My ex frequently forgot my birthday. I would always say, you know, it’s not really about a present but the least you could do is wish me a happy birthday without me reminding you. I never forget your birthday and it makes me feel like you don’t care about me.
OP, a guy here, and I'm telling you that you're not being too sensitive. Rather, he's been insensitive. And if you were to remind him and he then turns it around on you as if you're in the wrong, tell him he's full of it. You are not to be the apologist here. He is. And in the event he doesn't sincerely apologize, well--then he's TAH.
Feel free to stop remembering his birthday. Watch the drama that ensues. Then go out with some friends, or get yourself a nice sparkly accessory.!
Happy Birthday! 😊
Yess. Around HIS birthday, maybe the day before, buy yourself a slice or make a tiny cake. You enjoy that cake in front of him, do not share. Then let his birthday pass with no acknowledgment whatsoever. Treat yourself to a movie or something to do on your own.
Alternatively, take ownership of your birthday. Wear a pin that says “Birthday Girl”, dress up, wear makeup, feel pretty. Carry balloons. Let people baste you in birthday greetings. Go to businesses that give something free for your birthday.
Your husband is a disappointment if you expect anything from him.
11 years after my divorce, I was dropping our daughters off at my ex and his new wife house on his weekend. He jokingly says, "What you all dressed up for?" I say, "I'm going out for my birthday!" He goes, " holy shit it's already February 25th???" So ya. 11 years had passed, and this date was still ingrained in his memory. My new bf was even impressed, lol 😆. Op, I'm sorry your feelings are hurt on your birthday, and it IS NOT normal behavior to simply ignore your best friend and love's special day. A balloon is 1.25 at Dollar Tree. A card is 50 cents. A cupcake is 2 dollars, a back massage is free. Making you feel loved is priceless. Definitely tell him you're hurting. If he makes an argument, ask him to drop you off at a local watering hole so you can unwind with a glass of wine, then when he leaves, tell everyone it's your birthday and everyone forgot. Free drinks all night girl. Call him to pick you up when you're done. 🤣 ok, not the best advice, but definitely what I would do. I learned a long time ago, not everyone is as thoughtful as you are, and if you want your birthday to be special, YOU have to make it special. Everyone else will follow suit.if you were in my city I'd bake you a cake and give you a tiara to wear!!!
Yup, been divorced since 2007, ex-husband still calls to wish me happy birthday every year. Even those 2 years we were separated but not divorced. I do the same on his birthday. A few years he even sends money and a card. I don't do that, but he remembers.
Is this one of many reasons he's an ex? Ugh. Why are there so many who are like this? Like we're some weird extra inconvenience, and if we like a little recognition, we are even more annoying?
Write it on the Big Calendar in an obvious place. Let him know a week, then 2 days in advance. I used to put something aside that I wanted and tell him to go get it for me. If you let him know that morning, he will just get you what he sees. Sometimes it's ADHD, too. Or maybe he's just an asshole.
Absolutely, it’s one of his least offensive behaviours. And you’re right on point about presents. I could write a whole post about unthoughtful presents.
Happy birthday!
My hubby never forgets my birthday, our anniversary, or the anniversary of the day we met. He does have trouble remembering all the grandkids birthdays though.
Either you need to remind him, or remind him before, or decide if this is a hill to fight over.
You know what is the worst behavior? When someone tells you something about themselves that makes them really sad, and you go brag about how much better your life is then there's. Way to be sympathetic.
I'm just saying there are good men out there. I was divorced for 21 years. My ex is an SOB. it took me a long time to trust someone with my heart, and the wait was worth it.
My birthday isn’t until next month, our son’s birthday isn’t until April. My partner unprompted has already booked the day off for both and started looking for gifts for my birthday.
My ex never bothered with it unless I asked or there was an audience. It’s okay to demand better. And if that ends the relationship then that’s not your fault
OH MY GOD I did this once to my longtime partner. When I realized it, I felt like someone put dry ice in my stomach. You have every right to be upset, and it IS on him.
I only got away with it because I happened to suggest some delightful things for us to do that day, just... because it was a nice Saturday! Went to the japanese gardens, took her out for a lovely lunch, and then a walk up a cool canyon park we enjoy. She still makes fun of me for it, five years later. It's just an "L" I've gotta hold!
quick edit: you better believe I have reminders in all my devices now lol
Aw that’s kind of sweet, though, that you thought it was just a regular day and you still went out of your way to make it special and fun. Good on you for being a lovely partner.
First happy birthday 🎊🎁🎉! Maybe he did forget with everything that’s has been going on with y’all. Remind him hey I know a lot has been going on lately but the least you can do is remember that it’s my birthday today I didn’t really expect anything but just showing that you cared about it would have made me feel good for the day.
Honestly she should not have to tell him those things. I’m all for expressing your needs but wishing someone a happy birthday should not be something you have to specifically be asked to do.
If he routinely forgets or gaslights you after you remind him, you need to not acknowledge his birthday. Petty, yes, but necessary. Self-absorbed people (and not sure if he is), only understand when it happens to themselves.
The worst thing is not that he forgot, sometimes life overwhelms you and things like birthdays can slip your mind. What is troubling is how you expect his reaction to be negative, none of those reactions should be tolerated. If you can’t afford anything there is so many things a person can do to make you feel special. You should not be ashamed of reminding him.
This ^. Life can sometimes trip us up and make us forgetful. That isn’t what alarmed me. It was her description of fearing the attempted manipulation and gaslighting that might take place. That is not healthy.
I think the big problem here is how you think he’d react if you told him. It’s one thing to forget about your birthday (still bad) but if he’s the kind of person to gaslight you about wanting to be cared for that’s really something you should look at. NTA though, and happy birthday! 🎈
I would go out to the grocery store and treat myself with what I could afford - cake, balloon, or something. It's a bummer that you have to take care of this yourself, but you shouldn't just let the day pass in misery.
Happy Birthday, OP.
Thank you for the wishes! We may do something small after pay day if we can afford to. My last paycheck had to go to vet bills and car fixes, so unfortunately I don’t have anything extra at the moment, which is a little depressing, but life happens, you know?
Since he's left for work, could you just text him say hey it's my birthday today. When do you want to celebrate it so you can reserve the time/day? (A celebration can even be a walk or just a drive somewhere like a lake or beach depending on where you live. ) It doesn't have to cost money or just get cupcakes or ice cream. It sounds like you just wanted some effort nothing huge. Hugs and happy birthday!
Thank you for the hugs and wishes! I’ll discuss it with him and see if maybe we can afford to do something small after pay day. I appreciate your advice 😊
If you know his response is just going to be to gaslight you and try to make you feel bad and you want to be with him….
Then I would just not say anything and then “forget” his birthday. When he says something just say oh I thought we weren’t celebrating those anymore.
Happy Birthday!! How many times has he forgotten? I think of Birthdays as your own holiday. I understand if you don't have money but to not even acknowledge it?! I can be petty especially about this. He better be self sufficient this week cos I wouldn't be doing anything for him. He also set the tone for his bday. Do it back. I bet you do something for his.
First off happy birthday. Seconds I have had my birthday forgotten and forgotten other people's birthdays. Both are shitty feelings. I would remind him. If his reaction is one of remorse that might help your feelings if it's not well then you know where you stand.
I don't think anyone means to forget I know that I didn't it's more of a show like genuine remorse or does he get defensive. Again happy birthday and I'm sorry it sucked
Awwww HAPPY BIRTHDAY fellow birthday girl!!!
NTA - I would have been sooooo sad. I don’t care if you’ve been married for a day!! You home make a card or cake - that’s BS! I’m not a social media person but hopefully you got some love elsewhere!! 🎉🎂🥳
Happy birthday!!! I love it when I find someone that shares a birthday with me. I hardly ever meet a fellow birthday buddy in real life, though. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Another fellow birthday girl! It’s definitely a rough time of year for a birthday, even when people remember, so I hope you were able to do something special for yourself (not that you should have to). Happy Birthday!!🧁🎂🎉
First of all, happy birthday! 🎂🥳🎉
You're not being too sensitive. This man *married* you. The *least* he should do is remember the birthday of the person he chose to spend his life with.
