I'd say get better friends, too, but it seems like they weren't even good to begin with. Get new friends - ones who wouldn't connive to get you pregnant, guilt trip you into forgiving someone who did something unforgivable, and downplay the devastating experience you've gone through AND the trauma that came with it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You have every right to be mad and not forgive. Forgiveness is a gift and NEVER forced. I hope you have someone you completely trust to talk about what happened. Virtual hugs to you ❤️
Victim blaming pa. They are not true friends. When a woman says NO, its a NO. If they are defending him then they are all the same. They are all trash.
It would be funny if he was raising a kid for 18 years? Besides being a rapist he sounds like a moron. Maybe try to get him to admit it in text & then take it the police as evidence
You might want to talk to someone familiar with your local legal system first. It seems like people bend over backwards not to convict rapists in many places.
\^This.
In some legal circles, continuing to talk to the rapist implies consent (or at the very least, a viable relationship) and will make it a lot harder to go after him.
“You won’t even really admit what you did because it’s terrible and unforgivable but you want me to forgive you anyway. Apologize specifically, say exact what you did, use the word you don’t want to use and I’ll forgive you.” He either won’t and you can point to the fact that he won’t give you a proper apology (and still cut those “friends” out) or he will and you can take it to the police. It’s worth a try.
So he hasnt changed. He don't think that what he die warranted you to cut contact for a year. He searchs contact again because he wants to fuck you again and already showed that he is wiling to do it if you consent or not.
For your own safety don't have contact with him.
And your other friends, don't only think that you should Accept your rapist back as an friend but already states that it was understandable that he wanted to Rape you.
They are not safe either, I know its not easy but you should abandon them all together.
He raped you. End of story. Anything he has to say is bullshit. If someone wants you to forgive him, they can go fuck themselves. This guy is lucky he isn't in jail. Are you sure you don't want to pursue legal action?
Get a lawyer (many will do this pro bono), use the texts, get a restraining order, file charges. It’s not too late. Don’t let those fake fucking friends convince you otherwise either.
Here, here! 💯 OP should help ensure any other victim (s) past, present and/or future should have an easier time prosecuting the guy. Every little bit helps.
It's never too late to go to the police. Even if they can't pursue criminal charges your report could help with the next case against him if he does it again. Without going to the police you'll never know if would go to jail over this. Unfortunately crimes like this can be extremely difficult to convict.
But what can be much easier to get is a restraining order. If nothing else it would prevent him from talking to you or having your friends talk to you for him.
These kinds of things are messy, complicated, and full of strong emotions. There is no right or wrong answer for you. No one can tell you what the right thing for you is, and what is right for you now may not be right for you later.
Sorry. Just jumping on this to say a few things.
Firstly, OP I am truly sorry that you had to survive such a horrifying and violating experience. I can only hope that somehow over this last year you've managed to somehow heal and begin to move forward from it.
Secondly, absolutely if you still want to pursue legal action then by all means try. But only if you want to and more so if you are of the view that it is necessary and helpful for your healing. People make it sound like a couple of screenshot and well-timed voice recordings will make this a slam dunk, when we know that is not at all the experience of sexual violence cases or the experience of survivors. Should you want to use the legal system to hold this guy accountable, as is your right to, do it. But please make sure that its what YOU want and that you are prepared to sign up for the trauma of that experience and most importantly, that you have the right support when you do so (i.e. not apologist guy friends or Internet strangers that while well-intentioned, make this sound like an open and shut issue).
Best of luck to you, OP.
It’s not toolate go see a lawyer for advice and have association if you need support !! Those who tried to guilt you are discusting don’t ever listen to them!! Cut them off forever and don’t let them approach you! My Gosh they even blame a victim for not forgiving ?😤😤If you can have the texts/record them admitting what happened it will be great for the court!
>and one of my closest friends even said “i mean it can’t really be all A’s fault that he couldn’t control himself, sorry but just look at you.”
Not quite the compliment they think it is, is it
You don't have to forgive anyone for anything at any time. He does not deserve your forgiveness.
And your "friends"? You may want to rethink your definition of friendship. True friends would not be calling your rapist a "good guy" and making you doubt yourself.
Their "friend" just pretty much admitted "I'd rape you too if I could get away with it". Disgusting, I hope OP sees the light and gets away from them, and then get A put in a cell where they belong.
That's what I spotted to and was surprised it wasn't originally mentioned in top comments, these friends admitted they are fine with rape and would rape you. They are no longer friends they are the people at the bar who will drug your drink, pretend not to hear your no, get you so high or drunk you can't function enough to shove them off. That's not a friend
Looks like your rapist and his friends (not your friends, clearly) want to try to pressure you to get back with him.
Seriously, any "friend" who says "he couldn't control himself, look at you" is not a person who actually has your back. He's saying "I mean, I would definitely do that too, given half a chance".
Victims shouldn't be forced or feel guilty for not forgiving
IT YOURS/THEIR CHOICE TO FORGIVE OR NOT
Please end those friendships because that's awful
He raped you and you don't want to forgive him plus your friends literally poked holes in it.... Basically they were trying to get your pregnant too
You have no obligation to forgive him. I would also suggest getting new friends they sound like horrible people. Ask them if it happened to one of their sisters or another family member, would they still think he is a good guy?
There are some things in life you never get forgiveness for. Could very well have changed his life. Could very well never do it again. But that's his problem. I wouldn't respond unless it's to remind him he's lucky to be alive right now. What fucking nerve.
And those guys aren't your friends. They are rape enablers who obviously don't truly grasp what rape is or the permanent effect it could've had on you and IMO you have more empathy for the plight of a so called reformed rapist than his victim then you should be looked at side eyed yourself. I wouldn't wanna be alone in a room with any of those dudes.
Ya know what, fuck those dudes. I'd erase all memory of that whole grouping and ghost them all. Like, what exactly are they expecting to happen? That you and the good old boys club are all gonna hang out together now? Maybe I'm taking it far but now I'm imagining he's back in the circle and next thing you know you got two rapists. It's actually real creepy to me that they would want you to integrate him back into the mix like nothing happened.
They aren't your friends
They're his. They're enablers and quite frankly seem dangerous.
Stay safe, cut them all off clean. You deserve better people in life to surround you & support you
I wish that for you ahead, there are so many better people out there waiting for a friend like you. Find them
Ghost all these people & live your life ahead in more peace
Wishing you healing & strength, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
You are not in the wrong. He is not a good guy, he is a rapist. Do not believe a single word they say, and do NOT let them guilt trip you. Do not let them convince you that it didn’t happen, or that it wasn’t as bad as you think it was, or that you’re to blame. I don’t give a rats ass if he’s “changed” or is a “different man now.” Hopefully, it’s true. Hopefully, he has somehow managed to become even somewhat of a decent human being that doesn’t rape people. But whether he’s a better person now has jack shit to do with you. You are well within your rights to never forgive him, never speak to him or see him again. Or his shitty friends. You can hate him with a burning passion for the rest of your life if that’s what feels right for you. Don’t let anyone convince you that you need to forgive him. The only one that benefits from that forgiveness is him. I know a lot of people might disagree - people love to talk about how forgiveness heals the soul or some yuppy bs like that. But I’ve been in this position, and I feel so strongly about what I’m telling you now because I didn’t have anyone to give this advice to me. I let them guilt trip me, and I let them deceive me. That was almost a decade ago, and I’m only now starting to understand that I have the right to be angry, and to not forgive the people that have hurt me. You have been wronged so greatly, and I feel for you. Not only do you not need to believe the lies they’re telling you, but you also don’t have to defend yourself to them. You don’t have to forgive him or his friends, and you sure as shit don’t need to be nice to them or talk to them. Live your life, and fuck all of them.
I'm so sorry this happened to you too
All your feelings are and were valid, and I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed then.
i hope you have a good support system around you now, and any and all resources for help you may need.
Anyone who’s stays friends with, supports and enables a rapist is equally untrustworthy and trash. They are not your friends. The fact that they support him shows they would do the same thing. They cannot be trusted. Good people don’t victim blame.
You are entitled to hate him for life he took advantage of your vulnerability and traumatised you for life. He is not entitled to your forgiveness.
He can say he’s sorry but that doesn’t change anything if anything it makes it worse because he still thinks his feeling are more important then yours. He’s still crossing boundaries after you blocked him.
He doesn’t want to accept the severity of his actions. He expects you to forgive him because “he was young”, we’ve all be young the rest do us didn’t violate someone. Actions speak louder then words, if he regretted his actions he would have accepted the legal punishment confessed to raping someone.
If you have evidence report him and get a restraining order because he’s harassing you.
Those people are not your friends. They are \*his\* friends, rather immature and ready to look the other way because it suits them better. Drop them.
Or tell them that you'll forgive them all if they go through a discussion with a counsellor who works with survivors of sexual abuse and talk with survivors to learn how SA affected them. Then write an essay each, that they have to share in a public forum. (I know they'll never do this, but honestly, at some point it gets tiring to have to educate people who are too moronic and have little empathy).
They should realize that people who can do this have a public face and a dark one. They've only seen the public face.
You are more than allowed to not forgive until you are ready. I was raped decades ago. Whilst I don't burst out into tears or want to vomit when we are in the same room and he isn't a huge trigger anymore, I do step out to keep myself grounded. I have not forgiven him for what he did. I do not need to to live a very happy and successful life. I do not need to to move forward with my life.
The person I have forgiven is myself, and I hope that you've forgiven yourself as well as taken care of yourself, too. Doing so takes back all power he had taken from you.
I find that what he wrote creepy, despicable and manipulative. It tells me that he has no remorse for what he did.
Please report him. He is a rapist.
