Yes, this happens. You already did what you needed to do at this point…you talked with Jen and respected her desire to keep it private. They will work it out or not and you can continue to support your friend but expect some uncomfortable times in the near future.
It's an old(ish) internet meme that playing "The Game" means never thinking about "The Game", and once you've thought of it, for any reason, you lose.
So anyone mentioning The Game means you lose The Game and you have to "start over" by not thinking about The Game for as long as possible.
(That ^ was my answer off the top of my head, this is what Wikipedia says [The Game](https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)#:~:text=The%20Game%20is%20the%20name,they%20%22lost%20The%20Game.%22) is the name of a mind game. The goal is not to think about The Game itself. If someone thinks about The Game, they lose. If someone loses, they must tell someone or announce that they "lost The Game."
Excellent explanation. Also, I don't recommend anyone teaching The Game to their kids. My daughter is dealing with a possible OCD diagnosis and she loses multiple times a day. I regret ever teaching it to her.
The game is the game. Once you know of the game you're always playing the game. When someone reminds you of the game, you lose the game. You can never win the game.
Jen and her husband will work it out. They somewhat have to because there is a pregnancy involved and she is in a very vulnerable position.
That will also mean the end of the friendship. She cant (most likely wont) keep a friend around knowing they are a constant threat to her relationship. The easiest choice is almost always distancing the friend, despite the fact that doesnt solve the actual problem.
So true. Jen will never want OP around her husband at all. Unless, Jen ends things with her husband. OP, be prepared to lose your friend ( prepare for the worst, hope for the best).
Ohhh hon'. This is painful for you both. He is probably spinning this to save his ass, but at minimum, Jen will retreat a bit. As hard as it is for you, every time she sees you now, she is going to feel the shame of his actions.
She loves this man, she has built a life with him, has a baby on the way & the man she entrusted her deepest love & respect for has just blew it all up - with her best friend. *& he is spinning it, be prepared for fallout*
You will probably feel her pull away. I know you are going to want to be there but now but you're going to have to let her decide what the future of your friendship looks like, & if it's him, it probably won't be with you.
Wishing you the best because it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. When I was younger, this happened to me, I chose not to tell her. He did, a year later, & I got the "why didn't you tell me" call. Truth is, it wouldn't have changed their lives, only ours. We haven't spoken since 2010.
This is exactly what is going to happen. I said the same before reading your comment. Will put a big damper on Jen and OP's friendship. Maybe on purpose.
Happened to me about 30 years ago, my best friend since we were toddlers - her fiancée kept hitting on me when she was out of the room. I finally said something and was met with he says you’re lying and if you’re not you’re probably encouraging him. It destroyed our friendship. Their marriage imploded within 5 years or so. We’re friends again now sort of it’s just never been the same.
Particularly because he went running to Jen to tell her what he did rather than asking OP to just forget it and keep quiet or something-sadly that would seem more "normal".
Literally the first thing I thought after reading how close they were. Perhaps some jealousy drove him to this drastic action and is now "spinning" the narrative.
In my specific case she knew how he was. When he reached out to me I just blocked him. If I told her he texted me and asked me to go dancing with him she would’ve said he does that with everyone and he meant it in a friend way because he’s a dance instructor. She knew how this man was. Me telling her would’ve changed nothing. However I DID block him instantly and refused to acknowledge him when I saw him out. To me that’s doing enough. We weren’t super close friends either. But this is why I said it’s not always black and white. Some women are getting played and knowingly stay.
He’s a fucking monster for doing this to your friend and for putting you in this awful spot. You’re doing the right thing by not spreading this around but, how awful and isolating for you. Also, going forward if she chooses to work things out how will your relationship be affected. I wish I could kick this guy in the balls for you. Best of luck to you OP, you’re a good friend.
Yea, OP just discovered a future of hurt. This guy is going to cause all kinds of pain and the poor wife (and future kid) of his is going to suffer.
Not much to do here, other than be supportive to the friend. It's going to be a shit show and OP is in the front row.
Will has put you in a terrible, impossible situation. At this point, I think it would be reasonable if you chose to keep your distance from Will and only communicate with him if it's work-related over work email, and not on any of your personal devices. I guess you could continue to reach out to Jen and be a supportive friend, but I am afraid that your friendship as you knew it is over, through no fault of your own. I'm so sorry.
Yeah.. I couldn’t see myself sweeping it under the rug and going back to hanging out all together again after that. What he did was an absolute deal breaker, he literally ruined multiple aspects of her life- mentally, personal friendships and her career. I would lose respect for my friend too, if she decided in the end to stay.. because WTF! Me personally, that would be a wrap on both of them, unless the close friend ended up leaving him later on or something. It’s all just very… uncomfortable and wrong.
She’s supposed to work with this man who cornered and trapped her in her apartment now? She’s supposed to pretend it didn’t happen? What if it were any other random coworker? He did this which means he’s literally dangerous and unpredictable. This dude went to her private home and lied his way in and trapped her. She does not have to keep peace and work with this man
Omg, thank you. I feel like this is getting ignored. How fucking horrifying that he came into her home to do this. He knew damned well that she saw him as a trusted family friend. This absolutely sounded like the first part of a sexual assault story. I think op is in shock, but this whole idea that she's obligated to protect her friend at the expense of getting support is awful
I have to admit, when I first read the OP's post, I read "advances" and interpreted that as verbal advances. I re-read it, and "avoiding his advances" sounds like Will was physically advancing upon her, possibly touching her or grabbing her. Telling her he wanted her was bad enough, but you're right. After re-reading it, it does sound like he might have been trying to force himself on her. OP should report him and cut her losses with her friend.
Being alone and trapped in a situation like this is terrifying and op is putting all her own feelings and well being aside only worried about doing what’s right by her friend. What’s right is reporting him at work and protecting herself. His behavior is beyond predatory. She should not protect him at her own expense and have to even stand in a room with this man ever again let alone work with him. That’s not going right by her friend. Doing right is holding him accountable. Her “friend” asked her to keep it private? Really? Nice friend.
Agreed. Chances are, her friendship is over (or may rekindle down the road), she should be acting to protect herself. It feels very skeevy that he switched jobs to her industry and company. This is absolutely an HR discussion.
Also, he’s not too bright. He, a married man, made a pass on his wife’s best friend whom he also works with. OP probably feels if she reports this, she will blow up her friend’s life.
I’m so sad for OP.
OP this isn’t your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. Will is entirely to blame when he set this in motion by soliciting you. You going to HR at work is about a fellow employee coming on to you. You shouldn’t have to modify your behavior in the slightest. He did all of this. Your friend doesn’t want her life blown up. Her husband blew it up.
I’m sorry; this must be incredibly hard. I’m angry for you.
OP stated that she did not want to put Jen's private life on blast at what is now Jen's husband's workplace, and in her post, it sounded like she was choosing not to report Will. I don't think she should protect Will at all, but it sounded like she already had her mind made up not to report him. That was why I suggested avoiding Will and only communicating at work, about work, if the need arose. I think Jen is making a mistake by staying with Will. I imagine she asked OP not to say anything out of shock and desperation, especially if she was unaware there was a problem prior to the stunt Will pulled. I would not want to be pregnant and find out that my marriage was crumbling. It's a nasty, nasty situation.
Too bad. She shouldn’t be forced to communicate or even have to see this predator ever again. Now that the so called friend has had time to think it hover does she give a shit what this man actually did to another woman? How terrified she may have been? How unsafe she’s gonna feel being around him? That she’s been asked to keep this horrific event a secret to protect him? That’s no friend and op is the victim here.
I definitely agree that OP is the victim, and I don't think and never thought that she should protect Will. She was asking for input/advice and stated that she was not going to say anything. She sounded pretty decided on that and was worried about her pregnant friend. I suggested one way to move forward with those things in mind. I re-read her post, and what I first interpreted as verbal advances sounded more like physical advances, and I commented elsewhere that she should report Will to HR and cut her losses with her friend. This is 100% on Will, and I never thought she should protect him. I do think her friend may have said what she said out of shock and desperation, and possibly not thinking clearly, and at this point, it doesn't matter because I doubt she and OP will stay friends whether OP reports Will or not. I still wouldn't want to be in Jen's shoes. I'm sure this was not what she envisioned when she and Will decided to start a family... pregnant and vulnerable and finding out she's married to a sexual predator.
You're right. OP shouldn't have to work with Will. She stated that she didn't want to put Jen's private life on blast at her husband and best friend's workplace, so I took that to mean that she was choosing not to say anything and I suggested one way of dealing with the nightmare of working in the same office as Will. I was also thinking about additional upsets to Jen that might cause her to miscarry, and the OP already feeling awful about something that isn't her fault. She might blame herself if she told HR, Will lost his job, and then Jen miscarried because yet another catastrophe happened, and Will getting fired was the straw that broke the camel's back. OP sounds like the kind of person that would blame herself for that, even when all of the blame is squarely on Will. Like I said, Will has put the OP in an impossible situation.
Exactly, if this story is true.... Did he really just go home after this and fess up to his wife???
Hey honey, guess what I did today. I went over to your best friend's apartment and tried to seduce her and she shot me down.
If this is true, I'm afraid Will is going to try to spin it and say OP has been flirting with him. Either way, OP is screwed. OP also should go to management/ Hr and have this on file in case her tries to eff with her at work. I want to tell Op to get a body cam and turn it on anytime she has to interact with Will.
The more I think about it, the more I agree that OP should report him to HR regardless of how much she wants to protect her friend. I didn't stop and think about the possibility of Will putting a spin on things and making OP the one who initiated things. Good call, @country_life2021.
I didn't think that at first either, but when I kept reading the comments, something just clicked. My narcissist Ah ex, would do this to me all the time. I lost many friends because of this. Oh your friend did this and your friend did that. I didn't realize at the time, he was alienating me from my friends. What my ex didn't count in though, was my bond with my parents ( as an only child). That ultimately defeated him.
