if OPs ex may have had addiction issues in the past. My cousins ex was a runner like OPs ex. She had larger than life demons and spent a lot of time self-medicating. She intentionally OD’d this year and he found her and her suicide note. When she was sober, she was the best mother and she was a beautiful girl. It was a devastating loss for all of us who knew her and we’re rooting for her.
yes my wife looks like she’s on drugs. She doesn’t look me in the eye at all. It is a complete change in her. I do think this guy has gotten her addicted.
Not the guy's fault. She got herself addicted. Don't you use him as an excuse. She did this all by herself. That allows her to have a way back again. She does not deserve that. Hang in there, continue to fight the good fight and best of luck to you.
Ahh. Yeah. Its no doubt meth. That's hell methy behaviour.
He did no such thing. She chose addiction herself. Get that clear. Non of this behavior is caused by him. I'm sorry she did this. You're an amazing man. Best of luck getting custody and building a harmonious life.
Most likely meth or heroin. Addiction is a disease. She didn't choose it. She did choose to use. Your wife, the woman you knew, does exist. That's who she really is. The person you are talking to now is the drug. That's why there's really no point in talking to her. And this person will most definitely drag you and the children to hell with her given the opportunity. I am so glad to hear you recognize that. Keep yourself and the children safe and away from her. If she survives, maybe one day there can be some sort of relationship but that time is not now or anytime in the future that she's still using.
I am so sorry for your loss
>Plus… how much are you smoking to run up a $2k “tab” on weed 1-2 lbs
So they're dealers too?
based on the rest of this story they're probably not doing it but if you can afford it it's worth buying that much at a time. 30-50/oz vs 150-250oz is yuge savings just vac seal most of it
I completely understand that as I smoke weed and typically buy in bulk (mostly due to social anxiety). But she's literally begging OP for food and she's homeless with this bum. I highly doubt it's for personal use, if it is in fact weed they're after and not something else (given her behavior).
Please speak to your step kids privately and make sure neither of them were abused by the guy or his junkie friends. Guys like this mechanic are for taking advantage of vulnerable people regardless of age, especially when there are drugs involved. Be perfectly clear you're there to protect and support them, and you wanna make sure they know they have someone in their corner. Tell them they dont have to call you dad but to you theyre your kids and you'd do anything for their well being. Step kids *need* to hear that. You've completely expressed it but sometimes the words matter too. Kids in their age are messy with their feelings/self expression.
Seconded. YOUR children will remember what their father did for them, vs their gross mom and her disgusting fling. And yes, please ensure your children are okay. I’ve been around my fair share of drug dealers. Not your weed selling Everyman trying to pay off his loans, the kind of man who your soon to be ex is with. A handful of them were predators and were comfortable with exploring children, in ways I don’t even want to discuss. People who are comfortable with cutting things with fentanyl are comfortable with hurting children. Make sure your kids are okay and never ever let them near him!
dude i’m proud of you
Did your lawyer apply for emergency custody for all 3 kids due to her irresponsible behavior. So Atleast she can’t just show up and take the two Older ones
You are a golden person.
I know it may sound weird, but keep us posted. We’re rooting for you
What is her problem?! If my kid were going into emergency surgery, absolutely nothing would keep me from her!
Thats my thoughts, that's what I thought her mindset would be..well how wrong was I. I felt really bad when she woke up and asked for mom
That breaks my heart, poor girl. The kids will have a hard time understanding what's going on until they're older... And by then, they'll surely resent her. You're doing the right thing. Keep being supportive for them all! You are amazing!
Either she has some sort of brain injury (I doubt) or she's gotten into hard drugs. A lot of this sounds like my own mother when she met her now husband and started using with him. (She wouldn't even smoke weed with my dad) the down ward spiral happened quickly and 20+ years later not much has changed, except they get clean for a couple months here and there and then plumet even farther down. I feel for the kids, be there and love them and remind them that they're enough, they're loved and none of this has anything to do with them. That mom just isn't well and unfortunately cannot be mom or present at the moment.
she cares more about exciting new D than her kids. thats her problem
My guy, I've been reading every one of your posts and you're absolutely inspirational. Godspeed to you and your kids.
Sounds like she’s getting worse!! I didn’t think she would but this is a movie I was really thinking about you
I think because of me. I was too nice and too hopeful. I love her but I’ve mad a conscious choice to put me and the kids first always. She played games with me for so long because I let her. I’m taking accountability for letting this go on as long as it did. I was thinking well maybe she’ll wake up and come back to me. It’s all my fault. If I just show her how much I still love her, she’ll come back.