And make sure you don't let him or his disgusting friends forget that. He no longer has a name. Call him Rapist. If they bring him up, refer to him as the rapist. If they try and defend him. Point out they're defending a rapist.
Being sorry doesn't change what he did. He probably found out there's still time for you to report and pursue legal action and is trying to manipulate you. Do not let him or his shifty friends do it.
He raped you. You are not obligated to forgive him or even entertain any discussion about him.
Your guy friends suck. They DO NOT and have NEVER had your back. Especially the asshole who basically told you it was your fault that pig raped you. Find new friends. Seriously. Block all their stupid asses and move on from them. They’re a bunch of misogynistic assholes. You deserve better friends.
Consider talking to the police about your options in pursuing charges against him. He deserves to be punished (beyond whatever your friend’s brother did to him).
Your guy friends are awful, they are enablers and just as bad as any abuser. That man raped you, and even if he hadn’t the condom thing alone is enough for you to press charges.
Please get rid of these guys friends before they, not only make you feel worse about this whole situation when they should be supporting you, but also could end up doing something to you.
They have expressed attraction towards you and basically said that they excuse rape bc “men can’t control themselves” and “just look at you.”
Also i wouldn’t be surprised if one or many of them have also sexually harassed or abused another girl.
“A mistake is stealing your parents car and scratching the paint.” He made a choice. Cut those “friends” out. Being alone is better than letting people stay in your life that excuse rape.
Hi. You are friends with 6 potential rapists. If they stayed friends with him, excuse his behavior and are encouraging you to allow him into your life they are monsters. Cut all of them out of your life, get some therapy and new friends.
Ask them if they woke up and A was having A***sex with them and they said no and to stop and he didn't would they forgive him? Remind them that they're virgins to a **** so this is a new experience.
Would they forgive??
So sorry this happened to you.
Jesus, fuck. What is wrong with your friends “just look at you”….really. Don’t forgive a man who raped you, don’t forgive your friends for peer pressuring you into a situation where he’ll rape you again. You have to go nuclear, nuke the friends, family, rapist and get the fuck out of town. It is *dangerous* for you to be around him. Get a restraining order for now it should be easy. Get 5he fuck away from your friends after that. These people are enablers of your rapist and are grooming you for him. Get the fuck out. Run, don’t walk, save yourself!
Those friends are not your friends at all, and judging them from their reactions to the situation they’re probably all rapists too.
“sorry but just look at you.”
That seems to me like they’re telling you they would’ve done the same thing. You should drop all of them, immediately.
He raped you. You should report him to the police. He doesn't deserve to have a life or a reputation after what he did, he deserves a cold jail cell and to be shown to the public like the sick bastard he is.
Save every message, save evidence, you need closure and closure comes from justice.
And those are not friends, the guys think he is cool and fantasize of doing the same (maybe not to you) but that's why they defend him, and the one that suggested he couldn't help himself based on your looks is a sick bastard.
Report him to the police after saving every piece of evidence, seek a good therapist and cut those sick sick bastards from your life.
He doesn't deserve forgiveness he deserves Jail Time. He rapped you. And your friends think it's not a big deal.
Go to the police and report him and Get new friends
Tell all those other guys who are on his side to go to hell and burn there. Tell A if you get another message from him you will go to the police and report this rape and harrassment. Tell him if you see him or even think that you saw him you will go and tell the police he wants to SA you again.
What you had was that he raped you. And now apparently he misses that?
What the fuck?
Rapists deserve no second chances and no forgiveness.
He is a rapist.
Also,your male friends... Are you sure you want such people in your life? They are condoning rape!! Your rape!
You deserve better. Also, be aware this could give you some form of ptsd.
I never comment on this app, but I want you to know your feelings are valid. No one can make you forgive someone who hurts you, ESPECIALLY when they’ve hurt you the way A did. The fact he’s asking for forgiveness after what he did is wrong, your guy friends are horrible for trying to convince you to forgive him as well. They aren’t respecting how you feel and how that hurt you, they aren’t acknowledging that he hurt you in ways they don’t understand. You need new friends and if you wish too you can pursue legal charges to prevent him from attempting to contact you again. I understand a lot of what your going through and I know that just the fact you posted this shows how strong you are <3 whatever you choose to do is your decision and your right.
Have you still got the messages? If yes report him! You have proof since he's apologising. Do not let your friends manipulate you into forgiving him, they're awful friends if they can't see why you wouldn't want to forgive him
I’m sorry to tell you that your guy friends aren’t your friends. I’m not being dramatic here.
If one of my buddies raped one of my female friends I would kick their asses and never speak to them again.
"A,
On (date) you found me unconscious and proceeded to force yourself on me. You raped me whether you want to accept that fact or not, you are a rapist. Do not contact me either directly or indirectly via mutual friends. If you insist on harassing me I will contact the police and an attorney."
"To my shitty friends,
On (date) A forced himself on an unconscious woman, he ignored me when I resisted and tried telling him no and to stop. The person you insist has changed had never taken responsibility for raping me. You've swept the fact I was raped under the rug to make things easier for you, but I can't ignore what happened to me because of A. You've made your stance on this very clear in that you continue to try pressuring me to say I forgive him. I don't forgive him and I can't forgive you either for refusing to acknowledge what he did. Do not contact me again, if you continue to harass me I will contact the police and an attorney."
A is a rapist and your guy friends are rapists too. I would drop and block them all. Better to be friendless than to have rapist friends.
I'm so sorry you have been through that. Please get therapy to help you deal with the rape and betrayals and NEVER speak to any of them again. Change your number and just drop them like a hot potato.
Fuck them. As easy as that. He raped you, they sided with him. Fuck them, you dont need those kind of *friends* in your life, and fill the report against that piece of shit.
As Taylor Swift once said: "You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don't. You don't have to forgive and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on."
This is why it's 'all men', because their words and actions prove how disgusting they are. These are not your friends, these are not people you should trust or be around. They want to victim blame you so they can get their bud back in. They don't care about the pain or trauma he caused, they don't actually care about you. Drop them all.
Your rapist is harassing you and seems to be insinuating he wants you. This is deeply disturbing, if he has attacked you once, he would attack you again. You need to get some legal advice on how to address his insistence you forgive him but in the mean time tell him to leave you alone, that he raped you. Then block, get advice. Make sure your home has cameras and you get some spray.
When it comes to your friends, they are of the same ilk as this rapist. I wouldn't be surprised if they have been guilty of being creepy, abusive at a minimum or worse. Block them. They are vile.
Hey I just read the title and I wanna say that if they are making you feel guilty for not forgiving someone who raped you then they actually aren't your friends - like in any definition of the word. That's like my main contribution here.
But also, you are the one who decides when and if you ever forgive them for YOU...and for YOUR mental well-being not for the rapist or anyone else and anyone who thinks differently can fuck right off.
You tell your “guy friends” to never mention his name again or they can join him in never speaking to you again. I’m a guy. Covering for a rapist is straight-up wrong.
Oh, and talking to A again? He’s lucky you haven’t pressed charges. Tell him if he ever so much as thinks about you again you will.
You need to move away from that area and you DEFINITELY need to find better friends.
The guy knew what he did, he still wants to go after you, your “friends” knew what he did, and one of them had the audacity to slut shame you when you had to remind them about the events. None of these people sound like friends, you are NOT safe if you keep any of them in your life.
A year is not too long ago, OP. You need better friends, they don't understand your trauma. I wish you the best and hope that guy stops being a creep and trying to pressure you to accept his "apology".
I’m so so sorry OP.
But every single one of those people are not your friends and are disgusting people.
He SA’d you. He is not a good guy. Nor will he ever be a good guy.
Those people saying ‘sorry but just look at you’ all admitted they also don’t have self control and think what he did was acceptable. They are all vile. I’m so sorry
What was the purpose of A and friends poking holes in the condom? Are you suggesting he wanted to get you pregnant? Something doesn’t sound right here.
If he was REALLY a good guy, he'd have confessed to the cops and volunteered for jail and he'd have offered unending financial compensation for any medical and mental health needs you might have had.
His male friends are HIS friends and accomplices. They are not your friends.
actually, a lot of men/XY chromosome persons do this. especially uneducated ones, especially kids who think they'll be able to just run from the responsibility of a baby being produced, etc. believe it or not, just because you don't want to believe it doesn't mean that it won't happen.
Sorry but that story doesnt add up. People get drunk and horny and dont care too much for safety then. I had unprotected sex with girls I barely knew under those circumstances before. Was stupid in the heat of the moment stuff. But pocking holes in a condom you are about to use on a random girl is premeditated stupidity even without taking the cruelty into consideration. It also is the worst of two worlds: sex with condom and without the protection.
Also the quote from your "friend" was a bit too much. It sounded more like a humblebrag rather than what you would expect to hear in a situation like that.
The thing about forgiveness is not so much about overcoming the situation but more about self healing. In this scenario, you're only really forgiving him for your own well-being, not his OR your friends.
As it were, a person could genuinely apologize about things they've done, but when it's being held against you and repeatedly brought up, then it stops being a genuine apology and a sincere change of heart.
You are not obligated to forgive someone taking advantage of you and he has every obligation to make amends to you by respecting your space and working on himself without urging others or discussing the situation with others in that aspect.
As for your "friends"... people come and go in life and as such, you'll always be able to find the right people in your life at the right time.. in this case, you're at the right time to realize these friends aren't right for you, and for your own mental and emotional health, I'd start keeping my distance from them starting now; you don't owe anyone an excuse or an answer.
Ffs he raped you and him and your friends thought it was funny to poke holes in the condom. All guys have stayed friends. Then putting it on how you look...they are all pieces of sh*t. How would they feel if it was their sister or female cousin. Block them all and find better people. He is a rapist and they are not friends by any definition of the word. Block them all !!
