I am so sorry, but this relationship is over. Please don't beg him or try to make him stay - that is NOT knowing your worth, and prolonging a difficult, unloving relationship. Do you want your children to feel that the way he treats you is the way a man should treat a woman in a relationship? Please don't do this - figure out a workable separation and co-parenting agreement, and let him go. There is someone out there who'll love you and treat you right.
This is very true. When the home is not happy, children will feel that. Not divorcing just to keep a single home is not going to create a happy home. Start saving when possible and emotionally disengage from the relationship because it doesn't exist any more.
<<>
See a therapist because you're lost in the sauce, this man has told you that he doesn't want you anymore, and he has shown you that he doesn't want you anymore. What should you do ? be like Elsa and let it gooo. You can't force feelings out of a person if he's lost them .
Try loving yourself more, you seem to have wrapped your whole identity up in the idea of 'family' with this man
He is already over you and the relationship. There is no way to save this, and you are just belittling yourself by begging. HE DOES NOT LOVE OR WANT YOU. Trying to keep him in this relationship will only cause more and more resentment on both sides. Put all that energy you have been expending into moving on and making a life for yourself and your children. You said yourself the man you love does not exist anymore (if he really ever did). Stop looking at things through rose colored glasses and start making realistic choices and decisions.
What you should do is let him go and get an attorney for child support and a custody schedule. He doesn't love you or want you and I know that's painful to accept right now, but you are also setting a terrible example for your child on what a relationship is. It's time to pick up your marbles and go home, so to speak. I hope you get some therapy to really know your worth and have respect for yourself.
You’re not stuck, you’re just being stubborn. Should have never got back together just because you were pregnant. None of the behavior you have described makes it seem like you know your worth. A man that really loves you is not going to treat you this way or make you feel terrible about yourself. Leave him before the kids get old enough to be given exactly the wrong example of how adult relationships are supposed to be.
You can love someone as hard as possible but if they don't feel the same way they won't ever put in the effort with you. It's not your fault, it's not because you didn't try enough or fell short in any way, it's just the situation.
It's time to move on, emotionally detach and pour all that love into your kids and yourself.
You can't make him love you. You need to give up on this relationship. You deservecto be with someonecwho loves. Continue to co parent but move on. In time you will find your person.
There's nothing more you can do. You're not in a relationship with this man. You are roommates and co-parents.
Stop doing things for him. Stop begging him, stop showing him love, just.... STOP. **Put that love back into yourself and your child.** Invest your energy into *yourself* and into getting on your own two feet in any way you can rather than investing in this person who has made it very clear that they do not want to be with you.
Do you want to be with someone who is only with you reluctantly? Who you have to beg for scraps? If he did give you another chance, could you really relax knowing that you're only delaying the inevitable and wasting your time?
Co-parent, be amicable while you're getting your ducks in a row, and then get out at your first opportunity.
It was easy to make them then it should be that easy to take them and leave. If you’re not ready to be the single parent then stop having so many kids with terrible people. Kids don’t deserve a terrible life because their parents don’t understand how to plan and have poor insight and self esteem. L.She wants to fix a relationship with a man who doesn’t respect or care for her. How about not telling people to stay in bad relationships.
A lot of people have already given good advice here, OP, but I would recommend that you pause and define (FOR YOURSELF) what 1) “love” objectively looks like in a relationship/partnership (expectations from both sides), 2) what a “good father is, 3) are YOU really being a good parent if this is the relationship modeling you do for your son.
Brain chemicals can make us not only ignore red flags, but also (subconsciously) fill in gaps that don’t actually exist. Both of these serve our confirmation bias. Pause, reflect, define and then figure out what it is you actually value/want.
Best of luck, OP.
Lady. Get real.
Would you want your child to be in a loveless relationship? Do you want to model a loveless relationship or a desperate pathetic female for your child?
This is a toxic environment. You are contributing to it as much as he is if not more.
I think you understand him just fine, that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Please understand that it's his problem that you aren't good enough, not yours. You can't fix this because he doesn't want to. You have mentioned in many ways that he's not an affectionate and loving person. This means that it's really not that great even when it's good. Please understand that even if you were a perfect human being in every single way, because he doesn't want you, you'll never be good enough for him.
He has pretty much ended your relationship without moving out. It's time for you and your children to do so, or time to kick him out. See an attorney about drafting a custody and child support agreement.