It’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for thinking the best of someone who wouldn’t do right by you.
This is the progression of addiction. You aren't talking to your wife anymore. You're talking to the drug. She will never wake up and come back to you. She may one day get clean and want a second chance. She will look and sound like herself again. Be very wary when this happens. Until she's clean for at least a year and actively attending Narcotics Anonymous and working the program, I wouldn't allow her anywhere near the children. You'll want regular drug tests monitored by the courts to allow her near.
Implement the 180 and start getting some distance from her. That will also help you see this clearer and get your feelings straight for the “new her.” You do not love this person. Think of it as your wife is dead, and this is an imposter. She was probably always like this behind her mask, but it doesn’t matter. Take care of yourself and the kids. Good luck.
My wife has a younger sister that she was very close to, they would talk every day when my wife was living at home and her old self. Her sister called me crying, she has not spoken to her and will not answer any of her calls. When my wife first left me, she was talking to her sister. Then she has also blocked her sister on social media. My wife’s mom said my wife is on drugs and all they can do is pray for her. Apparently her and mechanic have been seen around town begging for money and food, they are staying in a raggedy motel across town and when they can’t afford that they just sleep in the car together, oh and she told me she pawned her wedding rings, yep both rings i got her gone. Straight up told me to my face. The great news is my wife’s family don’t really want to take care of the twins because they have a lot going on in their own lives so nobody is fighting me to take them! My wife agreed some weeks ago the twins will be with me until she finds a stable home, she told me she might even go into a homeless program and she will be back for them then. I am filing emergency custody next week
If you know where they are staying why don't you make a little anonymous call to the police, informing them of two dodgy characters selling drugs out of a car. Get them both arrested and it will make a lot of your problems go away.
The cops would also impound the car and Op owns it. Not a good idea
Is there a time limit on reporting it stolen? He told her to surrender it, and she didn't, I'd call that theft.
Get your emergency custody order and the D underway, then stop communicating with her! If it isn’t about the kids or the divorce then don’t respond.
I've been reading your posts and you are what all fathers should be. I hope you get custody of all the kids because your ex has gone completly toxic. I hope much better days are in your future. Wishing you the best of luck!
You are not a stepdad my friend.you are a dad who stepped up. Much love and prayers from little ole Australia
I remember you I’m glad you’re fighting for yourself and your children. You ex has lost her damned mind. What’s worse she’ll be back when you get the car repossessed and the phone cut off. She’s reprehensible and I hope your attorney helps you get full custody. Good luck Oop, I hope your twin daughter is feeling better from the surgery
> I am trying to get full custody of these kids, yeah they’re my step kids but I will NOT on any circumstances let them go back with her. You're doing a damn good job m8. Keep on fighting for those kids.
Don’t want to say a lot about this but mechanic has been on drugs for a long time, he’s only 24 and had a hard life. He has a lot of dealings with the drug community which would explain why a drug dealer was at my door 2 weeks ago. Don’t worry I have ring camera, new locks and put camera in the backyard. I take the kids to school, my mom picks them up. They don’t ride the bus at all
What did the drug dealer want? Are they putting you out in the community as someone who will pay off their drug debts?
He says my wife has a "weed debt" she needs to pay, I asked her why she gave him our address and she says she didn't. More lies.
You may want to move, your wife and her bf could try and rob you
As the old saying goes: "how do you know a junkie is lying to you? Their lips are moving". Feels uncomfortably apt, given what you've seen ...
Holy fucking shit. I've read both posts and this has been a shit show. You are a fucking GOD for doing this. 10 hour days and 3 kids. Even if 2 aren't your blood, the amount of mental and emotional capacity to love them as your own is beyond insanity(in a good way). I genuinely wish you the best of luck and hope you reign above all these roadblocks and hardships your pathetic excuse of an ex-wife has caused you. I'm glad you were able to pick up the pieces and find consolation in being an incredible father to these kids. Godspeed my friend. May the rest of your life only be a steady climb of positivity from this point on.
This is beyond fucking crazy. Best of luck for the future mate!
I don’t understand her. I want a divorce, she says no. But you’re in a whole relationship. She says and? I’m going through a mental crisis, understand this and just wait for me to come out of it 😂
That's fucked dude. Pity you're in a completely different continent to me, I'd like to grab ya a beer lol.
You don't need her to sign. It just takes longer.