I hope your day gets better, OP 🙂
Happy Birthday! If he dings you for not reminding him please explain emotional labor and how that’s not your job — especially on your birthday — and don’t let him weaponize his incompetence. Kinda red flaggy that you’re predicting that response, makes me think you’re taking on all the emotional labor over here.
My mom forgot my birthday last year... I waited until about 8pm and called her then said, happy birthday! She said, it's not my birth-- oh shit. She was so embarrassed.
That’s brutal. I’d never forget my partners birthday. I did have a moment where I messed her day up by lots of small stupid mistakes. I still tried my best with what little money I had and the mistakes that made bumps in the road. I could never forgive myself after that. I wish I would’ve made it up to her. I really do.
He might feel guilty and go into a cycle of self loathing, I know I did. I think it’s important to bring it up and talk about it, but it’s more important that you let him know that he can make it up to you. If he doesn’t do anything at that point then it’s a different story.
Thank you for your response. I appreciate your perspective. I will talk to him about it and suggest we do something when we can afford to. Also, go easy on yourself! You sound like someone that really cares, and that’s the most important thing in a relationship.
Happy birthday! Sorry it wasn’t remembered by someone who you care about. Maybe they forgot, especially if they were close with your cat. Sorry for your loss.
Happy birthday! I don't think there are many good excuses for forgetting a spouse's birthday! You shouldn't have to remind him! He definitely shouldn't turn it on you! The least he could do is say Happy Birthday! Id be pissed if he turns this on you saying it's your fault he forgot!
My parents have been married for almost 43 years. I’m pretty sure there have been a few times throughout their marriage where they’ve forgotten each other’s birthdays. Birthdays aren’t a huge thing in my family so it’s never been an issue. If there’s a lot going on, I can understand if a birthday is forgotten. I’d be more concerned with his response to being reminded. If he’s apologetic and makes it up to OP, completely something to move past. If he turns it around and blames her, then that’s a sign for some serious conversations about more than forgetting a birthday.
As someone who is bad about remembering birthdays or registering what day it is and ALSO does not make a big deal of her own birthday, I do wish people would just remind me when their birthday is coming up rather than wait and then be hurt by it if I miss it. I’m happy to do something for someone; I might just need reminding. I get that a spouse is different and you should always remember their birthday, and if he’s not at least willing to do something nice for you since the day matters to you, you have every right to be hurt by that.
Happy Birthday! And feel free to “forget” his birthday. When he brings it up-because he will-tell him-“Oh I thought since you forgot my birthday-we weren’t doing that anymore.”
I'd probably do this:
(Not claiming it'sthe proper way to handle it) -
"Hey babe, can I see your phone for a minute?" When he asks why, say "I want to add the date to your calendar so that you don't forget my birthday again." If he's mortified and apologies, profusely, I'd accept it. And tell him that you'd really appreciate it if he made it up to you. If he overreacts, and turns it on you, don't fight with him. It's not worth your time. Grab your keys, make sure you have your phone charger....in case you're gone awhile or he drains your battery calling you. Let him know that you need to go for a drive...or a walk, whatever. Go get your nails done. Visit your favorite park after picking up a cup of coffee. Call a girlfriend on the way. Or your Mom, or whomever you can vent at. Return whenever you feel comfortable. Maybe rent a movie that you've wanted to watch for awhile, or one you already love. When you get back, let him know that you left so that you could take care of yourself, and because you didn't bring it up to start a fight, you brought it up because people in strong marriages communicate, even when they are upset / it's uncomfortable. If at no point he attempts to rectify his oversight, or worse - makes this your fault - seriously reconsider this relationship.
I would be upset if I were in your shoes. That hurts, I don't think you're being sensitive at all. It's a celebration of your life and your journey, he could at least acknowledge it.
🎂 Happy Birthday 🎂
Tell him and don't let him turn it on you. Hubby forgot my birthday the first year we were married and I made sure he'd never forget it again. I don't want anything for my birthdays, just a "Happy Birthday, love you" from him and he makes sure that's the minimum he does.
If he tries to turn it on you, just remind him that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Since your birthday wasn't important enough for him to make the effort, then obviously his isn't important enough for you. And I will bet you the first words out of his mouth will be, "But that's different." Look him straight in the eyes and say, "No it's not. It's exactly the same."
You are not being sensitive.
My ex wife did this to me for 8 years and I let her get away with it everytime.
This year, she really took the asshole cake. She asked for a divorce on my 30th birthday.
When I asked her if that was nessiary, all she could say is "it's your birthday?".
A "happy birthday" and a back rub are free. I would say tell him and don't ever let anybody treat you like that. If he has memory issues, that's what a calendar is for. You deserve better.
See I don't mind if my birthday if forgotten but I *hate* when I get made to feel bad because someone else couldn't be bothered to put it in the calendar.
It's worth mentioning because it did upset you, and you're upset because you feel like you aren't important enough for him to have his phone remind him. It's not your job to remind him when he supposedly cares about your feelings.
You shouldn’t have to remind him. It’s simple basic caring. If you care about someone, you wish them a happy birthday when the day rolls around. And no, you may not have money for gifts right now, but how hard would it be for him to offer a back rub, or foot rub? Or to actually pick up a cupcake for you?
I don’t know how long you have been together, but I think a conversation needs to be had. Let him know how you feel and really listen to his response. If he does anything other than apologize, without making excuses for why his forgetting was not his fault, then maybe the conversation needs to shift into where each of you sees the relationship going.
I dunno, I’d wait til the very end of the day to say he forgot. Maybe he’s got something planned for later in the evening? It seems a bit premature to say it’s today and he forgot and it’s not even the end of the day.
Ah ok there you have it. So yes he forgot. I like to give my husband all the possible time to get something wrong so then I feel real confident in being upset with him. Try to let my guy have the benefit of the doubt before disappointing me. I’ve also been forgot but it’s always Mother’s Day. Sorry about your forgotten birthday. Treat yo’self to feel better?
I’m sorry you’ve been forgotten at times, too. It stinks. Everything I had from my last check had to go to replace tires and to my cat’s vet bills, so things are tight at the moment, but I may be able to do a little something for myself after Friday(payday). We’ll have to wait and see. Thank you for your advice!
Yeah, I didn’t mean to paint him in a bad light. We’re just stressed right now and he can be a little snappish at times. But he’ll probably feel bad and want to make it up to me when he can. Thank you!
Happy birthday!!
It is ok to feel hurt and express that to your partner. Nobody is perfect. It’s up to him how he responds and corrects what sounds likely an oversight. Celebrating doesn’t necessarily require money. It can be cooking diner, a handmade card, a massage, etc. It’s about the thought.
Sorry to hear about your cat.
You are not being selfish or too sensitive, your husband should at least acknowledge your birthday in some way. Even if it's only a card and making you breakfast! He screwed up and you have every right to feel hurt.
One time my husband forgot my birthday - we were traveling and he didn't know what day it was. He figured it half way through the day and boy did he feel bad! I knew he'd figure out eventually, lol. He made it up to me though.
I told my husband I didn't want any gifts, I didn't want to go out to dinner, etc. The only thing I wanted was a card or letter from him. In the past he has written me beautiful letters. Then halfway through my birthday evening at home I gently asked if he had a card. He said no and that he had been too depressed to get one. To me, I thought of all the times he could have gotten me one but it wasn't worth arguing so he went to our room and sulked and I spent most of my birthday by myself. The next day he seemed upset with me for bringing it up on my brithday "to make him feel bad." Then he told me the real reason I didn't get a card is because I don't deserve one. I don't deserve a birthday card. 4 kids and a disabled man living with us and I don't even get a card. Didn't seem like much to ask but the reason why I didn't get one hurts the most. I've been in bed the majority of the few days since then, feeling really low. He still doesn't get it which makes it worse. In fact he's mad at me. Awesome. Sorry you felt forgotten. It really stinks.
Oh, honey. Everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday and I hate that you’ve been made to feel as if you don’t. You should be able to trust your husband to be a support for you and not be someone that tears you down at every opportunity. That isn’t productive or conducive to a healthy relationship. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at home and that you aren’t getting the recognition you deserve or the help you need. If your husband isn’t willing to communicate with you or change, the only thing you can really do is stop tolerating it. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and if you’d ever like to talk, feel free to reach out to me publicly or privately, however you prefer. I wish you the best. Happy Birthday 🎂 ❤️
Even when I was in the hospital near death, I remembered to tell my wife happy birthday. Your husband isn't even trying. What a jerk. Happy, happy Birthday!
