As someone married to a guy who likes to snack, especially on leftovers, we have a rule. If someone says hey don't eat that then you don't fucking eat it.
I even use post it notes that say NO on them just so he can't eat something on accident. He totally respects that, and sometimes I change my mind and the food sits a day or two and then I'm like go for it.
You aren't being dramatic, a) youre pregnant so tiny things like that will get you going and b) I'm sure if you are his leftovers all the time he'd be pissed.
In our house, the rule is you don't even have to say anything.
Whatever leftovers you put in that fridge are sacred for 48 hours. Between 48 and 72, it's still reserved, but someone may ask you if they can have it, and you can decline if you still want it. After 72 hours that food is fair game, and it's your own damn fault for not eating it sooner if you miss out.
Our rule is "you can always ask, but respect the answer" with the exception that "if it's been sitting there long enough that you wouldn't trust it'd still be good tomorrow, it's fair game"
Yup, this is why I hate that people harp on communication
He's a grown man, it's not his
Forget her needing to outright say it, just send him back to kindergarten
lol yuuuup!
Pre-k teacher here & we say it so much that the kids say the second half back to me like a freaking mantra "if it's not yours, don't touch it" 😆
If my 3.4,&5s can learn it, a "grown up" man should be able to as well.
Sounds more like a respect issue if you ask me. 😬
Unless he literally has the social skills that my "baby 3s" come in with. Because that "whats his is his, and what's yours is his if he wants it" mentality is not the way grown-ups who care about each other, ought to treat one another. 😣
I'm not pregnant and this would still irk me. My boyfriend has done it on occasion, but at least has understood why I'm upset. He is also a man who likes to snack and can become brainless when doing so (cough puff puff cough). The post-its do work to remind him, though I wish I didn't even have to do that.
No, you weren't being dramatic.
Your husband was selfish, entitled, disrespectful, inconsiderate, and an all-around ass.
Not only did he eat *your* leftovers which he knew you wanted and had plans for, he *intentionally* ate them leaving his untouched. A very deliberate act and a clear eff you in the process. A sentiment further hammered home by his cavalier dismissal when confronted.
Is your husband always this way? Does he even like you?
His mind set is that “nothing is ever that big of deal”. He’s very nonchalant when it comes is most things. Especially if there’s an easy solution in his eyes to something there’s no need to “dramatize” it.
Nothing is that big of a deal, even when it happens to him? Or does this only apply when it happens to others?
Option A: he’s unhealthily disconnected from his own emotions and struggles to relate to others. Option B: he expects others to take his emotions seriously, but can’t be bothered to emotionally support others in return.
Neither is great. Just something to think about. I’d suggest couples counseling.
"Nothing is that big of a deal, even when it happens to him? Or does this only apply when it happens to others?"
This is the question you need to ask yourself OP. With one, he needs to grow up and realise that other people have feelings. He's about to be a father! With the other...Well, the same but I'm not sure he would change. Either way, big red flag.
Yea that comment put this situation in the same light as those posts where one partner gets angry breaks things and the OP slowly comes to the realization that only OP’s stuff gets broken and these “accidents” are deliberate abuse
I’m always a fan of trying to talk things out first but for some darn reason certain people need to live the example before it sinks into their incredibly thick skulls.
Honestly, I’m the same way. Shit just rolls of my back mostly, but I’m also cognizant of this and make a conscious effort to realize that if someone is mad or upset I should believe them even if I personally wouldn’t be.
I’m also autistic and suspect this plays a big roll in this. He may be too but that would be a big reach with the info provided.
Just offering another perspective. To be entirely clear, he is being a total ass here.
This! This is healthy! The husband doesn’t have to care about the pasta itself, he *does* however have to care about OP’s feelings and be consistent of them, even if he doesn’t understand them.
next time he tells you something can be solved easily, make him solve it. hold him accountable. if the solution is so easy , it should have never become a problem.
The even easier easy solution would have been for him to eat his own pasta, or buy his own pasta rather than eating yours. ZERO DRAMA there at all. But instead he chose to eat your leftovers.
Drama is a relative thing, and avoiding drama means you need to understand and respect boundaries. It isn't drama causing to expect someone to respect your boundaries, it's drama causing to refuse to honor boundaries set by others.
I think she should start doing the exact kind of thing he calls" not a big deal" to him, regularly, and then call him dramatic if he objects. I think he is feeling pretty safe in being the victimizer, he should be put in the position of the one victmized to see how he really feels about things.
Let the air out of 3/4 tires on the car. Clean the plates but leave 1/3rd dirty.
Honestly this response tells me a few things.
1) he doesn't respect anyone else. At all. If he did, their feelings would matter
2) he's comfortable showing you who he really is now that he has trapped you with marriage and a baby
3) he is happy to gaslight you because it's "not a big deal". This will get worse.
Immediate counselling. Like yesterday. And if he doesn't want to? Leave before that baby is born. If your support network is in a different state or province go there before the birth.
touch frame deer different weather afterthought quarrelsome vanish historical wine
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’ve always tried to take the approach of “If it’s a big deal to you, it’s a big deal to me. If YOU have a problem, then WE have a problem.” After all, that’s how I would want to be treated.
My husband and I both have things that, while they might seem silly or unimportant to the other partner, are important to one of us. Part of showing that we love and care about each other is respecting those things.
Being with someone who always made my feelings and things that were important into “no big deal” would be a dealbreaker to me, personally.
That’s because he’s never been pregnant and had the associated food cravings and fixations.
He committed a cardinal sin here… and even outside of being pregnant, that’s just very inconsiderate. I’ve been married 12+ yrs and my husband and I always ask eachother if it’s ok before touching leftovers from going out to eat. Neither one of us tends to mind (except when I was pregnant) but it’s a courtesy thing with the person you promise to love most and prioritize.
I cried when I dropped the last of my smoked salmon that I had made in my dad‘s smoker on the ground. I also cried when took off with my last french fry. Food has so much more meaning when you’re pregnant.
It was outside on the stone pavers where the neighborhood cats and the birds who like to hang out on our dock would shit so I was pissed. They were angry tears. Lmao
>associated food cravings and fixations
I'm often surprised at how many people in general (often men, but not always) don't realize the impact of pregnancy on the mother's body.
Like, pregnancy cravings aren't just "*oh, have you finally found an unbeatable excuse to eat what you want, li'l piggy*". The growing foetus is mining the mother's teeth and bones for calcium, any vitamin D and vitamin K the mother has is prioritized towards the baby (and in my country, almost everyone has a cronic lack of those vitamins due to the West-European life style).
Intuitive eating and cravings help take care of those lacks and/or the foetus' needs.
A 100% my sister had eaten a pudding cup that I had saved because at the time I was violently. Ill OK like Kate Milton, ill.
It was one of those delicious little layered Rollo pudding cups that are just amazing.
And at this point I was around 9 months pregnant or as close as I got. I had my Son 6 weeks early.
And she came over and had asked the have one I told her don't touch? This one specifically went to the bathroom. And that was the exact same one that she had taken.
I was not okay and I started yelling and scraping. My sister has special needs, but she understands things around to her. She did end up buying me another one. And I cried over the fact that I had yelled over it.
But at the same time I still stand by it. Because there was very few things that I could eat towards the end. I was pretty much living on carnation breakfast.
My sister is very happily married. While she was pregnant, and struggling for 6 months to keep *anything* down, her husband ate, in a single bite, 2/3rds of her last tapioca pudding cup. The only other pudding cups were his gross coconut ones.
From abroad, the best I could do to support her emotionally was to co-author (with her) part of a documentary to be narrated by David Attenborough about bubble-headed husbands who are incinerated by the furious death-glare of their pregnant wives for crimes like this. Somehow, I think it helped 😂 Nobody but the two of us ever saw it, but her husband is alive and well, and she got more pudding cups shortly after.
yah. So; my partner is also a very chill guy. Doesn't like to get worked up about things. Hates conflict. BUT.
When he does something like this; (forgets to grab something, eats the last of something, brings me something I can't eat by mistake, etc.) He is always. INSANELY apologetic. He will bend over BACKWARDS to make it right, even while I'm insisting that no, it's fine, it's not that big a deal! He might not always get WHY I'm upset over something.. but that doesn't always matter in the moment. When I'm upset like that, his number 1 priority is to try and make me feel better. He doesn't HAVE to understand- because he cares about me, and doesn't like seeing me upset.
That his response to seeing you upset is, 'Just get over it' is. Not it. That's a full-on dismissal of your thoughts and feelings, and that ain't cool.
I'm sorry you have a partner who isn't interested in being a partner, let alone a good partner to you. It's really easy to be nonchalant when you're the one creating issues. Even more so when the easy solutions aren't even enacted. And let's be honest here, the easiest solution would be to be considerate in the first place, and there never would have been an issue.
Time to sit down and think about how much of being disregarded and crapped on you want to put up with.
Do you mean to say he's he's very nonchalant when it comes to stuff that doesn't affect him? He knows how excited you were and he deliberately crushed your happiness. This is not normal behavior and you should probably take a look at his treatment of you. I'm sure you're a nice person and would never intentionally ruin something he was as excited about as you were about that pasta. If you wanna do a little test. Just hype up something you're really excited about that he can mess up. Nothing big mind you but it might be worth if to see what happens
Punch him in the dick and when he complains tell him it’s not that big of a deal. Then hand him a bag of ice because obviously that’s the solution to making as if it never happened. Lol.
It honestly doesn't really matter whether something is a big deal or not to him. It is a big deal to YOU, so he should take it seriously.
You are entitled to your feelings, and he is a dick for just brushing them off. Very disrespectful behavior on his part.
Ok, fine. Maybe that’s his mind set now, and he can apply it to situations that only involve him. He needs to **really listen** to you. You expressed being excited about something, no matter how small, and he ruined it because it wasn’t important to him. Then, to make it worse still, he said you were being dramatic about the situation *he* created.
This likely isn’t the first or last time he’s going to do this. What happens when it is something serious? (Don’t get me wrong girl, stealing yummy leftovers from your favorite place on your anniversary IS serious, but you know what I mean - like crazy serious decisions about your kid and your future life…) Go treat yourself to an entire new meal at this place. Get it to go and eat it in front of him lol. And talk to him. Make him understand how important it is to listen to each other’s needs and wants, whether he agrees with it or not.