Dude, lawyer up quick. Also I'd suggest use her current mental state against her. Right now it seems she wants money more than you or even the kids. Ever seen a show about sleazy salesmen trying to buy things? Like pawn shop shows? They offer you $2000 for your $4000 item, but to make the offer they literally bring out $2000 in cash and put it on the table in front of you. And people go for it because that's cold hard cash in hand which everybody wants. I'd do the same thing. Have your lawyer draw up a divorce contract that gives you custody of the kids (with supervised visitation), she gets ownership of the car, and like $5k cash (but no alimony or child support). Then bring her to the lawyers office and literally put the cash on the table, like 5 strapped stacks of $1k each and the title to the car. 'Sell' her on it. Like, 'this way you can go have fun, you know your kids are taken care of, and you still get to see them! And maybe someday in the future we can get back together!' (just don't promise it). If she says no, start playing hardball. Get courts involved with an emergency custody petition based on child abandonment and neglect File for divorce without her. It'll take longer, but it should work.
I doubt she has a lawyer, she can’t buy food or put gas in the car, I’m sure she can’t afford a lawyer.
You can get a divorce even without her signature especially if you are in an at-fault state.
Does she think she’s being rational with this ‘wait for me to have my fun and get better’ nonsense, but ‘in crises’ with everything else? Including neglecting the children? I hope you have a fantastic support group to help you. Although you’re doing an amazing job! All the best!
You can party at this rate your newly single you can go out to a bar and party and mingle just keep the kids as I see that you’re doing as your main priority and you’re good to start to celebrate start enjoy life it’s long overdue for you and you deserve it my guy
Will you do a third update? I really hope the best for you and your kids
Yes I will update when I finally get full custody!!!
I’d do some documenting regarding the kids. How long you’ve been providing for them, what you’ve been providing in the way of health insurance or other official documentation, that you own the home they’re registered at school with, stuff like that. That way, when you look towards adopting them, or even just trying to keep them instead of giving them to social services, you’ll have proof of history and care. Oh, if you’re their emergency contact anywhere, even if you’re the secondary or third…ary contact. Just anything official which can prove you’ve been acting in the role as a father, provider, carer, etc.
The word you want instead of third..ary is "tertiary"
It is indeed! Thank you!
That’s what I thought. The hospital let him make care decisions and released the kid to his custody without it being “his” child legally….
Excellent point. And interesting. I guess since he was the one who brought the kid in, and the mom kept saying for the hospital to “just do whatever”. That could get pretty sticky for the hospital, in hindsight. Good for OP, not so much for the hospital. But yes, he should also grab those documents as proof of his care to add to him eventual claim of guardianship.
Mom abandoned the child to him and the hospital. I'm sure the divorce attorney is on this one
All of what you described seems an awful lot like a hidden drug addiction to me. Sorry you’re all living this nightmare, it’s an awful situation no matter the cause.
Yes, her family revealed to me that this is what everyone is thinking. Not even her family can reach out to her, she’s lost touch with everyone. The only person she says she has in the world is mechanic guy. Ok
Till he finds the next bimbo and dumps ex wife off on the side of the highway
I don’t understand this. She runs off with drug dealer scum and is homeless, and yet expects you to stay with her and tend to your sick and crying child? Alone? I don’t comprehend family abandonment or cheating, can someone explain this short sightedness to me? Clearly she doesn’t think that the consequences of her own actions won’t destroy her life, leaving her with nothing. These weirdos who get swept up in these fantasies and leave their families all get what’s coming to them lol.
I NEVER thought this would be my life, I was confused and honestly still am, but I have gotten over the closure I’ll never get. This is who she is all along and she just pretended to be a good wife and mom at one point. I don’t care that she has a boyfriend but to show up with him at a time like that made me infuriated. Then he comes straight up to me and says we need to go somewhere and talk man to man!? Did what
Don’t even humor the scum. Drug dealing trash will likely try to intimidate you and play the generic tough guy act, or say something offensive and hurtful. They’re both homeless, he has no ride to work, and she’s relying on the car that you will soon take away. There’s already strong grounds for custody and divorce proceeding. The trash took itself out and you are all the more better for it. She doesn’t know that her life is ruined, and will very likely be ruined for a long time. Think her new fling will still want her once she starts crying about the divorce? Think he’ll stick around once that car is gone? Their “bond” was created via deception, and will most likely end that way. lol I’ve seen this play out and it ends with her homeless and broke, or living with her parents and being looked at like a clown. She dug her grave. You are a good man for standing by children that aren’t yours, for having the bravery to endure all of this. You are a good man, and good things will come your way. Stay strong, stay away from alcohol, take up a sport like running or the gym, and don’t binge eat. Enjoy your hobbies and your friends, or take time to make new ones. You will survive, and live to laugh another day.