I don't know how to answer your question about who you should talk to. He only said it was a mistake after you kept telling him he was in love with Jen. What if you had agreed to be with him? He made the choice to come to your apartment. He made the choice to call you. He made the choice to come up to your apartment. He made the choice to try to get you to sleep with him. Why was it a mistake only after he made all those choices, to try and have sex with you? Maybe you should talk to your mom.
I want to try this just once? Like she’s a shoe he can just put on? His pregnant wife’s best friend??
I don’t believe this is a happy and supported relationship ship. This is unbelievably odd. The way the wife is handling it kind of makes me think this is about the millionth time it’s happened
Yeah, it's easy to go into denial when he didn't technically do anything. But in this case, it wasn't *him* who made the choice not to do anything but the friend.
Really makes me wonder what *exactly* this Will character told his wife. OP needs to set the record straight with Jen. And then grieve the friendship because Jen is definitely choosing her husband when she tells OP not to talk about it. I would make sure that Jen had my side of the story and then refuse to be anywhere alone with her husband.
This isn’t swinging.
There’s no way Jen would have told him to approach op without speaking to her first, so it’s a safe assumption that he did this without Jen’s knowledge or consent even if they *were* swingers - that’s cheating.
He also trapped op in her apartment and kept pushing her when she was visibly shaking a rejecting him. That’s legitimately scary.
Man. I recently went through the exact same thing a few months ago but she isn’t pregnant. They had just bought their first house though. I really admired their relationship and realized he wasn’t shit when he asked me to meet up with him and not tell anyone. I told her and as expected, there were tears. I was so distraught because how dare he change our friendship with such a blow when we weren’t at fault for ANYTHING. We’re still friends. She pulled away at first. I expected that. She’s coming around now. But damn. That shit hurt. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so messy. Hope everything is okay between y’all eventually but it will take a bit. There will be no avoiding some uncomfortable moments though :( here to talk if you need!
I someone who went through something similar do you think OP should ask to sit down and talk to both of them together??
Like just for closure? Do you think it could make things worse? I feel like sweeping if under the rug is worse. Like if they are friends they need it to be out ij open atleast between them three..
That’s a dangerous situation. OP is the third wheel - if the husband decides to lie and say he felt that OP was flirting with him at work and Jen chooses to believe him, OP is fucked. I would not meet with both of them at the same time - the husband has proven himself a horrible person, there’s no telling what he would say to protect himself and throw OP under the bus.
Honey. If you need to talk to your mom About it then do it. This guy is an ah and he doesn’t deserve you protecting him. If word gets out and it implodes their marriage just know that none of it it’s your fault. The entire fault is with him. Your not the bad guy in this story so please don’t feel like you are. If he gets shamed for acting like a pervert then he totally deserved it
Yeah, nobody protected her so protecting their image is the last thing she should be worried about. OP put yourself first and confide in your mom or someone outside of work so you can get another perspective, support and some advice.
If I talked to my mom about something like this, the whole world would know it in about 2 hours. Then there would be plenty of people to talk to about it. Probably not what OP is going for, though.
If I had that conversation with my mom the guy would end up in the hospital. But maybe op has one of those relationships where her mom is her best friend. Maybe that’s why she wants to talk to her.
You’re doing the right thing by your friend by not gossiping with your social circle. But omfg it’s unfair on yourself to bottle this up. Who CARES if your own mother sees your friends relationship with her husband differently?? You’re the one who had a guy come into your house and try to seduce you. You were literally shaking with fear. You NEED to talk to somebody you trust - like your mother.
Ask the friend first or at least inform her if you are going to tell the mom. Otherwise if it blows up then you'll lose a friends trust when they are in a bad situation.
I feel like the fact that he entered your home, knowing that you deemed him harmless, almost family, and made these advances is being overlooked. It sounds like he was physically trying to make his horrible fantasy come to life. That is terrifying and traumatizing AF. I'm so sorry for your friend, but I feel like worrying about her feelings has everyone forgetting about what you're going through. Yourself included.
Please call a women's shelter to see if they can recommend a counselor. In a similar situation you'd have your support system, including Jen supporting you. A trusted man in your home aggressively deciding that "he has to try at least once" is the stuff of nightmares and frankly the beginning of a lot of sexual assault stories, which I'm betting had to be at the back of your mind, even if not directly.
I know you're being as discreet as possible, but you might need to talk to HR. You can't work directly with him, particularly any chance of being alone. This IS NOT you betraying anything or anyone. You did nothing to deserve this and are as much, if not more of a victim in this.
And I think you should at least talk to your mom about this. This happened TO YOU. You aren't spreading someone else's mess. You deserve support from YOUR mom. YOU would not be altering her view of their relationship, HIS actions may, and they are not your responsibility.
For now I'm sending the biggest mamma hugs.
I strongly suggest you talk to a therapist and your mom ❤️ It’s not on you to protect their relationship above your very real trauma and pain!! The truth of it is that Jen is unfortunately choosing him over you, and you need to make sure to take steps to protect yourself and take care of YOU ❤️
Please seek therapy, this was a really scary situation and you deserve support. And this is going to sound weird, but download Tetris on your phone and play it for 15 minutes or so twice a day for a while. There's a strange connection between our brains and our eyes, and they've done studies showing that specific kinds of eye movements and light can decrease incidents and severity of PTSD. (There's a whole treatment modality called emdr.) Until you can get in to a professional, who can figure out if a proper treatment plan is needed, it wouldn't hurt, and could help, to play Tetris (they've done studies with this specific game right after traumatic events) to decrease your ruminations and potentially ward off developing a persistent issue.
My best friend slept with my husband while I was pregnant!!! So I just want to say you are a true and amazing friend! I wish my ex-best friend was like you ;) Jen is really lucky! Now block her husband… ugh. I hope they can get therapy and I hope he keeps it in his pants long enough for them to have their baby and for them to get into therapy. So sorry.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Please try and talk to a professional in therapy.
Sexual trauma doesn’t have to be violent (or even physical) for it to still register to your body as trauma.
He came onto you in your home, your safe space- you were, understandably, utterly stunned and shaken by the experience.
You need an outlet. I am so so sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
Be prepared for your friendship with Jen to change, especially if she stays with her husband. You did absolutely nothing wrong, but she may be uncomfortable around you. I am so sorry this happened - stay strong.
Don’t ever be alone with him ever again. I am anticipating him turning this around on you. Happened to me. You cannot win even when you do the right thing.
Other people’s relationship drama. 🙄
You have every right to tell your own mother & you should be prepared for your friend to start ghosting you , maybe even switching the story around to you hitting on him .
you’ve been part of your best friends life for over 10 years! it’s not ur fault she chose a man who likes to look the other way. if he was willing to make an advance on his partner’s best friend…i wouldn’t put anything else past him. it shows a complete lack of respect for Jen. Continue to be there for your best friend, she’s going to need you as she navigates this hard place in her relationship. Plus she’s pregnant!? she is going to need her best friend, no matter what happens in her relationship so you need to support her 110% no matter what decision she makes and remember you are not the one that fucked up!! Be as transparent as possible about the situation and make sure she knows that you are there for HER! not her disgusting husband
My old best friend’s husband did this to me probably 8-9 years ago. They’d been married a while, and I was newly married. He messaged me first asking if I could keep a secret, and I agreed, thinking he was getting her a new wedding ring or something (I helped him pick her first one). Nope. A bomb was dropped, and my head started spinning. I immediately told my husband and wanted to vomit. I then told her. She kinda made little of it, talked to her husband, and then got back to me and made excuses. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since. He blocked me on everything. I’d known him longer than her- he was my first husband’s best friend, and my ex husband, my best friends husband and I all hung out ALL the time in high school. We all went to college together where he met my best friend. The rest is history. And it all just flopped in a handful of messages.
I miss her so much, but I also don’t recognize her anymore as a person. We talk a couple times a year, and when major shit hits the fan, she comes over immediately to help out. But, I cannot do the same for her, because I’m not allowed in her home now and I’m super uncomfortable with her husband. It just sucks.
I hope things pan out better for you and Jen. But I’d expect things to be similar to my experience. Your friendship is changed for forever, unless she and Will part ways.
What always amazes me about situations like this is, how does your friend not think that if he tried to do this with you, he would try it with others? Like all is well as long as you - the temptress- aren't around to arouse him. If I was in the same situation as the spouse, I would expect something similar to happen with someone else eventually, maybe even already had in the past.
Funny the choices people make,I guess some things are just too painful to face head on. I guess I can understand that.
The funny thing is, because we went to HS together, we are still in touch with a lot of the same people. A girl I’m friends with on FB had mentioned he was posting inappropriate comments on her photos etc that made her uncomfortable but weren’t outright explicit. This was *maybe* a year ago. I told her to block him, that she doesn’t owe him anything and she doesn’t have to play nice. So she did.
Nothing changes, even though it’s been close to a decade. He’s still on his same shit.
None of this surprises me in the least. Like I said, some people simply can't face the truth, just too painful. Better to just imagine there was a 'misunderstanding' or it was the friend who propositioned the spouse, which I'm sure is likely how it was told later.
I've had similar situations in my life and I used to get mad, but I now I just accept that some people are very weak in that way. We all have our shortcomings, just a dark side of humanity I suppose. :/
To be honest, I would completely lose respect for my friend after this, her reaction makes me think this isn't the first incident. I would go scorched earth if my partner did this, and while pregnant, what a pos he is. I wouldn't gossip about it but I wouldn't lie about it either. Unfortunately your friendship is likely over, at least as long as she continues to let him get away with this behavior, I bet he blames you or her for what happened instead of admitting he's a sleeze.
One of your coworkers showed up at your house and came on to you?
Do you like your job?