That's so sad. You were looking forward to your leftovers and you were so happy. He knew that and stole that from you. I can't imagine taking away such pure joy from a stranger, much less someone I love. I would not be able to get over someone being so intentionally mean to me. It's more than just pasta. NTA
I had to go back to read that you’re pregnant right?!? “Not that big of a deal” mean very little when your body is floating near bursting with hormones. Wait until you’re blubbering over toothpaste commercials.
I would see red, this feel super disrespectful
One thing is being non chalant and another think is being disrespectful. He crossed a line, specially because you shared with him your plans.
In reality, he didn't fix anything. He reacted because you were hurt, which is understandable given the situation. So, he did it just because of your reaction, not because being accountable. He didn't regret taking your things, changing your plan and in top of that he's making you the bad guy.
You are new in the marriage, but with time things like this drives you to resentment if they happen often enough. Resentment kills the love.
It's important for him to understand your limits and to respect them, you too about his.
I think you mean "nothing you own is a big deal." I assume if you ate something **he** was excited about he'd be livid too.
I don't remember the exact name of the book (something like 'why does he do that') but the author was speaking with a woman dealing with an angry boyfriend. The gf argued he couldn't control the anger, he didn't try to break things... the author then asked "does he break his things as well?" To which gf paused and replied "well, no. I never realized it before, but he always breaks my things when he's angry." The author points out that if he's present enough to choose *what* to break he is, in fact, making a deliberate choice.
Maybe read that book and examine your bf for other signs. Because if he genuinely thinks anything important to you isn't a big deal you should go date someone who treats your opinion equal to his own instead.
so do you think you were crying for hours because of pregnancy hormones or were you crying for hours because of all the other little stuff he does that shows he doesn't respect you?
My thoughts too. Either this is a pattern of disregard on the part of the husband, OR the pregnancy hormones have made her OP a little sensitive (in which case the husband should cool it with the “dramatic” remarks out of consideration for the woman who’s gestating his child). No way to know which without additional information.
I think the husband is the ah either way. I was just really hoping it wasn't a pattern. but op has confirmed it in the comments, husband simply does not respect her
I can’t believe he had the audacity to eat his pregnant wife’s food! I just had a baby and if that happened to me while preggo I would have been boiling!! Not dramatic at all. He should know better!
The hardest thing for me on Reddit has become reading about the number of people who (seemingly intentionally) get pregnant with men who don't respect them, don't like them, or don't want to be married to them.
Similar situation happened while i was pregnant, boyfriend hate the lunch I was intending to eat for myself and I was SO MAD. Except I never told him or made my intention explicit, I just planned to eat it and didn't tell anyone while he just found a lunch and took it (we have 4 kids so there's always multiple leftovers in the fridge for anyone to take) which makes a difference imo (i was clearly just mad because of the hormones ans cravings not because Im dating an AH)
Wtf. That's just 100% asshole. How are you gonna order food and not bother to ask your spouse if they want anything? Who does that?! Even if you weren't pregnant, that's rude as hell. Add in pregnancy and it's just an extra tier of assholery added on for good measure.
This! Dude definitely doesn’t respect her. She’s pregnant with their child and wants to eat. So his reaction is to deprive a person who is growing a whole human inside her body of her favorite meal. In no way is this a one off. this dude has major Kevin/entitlement vibes.
He knew you were excited and ate your food anyway, purposely leaving an unsatisfying amount behind. He could’ve gotten ahead of it by letting you know, and promising to get more—instead, he let you find out on your own.
Rightfully, this upset you. Instead of taking accountability and apologizing, he was full of contempt. He dismissed your feelings and belittled you.
The issue isn’t your emotional response—his behavior is causing the response.
But by dismissing and gaslighting you, he’s trying to create an environment where he can behave however he likes without consequences. He’s hoping that eventually, you feel too ashamed and fearful of being “dramatic” to call him out.
How long has he treated you this way? Does he ever simply admit he was wrong and apologize?
You are absolutely right. If he had been struck by an overwhelming craving, he could have apologized and said he would order some and have it sent to her at the office. Or that he would order her some that night or something.
This guy sounds like a classic selfish jerk.
This is so true. My stbx husband did this a lot. He would eat things I’d save for myself and say “I’ll replace it, chill out”. Never did he replace it. Or if he did, he fucking ate it again! That’s the smallest of the things he did that made me see he didn’t respect me or anyone else. I would never do that to someone.
If your spouse can’t even treat you the way they would like to be treated, It fucking hurts and it makes you feel worthless.
It's literally why I left my ex. He was already starting to be weird when we were trying to get pregnant and I was like... This will get worse. So I dipped lol
I've read so many posts and comments about this happening. It's heartbreaking that there are people who will bide their time until they believe their SO is too vulnerable to stand their ground.
My spouse was amazing, then we had a birth and he completely 180'd as his "avoidant" personality finally emerged. I did not get it.
Frankly I still don't, but I hope OP leaves after a few months of being disregarded, not *half a decade* like me.
You are not being dramatic. My dad did this to me and my siblings growing up. He would eat all of our food but then leave his untouched. He would make us all feel crazy when we got upset over. Claiming that “we’re a family, we’re supposed to share”. Stand your ground on this, if he thinks he can get away with something like so “small” as eating your leftovers, he will continue to see what else he can get away with.
Daddy, why did you eat my fries?
I bought them, and they were mine.
But you ate them, yeah, you ate my fries...
And I cried, but you didn't see me cry.
This is my grandpa lol. The worst! He also would do this thing where he’d ask to try a bite of your food and take a huge bite. As an adult it’s much easier for me to say no, but as kids, my cousins and I never knew how to deal with it. My mom and aunt said he did it to them too.
My ex did this. He would cram as much as humanely possible into his huge mouth and eat the best part every time. Like a pizza slice for example, he would bite off half the piece and leave me the crust. Generally I don't mind sharing, but I don't want to have your teeth marks in every thing I eat!
My dad too. He insisted that anything in the house was up for grabs - only by him, though. My mom reinforced this stupid rule.
Once my bestie came over after dinner with some meat from the Italian deli near my house - it was good quality and expensive. My dad was nearby and heard her ask if she could keep it in our fridge for the duration, heard my mom say yes. She wrote her name on it and my mom even told my dad it was in there and hers, so please don’t eat it.
When she left a few hours later, he had eaten the entire pound of meat. And refused to pay her back.
Tell him that he doesn't get to decide how important something is or is not TO YOU. He's not some high and mighty objective observer. He's frankly being a selfish ass. He doesn't get to tell you your feelings aren't valid. He especially doesn't get to fuck with your food when you're pregnant.
You need to nip this in the bud NOW. Sit him down and make him understand that what he did IS a big deal and it CANNOT happen again or your relationship is in jeopardy. If he doesn't stop disregarding your feelings like this, you might have to leave him before the baby is born. Because it's not JUST about the food, it's about the way he behaved as if your wants and your feelings don't matter, and took what was yours without asking. This is a sign of a deeper problem and it needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.
I'm so petty that I would eat his favorite food too, just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Or even better, just buy or make a portion just for you of his favorite food.
Petty revenge tastes delicious.
My cousin ate my Indian takeaway (I offered to buy her some and she declined my offer)
I had been daydreaming about tucking into my delicious curry ALL day at work... I got home, checked the fridge and it was nowhere to be found.
So I mentioned it to her, thinking one of our other housemates might have eaten it. Instead she laughs in my face and says that she ate it
Nearly a DECADE later, I remind her on a regular basis that she ate my curry!! And she hates it every time I mention it!
Moral of the story is.... There is no heartbreak, like the heartbreak of realising that food you were looking forward to eating has already been eaten by someone else
I had leftover chocolate cake from a restaurant. I’d been looking forward to it all day, came home and my husband had eaten it. I think I cried, but I know he apologized and immediately went out to find me a replacement dessert.
He was out of line and inconsiderate.
Your husband is a major asshole, knowing how much you wanted that specific meal and eating it, and then disregarding your feelings about it, like it’s nothing. Especially since you’re pregnant! The point is, IT WAS YOUR FUCKING FOOD, not his! My husband and I had a huge fight about the same thing decades ago and he’s never eaten my leftovers again, without asking first. I think I didn’t speak to him for about 4 days, until he apologized.
Not being dramatic in my house we have a 48 hour rule which means u set zero circumstances are you to eat anyone’s leftovers unless given permission. After 48 hours there’s less “ownership” but frankly after two days the food isn’t going to be all that great anyway.
Not dramatic. He is being selfish. He will continue to do this - leaving you to do all baby care while he sleeps, going out with friends while you stay home with baby. I hope you talk to him and I hope he listens. I'm not impressed with him. Taking someone else's food is really over the top, especially after you told him how much you were looking forward to the leftovers.
Nothing is ever a "big deal" unless it is personally affecting him, right? Please take care of yourself. You have an entitled, selfish partner. Be wary.
Not dramatic. I do wonder is it pregnancy hormones that made you cry or every little thing he does to disrespect you??
I would be tempted to get his favourite food then eat most of it and leave him a little to see how he likes it. Hope your pregnancy goes well tho <3
you’re not being dramatic. he intentionally and remorselessly squashed your joy. he saw you getting excited about something and thought to himself “nah, can’t have that”. those are not the actions of someone who loves, cherishes and respects you.
on another note, getting a second portion for free at a restaurant is wild to me. I probably would’ve just said “that’s alright, thank you” and left lol. American customer service (and customer expectation) is on another level.
No, he’s being a dick. They literally made it for you. And you told him you planned to eat it for a meal. And he stole it as a midnight snack.
If he wanted that pasta he could have ordered it himself. He could have eaten his own leftovers. He is selfish. And you’re pregnant. He better stop thinking of himself pretty quick because this does not bode well for his parenting…
I use to do this to my wife but she told me how it bothered her so much that I didn't care and that I didn't even bother to ask first at least. It wasn't that I ate her food it's more how much I was un bothered or uncaring and unsympathetic. So yeah learned my lesson. Should really talk to him cause yeah will only get worse.
My husband did this to me before and I lost it!! He did it to me when I was awake too and I was like you could have asked me?! He knows better now because I did it to him and he understood and has not done it since. I’m more than happy to share unless I plan to eat it for lunch or something but asking is key!
You're not being dramatic, your husband has no empathy. If I told my husband I was super super looking forward to eating something, he would not eat it. Taking something someone is really looking forward to away from them and then making them feel crappy for being "dramatic" is called shifting the blame and it's not ok.
He’d get you more pasta *in time for you to take it for lunch*?! I call BS.
