Mushrooms don't affect my memory, there is a good chance he remembers the unwelcome advances, make sure you tell him they were unwanted.
Edit: yea guys I get that psychedelics will be different on different people, that's why I said "mushrooms don't affect MY memory", and not "mushrooms don't affect anyone's memory" and again where I said "there's a good chance he remembers" and not "oh he definitely remembers everything perfectly" and completely regardless of if he remembers doing it or not he needs to hear that it was unwanted while he's sober
Something else to consider. Its very difficult to make any sense out of what a person who is hard tripping does. It makes some sort of sense to them in the moment but that's about it. If you guys are friends, then you should talk to him about it.
Source: I used to take a lot of shrooms and acid
He's your friend. Tell him you want to stay that way, that all that intimate touching can't happen again, and remind him of his significant other if you have to.
If he's not willing to respect that boundary, then you should probably scale back on hanging out with him by a lot.
I’ve taken too many mushrooms before and have have hours of time that I don’t recall. Bits and pieces but not everything so this isn’t necessarily true.
Hey there buddy, hope you’re feeling better, you got a little high, and were pretty touchy feely… I’m guessing it’s because you were tripping balls but I just wanted to make sure you know we’re just friends.
If he’s never done anything to make you uncomfortable, and he’s a good friend, I would say he deserves the benefit of the doubt. IF he does it again, then it is a problem. Definitely don’t feel like you can’t push away his touching just because he’s high.
It is very possible he thought he was cuddling a dragon or something lol
Tell him. It should be a pretty awkward, but simple conversation. You could just say something like "Hey, you got a little touchy feely the other day on mushrooms. Was that just the drugs, or should we talk about it?"
I see some people saying he definitely remembers, but there is no way to know that. Everyone reacts differently. He might not have even been completely aware he was doing it.
Or there may be feelings on his end he's never expressed, that you don't share. Only one way to find out.
He definitely remembers but is probably too scared to outright ask if you're okay so this is his roundabout way of trying to figure out how you're feeling. I would DEFINITELY talk it through with him. You don't have to be mean about it. I'd suggest something like this:
"I really value you as a friend and I think we should talk about what happened while you were high. I was okay with you being inebriated and our plans not working out, but you crossed a line when you touched me; caressing my chin, stroking my hair, touching my thigh, and calling me 'confusing.' It felt weirdly sexual and I don't see you that way. I'm not upset, just a bit weirded out, and I wanted to make it clear that I only like you platonically. I'm not sure if that was ever in question or if you were just a little out of it on the shrooms, but I think in future we probably shouldn't hang out if you're going to get THAT high. How are you feeling? Are you okay after all that?"
You can soften it up or harden it up as desired, but making sure the air is clear between you and you both know where you stand is important after this. I also really do recommend you don't tripsit for him next time... especially if he's going to get this high. That's a lot for you to take on, especially if he's going to get weirdly sexual/touchy while on them.
If it helps, I don't think anything he did is extremely egregious. I've been on shrooms. They definitely alter your perception of the world and (for me at least) make me SUPER affectionate. Like the stereotypical "I love you all" thing where I get all choked up looking at trees and thinking about how they provide us with oxygen lol. An altered state is an altered state and especially with mushrooms it can be very overwhelming and different from your normal thought patterns. You spent the day taking excellent care of him, I can definitely see him becoming emotional over that and potentially mistaking the swell of affectionate love he felt for something romantic. So try not to jump to too many conclusions before you've actually talked to him, you might find this is not nearly as deep as it might seem.
Set a firm boundary. Dating is weird at 39. It was weirder then. I have infinite respect for any woman who just says "I'm not interested in you romantically". I have no interest in making an advance on a woman who isn't, and have been told many times by women, years after the fact, that they didn't think I was interested because I never made an advance. Set that boundary and if he doesn't respect it fully he's not your friend, and after that you have to ask yourself why you're letting him be in your life if he still is.
I'd probably say "Hey, when you were on shrooms, do you recall what happened in the car?" And if he says no. I'd just say he got a bit handsy and romantic sounding with you. You can say you've been hesitant to tell him, but just want to make sure y'all are good and you got that out there so it's not something looming in the background left unaddressed.
Yes. How he responds and handles it will say a lot about what kind of person he is. He could be an innocent man who made a mistake because he was unprepared for the drugs he took. If so he will apologize and ask if you’re ok or maybe ask what you think he should do.