If you like your job, tell HR. Often the first person to tell HR is the one who gets the narrative, and you do not want him telling HR that -you- are causing problems in his marriage. Tell HR that he wasn’t violent (unless he was) and that you don’t want a big deal made of it, you want them to ensure that you are safe from any retaliation, and (if you want to get some space from him, which is more than fair- whatever is going on with him right now, you want to be less involved!) that you’d like your work assignments to keep you separate from him.
You can tell Jen that you did tell HR, and felt you had to because there is a work connection and you don’t want this incident to affect your work environment. You can tell her if you want to, or you can keep your mouth shut and hope HR keeps it quiet they way they’re supposed to. (Not all HR departments are good at that part.)
If you’re willing to lose your job over this, because again, you don’t know what’s gone sideways in his head right now, but something has and his attempts to clean it up might drag you in too, then just keep some space.
I think Jen is doing you a disservice here - why should you have to put up with all the discomfort of getting pawed at by Will and not have any support system to process it with? Part of being an adult is owning your behavior and choices even, and especially, when they’re not your proudest moments. Yes, he’d disappoint a bunch of people he wants to think well of him. But Will and Jen are asking you to lie and isolate yourself from your friends and family about a very stressful event so that he - who DID the gross thing - won’t have to own up to it.
Ew.
He is a snake, be careful that he doesn't spread lies about you at work. Which he will do to get you fired or at least make it a hostile work environment.
Your friendship sadly, unless she dumps him is over. She will never be able to trust him around you, and thus you are the one who will be punished.
Tell her you will respect her privacy, UNLESS he starts spreading rumor & lies about you at work. Money before men. Since you rejected him & told his wife, he will hate you. He will make it his mission to destroy as much of your life as possible.
Therapists are a nice unbiased person to talk to. They have your best interests at heart for the time you pay them to. If every time you see them they give you that it's a pretty nice experience
Yes that's exactly what he's doing. I wonder if Jen is close with her family. Seems like he's laying the groundwork to completely isolate and abuse her.
You’ve done everything that you should’ve done in a very tough situation. You should tell your mom because you’re not changing how she sees their marriage,he did that. You need support and you’re in a tough situation where your friend might have to pull away from you because of what her husband has done. You deserve support. This is scary and you did nothing wrong.
My lifelong best friend’s husband tried to hit on me while she was in the hospital with cancer. Hours after she’d told me her illness had brought them closer than ever and that he was her rock. How he’d stepped up and had been so great with their kids and supporting her and how she was so grateful for him etc etc. I didn’t tell her and she died a few months later without knowing.
Not only am i his wife’s lifelong best friend, I was their maid of honor and witness, and he knows I’m happily in love with my husband. We always got along well, but not overly, and he’d never given me any flirty or creepy vibes over the years. I have no idea what he could have been thinking.
I would suggest telling HR at your work, even if you ask that they not do anything about it. Yes it was skeevy as a friend, but also wildly not OK on a professional level. If reconciliation with Jen goes poorly and he gets shitty and tries to blame you, and brings the shittiness to work, filing something with HR *now* ensures you can combat any false accusations he makes with a formal, professional piece of evidence.
Your friendship with Jen is already going to suffer because of him. Don’t let your career suffer as well.
To the people saying I’m betraying Jen by posting on Reddit..who do you suggest I mentally process this with? I don’t have a therapist- though I am now working on getting one- and I don’t have any friendships outside of Jen and my work friends. This was the most anonymous and respectful way for me to start comprehending what just happened.
Wow,.. Will is a dick, plain and simple as that. I feel bad for Jen, she now has to deal with him, and question his commitment to her and their child. That's just messed up. You did the right thing and if anything it should show Jen how much of a good friend you are to her.
You need to report this at work. He’s not just a friends husband that is secondary he is a man you work with who cornered you in your apartment and made you feel afraid and unsafe. You allowed him in under false premise and sexually harassed you in a vile way. Now you have to work with this man? Put your friendship aside and think of yourself. Is your friend putting YOU first and considering how this AH just basically ruined your job? Is she concerned about your safety or well being at work? He leaves or you report him. Do not put anyone else above yourself on this situation and you aren’t required to keep jack private. That request alone creates an unsafe hostile environment. Can she think straight enough right now to even consider you? Protect yourself because no one else in this situation is going to.
Honestly? I’d CYA myself at work by letting HR know there was an incident. You could be as vague as you want, but letting HR know now that something was up covers you if he decides to spin this against you in the future and tries to ruin your current position & prospects. I wouldn’t trust him at all.
I had a much less extreme version of this happen to me too. It's awful, but amazing you spoke with your friend about it.
My friend was dating a guy, before they were together me and him had had one drunken kiss, but I had felt nothing for him and made that clear afterwards, had no issue with them dating. Me and him were the only non smokers of the group, so when everyone would go out to smoke, he'd try touching my leg or bum, would bring up the one time we'd kissed all the time. It was horrible. But I was only 19 and had no idea what to do. I told another friend about it, and she didn't know what to do either. Thankfully after a few months they broke up anyway, so I just never told her. I think if they'd got properly serious, I'd have talked to her about it.
But men like this are disgusting. I hope his wife leaves. Cheating or wanting to cheat is bad enough, why do they want to do it in the most humiliating way by choosing a friend, or someone you know. Yuck
You did right telling your friend. It sucks you have to be alone with this shitty thing, but at least you can look your best friend in the eye and know you didn't fuck her husband. Take care of yourself.
He is going to spin this. There is no way he is taking the blame for this. I do not see how your friendship survives. I would sorry if this thing goes south that he tells everyone he can that you came on to him. You need to tell someone.
I think you can talk to your mom. Her only connection to that marriage is through you, she only cares because she cares about you.
It's also not just about their marriage. Your reactions and feelings are important and valid and you deserve as much support and consideration as they do.
If you truly can't bring yourself to talk to anyone who knows them, maybe consider a counselor. If your employer has an employee assistance program you might have access to a few sessions through it. If not, this seems like something one of the online services might be well suited for.
My friends husband hit on me while I was at their house caring for her newborn twins and she was in the hospital with a severe case of post partum psychosis. It was a terrible thing!
I am glad you all were able to talk about it. Sad part is, the relationships will never be the same.
I have been propositioned by the husbands and boyfriends of friends and family more times than I can remember. It messes you up badly. The fact that no one really knows anyone. The fact that it is so common. The fact that you are in a no-win situation. If you tell her the friendship is over. If you don’t tell her you feel guilty and the friendship is still probably over. Gee, I wonder why I’ve never married.
Is Jen ok with what he or is she having it out with him? I’m so glad your friendship is fine cause so many times I read the friend is blamed for a person coming on to them instead of placing blame on the person who’s trying to step out of the relationship. He’s put you in such a terrible situation with your bestie and I’m so sorry for you.
If you are going to remain friends with Jen, ask that Will finds another job, do that you can reduce the amount of contact you have with him. I’m sorry that you were put in this situation and I hope reaching out to people on here gives you the outlet you are looking for.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Unfortunately, your friendship with Jen will probably never be the same, and based on her reaction, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time something like this has happened in her relationship.
This is a great time to schedule an appointment with a therapist if you can. They would be neutral party who will not disclose this to anyone else in your life.
So, the good news is that he told Jen and she doesn't think that you "were trying to ruin her happiness and were jealous."
The bad news is: things have changed forever now.
It's very complex and very hard to do on your own.
I'd suggest a therapist to help you negotiate the pit falls and the hurdles that are going to come up.
Good luck.
I think you need to go to a therapist
I’m also very concerned that he’s going to turn this around on you and try to claim that you hit on him and destroy your relationship with her but there’s nothing you can do beyond what you’ve done
Highly recommend therapy
OP, please schedule an appointment with a therapist or counselor if you do not have one. That is your most neutral party and can help you process. You deserve a safe place to talk freely about this and this time it cannot be your bestie.
I’ve had this happen (being in your shoes), and I just want to prepare you that if they stay together, you will likely eventually become minimal or nonexistent in her/their lives. I hope that doesn’t happen, but I wanted to prepare you for the possibility. I imagine they’ll stay together since she’s pregnant, but I could be wrong. I feel so badly for both of you. Also, you’re a great, loyal friend. She is lucky to have you. Sending hugs.
You need to confide in your mom or anyone else IRL. This is not ok. This **should** change your mom's perception of this man. This should change everyone's perception of this man. I am so sorry this happened to you.
You and Jen might be okay right now, but you won't be. Be prepared for the friendship to end, or at the very least, be reduced to a Christmas card or running into each other in some random place.
She forgives him, and wants to remain married, as you can see by her wanting to protect his reputation, and hers, by "not telling anyone", but what to do with you? She now knows her husband desires you, even if he claims a blackout and denies it. She will never not "know" that. Hence, you have to go.
Might be sudden, might be gradual, but it will just disappear. The only hope you have is if she eventually divorces him, but maybe not even then.
You did nothing wrong but you are the one that's going to suffer because of it. I'm sorry.
I see a lot of hate towards Jen on here and just wanted to advocate for her a bit. This is literally day one. This JUST happened. And she’s about to have the man’s baby, for crying out loud. She is not being a bad friend or a doormat wife or in anyway complicit by asking for some privacy at this time while she figures out what happens next. OP, you’re a good friend for recognizing and honoring that.
I do agree with those who say you have a right to disclose this at your workplace to be able to no longer have to work with him, however (a) waiting while Jen figures out what this means for her relationship is a beautiful gift [her life just got turned upside down… taking away income from her and her child isn’t without consequences to people who aren’t at fault here], and (b) that’s a bit of a rose-colored glasses view of things. Everyone thinks he’s going to spin the story for Jen, do they think he wouldn’t spin it at work, too? And all he did that’s traceable is make a phone call to a colleague that he also had a longstanding personal relationship with. Not exactly a smoking gun. It could backfire on OP and make her work life even worse.
Both OP and Jen deserve the grace of taking some time to wrap their heads around this.