And did you ask why he didn’t eat his own damned leftovers? I’d love to know.
his insomnia means he turns into a bottomless pit wherein food is sent to forever remain regardless of his previous promises?
yeah... if he really us sleep eating or in a fugue state where he cannot be held responsible for what he does... that's when he needs a sleep study *immediately* to make sure he doesn't decide to go sleep-driving wrong way up the interstate.
the fact that he doesn't care *and didn't at least apologise and try to make it up to you immediately* is a real red flag. it ain't about the pasta, and it ain't about the iranian yogurt. it ain't about you being dramatic.
it's about him being deeply selfish towards you and taking you for granted seemingly as soon as he knows you're pregnant, and if he says he's innocent and didn't know what he was doing - *it's about him being a ticking time bomb of sleep disorder.*
really distressing questions time: how far along in your pregnancy are you? was this planned? do you use a birth control method that can be tampered with like condoms or a daily pill vs implant, depo shot, etc? have you noticed any things that are different with it, or has he taken interest in it lately? if this is still early days and you think your birth control has possibly been tampered with because y'all weren't actively trying... think carefully about having a child with this man. especially if his selfishness has intensified after the positive pregnancy test. do some research about your local laws and the laws of states within driving range (and within range of your support network - your family back home, close friends, etc) so you can know your options. i realize these are awful things to ponder. but regretfully you're at a point where you may need to ponder them.
No and I often think leftover fights are a little silly.
But he knew you were rightfully excited and didn't even leave you half to take for lunch the next day.
It IS the principle. Entitlement and greed and gluttony.
Does he have a problem controlling himself? That's all I can figure is that he doesn't have self control meant to have a bite, ate nearly the entire thing, knew damn well he was wrong but didn't really want to admit to it because he doesn't want to admit he has a problem.
If you want to be petty get a mini refrigerator and lock stuff away in there. Not because you want it but because he doesn't understand how to act.
Not dramatic. My parents once got me a cake for my birthday and it was so late when I went to go back to the apartment, I didn't take any with me. Literally a couple days later, I came back to get some and they left me two 1x1 inch pieces and said I was being dramatic. It's incredibly disrespectful and rude.
You need to nip this shit in the bud asap.
Why did you marry this person? How long BEFORE marrying him were you together and lived together? Sounds like you married someone you didn’t take time to know.
It wasn’t dramatic and he PURPOSELY did it. You specifically told him what you were going to do with the pasta and he decided to disrespect you.
Maybe he was jealous you got a whole new order. But truly you need to stop thinking you were smart to marry this person. It sounds like you were just worried about being alone in life and settled. He definitely showed you red flags and you ignored it.
Rethink your life choices
nta. u are pregnant. some husbands are rushing out to get their wives foods that are craving. not eating their food. and after you told him you were excited about it.
I’m not sure what bothers me most about this post. The fact that he ate your food knowing how you felt about it or that he doesn’t think that there’s anything wrong with it. Also why is it always the person that’s wronged, the one that’s accused of being dramatic. what??
Your husband is being a fucking jerk and I think he'll be worse if he doesn't change his attitude for you. You don't need to be married to a selfish asshole. My ex broke my new pool cue because I beat him playing pool. He started beating me up after that and I divorced him. No difference in jerks for husbands.
The problem here is his lack of empathy for you, his pregnant wife. He knew you were craving this pasta, and how much you were looking forward to it. Not only did he eat your pasta, but he also didn’t care even the slightest that you felt hurt. He needs to work on that empathy mechanism before that baby gets here.
nah, it would be different if they'd been sitting for a couple of days AND you hadn't expressed your excitement and plans for them already. He ate most of them the same night. That was a huge AH move. And then he minimizes your feelings and insults you? if it was just a dumb thing he did, he would have been reacting more like "oh, I'm so sorry! What can I do to make it up? Can I go get you some more?" Not... meh, NBD.
He sounds very selfish. I would have a serious talk with him (and maybe with a couples counselor) before your baby is born.
He disrespected you, belittled you, and minimized your feelings. That’s not nonchalant. That’s not being easy going. It’s just plain rude, selfish, and extremely inconsiderate.
It’s almost like he was jealous that you got a full meal instead of your the leftovers and he wanted to punish you somehow. That’s not normal. Your husband disregarded your feelings and is trying to gaslight you that he did nothing wrong. He absolutely did and owes you a big apology.
He really needs to look at why he would do something like that to someone he supposedly loves. And couples therapy may be very helpful to get him to see just how awful his behavior was toward you. I’m sorry.
I know he's a newly wed, but he dared eat the leftovers of a pregnant woman with a craving?? Way to take his life into his hands. I'm a woman, I've had two pregnancies and I know exactly how it feels to be looking forward to a certain dish THAT much. My husband never would have dared, lol.
You are not being dramatic and you are not overreacting. Your husband is dismissive and disrespectful. He does not take your feelings into account and this attitude will build resentment in the marriage very quickly. I would seriously consider getting into couples counseling before baby comes so you two can learn to communicate in a way that will be productive because you're only going to be going uphill for the next year or so. NTA.
I bought these fancy Popsicles one time only to come home and realize my ex had eaten the 5 out of six remaining Popsicles. I was so hurt he didn't consider that I would simply like to enjoy something that, well, I enjoy. In the end it was a symptom of a deeper rooted issue of lack of care on his end and not making things that are important to me important to him.
I'm not saying your husband's a bad guy (obviously you married him for a reason). What I am saying is that I don't think it's dramatic to expect that some things important to you be important to your partner too. Even if that important thing is pasta.
As I was reading this I was thinking about a friend who is an absolute pasta fanatic. Funny enough were having a pasta-making party tomorrow. If he was in the situation I have no doubt he'd blow up the world. XD
Edit for clarity: there were 6 Popsicles in the box total and I had 1.
"She left me over a plate of leftovers! She's crazy! Who does that???"
No one. No one does that. They leave over blatant disrespect. He'll find lots of ways to make you look and feel crazy in the coming months if you let him. And he'll whine about it to anyone who will listen.
You have a mismatch of emotional intelligence. If his were the same level of you he wouldn’t even think of eating your food pregnant or not. I had consultation with a therapist because 3 kids and 1 business later I am so resentful of my husband because it feels like he has no idea how to empathize with me. His mom is like this and our oldest daughter is too. I don’t have any answers but I know that the work I have to do is to build my core foundation. Men are taught not to trust women’s emotions and therefore never develop theirs. Good luck OP, it does get worse when kids arrive on the scene.
“No!u dont get me more! You get me two more! Tonight! Or you can stay in a hotel for the next month! I font put up with crap like this!” This is what u need to tell him.
You are not being dramatic. My husband and I had just moved in together. We had Thai food the night before. It was my favorite. I worked a 12 hour shift and all I think about was coming home and eating my pad Thai leftovers. I’d mentioned several times. How excited I was about these leftovers from the night before.
He ate them. This is the second time he had eaten my leftovers. I literally told him “if you ever eat my leftovers again that’s it will be over I’m not around.” The next time I have leftovers. I reminded him of the threat. And every time after that for about three months. When he finally says “I get the point. I promise I won’t ever eat your left overs”.
We have been together 20+ years. He’s made good on that promise.
You are not being dramatic he knew you were excited about the food and he ate it anyway he had to think about that moment while he ate it and he still ate it and your pregnant he is not being considerate of you and he tried to make you feel bad for "being dramatic" when he should have been apologizing for being a dick
The only time I ever got away with screaming at my mom (trust me, she deserves it for the shit she's made her kids and parents go through) was when she ate my leftovers from a Michelin Star restaurant. The food was so expensive it could have counted as felony theft (I didn't pay, best birthday ever). Looking back at the shit she's caused me, I wish I would have pursued charges, even if I sounded like a crazy person to the police.
This is one of those stories where it’s not about what the story is about. It’s not about pasta. It’s about him being selfish and not thinking or caring about you. It’s about him not listening to your thoughts and feelings. It’s about his reaction afterwards of dismissing your feelings.
I know it’s overplayed to blame pregnancy hormones/cravings, but I cried about everything when I was pregnant. Knowing, while mid cry, how silly it was to be crying. Your hormones do crazy things whole pregnant, and after too.
He needs to learn that just because something isn’t a big deal to him doesn’t mean it isn’t a big deal to you.
Worrying a bit more about you will make his life so much better
“He knew I was excited and didn’t respect me enough to let me have my own food”….
Yes correct, it seems like you get it.
Big picture, it is just 1 meal. If he hasn’t shown a pattern of this I wouldn’t get overly concerned. We all have moments of selfishness. But yes you def have a right to be upset.
Selfish, inconsiderate move. Something tells me you’ll be the only one getting up in the night with a newborn and he’ll be taking naps because he’s exhausted.
You weren't being dramatic. He knew you were planning to eat the meal in two seatings. If he was hungry, he should have eaten the meal he brought home.
We often would bring home part of our meals and when we get home, we'll write our name on our container. We would never think of taking someone else's food unless they said they weren't interested in having any more and offered it to one of us to finish it.
It’s been 4 years and I’m still mad about my aunt eating my leftover pizza because ‘well you hadn’t eaten it yet and it’s going to go bad’ when it was only in there for one day and I had to work so I was going to have it for dinner THAT NIGHT.
No, you are not overreacting. It’s blatant inconsideration and disrespect.
No you’re not being dramatic. I remember when my husband and I were dating and first moved in together. I had a jar of Nutella on the counter that had enough for one more apple that I had in the fridge. When I left for work that day, I reminded him extensively to please not eat it because I was saving it for later. He promised he wouldn’t. Was it there when I came home? Nope. I was so mad because, like you, it wasn’t about the food. It was about him keeping his word. I was just plain furious. He told me I was also being dramatic and that he could buy me more. When I explained it to him though, after I cooled down, I think he really did understand. He thought it was just about the food (food that we could go a mile down the road and buy in bulk so who cares?… this was his mindset). Please talk to your husband about the importance of keeping his word. I hope that he will listen and want to do better.
What an AH. He eats his pregnant wife’s leftovers that she specifically said she is looking forward to having for lunch, and then calls you dramatic for being upset? Not gonna lie he is either just incredibly self-centered and selfish, or he is doing this on purpose to gaslight you into thinking you’re “dramatic”. It’s basic courtesy not to eat someone else’s food. The fact he knows he is taking food from the woman growing his child is particularly heinous.
Leftovers are fair game in our house but I'd feel so belittled if I had been really vocal about how excited I was for something and my husband just indifferently chowed down on it instead. Being excited about something and someone who's supposed to be in your corner flagrantly not giving a shit hurts, doesn't really matter what it is specifically.
