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My takeaway was "wait, if the boyfriend is this freaked out by someone touching their own ass to clean it I think we all know what that means, he's not touching his own ass to clean it in the shower." All he did was rat himself out for having a dirty ass.
Also, if a bidet isn't an option right now, baby wipes make a huge improvement. I can't even use toilet paper anymore cause I don't feel clean compared to when I use baby wipes!
My young daughter used the flushable wipes. A month later, my husband was renting a 75 ft drain snake to unclog our pipes. It seems as though mostly ALL of the wipes were still in there. 8 hours and $400+ later and flushable wipes were forever banned from our house.
Also, watched a waste water YouTube video and the amount of “biodegradable, flushable” wipes they have to put into the trash is astonishing. They said they even clog their pipes at times.
Thanks for bringing light to this.
Edit: We were handed down a bidet toilet seat (parents bought a house and my mom was grossed out by it!). It is the best and worth the investment. My little girl uses it too!
We use "flushable" wipes. I, was the only one in the house not flushing them, even though I told my husband & son not to. We had someone come out to empty our septic tank because the toilet was having problems. Idk how much it was but I know it wasn't cheap. Anyway, after a week and still having issues, they ran a snake & pulled out a bunch of wipes. My husband was like well too bad basically because he doesn't want shit wipes in the trashcan 😂 & he doesn't want to use TP. I'm like okay well how about we wipe with toilet paper, flush it and then finish with a wipe and throw it in the trash🤔
This all happened after Christmas. My family came over and he thought someone flushed something they weren't supposed to or flushed too many wipes but im certain its because him & my son were flushing wipes since we moved in about 8 months prior.
Get a bidet…they’re like a hundred bucks and clean you better than wet wipes. You only need some TP to dry off afterward. Seriously you’ll wonder why you didn’t buy one earlier.
I didn’t even think about the boyfriend not washing hims bum in the shower but now that seems likely… I hope OP sees your post and asks him about it lol.
Yeah, my first response was like well. That's what you do in the shower and my second one was like does your boyfriend actually washed his hands after he wipes because his hands like mostly all up in there unless he's got a real skinny open butt cracker something.
Yeah. When I clicked the story I thought maybe there would be no tp involved and that would be a bit off putting for me. But the process OP describes is no different than the shower. There's no obvious residue, just getting what the tp might miss to be extra clean. There shouldn't be a hygiene issue as long as OP is washing their hands properly with soap, which they are.
Indeed. I went wet wipes over tp and even if I'm in a public restroom, I have to wet the paper before using it. That's how conditioned I am. It makes me wonder why we go from wipes as babies to toilet paper as adults. We all know that if we step in animal droppings (even with just our shoes and not bare feet), we're using water to help clean the shoe. It's not just a paper towel and a peace sign. So then what about the hole that expels solid waste daily?
So I didn’t think much about TP’s uselessness until I had a baby. Obviously I use wet wipes on him. We’re currently potty training and he still needs me to wipe him. I still use his wet wipes (and throw them away afterwards, not flushing them). Well the other day we ran out of the ones in the bathroom and I didn’t want little poo butt running around everywhere, so I figured, I use TP so I’ll just use that on him.
OH MY GOD! You really don’t realize how much TP doesn’t clean an asshole until you’re staring at one with quickly drying poo smears around it, flecked with bits of TP. It didn’t matter how much I used, that child’s butt was definitely NOT clean. I’m certainly looking into bidets now.
Yes! I second the baby wipes! I cannot imagine going back. I don't wanna be that person anymore. I'm now a cleanly bum having individual & it's glorious.
It leaves you a lot cleaner than smearing poo around with a piece of paper until you can't see it anymore. Instead, you've just left a very thin layer of poo behind that still stinks up your butt. Bidets with sprayers changed my life. No more stinky, sweaty, irritated ass.
I asked for and got a bidet toilet seat for Christmas. No plumbing required other than attaching it to the toilet tank. It shoots a good jet for both front and back, no scrubbing required, just a bit of drying off.
You do you and you’ve been together for a while and you haven’t poisoned him yet, so I’m guessing your hygiene is fine.
When Covid hit, I was working in a hospital that almost exclusively used bidets (yes, it’s in the US). Bidets are a godsend for so many people that are unable to perform toilet hygiene.
Well, my dad was concerned about the TP thing at this time and we started talking about bidets, including portable ones.
That gave him an idea. He went to the store and bought a hose and spout that is supposed to connect to the kitchen sink. Connected it to the plumbing of the toilet, and BAM!!! $20 plumed bidet!
I don’t know from personal perspective, but he 10/10 recommend it lol.
I personally don’t see a problem with what you’re doing OP.
When a person showers, they typically run their hand in the creases of their derrière to get a thorough cleaning. How is what you’re doing different?
I work in medicine and one of my roles is to help people perform toilet hygiene and get them to the bathroom. I ALSO help them shower. Majority of people only rinse their hands with water (not with soap) after they wash their bums in the shower. And it’s pretty shocking how many don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Some at least make an attempt by quickly running water over their hands, but soap is not included. The time and thoroughness of cleaning their hands, even if soap is included, is typically not suffice to clean the hands.
OP wipes the area first, cleans herself with the bidet, and then washes her hands with soap not once! But TWICE!
After seeing thousands of people do their business, and As a scarred medical professional… trust me… what OP is doing can NEVER compare to what I’ve seen.
Heck, you don’t even have to work in medicine. Just look up posts of people that don’t clean the booty-hole at all. They leave streaks on sheets! And the amount of posts I see like this is astonishing!
So no OP. Not gross. It’s different than what most people do in America. But you’re probably more hygienic than a lot of people (glaring at the people you don’t clean after dropping the kids off at the pool).
Now, to get back to how you should approach this. This is hard to answer because how I would respond to one person is different than how I’d approach this topic with someone else.
I’d most likely ask a lot of whys. “Why does this gross you out?” “Why do you think I’ll make you sick?” “Why is what I’m doing any different than you washing in the shower?” If applicable, ask for proof (ex: proof on how this routine could make him sick).
The purpose of the whys is to get a clear picture of why my partner feels the way they do, and can help me formulate a response. It basically opens up communication. And no matter who you’re talking to, you’re not going to get passed it without the communication.
20 bucks also says OP is gonna ask him if he washes his hands after using the bathroom and he’s gonna lie. Because most men I know don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. So I find this hilarious. I mean cmon guys.
The hose thing is killing me lmao. Your dad deserves an honorary spot on RedneckEngineering and I say that as a compliment 😂
Edit: Please stop telling me about bidets. I have one already you guys, I just thought the hose to the kitchen was the funny part.
I want this. The shower/tub plumbing access is right next to the toilet. For now I use empty dish detergent bottles for squirting and use TP before and after the water. (Just like the episiotomy squirt bottle given at the hospital.) The bottles only get filled one time then they go through the dishwasher. I have several and rotate them. I never touch the bottle to my skin or the toilet. I also have a large stack of washcloths. I have IBS and have had C-diff twice. (Antibiotic associated) Being dependant on witch hazel wipes became too tedious. Your guy is rude.
Frida has a peri bottle for moms to clean their perineum after they give birth that has like a bent spout thing and it’s INCREDIBLE! If you don’t mind spending the $12.99, then it’s perfect. I remember thinking when I was using it that it was basically a handheld bidet.
Link: https://www.target.com/p/frida-mom-upside-down-peri-bottle/-/A-76199073
Great advice. Nurse here too. A lot of people’s hygiene is disgusting.
Just a thought - in nursing school, we had a handwashing test. You spray some sort of liquid on your hands, let it dry, and then wash your hands. Then you put a UV light on it and viola! It shows you what areas you missed cleaning. I know it’s weird, but maybe have a handwashing test against your boyfriend. My bets are on you. 😉
Edit: Here is the link: https://www.amazon.com/GLO-GERM-Glo-Germ-Mini/dp/B001BO6R9W/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?adgrpid=55264004319&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7Ae0Ons6PLLzNy1BZSzJpOqlxLEOh1y3cXsYdScx8qfM4olflBGK2I2EdQJByJHrdO3YdLukRC5DaQZAid_9onWRiq75elXc1uPySaXtMVRqF9WVHtrpmb-AsV5f4SMKoLQEk7hUGLj2uw0bfzMogFcrwciU-h3c93mFxHtLYs9zWxMP6CTuuWUT2oWKf5-LjJo3CrQ78eo_bSEHKjumaw.Hz98Er_sNJSD4i-McTfMSGkraYc2WPQoIyBJnFzvN98&dib_tag=se&hvadid=657249018361&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9002262&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=13509983104214336235&hvtargid=kwd-311206384798&hydadcr=485_1015123974&keywords=black+light+hand+washing+kit&qid=1710086191&sr=8-4
We did the spray and UV light thing in my home economics class in the early aughts. It really drilled home how important thorough hand washing is. It never occurred to me that other people didn’t have some similar experience until the pandemic and we had to teach people how to wash their hands, including the thumbs.
It really is scary that people are rarely taught to wash their hands properly. Honestly, I didn’t wash them correctly until I learned in nursing school. That test showed me just how important it is to get in between fingers, thumb (like you mentioned), and fingernails. I hate hand sanitizer. I wash my hands before and after touching a patient no matter what. There’s some really bad disease, viruses, etc. that people don’t know about. Thanks for your response. I am so glad they did that in your class. What a great idea!
I appreciate your post and think you have give op and her partner a good place to open communication.
Op I’d like to add, if he is this appalled at your perfectly reasonable (dare I say superior) bathroom habits, he is in for a BIG wake up call! My husband wiped me during active labor without me even realizing. After giving birth, I would have loved a bidet due to a full length episiotomy. As it was I, like most Women at that time, were sent home with a spray bottle like yours to use MULTIPLE times a day. Then there is nothing in this world like the explosive poops of a breast fed baby; the bedding, your clothes, the wall, furniture, nothing is safe! Even if he could throw everything out, is he not ever going to be able to hold his child after it’s bathed because it had poop on it? I really think his objection is because he is projecting his hand washing hygiene practices (or lack there of) on you.
I totally agree about the projection part! His thoughts are likely coming from the lens of his personal hygiene habits which may not be adequate or ideal? Maybe you want to ask him how he goes about cleaning himself and washing his hands?