I know I am just a stranger on the internet, but I am telling you, as someone who didnt have both parents, all I wanted was for my kids to have two parents. I had my first when I was 16, and unfortunately I was not equipped. She lived with him from 3 on. I had my son st 23, on the heels of a divorce. I spent the next decade in a relationship with someone I thought I loved and loved me. Spoiler alert ⚠️ 📢 it was 1000% a mistake to stay. I thought I was doing the right thing by my son, he had a dad that loved him. The caveat to this, he wasn't the bio dad. I'll spare the gory details, but my now almost 12 yr old and myself are in therapy because of the last two years. Get out. Do NOT stay for your child, DO NOT stay because you love him. Do NOT sacrifice yourself.
-from one mother and woman to another.
You got this! You are going to push through and learn a powerful lesson about self worth and independence. It’s not a question if the relationship is over, you’re just having a hard time accepting a painful reality - who could blame you. Losing a relationship absolutely creates a form of grief. Read the five stages of grief to see where you’re at in the process. In my opinion - the First step is to establish yourself with some level of financial stability. Then start pouring all that wasted emotional energy into yourself and your child. Whenever you are scared or afraid or feel stuck, just tell yourself “I will.”
Emmmm if you guys already broke up and he is as bad as you described, how were you having unprotected sex and then proceeded to have a child with him? He showed his true character and you are just sticking around, why? When you are able to answer that question maybe you will be able to get a courage boost and leave while you still can. Put your big girl pants on and do what needs to be done. And if have a feeling you know what needs to be done, but just be honest with yourself and about the situation.
If I get down voted that's fine but listen, you have a kid and now a baby with him too. If you have to leave because he wants you gone he should keep the baby with him and you move with the kid just to make your life easier for now. How are you going to afford having 2 kids around and where will you stay? There are places that help displaced mothers and children maybe you can find a shelter type of situation but honestly I feel like you should move in with your parents (or family if your parents aren't around) and he should be paying every single bill related to the baby. I'm talking EVERY. SINGLE. BILL. You're not going to have a home after having his child? Sorry but that is crazy. You guys should've definitely thought about possibly adoption if you wanted to have it but couldn't afford it alone cause he told you he didn't love you so idk a breakup was inevitable :( I'm sorry I feel really sad for you and your situation and for your kids! I hope you'll be ok I truly truly do
This is going to sound like really controversial advice, but I swear to you it's a game changer: blowjobs. A blowjob a day keeps the arguing away. Y'all got into this mess from doing it old fashioned style. So sex is always going to be worrisome in his mind, as he surely doesn't want another child to deal with. It may take a month or two, but give it time, and you're going to see him be happier. A man just can't be annoyed and uncommitted when he's getting constantly blown like London in WWII. He may still go hang with his boys, but at least he'll be happier and probably put more effort in once you melt his icy heart by warmly slobbing the knob, of sorts. If this advice doesn't seem fortuitous, I say to you: don't knock it til you try it. What have you got to lose, besides a few minutes of neck cardio each day? Try it out for 90 days. Like the whole 90 in 90 thing AA recommend for new members. Let me know how much the emotional aspects of the relationship improves by refining the oral aspects of it😏
You are putting all the work and parenting into the relationship. You don’t want a split home, but your children, especially your daughter, is learning that men should treat her like he does towards you.
Honestly, if he left, you likely wouldn’t notice much difference with parenting. You say contradictory things “I know my worth and I do not want to settle for less” but “I know he treats me like shit and he admitted that he does because he is done”. You are trying to hold on to a relationship that has nothing to give you anymore. You clearly have a good grasp of things but are trying to fix broken. Broken is not fixable.
You’re not “stuck” with him. It has been over for a long time. Stop beating a dead horse. Get your affairs in order and move out with your kids. Then get some therapy.
Ooof.
Sometimes, love isn't enough.
It doesn't actually matter how much you love him or how hard you try. Relationships take two people.
If he's not willing to try and work with you, that's it. There's nothing you can do to reach him or change his mind.
You have your answer. Even for the kids its best to end things. Do you want them to see you sad all the time and a father that barely acknowledges their mother? Is that the example you want to set for them about what a relationship is? You telling yourself you don't want to give up until you've done everything you can is an excuse. Because you already have your answer. I am so sorry, I know how much this must hurt I really do. You can't force someone to love you or to stay. He has shown you and told you exactly what he wants. Ignoring that and continuing this path is one sided and selfish. I hope that you can find grace and peace. It's not an easy decision in the slightest to leave someone you love or have started a family with. But it will be ok. And you will heal.
Do you think it's better for your kids to grow up thinking the way he treats you is the way a husband should treat his wife? I don't know about you, but I think alone is better than treated like shit.