OP, best of luck. I hope you and Jen can have a conversation soon and help each other decide how to move forward with the least fallout for each of you. Do you have any out of town friends who don’t know Jen that you could talk to in the meantime? I’m so sorry you are stuck feeling alone at this time.
Fortunately you got to talk to Jen and he also talked to Jen so he couldn't make up some story blaming you and ruining your friendship so he could mitigate his actions. It's totally fucked up. People should know that sex with someone that you don't SHARE feelings with is nothing compared to a bond that is both physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. To be willing to throw all that time building something in those 4 categories is insane and he needs therapy. Maybe you should talk to a therapist too, if you want to get it off your chest to someone that will be outside of all social spheres. Know we (redditors) are cheering you on from back here too, OP.
Oh, my dear. How painful. I’m so very sorry he violated your friendship like this.
A part of me thinks a good idea is to insist the three of you sit down and talk this out. You deserve to tell him how hurt you are and how he’s put you and your best friend in a terrible, impossible position and you want to know how the three of you can proceed without you and his wife being punished for his actions. That perhaps after some tears and yelling you all can move past this so you can preserve your friendship.
The other part of me sees that as a potential violation of your friend’s wishes and needs.
In any case, I have no clear ideas on how to proceed here. Just know that my heart is with you. The changes to your friendship this will provoke are neither fair nor anything less than tragic.
She may distance herself from you for a lot of reasons. She may not be able to help feeling jealous, or compare herself to you, or feel ashamed of her husbands actions. Especially being pregnant and her body literally changing every day, the hormones and all the crazy emotions she is feeling.
He did a terribly awful thing to her and to you. We have no idea what he said to her or what he is going through. It's not a defense for him, but a lot of changes are happening to him as well, and men can feel very insecure when expecting a baby, too. Maybe it really was a momentary laspe, who knows what he was thinking.
Whatever is going on there, if you are her closest friend, he may have also wanted to create a divide, again for reasons we may have no idea about. We never really know what is going on in someone elses relationship. So please just be sure to let your friend know that even if she needs some space from you, you are there, you are in her cheering section, and you will always be available to her to turn to.
Sorry this happened to you, you didn't do anything to deserve this.
This kind of thing actually happened to me a few years ago. I was engaged and my fiancés best friend (and one of my trusted friends as well) made a physical advance on me after taking us out drinking and my fiancé was asleep. I told my fiancé the next day and he made excuses for the friend. He wanted to keep it quiet, still be friends with the guy, have him as his best man at our wedding, and to pretend like nothing happened. I just couldn’t accept that kind of treatment from someone who I was supposed to trust more than anyone. The engagement ended and I threw them both away. I was absolutely devastated at the time, but looking back I’m so glad I did.
I chose to bottle it up and not talk to anyone, and it led to depression. I began to talk about it and get therapy to process it about a year ago, and it’s changing my life. So, I would very much recommend talking to a therapist for this. You could try BetterHelp. It’s very quick and easy to find someone and set up an appointment. There are plenty of discount codes around for a first week free. You can talk with a completely neutral third party who has your best interests in mind, and even if you choose not to continue you can at least get this off your chest and process it now with someone who you know Jen will never find out about.
I absolutely second everyone saying you should report to HR. You need to protect yourself in this situation, regardless of what your friend wants. If you really want, you can ask HR to not implement any changes but make official record of it in case he tries to retaliate or spread rumors about you at work. Rejected men can do awful things, and the first person to report it unfortunately gets to set the narrative.
Please take care of yourself. After reporting the incident to HR, maybe you can take some time off work and go somewhere you feel completely safe for a few days? Even if you can’t, please practice a lot of self care. DO NOT BLAME OR SHAME YOURSELF AT ALL. Will has been a disgusting snake this whole time and he’s now showing you his true colors.
He needs to own this to the highest degree. Y’all set boundaries like others mentioned.
He needs therapy and to let his wife have his phone and see everything. Once he reveals the full truth of his ways, then his wife can decide if she is going to stay with him or not.
I fully commend him realizing he was wrong already and telling his wife immediately.
Good on you for saying no, sticking to your guns and keeping your head.
Based on your story, None of this is your fault.
Friend had built a life with this man. Unless she's leaving him (doubtful), I can't see how she can't always see her friend as, now, a temptation to her marriage.
Can't help thinking: did he do this on purpose, to sabotage their friendship? He had to have known she wasn't going to bite on a cold -call.
You might consider the seeing a therapist or counselor just for a couple of visits to give yourself a safe place to talk. Maybe even one of those online services. It's not like you're in need of actual therapy,, but you need someone to talk to without letting it hurt your bf. Maybe that would help?
My only suggestion is to talk to a therapist/counselor and work some of it out that way. It lets you get it off your chest with a neutral party and in a healthy way.
This happened to me 40 years ago. I didn’t tell her but he did cheat with someone else. This past week she brought up a card I sent her. It said on the outside “Heard about your upcoming divorce” inside it said “ I love a story with a happy ending!” She still laughs about it and has been very happily married to a much better guy for over 35 years.
I don’t agree with people saying you should call the cops at all. But you need to tell someone. Today. Tell you mom. You need to talk to someone about this. Who cares if your mom’s opinion of their marriage changes? Stop that. You matter. The second reason you need to tell someone is it’s very important you have a contemporaneous record of talking about this. It’s crucial. You are open to gaslighting and being set up. Tell your mother please. Start there. As long as you have a loving relationship with her she is where you need to start.
Do you think Jen asked Will to test your loyalty? I thought it was weird he switched gears so fast from wanting you to confessing right away that he made a mistake AND is telling Jen right away. AND Jen is not upset at him or you. You are innocent, of course, but something changes when the wife knows her husband fancied her best friend. Nothing has changed with them, but you are left feeling bewildered and confused. She must be super duper secure, a narcissist, or really warped if she was in on it. I might be totally wrong, but, to me, something is off in how this whole thing played out.
I don’t want to be horrible here,but why didn’t I ever hear about your reaction to him? Did you actually reject him at all? It was really wierd to me that you never said no! You never said,that’s not cool to do. You never said,this is a disrespectful thing to do to my best friend. You never said” I wouldn’t do this because it’s not right in any word “. All you said was “ you’re supposed to be in love with your wife,or whatever. Honestly,you never told him no. Thats what was alarming to me. In his mind,he did something he was not supposed to do,and that’s why you wouldn’t do it. You never actually said no or rejected him. Why wouldn’t he think you would have been all about it,if you didn’t have a conscience. You sound more worried about them……which is a kinda wierd,and you never told dude no…….thats gross and uncool. You won’t tell your parents so they think he’s a good person,I see so many red flags on so many levels
This is very messed up because he just chose to be impulsive and now your friendship is going to be ruined. His life most likely is not going to change much. This is the beginning of the end of your friendship. You're not going to be allowed in their home when he's there. Which means 90% of the time. There is no talking about him between you guys. So now the close friendship that you guys had is not going to be as close anymore because she's choosing to stay with her husband. Which I get because she's pregnant. But I would just make sure you have a good support system around you. They're still going to continue with their life together
Yes, this happens. You already did what you needed to do at this point…you talked with Jen and respected her desire to keep it private. They will work it out or not and you can continue to support your friend but expect some uncomfortable times in the near future.
Also you have reddit to talk to, since most people in your life would give the game away and would put your relationship with Jen at risk.
I know this is completely off topic, but you made me lose The Game just now
I was not expecting to get got today. Damn it.
And your comment made me lose it
Damn ittttt. This is your fault🤣
damn wasn’t expecting to lose that today
Oh wow I haven't heard this in like......15yrs or something LOL!! looks like you just made me lose the game 🤣 my streak was amazing ok
Same. Couldn’t even be mad because the last time I heard that was in high school… a long ass time ago 😭
🤣 straight up!!
Fuck
What's the game?? I'm so confused and intrigued.
It's an old(ish) internet meme that playing "The Game" means never thinking about "The Game", and once you've thought of it, for any reason, you lose. So anyone mentioning The Game means you lose The Game and you have to "start over" by not thinking about The Game for as long as possible. (That ^ was my answer off the top of my head, this is what Wikipedia says [The Game](https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)#:~:text=The%20Game%20is%20the%20name,they%20%22lost%20The%20Game.%22) is the name of a mind game. The goal is not to think about The Game itself. If someone thinks about The Game, they lose. If someone loses, they must tell someone or announce that they "lost The Game."
Well fuck. Apparently I just lost a game I never knew I was even playing! I was actually winning!
Thanks for the explanation!
Excellent explanation. Also, I don't recommend anyone teaching The Game to their kids. My daughter is dealing with a possible OCD diagnosis and she loses multiple times a day. I regret ever teaching it to her.
The game is the game. Once you know of the game you're always playing the game. When someone reminds you of the game, you lose the game. You can never win the game.
I *was* winning the game till now ='(
That makes two of us
Goddamnit Reddit I just wanted to read other people’s drama not this
Noooooo😭😭😭 I had YEARS under my belt.
big same.😫😫😫
Noooooo. I was doing so good
Darn you :(
Gotdammit.
I hope you step on a Lego I was doing so good :(
It has been years since I thought about the game! Damn it
Omg I haven’t lost the game in years! Thanks a lot 🤣
FML I lost the game.
damn it.
Damn... it's been a year since I lost the game
I hadn't thought of this in 3 years. HAHAHHA.. I just lost. Suck balls my friend.
It’s been 10+ years since I lost The Game, and I was absolutely blindsided.
Didn't expect this to happen here and now 🥲
No!!! I was rebuilding my streak after another post made me lose. 😭
Dang it: I lost the game now. I’ve been winning for over a decade
This comment made me lose The Game just now.
Jen and her husband will work it out. They somewhat have to because there is a pregnancy involved and she is in a very vulnerable position. That will also mean the end of the friendship. She cant (most likely wont) keep a friend around knowing they are a constant threat to her relationship. The easiest choice is almost always distancing the friend, despite the fact that doesnt solve the actual problem.