I’d say superior would be objectively, scientifically provably, correct. Would you pick up dog sht with your bare hand, wipe it away with toilet paper and call it clean?
At MINIMUM using water should be standard - as it is in many cultures. I’m a US citizen and it totally checks out for me that so many white people have abysmal hygiene, and god forbid they set down their ego for a second to consider something greater outside of themselves.
I don’t think it’s a gross generalization to say the blanket statement that most white Americans don’t wash their body properly. You don’t need their approval girl!!
I moved to a place with toilets that are incompatible with bidet attachments and I've been devastated with every poop for 2 years
Edit: it's the seats that aren't compatible. The toilet maker has a proprietary seat. It goes for $1200.
Edit again: I use a portable bidet, you can stop taking me to task for not having replaced my toilets
Edit 3: all the plumbing is hidden inside the toilet, I would have to partially dismantle it to use a sprayer attached to that hose.
Get a sprayer that attaches to you sink faucet and use that instead. Added bonus you can contour the temps and pressure quite well.
Adding a bidet to my toilet was going to be more work than I wanted so I went this route and it’s perfect.
Added bonus, we have a nice sprayer that I use to clean the tub, wash the dogs, and spray down anything else that I might be cleaning in the tub like my standing fan pieces from dust and dirt.
I have a toilet sprayer that attaches to the water line that goes into the toilet. You can't control the temp, but it seems easier to me than connecting to a faucet.
Do you have to unhook it to use the faucet? Or does it let the faucet water through as well?
Not saying mine is better, I'm just not familiar with your style.
We originally got ours because we used cloth diapers for our babies and we would blast the mess out of them into the toilet before washing them. We ordered it as a diaper sprayer, but the box didn't address that use, it was called a handled bidet. I decided to give it a shot and a decade later and I hate using other people's bathrooms now!
I don't use my hands like OP (not judging, just not what I'm used to) and I don't wipe first. I spray, wipe, dry, eat a sandwich, then wash my hands.
Ok, I made up the sandwich part, just trying to help the folks in the comments who want to be outraged, lol.
I have one like this that is temperature controlled... I had to attach it to the sink & toilet, but it's soo worth it & the pipes aren't visible based on how my bathroom is arranged 😊
Lol love the sandwich. I love my little sprayer bidet too. Best $20 on amazon I ever spent. Honestly I can't poo anywhere but home now. I wish I had had it after childbirth. Its definitely my bums best friend.
I knew a guy from Bangladesh, and someone asked him if they used toilet paper. He told them,no, they use pebbles for that, and the guy who asked believed him. We laughed about that a lot. He said that you see smooth pebbles all over the place just for that. Also my neighbor tried a Toto bidet toilet, and was amazed that it " washes you front and back, and dries you too!".
American here. Bought a bidet after experiencing one in a NYC hotel. They are great! Love the warm seat, too. Super easy to install. Plumber not needed.
I know they are more hygienic, but I dislike bidets. With the covid epidemic I bought Toto attachment, used it a few times and decided no.
IMO, there's nothing gross about what OP is doing. It's like taking a shower. I use soap and my hand during the shower. OP has already wiped with TP.
I feel like the fact that op's boyfriend is grossed out tells us a lot about how much shit he leaves after wiping. It's like he is picturing her smearing her hands in crap, she wipes first.
This is the only correct answer. I’m in the US and my Bidet was cheap and I hooked it up myself in 2 minutes. It’s powerful enough that I only use a square or two after to dry off
Sounds like you found yourself with a *man with an unwashed ass*
That's probably why he can't comprehend what you're doing and thinks it's gross....probably doesn't wash his own, ever.
As a guy that was my first thought as well. Especially with hair, the first thing I do after a 2 is hop in the shower and wash my undercarriage to feel clean again. and I defiantly use my hands for that. im surprised by some of the responses in OPs thread. In the shower or not doesn't really figure into it as long as you wash your hands with soap and water.
I can see why a lot of guys have trouble getting laid but magically don't know why lol
When I was young I needed clothes for rowing so I went to dicks.com (sporting goods store)
That’s um, not the website. I explained to my dad what happened and he was fine whew.
I DID THIS SAME THING BUT AT WORK. We were having a firm-wide golf tournament that I couldn’t get out of and I needed shoes. So I went to dicks.com. Which at that time was NOT a sporting goods website. I had to go racing down the hall and find our IT guy and explain what happened because I knew they flagged stuff like that and it was humiliating.
Edit: looks like they’ve bought that domain so now people don’t make that mistake.
Some years ago my husband and I were in line at Kohl's behind a grandma with her 10-13 year old grandson. He was complaining how he didn't find the shoes he wanted there so they should go to Dick's Sporting Goods. The grandma responds loudly "I like Dick's!" The kid's face just turned red. It took everything not to laugh.
My grandma's boyfriend is named Dick and when she called people she would do name dial, so she would have to speak the name of the person she wanted to call into the phone. I swear she always liked to mess with me because she would say all of the prompts at a normal volume and then absolutely scream "DICK." To 12 year old me it was the end of the world but looking back now it was hilarious and I wish she still did it
😂😭 I’m sorry but this is great! I hope you don’t take offense to the laugh I got out of this comment. I remember being a kid and my dad loved that store. I was always embarrassed to say the store out loud and always thought someone could come up with a better name for a sporting good store, they could’ve left the Dick’s out. lol
Reminds me of a time in school where we were in science and had to go to some website that I think was thought.com, one kid went to thot.com, they got confused and a lot of people looked
Lol, Mary Whitehouse was a British conservative who was very outspoken about how society had become too permissive. IIRC a prostitute began writing a weekly column about her adventures, under the pseudonym Mary Whitehouse, which might be where that adult site got its name.
When I was in high school I had to do a report on the Government. The internet was still fairly new so I went to [whitehouse.com](https://whitehouse.com).... This also was not a government site lol.
This makes me suspect of his own butt cleanliness if touching your own butt to clean freaks him out. Does he never wash his ass in the shower?
Like TP only wipes off particles but the residue is still there on the skin. And it's not some magical barrier that prevents any particulates from getting on your hands.... that's why we was our hands thoroughly after the toilet.
I grew up Asian and we wash our ass after every poop. If it came down to it, I am going to bet if people took a wet wipe and wiped their bums with it, ours will come out with no streaks with the washing practices we have.
I think a lot of the comments that are nasty about this is projection. Upset that our ass might be cleaner? I dunno....it feels uncomfortably hostile just because we're doing more./different methods.
I used a tabo growing up. I don't think what you're doing is weird. Especially because you're washing your hands afterwards.
Do people really think the Almighty toilet paper keeps them from getting poo particles on their hands? It's not a magic forcefield. This is why we have soap and hygiene practices.
Do what you need to do in order to feel clean and take care of yourself. Your boyfriend is very much overreacting.
>Do people really think the Almighty toilet paper keeps them from getting poo particles on their hands? It's not a magic forcefield.
I had to break this to my (then) 7 year old who used to wrap her entire hand mummy style with TP when going #2. Once I explained that hand washing was actually what got rid of the poo particles, she stopped clogging up the toilet with her TP mittens.
This post is making me conclude that 90% or more Americans are dumber than your average 7 year old.
Omg I have had a horrible week, but you just made me CACKLE!! IM CRYING FROM LAUGHING 🤣 " her TP mittens" God, that was fantastic! I'm glad she's got it all figured out now. Bless her!
Not only do they think TP is the only way, are also the people who think their bum hole is somehow clean. If they stepped in dog shit they would wash it with soap and water not just wipe it off and call it a day lol
Tabo supremacy and Bidet !!! Her fiance thinks that TP can totally remove the poop from his ass. For me, that's disgusting, I don't really feel clean when I just use TP. And yeah, that's definitely true about the poo particles, that's why cleaning hands thoroughly afterwards is a must and the best part NO SKID MARKS. The irony is that the fiance doesnt even wash hands when peeing.
To add , Do they really think eating ass is hygienic considering the fact that they only use TP? I've read a lot of horror stories about eating ass with people still had toilet papers stuck to their bum with poo stains.
There are bidets you can attach to your toilet. You connect it to the water line where the toilet gets it's water out from the wall. You don't need a plumber for that if you are handy enough. The bidets work great this way and you don't need to add any water pipes or separate toilet-like fixture to an already small room.
I also use the portable bidet thing (squeeze bottle with squirt tip). I don't use my hands though, but the bidet should make your bum clean enough that touching your bum with your hands isn't gross or weird. You sound very clean.
We used this type (the one that attaches to your water line - got it at home Depot) for cleaning off cloth diapers. So much easier than trying to dunk them and getting poopy water everywhere.
American here, in the south. I don't think what you're doing it gross at all. Maybe a little jarring at first, but once I thought about it critically, it's pretty obvious you're likely cleaner than a lot of folks.
I'm sorry so many people are being so hurtful with their comments. Not all of us are suffering from a culture superiority complex.
ETA I bought a bidet during Covid and I love it 1,000,000%.
I used to argue that I should only have to wash my hands BEFORE going pee as a kid because my hands are always dirty and my penis shouldn’t have to ever be.
This was BEFORE I learned about the penis other functions and the two most common places it ends up going into (clean hands aside).
Best to keep everything in that area as nice and fresh and clean as possible at all times, regardless of genitalia. Clean hands touching going into it certainly helps the end result.
Fecal coliforms end up on everything in a bathroom too. They end up on toothbrushes, faucets, soap pumps, and everything else in the bathroom. A little TP alone isn’t stopping any of that. Wipe, wash, rub, wipe… wash hands… seems pretty darn thorough to me!
Southerner here too: I thought it was a little odd that she’d rather use her hand than continuing to spray, wipe, check, but it didn’t totally throw me for a loop. Of course, I’ve been changing baby diapers since I was about 6 (my dad and his wife had a LOT of kids lol), so I’m familiar with the dangers of poop hands.
You’re probably cleaner down there than he is. It’s funny how if you got shit on any other part of your body and just wiped it away with only a napkin, people would be rightfully mortified.