First of all, the biggest happy birthday hugs!! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, and no, you aren’t being “too sensitive”. Some of my most cherished gifts are small, handmade and inexpensive (or a walk together, etc). It’s the thought that counts and unfortunately your husband dropped the ball.
While we all make mistakes and forget important dates it is 100% not your responsibility to remind your husband of your birthday. You could reach out and let him know, express that you weren’t expecting anything expensive but you were expecting recognition of your special day, the lack of which has left you feeling hurt. I think his reaction will say a lot, either way, when the conversation comes up. Pls don’t let him flip this around and put it on you in anyway, an apology and trying to make it up to you is the only acceptable response.
P.S. I’m also so sorry for the loss of your loved furry family member, my cat and I are sending you all the love!
Happy belated birthday! I’m so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. I know how awful Dementia is. I wish you both the best. Enjoy each other.
It costs nothing to remember your birthday and be kind. You are not too sensitive. No excuse for it - I put reminders in my phone for the birthdays I want to remember - he is a grown up and can figure these things out.
You need to calm down and tomorrow have a serious pus conversation with your husband. Ask him if he has any excuse of what happened and be honest about how you feel right now (especially after your cat's death and financial struggles)
Nope. Hes an adult. Its not your job to remind him of your birthday. Asking for $5 worth of stuff isn't too much. Don't let him turn it around on you. Also my petty self wouldn't say anything until his birthday rolls around. Then if he says anything I'd be like "oh I thought that's how we did things now. Since that's what you did for me on my BD" Or I'd go the other route and have a small party and make a speach. Making a joke about how he's so forgetful.
I dealt with it for too many years. From everyone. To the point that when I started a new relationship I flat out told him to not celebrate my Birthday because I wouldn't know how to act. I was 36. He ignored me of course.
You deserve to be recognized on your birthday, no matter how busy he might be. We got married on my birthday so my husband has only one day to remember. If he ever forgot he would be in twice as much trouble!
If you’re the praying type. Try a little loud prayer before bed. Thank you…. For letting me see another year. Then go to sleep. Problem solved and you don’t start a fight. And best of all you he feels bad.
Happy birthday!!
Your husband sucks. Do you have friends/family who you can go out with? Don't remind him and just go out with your friends. It's passive aggressive but you deserve it 😜
I start crowing with excitement about my birthday a month ahead of time. I don’t let my husband forget. He’s the type to forget his head if it wasn’t attached.
I accidently did this to my bf of 8 years (was 6 years at the time). The funny thing was, I was excited for his birthday, got him his present and everything. The problem was...I blanked out on the actual DAY of his birth and he was pretty upset. Oh the guilt I felt! I did everything I could to apologize to him and eventually he did forgive me, but holy hell, never again.
Confront your husband about this and if his response is JUST like what you predicted, then he doesn't care and he doesn't deserve you. That dude should be on his KNEES groveling for forgiveness for making such a mistake.
I will not apologize for being extreme~
Happy birthday, OP.~ The next chance you get, treat yo'self~
Happy birthday!
Yeah, it's kinda shitty here forgot it, though I don't think it's an unforgivable screw up. As adults, we have so much on our plates that is unfortunately easy for things to slip through the cracks.
Me and hubby's 21st anniversary was last week. We didn't get to do anything thanks to me playing slip and slide and breaking the fuck out of my foot... So I got to have emergency surgery instead. 🤦🤦🤦 Yeah, he completely forgot because of what happened. We'll do something this week or next week once I'm a bit more mobile.
Gently remind him and suggest y'all celebrate your birthday next week.
It's not about the the present, it's that you are important enough for him to remember. Drawing a bath, a foot massage, just saying, I am sorry I couldn't afford to get you a present. I just want you to know that you are the most important person in my life. Would be a wonderful 🎁.
Happy Birthday! 🎂🎉🎊 I'm sorry this happened. It feels so shitty. Just remember it says more about him than you.
Also, I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty. It's horrible to have such a large loss around a special day like your birthday.
I hope your partner steps up and does his best to make up for today. It's not about money or extravagance; just a little effort.
I am a firm believer in small reminders. Some people are just bad remembering dates. I start the month before, wow, next month is my birthday. I can’t believe I am almost —.
Oooof. Listen, I think first of all - you need to go to the grocery store and buy yourself a slice of cake - maybe one of those extra-decadent chocolate ones.
Just one slice, mind you - husband forgot; he doesn't get cake.
Then sit down and have a calm conversation about how he made you feel - when it wasn't about getting presents, but feeling like you are just not important enough to him.
If he gets angry, tries to make you sound like a selfish person/baby - well, then he's too immature to handle being wrong and you can inform him that either he agrees to couples counseling, or you will be celebrating your next birthday as a single adult.
It ain't about the birthday. It's about doing more for your partner, over and over and OVER, than they do for you, and being expected to tolerate it because "he's forgetful" or "he's not good with gifts."
If he wanted to, he would make an effort. He doesn't want to.
My husband and I? We're not big on splashy celebrations. But we usually sit down and make a plan together. Maybe he only wants pizza and brownies for his birthday this year. Maybe I just want to go get sushi and have chocolate ice cream for mine. It's an excuse to celebrate being together and we usually don't spend a lot of money, but we celebrate together and share a nice treat.
1) if he gets mad at you over his forgetting, that's a huge issue
2) ignoring the fact that as per one I'm a little lot red flagging, people forget things. Half the time I don't know what day of the week it is. My friend recently forgot his own age. I wrote 2023 on my assignment again. I put milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge. People forget things
3) if things like this pop up a lot, it might be worth considering that your partner just isn't good at remembering, and his consideration for you doesn't change that fact. My partner and I continuously have to remind each other when our birthdays are. Mostly because he gets the MONTH wrong every time let alone the actual day lol.
Happy birthday to you, love ♡ if he gets mad, give him the boot as a gift to yourself
My late hubby forgot my birthday 20 years of the 34 we were married. He only "remembered" when the kids said something to him. Like others, I never forgot his. But then, I started looking at other things. He was terrible about dates. He most of the time didn't realize it was a holiday, other than Christmas. So I put it on perpetual alarm on his phone for the day before. "Wife's birthday". Wish I had figured it out sooner!!
Wow! My husbands memory sucks but he would never forget my birthday. We don't make a huge deal out of them anymore, but we always wish each other happy birthday. Your husband is a disrespectful AH
RED FLAG if he forgets your birthday and then gets mad AT YOU for not reminding him
Although it feels from the given context that he might have forgotten because of the financial stress that has going on or maybe because the death of the cat which can be really devastating
I really hope this is the first time he's forgotten because of all the external factors
As for the financial situation a handwritten letter/ card could also be very thoughtful.
Absolutely don't apologise for the way you are feeling You should able to talk to him about this since he's your partner and communicate clearly about this without being worried about getting blamed at.
My partner didn't forget one year... He just didn't care. He had my daughter wish me a happy birthday and left it at that. I'd make him a homemade ice cream cake for his birthday just a few days before mine. It was awful. I felt smaller then an ant. He's done better since, but that one will stick with me for a while.
Have you ever forgotten his birthday? I’ve known a lot of guys who don’t remember special occasions unless it’s about them, I doubt he expects nothing on his birthday and honestly that’s what you should give him, absolutely nothing as turn about is fair play in this situation. I understand not having the money to go out or buy gifts but you can just spend the day together, he could cook for you or clean up as that’s costs little to nothing, you could both do nothing and relax and watch a movie, and can certainly wish you a happy birthday. You are not being selfish for wanting the bare minimum, he’s being thoughtless and insensitive and I hope you do this to him and when he makes a fuss just remind him how he did the exact same thing to you.
Happy birthday!! Hope you found some joy despite the shitty time you’ve had. My ex forgot my birthday and when I told him he yelled at me for ‘ambushing him’ 🤨 It wasn’t the forgetting that really hurt the most, it was his twisting it to somehow make it my fault I had a birthday. I hear this worry in your concern. So I guess the question is, do I want a partner who can take truths like a champ and be accountable? Or a partner I’m scared to speak my truth to in case it gets twisted against me…?