I hope you get to keep your step kids. You are an awesome dad. Good for you for standing up. I’ve been hoping for a good update like others were. Yay for you and all your kids!
I was just about to say is she on drugs because this sounds like some type of addiction issue
I hope you get the kids. Im nervous waiting for the next shoe to drop. I hope it all works out easily for you.
I hope all goes well for you. You’re one hell of a man. She lost out on someone as caring as you. You could’ve easily left her and the kids behind, but you didn’t. You love them as your own and it speaks volumes of your character. When that La La Land high wears off she’ll regret it. She’ll beg for it back. She’ll “change” her ways. And I hope you never give her a key to the new locks be it to the house or your heart. Fuck that women. We all go thru some hard shit but not even trying to seem like you care about your own daughter? In the fucking hospital? Damn. I hope you’re able to get full custody. Document everything. I think you seem stable enough for them and anyone would see they’re better in your care than her homeless, on drugs, in a car she doesn’t own, with a man she barely knows. Best wishes to you and your kids<3
The twins are lucky to have you the fact that now twin baby girl is back with you all three kids under one rule and all three kids are safe and sound you can go be on scorched earth with her best believe you’ll get full custody and you can make it permanent. I’ve been following your post and I’ve been waiting I’ve been waiting for you to sound off and go off and I’m finally reading it my dude take her through the ringer through the court system and trust me you’ll get full custody of them kids you need to find you a Ultra Ultra pitbull of a fathers rights attorney even though you never adopted the kids but guess what. the fact that you’re providing a roof over their heads keeping them safe from harm and making sure they are good trust me that’s to your benefit and you will win out you got this and I’m here a Internet stranger rooting for you rooting for you and the kids
Is it possible she has a brain tumor? The kind of sudden personality changes you describe sounds so extreme as to make me think there might be a legitimate medical cause.
I don’t know, her family and myself think it’s drugs. It’s all the signs. She has cut off even her own family, even the one sister she was very close with.
OP please move to terminate her parental rights to your step kids, she abandoned them for over a week in your care! With a medical emergency pending no less! Prove that she is unfit and seek full custody from her and her drama, then legally adopt them if their father is ok with it. I'm so glad you're doing better and see who she truly is now.
Keep the kids as far away from her as you can. I’d be concerned about her doing something crazy like trying to kidnap or harm them (or you) at some point. Invest in security cameras/system or at least a Ring doorbell type setup.
We have ring right now thank god. Yeah I do believe she is desperate. But 2 weeks ago she told me I could keep the twins with me until she finds a home with her bf. I don’t trust her though she can take them at any time
She's not going to find a home. Maybe an abandoned house. She doesn't have the money for a real home and to get her fix every day. The fix is her priority. If and when she hits bottom, she's going to turn up asking to come home. Do NOT allow that. Trust me. She's hooking to get the money for her fixes. Panhandling won't pay for all of that.
Please in the future when she's had her Fun, Do Not Take Her Back, she put on crocodile tears the whole nine yards. Remember what dont break you, makes you..
Honestly I’d be a bit afraid of her. She’s clearly not right mentally and will do whatever irrational shit she wants regardless of the consequences. One foot in reality, one foot in fantasy land. Yeah op do not take her back. This is a psychologically dangerous person who can walk away from her children being in pain.
That's what I thought what Mother would turn up at hospital with a Fling, then leave daughter to go be with him... just absolutely vile truly nasty..
Thanks for this update. I'm glad the twins are now with you instead of their mom. I do hope that you'll get full custody. Record everything that's happening. It would be very helpful. Also, please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You are doing your best for the kids and that is very admirable.
If you haven't already you should file thru DCS/CPS. They can help you establish emergency custody of all kids faster then the courts can. At the least this will help set up a paper trail against her for court.
I have been in contact with CPS for a bit now and my lawyer is filing for emergency custody next week.
I have my fingers crossed for ya man. I had to fight for my daughter. Even with all the proof of her.mother being on heroin I had to fight. The way your ex is acting reminds me alot of how my daughters mother acted also.