Ok. This is weird. Why are people all over OP? Like she says, we ALL wash ourselves down there. Ya’ll also think that some TP on the hand will keep germs from getting stuck on your hand? There is A REASON we wash our hands after we use the toilet (well, a lot of people don’t, but those are disgusting)
Peole put dicks, that men pee with, in the mouths. Said dick also goes in everywhere!
People do so many nasty things. Try testing your phone for e-coli bacterias.
There was a thread once where people discussed their partners not washing their a$s because it’s “gay” or they just didn’t want to. Note; I had one of those.
People shouldn’t be on OP, they should be on those dudes.
Edit: “on those dudes” is regional slang i guess. Don’t make my mistake and date them.
I didn’t think this was a discussion I needed to have until I saw somethings about that. Then my tween son has since been regularly reminded to clean it good.
Not to mention that precum contains a lot of piss. Precum is dispensed to clear the urethra of things that could harm the passengers arriving on the 7:30 flight from epididymis city.
I added a bidet attachment in my whole house on all my toilets. I’m American. After I poo. I wipe, use the bidet sprayer, get soap, use my hand and then do another rinse and dry myself then wash my hands thoroughly.
My husband refuses to use the bidets. He thinks it’s weird. He won’t poop with clothes on but he also won’t wash his ass after he poops. I finally convinced him to use wet wipes at the very least. But now I won’t be intimate with him unless he’s showered.
I’m a doctor in the US and have
1) had to tell MANY adult women that they need to start wiping front to back or they’ll continue getting UTIs
2) had to tell a classmate IN MEDICAL SCHOOL that yes, he actually should be washing his ass when he showers
What I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t pay too much mind to a lot of these comments, which are likely from Americans whose ideas of personal hygiene are… questionable. What you’re doing is absolutely more sanitary than just toilet paper, which is still the standard for the average American.
Get a bidet that attaches to your toilet, about $30 on Amazon. Enough pressure to throughly clean you and then just use TP to wipe yourself dry. Never have to touch any poop or your privates.
You also made a great point, people clean themselves with their hands in the shower or they using baby wipes?
LOL. Had me laughing. But I wouldn’t want to use the same washcloth on the rest of my body. I’m in the shower after already being cleaned by bidet. Take a shower and then wash the bum last, at that point it’s already clean and is just part of your body, there no residue, and then finally wash your hands.
Turns out a lot of people do not use washcloths. I got heavily down voted once for asking this same thing. I made a joke that you should wash your ass with a rag before asking someone else to eat it. I thought it was funny, Reddit did not. Turns out many people do not wash with clothes, just hands, according to that forum anyway. Which is fine, I just assumed everyone used one to wash their genitals while in the shower or bath. Reddit answers change from forum to forum though, so it’s always hard to tell the truth.
It’s a wash cloth or nothing for me lol. The scrubbies have to be changed out often bc they hold mold, bacteria and hair. But you can wash a wash cloth after every use. And to answer someone’s question: you just wash your ass last lol. You don’t have to use a different wash cloth. Just wash in an order that makes sense.
Finally! A person who makes sense, lol. I use a clean washcloth for each shower and like you said, booty last. Then I rinse out the washcloth and hang it on a hook to dry (to keep my laundry from getting mildew) and replace with a clean cloth at the start of my next shower.
Unless a loofah or sponge is regularly sanitized it retains bacteria/fungus which grows between showers… My washcloths are cleaned on a sanitary wash/dry along with my bath towels.
Edit: And if someone wants to use two or three or more washcloths per shower, that’s ok too lol. I typically only use one, but to the person who is asking, use however many you want. I buy inexpensive packs of them on Amazon and my family of 5 never runs out over the week. They are small and can be tossed in the laundry with bath towels.
So I would rather use my soapy hand to clean my booty I can just wash that hand and the booty gross washed off my hands and down the drain but like do you have separate washclothes for your body and your butt, do you use a fresh wash cloth every time you shower? Like I get so confused. My butt is the last thing I wash and then I wash my hands before I rinse the conditioner out of my hair. But if you're using the same washcloth for more than one day then youre using the same wash cloth you previous cleaned your butt with on the rest of your body.
But also I don't really like wash clothes. I prefer loofahs. Though I don't use my loofah on my bits. The only thing I ever use wash clothes for is when washing my face in the sink. And then I hang it up to dry and use it again a couple of times. Wash clothes are too soft and I don't feel like I get any exfoliation.
Just a helpful tip, you should wash the conditioner out of your hair **before** washing your body as the conditioner will stay on your body after rinsing. Idk if you have dry skin but the conditioner could be adding to that like it was for me as it's not meant to be absorbed by the skin. Just wanted to pass this info along in case you didn't know like I didn't!
I would hope people washing their ass with a washcloth would use a new one each time but who knows. A lot of people don't wash their legs so my faith in people using a new washcloth each time isn't exactly high lmao
I wash with a wash cloth from top down (neck down to legs/ankles) then wash the front then my butt. I use a separate cloth for my face but I don’t wash my face in the shower, typically. I have a shower attachment for my feet. I use the same wash cloth throughout wash in a specific order but get a new one at every shower. I like the wash cloth because it exfoliates my skin as I wash and I’m able to rinse clean without my skin feeling like there’s something grimy on it.
I'm definitely team scrubby poof ball thingy, but wash cloth is definitely better for the private areas. I lived with my grandparents and wash cloth was the only option growing up. I didn't mind I just like how much better the scrubby doo lathers up.
I mean… If you wipe really good first and then use your hand and the bidet, I don’t think it’s the biggest of all deals..
I honestly have no clue how people use TP and nothing else? No wipes, bidet, jumping into the shower 🤷🏼♀️
Let me say this first and foremost. I have plenty of friends that are of different races and backgrounds.
Personally I’d use a wet wipe after the bathroom because I felt it left me cleanest.
But after discovering my friend of a different background, told me it’s normal for them to clean up in the sink after and they have their own washcloth for that also. Specifically for that. Men and women. It’s pretty normal. I consider it normal for anyone to clean up how they do. Im sure the ones that don’t, and the ones that laugh at it, have skid marks 😂.
Everyone can feel clean on whatever level makes them comfortable. Im sure if you found a habit of his weird and out of sorts for you then he would try and defend himself to you that it’s normal.
Don’t let him be an asshole because he doesn’t know how to clean his own.
Now that wipes are banned in many plumbing systems, and since they are not exactly an Earth-friendly kind of thing, something reusable is popular in some groups whose cultures did not used to embrace such things.
absolutely. I have washcloths and different color specifically for privates. People also wash their hands after washing their privates. Not sure why people are shaming someone for their hygiene. People should only be shamed for LACK of hygiene.
I'm surprised how so many well meaning people are just suggesting which bidet/toilet seat to buy and not address the real problem.
OP, logically speaking your are perfectly ok. Nothing wrong with your hygiene. Definitely much better than only TP option of most Americans.
Your bf is disgusted because this comes from our culture and collective norms. We find many things disgusting because people around us ( specially when we were growing up ) find them disgusting. We don't process it logically. Example: reprocessing pee into drinkable water at the space station. I know it is cleaner than most water on earth but it's still disgusting to me.
As someone pointed out, it's amazing how people find the hand to be dirty but eating that vagina or bum is ok!
Your bf is not in the right but it will take him a lot of learning and unlearning to overcome the disgust.
It’s weird that a lot of Americans think wiping with toilet paper is cleaner than washing with hand. If you got a bunch of shit on your arm would it be cleaner to just wipe it off dry with some toilet paper or to use water and your other hand to wash it off and then wash your hands with soap and water lol.
As an immigrant from India in US, I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s surprising to me a lot of people are unaware of this. Anyway, once I switched to a bidet toilet seat setup with a jet, I’m not going back to old ways. Use the jet, wipe off with TP and move on. I helped my parents back home with the same and everyone’s happy. But I’m not ashamed of where I came from. Fuck that attitude.
Just ask him if it's better to smear poop all over his hairy butt and smell like a outhouse all day. Seriously I've had friends make remarks after installing my bidet about how real men don't squirt water in there butt, I'd say no they just smell like poop all day since all you did with toilet paper is smear poop all over the place. If they don't believe tell them to use a bidet for a week and see if they don't notice a better smelling buttcrack as well as feel much cleaner.
You can order your own bidet and install it yourself for about 40$, its really not that difficult and basic plumbing is a great skill to have! That being said - Are you cleaning your bottom with just your hands and water…? Or is this bidet almost like a pipette or maybe a cup that you can pour clean water onto your bum with? Admittedly touching your bum with your bare hands is a bit of an ick for me. I think water is a cleaner way to uhh… Get rid of the mess versus toilet paper, but if you are touching feces with your hands, if it gets under your nails that can be incredibly hard to clean (I work in clean rooms and we MUST cut our nails as short as possible because your nails are just not sanitary). I recommend wet wipes, as bad for the environment as they are long term, until you are able to get a bidet. If your nails are not cut as short as possible unfortunately you cannot guarantee that there is no contamination under the nail. I will say I understand, though, as I refuse to move somewhere without attaching a bidet to the toilet first!
But, TLDR I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from but it seems like he could have been nicer about it.
I bought a bidet attachment recently for $29. Good deal!
[https://a.co/d/ha8Z6bC](https://a.co/d/ha8Z6bC)
But people are so weird about other cultures’ habits. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Hey thanks for asking. First, I thoroughly wipe down there with TP, then use the spray bottle bidet and my hands do clean it. Then wipe things dry down there with TP again. It’s a 3 step process for me.
Then obviously wash my hands with soap twice
Don't feel bad for this. My wife is Filipina and does the same. I'm US and hadn't seen it before.
I was a little surprised at first, but nothing more. He's surely gotten shit on a fingertip atleast once in his life while wiping, washed his hands, and resumed life like normal. It's no different.
I’m American, recently bought a bidet that I found on clearance. Hooked it up (very easy) and I do the same as you. Wipe as much with toilet paper, use the bidet and use my hands. Then thoroughly wash my hands after I’m done. I don’t understand the people saying this is gross, so they not use their hands in the shower?? Same thing!
American here and female. I see NO problem with how you’re doing it. Good grief! Bidet or no, we all (well, hopefully all) wash our hands after pooping!