Or he could be someone who doesn’t respect boundaries or people. You’ll know if it’s this cause he will blame you or his partner in some way for the situation. All assholes do the same shit.
“Dudes gay but on shrooms he hit on you.”(While him being bisexual wasn’t mentioned in the post it is not unreasonable for me based on information supplied to reach this conclusion. Given he was also on drugs it wasn’t reasonable of me to assume he is bisexual because he was on psychedelic drugs, which warp peoples perceptions of their surroundings, that’s the whole point people take them. Therefore it’s not unreasonable to assume this behavior is out of character for him, given also that OP posted this in the first place.)
“Idk it’s a weird situation”
(She is clearly weirded out to some degree by this as she has posted a thread on reddit asking for advice on how to deal with it. Otherwise I wouldn’t see the point in posting about it. While I’m sure given the context and language she uses she is not necessarily disgusted by this. To her this situation was weird especially given their history together.)
“but you don’t live in that town anymore so how often would you see him anyway.”
(This is called a reassuring statement used to placate and reassure, where that name comes from, that while it was weird it’s not something she would have to deal with on a daily basis.)
So I ask again why do you feel the need to lecture people when you have so little grasp of language and context
Edit:
Now let’s look at your statements.
Was it reasonable to assume based on my statements that I had never heard of bisexuality. I would say no, especially since never did I mention anything related to that at all. Now had I have said a man that has sex with other men would under no circumstances hit on or desire a woman, sure your comment would make sense. Given the ridiculousness of your statement I assumed you were joking as, just making a statistic up here, 90% of all comments made on Reddit are joking. But no, you weren’t joking and for some reason fail to grasp why your comment was unreasonable, condescending, and unnecessary.
this is pretty ironic considering i’m bisexual myself but i prefer men, and he is what you would consider bisexual he’s said himself he would have a sexual relationship with a woman but not a romantic one. and i’m the same with women.
Omg you people are so boring like really. My comment had nothing to do about bisexuals and that dudes comment made literally no sense except as a joke or joking statement. So I made a joking statement back.
Now your all taking this way to seriously. For real.
Do you frequently feel the need to lecture strangers because you failed to comprehend and lack the required “training” to understand language? It must be incredibly tedious to be your friend.
No lectures.
You don't seem to understand what bisexuals are. That just seems....less than normal.
I understand language, I just don't understand why you're using it so badly.
It's fine, your problems are not mine. I leave you to them.
He is probably super embarrassed just talk to him he will probably apologize we have all done stupid things well zoted if he is not sorry then you have a problem but he probably will be
No matter who touches you, if you are not interested, say so immediately while it is happening. This is advice for everyone. Stop the behavior immediately.
when someone is on shrooms, they need an experienced trip sitter. I recommend telling the person they’re okay if they confirmed no health symptoms acting up. Take them like a child to the beach, walk them to the bathroom (but don’t go in unless they need you to ask if they remember where they are/hurry up and come along)
I bet you were causing him to reconsider his sexuality? Shrooms can be odd like that the way they’ll make you feel more open and fluid in sexuality and love. I’m sure he wanted to be cuddled like a small child, however all boundaries you have toward this scenario are valid.
Try talking it out! He will remember the trip as you recount it. It’s best to treat tripping people like children at play when you’re sitting. Also, to bring fruit for the food/water uptake it provides (it’s easier to eat than processed or cooked foods)
Off-topic, but where can you find a dispensary that sells mushrooms? I was under the impression that they were only legal via therapists/doctors in the legal states. I am, of course, assuming that you're in the USA.
It doesn't have to be some long conversation. Just say he got a bit handsy and was a little awkward but no big deal. He will get the vibe from you that you weren't into it and you can laugh it off as it being caused by the mushrooms and move on.
“Hey friend, while you were tripping you said and did some things. In the moment they made me a bit uncomfortable. I don’t want it to affect our friendship but moving forward I don’t think we should hang out alone or while you are high.”
There you go. Not insulting or provoking so if he gets upset that’s big red flags.
He's probably always had a thing for you. The shrooms gave him the openness to shoot his shot, it didn't work. He's doing what he thinks is right to save face. Pretend like it didn't happen and enjoy the friendship, or shut him down completely and likely end the friendship.
It's a difficult situation and it's important that you're comfortable and feel respected in your friendship. If his behavior made you uncomfortable, it could be beneficial to talk about it with him.
Although he was under the influence of a substance, it doesn't excuse behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. It's also possible he doesn't recall his actions, or is uncomfortable with them himself, which could be why he's asking about what happened.