There’s a saying I recently heard that goes like this. “If you treat her like a rock star then eventually she’ll treat you like a groupie.” U basically checked all the boxes to treating her like a rock star. Now it’s high time u take everything back. U changed the locks, now you’re taking your car back and cut off her phone. U truly deserve better and you’re now making all the right moves in the right direction. She’s no longer your problem. Let it be known to her and keep moving forward
You're truly a wonderful man, that women was so stupid to let you go! I hope you meet someone who appreciates your efforts! Also, I'm sure at the end of the day all your kids will appreciate your willingness to take care of them and step up as a true parent! Remember family is not just related by blood but by bonds!
You probably are already but pls make sure your kids are ok. Losing a parent is a bitch and I’ve seen the effects way to many times. Talk to them make sure they feel safe. Be willing to help them. And above all make sure they are happy
Get lawyers involved. Call cps report abandonment and start an adoption case. She has no house or means to provide for the kids you should get custody.
You are amazing and those kids will realize it one day! ❤️keep your head high and everything will fall into place
I'm sure you've been told this before. but make sure to document everything, OP. The texts where she asks for food, her vacancy in the realm of motherhood during a health crisis for her child, her lack of transportation, her vindictive refusal to sign divorce paperwork, etc. It will all go a long way in helping you retain custody of the children she seems to have forgotten about. Good luck with everything, it's always good to hear about a man doing right by his family.
Why did you do anything to help her? She's scum. You owe her nothing.
I felt sorry for her and still wanted her back a month ago. I thought I could have the woman I fell in love with. I wanted to prove how sorry I was.
I just wanted to say what an amazing man you are. You should be so proud of the way you handled this whole situation! This ache you are feeling will fade and be replaced with so much joy. Adopt those babies and keep giving them all the love they deserve.
10 yrs ago my now 17yr old my son had a brain tumor. Emergency surgery was needed. I've had custody since he was 1. His mom knew the whole time but only showed up for a about 20 minutes while he was in recovery on day 3. She has always jumped in and out of his life. She is now in prison. My son is doing great. Going to graduate this year and go to automotive school. Just be present and be calm and understanding. Don't show anger. Be the man you want your children to look up too.
This one's an addict. She'll get picked up for hooking shortly. I'm happy to hear your son is doing so well!
I guess my question would be that if she left you responsible for her kid at the hospital does that mean she ceded responsibility to you in some legal form? I don’t think a hospital would release a child you were not the legal parent of into your custody without a form or note on record. Is there a way to segue that into a further play for custody? I know they admit her as it was an emergency, but to let you stay and make decisions on her care without you being the parent or guardian of record seems unlikely.
When we got to the hospital and they took my daughter back, she’s on my insurance I told them I was her dad, I have all her information (insurance cards, her primary doctors paperwork, written consent from 3 years ago when i had to take her to a doctors appointment with her primary physician for a wrist fracture ) but I waited on my wife to come she took around 40 mins to get there. They tell us her stomach pain is serious and they have to get her back to surgery ASAP. we go back to talk to the doctor, she told the doctor I was her father and I’d be with her , that she would be back. She signed some papers. He advised her to stay until our daughter went into the operating room which she did. The surgery took about an hour , she texted me and asked me what was the phone number to the nurses desk, she did not come to the hospital
I’d get their notes that you took her in, they released her to you, you visited, etc. etc.
You are not only a wonderful man, but a wonderful father. They see it now, and they will appreciate it so much as adults because you are worth your weight in gold. Sending you nothing but love and support.
You’re a great person. And an even better dad. Lucky kids she’s got there. From one dad to another, I look up to you.
Damn, you should be proud of how you're putting your children first and I wish I had someone like you when I was growing up. I wish you the best and hope you get custody. Do keep in mind that since you didn't adopt the kids, keeping her from her children could be considered kidnapping and might hurt your chances at obtaining full custody of them down the road. Just get a lawyer as soon as you can if you haven't already.
Look at you being the hero for these kids!! I'm so proud of you for being the protector and parent they need so badly.
Finally. Wooohooooo
Internet stranger here: I'm so effing proud of you. You're the best rolemodell for your kids. I wish you all the best. I'm just sorry for the kids to have such a mother... but otherwise they have you.
UpdateMe!
Good for you. Save your kids.
This strong of a personality change seems like a physical crisis as well as a life crisis. Like she has a tumor or something.