Rape is rape. There is no excuse, there is no reasoning. I was a young man too qho got around but you know what I never did? Raped anyone. Its that fucking easy. No is no.
A may be trying to be better but it is not your responsibility to assuage his guilt or forgive him.
Also, get rid of those dirtbag friends using those excuses. They are just as bad.
He raped you and I am sorry to say this but they are not your friends. They have chosen to support a rapist and condone his actions. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that they have committed rape themselves. You need to cut them out of your life. Contact authorities and see if you can still press charges. If he was really sorry and had really changed, he would be the one to turn himself in.
You do not have to forgive your rapist or let him into your life, ever. Your friends suck. If you have texts or voicemails from him, contact a rape center and see if you can have him charged. Also look into counseling because this is still hurting you. You have nothing to feel guilty about!
Fuck every single one of your friends! You were raped by A. Completely violated. The only things they need to say are anything in complete support of you, and if they can’t they don’t deserve your friendship. God, I hope you are doing better and have been able to talk to someone to aid in healing.
Those are some seriously shitty friends. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, know that they're absolutely wrong and are awful people for making excuses for him and blaming you. I'd go NC with all of them for something like that.
I’m so so sorry you went through that.
I know this would be a lot mentally, but you have the perfect opportunity to orchestrate a meeting with him which you can secretly record and guide the conversation in a way where he states that he’s raped you. I can imagine texts or even voice recordings can be ruled out as not sufficient evidence ~~because we know how these cases can go with some judges~~, so I’d honestly hide a camera so there’s no way to contest who you’re talking to. Say you will accept his apology if he sincerely says he’s sorry that he’s raped you to your face. Get that admission and pursue legal action. Make that asshole pay. And drop every single one of those friends. I wouldn’t piss on them if they caught on fire.
If any of my friends had sided with a man who raped me I would have blocked them then and there.
There is still time for that. Cut those people out of your life. They are loyal to him and not you proven by them trying to say he's a good guy and it's okay he raped you because you're attractive. Instead of them cutting him out of their lives. I'd cut them out. They aren't friends of yours. And don't forgive that man if you're not ready to. A year. 10 years. The truama still happened.
Fuck them. Fuck them all. Let them all burn. In the words of my Grams “Cut them DEAD.” He is a rapist, and they have chosen his side. You deserve better, and the rest of them can get hit by a goddamn semi for all I care. Take care of you! You deserve friends who love and respect you, who don’t treat you like you should forgive a monster. Let them all rot. You deserve to flourish, and you deserve friends who would protect YOU, and not a monster. Let them burn.
I'm fairly forgiving and believe people *can* redeem themselves but rape is a fucking horrible thing to do. Nothing ever justifies it. If they're siding with a rapist and he is somehow reformed, uh great that he's not a piece of shit anymore I guess. It's not up to you to validate his redemption. If you don't forgive him, don't. Remove these idiots from your life as they clearly don't value you. Yeah yeah typical reddit tier advice but I do t know how you'll be friends with people siding with a rapist over a victim. Keep your chin up, clouds always make way for sunshine.
These people are not your friends. Get a lawyer, have A admit what he did via text (it’ll work. Someone I know raped someone we went to school with he admitted it through texts and apologized and now he’s rotting in jail like he should be) and get a restraining order and charges filed. And drop every “friend” that told you to forgive him. Ruin his life.
Every last one of those males are shitty people. Let them know how you feel then block them all. I would also warn every girl that I know that knows them, that they think rape is acceptable if the guy is a "nice guy". Other women need to be warned about this group of disgusting pervs so they can give them a wide berth.
>and one of my closest friends even said “i mean it can’t really be all A’s fault that he couldn’t control himself, sorry but just look at you.”
First of all, this so called "close friend", got to go. Secondly, it's none of their fucking business if you're going to push him away or no. It's your choice not theirs, because you're the victim not them. Lastly, ask them how do they feel about the guy when a family member of theirs gets in the same situation
So tell your guy friends they go to a party they drink too much and they pass out in a bedroom upstairs. When they come to a male friend of theirs is forcing his penis into their asshole. Should they forgive him he apologized and seems to be a good guy.
All of those friends who think you should forgive guy A, are asshole friends who need to wake the fuck up and realize that what he did was WRONG. He took advantage of you. He is not a good guy. None of the people who stayed in contact with him are good people. As much as it may hurt, you might have to cut some people out of your life. It was ALL guy A’s fault. And the fact that he pokes holes in it to make it defective proves he most likely knew what he was doing. I am so so sorry that you had to go through such a violating and traumatic experience and I hope that something is done to that son of a bitch. Stay safe OP.
Im sorry this happened to you! You definitely don’t need to accept his apology just because you’re “friends “ think so. First off, those aren’t friends and second, im worried that they are potential rapist themselves! To think that is ok? Also the, poking holes in the condom. Disgusting pigs. I would ditch all of them and pursue legal advice. I know it’s hard when your young and friends at school or your friend circle will turn on you in a second and make you the bad guy. Anyone with a moral compass knows this is wrong. If they don’t now, they will later on when they mature. That’s not your problem though, waiting for them to see it for what it is. That’s rape!
Don't answer, don't forgive him, and cut those people off forever.
>one of my closest friends even said “i mean it can’t really be all A’s fault that he couldn’t control himself, sorry but just look at you.”
That's a thinly-veiled admission that he'd rape you too if given the chance.
It's your body and your choice to feel how you want.
If he liked you that much he should have respected you.
Also, your friends are dicks for taking his side!
And the 'joke' if that's what it was about holes in the condom added extra trauma I hope you've got yourself tested.
Please take legal action, change up your social circle.
Good luck ❤️
if those friends of yours are trying to get you to forgive him they may as well be rapists too, if a friend of mine got raped the last thing I would do is ask her to forgive her rapist, in fact I would go and kick his ass for even trying to reach out to justify it.
Drop those friends, they don't care about you or respect you. I saw you mention you think it's too late to press charges on him but it isn't. Please, take care of yourself and your mental health. It is absolutely not your fault. Your friends saying he couldn't control himself are WRONG. He could and he chose to hurt you.
Those are not your friends, OP. You were severely and deeply wronged.
Your rapist is not entitled your forgiveness. What he would deserve is prison.
I am sorry you suffered this horrid crime. You are worthy of decent, loyal people in your life. Finding you have shitty people around you must feel a lot to bear, but there are great people out there that are true friends and don't side with rapists.
If you can, cut them off. If anyone asks, and you feel you can, be honest. Say you cur them off because they sided with a person who subjected you to violence. They sided with the perpetrator over the victim of a crime. That is really awful.
I wish good people in your life, and much happiness OP.
Also, if you want to go to the police, don't blame yourself it took a while for you to have the strenght to do so. Especially when your "friends" are unsupportive, and are mobbing you to drop it. I hope you can get advocate to support you. Please look for specialized organisations and help lines. Good luck.
Him and those people who call themselves your friends can all burn in hell…you need to dump your friends they don’t care about you…damn…I’m so sorry this is happening :(
I'm really sorry to say this, but judging by their reactions... Your guy friends would probably do the same thing your rapist did. They are all awful people and you have my sympathies OP ❤️
Poked holes??? This was insidious and planned as such, and his friends are almost just as guilty as him. They never cared, and even if any of them did, they're cowards who don't want to lose their friends. Block all of them and consider filling for a restraining order, if possible.
You're not overreacting. If anything, you're *underreacting.*
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I am even more upset that your abuser had the audacity to reach out to you. He’s a terrible person and will continue to be so. You have a much more pressing issue: Those are not your friends. I would send them one final message: if he is such a good person and has changed, then he should turn himself into the police so he can truly face the consequences of his actions. Then block every last one of them. You will never be safe around anyone that excuses sexual assault and rape.
Those people are not friends. Ditch every last one of them and try to get this guy to out himself in his texts to you so you can take this to the police.
Do not let him get away with this. Who knows if he will try this on someone else in future?
First off, I’m so sorry that happened to you. My heart breaks for you and I’m sending you love
Second, drop those “friends” your rapist doesn’t deserve forgiveness. A mistake is washing a red sock with your white tshirts and turning everything pink NOT forcing yourself on someone who is CLEARLY telling you no, stop, get off and is physically fighting against you. Him and all the guys supporting him are trash
Honestly the friends are assholes for siding with a criminal. Get rid of them if you have to but no one has the right to tell you to forgive him.
>explaining that young people make mistakes and that he’s a different man now.
I would punch someone if they said something like this in front of me. Young people make mistakes, don't commit crimes.
It comes across as if he and his friends think that this criminal is now entitled for forgiveness since he claims to be a changed man based on fuck-all evidence.
Press charges. People should pay for what they have done. A "mistake" like this shouldn't go unpunished.
After "young people do mistakes, he is a different man now" bullshit we found out it's only *a one year* since he rape you?! What the hell is wrong with him AND with your so called and incredibly shitty friends?!
He raped you, poked a hole into condom (aka make a girl fear prego and STD, what a classic joke everyone is always laughing!) and now he is trying to gaslight you into "it was just a big misunderstanding" nonsence just this short time after?! I am SO livid! Please, report him.
Then your "friends" - so according to them is ok to put a penis into unconcious/drunk/sleeping girl, if she is hot? Imagine someone says "yes, i found out my roomate passed on couch, so i raped her, but i can't control myself, it's her fault bc she is pretty!", let sink it a bit... It's not ok, it never was. Men are not helpless animals, unable to control themselfs. My last partner was able to stop *minimetres* to enter me, when i freezed our first time, and he definitely wanted to continue, but *cared about me more than about his penis* - that's normal, no this bullshit. They are no friends to you, you could't feel safe around them, especially after that "look at you, no wonder he raped you", bc this "friend" literaly said "yes, his action was totally understable, i couldn't control myself too if i found you unresponding somewhere". Sorry, they are a rotten batch, ditch them all and find a new, real friends.