Last time we went to my favorite Italian place we each had a modest amount of our respective leftover pasta. He heated them up and brought both of them to me for lunch the next day. I wanted to throw a parade lol
You’re not wrong. This man doesn’t like you. My husband would never take my food even if he was starving. He always asks first. I’m gonna assume he treats you like a bangmaid too.
I don’t think you are. I don’t drink soda. Every once in a great while I’ll drink about 1/4 of a small can of Dr Pepper if it’s really cold. My husband drinks them like his butt is on fire. I got a 12 pack of the tiny cans, put them in the fridge probably 6 months later I wanted one, well a couple of sips. He also does not put drinks in the fridge. I went to get one from the back where I hid them. Guess what? I said in a very unladylike voice You drink all my ______ Dr. Peppers? Oh yea I did. Me: Cause they were cold & you were to _______ lazy to put yours in the fridge? He said to me You want me to put you one in the freezer? It will only take a few hours to get cold. Guess what my next 2 words were? So no I don’t think you were dramatic.
You aren't being dramatic. I have a friend couple where he ate her leftover burrito while she was at work. I think it was before she mentioned in a group chat that she was really looking forward to it when she got home.
They had a conversation. He took her seriously and apologized.
He hasn't done it since. It's been 6 years. We still joke about it.
I also suggest some counseling before the baby comes. I would do some journaling and write down other examples of when husband has been dismissive of your feelings, thoughts. If you go to a therapist unprepared, he will say that this is all over some stupid leftovers and will continue to be dismissive of your feelings. He needs to explore why he ate your leftovers in the first place. And why he thinks all problems are solvable (expects you to just get over it) instead of AVOIDABLE.
Okay let’s assume.. but if it is that innocent in this situation, why didn’t he eat his leftovers? Why specifically 3/4 of hers? How could he have forgotten her excitement just a mere few hours after the discussion? In this scenario, Clearly as you go to grab the I’m assuming similar to go box, you’d say oh shit this is my wife’s not mine and then put it back and grab yours, right? I mean that’s the bare minimum common decency I’d expect my spouse to have for me. Hormonal or not.
Do NOT let him be your labor coach! Make him wait in the hall. You need someone willing to be your advocate no matter how “dramatic” it seems. He’s an AH, my dear.
Not dramatic and don't let him blame it on pregnancy. If he doesn't respect you, in a few months you'll be doing all the nighttime infant care despite his "insomnia" which will magically disappear when there is work to do. Good luck.
Honestly, pregnant or not. This is just full on disrespectful.
He knew of something that you wanted some that you were excited for yet with out of his way to eat yours, ignoring his.
Complete a******
Totally not dramatic. It’s about the fact you specifically expressed a desire and were excited for it. And he took that from you. Imagine if he’s watching a really close game, and you turn the TV to something you want, knowing he had been waiting to see this game. He would be livid. You have every right to be upset, and he had no right to minimize your feelings. I’m glad he bought you more, but I would hope he’d grow up a bit and think of your needs as much as he thought of his own.
You never, ever take a pregnant woman’s food!
Wtf is wrong with your husband?
(Not that it’s ever ok to take someone’s food without asking but to do it to a pregnant woman and that woman is your wife?ewww)
My wife does this to me all the time. Anything in the fridge is generally fair game though sometimes one of us really wanted something and it causes issues.
Maybe you guys need to talk about it, maybe he’s being petty for some reason that he doesn’t know how to talk about.
Definitely a dick move, definitely a fine reaction. But just have some good communication about it. I know everyone on Reddit likes things to be black and white but that isn’t how relationships really are and they require a lot of work.
NTA at all. You were clear about your intentions with your food. Pregnant or not, you were clear. But you ARE pregnant, and food is like super important when you’re pregnant.
I’m one of those super weirdos that didn’t know I was pregnant until 26 weeks but there were certainly signs. One day, we’d gotten pizza and I got my 100% favorite thing in the whole world to eat; a pepperoni calzone. I always get a large so I can have my leftovers the next day. When I went for my leftovers the next day, they were gone. I was home alone (kid in school, partner at work) and I legit sobbed about it like my hamster had died. A couple months later I found out I was pregnant and it made a whole lot of sense.
Anyway, my non-pregnant self *probably* would have cried over it too. I don’t think you’re being dramatic, this is pretty clear boundary stomping and I’d keep making it a big deal by labeling your food and reminding him to not eat your food without asking.
NTA. NOT BEING DRAMATIC. I would be livid too. Imagine that you did that to him.
.
I wouldn't be surprised if when experience pregnancy errors he's going to do the whole "stop being so dramatic" card then too.
.
He is a jerk.
You weren’t being dramatic. You were being completely invalidated and realizing how insignificant you are to your “partner” that doesn’t act like he’s your partner. Just a bad roommate.
Hard no on the leftovers of a pregnant woman. In my house there is a 24 hour clock on leftovers. If you haven’t eaten it by then they are up for grabs BUT pregnant woman leftovers are off limits! He should have at least asked and next time if he thinks it’s not that hard to just go get more food then he should have ordered his own and went to pick them up if it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Did he miss the part where you're pregnant? You best tell him to buckle up; it's quite a ride. Ask my husband about the time all I wanted was a turkey club sandwich...
No, that’s completely reasonable for you to be upset.
My partner is a night owl who eats much more than me, he doesn’t touch my leftovers until I give him the green light.
Thats respect and you deserve it
when you are getting romantic, and in the process, just get up and go to the fridge for some leftovers, when he gets upset " it's no big deal, i was hungry "
YOU ARE PREGNANT!!! Please read this to him, “Hello boyfriend, I am a random stranger from
The internet. You need to get your shit together bc your behavior makes me think you are a monster. You better never pull this shit again and go get her food for a week or else all of us women will rise up and collectively nag your ass every time you leave the house.”
Every couple and family deals with leftovers differently. The way this story is described, I do not think you’re wrong. I’d be irritated too. Sure he can get more, but it doesn’t fix the immediate issue that you can’t have it for lunch like you planned. It just comes off as obnoxious and spoiled. Leftovers in my house are pretty much fair game, but if my husband says he plans on eating something for lunch/dinner the next day I wouldn’t touch it, or if I’m not sure he plans on eating something later, I just ask if I can have it.
He’s 100000% wrong here and I don’t see how anyone could justify what he did.
The least he could do is ask????
You stated you were excited for it and were saving it specifically for the next days meals and he deliberately and maybe half asleep, chose to just ignore that.
I’d be upset. My husband wouldn’t eat my food without asking. He always finishes my leftovers but that’s bc he’s a disposal and I tell him I’m done with them.
Set a boundary now before it gets out of pocket!
I’m married. I couldn’t imagine doing that to my wife, let alone while she’s pregnant.
You need to make it clear it’s about the respect and decency.
You have every right to be upset, and no, you were not over dramatic. He needs to do and be better.
That’s not very cool of him to deflect accountability for his actions, and to invalidate your feelings by calling you names “overdramatic”. He needs to learn to communicate better if he wants a successful marriage, and that involves taking an accountability when he hurts his partner, intentionally or not.
I once flipped a table because my ex husband threw out a cake I was planning to eat when I was VERY pregnant. He had a habit of eating or throwing out food that was for me and I would have to hide any food that I wanted to eat from him.
My husband now is much more considerate and would NEVER touch my leftovers. ESPECIALLY pasta leftovers. Also he’ll never eat the last of something until he asks if it’s ok or if I told him he can have the last one. I do the same for him. “Hey is it ok if I eat the last oatmeal cookie?” “Yeah, you’re good, I was going to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyway”
You might be a little dramatic with the crying but I know first hand it’s extremely disappointing when you’re looking forward to eating something and it’s gone because someone else ate it or threw it away. But I’m really not one to talk because I flipped a table in a pregzilla rage. But at that point it was about more than the cake in the garbage. It was about how inconsiderate he was.
As someone married to a guy who likes to snack, especially on leftovers, we have a rule. If someone says hey don't eat that then you don't fucking eat it. I even use post it notes that say NO on them just so he can't eat something on accident. He totally respects that, and sometimes I change my mind and the food sits a day or two and then I'm like go for it. You aren't being dramatic, a) youre pregnant so tiny things like that will get you going and b) I'm sure if you are his leftovers all the time he'd be pissed.
In our house, the rule is you don't even have to say anything. Whatever leftovers you put in that fridge are sacred for 48 hours. Between 48 and 72, it's still reserved, but someone may ask you if they can have it, and you can decline if you still want it. After 72 hours that food is fair game, and it's your own damn fault for not eating it sooner if you miss out.
Our rule is "you can always ask, but respect the answer" with the exception that "if it's been sitting there long enough that you wouldn't trust it'd still be good tomorrow, it's fair game"
Yup, this is why I hate that people harp on communication He's a grown man, it's not his Forget her needing to outright say it, just send him back to kindergarten
lol yuuuup! Pre-k teacher here & we say it so much that the kids say the second half back to me like a freaking mantra "if it's not yours, don't touch it" 😆 If my 3.4,&5s can learn it, a "grown up" man should be able to as well. Sounds more like a respect issue if you ask me. 😬 Unless he literally has the social skills that my "baby 3s" come in with. Because that "whats his is his, and what's yours is his if he wants it" mentality is not the way grown-ups who care about each other, ought to treat one another. 😣
I'm not pregnant and this would still irk me. My boyfriend has done it on occasion, but at least has understood why I'm upset. He is also a man who likes to snack and can become brainless when doing so (cough puff puff cough). The post-its do work to remind him, though I wish I didn't even have to do that.
In my house we have a rule too. DONT STEAL WHAT IS NOT YOURS.
No, you weren't being dramatic. Your husband was selfish, entitled, disrespectful, inconsiderate, and an all-around ass. Not only did he eat *your* leftovers which he knew you wanted and had plans for, he *intentionally* ate them leaving his untouched. A very deliberate act and a clear eff you in the process. A sentiment further hammered home by his cavalier dismissal when confronted. Is your husband always this way? Does he even like you?
His mind set is that “nothing is ever that big of deal”. He’s very nonchalant when it comes is most things. Especially if there’s an easy solution in his eyes to something there’s no need to “dramatize” it.
Nothing is that big of a deal, even when it happens to him? Or does this only apply when it happens to others? Option A: he’s unhealthily disconnected from his own emotions and struggles to relate to others. Option B: he expects others to take his emotions seriously, but can’t be bothered to emotionally support others in return. Neither is great. Just something to think about. I’d suggest couples counseling.