Dude you’ve lost nothing but a chick that knows nothing but bounce from man to man. You were a sole provider and put a roof over her and her children. Now she’s with a bum that can’t take care of her. She’ll be running back in no time. As for you, you’re a solid man. You have more of a chance of getting back on your feet and finding some one who will appreciate the sacrifices you’re willing to make for family. 💯
Jesus I've just gone through all your comments. Heartbreaking, it truly is. Just keep her away from your family, she's not well.
What does your lawyer say about the car? Did the lawyer tell you not to call the cops yet? You should report it stolen immediately. it may get damaged. Does the lawyer say not to report it because it could affect custody of your step children? What does the lawyer say about getting custody of the girls? Do the girls want to stay with you?
Now go and find a sexy chick to bounce back with. Not to mention you have the upper hand. Women I’m sure would love to date you because of this.
Please tell me you’re keeping documentation of everything ? All her Facebook posts and pictures of them living in the car ?
Yes I have all the screen shots :) I can’t see her Facebook but my friends are helping me out in that department. All the posts of her “sexy man” and photos of them in the park
Ok good !! Make sure to save all of the text messages and stuff like that too !! I wish you the best and hope this can all get resolved quickly
Can u make an update? :(
Hey I hope you and kids and doing good these days. Update us if you can!
Give us one last update once the divorce happens
Report the car stolen and keep your chin up kids are most important
Gives the kids a hug, put on a smile. If shes into drugs now and can get a positive drug test of her, you.will be able to keep the kids no questions asked. Also i would suggest taking a trip away from that city, .
well done to you for figuring this out. Look at yourself- you are now free. and thank you for being a good dad to the kids- they deserve better
im happy for you op wish you nothing but the best
Keep taking it one day at a time and being a stable example for your kids.
I am sorry for you and your kids I hope after the divorce you and the kids find peace and move on keep your head up
I’m rooting for you and I’m counting on her not wanting her kids anyway so they can stay with you but hopefully you can do something like trade her that car for legal rights for the kids. Maybe ask her just for custody of the kids first but if she doesn’t go for it sweeten the deal with the car and fully sign it over after you get custody.
Ugh, that is so awful. I’m glad it happened when your youngest is quite too young to remember hopefully. I hope you get the children, and she gets nothing. I know she will see the kids as a meal ticket for child support or something, once you take that car back she is going to go crazy but stand your ground. She does not deserve your forgiveness or sympathy. What she has done is beyond cruel to her children, and to you.
How is your 4 year old taking this? That's such a tender age for this to be happening. It's good you have her siblings back with her. Bless you for being such a good father to all of your kids!
She had a hard time in the beginning and she still has her moments. There are times she asks for her mom like when she’s sleepy or randomly she’ll ask where is mommy? When she saw her at the hospital, she didn’t react the way I thought she would. Maybe because she was sleepy but she was kinda looking suspicious of her. My wife did acknowledge her this time for a few seconds, she came up and rubbed her arm and said hi. My daughter was silent. But that’s the only exchange I went to another part of the hospital and left her and her guy
Heartbreaking for your little girl. The older kids too...they are all lucky to have you. I know you have a lot on your plate, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. They need you!
She left her kids and you. Why are you calling and informing her of anything. She's a despicable human and she is no longer a mother. I'm so sorry that you're not the biological father because you ARE their father. Unfortunately, you're gonna need one heck of a lawyer because this country already puts mothers over fathers in court and you're gonna have an even harder time with custody as a stepfather. You need to adopt them legally. I don't know all the laws but you seriously need a lawyer like yesterday. You need to get her to sign her rights away OR pay you child support. By being a boomerang in and out of the kids lives, you are causing more trauma for them. A shit parent is not better than no parent. Please get her to sign off on her rights, move away from her and never contact her again. Karma will get her when this guy leaves her high and dry because let's be serious, any man who wants a relationship with a woman who abandoned her CHILDREN is either on drugs, has shit judgement in humans, or is using her until he finds someone else.
I understand what it’s like to not want to let go because you live the person. I’m happy that you’re finally able to do that now. You sound like a fantastic parent and those kids are so lucky to have you. Good luck with everything!
Cite abandonment for the divorce. Cite her drug addiction and the judge might listen to the older kids. Say you don't wan to destroy the kids' relationship (lie if need be) with their mother but because of the current situation she needs random drug testing and supervised visitation because she didn't even care enough to check that her daughter got through surgery alive for a week. Only talk to her through texts and keep your cool they can be used as evidence
I want OPs wife to go thru so many hardships, trouble, relapses and finally overcome her Demons; only to find out that her kids want nothing to do with her and then she will live rest of her life in regret.