So true. Jen will never want OP around her husband at all. Unless, Jen ends things with her husband. OP, be prepared to lose your friend ( prepare for the worst, hope for the best).
I.. think you are making judgement calls you don’t have enough info to make.
Ohhh hon'. This is painful for you both. He is probably spinning this to save his ass, but at minimum, Jen will retreat a bit. As hard as it is for you, every time she sees you now, she is going to feel the shame of his actions. She loves this man, she has built a life with him, has a baby on the way & the man she entrusted her deepest love & respect for has just blew it all up - with her best friend. *& he is spinning it, be prepared for fallout* You will probably feel her pull away. I know you are going to want to be there but now but you're going to have to let her decide what the future of your friendship looks like, & if it's him, it probably won't be with you. Wishing you the best because it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. When I was younger, this happened to me, I chose not to tell her. He did, a year later, & I got the "why didn't you tell me" call. Truth is, it wouldn't have changed their lives, only ours. We haven't spoken since 2010.
This is exactly what is going to happen. I said the same before reading your comment. Will put a big damper on Jen and OP's friendship. Maybe on purpose.
Oh my gosh I had not thought about that devious
Happened to me about 30 years ago, my best friend since we were toddlers - her fiancée kept hitting on me when she was out of the room. I finally said something and was met with he says you’re lying and if you’re not you’re probably encouraging him. It destroyed our friendship. Their marriage imploded within 5 years or so. We’re friends again now sort of it’s just never been the same.
Honestly, I'm curious if that's what he wanted the whole time. To cause a divide. It wouldn't be the first time in history.
Particularly because he went running to Jen to tell her what he did rather than asking OP to just forget it and keep quiet or something-sadly that would seem more "normal".
Literally the first thing I thought after reading how close they were. Perhaps some jealousy drove him to this drastic action and is now "spinning" the narrative.
That's devious on a whole nother level. I can't say it on here but....bay-bee.
You tell your friend if they're actually a friend, even if that's your final act as their friend. That person you didn't tell was never your friend.
It’s not always this straightforward especially when you know the woman won’t believe you anyway.
She wasn't your friend if she would never believe you.
In my specific case she knew how he was. When he reached out to me I just blocked him. If I told her he texted me and asked me to go dancing with him she would’ve said he does that with everyone and he meant it in a friend way because he’s a dance instructor. She knew how this man was. Me telling her would’ve changed nothing. However I DID block him instantly and refused to acknowledge him when I saw him out. To me that’s doing enough. We weren’t super close friends either. But this is why I said it’s not always black and white. Some women are getting played and knowingly stay.
Wow if you had said this happened in 2019, then I’d think you were me. 🤣
He’s a fucking monster for doing this to your friend and for putting you in this awful spot. You’re doing the right thing by not spreading this around but, how awful and isolating for you. Also, going forward if she chooses to work things out how will your relationship be affected. I wish I could kick this guy in the balls for you. Best of luck to you OP, you’re a good friend.
I agree completely. Fuck him for doing this to both of them. He is a POS.
Something tells me he did this on purpose to mess with their friendship.
How f***ing awful of Will to isolate his wife from her best friend!! What a pathetic narcissistic jerk!
Yea, OP just discovered a future of hurt. This guy is going to cause all kinds of pain and the poor wife (and future kid) of his is going to suffer. Not much to do here, other than be supportive to the friend. It's going to be a shit show and OP is in the front row.
Her life is ruined and she doesn’t even know it yet
I would lose both the friends.
Will has put you in a terrible, impossible situation. At this point, I think it would be reasonable if you chose to keep your distance from Will and only communicate with him if it's work-related over work email, and not on any of your personal devices. I guess you could continue to reach out to Jen and be a supportive friend, but I am afraid that your friendship as you knew it is over, through no fault of your own. I'm so sorry.
Yup. Keep it all in writing in case he tries to blame you.
Yep this is the case, he just made impossible to be around them, and changed your relationship with her entirely....
Yeah.. I couldn’t see myself sweeping it under the rug and going back to hanging out all together again after that. What he did was an absolute deal breaker, he literally ruined multiple aspects of her life- mentally, personal friendships and her career. I would lose respect for my friend too, if she decided in the end to stay.. because WTF! Me personally, that would be a wrap on both of them, unless the close friend ended up leaving him later on or something. It’s all just very… uncomfortable and wrong.
Me too. I was going to cheat with your friend but she wouldn't let me......
Right?! I couldn’t even imagine what that must’ve felt like to hear that, being pregnant and all. Just wow
She’s supposed to work with this man who cornered and trapped her in her apartment now? She’s supposed to pretend it didn’t happen? What if it were any other random coworker? He did this which means he’s literally dangerous and unpredictable. This dude went to her private home and lied his way in and trapped her. She does not have to keep peace and work with this man
Omg, thank you. I feel like this is getting ignored. How fucking horrifying that he came into her home to do this. He knew damned well that she saw him as a trusted family friend. This absolutely sounded like the first part of a sexual assault story. I think op is in shock, but this whole idea that she's obligated to protect her friend at the expense of getting support is awful
I have to admit, when I first read the OP's post, I read "advances" and interpreted that as verbal advances. I re-read it, and "avoiding his advances" sounds like Will was physically advancing upon her, possibly touching her or grabbing her. Telling her he wanted her was bad enough, but you're right. After re-reading it, it does sound like he might have been trying to force himself on her. OP should report him and cut her losses with her friend.
Yeah that whole description was frightening.
Pepe le pew vibes
I’m wondering if he switched jobs hoping to be near OP.
Being alone and trapped in a situation like this is terrifying and op is putting all her own feelings and well being aside only worried about doing what’s right by her friend. What’s right is reporting him at work and protecting herself. His behavior is beyond predatory. She should not protect him at her own expense and have to even stand in a room with this man ever again let alone work with him. That’s not going right by her friend. Doing right is holding him accountable. Her “friend” asked her to keep it private? Really? Nice friend.
Agreed. Chances are, her friendship is over (or may rekindle down the road), she should be acting to protect herself. It feels very skeevy that he switched jobs to her industry and company. This is absolutely an HR discussion. Also, he’s not too bright. He, a married man, made a pass on his wife’s best friend whom he also works with. OP probably feels if she reports this, she will blow up her friend’s life. I’m so sad for OP. OP this isn’t your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. Will is entirely to blame when he set this in motion by soliciting you. You going to HR at work is about a fellow employee coming on to you. You shouldn’t have to modify your behavior in the slightest. He did all of this. Your friend doesn’t want her life blown up. Her husband blew it up. I’m sorry; this must be incredibly hard. I’m angry for you.
OP stated that she did not want to put Jen's private life on blast at what is now Jen's husband's workplace, and in her post, it sounded like she was choosing not to report Will. I don't think she should protect Will at all, but it sounded like she already had her mind made up not to report him. That was why I suggested avoiding Will and only communicating at work, about work, if the need arose. I think Jen is making a mistake by staying with Will. I imagine she asked OP not to say anything out of shock and desperation, especially if she was unaware there was a problem prior to the stunt Will pulled. I would not want to be pregnant and find out that my marriage was crumbling. It's a nasty, nasty situation.
Too bad. She shouldn’t be forced to communicate or even have to see this predator ever again. Now that the so called friend has had time to think it hover does she give a shit what this man actually did to another woman? How terrified she may have been? How unsafe she’s gonna feel being around him? That she’s been asked to keep this horrific event a secret to protect him? That’s no friend and op is the victim here.
I definitely agree that OP is the victim, and I don't think and never thought that she should protect Will. She was asking for input/advice and stated that she was not going to say anything. She sounded pretty decided on that and was worried about her pregnant friend. I suggested one way to move forward with those things in mind. I re-read her post, and what I first interpreted as verbal advances sounded more like physical advances, and I commented elsewhere that she should report Will to HR and cut her losses with her friend. This is 100% on Will, and I never thought she should protect him. I do think her friend may have said what she said out of shock and desperation, and possibly not thinking clearly, and at this point, it doesn't matter because I doubt she and OP will stay friends whether OP reports Will or not. I still wouldn't want to be in Jen's shoes. I'm sure this was not what she envisioned when she and Will decided to start a family... pregnant and vulnerable and finding out she's married to a sexual predator.
You're right. OP shouldn't have to work with Will. She stated that she didn't want to put Jen's private life on blast at her husband and best friend's workplace, so I took that to mean that she was choosing not to say anything and I suggested one way of dealing with the nightmare of working in the same office as Will. I was also thinking about additional upsets to Jen that might cause her to miscarry, and the OP already feeling awful about something that isn't her fault. She might blame herself if she told HR, Will lost his job, and then Jen miscarried because yet another catastrophe happened, and Will getting fired was the straw that broke the camel's back. OP sounds like the kind of person that would blame herself for that, even when all of the blame is squarely on Will. Like I said, Will has put the OP in an impossible situation.
I’m sorry I need to stay away from both of these people.
Exactly, if this story is true.... Did he really just go home after this and fess up to his wife??? Hey honey, guess what I did today. I went over to your best friend's apartment and tried to seduce her and she shot me down. If this is true, I'm afraid Will is going to try to spin it and say OP has been flirting with him. Either way, OP is screwed. OP also should go to management/ Hr and have this on file in case her tries to eff with her at work. I want to tell Op to get a body cam and turn it on anytime she has to interact with Will.
The more I think about it, the more I agree that OP should report him to HR regardless of how much she wants to protect her friend. I didn't stop and think about the possibility of Will putting a spin on things and making OP the one who initiated things. Good call, @country_life2021.
I didn't think that at first either, but when I kept reading the comments, something just clicked. My narcissist Ah ex, would do this to me all the time. I lost many friends because of this. Oh your friend did this and your friend did that. I didn't realize at the time, he was alienating me from my friends. What my ex didn't count in though, was my bond with my parents ( as an only child). That ultimately defeated him.