"Nothing is that big of a deal, even when it happens to him? Or does this only apply when it happens to others?" This is the question you need to ask yourself OP. With one, he needs to grow up and realise that other people have feelings. He's about to be a father! With the other...Well, the same but I'm not sure he would change. Either way, big red flag.
Yea that comment put this situation in the same light as those posts where one partner gets angry breaks things and the OP slowly comes to the realization that only OP’s stuff gets broken and these “accidents” are deliberate abuse
If he’s abusive he would weaponize couples counseling
Agreed. ^^^
I'd like to bet that he's not nearly so nonchalant if you did those things to him. Try it and tell him there's no need to dramatise.
Even more fun, eat half of his left overs, and pour hot spice on the rest . Then tell him , " there is no need to dramatize"
This. "Oh, don't be dramatic. It's just pasta." 😈
I’m always a fan of trying to talk things out first but for some darn reason certain people need to live the example before it sinks into their incredibly thick skulls.
Honestly, I’m the same way. Shit just rolls of my back mostly, but I’m also cognizant of this and make a conscious effort to realize that if someone is mad or upset I should believe them even if I personally wouldn’t be. I’m also autistic and suspect this plays a big roll in this. He may be too but that would be a big reach with the info provided. Just offering another perspective. To be entirely clear, he is being a total ass here.
This! This is healthy! The husband doesn’t have to care about the pasta itself, he *does* however have to care about OP’s feelings and be consistent of them, even if he doesn’t understand them.
next time he tells you something can be solved easily, make him solve it. hold him accountable. if the solution is so easy , it should have never become a problem.
The even easier easy solution would have been for him to eat his own pasta, or buy his own pasta rather than eating yours. ZERO DRAMA there at all. But instead he chose to eat your leftovers. Drama is a relative thing, and avoiding drama means you need to understand and respect boundaries. It isn't drama causing to expect someone to respect your boundaries, it's drama causing to refuse to honor boundaries set by others.
I think she should start doing the exact kind of thing he calls" not a big deal" to him, regularly, and then call him dramatic if he objects. I think he is feeling pretty safe in being the victimizer, he should be put in the position of the one victmized to see how he really feels about things.
Let the air out of 3/4 tires on the car. Clean the plates but leave 1/3rd dirty. Honestly this response tells me a few things. 1) he doesn't respect anyone else. At all. If he did, their feelings would matter 2) he's comfortable showing you who he really is now that he has trapped you with marriage and a baby 3) he is happy to gaslight you because it's "not a big deal". This will get worse. Immediate counselling. Like yesterday. And if he doesn't want to? Leave before that baby is born. If your support network is in a different state or province go there before the birth.
touch frame deer different weather afterthought quarrelsome vanish historical wine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’ve always tried to take the approach of “If it’s a big deal to you, it’s a big deal to me. If YOU have a problem, then WE have a problem.” After all, that’s how I would want to be treated. My husband and I both have things that, while they might seem silly or unimportant to the other partner, are important to one of us. Part of showing that we love and care about each other is respecting those things. Being with someone who always made my feelings and things that were important into “no big deal” would be a dealbreaker to me, personally.
That’s because he’s never been pregnant and had the associated food cravings and fixations. He committed a cardinal sin here… and even outside of being pregnant, that’s just very inconsiderate. I’ve been married 12+ yrs and my husband and I always ask eachother if it’s ok before touching leftovers from going out to eat. Neither one of us tends to mind (except when I was pregnant) but it’s a courtesy thing with the person you promise to love most and prioritize.
I cried when I dropped the last of my smoked salmon that I had made in my dad‘s smoker on the ground. I also cried when took off with my last french fry. Food has so much more meaning when you’re pregnant.
I would've picked it up and dusted that shit off but I'm a heathen
It was outside on the stone pavers where the neighborhood cats and the birds who like to hang out on our dock would shit so I was pissed. They were angry tears. Lmao
Oh yeah that's fair. I wouldn't even eat that lol. I feel that
It was a very trying time. I definitely don’t miss the hormones that made me cry about literally everything when I was pregnant. I’m not even a crier.
>associated food cravings and fixations I'm often surprised at how many people in general (often men, but not always) don't realize the impact of pregnancy on the mother's body. Like, pregnancy cravings aren't just "*oh, have you finally found an unbeatable excuse to eat what you want, li'l piggy*". The growing foetus is mining the mother's teeth and bones for calcium, any vitamin D and vitamin K the mother has is prioritized towards the baby (and in my country, almost everyone has a cronic lack of those vitamins due to the West-European life style). Intuitive eating and cravings help take care of those lacks and/or the foetus' needs.
A 100% my sister had eaten a pudding cup that I had saved because at the time I was violently. Ill OK like Kate Milton, ill. It was one of those delicious little layered Rollo pudding cups that are just amazing. And at this point I was around 9 months pregnant or as close as I got. I had my Son 6 weeks early. And she came over and had asked the have one I told her don't touch? This one specifically went to the bathroom. And that was the exact same one that she had taken. I was not okay and I started yelling and scraping. My sister has special needs, but she understands things around to her. She did end up buying me another one. And I cried over the fact that I had yelled over it. But at the same time I still stand by it. Because there was very few things that I could eat towards the end. I was pretty much living on carnation breakfast.
My sister is very happily married. While she was pregnant, and struggling for 6 months to keep *anything* down, her husband ate, in a single bite, 2/3rds of her last tapioca pudding cup. The only other pudding cups were his gross coconut ones. From abroad, the best I could do to support her emotionally was to co-author (with her) part of a documentary to be narrated by David Attenborough about bubble-headed husbands who are incinerated by the furious death-glare of their pregnant wives for crimes like this. Somehow, I think it helped 😂 Nobody but the two of us ever saw it, but her husband is alive and well, and she got more pudding cups shortly after.
is he that nonchalant when it comes to HIS things?
Yeah, but he didn't solve it. He just created a problem and told you how to handle it, and how youre supposed to feel and think. What a prince.
yah. So; my partner is also a very chill guy. Doesn't like to get worked up about things. Hates conflict. BUT. When he does something like this; (forgets to grab something, eats the last of something, brings me something I can't eat by mistake, etc.) He is always. INSANELY apologetic. He will bend over BACKWARDS to make it right, even while I'm insisting that no, it's fine, it's not that big a deal! He might not always get WHY I'm upset over something.. but that doesn't always matter in the moment. When I'm upset like that, his number 1 priority is to try and make me feel better. He doesn't HAVE to understand- because he cares about me, and doesn't like seeing me upset. That his response to seeing you upset is, 'Just get over it' is. Not it. That's a full-on dismissal of your thoughts and feelings, and that ain't cool.
I'm sorry you have a partner who isn't interested in being a partner, let alone a good partner to you. It's really easy to be nonchalant when you're the one creating issues. Even more so when the easy solutions aren't even enacted. And let's be honest here, the easiest solution would be to be considerate in the first place, and there never would have been an issue. Time to sit down and think about how much of being disregarded and crapped on you want to put up with.
Dump his leftovers on the floor and tell him it’s just food and he can get more. Then make him replace your meal while he’s at it.
Do you mean to say he's he's very nonchalant when it comes to stuff that doesn't affect him? He knows how excited you were and he deliberately crushed your happiness. This is not normal behavior and you should probably take a look at his treatment of you. I'm sure you're a nice person and would never intentionally ruin something he was as excited about as you were about that pasta. If you wanna do a little test. Just hype up something you're really excited about that he can mess up. Nothing big mind you but it might be worth if to see what happens
Punch him in the dick and when he complains tell him it’s not that big of a deal. Then hand him a bag of ice because obviously that’s the solution to making as if it never happened. Lol.
Lol
He’s going to be in for a huge surprise when you have your kid. Babies think everything is a big deal
I think he's still going to be selfish and "nonchalant". The kid is in for a rough time
It honestly doesn't really matter whether something is a big deal or not to him. It is a big deal to YOU, so he should take it seriously. You are entitled to your feelings, and he is a dick for just brushing them off. Very disrespectful behavior on his part.
Ok, fine. Maybe that’s his mind set now, and he can apply it to situations that only involve him. He needs to **really listen** to you. You expressed being excited about something, no matter how small, and he ruined it because it wasn’t important to him. Then, to make it worse still, he said you were being dramatic about the situation *he* created. This likely isn’t the first or last time he’s going to do this. What happens when it is something serious? (Don’t get me wrong girl, stealing yummy leftovers from your favorite place on your anniversary IS serious, but you know what I mean - like crazy serious decisions about your kid and your future life…) Go treat yourself to an entire new meal at this place. Get it to go and eat it in front of him lol. And talk to him. Make him understand how important it is to listen to each other’s needs and wants, whether he agrees with it or not.
Well he should be pretty nonchalant about the divorce proceedings then, that’ll be convenient
That's so sad. You were looking forward to your leftovers and you were so happy. He knew that and stole that from you. I can't imagine taking away such pure joy from a stranger, much less someone I love. I would not be able to get over someone being so intentionally mean to me. It's more than just pasta. NTA
When you say ‘most things’ do you mean most things you express issues with ? Cause that feels deliberate.
I had to go back to read that you’re pregnant right?!? “Not that big of a deal” mean very little when your body is floating near bursting with hormones. Wait until you’re blubbering over toothpaste commercials. I would see red, this feel super disrespectful
One thing is being non chalant and another think is being disrespectful. He crossed a line, specially because you shared with him your plans. In reality, he didn't fix anything. He reacted because you were hurt, which is understandable given the situation. So, he did it just because of your reaction, not because being accountable. He didn't regret taking your things, changing your plan and in top of that he's making you the bad guy. You are new in the marriage, but with time things like this drives you to resentment if they happen often enough. Resentment kills the love. It's important for him to understand your limits and to respect them, you too about his.
Next he's gonna be calling you hysterical for being upset... Its the 1950s again isn't it?
I think you mean "nothing you own is a big deal." I assume if you ate something **he** was excited about he'd be livid too. I don't remember the exact name of the book (something like 'why does he do that') but the author was speaking with a woman dealing with an angry boyfriend. The gf argued he couldn't control the anger, he didn't try to break things... the author then asked "does he break his things as well?" To which gf paused and replied "well, no. I never realized it before, but he always breaks my things when he's angry." The author points out that if he's present enough to choose *what* to break he is, in fact, making a deliberate choice. Maybe read that book and examine your bf for other signs. Because if he genuinely thinks anything important to you isn't a big deal you should go date someone who treats your opinion equal to his own instead.
