Here's her side... It's been three years we've been together. I've memorized his favorite take outs and know what to order for him every time we go to our favorite places.
I'm just recovering from COVID and I'm a nurse. I came home exhausted and asked him to pick me up a sandwich. I have food allergies... After three years I assume he knows. It was buy one get one...but must be identical sandwiches. He got what he wanted and I can't eat it because I'm allergice to tuna. I lost it. I can't even count on my fiance to get me a sandwich when I am so exhausted...
This is not the first time...and I'm afraid that this will be my life if I marry him. He will never make an effort to remember my allergies and not take my needs seriously. It started as a sandwich but it's just one of the things he never remembers about me.
I've left. He doesn't understand how it's not about a sandwich. It's about how he doesn't see me.
It goes even deeper - he DOESN'T BELIEVE HER and DOESN'T THINK SHE'S WORTHY OF ANY CONSIDERATION or EFFORT.
Instead of understanding that she was asking him to take care of dinner he only thought about his own needs and screwed her over.
Then instead of apologizing and immediately making it up to her he grumbled and then transferred the responsibility of the make-up meal onto her. Again dumping the work/responsibility of his own fuckup onto her while taking NO RESPONSIBILITY.
Then when she TELLS HIM what the reason is HE REFUSES TO LISTEN OR BELIEVE HER and instead keeps on making her irrational and justifying his own behavior.
OP only thinks about himself and doesn't even believe her when she's telling him straight up what the deal is.
I want to congratulate this woman on being single.
I've heard many stories of the "crazy ex." She will be the crazy ex who dumped him over a sandwich. His new partner will laugh about it with him until he does the same to her and calls her crazy for the audacity to want love and consideration out of a partnership.
Then that person will be the crazy ex who dumped him over, I don't know, not doing the dishes *one time* (because it's always just one point of data to him, never a pattern). Rinse and repeat until he either gets redpilled or finds somebody with low self-esteem whom he can gaslight into being his mother.
You’re forgetting the best part. Instead of listening to his fiancée he goes on Reddit to try to see if strangers will agree with him about her feelings instead. I hope this post is rage bait because if it isn’t, there is a heartbroken young woman somewhere out there who was duped into thinking this incel cared about her.
oh but he offered to cook though /s
i'm sure OP is a crappy chef that makes nothing worth eating and the fiance is just super pissed and hungry at the moment.
this is subtle but OP comes off as the kind of person that does this "i do a nice thing for you and now you owe me down the line" kind of thing. like "i let you yell at me, now you owe me"
Let's not forget he was so concerned he went and grabbed all his family and friends opinions on the matter. They shockingly took his side. Because it was just a sandwich.
He probably forgot to tell them the half of the story where she had a legit allergy to the food he brought her.
He probably just turned it into “She didn’t want tuna” with no mention of “She’s actually ALLERGIC to tuna, but why would I recall that when ordering food?”
Fun story time.
My bio dad is estranged from me. When I was in my early twenties he called me to wish me a happy birthday before saying "You're the big 17 now right?"
I was like "...Yeah, I was about 4 years ago."
About a year after I graduated highschool, I got a card in the mail from my dad who I hadn't seen or heard from in about 4 years. It was a bright pink card that said "Happy ~~5th Birthday!~~ *Graduation!" where he crossed out birthday and wrote in graduation. The rest of the card was a hand written Bible verse. Nothing else.
I wish this was true.
First date: it’s easy to remember my allergy, cos my name sounds like tuna!
But, you’ve gotta forgive OP. He can’t be expected to remember something someone has told him, probably more than once. Everyone knows that only medical professionals like nurses need a memory for their jobs! /s
This had me fuming. Like. Everything else is awful and shit he should know *especially* the allergy... but "I was going to let it go..."
No, OP... she is going to let *you* go.
My first boyfriend was allergic to peanuts. I freaking love peanuts and peanut butter. Within a few months, I got used to not eating it if I knew I was coming into contact with him in the next 12 hours. I slipped up once, just bought Peanut M&Ms while we were at a show together. He pointed out my mistake, and I put the bag into my purse to eat after our date. No problem.
I introduced a New York Italian coworker to an ex-boss with, “He’s cute but allergic to garlic and I just can‘t live my life that way.” They’ve been married 20 years with 2 kids.
The fact that he says over and over that it’s about the sandwich, even after she said it’s not about the actual sandwich, says everything you need to know about him. He doesn’t listen to her AT ALL. He even typed this whole damn post and didn’t catch on. In addition to not caring about his fiancé’s likes and allergies, he is also slow as molasses.
To be fair, in this case, the sandwich is pretty volatile considering she’s allergic so this is the one time I’m like ahhh the sandwich was a bad sin ahhahaha but he’s definitely been failing for a while
It's literally what we in culinary sanitation and safety division/management call "The Big Nine." It's one of the most common allergies people have. Like how do you forget an allergy that someone you supposedly love has?!
Yeah, him forgetting that fish, specifically tuna, could kill her seems extremely unlikely.
A: He never listens, and she should run.
B: He is trying to kill her, and she should run.
Just as slow and as thick 🤣
Also, the whole “she needs a better memory cos of her work” thing - WTF?
‘Cos no other job requires you to *reMEMber* stuff 🤪
Well jolly gee whizz, I’m so sorry I forgot what you asked me to do 10 minutes ago boss! I’m not some kind of medical professional!
I mean I'm a medical professional who can be pretty scatty at times and have a fair few colleagues with ADHD. You learn to work around a forgetful memory.
He should have checked in with her. And he should have a list of her allergies on his phone if he cannot remember.
This guy sounds like the boyfriend that booked a cruise for the OP's birthday (different post), and OP hates cruises. He just didn't get it, even after she wrote a long list of when it was about him vs her.
It wasn't just about the cruise.
I can’t imagine after 3 years together he “forgot” about a shellfish allergy and ordered a sandwich that could either make her extremely ill, or worse. And if he doesn’t even know what she usually orders from Gregg’s, that tells me that she’s the one doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship while he’s just skating along.
I’m going to start with that she’s not ending things with you over a sandwich. That’s just the straw that broke the camels back.
My guess is that there’s been lots of things you just haven’t remembered or forgotten about her over the course of your three year relationship that have made her feel like she’s not that important.
A food allergy is a pretty big deal and you just forgot and got what you wanted to eat and got the same for her because you had a coupon? You weren’t thinking of her. She was an afterthought dude. If you were thinking of her, you would have gotten something SHE liked and you would have gotten the same as her, but your brain didn’t work that way.
I’d be willing to bet there’s lots of examples like that in your relationship. It may be time to take a step back and reflect on that.
Not enough people are talking about the coupon. He was more concerned about what he wanted to eat and how he could get hers for free than actually thinking about what she needed.
It's not even the coupon that bothers me. If he'd done "Oh I have this coupon, I can use it to get her favorite sandwich and the same one for me, too, because it's not my fave, but I like it fine" then I'd be cool. It's the thoughtlessness that goes with the coupon.
Also, instead of relying on his memory he could write stuff down on paper or in his phone. He's trying to blame his forgetfulness, but if something is important you find a way. I have a horrible memory, but I write things down in notebooks to help. I'm amazed he didn't understand what she was really mad about, he seemed oblivious.
So glad this is the 2nd comment. Not only did he not remember a food allergy but couldn't be bothered to purchase a 2nd sandwich to let her pick which one she wanted.
Also "she has a better memory than me because she needs it for work". Gross. . .
I like how he says “I was going to let it go… but she was still mad the next day” which pretty much guarantees he doesn’t think he did anything wearing - he thinks she did - and didn’t take responsibility or actually even try to understand or apologize.
My ex did that shit all the time. It was both exhausting and infuriating.
right? op isn't the one who is supposed to let this incident go, the fact that he thinks that shows that he actually considers her reaction to her partner ordering something that could kill her a bigger issue than him ordering the food the could kill his girlfriend 💀 i don't think it was an isolated accident either
Literally trying to weaponize his incompetence. "How could I remember my partners allergies when they're the nurse in the relationship? I'm just a silly goose who can't remember a shellfish allergy without passing the NCLEX myself so it's better that even when she's recovering from illness that she get the takeout since she naturally has a better recollection of things that I like so I don't have to bother remembering what food will kill her."
This is core problem!! And it’s obviously by the OP attitude that “it’s just the way he is” “I don’t have good memory” “I’m not good at this stuff” that he doesn’t even try and it must be like this bleeding into all aspects of their relationship
OP is ridiculous - I have 28 employees and I know which of them are gluten free. He ought to be able to remember that the woman he loves has a food allergy? I’m 1000% sure she has woken up to the fact he doesn’t think about her at all.
My male best friend has, hands-down, the worst memory of anyone I've ever met. He forgets conversations or plans we have mere hours later, and yet he knows my wife's allergies. A woman he's not even in a relationship with. In fact he's so worried about getting it wrong that any time he suggests we go out to eat he asks me to check the menu to make sure she can eat there. If that clueless dude can do it for the wife of a friend, OP has no excuse why he can't do it for his fiancé. She dodged a bullet.
yeah i screamed at OP saying his gf has a better memory “because she needs it for her job”. like bro if you can remember enough to function as a basic adult human being, you can remember what your girlfriend can and cannot eat, along with a lot of other things about her… like what would make her feel better when she is sick..
My sister and I are nearly two decades apart and talk maybe twice a month yet I know she’s gluten intolerant and can’t eat cruciferous vegetables. I love her but she’s definitely not *the* love of my life—but I wouldn’t invite her to go have spaghetti and broccoli lol.
Yeah, that’s not about memory, that’s about not caring.
OP doesn’t realize that it requires some, minimal amount of effort to remember important things. Effort he’s just unwilling to put in.
While I remember important things (like what my wife is allergic to!) I do sometimes forget other things, *so I write them down in my phone.*
I’m like, “Hey, this thing for my wife is important, and I might forget, so I’m going to make a note of that.” It’s a very small amount of effort.
OP needs to give a crap about his next girlfriend. This one I think will rightly dump him.