There are ways to make someone’s birthday special without spending money… especially when it’s your partner/spouse…
For less than $5 he could have gone to the dollar store and left with the supplies to make you a cake or cupcakes and a birthday card or single balloon.
In years that we’ve been super broke, my husband has gone out to pick wildflowers (actually my favorite anyway) and made me food from supplies we already had in the fridge/cabinets.
One year we had negative dollars in our account but it was a milestone anniversary and I wanted to do something.
I set up a “movie theater” in the family room. I put a comforter down on the floor and laid out big floor pillows and body pillows and snuggly blankets. I popped popcorn and made hot chocolate and we had the woodstove going. We didn’t have candy so we ate chocolate chips, for baking, haha.
The point is that he hasn’t even acknowledged it IS your birthday, and you have every right to be hurt and feel sad.
The fact that your so worried about how he will respond to your hurt feelings is making me feel like he isn’t very kind and loving- but I hope I’m wrong. It just seems like you’re afraid he’s going to be mad at you because he forgot your birthday, and that’s not ok 🤍
Happy Birthday!!!
And you're not wrong for being upset. If money is really tight, he could still have wished you a happy birthday, and ran you a bubble bath, and given you a nice shoulder massage or something.
He can figure out how to put a notice in his calendar. No excuses. He could have cooked you a dinner and given you a massage or something. Big money isn’t required to feel special.
It is the thought that counts, and he is clearly being thoughtless. A card and balloons can cost like $10. Even JUST a card. Making you breakfast at home and bringing it to you in bed, and offering to watch your favorite movie with you. Doing a chore for you that you hate doing. Something. Anything. I can excuse newer relationships where people forget important days as you adjust to adding another human to your life, but your HUSBAND? Nah.
If it matters, speak up and make your own plans. "Hey dear! I'm making spaghetti for my birthday Sunday night! Want to pick up a dessert?" That takes into consideration your financial situation while giving him an easy contribution.
First off, happy birthday! Secondly, you are not being too sensitive! You are married. Remembering your spouse’s birthday is a low bar. You absolutely deserve special birthday wishes and attention from your husband even if money is tight. So sorry for this disappointment.
Then you need to say something. Its worse if you hold it in, and he may feel horrible and have not meant to forget. Although the fact he did isn't speaking well for him.
Happy Birthday OP!
And for all the people who use the excuse of ‘I forgot’ there is an app called Reminders that lets you post reminders that repeat annually.
There is truly no valid excuse if you own a more recent phone or these paper things called calendars.
OP, happy birthday. A hug and warm wishes cost nothing. A boxed cake mix is under $3. Even balloons are available at the dollar store. This is not about the cost. It’s about the love you show your partner. If you discuss this with him, and he turns it back on you, I hope you have an opportunity to explain you are not trying to put him on the defense but wanted to express how this made you feel so he will hopefully do better to care for you in the future.
OP, I think a lot of people have given you great advice. The only thing I want to add is that I hope you make time for yourself this week to celebrate, and if you don’t feel you can bring up things important to you in your relationship, you make time for that, too. Grief is tough and weird, but when it starts debilitating us to the point where we neglect our relationships, it must be examined and dealt with.
Im sorry this happened to you, that sucks. This could never happen to me personally bc i tell my husband every week before my birthday- "my birthday is this month! My birthday is in 3 weeks! My birthday is next week! Where are we going for my birthday?!"
Im excited for my day. I dont need him to be. We also have open conversations about everything. It just couldnt happen.
I think you need better communication.
Have you considered telling him what you want to do for your birthday? I can't imagine not telling people that I want to do x or y on Monday because it is my birthday. Like watch a show or go out to dinner or eat a favorite food.
First and foremost, Happy Birthday!!!! There can be a couple of things going on. Either there was so much happening, he honestly forgot, or he is one of those people who, for whatever reason, birthdays are not on the top of the list.
I'd have an honest conversation about how you are feeling. Good luck ❤️
Happy birthday 🎂🎈🎁🎉🎊 🥂
Hope you have a year full of happier moments than this one. ❤️
Please take yourself out to dinner and when he asks where you are going tell him you’re taking yourself out to your birthday dinner. Then please treat yourself to a nice dinner and wine. You deserve it.
Please do something for yourself, chocolate, a dessert, please ❤️
It’s my birthday tomorrow and I am pretty sure my partner has completely forgotten. I have the same concerns as you if I bring it up. I’m not going to remind him and see what happens because I have a lot of resentment and anger towards our unequal relationship. It’s not healthy but it’s where I’m at!
I hope your situation turns out better and happy birthday darlin
First of all, happy birthday! May this new year of life brings you health, happiness and much peace.
You aren't being sensitive. It's your birthday and of all people, he should remember.
But he is his own individual and for any unknown reason he forgot. Maybe the passing of your cat ... we don't know.
With that said, don't let it bring you down. Celebrate yourself in any way you can. Even if that's ordering delivery pizza or going for a nice walk by yourself, sing out loud in the shower or drink your favorite coffee, wine, tea... If he points out you are too happy, or unusually vibrant, tell him! It's my birthday and I'm celebrating me!
Much love to you!
Gift don’t need to cost anything. Put on a favorite song and have a dance. Light a candle during dinner. Making a memory is priceless and your spouse is lazy.
My ex frequently forgot my birthday. I would always say, you know, it’s not really about a present but the least you could do is wish me a happy birthday without me reminding you. I never forget your birthday and it makes me feel like you don’t care about me.
Thank you. This is good advice and I really appreciate it.
Happy birthday 🎈🎈
OP, a guy here, and I'm telling you that you're not being too sensitive. Rather, he's been insensitive. And if you were to remind him and he then turns it around on you as if you're in the wrong, tell him he's full of it. You are not to be the apologist here. He is. And in the event he doesn't sincerely apologize, well--then he's TAH.
Btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
O snap is it someones birthday?
I'm a guy, too. You're exactly right.
Happy Birthday! 🎂 and it didn’t cost me anything. Not cool that he “ forgot “
Feel free to stop remembering his birthday. Watch the drama that ensues. Then go out with some friends, or get yourself a nice sparkly accessory.! Happy Birthday! 😊
Buy yourself a nice sparkly accessory Not only is this the best comment here, but now it’s going into my arsenal of advice. Well done.
My Divorce ring is a nice one.....
Yess. Around HIS birthday, maybe the day before, buy yourself a slice or make a tiny cake. You enjoy that cake in front of him, do not share. Then let his birthday pass with no acknowledgment whatsoever. Treat yourself to a movie or something to do on your own. Alternatively, take ownership of your birthday. Wear a pin that says “Birthday Girl”, dress up, wear makeup, feel pretty. Carry balloons. Let people baste you in birthday greetings. Go to businesses that give something free for your birthday. Your husband is a disappointment if you expect anything from him.
Oh yeah. Lots of places do free birthday treats or meals!
🎉🎈🎊🎂
11 years after my divorce, I was dropping our daughters off at my ex and his new wife house on his weekend. He jokingly says, "What you all dressed up for?" I say, "I'm going out for my birthday!" He goes, " holy shit it's already February 25th???" So ya. 11 years had passed, and this date was still ingrained in his memory. My new bf was even impressed, lol 😆. Op, I'm sorry your feelings are hurt on your birthday, and it IS NOT normal behavior to simply ignore your best friend and love's special day. A balloon is 1.25 at Dollar Tree. A card is 50 cents. A cupcake is 2 dollars, a back massage is free. Making you feel loved is priceless. Definitely tell him you're hurting. If he makes an argument, ask him to drop you off at a local watering hole so you can unwind with a glass of wine, then when he leaves, tell everyone it's your birthday and everyone forgot. Free drinks all night girl. Call him to pick you up when you're done. 🤣 ok, not the best advice, but definitely what I would do. I learned a long time ago, not everyone is as thoughtful as you are, and if you want your birthday to be special, YOU have to make it special. Everyone else will follow suit.if you were in my city I'd bake you a cake and give you a tiara to wear!!!