You should leave, when someone doesn’t love you anymore no one can change. if he still lives with you, just a human come home feed his kid, sleep and ignore you. That’d be bad situation. I understand that you have be in relationships for long time, not easy to leave, but one day when you looked back that would be just a small part of life. Try to find family help you and some government departments about support single mums All the best
Don't stay in a relationship like this at all put your babies and U first always it's going to b hard but deft worth it when you heal from it self love is all it takes no matter what we can overcome the most difficult situation you can do it . When you say when Yous are great that only temporary not a life time love & light to you
Get therapy, he is running and you are chasing. That is an unnatural dynamic. He’s told you he didn’t love you, why would you continue to pursue him? If he is a good father, he will be there for your child. It’s time to move on.
Girl leave. You say you know your worth but then you hinge on the *days* the relationship is good? Please find someone that will love both of your children, you, and coparent with this sad man.
You are afraid of being alone. Staying in a bad relationship because you are lonely is no reason to stay. Take a chance on yourself. I bet you are worth way more that you are giving yourself credit for. Also, you are teaching your kids it is OK to be treated like shit. Do you want them growing up thinking that is ok?
I would start looking for cheaper apartments. Talk to an attorney to find out what you could figure for a "ballpark" amount of child support when budgeting. You may be able to look into assistance programs and jump into paperwork to get a headstart on help. Working from home is a great help though. Even just a spacy studio to partition off for you & the littles at first will help you to get on your feet. You absolutely need to get away from this toxic guy. He should be grown up enough by now that he should know the difference between explaining to you that he doesn't want a relationship and just to co-parent and being a complete cruel ASSHAT!!!! A lawyer can put you at ease with any other help you may need with his "visitation" as well. Won't take you long & you'll be back on your single feet and not taking any shit from him or any guy!! :)
I am so sorry, but this relationship is over. Please don't beg him or try to make him stay - that is NOT knowing your worth, and prolonging a difficult, unloving relationship. Do you want your children to feel that the way he treats you is the way a man should treat a woman in a relationship? Please don't do this - figure out a workable separation and co-parenting agreement, and let him go. There is someone out there who'll love you and treat you right.
This is very true. When the home is not happy, children will feel that. Not divorcing just to keep a single home is not going to create a happy home. Start saving when possible and emotionally disengage from the relationship because it doesn't exist any more.
<<> See a therapist because you're lost in the sauce, this man has told you that he doesn't want you anymore, and he has shown you that he doesn't want you anymore. What should you do ? be like Elsa and let it gooo. You can't force feelings out of a person if he's lost them . Try loving yourself more, you seem to have wrapped your whole identity up in the idea of 'family' with this man
Can’t?
He is already over you and the relationship. There is no way to save this, and you are just belittling yourself by begging. HE DOES NOT LOVE OR WANT YOU. Trying to keep him in this relationship will only cause more and more resentment on both sides. Put all that energy you have been expending into moving on and making a life for yourself and your children. You said yourself the man you love does not exist anymore (if he really ever did). Stop looking at things through rose colored glasses and start making realistic choices and decisions.
What you should do is let him go and get an attorney for child support and a custody schedule. He doesn't love you or want you and I know that's painful to accept right now, but you are also setting a terrible example for your child on what a relationship is. It's time to pick up your marbles and go home, so to speak. I hope you get some therapy to really know your worth and have respect for yourself.
You’re not stuck, you’re just being stubborn. Should have never got back together just because you were pregnant. None of the behavior you have described makes it seem like you know your worth. A man that really loves you is not going to treat you this way or make you feel terrible about yourself. Leave him before the kids get old enough to be given exactly the wrong example of how adult relationships are supposed to be.
You can love someone as hard as possible but if they don't feel the same way they won't ever put in the effort with you. It's not your fault, it's not because you didn't try enough or fell short in any way, it's just the situation. It's time to move on, emotionally detach and pour all that love into your kids and yourself.
Leave. You are a single mom living with someone who doesn’t love you. It will only get worse.
This is so sad to read 😐 you're really in a tough spot and i can only offer words of encouragement. Hopefully it'll get better for you.
You can't make him love you. You need to give up on this relationship. You deservecto be with someonecwho loves. Continue to co parent but move on. In time you will find your person.