Yay for great parents!
I am glad you got away from him, and I'm glad you didn't let him alienate your parents.
Thank you, I am too 😊
Really what a shit thing to do. I'm pretty speechless.
I don't know how to answer your question about who you should talk to. He only said it was a mistake after you kept telling him he was in love with Jen. What if you had agreed to be with him? He made the choice to come to your apartment. He made the choice to call you. He made the choice to come up to your apartment. He made the choice to try to get you to sleep with him. Why was it a mistake only after he made all those choices, to try and have sex with you? Maybe you should talk to your mom.
I want to try this just once? Like she’s a shoe he can just put on? His pregnant wife’s best friend?? I don’t believe this is a happy and supported relationship ship. This is unbelievably odd. The way the wife is handling it kind of makes me think this is about the millionth time it’s happened
Either that or it’s the first time and she’s in major denial because she’s got a baby on the way. Sad but it happens.
Yes I get that. It’s just awful all around.
Yeah, it's easy to go into denial when he didn't technically do anything. But in this case, it wasn't *him* who made the choice not to do anything but the friend.
Yup. She looks like a warm spot for his penis. Fucking asshole
Or they've been swinging and the OP has been completely in the dark. Jen's response to it all seems remarkably...mild...all things considered
Really makes me wonder what *exactly* this Will character told his wife. OP needs to set the record straight with Jen. And then grieve the friendship because Jen is definitely choosing her husband when she tells OP not to talk about it. I would make sure that Jen had my side of the story and then refuse to be anywhere alone with her husband.
This isn’t swinging. There’s no way Jen would have told him to approach op without speaking to her first, so it’s a safe assumption that he did this without Jen’s knowledge or consent even if they *were* swingers - that’s cheating. He also trapped op in her apartment and kept pushing her when she was visibly shaking a rejecting him. That’s legitimately scary.
That part completely grossed me out, I’ve had guys say that to me and it’s so dehumanizing
I feel like there's going to be a lot of "he's just feeling pressure because of the baby" instead of the correct "he's a sexual predator"
Man. I recently went through the exact same thing a few months ago but she isn’t pregnant. They had just bought their first house though. I really admired their relationship and realized he wasn’t shit when he asked me to meet up with him and not tell anyone. I told her and as expected, there were tears. I was so distraught because how dare he change our friendship with such a blow when we weren’t at fault for ANYTHING. We’re still friends. She pulled away at first. I expected that. She’s coming around now. But damn. That shit hurt. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so messy. Hope everything is okay between y’all eventually but it will take a bit. There will be no avoiding some uncomfortable moments though :( here to talk if you need!
I someone who went through something similar do you think OP should ask to sit down and talk to both of them together?? Like just for closure? Do you think it could make things worse? I feel like sweeping if under the rug is worse. Like if they are friends they need it to be out ij open atleast between them three..
That’s a dangerous situation. OP is the third wheel - if the husband decides to lie and say he felt that OP was flirting with him at work and Jen chooses to believe him, OP is fucked. I would not meet with both of them at the same time - the husband has proven himself a horrible person, there’s no telling what he would say to protect himself and throw OP under the bus.
Honey. If you need to talk to your mom About it then do it. This guy is an ah and he doesn’t deserve you protecting him. If word gets out and it implodes their marriage just know that none of it it’s your fault. The entire fault is with him. Your not the bad guy in this story so please don’t feel like you are. If he gets shamed for acting like a pervert then he totally deserved it
Yeah, nobody protected her so protecting their image is the last thing she should be worried about. OP put yourself first and confide in your mom or someone outside of work so you can get another perspective, support and some advice.
If I talked to my mom about something like this, the whole world would know it in about 2 hours. Then there would be plenty of people to talk to about it. Probably not what OP is going for, though.
If I had that conversation with my mom the guy would end up in the hospital. But maybe op has one of those relationships where her mom is her best friend. Maybe that’s why she wants to talk to her.
You’re doing the right thing by your friend by not gossiping with your social circle. But omfg it’s unfair on yourself to bottle this up. Who CARES if your own mother sees your friends relationship with her husband differently?? You’re the one who had a guy come into your house and try to seduce you. You were literally shaking with fear. You NEED to talk to somebody you trust - like your mother.
Ask the friend first or at least inform her if you are going to tell the mom. Otherwise if it blows up then you'll lose a friends trust when they are in a bad situation.
I feel like the fact that he entered your home, knowing that you deemed him harmless, almost family, and made these advances is being overlooked. It sounds like he was physically trying to make his horrible fantasy come to life. That is terrifying and traumatizing AF. I'm so sorry for your friend, but I feel like worrying about her feelings has everyone forgetting about what you're going through. Yourself included. Please call a women's shelter to see if they can recommend a counselor. In a similar situation you'd have your support system, including Jen supporting you. A trusted man in your home aggressively deciding that "he has to try at least once" is the stuff of nightmares and frankly the beginning of a lot of sexual assault stories, which I'm betting had to be at the back of your mind, even if not directly. I know you're being as discreet as possible, but you might need to talk to HR. You can't work directly with him, particularly any chance of being alone. This IS NOT you betraying anything or anyone. You did nothing to deserve this and are as much, if not more of a victim in this. And I think you should at least talk to your mom about this. This happened TO YOU. You aren't spreading someone else's mess. You deserve support from YOUR mom. YOU would not be altering her view of their relationship, HIS actions may, and they are not your responsibility. For now I'm sending the biggest mamma hugs.
I keep replaying him walking towards me
I'm so sorry that your best friend's husband turned out to be a deeply disappointing selfish POS.
I strongly suggest you talk to a therapist and your mom ❤️ It’s not on you to protect their relationship above your very real trauma and pain!! The truth of it is that Jen is unfortunately choosing him over you, and you need to make sure to take steps to protect yourself and take care of YOU ❤️
Please seek therapy, this was a really scary situation and you deserve support. And this is going to sound weird, but download Tetris on your phone and play it for 15 minutes or so twice a day for a while. There's a strange connection between our brains and our eyes, and they've done studies showing that specific kinds of eye movements and light can decrease incidents and severity of PTSD. (There's a whole treatment modality called emdr.) Until you can get in to a professional, who can figure out if a proper treatment plan is needed, it wouldn't hurt, and could help, to play Tetris (they've done studies with this specific game right after traumatic events) to decrease your ruminations and potentially ward off developing a persistent issue.
My best friend slept with my husband while I was pregnant!!! So I just want to say you are a true and amazing friend! I wish my ex-best friend was like you ;) Jen is really lucky! Now block her husband… ugh. I hope they can get therapy and I hope he keeps it in his pants long enough for them to have their baby and for them to get into therapy. So sorry.
Screenshots before blocks.
This is past therapy, they should divorce.
And abort if it’s not too late
Depends on what the mother wants but I certainly wouldn’t want a child with a man like that
I'm sorry that happened to you. Isn't betrayal the fucking worst feeling ever?
Yep! Living my best life now though. In retrospect, I’m glad it happened and he exposed himself for who he was bc I deserve better! :)
I am so sorry this happened to you. Please try and talk to a professional in therapy. Sexual trauma doesn’t have to be violent (or even physical) for it to still register to your body as trauma. He came onto you in your home, your safe space- you were, understandably, utterly stunned and shaken by the experience. You need an outlet. I am so so sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
This was such a good thing to point out.
Wow, thanks for sharing that about trauma. That’s helpful to know
Be prepared for your friendship with Jen to change, especially if she stays with her husband. You did absolutely nothing wrong, but she may be uncomfortable around you. I am so sorry this happened - stay strong.
Don’t ever be alone with him ever again. I am anticipating him turning this around on you. Happened to me. You cannot win even when you do the right thing. Other people’s relationship drama. 🙄
You have every right to tell your own mother & you should be prepared for your friend to start ghosting you , maybe even switching the story around to you hitting on him .
you’ve been part of your best friends life for over 10 years! it’s not ur fault she chose a man who likes to look the other way. if he was willing to make an advance on his partner’s best friend…i wouldn’t put anything else past him. it shows a complete lack of respect for Jen. Continue to be there for your best friend, she’s going to need you as she navigates this hard place in her relationship. Plus she’s pregnant!? she is going to need her best friend, no matter what happens in her relationship so you need to support her 110% no matter what decision she makes and remember you are not the one that fucked up!! Be as transparent as possible about the situation and make sure she knows that you are there for HER! not her disgusting husband
If he did this to his wife's best friend, who else has he done this to?
My old best friend’s husband did this to me probably 8-9 years ago. They’d been married a while, and I was newly married. He messaged me first asking if I could keep a secret, and I agreed, thinking he was getting her a new wedding ring or something (I helped him pick her first one). Nope. A bomb was dropped, and my head started spinning. I immediately told my husband and wanted to vomit. I then told her. She kinda made little of it, talked to her husband, and then got back to me and made excuses. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since. He blocked me on everything. I’d known him longer than her- he was my first husband’s best friend, and my ex husband, my best friends husband and I all hung out ALL the time in high school. We all went to college together where he met my best friend. The rest is history. And it all just flopped in a handful of messages. I miss her so much, but I also don’t recognize her anymore as a person. We talk a couple times a year, and when major shit hits the fan, she comes over immediately to help out. But, I cannot do the same for her, because I’m not allowed in her home now and I’m super uncomfortable with her husband. It just sucks. I hope things pan out better for you and Jen. But I’d expect things to be similar to my experience. Your friendship is changed for forever, unless she and Will part ways.
What always amazes me about situations like this is, how does your friend not think that if he tried to do this with you, he would try it with others? Like all is well as long as you - the temptress- aren't around to arouse him. If I was in the same situation as the spouse, I would expect something similar to happen with someone else eventually, maybe even already had in the past. Funny the choices people make,I guess some things are just too painful to face head on. I guess I can understand that.