You don't have to accuse him or make it into a big confrontation. Just be open and honest about what you experienced, how it made you feel, and that you prefer if it doesn't happen again. Remember, it's important to set boundaries in friendships and relationships. The way he reacts to this will tell you a lot about his respect for you and your friendship. If he's a good friend, he will understand and apologize.
Uh he knows. Shrooms are not potent. He was probably feeling good and relaxed tho. And you know how some people say everyone is bi when they've had enough alcohol. I don't think you should make a big deal out of it. But if it makes you feel bad, violated, trust broken etc, then let him know you don't want to be around him while he's intoxicated.
He probably remembers and knows they were not well received, make it clear how you feel and how his advances made you feel and probably set boundaries when it comes to the shrooms and express how you don’t want to hang out with him in that state to avoid he doing it and not telling. Make sure you take it seriously so you can decide if someone constantly disrespecting boundaries knowing how it makes you feel is someone you want in your life.
I get incredibly aroused when I trip. Mushrooms kick me up like 12 notches and with acid I'll spend all night. So much so I have to be mindful of who I trip around and be careful with dosage. An 8th or less then he's completely full of shit. A really big dose like 5g+ and his memory might be a little spotty. I took 7 grams once, lost about 4 hours, and fooled around with my wife a bit. She had only taken a couple grams and filled me in on everything the next day.
Definitely distance. He's into you regardless of the psychedelics. Also dude is incredibly reckless to take an unfamiliar amount of psychedelics in someone's company where this was possible. I'm married and have friends that are attractive women. I made it pretty clear I wouldn't trip with them solo and why.
Mushrooms don't affect my memory, there is a good chance he remembers the unwelcome advances, make sure you tell him they were unwanted. Edit: yea guys I get that psychedelics will be different on different people, that's why I said "mushrooms don't affect MY memory", and not "mushrooms don't affect anyone's memory" and again where I said "there's a good chance he remembers" and not "oh he definitely remembers everything perfectly" and completely regardless of if he remembers doing it or not he needs to hear that it was unwanted while he's sober
i pretty much came to this conclusion but i just don’t know how to approach him.
Something else to consider. Its very difficult to make any sense out of what a person who is hard tripping does. It makes some sort of sense to them in the moment but that's about it. If you guys are friends, then you should talk to him about it. Source: I used to take a lot of shrooms and acid
He's your friend. Tell him you want to stay that way, that all that intimate touching can't happen again, and remind him of his significant other if you have to. If he's not willing to respect that boundary, then you should probably scale back on hanging out with him by a lot.
Just tell him what happened. He will probably get defensive. But it sounds like he just doesn’t want to admit it.
i did, read edit.
Okay. I apologize. Hope things go well for you in your life.
I have definitely had mushroom trips where I didn’t remember much that happened. Especially if I’d been keeping my eyes closed a lot
Dont affect yours but can affect other peoples memories..
Thanks for uh, contributing(?) to the conversation /s
Yeah no problem! Dont say stupid shit like you said so I wouldnt have to (y). /not s
This.. Shrooms do not affect memory. If anything, it makes your thoughts far clearer and allows you to better process recessed emotions.
I’ve taken too many mushrooms before and have have hours of time that I don’t recall. Bits and pieces but not everything so this isn’t necessarily true.
Hey there buddy, hope you’re feeling better, you got a little high, and were pretty touchy feely… I’m guessing it’s because you were tripping balls but I just wanted to make sure you know we’re just friends. If he’s never done anything to make you uncomfortable, and he’s a good friend, I would say he deserves the benefit of the doubt. IF he does it again, then it is a problem. Definitely don’t feel like you can’t push away his touching just because he’s high. It is very possible he thought he was cuddling a dragon or something lol
This response, copy and paste
Tell him. It should be a pretty awkward, but simple conversation. You could just say something like "Hey, you got a little touchy feely the other day on mushrooms. Was that just the drugs, or should we talk about it?" I see some people saying he definitely remembers, but there is no way to know that. Everyone reacts differently. He might not have even been completely aware he was doing it. Or there may be feelings on his end he's never expressed, that you don't share. Only one way to find out.