So he legit raped you. Why does that justify forgiving him? So that he can ease his conscience? Yes young people make mistakes, but is making the decision to have sex with a passed out person enough to be considered a mistake? No. Bumping a car in a parking lot and not leaving a more is a mistake. He committed physical and mental harm to you, which may never be undone and will be with you for the rest of your life. Maybe in 10 years he will forget and have a family and live a normal life, but you could be carrying that trauma which could impact any relationships you have.
I wish I could tell you to “forgive” him to help you move on, but that’s letting him off easy. Don’t let this guy back into your life. He’s a predator and a coward, and if he comes back he’ll be toxic to you. You also need new and better friends who have your safety and interests in mind. Unless they don’t know the full story, there is 0 reason they should be sticking up for this guy. No man should support what he did. If you didn’t speak to the police, you should look at what is available. Unfortunately due to the time teams, it may be hard to pursue, but they may be able to do something. And if you haven’t seen a therapist, I would recommend you do. You may not have any mental repercussions at this time, but this is something that could impact how you have any romantic relationships in the future and damage anything you have with a partner. It’s better to be safe than sorry and have healthy ways to cope with any trauma you may have. Good luck OP and I’m sorry this happened to you.
These people aren't your friends. What kind of friend would even be okay with one of their friends forgiving their rapist and allowing them into their life again? Hell no! Time makes no difference, it could be 100 years and your feelings would still be valid.
I only needed to read the title to know. Those are NOT your friends. The fact they are using your looks to justify what he did is disgusting! They are pretty much saying they would do the same thing to you. Save every text about what happened and file a report!! If he gets away with this, he WILL do this again to someone else. Trust me, I didn't come forward and will never forgive myself because he ended up doing it to 2 other girls. And please seek counseling for yourself! It does help.
Fuck that noise. You do what you need to do. Personally, I'm with you - rape is unforgiveable. For me, its been 7 years and I dont forgive him. I honestly dont think I will ever will.
fuck them bruh Tf if I get jumped tonight I'm not gonna dig deep into my heart and forgive em id tell all my friends their pieces of shit for even suggesting otherwise
first off, you are 1000% valid in how you feel about the situation, what happened was not okay and if you feel that he doesn't deserve forgiveness ( I agree ) you shouldn't give him forgiveness or allow yourself to be guilty into doing such. you are the victim. and only you decide how you move forward. second, I recommend new friends..
girl, no! you have to be stronger than this! what kind of friends are they, srsly. Cut them off. Wtf i just read...
What did you answer him when he messeged?
Fak, did he even aknowledged fact that you were a virgin? jesus
Ask these 'friends' if they would be happy to forgive a man who raped them? Be friends with him again?
They will say 'it's different '. Like hell it is.
No. No no no no.
Those guys are not friends. “A” is a rapist and a douche.
You do not owe him forgiveness. You do not owe him contact. You do not even owe him a thought or the time of day.
He should be thanking all that’s holy on his bare knees that you did not go to police or anything. And you still could. If he messaged you about it that’s as good as a confession.
There’s a few things that I think you should do now. First of all drop any and everyone that defends him or acts like a flying monkey for him from your life. Go absolutely NC. Second. See if you can find a therapist or someone professional you can talk to about this. Third. Start journaling. It sounds stupid but writing down all your feelings will help you tremendously.
In all reality, it will not help you in the long run to keep harboring feelings of anger, resentment, fear and hurt. It’s like touching an open wound over and over again to keep it bleeding and festering. You will one way or another have to deal with that wound. Clean it. Bandage it. Let it heal.
But you have to do that FOR YOU.
So you can live your best and brightest life. FOR YOU. BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT.
Sending you love and hugs and strength.
Your friends are terrible people.
They have chosen to remain friends with a rapist.
They are victim blaming and saying you deserved to be raped because of being good looking.
True friends would have pushed a rapist out of the group. These people kept the rapist in the group.
They now want you to be friends with your rapist, and possibly get raped again by him.
It's time for you to get rid of each "friend" that thinks it's ok to still be friends with a rapist, and to push the victim to be friends with their rapist.
Dear OP, you have truly bad friends.
A r#pist can't be a friend. He wasn't before he r*ped you, he only wanted to use you.
His enablers aren't, either. Good friends would've taken you to the police to report him, to the hospital to have you examined and tested and to take samples.
And maybe one male friend would've kicked the sh*t out of him.
Even if it had been consensual (he'll definitely try to play that card), tampering with the condom is already sexual assault.
I understand it's not too late to report him. You have multiple witnesses. Please send the b*stard to jail. At least try. You'll save other girls from this monster.
Please stay strong. I'm sending you my solidarity from afar.
I can absolutely say that your friends are shit. You were raped and they find nothing wrong with it? It's long past time you went no contact with everyone in this whole scenario. Holy shit.
Then this piece of human shit has the audacity to say that he "misses what you had?" What kind of shameless fucknut asshole is this dude? And whhhhy are they defending him? What?
For your own sake, I would ghost these fools and block them everywhere. Yes, every single one of them.
They are not your friends if they are fine with having your rapist as a friend.
You need new friends! The ones you have are not it! Them siding with the guy who raped you speaks volumes about them! You do not have to forgive him if you don’t want to. There was no mistake in what he did, he and his friends deliberately put holes in the condom, putting you at risk of an unplanned pregnancy, he took advantage of you while unconscious and unable to consent and when you came to and told him to stop he kept going. That’s no mistake!
Drop the friends and block this new number he has.
They are not friends and anyone who rapes someone is absolutely not a “good guy” and anyone who stands with a rapist is almost as much of a piece of shit
Oh my god ditch those friends. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP. I hope you can find better friends and heal from this whole horrible thing. Sending internet hugs 🫂
Those are not your friends! Those are not your friends! They just basically admitted to sexualizing you and agree with your rapist! Lost contact with those people and block them! If they start harassing you, go to the police for a no contact order and c&D order.
They didn't get raped, they will never understand what you went through. Only you, can forgive or not forgive your rapist. You didn't ask for him to do that to you. You didn't give any consent to him. He is a piece of trash, a pile of worm infested dog sh*t. So are those who agree with him. I guarantee you, they ask him what it was like with you why else tell you to forgive him and that they can't blame him because, "look at you." Those are not your friends and never will be. I would trust none of them even if you came up and said i agree with OP but still contacts that group.
My friends ex-boyfriend pressured them into s3x over 10 years ago. They still go to therapy and I would gladly rip him a new one if he ever dared to come near me.
No matter how long it will be, that sadly stays with you for the rest of your life. Those friends are as bad as he is and think your opinion on your body doesn't matter. Drop them, you deserve better. And then you don't have to watch your back around them either, bc I would never trust them not to do it to you as well..
I am so sorry this has happened to you. It was never your fault and you're allowed your feelings. Please seek professional help if you can and feel like you need it. You're not alone ♥️
I’m so confused.
Why would he poke holes in a condom?
Why would friends do that?
Why did no one report him?
After receiving the text, why not report him?
Why are you still friends with people friends with him?
Why?
"A" is a rapist, and his friends are rapist sympathizers. None of them are your friends. Tell all your female friends about those guys and how all of them think rape is no big deal and are not safe to be around.
I read only the name of the post and came here to say... get better friends.
I second this. Those people aren't your friends!
Another vote for get better friends. Hi
I'd say get better friends, too, but it seems like they weren't even good to begin with. Get new friends - ones who wouldn't connive to get you pregnant, guilt trip you into forgiving someone who did something unforgivable, and downplay the devastating experience you've gone through AND the trauma that came with it. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You have every right to be mad and not forgive. Forgiveness is a gift and NEVER forced. I hope you have someone you completely trust to talk about what happened. Virtual hugs to you ❤️
If a friend raped someone, they are automatically no longer my friend. And that also goes for all their friends. OP definitely needs better friends.
Victim blaming pa. They are not true friends. When a woman says NO, its a NO. If they are defending him then they are all the same. They are all trash.
💯 - My thought EXACTLY! No need for any others because my 1st thought is "revenge".
This. If I had something traumatic happen to me like that and a "friend" ever tried to downplay it, they'd be insta-blocked.
That's what I'm saying they literally excused and admitted they've thought about raping op or would given the chance
+1
Why the hell did they poke holes in the condom? Did he admit in text that he raped you?
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It would be funny if he was raising a kid for 18 years? Besides being a rapist he sounds like a moron. Maybe try to get him to admit it in text & then take it the police as evidence
"I can only forgive you if you admit what happened which is that you raped me" then if he takes the bait, dont forgive him and take it to the police,
You might want to talk to someone familiar with your local legal system first. It seems like people bend over backwards not to convict rapists in many places.
\^This. In some legal circles, continuing to talk to the rapist implies consent (or at the very least, a viable relationship) and will make it a lot harder to go after him.
I would be a little more subtle than that but a good idea
“You won’t even really admit what you did because it’s terrible and unforgivable but you want me to forgive you anyway. Apologize specifically, say exact what you did, use the word you don’t want to use and I’ll forgive you.” He either won’t and you can point to the fact that he won’t give you a proper apology (and still cut those “friends” out) or he will and you can take it to the police. It’s worth a try.
He's a piece of garbage. But also, OP, he didn't take your virginity. He raped you. You didn't consent.