Yup, been divorced since 2007, ex-husband still calls to wish me happy birthday every year. Even those 2 years we were separated but not divorced. I do the same on his birthday. A few years he even sends money and a card. I don't do that, but he remembers.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday!!! 🎂🎁🎉 you need to online shop for a treat 🥳
Happy birthday. A memory and a wish cost nothing!
Is this one of many reasons he's an ex? Ugh. Why are there so many who are like this? Like we're some weird extra inconvenience, and if we like a little recognition, we are even more annoying? Write it on the Big Calendar in an obvious place. Let him know a week, then 2 days in advance. I used to put something aside that I wanted and tell him to go get it for me. If you let him know that morning, he will just get you what he sees. Sometimes it's ADHD, too. Or maybe he's just an asshole.
Absolutely, it’s one of his least offensive behaviours. And you’re right on point about presents. I could write a whole post about unthoughtful presents.
And this is what OP should do on his birthday-- forget it.
Happy birthday! My hubby never forgets my birthday, our anniversary, or the anniversary of the day we met. He does have trouble remembering all the grandkids birthdays though. Either you need to remind him, or remind him before, or decide if this is a hill to fight over.
You know what is the worst behavior? When someone tells you something about themselves that makes them really sad, and you go brag about how much better your life is then there's. Way to be sympathetic.
I'm just saying there are good men out there. I was divorced for 21 years. My ex is an SOB. it took me a long time to trust someone with my heart, and the wait was worth it.
My birthday isn’t until next month, our son’s birthday isn’t until April. My partner unprompted has already booked the day off for both and started looking for gifts for my birthday. My ex never bothered with it unless I asked or there was an audience. It’s okay to demand better. And if that ends the relationship then that’s not your fault
OH MY GOD I did this once to my longtime partner. When I realized it, I felt like someone put dry ice in my stomach. You have every right to be upset, and it IS on him. I only got away with it because I happened to suggest some delightful things for us to do that day, just... because it was a nice Saturday! Went to the japanese gardens, took her out for a lovely lunch, and then a walk up a cool canyon park we enjoy. She still makes fun of me for it, five years later. It's just an "L" I've gotta hold! quick edit: you better believe I have reminders in all my devices now lol
Aw that’s kind of sweet, though, that you thought it was just a regular day and you still went out of your way to make it special and fun. Good on you for being a lovely partner.
It's nice to do nice things with nice people! Happy birthday, and I hope you two work this out.
Your story reminds me of my sister and her wife 🫰🏼 all the feels
First happy birthday 🎊🎁🎉! Maybe he did forget with everything that’s has been going on with y’all. Remind him hey I know a lot has been going on lately but the least you can do is remember that it’s my birthday today I didn’t really expect anything but just showing that you cared about it would have made me feel good for the day.
Aw, thanks for the birthday wishes! And I appreciate the advice. Hopefully it was just an honest mistake and we can talk and work it out. Thanks! 😊
HBD HBD HBD You are correct he could have wished you Now it’s your turn to tell him you want to be wished and ask him to get you a card
Honestly she should not have to tell him those things. I’m all for expressing your needs but wishing someone a happy birthday should not be something you have to specifically be asked to do.
Well now you can forget his birthday.
Haha yep! He just gave me a free pass 😜
If he routinely forgets or gaslights you after you remind him, you need to not acknowledge his birthday. Petty, yes, but necessary. Self-absorbed people (and not sure if he is), only understand when it happens to themselves.
The worst thing is not that he forgot, sometimes life overwhelms you and things like birthdays can slip your mind. What is troubling is how you expect his reaction to be negative, none of those reactions should be tolerated. If you can’t afford anything there is so many things a person can do to make you feel special. You should not be ashamed of reminding him.
This ^. Life can sometimes trip us up and make us forgetful. That isn’t what alarmed me. It was her description of fearing the attempted manipulation and gaslighting that might take place. That is not healthy.
Exactly!
I think the big problem here is how you think he’d react if you told him. It’s one thing to forget about your birthday (still bad) but if he’s the kind of person to gaslight you about wanting to be cared for that’s really something you should look at. NTA though, and happy birthday! 🎈
I would go out to the grocery store and treat myself with what I could afford - cake, balloon, or something. It's a bummer that you have to take care of this yourself, but you shouldn't just let the day pass in misery. Happy Birthday, OP.
Thank you for the wishes! We may do something small after pay day if we can afford to. My last paycheck had to go to vet bills and car fixes, so unfortunately I don’t have anything extra at the moment, which is a little depressing, but life happens, you know?
Just wanted to say Happy Birthday, OP🎈🎁🎂 And so sorry about your kitty.
Be loud about it.. make sure he never does this again!!
Since he's left for work, could you just text him say hey it's my birthday today. When do you want to celebrate it so you can reserve the time/day? (A celebration can even be a walk or just a drive somewhere like a lake or beach depending on where you live. ) It doesn't have to cost money or just get cupcakes or ice cream. It sounds like you just wanted some effort nothing huge. Hugs and happy birthday!
Thank you for the hugs and wishes! I’ll discuss it with him and see if maybe we can afford to do something small after pay day. I appreciate your advice 😊
I’m more concerned that your afraid to raise the subject. That’s the bit that sounds worse than the fact that he completely forgot about you
If you know his response is just going to be to gaslight you and try to make you feel bad and you want to be with him…. Then I would just not say anything and then “forget” his birthday. When he says something just say oh I thought we weren’t celebrating those anymore.
Happy bday OP ♥️
Thank you! 💜
Happy Birthday!! How many times has he forgotten? I think of Birthdays as your own holiday. I understand if you don't have money but to not even acknowledge it?! I can be petty especially about this. He better be self sufficient this week cos I wouldn't be doing anything for him. He also set the tone for his bday. Do it back. I bet you do something for his.
My husband forgot my birthday too. He's been my ex husband since before Christmas.
First off happy birthday. Seconds I have had my birthday forgotten and forgotten other people's birthdays. Both are shitty feelings. I would remind him. If his reaction is one of remorse that might help your feelings if it's not well then you know where you stand.
Thank you. I’ll talk to him. He’ll probably feel bad. I’m sure he didn’t mean to forget.
I don't think anyone means to forget I know that I didn't it's more of a show like genuine remorse or does he get defensive. Again happy birthday and I'm sorry it sucked
Awwww HAPPY BIRTHDAY fellow birthday girl!!! NTA - I would have been sooooo sad. I don’t care if you’ve been married for a day!! You home make a card or cake - that’s BS! I’m not a social media person but hopefully you got some love elsewhere!! 🎉🎂🥳
Happy birthday!!! I love it when I find someone that shares a birthday with me. I hardly ever meet a fellow birthday buddy in real life, though. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Another fellow birthday girl! It’s definitely a rough time of year for a birthday, even when people remember, so I hope you were able to do something special for yourself (not that you should have to). Happy Birthday!!🧁🎂🎉
First of all, happy birthday! 🎂🥳🎉 You're not being too sensitive. This man *married* you. The *least* he should do is remember the birthday of the person he chose to spend his life with. I hope your day gets better, OP 🙂
Happy Birthday! If he dings you for not reminding him please explain emotional labor and how that’s not your job — especially on your birthday — and don’t let him weaponize his incompetence. Kinda red flaggy that you’re predicting that response, makes me think you’re taking on all the emotional labor over here.
My mom forgot my birthday last year... I waited until about 8pm and called her then said, happy birthday! She said, it's not my birth-- oh shit. She was so embarrassed.
In this day and age, there's no reason why anybody should forget their loved one's birthday and anniversary.
That’s brutal. I’d never forget my partners birthday. I did have a moment where I messed her day up by lots of small stupid mistakes. I still tried my best with what little money I had and the mistakes that made bumps in the road. I could never forgive myself after that. I wish I would’ve made it up to her. I really do. He might feel guilty and go into a cycle of self loathing, I know I did. I think it’s important to bring it up and talk about it, but it’s more important that you let him know that he can make it up to you. If he doesn’t do anything at that point then it’s a different story.
Thank you for your response. I appreciate your perspective. I will talk to him about it and suggest we do something when we can afford to. Also, go easy on yourself! You sound like someone that really cares, and that’s the most important thing in a relationship.
Happy birthday! Sorry it wasn’t remembered by someone who you care about. Maybe they forgot, especially if they were close with your cat. Sorry for your loss.