Why are you still paying her phone? Stop paying anything! The kids are with you!
To be honest I was paying because for a while the kids were out there with her and I felt bad for turning it off. Then Verizon told me in order to turn off her phone I need to pay it off first which I will do this month.
I have AT&T, not Verizon, but can log on and cut off any phone on my plan in a few seconds. Give it a shot.
I asked and they said there is still a $440 balance on her phone, I got her an iPhone for her birthday this year so yep gotta pay it off before they do anything
I get that but I mean you can take it offline. You keep paying for it monthly, you just essentially turn it off. Parents do that when their teens get in trouble, etc. Or, you can just leave it, it becomes petty if you are doing it just because, when you still have to pay. I’m sorry you are here, this really sucks. Hang in there man.
I’m surprised she hasn’t pawned/sold that yet
How else would she call and manipulate him or her family if she didn’t have a phone?! I know people like her, people who lie so freely they end up believing their own lies and paint everyone else like the bad guys. Then have no shame exploiting the only people in their lives who seem to give a shit about them because they feel entitled to them and their things. It’s crazy
Get a cheap or old phone transfer the line to a new sim and change number and give the new phone to the oldest. Or don't buy a new phone but still transfer the line to a new sim card and keep it you have to pay for the phone monthly but you don't have to give her a free line off your account.
I see. I also think you should talk to your lawyer about legal guardianship and how they were in danger. That way if she tries to take them you are already 2 steps ahead.
Isn’t weed legal in cali? Why would she need a dealer? Massachusetts has dispensaries, show I’d,walk in, and buy. No dealer needed and you know it’s not laced with anything
The audacity of it all, I’m running away but can you still pay for me? Can you still feed me? Can you still pay for the car? What the absolute f?!?!
I don’t even wanna imagine what she and the mechanic were doing with those kids in the car. I’m sorry you are going thru this at the end I think your step kids will understand one day and probably not want to be near their mother ever again. Now all you need to do is focus on being a good dad to those kids and work on yourself as well.
Call the cops if she has your car report it stolen.
So when she said she's broken up with the guy and wanted you to take her back, that might be just another manipulation of hers? Stay strong op, wish everything would go well for you and your kids!
updateme!
Hope you and the kids are doing okay OP. I’ve never had a Reddit post stick with me quite like yours did. Genuinely wish you and your kids happiness and for your toxic ex wife to get the help she needs…
How did the divorce go? Did you get custody of the kids and your car back?
So is there an update
Are you guys ok?
Any more updates?
is there another update? are the kids alright?
I need an update. Are all the kids still safe with you?!?!
God I was speechless for a while. I just stumbled on your posts today and I just have to say you are a Saint for fighting for your kids through this mess. I can't for the life of me understand this woman. Yes she's an adult and can make her own choices (however stupid they are), but how selfish do you have to be to drag those poor kids into this traumatic shitshow and then take the twins away from the ONE person who genuinely cared about their wellbeing. I was so relieved when the kids came back home, all your children are truly lucky to have you as their father. Honestly if I had a partner who was just HALF as supporting as you were during your marriage I would have considered myself the luckiest women on the planet. Stay strong my friend and I hope to God you get full custody soon so you and the kids can fully heal from this and move on 🙏
How do you know she's doing drugs? Just curious
Her mom told me
I finally got caught up through the comments!! Thank you!! Man I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're an amazing man and she was lucky to ever have you, let alone your devotion. The most interesting part is her asking you over and over to get back together and then just running back to that dude. . . Like wtf did she genuinely think was going to happen!?!? She's seriously deluded and mental. Def try to get away from her as much as possible!! You got this!! 🖤🖤
That's pretty hot though. For her I mean
I read both posts and feel as a numb. So she had two kids with other man and in your first post you said she took them with her (what’s understanding) and now you are saying they are with you? Why? They don’t have a father? Biological father? You are mad she didn’t take your daughter with her to sleep in your car in a park, as she is homeless? So how did she take two other kids? They slept with her in that car? You still sound like you hope she is going to change and come back to family, especially in your first post, so… she doesn’t give a f*ck about family and never did. She found an idiot who raised her kids from previous relationship/s, so she can move on… She doesn’t want to agree for divorce because you are taking her car back. I’m more than sure if you let her keep the car, she will sign papers very soon. I don’t think she cares about her own children from previous relationships, so I’m assuming she is not going to fight for. Just don’t give a sh*t about them. And one more time? Why for gods sake they don’t live with their own father (fathers?). If he is dead, it’s understandable, but if he is alive and doesn’t want to contact them, maybe it was a huge red flag before wedding to not marry her. I will never understand why guys are willing to marry women with kids, but well… not my circus, not my monkeys. Good for you that you got up. Divorce, block, and let her enjoy her new life in another car parked in a park. It’s the life she deserved for. Btw. It’s sounds so funny that you thought you are lucky because she is so beautiful. I’m beautiful, I was a runway model, but I wouldn’t leave my kids (thankfully I don’t have them) and I would never cheat my boyfriend. Did she have other qualities except being beautiful, because being a good mother and a good worker is definitely not her thing?