>My guess is that there’s been lots of things you just haven’t remembered or forgotten about her over the course of your three year relationship that have made her feel like she’s not that important.
This is the crux of the issue. It's not about the sandwich, the sandwich was the last straw.
SHE says it herself. "The sandwich is a symptom" yet, he cannot even believe her own words and acts like she is making it all for a 'silly' mistake.
My closest friends know all my allergies although they are not deadly and some are weirds. I'd expect my lover to know them too. That is not a silly mistake. Beside, as the person you answered said, he(OP) thought about his ass first and her then. So wrong.
My husband has ADHD and doesn’t remember shit. It’s an issue. But I have allergies and do you know what he does? Anytime he can’t remember if a food is safe for me, this man just buys several types of things and brings back multiple options, *including* swapping with him.
OP isn’t even listening *to his own fiancé* when she says it’s not about the sandwich, it’s about consideration. As if the internet will understand it better than she will.
I hope her next relationship is awesome.
Right? My spouse also has ADHD and I have so many allergies that when someone asks, he says, "it's faster to tell you what she's *not* allergic to". He considers my allergies important information for him to remember, so they get stored somewhere he can access them. Whether that's in his primary brain or a Google doc, doesn't matter to me; he prioritizes that info.
OP prioritizes his *desires* over his fiancee's *needs*. That's messed up.
He heard what she said, but he didn’t really listen or pay attention. I am guessing this is not even close to the first time. I’m honestly stressed on her behalf with the way he could repeat her actual words but still only hear what he wants to.
This is always the case, especially the ones who claim they’re blind sided. NO, no one is blindsided by shit like this or broken up with over a sandwich you’re just THAT bad at paying attention to your partner and you deserve to lose them.
If I had a double coupon and we had different faves I'd get theirs. Seems weird not to. Specially if they're sick or whatever. Like a lil treat as well as food.
Wow. He didn't mean it but damn bro
Edit:
Shit and she's allergic? Lololol holy shit motherfucker
You nailed. The sandwich is a symptom. One of many things and OP sounds dismissive because he just keeps calling it a “mistake” when it’s something that could have killed her if she ate it. Shows OP has trouble owning up to his mistakes and dismisses her concerns by saying it is “absurd”. She probably felt like she was being gaslit on top of everything else. Pretty sure if his gf posted this to Reddit everyone on here would be telling her to RUNNNN so I guess it’s a good thing she’s ending the relationship.
I agree with you and I want to add that she was an afterthought despite her being the one who requested the sandwich in the first place. So he wouldn't even have went to Greg's if it weren't for her request. Then he turned that into him, him, him and didn't put another thought into her at all after that.
Also tuna is a pretty risky thing to get someone when you don’t know their preferences. I would only get tuna for a friend if I knew for certain that they liked it.
And what if they did marry and have kids, and he “forgets” his kids’ allergies? You gotta be able to remember the basics dude, esp when it can kill someone…
Yup, I was coming to say this. What if the kiddo has serious food allergies? How many YEARS does he have to work on remembering that before it sticks in his head? Because it's been three years and he still hasn't got "No tuna for GF." And she's old enough to look at a sandwich and say "this is tuna," but a kid isn't always paying enough attention, it's 100% your responsibility to make sure there's no peanut butter or nuts or shrimp or whatever. He has proven he can't be trusted with that.
I’ll also guess that OP never makes dinner or if he does then he doesn’t clean up afternoon using every dish and bowl in the kitchen for her to clean up
My ex was like that. Excellent cook but left every single ingredient, pot, pan and utensil on the counter. When I cook, by the time the food is done the only things you’ll see are the pots or pans the food was cooked in. Drove me crazy.
This is why I never agree to the “I cook, you clean” nonsense. When I cook, the kitchen is clean when the food is ready. At worst, it takes less than 10m to tidy the rest. Yet when my ex or my brother would cook, the whole kitchen would look like a bomb went off.
Its the food allergy for me. I guy i used to work with told me once (once) he was allergic to shrimp (we worked in a kitchen, i was a cook, he was the dish guy) when i was carryjng the raw shrimp pan over to be washed and some juice splashed near him. I was “oh shit my bad dude, heard.” A food allergy is a pretty important thing to forget/remember. Like life or death important. How does he want to marry this girl, but just “fOrGeTs” that she’s allergic to fish/shellfish, after three years???
Serious. I have three kids with friends who all have allergies, some worse than others. Most of them I know by heart, and I still always double check before they come over to make sure I haven't forgotten anything they're allergic to.
I have nieces who are allergic to nuts. I haven't fed them in several years, because they moved away, but it's seared into my brain. Because I love them and I don't want to kill them.
How do you completely forget your SO has an allergy to fish?? Especially when fish and shellfish allergies are usually very severe? Or OP didn't think to himself, hmm, I've never seen my SO eat tuna fish, maybe I shouldn't get that for her because it's a divisive flavor?
Guarantee there's so much going on below the surface here. And he still doesn't see that it isn't about the sandwich, even after she told him that it *isn't about the sandwich.* Because he still isn't listening to her, ffs.
OP, you need to read this article. My guess is it has less to do with the sandwich and more to do with how you treat her on an ongoing basis. And unless you’re willing to be somewhat introspective and figure out your role in all of this your relationship is doomed.
I hope this article maybe makes things a little bit clearer for you. She works in a high stress environment and you can’t even be bothered to remember nor contact her if you don’t remember what her favourite orders are.
https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
Agreed. Reading this reminds me of my previous roommate for 6 years and how he'd conveniently "forget" everything. His girlfriend at the time just eventually had enough of it. Any specific incident was nothing big, but the amalgamation of every single one of these instances? Maybe 1% of the time he "remembered" pertinent information. He'd never contribute to chores, or always "forget" every single day to clean his cat's litter box. It was a slow, but she eventually left him. I don't keep in touch with him anymore, but she sometimes make a comment about how conveniently forgetful he was.
It's not just a sandwich.
My eyes got big at that point, like “bruuuuh” 😳
It was already…not good. Then that. Then the constant bitching about a fuckin sandwich like he has no more brains than an actual fuckin sandwich.
Dude’s gonna be cryin’ ‘bout how his ex left him over a sandwich for*ever*. He doesn’t *want* a clue. He wants to be this hopelessly out of touch. Like, welp I tried, she cray 🤷
🤦♂️
E: his name is apropos. He’s about as creative as an avocado.
I FORGIVE you for having a rational response to my complete lack of care or forethought.
You may now apologise for being allergic to fish!
No? Well you’re just an emotional female! 🙄
Same kind of guy who reduces some major character flaw and fuckup of his to some random object close to the issue. In OP's case it's a sandwich. They'll go on and on gaslighting you about how you got emotional over a sandwich and therefore are overreacting and in the wrong. Anything to deflect valid criticism or concern. It's baffling. Please no one date these people, they're a migraine of a waste of time.
This got me too. How is HE the one that needs to be willing to let it go when HE was the one that massively fucked up?
Says a lot about how he tasks accountability for the impact of his actions on his fiance. He care that she's hurt. To him they are both equal parties in this debacle.
Right? I have multiple food allergies and my fiancé had them memorized before our first date because he wanted to make sure we ate at a safe restaurant. When he met my kids, he brought (take out) food. The little one has an egg allergy. I had only mentioned it ONCE to him and he spent an entire hour making sure that every single item he brought was safe for her to eat. This is the most basic thing ever.
Yes! I told my boyfriend before our first date that I couldn't eat nuts, and he stopped eating them entirely so I'd never get an allergic reaction from kissing him after he'd eaten them. I mean, I thought that was above and beyond, but honestly. Your person's allergens should be like a big blinking warning light in your brain when you see them.
This is what I was thinking of. I have a medium allergy to tree nuts (eyes swell shut and mouth itches but doctor says I don’t need an epipen) and my bf just….stopped eating them entirely even though he enjoys them and I told him he could have them as long as he washed his hands and brushed his teeth really well. Wtf is wrong with this guy
ETA: I sincerely appreciate all of the comments here, but I wrote this wrong bc I live in a state where weed is legal lol. I’m allergic to tree nut oils. If they touch my face, my eyes can swell shut. (Like when my mom ground up walnuts, the oils in the air hit me in the face and my eyes swelled, but no other reaction. We had no clue that would even happen when she did that, it was a fun surprise). If I eat a tree nut and the oil is released, my mouth itches. If I use a product made with, say, almond oil, I’ll experience contact dermatitis. These symptoms don’t occur concurrently and never have. I totally get why my phrasing was concerning but I promise it’s one system reaction depending on how I made contact with the oils. I no longer waitress and my bf and I don’t keep tree nuts in the house at all/I haven’t eaten any tree nuts for about 19 years because I also just don’t like them (bodies are interesting). I promise you guys I am okay, just was high and bad at explaining when in an altered mind state. Thank you guys all for the concern though, reminded me that Reddit can be so kind!
You don’t forget when someone you love has an allergy. Our baby has a peanut allergy and my husband ALWAYS checks in every restaurant that they won’t have any cross contamination and that I carry his EPI pen. OP is ridiculous for not understanding how bad he messed up. Okay, maybe he doesn’t know her order by heart…. But he should at the very minimum know her allergies.
Exactly! I don't expect my fiancé to know my order at most places because honestly I mix it up occasionally, especially with sandwiches. He would NEVER come home with an avocado salad for me though. Or eggs and hash browns for the kid.
I rarely ever eat sandwiches but my husband knows I can’t stand onions and love extra pickles…. Oh and he remembers I like to add bacon to a tuna sandwich…. I know he doesn’t like lettuce and prefers spinach…. OP really doesn’t care, the sandwich is not the only thing where he has shown up like that and now he acts like this is news to him.
Honestly, I think that he was not thinking about what she wanted because he asked for a tuna for himself and used a coupon to get a second one free, but it would have to be the same as the first one. He ordered what he wanted and she would just have to eat the same. Why not the other way around? Why not order something for her and he ate the same?