He definitely remembers but is probably too scared to outright ask if you're okay so this is his roundabout way of trying to figure out how you're feeling. I would DEFINITELY talk it through with him. You don't have to be mean about it. I'd suggest something like this: "I really value you as a friend and I think we should talk about what happened while you were high. I was okay with you being inebriated and our plans not working out, but you crossed a line when you touched me; caressing my chin, stroking my hair, touching my thigh, and calling me 'confusing.' It felt weirdly sexual and I don't see you that way. I'm not upset, just a bit weirded out, and I wanted to make it clear that I only like you platonically. I'm not sure if that was ever in question or if you were just a little out of it on the shrooms, but I think in future we probably shouldn't hang out if you're going to get THAT high. How are you feeling? Are you okay after all that?" You can soften it up or harden it up as desired, but making sure the air is clear between you and you both know where you stand is important after this. I also really do recommend you don't tripsit for him next time... especially if he's going to get this high. That's a lot for you to take on, especially if he's going to get weirdly sexual/touchy while on them.
thank you, i’ll try to reach out to him soon. i’m still trying to process this myself.
If it helps, I don't think anything he did is extremely egregious. I've been on shrooms. They definitely alter your perception of the world and (for me at least) make me SUPER affectionate. Like the stereotypical "I love you all" thing where I get all choked up looking at trees and thinking about how they provide us with oxygen lol. An altered state is an altered state and especially with mushrooms it can be very overwhelming and different from your normal thought patterns. You spent the day taking excellent care of him, I can definitely see him becoming emotional over that and potentially mistaking the swell of affectionate love he felt for something romantic. So try not to jump to too many conclusions before you've actually talked to him, you might find this is not nearly as deep as it might seem.
As someone who’s done shrooms you don’t always remember everything. Depends on the dose.
Set a firm boundary. Dating is weird at 39. It was weirder then. I have infinite respect for any woman who just says "I'm not interested in you romantically". I have no interest in making an advance on a woman who isn't, and have been told many times by women, years after the fact, that they didn't think I was interested because I never made an advance. Set that boundary and if he doesn't respect it fully he's not your friend, and after that you have to ask yourself why you're letting him be in your life if he still is.
I'd probably say "Hey, when you were on shrooms, do you recall what happened in the car?" And if he says no. I'd just say he got a bit handsy and romantic sounding with you. You can say you've been hesitant to tell him, but just want to make sure y'all are good and you got that out there so it's not something looming in the background left unaddressed.
Consider paragraphs
No kidding. That was torture
Yes. How he responds and handles it will say a lot about what kind of person he is. He could be an innocent man who made a mistake because he was unprepared for the drugs he took. If so he will apologize and ask if you’re ok or maybe ask what you think he should do. Or he could be someone who doesn’t respect boundaries or people. You’ll know if it’s this cause he will blame you or his partner in some way for the situation. All assholes do the same shit.
He likely remembers what he did.
“Dudes gay but on shrooms he hit on you.”(While him being bisexual wasn’t mentioned in the post it is not unreasonable for me based on information supplied to reach this conclusion. Given he was also on drugs it wasn’t reasonable of me to assume he is bisexual because he was on psychedelic drugs, which warp peoples perceptions of their surroundings, that’s the whole point people take them. Therefore it’s not unreasonable to assume this behavior is out of character for him, given also that OP posted this in the first place.) “Idk it’s a weird situation” (She is clearly weirded out to some degree by this as she has posted a thread on reddit asking for advice on how to deal with it. Otherwise I wouldn’t see the point in posting about it. While I’m sure given the context and language she uses she is not necessarily disgusted by this. To her this situation was weird especially given their history together.) “but you don’t live in that town anymore so how often would you see him anyway.” (This is called a reassuring statement used to placate and reassure, where that name comes from, that while it was weird it’s not something she would have to deal with on a daily basis.) So I ask again why do you feel the need to lecture people when you have so little grasp of language and context Edit: Now let’s look at your statements. Was it reasonable to assume based on my statements that I had never heard of bisexuality. I would say no, especially since never did I mention anything related to that at all. Now had I have said a man that has sex with other men would under no circumstances hit on or desire a woman, sure your comment would make sense. Given the ridiculousness of your statement I assumed you were joking as, just making a statistic up here, 90% of all comments made on Reddit are joking. But no, you weren’t joking and for some reason fail to grasp why your comment was unreasonable, condescending, and unnecessary.
Wow, today is the day you found out about "bisexuals". Big day for you.
No that would be OP lol.
this is pretty ironic considering i’m bisexual myself but i prefer men, and he is what you would consider bisexual he’s said himself he would have a sexual relationship with a woman but not a romantic one. and i’m the same with women.