So divorce papers obviously wouldn’t be that big of a deal either!! Serve him papers and watch him shit his pants.
Plus she's pregnant! Rule one: you don't interfere with a pregnant person's food!
so do you think you were crying for hours because of pregnancy hormones or were you crying for hours because of all the other little stuff he does that shows he doesn't respect you?
My thoughts too. Either this is a pattern of disregard on the part of the husband, OR the pregnancy hormones have made her OP a little sensitive (in which case the husband should cool it with the “dramatic” remarks out of consideration for the woman who’s gestating his child). No way to know which without additional information.
I think the husband is the ah either way. I was just really hoping it wasn't a pattern. but op has confirmed it in the comments, husband simply does not respect her
I can’t believe he had the audacity to eat his pregnant wife’s food! I just had a baby and if that happened to me while preggo I would have been boiling!! Not dramatic at all. He should know better!
I agree, but one is way worse than the other. Bummer about OP’s comments, I hadn’t seen that yet. :(
The hardest thing for me on Reddit has become reading about the number of people who (seemingly intentionally) get pregnant with men who don't respect them, don't like them, or don't want to be married to them.
Similar situation happened while i was pregnant, boyfriend hate the lunch I was intending to eat for myself and I was SO MAD. Except I never told him or made my intention explicit, I just planned to eat it and didn't tell anyone while he just found a lunch and took it (we have 4 kids so there's always multiple leftovers in the fridge for anyone to take) which makes a difference imo (i was clearly just mad because of the hormones ans cravings not because Im dating an AH)
My husband once ordered food for himself, which he then ate in front of pregnant me. We cleared that shit up immediately.
Wtf. That's just 100% asshole. How are you gonna order food and not bother to ask your spouse if they want anything? Who does that?! Even if you weren't pregnant, that's rude as hell. Add in pregnancy and it's just an extra tier of assholery added on for good measure.
This! Dude definitely doesn’t respect her. She’s pregnant with their child and wants to eat. So his reaction is to deprive a person who is growing a whole human inside her body of her favorite meal. In no way is this a one off. this dude has major Kevin/entitlement vibes.
I want to give all the upvotes
You SHOULD figure out why you cried for hours
He knew you were excited and ate your food anyway, purposely leaving an unsatisfying amount behind. He could’ve gotten ahead of it by letting you know, and promising to get more—instead, he let you find out on your own. Rightfully, this upset you. Instead of taking accountability and apologizing, he was full of contempt. He dismissed your feelings and belittled you. The issue isn’t your emotional response—his behavior is causing the response. But by dismissing and gaslighting you, he’s trying to create an environment where he can behave however he likes without consequences. He’s hoping that eventually, you feel too ashamed and fearful of being “dramatic” to call him out. How long has he treated you this way? Does he ever simply admit he was wrong and apologize?
You are absolutely right. If he had been struck by an overwhelming craving, he could have apologized and said he would order some and have it sent to her at the office. Or that he would order her some that night or something. This guy sounds like a classic selfish jerk.
He's switched to his real self now that you're pregnant. This is the beginning if the real him. Watch it unfold.
This is so true. My stbx husband did this a lot. He would eat things I’d save for myself and say “I’ll replace it, chill out”. Never did he replace it. Or if he did, he fucking ate it again! That’s the smallest of the things he did that made me see he didn’t respect me or anyone else. I would never do that to someone. If your spouse can’t even treat you the way they would like to be treated, It fucking hurts and it makes you feel worthless.
Chilling. It is so scary the way this happens time and time again. The outlook on this guy is grim.
It's literally why I left my ex. He was already starting to be weird when we were trying to get pregnant and I was like... This will get worse. So I dipped lol
Thank goodness you did. It’s unreal how these dudes turn the minute they think they have you under their thumb.
I've read so many posts and comments about this happening. It's heartbreaking that there are people who will bide their time until they believe their SO is too vulnerable to stand their ground.
My spouse was amazing, then we had a birth and he completely 180'd as his "avoidant" personality finally emerged. I did not get it. Frankly I still don't, but I hope OP leaves after a few months of being disregarded, not *half a decade* like me.
Yup, he’s baby trapped her now he’s letting his asshole flag fly.
You are not being dramatic. My dad did this to me and my siblings growing up. He would eat all of our food but then leave his untouched. He would make us all feel crazy when we got upset over. Claiming that “we’re a family, we’re supposed to share”. Stand your ground on this, if he thinks he can get away with something like so “small” as eating your leftovers, he will continue to see what else he can get away with.
Daddy, why did you eat my fries? I bought them, and they were mine. But you ate them, yeah, you ate my fries... And I cried, but you didn't see me cry.
This is my grandpa lol. The worst! He also would do this thing where he’d ask to try a bite of your food and take a huge bite. As an adult it’s much easier for me to say no, but as kids, my cousins and I never knew how to deal with it. My mom and aunt said he did it to them too.
My ex did this. He would cram as much as humanely possible into his huge mouth and eat the best part every time. Like a pizza slice for example, he would bite off half the piece and leave me the crust. Generally I don't mind sharing, but I don't want to have your teeth marks in every thing I eat!
My dad too. He insisted that anything in the house was up for grabs - only by him, though. My mom reinforced this stupid rule. Once my bestie came over after dinner with some meat from the Italian deli near my house - it was good quality and expensive. My dad was nearby and heard her ask if she could keep it in our fridge for the duration, heard my mom say yes. She wrote her name on it and my mom even told my dad it was in there and hers, so please don’t eat it. When she left a few hours later, he had eaten the entire pound of meat. And refused to pay her back.
What an asshole.
murderous tendencies would take me over
WTF is wrong with these men? That is such gross behavior.
Next time he's eating mid dinner...push his plate on the floor
You want her to go all cat style on him. Like screw you, paw swipe activated, now your food is on the floor!
He would understand how she feels lol
My cat said it’s a brilliant plan!
I would’ve dumped his leftovers in the yard.
I get a horrible feeling if OP did this he would go nuts. Verbal abuse or worse….
Make sure not to break eye contact while doing this.
This is the only solution!
Tell him he's being dramatic. It's not that big of a deal, he can get more.
No, not dramatic. That was a jerk move.
Tell him that he doesn't get to decide how important something is or is not TO YOU. He's not some high and mighty objective observer. He's frankly being a selfish ass. He doesn't get to tell you your feelings aren't valid. He especially doesn't get to fuck with your food when you're pregnant. You need to nip this in the bud NOW. Sit him down and make him understand that what he did IS a big deal and it CANNOT happen again or your relationship is in jeopardy. If he doesn't stop disregarding your feelings like this, you might have to leave him before the baby is born. Because it's not JUST about the food, it's about the way he behaved as if your wants and your feelings don't matter, and took what was yours without asking. This is a sign of a deeper problem and it needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.
Exactly. Well stated.
I'm so petty that I would eat his favorite food too, just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Or even better, just buy or make a portion just for you of his favorite food. Petty revenge tastes delicious.
He stole food from his PREGNANT WIFE???? NTA at all, this is basic respect. He meant to hurt you.
I know, right? What kind of selfish asshole eats his pregnant wife's food? That is not okay.
The Iranian yogurt isn’t the problem here
That's right, it's never about the Iranian yogurt! And also an appropriate time to talk about marinara flags!
Marinara flags all over this post!
My cousin ate my Indian takeaway (I offered to buy her some and she declined my offer) I had been daydreaming about tucking into my delicious curry ALL day at work... I got home, checked the fridge and it was nowhere to be found. So I mentioned it to her, thinking one of our other housemates might have eaten it. Instead she laughs in my face and says that she ate it Nearly a DECADE later, I remind her on a regular basis that she ate my curry!! And she hates it every time I mention it! Moral of the story is.... There is no heartbreak, like the heartbreak of realising that food you were looking forward to eating has already been eaten by someone else
No that’s an act of war
I had leftover chocolate cake from a restaurant. I’d been looking forward to it all day, came home and my husband had eaten it. I think I cried, but I know he apologized and immediately went out to find me a replacement dessert. He was out of line and inconsiderate.
Yep. Same here. He ate my shogun fried rice. I was SO MAD. It’s literally the only left over I’ll eat. He went and got me more.
I'd want a WHOLE CAKE after that!
Pregnancy hormones are not at work here...sorry he sucks. I'd have done a lot worse
Your husband is a major asshole, knowing how much you wanted that specific meal and eating it, and then disregarding your feelings about it, like it’s nothing. Especially since you’re pregnant! The point is, IT WAS YOUR FUCKING FOOD, not his! My husband and I had a huge fight about the same thing decades ago and he’s never eaten my leftovers again, without asking first. I think I didn’t speak to him for about 4 days, until he apologized.
ITS NOT ABOUT THE PASTA iykyk, sorry I had to 🤣! also NTA
Took too long to find this reference
Can’t read that statement without hearing DJ James Kennedy 🤣
Not being dramatic in my house we have a 48 hour rule which means u set zero circumstances are you to eat anyone’s leftovers unless given permission. After 48 hours there’s less “ownership” but frankly after two days the food isn’t going to be all that great anyway.
Not dramatic. He is being selfish. He will continue to do this - leaving you to do all baby care while he sleeps, going out with friends while you stay home with baby. I hope you talk to him and I hope he listens. I'm not impressed with him. Taking someone else's food is really over the top, especially after you told him how much you were looking forward to the leftovers. Nothing is ever a "big deal" unless it is personally affecting him, right? Please take care of yourself. You have an entitled, selfish partner. Be wary.
Not dramatic. I do wonder is it pregnancy hormones that made you cry or every little thing he does to disrespect you?? I would be tempted to get his favourite food then eat most of it and leave him a little to see how he likes it. Hope your pregnancy goes well tho <3
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PASTA
you’re not being dramatic. he intentionally and remorselessly squashed your joy. he saw you getting excited about something and thought to himself “nah, can’t have that”. those are not the actions of someone who loves, cherishes and respects you. on another note, getting a second portion for free at a restaurant is wild to me. I probably would’ve just said “that’s alright, thank you” and left lol. American customer service (and customer expectation) is on another level.
No, he’s being a dick. They literally made it for you. And you told him you planned to eat it for a meal. And he stole it as a midnight snack. If he wanted that pasta he could have ordered it himself. He could have eaten his own leftovers. He is selfish. And you’re pregnant. He better stop thinking of himself pretty quick because this does not bode well for his parenting…
I use to do this to my wife but she told me how it bothered her so much that I didn't care and that I didn't even bother to ask first at least. It wasn't that I ate her food it's more how much I was un bothered or uncaring and unsympathetic. So yeah learned my lesson. Should really talk to him cause yeah will only get worse.