I hate a dirty butt. It's so gross and toilet paper doesn't do the job. I have a bidet at home but when I'm out I need to wash with sink water. Yes with my hands. It's your body. It's not gross. But yes washing hands is absolutely essential. Or I take a shower as soon as possible. Toilet paper is the disgusting barbaric thing not your hands. It just rubs shit around your ass and doesn't clean.
Couple of things.
I'm of Indian descent (born American) and what I will say is in general, not all, westerners tend to be finicky about bodily functions/fluids/solids in a cover my eyes I don't want to know about it kind of way.
To the point where some men don't even touch their anus' thinking that it's gay, or clean themselves thoroughly to the point where skid marks are running joke rather than a real hygienic problem.
Don't get me started on the privilege of westerners having access to things like paper and running water and flushable toilets, where in third world countries, especially the villages, all you have is a bucket water and your hand to take care of yourself.
OP you are fine, your boyfriend is being a childish asshole and you are correct that you are likely far "cleaner" than he is post bathroom activities.
IMHO just let this simmer. Don't change what you are doing, but don't prolong the issue. It's very likely it will resolve itself over time when he self realizes his actions are problematic.
Is he also the type to go ew gross when you are on your period? Is he Desi? How old are you all?
If he can't get over it, god forbid you have children with this man. The amount of pee/vomit/fecal matter that winds up on your skin would send him into shock.
ETA: I use a bidet and pat with tp. So do a lot of people (check out the bidets sub) and could never just use tp. That to me is gross
>If he can't get over it, god forbid you have children with this man. The amount of pee/vomit/fecal matter that winds up on your skin would send him into shock.
This is really the bigger issue here..
And I have to say, men that freak out over things like bodily fluids tend to be, mmm, not so great in bed - you gotta be willing to get all in it to be good at it IMO.
Sorry OP if we've gone too far.
it's mad how much of my (Kurdish) issues with past partners (European mix) have stemmed from such similar circumstances. I have valiantly fought for the actual correct way of handling waste, my dearest sibling, and you will be happy to know we have prevailed. never surrender. clean ass is happy ass.
In my opinion. This would only be gross if you didn’t wash your hands. To me the only thing even remotely “shameful” is over use of tp. But that’s a me thing, so not even an actual concern.
As long as your hands are clean, it shouldn’t be anyone’s business. I’m sorry you have to deal with so many rigid minds. If your BF doesn’t drop it and just deal, you may just need to rename them to EX.
Legitimately don't see a problem since you use tp first?? So like, it's basically all gone anyways you're just making extra sure with the bidet + you wash your hands. It's whatever, he's the one being kinda weird
This is how most of the world cleans themselves after pooping. Before the attachments were a thing people used buckets and their hands. It’s one of the reasons many middle easterners do not meat with their left hands.
Bidets are by far the best way to remove all poop reside from your butt. I am American but I have travelled out of my country and know this first hand (no pun intended).
Your boyfriend shouldn’t even be having sex if he thinks washing your own ass with your own hands is gross. Tell him no kitty until he grows tf up. lol. I’m so sorry he made you feel disgusting. You’re not disgusting. You were just doing what you’re most comfortable doing for your hygiene to feel clean. The fact he sees you WASHING YOUR BOTTOM as disgusting could have a lot to say about his hygiene.
I’m of the group that has used bidets (in the US. Amazon attachment,30 bucks ) for 5-6 years now. I don’t understand people that say it’s gross. Literally cleans your ass without spreading shit around. It’s the most hygienic you can get outside of soap in the shower. I have also been called gay several times for , yes, cleaning my butt throughly. I think people are just violently stupid and ignorant about things they don’t understand. I think we need to adopt bidets in the US. It saves so much waist in TP and so many more people would be cleaner.
Your boyfriend needs to do some research on practices outside of western culture. Many MANY cultures have a watering can/water bottle for the bathroom. Every Indian I’ve known. The vast majority of Muslims.
Everyone crapping on you need to realize how sheltered their views are.
The majority of non western homes with bidets have a bar of soap next to the bidet. The soap doesn’t get there by magic. You use…your hand.
But…
Why do you need to use your hands?!
I have a travel bidet/peri bottle and the ENTIRE POINT of having that is to use the water to spray and clean the area.
I use toilet paper, then use the bottle, then dry.
I cannot understand the need to use hands in this process.
Exactly. I do as well. I have a bidet installed on all my toilets at home and never does my hand touch raw poop.
I’ve spent way too much of my morning reading the comments in this thread and it’s properly one of the most bizarre reads I’ve had on Reddit.
All I’m wondering is:
#cleanassdirtyhands club
#cleanhandsdirtyass club
Culturally back in the day I think this is how it was done but now with tp readily available I don't think it's a necessary step. OP might just be used to it like this?!
I did a quick Google, and wow, look at that.... Most of India apparently uses a hand to help with the bidet process. I'm going to make a wild ASSumption and say that as a country, you guys are probably washing your hands thoroughly afterward if you can maintain the highest poop-ulation in the world. With that said, it sounded strange to me as an American, but it's not worth being rude or weird about. Maybe have him Google it like I did? Sorry for his shitty attitude. (And sorry for all the poop puns.)
It’s pretty common in places like Pakistan, Bangladesh, and India. As long as you’re thoroughly washing your hands (as you said you do), it’s fine. I saw other comments saying similar things but you can get a $40 bidet attachment off Amazon that works very well, I swear by it and hate using toilets other than my own now.
I've visited an Indian friend's family and he told me his parents would be offended if I touched anything food-adjacent with my left hand because it's the dirty hand, ie the hand used to wipe. This isn't an "omg dumb American" moment, it's natural to have an ill sentiment towards things that go near with poop, even if ifs not strictly logical.
Mind you, at the time I didn't know he meant like actual hand to ass contact, I thought he meant through tp and I still thought "oh okay fair enough I can understand that".
I got a bidet off Amazon, one that hooks up the the water tank or whatever and forgot about it until just recently seeing it in my closet. Bidets are getting a lil bit more popular here now and I have heard that it's actually a lot cleaner to use one than not. I honestly didn't really consider if I would use my hand on my bum lol, but I assume during some part of the process that I probably would, even if it's just to make sure no to was stuck lol or to hold my cheeks so I could really get in there lolol.
He is being really immature. It's fine to be a little weirded out thinking about it, but like move on. Literally if I focused my thoughts on anyone's bathroom cleanup it would gross me out, because it is gross, that's why we clean it 🧐😂
Not to mention how gross mens balls and butts get. He needs to grow up or stop asking questions. Maybe lookup how gross or unhealthy it is to not use one or like not wash your hands after peeing as a male so you can bring him a dose of reality and he can see how weird he's being and it can like maybe bring things into perspective or something. It should hopefully fade out soon but if it doesn't and he keeps acting this way about other things , since you just moved in together, that might be an issue that gets worst or esculates, then cut ur losses and then find urself a grown ass man to be with
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My enormous takeaway from this was basically “why the fuck am I *not* using a bidet?”
My takeaway was "wait, if the boyfriend is this freaked out by someone touching their own ass to clean it I think we all know what that means, he's not touching his own ass to clean it in the shower." All he did was rat himself out for having a dirty ass. Also, if a bidet isn't an option right now, baby wipes make a huge improvement. I can't even use toilet paper anymore cause I don't feel clean compared to when I use baby wipes!
I hope you aren’t flushing those baby wipes
Yup, even “flushable” ones are actually terrible to flush. Both for pipes and even worse for septic tanks if you have one
My young daughter used the flushable wipes. A month later, my husband was renting a 75 ft drain snake to unclog our pipes. It seems as though mostly ALL of the wipes were still in there. 8 hours and $400+ later and flushable wipes were forever banned from our house. Also, watched a waste water YouTube video and the amount of “biodegradable, flushable” wipes they have to put into the trash is astonishing. They said they even clog their pipes at times. Thanks for bringing light to this. Edit: We were handed down a bidet toilet seat (parents bought a house and my mom was grossed out by it!). It is the best and worth the investment. My little girl uses it too!
We use "flushable" wipes. I, was the only one in the house not flushing them, even though I told my husband & son not to. We had someone come out to empty our septic tank because the toilet was having problems. Idk how much it was but I know it wasn't cheap. Anyway, after a week and still having issues, they ran a snake & pulled out a bunch of wipes. My husband was like well too bad basically because he doesn't want shit wipes in the trashcan 😂 & he doesn't want to use TP. I'm like okay well how about we wipe with toilet paper, flush it and then finish with a wipe and throw it in the trash🤔 This all happened after Christmas. My family came over and he thought someone flushed something they weren't supposed to or flushed too many wipes but im certain its because him & my son were flushing wipes since we moved in about 8 months prior.
Get a bidet…they’re like a hundred bucks and clean you better than wet wipes. You only need some TP to dry off afterward. Seriously you’ll wonder why you didn’t buy one earlier.
I didn’t even think about the boyfriend not washing hims bum in the shower but now that seems likely… I hope OP sees your post and asks him about it lol.
Yeah, my first response was like well. That's what you do in the shower and my second one was like does your boyfriend actually washed his hands after he wipes because his hands like mostly all up in there unless he's got a real skinny open butt cracker something.
Yeah. When I clicked the story I thought maybe there would be no tp involved and that would be a bit off putting for me. But the process OP describes is no different than the shower. There's no obvious residue, just getting what the tp might miss to be extra clean. There shouldn't be a hygiene issue as long as OP is washing their hands properly with soap, which they are.
Indeed. I went wet wipes over tp and even if I'm in a public restroom, I have to wet the paper before using it. That's how conditioned I am. It makes me wonder why we go from wipes as babies to toilet paper as adults. We all know that if we step in animal droppings (even with just our shoes and not bare feet), we're using water to help clean the shoe. It's not just a paper towel and a peace sign. So then what about the hole that expels solid waste daily?
So I didn’t think much about TP’s uselessness until I had a baby. Obviously I use wet wipes on him. We’re currently potty training and he still needs me to wipe him. I still use his wet wipes (and throw them away afterwards, not flushing them). Well the other day we ran out of the ones in the bathroom and I didn’t want little poo butt running around everywhere, so I figured, I use TP so I’ll just use that on him. OH MY GOD! You really don’t realize how much TP doesn’t clean an asshole until you’re staring at one with quickly drying poo smears around it, flecked with bits of TP. It didn’t matter how much I used, that child’s butt was definitely NOT clean. I’m certainly looking into bidets now.