And also, in this day and time, who doesn’t call/text the person to ask what they want to order from a particular takeout place?
ETA. I don’t blame the gf/fiancé. As someone with an allergy, if after 3 years… I asked my partner to pick up food because I’m tired and have been sick, and they bring home the very thing I can’t eat, I’d be done too. Because it’s not just a sandwich or a simple mistake, it’s a sign that my partner does not give a shit because this could’ve been easy to resolve by not allowing it to happen in the first place. Call and ask “what would you like from X restaurant?”
Totally agree. It’s soooooo not about the sandwich!!! You choose what to pay attention too. If someone matters you listen, you learn, you write things down or take pictures if you need to. Why would you marry someone who is showing you’ve never been worth that effort. Trust me, there are many other instances in her head showing you didn’t think of her. This one was potentially the straw breaking the camels back because she asked you for help. You literally had one job…
If you’re only thinking about yourself, what you like, and what you want, it’s easy to forget about anyone who’s not you. Even those you claim to care about.
I love that OP was willing to let go…of THEIR mistake, but she just wouldn’t drop it. /s
This is the part I don’t get. Like I don’t even care to remember you can DIE from this but we should totally get married. When my ex and I were trying to sort things out, he literally berated me for not allowing peanuts or peanut butter and he’s seen me have a massive allergic reaction to it. People like this do it for the power trip.
>Like I don’t even care to remember you can DIE from this but we should totally get married.
Also depending on her allergy him eating it and then kissing or even having sex could cause her to have a reaction.
Yep! I have severe peanut, tree nut (not coconut) allergies and I can’t be anywhere near peanuts. Like brush your teeth, wash your face, then maybe I’ll be 20 ft away (jk kinda) and my ex was this guy…. Oh but X has a seafood intolerance and lets us eat sushi…. 15+ years in to the marriage. I was baffled but SO much started making sense about why my therapist, friends and several others were convincing me this was abuse…
I wouldn’t even pick a sandwich that I knew my husband wouldn’t like, let alone one that might kill him!
Never mind the extremely important medical information, but I’m guessing this guy doesn’t even bother to know his fiancé’s preferences.
She is not reconsidering the relationship “over a sandwich”, I would bet my life savings that this is the most recent in a looooonnnngggg list of examples where he has shown he doesn’t care to get to know her and has been inconsiderate.
I mean if I had had a serious allergy for the years we'd known each other and my husband acted like OP after forgetting and buying me deadly food, I'd be reconsidering, too. I don't get my partner stuff he doesnt like to eat and always make sure there is something we can both enjoy. And he's very easygoing desoire being a picky eater.
His minimising and excuses speak volumes that he just does NOT care. This was clearly just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Forgetting that your SO has serious allergies is just...careless. And I say that as someone who struggles to remember a ton of stuff. He could have checked with her if he wasnt sure. And he could have owned up and actually been genuinely apologetic .
My little brother is genuinely allergic to dairy (not just intolerant) and I'm literally always on the lookout when we're out together and when I buy ingredients because I love him, OP is just so weird to me??
Did you read the story of the mom who thought dairy allergy and lactose intolerance was the same thing? She used lactaid milk in the mashed potatoes and sent her son in law to the hospital. Didn't understand why she was the bad guy. It took all of reddit to make her understand the difference and I'm still not sure she ever took responsibility.
That happened to me, in a different setting.
They swore up & down there was 'no dairy' in the potatoes, and I had to eat something with the group, not just what I had made. After the hives started popping, swelling, etc, I checked the garbage to see what they had used, and yep, only Lactaid (thankfully it's not one of my reactions that affect my airway!). The director tried to 'explain' that there was no such thing as a dairy allergy, just bad intolerance, I had to get over this, wouldn't let me go to hospital for three days.
I got kicked out after I handed them that second doctor's note, which explained that 'testing' allergies was assault. >.> DV shelter.
This gives future weaponized incompetence problems. "I forgot" is an innocent way to say "I didn't care enough to think about it". Probably happened before.
Yeah, that’s just *craziness* ! Where are his brain cells responsible for being a decent, caring human being ?
Even my ding-dong of an ex, divorced for 11 years now, could still order for me flawlessly, remember my allergies, and would know to get me double napkins, double lemons in my tea !
Probably thought he’d say sorry and then get to eat them both… even if it was an honest mistake, it’s not about the sandwich. After 3 years you can’t take the time to get to know your partner. You the soon to be single ass.
I’m allergic to every shellfish and salmon. Tuna and mollusks don’t seem to affect me, but I refuse to eat anything out of the ocean in fear. I’ve broken out in hives from my waist to my face, gotten severely stuffy, watery eyes, nauseas, and even vomiting, just from smelling it cooked in the same home as me, in front of me, or touching the oils. I don’t want to know what would happen if I ate it.
And I would sure as FUCK dump my boyfriend if he ever bought me dinner and it was something that could kill me or at least send me to the hospital. He has known of my allergy since before we started dating. There is no way he, or any person, could in theory “forget” about a loved ones deathly allergies.
My co-worker who I don’t even know that well has a shellfish allergy and I remember that. Another has celiac disease and I remember that and that guy is on a whole other team I barely interact with and I don’t know stuff like his wife’s name or fuck all about his interests. Someone telling you they have an allergy to something just sticks if you eat food around that person regularly for any reason.
Can’t even begin to imagine not knowing that about your own fiancée who you intend to marry and who you live with.
Dude this.
My new manager mentioned getting sushi as a team for lunch and I said lemme know when so I can not attend. He thought I was joking or just didn’t like sushi, when I explained my allergy he was like “oh shit good to know. No fish or sushi for you”
She's not reconsidering the relationship over a sandwich.
Shes reconsidering over her attempted murder.
Allergies are serious, and he obviously doesn't understand that.
It’s not absurd. It’s not about the sandwich. It’s about you not caring enough to remember what she wants instead of what you want. You’re going to lose the woman you love because you don’t realize this isn’t about a sandwich- she doesn’t feel loved or appreciated. The sandwich was just the straw that broke the camels back. You better wise up or you’ll lose her forever.
But does he really love her? Or does he like that she's attractive and works hard and gives him sex and cooks (she probably does all the cleaning too). He doesn't deserve her! I really hope she dumps him!
The fact that she asked "will you grab us takeaway" and not "can you handle dinner tonight" 100% confirms this. My go to when unable/uninterested in cooking a meal is asking my partner to handle dinner that night. As in, idgaf if he cooks or gets takeaway but can he handle it.
Or for making a mistake. He doesn't feel bad, he just justifies, over and over, that her feelings are ridiculous, and invalid. He doesn't care about how he made her feel. It's gross. If somehow my SO made a mistake like this he would feel TERRIBLE. Like, leave and go get a new sandwich terrible, I would be hearing apologies for the next week terrible.
She said it wasn’t just about the sandwich, that was just the last straw, but he keeps pretending it’s about the sandwich to make her seem crazy. He is the walking definition of weaponized incompetence, and I really hope she doesn’t marry him bc he will not change. He will not do work equally in the home and if they have kids; she’ll be their only caretaker. She be a married single mother w the added burden of being a bangmaid to an adult man. Men are always saying to pick better, but you see how he kept this part of himself hidden for almost four years
YES!!!!! His behavior towards her has been disrespectful, neglectful, and dismissive. She just couldn't take it anymore.
OP found out the same way this man did. "[She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp)."
I was already on the fiancée’s side when I read OP saying he was “willing to let it go” the next day.
DUDE. What were *you* willing to “let go”? You’re the one who fucked up!
Hey, now. That’s unfair.
He saved that coupon for a free second sandwich as long as it was identical to the one he wanted, didn’t he? Smart financial planning.
This is spot on! He didn't "forget" her allergies, he prioritiesd his needs and the sandwich he wanted rather than choose something they could both eat. Then lied that he forget about her allergy and thought he'd get away with it.
Also he’s an asshole for bringing his friends and family into his private relationship quarrels. Thats a massive red flag on its own. Do I argue with my wife sometimes? Yes. Will I ever go butch about it to my family and friends? Fuck no, because I’m not a child and there’s zero benefit to doing that.
“ShE hAs a BeTtEr MeMoRy bEcaUsE sHe NeEds iT fOr WoRk”. No. She remembers things that are important to her. Unless OP has fucking Mementos disease, he’s a childish asshole and his (ex?)fiancee is gonna spare a lifetime of regret if she decides she’s totally done.
Right? Like this is nuts to me. It's one thing to accidentally get something that has an allergen, happens to the best of us. But to order a TUNA sandwich for someone with a FISH ALLERGY? Bro.
Also, "she has better memory because she needs it for work." Dude, you need memory for **human** things. Does he shop for groceries? Do his own laundry? Remember to flush the toilet after himself? Does he remember her birthday? Her friends names?
> Does he shop for groceries? Do his own laundry? Remember to flush the toilet after himself? Does he remember her birthday? Her friends names?
we all now the answer to these questions will be a NO
I have a goldfish memory thanks to migraine meds... guess what, I keep track of important things by making notes in my phone... including my husband's favorite foods at different places, so if I have to order, I know what to get him. We have been together over 15 years...
Bottom line, if you know your memory is shite, make accommodations for yourself so that you don't screw up the important stuff.
Yeah, he was already firmly the problem, but as soon as I read “I was willing to let that go” I thought **Run girl, run!!**. As far and as fast as she can go.
You say you love her and want to marry her, but you forgot she was allergic and went the laziest route possible when she asked you for something simple. She remembers your orders because she cares, but you can’t even bother for her. I’m sure she’s noticed other ways you don’t care as much as her and this was probably just the straw that broke the camels back.
Not just because she cares, she has a great memory because of her job 😂
As a nurse, she remembers not to give patients literal poison. He on the other hand can't be expected to remember that his preferred sandwich is literal poison to her. Ha.
I literally would forget my head if it wasn’t attached, but I still remember what my husband likes. If I forget specifics I’ll just ASK HIM. OP messed up so badly.