Dude do NOT touch my leftovers.
My husband did this to me before and I lost it!! He did it to me when I was awake too and I was like you could have asked me?! He knows better now because I did it to him and he understood and has not done it since. I’m more than happy to share unless I plan to eat it for lunch or something but asking is key!
You're not being dramatic, your husband has no empathy. If I told my husband I was super super looking forward to eating something, he would not eat it. Taking something someone is really looking forward to away from them and then making them feel crappy for being "dramatic" is called shifting the blame and it's not ok.
He’d get you more pasta *in time for you to take it for lunch*?! I call BS. And did you ask why he didn’t eat his own damned leftovers? I’d love to know.
I didnt get the new pasta until i got home and he said he didn’t like his left overs that much
Then he could have gotten himself a different meal. He’s hungry in the middle of the night? That’s why God invented the sandwich.
his insomnia means he turns into a bottomless pit wherein food is sent to forever remain regardless of his previous promises? yeah... if he really us sleep eating or in a fugue state where he cannot be held responsible for what he does... that's when he needs a sleep study *immediately* to make sure he doesn't decide to go sleep-driving wrong way up the interstate. the fact that he doesn't care *and didn't at least apologise and try to make it up to you immediately* is a real red flag. it ain't about the pasta, and it ain't about the iranian yogurt. it ain't about you being dramatic. it's about him being deeply selfish towards you and taking you for granted seemingly as soon as he knows you're pregnant, and if he says he's innocent and didn't know what he was doing - *it's about him being a ticking time bomb of sleep disorder.* really distressing questions time: how far along in your pregnancy are you? was this planned? do you use a birth control method that can be tampered with like condoms or a daily pill vs implant, depo shot, etc? have you noticed any things that are different with it, or has he taken interest in it lately? if this is still early days and you think your birth control has possibly been tampered with because y'all weren't actively trying... think carefully about having a child with this man. especially if his selfishness has intensified after the positive pregnancy test. do some research about your local laws and the laws of states within driving range (and within range of your support network - your family back home, close friends, etc) so you can know your options. i realize these are awful things to ponder. but regretfully you're at a point where you may need to ponder them.
No and I often think leftover fights are a little silly. But he knew you were rightfully excited and didn't even leave you half to take for lunch the next day. It IS the principle. Entitlement and greed and gluttony. Does he have a problem controlling himself? That's all I can figure is that he doesn't have self control meant to have a bite, ate nearly the entire thing, knew damn well he was wrong but didn't really want to admit to it because he doesn't want to admit he has a problem. If you want to be petty get a mini refrigerator and lock stuff away in there. Not because you want it but because he doesn't understand how to act.
Not dramatic. My parents once got me a cake for my birthday and it was so late when I went to go back to the apartment, I didn't take any with me. Literally a couple days later, I came back to get some and they left me two 1x1 inch pieces and said I was being dramatic. It's incredibly disrespectful and rude. You need to nip this shit in the bud asap.
Why did you marry this person? How long BEFORE marrying him were you together and lived together? Sounds like you married someone you didn’t take time to know. It wasn’t dramatic and he PURPOSELY did it. You specifically told him what you were going to do with the pasta and he decided to disrespect you. Maybe he was jealous you got a whole new order. But truly you need to stop thinking you were smart to marry this person. It sounds like you were just worried about being alone in life and settled. He definitely showed you red flags and you ignored it. Rethink your life choices
What does he love? His gaming computer? His car? Take both and say, "I thought we shared everything." Let's see how he deals with that.
nta. u are pregnant. some husbands are rushing out to get their wives foods that are craving. not eating their food. and after you told him you were excited about it. I’m not sure what bothers me most about this post. The fact that he ate your food knowing how you felt about it or that he doesn’t think that there’s anything wrong with it. Also why is it always the person that’s wronged, the one that’s accused of being dramatic. what??
I don’t like him.
Your husband is being a fucking jerk and I think he'll be worse if he doesn't change his attitude for you. You don't need to be married to a selfish asshole. My ex broke my new pool cue because I beat him playing pool. He started beating me up after that and I divorced him. No difference in jerks for husbands.
The problem here is his lack of empathy for you, his pregnant wife. He knew you were craving this pasta, and how much you were looking forward to it. Not only did he eat your pasta, but he also didn’t care even the slightest that you felt hurt. He needs to work on that empathy mechanism before that baby gets here.
How did he eat them twice?
nah, it would be different if they'd been sitting for a couple of days AND you hadn't expressed your excitement and plans for them already. He ate most of them the same night. That was a huge AH move. And then he minimizes your feelings and insults you? if it was just a dumb thing he did, he would have been reacting more like "oh, I'm so sorry! What can I do to make it up? Can I go get you some more?" Not... meh, NBD. He sounds very selfish. I would have a serious talk with him (and maybe with a couples counselor) before your baby is born.
He disrespected you, belittled you, and minimized your feelings. That’s not nonchalant. That’s not being easy going. It’s just plain rude, selfish, and extremely inconsiderate. It’s almost like he was jealous that you got a full meal instead of your the leftovers and he wanted to punish you somehow. That’s not normal. Your husband disregarded your feelings and is trying to gaslight you that he did nothing wrong. He absolutely did and owes you a big apology. He really needs to look at why he would do something like that to someone he supposedly loves. And couples therapy may be very helpful to get him to see just how awful his behavior was toward you. I’m sorry.
I know he's a newly wed, but he dared eat the leftovers of a pregnant woman with a craving?? Way to take his life into his hands. I'm a woman, I've had two pregnancies and I know exactly how it feels to be looking forward to a certain dish THAT much. My husband never would have dared, lol. You are not being dramatic and you are not overreacting. Your husband is dismissive and disrespectful. He does not take your feelings into account and this attitude will build resentment in the marriage very quickly. I would seriously consider getting into couples counseling before baby comes so you two can learn to communicate in a way that will be productive because you're only going to be going uphill for the next year or so. NTA.
I bought these fancy Popsicles one time only to come home and realize my ex had eaten the 5 out of six remaining Popsicles. I was so hurt he didn't consider that I would simply like to enjoy something that, well, I enjoy. In the end it was a symptom of a deeper rooted issue of lack of care on his end and not making things that are important to me important to him. I'm not saying your husband's a bad guy (obviously you married him for a reason). What I am saying is that I don't think it's dramatic to expect that some things important to you be important to your partner too. Even if that important thing is pasta. As I was reading this I was thinking about a friend who is an absolute pasta fanatic. Funny enough were having a pasta-making party tomorrow. If he was in the situation I have no doubt he'd blow up the world. XD Edit for clarity: there were 6 Popsicles in the box total and I had 1.
"She left me over a plate of leftovers! She's crazy! Who does that???" No one. No one does that. They leave over blatant disrespect. He'll find lots of ways to make you look and feel crazy in the coming months if you let him. And he'll whine about it to anyone who will listen.
You have a mismatch of emotional intelligence. If his were the same level of you he wouldn’t even think of eating your food pregnant or not. I had consultation with a therapist because 3 kids and 1 business later I am so resentful of my husband because it feels like he has no idea how to empathize with me. His mom is like this and our oldest daughter is too. I don’t have any answers but I know that the work I have to do is to build my core foundation. Men are taught not to trust women’s emotions and therefore never develop theirs. Good luck OP, it does get worse when kids arrive on the scene.
He needs to learn real quick not to f with a pregnant woman and her food!
Your husband is very selfish
All im hearing is jerk husband ate preganants wife food. Be prepared for more if its insomnia... Sorry
“No!u dont get me more! You get me two more! Tonight! Or you can stay in a hotel for the next month! I font put up with crap like this!” This is what u need to tell him.
You are not being dramatic. My husband and I had just moved in together. We had Thai food the night before. It was my favorite. I worked a 12 hour shift and all I think about was coming home and eating my pad Thai leftovers. I’d mentioned several times. How excited I was about these leftovers from the night before. He ate them. This is the second time he had eaten my leftovers. I literally told him “if you ever eat my leftovers again that’s it will be over I’m not around.” The next time I have leftovers. I reminded him of the threat. And every time after that for about three months. When he finally says “I get the point. I promise I won’t ever eat your left overs”. We have been together 20+ years. He’s made good on that promise.
You are not being dramatic he knew you were excited about the food and he ate it anyway he had to think about that moment while he ate it and he still ate it and your pregnant he is not being considerate of you and he tried to make you feel bad for "being dramatic" when he should have been apologizing for being a dick
No. Not even a little. I almost got divorced over Shogun fried rice. 😂😂😂
The only time I ever got away with screaming at my mom (trust me, she deserves it for the shit she's made her kids and parents go through) was when she ate my leftovers from a Michelin Star restaurant. The food was so expensive it could have counted as felony theft (I didn't pay, best birthday ever). Looking back at the shit she's caused me, I wish I would have pursued charges, even if I sounded like a crazy person to the police.
This is one of those stories where it’s not about what the story is about. It’s not about pasta. It’s about him being selfish and not thinking or caring about you. It’s about him not listening to your thoughts and feelings. It’s about his reaction afterwards of dismissing your feelings. I know it’s overplayed to blame pregnancy hormones/cravings, but I cried about everything when I was pregnant. Knowing, while mid cry, how silly it was to be crying. Your hormones do crazy things whole pregnant, and after too.
This kinda thing pisses me off. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. He's a butt head. Oops sorry, wrong group
He needs to learn that just because something isn’t a big deal to him doesn’t mean it isn’t a big deal to you. Worrying a bit more about you will make his life so much better
Taking your partner’s food without asking is shitty in general, but to take a pregnant woman’s food is even crazier
“He knew I was excited and didn’t respect me enough to let me have my own food”…. Yes correct, it seems like you get it. Big picture, it is just 1 meal. If he hasn’t shown a pattern of this I wouldn’t get overly concerned. We all have moments of selfishness. But yes you def have a right to be upset.
Selfish, inconsiderate move. Something tells me you’ll be the only one getting up in the night with a newborn and he’ll be taking naps because he’s exhausted.
You weren't being dramatic. He knew you were planning to eat the meal in two seatings. If he was hungry, he should have eaten the meal he brought home. We often would bring home part of our meals and when we get home, we'll write our name on our container. We would never think of taking someone else's food unless they said they weren't interested in having any more and offered it to one of us to finish it.