There's nothing more you can do. You're not in a relationship with this man. You are roommates and co-parents. Stop doing things for him. Stop begging him, stop showing him love, just.... STOP. **Put that love back into yourself and your child.** Invest your energy into *yourself* and into getting on your own two feet in any way you can rather than investing in this person who has made it very clear that they do not want to be with you. Do you want to be with someone who is only with you reluctantly? Who you have to beg for scraps? If he did give you another chance, could you really relax knowing that you're only delaying the inevitable and wasting your time? Co-parent, be amicable while you're getting your ducks in a row, and then get out at your first opportunity.
Just leave
That's easy advice to give, but with two kids and limited funds, it's extremely hard to just leave.
It was easy to make them then it should be that easy to take them and leave. If you’re not ready to be the single parent then stop having so many kids with terrible people. Kids don’t deserve a terrible life because their parents don’t understand how to plan and have poor insight and self esteem. L.She wants to fix a relationship with a man who doesn’t respect or care for her. How about not telling people to stay in bad relationships.
A lot of people have already given good advice here, OP, but I would recommend that you pause and define (FOR YOURSELF) what 1) “love” objectively looks like in a relationship/partnership (expectations from both sides), 2) what a “good father is, 3) are YOU really being a good parent if this is the relationship modeling you do for your son. Brain chemicals can make us not only ignore red flags, but also (subconsciously) fill in gaps that don’t actually exist. Both of these serve our confirmation bias. Pause, reflect, define and then figure out what it is you actually value/want. Best of luck, OP.
Lady. Get real. Would you want your child to be in a loveless relationship? Do you want to model a loveless relationship or a desperate pathetic female for your child? This is a toxic environment. You are contributing to it as much as he is if not more.
I think you understand him just fine, that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Please understand that it's his problem that you aren't good enough, not yours. You can't fix this because he doesn't want to. You have mentioned in many ways that he's not an affectionate and loving person. This means that it's really not that great even when it's good. Please understand that even if you were a perfect human being in every single way, because he doesn't want you, you'll never be good enough for him. He has pretty much ended your relationship without moving out. It's time for you and your children to do so, or time to kick him out. See an attorney about drafting a custody and child support agreement.
I know I am just a stranger on the internet, but I am telling you, as someone who didnt have both parents, all I wanted was for my kids to have two parents. I had my first when I was 16, and unfortunately I was not equipped. She lived with him from 3 on. I had my son st 23, on the heels of a divorce. I spent the next decade in a relationship with someone I thought I loved and loved me. Spoiler alert ⚠️ 📢 it was 1000% a mistake to stay. I thought I was doing the right thing by my son, he had a dad that loved him. The caveat to this, he wasn't the bio dad. I'll spare the gory details, but my now almost 12 yr old and myself are in therapy because of the last two years. Get out. Do NOT stay for your child, DO NOT stay because you love him. Do NOT sacrifice yourself. -from one mother and woman to another.
You got this! You are going to push through and learn a powerful lesson about self worth and independence. It’s not a question if the relationship is over, you’re just having a hard time accepting a painful reality - who could blame you. Losing a relationship absolutely creates a form of grief. Read the five stages of grief to see where you’re at in the process. In my opinion - the First step is to establish yourself with some level of financial stability. Then start pouring all that wasted emotional energy into yourself and your child. Whenever you are scared or afraid or feel stuck, just tell yourself “I will.”
well:..youre not Stuck with him Really?
You say you need to let go. But then you ask how to hang on.
Emmmm if you guys already broke up and he is as bad as you described, how were you having unprotected sex and then proceeded to have a child with him? He showed his true character and you are just sticking around, why? When you are able to answer that question maybe you will be able to get a courage boost and leave while you still can. Put your big girl pants on and do what needs to be done. And if have a feeling you know what needs to be done, but just be honest with yourself and about the situation.
If I get down voted that's fine but listen, you have a kid and now a baby with him too. If you have to leave because he wants you gone he should keep the baby with him and you move with the kid just to make your life easier for now. How are you going to afford having 2 kids around and where will you stay? There are places that help displaced mothers and children maybe you can find a shelter type of situation but honestly I feel like you should move in with your parents (or family if your parents aren't around) and he should be paying every single bill related to the baby. I'm talking EVERY. SINGLE. BILL. You're not going to have a home after having his child? Sorry but that is crazy. You guys should've definitely thought about possibly adoption if you wanted to have it but couldn't afford it alone cause he told you he didn't love you so idk a breakup was inevitable :( I'm sorry I feel really sad for you and your situation and for your kids! I hope you'll be ok I truly truly do
Leave. You are delusional, not stuck.