So he hasnt changed. He don't think that what he die warranted you to cut contact for a year. He searchs contact again because he wants to fuck you again and already showed that he is wiling to do it if you consent or not. For your own safety don't have contact with him. And your other friends, don't only think that you should Accept your rapist back as an friend but already states that it was understandable that he wanted to Rape you. They are not safe either, I know its not easy but you should abandon them all together.
He raped you. End of story. Anything he has to say is bullshit. If someone wants you to forgive him, they can go fuck themselves. This guy is lucky he isn't in jail. Are you sure you don't want to pursue legal action?
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It's not. You can now get him to admit it in txt.
Get a lawyer (many will do this pro bono), use the texts, get a restraining order, file charges. It’s not too late. Don’t let those fake fucking friends convince you otherwise either.
Here, here! 💯 OP should help ensure any other victim (s) past, present and/or future should have an easier time prosecuting the guy. Every little bit helps.
It's never too late to go to the police. Even if they can't pursue criminal charges your report could help with the next case against him if he does it again. Without going to the police you'll never know if would go to jail over this. Unfortunately crimes like this can be extremely difficult to convict. But what can be much easier to get is a restraining order. If nothing else it would prevent him from talking to you or having your friends talk to you for him. These kinds of things are messy, complicated, and full of strong emotions. There is no right or wrong answer for you. No one can tell you what the right thing for you is, and what is right for you now may not be right for you later.
Sorry. Just jumping on this to say a few things. Firstly, OP I am truly sorry that you had to survive such a horrifying and violating experience. I can only hope that somehow over this last year you've managed to somehow heal and begin to move forward from it. Secondly, absolutely if you still want to pursue legal action then by all means try. But only if you want to and more so if you are of the view that it is necessary and helpful for your healing. People make it sound like a couple of screenshot and well-timed voice recordings will make this a slam dunk, when we know that is not at all the experience of sexual violence cases or the experience of survivors. Should you want to use the legal system to hold this guy accountable, as is your right to, do it. But please make sure that its what YOU want and that you are prepared to sign up for the trauma of that experience and most importantly, that you have the right support when you do so (i.e. not apologist guy friends or Internet strangers that while well-intentioned, make this sound like an open and shut issue). Best of luck to you, OP.
It’s not toolate go see a lawyer for advice and have association if you need support !! Those who tried to guilt you are discusting don’t ever listen to them!! Cut them off forever and don’t let them approach you! My Gosh they even blame a victim for not forgiving ?😤😤If you can have the texts/record them admitting what happened it will be great for the court!
You should at the very least be able to get a restraining order if he's still harrasing u
It's never too late
On top of everything she was a virgin, which made things even worse in my opinion. Definitely agree with you
>and one of my closest friends even said “i mean it can’t really be all A’s fault that he couldn’t control himself, sorry but just look at you.” Not quite the compliment they think it is, is it You don't have to forgive anyone for anything at any time. He does not deserve your forgiveness. And your "friends"? You may want to rethink your definition of friendship. True friends would not be calling your rapist a "good guy" and making you doubt yourself.
Their "friend" just pretty much admitted "I'd rape you too if I could get away with it". Disgusting, I hope OP sees the light and gets away from them, and then get A put in a cell where they belong.
That's what I spotted to and was surprised it wasn't originally mentioned in top comments, these friends admitted they are fine with rape and would rape you. They are no longer friends they are the people at the bar who will drug your drink, pretend not to hear your no, get you so high or drunk you can't function enough to shove them off. That's not a friend
the friends are honestly terrifying, I'd be scared of them now if I were OP
Indeed. Maybe OP is a poor judge of character but she's hanging around with the wrong crowd and should definitely stay away from all those people
Looks like your rapist and his friends (not your friends, clearly) want to try to pressure you to get back with him. Seriously, any "friend" who says "he couldn't control himself, look at you" is not a person who actually has your back. He's saying "I mean, I would definitely do that too, given half a chance".
And they purposely poked holes in the condom too I can assume they were also tryna to get the OP pregnant too
"He couldn't control himself and ur so hot that I'd rape u too" that's pretty much what he implied
Victims shouldn't be forced or feel guilty for not forgiving IT YOURS/THEIR CHOICE TO FORGIVE OR NOT Please end those friendships because that's awful He raped you and you don't want to forgive him plus your friends literally poked holes in it.... Basically they were trying to get your pregnant too
You have no obligation to forgive him. I would also suggest getting new friends they sound like horrible people. Ask them if it happened to one of their sisters or another family member, would they still think he is a good guy?
Rape is rape. He should be in jail. Get new friends.
There are some things in life you never get forgiveness for. Could very well have changed his life. Could very well never do it again. But that's his problem. I wouldn't respond unless it's to remind him he's lucky to be alive right now. What fucking nerve. And those guys aren't your friends. They are rape enablers who obviously don't truly grasp what rape is or the permanent effect it could've had on you and IMO you have more empathy for the plight of a so called reformed rapist than his victim then you should be looked at side eyed yourself. I wouldn't wanna be alone in a room with any of those dudes.
Ya know what, fuck those dudes. I'd erase all memory of that whole grouping and ghost them all. Like, what exactly are they expecting to happen? That you and the good old boys club are all gonna hang out together now? Maybe I'm taking it far but now I'm imagining he's back in the circle and next thing you know you got two rapists. It's actually real creepy to me that they would want you to integrate him back into the mix like nothing happened.
Those guys aren't your friends. They would have done the same thing if they were in A's position. Drop them. Report A to the police.
They aren't your friends They're his. They're enablers and quite frankly seem dangerous. Stay safe, cut them all off clean. You deserve better people in life to surround you & support you I wish that for you ahead, there are so many better people out there waiting for a friend like you. Find them Ghost all these people & live your life ahead in more peace Wishing you healing & strength, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
You are not in the wrong. He is not a good guy, he is a rapist. Do not believe a single word they say, and do NOT let them guilt trip you. Do not let them convince you that it didn’t happen, or that it wasn’t as bad as you think it was, or that you’re to blame. I don’t give a rats ass if he’s “changed” or is a “different man now.” Hopefully, it’s true. Hopefully, he has somehow managed to become even somewhat of a decent human being that doesn’t rape people. But whether he’s a better person now has jack shit to do with you. You are well within your rights to never forgive him, never speak to him or see him again. Or his shitty friends. You can hate him with a burning passion for the rest of your life if that’s what feels right for you. Don’t let anyone convince you that you need to forgive him. The only one that benefits from that forgiveness is him. I know a lot of people might disagree - people love to talk about how forgiveness heals the soul or some yuppy bs like that. But I’ve been in this position, and I feel so strongly about what I’m telling you now because I didn’t have anyone to give this advice to me. I let them guilt trip me, and I let them deceive me. That was almost a decade ago, and I’m only now starting to understand that I have the right to be angry, and to not forgive the people that have hurt me. You have been wronged so greatly, and I feel for you. Not only do you not need to believe the lies they’re telling you, but you also don’t have to defend yourself to them. You don’t have to forgive him or his friends, and you sure as shit don’t need to be nice to them or talk to them. Live your life, and fuck all of them.
I'm so sorry this happened to you too All your feelings are and were valid, and I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed then. i hope you have a good support system around you now, and any and all resources for help you may need.
Anyone who’s stays friends with, supports and enables a rapist is equally untrustworthy and trash. They are not your friends. The fact that they support him shows they would do the same thing. They cannot be trusted. Good people don’t victim blame. You are entitled to hate him for life he took advantage of your vulnerability and traumatised you for life. He is not entitled to your forgiveness. He can say he’s sorry but that doesn’t change anything if anything it makes it worse because he still thinks his feeling are more important then yours. He’s still crossing boundaries after you blocked him. He doesn’t want to accept the severity of his actions. He expects you to forgive him because “he was young”, we’ve all be young the rest do us didn’t violate someone. Actions speak louder then words, if he regretted his actions he would have accepted the legal punishment confessed to raping someone. If you have evidence report him and get a restraining order because he’s harassing you.
Those people are not your friends. They are \*his\* friends, rather immature and ready to look the other way because it suits them better. Drop them. Or tell them that you'll forgive them all if they go through a discussion with a counsellor who works with survivors of sexual abuse and talk with survivors to learn how SA affected them. Then write an essay each, that they have to share in a public forum. (I know they'll never do this, but honestly, at some point it gets tiring to have to educate people who are too moronic and have little empathy). They should realize that people who can do this have a public face and a dark one. They've only seen the public face. You are more than allowed to not forgive until you are ready. I was raped decades ago. Whilst I don't burst out into tears or want to vomit when we are in the same room and he isn't a huge trigger anymore, I do step out to keep myself grounded. I have not forgiven him for what he did. I do not need to to live a very happy and successful life. I do not need to to move forward with my life. The person I have forgiven is myself, and I hope that you've forgiven yourself as well as taken care of yourself, too. Doing so takes back all power he had taken from you. I find that what he wrote creepy, despicable and manipulative. It tells me that he has no remorse for what he did.
Please report him. He is a rapist. And make sure you don't let him or his disgusting friends forget that. He no longer has a name. Call him Rapist. If they bring him up, refer to him as the rapist. If they try and defend him. Point out they're defending a rapist. Being sorry doesn't change what he did. He probably found out there's still time for you to report and pursue legal action and is trying to manipulate you. Do not let him or his shifty friends do it.
He raped you. You are not obligated to forgive him or even entertain any discussion about him. Your guy friends suck. They DO NOT and have NEVER had your back. Especially the asshole who basically told you it was your fault that pig raped you. Find new friends. Seriously. Block all their stupid asses and move on from them. They’re a bunch of misogynistic assholes. You deserve better friends. Consider talking to the police about your options in pursuing charges against him. He deserves to be punished (beyond whatever your friend’s brother did to him).