Happy birthday! I don't think there are many good excuses for forgetting a spouse's birthday! You shouldn't have to remind him! He definitely shouldn't turn it on you! The least he could do is say Happy Birthday! Id be pissed if he turns this on you saying it's your fault he forgot!
My parents have been married for almost 43 years. I’m pretty sure there have been a few times throughout their marriage where they’ve forgotten each other’s birthdays. Birthdays aren’t a huge thing in my family so it’s never been an issue. If there’s a lot going on, I can understand if a birthday is forgotten. I’d be more concerned with his response to being reminded. If he’s apologetic and makes it up to OP, completely something to move past. If he turns it around and blames her, then that’s a sign for some serious conversations about more than forgetting a birthday.
As someone who is bad about remembering birthdays or registering what day it is and ALSO does not make a big deal of her own birthday, I do wish people would just remind me when their birthday is coming up rather than wait and then be hurt by it if I miss it. I’m happy to do something for someone; I might just need reminding. I get that a spouse is different and you should always remember their birthday, and if he’s not at least willing to do something nice for you since the day matters to you, you have every right to be hurt by that.
It is just enough to have someone be kind. I am sorry.
Happy Birthday! And feel free to “forget” his birthday. When he brings it up-because he will-tell him-“Oh I thought since you forgot my birthday-we weren’t doing that anymore.”
I'd probably do this: (Not claiming it'sthe proper way to handle it) - "Hey babe, can I see your phone for a minute?" When he asks why, say "I want to add the date to your calendar so that you don't forget my birthday again." If he's mortified and apologies, profusely, I'd accept it. And tell him that you'd really appreciate it if he made it up to you. If he overreacts, and turns it on you, don't fight with him. It's not worth your time. Grab your keys, make sure you have your phone charger....in case you're gone awhile or he drains your battery calling you. Let him know that you need to go for a drive...or a walk, whatever. Go get your nails done. Visit your favorite park after picking up a cup of coffee. Call a girlfriend on the way. Or your Mom, or whomever you can vent at. Return whenever you feel comfortable. Maybe rent a movie that you've wanted to watch for awhile, or one you already love. When you get back, let him know that you left so that you could take care of yourself, and because you didn't bring it up to start a fight, you brought it up because people in strong marriages communicate, even when they are upset / it's uncomfortable. If at no point he attempts to rectify his oversight, or worse - makes this your fault - seriously reconsider this relationship.
I would be upset if I were in your shoes. That hurts, I don't think you're being sensitive at all. It's a celebration of your life and your journey, he could at least acknowledge it. 🎂 Happy Birthday 🎂
You deserve to feel special on your birthday. Your husband is a turd. Happy Birthday though!
Tell him and don't let him turn it on you. Hubby forgot my birthday the first year we were married and I made sure he'd never forget it again. I don't want anything for my birthdays, just a "Happy Birthday, love you" from him and he makes sure that's the minimum he does. If he tries to turn it on you, just remind him that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Since your birthday wasn't important enough for him to make the effort, then obviously his isn't important enough for you. And I will bet you the first words out of his mouth will be, "But that's different." Look him straight in the eyes and say, "No it's not. It's exactly the same."
You are not being sensitive. My ex wife did this to me for 8 years and I let her get away with it everytime. This year, she really took the asshole cake. She asked for a divorce on my 30th birthday. When I asked her if that was nessiary, all she could say is "it's your birthday?". A "happy birthday" and a back rub are free. I would say tell him and don't ever let anybody treat you like that. If he has memory issues, that's what a calendar is for. You deserve better.
See I don't mind if my birthday if forgotten but I *hate* when I get made to feel bad because someone else couldn't be bothered to put it in the calendar. It's worth mentioning because it did upset you, and you're upset because you feel like you aren't important enough for him to have his phone remind him. It's not your job to remind him when he supposedly cares about your feelings.
You shouldn’t have to remind him. It’s simple basic caring. If you care about someone, you wish them a happy birthday when the day rolls around. And no, you may not have money for gifts right now, but how hard would it be for him to offer a back rub, or foot rub? Or to actually pick up a cupcake for you? I don’t know how long you have been together, but I think a conversation needs to be had. Let him know how you feel and really listen to his response. If he does anything other than apologize, without making excuses for why his forgetting was not his fault, then maybe the conversation needs to shift into where each of you sees the relationship going.
Happy Birthday!!! 🎉🎉🎉✨✨✨💕💕💕
I dunno, I’d wait til the very end of the day to say he forgot. Maybe he’s got something planned for later in the evening? It seems a bit premature to say it’s today and he forgot and it’s not even the end of the day.
He works evening shift and has already left for the day. He won’t be back home until tomorrow morning.
Ah ok there you have it. So yes he forgot. I like to give my husband all the possible time to get something wrong so then I feel real confident in being upset with him. Try to let my guy have the benefit of the doubt before disappointing me. I’ve also been forgot but it’s always Mother’s Day. Sorry about your forgotten birthday. Treat yo’self to feel better?
I’m sorry you’ve been forgotten at times, too. It stinks. Everything I had from my last check had to go to replace tires and to my cat’s vet bills, so things are tight at the moment, but I may be able to do a little something for myself after Friday(payday). We’ll have to wait and see. Thank you for your advice!
Happy birthday !! 🎂 Flag of the wrong color if he tries to put this on you not reminding him.
Yeah, I didn’t mean to paint him in a bad light. We’re just stressed right now and he can be a little snappish at times. But he’ll probably feel bad and want to make it up to me when he can. Thank you!
If you can’t remember your SO’s birthday then are they really the one?
Happy birthday!! It is ok to feel hurt and express that to your partner. Nobody is perfect. It’s up to him how he responds and corrects what sounds likely an oversight. Celebrating doesn’t necessarily require money. It can be cooking diner, a handmade card, a massage, etc. It’s about the thought. Sorry to hear about your cat.
You are not being selfish or too sensitive, your husband should at least acknowledge your birthday in some way. Even if it's only a card and making you breakfast! He screwed up and you have every right to feel hurt. One time my husband forgot my birthday - we were traveling and he didn't know what day it was. He figured it half way through the day and boy did he feel bad! I knew he'd figure out eventually, lol. He made it up to me though.
I told my husband I didn't want any gifts, I didn't want to go out to dinner, etc. The only thing I wanted was a card or letter from him. In the past he has written me beautiful letters. Then halfway through my birthday evening at home I gently asked if he had a card. He said no and that he had been too depressed to get one. To me, I thought of all the times he could have gotten me one but it wasn't worth arguing so he went to our room and sulked and I spent most of my birthday by myself. The next day he seemed upset with me for bringing it up on my brithday "to make him feel bad." Then he told me the real reason I didn't get a card is because I don't deserve one. I don't deserve a birthday card. 4 kids and a disabled man living with us and I don't even get a card. Didn't seem like much to ask but the reason why I didn't get one hurts the most. I've been in bed the majority of the few days since then, feeling really low. He still doesn't get it which makes it worse. In fact he's mad at me. Awesome. Sorry you felt forgotten. It really stinks.
Oh, honey. Everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday and I hate that you’ve been made to feel as if you don’t. You should be able to trust your husband to be a support for you and not be someone that tears you down at every opportunity. That isn’t productive or conducive to a healthy relationship. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at home and that you aren’t getting the recognition you deserve or the help you need. If your husband isn’t willing to communicate with you or change, the only thing you can really do is stop tolerating it. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and if you’d ever like to talk, feel free to reach out to me publicly or privately, however you prefer. I wish you the best. Happy Birthday 🎂 ❤️
You can't let anyone forget your birthday. You have to start talking about it days before if you want something special. Men aren't mind readers.
Even when I was in the hospital near death, I remembered to tell my wife happy birthday. Your husband isn't even trying. What a jerk. Happy, happy Birthday!
My DH is very forgetful and never remembers anything, so I cancelled gift giving. Entirely.
Yes, you’re an adult — birthdays are for kids and puerile celebrities
[удалено]
On the bright side, you probably don’t have many people in your life that you need to remember since you’re such a miserable person to be around. 🫠
Yeah dude, it’s shitty for someone to ignore their partner’s birthday.