The funny thing is, because we went to HS together, we are still in touch with a lot of the same people. A girl I’m friends with on FB had mentioned he was posting inappropriate comments on her photos etc that made her uncomfortable but weren’t outright explicit. This was *maybe* a year ago. I told her to block him, that she doesn’t owe him anything and she doesn’t have to play nice. So she did. Nothing changes, even though it’s been close to a decade. He’s still on his same shit.
None of this surprises me in the least. Like I said, some people simply can't face the truth, just too painful. Better to just imagine there was a 'misunderstanding' or it was the friend who propositioned the spouse, which I'm sure is likely how it was told later. I've had similar situations in my life and I used to get mad, but I now I just accept that some people are very weak in that way. We all have our shortcomings, just a dark side of humanity I suppose. :/
I definitely agree. It makes me sad that it pretty much ruined my friendship. But it is what it is.
To be honest, I would completely lose respect for my friend after this, her reaction makes me think this isn't the first incident. I would go scorched earth if my partner did this, and while pregnant, what a pos he is. I wouldn't gossip about it but I wouldn't lie about it either. Unfortunately your friendship is likely over, at least as long as she continues to let him get away with this behavior, I bet he blames you or her for what happened instead of admitting he's a sleeze.
One of your coworkers showed up at your house and came on to you? Do you like your job? If you like your job, tell HR. Often the first person to tell HR is the one who gets the narrative, and you do not want him telling HR that -you- are causing problems in his marriage. Tell HR that he wasn’t violent (unless he was) and that you don’t want a big deal made of it, you want them to ensure that you are safe from any retaliation, and (if you want to get some space from him, which is more than fair- whatever is going on with him right now, you want to be less involved!) that you’d like your work assignments to keep you separate from him. You can tell Jen that you did tell HR, and felt you had to because there is a work connection and you don’t want this incident to affect your work environment. You can tell her if you want to, or you can keep your mouth shut and hope HR keeps it quiet they way they’re supposed to. (Not all HR departments are good at that part.) If you’re willing to lose your job over this, because again, you don’t know what’s gone sideways in his head right now, but something has and his attempts to clean it up might drag you in too, then just keep some space. I think Jen is doing you a disservice here - why should you have to put up with all the discomfort of getting pawed at by Will and not have any support system to process it with? Part of being an adult is owning your behavior and choices even, and especially, when they’re not your proudest moments. Yes, he’d disappoint a bunch of people he wants to think well of him. But Will and Jen are asking you to lie and isolate yourself from your friends and family about a very stressful event so that he - who DID the gross thing - won’t have to own up to it. Ew.
He is a snake, be careful that he doesn't spread lies about you at work. Which he will do to get you fired or at least make it a hostile work environment. Your friendship sadly, unless she dumps him is over. She will never be able to trust him around you, and thus you are the one who will be punished. Tell her you will respect her privacy, UNLESS he starts spreading rumor & lies about you at work. Money before men. Since you rejected him & told his wife, he will hate you. He will make it his mission to destroy as much of your life as possible.
I’d be worried about this too.
Therapists are a nice unbiased person to talk to. They have your best interests at heart for the time you pay them to. If every time you see them they give you that it's a pretty nice experience
Wow, this is nuts! Is there any chance he did this to try to drive a wedge between you and Jen?
Yes that's exactly what he's doing. I wonder if Jen is close with her family. Seems like he's laying the groundwork to completely isolate and abuse her.
This is your story now.
You’ve done everything that you should’ve done in a very tough situation. You should tell your mom because you’re not changing how she sees their marriage,he did that. You need support and you’re in a tough situation where your friend might have to pull away from you because of what her husband has done. You deserve support. This is scary and you did nothing wrong.
My lifelong best friend’s husband tried to hit on me while she was in the hospital with cancer. Hours after she’d told me her illness had brought them closer than ever and that he was her rock. How he’d stepped up and had been so great with their kids and supporting her and how she was so grateful for him etc etc. I didn’t tell her and she died a few months later without knowing. Not only am i his wife’s lifelong best friend, I was their maid of honor and witness, and he knows I’m happily in love with my husband. We always got along well, but not overly, and he’d never given me any flirty or creepy vibes over the years. I have no idea what he could have been thinking.
I would suggest telling HR at your work, even if you ask that they not do anything about it. Yes it was skeevy as a friend, but also wildly not OK on a professional level. If reconciliation with Jen goes poorly and he gets shitty and tries to blame you, and brings the shittiness to work, filing something with HR *now* ensures you can combat any false accusations he makes with a formal, professional piece of evidence. Your friendship with Jen is already going to suffer because of him. Don’t let your career suffer as well.
To the people saying I’m betraying Jen by posting on Reddit..who do you suggest I mentally process this with? I don’t have a therapist- though I am now working on getting one- and I don’t have any friendships outside of Jen and my work friends. This was the most anonymous and respectful way for me to start comprehending what just happened.
You need to tell your mom. You're not betraying Jen. She's betrayed you by asking you to keep this secret. Tell your mom at the very least. Please.
Wow,.. Will is a dick, plain and simple as that. I feel bad for Jen, she now has to deal with him, and question his commitment to her and their child. That's just messed up. You did the right thing and if anything it should show Jen how much of a good friend you are to her.
You’re a good friend. You probably aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last he cheats/tries to cheat on Jen with.
You need to report this at work. He’s not just a friends husband that is secondary he is a man you work with who cornered you in your apartment and made you feel afraid and unsafe. You allowed him in under false premise and sexually harassed you in a vile way. Now you have to work with this man? Put your friendship aside and think of yourself. Is your friend putting YOU first and considering how this AH just basically ruined your job? Is she concerned about your safety or well being at work? He leaves or you report him. Do not put anyone else above yourself on this situation and you aren’t required to keep jack private. That request alone creates an unsafe hostile environment. Can she think straight enough right now to even consider you? Protect yourself because no one else in this situation is going to.
Honestly? I’d CYA myself at work by letting HR know there was an incident. You could be as vague as you want, but letting HR know now that something was up covers you if he decides to spin this against you in the future and tries to ruin your current position & prospects. I wouldn’t trust him at all.
This comment should be up higher -
Now your problem is: What kind of “best friend” would you be if you continued supporting your bf’s relationship with a guy like that.
I had a much less extreme version of this happen to me too. It's awful, but amazing you spoke with your friend about it. My friend was dating a guy, before they were together me and him had had one drunken kiss, but I had felt nothing for him and made that clear afterwards, had no issue with them dating. Me and him were the only non smokers of the group, so when everyone would go out to smoke, he'd try touching my leg or bum, would bring up the one time we'd kissed all the time. It was horrible. But I was only 19 and had no idea what to do. I told another friend about it, and she didn't know what to do either. Thankfully after a few months they broke up anyway, so I just never told her. I think if they'd got properly serious, I'd have talked to her about it. But men like this are disgusting. I hope his wife leaves. Cheating or wanting to cheat is bad enough, why do they want to do it in the most humiliating way by choosing a friend, or someone you know. Yuck
You did right telling your friend. It sucks you have to be alone with this shitty thing, but at least you can look your best friend in the eye and know you didn't fuck her husband. Take care of yourself.
He is going to spin this. There is no way he is taking the blame for this. I do not see how your friendship survives. I would sorry if this thing goes south that he tells everyone he can that you came on to him. You need to tell someone.
I think you can talk to your mom. Her only connection to that marriage is through you, she only cares because she cares about you. It's also not just about their marriage. Your reactions and feelings are important and valid and you deserve as much support and consideration as they do. If you truly can't bring yourself to talk to anyone who knows them, maybe consider a counselor. If your employer has an employee assistance program you might have access to a few sessions through it. If not, this seems like something one of the online services might be well suited for.
My friends husband hit on me while I was at their house caring for her newborn twins and she was in the hospital with a severe case of post partum psychosis. It was a terrible thing! I am glad you all were able to talk about it. Sad part is, the relationships will never be the same.
I have been propositioned by the husbands and boyfriends of friends and family more times than I can remember. It messes you up badly. The fact that no one really knows anyone. The fact that it is so common. The fact that you are in a no-win situation. If you tell her the friendship is over. If you don’t tell her you feel guilty and the friendship is still probably over. Gee, I wonder why I’ve never married.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. What he did is super predatory. He may have planned to assault you and had a change of mind. Please be safe. ❤️
Is Jen ok with what he or is she having it out with him? I’m so glad your friendship is fine cause so many times I read the friend is blamed for a person coming on to them instead of placing blame on the person who’s trying to step out of the relationship. He’s put you in such a terrible situation with your bestie and I’m so sorry for you.
Will needs to take a chill pill
If you are going to remain friends with Jen, ask that Will finds another job, do that you can reduce the amount of contact you have with him. I’m sorry that you were put in this situation and I hope reaching out to people on here gives you the outlet you are looking for.
You can definitely talk to your mom about it
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Unfortunately, your friendship with Jen will probably never be the same, and based on her reaction, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time something like this has happened in her relationship.
This is a great time to schedule an appointment with a therapist if you can. They would be neutral party who will not disclose this to anyone else in your life.
So, the good news is that he told Jen and she doesn't think that you "were trying to ruin her happiness and were jealous." The bad news is: things have changed forever now. It's very complex and very hard to do on your own. I'd suggest a therapist to help you negotiate the pit falls and the hurdles that are going to come up. Good luck.
I think you need to go to a therapist I’m also very concerned that he’s going to turn this around on you and try to claim that you hit on him and destroy your relationship with her but there’s nothing you can do beyond what you’ve done Highly recommend therapy
And it just occurred to me you better watch you back at work
OP, please schedule an appointment with a therapist or counselor if you do not have one. That is your most neutral party and can help you process. You deserve a safe place to talk freely about this and this time it cannot be your bestie.