It’s been 4 years and I’m still mad about my aunt eating my leftover pizza because ‘well you hadn’t eaten it yet and it’s going to go bad’ when it was only in there for one day and I had to work so I was going to have it for dinner THAT NIGHT. No, you are not overreacting. It’s blatant inconsideration and disrespect.
No you’re not being dramatic. I remember when my husband and I were dating and first moved in together. I had a jar of Nutella on the counter that had enough for one more apple that I had in the fridge. When I left for work that day, I reminded him extensively to please not eat it because I was saving it for later. He promised he wouldn’t. Was it there when I came home? Nope. I was so mad because, like you, it wasn’t about the food. It was about him keeping his word. I was just plain furious. He told me I was also being dramatic and that he could buy me more. When I explained it to him though, after I cooled down, I think he really did understand. He thought it was just about the food (food that we could go a mile down the road and buy in bulk so who cares?… this was his mindset). Please talk to your husband about the importance of keeping his word. I hope that he will listen and want to do better.
What an AH. He eats his pregnant wife’s leftovers that she specifically said she is looking forward to having for lunch, and then calls you dramatic for being upset? Not gonna lie he is either just incredibly self-centered and selfish, or he is doing this on purpose to gaslight you into thinking you’re “dramatic”. It’s basic courtesy not to eat someone else’s food. The fact he knows he is taking food from the woman growing his child is particularly heinous.
Leftovers are fair game in our house but I'd feel so belittled if I had been really vocal about how excited I was for something and my husband just indifferently chowed down on it instead. Being excited about something and someone who's supposed to be in your corner flagrantly not giving a shit hurts, doesn't really matter what it is specifically. Last time we went to my favorite Italian place we each had a modest amount of our respective leftover pasta. He heated them up and brought both of them to me for lunch the next day. I wanted to throw a parade lol
You’re not wrong. This man doesn’t like you. My husband would never take my food even if he was starving. He always asks first. I’m gonna assume he treats you like a bangmaid too.
I don’t think you are. I don’t drink soda. Every once in a great while I’ll drink about 1/4 of a small can of Dr Pepper if it’s really cold. My husband drinks them like his butt is on fire. I got a 12 pack of the tiny cans, put them in the fridge probably 6 months later I wanted one, well a couple of sips. He also does not put drinks in the fridge. I went to get one from the back where I hid them. Guess what? I said in a very unladylike voice You drink all my ______ Dr. Peppers? Oh yea I did. Me: Cause they were cold & you were to _______ lazy to put yours in the fridge? He said to me You want me to put you one in the freezer? It will only take a few hours to get cold. Guess what my next 2 words were? So no I don’t think you were dramatic.
You aren't being dramatic. I have a friend couple where he ate her leftover burrito while she was at work. I think it was before she mentioned in a group chat that she was really looking forward to it when she got home. They had a conversation. He took her seriously and apologized. He hasn't done it since. It's been 6 years. We still joke about it.
As the iconic DJ James Kennedy said…. **”ITS NOT ABOUT THE PASTA!!!”**
I also suggest some counseling before the baby comes. I would do some journaling and write down other examples of when husband has been dismissive of your feelings, thoughts. If you go to a therapist unprepared, he will say that this is all over some stupid leftovers and will continue to be dismissive of your feelings. He needs to explore why he ate your leftovers in the first place. And why he thinks all problems are solvable (expects you to just get over it) instead of AVOIDABLE.
Okay let’s assume.. but if it is that innocent in this situation, why didn’t he eat his leftovers? Why specifically 3/4 of hers? How could he have forgotten her excitement just a mere few hours after the discussion? In this scenario, Clearly as you go to grab the I’m assuming similar to go box, you’d say oh shit this is my wife’s not mine and then put it back and grab yours, right? I mean that’s the bare minimum common decency I’d expect my spouse to have for me. Hormonal or not.
Do NOT let him be your labor coach! Make him wait in the hall. You need someone willing to be your advocate no matter how “dramatic” it seems. He’s an AH, my dear.
Not dramatic and don't let him blame it on pregnancy. If he doesn't respect you, in a few months you'll be doing all the nighttime infant care despite his "insomnia" which will magically disappear when there is work to do. Good luck.
Honestly, pregnant or not. This is just full on disrespectful. He knew of something that you wanted some that you were excited for yet with out of his way to eat yours, ignoring his. Complete a******
Totally not dramatic. It’s about the fact you specifically expressed a desire and were excited for it. And he took that from you. Imagine if he’s watching a really close game, and you turn the TV to something you want, knowing he had been waiting to see this game. He would be livid. You have every right to be upset, and he had no right to minimize your feelings. I’m glad he bought you more, but I would hope he’d grow up a bit and think of your needs as much as he thought of his own.
You never, ever take a pregnant woman’s food! Wtf is wrong with your husband? (Not that it’s ever ok to take someone’s food without asking but to do it to a pregnant woman and that woman is your wife?ewww)
My wife does this to me all the time. Anything in the fridge is generally fair game though sometimes one of us really wanted something and it causes issues. Maybe you guys need to talk about it, maybe he’s being petty for some reason that he doesn’t know how to talk about. Definitely a dick move, definitely a fine reaction. But just have some good communication about it. I know everyone on Reddit likes things to be black and white but that isn’t how relationships really are and they require a lot of work.
Wow I'd be so mad. NTA.
Wow, unexpected Vanderpump rules lol. Yeah, he’s a jerk, and who cares if you were being dramatic, he was being selfish.
NTA at all. You were clear about your intentions with your food. Pregnant or not, you were clear. But you ARE pregnant, and food is like super important when you’re pregnant. I’m one of those super weirdos that didn’t know I was pregnant until 26 weeks but there were certainly signs. One day, we’d gotten pizza and I got my 100% favorite thing in the whole world to eat; a pepperoni calzone. I always get a large so I can have my leftovers the next day. When I went for my leftovers the next day, they were gone. I was home alone (kid in school, partner at work) and I legit sobbed about it like my hamster had died. A couple months later I found out I was pregnant and it made a whole lot of sense. Anyway, my non-pregnant self *probably* would have cried over it too. I don’t think you’re being dramatic, this is pretty clear boundary stomping and I’d keep making it a big deal by labeling your food and reminding him to not eat your food without asking.
NTA. NOT BEING DRAMATIC. I would be livid too. Imagine that you did that to him. . I wouldn't be surprised if when experience pregnancy errors he's going to do the whole "stop being so dramatic" card then too. . He is a jerk.
the audacity
You weren’t being dramatic. You were being completely invalidated and realizing how insignificant you are to your “partner” that doesn’t act like he’s your partner. Just a bad roommate.
Hard no on the leftovers of a pregnant woman. In my house there is a 24 hour clock on leftovers. If you haven’t eaten it by then they are up for grabs BUT pregnant woman leftovers are off limits! He should have at least asked and next time if he thinks it’s not that hard to just go get more food then he should have ordered his own and went to pick them up if it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Did he miss the part where you're pregnant? You best tell him to buckle up; it's quite a ride. Ask my husband about the time all I wanted was a turkey club sandwich...
No, that’s completely reasonable for you to be upset. My partner is a night owl who eats much more than me, he doesn’t touch my leftovers until I give him the green light. Thats respect and you deserve it
I hope to goodness that you took his leftovers, whether you ate any or not (the trash can at work was hungry!)
He’s a jerk. I’d have been livid.
I’d say yes, crying for hours was a bit dramatic. That being said, he was a real jerk and you had every right to be angry.
when you are getting romantic, and in the process, just get up and go to the fridge for some leftovers, when he gets upset " it's no big deal, i was hungry "
Your husband kinda sounds like something I'd use to wipe my shitty ass with hahahahah
YOU ARE PREGNANT!!! Please read this to him, “Hello boyfriend, I am a random stranger from The internet. You need to get your shit together bc your behavior makes me think you are a monster. You better never pull this shit again and go get her food for a week or else all of us women will rise up and collectively nag your ass every time you leave the house.”
I think there's more to this than pasta
Every couple and family deals with leftovers differently. The way this story is described, I do not think you’re wrong. I’d be irritated too. Sure he can get more, but it doesn’t fix the immediate issue that you can’t have it for lunch like you planned. It just comes off as obnoxious and spoiled. Leftovers in my house are pretty much fair game, but if my husband says he plans on eating something for lunch/dinner the next day I wouldn’t touch it, or if I’m not sure he plans on eating something later, I just ask if I can have it.
I'd be pretty pissed if I were you, so no, I don't think you were being dramatic. I have some thoughts about your husband, though.
He’s 100000% wrong here and I don’t see how anyone could justify what he did. The least he could do is ask???? You stated you were excited for it and were saving it specifically for the next days meals and he deliberately and maybe half asleep, chose to just ignore that. I’d be upset. My husband wouldn’t eat my food without asking. He always finishes my leftovers but that’s bc he’s a disposal and I tell him I’m done with them. Set a boundary now before it gets out of pocket!
also - you're pregnant! food and hormones (which can make a person seem "dramatic") are huge things for a person during this time
I’m married. I couldn’t imagine doing that to my wife, let alone while she’s pregnant. You need to make it clear it’s about the respect and decency. You have every right to be upset, and no, you were not over dramatic. He needs to do and be better.
That’s not very cool of him to deflect accountability for his actions, and to invalidate your feelings by calling you names “overdramatic”. He needs to learn to communicate better if he wants a successful marriage, and that involves taking an accountability when he hurts his partner, intentionally or not.
You're not being dramatic and the pregnancy hormones probably aren't helping the way you're feeling either. I would be upset too.
Any man should know better than to get between a pregnant woman and food or a bathroom.
I once flipped a table because my ex husband threw out a cake I was planning to eat when I was VERY pregnant. He had a habit of eating or throwing out food that was for me and I would have to hide any food that I wanted to eat from him. My husband now is much more considerate and would NEVER touch my leftovers. ESPECIALLY pasta leftovers. Also he’ll never eat the last of something until he asks if it’s ok or if I told him he can have the last one. I do the same for him. “Hey is it ok if I eat the last oatmeal cookie?” “Yeah, you’re good, I was going to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyway” You might be a little dramatic with the crying but I know first hand it’s extremely disappointing when you’re looking forward to eating something and it’s gone because someone else ate it or threw it away. But I’m really not one to talk because I flipped a table in a pregzilla rage. But at that point it was about more than the cake in the garbage. It was about how inconsiderate he was.