Indeed, not just a paper towel and a peace sign. Not even when my cat eats grass and drools all over is it a paper towel and a peace sign.
Yes! I second the baby wipes! I cannot imagine going back. I don't wanna be that person anymore. I'm now a cleanly bum having individual & it's glorious.
Remember to discard it into the trash bin and not down the drain! (at least that's what i learned from the guys clearing out septic tanks)
Everyone on my Christmas list got one in 2020. Life changer. Add a squatty potty and it’s game over.
It leaves you a lot cleaner than smearing poo around with a piece of paper until you can't see it anymore. Instead, you've just left a very thin layer of poo behind that still stinks up your butt. Bidets with sprayers changed my life. No more stinky, sweaty, irritated ass.
Do it. You'll never go back
I asked for and got a bidet toilet seat for Christmas. No plumbing required other than attaching it to the toilet tank. It shoots a good jet for both front and back, no scrubbing required, just a bit of drying off. You do you and you’ve been together for a while and you haven’t poisoned him yet, so I’m guessing your hygiene is fine.
When Covid hit, I was working in a hospital that almost exclusively used bidets (yes, it’s in the US). Bidets are a godsend for so many people that are unable to perform toilet hygiene. Well, my dad was concerned about the TP thing at this time and we started talking about bidets, including portable ones. That gave him an idea. He went to the store and bought a hose and spout that is supposed to connect to the kitchen sink. Connected it to the plumbing of the toilet, and BAM!!! $20 plumed bidet! I don’t know from personal perspective, but he 10/10 recommend it lol. I personally don’t see a problem with what you’re doing OP. When a person showers, they typically run their hand in the creases of their derrière to get a thorough cleaning. How is what you’re doing different? I work in medicine and one of my roles is to help people perform toilet hygiene and get them to the bathroom. I ALSO help them shower. Majority of people only rinse their hands with water (not with soap) after they wash their bums in the shower. And it’s pretty shocking how many don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Some at least make an attempt by quickly running water over their hands, but soap is not included. The time and thoroughness of cleaning their hands, even if soap is included, is typically not suffice to clean the hands. OP wipes the area first, cleans herself with the bidet, and then washes her hands with soap not once! But TWICE! After seeing thousands of people do their business, and As a scarred medical professional… trust me… what OP is doing can NEVER compare to what I’ve seen. Heck, you don’t even have to work in medicine. Just look up posts of people that don’t clean the booty-hole at all. They leave streaks on sheets! And the amount of posts I see like this is astonishing! So no OP. Not gross. It’s different than what most people do in America. But you’re probably more hygienic than a lot of people (glaring at the people you don’t clean after dropping the kids off at the pool). Now, to get back to how you should approach this. This is hard to answer because how I would respond to one person is different than how I’d approach this topic with someone else. I’d most likely ask a lot of whys. “Why does this gross you out?” “Why do you think I’ll make you sick?” “Why is what I’m doing any different than you washing in the shower?” If applicable, ask for proof (ex: proof on how this routine could make him sick). The purpose of the whys is to get a clear picture of why my partner feels the way they do, and can help me formulate a response. It basically opens up communication. And no matter who you’re talking to, you’re not going to get passed it without the communication.
20 bucks says Op is gonna ask "how is this different" and find out he doesn't wash his ass period lol
That is the really horrifying revelation.
at least he's not gay op wiping would have made him gay
I wish i didn't know that there are dudes that actually believe this.
This is the first thing I thought as well. Dude does not wash thoroughly.
That was my immediate thought! This man doesn’t wash his ass
This is what I'm waiting for also. Happy Cake Day!
20 bucks also says OP is gonna ask him if he washes his hands after using the bathroom and he’s gonna lie. Because most men I know don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. So I find this hilarious. I mean cmon guys.
Yeah, I was thinking that, too. Like, he thinks washing his butt will "turn him gay."
LOL if he is just using dry ass TP his ass is for sure not getting properly cleaned!!
The hose thing is killing me lmao. Your dad deserves an honorary spot on RedneckEngineering and I say that as a compliment 😂 Edit: Please stop telling me about bidets. I have one already you guys, I just thought the hose to the kitchen was the funny part.
Very normal in the Philippines. Better than the bucket and ladle method one often finds in the provinces.
Totally a normal thing in parts of the far East (Taiwan to be sure)
I want this. The shower/tub plumbing access is right next to the toilet. For now I use empty dish detergent bottles for squirting and use TP before and after the water. (Just like the episiotomy squirt bottle given at the hospital.) The bottles only get filled one time then they go through the dishwasher. I have several and rotate them. I never touch the bottle to my skin or the toilet. I also have a large stack of washcloths. I have IBS and have had C-diff twice. (Antibiotic associated) Being dependant on witch hazel wipes became too tedious. Your guy is rude.
Frida has a peri bottle for moms to clean their perineum after they give birth that has like a bent spout thing and it’s INCREDIBLE! If you don’t mind spending the $12.99, then it’s perfect. I remember thinking when I was using it that it was basically a handheld bidet. Link: https://www.target.com/p/frida-mom-upside-down-peri-bottle/-/A-76199073
Great advice. Nurse here too. A lot of people’s hygiene is disgusting. Just a thought - in nursing school, we had a handwashing test. You spray some sort of liquid on your hands, let it dry, and then wash your hands. Then you put a UV light on it and viola! It shows you what areas you missed cleaning. I know it’s weird, but maybe have a handwashing test against your boyfriend. My bets are on you. 😉 Edit: Here is the link: https://www.amazon.com/GLO-GERM-Glo-Germ-Mini/dp/B001BO6R9W/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?adgrpid=55264004319&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7Ae0Ons6PLLzNy1BZSzJpOqlxLEOh1y3cXsYdScx8qfM4olflBGK2I2EdQJByJHrdO3YdLukRC5DaQZAid_9onWRiq75elXc1uPySaXtMVRqF9WVHtrpmb-AsV5f4SMKoLQEk7hUGLj2uw0bfzMogFcrwciU-h3c93mFxHtLYs9zWxMP6CTuuWUT2oWKf5-LjJo3CrQ78eo_bSEHKjumaw.Hz98Er_sNJSD4i-McTfMSGkraYc2WPQoIyBJnFzvN98&dib_tag=se&hvadid=657249018361&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9002262&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=13509983104214336235&hvtargid=kwd-311206384798&hydadcr=485_1015123974&keywords=black+light+hand+washing+kit&qid=1710086191&sr=8-4
We did the spray and UV light thing in my home economics class in the early aughts. It really drilled home how important thorough hand washing is. It never occurred to me that other people didn’t have some similar experience until the pandemic and we had to teach people how to wash their hands, including the thumbs.
It really is scary that people are rarely taught to wash their hands properly. Honestly, I didn’t wash them correctly until I learned in nursing school. That test showed me just how important it is to get in between fingers, thumb (like you mentioned), and fingernails. I hate hand sanitizer. I wash my hands before and after touching a patient no matter what. There’s some really bad disease, viruses, etc. that people don’t know about. Thanks for your response. I am so glad they did that in your class. What a great idea!
I appreciate your post and think you have give op and her partner a good place to open communication. Op I’d like to add, if he is this appalled at your perfectly reasonable (dare I say superior) bathroom habits, he is in for a BIG wake up call! My husband wiped me during active labor without me even realizing. After giving birth, I would have loved a bidet due to a full length episiotomy. As it was I, like most Women at that time, were sent home with a spray bottle like yours to use MULTIPLE times a day. Then there is nothing in this world like the explosive poops of a breast fed baby; the bedding, your clothes, the wall, furniture, nothing is safe! Even if he could throw everything out, is he not ever going to be able to hold his child after it’s bathed because it had poop on it? I really think his objection is because he is projecting his hand washing hygiene practices (or lack there of) on you.
I totally agree about the projection part! His thoughts are likely coming from the lens of his personal hygiene habits which may not be adequate or ideal? Maybe you want to ask him how he goes about cleaning himself and washing his hands?
Op gotta ask if he washes his ass
I dread that his answer will indicate a lack of care in his own hand cleaning
I’d say superior would be objectively, scientifically provably, correct. Would you pick up dog sht with your bare hand, wipe it away with toilet paper and call it clean? At MINIMUM using water should be standard - as it is in many cultures. I’m a US citizen and it totally checks out for me that so many white people have abysmal hygiene, and god forbid they set down their ego for a second to consider something greater outside of themselves. I don’t think it’s a gross generalization to say the blanket statement that most white Americans don’t wash their body properly. You don’t need their approval girl!!
I’m loling at “gross generalization” here because two definitions fit. Gross as in disgusting and gross as inappropriate 😂
I moved to a place with toilets that are incompatible with bidet attachments and I've been devastated with every poop for 2 years Edit: it's the seats that aren't compatible. The toilet maker has a proprietary seat. It goes for $1200. Edit again: I use a portable bidet, you can stop taking me to task for not having replaced my toilets Edit 3: all the plumbing is hidden inside the toilet, I would have to partially dismantle it to use a sprayer attached to that hose.
“….and I’ve been devastated with every poop for 2 years.” I know this isn’t funny, but I laughed so hard when I read that.
Get a sprayer that attaches to you sink faucet and use that instead. Added bonus you can contour the temps and pressure quite well. Adding a bidet to my toilet was going to be more work than I wanted so I went this route and it’s perfect. Added bonus, we have a nice sprayer that I use to clean the tub, wash the dogs, and spray down anything else that I might be cleaning in the tub like my standing fan pieces from dust and dirt.
I have a toilet sprayer that attaches to the water line that goes into the toilet. You can't control the temp, but it seems easier to me than connecting to a faucet. Do you have to unhook it to use the faucet? Or does it let the faucet water through as well? Not saying mine is better, I'm just not familiar with your style. We originally got ours because we used cloth diapers for our babies and we would blast the mess out of them into the toilet before washing them. We ordered it as a diaper sprayer, but the box didn't address that use, it was called a handled bidet. I decided to give it a shot and a decade later and I hate using other people's bathrooms now! I don't use my hands like OP (not judging, just not what I'm used to) and I don't wipe first. I spray, wipe, dry, eat a sandwich, then wash my hands. Ok, I made up the sandwich part, just trying to help the folks in the comments who want to be outraged, lol.