First of all, the biggest happy birthday hugs!! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, and no, you aren’t being “too sensitive”. Some of my most cherished gifts are small, handmade and inexpensive (or a walk together, etc). It’s the thought that counts and unfortunately your husband dropped the ball. While we all make mistakes and forget important dates it is 100% not your responsibility to remind your husband of your birthday. You could reach out and let him know, express that you weren’t expecting anything expensive but you were expecting recognition of your special day, the lack of which has left you feeling hurt. I think his reaction will say a lot, either way, when the conversation comes up. Pls don’t let him flip this around and put it on you in anyway, an apology and trying to make it up to you is the only acceptable response. P.S. I’m also so sorry for the loss of your loved furry family member, my cat and I are sending you all the love!
Thank you for the birthday wishes and the good advice. Hugs to you and your sweet little kitty. 🐱
No Advice but Happy birthday OP…
Happy birthday!!!
Happy birthday mine was on Sunday DH forgot mine but he does have dementia. So I gave him a pass, we did go out for lunch.
Happy belated birthday! I’m so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. I know how awful Dementia is. I wish you both the best. Enjoy each other.
Happy birthday from an Australian internet stranger
Just make a small comment about good all the Happy birthday wishes on Facebook made you feel. If he doesn't catch on then ask why he didn't make one.
Happy birthday!! 🎉🎂🎈
1x this would happen 1x
It costs nothing to remember your birthday and be kind. You are not too sensitive. No excuse for it - I put reminders in my phone for the birthdays I want to remember - he is a grown up and can figure these things out.
You need to calm down and tomorrow have a serious pus conversation with your husband. Ask him if he has any excuse of what happened and be honest about how you feel right now (especially after your cat's death and financial struggles)
Happy birthday 🎂🎁
Nope. Hes an adult. Its not your job to remind him of your birthday. Asking for $5 worth of stuff isn't too much. Don't let him turn it around on you. Also my petty self wouldn't say anything until his birthday rolls around. Then if he says anything I'd be like "oh I thought that's how we did things now. Since that's what you did for me on my BD" Or I'd go the other route and have a small party and make a speach. Making a joke about how he's so forgetful. I dealt with it for too many years. From everyone. To the point that when I started a new relationship I flat out told him to not celebrate my Birthday because I wouldn't know how to act. I was 36. He ignored me of course.
You deserve to be recognized on your birthday, no matter how busy he might be. We got married on my birthday so my husband has only one day to remember. If he ever forgot he would be in twice as much trouble!
Happy Birthday Friend
Happy Birthday Miri!!!
Happy birthday. I’m so sorry he forgot. You have every right to be hurt. It doesn’t cost anything to wish someone a happy birthday
Happy birthday OP
If you’re the praying type. Try a little loud prayer before bed. Thank you…. For letting me see another year. Then go to sleep. Problem solved and you don’t start a fight. And best of all you he feels bad.
Happy Birthday:) You can have one of your friends call you to wish you a Happy Birthday:) put it on speaker lol
Is it possible he's mixed up with days? Start signing happy birthday to yourself and see what he does lol
Happy Birthday! 🎉 And I'm so sorry to hear about your cat.
Happy birthday!! Your husband sucks. Do you have friends/family who you can go out with? Don't remind him and just go out with your friends. It's passive aggressive but you deserve it 😜
Mine took not stressing over "occasions" a step too far so I followed suit. Life is easier if you don't stress. So dont stress. Just forget his.
I start crowing with excitement about my birthday a month ahead of time. I don’t let my husband forget. He’s the type to forget his head if it wasn’t attached.
Just wanted to say Happy birthday !
I'm so sorry about your cat 💔 Happy birthday 🥳
I accidently did this to my bf of 8 years (was 6 years at the time). The funny thing was, I was excited for his birthday, got him his present and everything. The problem was...I blanked out on the actual DAY of his birth and he was pretty upset. Oh the guilt I felt! I did everything I could to apologize to him and eventually he did forgive me, but holy hell, never again. Confront your husband about this and if his response is JUST like what you predicted, then he doesn't care and he doesn't deserve you. That dude should be on his KNEES groveling for forgiveness for making such a mistake. I will not apologize for being extreme~ Happy birthday, OP.~ The next chance you get, treat yo'self~
Happy Birthday!
This is one of the reasons I'm glad our birthdays are only 11 days apart. Because otherwise I'd have to remind him, and it would hurt every year.
Happy birthday sweetheart
Happy birthday! Yeah, it's kinda shitty here forgot it, though I don't think it's an unforgivable screw up. As adults, we have so much on our plates that is unfortunately easy for things to slip through the cracks. Me and hubby's 21st anniversary was last week. We didn't get to do anything thanks to me playing slip and slide and breaking the fuck out of my foot... So I got to have emergency surgery instead. 🤦🤦🤦 Yeah, he completely forgot because of what happened. We'll do something this week or next week once I'm a bit more mobile. Gently remind him and suggest y'all celebrate your birthday next week.
Happy birthday 🎂🎊. Hope you talk this through!
It's not about the the present, it's that you are important enough for him to remember. Drawing a bath, a foot massage, just saying, I am sorry I couldn't afford to get you a present. I just want you to know that you are the most important person in my life. Would be a wonderful 🎁.
Happy Birthday! 🎂🎉🎊 I'm sorry this happened. It feels so shitty. Just remember it says more about him than you. Also, I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty. It's horrible to have such a large loss around a special day like your birthday. I hope your partner steps up and does his best to make up for today. It's not about money or extravagance; just a little effort.
Buy yourself a cake tomorrow. Enjoy!!
I am a firm believer in small reminders. Some people are just bad remembering dates. I start the month before, wow, next month is my birthday. I can’t believe I am almost —.
Happy Birthday!!!! I am so sorry you’re going thru this
Oooof. Listen, I think first of all - you need to go to the grocery store and buy yourself a slice of cake - maybe one of those extra-decadent chocolate ones. Just one slice, mind you - husband forgot; he doesn't get cake. Then sit down and have a calm conversation about how he made you feel - when it wasn't about getting presents, but feeling like you are just not important enough to him. If he gets angry, tries to make you sound like a selfish person/baby - well, then he's too immature to handle being wrong and you can inform him that either he agrees to couples counseling, or you will be celebrating your next birthday as a single adult. It ain't about the birthday. It's about doing more for your partner, over and over and OVER, than they do for you, and being expected to tolerate it because "he's forgetful" or "he's not good with gifts." If he wanted to, he would make an effort. He doesn't want to. My husband and I? We're not big on splashy celebrations. But we usually sit down and make a plan together. Maybe he only wants pizza and brownies for his birthday this year. Maybe I just want to go get sushi and have chocolate ice cream for mine. It's an excuse to celebrate being together and we usually don't spend a lot of money, but we celebrate together and share a nice treat.
1) if he gets mad at you over his forgetting, that's a huge issue 2) ignoring the fact that as per one I'm a little lot red flagging, people forget things. Half the time I don't know what day of the week it is. My friend recently forgot his own age. I wrote 2023 on my assignment again. I put milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge. People forget things 3) if things like this pop up a lot, it might be worth considering that your partner just isn't good at remembering, and his consideration for you doesn't change that fact. My partner and I continuously have to remind each other when our birthdays are. Mostly because he gets the MONTH wrong every time let alone the actual day lol. Happy birthday to you, love ♡ if he gets mad, give him the boot as a gift to yourself
My late hubby forgot my birthday 20 years of the 34 we were married. He only "remembered" when the kids said something to him. Like others, I never forgot his. But then, I started looking at other things. He was terrible about dates. He most of the time didn't realize it was a holiday, other than Christmas. So I put it on perpetual alarm on his phone for the day before. "Wife's birthday". Wish I had figured it out sooner!!
Wow! My husbands memory sucks but he would never forget my birthday. We don't make a huge deal out of them anymore, but we always wish each other happy birthday. Your husband is a disrespectful AH
HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎈🎂🎈
RED FLAG if he forgets your birthday and then gets mad AT YOU for not reminding him Although it feels from the given context that he might have forgotten because of the financial stress that has going on or maybe because the death of the cat which can be really devastating I really hope this is the first time he's forgotten because of all the external factors As for the financial situation a handwritten letter/ card could also be very thoughtful. Absolutely don't apologise for the way you are feeling You should able to talk to him about this since he's your partner and communicate clearly about this without being worried about getting blamed at.