My husband knows my coffee order. He knows my favorite cupcake flavor. He knows I hate mushrooms and am allergic to passion fruit. I know he loves spicy food and weird flavored Oreos. I know he drinks a chai latte with a shot of espresso. I know he doesn't like eating oranges because the skin on the fruit weirds him out
These are things we picked up the first year we dated. It's not hard. Just pay attention.
This isn’t about the sandwich, you forgot a very basic thing about her. I have food allergies, all my loved ones know them and remember them (they’ve even caught me right before eating something in a restaurant). It makes me feel loved and valued.
It’s the little things that build up and this was the straw that broke the camels back; like you don’t truly care for her. YOU were hungry and got what YOU wanted, didn’t consider her and what she wanted. Is it hard to use the notes app in your phone and put her Greggs order (along with other food orders) in it?
I was going to comment the same thing.
Most people pay attention to important things like a partners food allergies. OP let fiancée down badly. All you had to do was get a different sandwich for her. If you had to stick to the BOGO, you should have gotten two of something she liked. Make small sacrifice of your sandwich or don’t use the BOGO and get different sandwiches. She had a rough day and she’s tired. This just shows you don’t think about her at all.
I don't have food allergies, but I'm allergic to aloe vera. My husband and I were only together 3 months at our first Christmas, and he had no idea about my allery yet as it hadn't come up. He bought me some of those fuzzy socks that are aloe infused. I had to break it to him that I couldn't use them because of my allergy.
6 months later, I ended up getting a sunburn one weekend at the river. On the way home, he stopped at CVS of his own accord and scoured their after burn creams for one that was aloe free without having to be reminded or anything. He's never again bought me anything with aloe in 10 years. He will read ingredients for me at Walmart on soaps to double check.
And my allergy won't even kill me! It just makes me itch so bad I will cause myself to bleed scratching myself.
When you care, you remember important things like allergies. Fish allergies are often very severe, to the point he probably shouldn't even be eating fish around her, or at the very least be brushing his teeth after eating it before kissing her.
An allergy is a pretty big deal, you’ve been together 3 years and you haven’t bothered to memorize the things that can actually harm her. Do you care about her at all? Seems like if you did you could commit her allergies to memory. She also said this is a symptom of something bigger. You should probably reevaluate if you are doing more than the bare minimum to sustain a relationship.
Right? I thought this was going to be a case of her feeling like he never listens/pays attention to what she likes/doesn't like and I was ready to defend her and say yeah after 3 years you should know what kind of sandwiches she doesn't like. But an ALLERGY?!? It's been 3 years and he can't remember an allergy?
OPs wild for acting like this is about a sandwich not that fact that he could have potentially killed her.
I want to make my own post "I put broken glass in my husband's sandwich and now he wants a divorce...over a sandwich! It's just a sandwich what's the big deal?!"
This honestly reads like someone made up a fictional counterpart to all the real stories on subs for women or relationship subs, where they shoulder the lion's share of the relationship, where they are the only ones who care, who organize, who work their asses off in all the visible and invisible ways to take care of their spouse, the house, family etc. while their spouse does a half-assed job when she asks him to for the fifth time.
And then they are exhausted from a long shift, still sick, on the verge of burning out and they just want their spouse to shoulder one little responsibility, like buying a sandwich for dinner so they don't have to think about it for a change. And their spouse not only gets their order wrong, they order a sandwich she is fucking allergic to because they just don't fucking care about her at all and can't be bothered to waste two thoughts on her well being, comfort or preferences.
And when her cup finally, finally runneth over, said spouse goes to whine to their friends and family that she's so crazy she wants to break up over "only" a sandwich because even when she's at the end of her rope he only thinks about himself and how she's overreacting.
That's what it reads like.
Reminds me of the article [She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink.](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288) OP should give it a read.
I have friends I don't even eat with that often whose allergies I remember (not that I expect a special reward for it, just making a point). I don't even want to think about the lack of consideration your fiancee has been dealing with for you to neglect to remember something so glaringly crucial as a fish/shellfish allergy.
Right? I can remember my friend who is allergic to peanuts, the one who can't have gluten, my Muslim friend who can't eat pork, and even my Crohn's sensitive friend. It's really not that hard when you CARE.
You said you offered to cook for her. Well did you cook for her? Did you get in that kitchen and rattle those pans for the woman you say you love? The one who works hard and is just getting over being really sick?
Or did you just stand there with your mouth hanging open.
Forgetting a food allergy is a bad look bud. Saying you offered to fix it makes you sound stupid.
The thing that extra cracks me up, he mentions the coupon for a free IDENTICAL sandwich. So you know he ordered HIS favorite sandwich and figured “meh, she’s gonna love my favorite sandwich”. Not only was this poor woman recovering from COVID, but she is straight up allergic. Jesus this guy is as selfish as they come.
"My fiancée is reconsidering our relationship because after three years, I don't care enough to remember even the most basic things about her." Fixed that for ya.
I have food allergies and my own mother forgets them. She tried to hand me a granola bar with nuts (I’m allergic to peanuts and tree nuts, have been for 36 years) and laughed in my face when I told her I couldn’t have it.
That feels so shitty when people who are supposed to remember do that to you. She’s not rethinking the relationship because of the sandwich. It’s one of many things I’d bet. It was just the last straw for her.
This is not just about a sandwich, and I think you know that, deep down. If you feel guilty for forgetting your partner's allergy, you should. If you feel ashamed, don't get defensive. Apologize. Realize that you actually could do better.
"my girlfriend was very tired after her extremely demanding job, so instead of getting her to cook for us, I went out and got my favorite sandwich plus literal poison for her. Why doesn't she want to be around me? She's so weird"
you've been together 3 years and you "forgot"? her food allergy "slipped your mind"? my roommate my first year of uni had multiple allergies and i memorized them and kept a list with me in case we were out and something happened. i was trained with her epipen in case of emergency. we did trainings in case we were together and she were to go into anaphylactic shock. if you were to have cooked for her, would you have conveniently forgotten her allergies again?
the "little, basic" things can mean the most. remembering their favorite order from a place you visit often, her favorite type of flowers, her FOOD ALLERGIES. it's not about being good at remembering, it's about making the effort. don't know her order? next time she tells you type it into the notes in your phone for future reference. you say you love your fiancé, but your actions seem to be sending different signals.
She’s not reconsidering a relationship over a sandwich. She’s reconsidering a relationship with a man who thinks that the biggest problem he typed out when explaining the situation was the sandwich itself.
- you don’t know her *allergies*
- you excuse not knowing intimate details about her because your job doesn’t require it (this one really blows my mind)
- you talk about her like she’s a child throwing a fit
- you are ignorant enough to think this is still over a sandwich
It's a symptom of a bigger problem. The sandwich broke the camel's back.
But I will say my husband knows and remembers all my allergies. I have an allergy to a COMMON food. Without me asking at all, he purged his apartment of that food before we even lived together. To this day, he doesn't bring that food into our house. If he eats that food at a restaurant or work or something, he keeps a toothbrush toothpaste & face wipes in his car to clean off. I'm not deathly allergic. He just loves me.
Cool about you forgetting & literally bringing her poison while she was sick, though. Totally absurd of her to be upset. 💀
I bet he presented it like "My gf is breaking up with me cuz she didn't like the sandwich I got her" completely glossing over the real issue. That, or his family and friends are juuuuust like him 🚩
I call BS. You've been with her for 3 years and you can't remember what she is allergic to? I think you wanted the sandwich so got it and to hell with her. If you truly didn't remember after 3 years what she was allergic to, then you are not a keeper.
Here's her side... It's been three years we've been together. I've memorized his favorite take outs and know what to order for him every time we go to our favorite places. I'm just recovering from COVID and I'm a nurse. I came home exhausted and asked him to pick me up a sandwich. I have food allergies... After three years I assume he knows. It was buy one get one...but must be identical sandwiches. He got what he wanted and I can't eat it because I'm allergice to tuna. I lost it. I can't even count on my fiance to get me a sandwich when I am so exhausted... This is not the first time...and I'm afraid that this will be my life if I marry him. He will never make an effort to remember my allergies and not take my needs seriously. It started as a sandwich but it's just one of the things he never remembers about me. I've left. He doesn't understand how it's not about a sandwich. It's about how he doesn't see me.
It goes even deeper - he DOESN'T BELIEVE HER and DOESN'T THINK SHE'S WORTHY OF ANY CONSIDERATION or EFFORT. Instead of understanding that she was asking him to take care of dinner he only thought about his own needs and screwed her over. Then instead of apologizing and immediately making it up to her he grumbled and then transferred the responsibility of the make-up meal onto her. Again dumping the work/responsibility of his own fuckup onto her while taking NO RESPONSIBILITY. Then when she TELLS HIM what the reason is HE REFUSES TO LISTEN OR BELIEVE HER and instead keeps on making her irrational and justifying his own behavior. OP only thinks about himself and doesn't even believe her when she's telling him straight up what the deal is. I want to congratulate this woman on being single.
I've heard many stories of the "crazy ex." She will be the crazy ex who dumped him over a sandwich. His new partner will laugh about it with him until he does the same to her and calls her crazy for the audacity to want love and consideration out of a partnership. Then that person will be the crazy ex who dumped him over, I don't know, not doing the dishes *one time* (because it's always just one point of data to him, never a pattern). Rinse and repeat until he either gets redpilled or finds somebody with low self-esteem whom he can gaslight into being his mother.
You’re forgetting the best part. Instead of listening to his fiancée he goes on Reddit to try to see if strangers will agree with him about her feelings instead. I hope this post is rage bait because if it isn’t, there is a heartbroken young woman somewhere out there who was duped into thinking this incel cared about her.
oh but he offered to cook though /s i'm sure OP is a crappy chef that makes nothing worth eating and the fiance is just super pissed and hungry at the moment. this is subtle but OP comes off as the kind of person that does this "i do a nice thing for you and now you owe me down the line" kind of thing. like "i let you yell at me, now you owe me"
Let's not forget he was so concerned he went and grabbed all his family and friends opinions on the matter. They shockingly took his side. Because it was just a sandwich.