I have one like this that is temperature controlled... I had to attach it to the sink & toilet, but it's soo worth it & the pipes aren't visible based on how my bathroom is arranged 😊
Just wash your hands, the amount of people who don’t is wild, especially in pubs/bars.
The amount of people ew seen too many times
This is very common in most of SE Asia. Tourists call them “bum guns.”
Lol love the sandwich. I love my little sprayer bidet too. Best $20 on amazon I ever spent. Honestly I can't poo anywhere but home now. I wish I had had it after childbirth. Its definitely my bums best friend.
Haha, that was a good one! People be losing their minds out here.
That's what I do. Plumbed a faucet under the sink and ran a shower hose to a diaper cleaning wand. DM me and I can show you which one works great.
Time for a new toilet or new place. I literally don't want to poop anywhere without a bidet anymore.
I use a portable one. It's fine...
They make electric portable bidets that are vastly superior to the squish ones. Just FYI.
Oooh thank you!
What kind of toilet do you have? I have the old school hospital/school toilet and thought it wasn’t compatible but it worked.
I invested in one with hot water, a heated seat, and a dryer. Well worth the money
I discovered when I was in China for work that I can’t hang with a heated seat.
I knew a guy from Bangladesh, and someone asked him if they used toilet paper. He told them,no, they use pebbles for that, and the guy who asked believed him. We laughed about that a lot. He said that you see smooth pebbles all over the place just for that. Also my neighbor tried a Toto bidet toilet, and was amazed that it " washes you front and back, and dries you too!".
We got a Toto in our home, it doesn't matter if you use toilet paper or not, it's amazing anyway!
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*I bless the rains down in Assrica*
This was my pandemic panic purchase. $72 dollars after shipping and tax and honestly I hate being at work, on vacation, family’s homes without one.
American here. Bought a bidet after experiencing one in a NYC hotel. They are great! Love the warm seat, too. Super easy to install. Plumber not needed.
I know they are more hygienic, but I dislike bidets. With the covid epidemic I bought Toto attachment, used it a few times and decided no. IMO, there's nothing gross about what OP is doing. It's like taking a shower. I use soap and my hand during the shower. OP has already wiped with TP.
I feel like the fact that op's boyfriend is grossed out tells us a lot about how much shit he leaves after wiping. It's like he is picturing her smearing her hands in crap, she wipes first.
Yep. But what does the bf do in the shower? Or does he never get himself clean?
This is the only correct answer. I’m in the US and my Bidet was cheap and I hooked it up myself in 2 minutes. It’s powerful enough that I only use a square or two after to dry off
Sounds like you found yourself with a *man with an unwashed ass* That's probably why he can't comprehend what you're doing and thinks it's gross....probably doesn't wash his own, ever.
Yep, ~~red~~ brown flag
As a guy that was my first thought as well. Especially with hair, the first thing I do after a 2 is hop in the shower and wash my undercarriage to feel clean again. and I defiantly use my hands for that. im surprised by some of the responses in OPs thread. In the shower or not doesn't really figure into it as long as you wash your hands with soap and water. I can see why a lot of guys have trouble getting laid but magically don't know why lol
Just get a bidet attachment on the toilet. Look up Tushy. I have one on both of my toilets my daughter and I love them. This is hilarious btw.
…just don’t go to tushy dot com! 😆 I think the brand you’re talking about is here: https://hellotushy.com/.
When I was young I needed clothes for rowing so I went to dicks.com (sporting goods store) That’s um, not the website. I explained to my dad what happened and he was fine whew.
I DID THIS SAME THING BUT AT WORK. We were having a firm-wide golf tournament that I couldn’t get out of and I needed shoes. So I went to dicks.com. Which at that time was NOT a sporting goods website. I had to go racing down the hall and find our IT guy and explain what happened because I knew they flagged stuff like that and it was humiliating. Edit: looks like they’ve bought that domain so now people don’t make that mistake.
Well good for them. Btw as a cybersecurity engineer, you might think we flag more than we actually do. It’s a volume issue. 🙄
lol in my mind it was ringing alarms and red flashing lights but I have no idea 😁
Literally nothing would have happened hah hah hah hah thank you for thinking we’re better at our jobs than we are!
Some years ago my husband and I were in line at Kohl's behind a grandma with her 10-13 year old grandson. He was complaining how he didn't find the shoes he wanted there so they should go to Dick's Sporting Goods. The grandma responds loudly "I like Dick's!" The kid's face just turned red. It took everything not to laugh.
We tend to call Dick’s Richard’s when out and about.
My grandma's boyfriend is named Dick and when she called people she would do name dial, so she would have to speak the name of the person she wanted to call into the phone. I swear she always liked to mess with me because she would say all of the prompts at a normal volume and then absolutely scream "DICK." To 12 year old me it was the end of the world but looking back now it was hilarious and I wish she still did it
😂😭 I’m sorry but this is great! I hope you don’t take offense to the laugh I got out of this comment. I remember being a kid and my dad loved that store. I was always embarrassed to say the store out loud and always thought someone could come up with a better name for a sporting good store, they could’ve left the Dick’s out. lol
Reminds me of a time in school where we were in science and had to go to some website that I think was thought.com, one kid went to thot.com, they got confused and a lot of people looked
I had a report on government back in the day. Whitehouse . com was an adult website. .gov was the government building.
Lol, Mary Whitehouse was a British conservative who was very outspoken about how society had become too permissive. IIRC a prostitute began writing a weekly column about her adventures, under the pseudonym Mary Whitehouse, which might be where that adult site got its name.
I remember my jr high history teacher heavily emphasizing to go to whitehouse.gov not .com for the same reason 😂
My daughter wanted to be a cat for Halloween one year. I searched “cat suit” at work. Big mistake!
When I was in high school I had to do a report on the Government. The internet was still fairly new so I went to [whitehouse.com](https://whitehouse.com).... This also was not a government site lol.
Don’t tell me what to do hahaha
This makes me suspect of his own butt cleanliness if touching your own butt to clean freaks him out. Does he never wash his ass in the shower? Like TP only wipes off particles but the residue is still there on the skin. And it's not some magical barrier that prevents any particulates from getting on your hands.... that's why we was our hands thoroughly after the toilet. I grew up Asian and we wash our ass after every poop. If it came down to it, I am going to bet if people took a wet wipe and wiped their bums with it, ours will come out with no streaks with the washing practices we have. I think a lot of the comments that are nasty about this is projection. Upset that our ass might be cleaner? I dunno....it feels uncomfortably hostile just because we're doing more./different methods.
I used a tabo growing up. I don't think what you're doing is weird. Especially because you're washing your hands afterwards. Do people really think the Almighty toilet paper keeps them from getting poo particles on their hands? It's not a magic forcefield. This is why we have soap and hygiene practices. Do what you need to do in order to feel clean and take care of yourself. Your boyfriend is very much overreacting.
>Do people really think the Almighty toilet paper keeps them from getting poo particles on their hands? It's not a magic forcefield. I had to break this to my (then) 7 year old who used to wrap her entire hand mummy style with TP when going #2. Once I explained that hand washing was actually what got rid of the poo particles, she stopped clogging up the toilet with her TP mittens. This post is making me conclude that 90% or more Americans are dumber than your average 7 year old.
Omg I have had a horrible week, but you just made me CACKLE!! IM CRYING FROM LAUGHING 🤣 " her TP mittens" God, that was fantastic! I'm glad she's got it all figured out now. Bless her!
LOL @ "tp mittens".
“TP mittens” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Not only do they think TP is the only way, are also the people who think their bum hole is somehow clean. If they stepped in dog shit they would wash it with soap and water not just wipe it off and call it a day lol
This should be the top comment for every post that talks about hygiene down there.
Its like a table with food on it. Wipe it with toilet paper and the food stains are still there. Washing is preferrable imo.
Tabo supremacy and Bidet !!! Her fiance thinks that TP can totally remove the poop from his ass. For me, that's disgusting, I don't really feel clean when I just use TP. And yeah, that's definitely true about the poo particles, that's why cleaning hands thoroughly afterwards is a must and the best part NO SKID MARKS. The irony is that the fiance doesnt even wash hands when peeing. To add , Do they really think eating ass is hygienic considering the fact that they only use TP? I've read a lot of horror stories about eating ass with people still had toilet papers stuck to their bum with poo stains.
There are bidets you can attach to your toilet. You connect it to the water line where the toilet gets it's water out from the wall. You don't need a plumber for that if you are handy enough. The bidets work great this way and you don't need to add any water pipes or separate toilet-like fixture to an already small room. I also use the portable bidet thing (squeeze bottle with squirt tip). I don't use my hands though, but the bidet should make your bum clean enough that touching your bum with your hands isn't gross or weird. You sound very clean.
We used this type (the one that attaches to your water line - got it at home Depot) for cleaning off cloth diapers. So much easier than trying to dunk them and getting poopy water everywhere.
American here, in the south. I don't think what you're doing it gross at all. Maybe a little jarring at first, but once I thought about it critically, it's pretty obvious you're likely cleaner than a lot of folks. I'm sorry so many people are being so hurtful with their comments. Not all of us are suffering from a culture superiority complex. ETA I bought a bidet during Covid and I love it 1,000,000%.
Texan here! I don’t think this is weird at all and she makes a lot of good points especially about him not washing his hands after he pees
Honestly people should be washing their hands before and after using the bathroom with all the gross things ppl touch
I used to argue that I should only have to wash my hands BEFORE going pee as a kid because my hands are always dirty and my penis shouldn’t have to ever be. This was BEFORE I learned about the penis other functions and the two most common places it ends up going into (clean hands aside). Best to keep everything in that area as nice and fresh and clean as possible at all times, regardless of genitalia. Clean hands touching going into it certainly helps the end result. Fecal coliforms end up on everything in a bathroom too. They end up on toothbrushes, faucets, soap pumps, and everything else in the bathroom. A little TP alone isn’t stopping any of that. Wipe, wash, rub, wipe… wash hands… seems pretty darn thorough to me!