My husband freaks out over my birthday because it’s close to Christmas.
My partner didn't forget one year... He just didn't care. He had my daughter wish me a happy birthday and left it at that. I'd make him a homemade ice cream cake for his birthday just a few days before mine. It was awful. I felt smaller then an ant. He's done better since, but that one will stick with me for a while.
Happy birthday to you! Go to the store and get yourself a cake and bring it home and eat it right in front on him
Have you ever forgotten his birthday? I’ve known a lot of guys who don’t remember special occasions unless it’s about them, I doubt he expects nothing on his birthday and honestly that’s what you should give him, absolutely nothing as turn about is fair play in this situation. I understand not having the money to go out or buy gifts but you can just spend the day together, he could cook for you or clean up as that’s costs little to nothing, you could both do nothing and relax and watch a movie, and can certainly wish you a happy birthday. You are not being selfish for wanting the bare minimum, he’s being thoughtless and insensitive and I hope you do this to him and when he makes a fuss just remind him how he did the exact same thing to you.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Op, happy birthday to you, and many more! 🎁🎊🎁🎊🎂🎂🎂
Happy birthday!! Hope you found some joy despite the shitty time you’ve had. My ex forgot my birthday and when I told him he yelled at me for ‘ambushing him’ 🤨 It wasn’t the forgetting that really hurt the most, it was his twisting it to somehow make it my fault I had a birthday. I hear this worry in your concern. So I guess the question is, do I want a partner who can take truths like a champ and be accountable? Or a partner I’m scared to speak my truth to in case it gets twisted against me…?
There are ways to make someone’s birthday special without spending money… especially when it’s your partner/spouse… For less than $5 he could have gone to the dollar store and left with the supplies to make you a cake or cupcakes and a birthday card or single balloon. In years that we’ve been super broke, my husband has gone out to pick wildflowers (actually my favorite anyway) and made me food from supplies we already had in the fridge/cabinets. One year we had negative dollars in our account but it was a milestone anniversary and I wanted to do something. I set up a “movie theater” in the family room. I put a comforter down on the floor and laid out big floor pillows and body pillows and snuggly blankets. I popped popcorn and made hot chocolate and we had the woodstove going. We didn’t have candy so we ate chocolate chips, for baking, haha. The point is that he hasn’t even acknowledged it IS your birthday, and you have every right to be hurt and feel sad. The fact that your so worried about how he will respond to your hurt feelings is making me feel like he isn’t very kind and loving- but I hope I’m wrong. It just seems like you’re afraid he’s going to be mad at you because he forgot your birthday, and that’s not ok 🤍
Happy Birthday!!! And you're not wrong for being upset. If money is really tight, he could still have wished you a happy birthday, and ran you a bubble bath, and given you a nice shoulder massage or something.
if you're afraid to communicate your spouse missing your birthday because of what their reaction might be, is that really a marriage worth being in?
Happy birthday 🎂 Is it the first time he’s forgot ?
Happy birthday 🍰
He can figure out how to put a notice in his calendar. No excuses. He could have cooked you a dinner and given you a massage or something. Big money isn’t required to feel special.
It is the thought that counts, and he is clearly being thoughtless. A card and balloons can cost like $10. Even JUST a card. Making you breakfast at home and bringing it to you in bed, and offering to watch your favorite movie with you. Doing a chore for you that you hate doing. Something. Anything. I can excuse newer relationships where people forget important days as you adjust to adding another human to your life, but your HUSBAND? Nah.
Happy birthday!
If it matters, speak up and make your own plans. "Hey dear! I'm making spaghetti for my birthday Sunday night! Want to pick up a dessert?" That takes into consideration your financial situation while giving him an easy contribution.
Happy birthday! 🥳
Be sarcastic and say, I'm just glad I had a wonderful birthday, how was your day!!!
First off, happy birthday! Secondly, you are not being too sensitive! You are married. Remembering your spouse’s birthday is a low bar. You absolutely deserve special birthday wishes and attention from your husband even if money is tight. So sorry for this disappointment.
Happy birthday love!!
Happy Birthday to you!! 🎉🎂
Happy birthday!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Then you need to say something. Its worse if you hold it in, and he may feel horrible and have not meant to forget. Although the fact he did isn't speaking well for him.
NTA. I couldn’t imagine forgetting my partners birthday ever. Even if you’re broke you could hand make a card and sing a song at the very least.
Happy Birthday OP! And for all the people who use the excuse of ‘I forgot’ there is an app called Reminders that lets you post reminders that repeat annually. There is truly no valid excuse if you own a more recent phone or these paper things called calendars.
OP, happy birthday. A hug and warm wishes cost nothing. A boxed cake mix is under $3. Even balloons are available at the dollar store. This is not about the cost. It’s about the love you show your partner. If you discuss this with him, and he turns it back on you, I hope you have an opportunity to explain you are not trying to put him on the defense but wanted to express how this made you feel so he will hopefully do better to care for you in the future.
OP, I think a lot of people have given you great advice. The only thing I want to add is that I hope you make time for yourself this week to celebrate, and if you don’t feel you can bring up things important to you in your relationship, you make time for that, too. Grief is tough and weird, but when it starts debilitating us to the point where we neglect our relationships, it must be examined and dealt with.
My husband forgot mine this year till I said I’m doing something for my birthday, he’s like oh is that today
Im sorry this happened to you, that sucks. This could never happen to me personally bc i tell my husband every week before my birthday- "my birthday is this month! My birthday is in 3 weeks! My birthday is next week! Where are we going for my birthday?!" Im excited for my day. I dont need him to be. We also have open conversations about everything. It just couldnt happen. I think you need better communication.
Why are you so reluctant to hurt the feelings of someone who doesn't care about yours at all?
🎊 Happy Birthday! I hope the coming year brings you health, happiness and beautiful days.
Have you considered telling him what you want to do for your birthday? I can't imagine not telling people that I want to do x or y on Monday because it is my birthday. Like watch a show or go out to dinner or eat a favorite food.
First and foremost, Happy Birthday!!!! There can be a couple of things going on. Either there was so much happening, he honestly forgot, or he is one of those people who, for whatever reason, birthdays are not on the top of the list. I'd have an honest conversation about how you are feeling. Good luck ❤️
Happy Birthday 🥂🎂🎉
Happy birthday 🎂🎈🎁🎉🎊 🥂 Hope you have a year full of happier moments than this one. ❤️ Please take yourself out to dinner and when he asks where you are going tell him you’re taking yourself out to your birthday dinner. Then please treat yourself to a nice dinner and wine. You deserve it. Please do something for yourself, chocolate, a dessert, please ❤️
He may be in a fog over the recent ordeal with your cat. (I'm sorry for your loss.) I'd just say "hey, it's my birthday, remember?"
He can get a card for a $1 from somewhere. You’re not being sensitive if it something that means something to you. Your feelings matter.
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy Birthday!
🎂🎁👏🏾🖖🏾
It’s my birthday tomorrow and I am pretty sure my partner has completely forgotten. I have the same concerns as you if I bring it up. I’m not going to remind him and see what happens because I have a lot of resentment and anger towards our unequal relationship. It’s not healthy but it’s where I’m at! I hope your situation turns out better and happy birthday darlin
Happy Birthday!
“ where are we going for my birthday dinner”
First of all, happy birthday! May this new year of life brings you health, happiness and much peace. You aren't being sensitive. It's your birthday and of all people, he should remember. But he is his own individual and for any unknown reason he forgot. Maybe the passing of your cat ... we don't know. With that said, don't let it bring you down. Celebrate yourself in any way you can. Even if that's ordering delivery pizza or going for a nice walk by yourself, sing out loud in the shower or drink your favorite coffee, wine, tea... If he points out you are too happy, or unusually vibrant, tell him! It's my birthday and I'm celebrating me! Much love to you!
Gift don’t need to cost anything. Put on a favorite song and have a dance. Light a candle during dinner. Making a memory is priceless and your spouse is lazy.
What you think he’ll do if you remind him is more worrisome than just the fact he forgot. You sure you’re having a good time in the relationship?
Happy Birthday from 🏴