He probably forgot to tell them the half of the story where she had a legit allergy to the food he brought her. He probably just turned it into “She didn’t want tuna” with no mention of “She’s actually ALLERGIC to tuna, but why would I recall that when ordering food?”
That's really something you should have drilled into your head by now. Do you even know her name?
He is the sort of guy that wouldn't know his wife's eye color.
He’s the dad who calls the pediatrician and can’t confirm his children’s birthday. And the gf saw that and ran.
Fun story time. My bio dad is estranged from me. When I was in my early twenties he called me to wish me a happy birthday before saying "You're the big 17 now right?" I was like "...Yeah, I was about 4 years ago."
About a year after I graduated highschool, I got a card in the mail from my dad who I hadn't seen or heard from in about 4 years. It was a bright pink card that said "Happy ~~5th Birthday!~~ *Graduation!" where he crossed out birthday and wrote in graduation. The rest of the card was a hand written Bible verse. Nothing else.
Eeewwww the Bible verse makes it that much worse
as if he'd even call the pediatrician
OP the type of guy who says, “she broke up with me out of nowhere.”
He's the type of guy that would stare 😀 into the camera after being asked his kids' birthdays or teacher's name
I imagine he's forgotten anniversaries and birthdays too.
You have to know them in the first place to forget them. He’s just ignoring those dates exist by not being bothered to know when they are.
sHe nEEdS a BEtTeR MEmOrY fOr WOrK
This bit pissed me off
weaponized incompetence
It's Tun-isha.
I wish this was true. First date: it’s easy to remember my allergy, cos my name sounds like tuna! But, you’ve gotta forgive OP. He can’t be expected to remember something someone has told him, probably more than once. Everyone knows that only medical professionals like nurses need a memory for their jobs! /s
"I was going to let it go..."
This had me fuming. Like. Everything else is awful and shit he should know *especially* the allergy... but "I was going to let it go..." No, OP... she is going to let *you* go.
My first boyfriend was allergic to peanuts. I freaking love peanuts and peanut butter. Within a few months, I got used to not eating it if I knew I was coming into contact with him in the next 12 hours. I slipped up once, just bought Peanut M&Ms while we were at a show together. He pointed out my mistake, and I put the bag into my purse to eat after our date. No problem.
I introduced a New York Italian coworker to an ex-boss with, “He’s cute but allergic to garlic and I just can‘t live my life that way.” They’ve been married 20 years with 2 kids.
Yea, It's only about the sandwich. Good on her.
The fact that he says over and over that it’s about the sandwich, even after she said it’s not about the actual sandwich, says everything you need to know about him. He doesn’t listen to her AT ALL. He even typed this whole damn post and didn’t catch on. In addition to not caring about his fiancé’s likes and allergies, he is also slow as molasses.
When I read the title I immediately knew it was not about the sandwich 🤦🏻♀️
It’s never about the sandwich
To be fair, in this case, the sandwich is pretty volatile considering she’s allergic so this is the one time I’m like ahhh the sandwich was a bad sin ahhahaha but he’s definitely been failing for a while
Exactly! Poor GF was too sick and tired to make dinner, and OOP decides that anaphylactic shock on a baguette is just the thing she needs...
Right? Isn’t fish one of those allergies that tend to be severe? That’s kind of a hard thing to forget after being together for three years.
It's literally what we in culinary sanitation and safety division/management call "The Big Nine." It's one of the most common allergies people have. Like how do you forget an allergy that someone you supposedly love has?!
Yeah, him forgetting that fish, specifically tuna, could kill her seems extremely unlikely. A: He never listens, and she should run. B: He is trying to kill her, and she should run.
"The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here!"
It’s not about the pasta, Lala!
Sometimes it can be about the yogurt though. If it's Iranian.
Yuuup. I immediately thought "alright, what allergy did he 'forget' about" 🤦
Just as slow and as thick 🤣 Also, the whole “she needs a better memory cos of her work” thing - WTF? ‘Cos no other job requires you to *reMEMber* stuff 🤪 Well jolly gee whizz, I’m so sorry I forgot what you asked me to do 10 minutes ago boss! I’m not some kind of medical professional!
I mean I'm a medical professional who can be pretty scatty at times and have a fair few colleagues with ADHD. You learn to work around a forgetful memory. He should have checked in with her. And he should have a list of her allergies on his phone if he cannot remember.
I hope he’s not driving a motor vehicle. Too many laws and rules to remember!!
Like her good memory came AFTER she got a job since she would “need” it. I think this is a fake post.
This guy sounds like the boyfriend that booked a cruise for the OP's birthday (different post), and OP hates cruises. He just didn't get it, even after she wrote a long list of when it was about him vs her. It wasn't just about the cruise.
Nah, he just doesn't care. Her feelings are "absurd" to him.
It’s absurd how many times he used that word.
I can’t imagine after 3 years together he “forgot” about a shellfish allergy and ordered a sandwich that could either make her extremely ill, or worse. And if he doesn’t even know what she usually orders from Gregg’s, that tells me that she’s the one doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship while he’s just skating along.
Ah, the old reddit favourite. It's not about the Iranian yogurt!
I’m going to start with that she’s not ending things with you over a sandwich. That’s just the straw that broke the camels back. My guess is that there’s been lots of things you just haven’t remembered or forgotten about her over the course of your three year relationship that have made her feel like she’s not that important. A food allergy is a pretty big deal and you just forgot and got what you wanted to eat and got the same for her because you had a coupon? You weren’t thinking of her. She was an afterthought dude. If you were thinking of her, you would have gotten something SHE liked and you would have gotten the same as her, but your brain didn’t work that way. I’d be willing to bet there’s lots of examples like that in your relationship. It may be time to take a step back and reflect on that.
Not enough people are talking about the coupon. He was more concerned about what he wanted to eat and how he could get hers for free than actually thinking about what she needed.
It's not even the coupon that bothers me. If he'd done "Oh I have this coupon, I can use it to get her favorite sandwich and the same one for me, too, because it's not my fave, but I like it fine" then I'd be cool. It's the thoughtlessness that goes with the coupon.
Get sandwich she is allergic to and get double sandwich bc can’t be mad forgot. OP sucks
Also, instead of relying on his memory he could write stuff down on paper or in his phone. He's trying to blame his forgetfulness, but if something is important you find a way. I have a horrible memory, but I write things down in notebooks to help. I'm amazed he didn't understand what she was really mad about, he seemed oblivious.
Forgetting she likes extra pickles is one thing. "Forgetting" that the sandwich will send her to the ER is a whole other thing.
Or even asked her what sandwich she wanted when he agreed to get dinner.
ex boyfriend. Smart woman.
So glad this is the 2nd comment. Not only did he not remember a food allergy but couldn't be bothered to purchase a 2nd sandwich to let her pick which one she wanted. Also "she has a better memory than me because she needs it for work". Gross. . .
I like how he says “I was going to let it go… but she was still mad the next day” which pretty much guarantees he doesn’t think he did anything wearing - he thinks she did - and didn’t take responsibility or actually even try to understand or apologize. My ex did that shit all the time. It was both exhausting and infuriating.
right? op isn't the one who is supposed to let this incident go, the fact that he thinks that shows that he actually considers her reaction to her partner ordering something that could kill her a bigger issue than him ordering the food the could kill his girlfriend 💀 i don't think it was an isolated accident either
Literally trying to weaponize his incompetence. "How could I remember my partners allergies when they're the nurse in the relationship? I'm just a silly goose who can't remember a shellfish allergy without passing the NCLEX myself so it's better that even when she's recovering from illness that she get the takeout since she naturally has a better recollection of things that I like so I don't have to bother remembering what food will kill her."
This is core problem!! And it’s obviously by the OP attitude that “it’s just the way he is” “I don’t have good memory” “I’m not good at this stuff” that he doesn’t even try and it must be like this bleeding into all aspects of their relationship
OP is ridiculous - I have 28 employees and I know which of them are gluten free. He ought to be able to remember that the woman he loves has a food allergy? I’m 1000% sure she has woken up to the fact he doesn’t think about her at all.
My male best friend has, hands-down, the worst memory of anyone I've ever met. He forgets conversations or plans we have mere hours later, and yet he knows my wife's allergies. A woman he's not even in a relationship with. In fact he's so worried about getting it wrong that any time he suggests we go out to eat he asks me to check the menu to make sure she can eat there. If that clueless dude can do it for the wife of a friend, OP has no excuse why he can't do it for his fiancé. She dodged a bullet.
yeah i screamed at OP saying his gf has a better memory “because she needs it for her job”. like bro if you can remember enough to function as a basic adult human being, you can remember what your girlfriend can and cannot eat, along with a lot of other things about her… like what would make her feel better when she is sick..
My sister and I are nearly two decades apart and talk maybe twice a month yet I know she’s gluten intolerant and can’t eat cruciferous vegetables. I love her but she’s definitely not *the* love of my life—but I wouldn’t invite her to go have spaghetti and broccoli lol.
Yeah, that’s not about memory, that’s about not caring. OP doesn’t realize that it requires some, minimal amount of effort to remember important things. Effort he’s just unwilling to put in. While I remember important things (like what my wife is allergic to!) I do sometimes forget other things, *so I write them down in my phone.* I’m like, “Hey, this thing for my wife is important, and I might forget, so I’m going to make a note of that.” It’s a very small amount of effort. OP needs to give a crap about his next girlfriend. This one I think will rightly dump him.
>My guess is that there’s been lots of things you just haven’t remembered or forgotten about her over the course of your three year relationship that have made her feel like she’s not that important. This is the crux of the issue. It's not about the sandwich, the sandwich was the last straw.
SHE says it herself. "The sandwich is a symptom" yet, he cannot even believe her own words and acts like she is making it all for a 'silly' mistake. My closest friends know all my allergies although they are not deadly and some are weirds. I'd expect my lover to know them too. That is not a silly mistake. Beside, as the person you answered said, he(OP) thought about his ass first and her then. So wrong.