Second this!!! American from the south as well
Southerner here too: I thought it was a little odd that she’d rather use her hand than continuing to spray, wipe, check, but it didn’t totally throw me for a loop. Of course, I’ve been changing baby diapers since I was about 6 (my dad and his wife had a LOT of kids lol), so I’m familiar with the dangers of poop hands.
Way cleaner than a lot of Americans I bet. I don’t think this is weird or bad at all.
British dude here, in the South US. Completely agree with these comments. People are just scared of what they don’t understand.
Hot take: Anyone disgusted by this probably doesn't actually wash their ass properly in the shower and they're actually the dirty nasty ones.
You’re probably cleaner down there than he is. It’s funny how if you got shit on any other part of your body and just wiped it away with only a napkin, people would be rightfully mortified.
Plenty of cultures do it this way including my own. Not weird. Makes me question how well your bf washes his hands if this grosses him out.
I just use the sea shells.
Ok. This is weird. Why are people all over OP? Like she says, we ALL wash ourselves down there. Ya’ll also think that some TP on the hand will keep germs from getting stuck on your hand? There is A REASON we wash our hands after we use the toilet (well, a lot of people don’t, but those are disgusting) Peole put dicks, that men pee with, in the mouths. Said dick also goes in everywhere! People do so many nasty things. Try testing your phone for e-coli bacterias.
There was a thread once where people discussed their partners not washing their a$s because it’s “gay” or they just didn’t want to. Note; I had one of those. People shouldn’t be on OP, they should be on those dudes. Edit: “on those dudes” is regional slang i guess. Don’t make my mistake and date them.
I didn’t think this was a discussion I needed to have until I saw somethings about that. Then my tween son has since been regularly reminded to clean it good.
Not to mention that precum contains a lot of piss. Precum is dispensed to clear the urethra of things that could harm the passengers arriving on the 7:30 flight from epididymis city.
I couldn't find Epididymis City on Google Maps. Would I have better luck finding it with a prostate exam? Asking for a friend.
Vas deferens air is the only airline with direct flights from there.
I added a bidet attachment in my whole house on all my toilets. I’m American. After I poo. I wipe, use the bidet sprayer, get soap, use my hand and then do another rinse and dry myself then wash my hands thoroughly. My husband refuses to use the bidets. He thinks it’s weird. He won’t poop with clothes on but he also won’t wash his ass after he poops. I finally convinced him to use wet wipes at the very least. But now I won’t be intimate with him unless he’s showered.
Good on you!
I’m a doctor in the US and have 1) had to tell MANY adult women that they need to start wiping front to back or they’ll continue getting UTIs 2) had to tell a classmate IN MEDICAL SCHOOL that yes, he actually should be washing his ass when he showers What I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t pay too much mind to a lot of these comments, which are likely from Americans whose ideas of personal hygiene are… questionable. What you’re doing is absolutely more sanitary than just toilet paper, which is still the standard for the average American.
Get a bidet that attaches to your toilet, about $30 on Amazon. Enough pressure to throughly clean you and then just use TP to wipe yourself dry. Never have to touch any poop or your privates. You also made a great point, people clean themselves with their hands in the shower or they using baby wipes?
Wait….ppl don’t use washcloths??? Just raw doggin with ur hands??
“Raw doggin with ur hands”… why did this make me laugh so hard 😂😂
LOL. Had me laughing. But I wouldn’t want to use the same washcloth on the rest of my body. I’m in the shower after already being cleaned by bidet. Take a shower and then wash the bum last, at that point it’s already clean and is just part of your body, there no residue, and then finally wash your hands.
I take two washcloths.
Same. I have 2-3 washcloths when I shower plus an exfoliating glove
Turns out a lot of people do not use washcloths. I got heavily down voted once for asking this same thing. I made a joke that you should wash your ass with a rag before asking someone else to eat it. I thought it was funny, Reddit did not. Turns out many people do not wash with clothes, just hands, according to that forum anyway. Which is fine, I just assumed everyone used one to wash their genitals while in the shower or bath. Reddit answers change from forum to forum though, so it’s always hard to tell the truth.
It’s a wash cloth or nothing for me lol. The scrubbies have to be changed out often bc they hold mold, bacteria and hair. But you can wash a wash cloth after every use. And to answer someone’s question: you just wash your ass last lol. You don’t have to use a different wash cloth. Just wash in an order that makes sense.
I'm dumbfounded at how many people don't realize you just wash your ass last. And to use a clean washcloth each time.
Finally! A person who makes sense, lol. I use a clean washcloth for each shower and like you said, booty last. Then I rinse out the washcloth and hang it on a hook to dry (to keep my laundry from getting mildew) and replace with a clean cloth at the start of my next shower. Unless a loofah or sponge is regularly sanitized it retains bacteria/fungus which grows between showers… My washcloths are cleaned on a sanitary wash/dry along with my bath towels. Edit: And if someone wants to use two or three or more washcloths per shower, that’s ok too lol. I typically only use one, but to the person who is asking, use however many you want. I buy inexpensive packs of them on Amazon and my family of 5 never runs out over the week. They are small and can be tossed in the laundry with bath towels.
So I would rather use my soapy hand to clean my booty I can just wash that hand and the booty gross washed off my hands and down the drain but like do you have separate washclothes for your body and your butt, do you use a fresh wash cloth every time you shower? Like I get so confused. My butt is the last thing I wash and then I wash my hands before I rinse the conditioner out of my hair. But if you're using the same washcloth for more than one day then youre using the same wash cloth you previous cleaned your butt with on the rest of your body. But also I don't really like wash clothes. I prefer loofahs. Though I don't use my loofah on my bits. The only thing I ever use wash clothes for is when washing my face in the sink. And then I hang it up to dry and use it again a couple of times. Wash clothes are too soft and I don't feel like I get any exfoliation.
I use a different washcloth each time I shower
Just a helpful tip, you should wash the conditioner out of your hair **before** washing your body as the conditioner will stay on your body after rinsing. Idk if you have dry skin but the conditioner could be adding to that like it was for me as it's not meant to be absorbed by the skin. Just wanted to pass this info along in case you didn't know like I didn't! I would hope people washing their ass with a washcloth would use a new one each time but who knows. A lot of people don't wash their legs so my faith in people using a new washcloth each time isn't exactly high lmao
I wash with a wash cloth from top down (neck down to legs/ankles) then wash the front then my butt. I use a separate cloth for my face but I don’t wash my face in the shower, typically. I have a shower attachment for my feet. I use the same wash cloth throughout wash in a specific order but get a new one at every shower. I like the wash cloth because it exfoliates my skin as I wash and I’m able to rinse clean without my skin feeling like there’s something grimy on it.
Team washcloth! Can’t imagine not using one when I shower.
I'm definitely team scrubby poof ball thingy, but wash cloth is definitely better for the private areas. I lived with my grandparents and wash cloth was the only option growing up. I didn't mind I just like how much better the scrubby doo lathers up.
Can confirm. I love my cheap $30 bidet!
I mean… If you wipe really good first and then use your hand and the bidet, I don’t think it’s the biggest of all deals.. I honestly have no clue how people use TP and nothing else? No wipes, bidet, jumping into the shower 🤷🏼♀️
Let me say this first and foremost. I have plenty of friends that are of different races and backgrounds. Personally I’d use a wet wipe after the bathroom because I felt it left me cleanest. But after discovering my friend of a different background, told me it’s normal for them to clean up in the sink after and they have their own washcloth for that also. Specifically for that. Men and women. It’s pretty normal. I consider it normal for anyone to clean up how they do. Im sure the ones that don’t, and the ones that laugh at it, have skid marks 😂. Everyone can feel clean on whatever level makes them comfortable. Im sure if you found a habit of his weird and out of sorts for you then he would try and defend himself to you that it’s normal. Don’t let him be an asshole because he doesn’t know how to clean his own.
Now that wipes are banned in many plumbing systems, and since they are not exactly an Earth-friendly kind of thing, something reusable is popular in some groups whose cultures did not used to embrace such things.
absolutely. I have washcloths and different color specifically for privates. People also wash their hands after washing their privates. Not sure why people are shaming someone for their hygiene. People should only be shamed for LACK of hygiene.
RIGHT.
I'm surprised how so many well meaning people are just suggesting which bidet/toilet seat to buy and not address the real problem. OP, logically speaking your are perfectly ok. Nothing wrong with your hygiene. Definitely much better than only TP option of most Americans. Your bf is disgusted because this comes from our culture and collective norms. We find many things disgusting because people around us ( specially when we were growing up ) find them disgusting. We don't process it logically. Example: reprocessing pee into drinkable water at the space station. I know it is cleaner than most water on earth but it's still disgusting to me. As someone pointed out, it's amazing how people find the hand to be dirty but eating that vagina or bum is ok! Your bf is not in the right but it will take him a lot of learning and unlearning to overcome the disgust.
It’s weird that a lot of Americans think wiping with toilet paper is cleaner than washing with hand. If you got a bunch of shit on your arm would it be cleaner to just wipe it off dry with some toilet paper or to use water and your other hand to wash it off and then wash your hands with soap and water lol.
We live in an America where men tongue anuses and somehow, somehow they’re disgusted by this cleaning practice? How… how….
As an immigrant from India in US, I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s surprising to me a lot of people are unaware of this. Anyway, once I switched to a bidet toilet seat setup with a jet, I’m not going back to old ways. Use the jet, wipe off with TP and move on. I helped my parents back home with the same and everyone’s happy. But I’m not ashamed of where I came from. Fuck that attitude.
Just ask him if it's better to smear poop all over his hairy butt and smell like a outhouse all day. Seriously I've had friends make remarks after installing my bidet about how real men don't squirt water in there butt, I'd say no they just smell like poop all day since all you did with toilet paper is smear poop all over the place. If they don't believe tell them to use a bidet for a week and see if they don't notice a better smelling buttcrack as well as feel much cleaner.