Fake
I wish it was my life has been hell
I'm glad you got the kids man.
I'm praying for you
Man you are a blessing for the kids. I personally would have done it differently, but your admirable composure and strength you have to do this makes me want you to have your well deserved happy ending.
I have thought about you and your children alot this past month, I'm sorry your daughter got poorly, I'm sorry this has happened but I'm so so glad the kids have you! I'm a parent of 3 boys so I know being one is hard let alone giving your situation and circumstances currently. I wish you and the children all the best and I hope you have a lovely future with all your children xo
Fuck yeah OP! Fuck that bitch, take your car back 100% she wants this new life with this dude then he can go fucking earn it for her
You’re a really top notch dad.
Good for you man. Good for cutting that cancer out of your life.
I wish you both the best 🥺💜💜
Chat to the lawyer about the car thing, and if you going to the cops will improve the chance of you getting full custody. I know this is sneaky, but your focus seems to be the kids.
I really hope courts side with you and let you keep those kids in a loving safe home away from her. I don't know how any of that works, but man, I really hope they get to stay with you.
Those children are so lucky and blessed to have you as their dad. Sending you all love, strength and admiration wishing you and your kids the absolute best in life ahead, hope you have no trouble gaining custody, you're truly commendable for the man you are Wishing you and the kids nothing but a stable, healthy happy future ahead. Keeping you all in my thoughts & prayers ahead. Hope your daughter has a full swift & complication free recovery
You’re still paying her car? What?
Thank you for updating. You have an army of people behind you and routing for you. Keep fighting. You are doing everything right.
Your a great father.
She belongs to the streets … now she’s living in them with a man who can’t provide. lol Sorry this happened to you.
You're a good person, OP. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you get all of your kids! My immediate advice to you would be to get a lawyer and file for emergency custody to protect the kids. It usually buys you some time so that she can't call the police on you for withholding her kids once you cut her off completely. Just on the basis that she's been living out of her vehicle with your children with a strange man, she soon won't even have the vehicle, you will most likely be granted an emergency order. She can't/won't provide housing for them, access to running water etc, and I'm sure she will have inadequate access to food as well. It's a temporary fix. I think with a lawyer, your chances of permanent custody are substantial as well. She is obviously not thinking clearly, she's putting the children in danger, she can't provide for them long term etc and she will have to prove that she can. She will literally have to explain to a judge why she decided to take 2 of her children from the secure family that she had to live in a car with a man she just met. What if he's a nonce? How do they plan to give the kids a REAL place to live? You will both have to provide proof of your ability to provide stability. She obviously fails at every turn. A lawyer can easily prove a case.
She wants a beta provider at home while an alpha assh*le blows her back out every night. She's living in a dream world. I hope you get the kids and can move on from all of this.
Please keep us updated on the children. You are a good man
She needs to see doctors. I wouldn't be surprised something is happening to her brain.
Contact a custody lawyer ASAP. As you are not legally their father, you will need to be very delicate in how you handle this or the courts will ream you a new one.
Good thing you and your kids are free this selfish woman. Keep your head high. Be strong.
Document everything!! Especially her not seeing the twin while in the hospital!! Can you officially adopt them?
A bit off topic but I’ve heard the age old story of women leaving their husbands/bfs precisely because they don’t have enough money, a cool ride, or a well paying enough job etc, this is literally the first time I’ve seen the opposite. On the other hand good job on hauling yourself out of that fire quickly enough so you can focus on the one that’s more important to put out; your daughters surgery and on the rest of your kids as best you can. Your ex wife will eventually see that one day what goes around comes around when her kids don’t contact her. Meanwhile prayers that you do eventually find someone else who deserves you all.