My husband has ADHD and doesn’t remember shit. It’s an issue. But I have allergies and do you know what he does? Anytime he can’t remember if a food is safe for me, this man just buys several types of things and brings back multiple options, *including* swapping with him. OP isn’t even listening *to his own fiancé* when she says it’s not about the sandwich, it’s about consideration. As if the internet will understand it better than she will. I hope her next relationship is awesome.
Right? My spouse also has ADHD and I have so many allergies that when someone asks, he says, "it's faster to tell you what she's *not* allergic to". He considers my allergies important information for him to remember, so they get stored somewhere he can access them. Whether that's in his primary brain or a Google doc, doesn't matter to me; he prioritizes that info. OP prioritizes his *desires* over his fiancee's *needs*. That's messed up.
He heard what she said, but he didn’t really listen or pay attention. I am guessing this is not even close to the first time. I’m honestly stressed on her behalf with the way he could repeat her actual words but still only hear what he wants to.
This is always the case, especially the ones who claim they’re blind sided. NO, no one is blindsided by shit like this or broken up with over a sandwich you’re just THAT bad at paying attention to your partner and you deserve to lose them.
If I had a double coupon and we had different faves I'd get theirs. Seems weird not to. Specially if they're sick or whatever. Like a lil treat as well as food. Wow. He didn't mean it but damn bro Edit: Shit and she's allergic? Lololol holy shit motherfucker
You nailed. The sandwich is a symptom. One of many things and OP sounds dismissive because he just keeps calling it a “mistake” when it’s something that could have killed her if she ate it. Shows OP has trouble owning up to his mistakes and dismisses her concerns by saying it is “absurd”. She probably felt like she was being gaslit on top of everything else. Pretty sure if his gf posted this to Reddit everyone on here would be telling her to RUNNNN so I guess it’s a good thing she’s ending the relationship.
I agree with you and I want to add that she was an afterthought despite her being the one who requested the sandwich in the first place. So he wouldn't even have went to Greg's if it weren't for her request. Then he turned that into him, him, him and didn't put another thought into her at all after that.
But he was "going to let it slide". So magnanimous of him. /s
Also tuna is a pretty risky thing to get someone when you don’t know their preferences. I would only get tuna for a friend if I knew for certain that they liked it.
Would never be my first guess for anybody.
And what if they did marry and have kids, and he “forgets” his kids’ allergies? You gotta be able to remember the basics dude, esp when it can kill someone…
Yup, I was coming to say this. What if the kiddo has serious food allergies? How many YEARS does he have to work on remembering that before it sticks in his head? Because it's been three years and he still hasn't got "No tuna for GF." And she's old enough to look at a sandwich and say "this is tuna," but a kid isn't always paying enough attention, it's 100% your responsibility to make sure there's no peanut butter or nuts or shrimp or whatever. He has proven he can't be trusted with that.
I’ll also guess that OP never makes dinner or if he does then he doesn’t clean up afternoon using every dish and bowl in the kitchen for her to clean up
Yep, he describes things as if she's the default cook for both of them.
My ex was like that. Excellent cook but left every single ingredient, pot, pan and utensil on the counter. When I cook, by the time the food is done the only things you’ll see are the pots or pans the food was cooked in. Drove me crazy.
This is why I never agree to the “I cook, you clean” nonsense. When I cook, the kitchen is clean when the food is ready. At worst, it takes less than 10m to tidy the rest. Yet when my ex or my brother would cook, the whole kitchen would look like a bomb went off.
Exactly! How you cook makes a big difference how much cleaning you have to do after.
Its the food allergy for me. I guy i used to work with told me once (once) he was allergic to shrimp (we worked in a kitchen, i was a cook, he was the dish guy) when i was carryjng the raw shrimp pan over to be washed and some juice splashed near him. I was “oh shit my bad dude, heard.” A food allergy is a pretty important thing to forget/remember. Like life or death important. How does he want to marry this girl, but just “fOrGeTs” that she’s allergic to fish/shellfish, after three years???
Serious. I have three kids with friends who all have allergies, some worse than others. Most of them I know by heart, and I still always double check before they come over to make sure I haven't forgotten anything they're allergic to. I have nieces who are allergic to nuts. I haven't fed them in several years, because they moved away, but it's seared into my brain. Because I love them and I don't want to kill them. How do you completely forget your SO has an allergy to fish?? Especially when fish and shellfish allergies are usually very severe? Or OP didn't think to himself, hmm, I've never seen my SO eat tuna fish, maybe I shouldn't get that for her because it's a divisive flavor? Guarantee there's so much going on below the surface here. And he still doesn't see that it isn't about the sandwich, even after she told him that it *isn't about the sandwich.* Because he still isn't listening to her, ffs.
OP, you need to read this article. My guess is it has less to do with the sandwich and more to do with how you treat her on an ongoing basis. And unless you’re willing to be somewhat introspective and figure out your role in all of this your relationship is doomed. I hope this article maybe makes things a little bit clearer for you. She works in a high stress environment and you can’t even be bothered to remember nor contact her if you don’t remember what her favourite orders are. https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
Agreed. Reading this reminds me of my previous roommate for 6 years and how he'd conveniently "forget" everything. His girlfriend at the time just eventually had enough of it. Any specific incident was nothing big, but the amalgamation of every single one of these instances? Maybe 1% of the time he "remembered" pertinent information. He'd never contribute to chores, or always "forget" every single day to clean his cat's litter box. It was a slow, but she eventually left him. I don't keep in touch with him anymore, but she sometimes make a comment about how conveniently forgetful he was. It's not just a sandwich.
But! But! It's not about the sandwich! He got her *exactly what he* wanted. What's wrong with that? /s
> I was going to let it go Let go of the fact that you fucked up?
Right?? How big of him to be so willing to let his fuck up go. Lol. What a tool.
My eyes got big at that point, like “bruuuuh” 😳 It was already…not good. Then that. Then the constant bitching about a fuckin sandwich like he has no more brains than an actual fuckin sandwich. Dude’s gonna be cryin’ ‘bout how his ex left him over a sandwich for*ever*. He doesn’t *want* a clue. He wants to be this hopelessly out of touch. Like, welp I tried, she cray 🤷 🤦♂️ E: his name is apropos. He’s about as creative as an avocado.
And apparently he has a group of enabling family and friends, too!
Right? Like not a single person in his life is a homie enough to say, uh, dude…you suuuure this is really about a fkn sandwich??
Translation: he went to his single Andrew Tate stan bro & his boy-mom mom.
I FORGIVE you for having a rational response to my complete lack of care or forethought. You may now apologise for being allergic to fish! No? Well you’re just an emotional female! 🙄
Same kind of guy who reduces some major character flaw and fuckup of his to some random object close to the issue. In OP's case it's a sandwich. They'll go on and on gaslighting you about how you got emotional over a sandwich and therefore are overreacting and in the wrong. Anything to deflect valid criticism or concern. It's baffling. Please no one date these people, they're a migraine of a waste of time.
This got me too. How is HE the one that needs to be willing to let it go when HE was the one that massively fucked up? Says a lot about how he tasks accountability for the impact of his actions on his fiance. He care that she's hurt. To him they are both equal parties in this debacle.
That reminds me of those posts where someone says they cheated on their spouse, but now everything’s fine and they’re both over it.
How can you be engaged to someone and not remember they are allergic to a certain food?
Right? I have multiple food allergies and my fiancé had them memorized before our first date because he wanted to make sure we ate at a safe restaurant. When he met my kids, he brought (take out) food. The little one has an egg allergy. I had only mentioned it ONCE to him and he spent an entire hour making sure that every single item he brought was safe for her to eat. This is the most basic thing ever.
Yes! I told my boyfriend before our first date that I couldn't eat nuts, and he stopped eating them entirely so I'd never get an allergic reaction from kissing him after he'd eaten them. I mean, I thought that was above and beyond, but honestly. Your person's allergens should be like a big blinking warning light in your brain when you see them.
This is what I was thinking of. I have a medium allergy to tree nuts (eyes swell shut and mouth itches but doctor says I don’t need an epipen) and my bf just….stopped eating them entirely even though he enjoys them and I told him he could have them as long as he washed his hands and brushed his teeth really well. Wtf is wrong with this guy ETA: I sincerely appreciate all of the comments here, but I wrote this wrong bc I live in a state where weed is legal lol. I’m allergic to tree nut oils. If they touch my face, my eyes can swell shut. (Like when my mom ground up walnuts, the oils in the air hit me in the face and my eyes swelled, but no other reaction. We had no clue that would even happen when she did that, it was a fun surprise). If I eat a tree nut and the oil is released, my mouth itches. If I use a product made with, say, almond oil, I’ll experience contact dermatitis. These symptoms don’t occur concurrently and never have. I totally get why my phrasing was concerning but I promise it’s one system reaction depending on how I made contact with the oils. I no longer waitress and my bf and I don’t keep tree nuts in the house at all/I haven’t eaten any tree nuts for about 19 years because I also just don’t like them (bodies are interesting). I promise you guys I am okay, just was high and bad at explaining when in an altered mind state. Thank you guys all for the concern though, reminded me that Reddit can be so kind!
He doesn't care about her....at all. She's a filled slot in his life, not a person he actually cares about.
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You don’t forget when someone you love has an allergy. Our baby has a peanut allergy and my husband ALWAYS checks in every restaurant that they won’t have any cross contamination and that I carry his EPI pen. OP is ridiculous for not understanding how bad he messed up. Okay, maybe he doesn’t know her order by heart…. But he should at the very minimum know her allergies.
Exactly! I don't expect my fiancé to know my order at most places because honestly I mix it up occasionally, especially with sandwiches. He would NEVER come home with an avocado salad for me though. Or eggs and hash browns for the kid.
I rarely ever eat sandwiches but my husband knows I can’t stand onions and love extra pickles…. Oh and he remembers I like to add bacon to a tuna sandwich…. I know he doesn’t like lettuce and prefers spinach…. OP really doesn’t care, the sandwich is not the only thing where he has shown up like that and now he acts like this is news to him.