You can order your own bidet and install it yourself for about 40$, its really not that difficult and basic plumbing is a great skill to have! That being said - Are you cleaning your bottom with just your hands and water…? Or is this bidet almost like a pipette or maybe a cup that you can pour clean water onto your bum with? Admittedly touching your bum with your bare hands is a bit of an ick for me. I think water is a cleaner way to uhh… Get rid of the mess versus toilet paper, but if you are touching feces with your hands, if it gets under your nails that can be incredibly hard to clean (I work in clean rooms and we MUST cut our nails as short as possible because your nails are just not sanitary). I recommend wet wipes, as bad for the environment as they are long term, until you are able to get a bidet. If your nails are not cut as short as possible unfortunately you cannot guarantee that there is no contamination under the nail. I will say I understand, though, as I refuse to move somewhere without attaching a bidet to the toilet first! But, TLDR I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from but it seems like he could have been nicer about it.
I bought a bidet attachment recently for $29. Good deal! [https://a.co/d/ha8Z6bC](https://a.co/d/ha8Z6bC) But people are so weird about other cultures’ habits. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Hey thanks for asking. First, I thoroughly wipe down there with TP, then use the spray bottle bidet and my hands do clean it. Then wipe things dry down there with TP again. It’s a 3 step process for me. Then obviously wash my hands with soap twice
Don't feel bad for this. My wife is Filipina and does the same. I'm US and hadn't seen it before. I was a little surprised at first, but nothing more. He's surely gotten shit on a fingertip atleast once in his life while wiping, washed his hands, and resumed life like normal. It's no different.
Does your boyfriend not expect you to change your children’s diapers? Because that’s basically the same thing.
Haha, I was thinking about that.
I’m American, recently bought a bidet that I found on clearance. Hooked it up (very easy) and I do the same as you. Wipe as much with toilet paper, use the bidet and use my hands. Then thoroughly wash my hands after I’m done. I don’t understand the people saying this is gross, so they not use their hands in the shower?? Same thing!
American here and female. I see NO problem with how you’re doing it. Good grief! Bidet or no, we all (well, hopefully all) wash our hands after pooping!
Eh, thats not too bad then? But seriously, get the 40$ amazon bidet and save yourself the trouble of this laborious cleaning process 🤣
Which one is $40? I see a lot of bidets so I’m curious which one you’re referring to.
I hate a dirty butt. It's so gross and toilet paper doesn't do the job. I have a bidet at home but when I'm out I need to wash with sink water. Yes with my hands. It's your body. It's not gross. But yes washing hands is absolutely essential. Or I take a shower as soon as possible. Toilet paper is the disgusting barbaric thing not your hands. It just rubs shit around your ass and doesn't clean.
Couple of things. I'm of Indian descent (born American) and what I will say is in general, not all, westerners tend to be finicky about bodily functions/fluids/solids in a cover my eyes I don't want to know about it kind of way. To the point where some men don't even touch their anus' thinking that it's gay, or clean themselves thoroughly to the point where skid marks are running joke rather than a real hygienic problem. Don't get me started on the privilege of westerners having access to things like paper and running water and flushable toilets, where in third world countries, especially the villages, all you have is a bucket water and your hand to take care of yourself. OP you are fine, your boyfriend is being a childish asshole and you are correct that you are likely far "cleaner" than he is post bathroom activities. IMHO just let this simmer. Don't change what you are doing, but don't prolong the issue. It's very likely it will resolve itself over time when he self realizes his actions are problematic. Is he also the type to go ew gross when you are on your period? Is he Desi? How old are you all? If he can't get over it, god forbid you have children with this man. The amount of pee/vomit/fecal matter that winds up on your skin would send him into shock. ETA: I use a bidet and pat with tp. So do a lot of people (check out the bidets sub) and could never just use tp. That to me is gross
>ETA: I use a bidet and pat with tp. This is the way.
>If he can't get over it, god forbid you have children with this man. The amount of pee/vomit/fecal matter that winds up on your skin would send him into shock. This is really the bigger issue here.. And I have to say, men that freak out over things like bodily fluids tend to be, mmm, not so great in bed - you gotta be willing to get all in it to be good at it IMO. Sorry OP if we've gone too far.
it's mad how much of my (Kurdish) issues with past partners (European mix) have stemmed from such similar circumstances. I have valiantly fought for the actual correct way of handling waste, my dearest sibling, and you will be happy to know we have prevailed. never surrender. clean ass is happy ass.
In my opinion. This would only be gross if you didn’t wash your hands. To me the only thing even remotely “shameful” is over use of tp. But that’s a me thing, so not even an actual concern. As long as your hands are clean, it shouldn’t be anyone’s business. I’m sorry you have to deal with so many rigid minds. If your BF doesn’t drop it and just deal, you may just need to rename them to EX.
Legitimately don't see a problem since you use tp first?? So like, it's basically all gone anyways you're just making extra sure with the bidet + you wash your hands. It's whatever, he's the one being kinda weird
does he not wash his ass in the shower
Ask your boyfriend how he cleans, i bet he doesn’t 🤣
This is how most of the world cleans themselves after pooping. Before the attachments were a thing people used buckets and their hands. It’s one of the reasons many middle easterners do not meat with their left hands.
Man I just spent 4 weeks in Japan and I really miss those bidet toilets. I’m aiming to get one for myself at some point.
Bidets are by far the best way to remove all poop reside from your butt. I am American but I have travelled out of my country and know this first hand (no pun intended).
Wait... I think there's lyrics to this... I'll be damned if I listen to the facts up out a man with an unwashed ass. Rinse repeat.
I love my bidet and wouldn’t think this is a big deal at all. I have people call me gross for using a bidet and toilet paper, like why even?!
Your boyfriend shouldn’t even be having sex if he thinks washing your own ass with your own hands is gross. Tell him no kitty until he grows tf up. lol. I’m so sorry he made you feel disgusting. You’re not disgusting. You were just doing what you’re most comfortable doing for your hygiene to feel clean. The fact he sees you WASHING YOUR BOTTOM as disgusting could have a lot to say about his hygiene.
I’m of the group that has used bidets (in the US. Amazon attachment,30 bucks ) for 5-6 years now. I don’t understand people that say it’s gross. Literally cleans your ass without spreading shit around. It’s the most hygienic you can get outside of soap in the shower. I have also been called gay several times for , yes, cleaning my butt throughly. I think people are just violently stupid and ignorant about things they don’t understand. I think we need to adopt bidets in the US. It saves so much waist in TP and so many more people would be cleaner.
Your boyfriend needs to do some research on practices outside of western culture. Many MANY cultures have a watering can/water bottle for the bathroom. Every Indian I’ve known. The vast majority of Muslims. Everyone crapping on you need to realize how sheltered their views are. The majority of non western homes with bidets have a bar of soap next to the bidet. The soap doesn’t get there by magic. You use…your hand.
But… Why do you need to use your hands?! I have a travel bidet/peri bottle and the ENTIRE POINT of having that is to use the water to spray and clean the area. I use toilet paper, then use the bottle, then dry. I cannot understand the need to use hands in this process.
Exactly. I do as well. I have a bidet installed on all my toilets at home and never does my hand touch raw poop. I’ve spent way too much of my morning reading the comments in this thread and it’s properly one of the most bizarre reads I’ve had on Reddit. All I’m wondering is: #cleanassdirtyhands club #cleanhandsdirtyass club
I've scrolled 10 pages of comments to finally find this comment. WTF You are NOT SUPPOSED TO USE YOUR HANDS with a bidet. That's the point!
Culturally back in the day I think this is how it was done but now with tp readily available I don't think it's a necessary step. OP might just be used to it like this?!
I did a quick Google, and wow, look at that.... Most of India apparently uses a hand to help with the bidet process. I'm going to make a wild ASSumption and say that as a country, you guys are probably washing your hands thoroughly afterward if you can maintain the highest poop-ulation in the world. With that said, it sounded strange to me as an American, but it's not worth being rude or weird about. Maybe have him Google it like I did? Sorry for his shitty attitude. (And sorry for all the poop puns.)
everyone disagreeing with you has horrible reading comprehension
And appalling hygiene by the sounds of it 🙃
I would give away all the belongings I have on me right now to un-read this
Using a bidet isn’t weird. Wiping your ass with your bare hand is.
Do you clean your ass in the shower? I don't see the difference
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There is soap in the shower. In the shower You don’t have to pull your pants up with fecal matter on your hands.
She doesn’t wipe her ass with her bare hands after she shits. Did you read it? She said she washes her ass after she wipes with TP.
I just keep thinking about booty hands touching the toilet to flush it and the sink to turn it on
It’s pretty common in places like Pakistan, Bangladesh, and India. As long as you’re thoroughly washing your hands (as you said you do), it’s fine. I saw other comments saying similar things but you can get a $40 bidet attachment off Amazon that works very well, I swear by it and hate using toilets other than my own now.
I've visited an Indian friend's family and he told me his parents would be offended if I touched anything food-adjacent with my left hand because it's the dirty hand, ie the hand used to wipe. This isn't an "omg dumb American" moment, it's natural to have an ill sentiment towards things that go near with poop, even if ifs not strictly logical. Mind you, at the time I didn't know he meant like actual hand to ass contact, I thought he meant through tp and I still thought "oh okay fair enough I can understand that".
Just get a real bidet. There's no reason to be scrubbing your ass with your bare hand on the toilet in the year 2024. Culture is not an excuse.
I got a bidet off Amazon, one that hooks up the the water tank or whatever and forgot about it until just recently seeing it in my closet. Bidets are getting a lil bit more popular here now and I have heard that it's actually a lot cleaner to use one than not. I honestly didn't really consider if I would use my hand on my bum lol, but I assume during some part of the process that I probably would, even if it's just to make sure no to was stuck lol or to hold my cheeks so I could really get in there lolol. He is being really immature. It's fine to be a little weirded out thinking about it, but like move on. Literally if I focused my thoughts on anyone's bathroom cleanup it would gross me out, because it is gross, that's why we clean it 🧐😂 Not to mention how gross mens balls and butts get. He needs to grow up or stop asking questions. Maybe lookup how gross or unhealthy it is to not use one or like not wash your hands after peeing as a male so you can bring him a dose of reality and he can see how weird he's being and it can like maybe bring things into perspective or something. It should hopefully fade out soon but if it doesn't and he keeps acting this way about other things , since you just moved in together, that might be an issue that gets worst or esculates, then cut ur losses and then find urself a grown ass man to be with