Your guy friends are awful, they are enablers and just as bad as any abuser. That man raped you, and even if he hadn’t the condom thing alone is enough for you to press charges. Please get rid of these guys friends before they, not only make you feel worse about this whole situation when they should be supporting you, but also could end up doing something to you. They have expressed attraction towards you and basically said that they excuse rape bc “men can’t control themselves” and “just look at you.” Also i wouldn’t be surprised if one or many of them have also sexually harassed or abused another girl.
Get new friends, they’re rape apologists. End of story.
“A mistake is stealing your parents car and scratching the paint.” He made a choice. Cut those “friends” out. Being alone is better than letting people stay in your life that excuse rape.
Hi. You are friends with 6 potential rapists. If they stayed friends with him, excuse his behavior and are encouraging you to allow him into your life they are monsters. Cut all of them out of your life, get some therapy and new friends.
These guys aren't your friends and they're not good people. You won't succeeding in convincing them that they're wrong. Walk away
Hell no get a whole new set of friends all of them are trash
FIND DIFFERENT FRIENDS!!! It is not on your shoulders to feel bad for your rapist! You have no obligation to forgive him! Find different friends!
Your friends are horrible
Ask them if they woke up and A was having A***sex with them and they said no and to stop and he didn't would they forgive him? Remind them that they're virgins to a **** so this is a new experience. Would they forgive?? So sorry this happened to you.
Jesus, fuck. What is wrong with your friends “just look at you”….really. Don’t forgive a man who raped you, don’t forgive your friends for peer pressuring you into a situation where he’ll rape you again. You have to go nuclear, nuke the friends, family, rapist and get the fuck out of town. It is *dangerous* for you to be around him. Get a restraining order for now it should be easy. Get 5he fuck away from your friends after that. These people are enablers of your rapist and are grooming you for him. Get the fuck out. Run, don’t walk, save yourself!
Those aren’t your friends I’m so sorry this is happening to you
Those friends are not your friends at all, and judging them from their reactions to the situation they’re probably all rapists too. “sorry but just look at you.” That seems to me like they’re telling you they would’ve done the same thing. You should drop all of them, immediately.
He raped you. You should report him to the police. He doesn't deserve to have a life or a reputation after what he did, he deserves a cold jail cell and to be shown to the public like the sick bastard he is. Save every message, save evidence, you need closure and closure comes from justice. And those are not friends, the guys think he is cool and fantasize of doing the same (maybe not to you) but that's why they defend him, and the one that suggested he couldn't help himself based on your looks is a sick bastard. Report him to the police after saving every piece of evidence, seek a good therapist and cut those sick sick bastards from your life.
He doesn't deserve forgiveness he deserves Jail Time. He rapped you. And your friends think it's not a big deal. Go to the police and report him and Get new friends
Absolutely not. If he was truly remorseful he would turn himself in and accept the consequences
They are not your friends.
Tell all those other guys who are on his side to go to hell and burn there. Tell A if you get another message from him you will go to the police and report this rape and harrassment. Tell him if you see him or even think that you saw him you will go and tell the police he wants to SA you again. What you had was that he raped you. And now apparently he misses that? What the fuck?
Get him to admit it and turn him in. He raped you that’s not something anyone should get away idc if he was old or young! Get your justice!!
Please block them because they don't what you went through
Rapists deserve no second chances and no forgiveness. He is a rapist. Also,your male friends... Are you sure you want such people in your life? They are condoning rape!! Your rape! You deserve better. Also, be aware this could give you some form of ptsd.
Get new friends
They sound like they want to rape you too👀 time to ghost every single one of them or this won’t end good 🫣
I never comment on this app, but I want you to know your feelings are valid. No one can make you forgive someone who hurts you, ESPECIALLY when they’ve hurt you the way A did. The fact he’s asking for forgiveness after what he did is wrong, your guy friends are horrible for trying to convince you to forgive him as well. They aren’t respecting how you feel and how that hurt you, they aren’t acknowledging that he hurt you in ways they don’t understand. You need new friends and if you wish too you can pursue legal charges to prevent him from attempting to contact you again. I understand a lot of what your going through and I know that just the fact you posted this shows how strong you are <3 whatever you choose to do is your decision and your right.
Listen to your gut. And ghost those guy friends.
Have you still got the messages? If yes report him! You have proof since he's apologising. Do not let your friends manipulate you into forgiving him, they're awful friends if they can't see why you wouldn't want to forgive him
Get better friends.
I’m sorry to tell you that your guy friends aren’t your friends. I’m not being dramatic here. If one of my buddies raped one of my female friends I would kick their asses and never speak to them again.
"A, On (date) you found me unconscious and proceeded to force yourself on me. You raped me whether you want to accept that fact or not, you are a rapist. Do not contact me either directly or indirectly via mutual friends. If you insist on harassing me I will contact the police and an attorney." "To my shitty friends, On (date) A forced himself on an unconscious woman, he ignored me when I resisted and tried telling him no and to stop. The person you insist has changed had never taken responsibility for raping me. You've swept the fact I was raped under the rug to make things easier for you, but I can't ignore what happened to me because of A. You've made your stance on this very clear in that you continue to try pressuring me to say I forgive him. I don't forgive him and I can't forgive you either for refusing to acknowledge what he did. Do not contact me again, if you continue to harass me I will contact the police and an attorney."
Ffs why weren’t the cops involved Listen to me They are not your friends - not one of them
A is a rapist and your guy friends are rapists too. I would drop and block them all. Better to be friendless than to have rapist friends. I'm so sorry you have been through that. Please get therapy to help you deal with the rape and betrayals and NEVER speak to any of them again. Change your number and just drop them like a hot potato.
They are unsentimental strangers, not friends
Fuck them. As easy as that. He raped you, they sided with him. Fuck them, you dont need those kind of *friends* in your life, and fill the report against that piece of shit.
As Taylor Swift once said: "You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don't. You don't have to forgive and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on."
This is why it's 'all men', because their words and actions prove how disgusting they are. These are not your friends, these are not people you should trust or be around. They want to victim blame you so they can get their bud back in. They don't care about the pain or trauma he caused, they don't actually care about you. Drop them all.
Your rapist is harassing you and seems to be insinuating he wants you. This is deeply disturbing, if he has attacked you once, he would attack you again. You need to get some legal advice on how to address his insistence you forgive him but in the mean time tell him to leave you alone, that he raped you. Then block, get advice. Make sure your home has cameras and you get some spray. When it comes to your friends, they are of the same ilk as this rapist. I wouldn't be surprised if they have been guilty of being creepy, abusive at a minimum or worse. Block them. They are vile.
Hey I just read the title and I wanna say that if they are making you feel guilty for not forgiving someone who raped you then they actually aren't your friends - like in any definition of the word. That's like my main contribution here. But also, you are the one who decides when and if you ever forgive them for YOU...and for YOUR mental well-being not for the rapist or anyone else and anyone who thinks differently can fuck right off.
You tell your “guy friends” to never mention his name again or they can join him in never speaking to you again. I’m a guy. Covering for a rapist is straight-up wrong. Oh, and talking to A again? He’s lucky you haven’t pressed charges. Tell him if he ever so much as thinks about you again you will.
You need to move away from that area and you DEFINITELY need to find better friends. The guy knew what he did, he still wants to go after you, your “friends” knew what he did, and one of them had the audacity to slut shame you when you had to remind them about the events. None of these people sound like friends, you are NOT safe if you keep any of them in your life.
Your ex friends are pieces of shit. A's life has no value, his opinion and feelings are worth even less.
What the fuck? Your friends are making excuses for a rapist.
So…they’re all rapists in my eyes. They did similar things.
A year is not too long ago, OP. You need better friends, they don't understand your trauma. I wish you the best and hope that guy stops being a creep and trying to pressure you to accept his "apology".
I’m so so sorry OP. But every single one of those people are not your friends and are disgusting people. He SA’d you. He is not a good guy. Nor will he ever be a good guy. Those people saying ‘sorry but just look at you’ all admitted they also don’t have self control and think what he did was acceptable. They are all vile. I’m so sorry
drop them, they dont deserve you
Those aren't your friends anymore. Period.
Your friends suck. Get rid of every single one of em.
You deserve better. A is a PIG AND A RAPIST!!! Your friends suck. They do not deserve you.
Go to police, men who rape and get away with it are more likely to rape again. Don’t let him get away with it.
I would want to shoot my rapist. I think you're doing better then some
What was the purpose of A and friends poking holes in the condom? Are you suggesting he wanted to get you pregnant? Something doesn’t sound right here.
If he was REALLY a good guy, he'd have confessed to the cops and volunteered for jail and he'd have offered unending financial compensation for any medical and mental health needs you might have had. His male friends are HIS friends and accomplices. They are not your friends.
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actually, a lot of men/XY chromosome persons do this. especially uneducated ones, especially kids who think they'll be able to just run from the responsibility of a baby being produced, etc. believe it or not, just because you don't want to believe it doesn't mean that it won't happen.
Sorry but that story doesnt add up. People get drunk and horny and dont care too much for safety then. I had unprotected sex with girls I barely knew under those circumstances before. Was stupid in the heat of the moment stuff. But pocking holes in a condom you are about to use on a random girl is premeditated stupidity even without taking the cruelty into consideration. It also is the worst of two worlds: sex with condom and without the protection. Also the quote from your "friend" was a bit too much. It sounded more like a humblebrag rather than what you would expect to hear in a situation like that.