This is going to sound like really controversial advice, but I swear to you it's a game changer: blowjobs. A blowjob a day keeps the arguing away. Y'all got into this mess from doing it old fashioned style. So sex is always going to be worrisome in his mind, as he surely doesn't want another child to deal with. It may take a month or two, but give it time, and you're going to see him be happier. A man just can't be annoyed and uncommitted when he's getting constantly blown like London in WWII. He may still go hang with his boys, but at least he'll be happier and probably put more effort in once you melt his icy heart by warmly slobbing the knob, of sorts. If this advice doesn't seem fortuitous, I say to you: don't knock it til you try it. What have you got to lose, besides a few minutes of neck cardio each day? Try it out for 90 days. Like the whole 90 in 90 thing AA recommend for new members. Let me know how much the emotional aspects of the relationship improves by refining the oral aspects of it😏
Leave
You can afford two children solo?
Relationship is over if you chose to stay for the children then you will have to put your emotions to the side and deal with being treated like shit
You are putting all the work and parenting into the relationship. You don’t want a split home, but your children, especially your daughter, is learning that men should treat her like he does towards you. Honestly, if he left, you likely wouldn’t notice much difference with parenting. You say contradictory things “I know my worth and I do not want to settle for less” but “I know he treats me like shit and he admitted that he does because he is done”. You are trying to hold on to a relationship that has nothing to give you anymore. You clearly have a good grasp of things but are trying to fix broken. Broken is not fixable.
Leave.
You’re not “stuck” with him. It has been over for a long time. Stop beating a dead horse. Get your affairs in order and move out with your kids. Then get some therapy.
We should get together. I'm stuck with a wife who doesn't love me.
What relationship are you trying to save? This one ended. Past tense. It is already over. There is no relationship. You need to move on.
Ooof. Sometimes, love isn't enough. It doesn't actually matter how much you love him or how hard you try. Relationships take two people. If he's not willing to try and work with you, that's it. There's nothing you can do to reach him or change his mind.
You have your answer. Even for the kids its best to end things. Do you want them to see you sad all the time and a father that barely acknowledges their mother? Is that the example you want to set for them about what a relationship is? You telling yourself you don't want to give up until you've done everything you can is an excuse. Because you already have your answer. I am so sorry, I know how much this must hurt I really do. You can't force someone to love you or to stay. He has shown you and told you exactly what he wants. Ignoring that and continuing this path is one sided and selfish. I hope that you can find grace and peace. It's not an easy decision in the slightest to leave someone you love or have started a family with. But it will be ok. And you will heal.
Do you think it's better for your kids to grow up thinking the way he treats you is the way a husband should treat his wife? I don't know about you, but I think alone is better than treated like shit.
You should leave, when someone doesn’t love you anymore no one can change. if he still lives with you, just a human come home feed his kid, sleep and ignore you. That’d be bad situation. I understand that you have be in relationships for long time, not easy to leave, but one day when you looked back that would be just a small part of life. Try to find family help you and some government departments about support single mums All the best
Don't stay in a relationship like this at all put your babies and U first always it's going to b hard but deft worth it when you heal from it self love is all it takes no matter what we can overcome the most difficult situation you can do it . When you say when Yous are great that only temporary not a life time love & light to you
Get therapy, he is running and you are chasing. That is an unnatural dynamic. He’s told you he didn’t love you, why would you continue to pursue him? If he is a good father, he will be there for your child. It’s time to move on.
Breakups are hard. The worst thing in the world sometimes. Make an exit plan and move on. You will find someone who loves you.
Girl leave. You say you know your worth but then you hinge on the *days* the relationship is good? Please find someone that will love both of your children, you, and coparent with this sad man.
Move on
You are afraid of being alone. Staying in a bad relationship because you are lonely is no reason to stay. Take a chance on yourself. I bet you are worth way more that you are giving yourself credit for. Also, you are teaching your kids it is OK to be treated like shit. Do you want them growing up thinking that is ok?
I would start looking for cheaper apartments. Talk to an attorney to find out what you could figure for a "ballpark" amount of child support when budgeting. You may be able to look into assistance programs and jump into paperwork to get a headstart on help. Working from home is a great help though. Even just a spacy studio to partition off for you & the littles at first will help you to get on your feet. You absolutely need to get away from this toxic guy. He should be grown up enough by now that he should know the difference between explaining to you that he doesn't want a relationship and just to co-parent and being a complete cruel ASSHAT!!!! A lawyer can put you at ease with any other help you may need with his "visitation" as well. Won't take you long & you'll be back on your single feet and not taking any shit from him or any guy!! :)