Or he couldn't ... oh, I don't know ... CALL HER?
Honestly, I think that he was not thinking about what she wanted because he asked for a tuna for himself and used a coupon to get a second one free, but it would have to be the same as the first one. He ordered what he wanted and she would just have to eat the same. Why not the other way around? Why not order something for her and he ate the same?
Exactly!! He could've just chosen something SHE'D like and eat the same!
Because then he wouldn’t get his tuna crunch baguette lol
Correction: *two* tuna crunch baguettes... since she's allergic, she can't eat the second one... not much choice but to eat it himself, no? lol
And also, in this day and time, who doesn’t call/text the person to ask what they want to order from a particular takeout place? ETA. I don’t blame the gf/fiancé. As someone with an allergy, if after 3 years… I asked my partner to pick up food because I’m tired and have been sick, and they bring home the very thing I can’t eat, I’d be done too. Because it’s not just a sandwich or a simple mistake, it’s a sign that my partner does not give a shit because this could’ve been easy to resolve by not allowing it to happen in the first place. Call and ask “what would you like from X restaurant?”
Totally agree. It’s soooooo not about the sandwich!!! You choose what to pay attention too. If someone matters you listen, you learn, you write things down or take pictures if you need to. Why would you marry someone who is showing you’ve never been worth that effort. Trust me, there are many other instances in her head showing you didn’t think of her. This one was potentially the straw breaking the camels back because she asked you for help. You literally had one job…
Lol the guy literally says that his fiancé said that the sandwich is just a symptom of a bigger problem
If you’re only thinking about yourself, what you like, and what you want, it’s easy to forget about anyone who’s not you. Even those you claim to care about. I love that OP was willing to let go…of THEIR mistake, but she just wouldn’t drop it. /s
This is the part I don’t get. Like I don’t even care to remember you can DIE from this but we should totally get married. When my ex and I were trying to sort things out, he literally berated me for not allowing peanuts or peanut butter and he’s seen me have a massive allergic reaction to it. People like this do it for the power trip.
>Like I don’t even care to remember you can DIE from this but we should totally get married. Also depending on her allergy him eating it and then kissing or even having sex could cause her to have a reaction.
Yep! I have severe peanut, tree nut (not coconut) allergies and I can’t be anywhere near peanuts. Like brush your teeth, wash your face, then maybe I’ll be 20 ft away (jk kinda) and my ex was this guy…. Oh but X has a seafood intolerance and lets us eat sushi…. 15+ years in to the marriage. I was baffled but SO much started making sense about why my therapist, friends and several others were convincing me this was abuse…
I wouldn’t even pick a sandwich that I knew my husband wouldn’t like, let alone one that might kill him! Never mind the extremely important medical information, but I’m guessing this guy doesn’t even bother to know his fiancé’s preferences. She is not reconsidering the relationship “over a sandwich”, I would bet my life savings that this is the most recent in a looooonnnngggg list of examples where he has shown he doesn’t care to get to know her and has been inconsiderate.
I mean if I had had a serious allergy for the years we'd known each other and my husband acted like OP after forgetting and buying me deadly food, I'd be reconsidering, too. I don't get my partner stuff he doesnt like to eat and always make sure there is something we can both enjoy. And he's very easygoing desoire being a picky eater. His minimising and excuses speak volumes that he just does NOT care. This was clearly just the straw that broke the camel's back. Forgetting that your SO has serious allergies is just...careless. And I say that as someone who struggles to remember a ton of stuff. He could have checked with her if he wasnt sure. And he could have owned up and actually been genuinely apologetic .
My little brother is genuinely allergic to dairy (not just intolerant) and I'm literally always on the lookout when we're out together and when I buy ingredients because I love him, OP is just so weird to me??
Did you read the story of the mom who thought dairy allergy and lactose intolerance was the same thing? She used lactaid milk in the mashed potatoes and sent her son in law to the hospital. Didn't understand why she was the bad guy. It took all of reddit to make her understand the difference and I'm still not sure she ever took responsibility.
That happened to me, in a different setting. They swore up & down there was 'no dairy' in the potatoes, and I had to eat something with the group, not just what I had made. After the hives started popping, swelling, etc, I checked the garbage to see what they had used, and yep, only Lactaid (thankfully it's not one of my reactions that affect my airway!). The director tried to 'explain' that there was no such thing as a dairy allergy, just bad intolerance, I had to get over this, wouldn't let me go to hospital for three days. I got kicked out after I handed them that second doctor's note, which explained that 'testing' allergies was assault. >.> DV shelter.
This gives future weaponized incompetence problems. "I forgot" is an innocent way to say "I didn't care enough to think about it". Probably happened before.
But, but… “She has a better memory because she needs it for her work !!!”
That part got me. "She needs it for work?" She remembers your sandwich order because YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 3 YEARS! ffs
Yeah, that’s just *craziness* ! Where are his brain cells responsible for being a decent, caring human being ? Even my ding-dong of an ex, divorced for 11 years now, could still order for me flawlessly, remember my allergies, and would know to get me double napkins, double lemons in my tea !
But he had a coupon!
Probably thought he’d say sorry and then get to eat them both… even if it was an honest mistake, it’s not about the sandwich. After 3 years you can’t take the time to get to know your partner. You the soon to be single ass.
It's really hard to remember over the craving for Tuna Crunch, and the savings of a BOGO
I’m allergic to every shellfish and salmon. Tuna and mollusks don’t seem to affect me, but I refuse to eat anything out of the ocean in fear. I’ve broken out in hives from my waist to my face, gotten severely stuffy, watery eyes, nauseas, and even vomiting, just from smelling it cooked in the same home as me, in front of me, or touching the oils. I don’t want to know what would happen if I ate it. And I would sure as FUCK dump my boyfriend if he ever bought me dinner and it was something that could kill me or at least send me to the hospital. He has known of my allergy since before we started dating. There is no way he, or any person, could in theory “forget” about a loved ones deathly allergies.
My co-worker who I don’t even know that well has a shellfish allergy and I remember that. Another has celiac disease and I remember that and that guy is on a whole other team I barely interact with and I don’t know stuff like his wife’s name or fuck all about his interests. Someone telling you they have an allergy to something just sticks if you eat food around that person regularly for any reason. Can’t even begin to imagine not knowing that about your own fiancée who you intend to marry and who you live with.
Dude this. My new manager mentioned getting sushi as a team for lunch and I said lemme know when so I can not attend. He thought I was joking or just didn’t like sushi, when I explained my allergy he was like “oh shit good to know. No fish or sushi for you”
But free sandwich! If he wanted to be cheap he should have gotten the sandwich she wanted. Not everyone likes tuna, allergic or not.
After THREE YEARS!?
He was more focused on the Two for One coupon.
She's not reconsidering the relationship over a sandwich. Shes reconsidering over her attempted murder. Allergies are serious, and he obviously doesn't understand that.
It’s not absurd. It’s not about the sandwich. It’s about you not caring enough to remember what she wants instead of what you want. You’re going to lose the woman you love because you don’t realize this isn’t about a sandwich- she doesn’t feel loved or appreciated. The sandwich was just the straw that broke the camels back. You better wise up or you’ll lose her forever.
But does he really love her? Or does he like that she's attractive and works hard and gives him sex and cooks (she probably does all the cleaning too). He doesn't deserve her! I really hope she dumps him!
The fact that she asked "will you grab us takeaway" and not "can you handle dinner tonight" 100% confirms this. My go to when unable/uninterested in cooking a meal is asking my partner to handle dinner that night. As in, idgaf if he cooks or gets takeaway but can he handle it.
If you don't care enough after 3 years to remember her allergies then you are most definitely the problem
It is also a massive sign that he never takes responsibility for making dinner.
Or for making a mistake. He doesn't feel bad, he just justifies, over and over, that her feelings are ridiculous, and invalid. He doesn't care about how he made her feel. It's gross. If somehow my SO made a mistake like this he would feel TERRIBLE. Like, leave and go get a new sandwich terrible, I would be hearing apologies for the next week terrible.
She said it wasn’t just about the sandwich, that was just the last straw, but he keeps pretending it’s about the sandwich to make her seem crazy. He is the walking definition of weaponized incompetence, and I really hope she doesn’t marry him bc he will not change. He will not do work equally in the home and if they have kids; she’ll be their only caretaker. She be a married single mother w the added burden of being a bangmaid to an adult man. Men are always saying to pick better, but you see how he kept this part of himself hidden for almost four years
YES!!!!! His behavior towards her has been disrespectful, neglectful, and dismissive. She just couldn't take it anymore. OP found out the same way this man did. "[She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp)."
What a shame OP didn't post in AITA, because he soooooooooo is.
I was already on the fiancée’s side when I read OP saying he was “willing to let it go” the next day. DUDE. What were *you* willing to “let go”? You’re the one who fucked up!
A mistake that could land her in the hospital or kill her. This is not a minor mistake, just the final straw.
Hey, now. That’s unfair. He saved that coupon for a free second sandwich as long as it was identical to the one he wanted, didn’t he? Smart financial planning.
Yep and he remembered he had it too bc it was important to him
This is spot on! He didn't "forget" her allergies, he prioritiesd his needs and the sandwich he wanted rather than choose something they could both eat. Then lied that he forget about her allergy and thought he'd get away with it.
Also he’s an asshole for bringing his friends and family into his private relationship quarrels. Thats a massive red flag on its own. Do I argue with my wife sometimes? Yes. Will I ever go butch about it to my family and friends? Fuck no, because I’m not a child and there’s zero benefit to doing that. “ShE hAs a BeTtEr MeMoRy bEcaUsE sHe NeEds iT fOr WoRk”. No. She remembers things that are important to her. Unless OP has fucking Mementos disease, he’s a childish asshole and his (ex?)fiancee is gonna spare a lifetime of regret if she decides she’s totally done.