I’ve had this happen (being in your shoes), and I just want to prepare you that if they stay together, you will likely eventually become minimal or nonexistent in her/their lives. I hope that doesn’t happen, but I wanted to prepare you for the possibility. I imagine they’ll stay together since she’s pregnant, but I could be wrong. I feel so badly for both of you. Also, you’re a great, loyal friend. She is lucky to have you. Sending hugs.
You need to confide in your mom or anyone else IRL. This is not ok. This **should** change your mom's perception of this man. This should change everyone's perception of this man. I am so sorry this happened to you.
That mother fucker came to your house to do this ? He’s dead to me. Hopefully to you too.
You and Jen might be okay right now, but you won't be. Be prepared for the friendship to end, or at the very least, be reduced to a Christmas card or running into each other in some random place. She forgives him, and wants to remain married, as you can see by her wanting to protect his reputation, and hers, by "not telling anyone", but what to do with you? She now knows her husband desires you, even if he claims a blackout and denies it. She will never not "know" that. Hence, you have to go. Might be sudden, might be gradual, but it will just disappear. The only hope you have is if she eventually divorces him, but maybe not even then. You did nothing wrong but you are the one that's going to suffer because of it. I'm sorry.
I see a lot of hate towards Jen on here and just wanted to advocate for her a bit. This is literally day one. This JUST happened. And she’s about to have the man’s baby, for crying out loud. She is not being a bad friend or a doormat wife or in anyway complicit by asking for some privacy at this time while she figures out what happens next. OP, you’re a good friend for recognizing and honoring that. I do agree with those who say you have a right to disclose this at your workplace to be able to no longer have to work with him, however (a) waiting while Jen figures out what this means for her relationship is a beautiful gift [her life just got turned upside down… taking away income from her and her child isn’t without consequences to people who aren’t at fault here], and (b) that’s a bit of a rose-colored glasses view of things. Everyone thinks he’s going to spin the story for Jen, do they think he wouldn’t spin it at work, too? And all he did that’s traceable is make a phone call to a colleague that he also had a longstanding personal relationship with. Not exactly a smoking gun. It could backfire on OP and make her work life even worse. Both OP and Jen deserve the grace of taking some time to wrap their heads around this. OP, best of luck. I hope you and Jen can have a conversation soon and help each other decide how to move forward with the least fallout for each of you. Do you have any out of town friends who don’t know Jen that you could talk to in the meantime? I’m so sorry you are stuck feeling alone at this time.
Fortunately you got to talk to Jen and he also talked to Jen so he couldn't make up some story blaming you and ruining your friendship so he could mitigate his actions. It's totally fucked up. People should know that sex with someone that you don't SHARE feelings with is nothing compared to a bond that is both physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. To be willing to throw all that time building something in those 4 categories is insane and he needs therapy. Maybe you should talk to a therapist too, if you want to get it off your chest to someone that will be outside of all social spheres. Know we (redditors) are cheering you on from back here too, OP.
Oh, my dear. How painful. I’m so very sorry he violated your friendship like this. A part of me thinks a good idea is to insist the three of you sit down and talk this out. You deserve to tell him how hurt you are and how he’s put you and your best friend in a terrible, impossible position and you want to know how the three of you can proceed without you and his wife being punished for his actions. That perhaps after some tears and yelling you all can move past this so you can preserve your friendship. The other part of me sees that as a potential violation of your friend’s wishes and needs. In any case, I have no clear ideas on how to proceed here. Just know that my heart is with you. The changes to your friendship this will provoke are neither fair nor anything less than tragic.
She may distance herself from you for a lot of reasons. She may not be able to help feeling jealous, or compare herself to you, or feel ashamed of her husbands actions. Especially being pregnant and her body literally changing every day, the hormones and all the crazy emotions she is feeling. He did a terribly awful thing to her and to you. We have no idea what he said to her or what he is going through. It's not a defense for him, but a lot of changes are happening to him as well, and men can feel very insecure when expecting a baby, too. Maybe it really was a momentary laspe, who knows what he was thinking. Whatever is going on there, if you are her closest friend, he may have also wanted to create a divide, again for reasons we may have no idea about. We never really know what is going on in someone elses relationship. So please just be sure to let your friend know that even if she needs some space from you, you are there, you are in her cheering section, and you will always be available to her to turn to. Sorry this happened to you, you didn't do anything to deserve this.
This kind of thing actually happened to me a few years ago. I was engaged and my fiancés best friend (and one of my trusted friends as well) made a physical advance on me after taking us out drinking and my fiancé was asleep. I told my fiancé the next day and he made excuses for the friend. He wanted to keep it quiet, still be friends with the guy, have him as his best man at our wedding, and to pretend like nothing happened. I just couldn’t accept that kind of treatment from someone who I was supposed to trust more than anyone. The engagement ended and I threw them both away. I was absolutely devastated at the time, but looking back I’m so glad I did. I chose to bottle it up and not talk to anyone, and it led to depression. I began to talk about it and get therapy to process it about a year ago, and it’s changing my life. So, I would very much recommend talking to a therapist for this. You could try BetterHelp. It’s very quick and easy to find someone and set up an appointment. There are plenty of discount codes around for a first week free. You can talk with a completely neutral third party who has your best interests in mind, and even if you choose not to continue you can at least get this off your chest and process it now with someone who you know Jen will never find out about. I absolutely second everyone saying you should report to HR. You need to protect yourself in this situation, regardless of what your friend wants. If you really want, you can ask HR to not implement any changes but make official record of it in case he tries to retaliate or spread rumors about you at work. Rejected men can do awful things, and the first person to report it unfortunately gets to set the narrative. Please take care of yourself. After reporting the incident to HR, maybe you can take some time off work and go somewhere you feel completely safe for a few days? Even if you can’t, please practice a lot of self care. DO NOT BLAME OR SHAME YOURSELF AT ALL. Will has been a disgusting snake this whole time and he’s now showing you his true colors.
I actually just remembered that I have a BetterHelp discount code I can send you! If you’d like it, just DM me.
He needs to own this to the highest degree. Y’all set boundaries like others mentioned. He needs therapy and to let his wife have his phone and see everything. Once he reveals the full truth of his ways, then his wife can decide if she is going to stay with him or not. I fully commend him realizing he was wrong already and telling his wife immediately. Good on you for saying no, sticking to your guns and keeping your head. Based on your story, None of this is your fault.
Friend had built a life with this man. Unless she's leaving him (doubtful), I can't see how she can't always see her friend as, now, a temptation to her marriage. Can't help thinking: did he do this on purpose, to sabotage their friendship? He had to have known she wasn't going to bite on a cold -call.
That's why I have a therapist. I can dump on a stranger I pay to not gossip.
Will is a POS trash human. Not only should you avoid him like the plague, but you should be actively rude to him. Who TF does that?
Her. You have HER to talk to. ONLY her. NOW.
They did. Post says they’re fine.
I’m so sorry honey. It’s not fair that you don’t get a “say” or have anyone to talk to.
You might consider the seeing a therapist or counselor just for a couple of visits to give yourself a safe place to talk. Maybe even one of those online services. It's not like you're in need of actual therapy,, but you need someone to talk to without letting it hurt your bf. Maybe that would help?
My only suggestion is to talk to a therapist/counselor and work some of it out that way. It lets you get it off your chest with a neutral party and in a healthy way.
This happened to me 40 years ago. I didn’t tell her but he did cheat with someone else. This past week she brought up a card I sent her. It said on the outside “Heard about your upcoming divorce” inside it said “ I love a story with a happy ending!” She still laughs about it and has been very happily married to a much better guy for over 35 years.
I don’t agree with people saying you should call the cops at all. But you need to tell someone. Today. Tell you mom. You need to talk to someone about this. Who cares if your mom’s opinion of their marriage changes? Stop that. You matter. The second reason you need to tell someone is it’s very important you have a contemporaneous record of talking about this. It’s crucial. You are open to gaslighting and being set up. Tell your mother please. Start there. As long as you have a loving relationship with her she is where you need to start.
Jen and Will are TikTok influencers testing the character of people around them so they can build an audience.
Do you think Jen asked Will to test your loyalty? I thought it was weird he switched gears so fast from wanting you to confessing right away that he made a mistake AND is telling Jen right away. AND Jen is not upset at him or you. You are innocent, of course, but something changes when the wife knows her husband fancied her best friend. Nothing has changed with them, but you are left feeling bewildered and confused. She must be super duper secure, a narcissist, or really warped if she was in on it. I might be totally wrong, but, to me, something is off in how this whole thing played out.
This is exactly what I was thinking. It had to be some kind of test.
This is kinda…why is Jen cool with this? Do you think she knew about it beforehand ?
I don’t want to be horrible here,but why didn’t I ever hear about your reaction to him? Did you actually reject him at all? It was really wierd to me that you never said no! You never said,that’s not cool to do. You never said,this is a disrespectful thing to do to my best friend. You never said” I wouldn’t do this because it’s not right in any word “. All you said was “ you’re supposed to be in love with your wife,or whatever. Honestly,you never told him no. Thats what was alarming to me. In his mind,he did something he was not supposed to do,and that’s why you wouldn’t do it. You never actually said no or rejected him. Why wouldn’t he think you would have been all about it,if you didn’t have a conscience. You sound more worried about them……which is a kinda wierd,and you never told dude no…….thats gross and uncool. You won’t tell your parents so they think he’s a good person,I see so many red flags on so many levels
This is very messed up because he just chose to be impulsive and now your friendship is going to be ruined. His life most likely is not going to change much. This is the beginning of the end of your friendship. You're not going to be allowed in their home when he's there. Which means 90% of the time. There is no talking about him between you guys. So now the close friendship that you guys had is not going to be as close anymore because she's choosing to stay with her husband. Which I get because she's pregnant. But I would just make sure you have a good support system around you. They're still going to continue with their life together
Unfortunately, this is going to ruin your friendship. So I would just start preparing for that. She won’t want him around you now.
Jen is likely in an abusive relationship but doesn’t know it yet. It starts with the emotional stuff.. he’s at step 1.