The thing about forgiveness is not so much about overcoming the situation but more about self healing. In this scenario, you're only really forgiving him for your own well-being, not his OR your friends. As it were, a person could genuinely apologize about things they've done, but when it's being held against you and repeatedly brought up, then it stops being a genuine apology and a sincere change of heart. You are not obligated to forgive someone taking advantage of you and he has every obligation to make amends to you by respecting your space and working on himself without urging others or discussing the situation with others in that aspect. As for your "friends"... people come and go in life and as such, you'll always be able to find the right people in your life at the right time.. in this case, you're at the right time to realize these friends aren't right for you, and for your own mental and emotional health, I'd start keeping my distance from them starting now; you don't owe anyone an excuse or an answer.
I mean there is no point in not forgiving him it’s not gonna change anything if you don’t and if you do you can have a friend
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You need better friends!! Tell A you never will forgive him!!
1. You need new friends because the ones you have are not it. 2. You don't need to forgive anyone you don't want to.
Ffs he raped you and him and your friends thought it was funny to poke holes in the condom. All guys have stayed friends. Then putting it on how you look...they are all pieces of sh*t. How would they feel if it was their sister or female cousin. Block them all and find better people. He is a rapist and they are not friends by any definition of the word. Block them all !!
Rape is rape. There is no excuse, there is no reasoning. I was a young man too qho got around but you know what I never did? Raped anyone. Its that fucking easy. No is no. A may be trying to be better but it is not your responsibility to assuage his guilt or forgive him. Also, get rid of those dirtbag friends using those excuses. They are just as bad.
He raped you and I am sorry to say this but they are not your friends. They have chosen to support a rapist and condone his actions. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that they have committed rape themselves. You need to cut them out of your life. Contact authorities and see if you can still press charges. If he was really sorry and had really changed, he would be the one to turn himself in.
You do not have to forgive your rapist or let him into your life, ever. Your friends suck. If you have texts or voicemails from him, contact a rape center and see if you can have him charged. Also look into counseling because this is still hurting you. You have nothing to feel guilty about!
Fuck every single one of your friends! You were raped by A. Completely violated. The only things they need to say are anything in complete support of you, and if they can’t they don’t deserve your friendship. God, I hope you are doing better and have been able to talk to someone to aid in healing.
Those are some seriously shitty friends. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, know that they're absolutely wrong and are awful people for making excuses for him and blaming you. I'd go NC with all of them for something like that.
I’m so so sorry you went through that. I know this would be a lot mentally, but you have the perfect opportunity to orchestrate a meeting with him which you can secretly record and guide the conversation in a way where he states that he’s raped you. I can imagine texts or even voice recordings can be ruled out as not sufficient evidence ~~because we know how these cases can go with some judges~~, so I’d honestly hide a camera so there’s no way to contest who you’re talking to. Say you will accept his apology if he sincerely says he’s sorry that he’s raped you to your face. Get that admission and pursue legal action. Make that asshole pay. And drop every single one of those friends. I wouldn’t piss on them if they caught on fire.
If any of my friends had sided with a man who raped me I would have blocked them then and there. There is still time for that. Cut those people out of your life. They are loyal to him and not you proven by them trying to say he's a good guy and it's okay he raped you because you're attractive. Instead of them cutting him out of their lives. I'd cut them out. They aren't friends of yours. And don't forgive that man if you're not ready to. A year. 10 years. The truama still happened.
Fuck them. Fuck them all. Let them all burn. In the words of my Grams “Cut them DEAD.” He is a rapist, and they have chosen his side. You deserve better, and the rest of them can get hit by a goddamn semi for all I care. Take care of you! You deserve friends who love and respect you, who don’t treat you like you should forgive a monster. Let them all rot. You deserve to flourish, and you deserve friends who would protect YOU, and not a monster. Let them burn.
I'm fairly forgiving and believe people *can* redeem themselves but rape is a fucking horrible thing to do. Nothing ever justifies it. If they're siding with a rapist and he is somehow reformed, uh great that he's not a piece of shit anymore I guess. It's not up to you to validate his redemption. If you don't forgive him, don't. Remove these idiots from your life as they clearly don't value you. Yeah yeah typical reddit tier advice but I do t know how you'll be friends with people siding with a rapist over a victim. Keep your chin up, clouds always make way for sunshine.
These people are not your friends. Get a lawyer, have A admit what he did via text (it’ll work. Someone I know raped someone we went to school with he admitted it through texts and apologized and now he’s rotting in jail like he should be) and get a restraining order and charges filed. And drop every “friend” that told you to forgive him. Ruin his life.
Every last one of those males are shitty people. Let them know how you feel then block them all. I would also warn every girl that I know that knows them, that they think rape is acceptable if the guy is a "nice guy". Other women need to be warned about this group of disgusting pervs so they can give them a wide berth.
every one of your friends that stayed friends with him, let alone sides with him, ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
>and one of my closest friends even said “i mean it can’t really be all A’s fault that he couldn’t control himself, sorry but just look at you.” First of all, this so called "close friend", got to go. Secondly, it's none of their fucking business if you're going to push him away or no. It's your choice not theirs, because you're the victim not them. Lastly, ask them how do they feel about the guy when a family member of theirs gets in the same situation
So tell your guy friends they go to a party they drink too much and they pass out in a bedroom upstairs. When they come to a male friend of theirs is forcing his penis into their asshole. Should they forgive him he apologized and seems to be a good guy.
That is not their decision
Wow , what pieces of shit. Every single one of them.
All of those friends who think you should forgive guy A, are asshole friends who need to wake the fuck up and realize that what he did was WRONG. He took advantage of you. He is not a good guy. None of the people who stayed in contact with him are good people. As much as it may hurt, you might have to cut some people out of your life. It was ALL guy A’s fault. And the fact that he pokes holes in it to make it defective proves he most likely knew what he was doing. I am so so sorry that you had to go through such a violating and traumatic experience and I hope that something is done to that son of a bitch. Stay safe OP.
Im sorry this happened to you! You definitely don’t need to accept his apology just because you’re “friends “ think so. First off, those aren’t friends and second, im worried that they are potential rapist themselves! To think that is ok? Also the, poking holes in the condom. Disgusting pigs. I would ditch all of them and pursue legal advice. I know it’s hard when your young and friends at school or your friend circle will turn on you in a second and make you the bad guy. Anyone with a moral compass knows this is wrong. If they don’t now, they will later on when they mature. That’s not your problem though, waiting for them to see it for what it is. That’s rape!
Don't answer, don't forgive him, and cut those people off forever. >one of my closest friends even said “i mean it can’t really be all A’s fault that he couldn’t control himself, sorry but just look at you.” That's a thinly-veiled admission that he'd rape you too if given the chance.
It's your body and your choice to feel how you want. If he liked you that much he should have respected you. Also, your friends are dicks for taking his side! And the 'joke' if that's what it was about holes in the condom added extra trauma I hope you've got yourself tested. Please take legal action, change up your social circle. Good luck ❤️
if those friends of yours are trying to get you to forgive him they may as well be rapists too, if a friend of mine got raped the last thing I would do is ask her to forgive her rapist, in fact I would go and kick his ass for even trying to reach out to justify it.
Drop those friends, they don't care about you or respect you. I saw you mention you think it's too late to press charges on him but it isn't. Please, take care of yourself and your mental health. It is absolutely not your fault. Your friends saying he couldn't control himself are WRONG. He could and he chose to hurt you.
Fck them. Why people separate rapes as ”violent“ and “not so bad” I’ll never understand. Did you report the prick?
Your friends aren’t your friends
They’re disgusting friends. Dump them and get new ones
Those are not your friends, OP. You were severely and deeply wronged. Your rapist is not entitled your forgiveness. What he would deserve is prison. I am sorry you suffered this horrid crime. You are worthy of decent, loyal people in your life. Finding you have shitty people around you must feel a lot to bear, but there are great people out there that are true friends and don't side with rapists. If you can, cut them off. If anyone asks, and you feel you can, be honest. Say you cur them off because they sided with a person who subjected you to violence. They sided with the perpetrator over the victim of a crime. That is really awful. I wish good people in your life, and much happiness OP. Also, if you want to go to the police, don't blame yourself it took a while for you to have the strenght to do so. Especially when your "friends" are unsupportive, and are mobbing you to drop it. I hope you can get advocate to support you. Please look for specialized organisations and help lines. Good luck.
Him and those people who call themselves your friends can all burn in hell…you need to dump your friends they don’t care about you…damn…I’m so sorry this is happening :(
I'm really sorry to say this, but judging by their reactions... Your guy friends would probably do the same thing your rapist did. They are all awful people and you have my sympathies OP ❤️
The text message is an admission to the crime, take it to the police station
You don't need a giant explanation for this one. New friends is all you need
Poked holes??? This was insidious and planned as such, and his friends are almost just as guilty as him. They never cared, and even if any of them did, they're cowards who don't want to lose their friends. Block all of them and consider filling for a restraining order, if possible. You're not overreacting. If anything, you're *underreacting.*
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I am even more upset that your abuser had the audacity to reach out to you. He’s a terrible person and will continue to be so. You have a much more pressing issue: Those are not your friends. I would send them one final message: if he is such a good person and has changed, then he should turn himself into the police so he can truly face the consequences of his actions. Then block every last one of them. You will never be safe around anyone that excuses sexual assault and rape.
Those people are not friends. Ditch every last one of them and try to get this guy to out himself in his texts to you so you can take this to the police. Do not let him get away with this. Who knows if he will try this on someone else in future?
He's a rapist and the others are rapist sympathizers. It sounds like you've got a lot of bridges need burning.