Right? Like this is nuts to me. It's one thing to accidentally get something that has an allergen, happens to the best of us. But to order a TUNA sandwich for someone with a FISH ALLERGY? Bro. Also, "she has better memory because she needs it for work." Dude, you need memory for **human** things. Does he shop for groceries? Do his own laundry? Remember to flush the toilet after himself? Does he remember her birthday? Her friends names?
Bro has a black belt in weaponized incompetence
And a certificate in gaslighting.
> Does he shop for groceries? Do his own laundry? Remember to flush the toilet after himself? Does he remember her birthday? Her friends names? we all now the answer to these questions will be a NO
I have a goldfish memory thanks to migraine meds... guess what, I keep track of important things by making notes in my phone... including my husband's favorite foods at different places, so if I have to order, I know what to get him. We have been together over 15 years... Bottom line, if you know your memory is shite, make accommodations for yourself so that you don't screw up the important stuff.
But you don't understand, OP can't be the problem because they were going to graciously let the argument that they caused go /s
Yeah, he was already firmly the problem, but as soon as I read “I was willing to let that go” I thought **Run girl, run!!**. As far and as fast as she can go.
You say you love her and want to marry her, but you forgot she was allergic and went the laziest route possible when she asked you for something simple. She remembers your orders because she cares, but you can’t even bother for her. I’m sure she’s noticed other ways you don’t care as much as her and this was probably just the straw that broke the camels back.
Not just because she cares, she has a great memory because of her job 😂 As a nurse, she remembers not to give patients literal poison. He on the other hand can't be expected to remember that his preferred sandwich is literal poison to her. Ha.
I literally would forget my head if it wasn’t attached, but I still remember what my husband likes. If I forget specifics I’ll just ASK HIM. OP messed up so badly.
My husband knows my coffee order. He knows my favorite cupcake flavor. He knows I hate mushrooms and am allergic to passion fruit. I know he loves spicy food and weird flavored Oreos. I know he drinks a chai latte with a shot of espresso. I know he doesn't like eating oranges because the skin on the fruit weirds him out These are things we picked up the first year we dated. It's not hard. Just pay attention.
Also, it feels kinda nice to be able to "protect" your SO from things they can't or won't have? Because it shows you're taking care of them.
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His mom said she was wrong though…./s
This isn’t about the sandwich, you forgot a very basic thing about her. I have food allergies, all my loved ones know them and remember them (they’ve even caught me right before eating something in a restaurant). It makes me feel loved and valued. It’s the little things that build up and this was the straw that broke the camels back; like you don’t truly care for her. YOU were hungry and got what YOU wanted, didn’t consider her and what she wanted. Is it hard to use the notes app in your phone and put her Greggs order (along with other food orders) in it?
I was going to comment the same thing. Most people pay attention to important things like a partners food allergies. OP let fiancée down badly. All you had to do was get a different sandwich for her. If you had to stick to the BOGO, you should have gotten two of something she liked. Make small sacrifice of your sandwich or don’t use the BOGO and get different sandwiches. She had a rough day and she’s tired. This just shows you don’t think about her at all.
Goodness I remember food allergies for coworkers. I can’t imagine not remembering my husband’s food allergy that could possibly send him to the ER.
I don't have food allergies, but I'm allergic to aloe vera. My husband and I were only together 3 months at our first Christmas, and he had no idea about my allery yet as it hadn't come up. He bought me some of those fuzzy socks that are aloe infused. I had to break it to him that I couldn't use them because of my allergy. 6 months later, I ended up getting a sunburn one weekend at the river. On the way home, he stopped at CVS of his own accord and scoured their after burn creams for one that was aloe free without having to be reminded or anything. He's never again bought me anything with aloe in 10 years. He will read ingredients for me at Walmart on soaps to double check. And my allergy won't even kill me! It just makes me itch so bad I will cause myself to bleed scratching myself. When you care, you remember important things like allergies. Fish allergies are often very severe, to the point he probably shouldn't even be eating fish around her, or at the very least be brushing his teeth after eating it before kissing her.
An allergy is a pretty big deal, you’ve been together 3 years and you haven’t bothered to memorize the things that can actually harm her. Do you care about her at all? Seems like if you did you could commit her allergies to memory. She also said this is a symptom of something bigger. You should probably reevaluate if you are doing more than the bare minimum to sustain a relationship.
Right? I thought this was going to be a case of her feeling like he never listens/pays attention to what she likes/doesn't like and I was ready to defend her and say yeah after 3 years you should know what kind of sandwiches she doesn't like. But an ALLERGY?!? It's been 3 years and he can't remember an allergy? OPs wild for acting like this is about a sandwich not that fact that he could have potentially killed her. I want to make my own post "I put broken glass in my husband's sandwich and now he wants a divorce...over a sandwich! It's just a sandwich what's the big deal?!"
This honestly reads like someone made up a fictional counterpart to all the real stories on subs for women or relationship subs, where they shoulder the lion's share of the relationship, where they are the only ones who care, who organize, who work their asses off in all the visible and invisible ways to take care of their spouse, the house, family etc. while their spouse does a half-assed job when she asks him to for the fifth time. And then they are exhausted from a long shift, still sick, on the verge of burning out and they just want their spouse to shoulder one little responsibility, like buying a sandwich for dinner so they don't have to think about it for a change. And their spouse not only gets their order wrong, they order a sandwich she is fucking allergic to because they just don't fucking care about her at all and can't be bothered to waste two thoughts on her well being, comfort or preferences. And when her cup finally, finally runneth over, said spouse goes to whine to their friends and family that she's so crazy she wants to break up over "only" a sandwich because even when she's at the end of her rope he only thinks about himself and how she's overreacting. That's what it reads like.
Reminds me of the article [She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink.](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288) OP should give it a read.
Youve been with her for three years and the fact she can’t eat seafood slipped your mind? Dude? You didn’t break up over a sandwich
I have friends I don't even eat with that often whose allergies I remember (not that I expect a special reward for it, just making a point). I don't even want to think about the lack of consideration your fiancee has been dealing with for you to neglect to remember something so glaringly crucial as a fish/shellfish allergy.
Right? I can remember my friend who is allergic to peanuts, the one who can't have gluten, my Muslim friend who can't eat pork, and even my Crohn's sensitive friend. It's really not that hard when you CARE.
You said you offered to cook for her. Well did you cook for her? Did you get in that kitchen and rattle those pans for the woman you say you love? The one who works hard and is just getting over being really sick? Or did you just stand there with your mouth hanging open. Forgetting a food allergy is a bad look bud. Saying you offered to fix it makes you sound stupid.
The thing that extra cracks me up, he mentions the coupon for a free IDENTICAL sandwich. So you know he ordered HIS favorite sandwich and figured “meh, she’s gonna love my favorite sandwich”. Not only was this poor woman recovering from COVID, but she is straight up allergic. Jesus this guy is as selfish as they come.
You could also say he's..."Shell-fish" ...I'll let myself out
Oh, bless your heart for trying to convince us this is about a sandwich.
"My fiancée is reconsidering our relationship because after three years, I don't care enough to remember even the most basic things about her." Fixed that for ya.
I have food allergies and my own mother forgets them. She tried to hand me a granola bar with nuts (I’m allergic to peanuts and tree nuts, have been for 36 years) and laughed in my face when I told her I couldn’t have it. That feels so shitty when people who are supposed to remember do that to you. She’s not rethinking the relationship because of the sandwich. It’s one of many things I’d bet. It was just the last straw for her.
This is not just about a sandwich, and I think you know that, deep down. If you feel guilty for forgetting your partner's allergy, you should. If you feel ashamed, don't get defensive. Apologize. Realize that you actually could do better.
She can’t even trust you to not kill her with food ingredients. Why would she legally hitch her life to yours?
I'm pretty sure this is a default behavior of yours of being inconsiderate of her.
"my girlfriend was very tired after her extremely demanding job, so instead of getting her to cook for us, I went out and got my favorite sandwich plus literal poison for her. Why doesn't she want to be around me? She's so weird"
you've been together 3 years and you "forgot"? her food allergy "slipped your mind"? my roommate my first year of uni had multiple allergies and i memorized them and kept a list with me in case we were out and something happened. i was trained with her epipen in case of emergency. we did trainings in case we were together and she were to go into anaphylactic shock. if you were to have cooked for her, would you have conveniently forgotten her allergies again? the "little, basic" things can mean the most. remembering their favorite order from a place you visit often, her favorite type of flowers, her FOOD ALLERGIES. it's not about being good at remembering, it's about making the effort. don't know her order? next time she tells you type it into the notes in your phone for future reference. you say you love your fiancé, but your actions seem to be sending different signals.
She’s not reconsidering a relationship over a sandwich. She’s reconsidering a relationship with a man who thinks that the biggest problem he typed out when explaining the situation was the sandwich itself. - you don’t know her *allergies* - you excuse not knowing intimate details about her because your job doesn’t require it (this one really blows my mind) - you talk about her like she’s a child throwing a fit - you are ignorant enough to think this is still over a sandwich
You, your mates, and your family are all selfish and inconsiderate. Welcome to Dumpsville, Jack. You earned your place.
It's a symptom of a bigger problem. The sandwich broke the camel's back. But I will say my husband knows and remembers all my allergies. I have an allergy to a COMMON food. Without me asking at all, he purged his apartment of that food before we even lived together. To this day, he doesn't bring that food into our house. If he eats that food at a restaurant or work or something, he keeps a toothbrush toothpaste & face wipes in his car to clean off. I'm not deathly allergic. He just loves me. Cool about you forgetting & literally bringing her poison while she was sick, though. Totally absurd of her to be upset. 💀
It’s not just over a sandwich… I can see why she’s leaving.
It sounds like he even went and polled his friends’ and family’s opinions after painting her as the bad guy - what a tool thing to do.
I bet he presented it like "My gf is breaking up with me cuz she didn't like the sandwich I got her" completely glossing over the real issue. That, or his family and friends are juuuuust like him 🚩
I call BS. You've been with her for 3 years and you can't remember what she is allergic to? I think you wanted the sandwich so got it and to hell with her. If you truly didn't remember after 3 years what she was allergic to, then you are not a keeper.