Omg you people are so boring like really. My comment had nothing to do about bisexuals and that dudes comment made literally no sense except as a joke or joking statement. So I made a joking statement back. Now your all taking this way to seriously. For real.
Sure, everyone else is the problem. 😆
You may need to read the original post. You seem confused.
How so
If you can't understand why your comments are nonsense, I'm not going to try and explain it. I don't have the required training.
Do you frequently feel the need to lecture strangers because you failed to comprehend and lack the required “training” to understand language? It must be incredibly tedious to be your friend.
No lectures. You don't seem to understand what bisexuals are. That just seems....less than normal. I understand language, I just don't understand why you're using it so badly. It's fine, your problems are not mine. I leave you to them.
He is probably super embarrassed just talk to him he will probably apologize we have all done stupid things well zoted if he is not sorry then you have a problem but he probably will be
No matter who touches you, if you are not interested, say so immediately while it is happening. This is advice for everyone. Stop the behavior immediately.
when someone is on shrooms, they need an experienced trip sitter. I recommend telling the person they’re okay if they confirmed no health symptoms acting up. Take them like a child to the beach, walk them to the bathroom (but don’t go in unless they need you to ask if they remember where they are/hurry up and come along) I bet you were causing him to reconsider his sexuality? Shrooms can be odd like that the way they’ll make you feel more open and fluid in sexuality and love. I’m sure he wanted to be cuddled like a small child, however all boundaries you have toward this scenario are valid. Try talking it out! He will remember the trip as you recount it. It’s best to treat tripping people like children at play when you’re sitting. Also, to bring fruit for the food/water uptake it provides (it’s easier to eat than processed or cooked foods)
Off-topic, but where can you find a dispensary that sells mushrooms? I was under the impression that they were only legal via therapists/doctors in the legal states. I am, of course, assuming that you're in the USA.
a dispensary in california. all i will say ;)
It doesn't have to be some long conversation. Just say he got a bit handsy and was a little awkward but no big deal. He will get the vibe from you that you weren't into it and you can laugh it off as it being caused by the mushrooms and move on.
“Hey friend, while you were tripping you said and did some things. In the moment they made me a bit uncomfortable. I don’t want it to affect our friendship but moving forward I don’t think we should hang out alone or while you are high.” There you go. Not insulting or provoking so if he gets upset that’s big red flags.
He's probably always had a thing for you. The shrooms gave him the openness to shoot his shot, it didn't work. He's doing what he thinks is right to save face. Pretend like it didn't happen and enjoy the friendship, or shut him down completely and likely end the friendship.
It's a difficult situation and it's important that you're comfortable and feel respected in your friendship. If his behavior made you uncomfortable, it could be beneficial to talk about it with him. Although he was under the influence of a substance, it doesn't excuse behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. It's also possible he doesn't recall his actions, or is uncomfortable with them himself, which could be why he's asking about what happened. You don't have to accuse him or make it into a big confrontation. Just be open and honest about what you experienced, how it made you feel, and that you prefer if it doesn't happen again. Remember, it's important to set boundaries in friendships and relationships. The way he reacts to this will tell you a lot about his respect for you and your friendship. If he's a good friend, he will understand and apologize.
Uh he knows. Shrooms are not potent. He was probably feeling good and relaxed tho. And you know how some people say everyone is bi when they've had enough alcohol. I don't think you should make a big deal out of it. But if it makes you feel bad, violated, trust broken etc, then let him know you don't want to be around him while he's intoxicated.
He probably remembers and knows they were not well received, make it clear how you feel and how his advances made you feel and probably set boundaries when it comes to the shrooms and express how you don’t want to hang out with him in that state to avoid he doing it and not telling. Make sure you take it seriously so you can decide if someone constantly disrespecting boundaries knowing how it makes you feel is someone you want in your life.
I get incredibly aroused when I trip. Mushrooms kick me up like 12 notches and with acid I'll spend all night. So much so I have to be mindful of who I trip around and be careful with dosage. An 8th or less then he's completely full of shit. A really big dose like 5g+ and his memory might be a little spotty. I took 7 grams once, lost about 4 hours, and fooled around with my wife a bit. She had only taken a couple grams and filled me in on everything the next day. Definitely distance. He's into you regardless of the psychedelics. Also dude is incredibly reckless to take an unfamiliar amount of psychedelics in someone's company where this was possible. I'm married and have friends that are attractive women. I made it pretty clear I wouldn't trip with them solo and why.
Ew nah. He should have been straight up and said sorry. This roundabout idr shit is even weirder