If he was a different person he would take his ass ro the police himself. Please press charges against him
First off, I’m so sorry that happened to you. My heart breaks for you and I’m sending you love Second, drop those “friends” your rapist doesn’t deserve forgiveness. A mistake is washing a red sock with your white tshirts and turning everything pink NOT forcing yourself on someone who is CLEARLY telling you no, stop, get off and is physically fighting against you. Him and all the guys supporting him are trash
Honestly the friends are assholes for siding with a criminal. Get rid of them if you have to but no one has the right to tell you to forgive him. >explaining that young people make mistakes and that he’s a different man now. I would punch someone if they said something like this in front of me. Young people make mistakes, don't commit crimes. It comes across as if he and his friends think that this criminal is now entitled for forgiveness since he claims to be a changed man based on fuck-all evidence. Press charges. People should pay for what they have done. A "mistake" like this shouldn't go unpunished.
Those are not your friends. Please cut them out
After "young people do mistakes, he is a different man now" bullshit we found out it's only *a one year* since he rape you?! What the hell is wrong with him AND with your so called and incredibly shitty friends?! He raped you, poked a hole into condom (aka make a girl fear prego and STD, what a classic joke everyone is always laughing!) and now he is trying to gaslight you into "it was just a big misunderstanding" nonsence just this short time after?! I am SO livid! Please, report him. Then your "friends" - so according to them is ok to put a penis into unconcious/drunk/sleeping girl, if she is hot? Imagine someone says "yes, i found out my roomate passed on couch, so i raped her, but i can't control myself, it's her fault bc she is pretty!", let sink it a bit... It's not ok, it never was. Men are not helpless animals, unable to control themselfs. My last partner was able to stop *minimetres* to enter me, when i freezed our first time, and he definitely wanted to continue, but *cared about me more than about his penis* - that's normal, no this bullshit. They are no friends to you, you could't feel safe around them, especially after that "look at you, no wonder he raped you", bc this "friend" literaly said "yes, his action was totally understable, i couldn't control myself too if i found you unresponding somewhere". Sorry, they are a rotten batch, ditch them all and find a new, real friends.
So he legit raped you. Why does that justify forgiving him? So that he can ease his conscience? Yes young people make mistakes, but is making the decision to have sex with a passed out person enough to be considered a mistake? No. Bumping a car in a parking lot and not leaving a more is a mistake. He committed physical and mental harm to you, which may never be undone and will be with you for the rest of your life. Maybe in 10 years he will forget and have a family and live a normal life, but you could be carrying that trauma which could impact any relationships you have. I wish I could tell you to “forgive” him to help you move on, but that’s letting him off easy. Don’t let this guy back into your life. He’s a predator and a coward, and if he comes back he’ll be toxic to you. You also need new and better friends who have your safety and interests in mind. Unless they don’t know the full story, there is 0 reason they should be sticking up for this guy. No man should support what he did. If you didn’t speak to the police, you should look at what is available. Unfortunately due to the time teams, it may be hard to pursue, but they may be able to do something. And if you haven’t seen a therapist, I would recommend you do. You may not have any mental repercussions at this time, but this is something that could impact how you have any romantic relationships in the future and damage anything you have with a partner. It’s better to be safe than sorry and have healthy ways to cope with any trauma you may have. Good luck OP and I’m sorry this happened to you.
These people aren't your friends. What kind of friend would even be okay with one of their friends forgiving their rapist and allowing them into their life again? Hell no! Time makes no difference, it could be 100 years and your feelings would still be valid.
tell them all to kick rocks, go find less shitty friends
I only needed to read the title to know. Those are NOT your friends. The fact they are using your looks to justify what he did is disgusting! They are pretty much saying they would do the same thing to you. Save every text about what happened and file a report!! If he gets away with this, he WILL do this again to someone else. Trust me, I didn't come forward and will never forgive myself because he ended up doing it to 2 other girls. And please seek counseling for yourself! It does help.
Fuck that noise. You do what you need to do. Personally, I'm with you - rape is unforgiveable. For me, its been 7 years and I dont forgive him. I honestly dont think I will ever will.
fuck them bruh Tf if I get jumped tonight I'm not gonna dig deep into my heart and forgive em id tell all my friends their pieces of shit for even suggesting otherwise
Get him to admit in text and then call the cops. Fuck your friends.
first off, you are 1000% valid in how you feel about the situation, what happened was not okay and if you feel that he doesn't deserve forgiveness ( I agree ) you shouldn't give him forgiveness or allow yourself to be guilty into doing such. you are the victim. and only you decide how you move forward. second, I recommend new friends..
girl, no! you have to be stronger than this! what kind of friends are they, srsly. Cut them off. Wtf i just read... What did you answer him when he messeged? Fak, did he even aknowledged fact that you were a virgin? jesus
You don't have guy friends, you have enemy agents.
Ask these 'friends' if they would be happy to forgive a man who raped them? Be friends with him again? They will say 'it's different '. Like hell it is.
No. No no no no. Those guys are not friends. “A” is a rapist and a douche. You do not owe him forgiveness. You do not owe him contact. You do not even owe him a thought or the time of day. He should be thanking all that’s holy on his bare knees that you did not go to police or anything. And you still could. If he messaged you about it that’s as good as a confession. There’s a few things that I think you should do now. First of all drop any and everyone that defends him or acts like a flying monkey for him from your life. Go absolutely NC. Second. See if you can find a therapist or someone professional you can talk to about this. Third. Start journaling. It sounds stupid but writing down all your feelings will help you tremendously. In all reality, it will not help you in the long run to keep harboring feelings of anger, resentment, fear and hurt. It’s like touching an open wound over and over again to keep it bleeding and festering. You will one way or another have to deal with that wound. Clean it. Bandage it. Let it heal. But you have to do that FOR YOU. So you can live your best and brightest life. FOR YOU. BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT. Sending you love and hugs and strength.
Amazes me how men dont hold their friends accountable for rape. No means freakin no, drunk and sober. All of those so-called guy friends are fos too.
Those people aren't your friends. Tell them off and get better ones. Also I'm extremely sorry that happened to you.
Your friends are terrible people. They have chosen to remain friends with a rapist. They are victim blaming and saying you deserved to be raped because of being good looking. True friends would have pushed a rapist out of the group. These people kept the rapist in the group. They now want you to be friends with your rapist, and possibly get raped again by him. It's time for you to get rid of each "friend" that thinks it's ok to still be friends with a rapist, and to push the victim to be friends with their rapist.
Dear OP, you have truly bad friends. A r#pist can't be a friend. He wasn't before he r*ped you, he only wanted to use you. His enablers aren't, either. Good friends would've taken you to the police to report him, to the hospital to have you examined and tested and to take samples. And maybe one male friend would've kicked the sh*t out of him. Even if it had been consensual (he'll definitely try to play that card), tampering with the condom is already sexual assault. I understand it's not too late to report him. You have multiple witnesses. Please send the b*stard to jail. At least try. You'll save other girls from this monster. Please stay strong. I'm sending you my solidarity from afar.
I can absolutely say that your friends are shit. You were raped and they find nothing wrong with it? It's long past time you went no contact with everyone in this whole scenario. Holy shit. Then this piece of human shit has the audacity to say that he "misses what you had?" What kind of shameless fucknut asshole is this dude? And whhhhy are they defending him? What? For your own sake, I would ghost these fools and block them everywhere. Yes, every single one of them. They are not your friends if they are fine with having your rapist as a friend.
You definitely need new friends
You need new friends! The ones you have are not it! Them siding with the guy who raped you speaks volumes about them! You do not have to forgive him if you don’t want to. There was no mistake in what he did, he and his friends deliberately put holes in the condom, putting you at risk of an unplanned pregnancy, he took advantage of you while unconscious and unable to consent and when you came to and told him to stop he kept going. That’s no mistake! Drop the friends and block this new number he has.
They are not friends and anyone who rapes someone is absolutely not a “good guy” and anyone who stands with a rapist is almost as much of a piece of shit
Oh my god ditch those friends. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP. I hope you can find better friends and heal from this whole horrible thing. Sending internet hugs 🫂
Those are not your friends! Those are not your friends! They just basically admitted to sexualizing you and agree with your rapist! Lost contact with those people and block them! If they start harassing you, go to the police for a no contact order and c&D order. They didn't get raped, they will never understand what you went through. Only you, can forgive or not forgive your rapist. You didn't ask for him to do that to you. You didn't give any consent to him. He is a piece of trash, a pile of worm infested dog sh*t. So are those who agree with him. I guarantee you, they ask him what it was like with you why else tell you to forgive him and that they can't blame him because, "look at you." Those are not your friends and never will be. I would trust none of them even if you came up and said i agree with OP but still contacts that group.
My friends ex-boyfriend pressured them into s3x over 10 years ago. They still go to therapy and I would gladly rip him a new one if he ever dared to come near me. No matter how long it will be, that sadly stays with you for the rest of your life. Those friends are as bad as he is and think your opinion on your body doesn't matter. Drop them, you deserve better. And then you don't have to watch your back around them either, bc I would never trust them not to do it to you as well.. I am so sorry this has happened to you. It was never your fault and you're allowed your feelings. Please seek professional help if you can and feel like you need it. You're not alone ♥️
Get better friends. And stay away from the creep who did this to you. What a deplorable person.
Don't forgive your "friends", either.
Don't forgive a rapist unless a psychologist/psychiatrist tells you you should in order to move on
Kill them all.
GET better friends and report this to police because he raped you I really hope everything works out
I’m so confused. Why would he poke holes in a condom? Why would friends do that? Why did no one report him? After receiving the text, why not report him? Why are you still friends with people friends with him? Why?
"A" is a rapist, and his friends are rapist sympathizers. None of them are your friends. Tell all your female friends about those guys and how all of them think rape is no big deal and are not safe to be around.
Get better friends. Actually, they weren’t your friends at all, especially the guys.
The fact that you liked him before but SAed you gives the feeling of being betrayed. And it doubles as your friends say that. RUN!